Original subtitles

[SIREN WAILING]

| bought this for us. You think | wanted this?

Huh? Is that what you think?

Shit!

Oh, Tommy, Tommy!

(Explosion)

What really happened that night?

You know the truth, Tommy.

- What? -You couldn't get it out.

| tried everything,

(Chuckles)

It's not that funny.

-Shh! -Your limp, lifeless, little dick

might actually save your ass.

(Clears throat)

You wanna go and play chief,

go play in some other goddamn house.

This is my house. | make the rules.

MAN: You know why she's marrying you, right?

Because I'm a big, strong attractive, almost thin guy

who's not afraid to express himself justice wise.

No, because you're trapped in here

and she knows your not going to cheat on her.

-| got a girl. -Really?

She's in a wheelchair.

But she's got the sweetest ass.

TOMMY: Who is the guy?

That's my volley.

That's my lifesaver.

He's the one that pulled me out.

You're dating the guy who saved your life?

Yeah.

Do you remember, uh...

Colleen? My... My oldest? (Clears Throat)

She, uh, ran away with her scumbag boyfriend.

-She's 18 now? -Yeanh.

You gonna help me or what?

Give me the boyfriend's name.

How you doing, kid?

-I'm engaged. -You're kidding.

Nope.

Who's the lucky girl?

It's Steven, my boyfriend.

I'd like you to uh...

Sort of be my best man.

| want you to do something for me.

Anything, Ma.

Kill me.

LOU: We're gonna have to make this kid a serious offer.

Yeah, like what?

| don't know. You know, no... No grunt work.

lf we want a winning hoops team again,

we're gonna have to pay the price.

Hey! Where you going?

LOU: They found Colleen.

Faster, Nils.

Hey, Tom, we're not even legally on a call, all right?

You know, you got insurance investigators

breathing down your neck,

headquarters crawling up your ass.

You really want more shit on the plate right now?

It's my goddamn daughter, Lou.

(Rock Song playing)

(Tires Squeal)

[SIREN WAILING]

Jesus, Tommy. | didn’t think you were bringing

the Ninth Cavalry with you. Are they here?

Yeah, apartment 4F. This building here.

Look, if you plan on hurting him, let me know.

| gotta get out of here.

| don’t have a plan right now. Hey, Garrity,

bring that Halligan. I’m out of here.

[TOMMY SIGHS] LOU: Tommy.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Excuse me. Colleen? Is there a fire?

TONY: Excuse me. What’s going on?

Colleen. TONY: Whoa, whoa.

Where is she? You must be Mr. Gavin.

Colleen. That’s Mr. Gavin to you, okay?

That’s what | just said.

What?

Sh-- Shut up okay?

Colleen? COLLEEN: Daddy?

Oh, my God. Ah, ah.

Blinders. Blinders. Blinders. SEAN: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Let me tell you something. This better not go--

It’s not going in the spank bank.

It better not. | promise.

Go ahead. Go put some clothes on.

Let’s go. We’re going. Let’s go. Come on. Jesus.

Mr. Gavin, please. It’s not what it looks like.

[SCOFFS, LAUGHS]

"Fake Baby Head"?

That’s the name of my new band.

Yeah, you can, um, hit him now.

What? Please, Mr. Gavin. Just let me explain.

Explain? How you kidnapped my daughter?

COLLEEN: He didn't. l-- You know what?

COLLEEN: Come on, Dad. Huh? Huh?

COLLEEN: This is embarrassing. Get your shit.

What can | say? She’s in love with me.

Let me explain something. She’s an 18-year-old

filled with raging hormones, who also happens

to be a rock ’n’ roll fanatic, all right? If that couch

was the lead singer of Fake Baby Head,

she’d be having sex with that, okay? You follow?

Yeah, | do. Look, I-- Oh, good.

Uh, hoo, whoa, you touched me.

Guys, did you just see that?

ALL: No, no. Eyes down. Blinders on.

TOMMY: It’s okay to look up now, assholes.

Look, I’m sorry,

| was just trying to get your attention.

Oh, you got my attention. Come here. Come over here. Yeah.

Let me ask you something. Does that, uh, nose ring hurt?

What?

The nose ring. Does it hurt?

No. No? That's interesting.

Um...

[GRUNTS] How about now? Huh?

[GROANS] Let’s go. Come on. Let’s go.

No, no, forget Tony. Let’s go. No. Daddy.

I’m not going. Grab her jacket guys. Let’s go.

Out, out, out, out, out.

[TONY GROANS]

Colleen.

[GASPS]

Oh.

COLLEEN: No, Dad, get off of me. TOMMY: Get in the truck.

COLLEEN: Stop it. No. No. No. TOMMY: Get in the truck.

I’m not going with you anywhere. Stop it. Stop.

Get in the goddamn truck. No! I’m not going with you.

| told your mother | was bringing you home.

No. | can't live with your shit anymore.

Okay, there’s no screaming or fighting or drinking here.

