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1
00:00:29,819 --> 00:00:32,919
Wow. That's quite something.
Quite an honour.
2
00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:34,045
I know.
3
00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:35,445
They must be impressed with you.
4
00:00:35,480 --> 00:00:38,360
I didn't even know they had an
employee of the month.
5
00:00:38,395 --> 00:00:40,125
Really? I thought you won it once.
6
00:00:40,160 --> 00:00:42,320
No, that was...
everyone thought I was dead.
7
00:00:42,355 --> 00:00:43,645
A- ha.
8
00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:45,300
Hmm, employee...
9
00:00:45,335 --> 00:00:46,885
.. of the month.
10
00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:49,400
Yeah, it's, it's a valued title.
11
00:00:49,435 --> 00:00:50,640
Have you ever won it?
12
00:00:50,675 --> 00:00:51,457
Er, no.
13
00:00:51,492 --> 00:00:52,205
No.
14
00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:54,800
I haven't. I don't know,
Jen, sometimes I think
15
00:00:54,835 --> 00:00:57,200
it's because I just want it,
so damn much!
16
00:00:58,280 --> 00:01:00,240
I am the employee of the month.
17
00:01:00,275 --> 00:01:02,165
And yet, to a casual observer,
18
00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:04,720
it'd appear that you
do very little around here.
19
00:01:04,755 --> 00:01:07,925
Yeah, they must have
seen through that.
20
00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:12,240
I think someone up there must
have sensed something in me.
21
00:01:12,275 --> 00:01:15,320
Something I've always known
was there, er...
22
00:01:15,355 --> 00:01:17,205
a greatness?
23
00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:21,840
No, I'm not saying
that, but... something...
24
00:01:21,875 --> 00:01:24,520
Yeah, yeah, I'm sensing something.
25
00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:28,200
Don't worry, I won't
let it go to my head.
26
00:01:28,235 --> 00:01:30,640
Moss, guess who's won
employee of the month?
27
00:01:30,675 --> 00:01:31,717
Roy.
28
00:01:31,752 --> 00:01:32,725
No.
29
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:34,200
Richmond. No.
30
00:01:34,235 --> 00:01:34,885
Harry.
31
00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:36,300
Who's Harry?
32
00:01:36,335 --> 00:01:37,680
The postman. No.
33
00:01:37,715 --> 00:01:38,617
Me.
34
00:01:38,652 --> 00:01:39,485
No.
35
00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:41,040
I said Roy, right? Richmond?
36
00:01:41,075 --> 00:01:42,045
Me!
37
00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:44,560
Oh, about time!
38
00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:48,560
Whatever happened to Richmond?
39
00:01:48,595 --> 00:01:50,640
He got scurvy.
40
00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:56,085
Can you be more specific?
41
00:01:56,120 --> 00:02:00,460
I'm trying to picture your role
in Reynholm Industries.
42
00:02:00,495 --> 00:02:04,765
Well, I'm the boss,
head honcho, numero uno, Mr Big,
43
00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:11,720
The Godfather, Lord Of The Rings,
the Bourne Identity, er...
44
00:02:11,755 --> 00:02:13,680
Taxi Driver, Jaws.
45
00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:17,800
I forgot the question, quite a
while back. Who are you again?
46
00:02:17,835 --> 00:02:19,605
I'm April Shepherd.
47
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:22,960
You're Richest magazine's Man Of The
Year. I'm doing the profile.
48
00:02:22,995 --> 00:02:24,165
Oh yes, that's right.
49
00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:26,320
I know you're the boss,
but what does that entail?
50
00:02:26,355 --> 00:02:28,245
Oh, many things.
51
00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:30,085
Like this morning, for instance.
52
00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:33,080
I had to choose the Employee
Of The Month, from the box.
53
00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:38,300
May I ask, what are
you doing on that pad?
54
00:02:38,335 --> 00:02:40,800
One of my little
hobbies is caricature.
