All language subtitles for W02E02 Class of 1984_track3_[eng]

♪♪

-I'm Joe Bob Briggs,
and I come from

a family of teachers
in the public schools.

Yeah, people actually go insane
in entire family units.

My mom and dad taught at
a school in the Texas Panhandle

that was so isolated
it was its own town.

It was halfway between
the metropolises of

Springlake, Texas,
and Earth, Texas.

And my dad was
the girls' basketball coach --

Go Lady Wolverines! --
and junior-high history teacher.

Also the guy who went
to get the handgun

when a rattlesnake
had to be executed,

and the guy who would
pick up first-graders

by the scruff of their necks

when they were fistfighting
in the dirt,

not so much because they weren't
supposed to be fighting,

but because their cowboy boots
would scrape around in the dust

and get dirt on
the little girls' dresses,

and the moms would get mad.

And he also drove
one of those buses

that would travel
about 150 miles a day

all over Lamb County picking up
kids at the farms and ranches.

And then my mom taught
elementary school,

which always involved
migrant farmworker kids

who only spoke Spanish

and were only there because
she'd convinced their parents

that 7-year-olds shouldn't be
working in the cotton fields,

they should be in school --

You know, "I don't care
what they do in Amarillo.

When you come into Lamb County
for the corn harvest,

those kids are going to school."

And then, in later years,
she taught

in gritty urban school districts
where the parents thought school

was a place where their kids
learned how to commit crimes,

and so they were in favor of
stuff like corporal punishment

at a time when
it was being outlawed.

You know, "Just whale the tar
out of him if he acts up."

You know?
"Uh, no, sorry, uh,

we -- we can't do that
to the children anymore."

You know, "Yeah,
cut ya a switch,

use it on his nekkid butt."

You know?
"Uh, no, ma'am,

the school district has
forbidden switches

and also wooden paddles
with holes drilled in it, so..."

You know how they used
to do that so the paddle

would move faster and hurt more?

I got pounded by
one of those myself

for sword-fighting with
wood scraps in shop class,

and it did have a salubrious
effect on my behavior.

So, Darcy, you're
a different generation.

Was there fighting
at your schools

in South Carolina?
-Oh, yeah.

-Did they whale on you if --
if you fought in the school?

-They did, actually, man.
It's -- It's tough in Carolina.

-Yeah, they -- they still have
corporal punishment?

-They do.
-Yeah.

Darcy the Mail Girl,
ladies and gentlemen.

[Cheers and applause]
She is here to field

your tweets, your e-mails,
your messages, your DMs,

your TikToks, your Instas,

your downtrodden yearning
to breathe three --

breathe free
through gloom of night.

I don't know what I'm saying
anymore.

If Darcy can't answer it,
she'll find somebody who can.

Darcy, you know where I'm going
with this rant, right?

-Hell yeah.
"Class of 1984," baby.

-And I already know
which character you love --

the homicidal punk girl.
-You know it.

-You've added it to
your usual Mail Girl outfit.

Here's the point
I'm trying to make --

What do all kids like to do,
Darcy?

-You're asking me?
-Yeah, go for it.

-Play video games?

-Yes, play video games,
and fight.

All kids eventually fight,
right?

First they fight with words,

and then if you don't stop 'em,
they fight with fists,

and if you don't stop that,
they fight with knives and 2x4s,

and if you don't stop that,

they get older
and they fight with guns.

So that's why it's always been
the teacher's job

to nip that stuff in the bud.

No fighting.
Detention. Punishment.

Whacked with
the drilled wooden paddle.

My dad had one of those for
eighth-graders. It was wicked.

Violence against violence.

That's what stopped
the fighting.

So, then, in the '70s,
something changed.

And what changed was they didn't
stop the fighting anymore.

They decided,
"Okay, let the kids be kids.

Just let 'em settle it out
behind the drugstore."

That's where we settled it,
anyway.

Behind Don's Pharmacy, you know?

Those fights would be over
in, like, two minutes

because kids always fight dirty.

So, in the '70s, there's this

"Let 'em go wild, who cares?"
period of American history,

and that's where
our story begins,

because film director
Mark Lester decided in 1980

to revisit his old high school,

James Monroe High School
in North Hills, California.

That's one of those L.A. schools
in the deepest part

of the San Fernando Valley,
way up north of Sherman Oaks.

And he's appalled by
what he sees --

kids running around with no
shirts, brandishing knives.

I don't know why he always
mentions the no-shirts part,

but he says,
"They had no shirts,

and they were
brandishing knives."

But somehow that's
very appalling to him.

"By God, they were shirtless."

I mean,
it isSouthern California.

You probably don't always
need a shirt.

So he starts doing research on
violence in high schools,

and the result is a docudrama
that, in my opinion,

is one of the greatest
exploitation flicks of the '80s,

"Class of 1984."

Okay.

So, we've all seen the classic
version of this story.

New principal in town.

Assigned to the most violent
high school

in the history of teenagers.

Despised by the students.

Hated by
the beaten-down faculty.

And, somehow, he teaches
the kids to learn.

It's so heartwarming.

Morgan Freeman in "Lean On Me."

Edward James Olmos
in "Stand and Deliver."

Jim Belushi in "The Principal."

And if you look at the source
material on those movies,

it goes back to the '50s with
movies like "Blackboard Jungle."

"Blackboard Jungle" is
sort of the foundation movie

for the genre that I'm gonna
call High School From Hell.

And if you haven't
watched it in a while,

Glenn Ford is the teacher
in "Blackboard Jungle,"

Sidney Poitier is
the troubled student,

Vic Morrow is the even more
troubled student

with a switchblade.

And then, in a later movie,
Sidney Poitier would move

from the troubled student role
to the nurturing teacher role,

in "To Sir, with Love."

And the idea is that a selfless,
idealistic educator

brings order out of chaos,

sometimes with gentle words,
sometimes with a baseball bat,

and the world is a better place

because this humanitarian saved
the youth of America.

So, Mark Lester
just took that idea

to its ultimate conclusion
and asked the question,

what if the new
principal in town

isthe meekest guy
in the world?

In fact, let's not make him
the principal.

Let's make him a band director
and music teacher

from a little town in Nebraska,

teaching for the first time
in the big city.

This may be the only movie
ever made

with a high school band director
as the protagonist.

And let's say he's
so dedicated to education

that he eventually decides that,

to end the violence
in the schools,

he has to become more violent
himself than the punks.

He's essentially asking
the question,

what would happen if you
crossed "Blackboard Jungle"

with "Death Wish"?

What if Charles Bronson
was the band director?

So, he didn't hire
Charles Bronson,

but he hired a great actor
named Perry King,

and the result is amazing.

Half the critics
despised this film,

and the other half called it
a masterpiece.

I think you know how we feel
here at "The Last Drive-In,"

so let's just hit
those "Drive-In" totals.

We have...

7 dead bodies,
4 dead bunny rabbits,

1 dead kitty cat,
6 breasts,

multiple fistfights,
chain to the face,

2 Tarzan gymnasium-rope attacks,

one roasted punk,

groin-kicking, chest-carving,

1 drug dealer beatdown,

1 cafeteria brawl
with knife to the kidney,

1 hooker audition
with stripping,

1 weirdbeard
Alice Cooper theme song,

1 gang rape with Polaroids,

1 motor vehicle explosion,

2 attempted vehicular homicides
with 2 crash-and-burns,

1 out-of-control motor-vehicle
fender-and-windshield

reverse-vandalism
revenge car wreck

with fire extinguisher through
the driver's window,

1 gang rumble under the freeway
with knives and bats,

1 punk-club slamdance
head-bashing scene

with the Hamilton, Ontario,
punk band Teenage Head,

1 flagpole death plunge,
1 biology lab massacre,

face-bashing self-mutilation,

gratuitous school bus surfing,

gratuitous "Moon River,"

gratuitous face-painting,

gratuitous skeleton-dumping,

gratuitous "1812 Overture,"

arm rolls, massive graffiti fu,
metal-detector fu,

video surveillance fu,
spray-paint vandalism fu,

mosh pit fu, flagpole fu,

broken wine bottle fu,
fire extinguisher fu,

Molotov cocktail fu, buzzsaw fu.

"Drive-In" Academy Award
nominations for Perry King

as the band director
turned vigilante,

Roddy McDowall as the alcoholic,
pistol-packing biology teacher,

Erin Noble as the plucky nerd
girl who loves her clarinet,

Timothy Van Patten as the
psychotic neo-Nazi gang leader

who plays a mean piano
and says, "I am the future,"

Michael J. Fox as
the bowl-haircut band geek

who gets singled out for abuse,

Al Waxman as the hangdog
detective who keeps explaining

why he can't make cases
on juveniles,

and Mark Lester,
the director and co-writer,

for doing things
the "Drive-In" way.

Four stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.

So, if you have been
stirred to action

by my story about growing up
in the Panhandle of Texas,

and you're thinking about
visiting Earth, Texas...

don't.

You know, I'm trying
to think whether

there was ever
anything to do there

except play hide-and-seek
in the corn rows,

which was actually
against the rules

'cause there were
snakes in there.

You know, you could go down
to Blackwater Draw

and look for Indian arrowheads.

That's one thing you could do.

But then somebody would take 'em
away from you if you found them.

They would say
they had to be sent

to the museum in Clovis,
New Mexico,

because they were made by
ancient Russians who

walked across the Bering Strait
14 million years ago

or some goddamn thing.

Earth tourism, though.
Earth, Texas.

They kinda exaggerated
with the name.

[Chuckles]

The Lady Wolverines
were ballers, though.

I remember when they beat
the Morton Maidens 37-5.

It was brutal.

Of course,
after you see this movie,

you'll notice that we had
a different definition of brutal

in West Texas.

♪♪

[Neon lights humming, static]

["I am the Future"
by Alice Cooper playing]

♪♪

♪♪

-♪ When does a dream ♪

♪ Become a nightmare? ♪

♪ When do we do
what must be done? ♪

♪ When do we stand ♪

♪ And face the future? ♪

♪ When there is nowhere
left to run? ♪

♪ And you've got to learn ♪

♪ Just how to survive ♪

♪ You've got to learn ♪

♪ How to keep your dream alive ♪

♪ Take a look at my face ♪

♪ I am the future ♪

♪ How do you like
what you see? ♪

♪ Take a look at my face ♪

♪ I belong to the future ♪

♪ And you belong to me ♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪ When does a dream ♪

♪ Become a nightmare? ♪

♪ When do we learn
to live with fear? ♪

♪ When we cry out
for some salvation ♪

♪ Why is it no one
seems to hear? ♪

♪ You've got to learn ♪

♪ It's up to you ♪

♪ If you can learn ♪

♪ That the dream
just might come true ♪

♪♪

-I'll bet I know who you are.

You're Goldstein's replacement.

-[Chuckles]

-I'm Terry Corrigan, biology.

-Andy Norris, music.

What's the gun for?

-Where have you
been teaching lately?

-Lately, nowhere.

-It figures.

-♪ Take a look at my face ♪

♪ I belong to the future ♪

♪ And the world belongs to me ♪

-Let me guide you in.

-♪ Take a look at my face ♪

♪ I am the future ♪

♪ Now, how do you like
what you see? ♪

♪ Take a look at my face ♪

♪ I belong to the future ♪

♪ And the world,
it belongs to me ♪

♪ It belongs to me ♪

[Indistinct conversations]

[Metal detector buzzes]

-To the right.
Come on.

-Aw!
-Come on.

I know. I know.
Come on.

-Always picking on
the brothers, man.

[Wand screeching]
Oh, look at this.

-Is that really necessary?

-It is if you want to survive.

Do you know any moves?

-Moves?
What do you mean, moves?

-Jujitsu, boxing, karate.
-[Laughs] No.

I swing a nasty baton.

-That's good.

[Metal detector buzzes]
-Dude, kiss my ass.

-An empty bowl --
-Hey!

[Wand screeching]
Hey, hey, uh, guard.

That kid in the brown shirt
has a straight razor.

-It's too late now.
-Oh, baby!

-Did you see that?

-If you want to survive
around here,

you have got to learn
to look the other way.

-Well, they were passing
a straight razor.

[Metal detector buzzes,
wand screeches]

-No shit.

Who? Which one?
Where? Hm?

Oh, come on.
[Chuckles]

Everyone around here
carries something.

So one razor more or less

isn't going to make
a damn bit of difference.

Please listen to what
I have to say.

