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1
00:00:59,227 --> 00:01:00,494
Danny, wait a minute.
2
00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:01,129
Huh?
3
00:01:01,229 --> 00:01:02,396
This is beautiful.
4
00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:04,598
Like it?
5
00:01:04,698 --> 00:01:06,267
Love it.
6
00:01:06,367 --> 00:01:08,636
May I be the first to wish
you a happy honeymoon, Mrs.
7
00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:10,304
Williams?
8
00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:12,240
Same to you, Mr. Williams.
9
00:01:12,340 --> 00:01:13,774
Wait till you see the
suite I got for us.
10
00:01:13,874 --> 00:01:15,109
It's beautiful.
11
00:01:15,209 --> 00:01:17,245
All right, darling, but
first I'd better wire
12
00:01:17,345 --> 00:01:18,446
Mother that we arrived safely.
13
00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:19,147
OK.
14
00:01:19,247 --> 00:01:20,214
I'll take of the bags.
15
00:01:22,816 --> 00:01:24,051
Hey, Danny!
16
00:01:24,152 --> 00:01:25,253
Danny!
17
00:01:25,353 --> 00:01:26,820
Well, Hally
Marvel, how are you?
18
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:27,655
I'm fine.
19
00:01:27,755 --> 00:01:28,756
How about you?
20
00:01:28,856 --> 00:01:30,224
-Real great, thanks.
-Oh, good.
21
00:01:30,324 --> 00:01:31,959
Hey, I didn't know you
were booked in here.
22
00:01:32,059 --> 00:01:32,926
Well, I'm not, I'm not.
23
00:01:33,026 --> 00:01:33,727
I'm here on my honeymoon.
24
00:01:33,827 --> 00:01:34,595
No.
25
00:01:34,695 --> 00:01:35,296
That's right.
26
00:01:35,396 --> 00:01:37,465
Got married yesterday.
27
00:01:37,565 --> 00:01:39,800
Oh, I love you.
28
00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:41,202
This place is perfect for us.
29
00:01:41,302 --> 00:01:42,203
It's beautiful here.
30
00:01:42,303 --> 00:01:43,237
I'm so glad we came.
31
00:01:43,337 --> 00:01:45,606
Glad you like it, sweetheart.
32
00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:47,175
This is an old friend
of mine, Harry Marvel.
33
00:01:47,275 --> 00:01:48,809
Harry, this is Terry.
34
00:01:48,909 --> 00:01:49,777
Daddy, Daddy.
35
00:01:49,877 --> 00:01:51,345
Sweetheart.
36
00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:52,546
Hey.
37
00:01:52,646 --> 00:01:55,883
When can we go horseback
riding and to Lake Meade?
38
00:01:55,983 --> 00:01:56,717
Take it easy.
39
00:01:56,817 --> 00:01:57,718
One place at a time.
40
00:01:57,818 --> 00:01:58,952
Yeah, let's get going.
41
00:01:59,052 --> 00:01:59,787
We're going to have
a swell honeymoon.
42
00:01:59,887 --> 00:02:00,988
You bet.
43
00:02:01,088 --> 00:02:02,823
You know something, Dad?
44
00:02:02,923 --> 00:02:04,024
What's that?
45
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:05,359
If I knew it was
going to be like this,
46
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:08,929
I would have let you get
married a lot sooner.
47
00:02:09,029 --> 00:02:10,464
I didn't know you
had three kids.
48
00:02:10,564 --> 00:02:13,467
Well, Linda here is
my wife's little girl.
49
00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:16,003
You bring three kids with
you on your honeymoon?
50
00:02:16,103 --> 00:02:17,638
Sure, why not?
51
00:02:17,738 --> 00:02:20,140
Yeah, why not?
52
00:02:20,241 --> 00:02:21,475
Doesn't everybody?
53
00:02:21,575 --> 00:02:23,644
Daddy, can I have a dime
for an ice cream cone?
54
00:02:23,744 --> 00:02:26,079
No, you can't have a dime
for an ice cream cone.
55
00:02:26,180 --> 00:02:27,047
You'll spoil your lunch.
56
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:29,116
Oh, gee, it's just a dime.
57
00:02:29,217 --> 00:02:30,284
Never mind it's just a dime.
58
00:02:30,384 --> 00:02:31,719
Now go keep an
eye on Linda, huh?
59
00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:32,720
OK.
60
00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,622
Darling, I got the wire out.
61
00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:35,389
Good.
62
00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:39,092
Harry, this is my bride.
63
00:02:39,193 --> 00:02:40,093
How do you do?
64
00:02:40,194 --> 00:02:41,395
How do you do?
65
00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:43,464
I'll see you at the big
show tonight, Danny.
66
00:02:43,564 --> 00:02:44,232
What show?
67
00:02:44,332 --> 00:02:45,733
The big benefit.
68
00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:48,269
Everybody's going to be on,
Sinatra, Jerry Lewis, Lena
69
00:02:48,369 --> 00:02:51,405
Horne, and with you
and act too, oh,
70
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:53,274
what a show that's going to be.
71
00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:56,410
Well, Harry, I'm not going
to be on that show tonight.
72
00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:58,412
You're not going on, huh?
73
00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:00,314
No, he's not going on.
74
00:03:00,414 --> 00:03:04,051
He works hard all year long and
he's entitled to a vacation.
75
00:03:04,151 --> 00:03:05,753
Besides, this is our honeymoon.
