All language subtitles for Krapopolis.S03E11.720p.HEVC.x265-MeGusta[EZTVx.to]

[Laughing]

SHLUB: So you're telling me
the first time you made love,

it was to a ghost?

TYRANNIS:
I said it may have been a ghost.

She was very squishy
and vanished into thin air.

SHLUB:
You think ghosts are squishy?

Oh, we tease you,
but you are funny.

TYRANNIS: I'm going to grab
a couple more warm ones.

MAN: Hey, Ty. Oh, wow.

Do you always
wear sandals on your boat?

TYRANNIS: What?
No, I'm just grabbing some beers

and forgot to take them off.
I'm not a monster.

[Laughing]

SHLUB: I cannot believe
what I've just heard.

TYRANNIS:
About the sandals?

I know way more boat etiquette
than you'd think.

And people are weirdly serious
about it, too.

SHLUB: No, you said,
"I'm not a monster."

TYRANNIS: Oh, well,
that's just an expression.

SHLUB: Few things upset me, son,

but talking about monsters
like they're a bad thing,

or like they have anything
to do with shoes.

TYRANNIS:
I don't think monsters are bad.

SHLUB: I seem to remember
that you tried to ban monsters.

TYRANNIS: Ban monsters? Me?

I know what happened.
You're misremembering.

You know you have
an unreliable memory
from all the drinking.

SHLUB: I do?

TYRANNIS: Yes, you yourself have
told me that a million times.

You probably
don't remember that either.

SHLUB: I don't remember.
TYRANNIS: There you go.

And that's why, ironically,
you've gotten it backwards.

I love and respect
monsters so much

that when I was king,

I was planning
an enormous Monster Week.
SHLUB: You were?

TYRANNIS:
Talked about it constantly.

SHLUB:
My God, I've judged you wrong.

Well, what's stopping us
from finishing what you started?

You hear that, world?

We're having a Monster Week.

FISH MUTANT:
Are sea monsters invited too?

TYRANNIS: You bet they are.
FISH: Ay-yay-yay.

TYRANNIS:
Maybe we should get out of here.

SHLUB: No, I want to see
if it happens again.

FOURTH FISH MUTANT: Ay-yay-yay.

STUPENDOUS: Monster Week?
Is that what it sounds like?

TYRANNIS: Yes, a week-long
celebration of monsters

where everyone will have a blast

and never again
use the word monster

to mean anything
even remotely negative

or having to do with shoes
for whatever reason.

Not quite clear on that,
but I do now know
it's important.

HIPPOCAMPUS: And this is a plan
you're okay with

and not terrified by?

Packing our streets
with literal monsters?

SHLUB: It was his idea.

Planning it for years, in fact.

Now, what fun things
did you have in mind?

TYRANNIS: Rules?
Not because it's monsters.

Because it's a week.

There's always rules
during weeks.

VISCERA:
You're throwing a Monster Week?

Man,
I wish I was able to help out.

Bloodmouth's taking me
to some hot springs.

BLOODMOUTH: To turn her
into soup and eat her.

[Laughs] Just kidding.

Although I'm sure
you'd be delicious, babe.

VISCERA: Aw, thank you, babe.

BLOODMOUTH: We're cannibals.
TYRANNIS: Yes.

BLOODMOUTH: Nah, the hot springs

are just a nice place
to go with someone you love

and have sex with her
for a long time.

Probably
several extended sessions.

Ready, babe?
VISCERA: You bet, babe.

SHLUB: Don't worry.
Once the monsters arrive,

you'll be having too much fun

to be sad she picked
that gorgeous cannibal over you

for sex in a location

that you can easily picture
in your mind.

We're going to have
the best Monster Week ever.

STUPENDOUS:
You know Monster Week

is a bad idea, right?

TYRANNIS: It's a terrible idea.

We can't have
a bunch of monsters

descending upon our city,

which is why
we're going to have to fake it.

Hippo, can you make
monster costumes so realistic
they'll fool Dad?

If he's as drunk
as I'm sure he'll be,

I'm insulted by the question.

DELIRIA: Let me guess.
You want me to clear out.

SHLUB:
Gods make monsters uneasy.

DELIRIA: Yes, I'll stay away.

