Original subtitles

Ahh!

Oh, my God!

No!

Yes!

Help!

Oh, yes!

Hello, I'm Greg Davies and this is Taskmaster.

Thanks for having us in your lives.

It's episode five of series five and there are five contestants,

each waiting to battle it out for a maximum of five points

in the five tasks we've scheduled for tonight's competition.

Coincidence? Yeah, it is coincidence.

Let's meet the people with a rampant desire to take home this...

Oooh!

..overtly sensual statue trophy.

Please welcome our contestants. They are Aisling Bea!

Bob Mortimer!

Mike Watson!

Nish Kumar!

And Sally Phillips!

And, as pathetic as he is sycophantic,

desperate and irritating,

it's Alex Horne!

Hello.

Thank you for writing your own introduction! Pleasure!

What else have you been up to?

I've been very busy, actually.

'I've been mainly working... I've been working on my alibi, quite a lot.

'Just, uh... I'm fairly convinced I'm gonna be caught up in a serious crime,

so I'm just getting my story straight. OK.

You haven't done a crime?

Not yet. So I'm just, um...

No, I don't think I will, but if I do get caught up in something,

I need witnesses.

Where were you last Thursday at 3:00pm?

Well, I'll have to call Peter.

See? It works! Specifically Peter.

Fine. What's today's prize category?

'Today, it's a good one. We've asked them to bring in their most high-octane item.

It's exciting. You're going to judge whose is the most high-octane

'and at the end of the show, at the end of the white-knuckle ride of a show,

one of them will go home with all five high-octane items.

All to play for. OK, Mark Watson.

'What have you brought, and why is it so? I thought, "What would I be most scared of?"

'I took "high-octane" to be adrenalin-inducing, frightening, basically. OK.

'And the most frightening thing I could think of was stealing something

specifically from you,

Taskmaster.

So my high-octane items is a pair of your trousers.

LAUGHTER

A couple of weeks ago, you performed at the Comedy Garden in Bristol

and I had liaised with... And I lost my trousers! Yes.

Nothing to do with me!

That is amazing, because the last thing I said as I left that gig was,

"Who loses fucking trousers?"

And you've made me swear, now, you minge!

My accomplice was Ed Gamble. Ed Gamble, yeah.

'The comedian, Ed Gamble... I thought he got in his car very quickly, as well!

'He got in his car quick cos I was on the phone to him, going, "Go! Leave!"

That is an undeniably high-octane item.

I mean, my heart's beating now about it!

Sally, what is your high-octane item?

'I found a product so high-octane, it's actually illegal in this country.

Now we're talking!

High-octane feed for show pigs!

Yes, we have it here.

It makes the pig instantly enormous.

If you remember the pictures of... It's like a rip-pull!

Yes. Oomph!

Do you remember the agrarian revoluted pigs?

Those pictures from history of the agrarian revolution pigs?

'Oh, the agrarian revolutionary pigs. We were chatting about those the other day.

Nish? I brought a high-octane item.

It was a present that was given to me for my 21st birthday. OK.

So we're talking ten years ago, now.

And it's a mobile phone hands-free kit.

And what it actually really is, it's just a massive rubber band!

So...

LAUGHTER

'Now, the reason that it's high-octane, is that after a while...

that really cuts the blood flow to your brain!

'So it really depends on how long you fancy carrying the conversation on for.

And the longer the minutes go on, the closer you are to genuine death!

I don't know about you, Alex, but I always feel settled

when we find out who's last in the first round.

Aisling?

I bandied about a few suggestions with Alex

until eventually he told me what octane meant. Dangerous.

So, gardening. A big passion of mine(!)

Sorry, does that mean danger? I don't think it does mean danger.

It means risky. Risky. High risk.

Adrenalin-fuelled activity. So, gardening!

Alright. Yeah.

Oh, God!

So you can imagine the scene. You haven't cut the grass in a while.

You can't remember where you left A, your rake,

or B, that custard pie you made and left out to cool.

It's a bit combined when I walk into them. Kaboom!

We can see the rake... That's my idea. You see?

High-octane.

Bob? It's a rocket bike that I made for my son.

Congratulations. Thank you.

I did a radio phone-in

where I claimed that my son was a fast runner.

'And another parent from school phoned in and said, "Not as fast as my son!"

And he was telling the truth!

So I challenged him to speed cycling

and this is the rocket bike I made for my son.

Whoa!

And you lit it and it did propel your son?

