Original subtitles

(male commentator on TV) 'And this looks like it's gonna be'

'about a 38-yard field goal.'

'And Dallas better be..'

What are you doing? I was watching the game.

"Off Duty Cop" marathon.

I knew it. You're a cop!

I'm an off-duty cop.

[jazz music]

Oh, brother.

Aah! Hot coffee!

You know what's great with hot coffee?

Coffee cake?

No.

Coffee kick.

Turn it back.

Unless you want a coffee kick.

You asked for it.

'Hah!'

[glass shatters]

I gotta get a stunt man.

[theme music]

(male commentator on TV) 'The field goal is up, and it's good!'

Yes! We're going to the playoffs!

[machine drilling]

[jackhammer whirring]

[saw buzzing]

[hammer pounding]

[pounding continues]

What is this?

Goal post.

Well, I get to kick a field goal at half-time

at this weekend's playoff game.

If I make it, I get a million dollars.

Forget the million dollars, you get to go to the game?

I don't care about football!

All's I cares about is making that field goal.

Now step aside

'cause I got to get to practicin'.

Uh, you do realize that if you actually make a field goal

it'll go right through my window.

Well, then you better get the window repairman on the line

'cause I'm about to bust some glass.

You want me to go ahead and get that window repairman

on the line?

[instrumental music]

I have some exciting news.

- You finally got a girlfriend. - Ah, no, I--

Okay, hot plates, hot plates coming in.

Fettuccine Alfredo

a personal pan pizza

and the meatball sub.

Hey, Speedy, Porky finally got a girlfriend.

Ooh! Good for you, Pinky.

I thought you're gonna be one of those always-lives-alone guys

'who just gets more and more desperate'

'until he alienates the few friends that he has'

'and then he's just alone.'

So what a relief for you.

Now when can we meet this new girlfriend?

Ugh. I don't have a girlfriend.

Well, stay in the game, Pinky.

But maybe you should think about growing a beard.

You got so much...face.

That was your exciting news

that you don't have a girlfriend?

No. I got us playoff tickets.

What? How did you get tickets?

They've been sold out for weeks!

My uncle works in the league office.

Porky, I can't believe we're going to the playoffs!

I'm picking up the tickets this afternoon.

You know, I've never said this before, but thangu.

You mean, "thank you".

Is that how it's pronounced?

Well, then, thank you.

There's no two people I'd rather go with.

[chomping]

[dramatic music]

[rapid heartbeat]

My friendship with Porky is over.

- What? - He ate my French fries!

What French fries?

The ones that came with my sandwich!

He probably thought they were for the table.

They were not for the table.

They were my fries.

They came with my sandwich.

You want fries? Order fries.

But you do not take someone else's fries.

That is a garbage move!

Porky is a piece of garbage.

Don't you think you're being a little dramatic?

I am not being dramatic!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to walk myself home.

That's right, walk home through this unsavory neighborhood

where I'll surely be sat upon by ruffians and miscreants

street hustlers and road monkeys.

None of whom, by the by

come close to being the kind of garbage

that is Porky Pig.

Now good day, sir.

[siren wailing]

Bugs?

[instrumental music]

[horn honking]

Hey, I fixed your window.

'That'll be a $170.'

Bill me. I'm about to be a millionaire.

Hyah!

[tires screech]

Uh-oh.

[upbeat music]

[dog snarls]

[Sam screaming]

(Sam) 'Down, boy! Down! Whoa! Nice doggy, ow!'

[screaming]

'Down, boy! Down!'

[door opens]

Don't you know when someone's being dramatic?

[telephone rings]

- It's Porky. - Hide your French fries.

Hey, Pork.

I just picked up the tickets.

'Our seats are even better than I thought.'

Oh, that's great.

Daffy, Porky got the tickets.

Tell that piece of garbage that he can keep his garbage tickets.

- What did he say? - He didn't say anything.

- It was nothing. - It was not nothing!

'I definitely said something.'

What's wrong with Daffy?

I guess you ate some of his fries.

What?

Daffy's mad at you because you ate some of his fries.

I thought they were for the table.

He thought they were for the table.

They were not for the table!

Relax, he just got us playoff tickets.

- Let me talk to him. - He wants to talk to you.

I'm not talking to him.

I'm not talking to you!

You ate my fries!

I thought they were for the table!

Did you pay for those fries?

Because if you didn't, then you don't get any fries!

Uh, I did pay for the fries.

I bought everybody lunch.

Oh! So you think that if you pay for a meal

then you get to eat everyone's food.

Well, remind me to never pay for anyone's meal.

You never pay for anyone's meal.

That's because I have class.

But none of this matters because I am not talking to you!

[telephone beeping]

How do you hang this up? Tell him goodbye.

