Original subtitles

THE NIECE

What a way to stop! Are you crazy?

You were asleep... Anyways, it was a stupid cyclist's fault.

He becomes more of a moron each day!

Don't worry about it chap...

You're a mess!

Hello, Luigi.

Good thing I made you adjust your brakes before leaving!

Throw away that damn cigar!

Come on, come on! We're late!

Look, look! It's the engineer!

Hello, engineer!

Hello, Luigi!

That pain in the ass is returned for the hunt.

Does he always have that guy with him?

- Like a dog. - Yes, like a dog!

He is the manager of the engineer's factory...

He's not a hunter!

But, he will be one...

I smell something fishy!

No, everyone gets cheated on except for the engineer!

- Do you know Mrs. Zoraide? - She fools around!

She's all house and church. In fact, more church than house!

I've said it many times, you always see cuckolds everywhere!

Oh, here is your lady, Romeo.

Mina, so you got yourself some ice cream.

Are you ready to go?

Anyways, listen to what I have to say...

The engineer is a cuckold!

What are you saying, Romeo?

You will see. Everyone will see.

Let's go, my love.

Welcome back, engineer!

The engineer is back!

So... Is everything still like same?

Come on, come on... Do I have to take care of it!

Open everything, make the beds and air out the rooms. Quick!

Yes, ma'am.

Luigi... Luigi, where have you gone?

Kitty cat...

Doris...

Come this way...

You've been waiting for me, right?

I'm gonna get you...

You've been waiting...

Ah, I gonna get you, you big ass girl!

- What if the lady comes? - I don't care about anyone else!

What are you doing?! Come here!

Let's do some crazy stuff!

Not my underwear, no!

Oh, engineer!

Watch your head!

My God, what a blow!

Doris, Zoraide, Doris!

What do you require?!

Who is that? Who is that there?!

Oh, sir. I had forgotten all about her!

You've waited a long time, you poor thing.

She's a relative of yours.

What going on? Luigi, what are you shouting about?

Do you know her? She said that she's our relative.

Adele, what are you doing here?

She's my... your niece!

Mine?

Eighteen years old... you've grown up!

Well...

You've grown up.

The last time I saw you...

you were this tall... with your mother.

God bless her soul.

Were you kicked out of boarding school?

The tuition was paid by my mother.

Have you at least finished your studies?

No.

Well, you're here anyways.

Mom always told me you wouldn't forget about me...

Very well, very well. We'll figure something out.

Here's the coffee. How much sugar?

Two.

Give it here, I'll pass it to the lady.

Luigi, don't have any. It raises your blood pressure.

If I can eat, I can also have some coffee!

- How much sugar? - One, thank you.

Unique flavor.

An exceptional bouquet.

It's a shame that you can't find wines like this anymore!

It's perfect with strawberries...

The tartness is well balanced by the sweetness.

- Don't you think so, Zoraide? - Yes, it's well balanced.

However, while you're here, you'll have to find something to do.

I don't like seeing people walking around doing nothing.

That's fine, aunt.

Mr. Piero, you don't drink coffee, do you?

Yes, but tonight I'm going to break that rule.

Go on over.

I would like to go to bed, aunt. I'm very tired.

Very well. Very well.

- Good night. - Good night.

Good night.

Luigi, how about a game of billiards?

Sleep, tomorrow we'll go hunting!

- Antonio is coming tomorrow! - Send Doris to get him.

- Wake me at 4 a.m. - How about you, Mr. Piero?

- Yes, please. - No! I'll wake him.

And put out that damn cigar!

- Good night, Luigi. - Good night. Good night.

After 8 months I would prefer that you picked him up...

not the servant.

What is this hunting craze?

Sometimes I think I love Antonio more than you do...

and I'm not even his mother.

And close the window or we'll be filled with mosquitoes!

That's the only thing we are missing in here!

I don't understand why you insist on coming here every year.

We could have gone to Riccione, to the seaside.

I hate the countryside!

