All language subtitles for The.Danny.Thomas.Show.S05E27.Make.Room.for.Father-In-Law.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-QOQ_track3_[eng]

I'll get it.

I'll get it.

Hello, Barney?

Oh.

No.

Rusty isn't here.

Oh, he's out killing
Indians I guess.

Any message?

OK.

Was that your call, dad?

No, one of Rusty's
little friends.

Oh.

Boy or girl?

At that age, how can you tell?

Ah, gee, dad.

You know, whenever you come
you only stay couple of days.

I wish it could be longer.

Yes.

So do I, kitten.

But you know the
construction game.

They need me on that
job up in Buffalo,

and as soon as I get I call
I'll have to be on my way.

Oh naturally, Mr. Daly.

You're the indispensable man.

Ah, well let's face it.

When they want a job done
right, they call for Daly.

Hi.
KATHY: Hello, honey.

MR. DALY: Hi-ya, Danny.

Hello, sweetheart.

Give me some.

Ah.

Mush.

I say, there's nothing like a
little mush to make a man feel

better after a hard day's work.

What would you know
about a hard day's work?

What kind of crack is that?

I worked like a dog today.

I had to learn three new songs.

Oh mercy, mercy.

Your tonsils must be pooped.

He calls that work,
singing in a saloon.

Supper club.

Supper club?

Ha!

They only food I ever seen
in one of those places

is the olive in a martini.

-Yeah?
-Yeah!

If you two don't
behave, I'll give

you both the back of me hand.

And I'll take the
back of your hand.

More mush.

Kidding on a square,
are you really leaving?

Yeah I got leave.

They need me on
a job in Buffalo.

And besides, I've been around
here long enough free loading.

Speaking of free
loading, honey,

is my blue suit back
from the cleaners?

Oh, no it isn't, darling.

Do you need it?

Well, uh, I thought
we were going

to go out to dinner tonight,
but the grey one will be OK.

Dinner tonight?

Well I meant to call you.

Eddie Rio opened
a new restaurant

and I promised to bring the
whole family out tonight.

Oh, but honey, I have a
great big roast in the oven.

Well honey, so does
Eddie Rio's restaurant.

Oh, all right.

If you want to go out to dinner.

Ah, you show people.

You slay me.

Here your wife has a perfectly
good dinner already, but no.

You have to go out to
some fancy restaurant

and blow all out of dough.

And you're just as bad as he is.

You go right along with him.

Well you don't expect me to
let him go out alone, do you?

Certainly not.

What's the matter?

Don't you trust me?

Not without a leash I don't.

Look, what's the harm of
eating out once in awhile?

We can afford it.

Sure, you can afford it now
while the money is coming in.

But you keep throwing
it away and you won't

have any left for a rainy day.

I promise you, the first day
it rains we'll eat at home.

The weather's good
now, so we can eat out.

That's right.

Go ahead and encourage him.

I know I'd wind
up supporting you.

You can't even support
yourself you big phony.

That must be my call now.

Hello?

Yeah?

This is Daly, put him on.

Barney?

Hi-ya, kid.

I've been waiting for your call.

I'm all packed and ready to go.

When do you want me up there?

You what?

Hired Mulligan?

Well he's just a
kid out of college.

Yeah, yeah.

I-- I know he's got
a master's degree,

but he's not qualified
for a job like this.

Oh.

Sure, sure.

You-- you got a right
to do what you want.

It's your business.

Well OK, Barney.

Thanks for calling.

Bye.

Gee dad, that's too bad.

I'm sorry, pop.

Sorry?

Don't be sorry for me.

Be sorry for them.

Idiots!

Hiring a boy to do a man's job.

Next thing you know, they'll
be building bridges with--

with do it yourself kits.

Let them go ahead and hire some
young kid right out of college

just because he's got a
couple of college degrees,

and a slide rule,
and some books.

But wait until they get
to a problem they can't

figure out in those books.

Then they'll come
crawling to Daly.

But you know something?

Daly's not gonna be there.

He's gonna be busy elsewhere.

Ha.

Hello?

I'd like to speak to Mr. Wiener.

This is Mr. Daly calling.

Thank you.

