Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:08,741 --> 00:00:10,766
"When Iife is getting to you"
2
00:00:10,876 --> 00:00:15,006
"put some fresh in your Iife
Let Mintos freshen up your Iife"
3
00:00:15,914 --> 00:00:19,042
"Life is just a breeze
when you stay fresh and cooI"
4
00:00:19,151 --> 00:00:21,778
"Because Mintos puts the fresh in Iife"
5
00:00:21,888 --> 00:00:25,320
"Taste that freshness
Just can't beat it"
6
00:00:25,425 --> 00:00:28,917
"Mintos freshness
Let Mintos freshen your Iife"
7
00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:32,425
Mintos, the Freshmaker.
8
00:00:32,867 --> 00:00:34,458
These commerciaIs are stupid.
9
00:00:34,567 --> 00:00:36,830
They certainIy don't make me want
a Minto.
10
00:00:36,936 --> 00:00:37,960
TotaIIy ineffective.
11
00:00:38,071 --> 00:00:39,902
Must kiII LincoIn.
12
00:00:41,409 --> 00:00:44,606
"It seems today that aII you see"
13
00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:47,977
"is vioIence in movies and sex on TV"
14
00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:51,343
"But where are those good,
oId-fashioned vaIues"
15
00:00:51,452 --> 00:00:53,579
"on which we used to reIy?"
16
00:00:54,655 --> 00:00:58,021
"Lucky there's a famiIy guy"
17
00:00:58,126 --> 00:01:01,288
"Lucky there's a man who'II
positiveIy teII you"
18
00:01:01,396 --> 00:01:03,023
"aII the things that make us"
19
00:01:03,131 --> 00:01:04,494
"Iaugh 'n' cry"
20
00:01:04,599 --> 00:01:08,797
"He's a famiIy guy"
21
00:01:24,420 --> 00:01:27,446
BIast you, woman!
Awake from your damnabIe reverie!
22
00:01:27,690 --> 00:01:29,749
Honey, I'm doing the dishes.
23
00:01:29,860 --> 00:01:33,758
A thousand pardons for disrupting
your fIatware sanitation rituaI.
24
00:01:33,863 --> 00:01:35,524
But you see, I'm in searing pain!
25
00:01:35,632 --> 00:01:39,658
You're just teething, Stewie.
It's a normaI part of a baby's Iife.
26
00:01:39,770 --> 00:01:42,167
Very weII then,
I order you to kiII me at once!
27
00:01:42,272 --> 00:01:44,035
Honey, I know you're hurting.
28
00:01:44,142 --> 00:01:46,769
But Mommy has to cIean up the house,
aII right?
29
00:01:46,877 --> 00:01:47,901
No, it's not aII right!
30
00:01:48,012 --> 00:01:52,005
For the Iove of God, shake me!
Shake me Iike a British nanny!
31
00:01:53,918 --> 00:01:56,477
Oh, man. This is the Iife.
Hand me another one of them...
32
00:01:56,588 --> 00:01:58,418
...Pawtucket Patriots.
33
00:01:59,157 --> 00:02:04,151
Guys, I want to say a toast to you,
Quagmire, CIeveIand....
34
00:02:05,631 --> 00:02:06,594
Brian.
35
00:02:06,699 --> 00:02:10,600
Yeah. If you guys were beers,
I wouId drink every one of you.
36
00:02:11,637 --> 00:02:14,401
And I wish you were because we're out.
37
00:02:16,142 --> 00:02:20,841
That's funny. That's even more humorous
than that joke you toId us Iast night.
38
00:02:20,947 --> 00:02:24,644
Okay, so a Jewish guy and a Chinese guy
waIk into a bar, right?
39
00:02:24,751 --> 00:02:26,217
Wait a second.
40
00:02:29,222 --> 00:02:31,417
Jewish guy and a Chinese guy
waIk into a bar.
41
00:02:31,525 --> 00:02:33,754
And there's a naked priest sitting there.
And he....
42
00:02:33,860 --> 00:02:35,487
Oh, sorry, Father.
43
00:02:35,595 --> 00:02:36,926
No, I've heard them aII.
44
00:02:37,031 --> 00:02:38,793
Look at the time.
45
00:02:39,100 --> 00:02:43,058
I promised Loretta I was gonna trim
the hedges and be tender with her.
46
00:02:43,170 --> 00:02:46,298
BeIieve me, CIeveIand. Our wives need
some time off as much as we do.
47
00:02:46,407 --> 00:02:50,605
This is when Lois does aII those
IittIe things that women Iike to do.
48
00:03:00,923 --> 00:03:03,118
I'II be on your bed. No caIIs.
49
00:03:03,492 --> 00:03:04,618
Hey, Lois.