-Surveillance...

is the name of the game
around here,

Mr. Norris.

You wouldn't believe the things
they do to this building

whenever we aren't watching.

Paint on the walls.

They piss in the corridors.

They steal everything
that isn't bolted down.

Never leave your classroom
unlocked, Mr. Norris,

not even for a minute.

-Yes, sir.

Um, sir, now, about my class --

-There, there.
Come here.

Two of them smoking marijuana.

[Keyboard clacks]

Security.
-Yes?

-Two dope smokers in One West.
-On my way.

-Where was I?

-My classes.

-You have four classes a day.

Mr. Goldstein's files
are available

if you need background
on anything.

-Okay.
Thank you, sir.

-You'll be assigned a corridor
and washroom patrol

in your free hours.

-Isn't that what
the security guards are for?

-They're already using
teacher's salaries, Mr. Norris.

We're spread thin at both ends.

-Yeah, well, I understand, sir,
but, I mean, I...

I'd like to believe that
I'm here to teach.

I need those free periods
to do my work.

-You're not in Nebraska anymore,
Mr. Norris.

Here at Lincoln High,

the teaching is something you do
in spite of everything else.

Do you understand?
-No, sir.

-You will before long.

[Indistinct conversations]

♪♪

[School bell rings]

-[Grunts]
Give me that.

-Come on.
-Come on. Throw it here.

[Students whooping]

♪♪

-Ow. Ow!
That's my face.

-Alright, everybody.
Settle down.

♪♪

Would you sit down, please?

-Teacher, teacher, teacher!

-Hi.
-Hi.

-I'm Deneen.
-I'm Mr. Norris.

-Hi.

I just thought that
I should tell you

that those guys
don't belong in here.

-Come on. Throw. Throw.

-Wait till he's gone.
-Throw it!

-You mean they're not
in this class?

-No.

Those creeps are in a class
by themselves.

-Whoa!

-Are you in this class?
-No.

-You wanna get out, then,
please?

-No.

[Students "ooh", laugh]

[Laughter]

-I give him a week.

-Uh...my name is Mr. Norris.

I'm taking over for
Mr. Goldstein.

Now, when I call your name,
please answer, "Here."

-Um...

If I'm not here, uh,
do I answer, "Not here"?

-[Laughs]

-Abrams?
-Not here.

-[Giggles]

-Eladopolis?

-Oh, no, no, no, no.
Not here, no.

-What is your name, please?

-Dude, no.

-No, he doesn't hear too good.

-You jerks don't belong here.

-You shut your hole,
you little dyke!

-You don't scare me, freako.

-Cool it. Cool it.

What is your name,

since you seem to be
in charge of this group?

-My namen ich bin
Stegman, Peter.

-Okay. You're okay.

The others, I would guess,
belong somewhere else.

-They stay with me.
-♪ Mi, mi, mi, mi, mi ♪

-♪ Do, re, mi, fa, so, la, ti ♪
-Let's go. Leave!

-♪ La, ti, do ♪

Oh!

Just leaving.
Not here.

Bye-bye.

-We'll see you later, huh?

-Are you supposed to be in here?
What's your name?

-Elizabeth Taylor.

Mwah!

-Face the music,
teacher-teacher.

-Wait a minute.
You're in this class. Sit down.

-Sit on this, motherfucker.

-What's the matter with you?

-What's the matter with you?

What's the matter with me?

What's the matter with matter?

[Door closes]

[Students murmuring
indistinctly]

-Boy, I sure made a big hit
with them, huh?

Let's get to know each other.

Uh, tell me your names
and the instruments you play.

-Burly, clarinet.

-Michelle, flute.

-Sommersman, tuba.

-If you don't know
that's a trumpet,

we're all in big trouble.

-Trumpet. Man, they've been
lying to me all these years.

[Rimshot]

-Deneen, I know.
-Clarinet, bassoon and oboe.

And I orchestrate.

-Anything you don't do?
-Yeah, she don't put out.

[Laughter]

But she conducts the class.

-Did you conduct this class?

-Shit, we learned more from her

than we ever did from
old Bad Breath Goldstein.

[Laughter]

-Okay, I'll get the rest
of your names later.

Right now, let's hear how
you sound together.

What's the music on your stands?

-"Moon River."

-Somebody got another copy
of the score?

-We don't need conducting.

We've been practicing
by ourselves.

-Go ahead.
-Okay.

-One, two, three.

[Band playing "Moon River"
poorly]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-$2,200.

-Look, shh!

The shit's come down,
children.

We were making $4,000 a week

until Juju got into our playpen,

and now we're down to $2,000.

That's kind of pathetic.

-We'll fix it!

-Oh, yeah?
Well, we better fix it.

Otherwise, Stegman's gonna
find himself

some bigger, badder boys.

-Hey, this stuff
will get you high

and fly without no wings.

You talking to the medicine man.
This is it right here.

[Rock music playing]

-Oh, Lester.

Got something in there for us,
Lester?

-[Whistles]

-Say -- Say, what's this?

-Deal and feel.

-Take him.

-Hey! Get him!

Hey! Watch out.
-Hey!

-We'll talk to you later.

-Hey, don't mess with me, man,
or Juju's gonna bust your ass!

[Grunts]

-Here's the boy.
Where do you want him?

[Punks muttering indistinctly]

[Knife clanks]

It's no good.
Nothing up here.

-Oh, gee.

-Stay, Leroy!
-[Grunts]

-You better listen.

-Look at this.
-I've had it with you, Leroy.

I mean, uh, enough is enough.

-Hey, man, listen.
I didn't do nothin', man.

-What the fuck?
You think I was born yesterday?

-Hey, man.
What's going on here?

[Screams]

-Get up!

-We're the only niggers
that sell shit in this school.

-Juju just told me
to go up there, man.

-I just told him that --
[Screams]

-Look, you tell Juju,
if he wants to play,

come meet us after school.

Got that, negro?

-Ha-ha!

[Coins clatter]
-Keep the change.

♪♪

[Classical music playing]

-What do you think about
dynamite faculty?

See that one over there
on the phone?

That's the virgin queen.

-[Chuckles]

-Now, who the hell is that guy?

He looks like Charles Manson.

Maybe he busted loose, hm?

-Let me ask you something.

What happened to the teacher
I replaced -- Goldstein?

-They say he had an accident.

They say he fell down
the stairs.

Morganthau says that
he willbe back.

But old teachers,

like old athletes,

they never come back.

At least not here.

Yeah, Andy, let me
ask you something.

Yeah, h-how are
your classes going?

Have you, uh --
Have you discovered

any hidden pools
of genius there?

-[Chuckles]

I don't know about that.

There are some who like music
and who want to play it well.

-You're way ahead of me, then.

You know, there isn't one
of my little bastards,

not one of them that shows the
slightest interest in biology.

Except for the workings
of the reproductive systems.

-[Chuckles]

[School bell rings]

[Indistinct conversations]

-You're the boss, man.
You're the boss.

I'm getting sick of that.
-Okay, Leroy, calm down.

-Hey. Hey!
-Done.

[Indistinct conversations
continue]

-Hey, I thought this was
supposed to be a protected lot!

-I can't be everywhere.

[Car engine starts]

[Birds chirping]

-Agh!

-[Laughing] Andy!

That wasn't even funny.

You could've scared me to death.

-Oh, dear.

What is that?
What are you doing?

-Aww, I just bought this.

Isn't it cute?

-It's terrific.
It's wonderful.

But you're a little bit early.

The baby's not due for
six-and-a-half months.

-Yeah, but I don't wanna save
everything for the last minute.

How was your day?
-Mm, don't ask me.

-It was that bad?
-Yeah, it was that bad.

We got a principal
who can't wait to get

to his board position,

with a faculty who
hate their jobs.

Bunch of security guards
running all over the place,

kids running all over them.

Do you know,
it's cost me $40 already

to get some graffiti
off the car?

-Really?
-Yeah.

-Oh, honey.
-And that's the good news.

-Well, it's always that way
when you start something new,

but you'll get used to it.

-Hey, what did the doctor say?

-I'm in my 73rd day,
and everything's perfect.

-How do you know
what day it happened?

-Well, I was there.

[Both laugh]

♪♪

[Howling]

♪♪

♪♪

[Howling continues]

♪♪

♪♪

-I'm gon' kill you, sucker!

-No one messes around
with my man Leroy.

I'm gonna cut you, white meat.

-Cut this!

♪♪

-Come on back,
you motherfucker!

-Charlie!

-Hey, Black boy!

♪♪

[Siren wailing]

-There's cops!
Let's get out of here!

Come on!

-Aah!

♪♪

-Great work stealing that book,
Patsy.

♪♪

[Laughing] This is gonna be
fucking great!

[Insects chirping]

[Vehicle approaches]

♪♪

-Pretty good Chinese restaurant.

We could have it for breakfast
tomorrow, you know?

-We can have it for lunch,
and I might not have to cook it.

[Tires squeal]

♪♪

Andy, come on.

Let's go in the house.
-Wait -- Wait a minute.

I just wanna see
what the hell they want.

-Andy.

♪♪

Do you guys want something?

[Teenagers scream]

-Andy!

[Laughter]

Are you all right?
-Yeah, I'm okay. I'm okay.

-What is that?

-I don't know. It's like
stage blood or something.

-Well, what kind of
stupid idiots would do that?

-I don't know.
Come on. Come on.

Let's just go inside.

God!

-Who do you think they were?

-I don't know.
They were kids from the school,

I guess, foolin' around.

Look at that.
It's all over me.

-It's ridiculous.

Come on.
Let's go clean up.

[Static]

♪♪

-Is this a great set-up or what?

Roddy McDowall as
a biology teacher with a gun.

Now, remember Chekhov's Gun?
We've talked about that before.

Chekhov said that if you show
a gun in the first act,

you have to use the gun.

And every screenwriter
knows this.

And the screenwriter
in this case is Tom Holland,

who would go on to greater fame
as a writer/director.

"Fright Night,"
"Child's Play,"

those are two of
his greatest works.

He was working from director
Mark Lester's research, though.

Mark Lester went into
the high schools --

he went into the New York
high schools and elsewhere --

and he talked to the teachers
and he talked to the cops,

and he took notes
everywhere he went,

and he wanted these scenes
to be realistic.

Well, let me qualify that --

an exploitation version
of realistic.

Mark Lester I would call
more of an action director

than a horror director.

Before this,
he did "Truck Stop Women,"

about a mother-daughter
trucker brothel,

great redneck movie,

and he did
"Bobbie Jo and the Outlaw,"

"Roller Boogie."

Who could forget "Roller Boogie"
with Linda Blair?

And then, later on, he would
go big time with "Commando,"

"Firestarter."

"Commando" is probably
his top-grossing movie,

but he claims that

"Class of 1984"
is his favorite movie.

Okay.

That's Alice Cooper singing
the title song.

♪ When does a dream
become the nightmare? ♪

I'm not sure what that means,
but it sounds good,

and the reason we have
an Alice Cooper title song

is that Lalo Schifrin, the great
jazz composer from Argentina

who's done hundreds
of movie scores,

he scored this film,
and he told Mark Lester,

"You need a title song,"

and he went and he rounded up
Alice Cooper to bring it.

And this is not
a big-budget movie,

but it's got
so many big names in it.

It's got Michael J. Fox
as the band geek.

You know,
I was a band geek myself,

and so Tom Holland got it
exactly right,

because the biggest nerd
instrument is the clarinet.

[Chuckles]

I started out on the clarinet

and then was greatly relieved
to have my manhood restored

when I was allowed
to switch to the tenor sax.

Anyway, Michael J. Fox was
still unknown at the time.

He got hired for "Family Ties"

while he was shooting
this movie.

But he'd just moved to L.A.,

and most of his child-acting
career had been in Vancouver.

He was just 19 years old.

Uh, who else?

Timothy Van Patten as the
obnoxious gang leader Stegman.

I get all the Van Pattens
confused,

but I think he's the
half-brother of Dick Van Patten.

How many Van Pattens are there?

About 75, I think.

But, anyway,
he had just come off

a popular show called
"The White Shadow"

about an inner-city
basketball team,

and he was the troubled kid
in that show,

and so Mark Lester hired him

to be the troubled kid
in this movie,

and, man, did he deliver.

He -- He didn't care much
for acting, though.

He later went into directing.

In fact, he got awards
for directing episodes of

"The Sopranos"
and "Boardwalk Empire."