'Well, no, he propelled it but it gave it that kind of vibe, that feeling of speed.

Sort of jazz hands. Yeah.

It was a bike like that, yeah. Yeah.

OK. This is going to surprise you, I think,

Mark I'm gonna put in last place. Yes!

Cos he stole my fucking trousers!

I did think that could happen, yeah.

Nish can come crashing in, for obvious reasons, into fourth.

Ooh. He's still happy. I'm still happy.

'Trouble is, part of me wants to get smashed in the face by a custard pie any time. You feel the same, I know.

So Aisling comes in at third.

And this is gonna surprise everyone,

but I want my high-octane...

It's just me. I want my high-octane goods pig based!

So I'm gonna put Bob in second with his rocket bike

and the lustrous pig meal in first!

Who would expect it?

Who would have expected it?

On we trudge. What's first?

Off we go.

Hello!

Hi, Sally! Hello, there, Andy.

Alex. ..Alex!

I don't like things with balloons.

You don't like things with balloons?

I don't really like balloons, no. They make me nervous.

'Why's that? They burst, and all sorts. I'm not very good at blowing them up.

But I'm going ahead. Let's see what the task is.

"Put the biggest thing inside this balloon."

Oh, Alex! Again? That's disgusting.

"The balloon must then be successfully inflated..."

"..tied, and bigger than your head."

I have ten minutes. "The biggest thing"?

'This is bad news, cos for a start, I don't know that I can manually inflate a balloon.

I, Alex, famously in my family,

cannot blow up a balloon.

My time starts now.

So Mark, Mark and Aisling both claim not to be able to blow up balloons.

Yes! No "claim" about it. It's just pure fact.

'What is that? Have you not got enough muscle structure round your lips?

I use too much of it for pouting on selfies.

'Here's Mark and Aisling, Mark being mildly phobic of balloons. Here we go.

Could I put a load of things in it, like a load of biscuits?

Mm-hmm.

I don't know where you go from there.

I'm gonna see first of all if I can fit a cherry tomato in.

'It says the balloon must be inflated. It doesn't say I have to do it.

That's the only way. I'll have to get an assistant.

But what is the biggest thing that could go in it?

Can I put a load of cherry tomatoes in?

'If you think a load of cherry tomatoes is "a thing" then that's OK.

Once they mush together, they make a sauce.

'So you're putting tomato sauce in there? Actually, I'm putting in bruschetta.

Let's just put this... For example, this will go in here.

They're nice and round. A breadstick.

Break that in.

'What if I ask one of the people here? Do you reckon you could do this?

Ooh, I hate it when balloons are blown up.

So I'd like you to blow it bigger than my head. Use my head as a...

Oh, my God!

Now, that I reckon...

Yes. That is bigger than my head. So that is an entry, now.

No, I won't tie it. Sorry, can you not tie a balloon up?

Uh, well, I wouldn't have thought so, no.

In my balloon today is a very simple bruschetta dish.

And I think you can safely say

that is bigger than my head.

RUBBER SQUEAKS

Ooh, this is making me feel very...

Have you done it? You've done it. There we go.

'Right. Thanks, everyone. I hope we'll work on a task together soon. Bye, folks!

Well, who doesn't enjoy a delicious bruschetta rammed into a balloon?

Lovely job. Then you burst it, and it's ready to eat! Yeah!

I like to open all my lunches with a loud exploding sound(!)

OK, Mark. What's wrong with you?

Come on, Watson.

'It would take probably too long to go into all answers. You're a father! Yeah, I know!

Imagine how many parties I have to go to with balloons.

I bloody hate them. Do you eat proper grown-up food?

If somebody cuts it up for me!

Normally, the sound guy cuts it up for me. Right.

I can tell you that Mark, despite the fear,

'he did manage to place a single small pebble in the uninflated balloon.

He did get it inflated. So I think it's fine.

So the score so far is one very small pebble,

'and Aisling got nine tomatoes, two breadsticks, and a little bit of bread, as well.

Or... Bruschetta! Bruschetta. A bruschetta. Excellent.

Yes. It's break time! My absolute favourite. See you again soon.

Hello. Welcome back to Taskmaster.

Alex Horne, would you please update me like a good little boy?

I'll do my best.

So it's balloon-filling. Not an easy one. Not as easy as it sounds.

We're gonna see Bob and Sally, now.

Bob Mortimer's probably got a penguin in it!