Because you asked so nicely,
and I love you.

Not because I have any respect

for the principles
being applied.

SHLUB:
Goes quite without saying.

While I've got you
in such an obliging mood,

might you also keep Hermes away?

DELIRIA: Hermes specifically?

My frenemy
whose eyeball I gouged out?

SHLUB: Who cages monsters

and forces them
to fight to the death, yes.

DELIRIA: You know what?
He'll be in Hades

doing that pathetic
side gig of his

bringing in dead souls
or whatever.

I'll go and distract him
with something.

Keep him occupied.

SHLUB: Darling, you really are
the best in the world.

DELIRIA: Yes, well,
I'd be the first to admit that.

Underworld exit!

[Caws]

TYRANNIS: Monster Week
is off to a great start.

I see no problems with it
at all.

Would you agree, Dad?

SHLUB: I'm seeing some monsters
I've never seen before.

I'm going to have to get
to know them personally. Bodily.

TYRANNIS:
Oh, you should absolutely.

But first,
why not get much drunker,

to the point
where everything is blurry,

perhaps wiped out altogether?

How does that sound?

All monsters drink for free
during Monster Week

because nobody's sober
during Monster Week.

All weeks have rules,

and Monster Week's rules
say, "Drink up."

Can't argue with any of that.

MONSTER: Roar!

SHLUB: Roar indeed.

Son, you've really
outdone yourself,

and knowing you would,

I've invited that
investigative reporter you like.

TYRANNIS: Tina!
TINA: So, tell me,

how did the guy
who banned monsters

end up throwing a Monster Week?

SHLUB: I can answer this one.

It would seem
that you and I both have

the same alcohol-induced
false memory.

TINA: Interesting.

I smell
a flimsy false memory cover-up

just waiting
to be blown wide open.

Only story bigger
than that would be

if these weren't real monsters.

TYRANNIS:
What would that even mean?

People in monster costumes
or something?

What a ridiculous,
funny thing you're saying.
I mean, it's amusing.

TINA: I'll tell you
what I've noticed already.

None of these monsters
are destroying anything.

TYRANNIS: The night is young.

TINA:
I haven't gotten scratched once.

TYRANNIS: Chivalry is not dead.

TINA: The fire-breathing
orcs haven't breathed any fire.
TYRANNIS: New diet.

TINA: And everyone is just
walking around saying, "Roar"?

TYRANNIS:
Monsters do say "Roar."

TINA:
They don't just say, "Roar."

Plus, you're acting weird,
but that's hardly a story.

[Laughter]

TYRANNIS:
Yes, very well observed.

I'll be right back.

TYRANNIS: Guys,
we have a problem. Tina's here.

STUPENDOUS:
Oh, that is a problem.

You two have a crazy history
of romantic near-misses.

TYRANNIS: That's not the kind
of Tina problem

I'm dealing with for once.

In addition to being
beautiful and fascinating,

she unfortunately happens
to be a very good reporter.

What's Dad going to think
when she breaks the vase

that there's no real monsters
at Monster Week?

HIPPOCAMPUS:
She'll never find out.
My costumes are incredible.

MAN: I should be the head.

WOMAN:
Why should you be the head

when you have
such incredible butt energy?

HIPPOCAMPUS:
So, what did you have in mind?

TYRANNIS: We might need
some actual monsters here.

If we could get just one,
a harmless one.

STUPENDOUS: We got that
last surviving Tickle Troll.

TYRANNIS: Are you serious?
That's perfect.

Wait, Tickle Trolls are real?

TICKLE TROLL:
We are, if you believe in us.

HIPPOCAMPUS: Of course
Tickle Trolls aren't real.

TYRANNIS: Oh, phew.

That's what I thought.
TICKLE TROLL: Oh, come on!

TYRANNIS: Come on, let's think.
Do we know

any relatively gentle
dotard monsters

who exist?

STUPENDOUS: Gargie the Giant,
who can't feel pain,

gave me that special
Gargie whistle you blow

if you want to summon Gargie.

TYRANNIS:
Perfect, yes, summon Gargie.

He's very gentle

when he isn't swinging
that enormous club.

Ah, still might not be enough.