He's a big-time director now.

Okay.
Um, what else about this movie?

Oh, the actual high school
is in Toronto.

It's well known
to Torontonians --

Central Tech High School,

a polytechnic high school
that opened in 1915.

Very impressive edifice,
a stone exterior.

So, they shot there
in the summer,

and the art director
put all that graffiti
all over the walls,

and he said,
"Well, don't worry.

I'll clean it up by the time the
students come back in the fall."

Except it wouldn't come off,

and so, on the first day of
school, it was still there.

So that didn't do a lot
for American filmmakers

who wanna shoot movies
in Toronto.

And the reason -- but the reason
it was shot in Toronto

is that this was the golden age

of the Canadian
tax shelter movie,

which meant,
if you shot in Canada

and you used a lot of Canadians
in your cast --

and that's one reason that
they did use Michael J. Fox --

then you got all of
those rebates.

And so, the tax shelter deal

was put together
by Merrie Lynn Ross,

the woman who plays the
band director's pregnant wife.

She knew a cowboy businessman
in Calgary, Alberta,

who got a bunch
of his buddies together,

and they raised
the $3.4 million,

and she got the part in the
movie for raising the money,

although she was previously one
of the principal actresses in

"Bobbie Jo and the Outlaw,"
also directed by Mark Lester...

who they say was her boyfriend
at the time.

I'm not sure about that,

but whenever they talk
about this movie

at conventions or YouTube
interviews or whatever,

they just kinda skip over her.

But I think she was dating
Mark Lester at the time.

Anyway, we've already gone
way too deep into this movie,

and we're only 20 minutes in,
so back to the flick.

Yeah, and, you know,
they're using the band kids

to represent the non-violent
part of high school --

you know, the peacemakers,
the good kids --

but we were not
totally non-violent

in the band at my school.

I mean, we had this
third-chair trombone player.

His nam-- Well,
I won't give his name,

but he'd always splat
on the rests,

meaning, you know, when the beat
is supposed to be silent,

he would do one of those
fart sounds on the trombone.

You know, he wasn't trying
to do a fart sound,

he was just not paying attention
that it was a rest,

and so he'd make
this nervous sound,

and it sounded like a fart.

And so if there was
any possibility

of him doing that
during a band competition,

we would take him out
behind the football field

before the final rehearsal,
and we would get up in his face,

and we would say,
"Look, you're gonna stop playing

and take the fucking trombone
out of your mouth

two full measures
before each rest.

We're gonna mark that place
on your music

where you take the instrument
out of your mouth.

Otherwise, Wineland here
and Myers and Briggs

are gonna all beat
the crap out of you."

And it always worked,

so, technically,
we never got violent.

Would we have physically harmed
a third-chair trombonist

for making splat noises?

Yes. We would.
[Laughter]

[Neon lights humming, static]

[Teenagers whooping]

-Oh, the biggie!
Come on.

Come on, now.
Get your act together.

Get it up. Come on.
Get it up.

Get it up.

[Indistinct conversations]

-[Laughs]

-If only it was real.

[Punk band playing
"Ain't Got No Sense"]

-Get up.

How you doing, ugly?
Alright.

Yeah.

♪♪

♪♪

-♪ Yeah, I spend the money
'cause I don't care ♪

♪ I hoard my dollars
'cause I won't share ♪

♪ It's a time to communicate,
a time to be shrewd ♪

♪ A time to liberate,
a time to be rude ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ Ain't got no sense ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ My mother kicked the bucket,
and my dad's on his way ♪

♪ Well, I can hardly wait
to cash his pay ♪

♪ My little sister's shy
'cause she's got no sense ♪

♪ She learns her lesson
when I get intense ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

[Muffled music playing]

♪♪

-Watch it, kids.

Get your fucking feet
out of the way!

-Look.
That haircut's great.

♪♪

-Who's first?

Vinnie Contino
this year's poster boy?

Come on.
Move it, move it.

♪♪

Vinnie Contino, Mr. Stegman.

-Oy, Vinnie.
-How you doing?

-What can we do for you,
Vinnie?

-Yeah. I'd like to work
for you guys.

-How old are you?
-14.

-14?

Well, uh,
we'll get back to you.

We'll let you know.

-Yeah, don't be a stranger,
Vinnie.

-Yeah.

-Next!
-Sally!

-Come on!

-Peter, this is Sally.
She wants some toot.

If you'll supply,
she'll hook for us.

-Coke whore, huh?

Drugstore, uh...

I'm sure we have something
this young lady can sample.

-But of course.
[Chuckles]

Generosity is our middle name.

[Sniffs]

Don't be greedy.
Okay.

[Sniffs]
Class operation.

You wanna...?

-[Snorts]

[Sniffs]

-We only use the very best.

-Why don't you make her
take her clothes off?

-Take your clothes off.

-You really want me
to take my --

-Take your clothes off!

Suburbanite.

-Hey.

♪♪

-So, Sally, what do you do
for a living?

-What do you think?

-[Scoffs]
I don't think.

[Sniffs]

♪♪

-Slow learner, huh?

♪♪

-Mm-hmm.
-Take your time.

[Sniffs]

Very good.

-Well, do I get the job?

-Yeah, well, first you have
to go through tryouts.

-Fallon?
-Yeah?

-You wanna check out
this merchandise?

♪♪

-You got a moment?

Yeah? You got a moment?
-Sure.

-And she was never seen again.

-I'm gonna watch.

-[Muffled] Another day,
another dollar.

-Next!

-Okay.
What I wanna do is

put together
a junior symphony

made up of students
from the two senior classes.

Any volunteers?

Okay.

I guess nobody wants to get out
of some of their classes

for rehearsals.

[Students murmuring
indistinctly]

Going to a city
symphony competition?

Win trophies?

-Gonna have to stay late
after school.

-Money?
-Yeah!

-Okay, not so fast.

You're all gonna have to take
a test on sight-reading,

and I wanna hear you all take
a shot at playing a piece cold.

So open your music.
Let's see what we got.

This is called
the "1812 Overture."

It's by a Russian composer
named Tchaikovsky.

And it's...

It's very exciting.
It's very dramatic.

And -- And you're gonna have
to work your butts off.

The class begins at 10:00 sharp,
Mr. Stegman.

[Cabinet door slams]

I don't want you in this class.

I don't care where you go
or what you do.

I'll mark you present,
give you an incomplete.

But I want you
to take your friends

and go back to wherever
you came from.

-Ivory Joe from Kokomo.

[Banging piano keys]

-Knock it off!

Come on.

Out.

-[Playing piano skillfully]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Do I get the gig, teacher?

-Where did you learn
how to play like that?

-Do I get the fucking gig?!

-No.

Maybe I'll give you a shot
when you grow up.

Now get out.

-Stegman doesn't play in other
people's asshole bands anyway!

-I love 'em.

[Chuckles]

They remind me that the world
is still a rational place.

There is nothing more rational
than the so-called lower animal.

Did you know that?
Here, you want a hug?

Are you sure you won't join me?

I hope this is the right stuff.

-No, I got hall patrol.

-What is wrong, Andrew?

Are you afraid
that Imight sully...

the reputation of Lincoln High
by my drinking on duty?

Hm.
Ah.

To the lower animals.

They never kill each other
without good reason.

[Animals cooing]

Mm.

-I'll see you later, Terry.

-Mm.

To you.

[Coos]

[Door closes]

[Girls chatting indistinctly]

♪♪

♪♪

-Mr. Norris,
when's rehearsal begin?

-There isn't one.
It's tomorrow.

♪♪

-Hey, hey, watch it.
[Laughter]

♪♪

-Jimmy, man, why do you wanna
mess with that shit?

-It's gonna help me play.
-Oh, that's bullshit.

It's bad news, man.

-What the fuck's going on here?

Either buy it or walk.

-What the fuck's the matter
with you? It's okay.

-Alright, well,
just hurry up, okay?

-Okay.

-[Whistles]

Hello, sweetheart.

3-0. $30.
You got that, right?

-Yeah.
-Sure you do.

Yeah.

You give him the money.
That's very good.

Okay, all yours.

Hm. I know.
[Speaking indistinctly]

Love that angel dust.

Okay, in the hooter.
That's what it's for.

-[Snorts]
-There you go.

Nice and beautiful.
-Oh.

So, let's do it again.

That's right.
Oh, hm.

[Indistinct conversations]

-We're putting another one
on the payroll, honey.

-[Grunts] Take it easy, man.
Alright?

-Business is off.

We got company now --
Mr. Norris.

[Sink running]

[Toilet flushes]

-Okay, everybody line up over
here and turn out your pockets.

-Aw!
-Let's go.

-Hey, come on.
What's the problem, teacher?

-Let's go!
-Can I finish my pee first?

-Do it or I call the cops!

-This is bullshit, man.

[Keys clattering]

-I ain't got no pockets.

-Let's go.

-Mm.

-You buying, Arthur?

-Yeah, I don't mess with
that shit, Mr. Norris.

And neither does Jimmy.

-[Grunts]

-Okay, get lost.

Just these two.

You four guys come with me.

-Look, teacher, I don't know
what you got in that bag,

but, uh...we never
seen it before.

-Come on.
Let's go.

-Hey, hey.

In case you haven't noticed...

I run this school, man.

-It's gonna be a big surprise
to the principal.

Let's go.

[Door closes]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-You say you've never
seen this bag before?

-No.
-No.

-They were dealing.

Five seconds earlier,
I would've walked in on a sale.

-What? To those little kids
in your music class?

I mean, they were the only other
guys in the washroom.

Maybe they brought it in there.

-That's a lie!

-A lot of kids use
that washroom.

I mean, that bag could have been
lying in there for hours

before Mr. Norris came in.

-Mr. Norris?

-Well, if you'd seen the way
they behaved --

-Selling drugs is
a criminal offense,

Mr. Norris.

We must be certain.

-Sir...

Mr. Norris has been hassling us
ever since he got here.

-That's bullshit.

-I'm the best pianist
in this school.

All I wanna do is
play in the orchestra,

and hewon't let me.
-That's not true.

-The guy's got a problem.

-Mr. Morganthau,
that's not true.

-Alright.
Please, please.

-All I wanna do is learn.

-Alright.

You boys get the benefit of
the doubt this time.

But from now on, when you go
into a washroom, you go alone.

Understand?

-Yes, sir.
-Yes, sir.

-Alright, back to your classes.
Away you go.

[Door opens]

-I can't...
[Door closes]

No expulsion, no suspension,
nothing?

-That bag could have belonged

to any student
who used the bathroom.

-Do you really believe that?

-We want to catch the dealers,
the vandals, the thieves, yes.

But we have gotto
catch them in the act.

Do you understand?

-I understand that they're
getting off scot-free.

-We don't have
a watertight case.

It's as simple as that.

[Telephone receiver clicks]

[Telephone rotary dial spins]

-Wake up, you guys!

Come on!

♪♪

[Students clamoring, shouting]

-I'll try to get ahold
of the metro police.

What's his name?

-Jimmy!
-Jimmy.

♪♪

♪♪

-Get down!
-[Whistles]

♪♪

-I pledge allegiance to the flag
of the United States of America.

♪♪

One nation under God...

indivisible, with liberty
and justice for all.

♪♪

[Screams]

[Spectators scream]

-Oh! Oh!
Get them back!

-Get -- Get back!
-Back it up. Back it up.

Back it up. Back it up.
Back it up.

[Spectators murmuring
indistinctly]

♪♪

♪♪

-Arthur, can I talk to you
for a minute, please?

You wanna use this?

-He started the Pledge
of Allegiance...

-Now, listen to me, Arthur.

Uh...

I think that Jimmy's dead

because of that shit
he bought in the washroom.

Am I right?
-I don't know nothing.

-I think you do.

I think you were there
when he bought it,

and I think you can tell
the police who sold it to him.

-Just leave me alone.
-He was your friend, Arthur.

Whoever sold him that stuff
killed him with it.

[Indistinct conversations]

Tell me who he was.
I just need his name.

-No name is gonna
bring him back.

[Indistinct conversations
continue]

-Andy?

How about you and I, uh...

having a drink?

-Perfect.

[Static]

♪♪

-You know, the first time
I saw this movie,

I thought that was a suicide --
the guy on the flagpole.

But I think it's just
that he's disoriented

because he's strung out
on angel dust

that he bought from Stegman.