76
00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:06,754
That's right, Harry.
77
00:03:06,854 --> 00:03:08,489
No show business this time.
78
00:03:08,589 --> 00:03:12,025
Matter of fact, I'm not even
going to sing in the bathtub.
79
00:03:12,125 --> 00:03:14,995
Well, I'll be
seeing you, Danny.
80
00:03:15,095 --> 00:03:16,264
Well, see you, Harry.
81
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:19,767
Daddy.
82
00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:21,302
What?
83
00:03:21,402 --> 00:03:22,870
You don't have to give me a
dime for an ice cream cone.
84
00:03:22,970 --> 00:03:23,771
That's fine.
85
00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:24,772
Just give me a nickel.
86
00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:26,073
Don't be silly.
87
00:03:26,173 --> 00:03:27,040
You can't get an ice
cream cone for a nickel.
88
00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:28,642
I know.
89
00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:32,112
But a man said if I could get a
nickel, he's split one with me.
90
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:34,181
A man said if you
could get a nickel,
91
00:03:34,282 --> 00:03:35,883
he'd split an ice
cream cone with you?
92
00:03:35,983 --> 00:03:36,784
-Yeah.
-What man?
93
00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:38,252
That man right there.
94
00:03:49,129 --> 00:03:50,831
Danny, wasn't that
man Jack Benny?
95
00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:53,634
Of course, who else would
make a deal like that?
96
00:03:58,506 --> 00:04:00,007
This is beautiful.
97
00:04:00,107 --> 00:04:01,809
It must be so expensive.
98
00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:03,411
Well, this is our
week to live it up.
99
00:04:03,511 --> 00:04:05,178
After all, how often do
we go on our honeymoon?
100
00:04:05,279 --> 00:04:09,383
I don't know about you, but I'm
ready to sign up for next year.
101
00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:10,884
Let's start unpacking
our things, huh?
102
00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:12,085
OK.
103
00:04:12,185 --> 00:04:13,287
You can put everything
out on the bed
104
00:04:13,387 --> 00:04:14,588
and I'll help you
put it away later.
105
00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:15,423
All right.
106
00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:25,499
Well, what do we
do first, swimming,
107
00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:27,868
fishing, horseback riding?
108
00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:31,605
Well first, we just stand
here and let me look at you.
109
00:04:31,705 --> 00:04:33,374
Satisfied?
110
00:04:33,474 --> 00:04:34,775
Well-- You better be.
111
00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:37,945
This firm makes no
exchanges or refunds.
112
00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:40,514
Well, if I'm stuck I'm stuck.
113
00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:45,986
Holy smoke.
114
00:04:46,086 --> 00:04:47,721
You two doing that again?
115
00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:49,423
Do you mind?
116
00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:51,559
I don't mind, but
it sure looks silly.
117
00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:01,101
Oh, what's the matter honey?
118
00:05:01,201 --> 00:05:02,370
Daddy, are you ready?
119
00:05:02,470 --> 00:05:03,904
Ready for what?
120
00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:05,573
Well, you said you were going
to take us to Hoover Dam.
121
00:05:05,673 --> 00:05:07,007
Oh yeah, sure,
sure we're going.
122
00:05:07,107 --> 00:05:09,543
Well, we better hurry up
before that Mr. Marvel talks
123
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:11,311
you into doing another show.
124
00:05:11,412 --> 00:05:12,646
Now let's get one
thing straight.
125
00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:15,282
Nobody is going to talk
me into doing any shows.
126
00:05:15,383 --> 00:05:16,850
Want to bet?
127
00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:18,251
Yeah, and you'd lose too.
128
00:05:18,352 --> 00:05:20,320
I mean, I didn't come here to
stand before a mob of people,
129
00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:21,321
telling jokes.
130
00:05:21,422 --> 00:05:22,089
I came here for a honeymoon.
131
00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:23,591
Sure, sure.
132
00:05:23,691 --> 00:05:25,459
The fact that there are two
shows on every other block
133
00:05:25,559 --> 00:05:27,194
had nothing to do with it.
134
00:05:27,294 --> 00:05:28,562
Certainly it had
nothing to do with it.
135
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:30,464
I came here because
everybody knows us.
136
00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:32,666
They'll roll out the
red carpet for us.
137
00:05:32,766 --> 00:05:34,835
Yeah, roll it out on the
stage, hit it with a spotlight,
138
00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:35,669
and you're on.
139
00:05:40,307 --> 00:05:41,308
Come on, in you go.
140
00:05:41,409 --> 00:05:42,142
Daddy?
141
00:05:42,242 --> 00:05:43,110
What?
142
00:05:43,210 --> 00:05:44,945
Can I drive?
143
00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:46,814
No, I'm afraid not.
144
00:05:46,914 --> 00:05:48,248
Can I help you steer?
145
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:49,450
No, dear.
146
00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:50,751
These highways are
kind of dangerous.
147
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:51,585
You better not.
148
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:52,953
I know.
149
00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:55,456
Can I sit up in front and make
the windshield wipers work?
150
00:05:55,556 --> 00:05:57,190
You don't have to have
the windshield wipers.
151
00:05:57,290 --> 00:05:58,926
It's not going to rain.
152
00:05:59,026 --> 00:05:59,927
Some honeymoon.
153
00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:07,234
Shell.