Okay, there’s a little bit of drinking, but-- But | never

wake up to find my father passed out on the couch.

Hey, you don’t own me anymore. I’m legal, and I’m staying here

with somebody who loves me and who treats me with respect.

Eat shit and die, Dad. Go to hell.

Colleen.

Col--

[THE VON BONDIES’ "C’MON, C’MON" PLAYING]

On another day C’mon, c’mon f

With these ropes tied tight Can we do no wrong? J

J Now we grieve ‘Cause now it’s gone

Things were good When we were young f

~ When my teeth bite down | can see the blood J

J Of a thousand men Who have come and gone f

J Now we grieve ‘Cause now it’s gone

Things were good When we were young f

Ils it safe to stay? J ~C’mon, c’mon f

? Was it right to leave? J ~C’mon, c’mon J

< Will | ever learn? I ~C’mon, c’mon f

~ C’mon, c’mon C’mon, c’mon J

[BABY WHIMPERS] JANET: You could’ve come to me,

and we could’ve discussed a plan.

A plan based on common sense, okay?

On how she felt, and on how | felt.

But no, as usual, all you could do

was think about how you felt.

You know, at this point,

| would think that acting like an animal

would no longer even be an option.

No. Wh--? When are you going to get it

through your thick Irish skull

that punching someone in the face

is not going to solve anything.

Huh? When?

[BABY GURGLES]

Oh, my God.

Is he asleep?

No. | don’t think so.

Shh. Shh, shh, shh.

[BABY WHIMPERS] You know what?

Keep-- Keep criticizing me. I-1 think it’s--

| think it’s working. What?

Yeah, lay it on me.

It’s not like that’s gonna be a problem

when | could go on all day about what a lousy father you are.

That’s right. Hm?

And about how controlling and manipulative you can be?

That’s right. Daddy’s very controlling.

[BABY COOS] Yes he can.

Okay, y-you wanna know what you’re going to do?

What? You're gonna go back to Tony’s

and you are gonna apologize.

| certainly am not. No. No, no, no.

Tom, you’re going over there to apologize.

I’m not apologizing. That is the only way

that we might get our daughter back.

Now, | am going to continue to badmouth you

from this other room here,

because the mere sight of your daddy

is making me sick.

[BABY COOS] Now, you--

Your daddy is a selfish, selfish prick.

[BABY LAUGHS] Mm-hm. Yes, he is.

JERRY: You gotta do something for me here, Stu.

| gotta be able to take that test again.

Jerry, | looked at your file.

Your heart, you got permanent damage.

I’m in the best goddamn shape of my life.

Doesn't matter. You could run a goddamn marathon

but have a heart attack clipping your toenails.

Plus, all that shit in your lungs from Ground Zero.

I’m not going to say you're gonna die tomorrow,

but | wouldn’t be buying green bananas, you know?

Jesus, Stu.

I’m kidding, sort of.

Look, the department can’t take the chance.

They give you another shot at the test.

You croak during it, or on the job later,

they're screwed.

Your family could take the city

to the goddamn cleaners.

Look, | got some cash. It’s not much,

but we could grease somebody’s palm.

Jerry, stop.

Time to hang it up.

| gotta get back, Stu. | got nothing else.

Hey, let me run something by you:

| got an opening in my department here.

| could use a vet like you.

What, pushing a pencil?

You move paper around.

Look busy a couple hours a day.

Jerry, I’m 10 years down here.

Life ain’t so bad.

Ten years chained to a desk, huh?

Beats busting your hump out on a job.

You don’t freeze in the winter, you don’t sweat in the summer,

take home a nice paycheck

and you got somewhere to go five days a week.

And, oh, heh,

you don’t burn to death.

Think about it, huh?

[TELEVISION CHATTER IN BACKGROUND]

Hey. Hey.

How are ya? Good. Good.

What are you reading?

Um, article about, uh, John McCain.

Thinking of voting for him.

Good man. | think he’s the-- He’s the way to go in--

Really? --2000.

Yeah. I’m still not done with it.

[CLEARS THROAT]

You all right?

Yeah, fine. Why?

| dunno. You just-- You look a little,

uh, weary. Sleepy. Something.

[SCOFFS]

Newborn baby at home, hello.

Right, yeah, of course.

Not to mention

my wife busting my balls about that Colleen thing.

[SCOFFS] Ha, ha.

Yeah, she wants me to apologize

to the stupid prick.

Yeah. The-- The baby?

No, of course you’re not talking about the baby.

Y-- You're talking about Colleen’s--

Yeah. Yeah, boyfriend.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Right.

Imagine me goin’ and apologizing to...that guy.

Yeah. Ha. | mean--

[LAUGHS]

Yeah, | mean, | can imagine it.

You know, | think you were a little--

I’m gonna stop talking now.

[INHALES]

[CLEARS THROAT]

What are you--? What are you watching?

It’s a-- Pffft. It’s a gay guy selling

revitalizing skin cream. What is that, like, a soap?

No, it’s like-- You know, a face cream.

