All language subtitles for Mr. & Mrs. Aslan (2025)

This film was realised with the support of
the Netherlands Film Production Incentive

-Drop your weapon.
-He's firing shots.

-Fuck.
-Take cover.

Fuck. Man down.

Two officers down.

Suspect is heavily armed.

I'm going in.

-Snipers are almost in position.
-Almost is too late.

I'd like to stay alive, if you don't mind.

Then just stay put.

Right, back me up.

-Yeah? Is this the famous Luna show?
-Shut the fuck up.

Coming!

Mr. Aslan?

I'm sorry. I didn't hear the bell.

We're in.
Baris is in the living room.

Four hostages: mum, dad and two kids.

Armed?

-Baris? We just want to talk.
-Kind of.

Welcome.

Why don't you sit down?
We'd already started.

But this little sweetheart here
doesn't like beetroot.

-Baris...
-Always finish your plate.

Or else Mum and Dad will be mad.

So take a bite.

Take a bite.

Good girl.

-Would like some?
-No, thanks. I already ate.

Fiona, what did we agree on?
We wouldn't let this happen.

So what's your name, sugar?

Luna.

Luna. Luna who?

Why don't you let them go first?
And then we'll talk.

Maybe you should lower your gun first.

I tend to clam up under fire.

Childhood trauma.

But pointing a gun at a kid?
Not trauma?

Way less, weirdly.

Weapon down.

Luna, now!

Just put it down there.

Whoa. Give it to me.

Thank you. Important cargo.

I'm organising this grand party
for the missus.

All the trimmings.
Decorations, catering, DJ.

Everyone'll be there.

Well, maybe not everyone.
Her colleagues won't be.

She works for an international
hotel chain, so they're mostly abroad.

Sign, please.

Like she always says:
Don't mix business and pleasure.

We both know how this ends, Baris.

So let's cut to the chase.
You come with me.

Me? With you?
What will your boyfriend say?

-Or are you one of them cat ladies?
-I'm allergic.

No husband. No cute little kiddies.

Put your gun down.

Seems more logical
if you put your gun down first.

And I let her go after.

For the last time:
Put down your gun.

Goddammit, Luna.
You're really ruining the mood.

Just doing my job.

Making such a big deal of it...

Fiona, shut the fuck up!

Your choice. Either you let me go...

or it's 'bye bye, ballerina'.

-Party's fun. But the stress involved...
-Sign, please.

Okay, let me... Sure.

Fucking loser.

Bye now.

Oh, no.

Okay.

You're right.

Right choice. Well done.

Fuck!

Told you there were other ways
to solve this.

Fuck, my hand.

Don't cry, baby.
We'll get you a plaster.

You'd better look over your shoulder
from now on.

I will come after your family.
One by one.

And I'll take you out you last.

I'll be sure to give them your regards.

I will track you down and I will kill you.

You and your entire family.

Have they found Benny yet?

Was he in the car?

-What? Is he hurt?
-Benny's missing.

But you did a good job, Aslan.

Right. I'll take that.

Fuck you, boomer.

Little shit.

I'll take it up with your parents.

You all right?

What a psycho, right?
That guy really made me sick.

I blame your sticky buns.
Next time, I'll do lunch.

All the same, we did nick the biggest
cartel boss in this hemisphere.

-Yeah.
-Come on, he has nothing on you.

Plus, he's locked up. In solitary.

I dare him: bring it on.
I'll take his other hand too.

I think you have better things
to do tonight. Catch!

Oopsie. I think someone forgot
her four-year wedding anniversary.

Shit. Is that today?

Poor Emre. Organised this huge
surprise party, invited everyone:

Friends, family.
Even your mother-in-law.

You were in Spain the last three days.
Hotel expo in Barcelona.

Hey, lose the long face.
Try to have some fun tonight.

-And don't forget your wedding ring.
-And you.

No, wait. You don't have one.

Honey? I'm home.

Surprise!

Your face! You didn't see this coming,
did you?

No. What's going on?

Four years. Happy anniversary.

Excuse me, kids.

-So, you're back.
-Yeah.

For a bit.

Congratulations.
May God increase your happiness.

Inshallah.

That's very sweet.
Thank you.

What? Can't I show
my daughter-in-law some love?

Sure, but this is enough for now.
Let's leave it there. Thank you.

We'll talk later, all right?

Loony!

Here you go. So how was Spain?
The shops? The men?

They were very Spanish.

-Is she still drinking?
-Just Pornstar Martinis.

Oh. Pornstar?

I'm still a bit nauseous from the flight.

Hon, you should take some pills.
Or travel less.

The benefit of having kids:
No more time for fun.

-You call this fresh bread?
-Oh, so sweet.

Look at him showing off for wifey.

-Kind of cute.
-Very cute.

That man really loves you.

-Are you drinking that?
-No, be my guest.

-Another cocktail?
-Still working on this one.

-It's almost finished. And I make the best.
-Okay.

Great. You go mingle.

-Dylan?
-Yes?

This is a 'shoes off' party.

-But these are socks.
-Right. Take them off anyway.

-Emmie. Emmie, relax.
-What? I am relaxed.

-No, you're not.
-I am. I'm Zen.

-Sounds like someone woke up, Batman.
-No.

Can you hear them crying now?
You can't, can you?

-Take your shoes off.
-What?

-Shoes off. Rules are rules.
-Right.

Feels kinda good, you know.

No, you're right.
These are socks after all.

Oh, hi. Damian.

Don't tell your parents, okay?

Jesus. What the fuck are you doing here?

I got lost and I followed the lights.

Just wanted to be sure you were safe.

-I can look after myself.
-Is that so?

What about that pint-sized intruder
with his football?

-Very funny. Just leave now, before...
-Luna.

Why are you out here?
And what's with the knife?

The knife? I just stepped out to get
some rosemary. For the cocktails.