Furthermore, we wouldn't have had Adele annoy us!

What do you think about having her work in the factory?

No, she's still a relative of mine, I don't think that would be right!

Yet we'll have to make some sort of accommodation for her,

otherwise she'll stick to us like a leech and be in our house forever!

Wait... Let me come over there!

Luigi...

aren't you listening to me?

These mosquitoes...

But she's your niece, not mine! By God!

Oh, Lord...

what ugly blasphemy!

- Doris... - Who is it?

- My big ass girl, it's me! - Engineer!

But...

What are you doing, no. For goodness' sake!

Ah, engineer!

The lady will hear us!

Oh, Holy Virgin!

No. Don't!

No, ah! Ha ha...

I know what you like!

Engineer, no! Not now!

Engineer, engineer!

Engineer!

Engineer...

What's going on...

Engineer, don't take it that way!

It happens to everyone.

It must have been the journey, a bit of tiredness.

Even tired in my balls? Never!

I'm never tired! Understand?

Here... put this on.

But but do it naked? Oh, I'm too ashamed!

Naked, naked, naked! How you came into this world!

Put this on!

Okay... But how strange, engineer.

Now, go get your cleaning equipment.

Run!

Everything. Everything, everything! Come on!

That's it!

Good.

The rag!

That's it! That's it!

- Is this okay? - That's it! Very good!

A little more! A little more!

The feather duster!

The whisk broom!

Well done! Well done!

- I'm tired, engineer. - A little more! Come on!

Come on, come on. Come on!

Come on, the whisk broom! A little more!

Ah... I'm fed up!

Slave, shut up!

Quickly! Faster, faster!

That's good. Good. That's it.

Go on... Sweep!

Ugh!

That's it... Good...

That's it, engineer.

Well done, engineer.

Engineer. Engineer. Engineer.

Engineer...

Well? What are you looking at?

You're tired, sleep!

- Welcome back, gentleman. - Hello, Doris.

- Are you tired, sir? - No, no.

It's a little hot...

Oh, God! Oh, God, what are you doing?

Put on the brakes!

The brakes! Sir!

He never makes mistakes!

Thank you. Ten and five, fifteen!

Ten for the poor of the parish, five for the souls in purgatory.

- That seems right to me. - Luigi, Antonio has arrived!

What are you doing there? Come forward.

- Praise be to Jesus Christ, Father. - Always be praised.

They brainwashed you!

They didn't feed you, those stingy priests!

- But, Luigi! - What did I say? Look, he's skinny!

- You passed! - Got sent back...

Not again!

- Patience, he'll do better. - Never mind! From tomorrow on, study!

8 hours in the books!

He just got back. Let him rest a bit.

Nothing, nothing! Study, study!

When I was his age, I racked my brains over books!

If you fail again this year, I'll put in the factory as a worker!

Antonio, are you there?

Why do make such a face?

Take this, it's good for you.

Thank you.

- Listen to me... - Study, study!

Hi, Doris.

Good morning, sir. Aren't you studying today?

Ugh, are you going to nag me too?

Ah, never mind.

It's hot, huh?

Yes, it's hot.

What are you studying?

How educated you must be!

- Why don't you show me? - You'll ruin it with wet your hands.

- Ah! - What is it?

Ah, I have a wasp on my back.

It's going to sting me!

I can't do it. Why don't you give it a try?

- Who, me? - Yes, my hands are wet!

You try! You try!

- Where? - Put your hand down there.

That's it. That's it.

There. Your hand, put it further down...

A little further on, further on...

That's it, yes.

- I don't feel anything. - Go further down.

That's it.

It's there. It's there, there, there.

Just a little further down...

Sir, did you find it?

Sir, did you find it?

- Hi. - Hi.

Look at this...

Stuff just doesn't last like it used to.

It's been over washed.

Doris...

The engineer has woken up, he wants coffee.

Thank you, Mr. Piero. I'll send it up.

- Do you want coffee too? - Eh, why not!