55
00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:44,960
Sometimes, I like to sketch
someone as I'm talking to them.
56
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:46,645
May I?
57
00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:48,320
Well, I'm not very good.
58
00:02:48,355 --> 00:02:49,960
I'm no Truman Capote.
59
00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:58,965
Great, OK. Um...
60
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:02,120
I'll tell you what, let's just
do some quick-fire questions.
61
00:03:02,155 --> 00:03:04,880
Maybe they'll give me an insight
into the real you.
62
00:03:04,915 --> 00:03:06,005
OK.
63
00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:08,320
Tell me, who's your
favourite person from history?
64
00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:09,845
Sherlock Holmes.
65
00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:11,925
Well, he's fictional.
66
00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:16,200
Whoa! I think you'd better
check your facts there.
67
00:03:16,235 --> 00:03:17,245
Fictional?
68
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,720
Who took care of the business
with the giant dog
69
00:03:19,755 --> 00:03:21,537
that was eating everybody?
70
00:03:21,572 --> 00:03:23,285
Well, it wasn't Watson.
71
00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:26,200
Don't tell me,
I suppose he was fictional too.
72
00:03:26,235 --> 00:03:28,680
Maybe there was no giant dog.
(LAUGHS)
73
00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:34,880
No, no, I think you're playing
games with me, young lady.
74
00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:38,080
OK, then, favourite
fictional character.
75
00:03:38,115 --> 00:03:40,605
Oh, ha-ha, ha! The Elephant Man.
76
00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:43,080
Tell you what, let me
widen the question out.
77
00:03:43,115 --> 00:03:44,520
Favourite popular figure?
78
00:03:44,555 --> 00:03:46,365
Churchill.
79
00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:48,200
Well, what is it you like about him?
80
00:03:48,235 --> 00:03:51,077
I love the way he says,
81
00:03:51,112 --> 00:03:53,920
"Oh, yes. Oh, yes. "
82
00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:58,880
I think, perhaps it's you
who's playing games with me.
83
00:03:58,915 --> 00:04:01,280
You're a very surprising
man, Mr Reynholm.
84
00:04:01,315 --> 00:04:02,240
Yes.
85
00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:06,000
I am a surprising man.
86
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,520
April, may I take you to dinner?
87
00:04:09,555 --> 00:04:11,640
Oh, I don't think I could..
88
00:04:11,675 --> 00:04:13,080
In Paris.
89
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:15,285
Paris?
90
00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:18,480
Paris, yes. It's the name
of a new restaurant in Hull.
91
00:04:18,515 --> 00:04:20,560
That's right, we're going to Hull!
92
00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:26,560
(Hey, Roy, come over here.
Look at this.)
93
00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:31,165
"The biggest adventure
you can ever take
94
00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:35,720
"is to live the life of
your dreams" - Oprah Winfrey.
95
00:04:35,755 --> 00:04:38,480
I suppose that is
the biggest adventure.
96
00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:40,800
Guys, come on in. >
97
00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:43,365
Sit down.
98
00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:44,685
Is this a new desk?
99
00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:47,405
Yeah, I thought I needed
some new furniture.
100
00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:50,040
So, I got some stuff from upstairs.
Sit down, please.
101
00:04:56,440 --> 00:05:00,500
I just thought, what with all this
extra attention on us...
102
00:05:00,535 --> 00:05:04,560
on me, it might be worth looking
at ourselves and saying,
103
00:05:04,595 --> 00:05:08,645
"Hey, am I really giving it
110 per cent?"
104
00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:11,360
And if not, "Why not?
What the heck is wrong with me?
105
00:05:11,395 --> 00:05:13,280
"Am I mentally ill or something?"
106
00:05:13,315 --> 00:05:16,845
Roy, let's start with you.
107
00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:19,720
When you're upstairs,
fiddling about with computers...
108
00:05:21,360 --> 00:05:23,525
.. would it hurt to smile?
