Original subtitles

Dear ghostly brothers,

here's some pocket money I'm burning for you .

Feel free to take it and spend as you please.

I've seen all kinds of people,

but I've never seen any man . . .

. . .who behaves much like an old woman.

What do you mean, like an old woman?

Today's the middle of the seventh moon;

that's why l'm burning paper money for the spirits.

It's bad enough being poor while you're alive.

Wouldn't it be worse if you're poor as a ghost?

One of these is already 50 million.

The grand total here adds up to more,

than even the net worth of Wang Yong-qing!

Ghosts are so much better off, I'd rather be dead!

Patience. It'd be your turn soon enough .

We've been ordered to look into a case at Hang Hau.

The gate opens,

and the horses charge out neck and neck.

No. 3 Hercules is in the lead . . .

. . .by just half a head.

Hercules is leading all the way.

Come on, faster!

It's a sure win this time!

Come on! l'm gonna win this time!

In 3rd place, No. 6 Soaring Dragon Leaping Tiger.

Hercules slips down to 4th place.

Damn! This horse has no staying power.

I might as well jump off a building.

You always say that.

Why haven't you fallen to your death yet?

There's nothing going on here. Let's go.

According to the sergeant's briefing,

nothing going on doesn't mean there's no problem.

Just shut the hell up, OK?

Hurry up. My daughter's expecting me home for dinner.

Come off it. You're really off to see your girlfriend.

What business is it of yours?

If you're not going, I am. You can walk back.

It's just a few streets ahead.

What's going on?

Police! Freeze!

Freeze!

You wanna run?

You're not getting away!

Freeze!

Just make one more move,

and l'll blow your head off!

You're a bold one!

Damn you, you old geezer!

You stink!

That's called "having presence".

Before you even see me, you can smell my aroma.

Get on with it.

OK.

What if there's really evidence in the warehouse?

Can he handle it alone?

I'd better go back and take a look.

Ah Biao. . .

Zhang Biao.

Ceausescu .

Marcos.

Can it be I'm dead?

Gambler Cop Unable to Repay High-Interest Debt. . .

. . .Commits Suicide.

This isn't correct.

I was killed while investigating a drug syndicate.

Do you know who kiIled you?

I didn't see his face.

Then are you willing to plead guilty to suicide?

No.

Then the cause of death remains "Unknown".

Your Excellency,

could you please let me return to investigate?

This isn't a hotel. You can't come and go as you please!

Excellency, we're both civil servants.

Can't you just give me a break?

A break? That depends on whether you know the rules.

RuIes?

Will this do?

This will do very nicely.

I'm off then.

Wait. There are two things you must remember.

Whoever has such a birthmark will be your saviour,

but if it's like this, he'll be your doom .

There's also this personal gift from me.

What is it for?

It's full of charms and spells you'll find useful.

Spells? How wiIl l find my saviour?

Guess, the police station is where a cop would look for.

The police station?

Sit tight. Which room?

No. 1 .

No. 2.

No. 3.

Let's play a game.

Give me the cards.

If you guess correctly, you win.

Watch closely.

Let's have another go.

The training officer's here.

You're good.

But it won't help. I'll deal.

No. 1 .

No. 2.

No. 3.

Come on in, don't be afraid .

Over there.

Take off your pants.

Hurry up.

Wait.

What are you doing?

Taking cover.

Will this work?

Sure. . .

I can see.

But they can't.

Turn around .

Bend over.

This damned kid is my saviour.

Bend over.

What for?

In-depth inspection. Bend over.

In-depth inspection.

- Hurry up. - Hey. . . No. . .

Bend over.

My saviour. God knows who's saving whom?

No!

I said bend over! In-depth inspection!

Bend over!

Miss, you'd better co-operate.

Ain't I already co-operating?

Who told you to get on the table?

What do you mean, officer?

Don't play dumb with me, bitch!

Who's playing dumb?

You were the one who told me to sit here.

You dare talk back?

I dare not to talk back.

That's talking back!

Are you sick? You're the only one who dares talk back!

I dare not to talk back for sure.

Good morning.

Sir.

Sir, hi !

Sorry to disturb you . How are you?

Anybody home?

Sorry.

It's you?

It's me.

Who are you?

Officer 1 997, reporting for duty.

Why do HQ send someone like this here?

What are you doing?

Your dad is calling for you .

It's your old man.

He couldn't repay his gambling debts with loansharks,

so he jumped to his death . That's your old man .

Sorry, my apologies.

Just cut the crap and come with me.

What are we doing here?

What do you think?

Good.

Taking a piss, officer?

Good guess.

Lift your foot. Lift it!

Why?

Move your foot.

What the hell are you doing, ma'am?

This is a men's toilet! What are you doing here?

You ask me what I'm doing here?

I've been mopping this floor for a dozen years.

You think I'm in here for the scenery?

Besides, what shape or size haven't I seen before?

It's a real shame.

Are you insulting me?

Don't mess with her, officer.

If you get her mad, you'll land yourself in trouble.

Who the hell is she supposed to be?

The only thousand-year-old virgin left on earth.

If you get her juiced up,

the whole precinct won't be able to sort her out.

Are you up to it?

324, 325, 326, 32. . .

327, 328, 329, 330, 33. . .

Great Beauty!

300. . . what's my count?

332

Thank you.

