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00:00:05,180 --> 00:00:06,340
Aaagh!
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00:00:06,380 --> 00:00:08,940
Oh, my God!
3
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Whoa!
4
00:00:14,140 --> 00:00:16,740
Yes! Help!
5
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Aagh! Oh, yeah.
6
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{\an1}APPLAUSE
7
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Thank you for the clapping. I'm
Greg Davies and this is Taskmaster.
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00:00:36,620 --> 00:00:42,620
'It's the semi-final which means our
five contestants are running out of
time to win crucial Taskmaster points
9
00:00:42,660 --> 00:00:45,180
which could change their lives
for ever.
10
00:00:45,220 --> 00:00:48,300
Whoever wins this series
is guaranteed immortality
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00:00:48,340 --> 00:00:51,420
through the title
of Series Champion of Taskmaster,
12
00:00:51,460 --> 00:00:57,140
'so let's meet the people
still clinging on to the hope
of winning this almighty cranium.
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00:00:57,180 --> 00:01:01,100
With an average professional age
of 41,
14
00:01:01,140 --> 00:01:04,500
our contenders are...
15
00:01:04,540 --> 00:01:06,780
Aisling Bea!
CHEERING
16
00:01:06,820 --> 00:01:08,860
Bob Mortimer!
CHEERING
17
00:01:08,900 --> 00:01:11,060
Mark Watson!
CHEERING
18
00:01:11,100 --> 00:01:13,300
Nish Kumar!
CHEERING
19
00:01:13,340 --> 00:01:15,500
And Sally Phillips!
CHEERING
20
00:01:16,940 --> 00:01:20,180
{\an1}And forever needlessly loitering,
21
00:01:20,220 --> 00:01:23,580
little Alex Horne!
22
00:01:23,620 --> 00:01:26,180
CHEERING
Thank you.
23
00:01:27,220 --> 00:01:30,740
Thank you. You are looking
especially smug tonight.
24
00:01:30,780 --> 00:01:32,780
Thank you. It's a compliment.
25
00:01:32,820 --> 00:01:38,260
'I am. I've had a good day.
I've made some home improvements
to the place where you let me live.
26
00:01:38,300 --> 00:01:43,660
And I found out you can put
a loo roll dispenser in any room.
27
00:01:43,700 --> 00:01:50,100
'Right. Any room. It doesn't have
to be in the toilet. I've got one in
the kitchen, the car and one here.
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00:01:50,140 --> 00:01:53,660
I just feel very... What
are you planning to use that for?
29
00:01:53,700 --> 00:01:55,900
It's just in case, isn't it?
30
00:01:55,940 --> 00:02:01,460
I mean, if you make mess here, I'm
gonna clear it up with your beard.
31
00:02:02,740 --> 00:02:08,660
'What is the prize category this week?
Great question. Well,
it's a big one. Drum roll, please.
32
00:02:08,700 --> 00:02:10,900
SILENCE
Today, we've asked them...
33
00:02:10,940 --> 00:02:12,780
{\an1}LAUGHTER
34
00:02:12,820 --> 00:02:18,620
'Today, we've asked them to bring in
the most surprisingly expensive
item. Surprisingly expensive.
35
00:02:18,660 --> 00:02:23,660
'It's up to you, Greg, to decide
who has brought in the most
surprisingly expensive item.
36
00:02:23,700 --> 00:02:29,540
'At the end of the show, the person
with the most points will take home
the surprisingly expensive items.
37
00:02:29,580 --> 00:02:35,540
'We'll find out how much they cost,
then I'll look at your face to see
how surprised you were.That works.
38
00:02:35,580 --> 00:02:37,780
Who shall we start with? Drum roll.
39
00:02:37,820 --> 00:02:39,820
{\an1}DRUM ROLL
40
00:02:42,300 --> 00:02:44,300
{\an1}LAUGHTER
41
00:02:44,340 --> 00:02:46,260
Aisling Bea!
42
00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:49,180
Oh, I won. I can't believe I won!
43
00:02:50,620 --> 00:02:54,620
There was this one occasion
where I had to fly to Belfast
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00:02:54,660 --> 00:02:56,740
at six o'clock in the morning
45
00:02:56,780 --> 00:03:00,740
and I had 13 minutes
before I had to get on the flight
46
00:03:00,780 --> 00:03:06,140
and I was so tired that I bought
access for a 13-minute nap
47
00:03:06,180 --> 00:03:09,060
to the business lounge
in Belfast Airport.
48
00:03:09,100 --> 00:03:14,860
'OK. So, for a minute to the pound,
it was the most expensive thing
I've ever bought.
49
00:03:14,900 --> 00:03:18,420
We can see the voucher. How
surprising the business lounge costs.
50
00:03:18,460 --> 00:03:22,260
To the Causeway Lounge Complimentary
Access at Belfast Airport.
51
00:03:22,300 --> 00:03:27,180
'How much do you think
complimentary access
to the Causeway Lounge would cost?
52
00:03:27,220 --> 00:03:31,900
All I can say is how much
I would pay and I would pay £40.
53
00:03:31,940 --> 00:03:34,460
Oh... Oh...
54
00:03:34,500 --> 00:03:39,020
It cost £25. Shall I do my facial
reaction to that? Let's have a look.
55
00:03:40,580 --> 00:03:43,740
Can we move on to Nish?
Yes, please. OK, Nish?
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00:03:43,780 --> 00:03:46,740
I have brought in 100 euros
57
00:03:46,780 --> 00:03:49,660
because it is
surprisingly expensive now
58
00:03:49,700 --> 00:03:51,700
to buy 100 euros.
59
00:03:51,740 --> 00:03:54,500
Well, let's see how surprising it is.
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00:03:54,540 --> 00:03:59,980
'I travel to Spain regularly.
Yes, you do.
And I would have guessed late 80s?
61
00:04:00,020 --> 00:04:04,740
No, it's 91. I would have said 88,
so I'll give you my surprised face.
62
00:04:05,780 --> 00:04:07,700
Who's next?
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00:04:07,740 --> 00:04:09,700
{\an1}LAUGHTER
64
00:04:09,740 --> 00:04:14,620
Bob. Bob. Bob. Hi, I've brought in
my World Cup 2014...
65
00:04:14,660 --> 00:04:18,820
football players sticker book.
Let's have a look at it.
66
00:04:18,860 --> 00:04:21,420
Oh! Very nice.
67
00:04:21,460 --> 00:04:24,540
It would cost an average of £374
to fill the whole thing.
68
00:04:24,580 --> 00:04:30,100
'Whoa! If you get lucky, £68 is
the minimum you can spend, but the
average person spends nearly£400.
69
00:04:30,140 --> 00:04:34,220
I'm gonna say that that is worth
20 English pounds.
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00:04:34,260 --> 00:04:38,060
We've had it valued
at 10 English pounds.
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00:04:38,100 --> 00:04:40,100
Who's next? Sally Phillips.
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00:04:40,140 --> 00:04:43,580
I've brought you a human turd.
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00:04:43,620 --> 00:04:45,540
{\an1}LAUGHTER
74
00:04:45,580 --> 00:04:48,580
OK, let's just go straight
to the face, shall we?
75
00:04:50,180 --> 00:04:53,300
I brought you
one of Bob Mortimer's turds.
76
00:04:53,340 --> 00:04:56,380
This is gonna take some unravelling,
isn't it?
77
00:04:56,420 --> 00:05:02,020
'It's going to be
professionally dried out
and placed within a resin sphere
78
00:05:02,060 --> 00:05:08,260
'and be just like one of the exhibits
in the National Poo Museum on the
Isle of Wight. That's allcorrect.
