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1
00:00:01,219 --> 00:00:03,119
Where the hell's our cab?
2
00:00:03,219 --> 00:00:04,599
Why can't we
just hang here?
3
00:00:04,699 --> 00:00:06,679
Because the only things
that hang on Christmas Day
4
00:00:06,779 --> 00:00:08,399
- are mistletoe, holly...
- [connect tone trills]
5
00:00:08,499 --> 00:00:10,279
- and in some houses, tinsel.
- [dispatcher] Hello?
6
00:00:10,379 --> 00:00:13,440
Yes, hi. There's still
no sign of our cab,
7
00:00:13,540 --> 00:00:15,480
and I really need to get
to my aunt's for lunch.
8
00:00:15,580 --> 00:00:16,760
- Can I put you on hold?
- Yes.
9
00:00:16,860 --> 00:00:18,960
Georgie, you're tipping
the pavlova!
10
00:00:19,060 --> 00:00:20,880
- Huh?
- The pavlova.
11
00:00:20,980 --> 00:00:22,880
You need to keep it upright
or the compote will breach
the meringue.
12
00:00:22,980 --> 00:00:24,520
Why did you make this?
13
00:00:24,620 --> 00:00:25,801
Well, Aunt Joan has got
14
00:00:25,901 --> 00:00:28,041
this hilarious photo of me
with a pavlova
15
00:00:28,141 --> 00:00:29,961
when I was about Manus's age,
16
00:00:30,061 --> 00:00:32,881
and I thought it'd be super cute
to recreate it with you two.
17
00:00:32,981 --> 00:00:36,201
We'll have the perfect family
Christmas at Aunt Joan's.
18
00:00:36,301 --> 00:00:39,122
- She has the biggest tree,
the... Yes?
- [dispatcher] Hello?
19
00:00:39,222 --> 00:00:41,082
The driver's cancelled,
I'm afraid, madam.
20
00:00:41,182 --> 00:00:42,482
- What?
- Yeah, he's said that...
21
00:00:42,582 --> 00:00:45,242
No, no.
No, you can't cancel.
22
00:00:45,342 --> 00:00:46,842
It's Christmas Day.
[stammers]
23
00:00:46,942 --> 00:00:49,102
Where else am I going
to get a cab
on Christmas Day?
24
00:00:51,223 --> 00:00:53,163
Merry Christmas, neighbour.
25
00:00:53,263 --> 00:00:55,003
Cute PJs.
26
00:00:55,103 --> 00:00:57,243
♪♪
27
00:00:57,343 --> 00:00:58,723
Come on, Mal,
chop chop.
28
00:00:58,823 --> 00:01:01,043
Georgie, you're tipping
the pavlova over!
29
00:01:01,143 --> 00:01:03,764
♪♪
30
00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:05,684
Okay,
what's the address?
31
00:01:05,784 --> 00:01:07,564
Oh, if you just put in
Cirencester.
32
00:01:07,664 --> 00:01:11,204
Cirencester?! Amanda,
that's practically Wales.
You said a quick lift.
33
00:01:11,304 --> 00:01:13,204
You said you had
no plans today.
34
00:01:13,304 --> 00:01:16,805
No, I said I planned on
doing nothing.
Different thing.
35
00:01:16,905 --> 00:01:19,205
Ned's with his mum.
I was going to crack open
the Baileys,
36
00:01:19,305 --> 00:01:21,485
order a curry and watch me
some Die Hard.
37
00:01:21,585 --> 00:01:23,005
Oh, Mal,
how depressing.
38
00:01:23,105 --> 00:01:24,445
At least
you'll have company now.
39
00:01:24,545 --> 00:01:26,205
I don't want company.
40
00:01:26,305 --> 00:01:27,366
[engine starts]
41
00:01:27,466 --> 00:01:29,286
Oh, could we just do
a small detour?
42
00:01:29,386 --> 00:01:31,506
♪♪
43
00:01:32,506 --> 00:01:34,126
You having
a good Crimbo,
Felicity?
44
00:01:34,226 --> 00:01:37,006
Not really. I was supposed
to be in South Africa.
45
00:01:37,106 --> 00:01:40,007
But Amanda guilt-tripped me
into visiting my sister.
46
00:01:40,107 --> 00:01:42,927
- What's wrong with your sister?
- She's a nightmare.
47
00:01:43,027 --> 00:01:45,807
It's just all laughter
and games,
48
00:01:45,907 --> 00:01:48,167
and endless bloody cheeseboards.
49
00:01:48,267 --> 00:01:50,807
She's completely over the top.
50
00:01:50,907 --> 00:01:53,888
She asks us every year, Mummy,
and we never go.
It's getting rude.
51
00:01:53,988 --> 00:01:58,288
And I would love the kiddos
to have a traditional
Cotswoldian Noel
52
00:01:58,388 --> 00:02:01,008
while they're still enchanted
by the magic of Christmas.
53
00:02:01,108 --> 00:02:02,928
But does she have a PS5?
54
00:02:03,028 --> 00:02:04,729
No, she doesn't have
a PS5, Manus.
55
00:02:04,829 --> 00:02:06,689
I don't even think
she has the internet.
56
00:02:06,789 --> 00:02:08,529
- [kids groan]
- [Manus] No way!
57
00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:10,969
- [phone buzzes]
- Oh, it's Anne.
58
00:02:11,069 --> 00:02:12,489
I should take it.
59
00:02:12,589 --> 00:02:13,769
Little Christmas present
for her.
60
00:02:13,869 --> 00:02:14,969
- [buzzing continues]
- Anne.
61
00:02:15,069 --> 00:02:16,890
[Anne] Amanda, it's a disaster.
62
00:02:16,990 --> 00:02:19,610
I've been at the airport now
for about 14 hours,
63
00:02:19,710 --> 00:02:21,970
and they've finally just
cancelled our flight to Dublin.
64
00:02:22,070 --> 00:02:23,850
Oh, Anne, no.
65
00:02:23,950 --> 00:02:27,050
What a shame. Well, look,
thanks for keeping me posted.
66
00:02:27,150 --> 00:02:29,171
- Chris and the kids
went ahead to Cork.
- Yep.
67
00:02:29,271 --> 00:02:31,371
I was supposed
to join yesterday,
but because of the storm
68
00:02:31,471 --> 00:02:32,931
I'm completely stranded.
69
00:02:33,031 --> 00:02:35,411
And everybody who I know and
love is hundreds of miles away.
70
00:02:35,511 --> 00:02:37,211
Chris, Darius...
71
00:02:37,311 --> 00:02:39,811
- Pat. Roisin. Pat...
- Yes. Yes. Mm.
72
00:02:39,911 --> 00:02:42,852
and her husband, Pat.
Their kids, young Pat
73
00:02:42,952 --> 00:02:44,492
- and Patricia.
- Yes.
74
00:02:44,592 --> 00:02:46,532
- And Edgar and Barry and Pat.
- Hmm, yep.
75
00:02:46,632 --> 00:02:48,412
Uh, you know, Heathrow's
on our way, actually.
76
00:02:48,512 --> 00:02:49,652
No. No!
77
00:02:49,752 --> 00:02:51,412
- Fine.
- Mal, absolutely not!
78
00:02:51,512 --> 00:02:55,173
No, no, no.
No...! God, no...!
79
00:02:55,273 --> 00:02:57,933
[tearfully] Oh, my God,
I miss you all so much!
80
00:02:58,033 --> 00:03:00,033
- [Anne sobs]
- [music playing on radio]
81
00:03:02,473 --> 00:03:04,473
[music volume increases]
82
00:03:09,074 --> 00:03:10,454
[Amanda] We're here!
83
00:03:10,554 --> 00:03:12,494
Christmas has
officially started.
84
00:03:12,594 --> 00:03:14,214
Kids, off your phones now,
please.
85
00:03:14,314 --> 00:03:15,974
Eat your heart out,
Downton Abbey.
86
00:03:16,074 --> 00:03:17,575
Oh, hardly.
87
00:03:17,675 --> 00:03:19,335
It's only 11 acres
and a ha-ha.
88
00:03:19,435 --> 00:03:20,935
Why is that funny?
89
00:03:21,035 --> 00:03:23,135
No, a ha-ha.
It's like a giant ditch.
90
00:03:23,235 --> 00:03:25,455
You should know what a ha-ha is,
you're a gardener.