Maybe he knows
some other gentle monsters,

or not even necessarily gentle,
just willing to be gentle,

or just less monstrous
as a favor to a friend.

STUPENDOUS: You could try
to get some real monsters

so Dad won't find out

there's fake monsters
at the monster party

you threw to prove
you're not scared of monsters,

which you are.

Or you could come clean with Dad
and be done with it,

which, forgetting
any other considerations

like wrong or right
or blah, blah, blah,

it actually just seems
a lot simpler.

TYRANNIS:
Just get the damn whistle.

Hey, Tina, where'd my dad go?

TINA: He said there was a sphinx
he wanted to destroy,

but the way he said it
clearly implied

he intended to mate with it.

I would really like to interview
some of these monsters

and dig into why they decided
to show up

to a Monster Week
hosted by a monster hater,

but they all seem to be
running away from me.

That's curious, isn't it?

TYRANNIS: [Babbles]

Alleged monster hater.
Nothing has been proven.

And it's not curious, no.

Monsters are notoriously shy,

except for... Gargie!

The friendly giant
who doesn't feel pain!

Get over here.
A reporter wants to talk to you.

Now, this is a real monster.

TINA: Tell me more
about your use of the word real.

TYRANNIS:
I just meant a real one.

You know, he's the real deal.

Anyway, it's Gargie.
He's a star.

Everyone loves Gargie.
Big fan favorite.

Like I said,
he doesn't feel pain.

Go ahead, stab him.
Stomp on his foot.

You're going to love him.
You know what?

Maybe you could find
something sharp

to poke him with.
Something good.

Give it some thought.
TINA: Okay.

TYRANNIS: Gargie, spill,
where can I find
some monsters real quick?

Monsters who are willing
to be cool, preferably.

GARGIE: Seem to Gargie
lots of monsters here.

Gargie's friends at Monster Bar

say no monsters welcome
in Krapopolis.

But Gargie remember Krapopolis.

Maybe Gargie is big,
softy Gargie.

Softest Gargie around.

Or maybe
it's just impossible for Gargie

to resist Gargie whistle!
But Gargie think...

TYRANNIS:
Gargie, Gargie, Gargie.

Monster Bar.
Where's that exactly?

TINA: Wow, spooky.

HERMES: Here you go, Care Bear.

Delivering another dead one
for you to process.

HADES:
Don't call Charon Care Bear.

Only I call him that.

And are you sure
this guy's really dead?

HERMES: This again?

HADES: Because look, I got
a lot of live ones sneaking in

and a lot of dead ones
sneaking out.

HERMES:
And you think that's my fault?

HADES: You're the delivery guy.
I'm just saying,

do you double check
the doors on your way out

to see
if they close all the way?

I'm sure it would be
too much to ask

that you give the handle
a little jiggle

to make sure it's locked.

HERMES: Oh, I can go faster
than the eye can see.

I can jiggle the handle
multiple times,

going back and forth,
checking to see if it's locked,

and then checking again,
because was it really locked?

Not that I would do that.

HADES:
So you didn't jiggle the handle.

DELIRIA: [Caws] Hello, boys.

Long time no see.

HADES: What is she doing here?

What are you up to?
Is it antics?

HERMES: Don't look at me. I have
nothing to do with her antics.

DELIRIA: Well, you'll soon want
to do something with my antics.

I brought
something very special.

Brrrr!

It's a pineapple!

I figure we can section it
and eat it together.

That should take a long time.

Probably a week, right?

HADES: While your pineapple
does look fascinating,

we are in the middle
of something here.

HERMES: No, I think we're done.

He keeps blaming me

for people coming in and out
illegally.

HADES: Because he's careless.

HERMES: Ugh, I'm so bored
with this conversation.

Anything fun
going on in Krapopolis?

I feel like
it's gotten a little better

over the last year or so.

DELIRIA: No, it's got worse.

In fact,
Krapopolis is cancelled.

But look what else I brought.

DOG: [Pants and barks]

BOTH: Aww...

HERMES: [Laughs]

HADES: Aww, look at you.
DELIRIA: [Sighs]

TYRANNIS:
This must be the place.

BOTH: [Hissing]

TYRANNIS: Oh boy,
these don't look gentle.

[Indistinct]

TYRANNIS: No. No, no, no.
You got this.