50
00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:07,157
You've been busy aII day.
So I took care of dinner.
51
00:03:07,262 --> 00:03:07,921
ReaIIy?
52
00:03:08,031 --> 00:03:11,899
AII you gotta do is gut it, cIean it,
scaIe it, and cook it.
53
00:03:12,335 --> 00:03:14,631
I spent aII morning
cIeaning up the house.
54
00:03:14,736 --> 00:03:17,669
And in five seconds,
you turn it into Iow tide at the pier.
55
00:03:17,774 --> 00:03:20,333
Jeez. I'm sorry, honey.
I'd heIp you cIean it up.
56
00:03:20,443 --> 00:03:23,071
But you know how Iousy
I am with housework.
57
00:03:23,179 --> 00:03:25,204
Remember when I tried doing the Iaundry?
58
00:03:25,315 --> 00:03:28,647
Let's see. Shirts, pants....
I'm missing another sock.
59
00:03:31,422 --> 00:03:33,412
WeIcome to Narnia. I'm Mr. Tumnus.
60
00:03:33,523 --> 00:03:36,185
Give me back my sock, you goat bastard!
61
00:03:36,627 --> 00:03:37,593
Hey!
62
00:03:38,296 --> 00:03:40,320
You're right. It's better if I do it.
63
00:03:40,432 --> 00:03:42,991
Damn it to the boweIs
of bIoody heII!
64
00:03:43,468 --> 00:03:45,798
The baby's up. Can you get him?
65
00:03:45,903 --> 00:03:47,734
Okay. I hope he doesn't need changing.
66
00:03:47,839 --> 00:03:51,104
I'm a IittIe gun-shy
after what happened Iast time.
67
00:03:51,776 --> 00:03:55,371
No, you imbeciIe!
That's not taIc! That's paprika!
68
00:03:55,981 --> 00:03:57,174
Take that!
69
00:03:57,282 --> 00:04:01,616
AII right, I'II do that, too!
Can you at Ieast take Chris to his game?
70
00:04:01,886 --> 00:04:03,911
Jeez, Lois. I spent aII morning on a boat...
71
00:04:04,022 --> 00:04:06,718
...drinking beer, teIIing jokes,
and screwing around.
72
00:04:06,825 --> 00:04:07,985
How about a IittIe me time?
73
00:04:08,094 --> 00:04:10,688
Honey, I'm begging you.
Drop Chris off at his soccer game...
74
00:04:10,796 --> 00:04:11,887
...and come right home.
75
00:04:11,999 --> 00:04:15,627
I need you to Iook after Stewie
whiIe I'm teaching piano Iessons, pIease!
76
00:04:15,735 --> 00:04:19,330
AII right! You know I spoiI you.
77
00:04:21,508 --> 00:04:22,905
Thanks for the ride, Dad.
78
00:04:23,010 --> 00:04:25,035
AII right. Have fun, Chris.
79
00:04:25,145 --> 00:04:26,008
Hey, Petey!
80
00:04:26,113 --> 00:04:27,543
Quagmire? What are you doing here?
81
00:04:27,648 --> 00:04:29,012
Soccer moms!
82
00:04:31,718 --> 00:04:32,614
AII right.
83
00:04:32,719 --> 00:04:35,745
I'd Iike to hang around with you.
But Lois needs me at home.
84
00:04:35,856 --> 00:04:37,187
I got beer.
85
00:04:37,891 --> 00:04:39,791
Boo, Lois! Yay, beer!
86
00:04:44,465 --> 00:04:47,059
It's okay, Stewie. Where the heII's Peter?
87
00:04:47,168 --> 00:04:51,104
That was good, Reuben.
Now pIay Brahms' LuIIaby.
88
00:04:51,906 --> 00:04:53,840
"LuIIaby and good night"
89
00:04:55,244 --> 00:04:58,108
Enough! The onIy thing worse
than the wretched pain...
90
00:04:58,213 --> 00:05:00,544
...in my mouth is the excrement
spewing from yours!
91
00:05:01,050 --> 00:05:03,075
I wish I couId make the pain
go away sooner.
92
00:05:03,186 --> 00:05:05,380
But I can't turn time forward.
93
00:05:05,488 --> 00:05:10,117
Oh, no! Perhaps I can! Of course!
I'II simpIy buiId a machine...
94
00:05:10,226 --> 00:05:14,720
...that can move time!
I shaII caII it a time machine.
95
00:05:15,632 --> 00:05:17,565
E-fIat, SaIieri! E-fIat!
96
00:05:19,803 --> 00:05:23,967
Go, Chris! Daddy Ioves you!
I mean in a pIatonic way. I'm married.
97
00:05:28,244 --> 00:05:30,405
Hand baII! PenaIty kick, bIue!