91
00:03:25,555 --> 00:03:28,995
Oh, yeah. I've seen loads
of ha-has in Ha-Harlesden.
92
00:03:31,116 --> 00:03:32,936
Oh, look!
93
00:03:33,036 --> 00:03:35,256
She's put the reindeer out
for the kids.
94
00:03:35,356 --> 00:03:37,896
Mummy, do you remember
when Bumble the Shetland
tried to mount one?
95
00:03:37,996 --> 00:03:39,096
[chuckles]
96
00:03:39,196 --> 00:03:41,096
God, that was funny.
97
00:03:41,196 --> 00:03:43,257
This is why
I don't go to therapy.
98
00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:45,357
Some memories
are best repressed.
99
00:03:47,317 --> 00:03:49,617
[Amanda]
Get the bags! Here we go!
Look at the reindeer!
100
00:03:49,717 --> 00:03:52,377
Okay, come on, come on,
let's have
a bit of festive cheer!
101
00:03:52,477 --> 00:03:53,577
[doorbell rings]
102
00:03:53,677 --> 00:03:55,298
[dogs barking distantly]
103
00:03:55,398 --> 00:03:57,178
Guys, off the phones now,
please.
104
00:03:57,278 --> 00:03:59,378
Guys?
105
00:03:59,478 --> 00:04:01,178
- Guys. Right, give me those.
- Dad just gave us those.
106
00:04:01,278 --> 00:04:02,738
- What?
- They're from Dad!
107
00:04:02,838 --> 00:04:04,978
Did we learn nothing
from Adolescence?
108
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:06,579
And, Anne, this is
my Christmas happy place.
109
00:04:06,679 --> 00:04:08,879
Please don't be
a Debbie Downer.
Okay, everyone.
110
00:04:09,679 --> 00:04:11,499
Here we go!
111
00:04:11,599 --> 00:04:13,939
♪♪ Ding-dong,
merrily on high! ♪♪
112
00:04:14,039 --> 00:04:18,579
- Oh, I'm so...! [laughs]
I'm so sorry!
- Oh, what a shock!
113
00:04:18,679 --> 00:04:21,340
- You caught me mid giblets!
- [Amanda] Oh, goodness!
114
00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:23,340
- No, not the coat.
- Merry Christmas, darling.
115
00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:26,100
I'm so sorry to spring this
on you, but there's been
a bit of a disaster.
116
00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:28,100
Is it cool if my mum-friend,
Anne, joins us?
117
00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:29,380
- This her?
- Yes.
118
00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:32,061
Oh, Anne. Of course!
119
00:04:32,161 --> 00:04:34,941
- You look
like you need a stiff drink.
- Thank you, but, erm...but no.
120
00:04:35,041 --> 00:04:37,181
If I can't be with my family,
then what's the point?
121
00:04:37,281 --> 00:04:39,281
Oh, dear girl,
come in, come in, come in.
122
00:04:39,761 --> 00:04:42,261
- Divorce, is it?
- No. Storm Geraldine.
123
00:04:42,361 --> 00:04:43,822
- Storm Gerald--
- Merry Christmas.
124
00:04:43,922 --> 00:04:46,202
Oh, for me? Wow!
[chuckles]
125
00:04:47,202 --> 00:04:48,782
- No!
- Manus, Georgie!
126
00:04:48,882 --> 00:04:51,062
- No, no, no, no!
I don't believe it!
- [Amanda] I know!
127
00:04:51,162 --> 00:04:53,982
- Oh, no, I won't touch them.
- No, don't. Don't touch them.
128
00:04:54,082 --> 00:04:55,542
- We'll hug in a moment.
Come in!
- Yes.
129
00:04:55,642 --> 00:04:57,943
- Don't touch, don't touch.
- Oh, they're gorgeous.
130
00:04:58,043 --> 00:04:59,543
- Gorgeous!
- [Mal] All right.
131
00:04:59,643 --> 00:05:01,823
- The last of the bags.
- Thank you, Mal. That's great.
132
00:05:01,923 --> 00:05:03,423
You didn't say
you were bringing a lover.
133
00:05:03,523 --> 00:05:05,503
- Amanda's my neighbour.
- Mal lives in my cellar.
134
00:05:05,603 --> 00:05:07,263
- I just drove her here.
- He drove us here.
135
00:05:07,363 --> 00:05:08,864
Oh, yes, wink, wink, wink!
136
00:05:08,964 --> 00:05:12,064
- The more, the merrier.
- No, no. He has plans.
It's okay.
137
00:05:12,164 --> 00:05:14,424
- You've got plans?
- I was going to use your loo,
if I may,
138
00:05:14,524 --> 00:05:17,144
before I nip off. I've got
a date with John McClane.
139
00:05:17,244 --> 00:05:20,345
John McClane? Oh, fantastic.
You're a homosexual?
140
00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:23,025
It's a Die Hard reference.
I was going to watch it
with a curry.
141
00:05:23,125 --> 00:05:24,785
Oh, God, how ghastly.
[laughs]
142
00:05:24,885 --> 00:05:27,345
- You will stay
for a pre-prandial. Come on!
- Joany...
143
00:05:27,445 --> 00:05:31,065
- What's a pre-prandial?
- It's a posh word
for a drink. Yeah.
144
00:05:31,165 --> 00:05:33,066
♪♪
145
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,506
Yeah, Okay, Pat,
can you put Chris back on?
146
00:05:35,606 --> 00:05:39,346
So, I have an alert
set up on my phone
for when the flights reopen
147
00:05:39,446 --> 00:05:42,866
and if you could just have
everyone there checking
the internet...
148
00:05:42,966 --> 00:05:44,506
Where should I put my coat,
Gan-Gan?
149
00:05:44,606 --> 00:05:47,827
Keep it on.
This house is bloody freezing.
150
00:05:47,927 --> 00:05:49,547
[Amanda]
Isn't it magical?
151
00:05:49,647 --> 00:05:53,747
It's giving hardcore
Narnia vibes, right?
152
00:05:53,847 --> 00:05:56,467
I mean, wow.
153
00:05:56,567 --> 00:05:58,568
That's what I call a tree.
154
00:05:59,568 --> 00:06:01,568
[inhales deeply]
155
00:06:02,408 --> 00:06:03,868
Is it plastic?
156
00:06:03,968 --> 00:06:05,908
Oh, my God,
has she still got that?
157
00:06:06,008 --> 00:06:08,068
Daddy bought that in the '70s.
158
00:06:08,168 --> 00:06:11,109
- Probably the newest thing
in this place.
- [Amanda] How odd.
159
00:06:11,209 --> 00:06:14,149
I distinctly remember
the scent of pine needles.
160
00:06:14,249 --> 00:06:16,949
No, this house smells the way
it's always smelt--
161
00:06:17,049 --> 00:06:19,689
damp, dogs, desperation.
162
00:06:22,650 --> 00:06:26,270
Now, I've been absolutely
dying for you to arrive.
163
00:06:26,370 --> 00:06:29,110
I've got everything in.
We've got some olives
over there,
164
00:06:29,210 --> 00:06:30,950
there's this trout pâté.
165
00:06:31,050 --> 00:06:33,710
We've got mini quiches,
prawn vol-au-vents,
166
00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:35,951
and these really fun things
from Marks and Spencer's!
167
00:06:36,051 --> 00:06:37,991
Mini burgers!
Have you seen these?
168
00:06:38,091 --> 00:06:40,671
Oh, oh, oh. Oh, Ludo.
169
00:06:40,771 --> 00:06:44,731
No, no, no. We'll have
to clean that one up,
won't we? [chuckles]
170
00:06:45,331 --> 00:06:46,872
- [Amanda] Joany?
- Hmm?
171
00:06:46,972 --> 00:06:48,552
- Where shall I put the pavlova?
- [gasps]
172
00:06:48,652 --> 00:06:50,632
- Is that
Granny Gussie's recipe?
- Yes, it is.
173
00:06:50,732 --> 00:06:53,152
Minus the powdered egg.
I thought it might be fun
174
00:06:53,252 --> 00:06:56,312
to recreate
that famous pudding photo
175
00:06:56,412 --> 00:06:58,152
from that amazing Christmas.
176
00:06:58,252 --> 00:07:00,393
- Yes. I've got it in the album.
- What do you think?