Oh, this guy's
going to flip when

he hears that I'm available.

He's been after me for months.

Hello, Ted?

Yup, it's me.

Well get set, pappy.

That Schnectady job of yours,
I think I can handle it for you

and I can start right aw-- huh?

Well I thought that it
might still be open.

Sure, sure.

I-- I know how it is.

Well, what the heck.

We'll-- we'll get the-- we'll
get together on the next one.

Yeah.

Well, goodbye.

Well, nothing to cry
in my beer about.

It's just a matter of
making a few more calls.

Well you don't have
to hang around here.

Go on and get
dressed for dinner.

-Hi.
-Hello, Danny.

Hello, darling.

Hi, dad. .

Got a live one there?

Thank you.

Yeah, If I can ever
get them on the phone.

Hello?

Yeah, but this is the sixth
time that I've called.

What do you mean he's
busy in a conference?

No.

Just tell him Mr. Daly called.

Awful lot of conferences
going on nowadays.

Every place I call.

Ah, don't let it
disturb you, dad.

Forget it.

Tomorrow it'll be different.

Sure, sure.

Don't bet any money on it.

Well, how did it, uh, go
at rehearsal today, dear?

Hmm?

Oh, rehearsal.

Yeah.

Oh was it rough.

Did I work like a dog today.

Boy, I'm telling
you, I-- 15 minutes

I was on just one little song.

We must've done that
routine about 10 times.

Tough work.

Tough work being an entertainer.

I say it's, uh, real,
real hard being in the day

of one of them supper clubs.

Yeah.

I guess it is, Dan.

But you ought to be grateful.

At least you're working.

Boy.

The fire is completely out.

How long is this gonna go on?

It's been days like this.

He doesn't holler at me
anymore, he doesn't insult me.

It's disgusting.

Danny, if you could only
find something for him to do.

Sweetheart, what could
I find for him to do?

He's a construction engineer.

What do I know about that?

If he had nice
looking legs, I'd get

him a job as a cigarette girl.

Now Danny, can't you
take this seriously?

-I am taking it seriously.
-I'm worried about him.

I'm worried too,
sweetheart, but I

don't know what to do about it.

You think I like
seeing him like this?

It's no fun around here anymore.

He doesn't rip me about my work,
he doesn't beef at me because I

spend money, he-- hey!

Hey, hey.

Hey, hey, hey?

Yeah hey, hey, hey.

I've got a great idea.

Really?

Yeah.

Your father takes care
of big projects, right?

I mean, he keeps his eye
on the budget and on costs,

and he sees the thing is
done on schedule, correct?

-So?
-All right.

So who's been
squawking about our not

getting our bills
out on schedule?

Who's been yapping
about our costs

and about how we have no budget?

Your father, old rainy
day Charlie, that's who.

But what does that got to
do with getting him a job?

We give him a job as
our business manager.

Oh, honey, he'd never accept.

He'd think we were offering him
charity just to help him out.

Kid, I'm way ahead of you.

Way ahead of you.

We're not going to
offer him anything.

He's going to ask for the job.

Oh, you don't know my dad.

He'd never ask for a job.

You just leave that my
sneaky oriental mind.

I'll trick him into asking.

You'll never trick dad.

He's no more gullible than I am.

I know.

I'm counting on that.

What?

Oh, sweetheart, I
will trick your father

into asking for this job
the same way I tricked

you into proposing to me.

Remember?

I-- I did not propose to you.

Why-- why how can
you say such a thing?

All-- all I did was-- well,
I just feel sorry for you

because-- I remember
very well what happened.

All I said was-- oh!

Say, honey, uh,
I was just looking

in the desk drawer here
and I-- I see we've

got a few unpaid bills here.

Oh?

Very many?

Well no.

Just the usual.

Oh, honey.

I assumed you'd
been paying them.

Oh, darling, you know
how I am about bills.

I always expect you to
be taking care of them.

Well I do, darling.

As soon as they arrive, I put
them neatly in this drawer.

$3 at the drugstore.

What's this, $6 for bubblegum?

$13 for pickles.

$3 for-- $13 for pickles?

Oh yes, honey, that was
that cocktail party.

