Original subtitles

[upbeat music]

(Daffy) 'When normal people travel, they fly or drive'

'anything but this. It's not sanitary.'

(Bugs) 'It's nostalgic. Why don't you relax?'

'You turn into a real maniac on these trips.'

(Daffy) 'I am relaxed. I'm more relaxed than you'll ever be.'

(Bugs) 'It's not a competition.'

'It's a vacation.'

(Daffy) 'Do you even know where we're going?'

(Bugs) 'I'm following the directions. GPS is never wrong.'

(Daffy) 'I'm getting claustrophobic.'

(Bugs) 'Here we are.'

- Hmm. - Ah!

Casa De Calma.

The fanciest-schmanciest resort on earth.

What, is "Casa De Calma" Spanish for "False Advertising"?

Eh, I think we're lost, doc.

Tsk tsk. Never buy a GPS from a vending machine.

Hey, isn't that your uncle?

[instrumental music]

Hey, Daffy! It's me, Uncle.. Aah!

'Unh!'

I've never seen that man before in my life. Let's go.

[upbeat music]

[theme music]

[instrumental music]

Now, this is more like it.

Surfing, scuba diving, sky diving, alligator wrestling

cliff jumping, there's so many risky activities

that require skills I don't have.

I don't know where to start.

Where's all your stuff?

I've got everything I need right here.

Mary Higgins Clark and my SPF 30.

I'm not gonna live like there's no tomorrow

I'm gonna lounge like there's no today.

[woman giggling]

Ooh-la-la!

It's the famous starlet, Starlett Johansson.

Ooh! She's mine! You hear me?

Mine! Mine! Mine! I'm the one who's always loved her.

I've seen all of her movies. I'm her biggest fan.

What's her name again?

Do you think I should let that one slide?

Yeah, me, neither.

If there's one thing women love

it's a guy who knows how to show off.

And snore, and chew with his mouth open.

That makes me a triple threat.

Behold masculinity personified.

Oh!

Aah!

splash

Aah!

Ugh! Uh.

[coughing]

wham

[birds chirping]

I should have started with the high dive.

Everybody knows you always start with the high dive.

[gasps]

[both chuckling]

Nice try, rabbit.

But if you think you're gonna swoop in

and steal the love of my life

whose name escapes me at the moment

then you are wrong!

R-O-N-G! Wrong!

Ah.. This is heaven.

Wait a second.

[air hisses]

This is heaven.

Oh!

Oh!

Carrot colada?

wham

gurgle gurgle

[giggles]

Oh, stop.

[chuckling]

I should have started with a platform.

First rule of charming a woman

always dive from the highest point possible.

Second rule, do not plummet to your death.

[satellite beeping]

[whimpering]

Swan position.

Into double gainer.

Into reverse triple gainer.

Jackson's pipe.

This is the greatest dive ever done.

Assume entry position.

And nailed it!

thud

That's impressive, doc. Not a single splash.

What happened to the water?

Oh, is that what this does?

[Starlett giggling]

Unh. Unh!

[instrumental music]

Want to play a round of golf?

You mean the world's most boring game?

No thanks, grandpa.

Wanna play a round of golf?

I thought you said it was boring.

Boring? It's not boring.

- It's the sport of kings. - That's tennis.

- It's America's pastime. - That's baseball.

- It's the city by the bay. - That's San Francisco.

You say potato, I say.. Well, I say potato, too.

Does anyone say "pot-ah-to?" I mean, really, who says that?

Name one person who says "pot-ah-to."

You can't. Because no one says it.

No one on earth says "pot-ah-to."

So this is a mute point.

It's moot.

You say potato, I say pot-ah-to.

[instrumental music]

Ugh.

Mmm.

Just hit the darn ball!

Do you mind? You're ruining my concentration.

Hurry up and concentrate. Why aren't you concentrating?

Concentrate!

Oh, forget it! Great shot. Let's go.

- What about your shot? - From here? Are you crazy?

Ooh! Ah-ha ha ha!

Oh. Heh.

Oh!

Daffy, watch where you're going!

I know what I'm doing.

Sand? What's sand doing in the middle of a golf course?

It's like some kind of trap.

[engine revving]

More lounging around? Is that what we need right now?

What do you need? This?

I'll send you a postcard from our honeymoon!

splash

gurgle gurgle

He was a good man.

Eh, who am I kidding? He was a man.

Who am I kidding? He was a duck.

[gasping]

What's water doing in the middle of a golf course?

It's like some kind of hazard.

You think you're gonna get her?

Well, you haven't seen the last of..

I'll send you a postcard from our honeymoon.

Yoo-hoo. Mind if I join you?

I seem to have lost my partner.

[Starlett giggling]

'Oh.'

[instrumental music]

Ah, a castle fit for a king.

Ha! Sand castles?

You think you're going to impress

what's her name, with sand castles?

Ha! Kid stuff.

Have you ever even talked to a girl?

Why bother? Talk is cheap.

Ladies love action.

The bigger and dumber the better.

That's why you're taking me parasailing.

Don't go too fast or too slow.

whirr

Aah!

- Are you nuts? - Sorry, my mistake.

They should really label these buttons more clearly.

I'll try another one.