79
00:05:08,300 --> 00:05:11,300
I brought an example.
This is what it will look like.
80
00:05:11,340 --> 00:05:14,860
This is a fox one which most closely
resembles a human one.
81
00:05:14,900 --> 00:05:17,300
Oh, dear!
82
00:05:17,340 --> 00:05:23,980
'How much do you think the process
of freeze-drying it, then turning it
into a resin ball would cost? £199.
83
00:05:24,020 --> 00:05:27,260
Get ready for my reaction.
The process would cost £800.
84
00:05:28,660 --> 00:05:33,420
'LAUGHTER
£800 to do a fox poo,
but this is a Mortimer poo.
85
00:05:33,460 --> 00:05:36,900
His conservative estimate,
the value of Bob's poo,
86
00:05:36,940 --> 00:05:39,820
is between 10 and 15K.
87
00:05:39,860 --> 00:05:42,220
{\an1}LAUGHTER
88
00:05:42,260 --> 00:05:43,340
Whoa!
89
00:05:43,380 --> 00:05:45,540
I see.
90
00:05:45,580 --> 00:05:47,580
Can I have one too?
91
00:05:47,620 --> 00:05:50,820
No. That's the last I'm giving away.
92
00:05:52,020 --> 00:05:55,860
Who's left? Mark?
Mine's a gate. My kids...
93
00:05:55,900 --> 00:05:58,660
A what? A gate. A gate?
A garden gate, yes.
94
00:05:58,700 --> 00:06:04,020
'My kids like to play in the garden
and it adjoins one of
these communal gardens that you get.
95
00:06:04,060 --> 00:06:07,140
We can see it.
We've got an image. Yeah.
96
00:06:07,180 --> 00:06:11,580
Right, let's not mess around.
£88 for the gate, labour £75.
97
00:06:11,620 --> 00:06:15,420
I've written down here £18,000.
What?! What?!
98
00:06:16,460 --> 00:06:19,980
Well...
It looks like he's gonna throw up.
99
00:06:22,540 --> 00:06:25,420
{\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
100
00:06:27,380 --> 00:06:32,020
The communal garden is jointly owned
by a residents' association,
101
00:06:32,060 --> 00:06:34,620
so if you want a gate
that goes on to it,
102
00:06:34,660 --> 00:06:38,980
you have to pay a three-year fee
to join that residents' association.
103
00:06:39,020 --> 00:06:41,660
This is like madness, Mark.
104
00:06:41,700 --> 00:06:46,900
'When we win this prize,
do we win access to the garden?
The funny thing is you do, yeah.
105
00:06:48,420 --> 00:06:51,140
What is your decision?
This is my decision.
106
00:06:51,180 --> 00:06:56,340
'I've got a television,
so I know how much the euro is worth,
Nish. Congratulations.
107
00:06:56,380 --> 00:06:59,500
You take your special
traditional role as coming last.
108
00:07:01,060 --> 00:07:04,540
Aisling and Bob, I was quite
surprised by the final price...
109
00:07:04,580 --> 00:07:08,300
It was more how much they spent
per minute napping or per sticker.
110
00:07:08,340 --> 00:07:10,980
If it's all right,
I might put them joint next.
111
00:07:11,020 --> 00:07:17,220
'And I can't believe it, I don't know
why I'm putting Bob Mortimer's turd
in second place, but I am.
112
00:07:17,260 --> 00:07:23,260
'I'm going to put it in second place
because I've just seen the hurt
in Mark "£18,000 gate" Watson's eyes.
113
00:07:23,300 --> 00:07:27,260
I need this. So I have to give in
to it. Mark Watson wins this round.
114
00:07:27,300 --> 00:07:30,540
APPLAUSE
And we're off. Five points...
115
00:07:30,580 --> 00:07:35,060
Right, we're rolling. What's first?
It's this task precisely here.
116
00:07:45,020 --> 00:07:47,020
Hello, Bob.
117
00:07:48,420 --> 00:07:53,220
'Hello, Alex. Hello, Aisling.
Why have you brought me
to this bloody shithole?
118
00:07:54,220 --> 00:07:56,220
Please can I put a blindfold on you?
119
00:07:58,300 --> 00:08:03,700
'I can't see a thing now.
How many fingers am I holding up?
I can't see that, for example.
120
00:08:03,740 --> 00:08:05,540
Ten. Great.
121
00:08:05,580 --> 00:08:09,580
It was just one. It is just one,
so now I don't know what to do.
122
00:08:10,780 --> 00:08:15,420
'We'll go for a little walk.
I'll hold your hand.
Is that all right? I'd love that.
123
00:08:15,460 --> 00:08:18,460
Just a little jump here.
With me, one, two, three.
124
00:08:18,500 --> 00:08:21,700
That's it.
And a really big jump now. Yeah. Go.
125
00:08:22,700 --> 00:08:26,060
That's better.
A bit higher. That's it.
126
00:08:26,100 --> 00:08:29,660
Some bread. You're gonna ask me
to feed the ducks?
127
00:08:29,700 --> 00:08:36,180
'"Wearing that blindfold at
all times..." Yes. "..travel as far
as possible in three minutes."
128
00:08:36,220 --> 00:08:42,300
'"Alex will be at your side
at all times because he is a strong,
independent, handsome man." Right.
129
00:08:42,340 --> 00:08:45,740
OK, I feel like
you've thrown that in. Thank you.
130
00:08:45,780 --> 00:08:49,780
"On removing the blindfold, you will
then have another three minutes
131
00:08:49,820 --> 00:08:53,020
"to retrace your steps
to your starting position."
132
00:08:53,060 --> 00:08:55,060
That's here. Oh, right.
133
00:08:55,100 --> 00:08:59,020
"Longest successful retracing
of steps wins."
134
00:08:59,060 --> 00:09:01,860
Do I have to keep my feet
on the ground?
135
00:09:03,420 --> 00:09:05,380
{\an1}LAUGHTER
136
00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:08,940
Yes, she had a tactic. Some of them
did, some of them didn't.
137
00:09:08,980 --> 00:09:11,140
The idea...
LAUGHTER
138
00:09:11,180 --> 00:09:17,660
'They had three minutes to get as far
as they could, but they had to get
back to the spot where they started,
139
00:09:17,700 --> 00:09:23,860
'so you could take one step and you'd
get back to where you were, but
that's not a very long distance. No.
140
00:09:23,900 --> 00:09:25,900
{\an1}SALLY STILL LAUGHING
141
00:09:26,940 --> 00:09:31,620
Which of our highly intelligent gang
are we going to see first?
142
00:09:31,660 --> 00:09:36,460
'We're gonna save Sally for a bit.
LAUGHTER
We'll start with Bob.
143
00:09:36,500 --> 00:09:38,500
Are you ready?
144
00:09:39,500 --> 00:09:41,500
Good. Your time...
BOB LAUGHS
145
00:09:41,540 --> 00:09:43,460
Your time starts...
146
00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:47,140
WHISTLE BLOWS
I'm gonna put a piece of bread...
147
00:09:47,180 --> 00:09:50,180
I'm gonna take what I think
is the bottom of it off.
148
00:09:50,220 --> 00:09:54,220
I quite like the idea
of having this...shape.
149
00:09:55,860 --> 00:09:57,860
One... No, I'll take...
150
00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:01,900
Drops a bit of bread.
151
00:10:01,940 --> 00:10:07,540
'I'm doing it very traditionally
here, I suppose,
but I can't think of any other way.