[Growling]

TYRANNIS: You're half-monster.
You can do this. Be strong.

THREE-EYED MONSTER: No, stop it!

TYRANNIS: Roar!

GRIFFIN:
Was that supposed to be a roar?

TYRANNIS: I'm sorry,
my pronunciation is...

Anyway, I'm here to ask you

to please come
to Monster Week in Krapopolis,

preferably in a spirit
of non-destructive camaraderie.

MONSTERS:
[Talking at the same time]
Seriously?

THREE-EYED MONSTER: That's rich.
You banned us.

Yeah, we know who you are.

TYRANNIS: Okay, yes,

I may have at one point
banned monsters,

but if you know who I am,

you must know I'm half-monster.

MONSTERS: [Annoyed murmurs]

TYRANNIS: Is that offensive?
I didn't... I actually...

I'm here for my father,
who's a full monster.

MONSTERS: [Judgmental murmurs]

TYRANNIS: He's king now,
if that makes any difference.

THREE-EYED MONSTER:
I'll believe that when I see it.

All we know is you want
to corral us all into one place.

What's that going
to be for, you think?

BASILISK: Some heroes' feats.

TYRANNIS: There are no heroes
at Monster Week.

GRIFFIN: Oh, yeah?
And why should we believe you?

TYRANNIS:
Why should you believe me?

It's all been lies
to from the start.

And all because I hurt
my dad's feelings.

And I couldn't handle it.

I didn't even know
it was possible.

But it is, and I did it

because I am scared of monsters.

And that means
I'm scared of myself.

So please, come to Krapopolis

as our honored guests,
exactly the way you are.

There's free beer.

BASILISK: Why the hell
didn't you lead with that?

MONSTERS: [Cheering]

MONSTERS: [Cheering]

SHLUB: That's odd... Oh well!

STUPENDOUS: I don't know if
Dad's getting sober or smarter,

but he is definitely
going to find out.

HIPPOCAMPUS: Yeah, and Tina's
going to lose interest in Gargie

pretty soon. Everyone does.

His only thing
is not feeling pain.

I mean, get a hobby.

STUPENDOUS: Where the hell is Ty
with those real monsters?

HIPPOCAMPUS:
We need a huge distraction.

Something that will change
the subject for everyone.

SHLUB: You know what would
really get this party going?

Typhon.

HIPPOCAMPUS:
God of all monsters.

SHLUB: Don't discredit him.

He's the monster
of all monsters.

STUPENDOUS:
Doesn't he destroy cities?

SHLUB: With fun,

and devastating
unprecedented weather events.

But it's the fun
that really stands out.

HIPPOCAMPUS: That's it.
STUPENDOUS: Typhon?

What are we going to do?
Just be like,

"Hey, Typhon,
want to come destroy our city

so Dad won't think
Ty's a monster hater?"

Why not just get Zeus
to come and kill us all?

HIPPOCAMPUS: No. We fake Typhon.

Why'd you put your hand
to your head like that?

STUPENDOUS: I don't know.

HADES: Who's got a tummy?

Who's got a cutesy wutesy
tubby little tum-tum?

LONG-DEAD WOMAN:
Woo! I'm going
to rearrange the spices

in my bitch sister's kitchen.

HADES: That. That right there.

See? She's getting out.

And how does she know
how to get out?

Did she see you come in?

HERMES: Dead getting out
isn't even in my purview.

Is it, you flopsy-wopsy
little cuddle bug?

HERMES: I should go. I'm tired
of getting blamed
for Hades' problems.

Even if it's hard
to tear myself away

from this sweet little pea.

DELIRIA: Wait!
Why don't we... train the puppy

to guard the river?
That might take some time.

HERMES: Why would we do that?

HADES: And why do you say
"take some time"
like it's a selling point?

Oh, selling point,
schmelling schploindt.

HADES: Mm-hmm.

HERMES: Well,
I don't see this little guy

stopping anyone
who really wants to escape.

DELIRIA: Good point.
We're going to have
to workshop a lot of ideas

to get it right.
Gotta start somewhere.

DOG: [Barks]

HADES: I don't think
that's a guard dog.

HERMES: Let's test it. I've been
working on my mortal voice.

