All language subtitles for A.One.Sided.Affair.2021.1080p.WEBRip.x265-RARBG.en

- This door doesn't work,
we just go through here.

- Okay.

- Come on.
- Thank you.

- Oh my.
- Yep.

- Oh, goodness.
- Got it?

- Oh goodness, it's ridiculous.

Well, that has to get fixed.

- Oh, I don't know, makes
for kind of a nice view.

- I can't believe you
live with it like that.

Why don't he fix it?

- It helps to keep out the riffraff.

- Riffraff?

- You know, those people
who come to dinner,

one of them's allergic to
gluten, the other to garlic,

one's a vegetarian, one's a vegan.

- I know what she means,
like the kind of person

who insists on buying a single story house

and then spends all her
time on the StairMaster.

- What's that?
- Mice.

- In the rooms.
- This part's just the attic,

the rooms are over there.

- Mice.
- Yeah,

we've had a problem and
David's gonna take care of it,

he'll be over in a bit.

- Who's David?

- He helped George with the
cooking and the cleaning and-

- And pest control.
- Well, sort of.

- Well, maybe we should
get a professional.

- I know a guy, I'll give him a call.

Well, it's no coincidence
that music and boos

are set down on bars, that was George.

- So, this is it.
- You've never been?

- I guess we just let the years slip away.

- Well, let's be honest,
she's riff, I'm raff.

- It wasn't like that, we
talked on the phone a lot

and emails.

I just always assumed it would be-

- More.
- I don't know.

- Well, George wasn't into
anything too frivolous, you know,

he thought this was too much.

- And that room, there's
like nothing in it.

- We used that for dancing.

- To George.
- To George.

- To George.

A life fully lived.

- You know, he always
spoke very fondly of you,

he was proud of you.

- Ah, by the time my ship
came in, I was listing heavily

to the port.

- I wished you could have brought Jax.

- Oh, I know but his ear
infection was so bad,

the doctor recommended against it.

I mean, the flight would
have been excruciating.

Although, I do feel guilty about
leaving him with the nanny.

- I feel guilty just having a nanny.

- Every Californian feels
guilty about having a nanny.

Every New Yorker feels
guilty when they don't.

- Well that gives us
time to sort things out.

- So, what do you think of Brooklyn?

- Seems like all the
guys wear fancy hairdos

and all the girls have tattoos.

- Tattoos are like human bumper stickers.

- Yeah, it is a bit hipster out here.

- Well, I'm a total
hipster, had both replaced.

- Please.
- How was the drive?

- I think I might have pulled
a muscle in my middle finger.

Did you know that Subaru
is Japanese for super rude?

- I told you, you should let me drive.

- No, that's not gonna happen,

you're a registered traffic offender.

- Please.
- And that Prius,

I think their engineered to
go slow in the fast lane.

All those old Volkswagen van drivers.

- Enough.
- Oh, what?

- Oh, it must be genetic.
- It is.

- Oh, wow, wow, a ballroom.

Hey, hey we made it, Mom.
- Hi, James.

- Oh.
- Oh, buddy.

- Hey Dad, oh Dad.

Oh, Steven.
- Hey buddy.

- Hey, hey, hey, sis.

- Oh still looks good.

- Hey, you got, oh my
god, working out huh?

- Oh, yeah, a bit.

- Well, lifting?
- Lifting, yeah,

and holding down doubt.

- Oh, this is David, David, come in here.

Come in here, we met on
the stoop, he's great.

He did all of George's
cooking and cleaning.

- And pest control.

- Cleans for like everyone
famous around here.

Giving me a new idea, housekeepers
of the rich and famous.

- Oh, that'd be great, James,

we'd watch that, right Gramps?

- A bit intellectual comparatively.

- Oh.

- Who needs a refresher?
- Yes, please.

- James, why don't we change
that to domestic engineers

of the rich and famous.

- Yeah, yeah, I like that one.

Oh, I love this place, so simplistic

and the front door not working, I mean,

oh and the ballroom, oh
classic George, very hipster.

- Hey, I heard your
new show got picked up?

- Yes, very exciting.

- What is it?

- Cooking with clairvoyance,
I call it "Medium Rare."

- Well done, James.
- No, medium rare.

- Please.

- Well, at least half the cast is dead,

so you don't have to worry about.

Quickest way
to get a show canceled.

Yeah, yeah, that
show is gonna be a huge hit,

I know it all ready.
- Different.

Fresh.

- Did you hear that?
- What?

- In the attic, it sounds like footsteps.

- I don't hear anything.

- Maybe just in your attic.

- Maybe it's somebody from the afterlife

who wants to audition for
cooking with clairvoyance.

- You mean "Medium Rare."

- That's more than mice.

- Oh, no, it's definitely the mice.

- Are they chewing on
the electrical cords?

- Might needs some more
bait, I'll go check.

- Want some help?

- Another toast to George.

- To George.
- To a great man,

a great musician and a great lover.

- Could have done without that last bit.

- To George.
- To George.

To George.
- To George.

- Oh my god, another presidential alert,

Lama spotted in Brooklyn,
eyes everywhere catch the SOB.

- Jesus, I hope he makes it.

I can't believe that
guy gave up everything.

- Well, everything except his good looks.

Oh, it's crazy times,
new underground railroad,

Canada, the new north.

The guy's who's doing the
most to reunite families

put in prison on trumped up charges.

- Yeah, they're charging
him with terrorism.

They say that his escape is
terrorizing the whole country.