332

None of your business, close the door!

What are you two doing in here?

Nothing. We've brought him to get his gun .

Come here.

Your number?

1 997

Sign here.

You're new here,

so I'll give you a simple assignment.

I've already sent 2 female officers. . .

. . .to go undercover in a massage parlour.

Go and contact them .

When the time is ripe, reveal your identity,

and arrest the whole lot. Simple.

You call that simple?

Bullshit! Would I send you for something complicated?

Who are the undercover cops?

They're wearing fishnet stockings.

When you get there,

just say code phrase for the mission,

and they'll know who you are.

What's the code phrase?

From Now On. (Vietnamese)

What about you?

I'll oversee whole operation from here,

and provide you with backup if needed.

That's it then. Hurry up and go!

Have a nap first.

What would you like, boss? Looking for a girl?

This way please.

You go ahead. . .

All our girls are first class.

Take your time.

Thanks.

You won't find a better selection in Hong Kong.

Take your pick.

I'd like to check out their legs first.

I don't care about the face, but. . .

. . . l'm a leg man when it comes to women.

Certainly. . .

Come. . . girls, lift your skirts.

Let him have a good look. Higher. . .

Well?

Not bad.

Which one do you fancy?

All of them.

All of them?

That's not possible?

Sure. . . get up. . . have fun!

Go on. . .

Don't be so impatient!

Six in one go! What a crazy bastard!

What's the matter with you? Taking so long!

These fishnets itch me like crazy.

How come they're all gone?

Isn't this better?

The guy who's coming to contact us. . .

. . .won't be making any mistakes.

Wait. . . hold your horses!

Wait! l have something very important to say.

From Now On. (Vietnamese)

From now on, (Vietnamese)

Hong Kong has a new policy (Vietnamese) on Vietnamese boat people. (Vietnamese)

From now on, (Vietnamese) any boat people coming to Hong Kong. . .(Vietnamese)

. . .a result of economic circumstances. . .(Vietnamese)

. . .will be treated as iIlegal immigrant. (Vietnamese)

Great. . .

But you haven't understood what l mean.

Sure we do. We're all from Vietnam .

Sorry, I'm in the wrong place.

Many apologies.

HoId your horses, boss.

You're leaving after just taking a look?

That's right.

Son of a bitch! What are you playing at?

Actually, l'm a university student.

I'm doing a statistical survey. . .

. . .on hookers. . . No, I mean prostitutes.

A student? Which school?

The Hirstute lnstitute.

The Hirstute lnstitute?

The Hirstute Feline Studies lnstitute.

Which is to say. . .

You'll get it. Goodbye.

Where's your student I D?

A student lD's not a personal ID,

you're not required to carry it all the time.

Didn't you know that?

Student? We're the real students here.

That's a student's I D card.

Really? What faculty?

Social science. I'm moonlighting as a Triad .

Working part-time to pay your way,

how admirable! Keep it up!

You dare indecently assault a police?

Police? You shitting me? Bring them over.

Come on, you fat bitch, come on!

You've guts, messing on my turf!

From Now On. (Vietnamese)

Why didn't you get here earlier?

Better late than never.

On the floor, all of you ! I'm police!

Don't play with guns? You're still at school.

Don't you know it's dangerous?

Give it to me, that's a good boy.

Stop!

I said stop! You want to get me killed?

it's not your head I want to smash right now,

it's your goddamn mouth I'm smashing!

Disgusting!

Bust his head open, big brother!

I was just scaring you, you coward .

If it was for real, you'd be pissing in your pants.

HeIp!

Cut it out. . .

This son of a bitch's a real lame ass.

Don't. . .

What's the matter. . .

Is it sorted?

All sorted out.

Bloody cat, shitting on the altar again.

What a stink!

Apologies, Grandmaster.

Your disciple requests your spiritual instruction.

I call upon your divine presence.

Long arms, long legs, everything can be long.

Bastard!

Cockroach-style grappling! You can't run now!

Apologies, Grandmaster. Our home's too dirty.

Oh no! Forebodes disaster!

That's bad!

Ah Yu , don't go yet.

Dad, what's the matter?

Red glow on cheek, watery eyes, forebodes disaster!

You must take extra care especially with men!

Why should I?

In case you're revisited with bad karma.

Dad, what have you done this time?

Never mind, just be careful.

Alright, don't worry!

I'm off. Bye!

Don't be too late!

OK.

It's my fault for messing with people's daughters.

Now that my own daughter's grown up,

I hope nothing bad gets revisited upon her.

Going out?

Your skirt's so long.

What a mess!

It looks Iike a kennel!

How could anyone live like this?

You again?

Why giving me a dead man's quarters?

Don't push your luck!

Fireman. . . No, police.

You look real smart!

You . . . can. . . talk!

Police, serial no. 1 997.

It's best you don't say anything.

You have the right to remain silent.

What you say may be used against you in court.

May I ask where the door is?

Thanks.

I'm turning around.

I'm exhausted. I'll walk slowIy.

I must be dreaming, or day-dreaming!

I'm sick! Sick in the head!

I must have gone crazy. . .

Stop it!

I'm saying I quit. l want to go home.

You can't escape.

I'll do it all over again.

I told you, you can't escape. You asked for it.

Now do you believe me?

Yes.

What's so funny?

I am scared.