177
00:07:00,493 --> 00:07:01,953
- Let me look for the album.
- Yes, dig it out.
178
00:07:02,053 --> 00:07:05,513
Everybody, dig in.
Flick, devilled egg?
179
00:07:05,613 --> 00:07:06,953
Have a devilled egg.
180
00:07:07,053 --> 00:07:08,153
Flick, devilled.
Egg, egg!
181
00:07:08,253 --> 00:07:09,593
Flick, devilled egg!
182
00:07:09,693 --> 00:07:11,634
- Flick, devilled...
- Fine!
183
00:07:11,734 --> 00:07:13,154
I'll have a devilled egg.
184
00:07:13,254 --> 00:07:15,274
Now, I think
it's under here somewhere.
185
00:07:15,374 --> 00:07:17,774
[grunts] Now,
where's that famous photo?
186
00:07:18,694 --> 00:07:20,694
[sighs]
187
00:07:22,214 --> 00:07:23,755
- [Amanda gasps] Oh!
- Oh, yes!
188
00:07:23,855 --> 00:07:25,915
Now, look at that,
look at that. There it is.
189
00:07:26,015 --> 00:07:28,115
[Amanda]
Look at Gan-Gan!
What a hotty.
190
00:07:28,215 --> 00:07:30,035
Is that you, Mum?
191
00:07:30,135 --> 00:07:32,435
Yep, that was me
pre-blossom.
192
00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:35,375
Just on my cusp of discovering
Clearasil and Wonderbras.
193
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,676
Oh, my goodness, look at that,
I'm wearing the same jumper.
194
00:07:38,776 --> 00:07:41,956
Oh, Joan, no, stop!
That's perfect!
195
00:07:42,056 --> 00:07:44,156
I thought it'd be really fun
to re-stage the photo
196
00:07:44,256 --> 00:07:45,716
- with Manus and George.
- Ooh!
197
00:07:45,816 --> 00:07:48,357
The Hemsworth brothers did one
sitting on their mum's lap,
198
00:07:48,457 --> 00:07:50,277
and it pretty much broke
the internet.
199
00:07:50,377 --> 00:07:53,157
I remember
the Hemsworth brothers.
200
00:07:53,257 --> 00:07:55,677
Hemsworth brothers.
Yes, you stepped out with one.
201
00:07:55,777 --> 00:07:58,597
They had
their tractor dealership
in Ampney St Peter.
202
00:07:58,697 --> 00:08:00,157
That was
the Hemswood brothers.
203
00:08:00,257 --> 00:08:01,638
Hemswood...
204
00:08:01,738 --> 00:08:03,118
Yeah, I slept with
all three of them.
205
00:08:03,218 --> 00:08:04,478
Oh! Well done, you.
206
00:08:04,578 --> 00:08:05,558
And the father.
207
00:08:05,658 --> 00:08:07,638
- Mummy...
- [Joan] Oh, jolly good.
208
00:08:07,738 --> 00:08:09,038
Now, drinky poos.
209
00:08:09,138 --> 00:08:11,518
Ah! Oh, damn.
210
00:08:11,618 --> 00:08:14,199
What's that?
What's in those ones?
211
00:08:14,299 --> 00:08:16,299
Oh, is that you, Flick?
212
00:08:16,739 --> 00:08:18,739
[angry whisper]
No-one must see those!
213
00:08:19,139 --> 00:08:21,139
Yep, yep, yep, yep.
214
00:08:24,219 --> 00:08:26,220
What the...?
215
00:08:30,460 --> 00:08:32,460
This house
is literally freezing.
216
00:08:34,340 --> 00:08:36,520
[Anne] My family will be
back from Mass about now.
217
00:08:36,620 --> 00:08:39,401
Do you think Jesus
will punish me
for missing his birthday?
218
00:08:39,501 --> 00:08:41,841
You know what you need, Anne?
Sloe gin.
219
00:08:41,941 --> 00:08:43,961
Very good for melancholia.
220
00:08:44,061 --> 00:08:45,761
The night my father died,
I drank two bottles.
221
00:08:45,861 --> 00:08:47,481
Was right as rain
in the morning.
222
00:08:47,581 --> 00:08:49,922
I... I suppose I could have
a small glass,
223
00:08:50,022 --> 00:08:52,002
just to steady
the nerves, because, erm...
224
00:08:52,102 --> 00:08:54,522
I don't think I've ever done
a Christmas without my family...
225
00:08:54,622 --> 00:08:56,242
- [cries]
- No, no, no.
None of that, now.
226
00:08:56,342 --> 00:08:58,342
Come on, get that
down your gullet.
227
00:09:00,342 --> 00:09:01,562
[exhales] Gah!
228
00:09:01,662 --> 00:09:03,843
- Yes, got a kick to it.
- Gah!
229
00:09:03,943 --> 00:09:05,963
That's the 1978 vintage,
the year you were born.
230
00:09:06,063 --> 00:09:07,963
- Oh, Aunt Joan...
- What do the children want?
231
00:09:08,063 --> 00:09:09,763
What can we get for them?
232
00:09:09,863 --> 00:09:10,923
Uh, do you have any Prime?
233
00:09:11,023 --> 00:09:12,603
- Manus, no...
- Prime?
234
00:09:12,703 --> 00:09:14,564
No, don't worry,
he'll have a Coca-Cola.
235
00:09:14,664 --> 00:09:16,444
I've got a cola.
I've got a can of cola here.
236
00:09:16,544 --> 00:09:19,224
- There we go.
[grunting with effort]
- [Amanda] Lovely, lovely.
237
00:09:21,904 --> 00:09:24,684
Come on. Oh...
238
00:09:24,784 --> 00:09:26,725
I think that's seen better days.
Ludo can have that.
239
00:09:26,825 --> 00:09:29,005
Ludo! Ludo, Ludo,
look what's here!
240
00:09:29,105 --> 00:09:31,105
- Look what's here!
- [Amanda] Joan.
241
00:09:31,945 --> 00:09:34,805
- I got you a Christmas present.
- Oh, no, Amanda. You didn't.
242
00:09:34,905 --> 00:09:36,885
- Yes, it's just a little...
- That's marvellous!
I don't believe it!
243
00:09:36,985 --> 00:09:39,926
- It's nothing, Joan!
- Oh, don't be silly!
That's tremendous of you!
244
00:09:40,026 --> 00:09:41,766
Look at that!
245
00:09:41,866 --> 00:09:44,086
Wowee!
246
00:09:44,186 --> 00:09:45,766
Oh! [sniffs]
247
00:09:45,866 --> 00:09:47,166
Oh, my goodness!
248
00:09:47,266 --> 00:09:48,646
No, Joan!
It's for the bath.
249
00:09:48,746 --> 00:09:50,046
The ba... Joan...
250
00:09:50,146 --> 00:09:52,887
[gulps]
I've swallowed it now.
251
00:09:52,987 --> 00:09:55,167
I'll have a bath later, darling,
I'll have a bath later.
252
00:09:55,267 --> 00:09:57,267
Didn't I just gift you that?
253
00:09:57,747 --> 00:09:59,207
Yes.
254
00:09:59,307 --> 00:10:01,967
I loved it so much
that I went out and bought
255
00:10:02,067 --> 00:10:04,068
exactly the same one
for Aunt Joan.
256
00:10:05,388 --> 00:10:06,768
I need ice in my whisky.
257
00:10:06,868 --> 00:10:08,288
Oh, you'll find plenty
in the toilet.
258
00:10:08,388 --> 00:10:10,248
Now, will you come in here
and sit down, please?
259
00:10:10,348 --> 00:10:11,848
Oh, thank you. Erm...
260
00:10:11,948 --> 00:10:13,448
- I was actually going
to hit the road.
- No, no, no.
261
00:10:13,548 --> 00:10:15,888
We're not having you spending
the day alone.
262
00:10:15,988 --> 00:10:18,569
You and Anne are our Christmas
guests of honour, so sit.
263
00:10:18,669 --> 00:10:21,329
I've got a goose to go
and get out of the oven.
264
00:10:21,429 --> 00:10:24,689
I've never been anyone's
Christmas guest of honour
before.
265
00:10:24,789 --> 00:10:26,609
[Anne]
This is the same one.
266
00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:28,570
- What the hell is this?
- "To Amanda. Love from Anne".
267
00:10:28,670 --> 00:10:31,170
I went out and bought exactly
the same one for Joan.