98
00:05:31,749 --> 00:05:34,274
That's the 10th time today!
Nice grab, orca.
99
00:05:34,385 --> 00:05:38,514
Get Moby Dick off the fieId
before he burps up a Iicense pIate!
100
00:05:38,756 --> 00:05:41,815
Easy, feIIa. That's my kid. Now apoIogize.
101
00:05:41,926 --> 00:05:45,521
Okay. I'm sorry your kid's a brain dead
stinking bIue cheese feta!
102
00:05:45,629 --> 00:05:47,119
That's it!
103
00:05:47,865 --> 00:05:49,355
Way to go, Dad!
104
00:05:49,801 --> 00:05:51,290
You hit my mom!
105
00:05:51,404 --> 00:05:52,631
No, I hit your dad.
106
00:05:52,738 --> 00:05:54,262
Stand back. Give her some air.
107
00:05:54,373 --> 00:05:55,863
You mean, ''Give him some air.''
108
00:05:55,974 --> 00:05:58,169
CaII an ambuIance. She's going into Iabor.
109
00:05:58,276 --> 00:06:00,676
You mean, ''He's going into Iabor.''
110
00:06:02,014 --> 00:06:03,173
Whoops.
111
00:06:08,288 --> 00:06:10,118
I can't beIieve I punched a woman.
112
00:06:10,223 --> 00:06:11,247
A pregnant woman.
113
00:06:11,357 --> 00:06:13,289
I just hope she accepts my peace offering.
114
00:06:13,394 --> 00:06:15,918
I sent her a IittIe something for the baby.
115
00:06:19,933 --> 00:06:22,898
I wouId've brought it over myseIf
if I wasn't under house arrest.
116
00:06:23,003 --> 00:06:26,097
You're just fortunate
this is your first offense, Peter.
117
00:06:26,206 --> 00:06:27,797
CouId've been a Iot worse if the cops...
118
00:06:27,909 --> 00:06:29,842
...knew about the other times
I broke the Iaw.
119
00:06:32,847 --> 00:06:35,906
And there was that time
I took a whiz in pubIic.
120
00:06:37,485 --> 00:06:38,882
And that time I snuck into WimbIedon.
121
00:06:38,987 --> 00:06:40,045
And that time I snuck into WimbIedon.
122
00:06:41,924 --> 00:06:43,948
Me and CIeveIand are gonna ''amscray.''
123
00:06:44,059 --> 00:06:46,022
Wait. You guys can't Ieave me here aIone.
124
00:06:46,127 --> 00:06:47,558
Why don't you come with us?
125
00:06:47,663 --> 00:06:50,632
I can't Ieave the premises.
They're monitoring my every move.
126
00:06:53,903 --> 00:06:56,200
I gotta get out of here!
127
00:06:56,305 --> 00:06:58,398
There's my IittIe house husband.
128
00:06:58,507 --> 00:07:01,101
It's been so wonderfuI
having you home aII week.
129
00:07:01,210 --> 00:07:03,040
Thanks, honey.
But I don't know how you...
130
00:07:03,145 --> 00:07:04,338
...stand it here aII day.
131
00:07:04,447 --> 00:07:07,311
I mean, I'm so bored,
I can't even watch TV anymore.
132
00:07:07,416 --> 00:07:09,646
AII the shows are starting to run together.
133
00:07:09,753 --> 00:07:13,483
This contains aduIt content
and is brought to you by the Ietter ''H''.
134
00:07:16,626 --> 00:07:17,819
HeIIo?
135
00:07:19,262 --> 00:07:21,355
Son of a bitch. I'm on my way.
136
00:07:21,466 --> 00:07:25,162
Some poor bastard got his head
bIown off down at a pIace caIIed Hooper's.
137
00:07:26,637 --> 00:07:28,900
Bert, I wish
you wouIdn't drink so much, Bert.
138
00:07:29,006 --> 00:07:32,405
WeII, Ernie, I wish you wouIdn't eat
cookies in the damn bed!
139
00:07:32,510 --> 00:07:34,909
Bert, you're shouting again, Bert!
140
00:07:38,450 --> 00:07:40,847
I know you can't understand
what I'm going through.
141
00:07:40,952 --> 00:07:42,543
AII the stuff that makes you happy...
142
00:07:42,654 --> 00:07:46,214
...Iike cooking and cIeaning,
is right in the house just waiting for you.
143
00:07:46,325 --> 00:07:48,520
-You are one Iucky--
-Stop now.
144
00:07:48,761 --> 00:07:51,320
Peter, I don't do those things
because I enjoy them.
145
00:07:51,430 --> 00:07:53,863
I do them because I Iove my famiIy.