-Rosemary? Do we have that here?
-Yes.

It really adds spice.
I'll make you one, too.

Right, everyone. Gather round.
Make a circle.

And everyone, phones off.
We can do without the radiation.

A very warm welcome to you, dear friends.

Or, as you Dutch people would say:
Hi.

My name is Ferhat.

And Emre and I, we are related.
We are cousins.

We've been through
thick and thin together.

We shared a bed,
we were circumcised together, we...

Oh, my cousin Emre
wants to talk to you himself.

Is this thing working? Six...

Don't.

Bro, talk. I'll shove it up your arse.
Everyone's watching.

Anyway. Luna, out of all
the Turkish delights you could choose

you went and picked this lahmacun.

Yengeyim, you truly have become family.

You're my sister.
And Emre is family, too.

You'd give your life for family.
I'd die for you.

-Really, I'd die for you.
-Enough about dying.

You guys are perfect for each other.
Really.

You're Yin and Yang.

There's no sweet without salt.
There's no shawarma without sauce.

And no Emre without you,
dearest sister-in-law.

You were my role models.

But life doesn't always go as planned.

I wanted to go left, but life went right.

Tamara went right...

-Is he actually crying?
-Tamara!

Stop it, you fool.

She broke my heart, Auntie.

Me and Emre
have prepared something for you.

No, we didn't.
We didn't prepare anything.

Come, friends.

Come on. Please.

Music!

You go, honey.

What is it? Why stop now?

Oh, uh... My thigh's bothering me.

What a night.

-Close your eyes, my sweet.
-What? Why?

Just close your eyes.

Keep your eyes closed, all right?

All right.

Thank you.

Remember when we hid from my mother
in the library?

My first necklace ever.
Except it broke straightaway.

Because you dropped it.

Because your mum suddenly turned up.

You know what this means, right?

The all-seeing eye protects you from evil.
Thank you, darling.

You're welcome.

Oh, right. I brought you something too,
of course.

What is it?

A surprise.

Right, I'll be off then.

Mum, I thought you'd already left.

You give your wife an evil eye amulet
for your wedding day?

It has special meaning for us.
You wouldn't know.

I wouldn't know? I know you're an idiot.

Did you buy this for him?

-A belt?
-Yes.

A very special one.

It's...

Albino llama leather.

-Very rare.
-Llamas?

-It's really ugly.
-She understands, you know.

That's right.
I understand you perfectly.

You're supposed to.

So how was Barcelona?

Remind me, who was the artist
that designed half the city?

-Ghandi, wasn't it?
-Gaudì, honey.

By the way, I've got my promotion
interview tomorrow.

I have a good feeling about it.

Because I have some excellent ideas

that will really help drive
the company forward.

I'll finally get to show
what I'm really made of.

Right?

Luna?

Oh, I had almost fallen asleep.

Thanks for the party tonight.

Where's your ring?

Oh, I took it off on the plane.

I always do,
because my fingers get swollen.

Night-night, sweetie.

'Night.

Good luck today.

I believe in you.

-I've got this.
-Oh, darling. Mind your thigh now.

Oh, it's Danny from HR.
I have to take this.

Hey, Danny.

Sure. Barcelona was great.

I'm just getting in my car now.

Yes, they'll be reviewing
the safety measures at the new site.

Right. See you in a bit.

Come on, already.
What's keeping you?

Geez, man.

I had to sleep in your car.

Sorry.

They're watching me.

Who is watching you?
And mind your feet.

Man, why do you have such a small car?

-Who is watching you?
-They are, bro. Them.

-Want some Fanta? Vitamin D.
-Disgusting.

Drink up.

Be happy that I didn't shit in your car.
Dick.

Put on your seat belt.

Put on your seat belt, Ferhat.
Rules are rules.

Mate, no seat belt is safer.
All right?

Last week, five guys got beheaded
because they were wearing seatbelts.

It was on HaberTV, channel 142, ATV. Okay?

-Are you still taking your medicines?
-Sure, Dad.

Oral three times a week.
Anal on Monday.

-What day is it today?
-Monday.

Here. Smell it.

What are you doing?

I've seen that car before.

They're CIA.

It's your neighbour from two doors down.

Come on, fasten your seat belt.

Fasten or seat belt or walk.
Rules are rules.

All right, already.

Fastened. All right?

My head will not be on Haber.
It stays put.

Haber, not Haber.

Haber, not Haber. Haber, not Haber.

Hey. Shouldn't you be working?

-Do you ever get that?
-What?

That your fingers swell up on a plane?

No. But my sucuk does.

Right, thanks for that.
Why don't you go post that letter?

It just tastes nice.
Like candy.

Emre?

Wish me luck.

Good luck, bro. Good luck.

Tear them apart, lion bro.
Go get 'em.

-This coffee smells like cat piss.
-I'll drink it.

-Only if you get me another.
-Sure.

Aslan. Great arrest.

I've been assigned to this case.
Here.

The firm insists that this operation
stays watertight.

Baris Yilmaz is a criminal
who is not easily detained.

Especially not in the Netherlands.
Too many people are on his payroll.

-So we're extraditing him.
-What?

To Turkey.

I read about it this morning.

The Turkish authorities want to stick him
in a deep hole and throw away the key.

And good riddance.

-Is there more news on Benny?
-Benny?

Ben. Undercover. Baris's driver?

Ben Huiber? He's still missing.

To be honest,
we don't think he's still alive.

No. I won't abandon him.

-Luna...
-What? He's one of us.

-He's...
-We don't know that.

And we have five days left to find out.

Baris won't talk, you know.

-I can at least try?
-Fine.

But you're the only one who talks to him.
No one else. Is that clear?

Hey, come on in, Emre.
Sit down.

Feeling tense?

-Don, you know me. I'm never tense.
-Herman, please make a note.

Okay, Emre. My man.