268
00:10:31,270 --> 00:10:32,930
- How did this get in here?
- I don't know--
269
00:10:33,030 --> 00:10:34,410
- [gong clangs]
- Luncheon is served!
270
00:10:34,510 --> 00:10:37,370
Ooh! Lovely.
Come on!
271
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:40,691
Oh, uh, those are the photos
Gan-Gan doesn't want
anyone seeing.
272
00:10:40,791 --> 00:10:42,791
- Hmm.
- [Amanda] Come on, boys!
273
00:10:44,271 --> 00:10:46,271
[Amanda]
Mm, I'm hungry.
274
00:10:47,151 --> 00:10:49,771
Look, tell him, yes,
it's a larger box,
275
00:10:49,871 --> 00:10:51,611
but it's actually
the same value gift,
276
00:10:51,711 --> 00:10:53,692
- because I went by money spent.
- Anne.
277
00:10:53,792 --> 00:10:54,972
- Not by volume, okay?
- Anne?
278
00:10:55,072 --> 00:10:56,692
- No devices, please.
- I have to go.
279
00:10:56,792 --> 00:10:58,792
Okay.
280
00:10:59,352 --> 00:11:01,132
- Anne...
- Oh, Mal, don't sit there.
281
00:11:01,232 --> 00:11:04,812
Sorry, cos of the photos.
We need to match
the old pavlova pic so, yeah.
282
00:11:04,912 --> 00:11:06,413
Mummy needs to sit there.
Joan's here.
283
00:11:06,513 --> 00:11:08,733
- Mummy, you're here.
- No, I need
a clear line to an exit.
284
00:11:08,833 --> 00:11:12,453
Well, it... okay.
Well, yeah! We'll... yeah.
285
00:11:12,553 --> 00:11:15,373
- We can all move round
for pudding.
- [Joan] Here we go!
286
00:11:15,473 --> 00:11:16,973
- Goosey goosey gander!
- [all gasp]
287
00:11:17,073 --> 00:11:19,494
Oh, wait, wait.
Joan, Joan, stop,
stop, stop, stop!
288
00:11:19,594 --> 00:11:22,374
Can you come back out?
I want to film it.
For the memories!
289
00:11:22,474 --> 00:11:24,014
Just tuck in, tuck in.
Tuck in! Tuck in!
290
00:11:24,114 --> 00:11:25,694
Okay, this is going
to be so good.
291
00:11:25,794 --> 00:11:27,734
Anne, could you just lean out?
Cos the tear stains.
292
00:11:27,834 --> 00:11:30,195
- I just miss my family.
- We know, Anne!
293
00:11:31,195 --> 00:11:32,215
- And, yes.
- [phone beeps]
294
00:11:32,315 --> 00:11:33,935
Goosey goosey gander!
295
00:11:34,035 --> 00:11:36,695
- Whoo, look at that!
- Well, dig in.
296
00:11:36,795 --> 00:11:39,295
We've got a side of beef,
Yorkshires, a ham,
297
00:11:39,395 --> 00:11:40,855
and some little piggies
in blankets.
298
00:11:40,955 --> 00:11:42,976
- Mum...
- Just eat it. It's Christmas.
299
00:11:43,076 --> 00:11:44,576
Hmm? What?
300
00:11:44,676 --> 00:11:46,676
I'm vegan.
301
00:11:47,596 --> 00:11:50,336
- Oh, shit. Are you?
- It's fine,
I'll just eat the veg.
302
00:11:50,436 --> 00:11:52,256
No, you will not
just eat the veg.
303
00:11:52,356 --> 00:11:53,696
Not on my watch you won't.
304
00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:56,257
I tell you what, I'll...
I'll rustle up a...
305
00:11:56,357 --> 00:11:58,017
a souffle!
306
00:11:58,117 --> 00:11:59,737
Oh, God. Joan...
307
00:11:59,837 --> 00:12:02,777
Do you see what I mean?
It's just too much.
308
00:12:02,877 --> 00:12:05,777
She's just trying
to make us all happy, Mummy.
309
00:12:05,877 --> 00:12:10,418
Anne, did you-- Did you
notice the stuffed stoat
in the hallway?
310
00:12:10,518 --> 00:12:12,918
- No.
- No? Oh, let me
show you quickly.
311
00:12:14,238 --> 00:12:16,778
- I'm not that into stoats.
- Yes. But, erm,
312
00:12:16,878 --> 00:12:19,098
honestly, I think
you'll find this one
very interesting.
313
00:12:19,198 --> 00:12:21,199
Come on.
314
00:12:23,199 --> 00:12:25,779
Yeah, I don't know who told you
that I was into stoats.
315
00:12:25,879 --> 00:12:28,099
But, actually, this one is...
is quite unusual.
316
00:12:28,199 --> 00:12:31,019
Okay, listen, forget the stoat.
I just saw some pictures
of Felicity
317
00:12:31,119 --> 00:12:32,740
I wasn't supposed to see,
318
00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:34,620
and now I can't unsee
what I saw.
319
00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:36,140
God, they weren't nudies,
were they?
320
00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:37,420
No, they're not nudies.
321
00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:39,780
Is anyone wearing
a Nazi uniform?
322
00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:42,120
No! There's no Nazis.
Just look.
323
00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:45,601
Ooh. Blimey O'Reilly,
is that...?
324
00:12:46,321 --> 00:12:49,221
Is that Felicity
and... Sir Mick Jagger?
325
00:12:49,321 --> 00:12:51,341
Yes. Looks like
they're on holiday together.
326
00:12:51,441 --> 00:12:53,901
Jesus, he was
such a ride back then.
327
00:12:54,001 --> 00:12:55,781
Yeah, it looks like he was
riding Felicity.
328
00:12:55,881 --> 00:12:57,742
O-M-G. Is...
329
00:12:57,842 --> 00:12:58,902
- Is she pregnant?
- Yes!
330
00:12:59,002 --> 00:13:01,782
And, look,
he's holding her stomach.
331
00:13:01,882 --> 00:13:02,902
- Hmm.
- And...
332
00:13:03,002 --> 00:13:05,002
"Summer of '77."
333
00:13:06,242 --> 00:13:08,563
- Joan just said that Amanda
was born in '78.
- Uh-huh.
334
00:13:09,963 --> 00:13:11,423
You don't think
Sir Mick Jagger is...
335
00:13:11,523 --> 00:13:12,943
Mm...
336
00:13:13,043 --> 00:13:14,943
No.
No, no, no.
337
00:13:15,043 --> 00:13:16,503
- Don't be ridiculous.
- What?
338
00:13:16,603 --> 00:13:18,023
I've seen enough episodes
of Ally McBeal to know
339
00:13:18,123 --> 00:13:20,663
- this is all purely
circumstantial evidence.
- Oh...
340
00:13:20,763 --> 00:13:23,424
Just cos it goes clip-clop
doesn't mean it's a zebra.
341
00:13:23,524 --> 00:13:25,924
Guys, come on!
We're about to eat.
342
00:13:27,284 --> 00:13:30,024
♪♪
343
00:13:30,124 --> 00:13:32,124
[lively chatter]
344
00:13:33,485 --> 00:13:35,465
Let me get this on first.
345
00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:37,685
I need my glasses on.
Here we go, joke!
346
00:13:38,325 --> 00:13:41,745
"Why didn't Santa pay
for his sleigh?"
347
00:13:41,845 --> 00:13:44,865
Why didn't Santa have to pay
for his sleigh?
348
00:13:44,965 --> 00:13:46,266
"Because it was on the house."
349
00:13:46,366 --> 00:13:48,366
[laughing]
350
00:13:48,686 --> 00:13:51,266
- Ah... That's so bad,
it's actually quite good.
- What?
351
00:13:51,366 --> 00:13:52,866
[Joan]
I've got another joke!
352
00:13:52,966 --> 00:13:54,786
How do you titillate an ocelot?
353
00:13:54,886 --> 00:13:57,106
I've no idea, Joan.
How do you titillate
an ocelot?
354
00:13:57,206 --> 00:13:58,787
You oscillate its tits a lot.
355
00:13:58,887 --> 00:13:59,787
[laughing]
356
00:13:59,887 --> 00:14:01,027
Oh, that's funny!
357
00:14:01,127 --> 00:14:02,627
Oh, dear...