154
00:06:07,334 --> 00:06:08,669
I think I left the
keys on the dresser.
155
00:06:08,769 --> 00:06:09,503
I did.
156
00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:10,438
I won't be but a minute, honest.
157
00:06:10,538 --> 00:06:11,705
I'll be right back.
158
00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:12,440
Danny!
159
00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:13,741
Oh, hello, Charlie.
160
00:06:13,841 --> 00:06:14,374
How are you?
161
00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:15,342
Fine, how are you?
162
00:06:15,443 --> 00:06:16,610
Good.
163
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:18,211
Hey you down here to
do the big benefit?
164
00:06:18,311 --> 00:06:20,213
No, no, Charlie, as a matter of
fact, I'm here on my honeymoon.
165
00:06:20,313 --> 00:06:21,081
You're honeymooning?
166
00:06:21,181 --> 00:06:22,015
That's wonderful.
167
00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:22,983
Say, who'd you marry?
168
00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:23,984
Is she in show business?
169
00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:25,453
No, Charlie, she's a nurse.
170
00:06:25,553 --> 00:06:27,588
But look, the family's
waiting for me out in the car.
171
00:06:27,688 --> 00:06:30,257
I'll call you later tonight and
fill you in on the whole thing,
172
00:06:30,357 --> 00:06:31,525
OK?
-Sure, sure.
173
00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:32,926
Oh, just a minute,
Danny, before you go,
174
00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:34,327
I want you to hear a story
I heard the other day.
175
00:06:34,428 --> 00:06:35,629
I haven't got time.
176
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:36,530
Oh, maybe you can use
it in your act, Dan.
177
00:06:36,630 --> 00:06:37,565
All right, all right.
178
00:06:37,665 --> 00:06:38,265
OK, but make it fast, will you?
179
00:06:38,365 --> 00:06:39,567
Yeah, OK.
180
00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:40,734
This fellow goes in
to buy a canary, see?
181
00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:41,735
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
182
00:06:41,835 --> 00:06:43,303
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
183
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,305
Charlie, is this the story where
a fellow goes to a pet store
184
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:47,541
and buys a canary, gets
it home and discover
185
00:06:47,641 --> 00:06:48,642
it's got a broken leg.
186
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:50,210
Then he runs back
to the pet store
187
00:06:50,310 --> 00:06:52,746
and he starts screaming and
complaining to the shopkeeper?
188
00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:54,515
And the shopkeeper
says, wait a minute.
189
00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:56,349
What are you complaining about?
190
00:06:56,450 --> 00:06:57,851
So the canary's
got a broken leg.
191
00:06:57,951 --> 00:07:01,054
You said you wanted a
singer, not a dancer.
192
00:07:01,154 --> 00:07:03,056
Good story.
193
00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:04,858
You heard it, huh?
194
00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:06,460
Where do you
think you heard it?
195
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:07,761
I been telling it for years.
196
00:07:07,861 --> 00:07:09,029
Yeah?
197
00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:10,964
I used to do it just ahead
of the baker shop routine.
198
00:07:11,064 --> 00:07:12,165
Don't you remember?
199
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:14,868
The ba-- oh, that's a
wonderful-- do me a favor.
200
00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:16,036
Tell Martha.
201
00:07:16,136 --> 00:07:17,037
You know you kill my wife.
-I haven't got time.
202
00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:18,038
Come on.
203
00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:20,440
Really, I haven't got time.
204
00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:22,109
How are you, Martha?
-Hello, Danny.
205
00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:23,143
How nice to see you.
206
00:07:23,243 --> 00:07:24,144
Excuse me, I really have to go.
207
00:07:24,244 --> 00:07:25,345
Danny, I'm laughing already.
208
00:07:29,382 --> 00:07:31,251
I'm hot.
209
00:07:31,351 --> 00:07:32,620
I'm thirsty.
210
00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:34,988
Hope they have some
water at Hoover Dam.
211
00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:36,957
Maybe we better go
look for him, Cathy.
212
00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:38,959
I was just thinking
the same thing.
213
00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:39,793
Come on.
214
00:07:54,441 --> 00:07:55,342
Oh, Danny, I loved that.
215
00:07:55,442 --> 00:07:56,710
Tell another.
216
00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,378
Tell the one about the
man in the fish market.
217
00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:00,581
Oh no, Danny, tell about the
man in the Chinese restaurant.
218
00:08:00,681 --> 00:08:03,483
The one about the man who
goes in to buy a lobster.
219
00:08:03,584 --> 00:08:05,185
No, Danny, tell the
one about the man
220
00:08:05,285 --> 00:08:08,255
who left his family waiting
in the car for 30 minutes.
221
00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:09,456
Holy smoke.
222
00:08:09,557 --> 00:08:10,958
Honey, wait, wait.
223
00:08:11,058 --> 00:08:11,959
Don't go, Danny.
224
00:08:12,059 --> 00:08:12,793
No, please.
225
00:08:12,893 --> 00:08:13,961
You have to tell us another one.
226
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:18,065
Honey.
227
00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:19,466
Wait a minute, will you?
228
00:08:19,567 --> 00:08:20,333
Listen, I can explain.
229
00:08:20,433 --> 00:08:21,368
Will you wait a minute?
230
00:08:21,468 --> 00:08:23,203
Will you please wait a minute?