And he dies wrapped in
the American flag --

Symbolism alert!
[Chuckles]

What does that symbolism mean,
though?

I don't know, patriotism kills?
I don't know.

Um, I have to say, though,

I think they're misrepresenting
punk rockers in this flick.

Punks did drugs,
but they didn't push drugs,

and I don't think
they pimped girls.

I mean, punk was pretty hardcore
about keeping it in the club.

You know, the pain
was self-inflicted,

not inflicted on others.

The punk club scene was filmed
at a real club in Toronto,

and those were real punks.

About a hundred of 'em
showed up for an open call,

and the slamdancing
got so vicious

that a couple of the actors
got hurt,

and Lisa Langlois, who plays
the only girl in the gang,

she hid out the whole time

so the punk girls
wouldn't beat her up,

'cause she thought she was gonna
get called out as a poser,

partly because the makeup
department gave her pink hair

and colorful outfits, you know,

which wouldn't really qualify
as punk at that time.

That was more New Wave,
which came later.

She was Cyndi Lauper
before her time.

But Lisa Langlois was sort of
the Marilyn Monroe of Toronto

at the time,
so she was going against type

when she did this punk role,

'cause she always played
the girl next door.

She had been doing commercials
for several years,

she was a cheerleader type

in the John Huston
slasher film "Phobia,"

she was in
"Happy Birthday to Me."

She was pretty much
the go-to hot blonde

for anybody filming in Toronto.

She was in "Deadly Eyes,"

directed by Robert Clouse
of "Enter the Dragon" fame.

She got big parts in a couple
of Claude Chabrol films

because she grew up
speaking French.

She went to French school,

even though she lived
in Hamilton, Ontario,

which is mostly
English-speaking.

But do I need to explain
Claude Chabrol?

Um...

Oh, anyway, he was one of
those French film critics

who became a director.

'Cause they do that in France.

You know, you write for
Cahiers du Cinéma...

I can never say the name
of the magazine.

C-Cahiers du Cinéma.

You write for that
fancy French cinema magazine,

and then you rent a camera,
and in Claude Chabrol's case,

he was the thriller guy.

He was the lesser-known
French New Wave director.

Anyway, we don't have time
to talk about Claude Chabrol.

But Lisa Langlois was
from Hamilton,

which is also the hometown
of Teenage Head,

the punk band that they used
in the film.

But Hamilton is known as
"Buffalo North"

because it's the hardcore
industrial factory city

near Toronto.

Same kind of history
as Buffalo --

steel factories, automobile
plants, packing plants.

But Lisa doesn't have
good memories on the film,

because, she says, all
the Canadians were paid scale

and the Americans
got real checks,

and a lot of the stuff they were
asked to do was dangerous,

including that mosh pit.

People were getting hurt
in the mosh pit,

and Mark Lester eventually
shut everything down early

'cause he was afraid it was
getting out of control.

Timothy Van Patten was
very active in the mosh pit.

Did you see that?

But he won't talk about
the movie.

Apparently,
he's not crazy about the movie.

And -- Oh, yeah.
Oh!

I did figure out
which Van Patten he is,

because the crack
"Last Drive-In" research team

provided me with this Van Patten
Thespian Genealogy Chart,

showing that Timothy Van --

Let me show you here.

Austin, put that chart up.

Aah!

Shows that Timothy Van Patten
is the half-brother of

Dick Van Patten,
of "Eight Is Enough,"

who was married to
Pat Van Patten,

originally known as
Patricia Poole

of the June Taylor Dancers,

which would make Timothy
the half-uncle

of Dick Van Patten's son
Nels Van Patten,

who played Roger
in "The Young Warriors"

and got the name Nels from
his daddy's character name

in the 1949 TV series "Mama."

Also the half-uncle of
James "Jimmy" Van Patten,

who was Hoppy in
"Roller Boogie,"

as well as Dr. Heffner,
the coroner in the "Saw" films,

and he's -- he's
the official spokesman for

Dick Van Patten's
Natural Balance Pet Foods.

We probably know him best
for that.

And while we're at it,

Timothy would also be
the half-uncle

of Dick Van Patten's other son,
Vincent Van Patten,

who was in "Rock 'n' Roll
High School," "Baywatch,"

and achieved
"Last Drive-In" immortality

when he married Betsy Russell,

who was Jill Tuck
in the "Saw" movies,

but we remember her better

from "Private School"
and "Tomboy,"

not to mention
"Cheerleader Camp."

Betsy gave birth to
a couple Van Pattens --

Duke Van Patten, who was a P.A.
on the Van Patten-filled

"7 Days to Vegas."

I think they had 17 Van Pattens
working on that thing.

Betsy also gave birth to
Vincent Van Patten,

or Vince they call him,
you know, to avoid confusion,

who is 15 years old now,
and he does not yet have

a series or
a long-term movie contract.

I don't know what happened
with him.

So, Timothy would be
the great-half-uncle

of these two guys,

who, by the way,

these are the stepchildren
of Eileen Davidson,

of "House on Sorority Row" fame
and lots of soap operas.

She married Vincent Van Patten

after Betsy Russell
got through with him.

So, Grace Van Patten is the
daughter of Timothy Van Patten.

For some reason,
she didn't start acting

till she was 10 years old,

when her dad put her
in "The Sopranos,"

but since then,
she's starred in "Tramps"

and one other Netflix film,

and then, last year, she starred
in a movie called "Good Posture"

made in the Van Patten
ancestral homeland, Brooklyn.

Her mom is the model
Wendy Rossmeyer --

retired model, I guess.

She runs Harley-Davidson
dealerships today.

She supplies bikes to all
the Van Pattens who need bikes.

And then, over here,
you can see that Timothy is also

the half-brother of
Joyce Van Patten,

the younger sister of
Dick Van Patten,

known for four seasons
on "The Danny Kaye Show" --

that's how far back
Joyce goes --

as well as many daytime dramas.

But she's also the mother
of Casey King.

Where is Casey?
Oh, yeah.

Casey King, who was in
"Dracula: Dead and Loving It,"

as well as 18 other shows.

So, Timothy would be
Casey's half-uncle as well.

But, wait, Joyce also married
Martin Balsam.

Where -- Oh, we have
Martin Balsam on here.

So she married Martin Balsam --
you know, "Psycho,"

"Cape Fear,"
"The Carpetbaggers" --

so that would be
his half-brother-in-law,

at least during the time that
she was married to him,

and that would make him
the half-uncle of Talia Balsam,

who was in "Mad Men" and used
to be married to George Clooney.

So George Clooney's over here in
the lower-right-hand corner.

Wait a minute, where's --
where's Jesse Van Patten?

We know Jesse Van Patten exists
'cause he was hanging around

"Real Housewives of
Beverly Hills"

when Eileen Davidson
was on there.

He's gotta be
17 years old by now,

so he should have
at least 30 IMDb credits.

But there's a -- Oh, h-here.
Wait a minute.

He's here, but I thought

we already talked about
a Jesse Van Patten.

Anyway, there's also
a Richard Van Patten,

who's the son of
Vincent Van Patten

and Eileen Davidson.

There should be
a Richard here somewhere.

But we'll never find him.

'Cause you -- you marry
a Van Patten

and you give him the same name

as the original spermatozoa
back in the '40s --

you know,
Richard Byron Van Patten,

the patriarch of
the Van Pattens --

you can Google that guy all day

and ask for assistance
from the Library of Congress,

and they'll just say,
"That's like naming

all three of your sons
Muhammad.

We just give up on those.

That goes in
the cold case file."

So, Richard Van Patten
may or may not be acting.

We'll never know. We'll -- We'll
never even know where he is.

So, does that about sum it up?

I-I feel like we may have
missed some stuff,

you know, right in here.

But not really.

I think we -- we kind of
identified Timothy Van Patten,

and so let's get back to
the Timothy Van Patten flick

"Class of 1984."

And, by the way,
Timothy Van Patten

was born as
Christopher Van Patten.

Now, I don't know how you get
Timothy out of that,

but his daddy was...

Richard Byron Van Patten...

to distinguish him from his son,

who was merely
Richard Van Patten,

better known to the world
as Dick Van Patten.

So you actually
have two Richards prior to

the current Richard Van Patten,

which,
we don't know where he is.

-Yeah, Joe Bob, just stop.
[Laughter]

-Well, I just wanted to note
that the name Van Patten

is probably Dutch,

which would make sense,
because if you think about it...

-No, let's stop.
Forget it.

-That's enough
Van Patten, uh, genealogy?

-For everyone.
-Alright.

But Petten, Netherlands, is
the only point I wanted to make.

-What?
-You know,

the fishing village in Holland.

Petten, Netherlands, is where
the Van Pattens originated.

And the important thing
about that --

[Neon lights humming, static]

-Hey, hey, hey!
[Punks whooping]

-Boys and girls!
Boys and girls.

-Oh, hello!

-Hey!

-Hey, music man, I need to have
a little chatty-whatty with you.

-Hey, why don't you
leave us alone.

I kept my mouth shut.

-Come on.
Get in.

-Come on.
-Fuckin' shit!

-Where are you two going?!
-Run!

[Tires squeal]

-Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

[Punks shouting indistinctly]

-Come on,
you little fuckin' bitch.

♪♪

-You little bitch!
-What do you want with me, man?

-You shouldn't tell tales
out of school, Arty-Farty.

That could give us a bad name.

-I didn't tell him anything.

-If I'm not home in 10 minutes,
I got four brothers who --

-Oh-ho, yeah.
I'm terrified.

[Glass shatters]
Ooh-hoo!

-Arthur.
-[Smooches]

-Terry, hasn't anybody
ever tried

to get that gang out of school?

-[Chuckles]

They have been put
on suspension so many times,

they oughta name
a revolving door after them.

-You know the amazing thing?

I think Stegman's actually
a brilliant kid.

-So is the Marquis de Sade.

[Faint indistinct shouting]

-I wonder what the hell
they're up to now.

♪♪

-Come on, now, Andrew.

[Stammers] Cool it.
School is out.

-I just want to see
what's going on.

♪♪

-It's that Corrigan
and the new boy.

-Aw, shit.

-Andy, this is stupid.

♪♪

-School's out,
teacher-teacher.

You're not welcome here.

♪♪

-Come on, you kids.
You can come with me.

-We're not in school now, teach.
I can bust your ass.

-So do it!

♪♪

Come on.
You can go home now.

-I got plans for you.

-Yeah? Likewise.

-Oh, I'm pissing in my pants!
-[Laughs]

-I don't know how many kids
you sold to, Stegman,

but I'm gonna find 'em.

All I need is one kid
who's got the guts

to face you in open court
and finger you for pushing it,

then I've got you.

-It ain't happened yet.

-It will.

-Up yours!

-Out of my way!
-Andy!

Andy! Geez!

♪♪

-God, this is crazy!
-Aw, gee.

-I don't believe this.
-You don't look so great either.

Oh, come on.
Let's get out of here.

-Wait. Did Arthur
and Deneen get away?

-Oh, yeah.
Oh, my God.

[Engine revs, tires squeal]

-Terry, you're gonna
need stitches.

We gotta go to the hospital.
-No stitches, no hospital.

That just means police
and questions.

We should get out of here.

[Car engine starts]

-Terry, I swear to God,
I'm sorry.

It was me they were after.

I had no right
to drag you into this.

-Oh, good God, Andrew.

They don't care
which one of us it is.

They are at war.
Don't you know that?

And I don't want any part of it.
[Sighs]

Look, just get me home to Ellen.
She'll patch me up.

-You sure you don't
want to go to a hospital?

-I am positive. I do not want
to go to a hospital.

Just get me home to Ellen.

[Door closes]

[Footsteps approach]

-Andy?
-Yeah?

-How you doing?

[Sewing machine whirring]

You okay?

-Yeah, I'm okay.

-What happened?

-Some punks from the school
hit me.

-Why?

-I don't know.
They -- I was in their way.

What difference does it make?

-Andy, what is going on
in that place?

Please tell me.

-A kid died today.

♪♪

I was so goddamn stupid.

I was so busy trying
to nail Stegman today,

I never even noticed
Jimmy was high.

If I'd seen that,
I could have saved him.

-You couldn't have known,
honey.

How could you?

♪♪

-They gave Jimmy
a minute of silence today.

One lousy minute for 16 years.

♪♪

[Chain belt rattles]

-Aah!

[Glass shattering]

-Ignite the flame with Fallon.