No, I'm not talking to him.

Tell him I didn't say goodbye.

Porky, don't listen to Daffy.

All that matters is you got the tickets

and we're all going to the game.

'So what if you ate a few of his fries?'

His fries? You're on Daffy's side?

No, I'm not on anybody's side.

You know what? Forget about the tickets.

No one's going to the game!

[glass shatters]

[grunting]

[dog growling]

(Sam) 'Aw, not again! Aah!'

What are you doing?

What does it look like I'm doing?

I'm putting the garbage in the garbage can.

Those are pictures of me.

Well, you only had two photos of Porky

but by then it was too late.

I was on a roll.

Daffy, you've gotta apologize to Porky.

Why? Because he's done so much for me over the years?

Because he's shown himself to be a generous person

of tremendous character and integrity

and it's petty of me to hold a grudge

over a tiny, harmless misunderstanding?

No, because I wanna go to the game.

Well, you can forget about the game

because I'm not apologizing.

He thought they were for the table!

Oh! So now you're taking his side?

I'm not taking his side. I'm not taking your side.

There are no sides. It's French fries!

This isn't about French fries! This is about morals!

You don't have morals!

Well, then I guess it's about French fries!

[slams door]

That's my room.

[glass shatters]

Your room, your problem.

Wow. Thank you.

Don't thank me. Thank Daffy.

- It's from him. - Really?

He feels terrible about what happened.

But how come he didn't bring it over?

He was too ashamed. He couldn't face you.

But he wrote you a card.

Here, read it.

"Dear Porky, I'm so sorry."

"You were right, I was wrong."

"The French fries were for the table."

"Dear Daffy, I'm so sorry."

"You were right. I was wrong."

"They were your French fries."

"I hope we can put this all behind us."

"Go to the game, and be friends again

at the game."

"In friendship, Daffy Duck."

"In friendship, Porky Pig."

So what do you say?

Can we let bygones be bygones and all go to the game?

Of course we can.

I mean, just look at this incredible gift basket.

I guess we can.

But you've got to admit

that's a lame gift basket.

Twenty two, 23, 24.

There's only 25 people in front of us.

We're almost inside!

Playoffs!

Daffy, I'm really glad we settled things.

Well, it took a big man to admit they were wrong.

I couldn't agree more.

Great. Everyone agrees.

Took a big man, there's no need to talk about it anymore

because we're only 16, 17, 18 people away from the big game!

That was a really nice gift basket.

You know, the thing about gift baskets is they're so much nicer

when you don't talk about them.

I don't know about really nice.

I mean, once you take off the ribbons and the bows

and all the straw, it's just a couple of scented candles

and some weird fruit.

Whatever it is, it's over

it's done, we've moved on

and we're nine, ten, 11 people away.

So let's just silently bide our time.

Well, regardless, it's the thought that counts.

- I agree. - So, thank you.

- For what? - The gift basket.

- What gift basket? - We're two people away.

Let's talk about this when we get inside.

The one you gave me.

You gave me a gift basket.

But why would I give you a gift basket?

- Just give him your ticket. - For eating my fries.

You're holding up the line.

I thought they were for the table.

They came with my sandwich.

So you didn't get me a gift basket?

No! You got me a gift basket.

I didn't give you any gift basket.

I got the gift baskets!

I don't care about the French fries!

I just wanna go to the game!

Well, no one's going to the game!

No!

I wouldn't wanna go to a game with a piece of garbage, anyway!

Here's my ticket.

Kind of a long story.

'They had a fight.'

French fries.

♪ When the snow flurries swirl ♪

♪ And we're all filled with cheer ♪

♪ It's time to celebrate ♪

♪ My favorite holiday of the year ♪

You know which one I'm talking about

Presidents' Day!

♪ It's Presidents' Day ♪

♪ It's time to reflect on this wonderful man ♪

♪ That we elect ♪

♪ Abraham Lincoln and George Washington ♪

♪ Thomas Jefferson and Alec Baldwin ♪

♪ Celebrate Oscar De La Hoya ♪

♪ He fought off the British ♪

♪ So they would not annoy ya ♪

♪ Raise the flag ♪

♪ The stars and stripes ♪

♪ Our 41st President Wesley Snipes ♪

♪ Charles Nelson Reilly won the war ♪

♪ With the help of his mighty Vice President Thor ♪

♪ We were in trouble at the Battle of Manila ♪

♪ But lucky for us we had President Godzilla ♪

Thanks, President Godzilla

♪ My country 'tis of thee ♪

♪ Sweet land of Mr. T ♪

♪ And Mrs. T ♪

♪ They did so much for us ♪

♪ Like President Spartacus ♪

♪ Who chopped down a forest ♪

♪ So we can have softer toilet paper ♪

Okay, this is really soft.

