Original subtitles

[intense music]

[engine revving]

grr

buzz

grr

buzz

beep beep

(male #1) 'Inside this cage'

'is the most ferocious animal on the planet.'

If it gets out, don't bother calling for help.

You won't have time.

So if you value your life

you'll keep the cage locked.

Never remove this lock.

'Any questions?'

Nope!

[tires screeching]

Hey, mister, you forgot your lock!

grr

grr grr

[theme music]

[instrumental music]

- Uh! Sleep well? - Why?

Are you implying that I wet the bed?

Phoo.

Uh, you get the paper, I'm gonna make coffee.

Are you implying that I don't know how to make coffee?

You don't know how to make coffee.

Hmm.

Another boring day in the suburbs.

[gasps]

grr

[cats meowing]

[growling]

[gasps]

Didn't you get the paper?

Do you know how to do anything around here?

Don't open that! There's a wild animal out there!

It's a dog!

That is no dog!

- It's a dog. - No.

[whimpering]

Aww, are you lost, Poochie?

[growling]

Maybe he belongs to one of our neighbors.

He's a wild animal.

He can't possibly belong to one of our neighbors.

Well, then maybe we should keep him.

But what if he belongs to one of our neighbors?

[door bell rings]

Ooh, hello.

We're sorry to bother you, but did you lose a pet?

[growling]

Lose a bet? Oh, I don't gamble.

I mean, I'll buy a lottery ticket now and then.

(Bugs) 'No, no, not a bet. A pet.'

'We found this dog.'

Oh, you found my clog.

Oh, thank goodness.

I've been looking everywhere for it.

Oh, brother, forget the clog.

What she really needs is a hearing aid.

Cheering maid?

What's a cheering maid?

You know, a cheering maid.

'It's basically a cheerleader who cleans your house.'

'Sometimes they'll get in pyramid formation.'

'They wear cute little pleated skirts that can double as mops.'

[giggling]

I tot I taw a Tasmanian devil!

Nice try, bird.

[growling]

I did! I did see a Tasmanian devil!

Yeow!

(Daffy) 'Come on, lady, cheering maids!'

'They wax the floor with their pony tails.'

'The chant the names of various cleaning products.'

'They vacuum your floors'

'while dating the captain of the football team.'

'They do W-I-N-D-O-W-S, windows.'

- 'Windows!' - 'Whoa! '

'They dry your laundry by waving it out like a flag.'

'You know, cute little girls with names like'

'Cindy, Margie, Britney.'

'There's always a Britney, with a toothy little smile'

'and a feather duster. What don't you understand?'

'They're real energetic.'

They use pom-poms instead of sponges.

Wait! Why are we still talking about cheering maids?

- Is this your dog or not? - Do I do the foxtrot?

Oh, why, yes, of course! Oh, yes!

[humming]

You know what?

Let's just keep the mangy beast.

Because I can't take another second of this.

You hear that, boy?

'You got a new home.'

[dramatic music]

[woman screaming on TV]

[growling]

Aah! Not my recliner!

Aww. He must be hungry.

[woman screaming on TV]

You stay here and keep an eye on Poochie

while I go get him some dog food.

Say, now that I think about it

he's gonna need a dog bowl, too.

And a dog collar, and a dog leash, and a dog bed.

[engine revving]

'Oh, maybe a little dog sweater.'

Alright, you filthy beast, drop it!

[growling]

Mother! Easy, boy, easy.

Sorry if the filthy beast remark came off a little harsh.

I meant it as a compliment.

You know, like, look at that filthy beast!

I like to party with that guy!

[growling]

Oh, come on. You don't want to hurt me.

I'm a sweet guy, ha-ha.

Not sweet as in delicious.

Just sweet as in my personality.

Everyone who knows me says I'm extremely tender.

Ah, I mean, you know, tender and nice.

Not like my meat is tender.

Although duck meat is one of your more tender meats.

Oh, no! I've said too much!

[growling]

Yeow!

Ah!

Animal control, there's a monster in my house

who's trying to kill me!

[growling]

[screaming]

[whimpering]

Hmm? Hmm? Hmm?

[growling]

[screaming]

What are you doing out here?

Hey, you're supposed to be watching Poochie.

Poochie is a psychotic monster!

He hunted me like I was his prey!

If you don't want to watch the dog, just say so.

You can't go in there. It's a death sentence.

We gotta sell the house, start out new!

This neighborhood's a bummer anyway!

'Wait!'

Since this is the last time I'm ever going to see you alive

there's a few things I need to tell you.

Remember that time someone ate all your Halloween candy

and I said it must have been aliens?

It was me.

And remember that time someone ordered

all those pay per view movies and I said it was aliens?

That was me, too.

And remember that time you were abducted by aliens

and I insisted it was me?

I lied. It was aliens.

Poochie, I'm home.

[Bugs Bunny screaming]

A gruesome tragedy's gonna make it a lot harder

to sell this house.

[intense music]

Ah! My glamour shot!

Ah! My tennis trophy!

Ah! My glamour shot of my tennis trophy!

- No! - 'Hey!'

What's going on out here?

We're trying to celebrate my niece's quinceanera.

'It's a special day and you're ruining it.'

Now, please, Senor Bunny, keep it down.

[growling]

What is that thing?

He's my dog.

Woof. If you say so.

But that's one ugly dog.

How did you do that?

I simply asserted my place as the alpha dog.

Sit. See? He's calm.

Because now he knows I am not afraid of him.

Down.

