Original subtitles

rackets, you know.

I sell tennis rackets. I sell them to

Because I like to enjoy life.

One thing about me, though.

I can't resist temptation.

I mean, I love girls. I love girls.

I love big girls, little girls.

girls, skinny girls.

I love them all.

And they all love me.

I mean, they fall down.

You don't believe me, do you?

You look at a guy like me, you say, he's not so hot.

But they do.

You still don't believe me, do you?

Take a round.

You see for yourself.

A picture is worth a thousand words, right?

Do you want some fruit?

I'll take a banana.

Isn't she terrific?

She's a real sports freak, you know.

Perfect for a guy.

Hey, baby.

Do that basketball trick for me.

She loves to play.

She loves games.

Unfortunately, so do I.

Come on, Wilbur, let's play.

Ooh.

You know, all this exercise is making me real hungry.

I could use a banana split.

Oh, great.

Get the clothes.

I'm hungry, but I'm not hungry for banana, you know.

Will you suck mine if I suck yours?

Oh, get that banana.

It's scrumptious.

Absolutely delicious.

the real banana.

Oh, that's nice, sweetheart.

Oh!

Hey, I'm all done in, slugger.

Call time out.

You know what I could use? I could use a beer, though.

See what I mean?

Some girls like to be abused. Some girls like to be amused.

But whatever they like, I got it.

And whatever they got, I like it.

Like the other day, for instance.

I was sitting in the park, minding my own business.

Chewing bubble gum, I don't know. Oh, I had a celery tonic. I like celery tonic.

I like being outside, you know.

And all of a sudden, I spot this governess pushing a baby carriage.

Coochie -coochie -coo.

Don't wake him.

Coochie -coochie -coo.

That's a very nice baby you have there. Thank you.

Are you the mother of this child? Oh, no, I'm just his governess.

I didn't think you looked like a mother.

Very fine -looking baby.

This is a very interesting vehicle you have here. What type model is this,

anyway? It's a Pram.

Don't they have those over in England?

Yes, they do.

Are you English?

Yes, I am.

How do you like that? You know, I love the English.

Do you? Why?

Well, I like the way they talk. You know, all kind of like very proper.

Proper? Well, we're not all as proper as we look, you know.

My name is Ray. I'm Paula.

I'm delighted to meet you, Paula.

Oh, I'm charmed.

Do you come here often?

No, I don't come often.

What a shame.

Cold.

Don't you think rather cold? Oh, it's freezing here.

You know what I could use right now? What?

A cup of tea.

Yes, a cup of tea would be lovely.

Do you know where we could get some? As a matter of fact, I know of a very nice

place right nearby here. Do you? Where's that?

My place.

Oh, how lovely.

Shall we go?

Yes, let's.

Charmed.

And that's all there was to it.

It was as easy as fishing chips.

You know, I'd always heard that the English were a very reserved bunch of

people. But this lady here is just a warm, friendly, open -hearted person.

Bird.

And that's me, too.

Just a friendly, friendly guy.

Goodness, the baby is crying.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

How do you... How do you... Hey, keep quiet. This is something to play with.

Right.

Right. Have something?

Yeah. I got something.

You know, I love kids.

But I don't think I'm cut out to be a father.

Not that I don't have all the moves down pat.

Here, kid, play with this.

Oh, hey.

Do you feed the baby with this or do you, uh... You feed him with your

I beg your pardon?

What's the matter? Hasn't anyone ever told you you have nice doodads?

Well, uh, yes.

Hasn't she got nice doodads?

Juggle your tits, madame? Oh.

Nobody ever juggle your jugs either, huh?

No. Hey, you know what?

I don't seem to have any tea.

But perhaps you could pour us a couple of drinks. Yes, yes, I'll do that.

Good. It's right that way. In the kitchen?

Right. Okay, I'll bring them right in. Right.

bedroom, Paula, right?

Right.

Like my pacifier?

Oh, suck it to me, Big Ben.

Mmm.

um um

Oh, my God.

Thank you.

Oh, hey, I got an idea.

Yeah? Get the soap.

This is my favorite Sunday brunch.

Okay, enough for you.

Can't wait for dinner.

Always be prepared.

It's my motto.

You're probably wondering where the girls are, aren't you?

Well, to tell you the truth, I've never been crazy for nylons in the wash basin

and pin curlers in the bed and all that shit.

Also, I like to sleep when I sleep. I don't go for this poking and...

That grab and that shit.

Little sweet little nothings in the ear, you know.

Man, you let a girl take over your bed.

And a couple of days later, she'll be trying to take over the whole apartment.

I'm not kidding you.

All the time. Do you love me? Do you love me?

And the thing about me is...

Would you be interested in buying some mint cookies?

