Original subtitles

(SINGING) Every morning, every evening, ain't we got fun?

Not much money, oh, but honey, ain't we got fun?

The rent's unpaid, dear.

We haven't a car.

But anyway, dear, we'll stay as we are.

Even if we owe the grocery, don't we have fun?

Tax collector's getting closer.

Still, we have fun.

There's nothing surer, the rich get rich,

and the poor get poorer.

In the meantime, inbetween times, ain't we got fun?

Thank you very much.

I've done my part, now who else wants to do something?

Me. I'll do something.

No, wait a minute. Let's have Linda do something.

But she's already had a turn.

Well, let her have another turn.

OK.

Come on, how about it?

Well, Danny, she's only had a couple lessons,

but-- why don't you do your school days?

Yeah, come on.

You know that.

I'd better play it for her. -OK.

Fine.

I wanna give this my undivided attention.

Go ahead, sweetheart.

(SINGING) School days, school days,

dear old golden rule days.

We read and we write, and we dance a bit, taught

to the tune of a hickory stick.

Oh, boy.

Well, that was good.

Very good.

You mean to tell me you learned that in just two lessons?

Big deal.

All right, you.

I can't believe it.

Can you, Terry?

Oh, it's fantastic.

Why don't you ask me?

Rusty.

I can do another dance.

Another dance?

She just learned a little ballet yesterday.

Ballet?

Heavens to Nijinsy.

I should say so.

Let the music continue.

Jeez.

Rus!

Cut it out.

Rus, cut it out.

Stop it.

Rus, stop!

Why should I stop?

Why don't you make her stop?

Because she can dance, and you can't.

I can dance better than she can.

She just uses her toes.

I use my whole foot.

All right.

Look, if you're not going to cooperate, you know,

you can go to your room.

Now, don't be harsh with him, Danny.

He has a right to show off his talents, too.

Well, let him show 'em off when he's asked to.

But you never ask me.

I'm getting stale.

Never mind.

Linda, that was very, very good.

I predict it won't be long before we'll all be going

to your first recital, right?

Is it compulsory?

Rusty, now, I'm warning you.

Maybe we'd better break this up.

It's getting late, and Linda should get to bed.

I'll take her up.

Come on, Linda.

Goodnight.

Goodnight, little Pavlova.

Goodnight, Rusty.

KATHY: I'll be right up to tuck you in, honey.

Look young fella, you and I are going to have to have a talk.

Rus, your conduct leaves much to be desired.

And what are you acting silly about?

After all, you're 10 years old, you know?

You're not a kid anymore.

You're practically a man.

Well gee, can't I even dance if I want to?

Not like that, doing that silly stuff.

What were you trying to prove?

Oh, Danny, he's just trying to gain a little attention.

Kathy, please.

Rus, you were very disrespectful to me.

Now, I told you to stop, why didn't you stop?

Well, Linda was dancing, and he wanted to--

Kathy, please.

I think you'd better get ready for bed.

Bed? But it's early.

It's not even 9:00.

You need the rest.

After all, you're just 10 years old.

You're just a kid.

Gosh, will you make up your mind?

Make up my mind?

What's that supposed to mean?

Well, when you want me to do something, I'm a man.

When I want to do something, I'm a child.

Now, will you please make up your mind?

Young fella, you are trying my patience.

Now, Danny, don't be angry with him.

Kathy, for--

Well, he's going to bed right now, aren't you, darling?

OK.

Goodnight.

I suppose this means I don't get my catcher's mitt?

You weren't going to get a catcher's

mitt in the first place, and you know it.

Goodnight.

Look, Kathy, I appreciate what you're

trying to do for the boy, honey, but we shouldn't disagree

in front of the children.

I mean, it undermines parental authority.

Danny, I wasn't disagreeing with you.

It's just that I felt that--

Look, dear, I don't care what you felt.

Look, I happen to know more about raising kids than you do.

I've been doing it a lot longer.

And I know from the minute a child is born

and gets that first slap, he's thinking only of slapping back.

Kids think of only one thing when

it comes to their parents-- divide and conquer.

Now, we've got to stick together.

We've got to be allies.

In unity there is strength.

Aye aye, sir.

I'll remember the Alamo.

I won't fire until I see the whites of their eyes,

and up periscope.

This isn't funny, Clancy.

I know, dear, and I agree.

From now on, we'll stick together.

That's more like it.

But will you do something for me?

What?

Will you go upstairs and tuck Rusty in, and show him

that you're still his daddy?

Unless, of course, you think that that's giving

aid and comfort to the enemy?

I was going to do it, anyway.

And general?

What?

When you come back, we'll map out some strategy

over a cup of coffee.

You know something, Clancy?

You're a mighty cute ally.

Rus?

Rus?

I've come to tuck you in, son.