Roll over. You see?

You need to be the alpha dog to him.

Alpha dog, huh?

One disclaimer.

This stuff works on dogs.

And...I'm still not convinced that that's a dog.

swoosh

(Bugs bunny) 'What is wrong with everyone?'

'He's obviously a dog.'

[growling]

'Tch.'

'Good boy.'

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

Oh, a dog salon.

You've been such a good boy today.

You deserve a little pampering.

Have you seen this animal? He's very dangerous.

If you see him, call the zoo immediately.

How may I help you?

We'll take the puppy pamper package, please.

We're very busy.

The Worstminster Dog Show is tonight.

As you can see, every dog who's any dog is here getting ready.

In that case, maybe I should enter my dog.

Well, if you're competing, I can certainly squeeze you in..

Oh, my! What is that?

That's my dog.

[scoffing]

Sir, I hate to be the bearer of obvious news..

...but that is not a dog.

Hmm?

What did you just say?

'I said that thing is not a dog.'

Hmm?

[grunting]

[whimpering]

For your information, that is a dog.

He may not be the prettiest dog.

He may not be the most refined dog.

'But my dog has something that no other dog in here has.'

Oh, oh.

clank clank

And that is class.

zap zap

And I'll prove it to you

because my dog's gonna win the Worstminster Dog Show.

thud

And by the way, your salon is a dump.

Come on, Poochie, you want to win a trophy?

Oh, what a cute doggie.

Let me get a good look at you.

I've never seen such a cute dog.

'What a good boy.'

[intense music]

Well, I can't think of anything else to tell you.

Have a good day!

[instrumental music]

Oh, the excitement is palpable here

at the Worstminster Dog Show.

Pray tell, who do you think is going to win?

I think that one. Oh, no, maybe that one.

'Oh, no, wait, I didn't see that one.'

Oh, you do know there can only be one winner, right?

Well, I guess that's why the excitement is so palpable!

[both laughing]

I'm here for my mani-pedi.

Sir, I've told you before, this is a salon for dogs.

Fine! I wouldn't be caught dead in here anyway.

- Your salon is a dump. - It's not our fault!

Some rabbit came in here with a wild beast claiming

he was going to enter him in the Worstminster Dog Show.

Bugs.

And people say I'm the crazy one.

[chuckles]

What a joke.

I have a better chance at winning a Dog Show

than that thing.

Tasmanian devil? Danger?

Savage killer!

I've got to warn Bugs!

Huh! Guitar lessons?

[gasps]

[guitar music]

Huh, I gotta warn Bugs!

I'm comin' to save you, Bugs!

Ooh-hoo-hoo-oooh-oooh!

Ooh, souvenirs!

[instrumental music]

(man on PA) 'Up next Bugs Bunny and his dog Poochie.'

I'm comin' to save you, Bugs!

Bugs!

Bugs, look!

[audience gasps]

(Bugs) 'You want me to take guitar lessons?'

Not that! This.

Poochie's not a dog!

He's a Tasmanian devil!

What's a Tasmanian devil?

A wild beast whose insatiable hunger for

violence and destruction

combined with his sharp teeth and claws

make him the perfect killing machine!

'Killing machine!'

'Killing machine!'

Killing machine!

[all screaming]

Poochie!

Poochie!

[whimpering]

whirr whirr

[sirens wailing]

[whimpering]

Aah! Over there!

clank clank

Run for your life! Panic!

'Every man for himself!'

Women and children last!

Aha! He's under here!

What are you doing?

Saving your life.

My life isn't in danger, but now his is.

But he's a wild animal. He's a monster!

Have you ever heard the expression

"Don't judge a book by it's cover?"

What about, "It's what's inside that counts."

- Uh-uh. - "Looks can be deceiving?"

- Doesn't ring a bell. - What's wrong with you?

Oh! That one I've heard.

The point is, he may be a Tasmanian devil

but he's also the best dog I've ever had.

(male #2) 'Seal all the exits!'

I've gotta get him out of here, but how?

Put this on.

[groans]

- Thanks, doc. - Don't mention it.

I mean, I will. Whenever it benefits me.

[intense music]

[blabbering]

I'm a Tasmanian devil!

There he is, get him!

Aah!

[dramatic music]

[gasps]

(male #3) 'Freeze!'

Uh.

There's a dangerous animal in there.

You make sure you get him home safe.

That's exactly what I plan on doing.

[instrumental music]

[birds chirping]

Well, Poochie, I guess this is it.

I wish I could keep you, but this is where you belong.

So long, buddy.

[grunting]

Tch! Go.

Oh. Oh.

[whimpering]

[engine starts]

whirr whirr

Mm-hmm.

Oh! Do you have a dog?

I used to.

[instrumental music]

Poochie?

Hang on, boy, we're goin' home.

[Poochie chuckling]

[theme music]

[dramatic music]

swoosh

beep beep

[dramatic music]

beep beep

[music continues]

[engine revving]

[tires screeching]

beep

[dramatic music]

[engine revving]

thud

clang clang clang

beep beep

swoosh

boom

[engine stops]

beep

thud

[muffled voice]

swoosh

[dramatic music]

(man on TV) 'The call on the field'

'is illegal use of the hands and--

Uh-aah-ahem! Beat it!

'..put the ball on the 44 yard line.'

[groans]

Do not make me use this!

[grunts]

Tshaw!

Tchoy!

Tchew!

[growling]

[screaming]

I prefer the couch, anyway.

[theme music]

[babbling]