152
00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:15,940
{\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS
153
00:10:15,980 --> 00:10:19,300
I'm gonna remain here.
You've got 30 seconds...
154
00:10:19,340 --> 00:10:25,340
'I didn't come through there. You've
got three minutes to retrace your
steps. Thanks. Your time starts now.
155
00:10:28,060 --> 00:10:30,540
Oh, fuck. I never got through there.
156
00:10:32,820 --> 00:10:35,860
One, two, three, four, five...
157
00:10:35,900 --> 00:10:39,420
One, two, three, four, five.
158
00:10:41,100 --> 00:10:43,980
Have you retraced your steps, Bob?
159
00:10:44,020 --> 00:10:46,020
I have.
160
00:10:48,860 --> 00:10:52,140
And that is where I wish
to be buried.
161
00:10:52,180 --> 00:10:55,180
There you are,
that comes with age and experience.
162
00:10:56,860 --> 00:10:58,820
{\an1}APPLAUSE
163
00:10:58,860 --> 00:11:02,660
That, I believe, is the traditional
cry of the Middlesbrough peat man.
164
00:11:02,700 --> 00:11:04,700
Bury me.
165
00:11:04,740 --> 00:11:07,940
It was like a little adventure,
that. It was great.
166
00:11:07,980 --> 00:11:12,540
'You travelled 54 metres
and got back to pretty much
exactly the right spot.
167
00:11:12,580 --> 00:11:17,980
'You could do what you wanted
with the bread. You left a trail.
Who wouldn't leave a trail?
168
00:11:18,020 --> 00:11:21,020
Oh, I imagine most of them.
Let's stop there for now.
169
00:11:21,060 --> 00:11:26,900
'You have three minutes to do
something valuable with your life.
Goodbye for now.
170
00:11:34,100 --> 00:11:36,060
{\an1}APPLAUSE
171
00:11:36,100 --> 00:11:39,780
Hello and, um...welcome back.
172
00:11:40,820 --> 00:11:45,820
'It's part two
and Alex is just desperate
to fill us in on the latest.
173
00:11:45,860 --> 00:11:52,340
'The current task involves getting as
far as you can whilst blindfolded,
then retracing your steps.
174
00:11:52,380 --> 00:11:57,460
Bob made it look easy. Shall we see
Mark and Aisling next? Yes, let's.
175
00:11:57,500 --> 00:11:59,500
{\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS
176
00:11:59,540 --> 00:12:05,020
'I think the only way to do this
is to walk in what I believe to be
a completely straight line.
177
00:12:05,060 --> 00:12:09,580
That's not very nice, is it? OK,
Alex, how's your back? Here we go.
178
00:12:09,620 --> 00:12:13,620
OK, go straight that way. OK.
179
00:12:13,660 --> 00:12:18,060
What's the slice of bread for?
Is that just one of those things?
180
00:12:18,100 --> 00:12:21,780
Ah, breadcrumbs. I could leave
a trail of breadcrumbs.
181
00:12:21,820 --> 00:12:23,820
Put me down for a second.
182
00:12:23,860 --> 00:12:26,980
I've just realised the point
of the toast.
183
00:12:28,020 --> 00:12:31,620
I should have put the toast down
where I started.
184
00:12:31,660 --> 00:12:37,700
'You've got one minute and ten
seconds to go. In that case, time
to be more liberal with the bread.
185
00:12:37,740 --> 00:12:40,300
Ow! Ow, ow!
186
00:12:41,340 --> 00:12:43,220
Put bread.
187
00:12:43,260 --> 00:12:45,260
Just be aware now, I would.
188
00:12:45,300 --> 00:12:49,340
Yes, I see what you mean.
Well, I don't see anything at all.
189
00:12:49,380 --> 00:12:53,780
WHISTLE BLOWS
Oh, that was so tiring! Was it?
190
00:12:53,820 --> 00:12:59,420
'Thank God I had these handy little
crumbs to keep me... When I blow the
whistle, you've got three minutes
191
00:12:59,500 --> 00:13:02,300
to work out where we started from.
WHISTLE BLOWS
192
00:13:02,340 --> 00:13:05,260
Now, where's the bread?
Where's the bread?
193
00:13:06,740 --> 00:13:08,740
In that dog?
194
00:13:08,780 --> 00:13:13,700
I found this old Quavers bag
full of water.
195
00:13:13,740 --> 00:13:16,620
We must be close.
LAUGHTER
196
00:13:16,660 --> 00:13:19,140
{\an1}Is that where you think you started?
197
00:13:19,180 --> 00:13:21,540
Well, roughly. Why roughly?
198
00:13:21,580 --> 00:13:25,660
Because the blindfold made it
very hard to know, in all fairness.
199
00:13:25,700 --> 00:13:30,740
'This is where we started? Yeah.
Thank you, Aisling. Thank you, Alex.
Goodbye.
200
00:13:30,780 --> 00:13:32,740
{\an1}APPLAUSE
201
00:13:35,700 --> 00:13:41,460
'I love to see Alex physically
punished. Of course. So that was
a big tick in your favour.
202
00:13:41,500 --> 00:13:47,500
'But the bread realisation came late.
Yes, and I had a munch at the start
to have enough energy for the task.
203
00:13:47,540 --> 00:13:52,340
'I didn't have much toast left.
It was the furthest
I've ever carried an adult.
204
00:13:52,380 --> 00:13:57,260
'My previous record was 120 metres.
I had to take an aunt
across a car park at a wedding.
205
00:13:57,300 --> 00:14:03,100
'We can see on a map how far
I carried Aisling. She travelled 200
metres. That's where she started.
206
00:14:03,140 --> 00:14:07,140
Then she staggered back in that
direction but didn't get far enough,
207
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:10,580
so she ended up only 64 metres away
from the starting point.
208
00:14:10,620 --> 00:14:14,980
In the right direction? In the right
direction. Which in life is not bad.
209
00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:17,860
We can compare that to Mark.
Not bad at all.
210
00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:23,900
'Mark walked 70 metres south-west.
He then should have gone north-east
but he carried on going south-west.
211
00:14:25,580 --> 00:14:28,180
So he ended up 140 metres away
from the start.
212
00:14:28,220 --> 00:14:32,980
'As you saw, I couldn't find
any of the bread. It makes sense
because it wasn't there.
213
00:14:33,020 --> 00:14:39,020
'It wasn't there because, and this is
incredible, Mark, and absolutely
indicative of your luck on this show,
214
00:14:39,060 --> 00:14:42,140
your bread was eaten by a dog.
LAUGHTER
215
00:14:42,180 --> 00:14:44,260
Who's next?
216
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:49,460
Next are two of our most intelligent
individuals, Sally and Nish.
217
00:14:50,500 --> 00:14:52,980
{\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS
218
00:14:53,020 --> 00:14:56,060
I wish I was confident enough
to run. You're running.
219
00:15:01,180 --> 00:15:03,380
Oi! There was a ditch there, Nish.
220
00:15:05,380 --> 00:15:07,380
A bit rougher ground here.
221
00:15:08,620 --> 00:15:11,540
40. I'm counting my steps. 41, 42.
222
00:15:11,580 --> 00:15:13,980
I have to warn you... Stop!
223
00:15:14,020 --> 00:15:16,380
67 and then turn to the right.
224
00:15:16,420 --> 00:15:19,100
One, two, three, four, five, six...
225
00:15:23,820 --> 00:15:26,220
Is this bread for any purpose?
226
00:15:26,260 --> 00:15:28,020
A bit bumpy here.
227
00:15:30,100 --> 00:15:32,780
Ten more seconds. Be careful.
