Original subtitles

♪♪

-I'm Joe Bob Briggs, and I come from

a family of teachers in the public schools.

Yeah, people actually go insane in entire family units.

My mom and dad taught at a school in the Texas Panhandle

that was so isolated it was its own town.

It was halfway between the metropolises of

Springlake, Texas, and Earth, Texas.

And my dad was the girls' basketball coach --

Go Lady Wolverines! -- and junior-high history teacher.

Also the guy who went to get the handgun

when a rattlesnake had to be executed,

and the guy who would pick up first-graders

by the scruff of their necks

when they were fistfighting in the dirt,

not so much because they weren't supposed to be fighting,

but because their cowboy boots would scrape around in the dust

and get dirt on the little girls' dresses,

and the moms would get mad.

And he also drove one of those buses

that would travel about 150 miles a day

all over Lamb County picking up kids at the farms and ranches.

And then my mom taught elementary school,

which always involved migrant farmworker kids

who only spoke Spanish

and were only there because she'd convinced their parents

that 7-year-olds shouldn't be working in the cotton fields,

they should be in school --

You know, "I don't care what they do in Amarillo.

When you come into Lamb County for the corn harvest,

those kids are going to school."

And then, in later years, she taught

in gritty urban school districts where the parents thought school

was a place where their kids learned how to commit crimes,

and so they were in favor of stuff like corporal punishment

at a time when it was being outlawed.

You know, "Just whale the tar out of him if he acts up."

You know? "Uh, no, sorry, uh,

we -- we can't do that to the children anymore."

You know, "Yeah, cut ya a switch,

use it on his nekkid butt."

You know? "Uh, no, ma'am,

the school district has forbidden switches

and also wooden paddles with holes drilled in it, so..."

You know how they used to do that so the paddle

would move faster and hurt more?

I got pounded by one of those myself

for sword-fighting with wood scraps in shop class,

and it did have a salubrious effect on my behavior.

So, Darcy, you're a different generation.

Was there fighting at your schools

in South Carolina? -Oh, yeah.

-Did they whale on you if -- if you fought in the school?

-They did, actually, man. It's -- It's tough in Carolina.

-Yeah, they -- they still have corporal punishment?

-They do. -Yeah.

Darcy the Mail Girl, ladies and gentlemen.

[Cheers and applause] She is here to field

your tweets, your e-mails, your messages, your DMs,

your TikToks, your Instas,

your downtrodden yearning to breathe three --

breathe free through gloom of night.

I don't know what I'm saying anymore.

If Darcy can't answer it, she'll find somebody who can.

Darcy, you know where I'm going with this rant, right?

-Hell yeah. "Class of 1984," baby.

-And I already know which character you love --

the homicidal punk girl. -You know it.

-You've added it to your usual Mail Girl outfit.

Here's the point I'm trying to make --

What do all kids like to do, Darcy?

-You're asking me? -Yeah, go for it.

-Play video games?

-Yes, play video games, and fight.

All kids eventually fight, right?

First they fight with words,

and then if you don't stop 'em, they fight with fists,

and if you don't stop that, they fight with knives and 2x4s,

and if you don't stop that,

they get older and they fight with guns.

So that's why it's always been the teacher's job

to nip that stuff in the bud.

No fighting. Detention. Punishment.

Whacked with the drilled wooden paddle.

My dad had one of those for eighth-graders. It was wicked.

Violence against violence.

That's what stopped the fighting.

So, then, in the '70s, something changed.

And what changed was they didn't stop the fighting anymore.

They decided, "Okay, let the kids be kids.

Just let 'em settle it out behind the drugstore."

That's where we settled it, anyway.

Behind Don's Pharmacy, you know?

Those fights would be over in, like, two minutes

because kids always fight dirty.

So, in the '70s, there's this

"Let 'em go wild, who cares?" period of American history,

and that's where our story begins,

because film director Mark Lester decided in 1980

to revisit his old high school,

James Monroe High School in North Hills, California.

That's one of those L.A. schools in the deepest part

of the San Fernando Valley, way up north of Sherman Oaks.

And he's appalled by what he sees --

kids running around with no shirts, brandishing knives.

I don't know why he always mentions the no-shirts part,

but he says, "They had no shirts,

and they were brandishing knives."

But somehow that's very appalling to him.

"By God, they were shirtless."

I mean, it isSouthern California.

You probably don't always need a shirt.

So he starts doing research on violence in high schools,

and the result is a docudrama that, in my opinion,

is one of the greatest exploitation flicks of the '80s,

"Class of 1984."

Okay.

So, we've all seen the classic version of this story.

New principal in town.

Assigned to the most violent high school

in the history of teenagers.

Despised by the students.

Hated by the beaten-down faculty.

And, somehow, he teaches the kids to learn.

It's so heartwarming.

Morgan Freeman in "Lean On Me."

Edward James Olmos in "Stand and Deliver."

Jim Belushi in "The Principal."

And if you look at the source material on those movies,

it goes back to the '50s with movies like "Blackboard Jungle."

"Blackboard Jungle" is sort of the foundation movie

for the genre that I'm gonna call High School From Hell.

And if you haven't watched it in a while,

Glenn Ford is the teacher in "Blackboard Jungle,"

Sidney Poitier is the troubled student,

Vic Morrow is the even more troubled student

with a switchblade.

And then, in a later movie, Sidney Poitier would move

from the troubled student role to the nurturing teacher role,

in "To Sir, with Love."

And the idea is that a selfless, idealistic educator

brings order out of chaos,

sometimes with gentle words, sometimes with a baseball bat,

and the world is a better place

because this humanitarian saved the youth of America.

So, Mark Lester just took that idea

to its ultimate conclusion and asked the question,

what if the new principal in town

isthe meekest guy in the world?

In fact, let's not make him the principal.

Let's make him a band director and music teacher

from a little town in Nebraska,

teaching for the first time in the big city.

This may be the only movie ever made

with a high school band director as the protagonist.

And let's say he's so dedicated to education

that he eventually decides that,

to end the violence in the schools,

he has to become more violent himself than the punks.

He's essentially asking the question,

what would happen if you crossed "Blackboard Jungle"

with "Death Wish"?

What if Charles Bronson was the band director?

So, he didn't hire Charles Bronson,

but he hired a great actor named Perry King,

and the result is amazing.

Half the critics despised this film,

and the other half called it a masterpiece.

I think you know how we feel here at "The Last Drive-In,"

so let's just hit those "Drive-In" totals.

We have...

7 dead bodies, 4 dead bunny rabbits,

1 dead kitty cat, 6 breasts,

multiple fistfights, chain to the face,

2 Tarzan gymnasium-rope attacks,

one roasted punk,

groin-kicking, chest-carving,

1 drug dealer beatdown,

1 cafeteria brawl with knife to the kidney,

1 hooker audition with stripping,

1 weirdbeard Alice Cooper theme song,

1 gang rape with Polaroids,

1 motor vehicle explosion,

2 attempted vehicular homicides with 2 crash-and-burns,

1 out-of-control motor-vehicle fender-and-windshield

reverse-vandalism revenge car wreck

with fire extinguisher through the driver's window,

1 gang rumble under the freeway with knives and bats,

1 punk-club slamdance head-bashing scene

with the Hamilton, Ontario, punk band Teenage Head,

1 flagpole death plunge, 1 biology lab massacre,

face-bashing self-mutilation,

gratuitous school bus surfing,

gratuitous "Moon River,"

gratuitous face-painting,

gratuitous skeleton-dumping,

gratuitous "1812 Overture,"

arm rolls, massive graffiti fu, metal-detector fu,

video surveillance fu, spray-paint vandalism fu,

mosh pit fu, flagpole fu,

broken wine bottle fu, fire extinguisher fu,

Molotov cocktail fu, buzzsaw fu.

"Drive-In" Academy Award nominations for Perry King

as the band director turned vigilante,

Roddy McDowall as the alcoholic, pistol-packing biology teacher,

Erin Noble as the plucky nerd girl who loves her clarinet,

Timothy Van Patten as the psychotic neo-Nazi gang leader

who plays a mean piano and says, "I am the future,"

Michael J. Fox as the bowl-haircut band geek

who gets singled out for abuse,

Al Waxman as the hangdog detective who keeps explaining

why he can't make cases on juveniles,

and Mark Lester, the director and co-writer,

for doing things the "Drive-In" way.

Four stars. Joe Bob says check it out.

So, if you have been stirred to action

by my story about growing up in the Panhandle of Texas,

and you're thinking about visiting Earth, Texas...

don't.

You know, I'm trying to think whether

there was ever anything to do there

except play hide-and-seek in the corn rows,

which was actually against the rules

'cause there were snakes in there.

You know, you could go down to Blackwater Draw

and look for Indian arrowheads.

That's one thing you could do.

But then somebody would take 'em away from you if you found them.

They would say they had to be sent

to the museum in Clovis, New Mexico,

because they were made by ancient Russians who

walked across the Bering Strait 14 million years ago

or some goddamn thing.

Earth tourism, though. Earth, Texas.

They kinda exaggerated with the name.

[Chuckles]

The Lady Wolverines were ballers, though.

I remember when they beat the Morton Maidens 37-5.

It was brutal.

Of course, after you see this movie,

you'll notice that we had a different definition of brutal

in West Texas.

♪♪

[Neon lights humming, static]

["I am the Future" by Alice Cooper playing]

♪♪

♪♪

-♪ When does a dream ♪

♪ Become a nightmare? ♪

♪ When do we do what must be done? ♪

♪ When do we stand ♪

♪ And face the future? ♪

♪ When there is nowhere left to run? ♪

♪ And you've got to learn ♪

♪ Just how to survive ♪

♪ You've got to learn ♪

♪ How to keep your dream alive ♪

♪ Take a look at my face ♪

♪ I am the future ♪

♪ How do you like what you see? ♪

♪ Take a look at my face ♪

♪ I belong to the future ♪

♪ And you belong to me ♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪ When does a dream ♪

♪ Become a nightmare? ♪

♪ When do we learn to live with fear? ♪

♪ When we cry out for some salvation ♪

♪ Why is it no one seems to hear? ♪

♪ You've got to learn ♪

♪ It's up to you ♪

♪ If you can learn ♪

♪ That the dream just might come true ♪

♪♪

-I'll bet I know who you are.

You're Goldstein's replacement.

-[Chuckles]

-I'm Terry Corrigan, biology.

-Andy Norris, music.

What's the gun for?

-Where have you been teaching lately?

-Lately, nowhere.

-It figures.

-♪ Take a look at my face ♪

♪ I belong to the future ♪

♪ And the world belongs to me ♪

-Let me guide you in.