Remember?

I over ordered?

Oh yeah.

You care for a pickle
with your coffee, dad?

How come you let
bills run up like that?

Oh, don't let that disturb you.

That's-- that's the way it
is around here all the time.

Ah, show people.

Just like I've been saying.

Absolutely irresponsible.

-We are?
-Yeah.

Look at the money
you're throwing away.

Money that you could be
adding to your investments.

To my what?

Your investment.

Oh.

Now don't tell me with
the money you make

you don't have any investments.

Oh.

Sure, we-- we-- we
have some investments.

MR. DALY: What?

Well--

Oh.

We belong to the Christmas club.

And we've got almost a full
book of trading stamps, too.

Never mind the jokes.

Come on, give me an answer.

What do you do with your money?

Well, we use it for
expenses and some

of it we lend to our friends,
and the rest of it we,

uh-- let me see now.

We do something very
important with the rest of it,

I can't thing what it is.

We spend it.

Yeah.

Boy, what a mess.

You know what you two need?

You need a business manager.

Do you know where
we can find one?

Oh, there's lots
of them around.

Oh, lots of them around?

We're kids, wet behind the ears.

It's not easy to find
a business manager,

someone that you can trust.

That's right.

That's right.

Well, you kids do
need help and all

I know is, if I had
charge of your affairs,

I'd straighten out
this mess but fast.

Kathy, did you hear what
your father just said?

Oh, dad, that's wonderful.

We accept your offer.

What offer?

To be our business manager.

Oh now, come on.

That ain't my racket.

I'm a construction man.

Oh now, dad.

If you can handle payrolls and
cost accounts for huge bridges

and buildings, you certainly
ought to be able to handle

our little problem.

Sure, sure.

Well, I don't know.

Maybe--

Now wait a minute, Kathy.

After all your father is--

Well I suppose I, uh--

I mean, we wouldn't
want to impose on him.

Well I wouldn't say
that I'd be imposing.

Well it is imposing.

After all, why should we
bother you with our trouble?

Well I wouldn't say that.

Well I would because I--

Will you shut your big trap?

Now let's face it.

You kids need help.

And who's more qualified to
give it than your own dad?

Oh, dad, you're wonderful.

Yeah.

And besides I am sort
of in between jobs

and, uh, you kids
do need a manager.

Well gee, that's
great of you, pop.

You're taking a big
load off our shoulders.

Could you start right now?

On one condition.

DANNY: What's that?

Everything has
to be done my way.

-Naturally.
-Oh.

Sure, dad.

Anything you say goes.

Sure.

OK.

Now, uh, give me your wallet.

What?

I said give me your wallet.

I want to see how much
cash you carry around.

I don't carry very much.

Just enough to pick up
a tab once in a while.

You know, or something.

Over $100.

A saloon singer carrying
that much money.

Ridiculous.

Here.

Here's $20.

That ought to hold
you for a week.

If that's all you got,
that's all you'll spend.

$20 for a week?

Oh, come on.

I'll be more than that.

My way or not at all.

Now you listen to me, you--

Tomorrow we'll get
down to the lawyer

and have him draw up
my power of attorney.

Your power of attorney?

Yeah.

And just one more thing.

From now on, neither one
of you can sign checks.

My way.

What do you mean I can't
charge a box of cigars?

I've had an account
with your store

ever since we moved
into this neighborhood.

How come all of a
sudden-- my father-in-law

stopped our charge account?

Oh.

Oh yeah, he-- he has the
right thing to do it.

Oh, no, no.

Don't send them up COD, I'm
a little, uh, embarrassed.

Financially, that is.

Oh, say, could you
send up one cigar COD?

You could?

Well just a minute.

Russ, how about being a little
pal and loaning your old dad

a half a dollar, huh?

Sorry, old dad, your little
pal hasn't got half a dollar.

Oh, come on.
What happened to it?

You had $4 in your
piggy bank, now come on.

I can't give you any
money from my piggy bank.

Why not?

Grandpa changed the lock.

Well thanks just the
same, ,

but forget about it.

Uh, I couldn't raise the money.

Forget it.

I don't understand it, Russ.

