All language subtitles for The.Danny.Thomas.Show.S05E13.The.Chess.Game.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-QOQ_track3_[eng]

(SINGING) Fifty years ago, me
father left old Erin's shore.

He landed here, shillelagh in
hand, and devil a penny more.

He got a job, and he got
a wife, and then a family.

And then he died and left his
old shillelagh stick to me.

Sure, it's the same old
shillelagh me father brought

from Ireland, but devil
a man was prouder than he

when he walked with
it in his hand.

He'd lead the day on Paddy's
Day and twirl it round his mitt,

and devil a bit, we'd laugh
at it, till dad'd have a fit.

With the same old shillelagh, me
father could lick a dozen men.

As fast as they'd get up, aha,
he'd knock 'em down again.

And many's the time he'd
use it on me to make me

understand, the
same old shillelagh

me father brought from Ireland.

The same old shillelagh me
father brought from Ireland.

Hey!

Oh, Danny, it was like a
breath from the Emerald Isle.

Well thank you,
Lassie, thank you.

Uncle Sean will love it.

I hope so, Honey, because
I sure want to make

an impression on the old guy.

You know what?

I think I'll take him
to the club one night

and maybe do one of
those old Irish routines

I used to do at the 5100 Club.

Oh, he'll love that.

You think so?

Uh-huh.

I don't know, though, on second
thought, though, he's-- I mean,

meeting him for the first time,
I wouldn't want to offend him.

You think he'd mind me poking
fun at the Irish like that?

Oh, don't be silly, Daddy,
he has a great sense of humor.

And nobody likes an Irish
story better than an Irishman.

Besides, it, might
ease the shock a bit.

Oh.

What shock?

Well.

Well, what?

Uh, well, I, uh, uh, I
told him you were Irish.

You what?

Well, before we were
married, I wrote and told him

that you were born
in County Cork

and that you had blue
eyes and a turned up nose.

How could you tell him
I've got turned up nose?

Well darling, you have
when you stand on your head.

Very funny.

What'd you want to go and write
and tell him I'm Irish, for?

Oh, well after all, darling,
I didn't want him to know

that I'd married a foreigner.

Me, a foreigner?

For your information,
I was born in Toledo,

Ohio, which isn't exactly the
capital of Outer Mongolia.

I know, Darling, but to Uncle
Sean, anybody who isn't Irish

is a foreigner.

Hm, isn't that too bad?

Boy, this kills me.

First I got to make
good with your father,

then I got to make
good with your uncle.

Well, your Uncle Tonoose
put me through the mill--

said I was too skinny.

You know, we-- we
ought to hire a hall,

invite all of our relatives,
charm them all at one time

and make our marriage official.

Daddy?

Yeah?

We finished lunch, can we
have some money for the movies?

I suppose so.

What's playing?

Oh, the regular
Saturday kids' matinee.

Yeah, eight cartoons, three
pictures, and Chapter 6

of the Monster From the Moon.

Oh, they're also having
a preview showing of "I

Was a Teenage Frankenstein."

Movies are not only better than
ever, they're longer than ever.

Here, grab us a postcard
from time to time.

OK.

Oh, wait a minute,
kids, you can't go now.

I forgot, Danny--
-What?

Uncle Sean will
be here any minute.

Oh, that's right.

Well he's not my uncle,
why do I have to stay home?

Hey, what kind of talk is that?

You got the wrong idea
about this whole thing.

What do you mean
he's not your uncle?

He's Kathy's uncle,
he's your uncle.

He's my uncle, too.

Her relatives are
our relatives, Rus.

Our relatives are her relatives,
and each other's relatives

are relative, understand?

Well, it's sort of complicated.

Could I think about it?

Yeah, think about it.

I'll think about it at movie.

No.

I do my best thinking
at the movies.

You will stay here and
meet your new uncle.

Give me my money.

Oh, Danny, that--
that must be him.

Ah, Kathy!

Kathy .

Well, let me get a
good look at you, now.

Ah, sure, and you're the
spitting image of your mother,

bless your soul.

Uncle Sean, Uncle Sean!

Oh, little Linda, ha ha oh,
what a pretty little Colleen

you're sprouting into.

Rusty, take Uncle
Sean's bag, Dear.

Uncle Sean, I want
you to know Danny.

How do you do, Sir, how's
everything in Boston?

How do you do lad?

Fine, it's all right.

And now Kathleen, where's that
fine, upstanding Irish broth

of a husband of yours, huh?

