Original subtitles

- Alright, I'll do it. - Do what?

I'm hosting a b-bachelor auction for charity

and I asked B-B-Bugs to be in it.

What am I, invisible?

I'm the most eligible bachelor here.

What's the charity?

[stutters] The literacy.

That's my favorite charity!

There's too much literacy in the world!

We need to fight against literacy!

Uh, Daffy, the-the fight is for literacy.

What? Who's for literacy?

Our highways and byways are covered in litter.

I, for one, think it should be a crime.

Littering is a crime. You went to jail for it.

Literacy is the ability to read and write.

Oh! Then count me in.

O-N, in.

[slurping]

Aah!

[theme music]

(female #1) 'Two hundred dollars!'

S-sold for $200!

[laughing]

'T-t-the next bachelor'

'B-B-Bugs Bunny.'

[applauding]

- Nine hundred dollars! - I want him!

- 'Fifteen hundred!' - Two thousand!

- Three thousand! - You better back off.

- Five thousand! - I'll fight you for him.

- Five thousand! - Oh, that's it!

Uh!

[glass shattering]

N-n-now, ladies, t-take it easy.

(Lola) 'A hundred thousand dollars!'

[all gasping]

Bun bun, I'm back!

- Lola? - S-sold!

I'm back in your life!

At least for one date, and he can't say no

because it's for a good cause.

Littering!

Our next bachelor is

D-D-Daffy Duck.

Let's keep this money train rollin', ladies.

D-Daffy has no job

'and n-no education.'

'And a c-c-credit score of ne-ne-negative 13.'

E-eh, let's start the bidding at $50.

[man coughs]

A-anyone?

It's for ch-ch-charity.

Tax deductible.

(female #2) 'Gross.'

W-well, we tried.

- Our n-next bache-- - 'Two bits!'

Sold!

[laughs]

[clattering]

Oh, my bachelor.

Knock off the pleasantries, grandma!

Let's get this date over with. So what's the plan?

Dinner, movie, moonlight stroll on the beach?

I thought we clean out my attic.

Clean your attic?

What's romantic about that?

I'm a 90-year-old woman.

Get your mind out of the gutter.

[crash]

You're sure you don't wanna start with the living room?

clang

[knock on door]

(Bugs) 'Coming.'

[banging on door]

I said I'm coming!

[doorbell ringing]

Oh, brother.

[siren]

(Lola) Oh, you're home!

Yes, Lola. I'm home.

But not for long, 'cause we are going to Paris, France!

- What? - For our date!

We're going to Paris, you know

the city of lovers.

No, no, no, no, no. That's not a date.

A date is dinner at a restaurant.

So, we'll have dinner at a restaurant in Paris!

Lola, I'm not leaving the country.

Oh, yes, you are.

It clearly states

in article five section three

of the Bachelor Auction Bylaws

that "the bidder," that's me

"will decide where and what constitutes a date

while the bidee," that's you

"must escort the bidder," again, that's me

"on said date for up to but not exceeding 24 hours."

Again, the bidee is you, and I'm the bidder

and these are the by-laws.

And this is a megaphone!

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chatter]

Oh, I'm so bored.

I read all my magazines, I did the crossword.

I ate all my peanuts. I ate all your peanuts.

I peed four times.

Oh, I feel like I've been

on this plane forever.

(male #1) 'Flight attendants, please prepare the cabin for takeoff.'

- How long is this flight again? - Ten hours.

Ten hours there and ten hours back.

That's 20 of your 24 hours.

[chuckles] Mm...someone's good at math.

That's what I love about you.

That and your smile.

Or when you frown.

And that in between smile and frown face.

And your profile.

Oh, and the back of your head. Aw! Look at your ears.

What are those?

Noise-canceling headphones.

You don't happen to have another pair, do you?

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

Well, this is my attic.

Great day in the morning!

'How much junk can a person hoard?'

Oh, if it's broken, throw it away.

Otherwise, just organize and clean as you go.

I'll go get us some tea.

[instrumental music]]

- Here we are. - Oh, thank goodness.

I'm melting!

Are you kidding me? It's a thousand degrees up here!

Ever heard of iced tea?

Ice will chip teeth.

Oh, I haven't seen these in ages.

(Daffy) 'Hubba-hubba!'

How about you set me up on a date

with your granddaughter, huh?

That's me.

During the war, I was a WAAC.

Hate to break it to you, but you're still a whack.

[blowing air]

Oh, no, silly.

The Women's Auxiliary Army Corp.

- You were in the army? - Yes. I was a spy.

[spits]

It was the final days of World War II..

[gunfire in distance]

Germany still had control of Paris.

I was told to meet my contact at the Louvre.

In front of the Mona Lisa.

Hold on. What's a contact? What's the Louvre?

And what's a Mona Lisa?

Just listen.

[instrumental music]

From now on

all exchanges are to be delivered

by carrier pigeon from the Eiffel Tower.

Carrier pigeon?

I hate birds.

[music continues]

[whispering] I was never here.

[dramatic music]

(male #2) 'Hurry, you fools!'

[music continues]

'The Americans will be here soon!'

Und we will no longer control Paris.

But we're not leaving here empty-handed.

We're going to steal all of their art.

[cackling]

smack smack

smack smack

Get to work!

[camera clicks]

A spy! Get her!

Did they catch you? Did they kill you?

