Original subtitles

MAN: Previously on Rescue Me

This is going to sound so screwed up.

| saw a guy making a save.

It was all smoky and everything but...

| caught the name on the jacket.

Jimmy goddamned Keefe.

| want a divorce.

Things have gotta change around here, or | want a divorce, okay?

You want a divorce?

I'll give you a divorce.

You're sleeping with you new boss

and you don't want me coming around

because you don't want him comparing himself to...

-Hey. -Hi.

Uh, Bob, this is my ex, Tommy Gavin.

-Tommy, how ya doing? -Hi.

What are you doing? Whoa, whoa, come on.

TOMMY: My daughter's credit card.

-Yo! -You roll up $5000...

-What are you... -You are not gonna marry my daughter.

You understand? There's no way in hell...

I'm not gonna marry your daughter.

What are you talking about? All right, listen.

(Stammers) I...

-What? -| got her...

| bought the ring for Janelle here.

That's awesome.

Just for a week or so.

I've got some interviews lined up in Chicago.

Can you look after Richie for me?

Richie loves you.

| Know he doesn't feel comfortable with anybody else.

Then he can stay at the center.

Well, | would, but he's been talking about

wanting to marry that Barbara girl, the one in the wheelchair.

I'm worried they're gonna run off together.

Twelve years of Catholic school and you can't remember

the shortest prayer they wrote.

I'm gonna go get her number.

We need to have a little chat.

No, we need to chow down and get it on.

I'm having some trouble with this, Latrina.

Hey, if you can't, you can't.

Well, what are you doing?

-Cleaning up this mess. -Well, wait a minute.

-Don't do that! -| don't throw it away, what you gonna do for me?

Mm-hm.

Haven't we done it about 10, 12 times.

You know, after that initial...

| just get a little bored.

So...

You're basically saying that this is...

This relationship is kinda... Doomed.

(Laughs)

Well, aren't they all?

[CROWD CHATTERING]

Hey. Give me a...

whiskey.

Half-baked.

[ROCK SONG PLAYING]

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

J She’s coming over f

- We'll go out walking I

S Make a... I

[METAL CLACKING]

REILLY: Battalion 1-5 to Manhattan just arrived at Tower 1.

Plane has just hit the north tower

JIMMY: Where did you go, man? We’re trapped up here.

Jimmy, I’m coming. Shit.

I’m coming right now.

Smile on your face

J There’s just something He seems to forget yesterday I

J There’s just something He seems to forget yesterday I

~ Yeah I

MICHAEL: Hey!

What?

You want another soda?

No, no, no. I’m good. I’m good.

So...

what about the ball game?

The ball game.

Yeah. | want to go to a ball game.

Me and you, Katy.

A Y-- A Yankees game?

Yankees? | want to see a minor-league team.

Single-A ball.

You want to go to a minor-league baseball game?

They got a whole amusement park.

It’s right outside the outfield wall.

Yeah, | know.

With a roller coaster. | know.

So...

you wanna go to a minor-league ball game?

Yup.

All right. I’ll-- I'll get tickets

to a minor-league game. All right?

How’s the, uh, not-drinking thing going?

It’s going fine.

Good.

You? Horrible.

All | think about...

is booze...

and broads.

Well, maybe if you weren’t hanging around a--

In a place all day that’s full of both of ’em,

you'd be better off.

You know what they say.

Keep your friends close...

Keep your enemies closer. Yeah.

All right.

[INDISTINCT DISPATCHER CHATTER OVER RADIO]

[DISTANT SIREN WAILING]

TOMMY: Even though it ain't.

Hey.

Hey.

[INDISTINCT DISPATCHER CHATTER OVER RADIO]

DISPATCHER: Copy 80-H. Are you en route? Transporting ETA, five minutes.

[BANG]

Hello. [DOOR CREAKS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

Hey.

DISPATCHER: Uh, Rescue 87, EMS put you en route, uh,

towards a structure fire.

[FOOTSTEPS]

[BOTH GASP]

Oh, Jesus Christ.