So gay, you know, like--

Yeah. If you want cream on your face,

right, blow your boyfriend. TOMMY: Hey.

[LAUGHS]

Hey, you know what?

Mikey uses that stuff.

l’ve seen it.

This stuff? Yeah.

He’s got it. Here?

Yeah, I’ve seen it in his locker.

He puts it on before and after every shift.

Pussy. SEAN: Yeah.

We should bust his balls about that.

Yeah. No, definitely.

[SEAN LAUGHS]

[CHATTER OVER P.A.]

Jesus.

| look like a hag.

[EXHALES]

Hey, what are you doing? Oh, | was--

| was looking for some, um, toothpaste.

Good morning, gents. This rolled onto the floor.

What are you doing with my reading glasses?

Uh, they-- They were on the floor with this cream.

Hey, Garrity said Janet wants you to apologize

to that little prick Jagger

so you can get Colleen back? Yeah, you believe that shit?

| mean, apologies don’t mean shit to a-- To a teenage girl.

You gotta take a beating if you wanna win her back.

Take a beating, take a beating? Take a beating, take a beating.

You have to go over there, mix it up again with him,

but this time, you don’t hit first.

You gotta get him so pissed at you that he really, really,

really just wants to kill you, you know, so just be yourself.

And then you take the beating like the little bitch

that you are. Daddy’s little girl kneels by your side, tears.

All of a sudden, he’s the shitheel,

you're the victim, get a little of that sympathy going your way.

| don’t know if | can do that. Oh, you can do it.

Do it for Colleen. I'll go with you.

Don’t worry. It'll be fun. Oh, yeah.

Hey, Mary Kay, what are you doing?

l-- | just got this new stuff. It's a skin moisturizer for men.

It’s got all these vitamins and nutriments in it.

Yeah, it’s also a breath freshener.

| saw it on Oprah a couple weeks ago.

Really? Yeah. It not only moisturizes

but it’s, like, antiwrinkle and, like, reduces pores

and fine lines and, like-- Oh, it covers blemishes

and then acne scars too. You want to try it?

Yeah, hold on just a second.

[CHATTER OVER P.A.]

Yeah, yeah.

Just as | thought.

Balls. No thanks.

Hey, kid, that stuff really work?

Yeah, you want some? Yeah, I'll just put

a little bit on. Under my eyes, maybe?

Oh, it’s great for that. It lightens up dark circles.

Oh, really? Yeah.

| saw something about that

on the Home Shopping Network.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Just like this? Uh-huh.

A little a-around your mouth.

It’s, like, great for frown lines.

What are you saying?

Well, you-- You do frown a lot, Tommy.

Jesus Christ. | look like Walter Matthau, Jr.

[SIGHS]

This is really nice. Like, me being able

to help you out, you know?

Yeah, ha, ha. Ha, ha.

Can you get more of this shit?

Yeah, I-| mean, |-- | can get more.

Does it come in, like, one big tub, instead of--

No, j-just those little tubes. Oh, okay.

You know, Tom-- Eh. This is nice.

Like, talking, you know?

Like, maybe we can go out

and grab, like, dinner sometime or something.

You know, talk some more.

Talk about what?

Stuff that’s going on at home and stuff,

you know? Like, my mom’s been

really sick lately,

you know, and she’s getting worse.

| thought she was getting better. No.

Stuff’s got, like, a real, like, uh,

cooling action going on.

She-- She’s getting worse, Tommy.

It worries me. It sucks. | don’t have anyone to talk to about it.

That’s why I’m saying, maybe we can go grab something.

What do you say? No.

[PHONE RINGS]

Yeah? Hi. You ready for our big date?

Oh, big date? When’s that?

Tomorrow night. | will pick you up.

You know, | can’t do it.

Um, something came up.

What came up?

Death. Death.

Yeah, yeah, uh, the probie’s mom died.

Well, she’s not dead. She’s, like--

She’s, you know, kind of on death’s door.

You know, | don’t think she’s going to make it

through the night.

Bullshit. TOMMY: It’s not bullshit.

He’s right here. You want me to put him on the phone?

Yeah, put him on the phone.

l-- | can’t put him on the phone.

The poor guy’s...grief-stricken.

How you doing, Mike? I’m fine.

[MOUTHS] Asshole. He sounds okay to me.

Yeah, well, he’s in one of those stages.

You know, they have the three stages when people die.

It’s grieving, uh, denial, burial.

He’s in the denial phase. All right,

so you guys are just gonna go to the hospital?

We-- We’ve been to the hospital the last three nights

and the food sucks there.

So I’m taking him out, you know,

throwing some good food into him so he can, you know,

get ready to be an orphan in the next 48 hours or so.

So where are you guys going? W-where are we going?

I'll tell you where we're going. We’re going to Frank’s--

Angelo and Maxie’s. Frank Angelo and Maxie’s.

It’s a new place.

Look, Nona, you're an attractive girl.

| like you, okay? Yeah. Whatever.