Ow, ow, ow!
228
00:15:32,820 --> 00:15:34,900
{\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS
229
00:15:34,940 --> 00:15:39,900
OK, you've got three minutes to get
back to your starting positon.
230
00:15:46,500 --> 00:15:49,940
I've literally no...
I think I got to here and stopped.
231
00:15:49,980 --> 00:15:53,380
Yes, this is where you stopped.
SHE LAUGHS
232
00:16:00,100 --> 00:16:02,100
{\an1}AUDIENCE LAUGHTER
233
00:16:05,300 --> 00:16:07,300
I think it's over...
234
00:16:08,340 --> 00:16:10,340
I did like...
235
00:16:11,380 --> 00:16:13,900
{\an1}SHE SIGHS
236
00:16:13,940 --> 00:16:16,020
{\an1}You've got one minute left, Nish.
237
00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:19,980
{\an1}AUDIENCE LAUGHTER
238
00:16:23,180 --> 00:16:26,340
OK, I think... I didn't go that far.
I think it was...
239
00:16:27,380 --> 00:16:28,620
Hmm.
240
00:16:28,660 --> 00:16:31,540
You've got ten more seconds, Sally.
241
00:16:37,620 --> 00:16:40,940
WHISTLE BLOWS
Why did I not use the bread?
242
00:16:40,980 --> 00:16:42,940
{\an1}APPLAUSE
243
00:16:42,980 --> 00:16:48,460
'I want to start by asking you both
a very specific question.
What did you think the bread was for?
244
00:16:48,500 --> 00:16:50,740
Holding, Gregory!
245
00:16:50,780 --> 00:16:52,060
Sally?
246
00:16:52,100 --> 00:16:56,340
At the end, I went, "Shit, I should
have used this as a compass!"
247
00:16:56,380 --> 00:16:58,380
{\an1}LAUGHTER
248
00:16:58,420 --> 00:17:01,820
I think the thing
that startled me about you, Nish,
249
00:17:01,860 --> 00:17:06,060
is if you've got a pet dog at home
and you blow in its face,
250
00:17:06,100 --> 00:17:10,260
it absolutely baffles a dog,
absolutely confuses it,
251
00:17:10,300 --> 00:17:13,580
and that was Nish's face
throughout this entire task.
252
00:17:13,620 --> 00:17:18,620
'The bread seemed to weigh you down
because when you walked,
you just went in a circle.
253
00:17:18,660 --> 00:17:23,540
'You took 300 paces,
but travelled 15 metres.
Do you want to see some stats? Yeah.
254
00:17:23,580 --> 00:17:27,580
Sally travelled 220 metres, then
headed back in the right direction.
255
00:17:27,620 --> 00:17:31,900
She ended up just 74 metres away.
Not bad. Not too bad.
256
00:17:31,940 --> 00:17:36,580
'She ran all over...
Oh, my God! More by luck
than judgment. That's really good.
257
00:17:36,620 --> 00:17:41,100
'Let's have a look at...
Nish ended up just 15 metres
from the starting point,
258
00:17:41,140 --> 00:17:44,820
then walked 180 metres
in the wrong direction,
259
00:17:44,860 --> 00:17:47,180
so ended up 195 metres away.
260
00:17:47,220 --> 00:17:53,020
'But it's one point to Nish,
two to Mark, three to Sally, four
to Aisling and five to Bob Mortimer!
261
00:17:53,060 --> 00:17:54,380
{\an1}APPLAUSE
262
00:17:55,820 --> 00:18:00,180
Let's have our first look at the
scoreboard at this juncture, Alex.
263
00:18:00,220 --> 00:18:05,780
'There's a three-way tie for
second place and Bob is one point
ahead of them, so Bob's in the lead.
264
00:18:05,820 --> 00:18:07,820
{\an1}APPLAUSE
265
00:18:09,140 --> 00:18:15,740
'Alex Horne, what's next?
OK, we're gonna have the Taskmaster
equivalent of the Winter Olympics.
266
00:18:27,420 --> 00:18:29,060
Oh, shit!
267
00:18:31,020 --> 00:18:35,420
Uh-oh! I already know
I'm going to be brilliant at this.
268
00:18:35,460 --> 00:18:38,660
I don't know, really.
I don't know about this already.
269
00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:42,180
This looks scary.
Hello, Bob. Hi there.
270
00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:48,300
"Muster the biggest coconut
bobsleigh team.
271
00:18:48,340 --> 00:18:52,020
"Most coconut bobsleigh team members
still on board...
272
00:18:52,060 --> 00:18:55,540
"..when their bobsleigh
comes to a halt wins.
273
00:18:55,580 --> 00:18:59,500
"You may only use items in
the caravan to secure your coconuts.
274
00:18:59,540 --> 00:19:04,660
'"You'll be disqualified
if you use any item used
by another contestant."
275
00:19:04,700 --> 00:19:07,700
Impossible to know
what they've used, of course.
276
00:19:07,740 --> 00:19:11,060
"You have 20 minutes
and one attempt.
277
00:19:11,100 --> 00:19:13,180
"Your time starts now."
278
00:19:13,220 --> 00:19:15,460
To the caravan!
279
00:19:15,500 --> 00:19:17,460
{\an1}APPLAUSE
280
00:19:18,500 --> 00:19:25,140
'It is amazing how some games on this
show can just give us a brief window
into the souls of the competitors.
281
00:19:25,180 --> 00:19:29,980
'I've written down everything
that they said. Bob said nothing.
He just got on with it.
282
00:19:30,020 --> 00:19:35,100
'Aisling said, "I already know
I'm going to be brilliant at this,"
which is incredible.
283
00:19:35,140 --> 00:19:40,500
Mark said, "I don't know about this."
Sally said, "This looks scary."
284
00:19:40,540 --> 00:19:42,620
And Nish went, "Oh, shit!"
285
00:19:42,660 --> 00:19:49,260
'Who are we going to see first?
We'll have a look first, just to see
how to do it, Mark Watson. Oh, dear.
286
00:19:52,060 --> 00:19:55,540
By coincidence,
there's a coconut harness in here.
287
00:19:55,580 --> 00:20:01,980
'If you deployed this correctly, you
could put quite a lot of coconuts
in it and tape it to the skateboard.
288
00:20:02,020 --> 00:20:07,700
'This is like a prisoner's dilemma.
We might all think everyone's
gonna do it, then no-one doesit.
289
00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:09,820
Let's think. There's plenty of time.
290
00:20:09,860 --> 00:20:13,620
There's an apron here. I don't...
Ah, Blu-Tack!
291
00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:18,380
I found some blue tape. Basically,
it's about going completely virgin
292
00:20:18,420 --> 00:20:23,500
'and shoving all the coconuts on
and hoping for the best which is not
the worst way of doing it.
293
00:20:26,500 --> 00:20:30,300
There we go. Now,
that's what we don't want to happen.
294
00:20:42,100 --> 00:20:46,220
That's more than you'd have in a
real bobsleigh team. This is heavy!
295
00:20:46,260 --> 00:20:49,580
It mustn't upturn.
If it upturns, we do have a problem.
296
00:20:51,140 --> 00:20:55,380
And stay on, stay on, stay on!
Stay on, stay on!
297
00:20:58,180 --> 00:21:01,740
I'll take it, I'll take it.
Well done, boys.
298
00:21:01,780 --> 00:21:05,100
If anyone gets disqualified,
then I've beaten them.
299
00:21:05,140 --> 00:21:09,820
Well, thank you, Mark. Well, thank
you for the opportunity. Bye-bye.