-♪ Take a look at my face ♪

♪ I am the future ♪

♪ Now, how do you like what you see? ♪

♪ Take a look at my face ♪

♪ I belong to the future ♪

♪ And the world, it belongs to me ♪

♪ It belongs to me ♪

[Indistinct conversations]

[Metal detector buzzes]

-To the right. Come on.

-Aw! -Come on.

I know. I know. Come on.

-Always picking on the brothers, man.

[Wand screeching] Oh, look at this.

-Is that really necessary?

-It is if you want to survive.

Do you know any moves?

-Moves? What do you mean, moves?

-Jujitsu, boxing, karate. -[Laughs] No.

I swing a nasty baton.

-That's good.

[Metal detector buzzes] -Dude, kiss my ass.

-An empty bowl -- -Hey!

[Wand screeching] Hey, hey, uh, guard.

That kid in the brown shirt has a straight razor.

-It's too late now. -Oh, baby!

-Did you see that?

-If you want to survive around here,

you have got to learn to look the other way.

-Well, they were passing a straight razor.

[Metal detector buzzes, wand screeches]

-No shit.

Who? Which one? Where? Hm?

Oh, come on. [Chuckles]

Everyone around here carries something.

So one razor more or less

isn't going to make a damn bit of difference.

Please listen to what I have to say.

-Surveillance...

is the name of the game around here,

Mr. Norris.

You wouldn't believe the things they do to this building

whenever we aren't watching.

Paint on the walls.

They piss in the corridors.

They steal everything that isn't bolted down.

Never leave your classroom unlocked, Mr. Norris,

not even for a minute.

-Yes, sir.

Um, sir, now, about my class --

-There, there. Come here.

Two of them smoking marijuana.

[Keyboard clacks]

Security. -Yes?

-Two dope smokers in One West. -On my way.

-Where was I?

-My classes.

-You have four classes a day.

Mr. Goldstein's files are available

if you need background on anything.

-Okay. Thank you, sir.

-You'll be assigned a corridor and washroom patrol

in your free hours.

-Isn't that what the security guards are for?

-They're already using teacher's salaries, Mr. Norris.

We're spread thin at both ends.

-Yeah, well, I understand, sir, but, I mean, I...

I'd like to believe that I'm here to teach.

I need those free periods to do my work.

-You're not in Nebraska anymore, Mr. Norris.

Here at Lincoln High,

the teaching is something you do in spite of everything else.

Do you understand? -No, sir.

-You will before long.

[Indistinct conversations]

♪♪

[School bell rings]

-[Grunts] Give me that.

-Come on. -Come on. Throw it here.

[Students whooping]

♪♪

-Ow. Ow! That's my face.

-Alright, everybody. Settle down.

♪♪

Would you sit down, please?

-Teacher, teacher, teacher!

-Hi. -Hi.

-I'm Deneen. -I'm Mr. Norris.

-Hi.

I just thought that I should tell you

that those guys don't belong in here.

-Come on. Throw. Throw.

-Wait till he's gone. -Throw it!

-You mean they're not in this class?

-No.

Those creeps are in a class by themselves.

-Whoa!

-Are you in this class? -No.

-You wanna get out, then, please?

-No.

[Students "ooh", laugh]

[Laughter]

-I give him a week.

-Uh...my name is Mr. Norris.

I'm taking over for Mr. Goldstein.

Now, when I call your name, please answer, "Here."

-Um...

If I'm not here, uh, do I answer, "Not here"?

-[Laughs]

-Abrams? -Not here.

-[Giggles]

-Eladopolis?

-Oh, no, no, no, no. Not here, no.

-What is your name, please?

-Dude, no.

-No, he doesn't hear too good.

-You jerks don't belong here.

-You shut your hole, you little dyke!

-You don't scare me, freako.

-Cool it. Cool it.

What is your name,

since you seem to be in charge of this group?

-My namen ich bin Stegman, Peter.

-Okay. You're okay.

The others, I would guess, belong somewhere else.

-They stay with me. -♪ Mi, mi, mi, mi, mi ♪

-♪ Do, re, mi, fa, so, la, ti ♪ -Let's go. Leave!

-♪ La, ti, do ♪

Oh!

Just leaving. Not here.

Bye-bye.

-We'll see you later, huh?

-Are you supposed to be in here? What's your name?

-Elizabeth Taylor.

Mwah!

-Face the music, teacher-teacher.

-Wait a minute. You're in this class. Sit down.

-Sit on this, motherfucker.

-What's the matter with you?

-What's the matter with you?

What's the matter with me?

What's the matter with matter?

[Door closes]

[Students murmuring indistinctly]

-Boy, I sure made a big hit with them, huh?

Let's get to know each other.

Uh, tell me your names and the instruments you play.

-Burly, clarinet.

-Michelle, flute.

-Sommersman, tuba.

-If you don't know that's a trumpet,

we're all in big trouble.

-Trumpet. Man, they've been lying to me all these years.

[Rimshot]

-Deneen, I know. -Clarinet, bassoon and oboe.

And I orchestrate.

-Anything you don't do? -Yeah, she don't put out.

[Laughter]

But she conducts the class.

-Did you conduct this class?

-Shit, we learned more from her

than we ever did from old Bad Breath Goldstein.

[Laughter]

-Okay, I'll get the rest of your names later.

Right now, let's hear how you sound together.

What's the music on your stands?

-"Moon River."

-Somebody got another copy of the score?

-We don't need conducting.

We've been practicing by ourselves.

-Go ahead. -Okay.

-One, two, three.

[Band playing "Moon River" poorly]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-$2,200.

-Look, shh!

The shit's come down, children.

We were making $4,000 a week

until Juju got into our playpen,

and now we're down to $2,000.

That's kind of pathetic.

-We'll fix it!

-Oh, yeah? Well, we better fix it.

Otherwise, Stegman's gonna find himself

some bigger, badder boys.

-Hey, this stuff will get you high

and fly without no wings.

You talking to the medicine man. This is it right here.

[Rock music playing]

-Oh, Lester.

Got something in there for us, Lester?

-[Whistles]

-Say -- Say, what's this?

-Deal and feel.

-Take him.

-Hey! Get him!

Hey! Watch out. -Hey!

-We'll talk to you later.

-Hey, don't mess with me, man, or Juju's gonna bust your ass!

[Grunts]

-Here's the boy. Where do you want him?

[Punks muttering indistinctly]

[Knife clanks]

It's no good. Nothing up here.

-Oh, gee.

-Stay, Leroy! -[Grunts]

-You better listen.

-Look at this. -I've had it with you, Leroy.

I mean, uh, enough is enough.

-Hey, man, listen. I didn't do nothin', man.

-What the fuck? You think I was born yesterday?

-Hey, man. What's going on here?

[Screams]

-Get up!

-We're the only niggers that sell shit in this school.

-Juju just told me to go up there, man.

-I just told him that -- [Screams]

-Look, you tell Juju, if he wants to play,

come meet us after school.

Got that, negro?

-Ha-ha!

[Coins clatter] -Keep the change.

♪♪

[Classical music playing]

-What do you think about dynamite faculty?

See that one over there on the phone?

That's the virgin queen.

-[Chuckles]

-Now, who the hell is that guy?

He looks like Charles Manson.

Maybe he busted loose, hm?

-Let me ask you something.

What happened to the teacher I replaced -- Goldstein?

-They say he had an accident.

They say he fell down the stairs.

Morganthau says that he willbe back.

But old teachers,

like old athletes,

they never come back.

At least not here.

Yeah, Andy, let me ask you something.

Yeah, h-how are your classes going?

Have you, uh -- Have you discovered

any hidden pools of genius there?

-[Chuckles]

I don't know about that.

There are some who like music and who want to play it well.

-You're way ahead of me, then.

You know, there isn't one of my little bastards,

not one of them that shows the slightest interest in biology.

Except for the workings of the reproductive systems.

-[Chuckles]

[School bell rings]

[Indistinct conversations]

-You're the boss, man. You're the boss.

I'm getting sick of that. -Okay, Leroy, calm down.

-Hey. Hey! -Done.

[Indistinct conversations continue]

-Hey, I thought this was supposed to be a protected lot!

-I can't be everywhere.

[Car engine starts]

[Birds chirping]

-Agh!

-[Laughing] Andy!

That wasn't even funny.

You could've scared me to death.

-Oh, dear.

What is that? What are you doing?

-Aww, I just bought this.

Isn't it cute?

-It's terrific. It's wonderful.

But you're a little bit early.

The baby's not due for six-and-a-half months.

-Yeah, but I don't wanna save everything for the last minute.

How was your day? -Mm, don't ask me.

-It was that bad? -Yeah, it was that bad.

We got a principal who can't wait to get

to his board position,

with a faculty who hate their jobs.

Bunch of security guards running all over the place,

kids running all over them.

Do you know, it's cost me $40 already

to get some graffiti off the car?

-Really? -Yeah.

-Oh, honey. -And that's the good news.

-Well, it's always that way when you start something new,

but you'll get used to it.

-Hey, what did the doctor say?

-I'm in my 73rd day, and everything's perfect.

-How do you know what day it happened?

-Well, I was there.

[Both laugh]

♪♪

[Howling]

♪♪

♪♪

[Howling continues]

♪♪

♪♪

-I'm gon' kill you, sucker!

-No one messes around with my man Leroy.

I'm gonna cut you, white meat.

-Cut this!

♪♪

-Come on back, you motherfucker!

-Charlie!

-Hey, Black boy!

♪♪

[Siren wailing]

-There's cops! Let's get out of here!

Come on!

-Aah!

♪♪

-Great work stealing that book, Patsy.

♪♪

[Laughing] This is gonna be fucking great!

[Insects chirping]

[Vehicle approaches]

♪♪

-Pretty good Chinese restaurant.

We could have it for breakfast tomorrow, you know?

-We can have it for lunch, and I might not have to cook it.

[Tires squeal]

♪♪

Andy, come on.

Let's go in the house. -Wait -- Wait a minute.

I just wanna see what the hell they want.

-Andy.

♪♪

Do you guys want something?

[Teenagers scream]

-Andy!

[Laughter]

Are you all right? -Yeah, I'm okay. I'm okay.

-What is that?

-I don't know. It's like stage blood or something.

-Well, what kind of stupid idiots would do that?

-I don't know. Come on. Come on.

Let's just go inside.

God!

-Who do you think they were?

-I don't know. They were kids from the school,

I guess, foolin' around.

Look at that. It's all over me.

-It's ridiculous.

Come on. Let's go clean up.