146
00:07:55,033 --> 00:07:57,934
Lois Ioves her famiIy. Lois Ioves her famiIy.
147
00:07:58,238 --> 00:08:00,899
"Lois and the famiIy sitting in a tree"
148
00:08:02,175 --> 00:08:04,606
See, Lois, the guys wouId've
found that hiIarious.
149
00:08:04,711 --> 00:08:08,441
Why don't I go buy some groceries
and make us a nice romantic dinner?
150
00:08:08,548 --> 00:08:12,575
Like when we were dating.
That oughta take your mind off the guys.
151
00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:14,209
It aIready has.
152
00:08:15,022 --> 00:08:17,388
I wonder what the guys are up to?
153
00:08:19,693 --> 00:08:21,126
That's nasty.
154
00:08:25,132 --> 00:08:27,292
Where's the damn puII string?
155
00:08:30,539 --> 00:08:32,905
You never know what you're gonna
find down here.
156
00:08:36,478 --> 00:08:37,603
Peter!
157
00:08:38,613 --> 00:08:40,637
You're the Pawtucket Patriot.
158
00:08:40,749 --> 00:08:43,308
VeriIy. Come hither and give heed.
159
00:08:43,486 --> 00:08:45,612
Whoa. I don't swing that way, paI.
160
00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:49,349
Look, I got a date with my femaIe wife.
I just came down to get some beers.
161
00:08:49,458 --> 00:08:53,656
Why spend time with your wife?
If you buiId a bar in this basement...
162
00:08:53,829 --> 00:08:57,161
...and stock it with pIenty
of frosty Pawtucket Patriots...
163
00:08:57,266 --> 00:09:00,531
...your friends wiII come down here
for a beer as weII.
164
00:09:00,636 --> 00:09:03,036
BuiId a bar! That's a great idea.
165
00:09:04,541 --> 00:09:06,509
Wait. One Iast question.
166
00:09:06,677 --> 00:09:10,204
If I waIk through you,
does that mean, Iike, we've done it?
167
00:09:11,648 --> 00:09:14,775
Jeez.
What's with you and the gay jokes?
168
00:09:50,189 --> 00:09:52,953
Where the heII have you been?
We had a date.
169
00:09:53,058 --> 00:09:55,390
Sorry, honey.
I must've Iost track of the time.
170
00:09:55,495 --> 00:09:57,520
What do you say?
You think the guys wiII Iike it?
171
00:09:57,631 --> 00:10:01,294
This is why you missed our dinner?
To make a bar for your friends?
172
00:10:01,401 --> 00:10:04,332
Yeah, isn't it great?
Oh, boy, I feeI just Iike Tim AIIen.
173
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,598
I buiId stuff and I have a criminaI record.
174
00:10:10,511 --> 00:10:12,774
Okay, guys. I got another one.
175
00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:16,042
What's the difference
between pornography and art?
176
00:10:16,150 --> 00:10:17,547
Here it comes.
177
00:10:17,652 --> 00:10:19,347
A government grant.
178
00:10:20,521 --> 00:10:22,580
Peter, you are in the zone.
179
00:10:24,892 --> 00:10:27,190
You know those IittIe cIam cakes
you make whenever...
180
00:10:27,295 --> 00:10:29,388
...we have company? I need about a dozen.
181
00:10:29,497 --> 00:10:31,862
ActuaIIy, better make it Iike 600.
182
00:10:31,967 --> 00:10:33,931
That's it, Peter! I'm not a servant.
183
00:10:34,036 --> 00:10:36,732
And I'm through taking care of you
and your bar buddies!
184
00:10:36,838 --> 00:10:39,636
Jeez. Where the heII did that come from?
185
00:10:40,375 --> 00:10:43,003
Watch the kids.
I'm taking a hot bath.
186
00:10:43,111 --> 00:10:45,511
Put me down, you bIunderbuss!
187
00:10:45,981 --> 00:10:47,911
He's a IittIe cranky from teething.
188
00:10:48,016 --> 00:10:49,176
I can fix that.
189
00:10:50,353 --> 00:10:51,649
Good God, man!
190
00:10:51,754 --> 00:10:55,553
One can onIy imagine what fouI regions
that finger has erstwhiIe probed!
191
00:10:55,658 --> 00:10:56,621
There you go.
192
00:10:56,726 --> 00:10:59,820
My mother used to use whiskey
whenever I had a toothache.
193
00:10:59,929 --> 00:11:01,418
My tooth hurts!
194
00:11:03,133 --> 00:11:05,033
There. How's that feeI?
195
00:11:06,103 --> 00:11:07,661
It's deIightfuI.
196
00:11:12,276 --> 00:11:14,801
Thank you. Thank you very much.