231
00:08:23,303 --> 00:08:26,006
Look, Cathy, I'm sorry, darling,
but a friend of mine stopped me
232
00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:27,941
and well, he started
me telling jokes,
233
00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:30,878
and people gathered around
and, you know how it is,
234
00:08:30,978 --> 00:08:34,615
Terry, sweetheart, when people
get Daddy like that and, look,
235
00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:35,949
it won't happen again.
236
00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:37,284
I'm sorry.
237
00:08:37,384 --> 00:08:38,552
Now will you forgive me?
238
00:08:38,652 --> 00:08:43,290
Well, look, I said I'm sorry.
239
00:08:43,390 --> 00:08:44,291
Leaving us in the car.
240
00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:45,926
For 30 minutes.
241
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:48,095
In the hot sun.
242
00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:51,565
I forgive you, Daddy.
243
00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:53,500
I forgive you too.
244
00:08:53,601 --> 00:08:56,236
Well, I guess I do too.
245
00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:58,238
I think I'll stay
mad for a while.
246
00:08:58,338 --> 00:08:59,640
Well, you can stay
mad for a while.
247
00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:01,541
Look, why don't you
all go back to the car?
248
00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:03,210
I'll go get the keys and
I'll be right with you.
249
00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:04,377
All right?
-No, you won't.
250
00:09:04,477 --> 00:09:05,979
This time, we'll
all go get the keys.
251
00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:08,281
Yeah, we're going to
know where you are.
252
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:09,282
All right, all right.
253
00:09:26,867 --> 00:09:28,902
Ladies and gentlemen,
you are about to descend
254
00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:31,471
into the interior of
the second largest man
255
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:32,773
made structure in the world.
256
00:09:32,873 --> 00:09:35,142
Built and owned by the
American taxpayers.
257
00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:38,511
Now, that means you,
ladies and gentlemen.
258
00:09:38,612 --> 00:09:40,714
In other words,
you own this dam.
259
00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:42,916
Well, if I own this
dam, how come I'm sending
260
00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:44,317
myself such big electric bills?
261
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:47,721
Very funny, fella.
262
00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:51,324
Say, aren't you Danny Williams?
263
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:52,693
No, no, I'm not.
264
00:09:52,793 --> 00:09:54,461
His name is Homer Canfield.
265
00:09:54,561 --> 00:09:55,362
That's right.
266
00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:56,630
From Des Moines, Iowa.
267
00:09:56,730 --> 00:09:58,766
He's in the Hawaiian
shirt business.
268
00:09:58,866 --> 00:10:01,368
I forgive you, Daddy.
269
00:10:01,468 --> 00:10:02,770
You can't kid me.
270
00:10:02,870 --> 00:10:04,237
I'd know you any place.
271
00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:06,674
Hey, folks, look who we've
got here, Danny Williams.
272
00:10:11,344 --> 00:10:13,046
How about telling us
the one about the girls?
273
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:16,449
Because, you see,
my family's here.
274
00:10:16,549 --> 00:10:17,651
Some other time, hey, folks?
275
00:10:26,593 --> 00:10:27,828
Oh, wait a minute.
276
00:10:27,928 --> 00:10:29,997
That's not all we taxpayers own.
277
00:10:30,097 --> 00:10:31,631
We own all the
national parks, too,
278
00:10:31,732 --> 00:10:34,367
don't we, like Yosemite and
Sequoia and Yellowstone?
279
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:36,336
All the national
parks belong to us.
280
00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:38,438
And right in front of every
one of these national parks
281
00:10:38,538 --> 00:10:42,142
is a great big sign that reads,
no smoking, no picknicking,
282
00:10:42,242 --> 00:10:43,643
no hunting, no
fishing, no camping,
283
00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:45,879
no open fires, no cooking.
284
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,681
This is your national parks.
285
00:10:47,781 --> 00:10:48,548
Enjoy yourselves.
286
00:10:53,053 --> 00:10:56,556
Oh, honey, honey are you ready?
287
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,091
Dear?
288
00:10:58,191 --> 00:10:59,126
Sweetheart?
289
00:10:59,226 --> 00:11:00,527
Don't you want to
go down the elevator
290
00:11:00,627 --> 00:11:02,529
and see the bottom of the dam?
291
00:11:02,629 --> 00:11:03,931
Hey.
292
00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:07,334
Now will you please
just wait a minute?
293
00:11:07,434 --> 00:11:08,635
Cathy.
294
00:11:08,736 --> 00:11:14,407
Honey, listen, I-- I--
I couldn't help it.
295
00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:15,943
Cathy.
296
00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:16,777
Terry?
297
00:11:19,847 --> 00:11:21,014
Look at it this way, honey.
298
00:11:21,114 --> 00:11:22,482
It's part of the profession.
299
00:11:22,582 --> 00:11:24,885
There are a lot of professional
men here in a vacation.
300
00:11:24,985 --> 00:11:27,387
But I don't see any doctors
running around, saying, excuse
301
00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:28,621
me, I haven't anything to do.
302
00:11:28,722 --> 00:11:30,090
May I take out your tonsils?
303
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:31,291
Oh, honey.
304
00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:33,026
Yeah, tell me one plumber
who spends his vacation
305
00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:34,728
looking for a leaky faucet.
306
00:11:34,828 --> 00:11:37,697
Or a dentist who goes
around pulling teeth.
307
00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:39,199
Well, everybody's
had a crack at me.
308
00:11:39,299 --> 00:11:41,234
You got something to
add to that, Linda?