[Static]

♪♪

-Is this a great set-up or what?

Roddy McDowall as a biology teacher with a gun.

Now, remember Chekhov's Gun? We've talked about that before.

Chekhov said that if you show a gun in the first act,

you have to use the gun.

And every screenwriter knows this.

And the screenwriter in this case is Tom Holland,

who would go on to greater fame as a writer/director.

"Fright Night," "Child's Play,"

those are two of his greatest works.

He was working from director Mark Lester's research, though.

Mark Lester went into the high schools --

he went into the New York high schools and elsewhere --

and he talked to the teachers and he talked to the cops,

and he took notes everywhere he went,

and he wanted these scenes to be realistic.

Well, let me qualify that --

an exploitation version of realistic.

Mark Lester I would call more of an action director

than a horror director.

Before this, he did "Truck Stop Women,"

about a mother-daughter trucker brothel,

great redneck movie,

and he did "Bobbie Jo and the Outlaw,"

"Roller Boogie."

Who could forget "Roller Boogie" with Linda Blair?

And then, later on, he would go big time with "Commando,"

"Firestarter."

"Commando" is probably his top-grossing movie,

but he claims that

"Class of 1984" is his favorite movie.

Okay.

That's Alice Cooper singing the title song.

♪ When does a dream become the nightmare? ♪

I'm not sure what that means, but it sounds good,

and the reason we have an Alice Cooper title song

is that Lalo Schifrin, the great jazz composer from Argentina

who's done hundreds of movie scores,

he scored this film, and he told Mark Lester,

"You need a title song,"

and he went and he rounded up Alice Cooper to bring it.

And this is not a big-budget movie,

but it's got so many big names in it.

It's got Michael J. Fox as the band geek.

You know, I was a band geek myself,

and so Tom Holland got it exactly right,

because the biggest nerd instrument is the clarinet.

[Chuckles]

I started out on the clarinet

and then was greatly relieved to have my manhood restored

when I was allowed to switch to the tenor sax.

Anyway, Michael J. Fox was still unknown at the time.

He got hired for "Family Ties"

while he was shooting this movie.

But he'd just moved to L.A.,

and most of his child-acting career had been in Vancouver.

He was just 19 years old.

Uh, who else?

Timothy Van Patten as the obnoxious gang leader Stegman.

I get all the Van Pattens confused,

but I think he's the half-brother of Dick Van Patten.

How many Van Pattens are there?

About 75, I think.

But, anyway, he had just come off

a popular show called "The White Shadow"

about an inner-city basketball team,

and he was the troubled kid in that show,

and so Mark Lester hired him

to be the troubled kid in this movie,

and, man, did he deliver.

He -- He didn't care much for acting, though.

He later went into directing.

In fact, he got awards for directing episodes of

"The Sopranos" and "Boardwalk Empire."

He's a big-time director now.

Okay. Um, what else about this movie?

Oh, the actual high school is in Toronto.

It's well known to Torontonians --

Central Tech High School,

a polytechnic high school that opened in 1915.

Very impressive edifice, a stone exterior.

So, they shot there in the summer,

and the art director put all that graffiti all over the walls,

and he said, "Well, don't worry.

I'll clean it up by the time the students come back in the fall."

Except it wouldn't come off,

and so, on the first day of school, it was still there.

So that didn't do a lot for American filmmakers

who wanna shoot movies in Toronto.

And the reason -- but the reason it was shot in Toronto

is that this was the golden age

of the Canadian tax shelter movie,

which meant, if you shot in Canada

and you used a lot of Canadians in your cast --

and that's one reason that they did use Michael J. Fox --

then you got all of those rebates.

And so, the tax shelter deal

was put together by Merrie Lynn Ross,

the woman who plays the band director's pregnant wife.

She knew a cowboy businessman in Calgary, Alberta,

who got a bunch of his buddies together,

and they raised the $3.4 million,

and she got the part in the movie for raising the money,

although she was previously one of the principal actresses in

"Bobbie Jo and the Outlaw," also directed by Mark Lester...

who they say was her boyfriend at the time.

I'm not sure about that,

but whenever they talk about this movie

at conventions or YouTube interviews or whatever,

they just kinda skip over her.

But I think she was dating Mark Lester at the time.

Anyway, we've already gone way too deep into this movie,

and we're only 20 minutes in, so back to the flick.

Yeah, and, you know, they're using the band kids

to represent the non-violent part of high school --

you know, the peacemakers, the good kids --

but we were not totally non-violent

in the band at my school.

I mean, we had this third-chair trombone player.

His nam-- Well, I won't give his name,

but he'd always splat on the rests,

meaning, you know, when the beat is supposed to be silent,

he would do one of those fart sounds on the trombone.

You know, he wasn't trying to do a fart sound,

he was just not paying attention that it was a rest,

and so he'd make this nervous sound,

and it sounded like a fart.

And so if there was any possibility

of him doing that during a band competition,

we would take him out behind the football field

before the final rehearsal, and we would get up in his face,

and we would say, "Look, you're gonna stop playing

and take the fucking trombone out of your mouth

two full measures before each rest.

We're gonna mark that place on your music

where you take the instrument out of your mouth.

Otherwise, Wineland here and Myers and Briggs

are gonna all beat the crap out of you."

And it always worked,

so, technically, we never got violent.

Would we have physically harmed a third-chair trombonist

for making splat noises?

Yes. We would. [Laughter]

[Neon lights humming, static]

[Teenagers whooping]

-Oh, the biggie! Come on.

Come on, now. Get your act together.

Get it up. Come on. Get it up.

Get it up.

[Indistinct conversations]

-[Laughs]

-If only it was real.

[Punk band playing "Ain't Got No Sense"]

-Get up.

How you doing, ugly? Alright.

Yeah.

♪♪

♪♪

-♪ Yeah, I spend the money 'cause I don't care ♪

♪ I hoard my dollars 'cause I won't share ♪

♪ It's a time to communicate, a time to be shrewd ♪

♪ A time to liberate, a time to be rude ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ Ain't got no sense ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ My mother kicked the bucket, and my dad's on his way ♪

♪ Well, I can hardly wait to cash his pay ♪

♪ My little sister's shy 'cause she's got no sense ♪

♪ She learns her lesson when I get intense ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

[Muffled music playing]

♪♪

-Watch it, kids.

Get your fucking feet out of the way!

-Look. That haircut's great.

♪♪

-Who's first?

Vinnie Contino this year's poster boy?

Come on. Move it, move it.

♪♪

Vinnie Contino, Mr. Stegman.

-Oy, Vinnie. -How you doing?

-What can we do for you, Vinnie?

-Yeah. I'd like to work for you guys.

-How old are you? -14.

-14?

Well, uh, we'll get back to you.

We'll let you know.

-Yeah, don't be a stranger, Vinnie.

-Yeah.

-Next! -Sally!

-Come on!

-Peter, this is Sally. She wants some toot.

If you'll supply, she'll hook for us.

-Coke whore, huh?

Drugstore, uh...

I'm sure we have something this young lady can sample.

-But of course. [Chuckles]

Generosity is our middle name.

[Sniffs]

Don't be greedy. Okay.

[Sniffs] Class operation.

You wanna...?

-[Snorts]

[Sniffs]

-We only use the very best.

-Why don't you make her take her clothes off?

-Take your clothes off.

-You really want me to take my --

-Take your clothes off!

Suburbanite.

-Hey.

♪♪

-So, Sally, what do you do for a living?

-What do you think?

-[Scoffs] I don't think.

[Sniffs]

♪♪

-Slow learner, huh?

♪♪

-Mm-hmm. -Take your time.

[Sniffs]

Very good.

-Well, do I get the job?

-Yeah, well, first you have to go through tryouts.

-Fallon? -Yeah?

-You wanna check out this merchandise?

♪♪

-You got a moment?

Yeah? You got a moment? -Sure.

-And she was never seen again.

-I'm gonna watch.

-[Muffled] Another day, another dollar.

-Next!

-Okay. What I wanna do is

put together a junior symphony

made up of students from the two senior classes.

Any volunteers?

Okay.

I guess nobody wants to get out of some of their classes

for rehearsals.

[Students murmuring indistinctly]

Going to a city symphony competition?

Win trophies?

-Gonna have to stay late after school.

-Money? -Yeah!

-Okay, not so fast.

You're all gonna have to take a test on sight-reading,

and I wanna hear you all take a shot at playing a piece cold.

So open your music. Let's see what we got.

This is called the "1812 Overture."

It's by a Russian composer named Tchaikovsky.

And it's...

It's very exciting. It's very dramatic.

And -- And you're gonna have to work your butts off.

The class begins at 10:00 sharp, Mr. Stegman.

[Cabinet door slams]

I don't want you in this class.

I don't care where you go or what you do.

I'll mark you present, give you an incomplete.

But I want you to take your friends

and go back to wherever you came from.

-Ivory Joe from Kokomo.

[Banging piano keys]

-Knock it off!

Come on.

Out.

-[Playing piano skillfully]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Do I get the gig, teacher?

-Where did you learn how to play like that?

-Do I get the fucking gig?!

-No.

Maybe I'll give you a shot when you grow up.

Now get out.

-Stegman doesn't play in other people's asshole bands anyway!

-I love 'em.

[Chuckles]

They remind me that the world is still a rational place.

There is nothing more rational than the so-called lower animal.

Did you know that? Here, you want a hug?

Are you sure you won't join me?

I hope this is the right stuff.

-No, I got hall patrol.

-What is wrong, Andrew?

Are you afraid that Imight sully...

the reputation of Lincoln High by my drinking on duty?

Hm. Ah.

To the lower animals.

They never kill each other without good reason.

[Animals cooing]

Mm.

-I'll see you later, Terry.

-Mm.

To you.

[Coos]

[Door closes]

[Girls chatting indistinctly]

♪♪

♪♪

-Mr. Norris, when's rehearsal begin?

-There isn't one. It's tomorrow.

♪♪

-Hey, hey, watch it. [Laughter]

♪♪

-Jimmy, man, why do you wanna mess with that shit?

-It's gonna help me play. -Oh, that's bullshit.

It's bad news, man.

-What the fuck's going on here?

Either buy it or walk.

-What the fuck's the matter with you? It's okay.

-Alright, well, just hurry up, okay?

-Okay.

-[Whistles]

Hello, sweetheart.

3-0. $30. You got that, right?

-Yeah. -Sure you do.

Yeah.

You give him the money. That's very good.

Okay, all yours.

Hm. I know. [Speaking indistinctly]

Love that angel dust.

Okay, in the hooter. That's what it's for.