Weren't you scared enough just now?

That's the way l am .

Don't try to boss me around. Say what you have to say.

Alright, I will.

I have a saviour, and another who'll bring me doom.

There's a plum-blossom shaped birthmark on your ass.

That means you're my saviour.

The one who'll bring me doom I haven't found yet.

What did I do to deserve this?

How should I know? It's ordained from above.

No, please, l beg you!

I don't even know you, leave me alone!

It's not me who's messing with you.

We're both being messed with by above.

Did you think you were really so great?

You could fight 1 against 9 in the massage parlour?

Did you think with just a single breath. . .

. . .you could blow up that girl's skirt like that?

So it was you.

It was me. Here's what we'll do.

I can help you get that girl,

and you help me back. How's that?

I can't, I'm not up to it.

So you won't?

I'm really not up to it!

You really won't?

Forget it. . .

Alright, wait and see.

Ghost!

Sir.

It's nothing.

What a nutcase!

Do you believe in ghosts?

Sure! They really exist.

Then have you ever seen one?

No.

I don't know if that's a good thing or not.

If he'll help you , you've got it made.

Really?

Yes.

What if I don't accept?

Then you'll be in trouble.

In trouble?

What's the matter? You've seen a ghost?

Then you're in deep shit.

No way, I'm fine. I'm having a lucky streak.

I've never been in any sort of shit my whole life.

Right.

What are you doing?

I stepped on a nail.

It didn't go into the flesh, so it doesn't count.

That isn't bad enough?

Get going, there's nothing to see.

What's the matter?

That Vietnamese man won't come down.

Have you notified those above?

They haven't arrived yet.

I was OK just now.

Strictly speaking, it wasn't so bad .

Alright. . . it wasn't bad. . . get to work.

You go up first, I'll be right with you.

He's up there.

Brother.

It's nothing, I just want to ask you,

have you ever, in your entire life. . .

. . .seen a ghost?

Seen a ghost?

No. Why?

You saw one, right?

No.

Who is it? Who's throwing rubbish?

You look like shit. Are you OK?

Sure. . . let's get to work.

Sir, don't give in to despair.

There's nothing that can't be worked out.

What more is there to say?

I must die!

Brother. . .

Don't come up. . .

Brother, calm down, take it easy.

If you come any nearer, I'll jump!

Listen to me, brother.

Just listen to me, brother.

Don't be a fool!

Think back to when you left Vietnam,

leaving your home, braving the stormy seas,

enduring much hardship along the way. . .

. . .until you finally managed to reach this place.

What did you do all that for?

Wasn't it for freedom?

Have you heard the saying:

Life is valuable, but freedom is even more so?

No, l haven't. Don't say anything more!

You Hongkongers are all hypocrites.

Each and every one of us Vietnamese,

endured so much suffering to come to Hong Kong,

and you are so inhumane. . .

. . .that you're sending us back.

Do you know that if we go back, we're dead for sure?

Since I'm dead anyway,

I might as well jump off from here.

Maybe you won't be repatriated.

The power that be is still negotiating.

Don't you read the news? One radical's gone to France,

another's returned to Taipei .

They've even become celebrities on TV.

Sorry to interrupt.

What are you doing up here?

Just want to chat. . .

They're different, the whole world support them .

We're Vietnamese. You'll repatriate us just like that.

You've forced us into a dead end .

Think about it. What else have you got to say?

I want to ask you.

There's nothing more to consider.

Think about what l just said.

Sorry to disturb you for a while more.

I want to ask you, if the ghost wants to mess with you. . .

. . .and you ignore him,

do you think you'll die horribly?

It's precisely because you ignore us.

If you had taken good care of us,

we wouldn't have to go down this road .

Damn it, From Now On! (Vietnamese)

If you want to die, get on with it.

Stop interrupting our conversation!

You come here, we pay for your shelter and food,

why the hell are you making a fuss?

Who the hell do you think you are?

If you've got the guts, jump off right now!

You're crazy!

It's you telling me to jump! I'm really jumping!

Don't jump! Help me pull him back!

Don't let him jump, stop him. . .

I'll push you!

Ah Xing.

What are you still lazing around for? Get up!

Ah Xing, are you alright?

I'm in deep shit.

Uncle, you win. I give up. Come on out.

That you talked to me about yesterday,

let's talk it over.

You'll agree to it?

It's you who's begging me now.

Without me, you'll be in deep shit for sure.

From now on, our partnership's official.

I'll help you get girls, and help with your career.

I'll hold you to that.

What do you want me to help you with?

It's very simple.

Find out who murdered me,

and then avenge my death.

You're the only one who can deal with him .

That's not a simple matter at all!

What? Are you going back on your word?

No, l want to talk about something else.

What?

How can l trust you before I even get the girl?

I knew you'd ask for something like that.

I have one more request.

Can you let me touch you?

Sure.

I've never touched a ghost before, I'm so nervous!

It's no big deal.

My turn?

Come on.

More light from that one.

Yes.

Too bright, turn it down a bit.

Is this OK?

Yes, OK.

Get your Cow brand chocolate today.

Cow brand chocolate, it tastes really good!

Cut. OK with the camera?

No problem.

Good, OK.

Looking's fine with you, no need to get the girl.

I've been waiting for you.

For me?

Give her this flower,

and then just say to her:

You're very beautiful, l like you a lot.