[THE VON BONDIES’ "C’MON, C’MON" PLAYING]

On another day C’mon, c’mon f

With these ropes tied tight Can we do no wrong? J

J Now we grieve ‘Cause now it’s gone

Things were good When we were young f

~ When my teeth bite down | can see the blood J

J Of a thousand men Who have come and gone f

J Now we grieve ‘Cause now it’s gone

Things were good When we were young f

Ils it safe to stay? J ~C’mon, c’mon f

? Was it right to leave? J ~C’mon, c’mon J

< Will | ever learn? I ~C’mon, c’mon f

~ C’mon, c’mon C’mon, c’mon J

[CLAPPING]

WOMAN: Yes, in the back?

Yeah.

I’m Derek. I’m an alcoholic and a drug addict.

ALL: Hi, Derek.

| screwed up at work last night.

Twenty-two years I’m working this goddamn program.

Two decades | walk past

bags of coke, half-smoked joints

and full glasses of chilled vodka.

| work in a nightclub every goddamn night for years,

and last night some chick drops a bag a blow on the bar.

Instead of saying something,

| pick up the bag of coke, | grab a drink off the bar--

Someone’s double-vodka. --and | slam it.

| grab another drink, go into the bathroom

and shove the whole bag up my nose.

The next thing you know, I’m banging this girl.

She had an ass...

God you had to see this girl’s ass. It was perfect.

It was a Michelle Pfeiffer,

Jennifer Lopez combo-platter ass.

Nice.

And you know what?

It was great.

It was goddamn spine-bending.

And | felt like | was in control, man.

And the way she was moving against me

felt like she would’ve done anything | wanted.

It was the best I’ve felt in a long, long time.

Powerful. Engaged.

| was ready to goddamn roll, man, anywhere.

And then she came.

And that made me feel... awesome.

Like a master.

Like the home-run king, you know?

And just when | was about to explode...

| don’t know.

| suddenly felt exactly the way | feel right now.

Low.

Lower than a snake.

The sex, the booze and the drugs,

it’s all just a dead end.

| wanna real goddamn thing, you know?

A girlfriend. A relationship.

| wanna feel the way | do about booze.

| wanna get that fix from another human being.

Anyway,

that was my week.

[CLAPPING]

Hey, guys, | ordered some pizza.

It’s waiting up in the kitchen.

Mike, do me a favor, | gotta hit the head.

Would you run a slice up to my office?

Yeah, sure thing, chief.

Now, you know, | love a false alarm

as much as any other fireman. No dead kids,

no burnt up grandmas, no playing peek-a-boo

through the smoke for lost family pets,

but | really gotta be honest with you.

| was kind of praying to the God Of All Pizza

that we'd have a really ripping fire

so that we could get another, uh,

you know, Jimmy Keefe ghost sighting.

| guess I'll just put it on his desk, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, you know, guys, l’ve heard the rumors.

And all | can say is...

| mean, come on. This is not The Sixth Sense.

There are no ghosts roaming the halls.

Hey, Lou, | saw what | saw.

No, you saw what you think you saw.

And ever since | been doing doubles with you mopes,

| been watching you put away the booze.

Okay? Now, | didn’t say shit,

okay, because you’re still getting the job done.

Whatever it takes to get through the day sane

is okay with me. Now, what | need to know now is,

who has seen the ghost

of Jimmy Keefe?

So far,

the both of us and Larry.

But we each seen him a couple of times.

Yeah. | just saw him in the bathroom,

just last night.

All right, obviously sanity

has gone right out the window here,

so | need you guys to collect every bottle of booze

that you have stashed away in this house,

and pour it down the goddamn drain.

Now, do you hear me? We did that already.

Neither of us have had a drop in three days.

What?

We saw Jimmy Keefe in the hallway.

See? Clear as day.

Said Keefe

right on the jacket.

Okay, well, then,

someone’s gonna have to run out

get us another bottle.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Hey. What the hell’s going on here, huh?

| got goddamn pizza all over my shoes.

What kind of a bullshit rookie prank is this, huh?

| buy you guys pizza, this is the way you pay me back?

Huh?

Lou, come on in the office. Now.

Chief, wait. What?

It wasn’t a gag.

What then?

Uh, don’t tell him.

Tell me what?

All right, chief. let’s go in, okay?

It was all my stupid idea.

Well, it wasn’t funny. Look at my shoes.

Wait, wait, chief.

It was...a ghost.

