Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:05,539 --> 00:00:06,006
Charlie?
2
00:00:06,074 --> 00:00:08,109
Yeah?
3
00:00:08,176 --> 00:00:10,611
I thought we said we were
gonna take things slow.
4
00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:12,046
We did say that.
5
00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:14,315
I guess we can't
be trusted.
6
00:00:14,382 --> 00:00:17,051
Charlie, talk to me.
7
00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:18,286
All right.
8
00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:21,755
You know what I'm gonna do
to you, you dirty, filthy girl?
9
00:00:21,822 --> 00:00:23,557
No, not like that.
10
00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:24,725
Wrong way?
11
00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:26,960
Am I a dirty, filthy boy?
12
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:29,530
No, I want to talk about us.
13
00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:32,466
We're a dirty,
filthy couple.
14
00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:35,636
No, I want to talk
about our relationship.
15
00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:39,273
Well, that redirects
the old blood flow.
16
00:00:41,742 --> 00:00:43,611
Okay.
17
00:00:43,677 --> 00:00:45,146
So what about it?
18
00:00:45,213 --> 00:00:47,748
Well, you know that
I really care about you?
19
00:00:47,815 --> 00:00:49,617
I care about you, too.
20
00:00:49,683 --> 00:00:51,219
All right, good talk.
21
00:00:51,285 --> 00:00:53,521
I just want to make sure
that if we do this,
22
00:00:53,587 --> 00:00:55,356
we're doing it
for the right reasons.
23
00:00:55,423 --> 00:00:56,990
Well, not to be contrary,
24
00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,426
but sometimes
the wrong reasons
25
00:00:58,492 --> 00:01:00,594
kick everything up a notch.
26
00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:01,595
I just want to make sure
27
00:01:01,662 --> 00:01:04,665
we give our relationship
a chance to grow.
28
00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:06,334
So you want to stop?
29
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:08,136
No, I really want you.
30
00:01:08,202 --> 00:01:11,705
Mia, all this
starting and stopping
31
00:01:11,772 --> 00:01:15,876
is really not good
for my transmission.
32
00:01:15,943 --> 00:01:16,844
I'm sorry.
33
00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,212
I'm just so confused.
34
00:01:18,279 --> 00:01:20,814
That's why you're gonna
have to make this decision
35
00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:22,416
for the both of us.
36
00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:23,617
Me?
37
00:01:23,684 --> 00:01:25,386
I have to make
this decision?
38
00:01:25,453 --> 00:01:28,889
That's like asking the fat
kid to guard the pie.
39
00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:30,858
I trust you, Charlie.
40
00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:33,661
Well, that is really low.
41
00:01:33,727 --> 00:01:36,697
Okay, we'll wait.
42
00:01:36,764 --> 00:01:37,798
Thank you.
43
00:01:37,865 --> 00:01:39,400
So what do we do now?
44
00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:41,702
We could take
a walk on the beach.
45
00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:43,371
No, seriously.
46
00:01:44,372 --> 00:01:47,641
Oh, yeah.
Walk on the beach.
47
00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:48,509
Great.
48
00:01:48,576 --> 00:01:51,712
I've always been
meaning to do that.
49
00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:55,015
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men, men, men *
50
00:01:55,082 --> 00:01:58,719
* Ooh...
* Men.
51
00:02:00,388 --> 00:02:01,889
Good morning.
Good morning.
52
00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:03,123
Looks to be a beautiful day.
53
00:02:03,191 --> 00:02:04,392
Slightly overcast,
54
00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:06,126
but that should burn
off in a few hours,
55
00:02:06,194 --> 00:02:09,297
leaving us with another sun-
dappled afternoon in paradise.
56
00:02:09,363 --> 00:02:11,131
You still drunk from last night
57
00:02:11,199 --> 00:02:13,434
or did you get
a fresh buzz this morning?
58
00:02:13,501 --> 00:02:16,770
No, ma'am.
I am quite simply high on life.
59
00:02:18,839 --> 00:02:20,841
Blotto.
60
00:02:20,908 --> 00:02:22,276
I'm not drunk.
61
00:02:22,343 --> 00:02:24,745
Alan, guess what
I did last night.
62
00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:25,879
Jake.
63
00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:26,880
I'm leaving.