When are we going out? It’s just a scheduling problem,

you know? | mean, look-- [SCOFFS]

Truthfully, | don’t think this broad’s gonna make it

through, you know, the rest of the week,

so, you know, unless she lingers

and goes into a coma or something,

but I-- That’s not a problem for me,

because | date during comas. I’ve actually been

on a couple of dates with people who were in comas

while we were on the dates, | think.

Ugh.

[PHONE BEEPS] Hello?

Nona?

[SCOFFS]

That was rude.

[PHONE BEEPS] So we’re on, then?

No.

Oh, come on, Tom. | mean, it’s just--

All right, you know what? One hour. No appetizers,

no drinks beforehand. You pay for everything.

Yeah.

No.

[LOW VOICE] Jesus Christ.

[SIGHS]

Ah! Jesus Christ, where you been?

I’ve been waiting here for, like, four hours.

You've got nothing to eat or drink in the whole place.

How did you get in here? | used to be a fireman, Lenny.

Not to mention a criminal mastermind.

You busted my window?

I'll fix it later.

I’m just not really comfortable with being outside.

| went right from living in a firehouse

to living in the big house.

Teddy--

Mm. Mushroom. Good choice.

Teddy, what the hell are you doing here?

Remember how you told me Ellie would lose interest in me

when | got sprung?

Well, it didn’t work out that way, my friend.

| had to ditch her downtown at a coffee shop.

l’ve been on the run ever since.

Hey, | never took you for a light-beer drinker.

[CAN OPENS] She called me a couple hours ago

looking for you.

Ellie called you? What did you tell her?

That | hadn’t seen or heard from you.

Oh, good man. | called my brother.

He said she’s been calling over there every half hour.

It’s like a gigantic net of need has blanketed the city.

You gotta hide me.

Oh, you know, Teddy,

my place is kinda small.

TEDDY: Oh, come on.

You’re the one who said she’d bail on me.

You owe me.

[GUZZLING]

[BELCHES]

Fine. Oh, hey, | would tell you to make yourself at home,

but it seems like you already did that.

You're paying for the window!

Jesus, Lou, look at the size of that one.

At what point do you make the turn from wanting a little

definition to becoming The Incredible Hulk with tits?

No, no, no, no, no. Take a closer look.

These chicks don’t have tits anymore.

Imagine having sex with them?

Oh, please, the word "sex"

just makes me want to crawl into a hole and die.

Why? The nun still going full steam?

[SIGHS]

Gentlemen, if you ever get

the chance to become romantically involved

with a nun, brace yourself.

All those years she was saving herself for the Lord,

not indulging in fornication,

well, when that dam breaks--

[SIGHS]

--it breaks in a big way.

It’s like a tsunami,

only instead of water you get hit with sex.

[WHISTLES] Exotic positions, rubbing,

touching, sucking, probing--

The tsunami speech again?

LOU: | mean, the wave just keeps coming,

destroying everything in its path.

[SIGHS]

What | wouldn’t give

for two hours of straight sleep.

Why not tell her you want a break from the sex thing?

That’s what I’m doing.

Uh, no, Mikey, what you’re doing

is called not getting laid.

[ALL LAUGH] [SCOFFS]

No, it’s a conscious choice, Frank:

I'm celibate. So, um, no pussy whatsoever?

Nope. No more with the cocks

and the balls and the hairy asses and all that?

No, none otf it. Yeah, but you’re still

pulling pud, right? Are you kidding?

I’m forming calluses. Attaboy.

Yeah, so, uh, how long is this no-sex experiment

supposed to last, anyway?

Until my cock resets.

Or he cuts off his hands in shop class.

You know, | could help you out, Mikey. | got a giant box

of Maggie’s porn. | can let you borrow some if you need help,

you know, raising the flag. Oh, jeez, Sean.

| mean, I-l may have kind of been with a guy,

but I’m not such a homo that | can’t pop wood at will.

Well, it's-- Not popping wood at will doesn’t mean, you know,

you're a homo. It just means, you know, you might have a,

you know, emotional blockage.

You know, a temporary kind of thing.

Mm, mm, like being a homo?

[SCOFFS] | don’t--

Oh, my God, look at this one.

[WHISTLES] Oh, jeez. You know, Tommy,

if you ever got the balls up to ask out that vollie,

this is what she may look like underneath that uniform.

First of all, I-l did ask out the vollie. I’m taking her out.

ALL: Yeah, yeah. TOMMY: | am.

And I'll tell you something else.

She’s not-- My chick is, like, 110 pounds.

She’s all woman. Yeah, well, she pulled

your sorry ass out of a fire.

Allegedly. Maybe she’s juicing.

Juic-- The only juice she’s juicing is...cranberry juice.

Tommy, maybe you wanna go upstairs,

take a little nappy nap? | think | will.

Hey, Tommy, um,

you gonna pick me up tomorrow night

or should | come by and get you?

Hold on here, hold on here. You--? You wanna share this

with the rest of the class? Yeah.