309
00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:42,836
I forgive you, Daddy.
310
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:48,275
Terry, take the kids
into the car, will you?
311
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:49,109
We'll be right with you.
312
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:49,743
OK.
313
00:11:49,843 --> 00:11:50,911
Come on, Rusty.
314
00:11:54,815 --> 00:11:57,250
I guess I'm just a ham, huh?
315
00:11:57,350 --> 00:11:59,987
Guess you are.
316
00:12:00,087 --> 00:12:03,090
It's not because I
want to be, honest.
317
00:12:03,190 --> 00:12:04,657
People come around
and they asked
318
00:12:04,758 --> 00:12:06,693
me to sing or tell
a joke or something,
319
00:12:06,794 --> 00:12:07,961
I can't turn them down, honey.
320
00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:10,663
I mean, look, I want
people to like me.
321
00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:12,132
It's important to me.
322
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:13,666
Isn't your honeymoon
important to you?
323
00:12:13,767 --> 00:12:16,536
Now, what kind of
a question is that?
324
00:12:16,636 --> 00:12:18,071
If my honeymoon
wasn't important me,
325
00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:19,739
would I turn down a
big benefit tonight?
326
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:21,041
You know that's the
most important event
327
00:12:21,141 --> 00:12:22,709
of the whole year around here?
328
00:12:22,810 --> 00:12:24,978
You mean you're really not
going to go in that show
329
00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:25,612
tonight?
330
00:12:25,712 --> 00:12:27,180
Of course I'm not.
331
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:28,849
Honey, we're going
to be there tonight,
332
00:12:28,949 --> 00:12:30,450
but part of the audience.
333
00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:32,519
That's all, not
part of the show.
334
00:12:32,619 --> 00:12:35,188
And after dinner, we'll
have some champagne sent up
335
00:12:35,288 --> 00:12:37,057
to the suite, and
it will be just you
336
00:12:37,157 --> 00:12:39,692
and I, a groom and his bride.
337
00:12:39,793 --> 00:12:41,128
Well--
338
00:12:41,228 --> 00:12:42,629
Tomorrow we'll spend the
whole day with the children.
339
00:12:42,729 --> 00:12:45,565
We'll go horseback
riding and fishing.
340
00:12:45,665 --> 00:12:46,666
OK?
341
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,068
Will you promise me something?
342
00:12:48,168 --> 00:12:49,069
What?
343
00:12:49,169 --> 00:12:50,303
If we go fishing
tomorrow and three bass
344
00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:51,872
stick their heads
out of the water,
345
00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:54,307
you won't spend 20 minutes
telling them jokes.
346
00:13:08,688 --> 00:13:10,958
Thank you.
347
00:13:11,058 --> 00:13:12,659
Thank you very much.
348
00:13:12,759 --> 00:13:17,530
You um-- Mary, don't
you think perhaps you're
349
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:20,767
overdoing it just a little?
350
00:13:20,868 --> 00:13:23,003
Isn't she big for 12?
351
00:13:23,103 --> 00:13:25,105
We want to thank you very much.
352
00:13:25,205 --> 00:13:26,739
You have been very
generous and we do
353
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:28,341
want to thank all of
you that have written
354
00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:31,244
in such nice letters whenever
we sit in for the inestimable
355
00:13:31,344 --> 00:13:32,379
Arthur Godfrey.
356
00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:34,147
And incidentally, there
is no truth to the rumor
357
00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:36,516
that Arthur disappeared in
Africa because something
358
00:13:36,616 --> 00:13:38,051
he disagreed with ate him.
359
00:13:43,390 --> 00:13:45,825
He's back doing business
in the same old chair.
360
00:13:45,926 --> 00:13:48,261
And Mary, if I'm not
mistaken, we have sort of
361
00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:51,198
overlooked a very famous
celebrity in the audience
362
00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:53,633
this evening, a man
that is known to you
363
00:13:53,733 --> 00:13:57,704
all through the production of
the fabulous New York Post,
364
00:13:57,804 --> 00:13:59,973
the one the only,
from Ohio, Mr. Earl
365
00:14:00,073 --> 00:14:03,110
Wilson and his beautiful
BW sitting right here.
366
00:14:05,812 --> 00:14:08,448
Thank you.
367
00:14:08,548 --> 00:14:10,783
Earl has a crew haircut,
but part of the crew
368
00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:13,120
is bailing out, I can tell you.
369
00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:15,622
You've been very nice in another
celebrity that we definitely
370
00:14:15,722 --> 00:14:18,058
have overlooked and we cannot
overlook for another moment,
371
00:14:18,158 --> 00:14:20,093
one of America's
brilliant young comedians,
372
00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:22,129
ladies and gentleman, just
married, Danny Williams.
373
00:14:22,229 --> 00:14:23,196
Give him a big hand here.
374
00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:24,064
Danny!
375
00:14:28,969 --> 00:14:31,838
AUDIENCE: Come on,
get up there, Danny.
376
00:14:31,939 --> 00:14:32,872
AUDIENCE: We want Danny.
377
00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:35,775
AUDIENCE: Come on now, get up.
378
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:38,378
AUDIENCE: Come on,
Dan, tell us a story.
379
00:14:38,478 --> 00:14:39,879
AUDIENCE: Come on.
380
00:14:39,980 --> 00:14:41,614
AUDIENCE: Come on,
Danny, let's go.