300
00:21:09,860 --> 00:21:11,940
{\an1}APPLAUSE
301
00:21:11,980 --> 00:21:16,340
That was some pretty powerful
motivational shit you were shouting.
302
00:21:16,380 --> 00:21:22,740
'I thought more of them would stay on
if I yelled that at them, but we'll
never know. Just "stay on" as well.
303
00:21:22,780 --> 00:21:26,260
'Sometimes I say it to myself
when I'm trying to...
LAUGHTER
304
00:21:26,300 --> 00:21:31,300
'It didn't have to cross
the finishing line. It was when
the skateboard came to a halt.
305
00:21:31,340 --> 00:21:34,860
He put 19 on. The harness
would have held 18. Two stayed on.
306
00:21:34,900 --> 00:21:39,460
'I admit it's not a great score.
We'll see. It's a score, though.
It's a score.
307
00:21:39,500 --> 00:21:42,220
I'm hoping
that maybe someone didn't do that.
308
00:21:42,260 --> 00:21:45,900
Beep! Yes, that's the end
of part two. Bye!
309
00:21:55,820 --> 00:21:57,780
{\an1}APPLAUSE
310
00:21:58,820 --> 00:22:00,820
{\an1}LAUGHTER
311
00:22:05,220 --> 00:22:07,220
Part three, Alex.
312
00:22:07,260 --> 00:22:11,940
'Thank you, Greg.
Hello, my name is Alex Horne.
I'm gonna be 40 next year.
313
00:22:11,980 --> 00:22:17,780
'The brave contestants are trying
to send as many coconuts down a ramp
on a skateboard as possible,
314
00:22:17,820 --> 00:22:21,740
the goal to have the most coconuts
on the board once it stops.
315
00:22:21,780 --> 00:22:26,860
'If they use the same items to secure
their coconuts as anyone else,
they'll be disqualified.
316
00:22:26,900 --> 00:22:29,500
We're gonna see Nish and Aisling
now.
317
00:22:30,980 --> 00:22:32,580
Whoa!
318
00:22:32,620 --> 00:22:37,420
'Can I put the coconuts
in this thing? What is that?
A coconut harness. I suppose so.
319
00:22:37,460 --> 00:22:43,460
'How do I know if other people have
used it? Do you think they might use
the coconut harness? Yeah, probably.
320
00:22:43,500 --> 00:22:48,180
I'm definitely gonna use
some of this fire hydrant stuff.
321
00:22:48,220 --> 00:22:50,380
That'll be sticky, won't it, Alex?
322
00:22:51,660 --> 00:22:54,060
What if someone has used this?
323
00:22:54,100 --> 00:22:57,540
Oh, God, this game is so hard!
324
00:22:58,300 --> 00:23:03,380
So I'm creating a larger surface
area, Alex, to put the coconuts on.
325
00:23:04,700 --> 00:23:06,860
I assume that's fine, Alex.
326
00:23:06,900 --> 00:23:10,420
As long as no-one else uses it.
God, I hate this game!
327
00:23:15,780 --> 00:23:18,460
I just want to make, like,
a sort of barrier,
328
00:23:18,500 --> 00:23:21,900
so the coconuts don't fall off.
There's a banana barrier?
329
00:23:22,940 --> 00:23:24,980
It doesn't quite fit.
330
00:23:25,020 --> 00:23:30,860
'How does this work then?
"Pull off the ring, use upright,
aim at base of fire."
331
00:23:30,900 --> 00:23:32,940
See if that works.
332
00:23:32,980 --> 00:23:37,300
I think... Aagh! Quick, get it on
the thing. Don't waste it on that.
333
00:23:40,420 --> 00:23:42,460
Ah, Alex, you've ruined it!
334
00:23:42,500 --> 00:23:45,420
Oh, God, it's so heavy!
335
00:23:46,740 --> 00:23:48,900
Oh! It is bloody heavy.
336
00:23:48,940 --> 00:23:52,020
Oh, God! It's not gonna work.
337
00:23:53,940 --> 00:23:56,900
We have the classic underdog.
338
00:23:56,940 --> 00:23:59,140
Sometimes in life...
339
00:23:59,180 --> 00:24:01,620
you have to dare to dream.
340
00:24:09,180 --> 00:24:11,180
For Ireland
341
00:24:11,220 --> 00:24:16,420
is the greatest bobsleigh country
in the wo-o-orld!
342
00:24:16,460 --> 00:24:18,740
Go on, lads!
343
00:24:18,780 --> 00:24:20,820
Keep going!
344
00:24:22,100 --> 00:24:25,900
Ireland's the greatest country
in the wo-o-orld...
345
00:24:26,900 --> 00:24:28,620
..o-o-orld!
346
00:24:28,660 --> 00:24:30,060
Yeah!
347
00:24:30,100 --> 00:24:31,900
{\an1}APPLAUSE
348
00:24:38,260 --> 00:24:42,220
She said she'd be good and I thought
Aisling absolutely smashed that!
349
00:24:42,260 --> 00:24:44,820
Yeah. Thanks, Greg. A compliment.
350
00:24:44,860 --> 00:24:49,020
And I think that is the first ever
use of the banana barrier.
351
00:24:49,060 --> 00:24:51,580
I think you may own...
LAUGHTER
352
00:24:51,620 --> 00:24:55,580
You may own the banana barrier.
It also is bio-degradable, edible.
353
00:24:55,620 --> 00:24:59,740
After you've finished using it,
you just go back and eat it.
354
00:24:59,780 --> 00:25:02,740
You do. Yeah. Nish... Yes, hello.
355
00:25:02,780 --> 00:25:06,780
What a great achievement I had as
well! You started off brilliantly.
356
00:25:06,820 --> 00:25:12,260
'It looked like you'd get the whole
team down. He put 35 in. No-one
so far has used the same item.
357
00:25:12,300 --> 00:25:14,780
13 stayed on. Unlucky 13.
358
00:25:14,820 --> 00:25:19,100
13 alive. 13 alive. Unlucky number.
And how many did Aisling get?
359
00:25:19,140 --> 00:25:20,660
14.
360
00:25:20,700 --> 00:25:23,300
Oh, suspense, Nishy!
361
00:25:23,340 --> 00:25:26,780
You should have held your boys in
with fruit.
362
00:25:26,820 --> 00:25:30,500
'LAUGHTER
Not the first time
that's been said to me.
363
00:25:30,540 --> 00:25:34,740
Who are we gonna see now, Alex?
Bob and Sally now. Whoo!
364
00:25:34,780 --> 00:25:36,780
Only one attempt? Yeah.
365
00:25:36,820 --> 00:25:39,620
So I can't test this on there?
366
00:25:39,660 --> 00:25:43,980
You can test, but when you're doing
your attempt, that will be the one.
367
00:25:44,020 --> 00:25:46,780
I might just... I might just...
I might just...
368
00:25:54,180 --> 00:25:57,100
{\an1}LAUGHTER
369
00:26:00,420 --> 00:26:03,700
I'll go and have a look
in the caravan.
370
00:26:03,740 --> 00:26:06,900
Well, I have a plan, people.
I have a plan.
371
00:26:10,300 --> 00:26:13,300
Coconut harness.
Yeah, it's so tempting.
372
00:26:13,340 --> 00:26:16,660
If I use that, I'm disqualified,
everyone will think that,
373
00:26:16,700 --> 00:26:20,900
so should I just use it
and we can all move on, you know?
374
00:26:20,940 --> 00:26:26,820
'I don't know whether I should just
do this one and not try to be
clever... OK, I've got a plan.