- He didn't escape, they
accidentally let him out.

- Maybe, I mean, half
the guards are Hispanic,

so there's a big investigation.

- A well connected journalist
could shed some light.

- It just feels like you're
making a deal with the devil.

- Don't.
- I mean, honestly,

I just can't see helping
that guy in any way.

- Yeah, it's just for a little bit

then I'll write my own ticket.

And just 'cause I'm working for him

doesn't mean I'm in his camp.

- So, you're just gonna be a subversive.

- No, I'm just doing a job,

I'm just gonna get my foot in the door.

- With Sean O'Reilly, I mean that guy

is turning politics into a religion.

He actually said, and I quote, he said,

"Don't listen to what the president says,

just believe in him."

- Yeah, so then something
needs to be done.

- What about Jax?

- He'll be fine, a lot of kids are raised

with the help of a nanny.

- It doesn't feel right.

- Well, so quit your job.

Jax would love that,
Jax loves nothing more

than spending time with his
daddy, except maybe trains.

- Hey, nobody can
compete with that Thomas.

What about us?

- Okay, so we just take care
of ourselves, nobody tries,

we just give up?

- It's just, it's gonna absorb you

and then I'm never gonna see you.

- Well, I'll do my best with that.

- And when we are together,
you won't be there, I know you.

- Well, I'll work on that.

- Anybody but him.

- This may be my only break.

I know it's a bitter pill,
maybe I can influence him.

- The puppet master, right, your plan now

is you're gonna influence
the puppet master?

- Yes, the puppet master.

- That's like trying to influence Satan.

- Well, you know how you influence Satan?

You don't believe in him and
then he loses all his power.

- You okay?

- Oh, I couldn't sleep.

Before long, people
won't have these anymore.

- Ah, and then what will we do?

- Pass around our phones,
look at each other's tattoos.

- Well, that could be fun.

We should have come here sooner.

- He could have come out.

- Well.
- In fact,

you know he did come out.

- Really, when?

- He came out for an Oscar party.

A friend of his won for best score.

Oh gosh, what was the,

what was the one where
they're dancing all around,

you know, on a freeway and stuff.

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
with that guy that we like.

- Yeah, yeah.
- And that girl, that girl.

- Yeah, she's really cute.

- Yeah, well they're
both so talented, both.

His name, R, I don't, can't know.

- Nexus, what was the name of the movie

that won for best picture but didn't.

Oh, yes, that
has that dreamy actor

and that beautiful girl.

- Nexus, are you okay?

So many people
on so many devices

asking so many questions.

Let me ask Erie.
- You can do that?

Erie, what was
the name of the movie

that won for best picture but didn't.

The name of the movie
that won for best picture

but didn't was the one with Ryan Gosling

or was it the one with Ryan Reynolds.

Ever since they updated
my operating system,

I can't remember shit.

- Hey, hey, hey, Erie, come on
a bit of a potty mouth there.

Me, potty mouth,
you know what I say, old man,

here's a potty mouth for you.
- Geesh, come on.

Just go fuck your-

- How weird was that?
- Maybe this place is haunted.

- It's got me spooked.

Ah.

- Oh that was the one where
he almost got arrested

for starting a fire in
the bathroom at the bank.

- They thought it was a botched robbery.

- Oh, he was trying to
get her out of his mind,

burned her photo and a locket of her hair.

- Jeanie, Jean, Jane, Joan.
- Jeanine, Jeanine.

- Jeanine.
- Yeah, that's Jeanine.

- He was arrested when
she committed the crime.

Stole his heart.

Got a good song out of it.

♪ Don't know why you can't see ♪

♪ I'm the man who adores you ♪

♪ Don't know why you can't be with ♪

♪ The one that adores you ♪

- Wish you were coming with me tomorrow.

- Oh, you.
- I don't trust Yvonne.

I don't know this attorney.

- I trust George, the man
knew what he was doing?

- Well, what if she tries something?

What if the attorney is in on it?

- Nan's the problem.
- I know and George

said he had something up his sleeve,

said it would keep her tied up.

- What?

- He didn't say, he was just laughing,

you know the way George would.

- You got this.

- We can't quit, we've
gotta see this through.

Anyway, Allison and Steven are distracted

and Gramps is pretty clueless
but James, he's been nosy.

- I got him, you know he's kind of cute.

- I guess.

- For a producer, I mean.

Are you sure it's worth it?

- Positive.

- I feel guilty.

- I know.
- Oh sweetie.

God, that's
so terrible, I'm sorry.

Show get canceled?
- Oh no, it's still

getting picked up but
he's no longer attached.

- You kill one bald eagle.

- It was a baby bald eagle,
you fed it peanuts on live TV.

- I'd been up there for days, well hours,

nothing was happening, it was boring.

I thought everybody loves
watching baby birds eat.

All I had was a bag of peanuts,
who knew they had allergies.

- You couldn't edit that part out?

- I was going for ratings,
got almost a million views.

And my arrest got another 100,000.

Oh, I gotta go, helping
David do some cleaning,

got get in there, get your hands dirty,

if you want a good show.

- Yeah, I know you just
wanna find some dirt.

- Obviously.

- Yvonne has a pest control guy coming by,

make sure you let him in.

That noise in the attic
kept me up all night.

A contractor will be by to fix the door

and check on the electrical.

Hopefully, he'll be
finished before we get back.

Maybe you two should go take a look.

- Ah, no, no, that's
how horror movies start.

- Maybe it really is Uncle George's ghost.

