Original subtitles

I wonder what's keeping Rusty.

He should be home by now.

He'll be along.

Court doesn't adjourn until 4 or 5 o'clock.

Oh, it was such a lovely day.

It's a shame he couldn't be outside playing

in the fresh air.

Look, let's not get on the fresh air kick again, huh?

This lawyer fellow Schneiderhoff was nice enough to invite some

of the boys from school down to court

to see a real case being tried.

It's the least I can do as a father

to see to it that my son takes advantage of the opportunity.

Of course, Rusty screamed.

He wanted to stay home and play ball in the fresh air.

But I insisted he should go.

I think the experience will be real great for him.

Well, I know, honey.

But he's just a normal little boy.

And I'm sure he'd rather be outside than

in a stuffy a courtroom.

Darling, I was a normal little boy, too.

And I wanted to be outside playing.

But I did what my father told me to do

because I loved my father.

I respected him and I admired him.

I'm very happy to say that my son

feels the same way about me.

Of course he does, Danny.

You betcha he does.

As far as he's concerned, I am the number

one person on this earth.

And as long as my boy feels that way about me,

fortunately, I want to use this influence for his good.

Now, I say that he will learn today

a respect for the law that'll be with him as long as he lives.

Believe me.

You-- you wait and see.

Daddy!

It was wonderful!

Kathy, you should've seen it.

What did I tell you?

You liked it, huh?

Yeah, did I!

Boy, you should've seen him.

Him? Who him?

The judge?

No, Charlie's father, Mr. Schneiderhoff.

Oh, the lawyer fellow.

Well, tell me about the judge.

Was he wearing a black robe and--

Yeah.

Boy, is he important!

You should've seen him!

-The judge? -No.

Mr. Schneiderhoff.

Oh.

Your Honor, I inject!

Inject?

Yeah.

When the other lawyer asked a question,

Charlie's father kept jumping up and saying, I inject!

I inject on the grounds that the question is ir-rel-elevant.

Ir-rel-elevant.

Irrelevant.

Yeah, ir-rel-elevant, irresponsible,

and some kind of material.

Immaterial?

Yeah, immaterial.

And then the judge hit the table with his hammer and said,

injection sustained!

Objection.

Sustained!

And then Charlie's father said, Your Honor--

Well, wait a minute. Hold it.

Hold it. Hold it.

All right.

It's fine about Charlie's father,

but weren't you impressed with anything else?

With the-- with the court of justice, the equality?

Sure.

It was all right.

Then, Charlie's father asked the witness a lot of questions.

And the-- and at one place, all the people applauded him.

And the judge rapped on his desk and said, order in the court!

Order in the court!

But you could see he liked what Charlie's father said, too.

Yeah, well, that-- that's fine, son.

That's very fine.

But I didn't send you to court to watch Charlie's father.

I mean, I want-- want you to see the machinery of justice.

Sure!

And then Charlie's father said--

All right with Charlie's father already!

Daddy means it's nice that you like Charlie's father,

but there are more important things to see in court.

There were?

Yes.

What?

What do you mean, what?

The judge, the bailiff, the witnesses, the jury.

Oh, yeah, the jury.

-Well, you like the jury, huh? -Yeah.

Tell me about it.

You should've seen the way they listened to Charlie's father.

Charlie's father!

Will you cut it out with Charlie's father?

Oh, honey, calm down.

What calm down?

Here our boy watches the judicial process-- a process

that's been-- been a thousand years developing,

the cornerstone of civilization--

and the only thing that impressed

him is Charlie's father.

Yeah!

Boy, Charlie's lucky.

Why?

Because his father is a lawyer?

Yeah.

Danny.

Rusty, I'm sure Mr. Schneiderhoff

is a very nice man.

And Charlie has every right to be proud of him.

But your father is also an important man.

When he entertains on a nightclub floor everybody

watches him.

And the applaud very hard.

You have every right to be proud of your father, too, Rusty.

Oh, I am.

Good.

But Charlie's father--

All right.

Why don't you go do your homework.

I don't have any.

Well, wash up for dinner.

It's only 5 o'clock.

Well, brush your teeth.

You're supposed to brush after you eat.

Well, eat a cracker first.

Get out.

Oh, darling, don't take him so seriously.

I don't like that Schneiderhoff guy.

Conceited.

Takes the kids to court just to watch him work.

On a nice sunny day when they could

be getting some fresh air.

