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1
00:00:22,390 --> 00:00:25,926
(SINGING) Oh I woke
up in the dawn.
2
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:28,296
My love was gone.
3
00:00:28,396 --> 00:00:34,568
And there was I beneath
the sky of gray.
4
00:00:34,668 --> 00:00:40,641
So my hat I gave a tilt.
And my cane I gave a twirl
5
00:00:40,741 --> 00:00:41,642
and went merrily--
6
00:00:41,742 --> 00:00:43,977
Excuse me, honey.
7
00:00:44,078 --> 00:00:46,147
What are you doing?
8
00:00:46,247 --> 00:00:47,681
Why, I'm just doing
my dusting, darling.
9
00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:50,251
Well I'm just doing
my rehearsing, darling.
10
00:00:50,351 --> 00:00:52,820
Oh, well now don't get
temperamental, dear.
11
00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:54,222
I'm not getting temperamental.
12
00:00:54,322 --> 00:00:55,723
I gotta get a number ready
for a television show.
13
00:00:55,823 --> 00:00:57,191
And I can't do it if you're
going to come around here,
14
00:00:57,291 --> 00:00:58,326
dusting and interrupting me.
15
00:00:58,426 --> 00:00:59,627
Well go right on
working, darling.
16
00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:05,099
Uh Sheena, take your
jungle with you, huh.
17
00:01:05,199 --> 00:01:09,069
Jeepers creepers, I'll
never learn this song.
18
00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:12,072
(SINGING) Oh, I
didn't have a cent.
19
00:01:12,173 --> 00:01:14,074
My rent I spent.
20
00:01:14,175 --> 00:01:18,446
I knew I'd have to
leave the key or pay.
21
00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:24,985
So my hat I gave a tilt.
And my cane I gave a twirl
22
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:25,986
and went merrily--
23
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:29,223
What ya doing, Daddy?
24
00:01:29,323 --> 00:01:31,125
I'm rowing a boat
in Central Park.
25
00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:32,660
What you doing?
26
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:34,995
I'm trying to find
out what your doing.
27
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:36,464
I'm rehearsing a song.
28
00:01:36,564 --> 00:01:38,566
I'm going to be on a big
television show in two weeks.
29
00:01:38,666 --> 00:01:40,868
And if you're a good girl, Daddy
will let you stay up and watch.
30
00:01:40,968 --> 00:01:41,835
Oh boy!
31
00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:43,637
OK, now be a nice girl.
32
00:01:43,737 --> 00:01:44,905
You listen to this song.
33
00:01:45,005 --> 00:01:45,839
And don't interrupt me.
34
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:46,674
You hear?
35
00:01:46,774 --> 00:01:48,008
This is real pretty.
36
00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:49,777
And in the middle part
the orchestra comes in,
37
00:01:49,877 --> 00:01:54,315
plink, plonk, plink, plonk,
plink, plonk plink, plonk.
38
00:01:54,415 --> 00:01:58,319
(SINGING) In the lining
of my pocket, I happened
39
00:01:58,419 --> 00:02:03,157
to find a lonesome little dime.
40
00:02:03,257 --> 00:02:08,162
I'll just have to toss
it up, says I. Heads
41
00:02:08,262 --> 00:02:11,832
for coffee, tails for a shine.
42
00:02:11,932 --> 00:02:17,705
It fell upon the ground and
there it found an open grating,
43
00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:20,708
where it went astray.
44
00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:25,279
So my hat I gave a tilt.
My cane I gave a twirl
45
00:02:25,379 --> 00:02:30,284
and went merrily,
merrily on my way.
46
00:02:30,384 --> 00:02:32,486
That's what you're
gonna do on television?
47
00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:33,421
Um huh.
48
00:02:33,521 --> 00:02:34,788
Then I guess I
won't watch then.
49
00:02:38,025 --> 00:02:39,092
There's a fine daughter we got.
50
00:02:39,193 --> 00:02:40,328
I'm not on yet.
51
00:02:40,428 --> 00:02:41,595
And already she's
switching channels.
52
00:02:41,695 --> 00:02:43,130
You better come along
with me, darling.
53
00:02:43,231 --> 00:02:45,933
No, I want to stay
here and bother Daddy.
54
00:02:46,033 --> 00:02:47,435
Oh.
55
00:02:47,535 --> 00:02:49,036
Honey, you mustn't interrupt
him when he's rehearsing.
56
00:02:49,136 --> 00:02:51,205
Come in the kitchen and I"ll
fix you an ice cream sundae.
57
00:02:51,305 --> 00:02:52,039
Chocolate?
58
00:02:52,139 --> 00:02:53,073
Yes.
59
00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:54,074
Whipped cream and chopped nuts?
60
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:54,975
That's right.
61
00:02:55,075 --> 00:02:56,444
With a cherry on top?
62
00:02:56,544 --> 00:02:57,177
Uh huh.
63
00:02:57,278 --> 00:02:58,312
I don't like it.
64
00:03:01,114 --> 00:03:02,283
Come on.
65
00:03:02,383 --> 00:03:03,717
Then we'll bake a
cake or do something.
66
00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:05,118
Daddy's busy.
67
00:03:05,219 --> 00:03:07,221
I'm never going to get anything
done if you keep interrupting,
68
00:03:07,321 --> 00:03:08,422
you guys.
69
00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,591
Oh great, another
county heard from.
70
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,693
Not one word out of
you, young fella.
