Original subtitles

Naoto Takenaka

Where's the family?

They're busy. I'm here in their place.

I see. If you're cold, I can turn up the heat.

Keep it cold or the body will decay.

I see. Well, good night.

Good night.

Kimiko Yo

Kippei Shiina

Jinpachi Nezu

Who is it?

It's Tsuchiya.

Here.

Next time I'll pay by bank transfer.

Nami, watch how you talk to me.

Who's that boy?

This month's top host in this club.

Oh, gross!

I'm joking. He's not interested in women.

He's more vicious than me.

Oh, I get it.

Professional Stand-in Service Please call for any assistance: Jiro Kurenai

Professional Stand-in Service

Executive Producers Hiroshi Okada I Munetaka Inami

Producers Taketo Niitsu / Naoya Narita

Lighting: Hiroyuki Yasukouchi Cinematography: Yasushi Sasakibara

Hello, this is Jiro Kurenai's professional stand-in inc.

We're unable to respond to your call at this time.

Please leave your name and number after the beep. Thank you.

Written and Directed by Takashi Ishii

Hello?

Excuse me.

Excuse me!

Yes?

So... you'll do anything, that's what you mean, right?

Sure.What do you need, ma'am?

I just arrived last night from Fukuoka, and I don't know Tokyo at all.

Will you show me around?

What?

Can't you do that?

If you need a guide, there's a bus tour.

The office is there actually, please wait there.

I want to go to specific places.

Trendy stores, gourmet restaurants, discos, and Disneyland.

Trendy stores, huh?

Why not?

I rented the car at the airport, but I guess it's not trendy enough.

Pardon me, but you haven't told me your name yet, ma'am.

Sorry, my name is Namekata.

Is Jiro Kurenai your real name? It's unusual.

No, I just use it for business.

Roppongi is on TV all the time, what's it famous for again?

Shall we check out the neighborhood?

Do you ever come here?

Never.

Don't you like the wine?

- I'm driving. - Oh, sorry.

It's OK.

What does a professional stand-in do normally?

Cleaning up shit for people.

Walking their dogs and picking up their shit.

Looking after old people who shit themselves.

Shit, shit, shit, I feel like I'm covered in it.

I'm sorry.

It was scary, like we were going to be sucked into the bottom of the sea.

Yeah.

Thank you so much for today.

- Sorry, I was a lousy guide. - Oh no.

Why do you live in such a place?

What do you mean?

That creepy office.

Creepy!

It's a monument to the dreams of women.

Here you go.

What women?

From third-world countries, looking to make a buck here.

Jody was in the first bed, then Fay, Cynthia in the top bunk,

- and Gloria in the bottom. - Sake please.

Each bed has a name now.

One day there was a police crackdown.

They all worked so hard

unlike those pampered Japanese women. Creepy, my ass.

- I'm not like them. - Did I say you were!

No, I didn't.

The rent was practically free, and I was like their caretaker.

This stew is really good.

Who needs Italian gourmet?

There was only one of these at the store.

Did you mind me buying it?

No problem.

But you wanted it too, right?

- Nope, it's okay. - You can have it.

Taking it would only complicate things.

What's wrong?

OK, I'll be off.

I'm drunk.

- Could you check in for me? - Sure.

The kanji for my name is the same as "missing persons."

Just use your office for the address.

Right.

How about tomorrow?

In the morning, around 10:00?

Got it.

If that's too early for you, you're welcome to stay here.

- Just kidding! - Is she OK?

I'm not OK!

When I get this drunk, I can't commit murder!

You're an ugly drunk.

Alright, sleep whale. Good night.

"Kill my wife."

"Eliminate my boss."

"Erase my past, please."

Don't people make such requests?

See you tomorrow.

Good night.

Who am I?

Sorry for the late call.

What did you want?

Are you here with another man?

Is the club doing all right?

Not really. Business went sour when the bubble burst.

What kind of man are you with this time?

You wanna break up, right?

How many times did we break up so far?

Excuse me? You caused me to break up with my last man!

Who, me?