64
00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:27,981
No, Jake can hear this.
65
00:02:28,048 --> 00:02:30,984
Last night...
Wait, wait, wait.
Hang on, Charlie.
66
00:02:31,051 --> 00:02:32,320
You're about
to tell us something
67
00:02:32,386 --> 00:02:34,755
that happened last night
that made you happy?
68
00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:35,856
Yes.
Jake.
69
00:02:35,923 --> 00:02:37,124
I'm leaving.
70
00:02:37,191 --> 00:02:38,492
Jake, stay.
71
00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:40,060
I want to share this
with my entire family.
72
00:02:40,127 --> 00:02:41,395
Okay, I'm leaving.
73
00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:44,131
Berta, I consider you
part of my family.
74
00:02:44,198 --> 00:02:45,533
Am I in your will?
75
00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:47,835
No, but neither
are the rest of them.
76
00:02:49,136 --> 00:02:50,404
Now, listen.
77
00:02:50,471 --> 00:02:55,175
Last night, I, Charlie Harper,
delayed gratification.
78
00:02:55,243 --> 00:02:59,179
What'd you do,
wait till she fell asleep.
79
00:03:01,114 --> 00:03:02,816
Wait for what?
80
00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:04,017
Jake.
81
00:03:04,084 --> 00:03:05,486
I'm leaving.
Sit down.
82
00:03:05,553 --> 00:03:07,421
What happened
last night
83
00:03:07,488 --> 00:03:10,591
is I may have actually started
a meaningful relationship.
84
00:03:10,658 --> 00:03:12,460
Charlie, seriously,
go sleep it off.
85
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:15,329
You're embarrassing
yourself.
86
00:03:15,396 --> 00:03:17,465
Come on, listen to me.
87
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:21,068
I think I might
be in love with Mia.
88
00:03:21,134 --> 00:03:22,236
Big deal.
89
00:03:22,303 --> 00:03:24,538
You've always been
in love with you-a.
90
00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:26,607
Very funny.
91
00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:28,175
I thought so.
Did you think so?
92
00:03:28,242 --> 00:03:29,843
That was pretty good.
93
00:03:29,910 --> 00:03:30,911
He's eleven.
94
00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:33,180
He still thinks "milk,
milk, lemonade" is funny.
95
00:03:33,247 --> 00:03:35,249
Oh, yeah.
96
00:03:35,316 --> 00:03:37,651
Hello!
Grandmommy's here.
97
00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:40,588
Oh, great, tell Mom what
you told us, Charlie.
98
00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:41,355
No.
99
00:03:41,422 --> 00:03:43,056
Tell me what.
100
00:03:43,123 --> 00:03:44,258
Nothing.
101
00:03:44,325 --> 00:03:46,294
Do you need a good lawyer?
No.
102
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:47,595
Discreet doctor?
No.
103
00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:49,763
Knock-off Gucci handbag?
What?
104
00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:52,766
There's only so many ways
I can help you dear.
105
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:55,603
It's no big deal.
106
00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:57,438
I've just been seeing
this ballet dancer
107
00:03:57,505 --> 00:03:59,573
and I think she might
be the one.
108
00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:01,342
Drunk?
109
00:04:02,676 --> 00:04:03,911
He says no.
110
00:04:03,977 --> 00:04:06,947
I think it might be one
of those designer drugs.
111
00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:10,718
Charlie, what did you take?
112
00:04:10,784 --> 00:04:12,686
I'm serious.
113
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:15,188
We've been seeing each other
for over a month
114
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:16,757
and we're waiting
to sleep together
115
00:04:16,824 --> 00:04:19,293
until our relationship
has a solid foundation.
116
00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:20,861
Well, we can rule out ecstasy.
117
00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:23,597
I mean,
that's a powerful aphrodisiac.
118
00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:27,635
I've heard.
119
00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:32,205
Nowadays you're supposed to say
African American-disiac.
120
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,407
Jake.
121
00:04:33,474 --> 00:04:35,976
You sure this time?
122
00:04:36,043 --> 00:04:36,777
Yeah.
123
00:04:36,844 --> 00:04:38,312
I'm leaving.
124
00:04:38,379 --> 00:04:41,214
Has it occurred to any of you
that maybe I've finally matured?