You deliver excellent work.
You're always very thorough.

-Punctual. Accurate.
-Check.

My office pigeons have informed me
that you smash all your targets.

The best in the whole department.
You're a real star.

Or should I say a 'tooter'?

Yes, a 'tooter'. Toot-toot!

Where do tooters originate?

In the land of Turkey, far away.

Do the Turks have superstars?

-Yes, the Turks have superstars.
-Toot-toot-toot!

Come on, man. Enough!

That's one toot too many.

Anyhow, where was I?
Oh, that's right.

So I'm thinking, on the one hand:

Emre is perfect
as the new head of department.

But we also have another great candidate.

Okay. May I ask who?

Uh... Harriet.

Harriet?

So this is between me and Harriet?

No. She got the job.

She got the promotion.

I might have told you as soon
as you came in, but never mind.

But I had planned to...

We're looking for a natural leader.

Someone who exudes authority.

The Nelson Mandela of the IT division.

And you're no Nelson Mandela.

But Harriet is?

-Yeah, well...
-She's more of a Mandela.

Amandla!

But there's also good news.

You're in your element
right where you are.

And you remain a real star.

The doctors say you'll be back
to playing the piano in no time.

Did you come here purposely
to make these lame jokes?

You know exactly why I'm here. Hm?

Is that so? Enlighten me.

No, wait. Let me guess.

You're looking for this one guy
who fucked up everything for you.

Just tell me where he is.

Where is Benny?

He might just be lying by the roadside.

Or under your bed.

You know what? You get to choose.

Knife.

Bullet.

Quick.

Slow...

Why the hell Harriet?

She can't help it.

What do you mean? Look at her.

Standing by that fucking photocopier
like she found him on Tinder.

I've been feeling so rubbish lately.

Like life's permanently put me on pause
and I don't know how to hit play again.

Listen, bro.
You can't tell Luna about this.

-But I...
-Shh.

-Luna and I don't lie...
-Shut up, dumb-ass. Listen.

You go home and lie to your wife.
All right? Just like in every marriage.

Me and Tamara, we lied to each other
all the time. All the time.

-I'm not lying to her.
-Emre?

Sorry about my promotion.
I didn't see it coming, I swear.

I was just making some copies...

-Safe, I hope?
-Yeah.

Then out of nowhere, Don said:
You've got the promotion.

Harriet, it's okay.
It's not your fault.

I'm sure you'll make
a great head of department.

The best, even.

Thank you, Emre.

-Oh...
-Sorry. Sorry.

-What...?
-No, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Right. Sorry, sorry... Just go make
some more of those filthy copies.

-Come off it.
-Listen, man. She stole your job.

You can't let her think
that she can replace you.

No. It's not like that.
You're so intense, Ferhat.

Emre.

When did you last give your missus
a proper seeing-to?

-Whoa, that's private.
-Seriously, with all due respect:

When was the last time that you made
her eyes roll back in her head?

'Give me your sausage.
Give me, give me.'

Made her legs shake?

-I presume you simply mean sex?
-That's right. When?

Your choice.

Do you really think I'm scared of you?

You should be.

Aslan.

Do you understand what I'm saying?

I know you're married.
I know where your house is.

-I know everything.
-It's all just talk.

Give Emre my regards.

And I will tell Benny you said hi.

-Are you all right?
-Uh-huh.

I think our Hannibal
Lecter needs a siesta.

Today you will go home, all right?

And you will live up to your name.
Aslan. Lion.

You know what to do?

That little sucuk of yours
needs to go home like this.

All swollen, ready to explode.

Action. Whack, whack, whack.
Understand?

So do you actually know what to do, or...?

-Sometimes, I'm okay...
-Let me give you a few tips.

First one, you ring the bell. All right?

What's this? Het cunt, you know.

Imagine her pussy. Her cunt.
All right?

Like this. Ding dong.

Is anyone home?

It's me, Luna.

Take it.

You see? Welcome.

Next, the helicopter. The back flip.

You push it in, full throttle, and wheee!

Helicopter, helicopter.
Whack, whack, whack. All right?

The back flip.

Push it up her ass. The back flip.
Give it to her straight.

Tea bag: Just hang it in there.
In her open mouth.

And you hold it like this.

Here, tea for you.

Tea, tea, tea.

But most importantly, the cobra.

-The cobra?
-Drives every woman crazy.

You pull my sister-in-law in close
to you, like this. Okay?

And then, like a cobra, you slide down.

-I don't know if I...
-Shush.

-But I need to...
-Join in with me.

Then with your tongue,
you write it out like this: Luna, Luna.

Luna.

Oh...

Coffee.

Nice.

He's got people everywhere.

If they know where you live,
you're screwed.

Not if you're in my garden every night,
having a smoke.

What did he say at the end?
Was that Turkish?

No. Chinese.

He was simply trying to scare me.

Can't you do that on your own car?

You all right?

Honey?

-Hey.
-Hey.

-You were home early?
-Yeah. So are you.

-Shall I cook us some food?
-Yeah. Good idea.

Okay.

Oh. Your promotion interview.
How did it go?

Oh, it went all right.

-Sorry, hon. My mind was elsewhere.
-No worries. It was no big deal.

So you got it?

Technically speaking, yes.
But not quite yet.

There were some internal issues.
But that'll get sorted.

That's great.

-Sleep tight.
-You, too.

-Oww.
-What are you doing?

Cramp in my thigh.

-I have to go.
-Me, too.

I know where you live, Damian.

Out of my way.

Hey, you wanker.
Didn't you forget something?

You weren't ready when
I passed your house.

Oh, so because I wasn't ready, you felt
you could abandon your own cousin?

Nice one, bro. We're family.

You let me walk all this way in the rain.

You're not answering your phone.
You're just like my ex.

-I'm reliving old traumas here.
-Calm down already.

Listen.

That bloody cobra of yours?
It didn't work.