Maybe he doesn't know he's dead yet.

- If it's George's ghost, he probably lost

some piece of music.

He's always writing on
little scraps of paper.

If you hear something playing, record it.

- If music starts playing,
I'm back in California.

- Don't argue with the
pest man, just pay him,

same with the contractor.

- Yep, coming, ah, door doesn't work,

you gotta come in through here.

- Well, that was interesting.

- Yeah, we're hipsters.

- I hate hipsters.

- No, we're not hipsters,
we're from California.

- That explains a lot, the
place is burning up out.

It's people like you, you
know, you teach tolerance,

you let your kids read "Mary
Poppins and "Harry Potter."

- What, huh?

- The place is going,
it's a gateway to sorcery.

Listen, I'm gonna have to ask-

- Shh, wait.

- The housekeeper said that he put bait

and traps up there but.

- No, I bet they followed
you out here from California,

I gotta check that out.

I'm gonna need the credit card.

- All right, all right.

- Well, how much is gonna be?

- Depends how many
demons you got up there.

I'll go check.

I don't know about that DiCaprio.

- Oh, he's all right, he helps
out a lot of wayward models,

he even turned his yacht into a shelter.

- Exactly.

- Who knew De Niro would
be so into beanie babies.

And that one guy, the one
who exposed so much greed

and corruption, who knew he
would be so greedy and corrupt.

- It takes one to know one.
- I guess.

- You can't tell anyone.
- Quiet as a mouse.

- Speaking of which.

- Now what's wrong with you?
- Your daughter.

- Well, I hope you read the fine print,

there's a strict non-return policy.

- She's taking a job.

- Oh, that's horrible news.

I hate when that happens,
when they go to work

and make money and then-

- She's taking a job with Sean O'Reilly.

- Oh, here, I haven't touched it.

- What time is it?

- With that news, it's late enough.

Why on earth?

- I don't know.

She says that she thinks

that she's going to make a difference.

- Ha, my daughter, that
naive, it doesn't make sense.

- Gramps, will you please talk to her.

Yeah, that'll work
and meanwhile, I'll ask Nan

to cancel a couple of hair appointments.

When it comes to convincing
women to do things,

it's every man for himself.

- I don't know what to do.

- Well, think of it as a yin yang thing,

I mean, you're running that big nonprofit

with all those do-gooders
and she's working

for the evil puppet master.

It balances out.

- Except I'm not working
for the nonprofit anymore.

- Oh, you'd get a new job?

- I was just babysitting
idiots who got a job

out of nonprofit because
they thought it meant

that they didn't have to work.

- But you got a new job, right?

- Everybody who worked
there was incompetent

and I just couldn't take it anymore.

- That's why age diminishes your eyesight,

it's easier to overlook blemishes.

- I had a lot of really
good contacts, yeah,

just didn't pan out.

- So, does Allison know?

- No, not yet.

Buddy,
be careful with that one.

Hiding things from your wife,

it's like playing Russian
Roulette the Viet Cong,

even if you don't blow your brains out,

you still get all that stress and terror.

- Yeah.

You know, it's not like your dreams die,

you just sort of slowly wake up.

- Yeah, that's a good one.

- How did you decide, I
mean, what you wanted to do?

- Well, like most young men,
I confused wealth with worth.

I thought about joining
Doctors Without Borders

but then I discovered
nurses without boundaries

and I gotta tell you, they do
a great service for the world.

And that's where I met Nan.

- Wait, I thought that she worked

for Mother Theresa's organization.

- Yeah, yeah, everybody's
got their own narrative.

- What, you just let
her decide everything?

- Steven, every relationship
comes to a crossroads.

You have to decide control or happiness

and you can't have both.

And the only way it works

is if it's the other person's
happiness is more important

and you both have to want that.

- Well, I'm not even
interested in happiness,

I just don't wanna be miserable.

- Oh, that's Jefferson's fault,

how come he couldn't say life, liberty

and the pursuit of the arts.

Happiness, it's overrated, it's fleeting.

Money, trips, cars, sex,
momentary gratifications

that can't hold up under the
heavy weight of all day long

and again tomorrow.

There is one thing though, tendrils.

- What?

- Ethereal tendrils, delicate,
fine, unseen connections

that you can't get any other
way than a lifelong love.

Maybe Jefferson was right,
maybe that's what he meant.

But be careful, man, those
tendrils can choke you out.

- I don't care, let it all go to the cats,

there's no way on God's green Earth

that I am going to promote such filth.

- It's your brother's last
wish, it's his dying wish.

- Well, you don't always
get what you want,

especially when you're dead.

- Whoa, whoa, what happened?

- I don't wanna talk about it.

Did the pest man come?
- Yes.

- And.
- I said David's

got it under control.

- He didn't charge you for that did he?

- 500.
- You didn't pay him did you?

- You said that, I gave him George's card.

- Good luck collected from the cats.

And the contractor.

- He's got it all figured out.

What happened?

- It's all very simple, we
went to the lawyers and,

can I get one of those?

- Haven't touched it.

- Okay, it's split among us all evenly

as long as we erect a-

- If we don't it all goes to the cats.

- Cats, does he even have any cats?

- They're staying with me,
miss Mittens and Mouseto.

- We have to erect.
- Yes, erect.

- Erect a-
- We have to erect something?

- What?

- George already got it through planning.

- Oh, planning is the
easy part of an erection.

- Then we just have to complete it.

- That's the hard part.

- It has to say please-
- Yes, please.