71
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,061
I'm rehearsing.
72
00:03:14,161 --> 00:03:15,696
I'm trying to learn some songs
for the new television show.
73
00:03:15,796 --> 00:03:17,231
So whatever it is
you've got to say to me,
74
00:03:17,331 --> 00:03:18,832
it can keep for some other time.
75
00:03:18,932 --> 00:03:20,000
You understand?
76
00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:23,103
Because I'm a very,
very busy man.
77
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:28,409
Russ, Russ, what kind of way
is that to come into the house?
78
00:03:28,509 --> 00:03:30,177
Can't you say something.
79
00:03:30,278 --> 00:03:31,011
Well--
80
00:03:31,111 --> 00:03:32,580
Well what?
81
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:36,984
All I can say is, I'm not going
to play in the football game
82
00:03:37,084 --> 00:03:38,386
this afternoon.
83
00:03:38,486 --> 00:03:39,620
What do you mean, they
dropped you from the team?
84
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,689
No, they didn't drop
me from the team.
85
00:03:41,789 --> 00:03:42,323
Then what?
86
00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:43,257
I'm quitting.
87
00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:44,758
You're quitting.
88
00:03:44,858 --> 00:03:47,227
Yeah, I thought I was going
to get to be quarterback.
89
00:03:47,328 --> 00:03:49,263
Instead they stuck
me in the line again.
90
00:03:49,363 --> 00:03:51,999
The same old position,
right tackle.
91
00:03:52,099 --> 00:03:53,667
Whoever notices
the right tackle.
92
00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:56,136
The left tackle?
93
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,706
Daddy, this is
nothing to joke about.
94
00:03:58,806 --> 00:04:01,241
I was counting on
being quarterback.
95
00:04:01,342 --> 00:04:03,311
He's the one they all cheer for.
96
00:04:03,411 --> 00:04:06,547
He's the guy the girls
make a fuss about.
97
00:04:06,647 --> 00:04:07,615
Girls?
98
00:04:07,715 --> 00:04:09,483
Sure, What do you
think we play football
99
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:10,551
for, just the exercise?
100
00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:15,222
Excuse my ignorance.
101
00:04:15,323 --> 00:04:16,924
Right tackle, they can keep it.
102
00:04:17,024 --> 00:04:17,891
I'm not playing.
103
00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:18,726
Come back here.
104
00:04:18,826 --> 00:04:19,660
Come back here.
105
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,228
What kind of an
attitude is that?
106
00:04:21,329 --> 00:04:22,530
You mean to tell me,
just because you can't be
107
00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:24,465
the main guy you want to quit?
108
00:04:24,565 --> 00:04:26,834
What's wrong with wanting
to be the main guy?
109
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:28,201
There's a lot wrong with it.
110
00:04:28,302 --> 00:04:30,304
There are 11 players
on a football team.
111
00:04:30,404 --> 00:04:31,905
They can't all be the main guy.
112
00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:33,807
But they're all important.
113
00:04:33,907 --> 00:04:36,209
If the right tackle
didn't open up the whole,
114
00:04:36,310 --> 00:04:37,811
the main guy couldn't
gain any yardage.
115
00:04:37,911 --> 00:04:39,447
Could he?
116
00:04:39,547 --> 00:04:41,982
You wanting to be a
quitter just because you
117
00:04:42,082 --> 00:04:43,451
can't hog the spotlight.
118
00:04:43,551 --> 00:04:45,419
Nobody likes a quitter, boy.
119
00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:47,821
A quitter winds up
not liking themself.
120
00:04:47,921 --> 00:04:52,292
You think about it, son.
121
00:04:52,393 --> 00:04:54,061
You've got nothing
to worry about.
122
00:04:54,161 --> 00:04:55,095
Nothing to worry about?
123
00:04:55,195 --> 00:04:56,630
Not much.
124
00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:58,866
In less than two weeks I go
coast to coast on a TV show.
125
00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:00,267
And I got no guest star.
126
00:05:00,368 --> 00:05:02,035
I can't do this by myself.
127
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:02,936
I know.
128
00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:04,171
That's what I told you.
129
00:05:04,271 --> 00:05:05,272
All right, then
who did you get?
130
00:05:05,373 --> 00:05:06,674
Did you line somebody up?
131
00:05:06,774 --> 00:05:08,742
Well, Dan, I did
the best I could.
132
00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:10,511
But the only thing
I could come up with
133
00:05:10,611 --> 00:05:15,082
was a small time West Coast
entertainer named Hope.
134
00:05:15,182 --> 00:05:16,684
Hey, you don't mean Bob Hope?
135
00:05:16,784 --> 00:05:20,521
I think that's the one, tells
jokes, been at more army camps
136
00:05:20,621 --> 00:05:21,622
than powdered eggs.
137
00:05:24,224 --> 00:05:26,326
Liz, Bob Hope?
138
00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:27,661
Oh I could hug you.
139
00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:30,398
Please watch it.
140
00:05:30,498 --> 00:05:32,466
I want to be loved
for myself alone.
141
00:05:32,566 --> 00:05:34,067
I love you for yourself alone.
142
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:36,103
I think you're the world's
greatest press agent.
143
00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:37,304
That's true.
144
00:05:37,405 --> 00:05:38,639
Bob Hope, how did
you ever get him.
145
00:05:38,739 --> 00:05:40,173
Well, when I told him it
was for the heart fund,
146
00:05:40,273 --> 00:05:41,074
he said he'd be delighted.