Maybe I can repair a balloon.

So I could cut the balloon. Am I allowed to have these thoughts?

Have whatever thoughts you want, mate!

'I know you can't advise me in any way. I appreciate that. You're not that type of guy!

I don't think the sofa's gonna fit.

So I'm just gonna work down from the sofa.

The pineapple's a strong contender.

The bell jar's slightly bigger than the pineapple, is it?

I've also brought a vine, which is quite a big concept.

That's not as stretchy as I was hoping.

I'm a little out of practice with this kind of thing!

This is like reverse childbirth,

getting a baby into the Femidom.

"Put the biggest thing inside it."

Could that "thing" be liquid?

There's taps here and that, isn't there?

Plenty of taps.

Slippy hands.

WATER GLUGS

What a shame the task wasn't "Make a good noise"!

15 seconds.

I'm not gonna do it!

Three, two, one.

I couldn't tie it.

Let's get the concept of a vine.

WHISTLE

Bigger than your head? Are you saying that's...

Certainly bigger than my brain!

I've never seen a de-escalation like that before!

Your initial opening was sofa.

You went sofa, bell jar, little wooden man, bunch of grapes.

Can I say, Taskmaster, I'm a little bit like fed up.

Because I don't believe Sally blew her balloon up.

I did! We never have controversy on this show! This is awesome!

What are you complaining about, Bob, cos Sally's balloon went down.

It's just that my only problem was tying the balloon.

I would say, Bob, that it says "inflate"

which is from the Latin fiatare which means to blow.

So one could say that water, if we're being pedantic...

'If we're being pedantic, you put some grapes in it and didn't blow it up!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

'I don't think, Bob, that it says anywhere that you weren't allowed to ask someone else to tie it up.

No, but all I'm saying is, I don't want any credit for it,

I just wanted to say I'm fed up!

I think he's right to be fed up. I also feel fed up.

'Having said that, the two people who can't blow or tie up balloons are now in the lead.

OK. Yes!

Up next it's...Nish!

What about this stone? The problem really here is the balloon.

If it was just a task of "find a big thing", it would be so easy!

Let's try a smaller stone.

Straight in. Just a series of stones.

I wonder if that constitutes an object?

I'd say a pile of stones. A pile of stones. There we go.

How many constitutes a pile of stones, do you reckon? 100?

Let's get another stone in, then. Come on, you stony shit!

And another stone. Now they're just slipping down.

It's like a bag of change from a medieval film.

Two minutes, Nish. Oh, God. OK.

Not quite.

WHISTLE

Thank you, Nish.

See you later.

'I don't think it would be uncharitable to say that Nish has done fabulously badly.

I really felt like this was your big chance, mate, you know?

Well, the way that these all keep getting put together, they go,

"Here's all the people who are still in the game,

"and now Nish!"

'So, lovely. Unfortunately, we've got to go by the literal rules of the game,

'so you can tell us who successfully blew up the balloon and who got the biggest thing in it.

Weirdly, the bruschetta wins it.

Thank you!

And Mark got four points for getting a very small pebble in a balloon.

Done by somebody else! That does mean, scoreboard-wise,

Aisling is now in the lead... Oh, my God! ..and Nish is last.

What's next, Alex? Well, we've got another task,

'and this one's gonna have everyone gossiping in the office about it tomorrow! Ooh!

Hmm!

Hmm, hmm, hmm.

Hi, Bob! Hello!

Right. So.

What do we have here?

"Generate a water-cooler moment involving this water cooler."

"The most remarkable water-cooler moment wins."

"You have one hour. Your time starts now."

Ha, ha, ha!

'So I've got to come up with something that's gonna get people talking.

'And a water cooler moment we're defining as something people talk about around the water cooler.

I've never actually had a water cooler moment.

I'm a water cooler virgin!

Good luck, Alex. Thank you, Bob. Thank you.

We're looking for a water cooler moment like a segment in a TV show

'that's worth discussing next day, especially in the workplace. Thanks for defining that!

We're gonna start with Bob's water cooler moment. Right. Here it is.

WHISTLES NONCHALANTLY

'Oh, look! Somebody's left their Royal Gala apple on the water cooler.

So what I'll do for you is rip this into two perfect halves

using my bare hands.

I'll just rotate it for you slowly

so you can see it's a perfectly normal untampered-with apple.

Let's do it.

Christ, it's so hard!

It's so close!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

There you go. Love it!