Did you really try it?

How dumb can you be?

-Luna...
-What about Luna?

Well, there's something going on...

-Is she acting strange?
-Yeah, a bit.

At the party the other night,
I found her out in the garden, and...

Oh, my god.

Why does this have to happen to my cousin?

-What are you doing? Stop it, man.
-What is the world coming to?

What are you looking at, fatso?

Listen, bro.

-Your relationship's properly in crisis.
-Pfff.

I think you're exaggerating.
We're just going through some...

Shit.

Do you think we need couples therapy?

Bro, you need professional help.

Actual professional help.

The A-Team.

What is Smeagol doing here?
You wouldn't bring him anymore.

You came this close
to burning down my fucking house.

How was I supposed to know you had
fireworks lying around, you cheese ball?

Simon, it wasn't his fault.

I'm the boss here. Even my kids
are not allowed in.

So that certainly goes for your amigo.

Natasha is not even allowed in.

Hey, Natasha.

Can you wrap it up with your daycare
group? Your kids are waiting.

-Football practice.
-No, sure. Of course.

Off you go.

You're acting the macho man, but
your wife walks in and your balls shrink.

-My balls shrink?
-Missus, bring his balls back.

Guys, please. Come on.

-Listen, Emre has relationship issues.
-Emre, seriously?

-Issues is a bit of an exaggeration.
-Don't lie.

You were crying in the office.

'Oh, my wife is acting weird.
She won't kiss me anymore.

My wife thinks I'm ugly.
I only have one testicle.'

Sorry. Sorry, but that's spot on
what he sounds like.

Sorry.

Show them.

-Emre, show them.
-What?

This was her present
for our wedding anniversary.

-No, no. I don't want to see that.
-Holy shit.

Is that albino llama leather?
That's just priceless, man.

Dylan. Shut up.

Are you guys still...?

-No.
-Sometimes.

Their flame went out. You know?
It was the same with me and Tamara.

Our flame went out and then she ran off
with another man. Shattered me.

And now the same
thing is happening to you.

Our dear Luna is having an affair.

Ferhat, you're talking shit.
Luna would never do such thing.

I found this in our garden.

-That means nothing.
-Or everything.

Bro, you have to switch on
your Turkish Sherlock Holmes.

Go spy on her ass, bro.
007, Turkish style.

-We'll find out all there is to know.
-Exactly. Let's tail her.

-Pull everything off her phone.
-Everything.

-Put up cameras.
-Right on. Finally you get me.

You've got a screw loose, you know.
Come on.

You have to go talk to her. That's it.

-We need to know the truth.
-Llama leather is amazing.

-She comes in and you roll over.
-Go through her things.

-Just talk to her.
-You go find your worthless kids and...

Don't bring my kids into this.

Guys, please. I won't be a Turkish 007.

And there's no way I'm snooping
through Luna's stuff.

So, this. A phone and handcuffs.

This is not a phone.

This is not a phone. It's a burner.

-She had one just like it.
-Who?

-Tamara.
-Oh, god.

-Tamara!
-Here he goes again.

-So what does this mean?
-This means code red.

-Motherfucking code red.
-This means nothing.

Natasha also has two phones.
One private, one work.

So naive.
Luna has a lover. Okay?

And those are for the kinky sex
she no longer has with you.

-Emre, have you talked to her?
-Bro, he just needs to...

-Answer it.
-My mouth is full.

No, you. Answer it already.

-But it's private.
-Emre is private. Answer it.

-Stop it.
-Give it to me.

-Give it to me.
-No.

-Let go.
-No, give it to me.

Guys, come on. Stop it.

Hey, Luna. Are you on your way?

Cameras are ready.
I'm waiting for you in the room.

This is your proof.
Luna is making a porn flick.

-Whack, whack, whack. Proof.
-On OnlyFans?

Really. Trust me. Talk to her.
Ask for an explanation.

No, you have to carry on with
your Turkish Sherlock Holmes. Do it.

Guys...

I just don't know anymore.

What the fuck?

-Teddy bear.
-Gummi bear, Ferhat.

Teddy bear.
We're going to spy on her.

This is bullshit.

Maybe bullshit is what I need.

-Maybe Benny's out of phone credit.
-Maybe.

Maybe I should also just give up.

Just like your mother did before, right?

Wow.

Wow. You're good.

I was wondering
when you'd bring my mum into play.

I mean, I understand.
Difficult childhood, absent parents...

Yeah? And you would do better?

Ali Baba has a farm.

And on that farm he keeps some lambs.

-Is he singing a children's song?
-Seems like it.

On Ali Baba's farm.

You'll make a great mum.

Just like mine.

Luna, what's he saying?
Should I start up Google Translate?

No. He's just talking bullshit.

You hear that?

Tick...

tock. What's that?

Could it be a bomb?

Where would it be?

Maybe at your house, Luna.

All units to the Aslan house.

Mate, five minutes at my house
and I'll show you how Mr. Teddy works.

Tick...

tock.

-Shut your mouth.
-...tock.

You've reached the
voicemail of Emre Aslan.

I can't get that ticking sound
out of my head, Luna.

What is it?
Oh, that's right.

I put some explosives under his car.

If only my mum had been
more loving towards me...

Boom!

-Hey. Do you like ayran?
-Yeah. What Turk doesn't?

Would you, for two million,
drink ayran with my butt hair in it?

That, or, for 5 million

ayran with my butt hair and
hair from my nut sack sprinkled on top?

Sorry, Ferhat.
I'm not in the mood for this.

Look, we're not leaving until you choose.

Okay, okay. I choose
the butt hair and nut hair cocktail.

Ugh. Sick.

Your mum won't be proud of you.

-Now you choose.
-Whatever. Let's go.

Situation appears secure.
Sweep the area. Thoroughly.

It's probably a false alarm.

That's odd.

Yeah. I don't hear it no more.