♪♪

♪♪

[Explosion]

[Police radio chatter]

-Diane, I want you to pack
everything you need

and go to your mother's
until this is over.

-I don't want to go
to my mother's.

This is my home.

-I don't think it's safe
for you here anymore.

-Not unless you come.
-I can't!

I can't leave my job.

I am worth something
as a teacher.

There are kids at that school
who need me.

-I think what they did tonight
shows you

that they don't want you
there anymore, Andy.

-That's one gang.
That's a small minority.

-But you've taught before,

and nothing like this
has ever happened.

-Well, this happened now,
and I gotta deal with it.

-I don't understand you, Andy.

I just don't understand you
anymore.

-Are you gonna go
to your mother's or not?

-[Sighs]

You stay...I stay.

It's as simple as that.

-Any other witnesses
that -- that you know of?

-No.

-Anyway, we got
all this information,

and we'll make an investigation
and get back to you.

-What the hell is there
to investigate?

I told you who it was.

It was Peter Stegman
and his gang.

-Stegman is under 18 years old.

All the kids that you wanna I.D.
are under 18.

Besides that, they can
get 27 other kids out there

to alibi for 'em in a minute.

These kids know
all the loopholes.

You throw 'em in one door,

they're out another one
in five minutes.

-I saw him with my own eyes.
-So what?

That's not good enough.

Nowadays, you wanna make a case
against a juvenile,

you gotta be holding his hand
while he's robbing you.

-Let me see the file.
-No, I-I can't.

-Just so I can see
what I'm up against.

-I can't give you
that information.

-Why not?
-Because it's the law.

Right of privacy for juveniles.

You don't want them taking
their mistakes with them

up into their adult lives,
do you?

-What about us at the school?
We need your help.

[Police radio chatter]

-We're here to help.

Okay, I'll read the records
to you,

but don't ask me for names,
alright?

I can't give you names.
Look at this.

Beatings, gang fights...

a rape.

And the girl backed out of being
a witness at the last minute.

A 14-year-old girl.

Drug pushing,
prostitution rackets.

These kids, Mr. Norris,
are a permanent fixture here.

And all we can do for now is
just keep an eye out on 'em.

You understand?

[Indistinct conversations]

-Mr. Corrigan.
-Hey, what's up?

-Uh, we got some problems
in the lab.

Mr. Morganthau's
waiting for you up there.

-Terry, I'll go with you.

-Coming through.

-I'm sorry, Mr. Corrigan.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Grunts]

I'm all right.

I am perfectly all right.

♪♪

-Bastards.

Rotten bastards!

-Vandalism is nothing new
in this school, Mr. --

-Vandalism?
This isn't vandalism!

This is revenge!
Look out! Get!

♪♪

-What happened there,
eh, teach?

[Indistinct conversation]

-Easy.

-You ever come after me again,
or Terry,

I swear to God,
I'll kill you!

I mean it,
you son of a bitch!

-Go ahead.

Yeah.

I knew you couldn't do it,
teach.

You still believe in all that
bullshit that holds it together.

And when it comes down
to killing,

well, teacher-teacher's
just got too much to lose.

Otherwise,
you'd have done me right.

-[Scoffs]

-Like this.

[Glass shatters]

Or...

Or like this.

[Bang]

Or like this!
[Grunts]

-Stop it!

Stop it!

-Now you done it, teacher.

[Breathing heavily]
You done it good.

[Rustling]
Hey, look what he done, man!

-Christ, are you out of
your fucking mind?

-He's crazy!
-Okay, alright, calm down.

-That son of a bitch is
out of his mind!

-Calm down.
I'm gonna take care of this.

-He tried to kill me.

He -- He tried to kill me!

-Calm down. Calm down.
-He's crazy, man!

He's crazy.
That son of a bitch, he's sick!

-There is no way I can accept
that story, Mr. Norris.

It's outrageous.

-His mother's gonna make
a hell of a case out of this.

She's already talking assault.

-Let their lawyer take
the first shot.

We don't want to
show our hand too soon.

-Sir, the boy's psychotic.

And I think he's very dangerous
to everybody in this school.

Will you...

Will you at least put him
on suspension?

-On suspension? After you
nearly fractured his skull?!

-Goddamn it!
He did it to himself.

Why do you always take
his word over mine?

-Don't -- Don't look at me.

When I came in, he had the kid's
blood all over his hands.

I'm sorry, Mr. Norris.
Idon't know.

-If we're talking about
suspension, Mr. Norris,

it should be you.

And if I suspend you,

then I've got five grades
without a music class.

Half the graduating class
going out of here

with a substandard education,

and you compound the problem
by beating a student senseless?

-I told you --
-Why?

Why, Mr. Norris?

There will be no disciplinary
measures taken on hand

by one of my teachers.

Is that understood,
Mr. Norris?

-Yes, sir.

-Where are you going?

-If I'm still a teacher,
I'm going to teach.

-Just a minute, Mr. Norris.

If you're found guilty
of this assault,

whether you did it or not,
you'll never teach again.

[Door closes]

Do you find any credence
in his story?

-Knowing that Stegman kid,
anything's possible.

[Static]

♪♪

-They do not make posters
like this anymore, do they,

with these paintings on it.

"We are the future,
and nothing can stop us."

Psycho kid, ineffectual police,
ineffectual principal.

And that's two great actors
playing the cop who's no help

and the principal who's no help.

It's hard to play those kinds
of characters --

strength in the performance,
weakness in the character --

but that's David Gardner
as the principal.

Veteran Toronto character actor.

He was Dr. Fairchild
in "Prom Night,"

was in "Robocop."

And that's Al Waxman
as Principal Morganthau,

best known for doing 125
episodes of "Cagney & Lacey"

as Lieutenant Samuels.

Al Waxman was a professor
of theater and film

at York University -- that's
a huge university in Toronto --

but more importantly,
he was the writer

of the 1978 disco song
"Gotta Hear You Say It Too,"

which included the lyric...

"I am Canada.
I'm a lover of life.

I'm a dreamer of dreams."

This is a disco song, remember?

"I'm a dreamer of dreams.

And I believe it's time
I said, 'I love you.'

But I got to hear you say
you love me, too."

So, it's a disco song spoken
by the nation of Canada,

asking people to love Canada

before you expect Canada
to love you back.

And I can't find it.
I can't find the song.

Please, people watching
on Shudder Canada,

send me a copy of
"Gotta Hear You Say It Too"

so -- so we can groove to it --

and so -- and so
we can love Canada

so Canada will love us back.

And, by the way,
Al Waxman's office,

that's the same police station
they used in "Black Christmas."

So, the stakes just got
higher and higher

in this movie, don't they?

T-T-They're tightening it --
tightening it like a winch.

You think the little fistfight
in the alley

with the glass bottle is bad,

but then they blow up a car,

and they butcher
all the lab animals.

Roddy McDowall is great
in this movie.

You can see the intense pain
on his face

when he first walks
into that lab,

and one reason you can see
the intense pain on his face

is that they used real animals.

They went down to the pet morgue

and got some cats and rabbits
and skinned 'em,

and the stench was
overwhelming in there.

It was making everybody sick.

And then that scene where

Timothy Van Patten
bashes his own face in

so he can frame
Mr. Norris for it?

Oh, man!

Perry King, who plays
the band teacher,

was a pretty well-known actor
when this came out.

He was one of those bluebloods
out of Yale and Juilliard.

His grandfather was
Maxwell Perkins,

the editor of Hemingway,
Fitzgerald, Thomas Wolfe --

very famous
in literary circles --

and his first movie was opposite
Shirley MacLaine in 1971,

"The Possession
of Joel Delaney."

He actually left Juilliard
to do that movie.

He was the hottest
young actor in the world --

for about five minutes,
because the movie bombed.

But he was good in it,

and so there was a period where
he got lots of offers.

He was in "Slaughterhouse-Five,"

he was in
"The Lords of Flatbush,"

he was in a Merchant Ivory film

called "The Wild Party"
with Raquel Welch.

It was about
the Fatty Arbuckle orgy

that ruined Fatty's career
in the Silent Era.

But you know what
weremember him for

here at "The Last Drive-In"?

Besides this movie, of course.

We remember when he went
full frontal in "Mandingo"

as the sensitive son
of the slave owner

who loves his bed wench
and hates his wife.

Perry King will defend
"Mandingo" to this day.

He says Richard Fleischer
made a great movie

and then Dino De Laurentiis
ruined it with the ad campaign,

so everybody associated with it
got kind of branded

as cheap exploitation actors,

and after that he went through
this weird period

where he starred in "Lipstick"
with Margaux Hemingway.

She was a supermodel
at the time,

but she got so panned
for that movie

that she never really
acted again.

And then he made a bunch of
movies for Andy Warhol

during that period
where they had The Factory.

I don't like any
of those movies,

but he was in one
of the most famous ones,

"Andy Warhol's Bad,"

and then he was in one of
the best LGBTQ movies ever made,

"A Different Story,"

but very few people
have seen that movie,

partly because AVCO Embassy
was embarrassed by it.

They just threw it away.
They didn't market it at all.

So, anyway, Perry was known
as a guy who would do anything,

and we're about to find out
why that's perfect

for this particular movie.

And one more thing before we go
back to the flick --

You're probably not noticing

Lalo Schifrin's
excellent musical score,

and one reason is that
he's using weird sounds,

and he breaks off the themes

in order to keep you on edge
at all times.

Lalo Schifrin is a genius.

He -- He sculpts that music
for the exact emotion he wants,

and for this movie,
he goes for ugly, brutal sounds.

He keeps us on edge.

Okay.
Back to the flick.

I love me some Lalo Schifrin,
you know?

The two greatest film composers,
in my opinion,

are Ennio Morricone
and Lalo Schifrin,

and they both use weird,
manufactured sounds.

Although Lalo Schifrin's
greatest composition

is the theme from "Mannix."

You ever watch MeTV,
you know?

They show old "Mannix" reruns.

In fact, I think they have
a rule at MeTV --

they don't show any TV series
less than 50 years old.

But...Touch Connors,
who was in one of

Roger Corman's greatest
westerns, "Five Guns West"...

Touch Connors at the time.

He later became Mike Connors --
star of "Mannix."

Mannix was a private detective
who ran through warehouses

in expensive suits every week.

So, anyway, "Theme From Mannix"

is one of the greatest TV themes
ever written,

just as "Theme from The Good,
the Bad and the Ugly"

is one of the greatest
movie themes ever written, so...

I know you watch MeTV,
right, Darcy?

-I do, but I don't watch
"Mannix."

-You don't watch "Mannix"?
What do you watch?

-I'm a "Cannon" kind of gal.

-You watch "Cannon"?
-Mm-hmm. [Laughs]

-And you don't watch "Mannix"?
That's insane.

"Cannon" sucks
compared to "Mannix."

-I totally disagree with that.

-You don't get sucked in
by the "Mannix" theme?

You know, the -- starts with
those trumpet blasts,

and then they go
to the trombones,

and they motor us into the
full-bore sax melody, you know?

Like, they're wailing
on those saxes,

and then Lalo himself does
that little jazz piano thing

in the middle of
the "Mannix" theme.

How can "Cannon"
compete with that?

-It's got William Conrad.

-That's so sick.
The "Cannon"...

And the "Cannon" theme
sucks too.

I don't even --
and William Conrad?

-I don't care about the musical
theme, I just like the show.

-I'm disgusted by that, Darcy.

-You're just being a band geek
right now.

-Okay, well, I am.

I mean, once a band geek,
always a band geek.

It doesn't...

This movie, by the way,
is sacred to band geeks.

Remember that time --

The last time I talked about
being in a band,

remember that I-I sang

the Gillette "Look Sharp,
Be Sharp" march on the air?

-I do remember.

Let's -- Let's not
do that again.

[Neon lights humming, static]

[Machine-gun fire]

-Oh, but, Lyle,
I made him dance, didn't I?

-Yeah. Cool it.

-Petey, what is this?

You have four, five,
six more parking tickets.

What are you doing,
parking in a bus zone?

-They ain't got no parkin'
at that stinkin' school.

-That school is the only one
that would accept you.

You know that.

What do you think?
You like this sweater?

-Yeah, you look great, Ma.

-Yeah.
[Knocking on door]

Get the door, will you, honey?

[Chatter on television]

Get the door, Pete!

-Hey, come on, Ma.

[Chatter continues]

-Where's the bloody security
in this building?

Yes, who is it?