[SIGHS]

What?

There’s--

We've all been seeing

Jimmy Keefe’s ghost.

They’ve seen him

here in the firehouse, they’ve seen him...

on jobs,

working inside the jobs.

You, uh, you all have seen him?

Hm?

Lou?

No. No. Not yet.

Although, to be honest with you,

I’m kind of looking forward to running into him.

You guys ever hear of a Section Eight?

Which means you're all nuts?

Hm?

Never brought a guy up on a charge like that before,

let alone a whole goddamn crew.

There’s gotta be an explanation. There no such thing as ghosts.

Unless, of course, | see Jimmy Keefe.

In which case all of us hop into the Suburban,

head down to HQ,

and turn ourselves in to the psychiatric board.

Hey, guys.

Pizza’s getting cold down here.

That’s six messages | left for her today.

How many goddamn job interviews did she have?

None.

What?

There’s no job in Chicago.

The guy she’s been seeing,

the Ashton Kutcher artist shitbag,

he lives there.

So she’s gonna go there for a week

to see if she likes it enough to move.

| told her I’m not going to Chicago.

| don’t care what you say, Natalie.

I’m gonna stay here

and marry Barbara.

Have sex with her.

Right after it’s official.

She lied to you, Franco.

I’m sorry.

Me too.

Two Fake Baby Head t-shirts.

That’s all | loaned to you.

And, uh...

this.

Oh, shit. Thanks.

l-| need this for the gig tomorrow night.

You know, my dad paid for everything else, Tony.

Including your new girlfriend’s wedding ring.

Engagement ring.

Engagement.

Whatever.

That ring could’ve been for you.

What?

| wanna get hitched, | dig that whole...

let’s tribe-up-and-have-kids thing.

But your old man, Col.

He scares the shit out of me.

So my dad is the reason that we’re not getting married.

Yeah.

That and the fact that | met this other chick.

But that would’ve never happened if your dad wasn’t such a--

Such a pain in the ass.

I’m already going through little Elvis withdrawal.

Okay, speaking of which, you gotta drop the Elvis thing.

Why? Because.

Janet's calling him something else

and it’s gonna lead to trouble.

Well, why, what’s she calling him?

She’s calling him Wyatt.

Not my idea, okay?

Wyatt? That’s so stup--

What is he, a rodeo clown?

Wyatt as in Wyatt Earp,

as in Kevin Costner’s Wyatt Earp.

You know what a big fan she is.

Oh, yeah, | forgot.

Did you see Dances with Wolves?

Huh? Seven Oscars.

He’s in the greatest baseball movies

ever made, okay? Field of Dreams, classic.

Uh, uh, Bull Durham,

Classic, and then, uh...

Hell’s the name of the other one?

His girlfriend in that was hot.

She was John Travolta’s wife.

Okay, the best movie

that Kevin Costner has ever done--

| Know what you’re gonna say.

Message in a Bottle? Waterworld.

Oh! Waterworld? Are you--?

He was tanned, he was buff, he was delicious.

He did have a vagina in his neck

but | can take it.

So jet skis and neck vaginas,

this is your idea of a great Costner movie?

Just ’cause he looks tanned and buff.

Such a chick thing.

Listen, let me just-- In theory,

let’s just say that | was gonna give Elvis

a little earring, what’s the worst that could happen?

Janet would shit the turkey dinner, okay?

So then we'll wait ’till right before Thanksgiving.

All right, see you later.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Yeah?

[PANTING]

Come in.

[INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER]

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

Yeah?

Hey. I’m sensing a little confusion

about our situation here so | thought it’d be

helpful if you got everything on the table.

The situation.

Listen, | don’t want a husband.

| already had one of those

and it was a real pain in the ass.

By the end he was even wearing my underwear.

Really. Oh, he sounds perfect.

| don’t know.

| don’t know what happened

to men and women

and good old-fashioned sex.

It’s like, all this intimacy bullshit

and this talk about our feelings,

and-- And bitching about our needs,

and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

I’m sorry, it just doesn’t work for me.

Uh-huh. You’re old school.

lf you want the truth, a little hair-pulling

and a little ass-slapping every now and then,

not gonna hurt my feelings.

| haven’t had time to think about

pulling your hair, okay?