I did you a favor as he was a bad news.

That's not true.

You look like a whore, eh?

Have you been sucking cocks in that?

What do you mean? You used to like this dress.

Is he young?

- Answer me. - Please, let me go.

I won't stop you. Now piss off.

I beg you!

You beg me standing?

I beg you, please.

I can't see you.

I beg you. Please let me go.

Is marriage that appealing to you?

Shall we run away together?

I owe many sharks a lot of money.

The Philippines?

We can move there together, can't we?

You wanna die with me, huh? You do, huh?

A double suicide?

Fine with me.

Let's do it.

I'm ready...

I'm ready to die anytime!

What a shitty relationship.

You...

I'll never let you go.

Listen, you belong to me!

What the...

It's that woman again.

Every time she goes on vacation, you turn up at my door.

Don't ya, buddy? Oh, you've grown up.

I'm going to Disneyland tomorrow.

You wanna come along?

No dice. It's a date.

She's pretty, you know?

But her clothes were a bit loud.

Still, she's my type.

Jody and Fay would be jealous. Oh my god! Hm?

You're a girl too.

Nami.

You hate me that much?

I won't die alone.

I have to go home right away.

I have quite a bit of luggage. So, please arrange for a shipping service.

I'll leave the money and the address.

Thank you for your help.

She left the whale.

Her address isn't here.

¥100,000.

That's way too much.

Is this the big luggage?

Fucking ridiculous.

Where did she put the luggage?

Hello? Yes.

Well, erm...

I-I'll stay another night.

No, the room doesn't need cleaning.

Fuck.

The front desk saw my face.

The composite sketch...

Goddamnit!

She tricked me!

Big enough?

Maybe not.

God, so heavy!

Geez! Smoke's coming out! What's in it?

It's OK. Off you go.

Wow, it's cold! Is there a frozen body inside?

How much do you need to spend on your outfit?

These? I'd have to be a princess to buy everything I wear.

The key is to rent what you need. See you!

Later.

Hi, I want to rent a Mercedes Benz.

You don't? Okay, thank you.

Bye then.

Who's there?

It's the police. Sorry to bother you so late.

What is it?

Could you open the door, please?

Yes?

What do you want!

- Excuse me. - Where is he?

- Who?! - You used his name.

- What name? - Namekata.

What're you talking about?

Nami called him to meet at a hotel last night.

Then both of them disappeared.

He wouldn't stay at a hotel without telling me.

When she checked in, the man who was with her wrote this address.

It was you.

Are you running a costume rental store? This is weird.

- Who is Nami? - I'm worried about him.

She's a dangerous girl.

- Well, I'm busy now. - How long?

What?

Did you know him long?

Or Nami?

What're you on about?

Hey, get out, will you? You're not a cop.

What was that for?

Stop lying!

What's this?

Are you running a hostel?

This is my home!

Pesky old fart!

Of course not...

Where's Nami?

The address!

He's there with her.

Quit fucking around!

I won't let her have him.

Don't forget that.

The Kanto Kotomosu gang is backing me.

This isn't over yet.

Looks like he took you in, too.

- Your dad's an office worker? - My brother isn't...

You haven't introduced me to your fiancé.

You haven't met her?

- He y. - Yes?

This lady is the daughter of the manager from the Ginza branch.

- This is Nami Tsuchiya. - Pleased to meet you.

Likewise. She's very pretty.

- She reminds me of someone. - Who!

Your mom.

- Oh, I see. - Right?

I'm hungry.

He's in love with his mom.

See? They're a friendly bunch, aren't they?

Yeah, it's fun.

- Enjoy. - OK.

Damn! It hurts.

I can't stand up.

Who am I?

I know being divorced is a strike against you,

but she's no spring chicken.

- How old is she? - Three.

- Where's she from? - Does that really matter?

You've got it? Shinagawa 33-WA-5974. I'm coming.

It's Muraki from the Traffic Control Division.

- Good morning. - See you later.

It's freezing.

- Rental Agreement - Tsuchiya, Nami.