I am a normal living human man

who wishes to see
his dead mother

for some reason.
Try to stop me, doggie.

Come on, chase me.

I'm getting away.

HADES:
Yeah, that dog won't hunt.

DELIRIA: Damn it,
I thought I'd nailed it.

Looks like we've got
our work cut out for us.

Call your wives.
It's going to be a long one.

DOG: [Barks]

OK, Big isn't enough.
We've got to go scarier,

and I have an idea,
I have an idea.

HERMES: You're really excited
about having an idea.

Seriously,
a two-headed dog scares you?

DELIRIA: I'm not finished yet.

HADES: Wow. You know,
after the second head
got that response,

I really wouldn't have gone
for a third,

but you took
the risk of embarrassment,
and it was worth it.

Look at this scary sweetie pie!

HERMES:
Wait, now I have an idea.

It might be a little clichéd,

but what about... snakes?

HADES: Oh, snakes on the head?
Or snakes for tails?

DELIRIA: Or snakes
coming out of its back!

DOG: [Barks]

HADES: That's awesome.

I think I'm going to name him
Chompy, or Cerberus.

You know what? Okay. His
official name can be Cerberus,

but his unofficial name
will be Chompy. Done.

HERMES: Hey, Deliria, remember
when you came up with the idea

of making male mortals go bald?

This is almost
as fun as that was.

DELIRIA: It was just my idea
for them to go bald,

but it was your idea

for it to happen
in different ways

so some of those guys
don't even realize

it's happening for years.

ALL: [Laughing]

DELIRIA: See? It's fun.

We're having fun.
Sustainable fun.

Let's try... sharper teeth.

HERMES: He's perfect. Walk away.

DELIRIA: No, no, no.
We're just getting started.

What about nails?

HADES: Great.
Don't overdo it, though.

DELIRIA: Let me cook.
How about weirder eyes?

Killer instincts.
Dramatic pause.

HADES:
You're upsetting him, Deliria.

DELIRIA: No, he's having fun
right along with us.

DOG: [Barks]

HERMES: Chompy!
HADES: And you overdid it.

Great. Hermes,
where do you think he went?

HERMES: Well, this monster
we've whipped up

has 3 very sensitive noses.

I'd say he's going to go
to the worst-smelling place
he can find.

DELIRIA: Oh, no. Krapopolis.

SHLUB: Ty, look at you,
surrounded by glorious beasts.

TYRANNIS: Sorry I'm late.
I thought the parade
stopped at the Monster Bar.

SHLUB:
You went to the Monster Bar?

You deserve a drink.

Oh, and don't look now,

but there's a gorgon
in the house.

Drink up,
you misunderstood bastards.

Join the party.

MONSTERS: [Cheering]

TYRANNIS: Tina, how's it going?

Learn anything newsworthy?

TINA: I didn't expect to spend
my Monster Week this way,

but Gargie has
a really tragic backstory.

TYRANNIS:
Have you really been talking
to Gargie this whole time?

GARGIE: Gargie didn't know
how much he had to say.

Gargie tapped into things

he never knew
he could talk about.

TINA: It's not the story I was
looking for, but it'll work.

My readers do love a sob fest.

SHLUB:
Is that who I think it is?

Did you get Typhon,
you crazy boy?

TINA:
Wait, did you really get Typhon?

TYRANNIS: I... guess?

MONSTERS: [Cheering]

SHLUB: Oh, yes, here we go.

TINA: Forget Gargie,
this is a story.

GARGIE: For the first time,
Gargie feel pain.

GRIFFIN:
It's Typhon! Run for your lives

TYRANNIS: Hippo, Stupe.

Oh, thank God,
it's just you guys.

Really good job
with the weather.

I thought
it was actually Typhon.

HIPPOCAMPUS: Well, you're not
dealing with an amateur here.

I like to... Wait,
you thought what was Typhon?

I haven't started the machine.

TYPHON: Typhon!

ALL: [Screaming]

TYPHON: It's me, I made it.

Let's get this party started.

THREE-EYED MONSTER:
I'm going to get killed
by Typhon!

How cool is that?

SHLUB: Adult children,
get under my wings.

[Moans]

TYRANNIS: Dad!

