All language subtitles for gua-simonsimon.1981.s02e07-1080p.eng

[Announcer] Tonight
on Simon & Simon...

Now, I'm gonna give
you just one chance

to talk about this nice.

Sharon and I are
identical twins.

I know when something's
wrong with her.

A.J.? What does
the "A" stand for?

"Available," I hope.

Put 'em up.

- Nice work.
- I think my body's broke.

If I were you, I'd forget
to name Sharon Dameron.

Sharon Dameron, who is that?

[screaming]

♪♪ [theme]

[heavy breathing]

[Man] Sharon?

Sharon.

[echoing] No!

Sharon.

- Sharon.
- [screams]

Sharon.

[screaming]

[screams]

[phone ringing]

[ringing continues]

- Oh, God.
- [phone ringing]

Sharon, please answer the phone.

[ringing continues]

[ringing continues]

All right, what is it?

Got insomnia again?

Okay, tell you what.
If you can't sleep, uh,

I don't mind you coming
in, playing the stereo.

Just use the earphones, okay?

Whatever you do, I
don't want you playing

my records on that
piece of garbage

that you bought
at the flea market.

All right?

Good night.

[sighs]

♪♪ [loud funk]

[switches to earphones]

♪♪ [muted]

- [blasts volume]
- Aah!

Oh!

Oh. Why did you do that?

[mouthing words]

Oh, great. Now you've
done it. Now I'm deaf.

You're not deaf, but why...

Why is it that every
time you have insomnia,

you take it out on me?

'Cause you're my brother.

Who else am I
gonna take it out on?

- I hadn't thought of that.
- [laughs]

Tell you what, since you're
up, let's go shoot some pool.

- Come on.
- As if I had a choice?

Yeah, come on. I'll
even give you the break.

Oh, I can't wait
to go get dressed.

[Woman on P.A.] All
passengers arriving

on Flight 10 from San Francisco

should pick up their baggage.

Hi, Sharon.

[knocking]

[knocking continues]

[Man] Look, Miss Dameron,
we called the airline.

They're not worried about
her. You shouldn't be, either.

They're not worried about
her 'cause she's off duty.

Look, Sharon and I
befare identical twins.l.

There's a sort of
bond between us.

I know when something's
wrong with her.

Does your sister
check in with you

every time she goes someplace?

- Of course not.
- Then why all the fuss?

Come on, you're just making
things hard for yourself.

Go on back to San
Francisco and relax.

Your sister's gonna
come home in a few days,

or show up, or
call in for work...

Or wash up on some beach,

or end up in the
trunk of some car.

Miss Dameron, I've
done everything I can.

Now, you can come
back in 48 hours

and file a missing
persons report,

but that's it.

- [bang]
- Ouch.

Excuse me, miss,
are you all right?

[sighs] I don't think so.

Do you work here?

Yeah, I'm with
the D.A.'s office.

Look, if it's any consolation
to you, I know how you feel.

I've run into a few walls
around here, myself.

Would you like some
coffee? You wanna come in?

Oh, I'd love some coffee.

So, how's your toe?

- Oh, it's not broken.
- Good.

Look, I wanna thank you
for taking me seriously.

Police must think
I'm some kind of nut.

It's just that I'm really
worried about Sharon.

You know, I've got
a couple of friends

who could probably
help you find her.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

And one of them makes a
lot better coffee than this, too.

[bell ringing]

[thud]

- [Janet sighs]
- [groans]

- Come on.
- [A.J. groans]

A.J., I'm so glad
I called ahead.

Mm-hmm.

Late night last night?

Um, why don't you all
step out on the deck,

and I'll bring the coffee out
as soon as it's made, okay?

I can't. I've gotta
get back to the office.

Maggie, why don't you go ahead?

It's all right, he's
had all of his shots.

Hah.

Will you please try
to focus your eyes?

She's really scared.

I'll be gentle, I promise.

Oh, thanks for the business.

No, A.J., it is not business.