375
00:26:30,380 --> 00:26:32,660
You've taken down my curtain? Yeah.
376
00:26:37,500 --> 00:26:41,260
Now I'm thinking
everyone's gonna use the curtain.
377
00:26:43,180 --> 00:26:45,780
So they're going in the curtain?
378
00:26:45,820 --> 00:26:47,980
Yeah. Yeah.
379
00:26:48,660 --> 00:26:50,860
Oh, they are heavy.
380
00:26:50,900 --> 00:26:52,740
Shit!
381
00:26:54,420 --> 00:26:56,460
{\an1}AUDIENCE LAUGHTER
382
00:26:59,060 --> 00:27:01,420
Good luck, Bob. Thank you.
383
00:27:01,460 --> 00:27:04,980
It's not me being a shithouse.
I can't get any...
384
00:27:23,620 --> 00:27:25,620
That's my attempt.
385
00:27:25,660 --> 00:27:27,780
Thanks, Bob.
APPLAUSE
386
00:27:27,820 --> 00:27:32,660
I see myself coming down that ramp
with all the coconuts
387
00:27:32,700 --> 00:27:36,940
in a beige, velour curtain bag
like some kind of sick Santa.
388
00:27:36,980 --> 00:27:39,300
Uh-oh! No!
389
00:27:39,340 --> 00:27:40,420
Right...
390
00:27:43,980 --> 00:27:46,340
Aaah, yes, OK.
391
00:27:46,380 --> 00:27:49,100
{\an1}CRIES OF EXERTION
392
00:27:50,060 --> 00:27:52,260
Right, now,
393
00:27:52,300 --> 00:27:55,780
I just need to... Here we go.
394
00:28:02,700 --> 00:28:06,300
Yea-ea-eah!
395
00:28:06,340 --> 00:28:08,660
{\an1}APPLAUSE
396
00:28:08,700 --> 00:28:12,180
I mean, that has got to stick
in your craw, hasn't it?
397
00:28:12,220 --> 00:28:16,220
Honestly, I'm just thrilled
that my mind works sometimes
398
00:28:16,260 --> 00:28:19,260
in the same way
as the venerable Bob Mortimer's.
399
00:28:19,300 --> 00:28:22,020
Hey, Greg,
would you have allowed it?
400
00:28:22,060 --> 00:28:25,020
Would I have allowed yours?
Either of them.
401
00:28:25,060 --> 00:28:28,860
I would have allowed Sally's.
The coconuts were on the skateboard.
402
00:28:28,900 --> 00:28:32,340
And mine were beside the skateboard.
LAUGHTER
403
00:28:32,380 --> 00:28:34,980
Sometimes my job gets done for me.
404
00:28:36,820 --> 00:28:42,460
'Bob and Sally don't get any points,
then it goes Mark with three, Nish
with four, Aisling wins the task!
405
00:28:42,500 --> 00:28:44,340
{\an1}APPLAUSE
406
00:28:44,380 --> 00:28:47,980
Come on, Ireland!
What do we have coming up next?
407
00:28:48,020 --> 00:28:53,220
'I'm afraid we're gonna mess
with Nish's brain again.
It's another bloody referendum. Oh!
408
00:28:53,260 --> 00:28:54,460
Oh!
409
00:29:12,620 --> 00:29:14,460
Oh!
410
00:29:14,500 --> 00:29:18,340
Just trying to look natural
on camera.
411
00:29:21,780 --> 00:29:23,780
This does not look authorised.
412
00:29:32,860 --> 00:29:37,140
"Vote for which contestant you think
should receive five bonus points.
413
00:29:37,180 --> 00:29:42,180
'"The contestant who receives
the most votes will receive
five bonus points.
414
00:29:42,220 --> 00:29:44,220
"You may vote for yourself.
415
00:29:44,260 --> 00:29:50,420
'"If, however, you vote for yourself
and fail to receive most votes,
you will lose two points."
416
00:29:50,460 --> 00:29:54,620
There's a polling booth there.
That's convenient, actually.
417
00:29:54,660 --> 00:29:57,900
You see, if I vote for myself,
I'm at risk.
418
00:29:57,940 --> 00:30:03,180
'On the other hand,
I do think I should receive
all the bonus points.
419
00:30:03,220 --> 00:30:06,940
The guys will all vote
for themselves, except Bob,
420
00:30:06,980 --> 00:30:09,900
who is a kind of wild card,
421
00:30:09,940 --> 00:30:13,060
and Aisling and I will vote
for other people.
422
00:30:18,940 --> 00:30:21,620
I've cast my vote.
423
00:30:21,660 --> 00:30:22,940
Done.
424
00:30:22,980 --> 00:30:24,220
Democracy!
425
00:30:24,260 --> 00:30:26,980
{\an1}APPLAUSE
426
00:30:29,020 --> 00:30:31,980
They're voting for someone
to get five bonus points,
427
00:30:32,020 --> 00:30:36,780
'so the tactic is to vote for who
you think is the weakest person
to improve their score.
428
00:30:36,820 --> 00:30:39,820
Sally voted for Bob,
Bob voted for Sally. Aw!
429
00:30:39,860 --> 00:30:42,980
Aisling also voted for Sally.
430
00:30:43,020 --> 00:30:47,420
'So far no-one's voted
for themselves.
What do you think Mark and Nish did?
431
00:30:47,460 --> 00:30:49,260
{\an1}LAUGHTER
432
00:30:49,300 --> 00:30:55,420
'They voted for themselves. What
Sally said came true. Sally gets
five points, they lose two points.
433
00:30:55,460 --> 00:30:57,860
APPLAUSE
It was incredible.
434
00:30:59,380 --> 00:31:01,660
{\an1}The scoreboard now looks very even.
435
00:31:01,700 --> 00:31:07,380
'Sally and Aisling are both
at the top, followed by Mark and
Bob, and there's Nish. There we go.
436
00:31:07,420 --> 00:31:10,140
{\an1}APPLAUSE
437
00:31:10,180 --> 00:31:14,340
That is fast becoming the subtitle
of this series - "and there's Nish".
438
00:31:14,380 --> 00:31:19,620
OK, we've got time for another one,
right? Jolly good. Here you go.
439
00:31:30,340 --> 00:31:33,020
Bonjour, Alex. Hello, Aisling.
440
00:31:33,060 --> 00:31:37,180
Right, fine, don't reply
in the language I came in with.
441
00:31:37,220 --> 00:31:41,220
Hello, Sally.
Hi. Is this an art task?
442
00:31:41,260 --> 00:31:45,780
'I'm wearing "day of the week" socks,
but it's the wrong day.
I don't give an S.
443
00:31:45,820 --> 00:31:49,780
Primary school feeling, vibe.
OK. Just saying.
444
00:31:49,820 --> 00:31:52,300
Was it a happy time? For me? Yeah.
445
00:31:52,340 --> 00:31:56,340
My first day wasn't. Someone
had done a poo in the sandpit.
446
00:31:56,380 --> 00:31:58,580
{\an1}LAUGHTER
447
00:32:00,060 --> 00:32:02,980
"Make a funny little
flick-book film.
448
00:32:03,020 --> 00:32:07,980
"The mat beneath your feet...
is the paper.
449
00:32:08,020 --> 00:32:14,420
'"The camera above your head
will take photos of your paper.
The funniest flick-book film wins.
450
00:32:14,460 --> 00:32:18,020
"You have one hour.
Now flick the flick-book."
451
00:32:21,980 --> 00:32:27,580
"Your time start...your time sta...
your time s...your time...you..."
452
00:32:27,620 --> 00:32:29,820
I did it backwards, didn't I, Alex?