Thank you.

Adele, can you take this to your uncle?

- But, I really... - Go, go. I'm busy down here!

I brought you your coffee.

I can't see anything...

My beautiful big ass girl!

- Sir, please! Uncle! - Who's there?

Adele!

Zoraide, Doris!

Is that the way to bring me coffee?!

That's how you learn! I saw how you go after the men.

- But I... - But you, but you!

Don't you ever come in!

If you hadn't provoked him, he would have stayed calm!

Ugh.

What kind of sound is that?!

- What are you doing, Mr. Piero? - I'm just checking the engine.

Look at that son of a bitch!

That's it!

- Can I have a ride? - Yes, get in.

- Will you let me drive? - Just a short ride.

Hold the door. Ow!

Did you hurt yourself, Liugi?

- Oh, Holy Madonna... - Don't you have anything to do?

- Get lost! - I'm going, I'm going...

- Let's see... - You idiot!

Put your hand in cold water otherwise it will swell!

Zoraide, are you ready?

Always late in this house!

This isn't a house, it's a mess!

- What did you do to your hand? - It was that imbecile as usual...

- How come you still haven't dressed? - Luigi, I have to talk to you.

Right now?

Promise me you won't get angry.

A little while ago I caught Antonio spying on me.

I'm gonna castrate that depraved boy!

Don't do that, he's a boy. He is at a delicate age... Sorry...

You should talk to him man to man.

He's grown up now.

All right, hurry up, we'll be late. I'll take care of it.

Listen to me, everything!

Dad, I didn't do anything!

- What are you doing? - Studying.

Exactly, you study too much!

A boy at your age should go out, distract himself a bit...

Go for a walk with the right company, some girls...

- But... - What do you mean, "but"! Listen...

- Have you been with women? - In school...

Look what you've become! Don't be a worm!

Always books, books...

What is this?

You damn wanker! It's time you woke up!

Women of flesh and blood, as well as this filth!

At your age, I was in a mess from morning to night! Understand?

From morning to night, eh?

Do you have a girlfriend? No? Then I'll take care of it.

Have some people from the village come to the villa and have a party.

From today on, dancing and groping! Dancing and groping, understand?

- Yes, dad. Thanks, dad. - Oh!

- The idiot... What do you want? - We'll miss mass.

I'm coming, I'm coming!

Did you understand?

Shit! Are you a man or not?

Let's go, idiot?

- Good morning. - Good morning.

Why did you have to take so much time talking?

Just some venial sins. Not much.

Did he give you penance?

- 30 Fathers, 20 Hail Marys, and a fine. - A fine?

- 10,000 Lira. - What a strange form of penance.

Aldino! Let me taste these ricottas, they look good.

Well done. Well done.

- Bring them up to the villa. - As you ask, engineer.

Take this.

Girls, where is the party?... All scorpion fish in this town!

- Come on, let's go. - What's the hurry?

It's an eye from heaven.

Shall we dance?

Do you want to dance?

Can't you see we are out of ice? Go to the kitchen to get some!

Oh! What do you have in mind?!

- A little game, engineer? - You play with Piero, he's better.

- I'm a little out of practice. - Come on, you're a champion!

- No, but I... - Play!

Right or left?

Oh! White.

I see you're a lucky one.

You get the first move.

- Have you read the newspapers? - Don't talk nonsense.

Don't pay attention to the newspapers! I only read the Gazzettino...

Do you know what we need? A strong government, but strong!

I have a headache... I'm going to get some air.

She's a ball breaker.

Oh, Lord... In my own house...

Under my husband's roof!

Oh, Gaspare, no...

Oh, no, Gaspare!

No...

Ah. You make me lose my mind...

Oh, Gaspare!

- Gaspare, I can't believe it! - I'm not gonna brag!

Well...

No matter how you turn it around... they are all cuckold horns!

Where is Piero?

He's accompanied Zoraide who isn't feeling well.

- He didn't want to disturb you. - Where is your car? The car!