You know, I-- I could take the kids to the nightclub

to watch me work, too.

Oh, you wouldn't do a thing like that.

Course I wouldn't.

How could a guy be so conceited.

How could he be such a show off.

How about tomorrow night?

OK, now, honey, you wouldn't keep

those little boys out so late.

Well, tomorrow's Friday.

There's no school the next day.

They could catch the early show, have dinner,

then we'll take them home.

Hey, now, settle down.

You shouldn't be jealous of Mr Schneiderhoff.

I'm not jealous.

Oh, no.

You're just a little green around the edges.

Well, a guy doesn't like to hear his son bragging

about some other kid's father.

Hmm.

Pretty clever, that fellow, come to think of it.

Taking those kids down there with his own son

and impressing him.

Watching him work.

What if the kids took a nap when they come home from school?

You're a big help.

Oh, honey, you wouldn't want to drag

those little boys to your club just to satisfy your vanity.

You're too big a man for that.

Yeah.

Well, I'm not such a big man with my son right now.

Daddy?

What?

I'm getting tired of those comic books.

Have we got any legal books around?

If you don't cut out this legal stuff,

you're going to need a big fat legal book to put

in the seat of your pants.

Gosh, daddy, what's wrong with wanting to be a big lawyer

like Charlie's father?

Nothing.

Nothing.

It's fine and dandy.

Oh, boy, you bet it is.

You know, I wish you were a lawyer.

Look, uh, you're just going to have to get along with the kind

of father you got.

I-- I'm just an entertainer.

Rusty, tomorrow when you come home from school,

I want you to take a nap.

What for?

Because you're going to be out later than usual tomorrow

night.

Daddy's invited you and all the boys

that went to court with you today to come and watch him

perform at the club.

No kidding, really?

Um-hm.

Really, daddy?

Yes, really.

Boy, wait until I tell the fellas.

That was sweet.

But you know something?

What?

Now, I kind of wish you hadn't done that.

Why?

I don't know.

All of a sudden, I got a small case of butterflies.

Honey, you're not nervous about performing

before a bunch of children?

Not just for a bunch of children.

I gotta make good with my son.

Oh, you just do as you always do and you'll be fine.

I don't know, honey.

I-- I never have any trouble following acts, you know.

I've followed dog acts and jugglers

and clowns and ventriloquists and even seal acts.

But this is the first time I've ever

had to follow Charlie's father.

(SINGING) I'm just a kid again, doing what I did again.

Singing a song.

When the red, red robin comes bop, bop, bopping along.

What if I've been blue, now I'm walking

through fields of flowers.

Rain may glisten, oh, but still I listen for hours and hours.

I'm just a kid again, doing what I did again.

Oh, singing-- singing a song.

When the red, red robin-- oh, the red, red, red, red, robin--

that red, red robin comes a bopping along.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

Uh, some of you may have suspected already--

and if you haven't, I'll tell you-- these young gentlemen

escorted by my lovely wife are my guests of honor here

tonight.

And my entire performance, I dedicate to them.

And as an inspiration to them, I should like to sing a song that

is near and dear to my heart.

It is the Alma mater of my hometown.

It's called, "We Are Strong for Toledo."

(SINGING) We're strong for Toledo.

T-O-L-E-D-O. Toledo, Ohio-- Majestically she stands,

the 34th largest city in the United .

States Famous for the manufacturer

of DeVilbus Atomizers.

What's so funny, lady?

Toledo, Ohio, happened to be famous for a lot of things.

Toledo, Ohio, for your information, my tittering

friends, happens to posses the second largest iron

ore ducts in America.

And she is the third largest railway center

in the Western hemisphere.

The home of Joey Brown, Otto Kruger, Frank Stranahan,

Michael Vedisel, and the internationally famous

honest precision nose springs Toledo scale.

Toledo, Ohio, is a progressive little city.

Played an integral part in the war effort,

and it'll do it again and again when called upon.

The gateway to the Great Lakes.

It's right near Cleveland.

My hometown.

And the dirtiest city in the United States.

Well, it-- it's not, but you're making fun of everything

nice I say about it.

It is a very clean city.

A wonderful city.

I was raised there.

Raised.

I was forced up.

I was brought up in the north end.

What a neighborhood.

There wasn't boy in my block that

didn't have every opportunity to die in the electric chair.

We invented juvenile delinquency.