453
00:32:29,860 --> 00:32:31,820
{\an1}LAUGHTER
454
00:32:34,220 --> 00:32:38,780
Who shat in the sandpit? I'll never
know. I remember it was sweet.
455
00:32:38,820 --> 00:32:45,540
'I mean, at that age,
something brown and cylindrical,
it's going in, isn't it? Pop it in.
456
00:32:45,580 --> 00:32:51,300
'So we're going to see Bob's first
who did an instructional video
on how to peel a banana.
457
00:33:16,860 --> 00:33:18,540
{\an1}APPLAUSE
458
00:33:18,580 --> 00:33:21,740
{\an1}I don't believe it. I loved that.
459
00:33:21,780 --> 00:33:28,020
'We have made it into a flick-book.
There it is. That's a work of art.
It's technically excellent.
460
00:33:28,060 --> 00:33:32,060
Really satisfying, Bob. It really was
exceptional. Who's next?
461
00:33:32,100 --> 00:33:37,220
Do you want to see Sally's one?
Oh, yes. OK, this is Sally's.
462
00:33:37,260 --> 00:33:39,260
{\an1}MIAOW
463
00:33:39,300 --> 00:33:42,820
Le chat est boing-boing.
Le chat est boing-boing.
464
00:33:42,860 --> 00:33:44,860
{\an1}Le chat est boing-boing.
465
00:33:44,900 --> 00:33:47,020
{\an1}Oh, le chapeau! Uh-oh!
466
00:33:47,060 --> 00:33:50,420
{\an1}Attention au chapeau.
C'est dangereux.
467
00:33:50,460 --> 00:33:53,100
{\an1}Oh, non. Oh, non, petit chat!
468
00:33:53,140 --> 00:33:55,140
Le chapeau!
469
00:33:56,180 --> 00:33:59,340
Le chat a ete mange par le chapeau.
470
00:33:59,380 --> 00:34:01,980
Uh-oh! Fin.
471
00:34:02,020 --> 00:34:04,300
{\an1}APPLAUSE
472
00:34:06,020 --> 00:34:08,500
I could translate it
while you flick.
473
00:34:08,540 --> 00:34:13,340
'If you could translate it
into English, I'll get
a full understanding of the film.
474
00:34:13,380 --> 00:34:17,540
"The cat is boing-boing. The cat is
boing-boing. Watch out for the hat.
475
00:34:17,580 --> 00:34:22,780
'"The hat is dangerous.
Oh, no, little cat, the hat! The cat
has been eaten by the hat. Uh-oh!"
476
00:34:22,820 --> 00:34:28,740
'It's better in French. "End." Oh,
sorry, "end". If you eat bananas,
the "chat" definitely boing-boinged!
477
00:34:29,900 --> 00:34:33,420
A quick break, one part to go,
and that features the live tasks,
478
00:34:33,460 --> 00:34:36,660
so until then or perhaps for ever,
goodbye, everyone.
479
00:34:46,940 --> 00:34:48,900
{\an1}APPLAUSE
480
00:34:48,940 --> 00:34:51,420
Welcome back
to every single one of you.
481
00:34:51,460 --> 00:34:55,260
What were we doing before the break?
We were having a good old flick.
482
00:34:55,300 --> 00:34:59,020
Who's next? Do you want
to have a look at Aisling?
483
00:34:59,060 --> 00:35:02,100
Yes, please.
OK, this is more complicated. Hmm.
484
00:35:19,060 --> 00:35:21,740
{\an1}DOG PANTING
485
00:35:38,660 --> 00:35:41,660
APPLAUSE
It is complicated.
486
00:35:43,140 --> 00:35:49,020
'I wonder, if I may, drill down
into the narrative because I do think
this is an allegory. Yes.
487
00:35:49,060 --> 00:35:55,340
My perception is that you think that
love is jumping at the wrong man,
488
00:35:55,380 --> 00:35:59,380
him deflecting you,
489
00:35:59,420 --> 00:36:03,340
and by chance you ending
in the arms of the right man
490
00:36:03,380 --> 00:36:06,180
and then you're forced to eat shit.
491
00:36:07,580 --> 00:36:14,340
'Yeah, that's actually it, yeah. Ring
my mother. She'll tell you that's
pretty much my relationship history.
492
00:36:14,380 --> 00:36:18,380
When you meet the right guy, you
think, "This is gonna be amazing."
493
00:36:18,420 --> 00:36:21,700
They're like, "No,
I've brought all my past issues!"
494
00:36:23,140 --> 00:36:25,220
In the form of dog shit.
495
00:36:25,260 --> 00:36:28,700
Yeah, yeah, yeah. "From
this other bitch I was seeing."
496
00:36:28,740 --> 00:36:34,460
'Who's next, Alex?
Two left to see and first
of the last to see is Mark Watson.
497
00:37:23,620 --> 00:37:25,380
{\an1}APPLAUSE
498
00:37:26,820 --> 00:37:32,020
'Well, you should all know
that Mark and Alex have been friends
for 20 years, so...
499
00:37:32,060 --> 00:37:36,220
And most of it's been like that.
There was some real beauty there.
500
00:37:36,260 --> 00:37:41,100
'It was a simple story of friends
getting together, sharing
some experiences, falling out
501
00:37:41,140 --> 00:37:45,220
because of the selfishness of one of
them and that friend atoning for it.
502
00:37:45,260 --> 00:37:48,020
With a kiwi fruit?
The traditional method.
503
00:37:48,060 --> 00:37:53,540
'And you ate the kiwi fruit together?
We did. There was a slight
homo-erotic undertone. Slight?
504
00:37:53,580 --> 00:37:56,420
That stuff does really well
at the box office.
505
00:37:56,460 --> 00:38:01,940
'Oh? I thought it was really touching
and I loved the way we could see
your pants all throughout.
506
00:38:01,980 --> 00:38:04,180
Le chat est dans le pantalon.
507
00:38:04,220 --> 00:38:05,740
{\an1}LAUGHTER
508
00:38:05,780 --> 00:38:09,780
We are going to see the "chat" one
more time if that's all right. Yeah.
509
00:38:09,820 --> 00:38:14,220
We'll see the final film, Nish, who
featured "le chatty-bonbon". Oui.
510
00:38:44,980 --> 00:38:46,940
{\an1}APPLAUSE
511
00:38:46,980 --> 00:38:49,380
Ou est le chat?
512
00:38:49,420 --> 00:38:51,700
Le chat est dans le Nish.
513
00:38:53,420 --> 00:38:56,740
That is an absolutely savage piece
of film-making.
514
00:38:56,780 --> 00:39:01,980
I can barely separate them, but if
I had to, purely on artistic merit,
515
00:39:02,020 --> 00:39:07,100
'if I were to give two films the edge,
I would give Bob and Nish's
pieces of work the edge.
516
00:39:07,140 --> 00:39:10,940
They were technically very
proficient, so five points to them?
517
00:39:10,980 --> 00:39:16,500
'Five points to them, then the other
three, who I also hugely enjoyed,
I'd give three points each.
518
00:39:16,540 --> 00:39:19,820
So we've got two first places
and three third places.
519
00:39:19,860 --> 00:39:21,340
{\an1}APPLAUSE
520
00:39:23,060 --> 00:39:28,460
'Oh, God, do you know what?
I've just been wondering
what the series scores are like.
521
00:39:28,500 --> 00:39:32,700
I've got them here. It is tight.
We've got Nish Kumar on 90. Yes!
522
00:39:32,740 --> 00:39:35,940
Then we jump up a bit.