Uncle Sean, this is
my husband, Danny.

Excuse me.

Kathleen, my girl, this
may come as a shock to you,

but you've been lied to.

I don't know what it
is, but whatever it

is, it is definitely not Irish.

Don't hold that against me, Mr.
O'Hara, we can't all be Irish.

No, we can't, because
there's just so many of us

as deserves it.

Yes, sir.

Oh, by the way, I put
your bags in Terry's room

next to the bathroom
in case you want

to scrape those whiskers off.

Oh--

And what is this?

Oh, uh, Uncle Sean, this
is Rusty, Danny's son,

Well, he's not a bad looking
boy, considering the source.

Why you old--

Danny!

Good morning, sir.

What's good about--

I don't know.

Go on away and leave me alone.

That's right, crawl off and
leave me with this mess.

It can't be happening.

Merciful providence
wouldn't let it

happen to a kindly,
God-fearing man like meself.

Wouldn't let what happen?

Have you no eyes
in your head, Man?

If I move me bishop
to the King's four,

it's checkmate in two moves.

So don't move it.

I've got to move it.

It's the only move that
Paddy McCormick has left me.

Who is Paddy McCormick?

The feller I'm
playing this game with.

Don't look now, but the fella
you're playing with is gone.

Is there no end to me trouble?

Not only does my favorite niece
marry a foreigner with his nose

turned the wrong way, but a
foreigner who's a dribbling

idiot into the bargain.

Patty McCormick's in Dublin.

You mean you're
playing a game of chess

with a man who's in Ireland?

I am that.

Boy, he must have
awful long arms.

Long arms, you know?

He's in Ireland, he's
gotta rea-- it's a joke.

We're playing the game by mail,
you thick-skulled blatherskite.

I write him my move,
he writes me his move,

and it goes back
and forth like that.

His last move came in
this morning's mail.

Oh.

How long you been
playing this game?

Oh I'd say eh, 8 - 1/2
years, give or take a month.

You've been playing
chess 8 - 1/2 years?

SEAN:

One game?

They've got some very slow
boats between here and Ireland.

Say it ain't true.

Somebody say it ain't true.

OK, it ain't true.

But it is-- two moves
and I'm finished.

Danny, you got to do something.

You're my relative,
don't just stand there.

Do something.

What are you getting
all excited about?

It's only a game of chess.

Only a game of chess?

Why, you bellowing banshee.

And to think, in a
moment of weakness,

I called you a relative.

Mr. O'Hara, what's
to get excited about?

All right, so I know it's tough
to lose a game you've been

playing for 8 - 1/2 years--

It ain't the 8 - 1/2 years,
it's just that-- well it--

What is it?

Sit down, Son, Danny, I'm
going to tell you something

I've told no living man.

I'm a failure.

Oh, come on.

No, no, no, I'm a failure.

All my life that back-hearted,
no good Paddy McCormick,

he-- well, you take when we
were little sprouts together

in Dublin, we'd go
fishing, he'd catch

maybe 15 or 20 fine trout.

Me?

Nary a nibble I'd
get for me pains.

And you take school--
Paddy'd get all hundreds.

we Me?

All goose eggs.

Paddy took the soccer
team, he was the captain.

I was the water boy.

And in Ireland, water's
not too popular, you know?

So he played better soccer than
you, and he caught more fish,

and he got better
grades, so what?

Oh no, wait, wait, wait, you
haven't heard the worst yet.

There was Peggy.

DANNY: Peggy?

Aye, Peggy, the prettiest
Colleen in all the county.

Kinda soft-- soft with laughing
blue eyes and a sweet smile

that would warm a man's heart.

They left Ireland the day
Paddy McCormick married her.

Oh.

So you see, he beat
me out of Peggy like he

beat me at everything else.

But I swore on the graves
of me dead ancestors

that I wouldn't rest until
I'd found something that I

could beat Paddy McCormick at.

Then, I found it.

Yes sir, I found it--
chess-- discovered

I had the knack for it.

So I study the game,
read all the books,

and then I wrote Paddy and
challenged him to a game.

Well, that was 8
- 1/2 years ago.

Oh, look at that sorry sight.

Eight-and-a-half years I've been
waiting to beat Paddy McCormick

at something, and now
in two moves, he's going

to beat me at this, too.

Hm, you move the bishop here?

And he takes it with his rook.

Can't move the king?

Checkmate.

No, the game is over.