-Mrs. Stegman, can I talk to you
for a minute, please?

-I don't want to buy anything.
I'm very busy.

-No, Mrs. Stegman,
I'm Peter's music teacher.

It's very important
that I talk to you.

-Don't let him in, Ma.
Please don't let him in, Mommy.

-Haven't you done enough damage?

You wanna talk?
You talk to my attorney.

-Mrs. Stegman, if you just let
me come in for a minute,

I'm sure we can settle that.

There are more important things
to deal with.

-No, mister, I'm not
letting you off that easy.

-Mrs. Stegman, there are
things that you don't know

about your son.

Now, if we don't talk,

he's gonna be
in a lot of trouble.

-Now, you listen to me, buster.

You get your ass
away from my door,

or I'll have the police
up here so fast,

it'll make your head spin.

What do you think I am?

Some sort of
a-a bubbleheaded housewife

you can push around
like those kids?

-Get him out of here, Mom.

-Do you have any idea
what I'm gonna have to
spend on a therapist

to get him out of this?

-He doesn't need a therapist.

-Who do you think you are?
Some sort of a-a God Almighty?

He's just a boy.

-If he comes near me again,

he's gonna need a lot more
than a therapist.

-Oh-ho.
You're making threats now?

You call yourself a teacher?

-Please, please.
We've got to talk rationally.

There are other kids --
-Now, listen!

Petey is an exceptional child!

I only wish his father
were alive to see him.

You couldn't possibly understand
his kind of genius.

None of you can!

-Mrs. Stegman, you don't know
what the hell he's been doing!

Now, I'm trying to help you!

-I don't need your kind of help!

[Door slams]
-Will you talk to me, damn it?!

-[Sighs]

Don't worry, honey.
He won't bother you again.

Go on back in and watch TV.

-Yeah, I, uh -- I just wanna
make sure he's gone, Mom.

[Elevator bell dings]

Teacher-teacher.

Learn your lessons.

Mommy didn't like you very much.

-Lay off me!

Lay off me, Stegman!

You hear me?

-Shut up, you son of a bitch.

You ever come here again,
and I'll kill you.

I swear it.

You're mine, asshole.
All mine.

I am the future.
You hear that?

I am the future.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Glass shatters]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Car engine starts]

♪♪

[Tires squeal]

[Metal crashes]

♪♪

[Engine revs]

[Metal crashes, tires squeal]

♪♪

♪♪

[Door bangs]

♪♪

You did it, man!
Youdid it!

You trashed my car.

-Let's say I did.
Can you prove it?

[Clatter]

-I'm gonna kick your ass.

-Careful. I could charge you
with assault.

-You got a problem, Mr. Norris?

-No. Stegman was just leaving.

[Door slams]

[Indistinct conversations]

-[Playing saxophone]

-[Playing tuba]
[School bell ringing]

-Okay, thank you.
Thank you.

Okay.
Okay.

[Door opens]

-It's like written music
is a whole other language,

you know, and I'm speaking it
with my horn.

-Mr. Norris.
Mr. Norris.

-Hey, Officer, what's up?

-Uh...

[Indistinct conversations]

The trial, it's not gonna
take place until the 6th.

So, uh, I promise
it'll turn with you.

-Okay, well, that's great.
The concert's over with.

-Hey, without Mr. Norris,
we're nothing.

-Excuse me. Arthur,
this is Officer Stewiski.

-Arthur, how are you?

-Look, that little fucker
Arthur's squealing to the juvie.

[Indistinct conversations]

Let's go.

-♪ You better not
step out of line ♪

♪♪

♪ You better not
step out of line ♪

♪ You better not
step out of line ♪

-Look, I personally don't think
Vinnie can do it.

-No, no, no.
-He could, man. It's no problem.

-The guy's a wimp.

-Hey, I'm no wimp, alright?
That's right.

-Now, you can do this?
-Yes, I could.

-Go on.

[Indistinct conversation]

-Hey!
-Yeah, I'm gonna do it.

-Alright then, Vinnie.
Do it.

-Let's go.

-Ah.
Diversion, huh?

Lookit, Vinnie.
A little magic trick.

Keep it down.

♪♪

[Spectators shouting
indistinctly]

[Clatter]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Thud]

[Students scuffling]

-He has a ruptured kidney.

-Can we see him?
-No.

He's in intensive care.

Call us later, Mr. Norris,

and we'll let you know
his condition.

-Okay, thank you.

You gonna pick up the gang?

-Mr. Norris.

We can't find anybody
who actually saw it happen.

-Stegman's gang was there.
You know they did it.

-Sure. But how do we
prove they did it?

-Look, somebody's got to stop
this insanity.

Now, if you don't do it, I will!

-Hey. Easy. Easy, Mr. Norris.

You shouldn't be talking
like that.

Not with you already facing
an assault charge.

-Come on.
I'll drive you home.

-I always walked home
with Arthur.

-Terry, what are you
doing to yourself?

-Who cares?

[Sighs] It calms me.

It insulates me.

-If we can get through this
year, then Andy's gonna have

a permanent teaching position.

-Terry talks about retiring.

But that's rubbish.
He won't.

-I'm such a failure.

-You're not a failure.

Terry, you're one of the best
teachers in that whole school.

-To tell you the truth, Andy,

I don't think
I can teach anymore.

I can't get through.

I always had this dream
that I could make kids read

every book they could
lay their hands on.

Oh, if I could only be
an inspiration to one

goddamn growing mind.

Sometimes I think I'd do
anything...

just anything if I knew
that I could leave

one person behind...

who'd heard me.

I...

Oh.

Goodbye, Mr. Chips.

[Band playing]

♪♪

♪♪

[Music stops]

-Uh, we've got what?

We've got a week to
senior assembly, right?

People have been invited from
the symphony competition board.

Well, parents and students.

I just...

I don't know how to
tell you this, but...

I think you guys are terrific.

-You mean we're good?

-No, I didn't say you were good.
I said you were terrific!

[Cheering]

-Absolutely great.
All we got to do is...

-Mr. Norris.
You got to come with me.

-So we can have any number of
"X" chromosomes in any species,

but it is only the with
the addition of the "Y"

that we get the man.

Ah!

Sit down.

Please.

-Excuse me. Excuse me.
Let me through.

-I'm sorry. I'm -- I'm calling
the police to handle this one.

-No, let Mr. Norris
talk to him first.

-There are students in there.

-Yes, and that is
Terry Corrigan.

That is not a maniac killer.

Let me have a chance.

Come on. He's my friend.

-I'll back him up.

-All right.

-Hi, Terry.

-You shouldn't be in here,
Andrew.

-What are you doing?

-I'm teaching.

Can't you see that?

You!

Tell us the factor
for the female of the species.

Stand up when the teacher
talks to you!

-Wait a minute. Terry.
-No!

Andrew.

I don't come into your class
and tell you how to teach.

Now, what is the answer, please?

For you simply cannot afford...

to fail this class.

Now, what is the answer?

-[Gasps]

-What is the answer? Please?

-Y.

-[Laughs] You see how
simple it is?

-Yeah.

-He has never, never answered
a question in this class.

I'm finally teaching them.
Oh, tell me, darling.

How many chambers
are there in the human heart?

Oh, come on.

Come on.

Go on.

-Four. I think four.

-That's wonderful.
Oh, it's a pleasure.

Oh, such a tremendous pleasure.

-Mr. Stegman,
what is an amphibian?

You should know.

We had such a...

wonderful display...

hanging on our wall.

You don't know?

That's too bad.

You...

...do not pass.

-You have to work with him,
Terry.

-Oh, but, Andrew, it would take
such an awful lot of work.

And this would be
so much easier.

[Gunshot]

[Screaming]

Class is not dismissed!

God!

-We're gonna work all this out.

-[Groans]

-Come on, Terry.

-They...

killed my animals.

Oh, God.

-Stegman did that.

They aren't all like him.

-Oh, Stegman.

-All right, all right,
get him down to the office.

-Wait a minute.
Let me take him home.

-Not so fast, Mr. Norris.
He needs mental help.

And we've got to
notify the police.

I'm gonna have parents
all over me in an hour's time.

-How come I can't get you off
the dime when a student

does something wrong,
but when a teacher screws up,

you want to call in the police?

-A teacher is required to
be responsible.

-Come on, Terry.
Let me take you home, okay?

-No.

No, I...I'm fine.

I'm fine. Really.

I'm fine. I'm...I'm fine.

[Engine revs, tires squeal]

-Jesus Christ!

-What the hell are you doing,
you crazy son of a bitch?

-Get off my car!

-I'll kill you.

-I'll kill you,
you fucking asshole!

[Indistinct shouting]

-Shit!

-[Laughs]

Aaah!

-Stop!

Shit!

Shit!

[Indistinct shouting]

[Engine starts]

[Tires squeal]

-Run, Stegman!

-[Screams]

[Static crackles]

-Yeah, and we have that weird
tribal dance around

the burning car of
Roddy McDowall.

They have all kinds of things in
this movie that were inspired by

"A Clockwork Orange."

Including the poetic language
used by Stegman.

Mark Lester is a film buff,
and he said he had two

influences, the original
"Blackboard Jungle"

and "A Clockwork Orange."

He modeled the gang on
"A Clockwork Orange"characters,

and that's why they wear masks
and they paint their faces

and they go for all that weird
beard costuming.

He wanted them to be aliens.

And they definitely are.

But how about that scene where
Roddy McDowall is holding his

class at gunpoint.

That is maybe one of
the best scenes of

Roddy McDowall's career,
maybe one of the best scenes

ever in horror history, if you
consider this a horror film.

A lot of people say it's more
action than horror,

but I don't care,
it's a horror film.

My favorite moment in that
scene is when he puts the gun

to the head of Drugstore,
played by a Canadian actor named

Stefan Arngrim, after asking him
the question about chromosomes.

And Arngrim is barely able
to squeeze out the word "why."

And Roddy McDowall's face
lights up like it's a wonderful

teaching moment, because
it's the correct answer

and the first time Drugstore
has ever answered any question

of any type.

But we don't really know
whether he was pleading,

asking "why" as in,
"Why are you doing this,"

or whether he really was
answering "Y chromosome."

So beautiful writing
by Tom Holland.

Roddy McDowall is about the only
person I know of in the history

of Hollywood who never made
an enemy.

There were thousands at his
funeral in 1998.

The only unhappy part of
McDowall's life

was his childhood.

He grew up in the Herne Hill
neighborhood of London.

His mother was an Irish actress.
His dad was a merchant seaman.

And he got out of there through
his acting talent,

starting at 10 years old when
he landed a role in

"Murder in the Family"
that encouraged his mom

to move them to Hollywood,
where his first American role

at the ripe age of 13,
was in the Best Picture of 1941,

John Ford's
"How Green Was My Valley."

He was best known as a child
actor for "My Friend Flicka"

and "Lassie Come Home,"
and that's the movie

where he met Elizabeth Taylor
in 1943 and they became

lifelong friends
right up until his death.

As an adult, probably best known
for being in four of the five

"Planet of the Apes" movies,

but he always worked
in horror movies.

He had a period where he went to
New York and just worked on

the stage, had hundreds
of stage roles.

He won a Tony Award, but then he
also made 150 movies,

and he had a long career as
a photographer.

In fact, the photo archive
at the Motion Picture Academy

is named the Roddy McDowall
Photo Archive.

His last performance was
in 1997.

He played Scrooge in
"A Christmas Carol"

in New York City.

And, oh, yeah,
also The Mad Hatter.

Actually he was the Mad Hatter
in both the Batman series

and the Superman series.

So I don't know anybody else
who ever did that.

Consummate actor.

In that scene at
the barbecue place,

where he gets drunk and he says,
"I'm such a failure,

if I could reach just one kid,"
they had to do

six or seven takes,
a tear dropped out of his eye

on the exact same word
on every take.

So that's the kind
of actor he was.

And also, for his dying scene,
where he's trying to commit

vehicular homicide,
Roddy McDowall insisted on

actually driving that car.

Now, normally you would pull
the car with a camera truck,

but he was like, "Naw, just put
the camera on the hood,

and I'll drive it."

And then he started driving
like a maniac,

which scared the crap out of
Mark Lester because Mark Lester

is lying down in the back seat,
which was the only place

he could be out of camera view
and still direct the scene.

But Roddy McDowall actually
banged into several of those

cars while they were doing
that scene.