I'm already tucked.

Now look, don't get sore.

If I ball you out, it's because you had it coming.

You-- you showed bad manners, interrupting

Linda's dance like that.

It wasn't nice at all.

It'd be-- it'd be just like if I walked out on a stage

when Bob Hope was performing.

Now, I wouldn't do a thing like that, would I?

-No. -Of course not.

And you know why? -Yeah.

Because he gets bigger laughs.

It's not because he gets bigger laughs.

It's because I'm considerate.

Who says he gets bigger laughs?

Don't answer that.

Ain't nothing to do with it, anyhow.

The point is you were wrong.

And if I wasn't such a softy, brother,

you'd have gotten more than just a balling out.

All right.

If that's the way you feel about it, go ahead.

Beat me.

Stop being silly, huh?

No, go on.

If it'll make you feel better, bruise my little body.

Oh, cut it out.

No one cares what happens to me, because I'm

not a googly eyed little girl.

You mean to tell me you're jealous of Linda?

Well, you're always making such a fuss over her.

I thought you were supposed to be my father?

I am, Russ, I am.

But that's just the point.

If I pay a little more attention to Linda,

it's because I want her to feel like I'm her real father, not

her stepfather.

Well, you're making me feel like you're my stepfather.

I do not make you feel like I'm your stepfather!

Then how come you're always stepping on me?

Rus, look, look, I know I'm-- I'm going overboard

for little Linda right now, and showing her a lot of attention.

It's because I-- I want her to know that I love her,

don't you understand?

To give her-- give her security.

But I don't have to show you that I love you.

You know I love you.

Do you really?

Honest?

Of course I love you.

Then will you buy me a catcher's mitt?

No.

You have a nerve, asking for a catcher's mitt.

You've lost two of them already.

Now, you see?

The minute I ask you for something, you get mad at me.

I bet you wouldn't get mad at Linda.

Linda.

Never mind.

Linda has nothing to do with a catcher's mitt.

You don't see her getting sore when Kathy's extra nice to you.

What?

Kathy's extra nice to me?

Of course.

Kathy goes overboard for you, just

like I do for little Linda.

And for the same reasons.

Gee, I never noticed Kathy going overboard for me so much.

Well, you just haven't been paying attention, that's all.

There's nothing Kathy wouldn't do for you.

-Really? -Of course.

Didn't she just stick up for you downstairs?

Now look, be a nice fella and go to sleep, will ya?

OK, Daddy.

Now, you've got nothing to worry about.

It's a very happy home.

Everything is fine, OK?

OK.

Oh, Daddy?

What?

Can I have a piece of chocolate cake?

Rus--

It'll help me sleep.

But you had two pieces at dinner.

What are you gonna, eat?

You gonna blow up like a blimp?

Now come on, be a good fella.

Forget about the cake. Go to sleep.

OK. Goodnight.

Goodnight.

I want to say goodnight to Rusty.

Naturally.

Everything all right, sweetheart?

Mm-hm.

Anything I can do for you before I turn out the light?

No, I guess not.

All right.

Goodnight, honey.

Goodnight, Kathy.

Oh, Kathy?

Hm?

Since you brought up the subject,

there is something you could get for me.

Oh, what's that?

A piece of chocolate cake.

Oh, now Rusty, you had two pieces of chocolate cake

for dinner.

Gosh, is everybody in this house counting?

You're just like Daddy.

He thinks I'll get too fat.

But I'm not fat.

I know you're not, but three pieces of cake in one evening?

Aw, gee, Kathy, I love you so.

And I get so angry at night.

And I love you so.

You little conniver.

Rusty, you don't have to eat the plate.

Mm.

Boy, that sure was relaxing.

Now I'll have a good night's sleep.

Yes, you will, but your stomach will be up all night.

Now, go brush your teeth, and then turn out the light.

But I already brushed my teeth.

That was before the chocolate cake.

Oh, yes. OK.

Goodnight, Kathy.

Goodnight, honey.

Linda?

Linda?

LINDA: Yes?

Are you asleep?

Yes.

Sit down.

We've got something to talk about.

Have you noticed how extra nice Daddy has been to you?

Yes.

And have you noticed how extra nice Kathy has been to me?

Yes.

Do you know why they're being so extra nice to us?

-Yes. -Why?

I don't know.

You know, Linda, for a little girl,

you've got an awfully thick skull.

Now pay attention.

It's because they're trying to make good with us.

And if we play our cards right, we can get anything we want.

We can?

Oh, boy.

I think I'm finally getting through.

Now look, here's how it works.

If we need something from Daddy, you go ask him.

If it's something we need from Kathy, I'll do the asking.

It's foolproof.

They'll never turn us down.

They won't?

No.

I just tried it on Kathy, and it worked like a charm.