358
00:14:02,727 --> 00:14:03,907
Not like she bloody wrote it.
359
00:14:04,007 --> 00:14:06,267
- Go on, Flick. Your turn!
- If I must.
360
00:14:06,367 --> 00:14:08,067
- Here we go.
- Whooooo! Whoopee!
361
00:14:08,167 --> 00:14:10,748
Mummy, put the hat on.
You'll need it
for the pavlova photo.
362
00:14:10,848 --> 00:14:12,028
No, I don't do paper hats.
363
00:14:12,128 --> 00:14:14,068
Flick, do the joke.
Where's the joke?
364
00:14:14,168 --> 00:14:16,228
- I don't do jokes!
- Come on, Mummy,
it's Christmas!
365
00:14:16,328 --> 00:14:19,468
Come on, Flick!
[chanting] Flick!
Flick! Flick!
366
00:14:19,568 --> 00:14:22,108
- [chanting] Gan-Gan! Gan-Gan!
- Flick! Flick! Flick!
367
00:14:22,208 --> 00:14:25,289
[chanting] Do the joke!
Do the joke! Do the joke!
Do the joke!
368
00:14:26,129 --> 00:14:27,429
- Come on!
- [sighs]
369
00:14:27,529 --> 00:14:29,549
"What is the coldest country
in the world?"
370
00:14:29,649 --> 00:14:34,109
[all] I don't know! What is
the coldest country
in the world?
371
00:14:34,209 --> 00:14:36,070
Russia.
372
00:14:36,170 --> 00:14:38,170
Wait...
373
00:14:39,170 --> 00:14:41,670
Uh, I think you're reading
the trivia there, Felicity.
374
00:14:41,770 --> 00:14:43,770
[all laughing]
375
00:14:44,210 --> 00:14:45,670
[Amanda]
Oh, Mummy!
376
00:14:45,770 --> 00:14:47,871
Where are you going, Mummy?
We haven't done the photo.
377
00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:50,151
I'm going to watch
the King's Speech.
378
00:14:50,251 --> 00:14:53,791
Ooh, is it that time?
I love the King's Speech,
brilliant!
379
00:14:53,891 --> 00:14:56,551
Everyone fill a glass,
let's go and sit soft.
380
00:14:56,651 --> 00:14:58,111
We can do the pavlova after.
381
00:14:58,211 --> 00:15:00,712
Flick! Flick!
Darling, wait for us,
wait for us!
382
00:15:00,812 --> 00:15:03,232
Where's Ludo? Ludo!
383
00:15:03,332 --> 00:15:04,832
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
384
00:15:04,932 --> 00:15:06,992
[orchestral music playing]
385
00:15:07,092 --> 00:15:11,713
[all] ♪♪ Send him victorious ♪♪
386
00:15:11,813 --> 00:15:16,633
♪♪ Happy and glorious ♪♪
387
00:15:16,733 --> 00:15:22,353
♪♪ Long to reign over us ♪♪
388
00:15:22,453 --> 00:15:27,514
[harmonising shrilly]
♪♪ God save the King! ♪♪
389
00:15:27,614 --> 00:15:30,274
Very good.
Very good, well done!
390
00:15:30,374 --> 00:15:32,954
- [Mal sighs]
- Oh, Anne.
There we go!
391
00:15:33,054 --> 00:15:35,954
I have to say,
this is the most delicious Cava
I have ever drank.
392
00:15:36,054 --> 00:15:38,275
Oh, darling Anne,
it's not Cava.
It's champagne.
393
00:15:38,375 --> 00:15:39,835
- Real champagne?
- Yes.
394
00:15:39,935 --> 00:15:41,715
- From France?
- Yes.
395
00:15:41,815 --> 00:15:44,435
I've never had French champagne
from France before.
396
00:15:44,535 --> 00:15:47,595
Stop fussing,
I can't see the television.
397
00:15:47,695 --> 00:15:49,696
Sorry, sorry, sorry,
sorry, sorry!
398
00:15:50,336 --> 00:15:52,316
I think Joan is lovely.
399
00:15:52,416 --> 00:15:54,076
Classic Stockholm syndrome.
400
00:15:54,176 --> 00:15:57,276
Are you a big fan
of the royal family,
Felicity?
401
00:15:57,376 --> 00:15:59,516
Oh, I've met a few of them.
Camilla's a laugh.
402
00:15:59,616 --> 00:16:04,037
Probably met a few members
of the rock royal family
in your time?
403
00:16:04,137 --> 00:16:07,257
Well, I once lived next door
but one to Chris de Burgh.
404
00:16:08,257 --> 00:16:11,237
- Er, right! Pavlova time!
- Oh, finally!
405
00:16:11,337 --> 00:16:13,478
- Get the camera!
- I don't want pavlova.
406
00:16:13,578 --> 00:16:16,358
Mummy, you can't always get
what you want.
407
00:16:16,458 --> 00:16:20,718
Uh... Um, actually, I can't
think of food for a bit, Amanda.
408
00:16:20,818 --> 00:16:22,078
I overdid it on the parsnips.
409
00:16:22,178 --> 00:16:24,038
You don't have to eat it!
It's just a photo!
410
00:16:24,138 --> 00:16:26,999
Oh! I know what we'll do.
We'll have a parlour game
while we all digest.
411
00:16:27,099 --> 00:16:29,079
Who'd like a round
of Are You There, Moriarty?
412
00:16:29,179 --> 00:16:30,999
- Oh...
- I don't know what that is.
413
00:16:31,099 --> 00:16:33,839
What about, um, Ho Ha Hee?
Do you know that?
414
00:16:33,939 --> 00:16:36,119
- Do you know
The Minister's Cat?
- No, I don't. No.
415
00:16:36,219 --> 00:16:38,320
- Pass the Slipper?
Fan The Candle?
- No.
416
00:16:38,420 --> 00:16:40,880
You must know Hot Cockles?
Hot Cockles!
417
00:16:40,980 --> 00:16:42,600
- I don't know that one!
- Elephant's Foot?
418
00:16:42,700 --> 00:16:45,180
Oh, for God's sake,
why don't we just play
hide and seek?!
419
00:16:45,940 --> 00:16:48,480
- Oh, that's a terrific idea.
- Okay, yes,
that'll be so much fun.
420
00:16:48,580 --> 00:16:51,121
Well done, that girl.
I'll count 50.
421
00:16:51,221 --> 00:16:52,441
- Off you go!
- Off we go!
422
00:16:52,541 --> 00:16:54,721
And then after this we'll do
the pavlova photo.
423
00:16:54,821 --> 00:16:56,321
Right, I'll start now,
come on! One...
424
00:16:56,421 --> 00:16:59,161
- Joan!
- I've started, two...
425
00:16:59,261 --> 00:17:01,261
I've started, three...
426
00:17:01,981 --> 00:17:05,242
- Anything to get away from her.
- Four! Better hurry.
427
00:17:05,342 --> 00:17:06,842
Five...
428
00:17:06,942 --> 00:17:08,762
Six.
429
00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:09,802
seven.
430
00:17:09,902 --> 00:17:10,962
- Eight.
- There.
431
00:17:11,062 --> 00:17:13,362
Nine... Ten...
432
00:17:13,462 --> 00:17:16,403
I know, Chris, but I don't know
what you expect me
to do about it.
433
00:17:16,503 --> 00:17:19,543
I can't make him put
on his shoe,
I'm 300 miles away!
434
00:17:20,703 --> 00:17:22,703
Look, I really have to go.
435
00:17:24,743 --> 00:17:26,603
Bloody 'ell.
436
00:17:26,703 --> 00:17:29,004
Other people's Christmases
are mental.
437
00:17:29,104 --> 00:17:30,524
When are we
going to tell her?
438
00:17:30,624 --> 00:17:32,204
What?!
Absolutely never.
439
00:17:32,304 --> 00:17:33,964
It's not our family secret,
440
00:17:34,064 --> 00:17:35,804
so we're going to forget
we ever saw those photos.
441
00:17:35,904 --> 00:17:37,684
But we did see
those photos, Mal.
442
00:17:37,784 --> 00:17:39,965
And I really think Amanda
deserves to know!
443
00:17:40,065 --> 00:17:42,365
- [door creaking]
- What do I deserve to know?
444
00:17:42,465 --> 00:17:43,925
What the hell...?