I mean, Jesus Christ, it's incredible, isn't it?

It's something I can do.

I've recently learned how to peel a hard-boiled egg in one piece.

No! But I didn't have that skill when we filmed this!

So you're just always evolving?

I have two skills of which I'm proud.

You're like the world super-hero of all time!

Absolutely incredible. I've actually seen it before.

I've been on the TV show. Oh, you were there, yes! Yeah.

'But I was still amazed. That's the thing I can do. That's how powerful it is!

Bob did do that before on Would I Lie To You

and that moment went viral.

So that was exactly an example of a water cooler moment. It was.

There are 500,000 hits of you doing the apple. Shit! Yep. Really?!

'Yeah. Who's next? Well, Aisling next. OK, then. Let's do it.

Row this boat. Don't want to go overboard.

Woo!

Wah!

Waaaaaaaah!

I meant to do that.

Water...

cooler...

moment.

That's me. That's... Great stuff, Aisling. Thank you.

No. Thank YOU, Alex.

I forgot that happened. You capsized on a driveway.

Yes, I did.

I mean, honestly, the literal interpretation of the task,

I was like, "Yeah, this is OK."

But when it all went wrong for you, THAT'S a water cooler moment!

I'm glad. Bob asked me why I was fishing.

I was fishing for a Moment.

By the way, I can see they're Galaxies, not actual Moments.

They were discontinued in the '90s!

They were?

I'm disappointed that happened. Yeah. Well, I'm not.

'I thought it was tremendous and I enjoyed watching you in a small plastic boat.

There was some accidental water cooler shiz, I'm gonna say.

'I'll... When are you gonna say it? You've said it, haven't you? I'll say it again.

When you're not expecting it. Shiz. I wasn't expecting that! Yeah!

'We're gonna see one more before the break. I think you'll enjoy it, Greg.

This is Sally Phillips' water cooler moment.

Ooh! Ahhh!

ORGASMIC SOUNDS

Your water cooler moment was fucking a water cooler!

Yes. I didn't have a better idea. No, you didn't!

I kept saying, "I probably shouldn't do this."

'And then there was like a ring of guys going, "No, you probably should."

I bet they were! A "ring of men" sounds... Yeah!

And then once I'd established that as a kind of theme for the show,

but now we're into episode five, it's almost dull that I did that.

Not for me! Not for me!

I don't think anyone finds it dull, Sally! It was definitely unexpected.

Gosh, yeah, and quite a climax to the whole thing.

I think we all need to calm down a bit and take a break.

We'll see you in a few sex... Seconds! Seconds!

Hello! Welcome back to Taskmaster.

Before the break, I was having a moment. Yes, a water cooler moment.

Bob broke an apple, Aisling cracked a cooler and Sally popped a cherry.

Next up...

'Next up, and let's not forget there's a chance he's done exactly the same as Sally,

it's Mark Watson.

Uh, I'll write on this. That's the general idea.

I'm gonna call it the Watson Cooler.

'I sent a Twitter message out, saying "Can anyone come within the next half hour and collect this."

'So this gentleman called Mark, he'll take it, and we'll have to see what happens after that. OK.

We'll just wait for the man.

Here he comes.

Hello, mate. Thanks very much for coming. No worries. No notice.

What I want is to create a chain of positivity

by as many people as possible writing nice messages

on the other side as well,

and passing it one person at a time. Right.

As far as possible around the country. OK!

I don't quite know how the top comes off this. There we go.

'Shame to waste all this water, but if we do it over there, the tree will grow more.

If you can jam that in your car any way you can.

Good luck, Mark. I'll stay in touch. No worries.

'We'll see what happens, but at the very least I trust him to move it on to someone else.

At the very least, you've given someone a water cooler.

Do you want to see how far the water cooler went?

Yeah, yeah. Um...

We're all expecting it to be pretty impressive.

Well, if we start on the graphic of the globe...

..we do have to zoom in slightly just to register it first.

It started off there at the Taskmaster House.

It then went to this man called Mark in south-west London.

It stayed in south-west London and then went to south London,

'then went to south-east London, and that's where it stopped.

'So it's not...

'It went 33 miles in five months. It would have been faster if it had just rolled.

Which was my Plan B, actually.

Well, there's one person left. It's Nish. It's last-place Kumar!

You know what they say, Gregory.

"Let's save the best till Nish!"

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

OK.

I must say, even in slow motion,

that's one of the shittest things I've ever seen.