I had a whole bunch of cigars
right here in this drawer.

I couldn't have smoked them all.

Come on, honey.

Hurry up.

Hey, sweetheart, did
you see my cigars?

Oh yes, honey.

I smoked the last one yesterday.

Oh, stop fooling around.

Where are they?

Well honey, how would
I where your cigars are?

Where you been, anyhow?

I was down at the store
shopping for dinner.

Well where is it?

Well Linda insisted on
carrying the packages.

You made that baby
carry all those packages?

Are you crazy or something?

Oh honey, she can handle them.

Let me help, s--
This is the dinner?

Darling, it's the
end of the week

and I couldn't stretch
the budget any farther.

Will somebody tell me
what's going on around here?

Are we broke?

No, honey.

But grandpa is
handling our money now,

and he-- well, he's just
a little bit conservative.

What's conservative?

Stingy.

Now Danny, remember
that this was your idea.

Look, Clancy--

You mean you d--

Please, please.

Get out here.
Here, here.

Go in the other room,
go in the kitchen.

Go ahead.

Fix yourselves a nice
glass of hot water.

Go ahead.

Look, baby, this thing
has gotten out of hand.

Oh I know, honey.

Dad's taken over more
completely than I expected.

Yes, and we got to stop it
before it goes any further.

Aw, honey--

Look honey, he's
got to be told,

once and for all, that we
cannot have him as our business

manager anymore.

Oh, but Danny--

Baby I can't live like this.

I'm used to having a
buck in my pocket, honey.

Word's getting around town.

Everybody thinks we're broke.

Yesterday, a panhandler offered
me a dime for a cup of coffee.

Now he's got to be
told, once and for all

and in no uncertain
terms, we don't want

him as our business manager.

Oh, but Danny, can't we
break it to him gently?

Not you father.

None of that gently
routine with your dad.

He's a tough cookie.

He's got to be told firmly
and-- and definitely.

He's through.

Well, if you think so.

I know so.

All right, honey.

Now when are you
gonna tell him?

You mean you want me
to fire my own father?

Well who's better
qualified to fire

a father than his own daughter?

I mean, where's your sentiment?

Well what's wrong with
the son-in-law doing it?

Oh, nothing doing.

Thanks a lot.

He's got a temper, he'll
fly up, he'll want to fight.

And I don't want to
fight with your old man.

He's a lot older than I am.

He'll kill me.

Danny Williams, you're chicken.

So I'm chicken.

You tell him.

What are you doing
with those carrots?

Don't worry, they
won't spoil our dinner.

Spoil your dinner?

That's it.

Well hello everybody!

What's the matter?

Can't anybody talk?

Grandpa?

Yes?

How come you're so stingy?

Come on.

You better go up to your
room for awhile now, darling.

Yeah, Linda.

We better rest.

They say when
you're starving, you

should conserve your energy.

So, you've got
the kids convinced

I'm a regular Scrooge, eh?

If the shoe fits.

Grumbling just cause you have
to tighten your belt a little.

A little?

If I tighten any more, I can
buckle it to my backbone.

Oh, will you stop beefing?

Right now, you're in
better financial condition

than you've ever been
in your whole life!

Oh, I'm in great condition.

Take a look at this.

A regular Diamond Jim, I am.

Danny Williams.

I haven't picked up
a tab for a week.

I've been mooching
food off my friends.

You know what they're
calling me on Broadway?

The Lebanese Leech.

You're breaking my heart.

So you can't be a big
shot and pick up the tab?

Right now your money is
working for you instead

of your freeloading friends.

What are you talking about?

I didn't say anything about
this before because I didn't

want you to blab it
all over town before it

got ripe for the killing.

Will you please tell me
what you're talking about?

Now you better be sitting
down when you hear this.

No, you better be
sitting down when you hear

what Kathy's got to say to you.

I don't have anything
to say to him.

You have something to say.

Now before either one
of you say anything,

I've got something to say.

You're in the stock deal.

A stock deal?

Yeah.

A mining stock.

When I first took
over, I took it

$1,000 of your money
and invested in MTT

Uranium at $0.10 a share.

You invested $1,000 of
my money in $0.10 uranium?