-[Snorts] -There you go.

Nice and beautiful. -Oh.

So, let's do it again.

That's right. Oh, hm.

[Indistinct conversations]

-We're putting another one on the payroll, honey.

-[Grunts] Take it easy, man. Alright?

-Business is off.

We got company now -- Mr. Norris.

[Sink running]

[Toilet flushes]

-Okay, everybody line up over here and turn out your pockets.

-Aw! -Let's go.

-Hey, come on. What's the problem, teacher?

-Let's go! -Can I finish my pee first?

-Do it or I call the cops!

-This is bullshit, man.

[Keys clattering]

-I ain't got no pockets.

-Let's go.

-Mm.

-You buying, Arthur?

-Yeah, I don't mess with that shit, Mr. Norris.

And neither does Jimmy.

-[Grunts]

-Okay, get lost.

Just these two.

You four guys come with me.

-Look, teacher, I don't know what you got in that bag,

but, uh...we never seen it before.

-Come on. Let's go.

-Hey, hey.

In case you haven't noticed...

I run this school, man.

-It's gonna be a big surprise to the principal.

Let's go.

[Door closes]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-You say you've never seen this bag before?

-No. -No.

-They were dealing.

Five seconds earlier, I would've walked in on a sale.

-What? To those little kids in your music class?

I mean, they were the only other guys in the washroom.

Maybe they brought it in there.

-That's a lie!

-A lot of kids use that washroom.

I mean, that bag could have been lying in there for hours

before Mr. Norris came in.

-Mr. Norris?

-Well, if you'd seen the way they behaved --

-Selling drugs is a criminal offense,

Mr. Norris.

We must be certain.

-Sir...

Mr. Norris has been hassling us ever since he got here.

-That's bullshit.

-I'm the best pianist in this school.

All I wanna do is play in the orchestra,

and hewon't let me. -That's not true.

-The guy's got a problem.

-Mr. Morganthau, that's not true.

-Alright. Please, please.

-All I wanna do is learn.

-Alright.

You boys get the benefit of the doubt this time.

But from now on, when you go into a washroom, you go alone.

Understand?

-Yes, sir. -Yes, sir.

-Alright, back to your classes. Away you go.

[Door opens]

-I can't... [Door closes]

No expulsion, no suspension, nothing?

-That bag could have belonged

to any student who used the bathroom.

-Do you really believe that?

-We want to catch the dealers, the vandals, the thieves, yes.

But we have gotto catch them in the act.

Do you understand?

-I understand that they're getting off scot-free.

-We don't have a watertight case.

It's as simple as that.

[Telephone receiver clicks]

[Telephone rotary dial spins]

-Wake up, you guys!

Come on!

♪♪

[Students clamoring, shouting]

-I'll try to get ahold of the metro police.

What's his name?

-Jimmy! -Jimmy.

♪♪

♪♪

-Get down! -[Whistles]

♪♪

-I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America.

♪♪

One nation under God...

indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

♪♪

[Screams]

[Spectators scream]

-Oh! Oh! Get them back!

-Get -- Get back! -Back it up. Back it up.

Back it up. Back it up. Back it up.

[Spectators murmuring indistinctly]

♪♪

♪♪

-Arthur, can I talk to you for a minute, please?

You wanna use this?

-He started the Pledge of Allegiance...

-Now, listen to me, Arthur.

Uh...

I think that Jimmy's dead

because of that shit he bought in the washroom.

Am I right? -I don't know nothing.

-I think you do.

I think you were there when he bought it,

and I think you can tell the police who sold it to him.

-Just leave me alone. -He was your friend, Arthur.

Whoever sold him that stuff killed him with it.

[Indistinct conversations]

Tell me who he was. I just need his name.

-No name is gonna bring him back.

[Indistinct conversations continue]

-Andy?

How about you and I, uh...

having a drink?

-Perfect.

[Static]

♪♪

-You know, the first time I saw this movie,

I thought that was a suicide -- the guy on the flagpole.

But I think it's just that he's disoriented

because he's strung out on angel dust

that he bought from Stegman.

And he dies wrapped in the American flag --

Symbolism alert! [Chuckles]

What does that symbolism mean, though?

I don't know, patriotism kills? I don't know.

Um, I have to say, though,

I think they're misrepresenting punk rockers in this flick.

Punks did drugs, but they didn't push drugs,

and I don't think they pimped girls.

I mean, punk was pretty hardcore about keeping it in the club.

You know, the pain was self-inflicted,

not inflicted on others.

The punk club scene was filmed at a real club in Toronto,

and those were real punks.

About a hundred of 'em showed up for an open call,

and the slamdancing got so vicious

that a couple of the actors got hurt,

and Lisa Langlois, who plays the only girl in the gang,

she hid out the whole time

so the punk girls wouldn't beat her up,

'cause she thought she was gonna get called out as a poser,

partly because the makeup department gave her pink hair

and colorful outfits, you know,

which wouldn't really qualify as punk at that time.

That was more New Wave, which came later.

She was Cyndi Lauper before her time.

But Lisa Langlois was sort of the Marilyn Monroe of Toronto

at the time, so she was going against type

when she did this punk role,

'cause she always played the girl next door.

She had been doing commercials for several years,

she was a cheerleader type

in the John Huston slasher film "Phobia,"

she was in "Happy Birthday to Me."

She was pretty much the go-to hot blonde

for anybody filming in Toronto.

She was in "Deadly Eyes,"

directed by Robert Clouse of "Enter the Dragon" fame.

She got big parts in a couple of Claude Chabrol films

because she grew up speaking French.

She went to French school,

even though she lived in Hamilton, Ontario,

which is mostly English-speaking.

But do I need to explain Claude Chabrol?

Um...

Oh, anyway, he was one of those French film critics

who became a director.

'Cause they do that in France.

You know, you write for Cahiers du Cinéma...

I can never say the name of the magazine.

C-Cahiers du Cinéma.

You write for that fancy French cinema magazine,

and then you rent a camera, and in Claude Chabrol's case,

he was the thriller guy.

He was the lesser-known French New Wave director.

Anyway, we don't have time to talk about Claude Chabrol.

But Lisa Langlois was from Hamilton,

which is also the hometown of Teenage Head,

the punk band that they used in the film.

But Hamilton is known as "Buffalo North"

because it's the hardcore industrial factory city

near Toronto.

Same kind of history as Buffalo --

steel factories, automobile plants, packing plants.

But Lisa doesn't have good memories on the film,

because, she says, all the Canadians were paid scale

and the Americans got real checks,

and a lot of the stuff they were asked to do was dangerous,

including that mosh pit.

People were getting hurt in the mosh pit,

and Mark Lester eventually shut everything down early

'cause he was afraid it was getting out of control.

Timothy Van Patten was very active in the mosh pit.

Did you see that?

But he won't talk about the movie.

Apparently, he's not crazy about the movie.

And -- Oh, yeah. Oh!

I did figure out which Van Patten he is,

because the crack "Last Drive-In" research team

provided me with this Van Patten Thespian Genealogy Chart,

showing that Timothy Van --

Let me show you here.

Austin, put that chart up.

Aah!

Shows that Timothy Van Patten is the half-brother of

Dick Van Patten, of "Eight Is Enough,"

who was married to Pat Van Patten,

originally known as Patricia Poole

of the June Taylor Dancers,

which would make Timothy the half-uncle

of Dick Van Patten's son Nels Van Patten,

who played Roger in "The Young Warriors"

and got the name Nels from his daddy's character name

in the 1949 TV series "Mama."

Also the half-uncle of James "Jimmy" Van Patten,

who was Hoppy in "Roller Boogie,"

as well as Dr. Heffner, the coroner in the "Saw" films,

and he's -- he's the official spokesman for

Dick Van Patten's Natural Balance Pet Foods.

We probably know him best for that.

And while we're at it,

Timothy would also be the half-uncle

of Dick Van Patten's other son, Vincent Van Patten,

who was in "Rock 'n' Roll High School," "Baywatch,"

and achieved "Last Drive-In" immortality

when he married Betsy Russell,

who was Jill Tuck in the "Saw" movies,

but we remember her better

from "Private School" and "Tomboy,"

not to mention "Cheerleader Camp."

Betsy gave birth to a couple Van Pattens --

Duke Van Patten, who was a P.A. on the Van Patten-filled

"7 Days to Vegas."

I think they had 17 Van Pattens working on that thing.

Betsy also gave birth to Vincent Van Patten,

or Vince they call him, you know, to avoid confusion,

who is 15 years old now, and he does not yet have

a series or a long-term movie contract.

I don't know what happened with him.

So, Timothy would be the great-half-uncle

of these two guys,

who, by the way,

these are the stepchildren of Eileen Davidson,

of "House on Sorority Row" fame and lots of soap operas.

She married Vincent Van Patten

after Betsy Russell got through with him.

So, Grace Van Patten is the daughter of Timothy Van Patten.

For some reason, she didn't start acting

till she was 10 years old,

when her dad put her in "The Sopranos,"

but since then, she's starred in "Tramps"

and one other Netflix film,

and then, last year, she starred in a movie called "Good Posture"

made in the Van Patten ancestral homeland, Brooklyn.

Her mom is the model Wendy Rossmeyer --

retired model, I guess.

She runs Harley-Davidson dealerships today.

She supplies bikes to all the Van Pattens who need bikes.

And then, over here, you can see that Timothy is also

the half-brother of Joyce Van Patten,

the younger sister of Dick Van Patten,

known for four seasons on "The Danny Kaye Show" --

that's how far back Joyce goes --

as well as many daytime dramas.

But she's also the mother of Casey King.

Where is Casey? Oh, yeah.

Casey King, who was in "Dracula: Dead and Loving It,"

as well as 18 other shows.

So, Timothy would be Casey's half-uncle as well.

But, wait, Joyce also married Martin Balsam.

Where -- Oh, we have Martin Balsam on here.

So she married Martin Balsam -- you know, "Psycho,"

"Cape Fear," "The Carpetbaggers" --

so that would be his half-brother-in-law,

at least during the time that she was married to him,

and that would make him the half-uncle of Talia Balsam,

who was in "Mad Men" and used to be married to George Clooney.

So George Clooney's over here in the lower-right-hand corner.

Wait a minute, where's -- where's Jesse Van Patten?

We know Jesse Van Patten exists 'cause he was hanging around

"Real Housewives of Beverly Hills"

when Eileen Davidson was on there.

He's gotta be 17 years old by now,

so he should have at least 30 IMDb credits.

But there's a -- Oh, h-here. Wait a minute.

He's here, but I thought

we already talked about a Jesse Van Patten.