125
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:44,385
Maybe I'm finally ready to
build something with a woman
126
00:04:44,452 --> 00:04:45,986
that isn't solely based on sex.
127
00:04:46,053 --> 00:04:48,288
Has that occurred
to you, Alan?
Nope.
128
00:04:48,356 --> 00:04:49,823
Berta?
Uh-uh.
129
00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:50,758
So it's not just me.
130
00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:53,394
You know, I can
understand your skepticism.
131
00:04:53,461 --> 00:04:54,462
I've earned it.
132
00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:56,530
But this girl is different.
133
00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:58,632
And I'm gonna
make it work.
134
00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:01,869
I give him another week
135
00:05:01,935 --> 00:05:04,638
before he's out on the beach
humping wet sand.
136
00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:09,810
* Getting to know you
137
00:05:09,877 --> 00:05:14,047
* Getting to know
all about you *
138
00:05:14,114 --> 00:05:17,284
* Getting to like you
139
00:05:17,351 --> 00:05:21,889
* Getting to hope
you like me *
140
00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:24,291
* Getting to know you
141
00:05:24,358 --> 00:05:28,896
* Putting it my way,
but nicely *
142
00:05:28,962 --> 00:05:35,869
* You are precisely
my cup of tea... *
143
00:05:42,810 --> 00:05:45,813
*
144
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:57,425
*
145
00:05:59,927 --> 00:06:00,928
Hey.
146
00:06:00,994 --> 00:06:02,496
Hey.
147
00:06:02,563 --> 00:06:04,532
How was your date?
148
00:06:08,402 --> 00:06:10,404
Fun.
149
00:06:10,471 --> 00:06:14,207
We went bowling.
150
00:06:14,274 --> 00:06:16,510
Still playing it slow?
151
00:06:19,146 --> 00:06:20,814
Ketchup slow.
152
00:06:22,182 --> 00:06:24,718
Glacier slow.
153
00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:29,089
Continental drift slow.
154
00:06:29,156 --> 00:06:31,124
So, slow.
155
00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:32,159
I'm saying.
156
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:36,597
Hey, listen, about this
living without sex thing,
157
00:06:36,664 --> 00:06:38,732
I was hoping you can
give me a little advice.
158
00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:42,035
Me?
What would make you think of me?
159
00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:44,538
Well, I figured you
get laid less often
160
00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:46,874
than a boil-covered
dwarf, am I right?
161
00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:51,044
I don't have the actual
statistics, but go on.
162
00:06:51,111 --> 00:06:54,147
Well, you must get
really frustrated.
163
00:06:54,214 --> 00:06:56,650
I mean, how do you stop
yourself from, you know,
164
00:06:56,717 --> 00:06:59,252
running a red light and
then taunting the cop
165
00:06:59,319 --> 00:07:00,954
till he shoots you?
166
00:07:01,021 --> 00:07:02,055
Ah, good question.
167
00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:05,826
I found that the best thing to
do is to focus on your career,
168
00:07:05,893 --> 00:07:09,029
uh, get a hobby, become involved
in community activities
169
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:12,399
and, at the end of the day,
if you have any energy left,
170
00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:16,904
find a quiet space and yank it
like a monkey in a mango tree.
171
00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:19,707
Interesting.
172
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,041
Mm.
173
00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:23,010
What kind of hobbies
are we talking about?
174
00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:25,546
Uh, well I tried
collecting stamps,
175
00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:27,347
uh, building model trains,
176
00:07:27,414 --> 00:07:31,418
but, in the end, all roads
led back up the mango tree.
177
00:07:31,485 --> 00:07:35,055
That's what
I was afraid of.
178
00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:39,593
Hey, where're you going?
179
00:07:39,660 --> 00:07:41,529
I'm gonna go get in my car,
180
00:07:41,595 --> 00:07:46,867
run a red light and hope
for a clean head shot.
181
00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:51,772
* Men...
182
00:07:51,839 --> 00:07:53,206
The great thing
about this piece
183
00:07:53,273 --> 00:07:57,878
is that it fuses a classical
score with jazz choreography.
184
00:07:57,945 --> 00:08:01,481
Wow.
185
00:08:01,549 --> 00:08:03,751
You know, on a counter
programming note,
186
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:05,385
the Lakers are
playing Miami tonight.