Can we actually see it in... In real time? In real time.

Oh, no!

It doesn't get better for you, Nish. It doesn't get better.

'At the time... At the time, you were so pleased. You were so pleased that you did it.

Again, ambition did not quite match result.

Yes. Well, in that, your foot went no higher

than if you'd just walked past the water cooler!

There's a lot to unpick. You've got to do that with numbers.

I'm gonna do it really quickly.

There is no denying that in five months,

'moving a water cooler two miles is rubbish, so I'm sorry, Mark. Yeah. You must go there.

'The literal interpretation means that unfortunately, Aisling has to come in next. Ah, balls.

I'm gonna put Bob next. Not cos it's not brilliant,

but cos 500,000 people have already seen him rip an apple!

So he's gonna have to bring his egg game, next time!

And this is gonna amaze you.

I, you know, that was SO shit,

that I think people will be talking about it.

So Kumar, through his own shitness has come second for the first time.

Four points!

And I don't think there is any need for me to tell you

why Sally Phillips came first!

Well, came first? Did she? Who knows?

Sally Phillips is the winner.

Alex Horne, what is next?

Well, we've seen Mark with his tactics of taking his time

and really throwing himself into a task with research.

So we thought we'd make the most of that aspect of your character

by setting you your own special task,

which you didn't know... What?!

We set you, and only you, this task.

Oh, hi, Alex. Hello, Mark.

In the old lab.

A phone. An old phone.

"Send the Taskmaster an anonymous cheeky text message

"every single day for the next five months."

150. 150, yeah.

150 texts.

Does that mean nobody else was doing it? Nope.

This task has overshadowed five months of my life!

And his!

'It's interesting, isn't it, that Alex, when he set the task on my behalf,

thought to give YOU a fake phone,

but thought it was OK to give you my real number!

I'm really sorry! Every day you got a little text.

Every single day for five months!

And I'm such a needy human being,

that literally every night,

my phone went, "Beep, beep!" and I went, "Ooh, who's texting me?"

I didn't think... And it was Mark coming on to me!

'The most disappointing thing is I really did put a lot of effort into it.

'But if no-one else was doing it, presumably there's no points available!

'Look at the effort you put in here. This is your "Cheeky Texts" by Mark Watson.

There's one every page.

The first one's not bad. They're cheeky, remember.

"Hey, sexy, just getting in touch.

"This is the first of 150 messages. You're in for a treat!"

That is quite cheeky.

But look how... I'm not very far into the book now of your 150 texts,

and yet page 12, "I have a big dick."

That's cheeky. Very cheeky.

Is that cheeky?

I think it's the sort of edgier side of cheeky, yeah.

There are different sorts of cheeky, as well.

You said, "Can you lend me 50 quid?"

I thought cheeky might just mean impertinent.

Are you going to give him a point? You asked him to do 150. He did 148.

Oh. Then I can give him no points.

Oh, no! What a shame(!)

What a terrible waste of time.

That is awful!

But honestly, I have got five months of irritation bubbling up here,

and the fact that I'm not gonna give you a single point for that.

So you can kiss my arse all over.

'I'm devastated that it was just me and I'm absolutely shattered to get no points out of something

which genuinely, if I look back on this calendar year,

is one of the major things I've done with it!

Can we have something less irritating for me and for Mark?

OK. Here we go. This is the next task. Let's move on.

This is like a Bergman film!

Would you like to stand in my ring?

Would you mind standing in my noose? Not at all.

OK. That's perfect. Mm-hm.

How do you feel? Fine.

I used to tether my donkey like this. I know.

To keep it out the kitchen!

That's nicely on, isn't it? Thank you, Mark.

No problem. The task is in the trolley.

"Make the tallest tower of cans on this table.

"Highest tower wins."

"Also, whilst building your tower,

"you must shake Alex's hand..."

'"..and say you're from a different country..." "..once every ten seconds."

"Alex will blow his whistle every ten seconds..."

"Your time ends when you fail to shake Alex's hand..."

'"..and say you're from a different country before Alex blows his whistle."

I'm gonna blow the whistle, so before it blows again,

you've got to come and shake my hand.

"Your time starts when Alex blows his whistle."

Wait... Whoa! Stop!

That's fallen over. Oh, yeah.

'Whilst building a stack of cans, they had to shake my hand and say they were from a different country

'every ten seconds. They couldn't just say that, they had to say the name of a country each time.