Yeah, I'll tell you. Don't I get a free sample first?

Well, they didn't tell me about that.

But I guess it could be arranged.

Yeah. Well, I would like to taste your pie.

Oh, well, I only have mint cookies.

Oh.

Well, come on right in and we'll talk about it.

Oh, uh, say, how old are you, sweetheart?

Uh, I'm 16.

What's the penalty for statutory rape in this state?

I think it's 20 years.

Thank you very much.

Well, let's talk about it.

Which do you like better, cupcakes or cookies?

I like cupcakes.

So do I.

Oh, dear. Come here.

I am now going to teach you something that's not going to earn you a merit

badge.

Sit on my face.

any more Girl Scout cookies today. Aww.

I hate

these fucking cookies.

Little girls are nice, you know, but big girls are so much nicer.

It was cold out, but it was such a beautiful day for looking, so I figured

take a little time off from work, you know, when all of a sudden, out of a

blue sky, I'll show you what I mean.

That little fella's a regular matchmaker.

Here, come on.

Say, that little fella seems to like me.

She must really like you. She's not all that friendly with everyone.

Oh, really?

How about her mistress?

Well, she's not all that friendly with everyone either.

But you have a very nice face.

No, I got a little doggie of my own. Oh, do you?

And does he do tricks?

What kind of tricks?

Well, can he sit up?

If you speak to him nice.

And does he roll over?

If he likes you a lot.

Does he play dead?

Only if you're mean and nasty.

Oh, I've never been a nasty to nice animal.

Right.

My place or yours?

Oh, don't create problems.

Right.

My place.

Hey, come on in. Just come right in here.

Thank you. Oh, Charlie.

You have excellent taste. Yeah, let me just get rid of the dog there.

Oh, yes, just give her a little bowl of water and she'll stay quietly in there.

Right, will do.

That's best, because violence always makes you so nervous.

Thank you. Just drop it anywhere. It's an old one.

Will do.

So, you sell tennis equipment?

That's my racket.

Do you play?

I do, yeah.

It must be very satisfying to feel the thwack of your racket against the ball

hitting that round ball. Like that?

Yes, but not so fast.

Everything in its proper order.

Oh, thank you. You know, I used to have a lovely friend who was a ping -pong

champion.

Oh, yeah?

Yes, but I find the thought of...

Tenor is very much more stimulating.

Oh, really?

Yes, it's sort of on a grander scope, you might say.

Yeah. Oh, thank you.

Oh!

I had a visit yesterday from a door -to -door salesman of leather goods.

I love leather.

Don't you?

Yeah, I like leather. I was so hoping you'd say that.

Leather, huh?

You've been a naughty girl.

Yes, I've been a very naughty girl.

I think we're going to have to discipline you.

I thought you'd never ask.

Tell me what to do, Master.

Get on your knees.

Oh, yes, Master.

I'm your slave.

I'm your slave.

Tell me what to do.

Unzip me.

Yes.

Oh, yes.

Take it out.

Now suck it.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes,

suck it.

That's nice.

If you're a good girl, I won't hit you too hard.

Yes.

Eat my balls.

Take it again. Take it again. Take it again.

Yes.

Oh! Oh!

Oh!

Ouch! Ouch!

Ouch! Ouch!

Be good.

Sometimes you get something sweet, sometimes you get something tart.

And sometimes you eat so much, you couldn't touch another bite.

How do you like that?

I'm hungry again.

I think I'm going to go get something to eat.

Let me have a slice of pizza, please. Would you like to say in a regular?

Well, where are you from? Are you from Rome? What do they eat in Rome?

No, I'm just from the city.

Do you want it with anchovies?

Oh, say now, aren't anchovies supposed to make you virile?

I don't think so. My boyfriend eats them by the pound and it doesn't do anything

for him.

What a shame.

Oh, that's criminal. A beautiful girl like you going to waste.

It's fabulous pizza.

So, here we go again.

Before I finished eating my slice of pie, she agreed to come up to my

after work with another piece of pie, which I expected to be quite spicy.

Say, honey, you know what?

I don't even know your name. What's your name?

Sandy. Sandy.

That's a nice name.

Thank you.

You're a beautiful girl, Sandy.

You are.

You're beautiful.

Good in bed, too.

Not so bad yourself.

How do you like my place?

Oh, I think it's fabulous.

It's really, really nice.

Could you dig it?

A place like this?

I'd love it.

I've always dreamed about living in a place like this.

Could you?

Could you dig it?

You know, with a guy like me?

Are you serious?

By the way, what's your name?

Ray. My name is Ray.

Thank you.

It would really be nice for both of us.

Oh, yeah.

I forgot.

Look, maybe we'll talk about it in the morning.