Aah!

[screaming]

Uh! Uh! Aah!

Wow, I'm flying.

I'm like a bird.

Wait, I am a bird. I'm like a plane.

[instrumental music]

'Hey, good lookin', what's...cookin''

'because it smells like..'

'...you're stirring up some love stew.'

'You know what I think you should do?'

'I'll tell you right after the boat turns around.'

'I think you should give me a great big..'

'...glass of ginger ale 'cause I'm..'

'...getting sick of going back and forth.'

'Ugh!'

'Wah!'

'Yuck!'

Ugh.

Come on, whatever your name is

point your lookin' balls at your future ex-husband!

You dumb famous actress!

whirr whirr

vroom

Unh!

[groans]

Gah!

vroom

Okay, I'm ready to get down now.

What's that?

You want a pet clown?

You're kind of old for clowns aren't you, doc?

I want to get down!

Sorry, doc, you'll have to speak up.

Put me on the beach!

Well, all you had to do was ask.

[upbeat music]

'Aah!'

[birds chirping]

Eh, keep an eye out for any, uh, paparazzi.

wham

[camera clicks]

[theme music]

♪ Down in Juarez Mexico ♪

♪ In a small adobe house ♪

♪ Rosalita Gonzalez gave birth ♪

♪ To a handsome little mouse ♪

♪ The whole town came to celebrate ♪

♪ The baby being born ♪

♪ But when they got back home they found ♪

♪ That all their cheese was ♪

♪ Gone ♪

♪ You will only hear the breeze ♪

♪ When he comes to steal your cheese ♪

♪ Queso Bandito ♪

♪ He'll set fire to the street ♪

♪ With his tiny mousy feet ♪

♪ To the Mariachi beat ♪

♪ Queso Bandito ♪

♪ Do not leave your cheese unattended ♪

♪ Cheddar Monterey Jack or blended ♪

♪ I will sneak inside of your pueblo ♪

♪ Relieve you of all your manchego ♪

♪ Careful not to take a siesta ♪

♪ You will have no cheese for ♪

♪ Fiesta ♪

swoosh

♪ Always chased by the federales ♪

♪ But they ate too many tamales ♪

♪ They can't catch me if they try ♪

♪ He'll outrun them every ♪

♪ Time ♪

♪ Queso Bandito ♪♪

'Aa-aa!'

[instrumental music]

This is your idea of a fun vacation activity?

Doing nothing?

It's not just doing nothin'.

It's doing nothin' with new age music playing in the background.

chomp chomp

You gonna eat your salad?

chomp chomp

Wow, look!

It's that lady I'm in love with!

[heart thumping]

Maybe a beauty day is just what I need.

Beauty day?

You need a month just for your eyebrows.

[both sighing]

"Joe?" I don't want a massage from Joe.

You take him. Off you go.

thud

I want Leslie.

You must be Leslie.

[groaning]

No, I'm Josephine. "Joe" for short.

Well, then who's Leslie?

I'm Leslie. Where do you hold your stress?

[grunting]

You're like one big knot.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

[grunting]

[sighs]

[grunting]

[groaning]

[sighing]

[growls]

[instrumental music]

[sighs]

sizzle

[sighs]

The only thing better than doing nothing to new age music

is doing nothing to new age music

in a 160-degree sauna.

It's not hot enough.

My back is killing me.

Put more heat on!

What's the magic word?

I'm dyin'!

Sorry.

The correct answer was, "please".

I also would have accepted, "shazam".

Grr! Give me that.

If you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself.

[coals sizzling]

splash

Unh!

Eureka! I'm cured!

wham

Ack.

Gotta hand it to those minerals.

I look like a kid again.

Check out that tail.

Like cotton candy.

Well, time's up, doc. You better get out.

Oh, no.

I'm gonna soak in these minerals

until I'm so young and cute

what's her face, will have no choice

but to fall in love with me.

Suit yourself.

gurgle gurgle

[instrumental music]

The butler's butler did it, huh?

Mary Higgins Clark, you've done it again.

[gasps] I just remembered something!

[gasps]

Do I look younger?

♪ La da da dee ♪

♪ Da dee dee dee doo ♪

♪ La da da da ♪

♪ La da da da dee ♪♪

Mm, good looking and great with kids?

And I cook, too.

[Starlett giggling]

Even you wouldn't hit a baby.

[squeaking]

[theme music]

whoosh

ding

swoosh

[dramatic music]

swoosh

thud

ding

creak creak

swoosh

Meep meep!

swoosh

[dramatic music]

[dramatic music]

screech screech

swoosh

thud

toing

[intense music]

swoosh

wink wink

[huffing]

[dramatic music]

thud

swoosh

[dramatic music]

swoosh

[tires screeching]

whoosh

thud

screech

[instrumental music]

knock knock

[country music]

'"Please take care of me."'

[gasps] Mmm. Mama!

Looks like we got us another mouth to feed!

(female #1) 'Aw, ain't he precious?'

'Give him here so I can hug him.'

(male #1) 'But I want to hug him. I found him.'

'Oh, you cutie..'

[sighs]

They get a baby..

...and I get a babe.

[giggling]

[engine revving]

[theme music]

[babbling] That's all, folks.