A bicycle! Let me use a bicycle!

Luigi...

- What happened to him? - I don't know, it seems like he is crazy!

Take a look.

Look at him go!

Geez!

What a way to up and leave, eh?

Well...

- Here you go... - Oh!

But Romeo, what a fixation you have on cheating!

But it's not without justification, however!

Piero!

Where are they?

Doris...

- I'm gonna start a massacre! - Dad, I didn't do anything.

I can see you haven't done anything!

- Where are the others? - They're all gone.

- And Doris? - She's gone too.

You moron!

Damnation!

Piero!

- Luigi has discovered us! - Oh, mamma!

Stop! Stop you damn whore!

For goodness's sakes! Please don't shoot!

I'll kill you!

Luigi, don't do it! Think of the scandal!

Are you going hunting?

Help!

You're fired!

- You have dishonored my house! - Luigi, don't get yourself into trouble!

Stop it! You're acting crazy!

Fired!

I work my fingers to the bone and still have to put up with him!

I've had it!

Dirty, depraved and also impotent!

I'm leaving! Get it through your head that I'm leaving!

Hello, to the most beautiful ass in the country!

All you men are pigs!

No, wait...

What's going on!

Luigi!

Engineer!

Did you hurt yourself?

Get this stuff off me!

A cuckold and impotent!

Look at this beautiful couple!

You disgust me and you're crazy too!

What is she trying to say?

Imagine that...

She said some bad things before leaving!

Now we don't have a servant. We'll have to go as well.

I could replace Doris.

But, yes. Certainly.

My Adele.

Oh, Adele, where did you keep all this goodness hidden?

Until yesterday, no one would have known...

Eh, and now?

I'm just making a comment, just some small talk.

As far as I'm concerned, you're just pissing me off!

Uncle... no, what are you doing?

Here he is, always late!

Since the raw materials cost us more, we are going to have to adjust the prices.

- What the heck do I care? - Sorry. Never mind.

What are you doing as a factory manager?

At eighteen I was my own man!

How disgusting! Adele, is that how you are supposed to serve?

- Excuse me. - That's not a place to put stuff...

- Are you laughing, idiot! - You can't always offend me like this!

I can't offend you when I call you an idiot...

because you really are an idiot!

You're just good at causing trouble!

Zoraide, Luigi... That's not the way to act!

May I have a little pate?

Luigi, are you sick? What time is it?

Nothing, I'm going hunting. Go to sleep.

She's lazing around this morning...

Ah, good, good...

There, that's good. It's about time!

Ah, good.

How beautiful...

But... where are you going?

Oh, come back!

Ugh!

You're a whore.

I even lost my binoculars!

Where are they?

Here...

Hey,

Dumpo, Dumpo! You son of a dog! Come here!

Maybe it's too early! Come here immediately!

Good morning uncle, did you sleep well?

Fine, thanks... Piero!

Piero, you dirty dog! Always the last one, eh!

Always the last one! Not once have you gotten up on time.

Monkey!

Don't argue, you idiot! You have 5 minutes.

- What is it? - 5 minutes, understand?

How was I supposed to know that you wanted to go hunting today also?

Stop talking! Get down here!

Aldino, take care of the dogs.

All right, engineer. Right now.

Hello.

- There weren't any birds! - We didn't see anything.

- There must be some kind of jinx. - I'm afraid so.

- What are you looking at? - Nothing.

Ah, you old pig!

I'd better keep an eye on you... Are you still here?

I'm going. I'm going.

- Good morning, uncle. - Hi.

Can you hand me that rag, please?

- For me? - Yes.

A small present that reminds me of the past.

How well I remember those little legs, always scratched...

when you came here as a child.

- Can you pass me that rag? - You were so lively, you know?

- Otherwise I'll have to get down. - No, stay right there.

- This one? - Yes.

Here you go.

Who would have thought that they would have achieved such a success.

I've never worn stockings like these.

It's time you found out, you know? Look, I'll teach you now.