That's it?

Sure. Let's see if you got what it takes.

Don't be over-confident now.

I'm worried it's not going to work.

Believe me, it will.

It's just a matter of daring to go over.

I may not be so good at other stuff,

but this I can manage.

As long as you've got the guts to speak to her,

I guarantee you'll succeed .

But I reckon you don't have the nerve.

You're very beautiful, and l like you a lot.

You like it?

It's so cute.

Even a cow ignores me, and you want me to talk to her.

It just isn't working.

I told you, you weren't up to it.

Now you've got competition.

Go on!

Mr Deng, how come you've got time to come today?

I come to take a look at my commercial.

How's the shoot going?

Isn't that our female star?

Yes. . . come. . . l'll introduce you .

This is our boss, Mr Deng Li-yang.

This is our star, Ah Yu.

How do you do?

These flowers are for you.

How about joining me for tea?

Sorry, I still have to shoot the commercial.

Director.

Coming. . .

What's the matter with you? Aren't you done yet?

Done. . .?

Listen up, the boss says we're done for the day.

Put everything away.

Are you free to join me now?

Sorry, even if I'm not doing this commercial,

I'm still not having tea with you .

What do you mean?

You dare turn down an invitation from our boss?

Be a hero! Rescue damsel in distress!

Yes!

What are you doing with your gun?

Even if you're apprehending a thief,

your gun's still only the last resort.

Faint heart never won fair maiden.

Show some courage!

There are so many of them .

Don't worry. I'm right here.

I'll sort it out for you.

No. . . Uncle Biao, what should I say?

Let go!

Who do you think you are, kid? Scram!

How dare you accost a lady in broad daylight?

What? Think you're some kind of hero, do you?

A knight to the rescue? He's all yours!

What are you doing?

Stop it!

Stop it! l advise to stay cool.

A stupid hero like you is really hard to find .

I really have to hand it to you.

You wouldn't let me draw my gun,

and now you sit here and watch me get beaten up.

You call this helping me out?

I have helped you, you just don't know it.

You're still. . .

Sir.

Are you alright?

I'm fine.

Sorry about what happened just now.

Don't mention it.

The moon is above the willows,

A date is awaiting after sunset.

You scared me to death!

Next time you appear, give me some warning.

I've helped you get the girl.

Now it's your turn to avenge me.

No problem, but I've made a date with her.

At least let me have some fun first.

You're always getting the best part of the deal.

What about our agreement?

Sorry.

It won't help even God himself comes looking for me now.

Alright, you wait and see.

Miss Li , how are you?

How are you, sir?

It's so nice to meet you.

Are you alright?

I'm fine. Shall we sit over there for a while?

Sure.

Thanks.

So what do you busy yourself with, Miss Li?

I do commercials.

Really?

Commercials. That's. . .

Your gun's rubbing against me.

Sorry.

So then,

you must have nice working environment.

What's that?

How come you've got two guns?

Er, yes. Wait.

Alright, brother, you win.

Give me half an hour, OK?

HaIf an hour's enough.

Please help.

Have some peanuts.

Stop messing around.

Ditching your friend for a girl.

It's gone.

What's the matter?

The third gun.

Why are we looking for leads here?

If we find nothing, just think of it as a trip.

I'll take a look first.

What are you doing?

Police! You have the right. . .

What are you doing here? Fighting!

Don't come near, or I'll shoot!

Go quickly!

Stop!

I'm going to shoot!

Who are you trying to scare?

You in the dark glasses,

don't be lofty! I'm going to shoot!

Ain't me!

Me neither!

The one with the axe, stop staring at me!

I'm going to shoot!

Ain't me!

The one in blue.

So many orders! I'll chop you up!

Ain't me!

Chop him up. . .

Blow you away. . .

What's going on?

Boss, we can't stop now.

Hurry up and sort him out.

He's got a gun.

We've got the numbers.

He's only got 6 shots, what's to fear?

What if he really shoots?

Idiot! You can always take cover!

Uh!

What? You're in charge here now.

I'll go round from the rear.

If it's so simple, anyone could be boss.

Chop him up. . .

Scared yet?

You can't even deal with such a small thing.

Let me sort them out for you .

Who do you think you are ?

Don't you know I have six bullets?

If you can't, I can.

Is it real?

Got it.

Uncle Biao, it's no time for jokes.

Chop him up. . .

It's really working!

What are you standing there for?

CaIl an ambulance, quick!

Come in.

- Madam. - Madam.

It was you who solved the drug case yesterday?

Yes.

The top brass are very pleased with your performance.

I'm to write a report and give you your rewards.

Thank you, Madam.

It was a very dangerous situation yesterday. . .

Madam , Ah Xing is new here.

He's never been on such big case before.

On top of which, he lacks experience.

That's why he panicked yesterday.

He's unable to recall entire episode.

Not to waste your valuable time,

I think I can handle report on my own .

Very well. You may leave now.

Out, please.

You're mad?

Yes.

I know what to do.

What?

The lewd spell.

The lewd spell?

A dozen guys came charging out, so to protect Ah Xing,

- I fought with them all on my own. - (Spell).

Well, is it fixed yet?

Look!

Just right.

Let's have another go. Quick! Come on!

What? Are you nuts? Get lost!

Given the situation, I immediately drew my gun.