And as far as spanking goes, you know,

we're months away from spanking,

so | don’t know what to tell you.

All I’m saying is this:

What works for me now, is one guy

who will do whatever | want

whenever | have the urge.

No whining, no dinner,

no seeing other people.

Right. Well, that’s not really

gonna work for me, Val.

’'m aman. | want a woman.

| finally figured it out.

That’s what | want, okay?

| wanna come home to a woman.

| want you to tell me

how to make you happy in bed,

and what’s broken in the house

that you need me to fix, okay?

That’s my deal, all right?

So good luck with the urges and the no, you know,

whining and all, and the underwear being worn by the guy.

All right?

| mean, it’s been nice knowing you, Val.

[SCOFFS]

Hey.

So everything’s going all right then?

Yeah.

Yeah, it’s good.

Yeah? Yeah.

So, uh...

Everything with Bob? Bob?

Yeah. It’s great.

Good.

So are you seeing anyone?

No, no, no, no.

Not now.

We’re, um... Bob’s coming over for dinner.

Oh, okay.

That would explain the dress | guess, huh?

It must be going good.

Yeah, it’s good.

Really? Yeah.

Yeah, he reads...

actually the same books that | read.

Um, he also goes to the opera,

which | didn’t know | like.

Wow. And, uh, yeah.

He helps around the house

and with Wyatt.

Let’s be honest, | mean,

there’s always been the kid thing.

| do not spend enough time with the kids,

that was always the...

big, uh, problem.

Which is funny now, | have to spend half my time

driving the kid between you and Colleen, so...

It was a bunch of things, but, Tommy,

you didn’t learn how to, uh,

change a diaper until--

Because | was working.

And this-- We’ve been through this.

Okay, you’re right. You're right.

It’s going nowhere.

All right.

| mean, you know this-- Whatever else you wanna Say,

| hope that you realize this.

It’s just now that I’m starting to understand

how much money | make.

Even the stuff | made under the table

| gave to you, | mean, you know, so you could buy--

Tommy, you were always generous. Right.

What was it, like, the Chinese guy with the designer shoes?

The Jimmy Choo’s. Yes.

There are certain things you carry away from a relationship.

That’s one of the things | will never begrudge you.

My Jimmy Choo’s.

Yeah, because ll tell you something,

some of those, just the way that...

they made your ass...

and your legs look.

| mean, if you were wearing a pair of those shoes

with this dress in particular,

we would fuck.

[SIGHS]

| gotta go.

| hear people speak about one-night stands.

| used to dream about one-night stands.

‘Cause that implied actually having spent the night

with someone.

What | was having was quickies.

In the morning.

In the late morning,

in the early afternoon.

Mega, ultra quickies.

Like, I’d order breakfast

and I’d have sex with the delivery guy.

Or I’d order up lunch and |’d go down on the delivery guy.

Different restaurants, by the way,

and | never ordered from the same place twice.

Except for the Mexican joint.

They had this young delivery guy

who looked like Erik Estrada.

And then over the holidays, forget it.

| went down to the corner

to pick out a tree

and they had these really cute young guys

who'd deliver them for you.

Needless to say my living room looked like

a goddamn pine forest

by the time Christmas day rolled around.

Will you listen to me for one second?

You are not an alcoholic.

Oh, no?

Well, two nights ago-- Yeah?

Yeah, I-| went to a bar and | got shitfaced, okay?

And | ended up taking home this woman

who looked like Julianne Moore and banged her brains out.

Okay? And | woke up the next day

and you know who she looked like?

Tawny Kitaen.

No. Lucille Ball.

Wait, she’s the girl that used to go out

with the guy from Whitesnake and in all the videos

she’s, like, on the hot rod in all that lingerie?

Yeah, that’s her. Oh, God.

Yeah, she’s so hot. | wish.

[LAUGHS]

Wait, why are you smiling?

I’m happy for you.

You're happy | slept with Lucille Ball.

No, I’m happy that you had sex with someone.

| felt so guilty after all these months

of not wanting to sleep with you.

So she wasn’t Tawny Kitaen. Big deal.

At least you got laid.

And you know what? The only reason

why you slept with a woman was to prove to me

that you’re a drunk, which you’re not.