Why, there's no limit to what we can get.

Ice cream, toys, movies, a sports car!

Kid, believe me.

This is the greatest thing since fairy godmothers.

Are you with me?

Boy, have we got 'em over a barrel.

What are you gonna ask for first?

A Mama Doll.

Mama Doll?

That's a little tough for a starter.

I heard Kathy say you couldn't have a Mama Doll.

Like Daddy said I couldn't have a catcher's mitt.

Hm, they're pretty tough items.

We're going to have to work up to them.

What can I get for you right now?

I'll tell you what.

We'll get Daddy to double your allowance.

Yeah, that's it.

We'll get him to double your allowance,

and then we'll split it.

I don't get an allowance.

You don't?

Aw, you poor, underpaid kid.

We're going to do something about that right now.

This'll be a cinch for ya.

Just go up to Daddy and ask him for some money.

Ask him for $0.50, like I get.

Will he really give it to me?

Of course.

He's trying to make an impression on you.

All you've gotta do is be adorable.

Look up at him with your big hazel eyes,

and look-- bat your eyelashes, like this.

That'll get him.

He can't resist you.

DANNY: All right, honey--

Well, here he comes now.

Get to work.

Yeah.

All right, sweetheart.

Daddy, dear!

Beautiful.

What a lovely greeting.

How's the most beautiful girl in kindegarten, eh?

You gonna be real nice and attentive to the teacher today?

Yes, Daddy.

That's my girl.

Daddy?

Yeah, honey?

Could I have an allowance?

An allowance?

Well, I don't know.

How much did you have in mind?

$0.50, just like Rusty.

$0.50?

That's a lot of money for a little girl.

Is that how much your mommy's been giving you?

She never gave me an allowance.

I'm a poor, underpaid kid.

Well, I don't know.

$0.50?

That's-- I don't know.

I-- I don't know.

Please?

What am I going to do?

I'm a victim of a beautiful dame.

All right, I guess you're entitled to as much as Rusty

gets.

Here.

There's $0.50.

Now be a good girl.

Daddy's gotta go have his picture taken.

Goodbye.

Bye, Daddy.

Goodbye.

You see?

It worked just like I said.

25 for you, and 25 for me.

Come on, let's get to school.

Stick with me, kid, and you'll be

the only girl in kindergarten with a mink pencil box.

Hello, Rusty.

Hi, Kathy.

Where's Linda?

Oh, she'll be along in a minute.

Kathy, could I ask you something?

Of course, dear.

What is it?

Well, could Linda and I watch "Cowboy Roundup" on TV tonight?

Oh I guess so.

What time does it go on?

8:00.

Hm, that's an hour show.

Means getting to bed pretty

Oh, it'll only be 9:00, and we'll go to bed as soon as it's

over, and sleep real har.d

Oh--

Please?

I guess so.

You know, you have a way of twisting

me around your little finger.

I know.

I mean, really?

Rusty?

The man said they don't have any mink pencil boxes.

A mink pencil box?

Oh, it's just a story I made up for Linda.

Hey Linda, guess what?

We get to watch TV tonight.

Oh, boy!

But you have to go to bed right after you've--

Where did you get that?

I bought it.

Where'd you get the money for it?

From Daddy.

He gave me $0.50.

Daddy gave you $0.50?

It's my allowance.

Your allowance?

I'm on the payroll now.

Rusty, have you been making up stories for Linda

about high finance?

Me?

Whatever gave you that idea?

I just don't understand your father.

You shouldn't be getting an allowance.

You're much too young.

But Daddy wanted me to have it.

Isn't it all right if Daddy said so?

Well, I-- well, I guess just this time.

Oh--

Kid, I'm proud of you.

You handled that beautifully.

Now, you see?

We can go one like this forever.

They're helpless.

Hello?

Hey, Daddy's home.

Hello, anybody?

Hello, sweetheart.

What are you doing home at this hour?

Well, rehearsal busted up kind of early,

and then I remembered it was Saturday,

so I thought I'd come and take the little ones

to the zoo, or something.

Oh, what a shame.

They've both gone to the movies.

Oh?

Mm-hm.

Maybe I can pick 'em up afterward,

and buy 'em a soda, or something.

What movie did they go to?

Oh, uh, something around the corner, here.

The Circle?

The Circle?

Mm-hm.

Honey, I distinctly told Rusty he couldn't go to the Circle

until the end of this week.

Why not?

Why not?

Do you know playing at the Circle?

No.

Oh, it's a great bill for children.

A triple feature.

"All Night Drag Race," "Confessions of a Gang Girl,"

and "Reform School Rock."

Oh, dear, why do they play movies like that

at a neighborhood theater?

Because there are parents stupid enough

to let their children go see 'em, that's why.

Now wait a minute.