147
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,776
Isn't that wonderful?
148
00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:44,011
Bob Hope on my show.
149
00:05:44,111 --> 00:05:46,013
Oh, brother, you don't have
to worry about material.
150
00:05:46,113 --> 00:05:46,980
He's loaded.
151
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:48,449
He's got tons of material.
152
00:05:48,549 --> 00:05:50,551
Well that guy has got so
much stuff that he could stay
153
00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:51,919
out for the whole half hour.
154
00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:53,120
Sure.
155
00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:54,054
I could just sit
backstage on a stool.
156
00:05:54,154 --> 00:05:55,055
Yeah.
157
00:05:55,155 --> 00:05:55,923
Yeah.
158
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:02,930
Why you double crosser.
159
00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:04,665
What?
160
00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:07,635
How could you do a
trick like this to me?
161
00:06:07,735 --> 00:06:08,869
Dan.
162
00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:10,604
You think I'm going to stand
around and watch old Ski
163
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:13,073
Nose steal a show from me?
164
00:06:13,173 --> 00:06:15,342
Do the half hour by himself?
165
00:06:15,443 --> 00:06:16,644
Danny, listen.
166
00:06:16,744 --> 00:06:17,811
He's not going to steal
your show from you.
167
00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:19,112
He's going to help you.
That's all.
168
00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:20,380
Help me.
169
00:06:20,481 --> 00:06:21,582
I got a big picture
of Bob Hope helping.
170
00:06:21,682 --> 00:06:23,083
I've been on benefits
with that guy.
171
00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:25,218
The minute he gets on, the
audience won't let him off.
172
00:06:25,318 --> 00:06:28,622
Danny, he has no intention of
stealing your show from you.
173
00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,558
No intention maybe,
but that's the way
174
00:06:30,658 --> 00:06:32,392
it turns out every time.
175
00:06:32,493 --> 00:06:34,294
I was on a benefit of
with him in Chicago,
176
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:35,696
waited all night to get on.
177
00:06:35,796 --> 00:06:37,565
By the time he got off it
was way after midnight.
178
00:06:37,665 --> 00:06:39,433
And when I got on, the only
people left in the audience
179
00:06:39,533 --> 00:06:41,535
were two old ladies
sweeping the aisles.
180
00:06:43,871 --> 00:06:48,175
Bob Hope, of all the people to
get, you gotta get Bob Hope.
181
00:06:48,275 --> 00:06:50,811
Oh that's going to
be some TV show.
182
00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:54,047
I'll spend the whole show
sitting on a stool backstage.
183
00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:55,749
I can just see it now.
184
00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:03,924
Good evening.
185
00:07:04,024 --> 00:07:06,026
Good evening, ladies
and gentlemen.
186
00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:09,463
I hope you enjoy our show
tonight for the Heart Fund.
187
00:07:09,563 --> 00:07:11,699
And I'm sure you will.
188
00:07:11,799 --> 00:07:14,835
I'm certainly honored to
be the star of the show.
189
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:17,437
And later on I'm
going to present
190
00:07:17,538 --> 00:07:21,408
to you my guest star, Bob Hope.
191
00:07:21,509 --> 00:07:23,711
And he'll be out later.
192
00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:28,482
You call?
193
00:07:36,524 --> 00:07:39,693
Boy, take this backstage
and have it filled, huh.
194
00:07:45,599 --> 00:07:46,567
He's good.
195
00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:47,735
What's his name?
196
00:07:47,835 --> 00:07:49,870
Good evening, ladies
and gentlemen.
197
00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:52,305
I'm thrilled to be here
tonight on behalf of the Heart
198
00:07:52,405 --> 00:07:53,941
Fund for this wonderful show.
199
00:07:54,041 --> 00:07:55,475
I almost didn't
make it, by the way.
200
00:07:55,576 --> 00:07:57,177
I just got back from Paris.
201
00:07:57,277 --> 00:07:58,411
I didn't intend to go there.
202
00:07:58,512 --> 00:07:59,980
But I was invited to
a Mike Todd party,
203
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:03,350
and that's where his
chauffeur drove me.
204
00:08:03,450 --> 00:08:06,119
No, a lot of people
think of Paris
205
00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:07,287
as being behind the times.
206
00:08:07,387 --> 00:08:08,188
But it's really up to date.
207
00:08:08,288 --> 00:08:09,222
It's very modern.
208
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:10,624
I know.
209
00:08:10,724 --> 00:08:12,159
I was there, and they've
got the biggest television
210
00:08:12,259 --> 00:08:13,594
antenna you've ever seen.
211
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,300
Oh, it's a great town.
212
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:23,170
If you haven't seen the Paris
traffic, you haven't lived.
213
00:08:23,270 --> 00:08:24,171
And if you have, you aren't.
214
00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:28,275
What traffic.
215
00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:30,978
It's the world's
largest game of chicken.
216
00:08:31,078 --> 00:08:33,547
No, the French
drive like Paris is
217
00:08:33,647 --> 00:08:37,117
still occupied by the Germans.
218
00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:38,586
That's the end of that joke.
219
00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:43,857
Sounded like the
end of my career.
220
00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:46,994
And of course, the traffic
regulations are very rigid.
221
00:08:47,094 --> 00:08:49,663
I read one that said "at
speed above 40 miles an hour.
222
00:08:49,763 --> 00:08:51,064
The driver must be in the car.