We used to play games like Spin the Policeman.

Toughest, roughest kids you ever saw.

Snarling, clawing our way for an existence in an asphalt jungle.

Rarely ever went to school.

Oh, those poor sisters.

They used to run around looking for pupils

to come to the school.

We used to take off on every holy day,

regardless of the faith.

Even Buddha was a big man in my neighborhood.

Tough kids.

Real rough.

I was back home a couple of years ago,

putting on a big benefit show to help rebuild a school.

And I was met at the Toledo Airport.

I was taken out to the convent where the good sisters

live, the sisters that used to teach

us-- the Ursuline Sisters.

I was ushered into the office of the mother superior.

There she sat.

Ol' iron-sides herself.

My fourth grade teacher.

She is still the mother superior of Ursuline Academy.

And she looked up at me, recognized me,

and her eyes just filled with tears.

She hadn't aged a minute.

Beautiful white skin and steel blue eyes that

were now filled with tears.

She got up from her desk, came around,

put a hand on my shoulder and said, blessed be the lord,

it's really you.

I was sure you were executed long ago.

That's a true story.

Oh, we game those ladies such a time.

Those kids were so tough.

We had a kid in our school named Red Murphy.

He used to snarl at people.

Hated anybody with a face.

Red Murphy was really a tough kid.

And he loved gangster movies.

And he came home from the movies one day, he said, hey, ma!

Ma!

Level with me, babe.

Is it true what they say, ma?

The good lord gives us our daily bread.

She said, yes, dear.

He said, and Santa Claus brings the toys?

She said, of course.

He said, and the stork brings the babies?

She said, naturally.

He said, why don't you let me bump off the old man?

We don't need him.

He had no use for his father, 'cause his father was chicken.

He wouldn't steal.

But he idolized his grandfather.

His grandfather, in his younger days,

was a professional gambler.

And Grandpa Murphy, wherever he went,

he walked, he talked, he breathed gambling.

But now, he was old, as old as men should get.

And he could barely hear.

And he carried one of these old fashioned ear trumpets.

Biggest one I ever saw.

And we played him a dirty trick one day.

I shouldn't say this in front of the kids.

They're able to good ideas.

But we-- we filled his ear trumpet up with ice cubes.

Every time he walked, the cubes would rattle.

It drove him nuts going round town all day

trying to locate the crap game.

When my father found out I was in on that horrible joke,

he'd like to pull my ear off.

He was a disciplinarian, my father.

My father was a father.

Not like your father.

My father was the boss of his house, not a guest in it,

like your father.

Brother, I remember one time my father caught me stealing

nickel from the sugar bowl.

He game me a spanking.

I couldn't sit down for a week.

To this day, when I reach for a cube of sugar,

I have an urge to stand up.

I say that's the way to bring up children.

You can have psychology books for your birthday.

We're bringing ours up by the books.

Aren't we dear?

The most spoiled brats you ever saw in your whole life.

My father used to come home from work,

he let out one roar, all us kids used to run for cover.

Me?

I can't even raise my voice.

My wife says, don't do that.

They'll be frustrated.

I'd like to get her out of the house for a week.

I'll show her how to de-frustrate them.

Our kids really get away with murder today.

Like my daughter Carrie, when she wants to stay out late,

you know, I blow my stack.

Then, my wife comes running.

She's educated, you know.

I've had only one year of high school.

My children are educated.

My wife is educated.

They speak to me through an interpreter.

So she comes running.

She says, I'll handle this.

I'll handle this.

You know, she's psychology disciplined.

She says, now, don't stay out too late, Carrie,

you'll be denied some privileges.

Denied some privileges.

Like no shopping at Saks tomorrow.

Such privileges we deny our children.

My father had the system to get us home early.

If I wasn't home by 10 o'clock, he'd rent out my room.

Don't think he was a mean man.

He wasn't.

He was a good man, a kind man, but a disciplinarian.

You had it coming, you got it.

There was no court of appeals.

What do you think is the big punishment in our house?

He'll tell you.

The biggest punishment in our house--

you must have it in your house, too-- when I get real mad,

I say, all right, I've had it.

Go to your room.

Boy, there's a cruel punishment.

Go to your room!

In the room is a television set, hi-fi, box of candy, books.

Please, the lord, I should've had

such a room when I was a kid.

I'd have never left it.

Never.

My father used to say, go to the woodshed.