109
00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:26,320
Don't you realise what a
difference that would make?
110
00:05:26,355 --> 00:05:29,400
Eh? Come on, let's see
a smile now, come on.
111
00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:35,680
No, more warmth, warmer.
112
00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:39,885
You're just showing more
teeth, that's not warmth.
113
00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:43,325
I would say that's more of a
threatening look, actually.
114
00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:47,280
I'll tell you what, Roy, keep at it.
That's your homework. Moss.
115
00:05:47,315 --> 00:05:49,400
So, what's your speech
going to be about?
116
00:05:49,435 --> 00:05:50,885
What speech?
117
00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:53,040
Every employee of the month
has to give a speech
118
00:05:53,075 --> 00:05:55,437
in their area of expertise.
119
00:05:55,472 --> 00:05:57,800
Which for you is computers.
120
00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:02,045
Where do I have to...?
121
00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:04,480
At the monthly shareholders meeting.
122
00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:06,920
When do I have to...?
123
00:06:06,955 --> 00:06:08,485
Friday.
124
00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:10,440
What time...?
125
00:06:10,475 --> 00:06:11,720
Morning.
126
00:06:13,840 --> 00:06:15,440
How's that?
127
00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:43,760
What's up, guys?
128
00:06:43,795 --> 00:06:44,920
All right, Jen?
129
00:06:44,955 --> 00:06:46,960
Urgh!
130
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:51,325
God! Just writing a speech.
131
00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:53,800
Oh, yeah, that's right.
How's that going?
132
00:06:53,835 --> 00:06:55,520
Good, good, good, good...
133
00:06:57,120 --> 00:07:00,085
You know, I was thinking, er...
134
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,600
if there's anything
you guys wanna say,
135
00:07:02,635 --> 00:07:05,137
I can put it in, it's no problem.
136
00:07:05,172 --> 00:07:07,605
Oh, oh, yeah, oh, mm, interesting.
137
00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:11,040
Um, is there anything you'd like
to say to the shareholders, Moss?
138
00:07:11,075 --> 00:07:12,757
Just say, "Hi. "
139
00:07:12,792 --> 00:07:14,440
Say, "Hi," from us.
140
00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,000
OK.
141
00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:19,925
I love this.
142
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:22,165
I wonder how many more
times she's gonna come in.
143
00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:25,400
I think, it'd be a good idea if you
two contributed to this, I do.
144
00:07:25,435 --> 00:07:27,165
Oh, yeah. Why?
145
00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:29,720
Hmm. I think, I think it would give
you experience
146
00:07:29,755 --> 00:07:31,645
in writing a speech
for a public figure.
147
00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:35,220
Well, obviously, in our line
of work that would be handy.
148
00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:38,760
But, you know what, Jen,
I'm actually, I'm snowed under here.
149
00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:48,920
Wait a second! Wait a second!
Oh, oh, what are we doing?
150
00:07:48,955 --> 00:07:49,925
Eh?
151
00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:51,360
We should write that speech!
152
00:07:51,395 --> 00:07:52,365
What? Why?
153
00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:53,480
Offer to write the speech.
154
00:07:53,515 --> 00:07:54,725
No.
155
00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:56,045
You have to! I can't!
156
00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:57,920
She'll know something's up
if I do it!
157
00:07:57,955 --> 00:07:59,437
Why would I do that?
158
00:07:59,472 --> 00:08:00,920
Moss, do you trust me?
159
00:08:00,955 --> 00:08:02,725
No.
160
00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:03,400
Do you trust me?
161
00:08:03,435 --> 00:08:04,445
No.
162
00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:07,000
If you trust me, then offer
to write that speech!
163
00:08:07,035 --> 00:08:09,160
I. Don't. Trust. You.
164
00:08:09,195 --> 00:08:10,400
(PHONE RINGS)
165
00:08:10,435 --> 00:08:11,445
Hello.