Because a real drunk

either wouldn’t have remembered or been

so ashamed and afraid he’d do anything possible

to cover up what he did, including lie through his teeth

to his wife to keep her from finding out.

We are all good.

| love you. | always will.

But it’s time to move on.

Bye.

You mean, like, really move on,

or like a-- Just a temporary goodbye?

Hey, Ken, | wanna ask you something,

because, you know,

| respect your opinion about shit.

Yeah, sure.

What do you think of Latrina?

You mean, the um,

the heavy-set black woman who’s pretty much

kind of moved into my apartment?

Yeah, her. What do you think?

She’s okay, | guess.

| don’t know, she’s been acting funny lately.

I’m starting to get the feeling

like she don’t like me anymore.

Look, Mike,

|, uh-- | did a bad thing.

What, did ya piss yourself?

No, no, not yet. No. No.

But you know how we were

supposed to bury the hatchet over that Theresa thing?

| didn’t really bury it

as much as | kind of kicked some dirt over it.

And, you know, being

the emotional 12-year-old that | am,

| decided rather then to discuss it with you,

| would go and have...

Sex.

Revenge sex.

With Latrina.

Oh.

[CHUCKLES]

But | thought, you don’t even like black chicks.

| made an exception.

And | thought you liked them

a lot slimmer than Latrina.

| was really, really angry.

Oh. Okay.

Hey, pal, two more here.

Two more. MAN: You got it.

Wait a minute, that’s it?

You're not angry? You're not gonna throw a punch?

Hey, it had to happen sooner or later.

Here you go.

Wait a minute.

You...

You asked Latrina out

because you knew | was gonna

hit on your first girlfriend.

[CHUCKLES]

This one’s for you, pal.

Devious 362 pound bitch that you are.

Sorry, Calista Flockhart.

So she finally got to you, huh?

What was it, the old ba-donk-a-donk?

No, it was the triangle ravioli.

Goddamn chocolate pizza.

Excuse me?

She seduced me with that chocolate pizza.

One bite, | was putty in her hands.

[SCOFFS]

Boy, you think you know somebody--

That lying bitch!

That’s a shame. You should’ve tasted that.

[GROANS]

[INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER]

[SCREAMS]

| talked to Lori Cunningham

at the Rite Aid,

and she told me everything!

How the other crew’s been seeing him on the rig,

how he pulled someone out of the fire!

No!

Get off me!

You bastard! You liar!

You’re a goddamn liar! Why didn’t you tell me?

Why didn’t you tell me?

| Knew this was gonna happen. Now stop.

Okay? Stop swinging.

Everybody’s been seeing him.

Everybody’s been seeing him.

Hey. Shh!

Okay?

[SOBBING]

The guy’s shitfaced. The whole crew’s been shitfaced.

They been seeing his name on the back of--

| don’t know who’s coat. It’s bullshit.

There’s no one else in this house

with that last name. No one else in any house

in Upper Manhattan with that name,

and all of his things disintegrated.

| don’t even have anything.

Okay, okay.

Have you seen him again?

Have you seen him again?

No, | haven’t seen him again.

I’m telling you, these guys are shitfaced.

This is why-- | knew this was gonna happen.

You know?

What?

You need to be on medication.

This is why | didn’t tell you.

Okay?

| just wanna know one thing.

Is it because I’m a bad person?

Because | know I’ve done stuff.

| know I’ve done a lot of crazy and bad things.

And what | did to you, I’m so sorry.

Stop it.

| did it because you were

the closest thing to him.

You were my version of him

and | wanted him.

I’m owed a visit!

Just so | can say I’m sorry

for what | did.

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Okay, you done?

I’m gonna just stay here.

I’m gonna stay right here

until he shows me his face.

What's with all the freaking dog bones?

I’m here between-- Like, for a week between places.

You're staying here?

Yes, | have a dog, okay?

Tommy, have you seen him again?

[ALARM BUZZING]

You know what?

Do whatever you want. Do whatever you want.

Gentlemen, the winning ticket says

there’s an elevator stopped between floors 15 and 16.

There’s two people trapped and the super can see

the car visible from the doors on 15.

Start there and please be careful.

| hate these things.

Guys, we got no access to the elevator shaft.

We’re gonna have to go smash a hole in the blind shaft.