No. Hey, chief.

Come on in the kitchen. | got something

| wanna talk to you about.

[MAGAZINE FLOPS]

SHEILA: This is such a good idea.

VOLLIE: Stick around. I’m full of them.

SHEILA: | bet you are.

VOLLIE: Know what | like about you?

SHEILA: No.

You’re not like the Cuginettes on Long Island.

You got class.

[LAUGHS]

| mean it.

Yeah, well, | have found

that after you nearly die,

you start taking, like, a little

personal inventory, you know?

| mean, | got a second chance ’cause of you,

and | wanna do something with it.

| want to be a better person. | want to, you know,

set a better example for my son, or something like that.

Oh. Oh.

[LAUGHS] You okay?

Ha, ha. Yeah.

Ha, ha. But my tootsies are cold.

Can we take a break?

Yeah. Yeah?

Come on.

So that’s it?

Yeah, pretty much.

Five days a week down at headquarters.

Put away a couple of bucks.

Maybe move down to Hilton Head

and spend the rest of my days

working on my handicap.

That’s a golf reference. Oh.

JERRY: Any questions?

Reactions?

It’s just such a shock.

Yes, nobody more shocked than me, Tom.

I’m okay with it now, though.

You know, uh, it’s not like my life

was a piece of cake around here anyway.

Nothing changes, nothing changes.

You gotta let us throw you a retirement shindig, chief.

No, no, no. I’m not retiring, eh? I'll still be around

in case you guys need me. Well, let us at least

buy you drinks after this shift.

Yeah. Nah, I-l don’t want a big to-do

about this, you know? The less ceremony, the better.

Plus, | gotta drive up to Boston

for Pete’s commitment ceremony tomorrow.

That’s right. You’re father of the bride. Nervous?

A little bit.

| want him to feel like | accept him.

Have you?

No.

But | want him to think | do.

Then you gotta try to assimilate, chief.

You know, dress the part. Assimilate?

Remember the party Peter threw a couple years ago?

We stood out like a couple of

big, sore, heterosexual thumbs.

| mean, not Sean and Mike so much,

but, you know, the real men on the crew.

| got a new suit.

Nice. Navy blue, single-breasted.

FRANCO: That’s won’t get you anywhere.

You know, you gotta show a little bit more flair.

Be flamboyant, you know? Let your freak flag fly.

I-| think I'll stick with what | got, uh,

but your collective shitty advice is greatly appreciated,

as always.

All right, boys,

I’m going upstairs for a bit.

SEAN: Good night, chief. TOMMY: Anytime, chief.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

You, uh, heard from your lawyer yet?

No. Soon, though.

You think Tommy will have to go to jail?

| don’t know. | don’t think so.

| mean, | hope not. | don’t--

The whole thing’s such a goddamn mess.

You love him, don’t you?

It’s okay.

It’s just, you know, hard not to notice.

Every time | bring his name up, it’s like,

you know, something gets lit.

Yeah, well, you happen to bring up

his name up a lot, so...

Well, that’s because he’s, like, a legend at our house, you know?

Everybody tells stories about his saves, and...

Yeah, he’s a real heroic son of a bitch.

You love him, right?

Maybe.

But it’s, like,

the bad kind of love.

Well, | guess, uh,

bad love is better than no love at all, right?

Oh, you are so cute. Huh.

You are so cute.

[CHATTER OVER P.A.] Hey, uh...

Hey.

So...

you all right with this?

Yeah, I’m ready to move on, Tom.

Yeah? Mm.

So you’re, uh--? You're ready to be a, um...?

"Pencil pusher"?

| was gonna say "desk jockey."

Mm. Yeah.

Listen, um, | hate to do this,

but | gotta ask you a favor.

Sure. For you, Tom? Anything.

| think the insurance company’s gonna drop these charges,

but, uh, I’m getting wind that somebody down at headquarters

is gonna start sniffing around.

It could be a real pain in the ass for me.

I'll look into it.

That'd be great.

Thanks, chief.

Ah, you mean, Jerry.

The chief's upstairs in my Office.

Yeah, whatever.

| meant what | said.

[CHATTER OVER P.A.]

[PINS CLUNK]

[BALL THUDS]

Maybe bowling wasn’t the best idea, huh?

Well, it’s better than paintball.

They’re having a great time.

We’ve been here for an hour and a half

and we’re still on the third frame.

Well, think of it as more time

we get to spend together.

Cute couple, huh?

Wh--? W-what are you doing?

I’m giving you an invitation to kiss me.

Hey, good effort, Barbara. Nice one.

[SIGHS]

What is it with you? What?

| don’t know. You used to be all over me.

And now anytime | try to get close to you

or | wanna spend some time alone with you,

yOu-- You give me some excuse,

or you insist we bring Richie along.

I’m just-- I’m trying to spend time with him.

Be a part of his life, be a good guy.

No, i-it’s sweet. But it’s just...

you seem a little more concerned about him than you do about me.

Well, he’s retarded. About us.