- Can I borrow this? - Sure. Of course.

- Where did she move to? - Miss. Tsuchiya?

I wouldn't know where she's moved to.

She lied about being from Fukuoka, her name, even her car.

She didn't even look like her driver's license photo.

What?

Her name, the car, her clothes, the bag, the jewels...

The key is to rent what you need. See you!

- What was the date? - June 28.

How about something like this?

When would I wear this then?

For the wedding reception.

Look, detective, I think this is it.

- Nami Tsuchiya - Tokiwa Tokyo Product Center.

Tokiwa Tokyo Product Center

- Goodbye. - See you tomorrow.

Good evening, Nami.

You forgot to leave your address, so I brought it here.

Tell that little punk

that I was only your Tokyo tour guide.

I left your room at 10 PM and don't know what happened after that.

I was in bed dreaming about going to Disneyland.

What is this?

It's yours.

I'm sorry, I have to meet a friend.

It's still fresh now, but it won't keep, you know?

Don't you want to check it?

Nami, maybe I should show it to that young fella.

I'll call the Kanto Kotomosu gang that he mentioned.

Come in.

I'm just delivering your luggage.

Where shall I put it?

There's not much room. Just put it here.

Take a seat.

Would you like a drink?

Are you hungry?

I'm not a hit man. Why did you come to me?

This is all I have.

What the hell are you trying to pull off?

You tricked me.

My services don't include murder.

- I'm sorry. - An apology won't do.

Are you nuts?

Did you really kill him?

Just say it wasn't you.

"Officer, when I woke up the body was there. I was scared."

Yes...

I killed him.

I planned it ahead. But your part wasn't in it.

Why me?

Your advertisement. I could imagine your face from it.

Then when I called you, the voice of the message was so gentle.

Don't feed me that malarkey!

I'm sorry. I didn't realize you'd be attacked.

I wonder what's the state of Namekata after three days.

I packed it full of dry ice, though it's pretty bad now.

Won't it leak through?

I packed him in three garbage bags, but it still reeks.

I'm so sorry.

Give me...

That beer.

His name was Namekata.

- The other man was Sendo. - I didn't ask.

- I'm just a stand-in delivery man. - But...

Beside, what you need to do now is think of your next move.

Turn yourself in.

Who is it?

Namekata?

Mr. Namekata, at least pay the interest.

Not you again!

If he doesn't pay, my son will have to go to a public high school.

It's not just that, they'll fire me and my family and I'll commit suicide!

- Go ahead and do it. - Mr. Namekata!

I told you, he's not here!

Get off me!

Go on, kill yourself.

Get out!

Get the fuck out!

It can't be helped.

Asshole!

Please leave your name and number after the beep.

I'm sorry. It's me...

I'm sorry to bother you again,

but I was wondering if you'd serve as my professional stand-in again.

Call me on 0423...

But I was wondering if you'd serve as my professional stand-in again.

Call me on 0423-66-1833. Please call me.

Keep out of it.

Mr. Kurenai?

Found you.

No!

I found your address in Namekata's room!

He's not here.

Where're you hiding him? He's not serious about you!

What the hell? What a stench.

Please leave.

Not until I find him, idiot!

- I have to go shopping. - Go ahead.

What is it?

Is it you?

You smell like shit! You shitbag!

It's probably those herbs.

No, it's not.

Get out, it's just the garbage. Cut that out!

Stop it.

It smells like when Mom died.

Hmm?

There was something here, right?

What did you do? What did you do to him?!

What the fuck do you want!

Wait, my dear! Let me explain!

Come over here.

Please leave your name and number after the beep. Thank you.

Hey, professional stand-in, I'm at Nami's place now.

Get the fuck over here. She blames you for killing him.

- I didn't. - Shut up!

Keep out of it.

She killed him.

Not my problem. I've had enough.

- Excuse me? - Huh?

- Excuse me. - What do you want?

- I want to buy a tokarev pistol. - What?

Wait here a minute.

Hey, knucklehead, come over here.

We ain't got that stuff.

My life's in danger. Where can I buy one!