Anyway, there's also a Richard Van Patten,

who's the son of Vincent Van Patten

and Eileen Davidson.

There should be a Richard here somewhere.

But we'll never find him.

'Cause you -- you marry a Van Patten

and you give him the same name

as the original spermatozoa back in the '40s --

you know, Richard Byron Van Patten,

the patriarch of the Van Pattens --

you can Google that guy all day

and ask for assistance from the Library of Congress,

and they'll just say, "That's like naming

all three of your sons Muhammad.

We just give up on those.

That goes in the cold case file."

So, Richard Van Patten may or may not be acting.

We'll never know. We'll -- We'll never even know where he is.

So, does that about sum it up?

I-I feel like we may have missed some stuff,

you know, right in here.

But not really.

I think we -- we kind of identified Timothy Van Patten,

and so let's get back to the Timothy Van Patten flick

"Class of 1984."

And, by the way, Timothy Van Patten

was born as Christopher Van Patten.

Now, I don't know how you get Timothy out of that,

but his daddy was...

Richard Byron Van Patten...

to distinguish him from his son,

who was merely Richard Van Patten,

better known to the world as Dick Van Patten.

So you actually have two Richards prior to

the current Richard Van Patten,

which, we don't know where he is.

-Yeah, Joe Bob, just stop. [Laughter]

-Well, I just wanted to note that the name Van Patten

is probably Dutch,

which would make sense, because if you think about it...

-No, let's stop. Forget it.

-That's enough Van Patten, uh, genealogy?

-For everyone. -Alright.

But Petten, Netherlands, is the only point I wanted to make.

-What? -You know,

the fishing village in Holland.

Petten, Netherlands, is where the Van Pattens originated.

And the important thing about that --

[Neon lights humming, static]

-Hey, hey, hey! [Punks whooping]

-Boys and girls! Boys and girls.

-Oh, hello!

-Hey!

-Hey, music man, I need to have a little chatty-whatty with you.

-Hey, why don't you leave us alone.

I kept my mouth shut.

-Come on. Get in.

-Come on. -Fuckin' shit!

-Where are you two going?! -Run!

[Tires squeal]

-Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

[Punks shouting indistinctly]

-Come on, you little fuckin' bitch.

♪♪

-You little bitch! -What do you want with me, man?

-You shouldn't tell tales out of school, Arty-Farty.

That could give us a bad name.

-I didn't tell him anything.

-If I'm not home in 10 minutes, I got four brothers who --

-Oh-ho, yeah. I'm terrified.

[Glass shatters] Ooh-hoo!

-Arthur. -[Smooches]

-Terry, hasn't anybody ever tried

to get that gang out of school?

-[Chuckles]

They have been put on suspension so many times,

they oughta name a revolving door after them.

-You know the amazing thing?

I think Stegman's actually a brilliant kid.

-So is the Marquis de Sade.

[Faint indistinct shouting]

-I wonder what the hell they're up to now.

♪♪

-Come on, now, Andrew.

[Stammers] Cool it. School is out.

-I just want to see what's going on.

♪♪

-It's that Corrigan and the new boy.

-Aw, shit.

-Andy, this is stupid.

♪♪

-School's out, teacher-teacher.

You're not welcome here.

♪♪

-Come on, you kids. You can come with me.

-We're not in school now, teach. I can bust your ass.

-So do it!

♪♪

Come on. You can go home now.

-I got plans for you.

-Yeah? Likewise.

-Oh, I'm pissing in my pants! -[Laughs]

-I don't know how many kids you sold to, Stegman,

but I'm gonna find 'em.

All I need is one kid who's got the guts

to face you in open court and finger you for pushing it,

then I've got you.

-It ain't happened yet.

-It will.

-Up yours!

-Out of my way! -Andy!

Andy! Geez!

♪♪

-God, this is crazy! -Aw, gee.

-I don't believe this. -You don't look so great either.

Oh, come on. Let's get out of here.

-Wait. Did Arthur and Deneen get away?

-Oh, yeah. Oh, my God.

[Engine revs, tires squeal]

-Terry, you're gonna need stitches.

We gotta go to the hospital. -No stitches, no hospital.

That just means police and questions.

We should get out of here.

[Car engine starts]

-Terry, I swear to God, I'm sorry.

It was me they were after.

I had no right to drag you into this.

-Oh, good God, Andrew.

They don't care which one of us it is.

They are at war. Don't you know that?

And I don't want any part of it. [Sighs]

Look, just get me home to Ellen. She'll patch me up.

-You sure you don't want to go to a hospital?

-I am positive. I do not want to go to a hospital.

Just get me home to Ellen.

[Door closes]

[Footsteps approach]

-Andy? -Yeah?

-How you doing?

[Sewing machine whirring]

You okay?

-Yeah, I'm okay.

-What happened?

-Some punks from the school hit me.

-Why?

-I don't know. They -- I was in their way.

What difference does it make?

-Andy, what is going on in that place?

Please tell me.

-A kid died today.

♪♪

I was so goddamn stupid.

I was so busy trying to nail Stegman today,

I never even noticed Jimmy was high.

If I'd seen that, I could have saved him.

-You couldn't have known, honey.

How could you?

♪♪

-They gave Jimmy a minute of silence today.

One lousy minute for 16 years.

♪♪

[Chain belt rattles]

-Aah!

[Glass shattering]

-Ignite the flame with Fallon.

♪♪

♪♪

[Explosion]

[Police radio chatter]

-Diane, I want you to pack everything you need

and go to your mother's until this is over.

-I don't want to go to my mother's.

This is my home.

-I don't think it's safe for you here anymore.

-Not unless you come. -I can't!

I can't leave my job.

I am worth something as a teacher.

There are kids at that school who need me.

-I think what they did tonight shows you

that they don't want you there anymore, Andy.

-That's one gang. That's a small minority.

-But you've taught before,

and nothing like this has ever happened.

-Well, this happened now, and I gotta deal with it.

-I don't understand you, Andy.

I just don't understand you anymore.

-Are you gonna go to your mother's or not?

-[Sighs]

You stay...I stay.

It's as simple as that.

-Any other witnesses that -- that you know of?

-No.

-Anyway, we got all this information,

and we'll make an investigation and get back to you.

-What the hell is there to investigate?

I told you who it was.

It was Peter Stegman and his gang.

-Stegman is under 18 years old.

All the kids that you wanna I.D. are under 18.

Besides that, they can get 27 other kids out there

to alibi for 'em in a minute.

These kids know all the loopholes.

You throw 'em in one door,

they're out another one in five minutes.

-I saw him with my own eyes. -So what?

That's not good enough.

Nowadays, you wanna make a case against a juvenile,

you gotta be holding his hand while he's robbing you.

-Let me see the file. -No, I-I can't.

-Just so I can see what I'm up against.

-I can't give you that information.

-Why not? -Because it's the law.

Right of privacy for juveniles.

You don't want them taking their mistakes with them

up into their adult lives, do you?

-What about us at the school? We need your help.

[Police radio chatter]

-We're here to help.

Okay, I'll read the records to you,

but don't ask me for names, alright?

I can't give you names. Look at this.

Beatings, gang fights...

a rape.

And the girl backed out of being a witness at the last minute.

A 14-year-old girl.

Drug pushing, prostitution rackets.

These kids, Mr. Norris, are a permanent fixture here.

And all we can do for now is just keep an eye out on 'em.

You understand?

[Indistinct conversations]

-Mr. Corrigan. -Hey, what's up?

-Uh, we got some problems in the lab.

Mr. Morganthau's waiting for you up there.

-Terry, I'll go with you.

-Coming through.

-I'm sorry, Mr. Corrigan.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Grunts]

I'm all right.

I am perfectly all right.

♪♪

-Bastards.

Rotten bastards!

-Vandalism is nothing new in this school, Mr. --

-Vandalism? This isn't vandalism!

This is revenge! Look out! Get!

♪♪

-What happened there, eh, teach?

[Indistinct conversation]

-Easy.

-You ever come after me again, or Terry,

I swear to God, I'll kill you!

I mean it, you son of a bitch!

-Go ahead.

Yeah.

I knew you couldn't do it, teach.

You still believe in all that bullshit that holds it together.

And when it comes down to killing,

well, teacher-teacher's just got too much to lose.

Otherwise, you'd have done me right.

-[Scoffs]

-Like this.

[Glass shatters]

Or...

Or like this.

[Bang]

Or like this! [Grunts]

-Stop it!

Stop it!

-Now you done it, teacher.

[Breathing heavily] You done it good.

[Rustling] Hey, look what he done, man!

-Christ, are you out of your fucking mind?

-He's crazy! -Okay, alright, calm down.

-That son of a bitch is out of his mind!

-Calm down. I'm gonna take care of this.

-He tried to kill me.

He -- He tried to kill me!

-Calm down. Calm down. -He's crazy, man!

He's crazy. That son of a bitch, he's sick!

-There is no way I can accept that story, Mr. Norris.

It's outrageous.

-His mother's gonna make a hell of a case out of this.

She's already talking assault.

-Let their lawyer take the first shot.

We don't want to show our hand too soon.

-Sir, the boy's psychotic.

And I think he's very dangerous to everybody in this school.

Will you...

Will you at least put him on suspension?

-On suspension? After you nearly fractured his skull?!

-Goddamn it! He did it to himself.

Why do you always take his word over mine?

-Don't -- Don't look at me.

When I came in, he had the kid's blood all over his hands.

I'm sorry, Mr. Norris. Idon't know.

-If we're talking about suspension, Mr. Norris,

it should be you.

And if I suspend you,

then I've got five grades without a music class.

Half the graduating class going out of here

with a substandard education,

and you compound the problem by beating a student senseless?

-I told you -- -Why?

Why, Mr. Norris?

There will be no disciplinary measures taken on hand

by one of my teachers.

Is that understood, Mr. Norris?

-Yes, sir.

-Where are you going?

-If I'm still a teacher, I'm going to teach.

-Just a minute, Mr. Norris.

If you're found guilty of this assault,

whether you did it or not, you'll never teach again.

[Door closes]

Do you find any credence in his story?

-Knowing that Stegman kid, anything's possible.

[Static]

♪♪

-They do not make posters like this anymore, do they,

with these paintings on it.

"We are the future, and nothing can stop us."

Psycho kid, ineffectual police, ineffectual principal.

And that's two great actors playing the cop who's no help

and the principal who's no help.

It's hard to play those kinds of characters --

strength in the performance, weakness in the character --

but that's David Gardner as the principal.

Veteran Toronto character actor.