We've got Sally...
523
00:39:35,980 --> 00:39:39,580
LAUGHTER
Sally's on 112.
524
00:39:39,620 --> 00:39:46,020
Aisling on 114, Mark 115, Bob 117.
It's within five points.
525
00:39:46,060 --> 00:39:49,140
{\an1}APPLAUSE
526
00:39:50,660 --> 00:39:55,460
'It's between Aisling and Sally
in this episode,
15 points each at this stage.
527
00:39:55,500 --> 00:39:57,820
One task to go.
APPLAUSE
528
00:39:57,860 --> 00:40:02,780
Please head to the stage
for the final task of the show!
529
00:40:04,820 --> 00:40:07,700
{\an1}CHEERING
530
00:40:10,820 --> 00:40:12,900
Hello, Greg. Hello, Alex.
531
00:40:12,940 --> 00:40:17,100
Would you please tell me who's going
to read out tonight's final task?
532
00:40:17,140 --> 00:40:19,220
It's going to be Aisling Bea. Oh!
533
00:40:19,260 --> 00:40:21,340
Thank you, sir.
534
00:40:24,180 --> 00:40:25,460
Perfect.
535
00:40:25,500 --> 00:40:29,180
"Send the most things
to the Taskmaster.
536
00:40:29,220 --> 00:40:35,380
'"Items must travel via zipline
and land on your segment
of the Taskmaster's table.
537
00:40:35,420 --> 00:40:40,340
"You may not move
from your current position.
538
00:40:40,380 --> 00:40:43,780
"You have...100 seconds!"
539
00:40:43,820 --> 00:40:47,180
OK, I'll blow the whistle to start.
You were very dramatic.
540
00:40:47,220 --> 00:40:51,620
I realise I'm not a very dramatic
person. OK, you've got 100 seconds.
541
00:40:51,660 --> 00:40:54,380
Good luck. Your time starts...
BLOWS WHISTLE
542
00:40:56,700 --> 00:41:00,980
Stay on the mat, please, Aisling.
Stay on the mat, Bob. Sorry.
543
00:41:01,020 --> 00:41:05,300
Do stay on the mat. Do stay on
the mat. Oh, how has he done that?
544
00:41:05,340 --> 00:41:08,140
Bob Mortimer, basket in.
545
00:41:08,180 --> 00:41:11,620
Oh, we've got a problem here.
You must stay on the mat.
546
00:41:11,660 --> 00:41:15,580
Can I get the wire? She let go of it,
but she must stay on the mat.
547
00:41:15,620 --> 00:41:17,660
Come on, the bra! No!
548
00:41:21,740 --> 00:41:24,020
Fuck off!
549
00:41:24,060 --> 00:41:26,180
Oh, oh...
550
00:41:26,220 --> 00:41:27,820
Yeah.
551
00:41:27,860 --> 00:41:29,660
She's on the mat.
552
00:41:29,700 --> 00:41:32,860
An audience member has got involved.
553
00:41:32,900 --> 00:41:35,460
You've got 35 seconds left.
35 seconds.
554
00:41:35,500 --> 00:41:37,700
Come on, shoe!
555
00:41:37,740 --> 00:41:41,500
Damn you, damn you!
See you in hell!
556
00:41:42,660 --> 00:41:46,180
Why can't I get the coat-hanger
on there? Come on, you prick!
557
00:41:46,220 --> 00:41:48,580
{\an1}LAUGHTER
558
00:41:48,620 --> 00:41:54,420
'They must travel via the zipwire.
Stay on your mat, Aisling. Come on,
you prick! Stay on your mat.
559
00:41:54,460 --> 00:41:56,460
{\an1}Come on, you stupid monkey's prick!
560
00:41:56,500 --> 00:41:59,860
Five seconds left. Come on!
Three seconds left.
561
00:41:59,900 --> 00:42:01,820
Two, one...
562
00:42:01,860 --> 00:42:04,180
{\an1}BLOWS WHISTLE
563
00:42:04,220 --> 00:42:06,420
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
564
00:42:06,460 --> 00:42:10,060
Come down and we'll see
how that's affected the final scores.
565
00:42:10,100 --> 00:42:12,380
{\an1}CHEERING
566
00:42:16,820 --> 00:42:17,940
Well...
567
00:42:17,980 --> 00:42:22,860
'Varying degrees of skill there, Alex.
I was very concerned
for your safety, Greg.
568
00:42:22,900 --> 00:42:25,940
Yes, so was I, Nish.
LAUGHTER
569
00:42:25,980 --> 00:42:32,060
'Sometimes you get caught up in
the heat of the moment and you chuck
a coconut at a massive whitedude.
570
00:42:32,100 --> 00:42:34,820
Unacceptable. Nul points.
571
00:42:34,860 --> 00:42:37,620
I thought it was
a lovely juxtaposition.
572
00:42:37,660 --> 00:42:43,140
At one point, Bob was just very
delicately sending paper clips down
573
00:42:43,180 --> 00:42:45,180
and very effectively,
574
00:42:45,220 --> 00:42:50,340
'and just to his right,
Aisling was shouting,
"Get down there, you monkey prick!"
575
00:42:50,380 --> 00:42:52,780
{\an1}LAUGHTER
576
00:42:52,820 --> 00:42:58,180
'How did Mark do? Mark did pretty
well. He got five things down.
How did you get the balloons down?
577
00:42:58,220 --> 00:43:01,740
In the little basket. He put
the balloons in the little basket.
578
00:43:01,780 --> 00:43:07,940
'Everyone had a nice run with the
basket. Not Sally because she dropped
the rope. So no points for Sally?
579
00:43:07,980 --> 00:43:12,460
It depends. Are you disqualifying
Nish for throwing coconuts at you?
580
00:43:12,500 --> 00:43:17,380
'No, I'm not going to disqualify Nish
because, let's face it,
the guy's broken.
581
00:43:17,420 --> 00:43:20,900
So it's Sally, then Aisling,
then Nish in third,
582
00:43:20,940 --> 00:43:24,420
who got four things in,
Mark got five. Bob - eight items.
583
00:43:24,460 --> 00:43:26,620
{\an1}APPLAUSE
584
00:43:28,740 --> 00:43:32,740
There's a change in the leaderboard.
The leaderboard now looks like this.
585
00:43:32,780 --> 00:43:35,500
{\an1}The winner is...Mr Bob Mortimer!
586
00:43:35,540 --> 00:43:37,700
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
587
00:43:37,740 --> 00:43:40,660
Well done, Bob.
Will you please head to the stage
588
00:43:40,700 --> 00:43:45,260
and have fun fondling
your surprisingly expensive item?
589
00:43:45,300 --> 00:43:47,300
{\an1}CHEERING
590
00:43:47,340 --> 00:43:50,220
How much loo roll
do you have left, Alex?
591
00:43:50,260 --> 00:43:53,340
I've got 84,
enough for three more dirts.
592
00:43:53,380 --> 00:43:55,860
LAUGHTER
What have we learnt today?
593
00:43:55,900 --> 00:44:01,380
'Nous avons appris
que le chat est dans le chapeau
et le chat est dans Nish.
594
00:44:01,420 --> 00:44:04,220
Le chat, il fait mort
595
00:44:04,260 --> 00:44:07,100
et Alex, c'est un dick.
596
00:44:07,140 --> 00:44:09,380
{\an1}LAUGHTER
597
00:44:09,420 --> 00:44:15,420
'That's it for another Taskmaster.
Well done to Bob. See you next time
for the grand finale. Good night!
598
00:44:38,940 --> 00:44:41,140
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