I'll be right there.

He always showed up.

Go to your room.

And with it all, he wasn't a mean man.

He was a kind man.

A good man.

I-- I remember, we had so-- so very little of the material

things of life.

We were very poor people.

It's not a nice thing to say.

It's nothing to be proud of.

Yet, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

I tell you publicly, we were very poor people.

I know when it was time for me to start school,

my folks decided I better wear pants.

Up until then, I was wearing my sister's old dresses.

Very embarrassing for me, especially at the pool room

when I leaned over to make a shot.

Now, my folks had no money to buy pants for me.

My father made a supreme sacrifice.

He had a three-piece suit.

He gave up the vest.

My mother made my first pair of pants for me

out of my father's vest.

I was the only kid in school with 11 buttons down the back.

Every time I sat down, I sounded like Jose Greco

with his castanets.

We were very poor people.

And I tell you that we had onions

and potatoes fried in lard more than four times a week.

And my dad used to say, count your blessings.

We'd all get up and say, where?

Pa, where?

Where?

Thought he had a few frankfurters

stashed away somewhere.

He'd say, you silly kids, the material

things you're worried about-- you're

worried about material things.

What about your freedom?

What about this great land that you take for granted?

And that we, the immigrants, know and appreciate

how much blood was spent to gain this freedom

and to maintain it-- the right to speak,

the right to pray, the right to congregate.

So many rights you have.

You're worried about material things?

Let me read you a poem.

And he took out a book of poetry by Robert Burns,

the famous Scottish poet.

And he read a short poem.

I heard it when I was 9 years old.

If I live to be 109, it will always ring in my ears--

my father's voice speaking Mr. Burns immortal words.

They went like this--

"All men were born alike in each and every nation.

We would all have been the same, but for wealth and education.

But when we lie beneath the sod and 100 years

to back it, who can tell which are the bones

that wore the ragged jacket?"

Ladies and gentlemen, I seem to have gained your respect.

And I trust it will not cause a breach

in our new-found friendship if I sing now,

"We Are Strong for Toledo."

(SINGING) Hey, we're strong for Toledo.

T-O-L-E-D-O. Where the girls are the fairest

and the boys the squarest of any old town that I know.

We're strong for Toledo.

That's the place where the Maumee River flows.

And in any old weather, we'd all stick right together.

In my hometown, Toledo, Ohio.

Here are all your admirers.

Oh, hiya, fellas.

Come on in.

Daddy!

You were wonderful!

Thank you, son.

You really enjoyed it, huh?

Did I!

Boy, did you hear 'em laugh?

Did you hear 'em applaud?

You were great.

And all the guys thought so, too, didn't you guys?

And how!

You're sure great, Mr. Williams.

I'll say.

Boy, I wish my father could make people laugh like you can.

Thank you, son.

Thank you.

Was I, uh-- was I as good as Charlie's father?

Charlie's father?

Now, that's not nice.

You must not say that about Charlie's father.

I'm sure he's a wonderful man.

But I'm glad you all had a good time.

We sure did.

Yeah, good.

I guess we better pay off now.

Later fellas.

Later.

What?

Go ahead, Rusty, take it.

You won the bet.

Bet?

Rusty, what's this all about?

Hey, what's going here?

-Well-- -What, well?

No, well.

What is it?

Well, I-- I refuse to answer on the count of it

may tend to incriminate me.

Look, let's stop with the legal jargon right now.

Well--

I don't like this.

Now, why are the boys paying you off in baseball pictures?

What went on?

Well, I got pretty sick of hearing the guys rave

about what a big shot Charlie's father is just

because he took us to court.

So I had to figure out a way to get you to take

us down here to the nightclub.

You mean, all that stuff yesterday

about Charlie Schneiderhoff's father, that was all an act?

Well, uh, uh--

Well, why didn't you just come right out and ask me?

I know you.

You would've said, what?

Take a bunch of kids to a nightclub

when they should be in bed?

You're out of your cotton-picking mind!

He certainly does know you, honey.

I don't know whether to slug him or hug him.

Do I have a choice?

Boy, that was some act you put on yesterday.

Wasn't it, though?

I guess maybe I'll become an actor like you when I grow up.

I should say not.

Anybody who has got a brain that could devise

such a scheme as you did yesterday

shouldn't be wasted on a stage.

There's only one thing for you to be.

What's that?

A lawyer like Charlie's father.