- Pretty much all erections say please.

- What has to say please?

- A plaque.
- A plaque.

- In the park.
- A plaque in the park

saying pleasing, a pleasing
plaque in the park.

- No, not pleasing.
- Please teach teens-

- Oh god please.

- Please teach teens to?

- Please teach teens it's
okay to love themselves

both emotionally and physically.

- Oh, well, erect is the correct word.

- That sounds okay.

- What George is trying to say

is that we should teach
the kids to fly solo,

release the Kraken, choke
the chicken, wax the carrot,

rub your worm.
- Okay, Gramps,

that's enough.
- Drain the swamp,

manipulate your base,
menage a me, DIY 101,

jingle the handle, the safest of all sex.

- Gramps!
- Okay, yeah, I know.

Palmella Handerson.

- Let us agree to encourage young people

to explore sexual self gratification.

Let's eliminate connotations
of shame associated with it.

- The M word.

- In my opinion, this will help to

alleviate sexual repression,

minimize aggression, lead to better health

and may result in fewer
unwanted pregnancies.

Hopefully it will also
lead to better self control

by the males in our
society, George Watson.

- Well, you gotta admit
males of our society

have not always been in the best behavior,

maybe this will help.

Here's to George, he went out with style,

gotta hand it to him.
- Actually, I think

he wanted us to hand it to ourselves.

Have you heard the
latest from coastal elites,

they are demanding that our children

defile their bodies and souls.

The time for action is now.

Hands off it's a
sin hands off it's a sin!

- A Porsche just pulled up.

- Oh, that'll be the puppet master.

He must have heard
Californians are in town.

You know I bet the only word
that rhymes with Porsche

is douche.

- Well, I think it's just fantastic,

sure he's a little cooky,
but then who isn't.

And Steven will just have to-

- Look, I am all for
free speech but that guy

should be shot.

- I will get this.

Mr. O'Reilly, you really
did not have to come.

- Oh, how could I know,
rather fortuitous, huh?

- Yes, rather.

This is my father, Tim.

- Nice to meet you.

- And my mother, Meg.

- Nice to meet you.

- Oh my, what?

- Oh, I'm sorry concealed
weapon, permitted, of course,

side note, you'd be
surprised how many people

think I need to be shot.

- This is my brother, James,
one of your biggest fans.

- Nice to meet you.

No autographs.
- Shame.

- Sean, but please call me Mr. O'Reilly.

- Oh really?
- O'Reilly.

- You know I produce reality
shows, maybe we could?

- Yeah, I don't really
consider that television.

- Not into reality?
- Not at all.

- Ah, this is Yvonne Marks.
- Yvonne Marks, mistress

to the great George Watson.

- Fiance.
- I'm so sorry

for your loss, if there's
anything I can do.

- I'm good, thanks.

- All of you, I'm so sorry for your loss.

- That's very kind of you.

- I needed to come down
and meet the family

of my new assistant.

I mean, the fact that you guys just happen

to be at the center of the
greatest controversy in America,

well, it has it all free
speech, tawdry sex, small town.

- It's Brooklyn.
- Yeah, close enough.

- Well, Mr. O'Reilly
has just been named head

of the White Caucus.

- Well, well you can't have
a caucus without a head.

- Congratulations.

I've always wondered, is it
true that the Black Caucus

is larger than the White Caucus

or is it that just a fallacy.

- It's the size of the ideas that matter.

- I've always ordered that
it's more mental than physical

but Nan here-
- Thank you, Dad,

I will show you to your room.

- Very nice to meet you all.

- Yes, okay.

- Oh, and I put you in the
room where George wrote

"My Blood Runs Red White and Blue."

- Side note, that's my favorite song.

- Why thank you.
- Well, great, let's.

- Great song.
- Yeah.

- I love that song, genius.

- How is that a side note?

- Hey, I'm getting hungry, Allison?

- When were you planning on telling me?

- Telling you what?

- Your severance pay came.

- Oh, shit.

Freaking Viet Cong.
- What?

- Nothing.

- So, you quit your job.

- Well, you told me to quit.

- That was when I thought you had a job.

- Oh, I see, so it's okay for me to quit

when you tell me to
quit, it's just not okay

for me to do it on my own.

- It's not okay for you
to quit and not tell me.

This is a partnership.

I can't make decisions in the dark,

what if I had listened to you,

what if I would have turned
down the job with Sean,

where would we be, raising
a kid with no jobs,

no medical.
- I'm sorry, okay,

I just, listen, I couldn't do it anymore.

- So, you're telling me what to do

and you're not telling
me what you're doing.

That's not a relationship.

- I am sorry, I am.

- I can't believe this
is the person I married.

How can you be out there
preaching about honesty

and equality when you can't
even practice it at home?

- I said that I am sorry, what
else do you want me to say?

- Why didn't you tell me,
that's what I don't get,

why wouldn't you tell me?

- Okay, look, I didn't tell you

because I was afraid that if I told you,

you would take that
job with Sean for sure.

- Yeah, I'm gonna take the job with Sean

whether or not you have a job

and whether or not you say it's okay.

That's what you don't understand,

you don't get to make all the
decisions about our lives.

- Oh, no I don't get to make any decisions

in our fucking lives.

- I worked as a checker for two years

so that you could go to college.

We waited for your career to get started

before I began the beat.

I had been working my ass
off to get to this point.

And it's a shitty time for reporters

and you're gonna quit your job

and then you're gonna ask
me to turn down everything

that I ever wanted?