What about us? We’re fine. Well, I’m not fine.

I’m tired of living with two retarded people.

One mentally, the other emotionally.

| mean, do you--? Do you put any thought at all

into this relationship?

More than you know.

So tell me.

[SCOFFS]

I-| can’t right now.

You can't.

Look, Nat, we only got 30 minutes left.

I’m trying to break a hundred. Can we maybe talk after?

[SCOFFS]

I'll tell you what.

Let’s not talk at all. Let’s just go about our lives

like nothing is wrong, and let things fester

until we completely destroy the relationship.

Is that a real option?

Nat. Natalie | was joking.

You go, Franco.

All right.

The steak fry, it’s really good. And they also have

like, this killer, like, cheesy pasta thing--

Whatever, okay? What’s up? What's up?

What?

Well, um...

| Know, you wanna-- You wanna talk about your mom.

What’s--? What’s--? What’s the deal?

She-- She-- She’s like, you know, she--

Yeah, | Know, | know. She was bad, now she’s worse.

She’s probably in a shitload of pain, blah, blah.

Come on, kid, what’s the deal? You got 58 minutes left.

What?!

Well, she--

She--

What?

She asked me to kill her.

Shit.

Yeah.

Wow.

| know.

Sorry, kid.

| don’t know. You know, | was thinking, like--

Maybe, like,

taking a pillow and-- What, and smother her?

No? No, can’t do that.

Way too much work.

You got the struggling and arms flailing.

Not to mention the muffled screams.

Nurse walks in. No, can’t do that.

Whoo. That’s a tough one kid.

| don’t know.

Hey, hey. Hey.

| swear to God, you start crying

and |’m out of here.

Stop.

Jesus Christ.

It’s my mom, you know? | know, | know.

Listen. Listen.

Stop. Stop.

[SOBS] Listen to me.

Mikey, listen.

It’s your-- It’s your mom.

It’s the woman who brought you into this world and--

[SOBS] Listen to me.

--and it’s her dying request.

So you-- You have to honor what she asks.

Now, they probably got her on, like, a morphine drip, right?

So the easiest thing to do is just to increase the amount.

Like, three, four times what she’s already getting.

And that way she basically overdoses, but she’ll never--

She’ll die in her sleep, basically.

Jeez, Tom. I-| don’t know.

Listen to me. [SNIFFLES]

You gotta do this, okay?

It’s the last thing she asked you for.

[SIGHS] You owe it to her.

Suck it up.

Let her die with some dignity.

[SNIFFLES]

All right?

[SOBS]

Stop. Stop it.

Come on. [SNIFFLES, GROANS]

You all right?

Hey.

MIKE: What?

TOMMY: Is this a gay place?

MIKE: Huh?

Let go of me. Let go of me.

Oh. Quick, quick, quick, quick.

[SNIFFLING]

[CLEARS THROAT]

Why is it all guys in here?

It’s not all guys.

Uh, mostly guys.

It’s probably the man-date thing.

Ahem.

The what?

l-I-| read about this place

in New York Magazine.

It’s, like, this new fad.

It’s called man-dating.

It’s, like, ahem,

when two guys go out to dinner, and--

And-- And they talk about things, and--

And-- But they don’t talk about,

like, you know, cars and sports, and stuff like that.

That’s why there’s no TVs in here.

Yeah. Or pussy. [SIGHS]

We can call it bromancing if it makes you feel better.

Let me tell you something. You ask a guy out

to a place like this, you gotta give him

a heads up about what’s going on.

Tom. Take your hand off my hand.

Take your hand off my hand. It’s not a date thing.

Take your hand off my hand. Come on, Tommy.

| need you, man.

What are you looking at?

No-- No-- Nothing. | was--

l-| was looking at the wine rack.

You wanna take this shit outside?

No. It’s cold outside. | don’t wanna--

Hey. My date’s here.

NONA: Surprise. Hi.

Hi. Hi. Mm, mm, mm.

It’s my, uh, woman date.

Uh, you guys ready to order yet?

TOMMY: | think we’re gonna go. Let’s go.

What are you doing here? You just--

House of homos in here.

Yeah. Yeah.

So is it really true that you carried Tommy

out of that beach-house fire? Yep.

And-- And y-you didn’t even have any help or anything?

Nope. You know, the adrenaline pumping and everything,

| could have carried out Jennifer Hudson. Ha, ha.

Holding her Oscar and a sandwich.

Let me just get this straight.

So it was a drag and carry, right?

No. | mean, like, you dragged me

from the living room to the-- To the door--

NONA: No. --and then you carried--

| picked you up, threw you over my shoulder,

and | carried your ass to safety.

You should be grateful.

I-I, you know-- I’m grateful.

| just-- | think-- What do you weigh? A buck 10?

| did. She picked me up. Okay. You did.

All right. Hey, Nona. Nona. No. What--? What are you--?

All right, you made your point. Put me down.

What? You’re too cheap to pay for a cab, asshole?