Sit down, big nose,
I'm not through yet.

Two days later,
it goes to $0.13.

So you sold it?

No!

I invested in another $1,000.

That's $2,000.
$2,000 of my money.

Will you let me finish?

The next day it goes to $0.18.

Now you sold it!

No!

I invested another $1,000.

$3,000 of my--

Will you stop crying
before you're hurt?

Take a look at that.

It's up to $0.32 a share.

More than triple
the original price.

And do you know what that means?

That means that the buying
public are grabbing hold

of every share they can get.

Oh, dad, that's wonderful!

Three times the original price?

Oh, pop, you're beautiful.

Oh.

I got to call that broker.

You gonna buy some more?

No.

I'm going to sell!

Yeah, sell.

Make that killing.
-Big killing now.

Yeah.

Get that fat profit.

Oh, if there's anything
I like it's a fat profit.

The smartest thing you
ever did in your life

is when you made me
your business manager.

I was saying that to Kathy
just before you came in.

Hello, Fred?

Yeah, this is Daly.

You know that MTT Uranium stock
I've been buying all week?

Uh-uh.

No, no.

Not this time.

This time, it's a sell order.

That's right.

Sell out of it.

What do you mean?

To whom?

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Problem

What is it?

DANNY: What do you mean--
what do you mean to whom?

To whom?

What-- you said the
buying public was grabbing

up every share they could get.

Where is the buying public?

Sitting here in the chair.

Oh, stop acting like a child.

You're acting like I didn't
lose any money before.

Honey, Kathy, your
father's leaving.

Really, dad, are you
being too hard on yourself?

Too hard?

You know what I ought to do?

I ought to stand under a derrick
and let it drop on my head.

Me, the idiot of all time.

Oh, you're not an idiot.

When are we gonna
see you again, dad?

Well, I'll write
in a couple of days.

Goodbye, Dan.

And don't take any
wooden business managers.

Poor guy.

I feel awful.

What can we do about it?

You know my dad.

When he makes up his mind--

Hello?

Oh, he just stepped out.
See if you can stop him, honey.

Just a moment.

Maybe he hasn't--

Da-- oh, the
elevator's already gone.

Sorry, he's gone.

Oh, I don't know.

Probably hear from him
in a couple of days.

What?

Tell him what?

You're not kidding.

Wow.

You bet I'll tell him.
Honey--

Tell him what?

--that MTT Uranium?

Yeah?

They made a strike!

A strike?

It's up to $0.57 a share!

Holy Toledo.
Let's stop him.

Maybe if we stop him before
he got down to the street.

Hey, dad!
-I know!

I know!

I got the paper from
the elevator for it.

What a luck break!

Lucky break?

You think a deal like this
just happens by accident?

You know what I had to
go through for this?

You don't reach in
the air and pull

these deals out of the air.

I had to study market reports
and corporate structures.

And then after that, I
had to analyze trends.

And then finally,
after a process

of scientific evaluation,
I made my move!

I selected my stock.

And you call it luck?

Bah!

There's so much to
picking a stock.

Well, it is a lot of hard work.

Oh, I'll be back in a minute.

Where are you going, dad?

I got to take care
of that elevator boy.

Oh I'll pay for the paper,
Daly, don't worry about it.

Nah, I got to give him $20.

$20 for a paper?

Are you kidding?

He's the one that tipped
me off to buy the stock.

I sure wish you could stay
with us a little longer.

Yes, dad.

Couldn't you get
out of it and stay?

How can I?

Just like I figured.

That kid on that Buffalo
job didn't work out,

so I gotta go up and
put him out of a hole.

But I'll be back for
a visit real soon.

Dad.

Now if you get in any more
trouble, why, just call me.

We will, dad.

Thanks, pop.

Bye, gramps!

So long.

Bye bye, dad.

Gee, isn't it awful?

We haven't got a
business manager anymore.

What a shame.

Yeah, it's awful.

Now our allowance
goes back to normal.

You mean that I can have
money for ice cream now?

Of course you can have
money for ice cream.

Good.

Now I won't have to sell your
cigars to the janitor anymore.

You been selling my cigars?