You're hiding!
445
00:17:44,025 --> 00:17:45,805
Yeah, we're playing
hide and seek.
446
00:17:45,905 --> 00:17:47,905
What do I deserve to know?
447
00:17:48,945 --> 00:17:50,725
- Ask Mal.
- Oh, thanks, Anne!
448
00:17:50,825 --> 00:17:53,346
- Will someone tell me
what's going on?
- Just show her the photos.
449
00:17:59,986 --> 00:18:04,047
Are these pictures of my mum
on holiday?
450
00:18:04,147 --> 00:18:05,567
What's the big deal?
451
00:18:05,667 --> 00:18:07,607
- Look who she's with.
- [shocked laugh]
452
00:18:07,707 --> 00:18:09,087
- Is that Mick Jagger?
- Mm-hm.
453
00:18:09,187 --> 00:18:12,567
Mummy, you minx!
Sitting on Mick's lap.
454
00:18:12,667 --> 00:18:14,887
I sat on Prince Harry's lap
when I was in Mahiki once.
455
00:18:14,987 --> 00:18:17,208
Did I get a mention
in the book?
456
00:18:17,308 --> 00:18:21,248
Oh, my God,
she's pregnant.
457
00:18:21,348 --> 00:18:23,528
- That's hardly a secret.
- Keep looking.
458
00:18:23,628 --> 00:18:25,628
[gasps]
459
00:18:26,068 --> 00:18:27,408
- She's smoking!
- No.
460
00:18:27,508 --> 00:18:29,449
- No? No?
- No.
461
00:18:29,549 --> 00:18:31,529
- Look at the date
on the back of the photo.
- Okay.
462
00:18:31,629 --> 00:18:32,969
And look
who's holding the bump.
463
00:18:33,069 --> 00:18:35,889
No. No way.
464
00:18:35,989 --> 00:18:37,849
[whispering] No way...
465
00:18:37,949 --> 00:18:40,949
Is my father...
466
00:18:42,430 --> 00:18:43,730
[Joan] 49, 50!
467
00:18:43,830 --> 00:18:46,010
- Ready or not, here I come!
- Quick, hide!
468
00:18:46,110 --> 00:18:47,730
Oh, Jesus!
Er, okay.
469
00:18:47,830 --> 00:18:49,610
Mal... I feel...
470
00:18:49,710 --> 00:18:51,450
I'm actually feeling a bit...
471
00:18:51,550 --> 00:18:53,010
[Mal] Is that
an airing cupboard?
472
00:18:53,110 --> 00:18:54,771
Okay, er...
473
00:18:54,871 --> 00:18:57,091
[chuckles]
474
00:18:57,191 --> 00:18:59,631
They're probably quite close,
they're probably quite close.
475
00:19:03,431 --> 00:19:06,072
Oh, God, I need a snifter!
476
00:19:08,592 --> 00:19:10,592
[exhales]
477
00:19:12,552 --> 00:19:14,552
[groans]
478
00:19:19,553 --> 00:19:21,553
[giggling] Shh!
479
00:19:23,633 --> 00:19:27,293
- [whispered] Mal, look. Uh...
- Uh-huh.
480
00:19:27,393 --> 00:19:28,733
- It's so weird, isn't it?
- Mm-hmm.
481
00:19:28,833 --> 00:19:29,933
When you look at us
together.
482
00:19:30,033 --> 00:19:33,654
Mal, look.
Mal, look! Mal!
483
00:19:33,754 --> 00:19:37,534
- Can you open that door,
please? I need some air.
- This is insane!
484
00:19:37,634 --> 00:19:40,454
I mean, it's a shock,
but it's also not a shock,
you know?
485
00:19:40,554 --> 00:19:42,454
Because it explains a lot.
486
00:19:42,554 --> 00:19:45,295
I mean, I wonder if the man
I thought was my father
487
00:19:45,395 --> 00:19:48,715
ever knew the truth?
Poor Daddy.
488
00:19:49,395 --> 00:19:51,715
This must be why
my parents divorced.
489
00:19:53,235 --> 00:19:54,575
Maybe Joan told him?
490
00:19:54,675 --> 00:19:57,016
That must be why
we never see Joan.
491
00:19:57,116 --> 00:19:59,116
[Anne] That sounds
about right.
492
00:19:59,796 --> 00:20:02,676
Can you just pull my sleeve,
please? I've got to get
some layers off.
493
00:20:05,356 --> 00:20:07,757
- Shh, shh, shh.
She's coming.
- Who? Oh...
494
00:20:10,597 --> 00:20:12,637
[singsong]
Where are you?!
495
00:20:13,717 --> 00:20:15,777
That one's locked.
496
00:20:15,877 --> 00:20:17,817
Can't get under there.
497
00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:19,918
[someone breaks wind]
498
00:20:22,518 --> 00:20:24,298
[chuckles quietly]
499
00:20:24,398 --> 00:20:25,858
Ha-ha!
500
00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:28,738
Hoisted by your own petard,
there, Anne, I think.
501
00:20:28,838 --> 00:20:30,138
Oh, my goodness!
502
00:20:30,238 --> 00:20:31,899
My system's
not used to champagne.
503
00:20:31,999 --> 00:20:33,699
No. Come on,
more to find.
504
00:20:33,799 --> 00:20:35,799
[mobile phone vibrates]
505
00:20:37,919 --> 00:20:39,919
Oh, what is it now?!
506
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:42,679
Yes. I need
another little snifter.
507
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:48,780
Oh-ho-ho-ho!
508
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:50,580
Oh! Gotcha!
509
00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:52,260
Please don't tell Mum!
510
00:20:52,360 --> 00:20:53,780
[whispering]
I won't if you won't.
511
00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:55,260
Shh!
512
00:20:55,360 --> 00:20:57,261
[banging from above]
513
00:20:57,361 --> 00:20:59,361
Oh, upstairs!
514
00:21:00,441 --> 00:21:02,481
I am on my way!
515
00:21:04,321 --> 00:21:07,661
- Ah, I fainted. I fainted.
- [Amanda] Oh, God.
516
00:21:07,761 --> 00:21:10,942
Oh, ding-dong! Christmas comes
but once a year. [laughs]
517
00:21:11,042 --> 00:21:13,022
Do you know, I knew
you two were lovebirds.
518
00:21:13,122 --> 00:21:14,662
We're not!
He just drove us here.
519
00:21:14,762 --> 00:21:17,362
No, no, it was so hot in there
I had to take some clothes off.
520
00:21:18,762 --> 00:21:21,463
Cat's out the bag, Joany.
I've seen the photos.
521
00:21:21,563 --> 00:21:23,503
- Oh.
- Yeah.
522
00:21:23,603 --> 00:21:25,383
Spill the tea.
523
00:21:25,483 --> 00:21:28,103
Right. Well, I suppose
it was only a matter of time.
524
00:21:28,203 --> 00:21:31,223
But, listen, you're going
to have to speak to your mother
about those.
525
00:21:31,323 --> 00:21:32,343
Where is she?
526
00:21:32,443 --> 00:21:33,504
I'm buggered if I know,
527
00:21:33,604 --> 00:21:34,824
cos I've searched
the whole house.
528
00:21:34,924 --> 00:21:36,744
Oh, darling, you stay
with your paramour.
529
00:21:36,844 --> 00:21:38,584
- Oh, have you finished?
- No, no, stop, Joan!
530
00:21:38,684 --> 00:21:40,584
Can I have some water,
please?
531
00:21:40,684 --> 00:21:43,424
[Joan]
Don't panic, that's all
I'm going to say.
532
00:21:43,524 --> 00:21:45,524
- I don't think you should...
- Mummy?!
533
00:21:47,445 --> 00:21:49,985
Right, okay, let's split up.
I'll take the lawn.
534
00:21:50,085 --> 00:21:52,505
- Joan, you do the meadow...
- Meadow. Right.
535
00:21:52,605 --> 00:21:54,785
...and, Anne, you and the kids
check the drive.
536
00:21:54,885 --> 00:21:56,885
- Come on, Ludo! Meadow!
- Okay!
537
00:21:58,526 --> 00:22:00,426
[Mal]
Felicity!
538
00:22:00,526 --> 00:22:03,026
- [Manus] Gan-Gan!
- Mummy!
539
00:22:03,126 --> 00:22:06,326
Would you look at this? Huh?