SHLUB: I couldn't ask
for a better way to die.

Thank you, son.

TYRANNIS:
You're not going to die, dad.
None of us are.

I'm responsible for this.
I'll be the one to fix it.

GRIFFIN:
What the hell is he doing?

THREE-EYED MONSTER:
Is he going to talk to Typhon?

You don't even look at him!

BASILISK: Just avert your eyes,

or run like hell and die happy!

TYRANNIS: Typhon!
TYPHON: Who approaches?

TYRANNIS: I'm Tyrannus,
and it is great to see you.

TYPHON: You're not scared of me?

TYRANNIS: No, I'm terrified.

But that's my problem.

And what kind of a host
would I be

if I didn't thank you
for coming to my Monster Week?

TYPHON: Do you mean it?
I wasn't sure I was welcome.

I'm not usually welcome places,

since, you know,
I usually destroy them.

TYRANNIS: Are you kidding?
I mean, yes, I have heard that,

but the monster of all monsters?

I don't just welcome you
to Monster Week.

I thank you for coming.

Would you want
to have a beer with me?

You know, monster to monster.

TYPHON: I'd love that.

TYRANNIS: Oh. Great.

SHLUB: That's my boy.

MONSTERS: Oh.

SHLUB: So, you tried to fake
Monster Week, but why?

TYRANNIS: The thing is, I did
ban monsters when I was king.

You weren't misremembering.
I should have just been
honest with you.

STUPENDOUS: If only somebody
had told you to come clean.

SHLUB: That would have saved him
a lot of trouble.

But then again,
if he had come clean,

I wouldn't have had
the best Monster Week ever.

TYRANNIS:
You mean you're not mad?

I've got to tell you,

I really did learn
that my perception of monsters
was all wrong,

or largely wrong, somewhat,

in at least
certain circumstances.

SHLUB:
What's the number one rule
of Monster Week?

TYRANNIS:
That everyone is forgiven
during Monster Week?

SHLUB: No, it's no lessons
during Monster Week.

And to be honest,
I did know Scott and Kolax
were in that Sphinx costume.

I've only pretended
to make love to them.

SCOTT:
Wait, which part of it was fake?

KOLAX: It was all real to me!

TYRANNIS: Hey, Tina, so how much
of the real story did you get?

TINA: If there's anything
I didn't get,

I don't even need it.
I got plenty.

TYRANNIS: Great.
TINA: Promise me
I'll never lose you as a source.

These weeks always deliver.

Although, I don't know
why you call them weeks.

I can't remember any of them
being longer than a day.

TYRANNIS: Well, no one can
really say how long a week is.

TINA: Can't they? Oh, my God.

CERBERUS: [Barks]

TYRANNIS: [Screams]

DELIRIA: Chumpy, here!

SHLUB:
Ooh, who have we got here?

DELIRIA: Shlub, I'm sorry.

I tried to keep away
as long as possible.

SHLUB: Not a problem
in the slightest, darling.

I haven't seen
a monster this good

since you made our children.

TYRANNIS: [Screams]

SHLUB: Good boy, Chumpy.
TYRANNIS: [Screams]

BLOODMOUTH:
Look, babe, I'm telling you,

I've boiled humans before.

This water
isn't hot enough to boil you.

It's going to feel great.

VISCERA: It's not about that.

I told you,
I'm cutting back on human,

but all you packed were
finger sticks and fried toes.

BLOODMOUTH:
I thought you'd like the sauce!

VISCERA: You invited me here
and brought nothing I can eat.

That is so typical of you.

BLOODMOUTH: I told you,
I'm on an all-flesh diet.

I'm sorry I forgot about you.

It won't happen again.

Can we please
just get in the water?

VISCERA: Fine. You go first.

BLOODMOUTH: Happily.

This is going to feel great.

Oh, it's so hot.

I'm so scared to get in
because it's so hot.

Oh, it's too hot!

It's too hot! I was wrong.

I'm turning into soup.

VISCERA: Oh, my God, Bloodmouth!
BLOODMOUTH: Viscera, promise.

Promise you'll eat me.

VISCERA: Seriously,

what did I just say
about cutting back on human?

MAN: Did you get any of that?

MAN 2: Bento.