166
00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:14,720
'I feel really bad having all
the fun writing this speech. '
167
00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:17,005
(Offer, offer, offer.)
168
00:08:17,040 --> 00:08:22,120
Well, I suppose we could
write the speech so that, you know,
169
00:08:22,155 --> 00:08:24,537
you look like you know
what you're talking about.
170
00:08:24,572 --> 00:08:26,920
Thanks, I'm off for lunch.
Leave it on my desk.
171
00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:31,500
My God.
172
00:08:31,535 --> 00:08:33,325
I know.
173
00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:35,045
That's brilliant.
174
00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:38,760
So, now you understand why we
have to write that speech for Jen.
175
00:08:38,795 --> 00:08:44,445
She will say anything
we tell her to.
176
00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:49,120
We can put any old bollocks in
that speech and she shall repeat it.
177
00:08:49,155 --> 00:08:51,325
It's going to be hilarious.
178
00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:54,400
Sometimes I could
kiss your mind, Roy.
179
00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:57,005
OK, so let's just, um...
180
00:08:57,040 --> 00:08:59,520
I don't know, let's just throw
around a few ideas.
181
00:08:59,555 --> 00:09:00,805
OK. OK.
182
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:04,005
Ah... oh, could we tell her...
183
00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:07,440
that there's an apple
inside every Apple Mac?
184
00:09:09,320 --> 00:09:10,280
It's good. Yeah.
185
00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:14,320
We could say that Bill Gates
is called Bill Gates,
186
00:09:14,355 --> 00:09:16,045
because he owns a lot of gates.
187
00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:19,325
Hmmm. That's good, but it's not
quite punchy enough,
188
00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:24,560
and it's probably true now anyway.
I'll bet he does own a lot of gates.
189
00:09:24,595 --> 00:09:27,200
He probably does.
190
00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:31,880
It's got to be something big!
191
00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:35,360
I think I may have it.
192
00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:37,405
What?
193
00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:40,565
You best put seatbelts on your ears,
Roy,
194
00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:43,960
cos I'm gonna take them for the ride
of their lives!
195
00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:55,925
Delightful.
196
00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:58,685
Oh, no, no, no. You're silly.
197
00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:02,400
Do you know, I've never been so
enchanted by a woman in all my life.
198
00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:05,640
What's your name again?
I know you told me.
199
00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:08,485
April.
200
00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:10,365
Ah, what a charming name.
201
00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:13,005
Always been one of my favourites.
202
00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:17,360
April, after dinner,
would you do me the honour
203
00:10:17,395 --> 00:10:19,080
of accompanying me to my bed?
204
00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:22,645
Oh, erm...
205
00:10:22,680 --> 00:10:24,805
No, I've said too much!
206
00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:29,240
I've let my heart overpower
my head, which is my wont.
207
00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:32,205
But I don't care.
208
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:33,400
I find you enchanting.
209
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:36,760
And there's a condom machine
in the toilet.
210
00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:45,085
I'm very flattered, Douglas but, erm,
211
00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:48,480
there's a problem. There's something
I should tell you. Go on.
212
00:10:48,515 --> 00:10:52,245
Erm, I... I have a secret.
213
00:10:52,280 --> 00:10:54,085
I could dance around the subject,
214
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:57,280
but I like you, Douglas. I want
to be straight with you. Oh?
215
00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:02,240
I used to be a man, Douglas.
216
00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:05,925
I used to be a man.
217
00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:08,280
I wish there was an easier way
of saying that,
218
00:11:08,315 --> 00:11:10,285
but, believe me, there's not.
219
00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:14,560
I've had a lot of hormone
therapy and a number of operations.
220
00:11:14,595 --> 00:11:16,285
I'm really sorry.
221
00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:18,820
I hope you don't feel I deceived you.
222
00:11:18,855 --> 00:11:21,320
I understand if
you would rather I left.
223
00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:23,920
I don't care.
224
00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:27,800
What?
225
00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:30,680
Doesn't bother me.
226
00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:33,405
Doesn't bother you at all?
227
00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:36,560
It takes all sorts to make a world.
228
00:11:36,595 --> 00:11:39,365
Wow, it bothers most men.
229
00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:42,960
I am not most men
and the offer still stands.
230
00:11:42,995 --> 00:11:44,720
Are you up for it?
231
00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:57,120
Amazing, just amazing.
232
00:11:57,155 --> 00:11:58,245
You liked it?
233
00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:01,320
You really know your
way around that area.
234
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:04,405
Well...
235
00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:07,600
Tell me, what are you
doing tomorrow night, April?
236
00:12:07,635 --> 00:12:10,760
I was thinking of staying
in and watching the darts.
237
00:12:10,795 --> 00:12:11,920
You've read my mind.
238
00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:17,320
# '60s Swing music
239
00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:01,280
What is it?
240
00:13:01,315 --> 00:13:03,325
This, Jen,
241
00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:06,880
is the internet.
242
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:13,925
What?
243
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,325
That's right.
244
00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:16,800
This is the internet?
245
00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:20,720
The whole internet?
246
00:13:20,755 --> 00:13:21,805
Yep.
247
00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:25,520
I asked for a loan of it, so that
you could use it in your speech.
248
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:28,365
It's so small.
249
00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:31,340
That's one of the
surprising things about it.
250
00:13:31,375 --> 00:13:34,280
Hang on, it doesn't have
any wires or anything.
251
00:13:34,315 --> 00:13:36,165
It's wireless.
252
00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:39,685
Oh, yes, everything's
wireless nowadays, yeah.
253
00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:42,240
I can use it in my speech?
What if someone needs it?
254
00:13:42,275 --> 00:13:43,765
Oh, no, no, people will
255
00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:46,160
still be able to go online.
It will still work.
256
00:13:46,195 --> 00:13:47,645
Oh, good. Good.
257
00:13:47,680 --> 00:13:50,720
I tell you,
you present this to the shareholders
258
00:13:50,755 --> 00:13:53,520
and you will get quite a response.
259
00:13:53,555 --> 00:13:54,880
Can I touch it?
260
00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:00,685
Ooh, it's so light.
261
00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:04,360
Of course it is, Jen.
The internet doesn't weigh anything.
262
00:14:04,395 --> 00:14:07,160
Ha-ha. No, of course it doesn't.
Ha-ha. Ha-ha.
263
00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:12,480
Hey! What is Jen doing
with the internet?
264
00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:16,760
Moss said I could
use it for my speech.
265
00:14:16,795 --> 00:14:19,057
Are you insane? What if she drops it?
266
00:14:19,092 --> 00:14:21,285
I won't drop it, I'll look after it.
267
00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:26,680
No. No, no, no, no, Jen. No, this
needs to go straight back to Big Ben.
268
00:14:26,715 --> 00:14:28,325
Big Ben?
269
00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:31,680
It goes on top of Big Ben. That's
where you get the best reception.
270
00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:34,925
I promise I won't
let anything happen to it.
271
00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:39,080
No, Jen, I'm sorry. The elders of the
internet would never stand for it.
272
00:14:39,115 --> 00:14:43,200
No, no, Roy. I spoke to the elders
of the internet, not one hour ago.
273
00:14:43,235 --> 00:14:45,485
I told them Jen had won
employee of the month
274
00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:49,480
and they were so impressed - wanted
to do whatever they could to help.
275
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:54,405
Wait a minute,
the elders of the internet?
276
00:14:54,440 --> 00:15:00,320
The elders of the internet know who
I am? You've got to let me have it!
277
00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:03,560
No, Jen, I'm sorry,
it's just too risky.
278
00:15:03,595 --> 00:15:05,925
Oh, please, Roy.
279
00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:10,600
Well, Moss,
has it been completely demagnetised?
280
00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:13,940
By Stephen Hawking himself.
281
00:15:13,975 --> 00:15:16,240
He sends his congratulations.
282
00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:21,000
Well, if it's OK with the Hawk.
283
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:23,160
So, can I have it?
284
00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:25,200
You can.
285
00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:35,960
Oh, don't forget your speech.
286
00:15:35,995 --> 00:15:36,920
Oh, thank you.
287
00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:43,320
Slowly.
288
00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:57,005
April, these past few days
have been like a dream.
289
00:15:57,040 --> 00:16:02,360
Usually, I can't wait to get away
from a woman once I've ejaculated,
290
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:04,840
but with you,
291
00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:09,280
I don't know, I feel alive.
292
00:16:09,315 --> 00:16:11,160
April, I love you.
293
00:16:12,240 --> 00:16:13,365
What?
294
00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:16,560
That's right, I totally
love the bloody arse off you.
295
00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:20,360
Oh, Douglas, I love you too.
296
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:22,645
Oh, poppet,
297
00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:27,360
to think when we met, you were so
worried that you came from Iran.
298
00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:36,485
What?
299
00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:38,805
When we met.
As if I'd be
300
00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:42,320
worried about something like that.
I don't care where you're from.
301
00:16:42,355 --> 00:16:45,400
Iran, France, doesn't bother me.
I'm very modern.
302
00:16:45,435 --> 00:16:47,120
I'm not from Iran.
303
00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:51,480
Well, you said something
along those lines.
304
00:16:51,515 --> 00:16:53,765
No, not Iran, a man.
305
00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:57,120
I said I used to be a man!
306
00:16:57,155 --> 00:16:59,680
You used to be a man?
307
00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:03,460
Yes!
308
00:17:03,495 --> 00:17:05,640
Oh, God!
309
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:44,920
Well, we have a very
interesting talk lined up for today.
310
00:17:44,955 --> 00:17:48,205
Our employee of the month,
and computer expert, Jen Barber,
311
00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:52,940
has kindly agreed to say a few words
about her role in the IT department.
312
00:17:52,975 --> 00:17:57,640
Now, speaking as someone who doesn't
know the difference between a laptop
313
00:17:57,675 --> 00:18:00,285
and, erm, the larger one,
314
00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:03,480
I'm certainly looking forward
to hearing what she has to say.
315
00:18:03,515 --> 00:18:04,440
(STIFLES LAUGHTER)
316
00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:16,165
Good morning. >
317
00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:19,485
When I was asked to give a speech
318
00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:24,080
about what it is I do and
everything, I was very excited.
319
00:18:24,115 --> 00:18:26,725
At last, I thought,
320
00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:33,080
a chance to explain the wonders
of technology to ordinary folk.
321
00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:40,680
But then I thought, "Who wants to
listen to a boring old speech?"
322
00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:44,245
Wouldn't it be better
323
00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:48,240
if I could actually bring one of
these wonders in to show you it?
324
00:18:48,275 --> 00:18:52,160
Say, oh, I don't know, the internet!
325
00:18:52,195 --> 00:18:54,565
I think it would - and I have.
326
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:58,960
Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like
to present to you the internet!
327
00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:03,200
No flash photography,
you'll harm it.
328
00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:08,920
Ladies and gentlemen...
329
00:19:08,955 --> 00:19:10,245
Why's no-one laughing?
330
00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:13,165
If anything
were to happen to this box,
331
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:16,720
the world as we know it
would fall into chaos.
332
00:19:16,755 --> 00:19:20,205
Planes would drop from the sky,
like tables.
333
00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:25,240
Society would tear itself apart
like an angry child with a napkin.
334
00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:28,005
Man's primeval instinct
335
00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:31,480
to survive at any cost,
would lead to terrible violence,
336
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:34,640
so, please, no flash photography.
337
00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:42,440
I must say this is all
very impressive, Douglas.
338
00:19:42,475 --> 00:19:44,240
What exactly are you working on?
339
00:19:44,275 --> 00:19:45,480
I dunno.
340
00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:50,125
April, we need to talk.
341
00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:52,125
Darling, couldn't
we do this at home?
342
00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:54,685
I was hoping we'd get
shit-faced and watch telly.
343
00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:58,520
There'll be no more getting
shit-faced and watching telly.
344
00:19:58,555 --> 00:20:01,437
There'll be no more Steven Seagal
marathons,
345
00:20:01,472 --> 00:20:04,916
and there'll
be no more paintballing weekends.
346
00:20:04,951 --> 00:20:08,360
I'm afraid our adventure
has come to an end.
347
00:20:08,395 --> 00:20:10,577
What? But... But why?
348
00:20:10,612 --> 00:20:12,725
It's not you, it's me.
349
00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:14,640
No, actually it's not me, it is you.
350
00:20:14,675 --> 00:20:15,965
I'm sorry.
351
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:18,120
You don't think of
me as a woman, do you?
352
00:20:18,155 --> 00:20:20,005
What? Of course I do!
353
00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:22,085
It bothers you that
I used to be a man.
354
00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:25,880
No, I love that you used to
be a man. It's your thing.
355
00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:29,040
I love thinking
about that operation.
356
00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:32,325
Oh, please, look at me.
357
00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:36,320
I am a woman.
This is a woman in front of you.
358
00:20:36,355 --> 00:20:38,077
Excuse me.
359
00:20:38,112 --> 00:20:39,800
I am a woman!
360
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:44,280
You're tearing me apart.
361
00:20:44,315 --> 00:20:47,285
Please, Douglas...
362
00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:50,080
I'm sorry, it's beyond my control.
363
00:20:50,115 --> 00:20:52,640
Please, Douglas, please!
364
00:20:52,675 --> 00:20:54,205
Just go.
365
00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:56,320
You're making this harder for me.
366
00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:03,520
How could you do this?
How could you do this to me?!
367
00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:11,760
You bastard.
368
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:04,960
And that's what the
flashing light's for.
369
00:22:04,995 --> 00:22:06,377
Any more? >
370
00:22:06,412 --> 00:22:07,725
Is it heavy?
371
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:10,560
Is it heavy?
That's a bit of a silly question.
372
00:22:10,595 --> 00:22:12,520
The internet doesn't weigh anything.
373
00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:17,560
OK, guys, I guess I
should wrap it up.
374
00:22:17,595 --> 00:22:18,840
(THEY GROAN)
375
00:22:18,875 --> 00:22:19,845
No, no.
376
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:22,720
I really have to finish up.
377
00:22:22,755 --> 00:22:25,525
More! More! More! More!
378
00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:27,840
Guys!
Oh, my God, you really like me.
379
00:22:27,875 --> 00:22:29,520
This really isn't that funny.
380
00:22:29,555 --> 00:22:31,085
I know, it's terrible.
381
00:22:31,120 --> 00:22:33,520
I thought at least we'd
get a good story out it.
382
00:22:33,555 --> 00:22:34,840
Something we'd remember.
383
00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:42,120
It's over, April.
384
00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:46,940
Oh, Jesus.
385
00:22:46,975 --> 00:22:48,560
The internet!
386
00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:52,000
Argh!
387
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:55,040
We're all gonna die!
388
00:22:55,075 --> 00:22:57,680
SCREAMING AND SHOUTING
389
00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:00,640
Everybody, stay calm!
390
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:30,600
'He needs to hold his nerve... >
391
00:23:35,520 --> 00:23:36,640
'He's done it!'
392
00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:41,520
But it's not the same.
393
00:23:41,555 --> 00:23:44,977
(SOBS)
394
00:23:45,012 --> 00:23:48,400
Oh, April.
26588
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