Do you want to start with Aisling? Oh, God, yes.

Ready? Yes. Every ten seconds I'm gonna blow it. OK. Good luck.

WHISTLE

WHISTLE

What? No!

No, no, no, no, no, no!

No-o-o-o!

No!

No!

How was I supposed to know!

I got the... We kept going for so long!

I know, I know, I know.

I've come fucking last!

All those tins of beans! "Hello, I'm from Portugal.

"Hello, I'm from Guadalajara. Hello, I'm from the Ukraine."

'It wasn't till we watched it back that we realised you missed the very first one.

How many countries did I say? I was so proud of myself! 61.

61 countries!

Yeah. You got it up to ten high at one point.

'Yeah. I thought you'd done very well. But we looked at the footage and you didn't... Soone,

one can is what you scored.

AUDIENCE: Aw!

That's good. One's better than getting no points at all, isn't it?

Unlucky, Aisling. You know, good try.

Here's Bob's go. OK.

Was there anything on there that said I had to keep this?

All the information's on the task, Bob.

Seemingly not.

WHISTLE

Just do that a bit sexy for you.

Hello, Alex, I'm from Canada.

WHISTLE

Hello, Alex, I'm from Greenland. Hello.

WHISTLE

Hello, Alex, I'm from Russia. Ooh, that was close, Bob. That was close.

I knew I had a bit of leeway cos it was Russia!

WHISTLE No, I'm alright.

I don't think you are, Bob.

There you are, then.

One, two, three, four, five, six. Yes. There they are.

Thanks, Bob. Thank you.

That was a tricky... It looks easy, but that was a tricky task.

Yeah. I found it tricky. You found it very tricky! I think I did!

It was tricky. You unshackled yourself and that was fine.

It never said you can't take the rope off. What?!!

I don't know that that helped. Imagine reading the rules

in a very pedantic way and using it to your own advantage(!)

You only said three countries.

We showed what you said, Canada, Russia and Greenland.

'But you got the cans six high. Very high. I'm alright with that for sho'.

Do you want to see Mark and Nish? Ah, Losers' Corner!

Can I just think about this for a second? Not really.

WHISTLE

Hi. I come from Chad.

Hi. I'm from Albania. Hello.

I'm from Botswana. ..Chile.

Democratic Republic of Congo.

Finland. OK. Couldn't think of one beginning with E?

Slovakia. India.

I'm from Croatia.

Djibouti. ..Hungary.

I'm from Liberia.

Kenya... Georgia... Lithuania is where I'm from.

Japan. Really? Yeah!

Piss and shit!

WHISTLE

Hello. I'm from Finland.

Oh, I'm gonna kill you!

Uruguay.

Ohh!

I'm from South Korea.

North Korea... Zimbabwe.

I'm afraid that's two whistles in a row, mate.

Aghh! Five high.

WHISTLE

Six. That'll have to do then, yeah.

Yeah. Does it count that I also made some subsidiary towers?

Do you want it to count? I've made sort of a complex.

It's not very complex!

Beat that, my brother! Goodbye!

'Do you feel your knowledge of countries was let down by your physical dexterity, Mark?

A lot of things are let down by my physical dexterity, yeah.

I think that was the vibe with me, as well.

Cos I actually hit on a revolutionary system.

'I did the whole alphabet but with a different country for... That's really clever.

'You got 25 countries. Yeah. And five cans. One less than Bob, who said three countries!

But Mark said an impressive 92 countries. Wow!

And how many cans?

Six cans, exactly the same as Bob.

Was it, um... Was it really 92 countries? Yeah.

Half the countries of the world, pretty much.

OK. Sally's attempt is still to come.

Did she have it off with a trolleyful of cans?

Find out after the break.

Hello! You join us for part four of Taskmaster. Alex?

'Greg. So our contestants are trying to stack cans whilst naming countries.

A quick reminder. It had to be a different country every time

and it did have to be a country, not just a place.

Next up, Sally Phillips, who graduated from Oxford University

with a first class degree in Modern Languages!

Ooh! Here is Sally's attempt.

Your time starts...

WHISTLE

Oh, you...

..buggers.

I'm from Italy.

Australia.

From Italy. BUZZER

From Alaska BUZZER

Nabi Dabi. Abu Dhabi? Abi Dabi.

Dubai.

Beirut.

From, er, Kuala Lumpur.

Portugal. ..Portugal.

Poland... Denmark... Georgia...