He was Dr. Fairchild in "Prom Night,"

was in "Robocop."

And that's Al Waxman as Principal Morganthau,

best known for doing 125 episodes of "Cagney & Lacey"

as Lieutenant Samuels.

Al Waxman was a professor of theater and film

at York University -- that's a huge university in Toronto --

but more importantly, he was the writer

of the 1978 disco song "Gotta Hear You Say It Too,"

which included the lyric...

"I am Canada. I'm a lover of life.

I'm a dreamer of dreams."

This is a disco song, remember?

"I'm a dreamer of dreams.

And I believe it's time I said, 'I love you.'

But I got to hear you say you love me, too."

So, it's a disco song spoken by the nation of Canada,

asking people to love Canada

before you expect Canada to love you back.

And I can't find it. I can't find the song.

Please, people watching on Shudder Canada,

send me a copy of "Gotta Hear You Say It Too"

so -- so we can groove to it --

and so -- and so we can love Canada

so Canada will love us back.

And, by the way, Al Waxman's office,

that's the same police station they used in "Black Christmas."

So, the stakes just got higher and higher

in this movie, don't they?

T-T-They're tightening it -- tightening it like a winch.

You think the little fistfight in the alley

with the glass bottle is bad,

but then they blow up a car,

and they butcher all the lab animals.

Roddy McDowall is great in this movie.

You can see the intense pain on his face

when he first walks into that lab,

and one reason you can see the intense pain on his face

is that they used real animals.

They went down to the pet morgue

and got some cats and rabbits and skinned 'em,

and the stench was overwhelming in there.

It was making everybody sick.

And then that scene where

Timothy Van Patten bashes his own face in

so he can frame Mr. Norris for it?

Oh, man!

Perry King, who plays the band teacher,

was a pretty well-known actor when this came out.

He was one of those bluebloods out of Yale and Juilliard.

His grandfather was Maxwell Perkins,

the editor of Hemingway, Fitzgerald, Thomas Wolfe --

very famous in literary circles --

and his first movie was opposite Shirley MacLaine in 1971,

"The Possession of Joel Delaney."

He actually left Juilliard to do that movie.

He was the hottest young actor in the world --

for about five minutes, because the movie bombed.

But he was good in it,

and so there was a period where he got lots of offers.

He was in "Slaughterhouse-Five,"

he was in "The Lords of Flatbush,"

he was in a Merchant Ivory film

called "The Wild Party" with Raquel Welch.

It was about the Fatty Arbuckle orgy

that ruined Fatty's career in the Silent Era.

But you know what weremember him for

here at "The Last Drive-In"?

Besides this movie, of course.

We remember when he went full frontal in "Mandingo"

as the sensitive son of the slave owner

who loves his bed wench and hates his wife.

Perry King will defend "Mandingo" to this day.

He says Richard Fleischer made a great movie

and then Dino De Laurentiis ruined it with the ad campaign,

so everybody associated with it got kind of branded

as cheap exploitation actors,

and after that he went through this weird period

where he starred in "Lipstick" with Margaux Hemingway.

She was a supermodel at the time,

but she got so panned for that movie

that she never really acted again.

And then he made a bunch of movies for Andy Warhol

during that period where they had The Factory.

I don't like any of those movies,

but he was in one of the most famous ones,

"Andy Warhol's Bad,"

and then he was in one of the best LGBTQ movies ever made,

"A Different Story,"

but very few people have seen that movie,

partly because AVCO Embassy was embarrassed by it.

They just threw it away. They didn't market it at all.

So, anyway, Perry was known as a guy who would do anything,

and we're about to find out why that's perfect

for this particular movie.

And one more thing before we go back to the flick --

You're probably not noticing

Lalo Schifrin's excellent musical score,

and one reason is that he's using weird sounds,

and he breaks off the themes

in order to keep you on edge at all times.

Lalo Schifrin is a genius.

He -- He sculpts that music for the exact emotion he wants,

and for this movie, he goes for ugly, brutal sounds.

He keeps us on edge.

Okay. Back to the flick.

I love me some Lalo Schifrin, you know?

The two greatest film composers, in my opinion,

are Ennio Morricone and Lalo Schifrin,

and they both use weird, manufactured sounds.

Although Lalo Schifrin's greatest composition

is the theme from "Mannix."

You ever watch MeTV, you know?

They show old "Mannix" reruns.

In fact, I think they have a rule at MeTV --

they don't show any TV series less than 50 years old.

But...Touch Connors, who was in one of

Roger Corman's greatest westerns, "Five Guns West"...

Touch Connors at the time.

He later became Mike Connors -- star of "Mannix."

Mannix was a private detective who ran through warehouses

in expensive suits every week.

So, anyway, "Theme From Mannix"

is one of the greatest TV themes ever written,

just as "Theme from The Good, the Bad and the Ugly"

is one of the greatest movie themes ever written, so...

I know you watch MeTV, right, Darcy?

-I do, but I don't watch "Mannix."

-You don't watch "Mannix"? What do you watch?

-I'm a "Cannon" kind of gal.

-You watch "Cannon"? -Mm-hmm. [Laughs]

-And you don't watch "Mannix"? That's insane.

"Cannon" sucks compared to "Mannix."

-I totally disagree with that.

-You don't get sucked in by the "Mannix" theme?

You know, the -- starts with those trumpet blasts,

and then they go to the trombones,

and they motor us into the full-bore sax melody, you know?

Like, they're wailing on those saxes,

and then Lalo himself does that little jazz piano thing

in the middle of the "Mannix" theme.

How can "Cannon" compete with that?

-It's got William Conrad.

-That's so sick. The "Cannon"...

And the "Cannon" theme sucks too.

I don't even -- and William Conrad?

-I don't care about the musical theme, I just like the show.

-I'm disgusted by that, Darcy.

-You're just being a band geek right now.

-Okay, well, I am.

I mean, once a band geek, always a band geek.

It doesn't...

This movie, by the way, is sacred to band geeks.

Remember that time --

The last time I talked about being in a band,

remember that I-I sang

the Gillette "Look Sharp, Be Sharp" march on the air?

-I do remember.

Let's -- Let's not do that again.

[Neon lights humming, static]

[Machine-gun fire]

-Oh, but, Lyle, I made him dance, didn't I?

-Yeah. Cool it.

-Petey, what is this?

You have four, five, six more parking tickets.

What are you doing, parking in a bus zone?

-They ain't got no parkin' at that stinkin' school.

-That school is the only one that would accept you.

You know that.

What do you think? You like this sweater?

-Yeah, you look great, Ma.

-Yeah. [Knocking on door]

Get the door, will you, honey?

[Chatter on television]

Get the door, Pete!

-Hey, come on, Ma.

[Chatter continues]

-Where's the bloody security in this building?

Yes, who is it?

-Mrs. Stegman, can I talk to you for a minute, please?

-I don't want to buy anything. I'm very busy.

-No, Mrs. Stegman, I'm Peter's music teacher.

It's very important that I talk to you.

-Don't let him in, Ma. Please don't let him in, Mommy.

-Haven't you done enough damage?

You wanna talk? You talk to my attorney.

-Mrs. Stegman, if you just let me come in for a minute,

I'm sure we can settle that.

There are more important things to deal with.

-No, mister, I'm not letting you off that easy.

-Mrs. Stegman, there are things that you don't know

about your son.

Now, if we don't talk,

he's gonna be in a lot of trouble.

-Now, you listen to me, buster.

You get your ass away from my door,

or I'll have the police up here so fast,

it'll make your head spin.

What do you think I am?

Some sort of a-a bubbleheaded housewife

you can push around like those kids?

-Get him out of here, Mom.

-Do you have any idea what I'm gonna have to spend on a therapist

to get him out of this?

-He doesn't need a therapist.

-Who do you think you are? Some sort of a-a God Almighty?

He's just a boy.

-If he comes near me again,

he's gonna need a lot more than a therapist.

-Oh-ho. You're making threats now?

You call yourself a teacher?

-Please, please. We've got to talk rationally.

There are other kids -- -Now, listen!

Petey is an exceptional child!

I only wish his father were alive to see him.

You couldn't possibly understand his kind of genius.

None of you can!

-Mrs. Stegman, you don't know what the hell he's been doing!

Now, I'm trying to help you!

-I don't need your kind of help!

[Door slams] -Will you talk to me, damn it?!

-[Sighs]

Don't worry, honey. He won't bother you again.

Go on back in and watch TV.

-Yeah, I, uh -- I just wanna make sure he's gone, Mom.

[Elevator bell dings]

Teacher-teacher.

Learn your lessons.

Mommy didn't like you very much.

-Lay off me!

Lay off me, Stegman!

You hear me?

-Shut up, you son of a bitch.

You ever come here again, and I'll kill you.

I swear it.

You're mine, asshole. All mine.

I am the future. You hear that?

I am the future.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Glass shatters]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Car engine starts]

♪♪

[Tires squeal]

[Metal crashes]

♪♪

[Engine revs]

[Metal crashes, tires squeal]

♪♪

♪♪

[Door bangs]

♪♪

You did it, man! Youdid it!

You trashed my car.

-Let's say I did. Can you prove it?

[Clatter]

-I'm gonna kick your ass.

-Careful. I could charge you with assault.

-You got a problem, Mr. Norris?

-No. Stegman was just leaving.

[Door slams]

[Indistinct conversations]

-[Playing saxophone]

-[Playing tuba] [School bell ringing]

-Okay, thank you. Thank you.

Okay. Okay.

[Door opens]

-It's like written music is a whole other language,

you know, and I'm speaking it with my horn.

-Mr. Norris. Mr. Norris.

-Hey, Officer, what's up?

-Uh...

[Indistinct conversations]

The trial, it's not gonna take place until the 6th.

So, uh, I promise it'll turn with you.

-Okay, well, that's great. The concert's over with.

-Hey, without Mr. Norris, we're nothing.

-Excuse me. Arthur, this is Officer Stewiski.

-Arthur, how are you?

-Look, that little fucker Arthur's squealing to the juvie.

[Indistinct conversations]

Let's go.

-♪ You better not step out of line ♪

♪♪

♪ You better not step out of line ♪

♪ You better not step out of line ♪

-Look, I personally don't think Vinnie can do it.

-No, no, no. -He could, man. It's no problem.

-The guy's a wimp.

-Hey, I'm no wimp, alright? That's right.

-Now, you can do this? -Yes, I could.

-Go on.

[Indistinct conversation]

-Hey! -Yeah, I'm gonna do it.

-Alright then, Vinnie. Do it.

-Let's go.

-Ah. Diversion, huh?