223
00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:55,435
I had a wonderful time there.
224
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:59,339
I spent four months there making
a picture called Paris Holiday.
225
00:08:59,439 --> 00:09:00,808
The story is about
a boy and a girl.
226
00:09:00,908 --> 00:09:03,644
In France that's all
the story they need.
227
00:09:05,979 --> 00:09:08,882
Starring with me there is
Fernandel, who is French,
228
00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:11,451
and Anita Ekberg,
who is Swedish.
229
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:12,920
Before I left, the State
Department said to me,
230
00:09:13,020 --> 00:09:14,655
Bob, here's a
perfect opportunity
231
00:09:14,755 --> 00:09:17,490
for you to create love and
understanding between nations.
232
00:09:17,591 --> 00:09:18,826
And I've just made my report.
233
00:09:18,926 --> 00:09:21,795
Everything's fine
between Sweden and us.
234
00:09:24,131 --> 00:09:27,400
And what a sensation that
Ekberg caused when she walked
235
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:28,702
down the streets of Paris.
236
00:09:28,802 --> 00:09:30,370
It was the first time
in French history
237
00:09:30,470 --> 00:09:32,973
the Eiffel Tower looked like
the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
238
00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:38,378
I enjoyed working
with Fernandel,
239
00:09:38,478 --> 00:09:40,280
a simple unassuming
naive Frenchman
240
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:42,783
who swindled me out of a
half interest in the picture.
241
00:09:45,518 --> 00:09:47,154
But I think you'll
like Paris Holiday.
242
00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:49,823
It's on a wide screen
and in gorgeous color.
243
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:51,892
And at last you'll be able
to see my eyes as they
244
00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:56,196
really are-- black and white.
245
00:09:56,296 --> 00:09:58,231
And after the picture
I traveled around.
246
00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:00,267
I went down to Italy
where I just happened
247
00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:02,269
to see Gina Lollobrigida.
248
00:10:02,369 --> 00:10:04,437
She was pushing her baby
carriage down the street.
249
00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:06,073
And I threw myself
under her wheels.
250
00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:10,844
But she has got
an adorable baby.
251
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:13,781
And so cute lying there in the
carriage with a bottle in one
252
00:10:13,881 --> 00:10:16,784
hand and a pizza in the other.
253
00:10:16,884 --> 00:10:19,853
After Italy I flew to Moscow.
254
00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:22,122
You know tourists are
allowed in Russia now?
255
00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:23,991
In fact, when you
land at Moscow airport
256
00:10:24,091 --> 00:10:25,592
there are no more
questions asked.
257
00:10:25,693 --> 00:10:26,827
And nobody bothers you.
258
00:10:26,927 --> 00:10:28,328
I was still a little
suspicious though.
259
00:10:28,428 --> 00:10:30,798
It's the only airport in the
world where they sell you
260
00:10:30,898 --> 00:10:32,700
life insurance after you land.
261
00:10:35,268 --> 00:10:37,671
And as you enter the city,
there's a big sign that says
262
00:10:37,771 --> 00:10:40,741
welcome to You Bet Your Life.
263
00:10:40,841 --> 00:10:43,076
Say the secret word and
win five years in Siberia.
264
00:10:45,445 --> 00:10:48,949
Finally I had to leave
Europe and head for home.
265
00:10:49,049 --> 00:10:50,884
You know it was good to get
back to the States again.
266
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:53,220
After you've been
away you realize
267
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,388
that America is still
the greatest and most
268
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,024
wonderful country in the world.
269
00:10:57,124 --> 00:11:00,560
And I say this sincerely,
with all humility and the hope
270
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:01,762
that the Internal
Revenue Department
271
00:11:01,862 --> 00:11:03,330
will accept my expense account.
272
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:09,436
Well I--
273
00:11:09,536 --> 00:11:10,704
Well I think I've
been up here long
274
00:11:10,804 --> 00:11:12,039
enough, ladies and gentlemen.
275
00:11:12,139 --> 00:11:14,307
And I think it's time
now to introduce the man
276
00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:15,642
you've all been waiting for.
277
00:11:15,743 --> 00:11:18,145
Here he is, Danny
Williams, right here.
278
00:11:20,748 --> 00:11:21,815
Good luck.
279
00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:27,821
We're a little bit
late, folks, goodnight.
280
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:37,564
I won't do it.
281
00:11:37,664 --> 00:11:38,565
I won't do it.
282
00:11:38,665 --> 00:11:39,466
I won't do it.
283
00:11:39,566 --> 00:11:40,300
That's all.
284
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:41,201
I won't do it.
285
00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:42,035
I won't be in your show.
286
00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:49,609
Are you sure that's
the way it's going be?
287
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,879
OK, thank you very much, bye.
288
00:11:51,979 --> 00:11:53,280
Danny, come down here.
289
00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:54,547
What?
290
00:11:54,647 --> 00:11:57,217
I told you you had
nothing to worry about.
291
00:11:57,317 --> 00:12:00,520
Bob isn't even going
to do a monologue.
292
00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:01,654
He isn't?
293
00:12:01,755 --> 00:12:03,256
No, I just talked
to his manager.
294
00:12:03,356 --> 00:12:05,793
Now the idea is for you and Bob
to work in a sketch together.
295
00:12:05,893 --> 00:12:06,894
A sketch together.
296
00:12:06,994 --> 00:12:08,395
Yeah, the old lovers sketch.