187
00:08:05,452 --> 00:08:07,120
Would you rather
watch that?
188
00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:09,256
No, no, this is fine.
189
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:12,492
Of course, I don't have
a $500 bet down on the ballet.
190
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:15,529
What channel?
191
00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:18,999
No, seriously,
this is... Channel 2.
192
00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:22,570
You know Charlie,
you don't have to give up
193
00:08:22,636 --> 00:08:25,873
things that you
like just because of me.
194
00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:34,447
Okay, great.
195
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:36,049
Good to know.
196
00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:40,020
Hey, as long as we're
on that subject...
197
00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:47,294
...there's something
I want to run past you.
198
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:47,895
Go ahead.
199
00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:49,429
Well, let me just preface it
200
00:08:49,496 --> 00:08:52,365
by saying that I am all for
holding off on the sex
201
00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:56,136
so our relationship can develop
more, you know... deepness.
202
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,971
I'm glad.
I think it's working, too.
203
00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:00,173
We're getting so much closer
than we would have
204
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:01,909
had we just jumped
into bed together.
205
00:09:01,975 --> 00:09:04,745
Good. Sounds like we're
on the same page.
206
00:09:04,812 --> 00:09:07,214
And just to make sure
we don't jump the gun,
207
00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:11,151
I was thinking maybe it'd be
a good idea if I had an outlet
208
00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:14,955
that, you know,
took the pressure off.
209
00:09:15,022 --> 00:09:16,389
An outlet?
210
00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:17,625
Yeah, an outlet.
211
00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:19,426
Something casual, meaningless.
212
00:09:19,492 --> 00:09:22,562
If I work it right,
it could even be anonymous.
213
00:09:25,733 --> 00:09:27,668
You mean another woman?
214
00:09:27,735 --> 00:09:30,170
Well, that would be
my first choice.
215
00:09:31,939 --> 00:09:33,641
But for the purposes
of this discussion,
216
00:09:33,707 --> 00:09:35,776
let's stay with the more
neutral term "outlet."
217
00:09:35,843 --> 00:09:37,577
I don't care what you call it.
218
00:09:37,645 --> 00:09:39,947
You're asking for permission
to have sex with another woman.
219
00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:41,915
Only because
I care about you too much
220
00:09:41,982 --> 00:09:45,418
to whore around without
permission.
221
00:09:45,485 --> 00:09:47,454
Are you crazy?
222
00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:50,290
I can't go back
to the mango tree, Mia.
223
00:09:50,357 --> 00:09:51,792
What?
224
00:09:51,859 --> 00:09:55,395
Look, I think this is a mature,
thoughtful suggestion.
225
00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:57,865
In fact, there are many cultures
226
00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:00,333
that embrace
the whole outlet concept
227
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,903
as a way of strengthening
and nurturing
228
00:10:02,970 --> 00:10:05,906
the primary love relationship.
229
00:10:05,973 --> 00:10:07,274
Oh...
( blows raspberry )
230
00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:10,343
You can't dismiss
entire cultures with...
231
00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:11,712
( blows raspberry )
232
00:10:11,779 --> 00:10:12,846
I'm going home.
233
00:10:12,913 --> 00:10:15,749
Oh, come on, we're
just talking here.
234
00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:17,885
I propose an idea, we bat
it around a little bit
235
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,452
and then we compromise.
236
00:10:19,519 --> 00:10:20,888
That's the cornerstone of
a healthy relationship.
237
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,222
How are we gonna
compromise, Charlie?
238
00:10:22,289 --> 00:10:24,124
Are you gonna have sex
with half a woman?
239
00:10:24,191 --> 00:10:26,259
Is that an option?
240
00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:33,166
What's going on?
241
00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:34,835
We had our first fight.
242
00:10:34,902 --> 00:10:36,303
Oh. What about?
243
00:10:36,369 --> 00:10:39,006
I simply suggested that as long
as we weren't having sex,
244
00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:40,874
it would be good
for our relationship
245
00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:42,943
if I had sex with somebody else.
246
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,914
And she didn't buy that?
247
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:49,182
Wouldn't even discuss it.
248
00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:53,020
Women, huh?
249
00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:55,022
They say they want to talk,
250
00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:57,424
but they don't want to talk.