TOMMY: Ugh. Yeah, you just-- You're lucky she has me up

like this because if | was on my feet,

it'd be a-- What are you--? What are you doing?

[GROANS] What?

Oh, hello. Just go away.

GUY: It’s not worth it. Come on.

Come on. Come on, baby.

Yeah. Anytime.

[SIGHS]

[SIREN WAILS]

| got my truck over here.

Let’s go.

[DOOR LOCK BEEPS]

What are you doing?

| thought, um,

maybe | was coming with you guys.

No. Don’t you have some business

to take care of at the hospital?

Yeah, bye-bye.

[DOOR OPENS]

| was a firefighter nearly all my life.

Um, 18 years old when | went into the academy.

So I’m used to working in close quarters with other men.

Not as close as some of you people.

[ALL CHUCKLE]

Pretty goddamn close.

And we were committed to each other

because our lives depended upon it.

No matter what the circumstances were,

we were there for each other.

And if that’s what this ceremony

symbolizes for my son and-- And Steven,

uh, well, then I’m all for it.

May your commitment to each other

last you until your dying day.

[APPLAUSE]

That’s it. I-- Right-- Right over here, that’s me.

Right over there? Yeah.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Okay.

That’s great, yep. Thanks.

Yep.

[BRAKES SQUEAK]

[CLEARS THROAT]

Mm.

So. So.

| should, uh-- Oh, my God, | didn’t realize.

l-Il’ve gotta-- I’m supposed to be in by 11.

| have an 11:00, um--

Ahem. --curfew and, uh--

So I-- Eleven o’clock or else.

Or else what?

Um-- You know, | don’t know, um,

cause I’ve never really missed--

I’ve always been on time-- Oh.

--since we had the baby, you know.

Right. | don’t wanna freak my mom out,

you know. Your mom?

Did | say my mom?

Yeah.

Oh, my God. What? Hey, um-- Um--

[MUFFLED] What--? What are you--?

Um.

Wow, that’s fast.

Uh...

[SIGHS]

No, | meant-- It’s just, uh, you know-- It’s, uh--

Are you wigging out because | carried you out of the fire?

[SCOFFS]

No.

I’m not. ‘Cause it’s my job.

Well, it’s not really your job.

| mean, you’re a volunteer.

And that’s making it harder for you, isn’t it?

[CLEARS THROAT]

I-I-I’ll be completely

honest with you.

Okay.

| just think it would be so much more special

if we just, you know, waited.

Get out of my truck.

Wh--? No, no, really.

Get out of my truck. ’m-- But I’m serious.

| mean, I-- [SIGHS]

Yeah. Are you gay? You're gay.

I’m-- I’m gay. With the guy--

I’m not gay. No. My wife is right up the--

Yeah, oh, good. Whatever, princess.

Just get out. I'll call you, but not after 11.

| wouldn’t want to upset your mom.

Thanks.

NONA: See you, sweetie.

[GROANS] [ENGINE STARTS]

Thanks for making the trip, Pop.

It means a lot to me.

Ah, me too. Uh--

[SIGHS]

You know, this sure is a lot nicer

than the joint that your mother and | had our reception at.

I’m really glad you didn’t book the local VFW.

[LAUGHS]

| wish Mom could have come.

Yeah, me too.

Leastway, | would have had a date.

I’ve already been hit on twice.

The way you're looking these days,

I’m not surprised. Well...

She doing okay?

Eh, no better, no worse, you know?

She’s, uh, happy.

Painting. You should really try

to get to see her a little bit more, you know?

Even if she doesn’t know who you are,

she just enjoys the company, you know?

| know. It’s been crazy planning the ceremony.

Me and Steven will come down after the honeymoon.

We'll make a regular thing of it.

Good.

[SIGHS]

[SIGHS]

| love you, son.

[DEVICE BEEPING INTERMITTENTLY]

[CHATTER OVER P.A.]

NURSE: Michael.

Michael.

I’m sorry, she’s gone.

Huh?

Your mom.

She’s passed.

Am | in trouble?

Why would you be in trouble?

[VELCRO RIPS] How’d she die?

Peacefully. In her sleep.

Peacefully? Yeah.

I'll give you a few moments.

I’m sorry | let you down, Mom.

I’m sorry | didn’t kill you.

[CHATTER IN BACKGROUND]

[KEYS CLACKING]

[DOOR CLOSES]

Nice of you to finally come home.

| was at work.

I’ve been sitting here all by myself

with nobody to talk to today.

You called me six times.

You know, you could call your brother or your nephew

if you want someone to talk to.

| can’t call them.

Ellie might get to ’em.

She’s got ways of making people talk.

Well, then go outside, for Christ’s sake! Take a walk.

It’s cold as shit, but the fresh air might do you some good.

I’m not really taking to open spaces right now.

What | need is a schedule.

You know, like in the pen.

Go home to your wife. You'll get a schedule up the wazoo.

Dah. Never--! What?

Never mention my wife again! Ever! You hear me?