Is your gun big and long?

Not quite, Madam. Not that big.

Let me see.

What are you looking at, Madam?

No way, Madam!

Come on, let me have a look!

It's not that.

I do want to show you.

But how can l show it here?

Look at mine then.

Big enough for you?

It's big! l'll miss it if l don't take it now. I want it.

You want it or not?

Come on!

I can't take it. . . I want it!

I want it!

I want it. . . I can't. . .

Grab her!

We're letting him off so easily?

That's too easy on him. No way!

Inspector, have you gone crazy?

What were you doing?

I didn't do anything. You told me to do it.

Bullshit! How dare you sexually harass your superior?

No, inspector, you ordered me to.

I ordered you?

Alright!

What did you see just now?

Nothing.

He was on top of you.

None of us saw anything.

Son of a bitch! You betrayed me!

Inside.

Don't beat me! No!

Dad.

Dad, what happened to you?

Forget it. Just a rotten day.

Dad, I want you to meet my new boyfriend .

New boyfriend? Who is he?

Guess.

My daughter will obviously go for. . .

. . .someone tall, hunky, brilliant,

not to mention cute.

You'll meet him in a whiIe.

Right, dad, let's agree on this first.

All that matters is I like him , OK?

Ah Yu . . .

For me?

Yes!

Come, meet my father.

Good.

Dad, this is my boyfriend.

Sir.

You again?

Yes! What a coincidence!

That's right.

So you know each other?

Yes.

That's right. He's the one l keep telling you about:

the tall, hunky, brilliant,

not to mention cute boss of mine.

So he's your dad.

No more flattery. Let's sit down and chat.

Thanks.

How can it be him?

But I promised Yu it's OK as long as she likes him.

Just let you wait and see.

Dinner's ready, we can eat soon.

I'll pour you some tea first.

Thanks.

Get up, you son of a bitch!

You sold me out, and now you're after my daughter?

Sir, it was your own fault just now.

Damned kid! I'm telling you ,

if you're smart, you'll let me punch you!

You dare to duck?

Why shouldn't I?

You dare to duck, and hit back as well?

I'll not let you hit back!

Dad! Ah Xing! What are you doing?

Nothing. . .

Your boyfriend's a real hunk.

Uncle is quite handsome as well.

No! You're brilliant!

Still so cute at your age!

You're not too bad yourself.

I didn't realise you got on so well.

Dinner's ready, we can eat now.

Come on, let's eat!

Dig in. Ah Yu's a good cook.

You'll love it.

Thanks.

Add more soy sauce if it's too bland .

Thank you.

Have some chilli sauce if it's not hot enough.

Ah Yu made the chilli sauce herself.

So he can't take hot food.

Try this chilli sauce.

Made from the hottest pepper, very tasty.

You don't know what you're missing until you try it.

You like hot food too?

Yes.

Then eat up.

I forgot the soup.

You're doing it on purpose.

Are you eating up or not?

No.

Open your mouth!

Dad, you ate the shrimp?

It's great, though he likes it more spicy.

It's even better if you add chilli sauce to rice.

That's the way he likes it.

So you like chilli sauce as I do.

You're good.

Look, it's all over your mouth!

Don't just have rice. Try the dishes.

Thanks.

Come on!

You don't like it? Let dad have it then.

Come on, dad!

No? Then l'll eat it myself.

Eat up. . .

Great! Come on!

What are you doing?

Ah Yu . . .

There's something weird about that damned kid.

An evil spirit's helping him out against you.

Then what should I do?

I'll check it out for you.

I'll give you a magical ward for now.

It'll temporarily protect you.

Thank you, master.

What are you doing on the floor?

Watching TV.

What a coincidence!

You've been head over heels with Ah Yu Iately.

Have l? No!

Do you have that what-you-call-it. . .

. . .lewd spell?

Can you lend it to me?

Are you crazy?

You want to use it on Ah Yu?

She's my niece.

If you need the spell to get a girl, you're hopeless.

It wouldn't be worth it even if you get the girl.

Do you know how potent the spell is?

It can't be stopped once it's released.

I'll not teach you such bad trick.

Forget it. I just wanted to find out more.

I'm tired. l'm going to take a nap.

So what's the big deal?

Bringing me to you home like this.

It's no big deal, really.

Just thought we'd have a casual chat and some tea.

Just to further our relationship.

Oh, it's you? Ah Jin, Ah Xing's here.

I have to be going.

Why?

Once it's released, the spell can't be stopped.

Cat. . .

You . . .

What's the matter? Looking for Ah Yu?

She hasn't come back yet.

You . . .

I must be going.

I said Ah Yu hasn't come back yet.

I know.

What's wrong with you?

What are you doing?

Ah Jin, Jin Lang.

I'm so bored .

Son of a bitch! What are you doing?

Stop it! Let go at once!

Ah Xing.

What are you doing?

Your boyfriend's gay!

Why do you say such a thing?

What did I do?

You came on to me, you faggot!

Ah Yu . . .

Ah Yu , listen to me.

I didn't know what I was doing.

I was under a spell, a lewd spell.

What lewd spell? Stop trying to fool me!

Nobody will believe you!

He wants to take advantage of you.

It's true, I got those lewd spells. . .

. . .from Uncle Biao.

Uncle Biao? Which Uncle Biao?

Your ex-colleague Zhang Biao.