And now, let's salute one of our greatest presidents

President Johnson.

Oh, no. No, not that one.

No, no, sorry. Not him either.

Oh, there he is!

♪ So celebrate our fearless leaders ♪

♪ Like Harrison Ford and his VP Derek Jeter ♪

♪ And let's not forget President Pacino ♪

♪ Who fought at the Alamo with Robert De Niro ♪

♪ Celebrate everyone's dancing ♪

♪ For the first woman President Scarlett Johansson ♪

♪ It's Presidents' Day yeah yeah yeah ♪

♪ Oh yeah yeah ooh ♪♪

Oh, my gosh, I just sounded

exactly like President Christina Aguilera.

[sighs] That is so crazy.

Somebody park this thing.

Excuse me. Pardon me.

Uh, would you mind just lifting your foot a little bit?

I think you're standing on a piece of my ticket.

Oh, nope. Now you're standing on my hand.

Excuse me, coming through.

VIP. Million dollar VIP.

Sam?

Meh, what's up, neighbor?

Out of my way! I got a field goal to kick.

Well, good luck.

You're gonna need it.

What's that supposed to mean?

Well, if I only had one chance to win a million dollars

I'd want luck on my side.

And you know, nothing's luckier than a rabbit's foot.

Ooh!

You'd be willing to part with it?

No, you idiot! Take me in there with you.

Oh, right.

Where do you think you're a-going?

- Watch the game. - Unh-uh.

You and them lucky feet ain't leaving my side

till I kick that ball through them uprights.

A deal's a deal.

[whistles]

[crowd cheering]

Fine.

But after you kick the ball

I'm kicking you to the curb.

Ugh, I should have just taken his foot.

(male commentator on TV) 'And Dallas better be careful here'

'because New York's been better than anyone in the league'

'at blocking field goals.'

Oh, hey, Pinky. Table for one?

I can get a girlfriend any time I want.

Whoa, easy.

Why are you so defensive?

Maybe that's why you don't have a girlfriend.

No, it's that face.

Start growing a beard, man.

Can I just get a table?

Unfortunately, we don't have any tables available.

Packed house for the game.

If you want, there's a seat at the counter.

[indistinct chatter]

Great.

Without question, I have the worst seat in the stadium.

[panting]

Five minutes till halftime.

You know, you're missing an incredible game.

[whistles]

[groans]

[grunting]

You're not wearing cleats?

Hah! These dudes are my secret weapon.

A pointed toe makes the ball fly through.

You're gonna slip. You gotta wear cleats.

Ooh, I see what's going on.

You're jealous of me.

You don't want me to win a million dollars.

I'm not jealous of you.

Well, too bad for you

'cause the bootsies is staying on the tootsies.

Come on, rabbit. Bring your feet.

Finally! I'm gonna see some action.

[crowd cheering]

What's happening? What's happening?

What happened?

(male announcer) 'Touchdown.'

Whoa!

[thud]

Should have worn cleats.

Why, you razzle fra..

Uh, pardon me, doll

but may I borrow your nail file?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Is this for the table, or is it just for you?

I'm not talking to you.

Well, I'm not talking to you.

Too late. You just talked to me.

- Real mature, Daffy. - Daffy.

- Stop copying me. - Stop copying me.

- Daffy, stop it! - Daffy, stop it!

- I'm serious! - I'm serious!

- Ugh! - Ugh!

(male commentator on TV) 'And it's halftime.'

'Now let's go back down on the field'

'as one lucky fan will get a chance to kick a field goal'

'for a million dollars.'

Are you wearing cowboy boots?

Cowboy cleats!

[laughs]

Come on, feet. Lucky, lucky feet.

Alright, just kick the ball so I can watch the second half.

[screaming]

(male commentator on TV) 'Ooh! You hate to see that happen.'

[Sam screaming]

Ay, he should have worn more appropriate shoes.

Can I get you anything else?

I never got my side of fries.

What side of fries?

The fries that come with the meatball sub.

Fries don't come with the meatball sub.

- They did last time. - No, they didn't.

I just gave them to you guys compliments of the house.

You know, for the table.

Well, that answers that question.

You gonna eat that?

Is that Senor Bugs?

Aah! It hurts so bad!

'Why me?'

Well, someone's gotta kick it.

[intense music]

[whistles]

Hmm, I guess these feet are lucky after all.

I can't believe you gave the million dollars to cha-rity.

- You mean "charity." - Oh.

Is that how it's pronounced?

Hey, look over there.

Porky got a girlfriend? How?

[giggles]

I was right about the beard, huh?

Maybe I should grow one.

[theme music]

That's all folks!

[glass shatters]