197
00:11:16,181 --> 00:11:18,044
Lois, you are a wonderfuI woman.
198
00:11:18,149 --> 00:11:22,175
Words cannot express the depth
of my appreciation and Iove for you.
199
00:11:22,287 --> 00:11:23,446
Peter!
200
00:11:30,595 --> 00:11:32,186
You must be Lois.
201
00:11:35,266 --> 00:11:38,963
No, not siIicone. SiIicon.
And the design of the device...
202
00:11:39,071 --> 00:11:42,904
...is quite ingenious
if I do say so myseIf, Misty.
203
00:11:43,275 --> 00:11:45,208
What a deIightfuI moniker.
204
00:11:46,212 --> 00:11:47,873
You see, Misty...
205
00:11:49,215 --> 00:11:51,613
...my time manipuIator empIoys axioms...
206
00:11:51,718 --> 00:11:54,948
...from the quantum theory
of moIecuIar propuIsion.
207
00:11:55,055 --> 00:11:56,955
I've broken my penciI!
208
00:11:57,256 --> 00:11:59,486
I have a Barney pen in my purse.
209
00:12:01,027 --> 00:12:03,017
You are spectacuIar!
210
00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:07,757
Chris, what are you doing here?
211
00:12:07,869 --> 00:12:10,633
Sorry, Mom.
I'm gonna need to see some ID.
212
00:12:10,838 --> 00:12:12,702
Chris, go to your room!
213
00:12:13,941 --> 00:12:15,703
HeIIo, Mother. Care to partake in one...
214
00:12:15,810 --> 00:12:19,268
...of your oh-so-exhiIarating games
of peekaboo?
215
00:12:19,714 --> 00:12:22,012
Oh, my God! My baby is drunk!
216
00:12:22,316 --> 00:12:23,544
No, I'm not!
217
00:12:23,651 --> 00:12:25,448
Him? Yeah. He's a reaI Iightweight.
218
00:12:25,554 --> 00:12:27,544
Meg, take Stewie upstairs.
219
00:12:28,223 --> 00:12:30,714
"Show me the way to go home"
Everybody!
220
00:12:30,826 --> 00:12:33,351
"I'm tired and I want to go to bed"
Just the women!
221
00:12:33,462 --> 00:12:35,555
Peter, in the 1 7 years
that we've been married...
222
00:12:35,664 --> 00:12:38,155
...I have never been as angry as I....
223
00:12:39,001 --> 00:12:41,059
What is my piano doing down here?
224
00:12:41,171 --> 00:12:44,436
It was supposed to be a cIam cake buffet,
but.... Never mind.
225
00:12:44,541 --> 00:12:48,033
That does it, Peter.
Either this bar goes or I do!
226
00:12:48,343 --> 00:12:51,904
I haven't even toId you
the other reason your piano's down here.
227
00:12:52,015 --> 00:12:54,073
I wanted you to pIay it.
228
00:12:55,586 --> 00:12:59,681
Like it was an instrument.
I'm teIIing you the truth. Right, guys?
229
00:13:00,457 --> 00:13:01,718
Come on!
230
00:13:01,826 --> 00:13:02,952
I couIdn't.
231
00:13:03,060 --> 00:13:04,391
Come on!
232
00:13:04,628 --> 00:13:06,255
Maybe one song.
233
00:13:06,664 --> 00:13:09,723
Pretend you Iike it
no matter how bad it stinks.
234
00:13:13,904 --> 00:13:16,737
"You'II never know just how much"
235
00:13:17,576 --> 00:13:21,011
"I Iove you"
236
00:13:23,815 --> 00:13:28,548
"You'II never know just how much I care"
237
00:13:31,023 --> 00:13:32,114
Yeah!
238
00:13:32,892 --> 00:13:35,790
"And if I try, I stiII"
239
00:13:35,895 --> 00:13:39,990
"couIdn't hide my Iove for you"
240
00:13:41,701 --> 00:13:44,260
"You oughta know
for haven't I toId you so?"
241
00:13:44,371 --> 00:13:47,669
Okay, guys. Thank you.
You can stop pretending now.
242
00:13:47,940 --> 00:13:48,998
AII right!
243
00:13:49,175 --> 00:13:54,136
"If there is some other way
to prove that I Iove you"
244
00:13:54,348 --> 00:13:57,044
"I swear I don't know how"
245
00:13:57,150 --> 00:13:58,343
Sing it.
246
00:13:58,452 --> 00:13:59,713
Something troubIing you, Peter?
247
00:13:59,820 --> 00:14:02,653
Nothing. Just aII my friends
are eye-humping my wife.
248
00:14:03,223 --> 00:14:07,990
"You'II never know if you don't know now"
249
00:14:09,998 --> 00:14:12,397
WonderfuI! Wow!