You're crazy! He's been dead for ages.

That's it. l've no choice but to tell the truth now.

Uncle Biao's inside this gun.

What the hell are you talking about?

You must be a better liar than me!

Uncle Biao, show yourself quick! Appear!

You know my superior. Come on!

Just ignore him, dad.

Ah Yu , give me 2 minutes.

I'll be right back.

It's all my fault.

I stole your spell.

But if you don't appear, I'm dead.

I'll slap myself 3 times.

Will that do?

What's this mumbo-jumbo?

Not enough? Don't blame me then.

I don't want to do this either,

but you're forcing me.

Can't take anymore, right?

If you'd come out earlier like I asked,

you wouldn't have to suffer like this.

I really think he's gone nuts!

Something must have gone wrong!

You're right. Let's take a look.

What are you doing? Why are you peeing like this?

Right. . . get out!

You're sickening!

Ah Yu . . .

You piss on me and try to flush me away!

Give me a chance to explain.

I'm not trying to fool you, there's really a ghost!

Why would I try to fool you, right?

Ah Yu .

What are you doing up here?

Downstairs say my cause of death is unknown.

Where else can I go but up here?

Is that any reason to be messing about up here?

So what if l am?

You dare to throw your weight around in my absence?

Have you learnt your lesson?

Who's throwing his weight around now?

Don't be mad!

- Shut up! - It's none of your business!

You pissed on me!

You're the cause of all this trouble!

I asked you to come and you didn't.

Now you appear without being called for.

Ah Xing, getting the girl and a promotion;

for better or worse, I've done it for you .

Now I've exposed myself,

you must hurry up and find my murderer.

I hope so too.

But you don't even know who he is,

or what he looks like. How can l find him?

It's not that l don't want to help you.

Now that I think about it,

when he killed me,

he had a heavy smell about him .

What kind of smell?

Body odour.

I have it too. How do we find him?

You smell of sweat, not body odour.

Understand?

What?

What I just said.

What did you just say?

Ah Quan. . . l'm over here. Come here, quick!

Zhang, long time no see!

Where have you been?

Nowhere. Just getting a haircut.

You look smart.

Thanks.

What are you doing?

Nutcase!

I've had rotten luck lately, lost a lot.

So stop gambling.

How can l?

You again? What's up with you?

Just for a sniff.

Uncle Biao, this is where you were killed.

They aren't idiots.

Why would they still be hanging around?

Haven't you heard. . .

. . .that the most dangerous place is the safest?

They think I'm dead and gone.

It won't occur to them a dead man would seek revenge.

You can't really say that.

If l hadn't bumped into you,

I wouldn't have known about any of this.

Crawl over from here.

I did this last time when l was investigating.

There really are drugs! Uncle Biao. . .

What are you doing?

- What are you doing. . . - Take it easy! Don't pull the trigger!

- What are you doing. . . - Take cover!

What is it?

Quick! Kill him!

Uncle Biao, can you let me have some fun?

You want some fun? Sure.

Having fun?

Too bad l didn't bring a camera.

I've hit the jackpot! Thanks, Uncle Biao!

Son of a bitch! This is my turf!

Smells awful!

Damn you!

He's the one!

What do you want?

I don't like that one.

Where are you going?

I'm sure I shot him! How can he still run?

Playing tricks?

He's not playing tricks, he's got a charm.

A charm?

Good thing l have your magical ward ,

otherwise l'd be dead.

He was murdered by you.

Now he's sending this kid to avenge him .

Bastard!

Still after me even he's dead!

Master,

you must get rid of him.

Don't worry. You just stay here.

I've already devised a way to deal with him.

Grandmaster on high,

your disciple's been messed around real good. . .

. . .by Zhang Biao and that damned kid Ah Xing.

It's all their fault that my life's so miserable,

and the kid's even after my daughter.

Grandmaster, your power knows no bounds.

Please sort this thing out for your disciple.

The Grandmaster's coming down from heaven.

Disciple Li Jin.

I know of your oppression by Zhang Biao's ghost,

hence I've descended upon this earth. . .

. . .to give you this magical spell.

Put it inside the gun barrel,

and you'll be able to imprison that troublesome ghost.

Thank you, Grandmaster!

Go, and do as you are instructed.

Yes.

Ah Xing.

You have a date?

You're bringing your gun?

Yes.

Why?

Going out with Ah Yu, a gun's not too convenient.

Too many guns out there. It's safer if I have one too.

What's to worry? Besides, we all need some privacy.

Why bring a third wheel along?

You've got a point.

This old man's a real pain.

I'll let the two of you reminisce about the old days.

Alright, off you go then.

Dad, we're off. Bye!

Bye. No need to hurry back.

It's none of your business!

I'll block you in. Let's see you can get out now.

Let me out. . .

You're never coming out again.

It's our Black Sect's "coffin trap".

This is your doom!

In no time, your spirit will dissipate.

Ah Yu .

What?

We've been embracing for a long time.

Yes.

How do you feel?

It's fun.

How about this?

Let's try something else.

What?

Say. . . Kissing.

No, it'll be too embarrassing if we're seen.

No one will see us.

Who said there's no one?

What's the matter?

You should know.

No, l don't.

Do you know or not?

Yes I do. Nothing's the matter.

If nothing's the matter, why aren't you running?