Lookit, Vinnie. A little magic trick.

Keep it down.

♪♪

[Spectators shouting indistinctly]

[Clatter]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Thud]

[Students scuffling]

-He has a ruptured kidney.

-Can we see him? -No.

He's in intensive care.

Call us later, Mr. Norris,

and we'll let you know his condition.

-Okay, thank you.

You gonna pick up the gang?

-Mr. Norris.

We can't find anybody who actually saw it happen.

-Stegman's gang was there. You know they did it.

-Sure. But how do we prove they did it?

-Look, somebody's got to stop this insanity.

Now, if you don't do it, I will!

-Hey. Easy. Easy, Mr. Norris.

You shouldn't be talking like that.

Not with you already facing an assault charge.

-Come on. I'll drive you home.

-I always walked home with Arthur.

-Terry, what are you doing to yourself?

-Who cares?

[Sighs] It calms me.

It insulates me.

-If we can get through this year, then Andy's gonna have

a permanent teaching position.

-Terry talks about retiring.

But that's rubbish. He won't.

-I'm such a failure.

-You're not a failure.

Terry, you're one of the best teachers in that whole school.

-To tell you the truth, Andy,

I don't think I can teach anymore.

I can't get through.

I always had this dream that I could make kids read

every book they could lay their hands on.

Oh, if I could only be an inspiration to one

goddamn growing mind.

Sometimes I think I'd do anything...

just anything if I knew that I could leave

one person behind...

who'd heard me.

I...

Oh.

Goodbye, Mr. Chips.

[Band playing]

♪♪

♪♪

[Music stops]

-Uh, we've got what?

We've got a week to senior assembly, right?

People have been invited from the symphony competition board.

Well, parents and students.

I just...

I don't know how to tell you this, but...

I think you guys are terrific.

-You mean we're good?

-No, I didn't say you were good. I said you were terrific!

[Cheering]

-Absolutely great. All we got to do is...

-Mr. Norris. You got to come with me.

-So we can have any number of "X" chromosomes in any species,

but it is only the with the addition of the "Y"

that we get the man.

Ah!

Sit down.

Please.

-Excuse me. Excuse me. Let me through.

-I'm sorry. I'm -- I'm calling the police to handle this one.

-No, let Mr. Norris talk to him first.

-There are students in there.

-Yes, and that is Terry Corrigan.

That is not a maniac killer.

Let me have a chance.

Come on. He's my friend.

-I'll back him up.

-All right.

-Hi, Terry.

-You shouldn't be in here, Andrew.

-What are you doing?

-I'm teaching.

Can't you see that?

You!

Tell us the factor for the female of the species.

Stand up when the teacher talks to you!

-Wait a minute. Terry. -No!

Andrew.

I don't come into your class and tell you how to teach.

Now, what is the answer, please?

For you simply cannot afford...

to fail this class.

Now, what is the answer?

-[Gasps]

-What is the answer? Please?

-Y.

-[Laughs] You see how simple it is?

-Yeah.

-He has never, never answered a question in this class.

I'm finally teaching them. Oh, tell me, darling.

How many chambers are there in the human heart?

Oh, come on.

Come on.

Go on.

-Four. I think four.

-That's wonderful. Oh, it's a pleasure.

Oh, such a tremendous pleasure.

-Mr. Stegman, what is an amphibian?

You should know.

We had such a...

wonderful display...

hanging on our wall.

You don't know?

That's too bad.

You...

...do not pass.

-You have to work with him, Terry.

-Oh, but, Andrew, it would take such an awful lot of work.

And this would be so much easier.

[Gunshot]

[Screaming]

Class is not dismissed!

God!

-We're gonna work all this out.

-[Groans]

-Come on, Terry.

-They...

killed my animals.

Oh, God.

-Stegman did that.

They aren't all like him.

-Oh, Stegman.

-All right, all right, get him down to the office.

-Wait a minute. Let me take him home.

-Not so fast, Mr. Norris. He needs mental help.

And we've got to notify the police.

I'm gonna have parents all over me in an hour's time.

-How come I can't get you off the dime when a student

does something wrong, but when a teacher screws up,

you want to call in the police?

-A teacher is required to be responsible.

-Come on, Terry. Let me take you home, okay?

-No.

No, I...I'm fine.

I'm fine. Really.

I'm fine. I'm...I'm fine.

[Engine revs, tires squeal]

-Jesus Christ!

-What the hell are you doing, you crazy son of a bitch?

-Get off my car!

-I'll kill you.

-I'll kill you, you fucking asshole!

[Indistinct shouting]

-Shit!

-[Laughs]

Aaah!

-Stop!

Shit!

Shit!

[Indistinct shouting]

[Engine starts]

[Tires squeal]

-Run, Stegman!

-[Screams]

[Static crackles]

-Yeah, and we have that weird tribal dance around

the burning car of Roddy McDowall.

They have all kinds of things in this movie that were inspired by

"A Clockwork Orange."

Including the poetic language used by Stegman.

Mark Lester is a film buff, and he said he had two

influences, the original "Blackboard Jungle"

and "A Clockwork Orange."

He modeled the gang on "A Clockwork Orange"characters,

and that's why they wear masks and they paint their faces

and they go for all that weird beard costuming.

He wanted them to be aliens.

And they definitely are.

But how about that scene where Roddy McDowall is holding his

class at gunpoint.

That is maybe one of the best scenes of

Roddy McDowall's career, maybe one of the best scenes

ever in horror history, if you consider this a horror film.

A lot of people say it's more action than horror,

but I don't care, it's a horror film.

My favorite moment in that scene is when he puts the gun

to the head of Drugstore, played by a Canadian actor named

Stefan Arngrim, after asking him the question about chromosomes.

And Arngrim is barely able to squeeze out the word "why."

And Roddy McDowall's face lights up like it's a wonderful

teaching moment, because it's the correct answer

and the first time Drugstore has ever answered any question

of any type.

But we don't really know whether he was pleading,

asking "why" as in, "Why are you doing this,"

or whether he really was answering "Y chromosome."

So beautiful writing by Tom Holland.

Roddy McDowall is about the only person I know of in the history

of Hollywood who never made an enemy.

There were thousands at his funeral in 1998.

The only unhappy part of McDowall's life

was his childhood.

He grew up in the Herne Hill neighborhood of London.

His mother was an Irish actress. His dad was a merchant seaman.

And he got out of there through his acting talent,

starting at 10 years old when he landed a role in

"Murder in the Family" that encouraged his mom

to move them to Hollywood, where his first American role

at the ripe age of 13, was in the Best Picture of 1941,

John Ford's "How Green Was My Valley."

He was best known as a child actor for "My Friend Flicka"

and "Lassie Come Home," and that's the movie

where he met Elizabeth Taylor in 1943 and they became

lifelong friends right up until his death.

As an adult, probably best known for being in four of the five

"Planet of the Apes" movies,

but he always worked in horror movies.

He had a period where he went to New York and just worked on

the stage, had hundreds of stage roles.

He won a Tony Award, but then he also made 150 movies,

and he had a long career as a photographer.

In fact, the photo archive at the Motion Picture Academy

is named the Roddy McDowall Photo Archive.

His last performance was in 1997.

He played Scrooge in "A Christmas Carol"

in New York City.

And, oh, yeah, also The Mad Hatter.

Actually he was the Mad Hatter in both the Batman series

and the Superman series.

So I don't know anybody else who ever did that.

Consummate actor.

In that scene at the barbecue place,

where he gets drunk and he says, "I'm such a failure,

if I could reach just one kid," they had to do

six or seven takes, a tear dropped out of his eye

on the exact same word on every take.

So that's the kind of actor he was.

And also, for his dying scene, where he's trying to commit

vehicular homicide, Roddy McDowall insisted on

actually driving that car.

Now, normally you would pull the car with a camera truck,

but he was like, "Naw, just put the camera on the hood,

and I'll drive it."

And then he started driving like a maniac,

which scared the crap out of Mark Lester because Mark Lester

is lying down in the back seat, which was the only place

he could be out of camera view and still direct the scene.

But Roddy McDowall actually banged into several of those

cars while they were doing that scene.

And I also wanted to mention that, in that scene where

Timothy Van Patten is stretched out on the couch

watching a violent movie on TV, the movie is

"Bobbie Jo and the Outlaw," another Mark Lester flick

starring Marjoe Gortner and Lynda Carter.

That was Lynda Carter in the clip that you saw.

Modern day redneck Bonnie & Clyde story.

Good film.

All right, back to the High School From Hell

classic, "Class of 1984."

Roll it.

You know the Mark Lester movie that nobody talks about?

"Pterodactyl."

[Laughter]

Any "Pterodactyl" fans in the house?

You know, killer baby pterodactyls that pour out of

a dormant volcano in the jungles of northern Turkey

and attack the American military.

I think this was on Syfy. It had to be on Syfy, right?

The best flying prehistoric man-eating monster movie

since "Q the Winged Serpent."

But here's that special Mark Lester touch --

to star in the movie, who does he hire?

Coolio!

[Laughter]

Coolio fighting pterodactyls. The man is a genius.

[Static crackles]

-It was nice to see so many kids at Terry's funeral.

-It's gonna be really hard for Ellen

to accept Terry's death.

-I know.

It's hard for me.

-And what about us?

Andy, I'm worried about us, and I'm worried about the baby.

And I've made a decision.

I-I'm gonna go to my mother's house.

It'll be safer until the child's born.

-Good. Good.

I think you should have gone long ago.

-What about you?

Are you ready now to give up that obsession

you have with the kids at Lincoln High?

-What obsession, Diane? I'm a teacher.

I'm just trying to do my job.

Terry couldn't handle it. I can.

-Okay.

Why don't you just stay there then and just slug it out

with those psychotic little misfits.

And who knows? Maybe you'll wind up like Terry.

And what should I tell our child?

That their father died in the line of duty?

That he was a teacher?

-What do you want to tell them? That I was a coward?

That I ran away as soon as I had a problem?

I'm sorry.

Stay for the concert, and then go to your mother's, okay?

I'll visit you on the weekends.

I love you.

-I love you, too.

-Nurse Brewer to third floor station.

Nurse Brewer to third floor station.

-Well, Mr. Norris, I'm glad you're here.

-How is he? -He's better.

He's talking, but not to me.

He won't say who knifed him. Why don't you go on in there?

-Okay, maybe he'll tell me.

-Hey. -Hi.

How you feeling?

-As good as I look.

Who's replacing me in the orchestra?

-Zuckerman. -Zuckerman?

-Yeah.

-He's a Turkey compared to me.

-You told Stewiski that you didn't see who knifed you.