Christmas night.
540
00:22:07,406 --> 00:22:10,747
I'd still be doing
the washing-up at home
if I was there right now, yeah.
541
00:22:10,847 --> 00:22:13,347
Not standing here...
542
00:22:13,447 --> 00:22:14,667
looking at the stars.
543
00:22:14,767 --> 00:22:16,187
[mobile phone chimes]
544
00:22:16,287 --> 00:22:18,187
Sorry, hang on. Sorry.
545
00:22:18,287 --> 00:22:19,307
Oh, God.
546
00:22:19,407 --> 00:22:22,067
- Oh! Great.
- [Manus] What?
547
00:22:22,167 --> 00:22:24,668
There's a flight
out of Heathrow tonight.
548
00:22:24,768 --> 00:22:27,268
- Well, that's good news,
isn't it?
- Yeah!
549
00:22:27,368 --> 00:22:30,728
[clears throat]
Great... err great...
Yes. Um...
550
00:22:32,448 --> 00:22:35,229
All I have to do now
is just, um...
551
00:22:35,329 --> 00:22:37,309
click this link to confirm.
552
00:22:37,409 --> 00:22:40,709
Oh, no! Would you look at that?
My phone's after
running out of battery.
553
00:22:40,809 --> 00:22:43,069
Oh, no,
what a shame!
554
00:22:43,169 --> 00:22:46,909
Oh! I just guess
it wasn't meant to be, huh?
555
00:22:47,009 --> 00:22:49,150
What a bummer.
556
00:22:49,250 --> 00:22:52,590
Just going to have to end up
staying here. Yeah.
557
00:22:52,690 --> 00:22:54,870
Hey, do you know what?
558
00:22:54,970 --> 00:22:57,270
I'm going to go for a walk!
559
00:22:57,370 --> 00:22:58,510
Yeah!
560
00:22:58,610 --> 00:23:00,611
[Mal] Felicity!
561
00:23:01,771 --> 00:23:04,291
Bloody 'ell, this stuff
is better than Cava!
562
00:23:04,811 --> 00:23:06,431
Felicity!
563
00:23:06,531 --> 00:23:09,771
According to Wikipedia,
I have eight brothers
and sisters.
564
00:23:12,292 --> 00:23:15,252
Jade Jagger came in once
when I was at Quo Vadis.
565
00:23:16,372 --> 00:23:18,152
I wonder, did she know?
566
00:23:18,252 --> 00:23:20,252
Felicity!
567
00:23:21,092 --> 00:23:24,473
It's mad to think I could be
spending next Christmas
with them in Turks and Caicos.
568
00:23:24,573 --> 00:23:25,873
- [shrieks]
- [body thuds]
569
00:23:25,973 --> 00:23:27,713
Whoa! Amanda!
570
00:23:27,813 --> 00:23:28,873
Ow!
571
00:23:28,973 --> 00:23:31,153
I just fell in the ha-ha!
572
00:23:31,253 --> 00:23:32,753
[laughing]
Are you all right?
573
00:23:32,853 --> 00:23:34,873
Yes, I am all right, Mal!
574
00:23:34,973 --> 00:23:36,513
Why are you laughing?
575
00:23:36,613 --> 00:23:38,234
You fell in the...
[laughs]
576
00:23:38,334 --> 00:23:39,834
Who falls in a ha-ha?
577
00:23:39,934 --> 00:23:41,714
Stop it!
It's not funny!
578
00:23:41,814 --> 00:23:43,814
You fell in a ha-ha, come on!
579
00:23:44,494 --> 00:23:46,354
Get up!
[laughs]
580
00:23:46,454 --> 00:23:49,515
- Amanda! So sorry...
- Oh, my God!
581
00:23:49,615 --> 00:23:51,955
Oh, you know what?
Thank you so much for today.
582
00:23:52,055 --> 00:23:53,435
[laughs]
583
00:23:53,535 --> 00:23:54,995
Really.
584
00:23:55,095 --> 00:23:58,495
It beats lying on a couch
with a curry in Harlesden.
585
00:24:01,816 --> 00:24:03,516
[barking]
586
00:24:03,616 --> 00:24:05,356
Is that Joan's dog?
587
00:24:05,456 --> 00:24:07,636
Mummy?
588
00:24:07,736 --> 00:24:09,116
Mummy!
589
00:24:09,216 --> 00:24:10,636
Felicity!
590
00:24:10,736 --> 00:24:13,056
[chuckling]
Stuck in a ha-ha!
591
00:24:14,297 --> 00:24:16,297
[Amanda] What?
Ludo, wait, wait!
592
00:24:17,257 --> 00:24:19,277
- Ludo!
- [whining]
593
00:24:19,377 --> 00:24:20,957
- Huh?
- [barks]
594
00:24:21,057 --> 00:24:23,377
Oh! What do you say?
595
00:24:24,617 --> 00:24:26,618
[barks]
596
00:24:27,698 --> 00:24:29,698
Aha...
597
00:24:30,218 --> 00:24:32,118
[barking continues]
598
00:24:32,218 --> 00:24:34,318
Aha!
Very "Away In A Manger."
599
00:24:34,418 --> 00:24:35,598
- [Felicity] Oh!
- [laughing]
600
00:24:35,698 --> 00:24:37,518
I knew it was
too good to last.
601
00:24:37,618 --> 00:24:40,359
Well, you're the last one
to be found,
so that makes you the winner!
602
00:24:40,459 --> 00:24:41,999
Yes, bravo that girl.
603
00:24:42,099 --> 00:24:44,559
I tell you what, I could do you
a big scoop of the Stilton
604
00:24:44,659 --> 00:24:46,079
and I'll crack open
a bottle of port.
605
00:24:46,179 --> 00:24:47,679
- Stop.
- We don't have to have port.
606
00:24:47,779 --> 00:24:49,519
Just stop talking.
Please.
607
00:24:49,619 --> 00:24:52,320
- It's too much.
- It's Christmas.
It's supposed to be too much.
608
00:24:52,420 --> 00:24:53,880
No. You're too much.
609
00:24:53,980 --> 00:24:56,400
All the joie de vivre,
and endless glee
and everything,
610
00:24:56,500 --> 00:24:57,640
it's just...
It's just...
611
00:24:57,740 --> 00:24:59,740
Just stop. Please.
612
00:25:01,340 --> 00:25:03,341
Okay.
613
00:25:05,221 --> 00:25:07,221
I shall stop.
614
00:25:10,061 --> 00:25:12,061
Oh...
615
00:25:12,901 --> 00:25:14,921
- Please don't cry.
- I'm not crying.
616
00:25:15,021 --> 00:25:16,842
Come on, Joany.
617
00:25:16,942 --> 00:25:18,642
This is what happens
when you stop--
618
00:25:18,742 --> 00:25:21,002
the old black dog
creeps in and...
619
00:25:21,102 --> 00:25:23,962
Come on, pull yourself together.
Pull yourself together,
Joan.
620
00:25:24,062 --> 00:25:26,242
Why are you being
like this?
621
00:25:26,342 --> 00:25:27,843
Well, because of you,
Flick.
622
00:25:27,943 --> 00:25:29,323
What nonsense.
623
00:25:29,423 --> 00:25:32,083
Do you remember what
they used to call us
624
00:25:32,183 --> 00:25:35,403
on that ghastly old
debutante circuit, hmm?
625
00:25:35,503 --> 00:25:38,923
"Great Hair
and The Spare."
626
00:25:39,023 --> 00:25:40,964
[chortles] Actually,
that's rather good.
627
00:25:41,064 --> 00:25:44,124
Yes, it was all about
the beautiful Felicity Wyndham,
628
00:25:44,224 --> 00:25:47,164
and I was just the podgy
little sister.
629
00:25:47,264 --> 00:25:50,124
So I decided to be the life
and soul of the party.
630
00:25:50,224 --> 00:25:54,305
Hostess with the mostest,
the last one standing
at the barn dance.
631
00:25:56,105 --> 00:26:00,905
And I can tell you something--
after 60 bloody years,
it's exhausting!
632
00:26:02,385 --> 00:26:04,526
Why didn't you ever say
anything before?
633
00:26:04,626 --> 00:26:06,366
Oh...
634
00:26:06,466 --> 00:26:09,006
Well, it took Amanda
to twist your arm
to get you down here.