What is going on in your head?

You know George came to
the grocery store once

when I was checking.

He waited in line, he didn't buy anything,

he just looked at me and he
said, "Don't lose yourself."

And I never told you because
I was afraid that I was.

But he knew, I mean, he
just got right in there

and he knew.

And I swore that I would
never again lose myself.

- Allison.
- Yes.

- Hey, look, I just, I wanted to, I just,

thanks for coming onboard.

- Well, it's a big opportunity for me so.

- Yeah, it is, so it's important

that we're on the same page.

- Absolutely.
- A team.

- Yeah.

- See, it's important that
what happens in the locker room

stays in the locker room.

- As long as we're not
actually in the locker room.

- Well, no of course,
but winning is what life

is all about.

Television, politics, see it's all about

manipulating the simple minds to our side.

- Right.

- And it's not a bad
thing 'cause we're right.

- Okay.

- So, if the president
can keep that plaque

from going up, that's a win.

- Gotcha.

- And since your family's
in control of that.

- Oh, I see, so we're not
just reporting on the news,

we're manipulating it.

- Giving it a hand,
you know, massaging it.

- Those are the words you
actually just chose to use.

The problem, Mr. O'Reilly
is that my family

is not very easy to sway.

- Well, Allison, that's not good.

- 'Cause they're not simple-minded.

Excuse me, fucking man.

Stop the plaque, stop
the plaque, stop the plaque!

Stop the plaque, stop the
plaque, stop the plaque,

stop the plaque!

- Did you get your job back, sweetie?

- No, no, no, no, but I'm glad for it.

- Well, hey, come work for me,

"Made Maids" was just picked up.

- Fantastic James,
"Made Maids," I love it.

- David is the executive
producer and my name's not on it,

one baby bird.

- I'm not gonna do that.

But I do feel like I am
supposed to do something.

- You'll find it, your true
passion doesn't give up on you.

- That's beautiful, James.
- That was George,

I can't tell you how many
times I wanted to quit,

how many times I did quit.

- Maybe I don't have a true passion.

- Of course you did, changing
things for the better.

- Maybe we're all failures,
as a species, I mean.

- Okay, this is gonna require a double.

- Fashionable fascism, exalted dictators,

murdering tyrants, a
president with Tourettes,

multiple bombings, shootings, wars.

- The worst the world, the
less worrisome the apocalypse.

- Did you know that there
are over 20 armed conflicts

in the world right now.

America is in nine of them.

We are at war and nobody
is marching for peace.

Now they're marching for masturbation.

- Well, you've gotta stand for something.

- I've taken a rigid stance on it.

- Uh-huh, this whole plaque business,

it epitomizes the unbridgeable division

in the United States right now

which is red versus blue, right?

I mean, the things that
they are saying, my god.

God hates tolerance.

Who'd even think such a thing?

- Actually there's this pest control guy.

- What they should be marching about

is fucking homelessness, poverty, racism,

the ever shrinking middle class, right,

the wealth imbalance, okay.

This is what they should
be fucking marching about

and immigrations, oh my god,

don't even fucking get me started.

- Too late for that.

- Protectionism over
morality, there I said, okay,

and pollution, there
are islands of plastic

floating in the sea, huge islands, right,

dwindling resources,
right, mindless waste.

Microplastics invading our bodies,

poisoning each and every
single fucking one of us.

- But at least there's binge watching,

I like the binge watching.

- Drones are cool.

- You know, the truth,
I thought was supposed

to set us free, all it
does is piss me off.

- I don't know drones
always kinda remind me

of the flying monkeys.

- Yeah, but remember they weren't evil.

- That's right, when
the wicked witch died,

they were happy.

- Yeah, exactly drones are
the new flying monkeys.

- Shut up about the
drones, climate change.

- The good thing about climate change

is we won't have to retire to Arizona,

Arizona's coming to us.

- Gramps that's not funny.

The Earth is literally going
to increase by two degrees

in the next 30 years.

I wonder if you have any idea what that's

gonna do to the planet,
maybe you don't give a shit

because you're not gonna be
alive anymore, is that it?

- You know what the ultimate
six degrees of separation is?

Between us and the planet.

That's good.

- That's hysterical, are you
fucking listening to me, huh?

These are the things that
people should be marching about

but no, nobody gives a fuck about anything

except their right to
fucking screw themselves.

- Did he just use the M word?

I think he used the M word.

- He had these stashed in
the back of his closet.

- Hmm, I always liked George.

Hands off, it's a
sin, hands off, it's a sin,

hands off, it's a sin,
hands off, it's a sin!

- I miss climbing through.
- Me too.

- The crowd is getting larger.

- Yeah, thank the puppet master for that.

He put our address out on his show.

Oh and drone delivery.

- "La La Land," I didn't order this.

- Maybe George did.

- He would never do that.

- And this came.

- Okay.
- Planning commission,

threatening to revoke our permit.

Apparently they didn't
understand the English language.

- Well, I'll respond with legal language.

- Or we can nix the plaque
and it all goes away.

- Is that true, the plaque's being nixed?

- No, look what George is trying to say

that as long as we keep
repressing our sexuality,

then men will continue to be pigs

and women will continue to be disrespected

and objectified but if we accept the fact

that we are indeed sexual creatures

and that our desires are at times

just difficult to control,

then we can start down the right path.

- Sounds like a path of further decay.

You might as well legalize prostitution.

- Would that be so terrible?