Put your foot in, slowly...

Slowly, slowly. That's it.

Slowly. That's it.

How nice!

Oh, Uncle!

Wait, wait...

Stop, you have to get the seam straight.

- I know how. - Wait for me, please!

What the hell...

What do you want? What are you looking at?

- Do you need a hand? - Not from you!

And why did you bring in the ball? You're going to get the floor dirty!

After you take a shower, don't leave the bathroom in a mess, please.

I'll have to clean up afterwards.

What's wrong with you?

I don't want to always see you down there when I'm on the ladder!

- Are you angry with me? - Hmm.

The scheming guy acting innocent!

What?

Don't pretend you don't understand. I've got to do the cleaning now.

Sometimes I notice the magazines you try to hide in your room...

I saw them, you know?

- You're spying! - Look, I haven't told anyone!

Hey, there's Niccolò...

In a motorboat coming from Ferrara!

And who's with him? Can you see her?

- I think it's Mrs. Codechin. - Ah, you know that prude!

I'll see him when he comes to confess...

I smell cheating horns...

Over here and across the Po, Niccolò has children!

Let me have a look.

That's the engineer! He's gone from birds to fish!

I hate your guts, morons!

I've been hunting in Nigeria! I'm a game hunter!

- Run away, run away! - Go, go!

Adele, wait for me...

Do you want to play?

Adele...

Adele...

Go away, go away! This isn't a place for sheep to graze!

Go away! Go away!

Adele...

Go away!

Go away, go away!

Listen...

Run, run, run! Run!

I see you, Adele.

Wait for me.

But where are you going?

Wait for me!

Wait for me!

Wait...

Wait for me, dammit!

Adele...

Adele, ah!

Why did you have to come and do it right here!

Disgusting! Disgusting!

Shit! Oof!

Piero! Piero!

Did you fall asleep?

4 a.m. The hunt!

I'm tired. I can't stand it anymore.

Getting up every day while it's still dark.

Piero, it's 4 a.m.

Piero, we're going hunting.

I hate hunting!

I don't give a damn about rifles, cartridges, dogs...

I'm just his dog!

Can't we find another way to be together, Zoraide?

- Adele... - Huh, what is it?

- Adele! - Oh... Uncle...

Catch me!

Ah, there you are... I'm coming.

Oh, look at that...

Look at him! What a dirty old man!

- Luigi! - Hey!

- Is he coming here? - No, he has other things on his mind.

- Where did you learn that? - Mom always sang it.

You better wipe that smirk off your face.

Wasn't that your favorite song?

The piano is only for those that have time to play it...

You offered yourself as a servant and you are a servant.

And try to get certain ideas out of your head.

Don't act so virginal and don't screw with me!

I saw you at the Po river flirting with your uncle.

- That's not true. - I wasn't born yesterday.

Mind your own business... or take your rags and go!

Without me, you would be a wretch like your mother.

I'm going to keep my eyes on you, got it?

Well, that's fine.

Look how the idiot sleeps...

The quails... where are they?

Wake up, idiot! Shoot!

What a load of bullshit...

You're going to kill me any minute now!

Listen, Luigi. There aren't any birds

Only mosquitoes are flying.

- Let's go and have a drink, eh... - Yes, that might be better...

I'm not a pain in the ass like you are...

Come here...

- What would you like? - Come here, you beautiful brunette!

One more liter! Go, run! Go on, hurry!

But what do you want?

Mom doesn't want us to go in the attic.

Nobody's here, you wimp.

By the way, why do you keep calling her mom?

Come on.

Turn on the light.

I want to show you something.

Have you already be up here?

- But what are you looking for? - Look.

Have you ever seen clothes like this? I have.

My mom had a closet full of them.

And whose are they?

Your grandmother's!

Mamma!

Kiki Delorme... Isn't that a stupid stage name?

You know? My mother and your stepmother had a few things in common!

What are you laughing at? I won't allow it!