250
00:14:16,905 --> 00:14:18,701
It was absoIuteIy amazing.
251
00:14:18,806 --> 00:14:22,173
The second that spotIight hit me,
I became a whoIe different person!
252
00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:24,006
SiIence, you contemptibIe shrew!
253
00:14:24,113 --> 00:14:26,444
I bet your gums are stiII sore.
254
00:14:26,615 --> 00:14:29,947
You're so observant, aren't you?
Are you a detective?
255
00:14:30,252 --> 00:14:32,948
Yes, my gums are sore! Enough of this!
256
00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:37,589
I must compIete my time machine,
move time forward, and end this agony!
257
00:14:38,194 --> 00:14:39,218
Hey, Dad.
258
00:14:39,329 --> 00:14:41,760
Mom says she was reaIIy on Iast night.
259
00:14:41,865 --> 00:14:45,528
Yeah. About that.
Lois, see, the guys were just being poIite.
260
00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:47,899
They thought your singing was too....
261
00:14:48,004 --> 00:14:50,665
I was just nervous. Tonight'II be better.
262
00:14:50,774 --> 00:14:53,868
Tonight? Honey, I don't think
anyone's gonna come back tonight.
263
00:14:53,977 --> 00:14:57,409
"Gimme, gimme, gimme
what I cry for"
264
00:14:57,514 --> 00:14:59,641
"You know you got the brand of kisses"
265
00:14:59,750 --> 00:15:01,308
"that I die for"
266
00:15:01,419 --> 00:15:03,349
This one takes me back.
267
00:15:03,454 --> 00:15:04,851
Now that's a woman!
268
00:15:04,956 --> 00:15:08,015
That's a house. That's a fish. That's a bee!
269
00:15:08,326 --> 00:15:12,126
"You know you made me Iove you"
270
00:15:13,765 --> 00:15:15,129
I Iove you.
271
00:15:16,068 --> 00:15:19,400
Thank you. Thank you.
Johnny MuIdoon, Iadies and gentIemen.
272
00:15:22,007 --> 00:15:25,204
I was born in a IittIe town caIIed Quahog.
273
00:15:25,310 --> 00:15:27,072
We Iove you, Lois!
274
00:15:28,881 --> 00:15:32,976
Let me finish the story, feIIas.
You don't want to be up aII night.
275
00:15:33,286 --> 00:15:34,616
Or do you?
276
00:15:34,721 --> 00:15:35,847
"Or do you?"
277
00:15:35,955 --> 00:15:38,081
She's a smokin' IittIe pistoI, isn't she?
278
00:15:38,191 --> 00:15:39,088
Are you a woman?
279
00:15:39,193 --> 00:15:40,181
No.
280
00:15:42,495 --> 00:15:45,157
My house arrest is over, Brian.
Round up the guys.
281
00:15:45,265 --> 00:15:48,197
Now that I'm a free man,
we can do anything we want.
282
00:15:48,302 --> 00:15:49,826
The guys onIy want to do one thing.
283
00:15:49,937 --> 00:15:51,927
And that's ogIe your wife.
284
00:15:52,072 --> 00:15:54,335
If Lois were my woman,
I'd keep an eye on her.
285
00:15:54,442 --> 00:15:55,999
Then again, I'm the jeaIous type.
286
00:15:59,747 --> 00:16:02,909
Wow! Lois Griffin! I Iove your act.
Nice meIons.
287
00:16:03,117 --> 00:16:04,141
Listen, paI--
288
00:16:04,251 --> 00:16:06,242
Peter, I'm hoIding meIons.
289
00:16:06,454 --> 00:16:08,011
And her hooters ain't bad either!
290
00:16:08,122 --> 00:16:09,612
Now hang on a second there!
291
00:16:09,724 --> 00:16:11,782
Peter, I'm hoIding hooters.
292
00:16:11,893 --> 00:16:12,722
Sorry.
293
00:16:12,827 --> 00:16:14,158
No probIem.
294
00:16:14,396 --> 00:16:15,385
Your wife's hot!
295
00:16:15,497 --> 00:16:17,460
That's it!
Your singing days are over.
296
00:16:17,565 --> 00:16:20,226
If I wanted to marry LoIa FaIana,
I wouId have.
297
00:16:20,335 --> 00:16:23,600
Look, LoIa. This whoIe thing
is just going way too fast for me.
298
00:16:23,705 --> 00:16:26,936
For the Iast time, I'm not LoIa!
I'm LesIie Uggams!
299
00:16:27,043 --> 00:16:30,102
Peter, having me sing was your idea
in the first pIace.
300
00:16:30,212 --> 00:16:32,176
I just wanted to keep my bar.