And I also wanted to mention
that, in that scene where

Timothy Van Patten is
stretched out on the couch

watching a violent movie on TV,
the movie is

"Bobbie Jo and the Outlaw,"
another Mark Lester flick

starring Marjoe Gortner
and Lynda Carter.

That was Lynda Carter
in the clip that you saw.

Modern day redneck
Bonnie & Clyde story.

Good film.

All right, back to
the High School From Hell

classic, "Class of 1984."

Roll it.

You know the Mark Lester movie
that nobody talks about?

"Pterodactyl."

[Laughter]

Any "Pterodactyl" fans
in the house?

You know, killer baby
pterodactyls that pour out of

a dormant volcano in the jungles
of northern Turkey

and attack
the American military.

I think this was on Syfy.
It had to be on Syfy, right?

The best flying prehistoric
man-eating monster movie

since "Q the Winged Serpent."

But here's that special
Mark Lester touch --

to star in the movie,
who does he hire?

Coolio!

[Laughter]

Coolio fighting pterodactyls.
The man is a genius.

[Static crackles]

-It was nice to see
so many kids at Terry's funeral.

-It's gonna be really hard
for Ellen

to accept Terry's death.

-I know.

It's hard for me.

-And what about us?

Andy, I'm worried about us,
and I'm worried about the baby.

And I've made a decision.

I-I'm gonna go to
my mother's house.

It'll be safer until
the child's born.

-Good. Good.

I think you should have gone
long ago.

-What about you?

Are you ready now to give up
that obsession

you have with the kids
at Lincoln High?

-What obsession, Diane?
I'm a teacher.

I'm just trying to do my job.

Terry couldn't handle it.
I can.

-Okay.

Why don't you just stay there
then and just slug it out

with those psychotic
little misfits.

And who knows?
Maybe you'll wind up like Terry.

And what should
I tell our child?

That their father died
in the line of duty?

That he was a teacher?

-What do you want to tell them?
That I was a coward?

That I ran away as soon
as I had a problem?

I'm sorry.

Stay for the concert, and then
go to your mother's, okay?

I'll visit you on the weekends.

I love you.

-I love you, too.

-Nurse Brewer to
third floor station.

Nurse Brewer to
third floor station.

-Well, Mr. Norris,
I'm glad you're here.

-How is he?
-He's better.

He's talking, but not to me.

He won't say who knifed him.
Why don't you go on in there?

-Okay, maybe he'll tell me.

-Hey.
-Hi.

How you feeling?

-As good as I look.

Who's replacing me
in the orchestra?

-Zuckerman.
-Zuckerman?

-Yeah.

-He's a Turkey compared to me.

-You told Stewiski that you
didn't see who knifed you.

Is that the truth?

-What's the use?

-Then you did see.

-Mr. Norris...

you know that if I say
who got me,

as soon as I get out,
they're gonna get me again.

-Arthur, don't you want them to
get those kids?

I mean, the same thing
could happen to somebody else.

-[Sighs]

-Look, I'm not gonna force you
into anything, but...

I just want you to
think about this.

I think that the only rights
we have are the ones

we're willing to fight for.

You owe it to your friends
at school

to stand up for yourself.

-Okay.

It was Vinnie.

Vinnie Cuntino.

[Police radio chatter]

-So, what do you want to do?
-Let's go see a movie.

-I need a drink.

-Hello, officer.

Norris must have got
Arthur to talk.

-So let's fuck him up.

-All in good time.
All in good time.

-Excuse me. Sir? Sir?
Come back here!

-What the hell are you doing?
Why did you let them go?

-It's all right.
-Yes, sir.

-I had to let 'em go.
That's the law.

I could only keep them
here 24 hours.

Besides, we still got Vinnie.

-Well, they set him up.
You know that.

-I don't know that,
and you don't know that either.

Vinnie isn't talking yet.

-They're gonna go right
after Arthur.

What are you gonna do,
wait until he's dead?

-Don't worry about Arthur.

We'll protect Arthur.
But who's gonna protect you?

You better look after
your own ass

if you want to be any good
to the rest of those kids.

You got that concert
tomorrow night, don't you?

-Yeah.

-Mr. Norris.

-What?

-Mind your own business, huh?

-What do you think?

-I don't think anyone will

mistake you for
Leonard Bernstein.

But you look splendid.

-Splendid?

-Sexy.

-That's what I care about.

The concert starts about 8:00.

Try and get there
a little early, okay?

-Andy?

-Yeah?

-I'm...I'm really proud
of you, honey.

-How are you doing, Mr. Norris?

-It's show time, Mr. Norris.
-Afternoon, Mr. Norris.

-You're looking real nice
in that suit.

Yeah, nice hairdo.

-Are you having lunch
in the cafeteria?

-I am the future.
I am the future.

I am the future.

-Not if I have anything
to say about it.

-Oh, teacher-teacher shouldn't
talk to Stegman like that.

-Get out of my way.

-You've got to learn.

Life...is pain.

Pain...is everything.

You...

you will learn.

-[Whistling]

-What do you want?

Here, take the money.

Look, if you leave now,
I won't tell the police!

-Good evening, Mrs. Norris.
-[Screams]

Love the place.

-Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!
Whoo-hoo!

-She's mine!
-Stand back.

-Where do you keep the drugs
around here anyway?

-[Screams]

No! No! No!

[Groans]

-Oh, dear.

-Give it to her!

-Smile for
the photograph, honey.

-You like your picture taken?

-Okay, you guys, listen up.

The symphony board
will be third row on the right.

Let's make 'em hear
every note nice and clear.

-Yea, but what if
they don't like us?

-Stravinsky had eggs
thrown at him when he opened

with the "Rite of Spring"

-Oh, what school did
he play for?

-[Laughs]

Okay, come on.
Let's tune up. Helen.

[Instruments playing]

-[Screams]

[Groaning]

[Indistinct chatter]

-Stay with me.

Now I want you to scream

when you feel this
nice piece of chain.

Come on. Wake up.

If you don't stay
awake now, bitch,

you're never gonna
wake up again.

-Fallon. Fallon.

-Fallon.
-Shit.

-Fallon. War paint.

-I'm impressed, Mr. Norris.

We haven't had a turnout
like this since the night

one of the little bastards
set fire to the west wing.

-There are a lot
of good kids here.

-I suppose so.

It's just that the bad ones
take so much of our attention.

Good luck tonight.

-Thank you.

-All right, let's get
the hell out of here.

-Ooh.

-Camouflage.
-You look cute.

-Come on, honey.

[Indistinct talking]

-Man, what a dump.

-Move it. Move it!

[Engine starts]

Crunch it, Fallon.

[Tires squeal]

-Okay, you guys, you ready?

-Excuse me, sir?
-Yeah?

That girl there,
she told me to give this to you.

-Come and get it,
teacher-teacher.

[Smooches]

[Laughs]

-Where is she, goddamn you?!

[Door opening]

-You're getting warmer, teacher.

Whoo!

-You hurt her, I'll kill you!

I swear to God, I'll kill you!

-Whoo!

-[Grunts]

-Son of a bitch!
-Let me go!

-Having fun, bitch?

-[Grunts]

-We're gonna be playing
some more later.

-Goodbye, Mr. Norris.
-All right?

-[Spits]

-Goodbye, Mr. Norris.

-[Coughs]

[Static crackles]

-So a lot of people say,
"Well, that was gratuitous

the gang rape of
the pregnant wife."

And actually it caused
a lot of censorship problems

for the film.

They had to cut it in half
to get an "R" rating

even in the United States,
although Mark Lester says

there's an X-rated version
circulating out there somewhere

that has much more of that scene
plus much more of another scene

that you haven't seen yet.

I don't think Merrie Lynn Ross,
who plays the wife,

gets enough credit
for this part.

This was her farewell to acting.

She had been a soap-opera
actress, then this was her

third Mark Lester film.

She also played Julie Nixon in
a satirical flick called

"White House Madness."

She got fourth billing in
"Bobbie Jo and the Outlaw,"

and she raised all the money
for this movie from her friends

in Alberta.

But after this,
she started writing

self-help books,
she became an anti-bullying

advocate and a Buddhist
and the founder of

a so-called
"transformational method"

called HaHa Healers.

She calls herself
the Beverly Hills Shaman.

So she kind of pulled
a Sally Kirkland,

but nobody will get
that reference,

but that's the only way
I know to describe it.

Alright, you know,
they stuck that scene in where

Mr. Norris is walking down
the hallway,

and he gets surrounded by
the Stegman gang so that

Timothy Van Patten can say,

"Life is pain.
Pain is everything.

You will learn."

Well, that clip was used
everywhere when this movie

came out, sort of being promoted
as the "punk motto."

Although, once again,
I'd like to defend the punks.

These are not punkers.

This is just
a sadistic criminal gang.

But anyway, that scene does
nothing for the plot.

You could cut that scene out,
and the movie wouldn't suffer.

But it's just irresistible,
right?

You got to have Stegman taunting
him one more time before we get

to the horrific, bloody,
incredibly complicated finale,

one of the greatest
set pieces in horror,

I am willing to say.

We're getting to
the payoff here,

so let's not waste
any more time.

Let's roll the film.

Ah.

Perry King said he objected
to the violence in this movie.

Later, he said, "I objected to
the violence in this movie."

And there's actually a scene
you're about to watch where

Perry King is fighting with
Neil Clifford,

who plays Fallon, and Perry King
didn't want to do the final

payoff of the scene because
it was too vicious.

You'll know why when you
see the scene.

And so Lester said to him,
"Aren't you the same actor who

boiled a slave in a pot of oil
in "Mandingo"?

And he said, "Yeah, okay,
I guess I can do it."

So,I love Mark Lester.

Mark Lester is
an underrated director.

And thank you, Mark, by the way,
for loaning out your personal

print of "Class of 1984"
so we could show it at

Alamo Drafthouse Yonkers
not too long ago.

Nothing like 35-millimeter
graffiti on the big screen.

And, you know, don't kill me for
this, but I kind of enjoyed

the era of graffiti, you know,
when all the big cities

had it all over the trains and
the buses and the storefronts.

Who was that artist in New York
that was...?

Keith Haring. Keith Haring.

I mean, Keith Hering
must have been good.

They sell his stuff in
gift shops to this day.

His stuff is on paperweights
and key chains.

Plus one of his original tags,
that would be worth

hundreds of thousands
of dollars today.

Makes me want to go buy some
Krylon in a can

and mess up some...

some parks.

[Laughter]

I was about to say mess up some
vehicles, but we're in Jersey.

I don't want to die.

[Laughter]

[Static crackles]

[Instruments tuning,
indistinct chatter]

-Five more minutes,
and I'm leaving.

-Do you know where he went?

-No, but he better
get back soon.

-Andy -- Andy, get back.

Go back.

-Don't hurt her, Stegman.
Please.

-Say pretty please.

-Let her go. You can have me.

-I've already got you!

-Aah!

-[Laughs]

-[Grunts]

-See you later, teach.

-Shut up!
-No! Wait! No!

-I said shut up, whore!

You little bitch!

Now you're in for it.
[Laughs]

[Door opens]

-Getting warmer, teacher.

[Rhythmic clapping]

-Please.
-Ah, sit down.

-Please, please.
Ladies and gentlemen.

Ladies...please,
ladies and gentlemen,

boys and girls.

Thank you.
You've been very patient.

And we do apologize
for the delay,

but I would ask you to
remain in your seats.

The young people have
rehearsed...

-Excuse me. I think that I can
fill in for Mr. Norris.

-Ladies and gentlemen,
we have a surprise.

Deneen Bowden is going
to conduct for us.

Come on, let's sit down and give
her a real hand of support.

[Cheers and applause]

[Band plays]

♪♪

-Where did he go?

-I don't know.

Let's split up and look for him.

-Come out, come out
wherever you are!

-I'm gonna get that fucker!

Come on!

-Check out the lab.
If you see the prick, yell.

[Clanging]

-Mr. Norris.

That bitch of yours
is an easy lay, Norris.

-[Grunts]

-You're dead, Mr. Norris.

Goodbye, Mr. Norris.

[Grunting]

[Groans]

-[Screams]

[Screams]

[Saw blade whirring]

[Whirring slows]

-Where the hell's Fallon?

-He's supposed to be here.

[Saw blade grinding]

[Whirring stops]

-Shit. Fallon.

-I'm -- I'm gonna cut
Norris' heart.

-Then do it!

-Come on!