Poland... Denmark... Georgia.

Doha.

Please God let that be a country.

Um... A...

WHISTLE

That's amazing. It's a high-rise building.

So I said all those things twice?

You did, but you were on such a roll, we let you... Really?

Wow!

I liked that you did the accents of the first three countries.

But the third was Italy. You'd done Italy!

Oh, man. Well, let's talk about some points.

Sally, you got to a total of eight cans,

'but by your first mistake, you were two cans high, so you came second last.

So it's one point to Aisling, two to Sally,

three to Nish, and joint first with five points each, Bob and Mark.

Well done. Can we have a look at the scoreboard, Alex?

The good news is it's very close.

Obviously, Nish is last. But above that,

above them, just two points separating them, we can see there.

Ooh!

OK.

Can everyone please stand up? ..And then sit down again.

'Because tonight, just for a change, please don't make your way to the stage

for the final task of this show.

Whoa, it's ghosts!

People.

Five people. What could it possibly mean?

Alex, would you please give Nish the task to open.

OK. For you, Nish.

Good luck.

Nice and clear, please, Nish.

Why are they all white people?

"Find the Finn.

"You may each ask one question to one person.

"Your question must not pertain to the nationality of the people.

"You must then write which number you think is a Finn.

"The most accurate Finn finder wins."

Well read. Really good reading. Thank you. Thanks a lot.

Is this some kind of Brexit thing? Are we now rooting out Europeans?

We're gonna go left to right, so Aisling, you get to go first.

Who would you like to ask your question to?

Number four, could you please repeat to me, "Mary Had a Little Lamb."

The whole thing.

'SCANDINAVIAN ACCENT: Mary had a little lamb. No, no, no. Not that. The whole song.

That's all I know!

NISH: Because he's from Finland!

Four is from Finland.

OK.

So that's a point for everybody.

Bob, who do you want to ask a question to?

I'd like to ask my question of number two, please. That's fine.

Hi, there. Have you ever seen or eaten a wind-dried puffin?

LAUGHTER

LONDON ACCENT: No.

Sorry, I couldn't hear. No.

LOW WHISTLE

OK. Mark, your turn.

Number four, can you name five cities in Finland?

Helsinki.

Tampere.

Hameenlinna. What was that last one?

Hamalino? Listen, will you! Haminina.

Rovaniemi.

Jamsa. OK. I thought Jamsa was more of a small village, but OK.

So, Nish, it's your turn.

Number three. In four words or more,

how do you feel about the nation of Sweden?

FAINT SCANDINAVIAN ACCENT: It's a lovely country.

Very interesting, number three. Thank you for your time.

So, the final question to Sally. I'm going to ask number five

could you say for me, in Finnish,

"Would you like a threesome - you, me and a water cooler?"

Clever!

As they say in Finland, "Let's party!"

So we haven't heard from number one,

'but you need to write on your card the numbers that you think are from Finland.

And in a second, the Finns will cross the "Finnish" line!

APPLAUSE

Oh, man.

OK, Sally, which numbers do you think are Finns?

One, three and five. One, three and five.

God, that was confident. Nish?

I've got four, five and three.

We've got two threes, two fives, a one and a four.

Mark?

Four and five, but who knows what the fucking truth is?

I know. Bob? One, five, three.

The same as Sally. Aisling?

I've done three, four and five.

Oh. OK. So four of you think three of them are Finns.

One of you thinks two of them are Finns.

That is statistics that I enjoy, but no-one else will!

May the Finns cross the "Finnish" line!

We do have a Swede, a German and a Swede,

and then we have Anti and Anina.

Give them a round of applause, please.

OK. Alex, I would love to hear the final scores. Absolutely love to.

OK. Just to say that in that task,

Bob and Sally came joint fourth, so get two points each.

Aisling and Nish, they were lampimampi

which is genuinely Finnish for warm,

so they get four points each. Mark gets five points. OK.

Which means that the final scores look like this.

What?! Oh, my God!

That does seem fair, at both ends of the scale!

Congratulations to Mark.

Please will you head the heck up there

and collect your well-deserved high-octane belongings.

What are you doing? I'm sending you a cheeky little text!

'Here's a thought. Instead of getting a drink from your water cooler when you go to work on Monday.

Why not kick it and then bang it?

Let's hear it one more time for tonight's winner, Mr Mark Watson!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thank you very much for believing in me. Good night!

Subtitles by Ericsson