381
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:43,650
We want Danny.
382
00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:44,684
We want Danny.
383
00:14:44,784 --> 00:14:45,685
AUDIENCE: Danny.
384
00:14:45,785 --> 00:14:48,655
What do I do now?
385
00:14:48,755 --> 00:14:49,656
CROWD CHANTING: We want Danny.
386
00:14:49,756 --> 00:14:50,958
We want Danny.
387
00:14:51,058 --> 00:14:52,225
We want Danny.
388
00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:54,727
Do what you want to, Danny.
389
00:14:54,827 --> 00:14:56,496
Cathy, this is kind
of hard to explain
390
00:14:56,596 --> 00:15:00,067
but it's not just what I want
do it's what I have to do.
391
00:15:03,070 --> 00:15:04,571
Here he comes.
392
00:15:25,993 --> 00:15:30,663
Healing Hayes and Mary
Healy They're wonderful.
393
00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:32,599
Thank you Peter, thank
you for your good wishes.
394
00:15:32,699 --> 00:15:36,869
And thank you to ladies and
gentlemen for wanting me.
395
00:15:36,970 --> 00:15:43,010
Believe me, I want
to be wanted by you.
396
00:15:43,110 --> 00:15:45,412
Every performer does.
397
00:15:45,512 --> 00:15:47,981
And every performer lives
in dread fear of the day
398
00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:51,251
when you will no
longer want him.
399
00:15:51,351 --> 00:15:54,187
You're a very important
fellow, Mr. Johnnie Q. public .
400
00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:56,589
And I'm corny enough
to tell you that.
401
00:15:56,689 --> 00:16:00,893
You know, it's no different
now than it was in the days
402
00:16:00,994 --> 00:16:03,330
of the ancient
Romans, thumbs up,
403
00:16:03,430 --> 00:16:09,136
we live, put your
thumbs down and we die.
404
00:16:09,236 --> 00:16:11,838
So I don't want
you to think I was
405
00:16:11,938 --> 00:16:13,973
being coy when you
applauded so lustily
406
00:16:14,074 --> 00:16:15,242
and I didn't come on up.
407
00:16:15,342 --> 00:16:19,246
It's just that I--
well, I sort of promised
408
00:16:19,346 --> 00:16:22,015
my bride this would
be a honeymoon,
409
00:16:22,115 --> 00:16:25,185
and not a busman's holiday.
410
00:16:25,285 --> 00:16:28,688
But since I'm up here, I'd
like to tell you that she's
411
00:16:28,788 --> 00:16:29,856
never seen me perform.
412
00:16:29,956 --> 00:16:31,258
As a matter of
fact, she knows very
413
00:16:31,358 --> 00:16:32,759
little about show business.
414
00:16:32,859 --> 00:16:36,029
She was a nurse and since
she's never seen me perform,
415
00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:37,930
I don't think I'm ever going
to get a better audience
416
00:16:38,031 --> 00:16:39,599
than this one right here.
417
00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:43,270
So please make me look good
in her eyes if you don't mind.
418
00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:48,241
Now, there is an
outside chance you
419
00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:50,643
may hear a new joke tonight.
420
00:16:50,743 --> 00:16:52,879
I'd like you to do me a favor.
421
00:16:52,979 --> 00:16:53,780
Don't tell it to anybody.
422
00:16:55,648 --> 00:16:58,551
I mean, let them hear
me tell it first.
423
00:16:58,651 --> 00:16:59,886
Now let's be honest.
424
00:16:59,986 --> 00:17:01,854
You people lately, you're always
butting into our business.
425
00:17:01,954 --> 00:17:03,823
And we don't butt
into your business.
426
00:17:03,923 --> 00:17:05,358
Show business is tough.
427
00:17:05,458 --> 00:17:06,893
It takes more than nerve and
a tuxedo to get on a stage,
428
00:17:06,993 --> 00:17:07,727
you know.
429
00:17:07,827 --> 00:17:09,262
We work real hard.
430
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:11,198
We figure out the material
and make it palatable for you,
431
00:17:11,298 --> 00:17:12,031
and what happens?
432
00:17:12,132 --> 00:17:13,166
You steal our jokes.
433
00:17:13,266 --> 00:17:14,467
You run and you
tell your friends.
434
00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:15,635
Then your friends come
and here me and they
435
00:17:15,735 --> 00:17:16,503
say, how do you like that?
436
00:17:16,603 --> 00:17:17,537
Stole it from Herman.
437
00:17:21,141 --> 00:17:24,043
There are too many Hermans
running around loose.
438
00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:25,578
We got a butcher back home.
439
00:17:25,678 --> 00:17:28,081
His name is Max Gottlieb,
a Pennsylvania Dutchman.
440
00:17:28,181 --> 00:17:30,417
He will do anything
to get a laugh.
441
00:17:30,517 --> 00:17:32,285
Would you think a butcher
would go for jokes?
442
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:34,687
In the display
counter, the pigs' feet
443
00:17:34,787 --> 00:17:36,055
are wearing open toed wedgies.
444
00:17:37,857 --> 00:17:39,025
That's nothing.
445
00:17:39,126 --> 00:17:40,059
He's got an assistant,
a chicken flicker.
446
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:43,230
They call him, Mo, the flicker.
447
00:17:43,330 --> 00:17:44,597
Plucks feathers from
chickens, this fella.