297
00:12:08,495 --> 00:12:10,297
Now his writers are punching
up the lovers sketch now.
298
00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:12,565
Oh, honey, the old lovers
sketch, that's a scream.
299
00:12:12,665 --> 00:12:14,301
And we'll both be on
the stage together?
300
00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:15,435
I told you.
301
00:12:15,535 --> 00:12:16,536
Oh, but we'll both
score that way.
302
00:12:16,636 --> 00:12:17,370
Sure.
303
00:12:17,470 --> 00:12:18,538
Oh that's great.
304
00:12:18,638 --> 00:12:19,406
And his writers
are punching it up.
305
00:12:19,506 --> 00:12:20,240
Yeah.
306
00:12:23,676 --> 00:12:25,545
I've been shlogged again.
307
00:12:25,645 --> 00:12:26,579
What?
308
00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:28,949
His writers are punching it up.
309
00:12:29,049 --> 00:12:31,051
Did you ever see Hope come
into a studio with his writers?
310
00:12:31,151 --> 00:12:34,387
They look like Notre Dame
coming out for a second half.
311
00:12:34,487 --> 00:12:37,124
They'll write all the
funny lines for him.
312
00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:40,794
Oh, honey, I'm sure with Bob
Hope it'll be fifty fifty.
313
00:12:40,894 --> 00:12:42,796
Oh sure, 50 for
Bob and 50 for Hope.
314
00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:44,798
Now Danny--
315
00:12:44,898 --> 00:12:46,466
I'm not listening to anybody.
316
00:12:46,566 --> 00:12:48,335
Who pays those writers?
317
00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:49,736
Hope.
318
00:12:49,837 --> 00:12:51,371
Who are they going to
write the funny stuff for?
319
00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:52,772
Hope.
320
00:12:52,873 --> 00:12:56,944
And what will they do for
Danny boy? .
321
00:12:57,044 --> 00:12:59,712
Tell me, the Lovers sketch.
322
00:12:59,813 --> 00:13:03,050
Oh, that's a funny sketch too.
323
00:13:03,150 --> 00:13:05,052
You know what part
I'll wind up playing.
324
00:13:05,152 --> 00:13:05,752
Don't you.
325
00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:08,221
I can just see it now.
326
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:27,307
Oh, you Cody boy.
327
00:13:27,407 --> 00:13:33,080
You handsome devil, don't ever
let them put a filter on you.
328
00:13:33,180 --> 00:13:34,948
Just keep that goodness
coming through.
329
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:40,988
Ah, the doorbell.
330
00:13:44,791 --> 00:13:45,558
I'll be back.
331
00:13:49,963 --> 00:13:52,432
Gloria, darling.
332
00:13:55,802 --> 00:13:59,907
Oh, and they laughed when I
put on that diamond doorknob.
333
00:14:00,007 --> 00:14:01,308
How neighborly of
you to drop in.
334
00:14:01,408 --> 00:14:03,376
Did you come by
for a cup of soup?
335
00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:04,477
No.
336
00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:08,548
I came for your mouth,
your lips, your arms
337
00:14:08,648 --> 00:14:09,649
How soon can you get them back.
338
00:14:09,749 --> 00:14:10,483
I have a date tonight.
339
00:14:13,253 --> 00:14:15,989
Oh you fool, don't
you understand?
340
00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:18,391
I'm a woman, and you are a man.
341
00:14:18,491 --> 00:14:23,130
The sneak, she peeked
at my driver's license.
342
00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:24,697
Would you care for
a drink my dear?
343
00:14:24,797 --> 00:14:26,900
Oh I'd love one.
344
00:14:36,910 --> 00:14:38,745
Did you ring, sire?
345
00:14:38,845 --> 00:14:40,447
Oh, oh yes Jarvis.
346
00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:41,681
We'd like a drink.
347
00:14:41,781 --> 00:14:42,582
Yes sir.
348
00:14:42,682 --> 00:14:43,850
Isn't that a new butler.
349
00:14:43,951 --> 00:14:45,652
Oh yes, that's a new man.
350
00:14:45,752 --> 00:14:47,554
What happened to the old one?
351
00:14:47,654 --> 00:14:49,089
Oh, my man Bing?
352
00:14:49,189 --> 00:14:54,027
Well, he's honeymooning
in a money covered
353
00:14:54,127 --> 00:14:57,497
cottage in Palm Springs.
354
00:14:57,597 --> 00:14:58,966
Ah, there we are.
355
00:14:59,066 --> 00:15:02,402
Well, as we say at the
Stork Club, here's to Gloria,
356
00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:06,839
here's to Greg, last one
to finish is a rotten egg.
357
00:15:06,940 --> 00:15:07,674
Ah.
358
00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:13,246
Oh great.
359
00:15:19,486 --> 00:15:22,990
Oh, how can I tell
you what you do to me?
360
00:15:23,090 --> 00:15:26,459
How your piercing
blue eyes thrill me.
361
00:15:26,559 --> 00:15:29,662
How the touch of your
hand sends shivers of
362
00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:31,498
ecstasy up and down my spine.
363
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:37,370
How the soft fullness of your
lips melts me into submission.
364
00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:38,505
Come, come, girl.
365
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:40,173
Stop nagging.
366
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,875
What are you trying to say?
367
00:15:42,976 --> 00:15:45,412
Do you believe in
love at first sight?