Where! How much do you have?

About 100,000 yen.

In cash?

Hey, wait here a minute.

- That man just took my money. - Who!

- That guy who was just here. - I don't know him.

- You were talking to him. - I don't know him!

You were whispering in his ear and I gave him 100,000 yen.

Are you fucking with me, huh?

Bar Ladybird

Is Kenzo here?

What're you talking about?

Kenzo.

It's me.

Wait a minute...

Oh my god.

Tetsuo! Is that you?

Long time no see, babycakes! Come in, come in.

He's alright.

Jesus.What happened to your face!

I'm sure you weren't born that way! Have a seat.

How many years has it been? Almost 20. Incredible!

- You were class president. - Just for a bit.

- What can I get you!? - Beer.

Something on my face! Is it bad luck?

You're pretty. Just like I heard.

What're you on about? I'm just an old maid.

What a beauty.

If you had told me that 20 years ago behind the gymnasium, oops,

I'd be your wife now. Right, Mr. Stock Trader?

I can't believe you're the same age.

He's my friend from junior high. He was top of the class.

He went to a good university and joined

a good company, he's an elite from our shitty school. Right?

Two from the same school, one turned elite, the other queer.

You can talk, you smackhead!

Do you work around here?

- Just a beer... - Why? You can afford it, can't you?

- I'm broke. - Huh?

I need a favor.

What? I can't buy your share!

I need one of these.

Oh, you don't say? You can take mine, here.

I have about 100,000 yen.

- How many tonight? - Four of us.

- Come inside. - Thanks.

Have a seat, darling.

Have you got money?

- Come back in two hours. - I owe you one.

Welcome my darlings! Wow, you're irresistible! Let me sit on you...

Kenzo, it's me, Tetsuo.

Kenzo!

- Did you get it? - The bar's closed.

- The gun? - We're closed.

Hey! Get rid of him and come back here!

Get lost.

I said, get lost!

If that's how it is, give me back my money!

Let go of me!

- Is that the guy looking for a piece? - Who's asking?

You wanna piece of me! You fucking amateur!

Son of a bitch!

You're nothing but a dirty rich fucking parasite!

Licking rich people's asses!

I always wanted to wipe that smile off your face!

Don't you ever look down on me!

Hey, let's grab another drink.

You're wrong.

I quit...

I quit that job a long time ago.

If I don't help her...

If I just run away...

I can never again...

Kenzo...

I've been waiting for hours.

You look like shit.

Where's the bag?

It stunk.

You're two cold-blooded motherfuckers!

Explain yourself.

Nami wasn't involved.

Namekata asked her to die with him.

His club wasn't doing well.

Nami refused.

They fought and Namekata's throat was cut with a knife.

Nami panicked.

She called me to dispose of the body after seeing my advertisement.

If so, why didn't you call the police?

He had needle marks on his arm. You would've been pinched, too.

Bullshit, this slut had an open cesspool of reasons to off Namekata.

No, she didn't.

- Let's ask her. - There's no need.

Don't talk down to me, motherfucker!

What's with your hand? What's in your pocket?

Show me.

Show me!

Are you fucking kidding me?

Weren't you raped when you were 15?

I don't need to hear this.

She's from the same town as Namekata.

When rumors began to spread,

- she came to Tokyo and found him. - Stop it.

Namekata was threatening her for small money.

Even so, he wasn't the one who should be blamed.

She didn't blame him, did she?

It might not be as simple as that.

We don't know the whole story.

She's been around for 10 years.

- He saved her ass so often... - Not once!

Shut up, pig!

You wanna get killed?

I haven't slept.

My mind is a bit hazy.

And I feel like pulling the trigger.

Go on.

And blow your own fucking hands off!

Now I know for sure you're in on this with her.

I'm gonna kill both of you.

Go on then.

M-my finger!

Son of a bitch!

Get out.

What?

Get out, and don't try to contact Nami again. You hear?

Professional Stand-in.

Please call for any assistance to Jiro Kurenai

What was that you wanted me to stand-in one last time?

- I wasn't raped actually. - What?

It doesn't matter.

- It was during the bubble economy. - Hm?

I had been threatened by him during that time,

the brightest time in this country's postwar history, but not for me.

Therefore, on that day, I wanted a taste of the joy I'd missed out on.

Even just a smidgen of the joy everyone had that time.

I'd pay Namekata 100 or 200 thousand yen each month, but that didn't even cover

a single night of his gallivanting.

He said "l only did it to keep you close with me."

Who did he think he was, right?

100 or 200 thousand was a big part of my paycheck.

When I was ten, my homeroom teacher sexually abused me.

I asked Namekata, who was like the leader, what I should do.

I wanted revenge.

A few years later, he started to threaten me.

I never told this to anyone.

Hey, open the door.

Wait!

Yet I had a crush on him.

No, no! Stop!

Nami, open the door! Open up!

Nami, come on! Open the door!

Open the damn door! Open it!

Please!

Hang in there. I'll call an ambulance.

What brings you here?

Never thought I'd see you again.

Come on in.

You didn't come to deliver something I left at yours, did you?

I'll turn myself in.

To the police?

Not a chance. Not for him.

That stand-in guy will get arrested as well.

I'm not trying to get back at anyone, so don't take it out on Jiro.

You came all the way here to tell me that?

Goodbye.

Hold on!

Let's talk, sit down.

It's nothing unpleasant.

You want a tipple of his champagne?

Let's have a toast.

Let's drink to him.

Now that he's gone, I'm running the club here.

The assets, the bills, whatever belonged to him are all mine.

Therefore...

I owe the loan sharks big time.

But if I had you hostessing here, we could probably make a go of it.

You and me are two of a kind.

We're both victims and this is our chance to get out from under that.

Mr. Namekata, Mr. Namekata!

Look, old man, not now but I'll pay you back real soon.

Mrs. Namekata, Mrs...

You reeking sack of...

Oh hey, she's here, after all.

Nami, get out of here!

She hung herself, my wife.

The funeral costs were out of this world.

Plus this pistol, there's this yakuza punk..

Jiro...

Yes?

Good evening.

I'd like to request your service.

I was worried about you. Your phone was dead too.

I'm sorry.

I've been nothing but trouble.

Right, how can I help you?

Please call for any assistance to Jiro Kurenai.

So, put your umbrella there and come inside.

Just like you said. Beds for Jody, then fay,

Cynthia on the top and Gloria on the bottom.

Sorry, I was just cleaning.

Give me a minute.

I'd like you to be my stand-in lover.

Pardon?

Is that a no?

Not that.

I'm not asking you to marry me.

When I'm lonely, even at 2 or 3 o'clock in the morning.

Just talk to me on the phone. That's all.

Oh, Nami.

And you can call me anytime, day or night.

Of course. No problem at all.

Okay, then.

Kiss me, please.

Turn out the light.

I'm Muraki.

My real name.

Tetsuo Muraki.

I quit the broker job

and spent my savings to start the business of a professional stand-in.

I felt lost, like I couldn't find my way back,

but since meeting you,

I feel like I've got another chance.

Enough of this grim talk.

We've got a new lease on life.

I've got a trick I save for special occasions.

My inner ear balance is inherently superior.

I can't get dizzy. Watch.

I-2-3-4-5-6-7

8-9-10-11-12-13-14-15-16.

[-2-1-2-1-2-1-2...

This is my party trick since I was a kid.

Nami?

What's wrong?

Nami.

Nami! What's wrong? Nami!

Your trick was great.

Will you do it again for me?

Hang in there! I'll call an ambulance!

Naoto Takenaka

Kimiko Yo

Kippei Shiina

Jinpachi Nezu

Executive Producers Munetaka Inami / Yutaka Okada

Producers Naoya Narita / Taketo Niitsu

Cinematography Yasushi Sasakibara

Music Goro Yasukawa

Art Design Teru Yamazaki

Editing Akimasa Kawashima

Sound Atsushi Sugiyama

Written and Directed by Takashi Ishii