635
00:26:09,106 --> 00:26:10,286
- Mummy?!
- Oh, it's her.
636
00:26:10,386 --> 00:26:11,806
- Oh!
- Yep...
637
00:26:11,906 --> 00:26:13,906
Yes, we're here,
we're here!
638
00:26:14,506 --> 00:26:16,506
Oh... [chuckles]
639
00:26:17,627 --> 00:26:19,727
There she is.
640
00:26:19,827 --> 00:26:22,647
You know, I've spent
the whole day
641
00:26:22,747 --> 00:26:24,967
trying to recreate the perfect
family Christmas.
642
00:26:25,067 --> 00:26:29,528
But it turns out
my whole life
has been a lie.
643
00:26:29,628 --> 00:26:32,728
Oh, for God's sake, Amanda.
Stop being so melodramatic.
644
00:26:32,828 --> 00:26:35,248
Look, let's go inside
and do your moment
with the pavlova.
645
00:26:35,348 --> 00:26:37,088
- Yes!
- No, Mummy.
646
00:26:37,188 --> 00:26:39,368
I know your secret.
647
00:26:39,468 --> 00:26:40,808
And I know Joan knows.
648
00:26:40,908 --> 00:26:42,689
And that's why
you didn't want
to come here.
649
00:26:42,789 --> 00:26:46,069
Because you were worried
she'd... spill the beans.
650
00:26:48,069 --> 00:26:50,069
[Felicity]
What is she talking about?
651
00:26:51,269 --> 00:26:54,350
Mummy,
I've seen the photos.
652
00:26:55,110 --> 00:26:58,270
I have in my hand
the proof.
653
00:27:00,470 --> 00:27:02,710
I'm Sir Mick Jagger's
love child.
654
00:27:04,670 --> 00:27:07,671
[both cackling]
655
00:27:07,991 --> 00:27:11,111
What?!
Give those to me!
Give those to me.
656
00:27:12,351 --> 00:27:14,351
[cackling intensifies]
657
00:27:15,431 --> 00:27:17,431
That's not Mick Jagger!
658
00:27:18,071 --> 00:27:19,852
- That's our cousin Rosamund.
- Oh, God!
659
00:27:19,952 --> 00:27:21,932
I mean, she was
rather Jaggeresque,
don't you think,
660
00:27:22,032 --> 00:27:23,772
with the slim hips
and everything.
661
00:27:23,872 --> 00:27:25,972
- Did you get her round robin
this year?
- [Joan] No.
662
00:27:26,072 --> 00:27:28,092
- They had to put down Pinky.
- Oh, no.
663
00:27:28,192 --> 00:27:31,493
So if Mick Jagger isn't holding
your pregnant belly,
then what is the big deal?
664
00:27:31,593 --> 00:27:34,173
Why didn't you want
anyone to see them?
665
00:27:34,273 --> 00:27:37,333
The thing is, I wasn't pregnant
in this photograph, I was...
666
00:27:37,433 --> 00:27:39,433
fat.
667
00:27:40,153 --> 00:27:41,933
- What?!
- It was the '70s.
668
00:27:42,033 --> 00:27:44,274
I'd just discovered
Black Forest gateau.
669
00:27:45,754 --> 00:27:47,534
And that's
our big family secret?
670
00:27:47,634 --> 00:27:50,414
That you were once fat
for a summer?
671
00:27:50,514 --> 00:27:52,414
Yes.
672
00:27:52,514 --> 00:27:54,654
Though your father
rather liked it,
673
00:27:54,754 --> 00:27:58,095
and you were conceived
on that holiday.
674
00:27:58,195 --> 00:28:00,195
Oh, God!
675
00:28:02,075 --> 00:28:04,815
I've just sent
Georgia May Jagger a DM.
676
00:28:04,915 --> 00:28:06,575
[laughter resumes]
677
00:28:06,675 --> 00:28:08,016
[Mal] Ahem.
678
00:28:08,116 --> 00:28:10,856
Can we, er... head back?
My feet are freezing.
679
00:28:10,956 --> 00:28:13,416
[laughing]
What was she thinking?
680
00:28:13,516 --> 00:28:15,016
Sorry, Joany.
681
00:28:15,116 --> 00:28:17,116
Oh, it's all right,
it's all right. Honestly.
682
00:28:18,356 --> 00:28:20,457
Merry Christmas!
[chuckles]
683
00:28:20,557 --> 00:28:22,177
If it's any consolation,
684
00:28:22,277 --> 00:28:25,457
I always felt that Ma and Pa
loved you more
than they loved me.
685
00:28:25,557 --> 00:28:27,577
Oh, well...
686
00:28:27,677 --> 00:28:30,657
I'd have swapped that any day
for a go on a Hemswood brother.
687
00:28:30,757 --> 00:28:32,218
Oooh!
688
00:28:32,318 --> 00:28:35,058
[distant discordant singing]
689
00:28:35,158 --> 00:28:36,378
Is that--
Is that singing?
690
00:28:36,478 --> 00:28:38,498
Yes, it's Anne.
691
00:28:38,598 --> 00:28:41,938
♪♪ O tidings of comfort and joy,
comfort and joy! ♪♪
692
00:28:42,038 --> 00:28:44,498
♪♪ O tidings of com-- ♪♪
693
00:28:44,598 --> 00:28:46,339
- [thud]
- Ow!
694
00:28:46,439 --> 00:28:48,439
She's fallen
in the ha-ha.
695
00:28:48,919 --> 00:28:50,999
She'll be fine.
Come on.
696
00:28:52,399 --> 00:28:56,139
[Mal] And then John McClane ties
this hosepipe round his waist,
697
00:28:56,239 --> 00:28:58,740
because he thinks the guy
in the helicopter's
going to shoot him,
698
00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:00,580
so he's got no way out.
699
00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:02,300
He ties himself in,
nice and tight...
700
00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:03,820
Is he topless?
701
00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:06,820
No, no, no, but by this point
he's down to his vest.
702
00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:09,981
- How is this
a Christmas film?
- What?!
703
00:29:10,081 --> 00:29:12,081
- You all right?
- Yeah.
704
00:29:14,441 --> 00:29:17,261
I'm sorry Mick Jagger
wasn't your father.
705
00:29:17,361 --> 00:29:18,981
I... I just
thought that...
706
00:29:19,081 --> 00:29:20,141
umm...
707
00:29:20,241 --> 00:29:22,242
that I was special.
708
00:29:24,082 --> 00:29:26,182
You are special.
709
00:29:26,282 --> 00:29:29,522
- [soft string music playing]
- [indistinct chatter]
710
00:29:30,922 --> 00:29:34,103
Well, for what it's worth,
I'm sorry you didn't get
to sleep with a Rolling Stone.
711
00:29:34,203 --> 00:29:36,463
Oh, I did sleep with Mick
once or twice back in the day,
712
00:29:36,563 --> 00:29:38,983
but not in a way
you can get pregnant.
713
00:29:39,083 --> 00:29:42,583
Right, everyone!
We're going to do
Amanda's photo!
714
00:29:42,683 --> 00:29:44,423
- Oh, Mummy. Really?
- What?! Mm-hmm.
715
00:29:44,523 --> 00:29:47,304
- Shall I get the pavlova?
- I can take the photo for you.
716
00:29:47,404 --> 00:29:49,904
No! Guys, you're all in it!
Come on.
717
00:29:50,004 --> 00:29:52,424
- [Joan] There we go.
- [Felicity] Everyone ready?
718
00:29:52,524 --> 00:29:54,904
- [Manus] I'll do the timer.
Hang on.
- [Mal] We're all here...
719
00:29:55,004 --> 00:29:57,824
- Oh, no, the hat! I need a hat!
- Quickly, quickly!
Hang on, hang on.
720
00:29:57,924 --> 00:30:00,025
Okay, everyone, quick, quick,
quick! Come on, everyone!
721
00:30:00,125 --> 00:30:01,865
- Shh! Shh! Shh!
- Okay, ready? Say cheese!
722
00:30:01,965 --> 00:30:05,505
[all] Cheese!
723
00:30:05,605 --> 00:30:08,665
- [Amanda] Oh, Anne!
- [Felicity] There's a girl
that likes a pudding!
724
00:30:08,765 --> 00:30:11,766
♪♪
725
00:30:36,728 --> 00:30:38,728
[music ends]
54969
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