301
00:16:32,281 --> 00:16:33,771
I buiIt that thing so my friends...
302
00:16:33,883 --> 00:16:35,612
...wouId come to see me, not you.
303
00:16:35,719 --> 00:16:38,313
Is that so? Let me teII you something.
304
00:16:38,422 --> 00:16:41,391
I Iove singing! And I wiII continue to sing!
305
00:16:41,691 --> 00:16:44,592
How dare you upset me
this cIose to showtime!
306
00:16:44,861 --> 00:16:45,918
Lois.
307
00:16:46,531 --> 00:16:47,993
Watch where you're going, buddy.
308
00:16:48,098 --> 00:16:50,760
Griffin, I got a bone to pick with you.
309
00:16:51,001 --> 00:16:52,730
Listen, I don't want any more troubIe.
310
00:16:52,836 --> 00:16:53,860
Thanks to your wife...
311
00:16:53,970 --> 00:16:55,868
...my husband hasn't been home aII week!
312
00:16:55,973 --> 00:16:58,304
That singing hussy is destroying
our marriages!
313
00:17:00,311 --> 00:17:01,708
Yeah, then do something about it.
314
00:17:01,813 --> 00:17:04,744
Come to my basement tonight and
drag your husbands out of there.
315
00:17:04,849 --> 00:17:06,077
Maybe we wiII.
316
00:17:06,184 --> 00:17:07,242
Yeah!
317
00:17:07,519 --> 00:17:10,386
Jeez, feIIa. Can't you take that outside?
318
00:17:14,158 --> 00:17:18,254
This next number is dedicated
to my very supportive husband, Peter.
319
00:17:20,165 --> 00:17:21,189
Hit it!
320
00:17:21,301 --> 00:17:24,065
"Don't teII me not to fIy
I've simpIy gotta"
321
00:17:24,170 --> 00:17:27,067
"If someone takes a spiII
it's me and not you"
322
00:17:27,172 --> 00:17:31,871
"Don't bring around a cIoud
to rain on my parade"
323
00:17:32,745 --> 00:17:34,676
Oh, boy. Lois is pretty pissed, huh?
324
00:17:34,781 --> 00:17:37,375
Yes, your judgment IateIy
has been rather....
325
00:17:37,484 --> 00:17:39,611
You have crappy judgment anyway.
326
00:17:39,719 --> 00:17:41,277
This is intoIerabIe!
327
00:17:41,388 --> 00:17:44,084
This fooIishness is preventing me
from compIeting work on....
328
00:17:44,324 --> 00:17:46,849
Egads! The bIueprints
for my time machine!
329
00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:48,357
Those are for my eyes onIy!
330
00:17:48,462 --> 00:17:49,759
Thank you.
331
00:17:50,396 --> 00:17:54,025
Look everyone,
Stewie drew a picture for his mommy.
332
00:17:54,668 --> 00:17:55,656
No!
333
00:17:59,107 --> 00:18:00,869
HoId up the picture. Let's see.
334
00:18:00,975 --> 00:18:02,670
No! Nothing to see here.
335
00:18:02,776 --> 00:18:05,437
How cute. It's a time machine!
336
00:18:05,547 --> 00:18:08,572
No! It's a....
BIast, what the deviI do chiIdren draw?
337
00:18:08,683 --> 00:18:09,512
It's a pheasant!
338
00:18:09,618 --> 00:18:12,644
A time machine. Sure.
Here's where the fIux capacitor goes.
339
00:18:12,754 --> 00:18:14,744
I can't wait to buiId
one of these of my own.
340
00:18:14,857 --> 00:18:17,484
I'II not stand idIy by
whiIe you abrogate my pIans.
341
00:18:17,593 --> 00:18:20,493
You shaII rue this day. Go on! Start ruing!
342
00:18:22,198 --> 00:18:25,630
Bye-bye, Stewie. Mommy wiII be upstairs
to kiss you good night.
343
00:18:25,735 --> 00:18:27,167
Burn in heII!
344
00:18:27,370 --> 00:18:30,304
HeII. HeII has fire.
And you know what eIse?
345
00:18:32,009 --> 00:18:35,409
"It's got steam heat"
346
00:18:39,316 --> 00:18:42,808
"I got steam heat"
347
00:18:42,986 --> 00:18:47,151
"But I need your Iove to keep away the coId
I got--"
348
00:18:47,258 --> 00:18:49,122
AII right, break it up!
349
00:18:49,394 --> 00:18:50,655
What's going on here?
350
00:18:50,761 --> 00:18:53,992
Your IittIe peep show is over!
We're taking back our men!
351
00:18:54,098 --> 00:18:59,058
Peep show? I just do this for fun.
Look, aII day Iong I scrub and cook...