I had no idea those pictures were playing there.

It's your duty to have an idea what's

playing in our neighborhood, Mrs. Williams.

Well, I'm sorry.

Oh, you're sorry?

A lot of good that's going to do when those kids start running

around in leather jackets and playing

chicken on their tricycles.

Danny, you don't have to raise your voice at me.

Rusty begged me, and--

So you let him go.

I say he can't go, you say he can go.

Here we go again.

Two ends against a middle.

Divide and conquer.

Whatever happened to our united front?

You're a fine one to talk about a united front.

What's so united about giving Linda a $0.50 allowance without

my knowing anything about it? -Now, just a--

Hello, Daddy. Hello, Kathy.

Hello.

Hello, Terry.

Don't stop fighting on my account.

Go right ahead.

We're not fighting.

Just because her face is red and my veins are bulging

doesn't mean we're fighting.

No, but we're giving a pretty good imitation of it.

What's it about?

Rusty and Linda?

How did you know?

Well, it wasn't very hard to guess.

They've been getting away with murder lately.

Well, Rusty's getting away with murder.

Kathy's been spoiling him rotten.

When it comes to spoiling children,

I don't have a monopoly.

Not by a long shot.

Meaning what?

Meaning that you're doing more than your share.

What do you think of a father who

gives a five year old child a $0.50 allowance a week? $0.50!

Every time I look at her, she's got

a different flavored popsicle.

What's the difference?

They're not habit forming.

What's the matter, you afraid she's

going to have to join popsicles anonymous, or something?

But $0.50?

So I'm generous.

Sue me.

Generosity is one thing.

Lack of common sense is another.

Like this morning, letting Linda have root beer for breakfast.

It was very nourishing.

She poured it on her cereal.

Besides, she asked for it in such a way,

I couldn't refuse it.

Well, Rusty asked me to go to the movies

in such a way I couldn't refuse him.

My gosh.

Don't you two adults realize what's going on?

No.

Tell us, Grandma, what's going on?

Simple as ABC.

A, Rusty knows that Kathy wants him to feel she loves him, just

like he's her own little boy.

B, he also knows you feel the same way about Linda.

C, he therefore has obviously formed a syndicate.

Formed a syndicate?

Yes.

If they need anything from you, Linda asks for it.

If they need anything from Kathy,

Rusty does the dirty work.

Those two little monsters have a sweet racket going.

Oh, now just a minute, Terry.

You're giving those babies a lot more credit than they deserve.

They couldn't possibly cook up a scheme like that.

If I know my diabolical little brother,

they'll never make a pot big enough to hold

all the things he can cook up.

Now, Terry, Rusty's clever, but he's not that smart.

As a matter of fact--

All right, all right.

You're the parents, not me.

I'll butt out.

You should butt out.

The idea idea of suggesting that an innocent little angel,

a five year old baby like Linda would scheme

against her parents-- that's the most ridiculous thing I

ever heard of.

And Rusty is incapable of anything like that, either.

Why, he just became leader of the Cub Scouts.

If it'll make you happy, I'll bite my tongue.

Hi.

Well, if it isn't Jesse James and Mata Hari.

Terry, I told you, I don't want that kind of language

in this house.

All right, I'll go to my room and hate myself.

You should hate yourself, such insinuations.

I agree with your father.

There's nothing worse than a home in suspicion and distrust.

Daddy?

Yeah, sweetheart?

Could I have a catcher's mitt?

Sure, dear.

I'll get you one first thing in the morning.

Kathy?

Yes, honey?

Could I have a Mama Doll?

Oh, of course, darling.

A catcher's mitt?

A Mama Doll?

Why, those little connivers!

Madam, choose your weapons.

Rusty!

Linda?

Little angels?

Come along, my sweets.

Now, you two have been getting a lot of goodies from Kathy

and Daddy, haven't you?

Uh-huh.

Guess what you're going to get now?

Wait a minute, Daddy.

Before you do anything, I'd like to tell something to Linda.

What's that?

It's every man for himself!

What I can't get over is little Linda

asking for a catcher's mitt.

And how about rusty asking for a Mama Doll?

Boy, they sure overplayed their hands that time.

I wonder if they really thought they could get away it?

Of course.

Kids think their parents are idiots.

At least they've learned their lesson-- I hope.

If they haven't, next time they pull

a stunt like this, their punishment

is gonna be a lot more than just an hour

or two in their bedroom.

That's right, dear.

But bless 'em.

You got to forgive and forget.

Think I'll go up and kiss Linda goodnight.

Danny, what was that?

What was what?

That.

Danny, shame on you.

Letting a little girl push you around like that.

I'm sorry.

You know, you've just got to be more firm with Linda.

OK, dear.

I promise, it won't happen again.

You're just an old softy.