368
00:15:45,512 --> 00:15:50,550
Honey, I'm the West
Coast distributor.
369
00:15:50,650 --> 00:15:51,484
Shall we drink to it?
370
00:15:51,584 --> 00:15:54,087
We shall, shant we, huh?
371
00:15:57,690 --> 00:15:58,625
Did you ring,sir?
372
00:15:58,725 --> 00:16:00,994
Yes, another toddy, Jarv, yes.
373
00:16:01,094 --> 00:16:03,830
Please, honey, please, don't
make it hog of yourself.
374
00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:05,232
Please, baby.
375
00:16:05,332 --> 00:16:08,635
Oh and Jarv, let's have
the big glasses this time.
376
00:16:08,735 --> 00:16:13,906
You know, the ones with the
shoulder straps, you know.
377
00:16:14,007 --> 00:16:16,309
Well let's not lose
our altitude, baby.
378
00:16:21,514 --> 00:16:22,182
You rushed it.
379
00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:24,484
Didn't you? there you are.
380
00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:27,154
As they say on the
Riviera, one for the money,
381
00:16:27,254 --> 00:16:29,622
two for the show, slug
her down and go go go.
382
00:16:38,898 --> 00:16:40,067
Cigarette?
383
00:16:40,167 --> 00:16:41,334
Thank you, darling.
384
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:43,803
Oh, I think you'll
like their tangy flavor.
385
00:16:43,903 --> 00:16:45,372
These cigarettes
have been approved
386
00:16:45,472 --> 00:16:49,309
by five New York doctors, who
also put out a cough syrup.
387
00:16:55,282 --> 00:16:56,883
Did you ring, sir?
388
00:16:56,983 --> 00:16:57,717
Fire two.
389
00:17:00,953 --> 00:17:02,389
They're my own special brand.
390
00:17:02,489 --> 00:17:04,757
There a special
blend of Virginia
391
00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:10,563
tobacco, Turkish tobacco,
and King Faruk's old spats.
392
00:17:10,663 --> 00:17:11,631
Thank you.
393
00:17:11,731 --> 00:17:13,433
Where were we now?
394
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:17,870
Oh Gregory, take
me in your arms.
395
00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:19,939
Fill me with kisses.
396
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:21,341
Oh well, just this once.
397
00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:23,376
They don't allow cooking
in these rooms, you know.
398
00:17:32,119 --> 00:17:33,386
Did you ring, Sir?
399
00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:34,020
Yeah, ignore it.
400
00:17:34,121 --> 00:17:36,423
Ignore it.
401
00:17:36,523 --> 00:17:39,292
More rocket fuel,
if you don't mind.
402
00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:41,094
And come back dancing, huh.
403
00:17:41,194 --> 00:17:42,195
Yes, thank you.
404
00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:47,134
Quite a blend.
405
00:17:47,234 --> 00:17:50,237
Oh yes, here we are.
406
00:17:50,337 --> 00:17:52,672
As they say at Newport,
"eight little fingers,
407
00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:57,644
two little thumbs, look
out stomach here she comes.
408
00:17:57,744 --> 00:17:59,479
Oh ho ho, what a season.
409
00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:00,513
What a season.
410
00:18:03,850 --> 00:18:04,984
Wait a minute, Bob.
411
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,519
Bob.
-Go away, will you?
412
00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:07,154
I work alone.
413
00:18:07,254 --> 00:18:08,255
Will you, please.
414
00:18:08,355 --> 00:18:09,722
No, no, no, just a minute.
415
00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:11,324
I don't like the way
this sketch is going.
416
00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:12,525
Silly boy, I love it.
417
00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:13,426
Go away, boy.
418
00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:14,261
Bob, listen.
419
00:18:14,361 --> 00:18:15,228
Bob.
420
00:18:15,328 --> 00:18:18,097
Oh, wait a second.
421
00:18:18,198 --> 00:18:20,367
Oh, shut up.
422
00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:22,034
This whole thing is unfair.
423
00:18:22,135 --> 00:18:24,003
I'm supposed to be the
star of this broadcast.
424
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,538
And you're doing everything.
425
00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:28,074
I just haven't got enough
to do in this sketch.
426
00:18:28,175 --> 00:18:30,377
Well I didn't know you
felt that-- you mean you
427
00:18:30,477 --> 00:18:31,878
want more to do in the sketch?
428
00:18:31,978 --> 00:18:32,712
Certainly.
429
00:18:32,812 --> 00:18:33,746
Oh, well.
430
00:18:41,053 --> 00:18:42,522
Get busy, boy.
431
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:48,228
I won't do it.
432
00:18:48,328 --> 00:18:49,829
I won't do it.
433
00:18:49,929 --> 00:18:51,198
I won't do it.
434
00:18:51,298 --> 00:18:55,602
I won't do it.
435
00:18:55,702 --> 00:18:56,536
I won't do it.
436
00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:57,370
I won't do it.
437
00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:58,771
I won't do it.
That's all.
438
00:18:58,871 --> 00:18:59,672
I won't do it.
439
00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:00,707
I won't be in the show.
440
00:19:00,807 --> 00:19:02,175
So go down there and
get me out of it.
441
00:19:02,275 --> 00:19:03,843
Are you out of your
cotton pickin mind?
442
00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:05,278
You promised the Heart Fund.
443
00:19:05,378 --> 00:19:07,113
Oh, darling, you've
never let down
444
00:19:07,214 --> 00:19:08,581
on a charity show in your life.