You got that sledgie? Yeah, | got it.

All right, good. Let’s go make a mess.

Fifteen flights up, by the way.

You're kidding, right?

Do | look like I’m kidding?

[CRASHING]

Tighter. Tighter.

Last time | had this much rope near my balls

| was wearing a leather mask getting my ass paddled.

Oh, yeah? S and M club?

No, it was Thanksgiving about five years ago.

[GRINDING]

Easy.

Hang on. Hang on to me.

You okay? Yeah.

Easy, easy, easy.

Got ’em, got em.

You wanna grab the groceries?

Of course, the groceries.

All right.

[BOTH YELLING]

[BOTH SCREAMING]

Wow.

[LAUGHS] Holy shit.

You wanna go again?

Must you be such an asshole?

What’s the matter with you?

You're not afraid of heights.

Claustrophobia, remember?

Oh, yeah.

[SCREAMING]

My dad here?

Oh, uh, nah,

| haven't seen him.

Should | leave a message or something?

Yeah, um,

tell him you ruined my goddamn life.

| hate his guts. | hope his soul rots in hell.

Are you gonna write this down?

I’m pretty sure | ain’t gonna forget this.

Ruined your life, rot in hell, hate his guts.

Yeah, | got it. Anything else?

Yeah.

Okay, tell him never, ever,

ever, ever, ever, ever to call me ever again!

You sure about that?

Sorry.

Bastard really gets under your skin, don’t he?

You have no idea.

Oh, | think | do.

Thanks.

See you around.

What are you doing here?

Excuse me, | thought that you said

we weren't seeing each other anymore.

Just make yourself right at home.

Come on in.

Hey!

Hey, excuse me.

What do you think you’re doing?

Wha--? Are you kidding me?

| don’t go to your house and throw your shit

all over the place.

Why don’t you tell me

what you’re looking for?

What are you doing?

Put that one on.

You know, these are really nice shoes.

Really prefer it if--

What?

Here, put those on.

l’Il meet you downstairs.

You wanna tell me what’s going on?

I’m hungry.

So?

Start cooking.

[LAUGHS]

You want me to cook for you.

Yeah.

Take your hair down, by the way.

All right.

Did you need a drink?

| need a drink.

There you go. All right?

Mmm. Mm-hm.

Once you’re done cooking the steaks

and I’ve eaten

then I’m gonna lay you across this table

and make love to you.

| just have one question.

How do you like your meat?

There it is, Dad. Just like you asked for.

Minor league baseball at its best.

We got three here and two down there

so me and my old man will take the two down there.

We'll sit down there, you guys take these three.

What are you talking about?

Why do you get the good seats?

What do you mean, why?

Seniority.

We're old. And fat.

You’re no swimsuit model either.

Hey, hey, hey.

You know what? This is a special day

for me and my dad, okay?

It’s like a Field of Dreams thing, right, Dad?

We’re gonna sit down there, me and him, like--

Like, uh--

Like Kevin Costner and James Earl Jones.

We’re gonna have a Field of Dreams bonding thing.

Okay, you do that. Have fun. Right, Dad?

Hello?

Hey, Nat, it’s me.

Hey, I’ve been meaning

to get back to you. It’s been crazy.

How’s Richie?

Uh, he’s great. We’re having a great time.

Everything good in Chicago?

Franco, | haven’t been, uh,

a hundred percent honest with you.

You’re there with your new boyfriend. | know.

You know?

Yeah, Richie let it slip.

It’s cool.

It’s cool?

| mean, hey, you need some time to figure things out.

| understand that. I’ve been there.

You know, last thing | wanna do is pile on the pressure.

So | don’t know.

| love you. | want you to have

all the space and time you need

to make the decision that’s right for you.

So stay in Chicago as long as you need to.

Do whatever it is you gotta do.

And when you get back to New York,

if you still want me, I'll be waiting, okay?

Wow, Franco. That’s, um...

That’s the sweetest,

dearest thing you've ever said to me.

So, uh,

yeah, | guess I'll just keep an eye on Richie,

and I'll talk to you when you get back, yeah?

Give him my love.

Take some for yourself, okay?

And, Franco,

thank you for being so understanding.

Hey, whatever it takes, babe.