Uncle Biao.

You know me?

No. . . Just a misunderstanding. I don't know you .

He's had enough exercise today, go!

Let's go!

Bye!

Over there.

Hurry!

You're early again.

Give me a chance to show off.

Be careful! Are you alright?

Lie down. I'll go get you some medication .

There's no reason for him not to save me.

Ah Biao, I finally beat you.

Grandmaster, please accept my gratitude.

Thank for your magical charm. . .

. . .that has locked Ah Biao away.

Ah Xing.

This time, I can take revenge on both of them,

Ah Biao and Ah Xing.

So you were behind everything!

Dad, why are you doing this?

Because they've both been messing with me.

Dad, Ah Xing almost got beaten to death by Deng.

Deng Li-yang still dares to show his face?

Cut the crap. Let Uncle Biao out first.

Uncle Biao.

Come, let me do it!

Alright.

Uncle Biao, come on out!

What is it, Ah Xing?

Uncle Biao, he's asleep.

Get up, it's almost dawn, Uncle Biao. . .

Come out!

If Uncle Biao's gone, you better watch out!

Impossible! Let me ask the Grandmaster.

Grandmaster, l've removed the spell,

but Zhang Biao's not coming out.

Have l done anything wrong? Please advise me!

Your thoughts are depraved, unworthy disciple!

You've been used by demons, and caused great mischief.

I never came down in person from heaven,

nor gave you those evil spells. . .

. . .to oppress the good.

Then who's taken Uncle Biao?

This demon is Zhang Biao's doom ,

instructed by Biao's enemy Deng Li-yang. . .

. . .to disguise himself as me,

and use unworthy disciple to abduct Biao,

who's now locked inside a coffin trap.

How can we save him?

The coffin trap is thing of great evil,

even my powers are unable to counteract it.

Then Uncle Biao's dead for sure.

Grandmaster, have mercy! There must be a way!

I can only write the counteracting spell on your body.

If you can find them , you can save Zhang Biao.

Then please, hurry.

Miss, please retreat.

Grandmaster, hurry! I can't take it anymore!

Grandmaster, hurry!

Sorry, but it's really itchy!

We'll continue tomorrow.

Finished?

The Grandmaster's gone. Let me see.

How come it's all smudged?

Maybe I scratched a bit off. Can you see it clearly?

It will do. Let me see.

Virgin's urine.

Cat stool upon the altar.

Fairy's. . . Fairy's what?

Fart, fairy's fart.

Don't. . . don't peep at people's ass!

I'll let you see mine next time.

Really?

Really. Watch the Grandmaster.

Thank you Grandmaster.

How come it is not eating?

It's all seafood, it should like.

Pure Epsom Salt.

Well? Has it eaten it yet?

No. That's really weird .

It doesn't seem to want to eat at all.

You normally so mean to it and don't feed it well;

now all of a sudden you give it all this good stuff.

It must be afraid you want to poison it.

What should we do?

I'll give a demonstration,

so it will follow suit and start eating .

Sounds good. Go on then.

I'm a cat. Now you watch.

Such great food! What a waste if you don't eat up!

Nice fish!

A little bit too salty.

You've gobbled it all up. What are we going to do?

I was giving it a chance to watch cIearly.

Watch!

It needs a demonstration.

It's all fresh,

though the taste's a little bit strange.

No way. I just put in a little bit of Epsom salt.

What are you doing?

Demonstrating shitting. Otherwise it won't do it.

Watch.

Come on, take a shit!

Demonstration's over. Your turn now.

Mistress.

What is it, sir?

Not off work yet?

Almost, as soon as I finish this.

I know that you must be very tired,

so I've brought you something to drink.

How kind! And such a big bottle!

Don't mention it.

Wait, let me get a glass.

No need, drink from the bottle.

The whole bottle?

That's what makes it fun.

True.

You're really great! There's more.

Come on. . . another one.

There's more?

Finished .

You really are great!

The weather's too hot.

Again? Alright.

This is marvellous, want some more?

Damn! All finished.

I'll go and buy some more, please wait.

Strange kid! So nice to me all of a sudden.

You'll need to pee for sure.

What are you doing?

You peeping tom ! Peeking at women peeing!

Buying me drinks all of a sudden,

I knew you were up to no good .

No one take advantage of me that easily.

Are you a peeping tom too?

A bit slower.

What? That works too.

Ah Xing, you've made me eat. . .

. . .so many baked sweet potatoes,

and peanuts as well.

Is this enough yet? I can't take anymore.

Just hang on for a bit longer.

Just wait till I get this glass ring fixed .

Don't just eat, drink some water too.

Water?

Ready.

Begin.

Grandmaster on high.

Your humble disciple piously invokes. . .

. . .your divine presence to descend upon me.

It's coming.

Great!

Go on!

Harder!

A bit harder, go on!

Harder. . .

HoId it.

Your ass can hold so much gas.

It's just like a sideshow performance.

Go on. . .

Stop, enough!

I can't stop!

What a stink. . .

Of course it stinks! You think I asked for this?

Damn it! All gone!

Quick! Help get the fart back! It's almost all gone!

Hurry! Come on over and help!

Hurry! Hurry up, will you?

What is it?

You can hoId such stink in your mouth, marvellous!

Cat stool upon the altar.

Virgin's urine.

Fairy's fart.