445
00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:10,550
Well I'm letting
down on this one.
446
00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,385
Now I don't want you to
talk about it anymore.
447
00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:14,887
I've made up my
mind and it's final.
448
00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:16,088
Well, I guess that's that.
449
00:19:16,189 --> 00:19:18,458
Oh boy, this life
of a press agent.
450
00:19:18,558 --> 00:19:20,260
I should have
listened to my father.
451
00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:21,728
He wanted me to be a pickpocket.
452
00:19:27,066 --> 00:19:28,067
I'm not going to
go on the show.
453
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:29,269
And that's all.
454
00:19:29,369 --> 00:19:30,903
Daddy, aren't you
going to be on TV?
455
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,004
I'm afraid not, dear.
456
00:19:32,104 --> 00:19:36,142
Why, did you chicken out?
457
00:19:36,243 --> 00:19:37,710
Did I chicken out?
458
00:19:37,810 --> 00:19:39,312
What kind of language is that
for this child to be using?
459
00:19:39,412 --> 00:19:40,947
Where do you pick
up such expressions?
460
00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:43,182
From you.
461
00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:45,652
Well, don't listen
to me anymore.
462
00:19:45,752 --> 00:19:46,786
That's right, darling.
463
00:19:46,886 --> 00:19:48,221
You mustn't listen to
everything Daddy says.
464
00:19:48,321 --> 00:19:49,856
Because sometimes
he doesn't mean it.
465
00:19:49,956 --> 00:19:53,059
Like for instance, I've heard
him say the show must go on.
466
00:19:53,159 --> 00:19:54,994
But I guess he doesn't
mean that either.
467
00:19:55,094 --> 00:19:56,396
Honey, the show
is going to go on.
468
00:19:56,496 --> 00:19:57,497
It will go on without me.
469
00:19:57,597 --> 00:19:58,698
That's all.
470
00:19:58,798 --> 00:20:00,199
But, darling, you're
letting down the Heart Fund.
471
00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:01,801
I'll send them a check.
472
00:20:01,901 --> 00:20:03,135
It's not the same.
473
00:20:03,236 --> 00:20:04,571
They were counting
on your appearance.
474
00:20:04,671 --> 00:20:07,474
I was counting on
my appearance too.
475
00:20:07,574 --> 00:20:10,009
With Hope there, I might
as well phone my act in.
476
00:20:10,109 --> 00:20:13,880
Look, honey, I'll Just get
lost in a long list of credits.
477
00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:14,814
That's all.
478
00:20:14,914 --> 00:20:15,815
He's the star.
479
00:20:15,915 --> 00:20:17,049
Well, darling, he is a star.
480
00:20:17,149 --> 00:20:19,085
Listen, I'm a star
too in my own right.
481
00:20:19,185 --> 00:20:21,521
This is a big chance for me,
a television show like this.
482
00:20:21,621 --> 00:20:24,624
Look, I don't want to
go backward, honey.
483
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,726
Look, let's just
forget about it, huh.
484
00:20:26,826 --> 00:20:30,062
I'm not going to play
second fiddle to anybody.
485
00:20:30,162 --> 00:20:31,598
Hi everybody.
486
00:20:31,698 --> 00:20:32,365
Hello, honey.
487
00:20:32,465 --> 00:20:34,734
We won, 14 to nothing.
488
00:20:34,834 --> 00:20:35,568
Oh.
489
00:20:35,668 --> 00:20:36,969
Oh boy!
490
00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:42,108
Please, let's
not get emotional.
491
00:20:42,208 --> 00:20:43,643
Rusty, I thought you
weren't going to play.
492
00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:47,146
So did I. But I got to thinking
about what Daddy told me.
493
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:48,481
And he was right.
494
00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:50,249
Oh, what did Daddy tell you?
495
00:20:50,350 --> 00:20:52,419
Oh, it was nothing important.
496
00:20:52,519 --> 00:20:53,420
Was too important.
497
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:54,721
And I'll never forget it.
498
00:20:54,821 --> 00:20:56,122
OK, you remember it
and keep it to yourself.
499
00:20:56,222 --> 00:20:57,457
What was it, honey?
500
00:20:57,557 --> 00:20:59,392
It was nothing, nothing
What's the difference.
501
00:20:59,492 --> 00:21:00,860
Well, I wasn't going
to play because I
502
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:02,529
couldn't be the quarterback.
503
00:21:02,629 --> 00:21:04,497
Daddy says you don't
walk out just because you
504
00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:05,832
can't be the main guy.
505
00:21:05,932 --> 00:21:07,534
Because if you do you're
nothing but a quitter.
506
00:21:07,634 --> 00:21:09,235
And nobody likes a quitter.
507
00:21:09,336 --> 00:21:11,203
Do they, Daddy?
508
00:21:11,304 --> 00:21:17,844
Well, do they, Daddy?
509
00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:19,145
It's not the same thing.
510
00:21:19,245 --> 00:21:21,914
Oh, isn't it?
511
00:21:22,014 --> 00:21:23,082
Come on, children.
512
00:21:23,182 --> 00:21:25,284
Let's leave daddy alone awhile.
513
00:21:25,385 --> 00:21:28,254
He's got something
to think about.
514
00:21:28,355 --> 00:21:30,423
Rusty, I'm proud of you.
515
00:21:53,245 --> 00:21:55,181
Liz, I was just
going to call you.