251
00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:02,763
What's the matter
with Uncle Charlie?
252
00:11:02,830 --> 00:11:04,698
Oh, he's just
a little down 'cause he
253
00:11:04,765 --> 00:11:06,266
had a fight
with his girlfriend.
254
00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:07,735
That's too bad.
255
00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:09,069
Why don't you go out
and talk to him?
256
00:11:09,136 --> 00:11:10,303
Maybe you can cheer him up
a little.
257
00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:12,139
How?
I don't know.
258
00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:15,142
Tell him a joke or something.
Okay.
259
00:11:17,077 --> 00:11:19,980
Might as well just give him
a bowl of Milky Ways.
260
00:11:20,047 --> 00:11:23,116
Hey, Uncle Charlie,
what's green, has four legs
261
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:26,987
and would kill you if it fell
out of a tree and landed on you?
262
00:11:27,054 --> 00:11:28,889
What?
263
00:11:28,956 --> 00:11:30,690
A pool table.
264
00:11:31,624 --> 00:11:32,960
That's funny 'cause you wouldn't
265
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:35,829
expect it to be in a tree.
266
00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:41,101
Nothin'.
267
00:11:43,436 --> 00:11:45,138
Okay, I'll talk to him.
268
00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:48,942
Hey, if you can work up a fart,
ask him to pull your finger.
269
00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:55,015
Hey.
Hey.
270
00:11:57,517 --> 00:11:59,552
Still haven't heard
from Mia?
271
00:11:59,619 --> 00:12:01,889
She won't return
my calls.
272
00:12:03,290 --> 00:12:05,292
You do realize that
suggesting it would be good
273
00:12:05,358 --> 00:12:07,294
for you to have sex
with other women
274
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:10,230
was a monumentally stupid
thing to do.
275
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,934
Yes, Alan, I realize it.
276
00:12:16,503 --> 00:12:20,273
The question now is
how do I apologize?
277
00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:22,242
You mean grovel.
278
00:12:22,309 --> 00:12:27,047
No, I mean apologize
with my dignity
and pride intact.
279
00:12:27,114 --> 00:12:31,919
Oh, you sad, naive fool.
280
00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:35,255
If 12 years of marriage
taught me anything,
281
00:12:35,322 --> 00:12:38,458
it's that there is
no apologizing
without groveling.
282
00:12:38,525 --> 00:12:40,527
Mia and I aren't married.
283
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:42,429
Are you having sex?
284
00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:44,331
Continue.
285
00:12:44,397 --> 00:12:46,499
First of all,
the phone's no good.
286
00:12:46,566 --> 00:12:48,368
You must grovel in person.
287
00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:50,237
Humiliation is
a visual medium.
288
00:12:50,303 --> 00:12:51,104
Okay.
289
00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:52,472
Next, uh, don't go
empty-handed.
290
00:12:52,539 --> 00:12:55,142
But, uh, keep in mind
that any gifts you do offer
291
00:12:55,208 --> 00:12:57,210
may well end up
being thrown at your head.
292
00:12:57,277 --> 00:13:00,513
Uh, flowers, lingerie,
jewelry-- all good.
293
00:13:00,580 --> 00:13:04,952
Picture frames, waffle irons,
steak knives-- not so much.
294
00:13:05,018 --> 00:13:07,888
You actually bought your
wife a waffle iron?
295
00:13:07,955 --> 00:13:12,893
I was young.
She liked waffles.
296
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:16,496
Anyway, the most important
thing is sincerity.
297
00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:17,497
Sincerity?
298
00:13:17,564 --> 00:13:21,234
Yes, you absolutely must
be able to fake sincerity.
299
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,236
You know what?
I've underestimated you.
300
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:25,072
You are far more deceitful
and manipulative
301
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:26,639
than I've given you credit for.
302
00:13:26,706 --> 00:13:27,740
Thank you.
303
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:30,643
No, I was faking sincerity.
304
00:13:30,710 --> 00:13:32,545
Oh, that's very good.
305
00:13:32,612 --> 00:13:35,849
But all kidding aside, I really
appreciate your help.
306
00:13:35,916 --> 00:13:36,683
You're welcome.
307
00:13:36,749 --> 00:13:38,852
Ah! Got ya again.