The two sirens of Cesenatico, look! Not bad! Look!

Enough!

Are you telling me that your father doesn't know?

- Stop it! - Eh, voila!

And you too?

Luigi, where are you?

Grandma, grandma! What are you doing?

I'm watching.

- What do you see? - A man in bed who appears to be dead.

Died? Luigi...

Come on out. The old spy is out here!

Luigi!

Stop, the dead man lives here!

Zoraide! Antonio!

Zoraide!

Zoraide!

He's dead!

Zoraide!

Luigi!

Holy Madonna, what happened?

And you? Are you drunk?

Yes, I'm drunk, Zoraide.

I feel sorrow! I feel sorrow! What sorrow I feel!

And Luigi was found by the little granny, the spy.

Then a big ass woman came out. What misfortune!

A true catastrophe, Zoraide.

What a mess, Zoraide!

Dad! Is dad dead?

A bunch of bullshit! Dead!

Poor Engineer Favaretto!

What a misfortune! What a loss!

Holy Virgin Mary!

Oh God! What a gaffe!

Excuse me,

but you explain to me why everyone is on a diet.

The doctor said so.

Sure, for you. You're the one who is ill.

But as for the rest of us...

This broth leaves the stomach empty!

If your hungry and you don't eat anything, you might as well die, no?!

Look at Antonio! What happened to him!

He looks like he always does.

You're going to get well while were all going to get sick!

- Piero... - Zoraide...

Finally!

I couldn't take it anymore.

- Bubbles! - Throw the pasta in!

- All of it? - All of it! All of it!

How is the sauce?

- How long does it take to cook? - 12 minutes.

12 minutes...

That's it.

Zoraide...

- Piero! - Zoraide!

- Piero! - Zoraide!

- Piero! - Zoraide!

...

- Zoraide! - Piero!

- Zoraide! - Piero!

- Zoraide! - Piero!

Zoraide! Zoraide! Zoraide!

Piero!

Oh, Piero!

Piero...

Ah, Piero!

Ah, Zoraide! I hurt my ass!

Be strong!

Spaghetti. I'm hungry! Let's go!

- The colander, quickly. - Wait while I fix my pants.

- Hurry up! - I'm coming!

Hold the colander.

Let's go. Let's go.

Let's go...

- Let's go over there. - I'm coming.

- Luigi! - Always at the best moment!

Go on... Go on up...

Let's hide this away.

- Put it down there. - Yes, yes. I will.

Hurry, clean up!

Come on, for heaven's sake! Come on, move!

Go, go! Let's go!

Go on! Go on!

Didn't Romeo tell you to avoid overdoing it?

Wretch, coward, traitor...

The blood of my blood, inside my house... I disown him!

I'll kick him out of the house. Straight to boarding school!

My hair!

Straight to boarding school... boarding school.

Listen to me, Antonio is leaving.

In boarding school for life!

Don't let anyone know.

Not a word from this house.

Luigi...

We want to stroll around the village since you want to be alone.

Go ahead...

I want to listen to this radio show.

Smart, don't be discouraged, old man!

You've had a hard blow, but you'll make a full recovery!

- You're fired. - Excuse me?

- You're fired. - Don't worry, Luigi.

And you, why don't you shut up?

- Well, all I said... - Come on. It's getting late!

Bye, see you soon, eh?

(Giro d'Italia news playing on the radio...)

Adele...

Adele...

Zoraide...

Careful. Slowly, you moron!

Long live the newlyweds!

Well, yes! Weddings always move me!

- To your health! - To your health!

They really are made for each other.

If only the poor engineer could have been here with us...

What great consolation this would have been for him!

There is always a misfortune for every moment of happiness.

- The napkin... - No, this is mine.

Where did it go? Ah, here it is!

Excuse me...

Look at the bride with Mr. Piero! Cuckold, cuckold!

My wife, my wife...

Long live the newlyweds...

A toast...

To your health!

Translated by Eduardo Estefan, 2025. Enjoy!