448
00:17:44,697 --> 00:17:47,167
Happens to be a
frustrated ventriloquist.
449
00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:48,968
So if you should ask, is
this chicken fresh killed?
450
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:51,538
The chicken says, Schmo, can't
you see I'm still bleeding?
451
00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:02,682
I was at a benefit
not so long ago
452
00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:04,951
and there was one woman
absolutely hysterical
453
00:18:05,051 --> 00:18:06,553
with laughter.
454
00:18:06,653 --> 00:18:08,288
She had the funniest laugh you
ever heard in your whole life.
455
00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:10,323
I know I wasn't that funny
and she made me such a big man
456
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:12,725
because people were
laughing at her laugh.
457
00:18:12,825 --> 00:18:15,662
And I happened to be
on a stage at the time.
458
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:17,397
So I walked over after
the show to thank her,
459
00:18:17,497 --> 00:18:20,367
and she said, ah, you
don't know, you don't know.
460
00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:24,137
You remind me so much
of my nephew, Arthur.
461
00:18:24,237 --> 00:18:25,572
Tells the same jokes.
462
00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:29,376
And who's her nephew Arthur?
463
00:18:29,476 --> 00:18:32,745
Turns out he is Arthur Finnegan,
a spot remover in a cleaning
464
00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:34,181
and dying establishment.
465
00:18:34,281 --> 00:18:36,283
Here's a fella, takes
spots from dirty clothes,
466
00:18:36,383 --> 00:18:38,351
kills his fellow
employees with my jokes.
467
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:42,121
So they all came to the benefit,
not to see Danny Williams,
468
00:18:42,222 --> 00:18:43,556
but to see to the
fellow with the hook
469
00:18:43,656 --> 00:18:45,792
nose who does the impersonation
of Arthur Finnegan.
470
00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:51,431
And I had a fight with a
barber, an Italian barber.
471
00:18:51,531 --> 00:18:53,566
I never heard a dialect
like that in my whole life.
472
00:18:53,666 --> 00:18:55,468
And what a fight we
had over a story.
473
00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:57,837
I just went in to get a
haircut, but we had a fight
474
00:18:57,937 --> 00:19:02,642
over a story that belongs to me,
a story called The Lochs story.
475
00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:05,345
And the story, very briefly,
for those who've never heard it,
476
00:19:05,445 --> 00:19:07,280
a woman walks into
a delicatessen.
477
00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:09,115
She says, I would like
to have some lochs.
478
00:19:09,216 --> 00:19:10,750
The fellow say, how much
lochs would you like?
479
00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:14,654
She say, go ahead, cut, cut.
480
00:19:14,754 --> 00:19:16,989
So he cut a few slices.
481
00:19:17,089 --> 00:19:19,226
He said, this will make a nice
lunch for you and your husband.
482
00:19:19,326 --> 00:19:20,427
She's said, cut, cut.
483
00:19:20,527 --> 00:19:21,228
So he cut.
484
00:19:21,328 --> 00:19:23,630
So he cut some more slices.
485
00:19:23,730 --> 00:19:25,965
He said, maybe it's company
you're having for dinner.
486
00:19:26,065 --> 00:19:26,799
Cut.
487
00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:27,634
Cut.
488
00:19:30,203 --> 00:19:31,338
He stopped.
489
00:19:31,438 --> 00:19:32,472
He said, lady, you
want all that lochs,
490
00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:34,641
she said, neh, the
next two slices.
491
00:19:38,245 --> 00:19:40,347
Now, that's my story.
492
00:19:45,618 --> 00:19:46,586
All right.
493
00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:48,921
Now you know, belongs
to me, that story.
494
00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:51,391
So I go in to get a haircut
and this barber looks at me
495
00:19:51,491 --> 00:19:55,027
and he said, your name
Danny Williams, no?
496
00:19:55,127 --> 00:19:57,163
You didn't get that, did you?
497
00:19:57,264 --> 00:19:58,465
I didn't think you did.
498
00:19:58,565 --> 00:20:02,469
He said, your name is
Danny Williams, no?
499
00:20:02,569 --> 00:20:04,304
He said, my name is
Danny Williams, yes.
500
00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:06,506
He said, I cut your shoes.
501
00:20:09,175 --> 00:20:11,411
No, he didn't mean
he cut my shoes,
502
00:20:11,511 --> 00:20:15,348
he meant he caught my show.
503
00:20:15,448 --> 00:20:17,016
I better say it a little
slower because you're
504
00:20:17,116 --> 00:20:19,118
not getting it either.
505
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:22,221
Do much lower he
said, I cut you shoes.
506
00:20:22,322 --> 00:20:25,258
I see your tell this
lochs story too.
507
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:30,397
I said, what do you mean, I
tell this lochs story too?
508
00:20:30,497 --> 00:20:32,632
I'm the only one who
tells the lochs story.
509
00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:33,566
It belongs to me.
510
00:20:33,666 --> 00:20:37,236
He said,
belongs to you.
511
00:20:37,337 --> 00:20:40,239
I tell this story long time now.
512
00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:42,309
I no like the way you tell it.
513
00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:47,414
He says to me, you
tell it with a dialect.
514
00:20:47,514 --> 00:20:48,715
I like tell it straight.
515
00:21:06,132 --> 00:21:07,400
Thank you very much.
516
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:09,902
You're just a great audience.