308
00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:39,686
That's... that was good.
309
00:13:39,752 --> 00:13:42,455
Oh, hey, can you
do me a favor?
310
00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:42,923
What's that?
311
00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:44,858
Uh, pull my finger.
312
00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:46,693
You're bluffing.
313
00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:47,827
Try me.
314
00:13:50,931 --> 00:13:52,199
Give me another chance.
315
00:13:53,733 --> 00:13:55,468
I thought I had one.
316
00:13:57,604 --> 00:13:59,940
* Men... *
317
00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:08,115
Hi.
318
00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:09,782
Hi.
319
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:10,817
These are for you.
320
00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:12,819
Aw, you didn't
have to do that.
321
00:14:12,886 --> 00:14:15,488
Really? My brother said I did.
322
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:17,991
Well, thank him for me.
323
00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:19,426
Come on in.
324
00:14:19,492 --> 00:14:22,429
I just want you to know
how sorry I am.
325
00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:24,932
Actually, I think
I owe you an apology.
326
00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:25,933
You do?!
327
00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:28,068
Yeah, these are for you.
328
00:14:28,135 --> 00:14:31,038
Aw, you didn't have to do that.
329
00:14:31,104 --> 00:14:33,473
I shouldn't have gotten
so angry with you.
330
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:35,943
Not to say that your "outlet"
idea wasn't incredibly
331
00:14:36,009 --> 00:14:37,644
juvenile, selfish, moronic--
332
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:40,247
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I accept your apology.
333
00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:44,717
The point is, is that I really
don't have any right
334
00:14:44,784 --> 00:14:46,419
to object to you sleeping
with other women.
335
00:14:46,486 --> 00:14:47,955
We don't have
a commitment.
336
00:14:48,021 --> 00:14:49,789
You're free to do
whatever you want.
337
00:14:49,856 --> 00:14:51,058
Well, thanks.
338
00:14:51,124 --> 00:14:53,626
That's great. Very mature.
339
00:14:53,693 --> 00:14:55,295
So everything's okay now?
340
00:14:55,362 --> 00:14:56,329
No, you ass!
341
00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:01,234
If we're gonna keep
seeing each other,
I want a commitment.
342
00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:02,635
A commitment?
Yes, a commitment.
343
00:15:02,702 --> 00:15:04,704
Does that mean we can start
having sex?
344
00:15:04,771 --> 00:15:07,540
Is that the only reason
you'd be willing
to make a commitment?
345
00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:10,443
It's in the top two.
346
00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:13,280
Well, I think sex
should wait until
347
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:14,781
we get our relationship
on track.
348
00:15:14,847 --> 00:15:18,185
Okay, okay, let me make sure
I understand this.
349
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:19,686
You want me
to make a commitment
350
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:22,322
that I will not have sex
with anyone else while,
351
00:15:22,389 --> 00:15:25,258
at the same time,
I'm not having sex with you?
352
00:15:25,325 --> 00:15:25,993
Yes.
353
00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:30,163
All right, let's come at this
from another angle.
354
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:37,070
We're gonna be sexually
exclusive, but without the sex?
355
00:15:37,137 --> 00:15:39,806
Well, I suppose you could look
at it that way.
356
00:15:39,872 --> 00:15:42,309
( sighs )
357
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,348
So bottom line...
358
00:15:51,251 --> 00:15:53,486
No sex for Charlie...
359
00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:58,391
...with you or anyone else,
for the foreseeable future.
360
00:15:58,458 --> 00:15:59,659
Correct.
361
00:16:02,595 --> 00:16:04,297
Are you insane?!
362
00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:05,498
Charlie, if you care about us,
363
00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:07,867
it should be something
that you want to do.
364
00:16:07,934 --> 00:16:09,369
What about you?
What are you giving up?
365
00:16:09,436 --> 00:16:11,038
I'm giving up the
same thing you are.
366
00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:13,340
Do you want to sleep
with other guys?
Of course not.
367
00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:15,475
Then you're giving up nothing!
368
00:16:17,244 --> 00:16:20,213
Tell you what, I'll give up sex,
you give up--
369
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:21,614
I don't know-- a kidney.
370
00:16:21,681 --> 00:16:24,284
Oh, don't be stupid.
371
00:16:24,351 --> 00:16:26,319
Okay, okay-- dancing.