They killed you, didn't they?

What? It's a legitimate question.

Now, where was I?

A spy! Get her!

[indistinct shouting]

[intense music]

[tanks rumbling]

Oh, my goodness. Oh, I'm so excited!

It's the Louvre! I love the Louvre!

Oh, I am a Louvre lover!

You can't help but fall in love when you're at the Louvre.

Surrounded by so many beautiful things.

Beautiful, expensive things.

The Louvre is the most

incredible place in the world!

The Louvre is an art museum? I thought it was a mall.

Oh, well, heh.

When in Rome!

[gasps] Wait a second.

We're not in Rome. Huh! We should go to Rome!

Or we could just roam around here.

They have great malls in Rome. The Mall of America is in Rome.

Oh, no, wait, that's in Canada.

[gasps] We should go to Canada!

[whoosh]

(Granny) I had lost the Germans.

Or so I had thought.

[dramatic music]

[gunfire]

[indistinct shouting]

[intense music]

[blowing whistle]

[intense music]

You don't look like a carrier pigeon.

(male #3) 'There's a shortage of pigeons.'

They're using any birds they can get their hands on.

'Go.'

'I said go!'

whoosh

Good luck.

Take this film to the Allied Forces.

[doors open]

[music continues]

Go!

[grunting]

Uh!

[dramatic music]

- Aah! - Whoa!

[grunts]

Oh! Oh!

[thud]

Aah!

Did you fall? Did you fall to your death?

You fell to your death!

Oh, it's time for my nap.

I'll continue my story when I wake up.

Oh, yeah, she fell to her death.

[birds chirping]

(Lola) Stonehenge.

One of the oldest structures in the world.

Lola--

Was it the droids who built it?

Or aliens, hmm?

The world will never know.

It's the Eiffel Tower.

The world will never know.

[watch beeps]

Oh, my gosh, hurry!

We only have two more hours left in Paris

and we haven't fallen in love yet!

Wait, have you fallen in love yet?

Okay, well, quit staring at Stonehenge

and let's see the rest of the city!

[snoring]

[door creaking]

[footsteps approaching]

- 'Wake up!' - Aah!

thud

You know, that's a good way to kill an old person.

I can't stand the suspense!

What happened at the Eiffel Tower?

Eiffel Tower?

Oh. Oh, yes.

I was holding on for dear life.

I am not leaving Paris without France's finest piece of art

'The Eiffel Tower.'

[all screaming]

Help!

Aah!

- No one can save you now! - I can!

[whoosh]

[screaming]

Ah, you saved my life!

He's getting away!

We need to stop him.

[intense music]

[birds chirping]

Wow! The White House.

Lola--

I thought it'd be more white.

And a little more house-looking.

Oh, our poor president.

Has to commute ten hours to work every morning

and then do a bunch of politics all day

and then get right back on that plane

and fly another ten hours just to do it

all over again the next day?

- That man deserves our support. - Lola!

♪ Oh say does that Star-Spangled Banner yet wave ♪

Lola, stop!

You need to stop talking.

We're in one of the most beautiful cities in the world.

Let's take a deep breath, look around

and just take it all in.

- That's a great-- - With no talking.

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

Yeah, no, that whole thing would have been

a lot more better with talking.

Oh!

thud

[intense music]

[gasps]

[gunfire]

Get her!

[gasps]

Idiot! I'll do it myself.

[screams]

[grunts]

A little closer.

Now!

Aah!

[gunfire]

[speaking in foreign language]

You!

Land this blimp, Frankenheimer.

I don't take orders from a woman!

I'm not just a woman. I'm a..

...whack!

[grunting]

Aah!

Aah!

This art does not belong to you!

It will soon, when we cross the German border.

[grunting]

- And who are you? - Your worst nightmare.

[grunting]

[screaming]

You're not much of a carrier pigeon

'but you're one heck of a Tweety bird.'

Now, let's turn this blimp around.

Did the blimp explode? Did it explode into a million pieces?

It exploded and killed you, didn't it?

You're not very bright, are you?

Huh?

We arrived back in Paris to an incredible reception.

The rest of the art was returned to the Louvre.

The allies liberated France.

Colonel Frankenheimer was sent to prison.

And I was rewarded with a very special gift.

A gift? What was it?

[instrumental music]

You think I would have noticed that before.

Then what's the one they got in France?

It's a fake.

Wow!

Oh, hey, we never finished cleaning your attic.

Well, truth be told, I didn't bid on you

just to clean my attic.

It's also nice to have someone to talk to.

Anytime.

That was a fun date.

Aren't you gonna walk me home?

Ah, just kiddin'.

[laughs]

[door opens]

- Hey. - Hey.

Huh?

[instrumental music]

Beep beep!

whoosh

thud

[computer beeping]

ding

thud

[wind blowing]

[machine sputtering]

[instrumental music]

Beep beep!

Beep beep!

whoosh

Beep beep!

vroom

thud

Beep beep!

whoosh

[dramatic music]

whoosh

thud

Beep beep!

whoosh

Beep beep!

whoosh

bang

thud

thud

So now, let me get this straight.

You fought in World War II?

- Yep. - How old are you?

I'll never tell.

Well, can you at least tell me if you're a boy or a girl?

[whispering]

Huh. I was wrong.

[theme music]

[stutters] That's all, folks.