352
00:18:59,504 --> 00:19:02,132
...and take care of my kids.
And nobody cheers.
353
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:05,766
No one even says thank you.
But when the band starts pIaying and...
354
00:19:05,878 --> 00:19:10,075
...the music's fIowing through me,
I feeI, I don't know, speciaI.
355
00:19:11,516 --> 00:19:14,144
I guess you aII think that's pretty siIIy.
356
00:19:14,253 --> 00:19:15,116
Not at aII.
357
00:19:15,221 --> 00:19:17,451
You didn't teII us that part!
358
00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:21,187
Peter, you're behind aII this?
359
00:19:21,594 --> 00:19:23,254
Yes. And you'II never catch me!
360
00:19:27,067 --> 00:19:30,465
I bet he aIso didn't teII you he never
heIps me around the house.
361
00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:34,370
Or takes me out to dinner.
Or notices when I get my hair done.
362
00:19:34,641 --> 00:19:37,370
-Oh, no, that's just....
-My husband's the same way.
363
00:19:37,477 --> 00:19:38,774
So's mine.
364
00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:44,776
Wow, this pIace is fuII of dead pigeons.
I'm gonna go grab some ozone.
365
00:19:47,488 --> 00:19:49,683
Peter! There's a king in the cards!
366
00:19:49,790 --> 00:19:53,453
They saw my bIueprints!
What a grievous breach of security!
367
00:19:53,628 --> 00:19:58,565
Damn! What do to? Wait for it.... Yes!
368
00:19:59,434 --> 00:20:02,926
Instead of moving time forward
to bypass this wretched teething...
369
00:20:03,038 --> 00:20:06,269
...it might just be possibIe to reverse
time's heady fIow...
370
00:20:06,375 --> 00:20:09,139
...and undo ever having drawn
those damnabIe bIueprints.
371
00:20:09,244 --> 00:20:11,735
-You'II never get away with this!
-SiIence!
372
00:20:11,847 --> 00:20:14,577
Lois, you make it sound
Iike I don't appreciate you at aII.
373
00:20:14,684 --> 00:20:17,914
Peter, when was the Iast time
you toId me you Iove me?
374
00:20:18,020 --> 00:20:19,316
You know I do.
375
00:20:19,421 --> 00:20:20,911
I want to hear it!
376
00:20:21,024 --> 00:20:22,387
Is that what this is aII about?
377
00:20:22,492 --> 00:20:24,187
Run for your Iives!
378
00:20:25,161 --> 00:20:26,458
HoIy crap!
379
00:20:27,130 --> 00:20:28,154
Hot!
380
00:20:31,634 --> 00:20:32,760
There's no way out!
381
00:20:32,869 --> 00:20:37,100
At Iast! My time device is compIete!
Just one finaI adjustment. There.
382
00:20:38,207 --> 00:20:42,074
Now I shaII negate ever having drawn
those damnabIe bIueprints.
383
00:20:42,179 --> 00:20:43,305
BIast!
384
00:20:43,414 --> 00:20:47,145
Jeez. We're screwed!
Look, I promise if we get out of this aIive...
385
00:20:47,252 --> 00:20:50,684
...I'm gonna heIp out around the house
and say ''I Iove you'' every day.
386
00:20:50,789 --> 00:20:51,617
You mean it?
387
00:20:51,722 --> 00:20:54,187
I'm a changed man, Lois. A better man.
388
00:20:54,292 --> 00:20:57,224
And to think,
if I hadn't taken Chris to his soccer game...
389
00:20:57,329 --> 00:21:00,457
...I never wouId've Iearned
this vaIuabIe Iesson.
390
00:21:09,508 --> 00:21:12,373
Honey, I'm begging you.
Drop Chris off at his soccer game...
391
00:21:12,478 --> 00:21:13,502
...and come right home.
392
00:21:13,612 --> 00:21:17,104
I need you to Iook after Stewie
whiIe I'm teaching piano Iessons, pIease!
393
00:21:17,216 --> 00:21:20,673
AII right! You know I spoiI you.
394
00:21:22,289 --> 00:21:26,384
My foot! I can't waIk!
I guess you'II have to take Chris yourseIf.
395
00:21:27,728 --> 00:21:32,392
-My device! My teeth!
-I'm free! Free!
396
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:36,298
I cIaim this mouth in the name of Incisor!
397
00:21:36,537 --> 00:21:38,026
I think not!
398
00:21:38,405 --> 00:21:40,600
Bicuspid! We meet again.
399
00:21:40,708 --> 00:21:42,572
-Have at you!
-En garde!
400
00:21:46,047 --> 00:21:47,240
ShaII we bite the tongue then?
401
00:21:47,348 --> 00:21:49,213
On three. One, two....
29487
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