Oh, Danny, if there
was just some way

I didn't have to make
that bishop move.

I'm afraid you're
dead, Uncle Sean.

I am indeed dead.

Dead.

Hey, that's it, I got it.

What?

What's it-- what, what?

You're dead.

If you're dead, you
can't make the move.

If you can't make a
move, you don't lose.

Nobody wins the game.

But I'm very
definitely not dead

and I intend to stay not
dead for some time I hope.

I mean suppose I were to
cable Paddy McCormick--

I regret that the
chess game cannot

continue because Sean O'Hara
has passed on to his Maker.

He couldn't question
that, could he?

The Saints preserve you.

It's a divine idea, me Boy.

Oh, Danny, it's proud I am to
welcome you into the family.

You're a true Son of Erin.

Good morning, Sweetheart.

What do you mean, morning?

It's after one o'clock.

You certainly had a
good night's sleep.

Honey, this is the quietest
Saturday morning I can remember

in the history of this house.

That's because Uncle Sean
took the kids to the park.

He wasn't going to have anybody
around the house disturbing

the sleep of his
favorite nephew.

Did he say that that?

Yeah, how about that?

Ah.

Boy, the weak spot you found
certainly must have been a pip.

What was it?

Ah, (IRISH ACCENT)
sorry my little Colleen,

I can't tell you that.

It's a deep, dark secret between
two black-hearted Irishmen,

Sean O'Hara and Dan McWilliams.

Oh, I almost
forgot-- a cablegram

came for you this morning.

Cable?

Uh-huh.

Who's it from?

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Danny, what's the matter?

Oh, Holy Toledo.

Oh, no.

Danny, tell me, what it it?

What's the matter?

What's the matter?

Paddy McCormick's coming
all the way from Ireland

to attend Sean's funeral.

It can't be.

It can be.

It can't be.

Yeah, it is, though.

There it is in black and white.

There is no white,
it's all black.

Does Kathy know
about me funeral?

It must have come as
quite a shock to her,

not even knowing
I had passed on.

Ah, me darling nephew,
what am I going to do?

Now, Paddy will know me not
only for a loser, but a cheat

as well.

I'm afraid you're
in a big Irish stew.

And who pushed me
into the Irish stew?

You did-- this
was all your idea.

You and your Lebanese blarney.

There's no such thing
as Lebanese blarney.

Well, there was blarney, and
it certainly wasn't Irish.

Oh, it's me own fault
for having a niece

who'd soil our good name by
marrying a scheming foreigner.

I'm a scheming foreigner, huh?

And who was it kissed my hands
when they needed a scheme?

Whisht, whisht, whisht.

Danny Williams, I'm putting the
curse of the O'Haras on you.

You'll never be
friend or kin to me.

What am I going to do?

How can I face that grinning
devil, Paddy McCormick?

He'll be coming any minute.

Well, it's your own fault
for getting yourself into such

a silly, childish mess.

My fault?

He was the one
who got me into it

with his sneaky, oriental mind.

Least he could do is think
of something equally sneaky

to get me out of it.

What are you making such a
big magill out of the thing?

Why don't you just come
out and tell him the truth?

Tell him the truth and admit
I'm a failure, is that it?

Yeah.

Oh, wait, I'll
make it the truth.

I'll do away with meself.

Why Uncle Sean, you wouldn't.

How much Irish whiskey
do you have in the house?

What?

It's the only fitting
way for an O'Hara to go.

Oh, Uncle Sean,
you can't do that.

Certainly not,
it'd take too long.

True, and besides, if
I fail in me attempt,

the hangover would kill me.

Fa, that Paddy McCormick
won't even leave me

alone to enjoy me own funeral.

And speaking of the devil,
that's the sound of doom.

Oh, Danny-- Danny,
you're me only hope now.

Do something, think
of something, please?

What-- what can I think of?

I'm begging you as
a fellow Irishman.

I'm a fellow Irishman now?

I'm inviting you to rejoin us.

Please, Danny, think of
something, for your old uncle,

Sean O'Hara?

You can do it.

There's nobody can beat
the fiendish Orientals

for fine Irish ingenuity.

This the home of
Danny Williams?

It is.

I'm Paddy McCormick.

Oh, oh, come in, come in,
let me take your hat and coat.

Thank you.

I'm Danny Williams
and this is my wife,

Kathy, the niece of the
dearly beloved departed uncle.

How do you do, Ma'am?

How do you do?