It is a favor that
you're doing for me.

And I think by now you
owe me at least one.

- Mm-hmm.
- I knew you'd understand.

See you later.

Oh, where's Rick?

Um... I don't know.

Hi.

You okay?

- I... I'm fine.
- Good.

Uh, you want some coffee?

[Rick] Now, this is you, right?

- No, no.
- Wrong. This is Sharon.

- Right.
- It looks like you.

Yeah, well, we're
identical twins.

- No kidding?
- No. I'm older by 3 minutes.

Well, we don't
need this picture.

We could just take
you around and say,

"Hey, have you seen this woman?"

Wait a minute.

When I arrived this morning,

there were clothes
all over the place.

They were hanging
from the drapes,

they were on the bed.

Well, maybe she was
packing, she went on a trip.

No. Her luggage is in there.

Maybe she just got back
and she was unpacking.

Strange.

It's like somebody was in here,

taking inventory.

Well, how is it now?

I mean, do you see
anything peculiar now?

Everything.

Sharon's not this neat.

I mean, she dresses
great and she looks great,

but down deep
she's really a slob.

Maybe she hired a maid.

A stewardess with her own maid.

- Right.
- Hmm.

Okay, there's this
neatness freak, see?

He can't stand messes,

so he busts into
people's apartments

and he cleans everything up.

Moving right along.

Um, this guy in your dream,

you think you could
recognize him?

Yeah.

But you've never
seen him before?

No.

Why?

Come on. I'll explain later.

[car drives by]

What can you tell me
about his skin tone?

It's, um, ruddy.

Flushed.

Good.

It's his eyes.

They're um...
They're heavy-lidded.

Like he's almost asleep.

Anything else you can tell me?

Anything at all?

No.

Is this the man?

Yeah.

[clears throat] Do you mind?

Not at all. Thank you.

- Hi.
- Hi.

You want something?

How'd you ever guess?

[woman chuckles]

Must be those big
baby-blue eyes.

Miss Fairbanks.

You are Miss
Fairbanks, aren't you?

Call me Rhonda.

Rhonda.

Well, since Beach Boys
did, I guess I can, too.

I'm Rick. The guy
over there is A.J.

Hi.

- A.J., huh?
- Uh-huh.

What does the "A" stand for?

"Available," I hope.

Yeah, but you gotta call
ahead for reservations.

Listen, Miss Fairbanks,

we've been trying to track
down Sharon Dameron

without much success,

and we understand
she's a friend of yours.

Hey... Hey, what
is this, the FAA?

- No.
- Is this another
stewardess probe?

Listen, what we do with
our own time is our business.

No, ma'am. We're
not with the FAA.

We're private investigators.

See?

Hey, Rhonda, you
wanna go wind surfing?

In a minute, pal.

Listen, you got any idea

where we can
start looking for her?

- No. No, I really don't.
- Hmm.

Well, have you ever
seen this man before?

Sure.

He flies Allied
International all the time.

You know what his name is?

No, not off hand.

Uh, he always flies coach.

He doesn't say anything.

Come to think of
it, um, you know,

each time I work a
flight with Sharon,

- he seems to be on it.
- Really?

[flicks water]

Minute's up, pal.

Okay, guy.

Now, I'm gonna give
you just one chance

to talk about this nice.

[sloshing]

Hi. Can we stop by the
house so I can change?

What for?

All right, look, I know it
was all over in a second,

but the least you could do is
help out a little bit, you know?

Hey, I don't believe
in suicide, you know?

Hey, you're getting
my seats all wet.

This is Rhonda Fairbanks.

I'm a friend of
Sharon Dameron's.

I'm not here to tell anybody
how to run their own lives,

[breathing erratically]

[echoing] Sharon,
Sharon, Sharon...

Sharon.

[crying]

You don't know how
long I've waited, Sharon.

You don't know how long
I've waited for you, Sharon.

[screaming]

[screaming]

[screaming continues]

Hey, hey, okay. All right.

All right, all right.

- It's okay.
- [crying]

It's all right. It's all right.

It's all right.

Despite all the
fantasies I've had

about crashing into a
stewardess' locker-room,

I don't really think I can
squeeze into a size 8.

Yeah, and I look lousy in heels.

You certainly do.

Hey, seriously, though.

If you're
uncomfortable with this,

we'll come up with another way.

Uh, no, I wanna do
something to help.

Well, am I convincing?

[sighs]

Well, you'll get no
argument from me.

I would growl, but Gloria
Steinem might not like it.

Well, go ahead and growl.

[growls]

Well, you can
growl all you want,

but let's growl on
the way to the airport.

[laughs]

Hi.

Sharon?

How you doing?

Uh, never better.

- Are you flying?
- No.

What are you doing here, then?

Well, I was just...

Oh, you missed a flight
attendant meeting this morning.

Anybody not flying was
supposed to be there.

Needless to say, Caulfield
was not very happy.

Oh, Caulfield. Who
cares about Caulfield.

[laughs] Really.

Uh... Look, April,

there's something
I need to find out.

There's a guy who's
on a lot of my flights,

and, uh, well, he's an artist

and he did this sketch of me.

And he said if I ever
wanted a full-blown portrait,

I should look him up.

I didn't know you
were into artists now.

I thought you only
went for the high rollers.

Well, he's a very
successful artist, my dear.

And besides, he's not
one of those barefoot guys

that hangs out at Oceanside.

Oh, yeah? Is he into nudes?

I'm dying to find out.

Problem is, uh, I can't
remember his name.

Did you say he was
on a lot of your flights?

- Uh-huh.
- Oh, well that's easy, then.

Just go on over to Reservations,

and whoever's on the computer
should be able to punch up

your passenger list for the
last three or four months.

Uh, then cross
reference or something

and find out which passengers
are listed for more than one flight?

Exactly.

Ta-ta.

Oh, and by the way,

I'd think of a better
reason for looking him up

than wanting to have
your, um, portrait done.

Heh. You're just jealous.

Hey, thanks.

What are friends for?

- Here you go.
- Thank you.

All passengers arriving on
flight 10 from San Francisco...

- How'd it go?
- You get a name?

There's several passengers

that have taken Sharon's flight

over the past three months,

but there's one
name in particular.

Allen Wincoop?

Yeah, he was on
all of her flights,

every single one.

Shouldn't be too hard to find
some guy named Wincoop, huh?

Well, first thing
in the morning,

I'll ask Janet to run it
through the police computer,

see if he's ever been
picked up for anything.

Yeah, good idea.

If she does,

then we'll get a
mug shot on this guy.

And if that matches
the sketch, we...

- [groans]
- Whoa! Ooh.

Ooh.

Okay, just relax.

Take a deep breath.

Try to calm down.

Then, you can tell me
who you're working for.

Not that I don't know already.

If you know already,
why are you asking?

You tell your boy that if he
keeps digging up this dirt,

it's gonna backfire
and bury him.

I think we struck a nerve there.

Just what kind of
dirt is it that you think

we have on our shovel?

If I were you, I'd forget
the name Sharon Dameron.

- Sharon Dameron?
- Sharon Dameron?

- Who is that?
- Sharon Dameron?

I don't think I know her.

No, I remember Sharon Wilcox.

- Yeah, yeah, in third grade?
- Yeah, and there was Sharon...

[groans]

- [glass breaks]
- [clattering]

[punching]

Aah!

[fighting continues]

Stay away from Sharon Dameron!

A.J.?

Rick?

Hi, Mom.

What happened here?

Are you all right?

Oh, yeah... Oh, yeah, I'm fine.

I'm fine, Mom.

We just had...

the Chargers in for
a little scrimmage.

You were playing hockey in here?

Uh, football, Mom.

The Chargers are football.

Oh, that's better?

Where's your brother?

That's a good question.

Rick?

[Rick] Yo.

Where are you?

[Rick] That's a good question.

I think I'm over here.

Are you all right?

Ugh... Oh, hi, Mom.

Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

I think I'm just
gonna lie down here

for a few minutes, okay?

[metallic clang]

[A.J.] No, we're fine, really.

Besides, we have an
excellent health plan.

[Maggie] But who were those men?

Just delivery boys.

Unfortunately, they didn't
leave a business card.

You sure you have no idea

what they meant
when they warned us

about not digging
up all that dirt?

I wish I did, but
as far as I know,

Sharon's got nothing to hide.

Well, I'll try and find out.

You stay put and
we'll be in touch.

- And Maggie?
- Yeah?

Try and get some rest.

Okay. Bye.

Aah!

Earthquake.

No, just a minor fault rumble.

[chattering]

I'd like to have a kid one day.

Well, I believe the first step

is generally considered
to be marriage.

Maybe I could rent one.

Why don't you just
become a big brother?

I already am a big brother.

To whom?

- Hey, did you find something?
- Maybe.

Where is the copy of
that sketch we had done?

On your desk.

Here you go.

- Damn.
- Wincoop.

Mm-hmm.

What, this guy has
12 home addresses?

Yeah, apparently so.

Let's get Myron to
check them all out for us.

What was he arrested for?

For violating a civil order.

He fell head over heels
for some fashion model,

so he started following her
around, and proposing marriage,

and giving her all these
gifts she didn't want.

That's harassment, right?

Intentional infliction of
emotional distress, to be exact.

Oh, excuse me.

And the model had a
restraining order slapped on him...

- Which he ignored.
- Which he ignored.

And he continued
invading her privacy,

so they picked him up.

What, he's in jail?

No. He would be in
jail if he weren't rich.

He hired a battery of lawyers

to get him off the hook
by getting a court order

to have him see a psychiatrist

for treatment and observation.

So, this is our
fellow, huh, a loony?

A well-to-do loony.

Which means he could've
been the guy who hired

those four fun-seekers
who jumped us yesterday.

Yeah, rich and nuts.
Wonderful combination, isn't it?

Well, listen, do you think
Maggie's up to hearing some of this?

[Both] No.

No, she's too shaky.

Why don't we wait till
we have some more.

Well, it's all in there.

And this is the guy that was
on all those flights of Sharon's.

We find him, we
find Sharon, right?

Mm-hmm.

Um, I wouldn't
count on it, Rick.

A while back, that model that
Wincoop was so obsessed with

disappeared.

Well, the police brought
Wincoop in for questioning

and they came up dry,
so they released him.

Well, with everything
we've got now,

won't they reopen
the investigation?

A.J., we've got too
much up in the air.

We don't have enough on paper.

I wanna know what
happened to the model.

So, you're an
officer of the court,

Mr., uh, Moynahan?

What can I do for you?

I'm here on behalf
of Judge Reinholdt.

He referred a patient to you.

Um, Allen Wincoop.

What about him?

We wanna know what
progress he's made, if any.

Well, why is the
judge so interested?

Hasn't he been getting
my monthly reports?

[sighs]

Why don't you call him and ask?

Sit down.

♪♪ [instrumental]

[screams]

Three down, nine to go.

Boy, oh, boy.

[doorbell rings]

Yeah, well,
checking over his file,

I found that he listed

12 different home addresses.

Yes, rental properties.

His mother left
him all those houses

when she died.

But I don't think he rents them.

I think he lives in them.

I think he stays
in one one night,

and then another the next.

Don't you find that
behavior a trifle odd?

Curious, perhaps.

But in the light
of all the progress

I've been making
with Mr. Wincoop,

that small
aberration is a detail.

You see, I've
been able to reduce

his anti-social tendencies
by, oh, 50 percent.

And his propensity for violence
is now finally under control,

thanks go an intensive
medication schedule.

- You've got him on pills?
- Of course.

Mood elevators for depression
and tranquilizers for stress.

And just to play it safe,

I prescribed an extra
barbiturate maintenance program.

Now look, Allen
has his problems,

but so do you or
I, Mr. Moynahan.

I told the court that as
far as I'm concerned,

Allen Wincoop is in no danger

of harming either
himself or others.

[applause on TV]

We must fight
corruption at every level.

Crime, what about crime?

We must stamp out crime,

make us strong again.

With freedom
and justice for all.

With justice and
equality for all.

My wife, Mary.

♪♪ [organ plays
"Hail to the Chief"]

- [turns off TV]
- Son of a...

Come on, Moynahan,
let's go. We got a 51-50.

I'm not quite through here, yet.

You are now.

We gotta make a
campaign contribution.

Now come on!

Thank you, Doctor.

Well, there's another one down.

- [thud]
- [groans]

How are we doing?
You see anything?

Nothing.

Whoop... Whoa, whoa.

- Bingo.
- What?

Sharon, I don't like it
any more than you do,

but I've got an election to win.

We used to have
such fun together.

Now the only time I see
you is up here in this hideout.

Because it's safe up here.

Look, honey, a scandal
would ruin everything right now.

And with my esteemed
opponent losing in the polls

and desperate enough
to hire detectives...

[chuckles] He'd love to
smear me before the election.

We just can't take any chances.

When it's all over,

we can go back to
the way it used to be.

I promise.

Oh, really?

When the only person I ever
had to hide from was your wife?

[tires screeching]

[truck tumbling]

[crash]

Put 'em up.

Let's go.

Uh, going, yeah.

You don't wanna talk
about this, do you?

I don't wanna talk
about anything.

Just move.

Hey, boy, you sure move
quietly through that brush.

I'm... I'm impressed.

There's not many big guys can move
that quietly through the brush like that.

That's very, very impressive.

[sighs]

- You, hold it, right there.
- [groans]

Nice work.

If you can get it. [moans]

- How you feelin'?
- I think my body's broke.

Sharon?

[screams]

[screaming]

All right, here's
a revised itinerary

of your trip up north next week.

Ah! Take it out real
slow. Hand it over.

- What's going on here?
- Stay seated.

You, keep your
hands on the table.

Out here, move!

All right, all three of
you, down on the ground.

Face down,

arms outstretched
over your head.

You, call your sister.

My sister?

Your sister, call
her, at your place.

[dialing]

[phone ringing]

[ringing continues]

[ringing continues]

I can't believe she
actually did this.

Do you realize how much
trouble she's caused?

Nobody knows about Bill and me.

If this gets out, he
could lose the election.

I think she was
worried about you.

Typical Maggie.

Frustrated Mother.
She oughta get married.

Yeah, well, I hear that's
not all it's cracked up to be.

- Call her again.
- I just did.

Call her again. Maybe
you dialed wrong.

She said she was
gonna be in all afternoon.

It's my home number.
I think I know what it is.

Please, for us.

[dialing]

Now, before we go,

I wanna talk to you about
your trained apes here.

They busted up a
sizeable chunk of my house.

I don't have to take that.

Shut up, Lloyd.

Send me the damages, and
I'll see that you're reimbursed.

You do that.

Still no answer.

God, family, and the
American way, huh?

A.J., remind me
to register to vote.

Come on, let's get
out of this love nest.

[dogs barking]

I thought some champagne
might be appropriate.

[locks door]

I hope I didn't hurt you.

If you'd like to
change your clothes,

we have a closet
full of clothes here...

Dresses, slacks, blouses, shoes,

all the latest design,

and they're all
perfectly tailored for you.

In fact, you'll even find
some of your own clothes

duplicated here.

Of course, I couldn't
find everything.

You... You've made
a terrible mistake.

I don't think so.

I haven't introduced
myself. I'm Allen.

I'm not who you think I am.

Of course you are.

Why are you doing
this? What do you want?

I want us to be friends, Sharon.

[groaning]

- Myron?
- [moans]

What happened?

What happened?

What happened? I'll
tell you what happened.

Some guy played "king
of the hill" with my R.V.,

with me in it.

Why didn't you tell me
the guy was dangerous?

I'll call the apartment again.

Let me see.

Ow, oh.

And to think that I
went through all that

for 30 bucks.

Well, you're just gonna have
to pay the deductible for the van.

Okay.

Plus $120 for new eyeglasses!

Sure, you got it.

All right, so when
am I getting paid?

A.J., no answer.

Hold on, wait a
minute. Wait a minute.

At least tell me
where the aspirin is!

Oh! Oh.

Oh, Myron, you're getting
too old for this sorta thing.

I've provided
everything here for you

that I could
possibly think of...

A television, a radio,

why even a telephone.

It isn't connected
yet, of course.

But someday, after we've
developed a trust between us...

Well, who knows.

I'm not Sharon.

I'm her sister Maggie.

If you prefer the name
Maggie to Sharon, that's fine.

I'm not Sharon!

You're the woman
I've fallen in love with.

I've loved you from afar,

and now I wish to express

the depth of my
affection for you.

I didn't expect you
to love me at first,

but in time.

In time.

For the day when
we're husband and wife.

Well, he got her.

Broke in and he got her.

Which one does he think he has,

- Maggie or Sharon?
- Sharon.

And what's he gonna do when
he finds out that he's got Maggie?

Let's give the love
nest a little call.

[brakes squeal]

Well, let's try number six.

Right.

Whoap, whoap, whoap. Hold it.

If this is the right place,

there's no sense letting
him know we're here.

- Any way in?
- Maybe.

Let's try the roof.

You can't just keep me here.

Why not?

Because, uh, it's kidnapping.

Well, I knew you'd
think that at first,

but it's not.

[screams]

That's Kathryn.

The first woman
I fell in love with.

A model. She was very beautiful.

Unfortunately, things
didn't work out between us.

Well, here.

To us.

[glass breaks]

Sharon, I abhor violence.

- [gasps]
- But I'm not
afraid to use it.

[commotion in other room]

Stay where you are!

Now put those guns
down on the floor.

Hey, now, Allen,
you've got the wrong girl.

You've made a mistake here.

That's not Sharon.

That's her twin sister.
Her name is Maggie.

No, I don't wanna hear this.

Now, we can prove it,

because Sharon's right outside.

Just let us go get
her and bring her in.

No, it's a trick. You
brought the police.

No, no. No police,
I promise you.

I give you my word
as a gentleman.

Okay?

Okay, now, Allen,

I'm gonna go open
the door, okay?

I swear to you,

if there are police
out there, I'll kill her.

There's no cops.

I promise.

- Maggie?
- Now wait, wait, wait.

Easy now.

No.

It's a trick!

It's not even her twin!

[screaming]

Oh!

- You okay?
- I'm fine.

A.J.?

- You all right?
- Yeah.

[bike engine starts]

Yah!

Maggie, I'm so
sorry. I'm so sorry.

I love you.

No, that is not you.

I know. Sharon insisted.

She says I oughta
find some new vistas.

Uh-huh.

Well, I hope that leaves
something to the imagination.

Well, what you see
isn't always what you get.

And besides, I doubt
I'll never wear it.

I mean the orb of a stewardess

is different from that of a
sixth grade school teacher's.

And you know something?

I like mine better.

Anyway, I'm gonna go
put some more makeup on.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- You want us to take that?
- Yeah.

Okay, we'll meet you in the car.

Okay.

After you, Alphonse.

Merci, Gaston.

You know, for a
pair of identical twins,

they're about as
identical as we are.

What's so different about us?

Nothing different about
me. It's you that's different.

Gotta have a little more
respect for your elders.

Especially when
they're so much older.

In fact, you're so different,
I think Dr. Wertzman

would find you an
interesting case.

You know what the penalty
for fratricide is in this state?