Fuck you, Baris.

Welcome.
Make yourself at home.

Mind the booby traps
if you value your toes.

Eat your heart out, Indiana Jones.

-So? What do you think?
-What is all this, Ferhat?

This is my island. Isn't it cool?

Camera, microphone.
The whole shebang.

This is where the magic happens, my man.

Yeah, I can see that.

So what's this?

-That's my private collection. Hands off.
-I'm sorry.

Yeah, bro, you know I've been into
spy cams for years, right?

Look. It's just art, man.

It's so small it fits anywhere.

Anywhere.

Look, how cute. I won it at the fair.

For her.

-Just let the pain out.
-Pain? What pain? I feel nothing.

My body is made of steel. I swear.
Hit me.

Hit me. Go on.

See? I feel nothing.

Here we go.

Right. How's that?

-Aren't his eyes a little crooked?
-No, it's perfect.

-Can't you fix them?
-Bro, he's perfect. Trust me.

You put this teddy bear right
where you found that burner phone.

When she gets on the phone with
that dick: bam, everything on camera.

Then you confront her. You walk up
to her and say 'Aslan la vista'.

-Aslan what?
-Aslan la vista.

Like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

-I don't know it, Ferhat.
-Yes, you do. 'Aslan la vista.' Say it.

-Aslan la vista.
-Louder.

-Aslan la vista.
-Louder.

-Aslan la vista.
-From your sucuk, man.

Aslan la vista.

Aslan la vista, baby.

Emre? Do you have a minute?

Bad conscience?

-They're going to fire you.
-What?

I just heard it in a meeting. But I
immediately put in a good word for you.

-In a meeting with Don? This early?
-Shush.

-What is...?
-The office pigeons.

-Office pigeons?
-Let's discuss this somewhere else.

A neutral place. Tonight?

I have a plan how we may be able
to share my promotion

and then they won't have to fire you.

-Clever.
-Yeah.

I know a great place
where we can have a bite to eat.

Normally, I'd print out the address
for you.

But I'll send it via email instead.
Safer.

Okay, see you tonight.

I swear, bro.

That Harriet's got something sexy
under all that stuffiness.

Maybe it's those deliciously round calves
of hers.

She can copy me any day.

-Ferhat?
-Hello.

I don't know. Those eyes look funny.

-Who's this?
-Emre. Operation Teddy Cam.

Oh, Emre.
How are you doing, bro?

Wait, let me switch it on for you.
Give me a sec.

-A bit more to the left. Over.
-My left or your left?

Just to the left. Over.

-Okay, so what do you see now?
-Clear visual. Over.

No. What do you see?

Clear visual of the closet
and the bed. Over.

No. No, no. Not of the bed.

Not of the bed.

Could you repeat that?
You cut out for a second. Over.

Cut it out with the 'overs'.
It's not a walkie-talkie.

Emre, we're on a mission.

I'm calling it off.
I think this is a terrible idea.

-What is a terrible idea?
-Uh...

And what is that?

It's a... A present from my mother.

Oh. Okay.

-Is it cross-eyed?
-Yeah. No.

It's supposed to.

-I'm happy to see you.
-Oh.

Yeah. At work today,
I really missed you.

That's sweet.

I just enjoy talking to you.
We haven't done that in way too long.

You go, yenge.

I'm so glad you're still here.

What do you mean 'still here'?
I'm always here, am I not?

No, that you're still home, I mean.
I thought you might not be in.

-Or would you rather I hadn't been home?
-No, I'm glad you were.

I think we should make more time
for each other.

I would really like that.

I say, you're flirty today.

I'd really like that too.

I missed you so much, hon.

I missed you too.

There's something else
I wanted to say to you.

I know what you want to say.
I love you too.

I...

My love...

Ferhat...

-Did you say something?
-No. Nothing.

I missed you too, baby.

-What are you doing?
-It just cramped up.

My thigh, you know.

Way to go, Emre.

Now do as I taught you.
Go on.

Here, right?

Emre...

Emre?

Emre.

-What are you doing?
-I kept picturing my mother.

-Your mother?
-Yeah, but she's gone now.

She's gone.

Where were we?

-I'm no longer in the mood now.
-Yes, you are.

No, honey. Now I'm picturing your mother.

-Let's try again tomorrow.
-Oh.

But...

All right. Tomorrow.

Emre, there's something
I need to tell you.

-Where are you going?
-To see Simon.

-It's an emergency.
-Oh? What happened?

Well, not really an emergency.

A problem with his laptop.

Does it have to be now?
I'm making pizza.

Yes, it has to be now.
He needs it tomorrow.

For a presentation.

Okay.

-Harriet?
-Hi, Emre.

Oh...

Are you ready? We're going to
a restaurant, right?

Why don't you come in first?
Just for a bit.

Oops, sorry. It's a bit tight.

-Come on in.
-Shoes off?

Yes, please. Take them off.

-Are you hungry?
-Uh...

-No, I'm all right actually.
-Of course you are.

Strong man like you? Come.

Do you like a nice piece of meat?

Warm.

Tender.

Juicy.

Six hours in the oven.
Specially for you.

-I really...
-Go on. Take a bite.

Harriet, about that promotion...

You wanted to talk about
your promotion, right?

-Oh. Your glasses are really greasy.
-Oh, right. I...

-Just give it to me.
-No, that's...

That's better.

-Now you can see things clearly.
-Thank you.

Hey...

How is that possible?

Without glasses you're even more handsome.

Thank you.

Where's the toilet?

The toilet? Uh... I don't have one.

That was a joke.

-Down the hall. First door on the left.
-Okay.

The toilet.

I hadn't spotted it.

Don't take too long, my little roast beef.

Emre.

Emre!

-Someone's already in there.
-Impossible. Step aside.

What the fuck are you doing?

-I'm also trying to find Benny.
-Cut the crap.

Discuss this shit with me first.

All right, Luna. Sorry.

Hey. He's not one of us.

Hey!

Fuck.

Hey.

Intruder on the south side.

Fuck...

Shit, Benny...

'Love is being willing to kill
for each other.'

A little bit cheesy, don't you think?

-Dad, that stupid neighbour is here.
-Hey...

Thanks, mate.

-Hey.
-Oh.

I'm Jack Sparrow.

-Okay, how are...?
-How are...?

-Sorry, you want to go first?
-Wait, let me... Oh.

How's your investigation coming along?

Well, Ferhat is a big help.

Ferhat and you have been
very close lately, haven't you?

He has a lot of experience
with these things. A lot of tools.

Man up. Talk to your wife.

I should man up? That's rich
from a man who is afraid of his wife.

Hey, hey. I'm not afraid of Natasha.

-Natasha, Simon has something to say.
-Shush. Stop.

I'm not afraid of Natasha.

I just do what she says.
Because I'm her husband. All right?

Listen, I cannot talk to Luna right now.
I need proof first.

Wow, you even sound like Ferhat.
So piss off.

Piss off to your fucking BFF.

-You piss off to the Caribbean.
-What did you say?

-Because you're Jack Sparrow?
-Jack Sparrow.

-What did you think?
-Something else. Nothing.

-Never mind.
-Right.

Bye, Ferhat 2.0.

Ferhat, what's keeping you?
She just drove off.

Calm down, bro.

I'm coming down your street now.
I have the perfect car for spying.

I said inconspicuous.

I am inconspicuous. See?

Come on, get in.
Sunflower seeds?

How are we supposed to
keep up with her in a Canta?

It's souped up, okay?
What do you think?

Vroom, vroom. Let's go.

Move over, I'm driving.
Move over.

Easy now.

This isn't Istanbul.
We have traffic rules here.

I don't want to lose her.

Ay, stop. Stop, stop!

Granny, could you
please, please get a move on?

You'll be late for bingo night.
Hurry.

-Fucking Moroccan.
-Fucking what?

-I'm going to...
-Whoa, whoa.

-Don't try to stop me.
-Hey!

Fucking Moroccan?
Is that what you think I am?

I'll stick this up your wrinkly ass.
Hurry up.

Get a move on.

Well done. And now run.
Go on, run.

-Go change your diaper at home.
-Ferhat!

-Bro, you're not ready for this.
-Shut the fuck up already. Jesus.

This is the Emre I was looking for.
You've found your balls.

-Get in.
-My lion. Let's go.

Hi, Mum.

I'm busy right now.
I'll call you back later, okay?

My god, what is she doing here?

Where did you get that?
Give it here.

Hurry.

I know that grey car. It was
outside our house the other night.

We've got you, fuck face.

Someone just got out.

Let me see.

Give me that.

That's a cool dude yenge is chilling with.

Just like that actor. Kivanc.
If I were her, I'd do him too.

Hey, he's a smoker.
He has that same lighter.

He's been lighting up in your garden, man.

He has so given yenge the back flip.
And the teabag, and the doorbell.

-And got knows what else.
-Give me those.

-Let's go.
-Right. I'll get my gun.

No, Ferhat. Let's go home.

So what about Kivanc?

I've seen enough.

There's nothing we can do about it.

-It's my fault that Benny...
-No. Don't go there.

Benny was a lost cause and you know it.

Maybe it would be good for you
to take a break.

-Take a step back.
-What are you saying?

-Didn't Helen tell you?
-What?

About your leave?

Sorry, I thought you already knew.

-You're joking, right?
-She thinks it's too dangerous.

Also...

Also now that you're pregnant.

So you told her?

What the fuck, Niels? I've been
working on this case for months.

Look where it got Benny.
You want to end up the same way?

You should think about your baby too.

-Incredible.
-I mean well, Lu.

Oh, fuck off.

Lu! Come on.

Emre.

What was it our Müslüm baba always said?

'We're intense people,
who feel things deeply.'

Yeah...

-Care for a Gilette?
-I'm okay.

I'm sure you don't want to hear this,
but it is not your fault.

Women are just untrustworthy dickheads.

But with a cunt. Dickhead cunts.

You were right.

I was naive.

Emre. Remember?

Aslan la vista, baby.

Ferhat, 'Aslan la vista'
doesn't mean anything.

It's just bullshit.

Emre, don't cry.

If you start, I'll cry too.

Allah, I'm going to cry.

Wow.

That was quick.

Am I missing something?

Not at all.

There's absolutely nothing wrong.

Should there be?

Emre, why don't you just tell me
what's the matter?

-Where have you been?
-My work.

Your work.

Always your work.

You've been very busy with work
recently, haven't you?

Germany. London.

-Barcelona.
-Yeah.

So?

So I'm increasingly wondering...

where you are.

Funny. I keep wondering
the same thing about you.

Excuse me?

Where's the Emre I fell in love with?

The Emre from the library.

The Emre who'd always be the first
on the dance floor: 'Fuck it.'

Where are you?

-Is that why you have someone else?
-What?

That's not...
You're not serious, are you?

Is there someone else?

It certainly looks like it.

I'm pregnant.

-I should be very happy, really. But...
-Pregnant?

By me?

God, you're such a dick.

No. Luna.

I kept tripping myself up

time and again

my most sensitive chord had snapped

so I went looking for help
in all the wrong places

now here I stand,
with a smile that is real

I've come a long way

from close to rock bottom

I made so many mistakes

- how did I ever
- Hey, Mum.

Let things get this bad?

I'll find my way up

it's not too late yet

Why don't you go play inside?

-Was that necessary?
-I was being nice.

Let's go.

Mum...

No, I'm... I'm not sick.

I was just busy, that's all.

Luna?

No, she's working.

No, no need to stop by.
Everything's...

No, don't stop by.

Don't stop by, I said.

Okay, nice.

Really nice.

Thanks, Niels.

All set and ready to go.

Clear shot. Stand by.

I'm going in.

Can we talk about this later?

Yeah, but...

You're almost here already?

Right. See you in a bit.

Fuck.

Bloody mess.

Hello, Clark Kent.

Accident on the N231.
We'll take route B, past the station.

W1 to W2, do you copy?

-W2 to W1, copy that, over.
-Luna!

-You're not supposed to be here.
-What are you doing?

Oh, Luna. Luna.
You came to meet me here.

And I've sent some of my boys
down to yours.

What have you done?

I sincerely hope there's no one home.

The other day, at my house,
I was sure.

You and I...

-We belong together.
-But... I... I never...

-Is that your wife?
-No, I...

-This is the voicemail of Imre...
-Fuck.

Niels? Do we still have officers
watching my place?

Niels?

That's her. That's her, isn't it?

-That's my mother.
-I feel no shame anymore.

-You're right.
-Yeah?

I'll send my mother home.

And then we can do our thing in peace.

But first...

-Oh, Emre. Naughty boy.
-Wait here.

Don't come out, okay?
I'll be right back.

So I know you'll be back.

I've long thought about what I'd do
to that husband of yours.

I told my boys:
Turn him into Adana kebab.

Burn him to a crisp.

Oh, shit.

Cooperate now, Lu.

What's this bad timing' shit?

You won't answer your phone
and now you want to send me packing?

Hello?

Second target in the house.

Did you guys argue?

No, mum. It's a little bit complicated.

What do you mean, complicated?

Let me clean this up for you.

-Where's your vacuum cleaner?
-No, no, no.

-Actually...
-What?

You make us some tea.
I'll get the vacuum cleaner.

And bin that. Go on.

-Mum.
-Tea.

I thought you'd never...

be back.

-Wait, wait.
-I'll be right back.

Wat are you doing here?

So cute.

So cute.
Yeah, you're so cute.

You're so cute I could eat you up.
Just look at you.

You sit down there, why don't you?

Fuck you, you son of a bitch.

Who do we have here? Luna.

Look at that ass.

Juicy little behind.

Auntie Derim?

Auntie Derim.

Behind you.
I'm coming. Hang on.

Okay, tie her up.

All this time, you never realised
this rat was working for me?

Luna, out.

Luna. Out.

Mum, it's not what it seems.
Mum...

Mum...

Mum.

Geez, what is it now?
Here, you take this down. Go on.

My god.

What the heck?

Did you think you
were rid of me so easily?

Dum-dum bullet hit me,
then the hunter ate me...

Ronnie? Can you hear me?

Ronnie?

She's coming with us.

-Guys, that wasn't the plan.
-Plans change, Niels. As you well know.

-I trusted you.
-Luna, I'm sorry. I didn't...

Niels!

A rat can't be trusted, Luna.

In particular one with gambling debts.

'Baris, help me.
How will I pay it all back?'

You should shut the fuck up.

-Your shift has ended.
-Niels!

Niels!

-Come on, you.
-Niels!

Emre?

Motherfucker!

-Who are you? Kimsin?
-What?

There we are. All cleaned up.

All spic and span.

So tell me, son.
What is going on?

Luna and I...
We're struggling a bit.

So what? We'll find you
a much prettier woman.

Mum, please.

Dear son, don't you think I see
how things are between you?

This woman has swallowed you whole.
You're not happy together.

Your happiness means
everything to me, son.

There are plenty more women out there.

I can easily find you a new one,
fresh from Turkey.

Mum, will you please shut up about this?

Mum.

Luna is pregnant.

We argued and now I don't know
where she is.

Unbelievable, you son of a donkey.

What am I supposed to do with you?

Luna's pregnant
and you sit here doing nothing?

-Loser.
-What else can I do?

Be a man. Be the pillar of your family.

-Go find your wife.
-Okay.

Save your marriage.

Fight for your marriage.

Look at me.
Do this for my beautiful bride.

Okay, I will.

-Do it for my grandson.
-Grandson?

Of course. A real man begets a son.

Show some balls.

Come on, sugar. Show some balls.

You have big balls. Show 'em.

I'm a man.

A big-balled man.

Why are you still here?

-You fool. Get a move on.
-I'm going.

I swear, I'll kill you.

What am I going to do with you, you idiot?

Keep your mitts of my wife.

Keep your mitts...

No.

Your claws.

Your claws?

-Ferhat, I can't talk right now, okay?
-Emre...

-Emre, don't hang up.
-No.

Did Tamara send you?
When did you talk to her?

Who is...? Who the fuck is Tamara?

-Who is Tamara?
-No, stop, stop. Okay? Stop.

Is that her? Is that Tamara?

Your wife?

-My ex-wife.
-Oh, man.

I also have one.

You won't ever be rid of them.

-Do you have kids?
-Two girls.

God doesn't wait to punish.

-You?
-I have three boys.

I'm not allowed to see them.

I'm good enough to pay,
but I'm not allowed to see them.

Those women. All of them.
Fucking dickheads.

-My words exactly.
-Yeah?

-They're all fucking dickheads.
-Dickheads.

-Man, I'm sorry.
-No worries, mate.

201...

Of course.

You can fucking do this.

Will you look at that?

What is going on here?

Shush, shush.

So this is what you do in hotels?

Spreading your legs like that.

For the benefit of this bunch
of Freddy Krugers?

You're wearing a mask
because you're too ugly?

-Who? Me?
-No, my dog.

So what do they call this?

Kinky hip?

That's beyond me, of course.
Emre's naive as fuck.

Is he one of us?

No, man. Don't know him.

You all take me for a fool, don't you?

Guess what? I've got internet at home too.

And with a pregnant woman to boot.

My pregnant wife.

And in the presidential suite to boot.

Which one of you is the president here?

Come on then, if you dare.
Bunch of cowards.

-What is he saying?
-Goddamn cowards.

Who's got the guts to take me on?

Who's got the guts to take me on?

Who's got the guts to take me on?

Sorry. Wrong room.

We found one who's still alive.

I had a feeling that you'd mess up.
With that wonderful hobby of yours.

What did they do with her?

Do you have a light?

Where the fuck is Luna?
Where is she?

I can't make out what you're saying.

-What are you doing here?
-I'm sorry.

Rather be abducted by yourself?

-Emre, calm down.
-Calm down? We're about to die.

We're not going to die.

Well, we might very well die.

No...

Sorry. I apologise for dragging you
into this.

No. I'm sorry. It's my fault too.

I have to tell you something.

-I have to tell you something too.
-No, Emre. Seriously.

I really have to tell you something.

No, seriously. I also really have to
tell you something. I'll go first.

I never got that promotion.

-What?
-Yeah.

I fucked it up and I didn't want you
to think of me as a loser.

So I lied about it.

Then I thought you were
cheating on me, so I followed you.

Then, the Teddy cam.
And then Harriet.

She is utterly and totally insane.

And now she's at our house.
In the closet.

I'm so sorry.

Wait, what?

And she was on our bed
for a few seconds. On your side.

It's okay, hon.

I'm a secret agent.

Today, we were extraditing
a master criminal: Baris Yilmaz.

And that's landed us here.

-So you're not cheating?
-No, of course not.

-So there is no one else?
-Emre, I love you.

Why on earth would I cheat on you?

Well, I... You're right.

So that means I am the father...?

-Jesus, Emre. Yes, you're the father.
-No, yeah. Right. Thank god.

-What are you doing?
-Trying to wrench those tie ribs loose.

Oh, I still have your boyfriend's lighter.

-I mean, your ex. Or...
-All right. I get it.

So give it to me.

One, two...

Selamün aleyküm, Emre.

Aleyküm se...?

Is that Baris?

This is the end of the road for you, baby.

-Baby? You're calling me baby?
-Shut up.

-You know what you are?
-Quiet!

Bro, out in ten minutes.
Bring 'em both, okay?

Move it.

No worries, my love. I have an idea.
Follow my lead.

I have a plan.

No, love.

Run when I say 'go'.

Run!

You all right?

Wait here.

Go get the car.
Who's going to pop them?

Pop us? Oh no, no.

My god, no. Don't pop me.
Let my life be free of popping.

Calm down.

But I don't want us to die.
Or our baby.

You still have that lighter?

-Give it to me. I'll melt our tie ribs.
-Good thinking.

-Okay. Do me first.
-Okay.

I'll do you first.

-This feels really good.
-Hurry up.

Watch out, he's coming.

Oops.

Honey.

-Honey, are you all right?
-Yeah, I'm all right.

-Are you okay, hon?
-Yeah, I'm good.

Emre, leave it.
Be a good boy now.

Luna.

Baris, we can solve this differently.

You know what you can do?

You can shut the fuck up
or I'll waste that bitch of yours.

My bitch? You keep
your mitts off my claws.

What?

I mean, hands off my wife.
Off my wife and my child.

Seriously? Was he the best you could
find? He's not a real man.

He's the best man I could wish for.

-You're half an ass.
-I'm an ass? Look who's talking.

-I'll shove this thing right up yours.
-Whoa, have you no shame?

You know what?
Let's do this man to man.

What do you mean?
You'll need two men for that.

Who do you think you are?
Man to man.

Come on, then.

Get your ass over here and pay attention.

Watch me mess up that bitch of yours.
Enjoy this.

Aslan la vista, baby.

So much for your career as a pianist.

Oh, my god. This was so sexy.

I love you.

I love you too.

Fuck you.

Oh, I still have this.

Not that you need it. You're perfectly
capable of looking after yourself.

Agent Aslan.

Sorry, but why is he still here?

That's Chico. He's my mate.

I mean, how many darts does he have?

-And where do we know him from?
-Anonymousletterstomyex.com

-I also had a Tamara.
-Except his Tamara is called Jessica.

Bloody Jessica. Bloody Tamara.

That's me. Yes.

-Still wearing that ugly llama belt?
-Hey, show some respect.

It has a special meaning for us.

-Not you, Dylan. I'm talking about...
-You and Luna?

-I just thought... Oops, silly me.
-Anyhow. Duty calls.

-Later.
-Later, mate.

My ex was also called Jessica.

What ex, man?
You've never seen pussy.

Right, I'll be there at eight. Thanks.

-Where are you going?
-Berlin.

Some art dealer's got 4 million worth
of cocaine hidden in his paintings.

So tonight I am Jeanne,
interested in buying art.

-Go get 'em before all hell breaks loose.
-You know me.

Hon. Aren't you forgetting something?
Here, catch.

No, don't throw it. My love.

Bye, Mr. Aslan.

Bye, Mrs. Aslan.

Bye, my lovely. My little lion.

Tamara, dearest wife of mine

why did you have to leave me behind?

Tamara, I miss you so

I miss you

but you've pledged your cunt to another

I even asked your daddy for your hand

your blessing, Dad

I'd die for you, Tamara

you were only in it for the money

you screwed me over, Tamara

Tamara, oh, Tamara

you cheated on me

and now I'm feeling down

Tamara, oh, Tamara

you cheated on me

spreading for a Caribbean guy

Tamara, oh, Tamara you cheated on me

and now I'm feeling down

Tamara, oh, Tamara you cheated on me

you gave it up for a Moroccan

oh Tamara, you broke my heart

I thought I'd finally found a Dutch girl
who could cook

I wanted to show you my love

but you just wanted it up the ass

Tamara, oh, Tamara you cheated on me

and now I'm feeling down

Tamara, oh, Tamara you cheated on me

spreading for a Caribbean guy