It's sorry I am to be
intruding at a time like this

on the bereaved
family, so if you

could tell me when and where
the wake is to be held?

The wake?

Wake, yes.

The wake.

Uh, matter of fact, uh, there
is not going to be any wake.

No wake?

No, no wake.

Why not?

No body.

No body?

What did he do with it?

He-- he didn't do
anything with it.

Well, he passed on
though, didn't he?

How come then there's no body?

He had one when he left Dublin.

Well, you see, uh, Sir,
the-- that's a good question.

Wonderful question.

Well now, the reason there's
no body is that uh, he drowned.

PADDY: Drowned?

DANNY: That was it, he drowned.

PADDY: Oh.

Yeah, he fell off the
Staten Island Ferry.

I remember he was out
getting some fresh salt sea

air to clear his head
for the big chess game,

and he went down
and never came up.

Oh, no.

Yeah.

It's a shame.

I know how you must feel
coming all the way from Ireland

to pay your last
respects and say

a eulogy to your old friend.

Pay me last respects?

Say a eulogy?

I came here to look
upon the remains

of that black-hearted devil
and blast the day I met him.

Now really, Mr. McCormick.

Well, is no offense to you,
ma'am, but a black-hearted

devil he was.

Oh, even dead, he
gets the better of me.

He gets the better of you?

Me whole life.

Oh, that's not
the way I heard it.

Why, one time he told me that
when you were kids out fishing,

you caught a mess of fish,
he never could catch one.

And whose mother
made who eat them?

And I hate fish.

Oh, yeah, but-but-but you were
the hero on the soccer team,

what about that?

The soccer team?

Yeah, and who got kicked so
much they got water in the knee

and suffers excruciating
agony every time it rains?

Oh, but in school, you
were brilliant-- you

got better marks than he did.

That's another thing, the
dirty, sneaking blackguard.

I got such good grades
that it made people expect

a great deal of Paddy
McCormick, and all me

life, I've disappointed them.

But Sean O'Hara?

Anything that dumb ox
did was an improvement.

But Peggy-- Peggy--
you got Peggy

with the laughing blue
eyes, sweet, soft.

Soft is it?

276 pounds of softness.

And her pushing me around
with every pound of it.

Oh, all me life, I been
waiting-- waiting for the one

time to get the better of him.

Once.

Just once is all I wanted.

Two moves-- two tiny
little moves and I had him.

So what does he do?

He does the sneakingest thing
he ever did in his whole life--

he dies!

Dies and takes
his body with him.

Now I'll never have a chance
to beat him at anything.

By all that's holy, if it
isn't himself, Paddy McCormick.

Hello, Paddy me bucko.

(INCREDULOUSLY) Sean O'Hara?

It's me.

Sean O'Hara, body and all.

But-- but you're dead.

Oh, I've come back.

It's a miracle.

That's what it is, a
miracle-- a miracle has been

after happening, just
so that I might finish

a very important chess game.

But-- but he said you drowned.

Well, you heard what I
said, it was a miracle.

You believe in miracles,
don't you, man?

A miracle?

Aye.

What kind of a double
crossing, underhanded game of--

Whisht, whisht!

Don't you be raising your
voice to my darling nephew,

as fine an Irishman
as ever drew breath.

Irish?

Aye.

Glory be, another miracle.

There we are, there and there.

That's right.

OK?

All right, Uncle
Sean, make your move.

All right, the bishop
to the king's four.

There you are, Paddy McCormick,
your great moment is at hand--

make your move.

Eight-and-a-half-years
I've been waiting for this.

I can't do it.

What?

I can't do it.

Why not?

No more have I the need.

All our lives, you always
thought I got the best of you,

and me always thinking
you got the rest of me.

But now that I found
out the truth, well,

there's no more
need for me to beat

you at anything, Sean O'Hara.

Ah, there's no more
need to me to beat you

at anything, Paddy McCormick.

And I'd say it's a
great day for the Irish.

Tell me the truth,
man-- Peggy--

there's really 276 of her now?

There was when I left.

There may be more of her
by the time I get back.

Hi.

This is a picture of St. Jude
Hospital in Memphis, Tennessee.

It is supported by an
organization known as ALSAC,

A-L-S-A-C, and I am proud to be
president of that organization.

ALSAC means, Aiding Leukemia
Stricken American Children.

The members of my
organization and I

have pledged ourselves
to do everything

we possibly can to
help fight this dreaded

killer of children, leukemia.

Thank you.