372
00:16:26,386 --> 00:16:27,554
Dancing's my life, Charlie.
373
00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:30,257
Aha! Now we have
a level playing field.
374
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:33,060
You know what,
maybe you should just go.
375
00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:34,527
You're right--
why stay here,
376
00:16:34,594 --> 00:16:37,030
when I can just as easily not
have sex with you
377
00:16:37,097 --> 00:16:38,731
in the comfort of my own home.
378
00:16:38,798 --> 00:16:40,567
Oh, go to hell!
379
00:16:42,635 --> 00:16:45,272
See?
380
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:47,674
That's why you didn't get
a waffle iron.
381
00:16:50,210 --> 00:16:52,212
* Men... *
382
00:16:52,279 --> 00:16:55,615
( whirring stops )
383
00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:56,749
Hey, how'd it go with Mia?
384
00:16:56,816 --> 00:16:58,218
Great. We broke up.
385
00:16:58,285 --> 00:16:59,552
How's that great?
386
00:16:59,619 --> 00:17:02,055
Because now I can go back
to being who I really am.
387
00:17:02,122 --> 00:17:03,356
And who's that?
388
00:17:03,423 --> 00:17:06,459
Someone who doesn't
care who he really is.
389
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,128
Somebody who
just has fun.
390
00:17:08,195 --> 00:17:09,362
Oh, I see.
391
00:17:09,429 --> 00:17:11,198
Someone who spends his life
in a drunken haze
392
00:17:11,264 --> 00:17:12,965
having meaningless sex
with strangers.
393
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:15,702
If you knew who I am,
why'd you ask?
394
00:17:17,737 --> 00:17:18,671
Hurry, Charlie.
395
00:17:18,738 --> 00:17:20,507
I'm starting to sober up.
396
00:17:21,908 --> 00:17:23,510
Well, we can't have that.
397
00:17:23,576 --> 00:17:28,748
No, you might find out
who she is.
398
00:17:31,818 --> 00:17:33,586
Here you go.
Good.
399
00:17:33,653 --> 00:17:38,825
Boy, I haven't been this drunk
since I took my S.A.T.'s.
400
00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:41,828
Doesn't seem to have held you
back much.
401
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:43,696
No, just one year.
402
00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:45,798
Sixth grade.
403
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:52,339
Charlie, you okay?
404
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:54,841
Yeah, I just got
a lot on my mind.
405
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:56,209
( sympathetically ):
Aw....
406
00:17:56,276 --> 00:17:59,446
Do you wanna look
at my boobs?
407
00:18:01,013 --> 00:18:01,981
No, thanks.
408
00:18:02,048 --> 00:18:06,986
You sure? It always
cheers me up.
409
00:18:07,053 --> 00:18:08,855
( knocking )
410
00:18:10,990 --> 00:18:13,025
Oh, Mia. Hi.
411
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:14,494
Is Charlie here?
412
00:18:14,561 --> 00:18:15,128
Uh...
413
00:18:15,195 --> 00:18:16,463
WOMAN:
Tickle, tickle.
414
00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:18,365
CHARLIE ( laughing ):
Cut it out!
415
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:27,340
That was great.
Do it again.
416
00:18:30,377 --> 00:18:32,379
Alan, don't you think
it's time you went out
417
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:33,946
and kept your
girlfriend company?
418
00:18:34,013 --> 00:18:34,914
My what?!
419
00:18:34,981 --> 00:18:37,049
Thanks for playing along.
420
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:39,186
Oh, yes, uh, uh, uh...
my girlfriend.
421
00:18:39,252 --> 00:18:40,953
Yes, uh, excuse me.
422
00:18:41,020 --> 00:18:43,556
Coming... Pookie.
423
00:18:46,593 --> 00:18:48,895
Well, this is an
awkward moment.
424
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:50,530
You are such a schmuck.
425
00:18:50,597 --> 00:18:54,000
Okay, the ice is broken.
Good-bye, Charlie.
426
00:18:54,066 --> 00:18:56,469
Oh, come on, you said
yourself we don't
have a commitment.
427
00:18:56,536 --> 00:18:58,371
We don't even have a
relationship anymore.
428
00:18:58,438 --> 00:19:00,507
You know what?