- Well, the states are taking
over the numbers racket,

you got Native Americans
have gambling now,

pot's legal, you legalize
prostitution, maybe hard drugs,

boom organized crime is history.

Poor bastards.

- What is wrong with self control?

- Self control, I understand
self control, you ass.

- Don't throw your fake oppression at me.

There's no desire for hard work anymore,

there's no backbone in
this nation anymore.

From the melting pot to the chamber pot.

Nobody wants to take responsibility.

Do anything you want, have
the government pay for it.

Let obscenity rule.

You know this whole world is going to hell

in a hand basket.

And I talk and I talk and
nothing but deaf ears,

Sodom and Gomorrah.

Sodom and Gomorrah.

- All right, where's this Mrs. Mittens?

Mrs. Mittens, she reversed
my credit card charge.

- George's cat.

- I wouldn't worry about it man,

there's about six cameras
on your van out there,

that's gotta be better than
Google ads and Yelp combined.

- Yeah, maybe I should
go out there and act

like I'm doing something, huh?

- Yeah, put on a show.

- God hates tolerance, I gotta
admit, that's a good one.

- I'm not sure hates.

- Where do you think
wrath comes from, moron?

- I'm just not comfortable
with the wording.

Teach them to you know, who,
who is going to teach them?

- Priests, scout leaders.

- When, what age and how?

- All of that will be tough to figure out

but it's better than letting them

just fumble in the darkness.

Fuck!

- The president just tweeted out,

the plaque is the plague
and touching yourself

is the original sin and he's
just signed an executive order

to make it illegal.

- The M word, or the act?
- The act.

- Ooh, you think jails are crowded now.

- It's probably just his
Tourettes, he's having an episode.

- No, no, no.

Oh, I need a drink.
- It's not a crutch,

it's a foundation.

- Is something wrong?

- There could be some news
that might agitate the crowd

just a little bit.

- Are we in danger?

- You know what, I'd love to see someone

try to walk through that door right now,

I'd shoot them myself.

- Hey take it easy big guy.

- You know what, I'm
gonna take my foundation

and I'm gonna go upstairs,

'cause I have work to do and I can't be

walking up and down these fucking stairs!

- Okay, fine, no worries.

- It seems like we're causing
an awful lot of trouble.

- George is anyway, maybe
that's what he wanted.

- No, it's not what George wanted,

he just wants us to grow up.

- I'm going back to California.

- To get Jax and plan the move?

- I think I'm gonna stay.

- It seems a bit dramatic.

- I can't live here, all the materialism

and the frantic pace.

- Yeah, that's them not us.

- It feels infectious.
- What is really going on?

- I have to do something,
I feel a boiling up inside

but I don't know what it is.

- And you think you're gonna
figure that out in California

but not here?

- It's too chaotic here.

- You need to calm the
noise in your own attic

and then the outside world won't matter.

- You can't sleep?

- Hmm, I thought I heard something.

- Did you leave a note?

- It's not like that.

- Let me ask you something,

how did it get like this?

I mean, didn't we both set out to do good?

- Let me ask you a question,

did man create consciousness
or consciousness man?

- What?

- Is there a god?

- I don't know.

- You die right now, do you see God?

- I think that God is
beyond any definition

we can conceive and so I do think

that we should stop trying.

I think it causes nothing but trouble.

- Why can't you commit?

Do you, Steven believe God exists?

- Something does, something,
call that a whatever,

you know, but I feel it, I do.

And I think you do too, Sean, you know,

or otherwise you wouldn't be asking.

- The maddening noise, politics, the news,

the fucking news.

And that cosmic blink, this
will all be a desolate rock,

no matter what we do, meaningless.

- Fuck it.

- Wait, wait, wait, okay,
wait, you're right, Sean,

you're right, okay,
everything is meaningless.

There is no God, it's
all useless and death

is just pure blackness,
just nothingness, okay

and why go on, why do anything at all

when it's all fucking meaningless, right?

But go beyond just understanding

and accept the meaninglessness of life

and suddenly anything is possible

because it's all meaningless.

Failure, shame, media, all of it.

- If it's all meaningless,
why don't I just rampage,

murder and pillage?

- Okay, right, because
you know that it's wrong

but Sean, you can do whatever is right,

however you want, free
from critique or ridicule.

- She's having his love child.

- What?
- The president

got her pregnant and now
she's having his baby.

- Who?
- Rachel Maddow.

- Wait I thought that she was-
- She is.

She is.

She did it on purpose.

She knows how weak he is.

- That's a hell of a patriot, I guess.

- Yeah, but I can spin this one.

- How about this, you
say that it was a reach

across the aisle, the ultimate
reach across the aisle,

more of a breach.

They did it on purpose to
bring the country together

like never before.

And you have them name the baby Unity

or something like that, I don't know.

Well, I like that.

- He used to leave these
hand drawn cartoons for me.

- Yeah, yeah, he mailed them to me too.

Be the only thing in the envelope.

- Some were stupid,
but they made me laugh.

- Always, the polar bears.

- Out on the iceberg.
- Yeah, wait, wait,

how did that one go?

- One says, where do you
go when the caps melt?

- America, it's polarized.

- Yeah, he was something.

- I didn't know he sent
them to anyone else.

- Might have just been us.

Swear you'll keep your mouth shut.

- Of course, I got
nothing against the guy.

- Swear it to me.

- I swear, to you I would swear anything.

But I get to use the
stuff about Jon Stewart,

the "Death to Smoochy"
memorabilia and the fake Oscar,

all that man's success and
yet there's a sad hole inside,

now that is pathos.

- All right, but no mention
about the adult diapers, okay?

- Never.

Hey, thanks.

- No problem.
- For believing in me,

I was beginning to doubt myself

whether or not I was a good person.

- Of course you're good,

now you just have to learn
to love that goodness.

Loving yourself makes God your ally,

once you've done that
it's easy to love others,

even with their faults.

- You believe in God.
- Of course.

- So sure about it.

- Doing for others gives
you an understanding.

- This whole time I thought
it was the perfect show

I was searching for.

- Oh thank God, Gramps, will
you make me a drink please?

You know, I gotta tell
you, I think I'm starting

to agree with your whole
don't let boos be a crunch,

make it a foundation.

Thank you.

I don't know, I think I
just, I gotta let her do

whatever she wants, you know

and then hope for the best, right?

I think I saved a man's life tonight.

The only problem is I don't
know if he was worth saving.

Allison says everybody is
worth saving but I don't know.

I think about those
folks that saved Hitler,

during World War I, who was gased.

The doctors and the nurses, I mean,

you know, what if they were Jewish?

What if the problems that
we have today, you know,

with the nation stem from our forefathers?

I mean, these guys signed
a document, a declaration

of equality and they put their names to it

and then they lived
the opposite, you know?

They had slaves, they oppressed women.

Doesn't the Bible say that
the sins of the father

will be visited upon future generations.

So, the Civil War, the
Civil Rights, the division

that we have right now.

I mean, couldn't all of this stem

from the fact that our
forefathers did not live the lives

that they declared, their
ideals, their values,

they put their names to
it and they didn't do it.

What do you think?

Gramps?

Doesn't that figure.

I say my best stuff here to myself.

Gramps.

Hey.

- Honey?

- With all of this going on,
I don't think I allowed myself

time to grieve.

- Well, he was a good man.

- Yeah.
- Brilliant

and he lived a full life, he did.

- This is one of my
favorites, "911 to Jesus."

- Yeah, that was a good one.

Probably his biggest hit, too.

- Oh, god, everybody loved it.

- Well.
- Well, except

for the 911 dispatchers.

Apparently people actually

thought they could dial
911 to Jesus.

♪ Sending out a 911 to Jesus ♪

♪ Putting out an APV to God ♪

♪ Someone tore my heart into pieces ♪

♪ And I'm falling in the land of Nod. ♪

- Oh, he was a good brother,

till he had to go and pull this shit,

I mean, right at the very end.

I mean, why put me through this?

I just can't believe that a
guy who wrote "911 to Jesus"

would want this built.

- Just think of this as his
last good dead to the world.

- Oh god, good deed?

Tell that to the protestors out there

and it's not a good deed, it's gross.

- You're focusing on the M word.

What he's saying is that we
should teach kids it's okay,

he's not saying teach kids how to do it.

Can you imagine that?

- Oh, god.

- All right, class, 60 seconds,
pull out your vibrators.

No checking your neighbors work.

Marilyn, arch your back.

No, he's saying it's okay
to do it, we're humans,

we're sexual beings, we're animals

and you repress that
stuff and then you know,

it all starts leaking
out on the creepy side.

Ask the Catholics?

- Well, fine, then do it through sex ed,

not on a plaque with our family name on it

for the rest of God knows how long.

A plaque that has the
whole country up in arms.

- It's starting a dialogue.

- That's no mouse.

- Who you calling?

- Yes, I'm sorry to bother you

but I think we have an
intruder in our house.

320 Maple Avenue, Brooklyn.

Why yes it is.

Thank you so much.

- They'll be right over.

- Who will be right over?

- The police.
- Why?

- Listen.

- Could be one of the protestors.

- Yeah, probably some
animal rights protestors

coming in to steal our mice.

- That's not mice.

- I don't know, it sounds
like someone's practicing

what we're supposed to
be teaching the kids.

- You know we should
probably check that out.

- What if they're armed.

- If they're doing while
armed, that's dangerous.

Trust me, I know.

- I'm so glad you're here.
- Ma'am.

- That was fast.

- We were right outside.
- Protest patrol.

- Dispatch said something
about an intruder.

- Yeah, in the attic, listen.

- I bet it's a protestor trying
to slip inside, let's go.

- Somebody's slipping inside something.

Hey, be careful up there,
that's how horror films begin.

- Maybe this place really is haunted.

- Honey, there's no such thing as ghosts.

- But thank god there are evil spirits.

- It wasn't a horror film.
- Close enough.

- We just got a little carried away.

- You know I can't believe
that you would do such a thing.

- Well, sex isn't a crime, so.

- Not yet.
- Or not anymore.

- Sorry.
- Paul, just

go get some clothes on.

- Or we could have a toga party.

- Speaking of two sheets.

- Hate to interrupt but I gotta get going.

- Mr. O'Reilly, did you sleep okay?

- Best night ever, ready
to conquer the world.

- You know with most people
that's a figure of speech,

but with you.

- Would you like some breakfast?

- No, I must be going.

But we do have a slight
problem, my gun is missing

and it needs to be returned

or I'm gonna have to call the cops.

- Well, there's plenty out there.

- Look, I don't wanna make it a big deal,

I just need it returned.

- You're welcomed to search me.

- You could be arrested for that.

- Armed and dangerous.

- Disgusting, see this is what happens

when you give an inch.

- More like several.

- Okay, I'm beginning to
think God does hate tolerance.

All right, folks, last chance,
I'm not messing around here.