Ready.

Alright!

Done.

Great!

Bring it all along to save Ah Biao.

Good!

Ready?

Ready.

This one? Bring a bigger one.

We're not killing a cow here. This is good enough.

Is it working?

It's going to work. Let's go!

It's really here.

Uncle Biao, we're here to rescue you .

Cut the crap. Hurry up and get him out!

No response.

Hey!

Why didn't you say hey?

I was afraid the audience might not like it.

You've got a point there.

Damn! We've fallen into a trap.

This isn't the real coffin trap.

You guessed right.

All I needed was a fake coffin trap,

and l've destroyed the counter-measures.

You must have gone to such lengths to procure.

The real coffin trap. . . is here.

Ah Biao.

UnIess you can get another lot of counter-measures,

there's no way you can save this old ghost.

There aren't too many fools left.

He called you a fool.

That's OK, I'm still smarter than him.

Attack!

How strange!

How did Friar Pig's mother die?

You must be tired of living to go against me!

Shoot!

Shoot! And you'll turn into a hornets' nest.

What is it?

The god damned ghost is still in my hands.

What are you going to do?

You want to play? Fine. Come on, l'll play with you!

I didn't say l wanted to play.

Ah Biao.

Shoot!

Bastard!

Uncle Biao.

Think you can take me with a little trick like that?

Ah Biao, you're marvellous!

Uncle Biao, that was great!

Cover me, I'll go flatten him.

Ah Xing.

Ah Xing, are you alright?

Uncle Biao, aren't you covering me?

I can't cover shit.

I can't even take care of myself.

What are you talking about?

Come on, Ah Biao!

Ah Biao, it's your turn.

He's so ugly, no way!

Uncle Biao! Help me!

If you don't help out, Ah Xing's had it.

What can I do?

I don't even know whether I'm a man or a woman!

Uncle Biao, help!

Why are you talking such rubbish?

Uncle Biao, what happened to you?

Your beard looks so sexy!

Disgusting!

I can't take it anymore!

The Grandmaster's showing his great power.

The "Fu So Sword".

Ah Xing, are you hurt?

Uncle Biao, have you been castrated?

Let me take a look.

Damn it! Don't touch!

The others will see.

I'll fight with you.

Great. . .

Damn, he can't hold on!

Didn't I tell you to bring a bigger one?

You never listen .

Vile monster, let go of me!

Uncle Biao, what are we going to do?

I don't have any charms on me.

Charms? I've got one!

What is it?

Even my powers are useless, what good is a charm!

Take it back!

Ass on fire, hurry!

You look like Maradona.

More?

Not even Pele could do better. One more!

Too big.

Untie my hands.

Alright.

Didn't the Grandmaster say with the 3 magic charms. . .

. . .we can break the spell on Uncle Biao?

How come it's not working?

Maybe it should be 4 items instead of 3.

Four items?

Look at him.

It must be the virgin boy's urine that's missing.

Virgin boy's urine? Must have scratched off that bit.

What are we going to do now?

Hurry and get a virgin boy's urine.

Done! Coming right up!

You're still a virgin.

Here it comes, virgin boy's urine.

Is it for real?

It's for real!

Give me the charm.

Catch!

What are we going to do now?

What?

That monster's very powerful.

Take this away first.

The monster wants to take us with him.

Then what should we do?

Put the iron plate away.

Give me a push.

Ah Biao, what happened to you?

Uncle Biao, are you alright?

Grandmaster, how can a ghost get injured?

The Grandmaster's long gone.

How was l supposed to know?

My spirit's diffused . I fear I can't take revenge.

Deng Li-yang, show your face if you've got the guts!

Ah Yu .

Looking for me? l'm here.

- Ah Yu . - Don't move!

Shoot if you've got the guts.

One against one, I've got nothing to lose.

Put down your gun!

Put down your gun! She's my daughter.

Don't do it! You're dead either way.

What are we going to do now?

Everything depends on you.

On me?

Put down the gun at once!

Hurry up, put it down!

HoIy shit !

Ah Yu . . .

Ah Yu , wake up.

I've had my revenge.

Dad.

Ah Biao.

I've fulfilled my wish, I have to report back.

Uncle Biao.

Come.

What is it?

I'll see you off.

I'm going up to heaven, not on a trip.

Are you coming along to die with me?

You've got a point. Be seeing you then.

Be seeing me? You'll have a long wait.

Don't worry.

I'll be the first in line to see you .

I'll be coming to see you before long.

Goodbye.

Watch your step now.

Burn me some paper money at the Qing Ming Festival.

Take care.

Write if you have time.

You want to go to heaven? No way.

Why not? l've proved I'm a good person.

Why can't I go to heaven?

There's an immigration quota in heaven.

It's full at the moment.

With your qualifications, entry won't be easy.

Then what am I supposed to do?

You can invest.

You can jump the queue as an investment immigrant.

Did you bring any money?

Damn! I didn't bring any this time.

No money?

Then go to hell. There's no entry fee there.

Who's Zhang Biao? Sign for your delivery.

That's me.

Who's smart enough to know l'd be needing money?

You?

Thank you.

The gates of heaven are open to you.

We always have your best interests at heart.

Let's go, lunch is on me!

Great!

How's the food here?

I was just about to ask you.

Enjoy your meal.

That's right, goodbye.