You're right, Charlie.
Go back to your bimbo.
429
00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:03,142
Hey, hey, hey,
she's not a bimbo.
430
00:19:03,210 --> 00:19:04,477
WOMAN:
Yay.
431
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:11,050
I'm not saying she's
a brain surgeon.
432
00:19:11,117 --> 00:19:12,452
No, wait. Mia.
433
00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:14,086
At least tell me
why you came.
434
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,522
You wanna know why I came?
435
00:19:15,588 --> 00:19:17,390
I came because,
after I cooled down,
436
00:19:17,457 --> 00:19:18,658
I started to miss you.
437
00:19:18,725 --> 00:19:20,327
And I wanted to make love
to you.
438
00:19:20,393 --> 00:19:22,262
That's great,
it's wonderful.
439
00:19:22,329 --> 00:19:23,996
And it's not gonna happen.
440
00:19:24,063 --> 00:19:25,632
Why, 'cause of that bimbo?
441
00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:29,236
Let me tell you
something.
442
00:19:29,302 --> 00:19:30,903
The entire time I was
out there drinking
443
00:19:30,970 --> 00:19:33,873
and fooling around with her,
I was thinking of you.
444
00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:35,408
Oh, swell.
445
00:19:35,475 --> 00:19:36,909
You know what I mean.
446
00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:39,779
I would trade a hundred
of her for one of you.
447
00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:42,081
Are you saying you're ready
to make a commitment?
448
00:19:42,148 --> 00:19:43,182
Yes.
449
00:19:43,250 --> 00:19:47,086
Maybe you want some time
to think about it.
450
00:19:47,153 --> 00:19:49,389
How could that help?
451
00:19:49,456 --> 00:19:51,658
Look, I don't want to be
with anybody but you, so...
452
00:19:51,724 --> 00:19:53,793
I might as well
be committed.
453
00:19:55,228 --> 00:19:56,896
You're so funny.
454
00:20:00,467 --> 00:20:02,101
You wanna go upstairs?
455
00:20:02,168 --> 00:20:03,803
Not right now.
456
00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:07,006
Oh, please don't tell me you've
got somebody in your room.
457
00:20:07,073 --> 00:20:10,810
No, no, no.
458
00:20:10,877 --> 00:20:12,779
No.
459
00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:15,214
I just think if we're gonna
do this commitment thing,
460
00:20:15,282 --> 00:20:17,317
that the first time
should be really special.
461
00:20:17,384 --> 00:20:19,786
What have you got in mind?
462
00:20:19,852 --> 00:20:22,755
Well, you know,
candles, music and...
463
00:20:22,822 --> 00:20:25,592
maybe not having the girl
I was trying to rebound with
464
00:20:25,658 --> 00:20:28,661
dancing half-naked on the deck
with my idiot brother.
465
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:29,829
Are you sure?
466
00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:31,431
Oh, yeah, he's an idiot.
467
00:20:31,498 --> 00:20:33,800
Call me later.
468
00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:45,312
Well, back to the mango tree.
469
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:51,818
* Men... *
470
00:20:53,820 --> 00:20:55,922
Ugh, what is this?
471
00:20:55,988 --> 00:20:58,124
It's a healthy cereal that won't
rot your teeth.
472
00:20:58,190 --> 00:21:01,093
You got that right,
'cause I'm not eating it.
473
00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:03,630
Well, that's all you're getting.
474
00:21:03,696 --> 00:21:04,431
Morning.
475
00:21:04,497 --> 00:21:05,732
Morning.
Morning.
476
00:21:05,798 --> 00:21:08,067
Is he in a better mood today?
Yeah.
477
00:21:08,134 --> 00:21:11,738
Uncle Charlie, I got another
joke for you.
478
00:21:16,376 --> 00:21:17,043
Okay.
479
00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:18,511
There's two muffins
480
00:21:18,578 --> 00:21:21,147
sitting side by side
in a muffin tin in the oven.
481
00:21:21,213 --> 00:21:23,883
One muffin says to the other,
"Boy, it's hot in here."
482
00:21:23,950 --> 00:21:27,654
And the other one says, "Holy
crap, a talking muffin!"
483
00:21:30,557 --> 00:21:33,493
I just don't think he knows
what's funny.
33641
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof