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Previously in The IT Crowd:
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Douglas received a love potion from
a mysterious blind man in the desert.
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Enraptured with the lovely Jen Barber,
an employee of Reynholm Industries,
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00:00:10,450 --> 00:00:13,880
he administers the potion in
the hope of enslaving her heart.
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But when Douglas drinks
the concoction by mistake,
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which turns out to be Rohypnol,
he becomes incredibly aroused,
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even though Rohypnol would
really only make you tired.
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Jen locks him in his office with Moss
and Roy, with whom he attempts to
achieve sexual congress.
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An enraged Jen embarks on a lengthy
legal process using brilliant lawyer
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Jon Rergen,
a friend of her aunty's.
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00:00:33,131 --> 00:00:37,725
After months of legal wrangling an
amicable agreement is finally reached.
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This programme contains
strong language.
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Subs by Chocolate.
Resynch: travis for forom.com
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You're robbing me blind, Jen.
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Sign here, here, here.
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Yeah, and I reckon I know where to sign
on a sexual harassment settlement,
thank you.
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00:01:25,408 --> 00:01:28,921
I've got to thank you, Jan,
for not taking this matter any further.
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Not only does that show great
maturity but also a... Is she asleep?
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I'm not asleep.
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All right, all right.
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It's not just the money,
you know.
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I know.
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There's a principle involved.
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Parting with the money
was painful enough,
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but the electric pants I have to wear at
work so I don't become aroused, they're
also painful.
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Excuse me,
I'm just charging them.
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Don't say anything that will
get me going, either of you.
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Does it hurt,
you know, when you?
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It's like being tased
in the balls. Tea?
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No, thank you.
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00:01:59,976 --> 00:02:04,521
Like being tased in the balls,
except painful.
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00:02:04,537 --> 00:02:07,921
So, Jen, what are you going
to do with your 500.
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00:02:07,935 --> 00:02:09,841
Don't know.
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I still feel we could've got more,
you know.
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00:02:12,336 --> 00:02:14,283
Now, Jen,
we've been through this.
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00:02:14,296 --> 00:02:15,883
He tried to use Rohypnol on me.
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I thought it was
a magic potion.
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00:02:18,415 --> 00:02:22,162
Anyway, if this went to court
it'd be your word against mine
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00:02:22,175 --> 00:02:26,320
and who are they going to believe?
A woman or an Englishman?
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Oh, up yours!
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BUZZINF
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That wasn't even sexy.
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These pants are broken.
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Sorry to bother you, mate. I've just
found out my mum's been taken into
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hospital. Normally my sister would go
but she's just moved to Australia.
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00:02:47,736 --> 00:02:49,022
Australia?
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00:02:49,036 --> 00:02:51,331
I really need to get down there.
My car's broken down...
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00:02:51,377 --> 00:02:53,521
OK, look, here's 50p.
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00:02:53,538 --> 00:02:58,282
It's all I've got and it's 50p
more than that story deserved.
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00:03:01,125 --> 00:03:04,603
I can't believe you
got more than me.
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00:03:04,618 --> 00:03:06,761
Why wouldn't we?
Jen, we were violated too.
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Violated?! He chased
you around the table.
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00:03:09,497 --> 00:03:10,842
He kissed Moss.
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Right on the lips, apparently.
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Don't you remember?
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I don't remember anything.
I went to Moss's happy place.
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You two are useless.
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00:03:21,137 --> 00:03:23,563
If we'd stuck together we
might've made real money.
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00:03:23,576 --> 00:03:26,001
550 is not to be
sniffed at, Jen.
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00:03:26,018 --> 00:03:29,723
No, and neither is 560.
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00:03:29,736 --> 00:03:35,683
If that's the kind of money I can make,
I'm going to start dressing even
more provocatively.
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00:03:35,698 --> 00:03:37,522
Yeah, we you can save
some of that for Freddy.
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00:03:37,535 --> 00:03:39,040
What's this?
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00:03:39,057 --> 00:03:42,760
Freddy, that bloke that did the charity
thing where he tied the balloons to
the chair.
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00:03:42,776 --> 00:03:43,963
Oh, yeah.
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00:03:43,976 --> 00:03:45,682
Such a lovely idea.
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00:03:45,696 --> 00:03:50,280
Floating from London to
Glasgow to promote optimism.
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00:03:50,296 --> 00:03:53,083
Anyway, there's a collection
for his wife and kids,
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00:03:53,097 --> 00:03:56,522
so you'd both better cough up.
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00:03:56,535 --> 00:04:00,163
Moss, what would be
an appropriate amount
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00:04:00,177 --> 00:04:03,401
to give to Freddy's
wife and kids?
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00:04:03,417 --> 00:04:05,360
I suppose normally about 5
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00:04:05,375 --> 00:04:08,603
but seeing as we just
got all that money, 50?
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00:04:08,618 --> 00:04:11,682
That seems fair. Let's split the
difference and call it a tenner.
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00:04:15,966 --> 00:04:17,841
PHONE
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Hello?
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00:04:21,008 --> 00:04:23,000
Hello?
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00:04:23,015 --> 00:04:25,362
Douglas, I know this is you.
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BUZZING
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00:04:27,018 --> 00:04:29,763
'ARGH! Jesus,
this bloody thing.'
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00:04:31,927 --> 00:04:35,680
Are you all right, Olive?
You look a bit peaky.
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00:04:35,698 --> 00:04:38,683
Yes, I-I'm,
I don't feel up to it any more.
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00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:41,160
I feel sort of dizzy
all of a sudden.
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00:04:41,175 --> 00:04:43,200
Well, you're terrifically old.
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00:04:46,127 --> 00:04:49,161
But don't worry,
not long now till you're at peace.
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00:05:07,047 --> 00:05:09,560
I've done it. Oh, I've done it.
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00:05:09,577 --> 00:05:11,641
I'm up against the boss now.
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00:05:11,656 --> 00:05:15,400
Oh, it's a giant
spider shooting out
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00:05:15,418 --> 00:05:17,483
all these little baby spiders.
That's brilliant.
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00:05:17,497 --> 00:05:20,000
I'm going nowhere down here.
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00:05:20,016 --> 00:05:22,523
Nowhere. I'm going to,
ooh, oh, where's Moss?
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00:05:22,536 --> 00:05:24,600
I'm going to finish
this bitch off, Moss.
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00:05:24,616 --> 00:05:26,242
It's a dead end.
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00:05:26,257 --> 00:05:29,162
They don't come any deader.
95
00:05:29,175 --> 00:05:31,643
OK, sweetcheeks,
here comes the pain.
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00:05:33,805 --> 00:05:37,323
You guys,
do you even need a relationship manager?
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00:05:37,335 --> 00:05:39,560
Stay down! Stay down, bitch!
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00:05:42,605 --> 00:05:45,322
I'm dead!
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00:05:45,338 --> 00:05:49,680
Oh, no, exactly, Jen, no offence,
but I object to the whole idea that
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00:05:49,698 --> 00:05:51,403
we even need management,
like we're a
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00:05:51,418 --> 00:05:54,240
pair of nitwits that don't know
how to take care of ourselves.
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00:05:54,258 --> 00:05:56,361
It's...it's insulting
is what it is.
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00:05:58,165 --> 00:06:00,443
Yeah, yeah,
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00:06:00,458 --> 00:06:03,680
I suppose you're right.
105
00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:06,360
Sandwich. Oh, right.
106
00:06:06,377 --> 00:06:09,322
Coffee. Oh, no, no, no.
107
00:06:09,338 --> 00:06:12,721
Got you!
That one's empty, this is the real one!
108
00:06:12,735 --> 00:06:15,080
I've been planning that for ages.
The look on your face!
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00:06:29,966 --> 00:06:30,883
Jen?
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00:06:30,895 --> 00:06:32,801
Yeah?
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00:06:32,818 --> 00:06:34,481
Don't come in here for a bit.
112
00:06:38,647 --> 00:06:40,920
Why haven't you put
on a clean T-shirt?
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00:06:40,938 --> 00:06:42,481
I don't have a spare.
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00:06:42,495 --> 00:06:45,040
Well, someone's looking
for help on 10, so...
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00:06:45,055 --> 00:06:46,001
No, no, Moss can do it.
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00:06:46,017 --> 00:06:48,482
Moss can't do it,
he's slightly concussed.
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00:06:52,207 --> 00:06:53,643
Yeah, all right, I'll go.
118
00:06:53,707 --> 00:06:57,320
Er, I won't be here this afternoon,
I've...I've got a job interview.
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00:06:57,335 --> 00:07:01,121
Oh, OK, good for you, Jen.
120
00:07:01,137 --> 00:07:03,882
Seriously, we don't need a manager,
it's a non-job.
121
00:07:03,898 --> 00:07:07,203
So you go out there
and you knock 'em dead.
122
00:07:07,216 --> 00:07:10,080
Hello, Jen.
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00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:12,960
It's Moss. From work?
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00:07:24,808 --> 00:07:27,083
For God's sake.
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00:07:29,528 --> 00:07:30,962
Twats!
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00:07:38,926 --> 00:07:41,400
What happened?
She just collapsed.
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00:07:41,418 --> 00:07:44,000
I've phoned for an ambulance.
Give us your jacket, mate.
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00:07:44,018 --> 00:07:45,283
What?
129
00:07:45,296 --> 00:07:47,412
She looks cold,
I want to put it round her shoulders.
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00:07:47,456 --> 00:07:49,920
She doesn't look cold.
131
00:07:49,938 --> 00:07:52,200
What? Just give us
your jacket, man.
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00:07:52,215 --> 00:07:55,883
She's fine!
You're fine, aren't you, Olive?
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00:07:57,285 --> 00:07:58,201
She's moving about.
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00:08:00,126 --> 00:08:02,360
Oh, and she's talking.
135
00:08:02,378 --> 00:08:05,243
That's it,
keep the spirits up, Olive.
136
00:08:05,255 --> 00:08:06,402
I'm cold!
137
00:08:06,415 --> 00:08:08,403
It's all in your head, Olive.
138
00:08:08,418 --> 00:08:09,482
Your jacket, man.
139
00:08:09,497 --> 00:08:11,482
What? Come on!
140
00:08:14,088 --> 00:08:16,242
Hurry up.
141
00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:21,281
Thank you.
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00:08:22,525 --> 00:08:25,123
Come on. Here we go.
143
00:08:41,525 --> 00:08:42,760
Hell's teeth!
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00:08:42,771 --> 00:08:48,445
I'm not aroused, it's only cars.
God damn these electric sex pants.
145
00:08:54,444 --> 00:08:59,521
Isn't it so funny and interesting
that I don't have a shirt on?!
146
00:09:01,168 --> 00:09:06,800
Oh, hello, let's all make
hilarious comments about it.
147
00:09:06,819 --> 00:09:10,241
Everyone, excuse me, er,
148
00:09:10,257 --> 00:09:12,880
as you know,
they found Freddy's body yesterday.
149
00:09:15,765 --> 00:09:20,441
There's nothing I can say that will
make that fact any less horrible.
150
00:09:20,456 --> 00:09:26,440
But perhaps we can bow our heads
for a minute and think about Freddy
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00:09:26,457 --> 00:09:28,721
and remember what
he meant to us.
152
00:09:42,007 --> 00:09:45,083
Hey, everybody, look at me!
153
00:09:45,096 --> 00:09:52,122
Let's get it over with, let's all
have a big laugh at the topless man.
154
00:09:54,445 --> 00:09:58,643
Look at me. Ooh, look at me,
I have no shirt, where's my clothes?
155
00:10:00,685 --> 00:10:03,720
Ooh look at these pants.
Am I sexy?
156
00:10:03,737 --> 00:10:05,521
Sexy in my nakedness.
157
00:10:05,538 --> 00:10:10,240
We're trying to have a
minute's silence for Freddy,
158
00:10:10,255 --> 00:10:14,362
they found his body yesterday.
If you can give us a couple of minutes.
159
00:10:37,606 --> 00:10:39,681
I work here.
I fucking work here.
160
00:10:39,695 --> 00:10:43,483
Ow. OK. All right. Ow.
161
00:10:45,248 --> 00:10:46,680
Oh, OK...
162
00:10:52,207 --> 00:10:54,402
I work in IT!
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00:10:54,415 --> 00:10:56,643
My pass is in my jacket.
164
00:10:56,657 --> 00:10:58,320
My pass is in my jacket.
165
00:11:01,165 --> 00:11:02,643
This is madness!
166
00:11:03,845 --> 00:11:05,483
I work here!
167
00:11:05,496 --> 00:11:07,041
It's madness !
168
00:11:31,077 --> 00:11:33,113
Lovely cup of tea.
169
00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:35,110
Ahh, thank you.
170
00:11:36,195 --> 00:11:40,030
Well, I have to say,
I like what I see, Jen.
171
00:11:40,046 --> 00:11:43,072
You're young,
ambitious, intelligent,
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00:11:43,085 --> 00:11:45,871
just the sort of person
I like to have around.
173
00:11:45,887 --> 00:11:51,511
Ha, ha, ha. Well, I'm no Stephen
Hawking, don't get me wrong.
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00:11:51,525 --> 00:11:54,590
But you can't work
as long as I have
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00:11:54,605 --> 00:11:59,111
in IT without having a pretty
firm grasp of the essentials.
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00:11:59,127 --> 00:12:00,953
You know,
177
00:12:00,968 --> 00:12:03,470
what exactly does IT stand for?
178
00:12:03,488 --> 00:12:06,790
I've often wondered,
but I've never thought to ask.
179
00:12:12,637 --> 00:12:15,433
I'm sorry,
what was the question?
180
00:12:15,446 --> 00:12:17,830
What does IT stand for?
181
00:12:17,846 --> 00:12:19,671
What does it stand for?
182
00:12:21,638 --> 00:12:23,710
What doesn't it stand for?
183
00:12:23,727 --> 00:12:28,150
Yes, yes,
but what does it stand for?
184
00:12:28,166 --> 00:12:30,152
It stands for...
185
00:12:30,165 --> 00:12:32,193
It stands for...
186
00:12:33,798 --> 00:12:35,070
Commitment.
187
00:12:35,086 --> 00:12:41,313
It stands for audacity,
it stands for courage in the face of...
188
00:12:41,328 --> 00:12:44,070
Yes, yes.
I can see what you're getting at.
189
00:12:44,085 --> 00:12:48,712
But the specific letters -
I, T. What do they stand for?
190
00:12:48,725 --> 00:12:51,151
What do you think
they stand for?
191
00:12:51,168 --> 00:12:53,632
No. Perhaps I'm not
making myself clear.
192
00:12:53,645 --> 00:12:55,630
I'm don't want
an interpretation.
193
00:12:55,645 --> 00:12:59,511
I really don't know what the
letters actually stand for.
194
00:12:59,525 --> 00:13:01,990
So let's start with the I.
195
00:13:02,005 --> 00:13:04,112
What does the I stand for?
196
00:13:04,126 --> 00:13:07,871
I need to wee-wee.
I mean go to the toilet,
197
00:13:07,886 --> 00:13:10,152
I need to go to
the toilet, sorry.
198
00:13:10,165 --> 00:13:13,632
I don't normally say "wee-wee",
it's just I'm bursting.
199
00:13:26,277 --> 00:13:29,430
Hello, Roy speaking.
200
00:13:29,448 --> 00:13:31,231
What? Moss?
201
00:13:31,247 --> 00:13:33,430
You're concussed,
you need a doctor.
202
00:13:33,448 --> 00:13:36,392
Who is this? Roy?
Wait, it couldn't be Roy, I'm Roy.
203
00:13:36,405 --> 00:13:37,591
What does IT mean?
204
00:13:37,605 --> 00:13:39,030
What?
205
00:13:39,047 --> 00:13:40,432
IT, what does it mean?
206
00:13:40,448 --> 00:13:42,432
You don't know what it means?
207
00:13:42,446 --> 00:13:44,672
No, I never thought to ask.
208
00:13:44,685 --> 00:13:46,153
This must be Jen.
209
00:13:46,165 --> 00:13:47,671
Yes.
210
00:13:47,687 --> 00:13:48,992
Hello, Jen.
211
00:13:49,007 --> 00:13:49,553
Hello.
212
00:13:49,568 --> 00:13:51,073
How may I help you?
213
00:13:51,088 --> 00:13:53,591
Oh! Tell me what IT means.
214
00:13:53,608 --> 00:13:55,113
Absolutely.
215
00:13:57,757 --> 00:13:59,271
Well?
216
00:13:59,285 --> 00:14:01,230
Very well, thank you.
How are you?
217
00:14:01,248 --> 00:14:04,111
Just stay with me for
this simple question.
218
00:14:04,125 --> 00:14:06,993
Jen, I'm just going to
put you on speakerphone.
219
00:14:07,006 --> 00:14:08,433
No, don't hang...
220
00:14:11,118 --> 00:14:13,792
Jen, you are now
on speaker phone.
221
00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:16,833
Jen?
222
00:14:18,356 --> 00:14:19,511
Hello, Jen?
223
00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:21,030
PHONE RINGS
224
00:14:21,046 --> 00:14:22,713
Jen, can you bear with me.
225
00:14:22,727 --> 00:14:25,752
I've got someone
trying to get through.
226
00:14:25,765 --> 00:14:27,030
Roy speaking.
227
00:14:27,046 --> 00:14:28,031
You hung up on me.
228
00:14:28,048 --> 00:14:30,031
Jen, hold on,
I've got Jen on the other line.
229
00:14:30,047 --> 00:14:31,473
No, you can't.
230
00:14:31,488 --> 00:14:35,030
Jen, can I call you back,
I've got Jen on the other line.
231
00:14:35,048 --> 00:14:37,112
Jen, sorry about that.
232
00:14:37,125 --> 00:14:42,391
Chicken in a basket,
it's been all ruddy go today.
233
00:14:42,407 --> 00:14:44,312
Now, how may I help you?
234
00:14:44,325 --> 00:14:46,993
What does IT mean?
235
00:14:48,556 --> 00:14:50,432
You know, computers,
236
00:14:50,446 --> 00:14:52,951
something to do with
computers, probably.
237
00:14:52,966 --> 00:14:56,472
Computers? That's
not really my area.
238
00:14:58,757 --> 00:15:01,592
Jen I'd love to help you
but it's a real pain,
239
00:15:01,608 --> 00:15:05,110
I seem to have forgotten
everything I know about computers.
240
00:15:05,127 --> 00:15:07,471
How can you forget
everything, Moss?
241
00:15:07,488 --> 00:15:09,550
Maybe it isn't everything.
242
00:15:12,276 --> 00:15:14,553
No, it's definitely everything.
243
00:15:38,916 --> 00:15:42,712
Excuse me, can I trouble you
for 50 pence for a phone call?
244
00:15:44,355 --> 00:15:47,911
Excuse me, mate,
I'm sorry to bother you, but, er,
245
00:15:47,928 --> 00:15:52,393
my mate threw coffee all over me and
then this old woman stole my jacket,
246
00:15:52,447 --> 00:15:55,750
and they chucked me out of
the building where I work.
247
00:15:55,767 --> 00:16:00,391
And now I just need 50p for a phone
call so I can get back to work.
248
00:16:13,597 --> 00:16:16,190
Oh, that's better.
249
00:16:16,208 --> 00:16:18,271
Good, good.
250
00:16:18,285 --> 00:16:20,831
Now, er, where were we?
251
00:16:20,846 --> 00:16:24,750
Oh, God, I can't remember.
I hate it when that happens.
252
00:16:24,765 --> 00:16:27,432
Wow, is this a wooden desk?
253
00:16:27,446 --> 00:16:31,753
Oh, no, I remember,
you were going to tell me what IT means.
254
00:16:31,765 --> 00:16:32,830
Right.
255
00:16:33,916 --> 00:16:36,513
I don't know what it means,
all right?
256
00:16:36,525 --> 00:16:39,790
I never thought to...
it didn't really affect me
257
00:16:39,807 --> 00:16:41,673
as I'm too busy
managing one man
258
00:16:41,686 --> 00:16:45,353
whose idea of an adult night out
is Laser Quest and pornography.
259
00:16:45,368 --> 00:16:47,672
And another who collects wires.
260
00:16:47,686 --> 00:16:50,632
Have you heard Guided By Voices?
They're a band.
261
00:16:50,647 --> 00:16:51,233
No.
262
00:16:51,247 --> 00:16:52,390
I have.
263
00:16:52,405 --> 00:16:55,193
I've heard everything
they've ever done.
264
00:16:55,205 --> 00:16:57,351
They're good,
I'm a bit of a fan now.
265
00:16:57,366 --> 00:16:58,630
Isn't that good?
266
00:16:58,647 --> 00:17:01,912
I shouldn't even
know who they are.
267
00:17:01,925 --> 00:17:04,033
They've turned me
into one of them.
268
00:17:04,046 --> 00:17:07,392
I am one of them.
269
00:17:08,956 --> 00:17:11,793
That's why you need me.
270
00:17:11,806 --> 00:17:14,471
I am your conduit,
271
00:17:14,486 --> 00:17:21,312
I am your
bridge. Ich...bin...ein...Nerd.
272
00:17:26,278 --> 00:17:27,990
Welcome aboard.
273
00:17:32,275 --> 00:17:33,391
BUZZING
274
00:17:33,408 --> 00:17:34,350
Oh, oh.
275
00:17:37,998 --> 00:17:39,591
How can that be erotic?
276
00:17:39,605 --> 00:17:41,432
Good God!
277
00:17:41,448 --> 00:17:43,230
Get me IT.
278
00:18:16,238 --> 00:18:17,233
BUZZING
279
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:24,790
You there, computer man.
Fix my pants.
280
00:18:26,558 --> 00:18:27,753
I beg your pardon.
281
00:18:27,767 --> 00:18:30,351
Pull down my trousers
and do your job.
282
00:18:52,196 --> 00:18:53,713
Roy?
283
00:18:53,726 --> 00:18:54,951
Jen?
284
00:19:01,277 --> 00:19:02,312
Jen!
285
00:19:04,035 --> 00:19:05,152
Jen!
286
00:19:06,758 --> 00:19:08,910
Oh, Jen!
287
00:19:08,926 --> 00:19:10,951
Oh!
288
00:19:12,118 --> 00:19:13,311
It's been horrible!
289
00:19:13,328 --> 00:19:14,351
Ahh.
290
00:19:14,366 --> 00:19:18,391
Horrible. The worst
two hours of my life.
291
00:19:20,118 --> 00:19:21,071
Oh.
292
00:19:24,115 --> 00:19:25,872
All right.
293
00:19:25,888 --> 00:19:28,190
Hello, everybody, and welcome
294
00:19:28,208 --> 00:19:31,752
to this our first inter-faith
tour of Reynholm Industries.
295
00:19:34,395 --> 00:19:38,630
I thought we'd start with the IT
department because, to be honest,
296
00:19:38,647 --> 00:19:42,150
we do tend to forget about them,
buried down in the basement.
297
00:19:42,165 --> 00:19:44,070
And they really
are lovely guys.
298
00:19:44,087 --> 00:19:46,250
Let's go in and say hello.
299
00:19:46,267 --> 00:19:47,403
But I don't know what it is.
300
00:19:47,448 --> 00:19:50,153
Just pull that thing,
fiddle about with it.
301
00:19:57,717 --> 00:19:58,670
Fuck off!
302
00:20:04,316 --> 00:20:05,271
Try that wire.
303
00:20:05,288 --> 00:20:06,712
Who are you?
304
00:20:15,836 --> 00:20:19,351
Free at last,
I could get to like this.
305
00:20:19,368 --> 00:20:23,350
Just the job, good work.
Hmmm, nice and loose.
306
00:20:23,367 --> 00:20:25,711
I'm in my happy place,
I'm in my happy place.
307
00:20:25,726 --> 00:20:27,591
I'm in my happy place.
308
00:20:27,606 --> 00:20:29,551
I'm in my happy place.
I'm in my happy place.
309
00:20:47,516 --> 00:20:48,233
Hello.
310
00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:49,271
Hello, June.
311
00:20:49,288 --> 00:20:51,832
Jen, hello! How can I help you?
312
00:20:51,848 --> 00:20:53,512
I'd like to say thank you,
313
00:20:53,525 --> 00:20:55,631
but I have to turn
your offer down.
314
00:20:55,645 --> 00:20:58,550
Oh. Well,
I'm sorry to hear that. Why?
315
00:21:02,835 --> 00:21:04,273
Personal reasons.
316
00:21:04,286 --> 00:21:08,191
OK. Well, if you change your mind,
you know where I am.
317
00:21:08,206 --> 00:21:09,111
Thank you.
318
00:21:09,125 --> 00:21:12,793
Oh, by the way, did you ever
find out what IT stands for?
319
00:21:12,805 --> 00:21:14,072
Piss off, June.
320
00:21:18,877 --> 00:21:19,990
Who wants tea?
321
00:21:21,998 --> 00:21:26,990
Subs by Chocolate.
Resynch: travis for forom.com
22052
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