- Hey, no need to make a call.

- Oh my god.
- I got your gun.

- Aren't you-
- Lorenzo.

- Yeah, hi, look, I got your gun, Sean,

the one that you gave to me last night

so you wouldn't kill yourself.

- Ah, no I did no such thing.

- Was that fake news.

You were a bit out of sorts, right Steven?

- He wasn't quite himself,
although we all have our moments.

- Well, look you're not
gonna make that call

because it would hurt your
run for the presidency.

- What?
- Yeah, that's right.

He decided last night
after you saved his life.

And you're not gonna make a call,

'cause Yvonne is gonna
change the plaque to read

love yourselves in all ways.

- I just cleared it with planning

and they're beyond relieved.

- Remember when you two were young

and you couldn't keep your
hands off of each other?

And maybe you made love somewhere
that you shouldn't have,

that's the one that you
remember to this day,

so, money isn't as important
as connection, right?

So keep this place.

- Hey what's that?
- Just a note.

- You mind?

- Reminders for myself, bullet points,

now that I'm running, I just
wanna make sure to you know

treat people better.

- Treat women as equals.

That's good.

No groping.

- It's a tough one, if you know for me

'cause it's been a bit of a problem.

- Minorities are, I'm
not even gonna read that.

Just treat everybody as if
they were your grandmother.

- Well, that'll work.

- It will work, stop questioning yourself,

you're the puppet master,
be the puppet master.

And if you do go on to
be the next president,

be the best damn president we've ever had.

Be proud of your shows.

They're entertaining people,

helping to keep their minds
off the chaos in the world

but also think outside the box.

Slip some vitamins into that.

- We've gotta go.
- Okay.

And Steven, loosen up, man,
I mean, she can take care

of herself and you, she's
beautiful, successful,

I mean you've won the lottery.

You're trying so hard, you
just don't see the gifts

being given to you.

The world's not perfect, you know,

you're not gonna find the perfect job.

People aren't gonna always agree,

doors aren't gonna work.

The imperfect nature of
existence is it's beauty.

Stop the
plaque, stop the plaque!

- Ready to go.
- stop the plaque!

- It was you all along.

- Nobody ever suspects
the pest control guy.

- I thought you was
this arch conservative.

- Yeah, but I know right from wrong.

- I'll be right out.

- Imperfect nature of
existence is it's beauty.

I like that.

- And I always try to be as close

to imperfection as possible.

- And you've never looked so beautiful.

- It was George's idea,
hide him in the attic.

You know they were like
brothers from another mother,

so no phone calls, okay.

- You're really gonna change the plaque?

- It was Lorenzo's idea.

He thought it would bring people together

rather than deepening the divide.

'Cause after all that's what
George's music was all about,

bringing people together so
as they feel connected, loved.

Anyway, I'm gonna use my inheritance

to start a sex ed
program for young people,

see what I can do to affect change.

Do you?
- Yeah.

We're keeping the house, okay,

a place for us all to gather.

Me too.

- I like her.

- It's your gun.
- Thanks.

All right.

- What are you doing?

- Calling the cops, I'm
not gonna be blackmailed

by a criminal.

- Wait, wait, wait, don't make that call

and we'll say that you came
up with the whole solution,

you changed the words on the plaque

that bridged the divide.

Sean O'Reilly, you're
the bridge America needs.

- Nice.

Are you sure you don't
wanna come work for me,

I mean, you have got a gift.

- You know what, I think I will.

- Really?
- O'Reilly.

- I will see you two at 6 a.m. sharp.

So you're gonna
influence the puppet master?

- Absolutely, we're gonna
be working together.

- I am not working for that
jerk, are you kidding me,

the guy's a freak, he's
suicidal one minute,

running for president the next.

- Pretty much the same thing.

- Has to write himself a
note to keep from groping,

why do lunatics run the world.

- Because normals are too busy living.

- Then what are you gonna do?

- I've had it with these people,
I'm gonna run for office.

- That is fantastic!

What office?

- Well, this was fun, it
might make a good show.

Family reunions bridging
that American divide.

But we've got some cleaning to do.

I've actually discovered
that I love vacuuming,

it's so therapeutic.

- There is a vacuum upstairs, you know.

- Therapy's in session.

- Well, Gramps.
- Well, indeed, Nans.

- What do you say, we
go find us Ferris wheel.

- Ah, one's that totally empty

and then we go pay off
the attendant to go away

and concentrate a little
more on our entrance plan

than our exit strategy.

- Well, just so you know, I'm gluten-free.

- Oh.

Victory is ours,
the weeks I crumbled

under the weight of
truth, our esteemed head

of the White Caucus,

Sean O'Reilly forged a solution,

thank god for men like him.

He is the bridge America needs.

- Are we forgetting anything?

- I don't think so.

- Ah, it feels like we're
forgetting something.

- Are you okay?

- I don't know, I'm feeling
anxious about tomorrow.

- It's not necessarily a bad thing

as long as it doesn't get out of control.

- I wouldn't mind getting out of control.

- It's been awhile since
you've been out of control.

- The attic?
- The attic.

- Hello?

Hello?

Crazy ass folks.

Nothing better to do, money rots the mind,

I need to fix the door, I
need to seal it shut again.

Oh hell no, that's how
horror movies start.

- Wait, are we forgetting something?

- Nope.
- Oh yeah.

- Let's go get Jax.

- Ethereal tendrils.

- Well, you've gotta hand it to the kids,

they pulled it off.