All right. Bye.

[CHEERING]

Nice ball park. | know.

Who needs Brooklyn, right?

Yeah.

Ah, come on.

Beer here.

Jesus, what are these, midget seats?

Now | know why they call Yankee Stadium

the house that Ruth built.

Those seats are big enough

for giant fat asses like mine.

This is a minor league seat,

| gotta major league ass.

Beer here. These guys are killing me.

Hey, pal, will you give it a break? I’m an alcoholic.

So am I. Go call your sponsor.

| know what you’re doing, Jesus.

You're testing me, right?

Surrounding me with temptation

just to see how I'll respond.

I'll show you. | can be strong.

| can do it.

Beer here.

Ah, hell!

Hey, you. Over here.

How many?

How much for the whole tray?

Twenty beers, $5.50 a piece.

A buck ten.

Tell you what, I'll give you 200 if you

stay the hell out of this section.

Deal.

Beers for everyone. Pass ’em around.

All right. Thanks, Ted.

Everybody, everybody.

Everybody but me.

Look at the size of that screen

in left field, Dad, huh?

It’s probably as high as the, uh,

Green Monster at Fenway, right?

Yeah.

Makes me think of Yaz.

Yeah.

~ Carl Yastrzemski f

~ Carl Yastrzemski f

~ The man they call Yaz

S We love him I

S We love him I

That song sucked.

Yeah.

Horrible song.

Ha, ha. Who invented that song?

| think it was probably Yaz’s mom.

You know the only thing | hate about watching games live?

Going to the men’s room?

Yeah, okay, well, two things.

It’s just so slow, you know?

You're sitting there half the time waiting.

It’s ridiculous. It’s like work.

It’s like life.

Actually, baseball’s the perfect metaphor for life.

| read something like that in a book once.

You read a book?

Well, well, no.

It was one of those HBO documentaries.

Bob Costas hosted it.

He’s a midget. Is he really?

Well, close to it. He could fit two of his asses

in these seats.

Anyway, baseball and life, one and the same.

| mean, everybody says that life is too short.

Bullshit.

Life, unless you get cancer, or hit by a bus,

or set on fire, takes forever.

Just like baseball.

It’s a series of long,

mind-bogglingly boring stretches of time,

where absolutely nothing happens.

So you take a nap.

And then after a little while

when that crisp crack off the bat

hitting the ball, so crisp you could almost

smell that wood burning,

jolts you awake and you open your eyes

to see something so exciting and intricate

and possibly very, very meaningful

has just happened,

but you missed it ‘cause you were

just so goddamn bored

in the first place.

Oh, you know,

a couple of hotdogs,

throw in some beers,

the occasional blowjob, and that’s that.

[BAT CRACKS]

[CHEERING]

What happened?

You know, these guys get a couple more runs,

it’s basically over.

Yeah, | know.

[THE CARS’ "LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL" PLAYING]

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J Let the good times roll f

J Let them make you a clown f

f Let them leave you Up in the air J

~ Let them brush Your rock and roll hair J

J Let the good times roll f

J Let the good times roll f

~ Let the f ~ Good times roll J

~ Let the stories be told f

J Let them say what they want J

J Let the photos be old J

~ Let them show What they want J

f Let them leave you Up in the air J

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J Let the good times roll f

J Let the good times roll f

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J lf the illusion is real f

J Let them give you a ride I

I lf they got thunder appeal I

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f Let them leave you Up in the air J

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J Let the good times roll f

~ Won't you let The good times roll f

~ Let the I

~ Good times roll J

J Let the good times roll f

~ Won't you let The good times roll f

J Let the good times roll f

~ Let itroll I

~ Good times roll J

J Let the good times roll f

J Let the good times roll f

J Ooh, let The good times roll f

~ Let ’em roll

~ Good times roll J

f Well, Let the good times roll f

J Let the good times roll f

J Let the good times roll f

J Let the good times roll f

J Let the good times roll f

~ Let ’em roll

J Let the good times roll f

J Let the good times roll f

J Let the good times roll f

~ Let ’em roll

~ Good times roll J

J Let the good times roll f

J Let the good times roll f

J Let the good times roll f

J Let the good times roll f

J Let the good times roll f

~ Let ’em roll