517
00:21:10,002 --> 00:21:14,240
And I can't tell you
how much your applause
518
00:21:14,341 --> 00:21:16,075
has warmed my heart.
519
00:21:16,175 --> 00:21:18,578
I've been out here
a long time, though,
520
00:21:18,678 --> 00:21:20,980
and I've taken advantage
of your good nature,
521
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:24,484
but then like I said, your
applause is heartwarming.
522
00:21:24,584 --> 00:21:29,288
And you have no idea how
beneficial is for my arthritis.
523
00:21:33,393 --> 00:21:36,663
And I do want to thank you.
524
00:21:36,763 --> 00:21:38,798
But before this gets to be one
of those all night marathons,
525
00:21:38,898 --> 00:21:43,870
do you have an
arpeggio in B flat?
526
00:21:43,970 --> 00:21:46,673
Thank you.
527
00:21:46,773 --> 00:21:54,781
(SINGING) Let me sing a happy
song, with crazy words that
528
00:21:54,881 --> 00:21:56,949
roll along.
529
00:21:57,049 --> 00:22:07,193
And if my song can start you
laughing, I'm happy, so happy.
530
00:22:07,293 --> 00:22:13,766
Let me sing a sad
refrain of broken hearts
531
00:22:13,866 --> 00:22:15,568
that loved in vain.
532
00:22:15,668 --> 00:22:23,109
And if my song can start
you crying, I'm happy.
533
00:22:23,209 --> 00:22:29,115
Oh, let me croon
the low down blues,
534
00:22:29,215 --> 00:22:33,119
start you tapping your feet.
535
00:22:33,219 --> 00:22:37,490
And if my song can
reach your shoes
536
00:22:37,590 --> 00:22:43,896
and lift you out of
your seat, I'm happy.
537
00:22:43,996 --> 00:22:50,470
Oh, let me sing
song of cotton
538
00:22:50,570 --> 00:22:55,475
fields and Mammy's arms.
539
00:22:55,575 --> 00:23:03,082
And if my song can make
you homesick, I'm happy.
540
00:23:35,381 --> 00:23:36,883
Oh, George.
541
00:23:36,983 --> 00:23:38,250
Where did my family go?
542
00:23:38,350 --> 00:23:39,652
Well, I don't
know, Mr. Williams.
543
00:23:39,752 --> 00:23:40,887
They just got up and left.
544
00:23:40,987 --> 00:23:41,721
Hm.
545
00:23:45,992 --> 00:23:47,860
Well, can't say
that I blame them.
546
00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:50,062
I promised I wouldn't
get up and I did anyhow.
547
00:23:52,899 --> 00:23:54,601
Well, if that's the
way I'm going to treat
548
00:23:54,701 --> 00:23:56,202
her on our honeymoon, what kind
of a marriage can she expect,
549
00:23:56,302 --> 00:23:57,436
huh?
550
00:23:57,537 --> 00:23:58,971
Is there something
wrong, Mr. Williams?
551
00:23:59,071 --> 00:23:59,906
No, no, George.
552
00:24:00,006 --> 00:24:01,541
I just had the
shortest honeymoon
553
00:24:01,641 --> 00:24:02,942
on record, that's all.
554
00:24:09,782 --> 00:24:11,450
I had to put the kids to bed.
555
00:24:15,922 --> 00:24:17,824
You're not mad?
556
00:24:17,924 --> 00:24:19,391
Only at myself.
557
00:24:19,492 --> 00:24:20,893
Hm?
558
00:24:20,993 --> 00:24:22,629
I fall in love with a guy
because of the kind of a guy
559
00:24:22,729 --> 00:24:25,364
he is, and then I start right
out trying to change him.
560
00:24:25,464 --> 00:24:30,336
Danny, I want you to know that
I learned something tonight.
561
00:24:30,436 --> 00:24:31,738
I learned that a
performer doesn't
562
00:24:31,838 --> 00:24:34,941
belong to just one person.
563
00:24:35,041 --> 00:24:36,075
It's like a doctor.
564
00:24:36,175 --> 00:24:38,310
When his patient calls,
he's got to go to him,
565
00:24:38,410 --> 00:24:40,079
no matter what he's doing.
566
00:24:40,179 --> 00:24:43,049
And I guess it's the same
way with a performer.
567
00:24:43,149 --> 00:24:45,217
When his audience
calls, he's got to go
568
00:24:45,317 --> 00:24:48,187
and that's the way it should be.
569
00:24:48,287 --> 00:24:49,321
Look, Cathy--
570
00:24:49,421 --> 00:24:51,357
No, please let
me finish, Danny.
571
00:24:51,457 --> 00:24:55,094
I want you to know that I'm
proud to be part of it all.
572
00:24:55,194 --> 00:24:57,029
I'm proud to be the
wife of Danny Williams,
573
00:24:57,129 --> 00:24:59,298
the entertainer, who
holds an audience
574
00:24:59,398 --> 00:25:01,834
right in the palm of his hands.
575
00:25:01,934 --> 00:25:03,035
Oh, honey.
576
00:25:03,135 --> 00:25:05,071
But I want you to
remember one thing.
577
00:25:05,171 --> 00:25:06,706
What's that?
578
00:25:06,806 --> 00:25:10,376
I'm the only one you
hold in your arms.
579
00:25:10,476 --> 00:25:13,145
I love you.
580
00:25:13,245 --> 00:25:15,014
I love you too.
41437
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