Never bring her name up.

Ah, Jesus.

Ah, | might have to go on a killin’ spree.

Get my ass locked back up again.

[SIGHS]

[CHATTER OVER P.A.]

Hey, where you going? | was just clearing

a couple things out of my office.

You’d leave without saying goodbye?

No, | wasn’t. Um...

I’m only a stone’s throw away.

Uh, hey, look, |, uh--

| took care of that arson shit for you.

Oh, what did you do? Well, it was still

in the preliminary stages.

Made a phone call, snatched a file,

punched some keys into the computer,

and problem solved.

Wow, that’s like a thousand-pound weight

off my shoulders. That’s great.

Well, just remember | took care of you, Tom, huh?

That’s what we do for each other.

That’s right. Yeah.

Speaking of which,

can you give me a hand with this?

I’ve been trying it all morning and | think the thing is stuck.

Yeah. No wonder you never became an officer.

[ALL LAUGHING]

| knew it.

You didn’t think you'd get away

that easy, did you? TOMMY: Nice, right?

Wow, beautiful. Yeah, top of the line, chief.

Wow, you guys shouldn’t have done this.

Ah, you gonna write us up?

Maybe I'll let you slide on this one.

Hey, where’s the kid?

He’s MIA. He’s probably still at the hospital with his mom.

Hey, uh, | can’t wait to try these out.

Tell you what. Tomorrow morning, | take you

to the indoor range, you get a feel for it.

This way, when you get down to Hilton Head,

you don’t embarrass yourself. Wow, uh, you guys,

| don’t know what to say. I’m, uh-- I’m speechless.

LOU: Well, somebody mark the date and time.

[ALL LAUGH] Cheers.

Salute. ALL: Salute.

Thanks.

[BABY CRIES]

[BABY CRIES]

[CRIES] JANET: No, no. No, no, no.

[BABY CRIES] No, no, no. Please don't cry.

No, no, no. No crying. Come on.

No, no, no. Please. Please. Come on.

[BABY WAILS] Shh, shh. No crying. Come on.

No. Come on, please. No. No, baby. Please.

[BABY CRYING] Please. Come on.

[JANET SOBBING]

No, come on. Shh.

Shh, baby, please.

[BABY WAILS]

[JANET SNIFFLES]

Look, just remember, a simple apology’s

gonna get you nowhere. An apology followed by you

taking an ass-whipping is maybe gonna get your daughter back.

And no phantom punches, all right? Make it look good.

Yeah, like Raging Bull good.

Yeah, like the Marmaluke of the year.

Raging what?

Raging Bull.

What's that?

A bullfighting movie. De Niro played the bull.

Oh, yeah. Wasn't, uh, Luke Perry in that?

Here they come. Sweet Jesus.

TONY: | can’t determine whether to use, like a--

Hey, hey. COLLEEN: Dad.

Look-- Look, | just came down and | wanted to apologize.

| don’t want to hear an apology, Dad. It’s too late for that.

| Know you don’t want to hear it but, you know,

| just wanted to say that, you know,

l-| probably went about it the wrong way.

You were way out of line, man. You don’t just come barging

into somebody’s apartment like that.

We were concerned. We hadn’t seen you in, you know,

like, two days. We hadn’t heard from you.

Your mother and I-- | could have called the cops,

instead | decided to come-- You could have called the cops?

Had to get my nose ring fixed. | could have called the cops--

Had to get your nose ring fixed?

Yeah. Come on, Colleen. Let me talk to you guys, okay?

Talk about what? No, | just want to--

You wanna talk or do you wanna touch?

What’s going on, man? Dad.

What? What? COLLEEN: Just stop it, okay?

Come over here. | wanna talk to him for two seconds.

Well, talk is different from touch. I’m on probation.

| don’t need this. TOMMY: You’re on probation?

He’s on probation. You believe this?

For what? What is he--?

It’s none of your business. Come on, let’s go inside.

It is my business. You're living with my daughter.

So Google me, man. Google you? | wanna talk to you.

You don’t need to touch me to talk to me.

| just wanna-- All right, just-- Listen, man.

Dad. Stop!

[Pre]

Is this what you want? Huh? Tony. Please stop.

You want this?

Stop. You’re gonna hurt your hand. Stop.

TONY: Is this what you wanted? COLLEEN: Stop!

COLLEEN: Stop. Just stop it. Please, stop!

[GRUNTING]

[GRUNTS]

TONY: | didn’t want to do this.

COLLEEN: Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Tony.

TONY: How does it feel now, huh?

COLLEEN: Stop it! Stop it, Tony. TONY: Idiot, man.

Are your hands okay? Yeah, fine.

You hurt your hands. Stop.

This is where | live!

You can take him out of here now, all right?

You know, he has a gig tonight.

[DOOR CLOSES]

That was good.

[GROANS]

[SIGHS]

TOMMY: Well? FRANCO: He got you good.

SEAN: That looked good. Really, very convincing.

[GUNSHOT]

[Pre]