516
00:21:55,281 --> 00:21:56,215
Bob, hello, Bob.
517
00:21:56,315 --> 00:21:57,116
Hey, Dan.
518
00:21:57,216 --> 00:21:58,685
Gee how nice to see you.
519
00:21:58,785 --> 00:22:04,223
Listen, before you say anything,
please let me just say this.
520
00:22:04,323 --> 00:22:05,858
I'm going to be
on the show, Bob.
521
00:22:05,958 --> 00:22:09,161
Because I realize that
it takes more than one
522
00:22:09,261 --> 00:22:10,463
man to put on a show.
523
00:22:10,563 --> 00:22:12,565
You've got to have
a right tackle too.
524
00:22:12,665 --> 00:22:14,567
I mean you've got to
have a team play to get
525
00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:17,370
that ball over the goal line.
526
00:22:17,470 --> 00:22:19,338
What's with the crazy
Lebanese halfback?
527
00:22:22,375 --> 00:22:24,210
Oh isn't he fast?
528
00:22:24,310 --> 00:22:25,478
Nobody faster.
529
00:22:25,578 --> 00:22:27,547
Oh, you're a funny
man, Bob, a funny man.
530
00:22:27,647 --> 00:22:29,716
That's why whatever you
want to do on the show,
531
00:22:29,816 --> 00:22:31,250
I'll be very happy
to collaborate,
532
00:22:31,350 --> 00:22:32,118
do anything you like.
533
00:22:32,218 --> 00:22:33,152
Hold It, Danny.
534
00:22:33,252 --> 00:22:34,220
You've got this thing all wrong.
535
00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:35,755
You're the star of the show.
536
00:22:35,855 --> 00:22:37,189
And I'm just going to be there
to help you out if I can.
537
00:22:37,289 --> 00:22:38,658
No.
538
00:22:38,758 --> 00:22:40,259
Besides look, I don't have
too much time to rehearse.
539
00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:42,462
So you'd be doing me a big favor
if you'd do all the funny stuff
540
00:22:42,562 --> 00:22:43,830
and just let me play the butler.
541
00:22:47,467 --> 00:22:50,903
You want me to play
Gregory, the lover?
542
00:22:51,003 --> 00:22:53,740
Yeah, that way all I have to do
is walk in and say, "you rang,
543
00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:55,107
sir."
544
00:22:55,207 --> 00:22:56,543
You know, then throw in a few
ad libs and hit the freeway.
545
00:22:56,643 --> 00:22:59,145
You know what I mean?
546
00:22:59,245 --> 00:23:00,379
You'll do it for me, won't you?
547
00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:01,648
I'll appreciate
it, baby, if you--
548
00:23:01,748 --> 00:23:04,584
Bob, I'll do anything
you want me to do.
549
00:23:04,684 --> 00:23:07,253
I mean after all, I
want you to be happy.
550
00:23:07,353 --> 00:23:09,288
And anything you say, Bob.
551
00:23:09,388 --> 00:23:11,891
Because I want to cooperate.
552
00:23:11,991 --> 00:23:14,794
Why didn't Anita Ekberg
cooperate like this?
553
00:23:18,898 --> 00:23:22,735
I've never been hugged
by a halfback before.
554
00:23:22,835 --> 00:23:24,303
Oh, that.
555
00:23:24,403 --> 00:23:25,337
It's my son's.
556
00:23:25,438 --> 00:23:28,274
I forgot to take off the helmet.
557
00:23:28,374 --> 00:23:29,876
Aren't you going to
take off the nose guard?
558
00:23:33,379 --> 00:23:35,715
All right, come on, fellas--
559
00:23:43,355 --> 00:23:45,892
ANNOUNCER: And now, continuing
with our Heart Fund show,
560
00:23:45,992 --> 00:23:48,595
here's Danny Williams
and Bob Hope in a sketch
561
00:23:48,695 --> 00:24:03,843
entitled "The Lover."
562
00:24:03,943 --> 00:24:06,879
Oh you adorable
camel jockey, you.
563
00:24:09,782 --> 00:24:11,818
Don't ever let them
put a filter on, you.
564
00:24:11,918 --> 00:24:14,554
Let that goodness
keep coming through.
565
00:24:20,226 --> 00:24:22,394
The doorbell.
566
00:24:22,495 --> 00:24:23,229
I'll be back.
567
00:24:23,329 --> 00:24:24,096
You'll have to wait.
568
00:24:30,402 --> 00:24:32,071
Gloria.
569
00:24:32,171 --> 00:24:33,305
Gregory.
570
00:24:33,405 --> 00:24:34,707
It's my turn.
571
00:24:38,878 --> 00:24:40,813
How neighborly of
you to drop by.
572
00:24:40,913 --> 00:24:44,316
Did you come in
for a cup of flour?
573
00:24:44,416 --> 00:24:46,786
No.
574
00:24:46,886 --> 00:24:50,790
Didn't you come by for my lips,
my arms, and my mouth, and--
575
00:24:50,890 --> 00:24:51,624
No.
576
00:24:54,894 --> 00:24:56,629
Well what did you come by for?
577
00:24:56,729 --> 00:24:58,531
For me, you fool.
578
00:24:58,631 --> 00:25:00,132
It's my day off.
579
00:25:05,572 --> 00:25:06,906
It's a little late, folks.
580
00:25:07,006 --> 00:25:07,740
Goodnight.
41143
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