[Hissing]

-Wait a minute.
Check the auto shop.

The auto shop.
-The auto shop!

-[Grunts]

-Mr. Norris!

Ah. Oh.

-Where is she?

-Your little whore
is ours now, Norris.

-Where the hell is she?!

-And it was so easy!

[Screams]

Fuck you in hell!

-Joshua!

Norris!

-Get him, Barnyard!

-[Screams]

-Kill him!
Kick his fucking ass!

-[Grunts]

[Grunting]

[Engine starts]

[Tires squeal]

-Where is she?

Where is she?

-She's on the roof.

[Band playing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Clanging]

♪♪

♪♪

-Andy!

-Let her go!
-Don't, Andy. No.

-Too late, teacher-teacher.
Too late.

-It's all over, Stegman.
Let her go.

-Oh, no, no.
-[Screams]

-It's just the beginning.
[Laughs]

-[Gasps]

-We all go...

together.

-Aaah!

-[Grunts]

[Grunts]

[Grunting]

Mr. Norris.

Help me.

Mr. Norris.

Don't let me fall.

I'm just a...

I'm just a kid.

Please, Mr. Norris.

-[Sobs]

-Please?

-Give me your hand.

-Sucker!

[Screams]

[Screaming]

-[Gasps]

[Sobs]

-It's over, baby.

It's all over now.

-♪ When does a dream ♪

♪ Become a nightmare ♪

♪ When do we do
what must be done ♪

♪ When do we stand ♪

♪ And face the future ♪

♪ When there is nowhere
left to run ♪

♪ You've got to learn ♪

♪ Just how to survive ♪

♪ You've got to learn
how to keep your dream ♪

♪ Alive ♪

♪ Take a look at my face ♪

♪ I am the future ♪

♪ How do you like what you see ♪

♪ Take a look at my face ♪

♪ I belong to the future ♪
-♪ The future ♪

-♪ And you belong to me ♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪ When does a dream ♪

♪ Become a nightmare ♪

♪ When do we learn
to live with fear ♪

♪ When we cry out ♪

♪ For some salvation ♪

♪ Why is it no one
seems to hear ♪

♪ You've got to learn ♪

♪ It's up to you ♪

♪ If you can learn ♪

♪ That the dream just might ♪

♪ Come true ♪

♪ Take a look at my face ♪

♪ I am the future ♪

♪ Now how do you like
what you see ♪

♪ Take a look at my face ♪

♪ I belong to the future ♪

♪ The world belongs to me ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Take a look at my face ♪

♪ I am the future ♪

♪ How do you like what you see ♪

♪ Take a look at my face ♪

♪ I belong to the future ♪

♪ The world belongs to me ♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪ Take a look at my face ♪

♪ 'Cause I am the future ♪

♪ How do you like what you see ♪

♪ Take a look at my face ♪

♪ I belong to the future ♪

♪ And the world belongs to me ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Take a look at my face ♪

[Static crackles]

-"When does a dream...

become a nightmare?"

[Laughter]

Look, Alice Cooper,

who sings the theme song,
with Joe Bob and Darcy

at the Spooky Empire convention.

Aren't we special?

-He was so freakin' cool.

-Alice Cooper talked about how
we were dressed.

He was into our clothing.

But let's talk
about this ending.

What we just saw was not
the original ending of the film.

The original ending,
Timothy Van Patten is hanging

from the skylight by one hand,
he taunts Perry King

one last time, and then
he lets go, killing himself.

It's a suicide.

Which I think is
a better ending,

because then Stegman wins.

Isn't that the whole premise of
the whole movie?

That the bad students
always win?

That they're taking over
the schools

and taking over the culture?

That we're powerless to stop
evil teenagers?

But when they showed that ending
at early previews,

the audiences were not
crazy about it.

And so Mark Lester showed
the film to Mark Damon,

who's a famous foreign
sales guy, and Mark Damon says,

"Yeah, you blew the ending.

They want to see
the teacher kill the student."

-[Laughter]
-And so they called Perry King

back, and they had him come
punch at the camera lens

to make it look like
he knocked Timothy Van Patten

through the skylight after
a final knife thrust.

And that ending got rave reviews
from both audiences and critics,

and the movie became
an international hit.

But think about it.

Mr. Norris already has
his wife back.

He's no longer in danger.

He's a pacifist at heart.

You're actually weakening
his quest to save

the school by having him commit
a murder in the final scene.

I mean, the previous killings
were justified because he was

trying to get to his wife,
who was in mortal danger.

But this one is not.
He already saved her.

Okay, two other things that
would make the ending better.

There's that moment
when Stegman cuts the wife

on the chest.

They should have had him
cut her stomach!

Go after the unborn baby.

I mean, you're trying
to make the character

as psychotically evil as
possible before you kill him,

why not go for it?

And then the 1812 Overture.

The band is playing
the 1812 Overture.

In the final moments of
the 1812 Overture,

cannons go off!

Where are the cannons?!

They should be firing off
fake cannons

in the percussion section,
and the finale would be

a lot louder.

It should be a huge crescendo
toward the moment when Stegman

falls through the skylight,
maybe 8 measure the end,

16 measures from the end,

so that he's falling through
the cannon fire.

The soundtrack should be
cranked up to 11 right there.

But it's not even loud enough
to make it very dramatic.

And that was
the Toronto Junior Symphony,

by the way,
doubling for the actors.

Okay, minor problems,
but a great film nevertheless.

They had to drastically trim
that scene where Norris cuts off

Fallon's arm in order
to get an "R" rating.

Mark Lester is not a shy guy.

He calls this "the most
prophetic film ever made."

That's a direct quote,
because of what the high schools

would become later.

He did the original research.
Tom Holland did the main script.

John Saxton did a polish,
the guy who wrote,

"Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS."

Barry Schneider also
worked on the script.

He'd been the writer on
"Roller Boogie"

and "Harper Valley PTA."

Mostly he just punched up
the language on it.

But he demanded his name
be taken off the credits

when he saw the final cut.

He thought it was disgusting.

The film was seen for
the first time at

the Cannes Film Market in 1982.

Roger Ebert loved it,
and he pimped it in his column,

and it was picked up by every
foreign territory,

and the only place it had
trouble getting distribution

was the United States.

Warner Bros. told Lester he
would never get a theater chain

to play it, and he said,
"Well, if I do get

a theater chain to play it,
will you distribute it?"

And they said okay.

And so he went to the head of
United Artists Theaters,

and he screened it for him
privately, and the guy loved it,

and Lester said,
"Okay, I'll have Warner Bros.

call you up then."

And the guy said, "Well, now you
don't need Warner Bros.

'cause you got me."

Here's $500,000.

I'll just write you a check
today as an advance.

You are the distributor."

So that's what happened,
and actually Mark Lester remains

in the distribution business
to this day.

That experience
changed his life.

What else?

Oh, the famous scene where
Timothy Van Patten plays

the piano beautifully
and then he says,

"Do I get the fucking gig,"

that was Van Patten's
own composition.

And the only time they shot
him from above instead of below,

so you could see his hands.

They were doing power shots of
Van Patten throughout the film,

and weak shots of Perry King.

But that moment is the only time
you see Van Patten shot

from a high angle.

They finally did get all
the swastikas off the walls

of Central Tech
in downtown Toronto,

although you'll notice if you
Google that high school today,

there's still graffiti on
the buildings across the street

from the place.

The film did tremendous business
around the world.

It played on a double bill
with "Road Warrior"

at a lot of drive-ins.

Mark Lester made two sequels.

"Class of 1999" stars
Stacy Keach as the principal,

and he uses cyborgs as teachers
to keep the students in line,

and one of the cyborgs is
Pam Grier.

That movie never really
developed an audience,

although it does have its fans,
especially in Europe.

And then he produced
but did not direct

"Class of 1999 II:
The Substitute,"

in which we find out
that all the teacher robots

weren't destroyed,
one rogue remains,

and that was directed by
a stunt man named Spiro Razatos.

It went nowhere.

Although Spiro,
he's a great stunt man.

He's the guy wearing
the fire suit when Robert Z'Dar

burns up at the end
of "Maniac Cop."

And okay, I love the
out-of-control teenager genre,

but that's enough of that.

Let's move on, Darcy.

I remember how excited
you were to meet Alice.

-Oh, my God. Who wouldn't be?

-And what do you think of
the "Class of 1984" theme song

that Alice wrote?

-[Chuckles] It was cheesy as
hell, but I love it.

-Okay, there's something
a little dinner theater

about it, you know?

It's like porn music
with lyrics.

[Laughter]
-It's exactly like that.

-What have you got from
the Drive-In Mailbag?

Let's do that.

-I have something from
Christopher Lee.

-I love it when we get mail
from beyond the grave.

-This is from Christopher Lee
of Tucson, Arizona.

-Okay. It actually says
Christopher Lee Hall on here.

-Oh, whatever.
-Okay.

"Dear Joe Bob,
my name is Christopher Lee Hall.

Yes, I was named after the great
Hammer mogul himself."

So, we were joking,
but there is a connection.

"And I am a horror model
and boylesque performer

in Tucson Arizona, hoping to add
horror filmmaker and TV host to

my résumé in the near future.

I'm also a gay man, and I really
appreciate all the support for

the LGBTQ community that you
have voiced on your show.

I especially appreciated your
episode on "Blood Harvest",

when you mentioned how women
and guys like myself would enjoy

seeing more male nudity
in horror,

because I certainly would."

-Yes, we would.
-You're applauding?

You're applauding this?
-We need more of that.

-Like you, I too believe
in the 3 B's,

but mine are beasts, blood,
and buttocks."

[Laughter]

-Nice.

-Which I call "bu-tocks."

-"Anyway, thank you once again
for showing representation for

the queer horror community
in this country,

and I can't wait to
see you back.

P.S. were you ever able to meet
famed horror host Bob Wilkins?

He's one of my new favorites.

I consider him to be
the Marilyn Munster

of Horror TV hosts.

Christopher Hall, Tucson."

Wow, Christopher, yeah,
Bob Wilkins is a legend

in San Francisco.

I never met him, but I did
meet the guy who took over

his show after he died,
John Stanley,

who is also an amazing
horror host.

And we actually have talked
about having a little more

beefcake on this show,
to tell you the truth,

but Yuki won't take off his
shirt!

-Yes I will.
-Whoo-hoo!

-Oh! Well, there you go.

We might have some Asian cowboy
deltoids in your future.

What about "bu-tocks," Yuki?

-Yes, I will.

[Laughter]

-All right, all right!
-Hell yeah, Yuki.

-Maybe we should have a Mail Boy
instead of a Mail Girl.

-I mean, we don't have to crazy.

-Okay, good.
All right, settled.

Alright. [Laughs]

-You can go ahead
and sign off now.

-Alright, this is
Joe Bob Briggs

reminded you to keep your fences

horse high, pig tight,
and bull strong.

The drive-in will never die.

Horse walks into a bar...

[Laughter]

...and orders a beer.

And the bartender says,
"You're in here pretty often.

Do you think you might be
an alcoholic?"

And the horse replies,
"I don't think I am,"

and vanishes from existence.

[Laughter]

You don't get it?

You want me to tell it again?

-No, I'm good.
-The bartender says,

"Do you think you might be
an alcoholic?"

And the horse says,
"I don't think I am"

and vanishes.

[Laughter]

See, the joke is about
Descartes' philosophy of

"I think, therefore I am,"
but I couldn't explain that part

before the rest of the joke
because that would be putting

Descartes before the horse.

-Oh, good God. Good God.

[Laughter]

-♪ We are drive-in mutants ♪

-♪ Drive-in mutants ♪

-♪ We are not like
other people ♪

-♪ Other people ♪

-♪ We are sick ♪
-♪ Sick ♪

-♪ We are disgusting ♪
-♪ Disgusting ♪

-♪ We believe in ♪

♪ Yeah, we believe in ♪

-♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

-♪ Yeah, we believe in ♪

-♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

-♪ If life had a vomit meter ♪

-♪ Vomit meter ♪

-♪ We'd be off the scale ♪

-♪ Off the scale ♪

-♪ As long as one drive-in
remains on the planet Earth ♪

♪ We will party
like jungle animals ♪

♪♪

♪ We will boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ Boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ The drive-in will never die ♪

♪ We will boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ Boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ The drive-in will never die ♪

-♪ We believe in ♪

♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

-♪ We believe in ♪

-♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

-♪ Yeah, we believe in ♪