Is that the truth?

-What's the use?

-Then you did see.

-Mr. Norris...

you know that if I say who got me,

as soon as I get out, they're gonna get me again.

-Arthur, don't you want them to get those kids?

I mean, the same thing could happen to somebody else.

-[Sighs]

-Look, I'm not gonna force you into anything, but...

I just want you to think about this.

I think that the only rights we have are the ones

we're willing to fight for.

You owe it to your friends at school

to stand up for yourself.

-Okay.

It was Vinnie.

Vinnie Cuntino.

[Police radio chatter]

-So, what do you want to do? -Let's go see a movie.

-I need a drink.

-Hello, officer.

Norris must have got Arthur to talk.

-So let's fuck him up.

-All in good time. All in good time.

-Excuse me. Sir? Sir? Come back here!

-What the hell are you doing? Why did you let them go?

-It's all right. -Yes, sir.

-I had to let 'em go. That's the law.

I could only keep them here 24 hours.

Besides, we still got Vinnie.

-Well, they set him up. You know that.

-I don't know that, and you don't know that either.

Vinnie isn't talking yet.

-They're gonna go right after Arthur.

What are you gonna do, wait until he's dead?

-Don't worry about Arthur.

We'll protect Arthur. But who's gonna protect you?

You better look after your own ass

if you want to be any good to the rest of those kids.

You got that concert tomorrow night, don't you?

-Yeah.

-Mr. Norris.

-What?

-Mind your own business, huh?

-What do you think?

-I don't think anyone will

mistake you for Leonard Bernstein.

But you look splendid.

-Splendid?

-Sexy.

-That's what I care about.

The concert starts about 8:00.

Try and get there a little early, okay?

-Andy?

-Yeah?

-I'm...I'm really proud of you, honey.

-How are you doing, Mr. Norris?

-It's show time, Mr. Norris. -Afternoon, Mr. Norris.

-You're looking real nice in that suit.

Yeah, nice hairdo.

-Are you having lunch in the cafeteria?

-I am the future. I am the future.

I am the future.

-Not if I have anything to say about it.

-Oh, teacher-teacher shouldn't talk to Stegman like that.

-Get out of my way.

-You've got to learn.

Life...is pain.

Pain...is everything.

You...

you will learn.

-[Whistling]

-What do you want?

Here, take the money.

Look, if you leave now, I won't tell the police!

-Good evening, Mrs. Norris. -[Screams]

Love the place.

-Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!

-She's mine! -Stand back.

-Where do you keep the drugs around here anyway?

-[Screams]

No! No! No!

[Groans]

-Oh, dear.

-Give it to her!

-Smile for the photograph, honey.

-You like your picture taken?

-Okay, you guys, listen up.

The symphony board will be third row on the right.

Let's make 'em hear every note nice and clear.

-Yea, but what if they don't like us?

-Stravinsky had eggs thrown at him when he opened

with the "Rite of Spring"

-Oh, what school did he play for?

-[Laughs]

Okay, come on. Let's tune up. Helen.

[Instruments playing]

-[Screams]

[Groaning]

[Indistinct chatter]

-Stay with me.

Now I want you to scream

when you feel this nice piece of chain.

Come on. Wake up.

If you don't stay awake now, bitch,

you're never gonna wake up again.

-Fallon. Fallon.

-Fallon. -Shit.

-Fallon. War paint.

-I'm impressed, Mr. Norris.

We haven't had a turnout like this since the night

one of the little bastards set fire to the west wing.

-There are a lot of good kids here.

-I suppose so.

It's just that the bad ones take so much of our attention.

Good luck tonight.

-Thank you.

-All right, let's get the hell out of here.

-Ooh.

-Camouflage. -You look cute.

-Come on, honey.

[Indistinct talking]

-Man, what a dump.

-Move it. Move it!

[Engine starts]

Crunch it, Fallon.

[Tires squeal]

-Okay, you guys, you ready?

-Excuse me, sir? -Yeah?

That girl there, she told me to give this to you.

-Come and get it, teacher-teacher.

[Smooches]

[Laughs]

-Where is she, goddamn you?!

[Door opening]

-You're getting warmer, teacher.

Whoo!

-You hurt her, I'll kill you!

I swear to God, I'll kill you!

-Whoo!

-[Grunts]

-Son of a bitch! -Let me go!

-Having fun, bitch?

-[Grunts]

-We're gonna be playing some more later.

-Goodbye, Mr. Norris. -All right?

-[Spits]

-Goodbye, Mr. Norris.

-[Coughs]

[Static crackles]

-So a lot of people say, "Well, that was gratuitous

the gang rape of the pregnant wife."

And actually it caused a lot of censorship problems

for the film.

They had to cut it in half to get an "R" rating

even in the United States, although Mark Lester says

there's an X-rated version circulating out there somewhere

that has much more of that scene plus much more of another scene

that you haven't seen yet.

I don't think Merrie Lynn Ross, who plays the wife,

gets enough credit for this part.

This was her farewell to acting.

She had been a soap-opera actress, then this was her

third Mark Lester film.

She also played Julie Nixon in a satirical flick called

"White House Madness."

She got fourth billing in "Bobbie Jo and the Outlaw,"

and she raised all the money for this movie from her friends

in Alberta.

But after this, she started writing

self-help books, she became an anti-bullying

advocate and a Buddhist and the founder of

a so-called "transformational method"

called HaHa Healers.

She calls herself the Beverly Hills Shaman.

So she kind of pulled a Sally Kirkland,

but nobody will get that reference,

but that's the only way I know to describe it.

Alright, you know, they stuck that scene in where

Mr. Norris is walking down the hallway,

and he gets surrounded by the Stegman gang so that

Timothy Van Patten can say,

"Life is pain. Pain is everything.

You will learn."

Well, that clip was used everywhere when this movie

came out, sort of being promoted as the "punk motto."

Although, once again, I'd like to defend the punks.

These are not punkers.

This is just a sadistic criminal gang.

But anyway, that scene does nothing for the plot.

You could cut that scene out, and the movie wouldn't suffer.

But it's just irresistible, right?

You got to have Stegman taunting him one more time before we get

to the horrific, bloody, incredibly complicated finale,

one of the greatest set pieces in horror,

I am willing to say.

We're getting to the payoff here,

so let's not waste any more time.

Let's roll the film.

Ah.

Perry King said he objected to the violence in this movie.

Later, he said, "I objected to the violence in this movie."

And there's actually a scene you're about to watch where

Perry King is fighting with Neil Clifford,

who plays Fallon, and Perry King didn't want to do the final

payoff of the scene because it was too vicious.

You'll know why when you see the scene.

And so Lester said to him, "Aren't you the same actor who

boiled a slave in a pot of oil in "Mandingo"?

And he said, "Yeah, okay, I guess I can do it."

So,I love Mark Lester.

Mark Lester is an underrated director.

And thank you, Mark, by the way, for loaning out your personal

print of "Class of 1984" so we could show it at

Alamo Drafthouse Yonkers not too long ago.

Nothing like 35-millimeter graffiti on the big screen.

And, you know, don't kill me for this, but I kind of enjoyed

the era of graffiti, you know, when all the big cities

had it all over the trains and the buses and the storefronts.

Who was that artist in New York that was...?

Keith Haring. Keith Haring.

I mean, Keith Hering must have been good.

They sell his stuff in gift shops to this day.

His stuff is on paperweights and key chains.

Plus one of his original tags, that would be worth

hundreds of thousands of dollars today.

Makes me want to go buy some Krylon in a can

and mess up some...

some parks.

[Laughter]

I was about to say mess up some vehicles, but we're in Jersey.

I don't want to die.

[Laughter]

[Static crackles]

[Instruments tuning, indistinct chatter]

-Five more minutes, and I'm leaving.

-Do you know where he went?

-No, but he better get back soon.

-Andy -- Andy, get back.

Go back.

-Don't hurt her, Stegman. Please.

-Say pretty please.

-Let her go. You can have me.

-I've already got you!

-Aah!

-[Laughs]

-[Grunts]

-See you later, teach.

-Shut up! -No! Wait! No!

-I said shut up, whore!

You little bitch!

Now you're in for it. [Laughs]

[Door opens]

-Getting warmer, teacher.

[Rhythmic clapping]

-Please. -Ah, sit down.

-Please, please. Ladies and gentlemen.

Ladies...please, ladies and gentlemen,

boys and girls.

Thank you. You've been very patient.

And we do apologize for the delay,

but I would ask you to remain in your seats.

The young people have rehearsed...

-Excuse me. I think that I can fill in for Mr. Norris.

-Ladies and gentlemen, we have a surprise.

Deneen Bowden is going to conduct for us.

Come on, let's sit down and give her a real hand of support.

[Cheers and applause]

[Band plays]

♪♪

-Where did he go?

-I don't know.

Let's split up and look for him.

-Come out, come out wherever you are!

-I'm gonna get that fucker!

Come on!

-Check out the lab. If you see the prick, yell.

[Clanging]

-Mr. Norris.

That bitch of yours is an easy lay, Norris.

-[Grunts]

-You're dead, Mr. Norris.

Goodbye, Mr. Norris.

[Grunting]

[Groans]

-[Screams]

[Screams]

[Saw blade whirring]

[Whirring slows]

-Where the hell's Fallon?

-He's supposed to be here.

[Saw blade grinding]

[Whirring stops]

-Shit. Fallon.

-I'm -- I'm gonna cut Norris' heart.

-Then do it!

-Come on!

[Hissing]

-Wait a minute. Check the auto shop.

The auto shop. -The auto shop!

-[Grunts]

-Mr. Norris!

Ah. Oh.

-Where is she?

-Your little whore is ours now, Norris.

-Where the hell is she?!

-And it was so easy!

[Screams]

Fuck you in hell!

-Joshua!

Norris!

-Get him, Barnyard!

-[Screams]

-Kill him! Kick his fucking ass!

-[Grunts]

[Grunting]

[Engine starts]

[Tires squeal]

-Where is she?

Where is she?

-She's on the roof.

[Band playing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Clanging]

♪♪

♪♪

-Andy!

-Let her go! -Don't, Andy. No.

-Too late, teacher-teacher. Too late.

-It's all over, Stegman. Let her go.

-Oh, no, no. -[Screams]

-It's just the beginning. [Laughs]

-[Gasps]

-We all go...

together.

-Aaah!

-[Grunts]

[Grunts]

[Grunting]

Mr. Norris.

Help me.

Mr. Norris.

Don't let me fall.

I'm just a...

I'm just a kid.

Please, Mr. Norris.

-[Sobs]

-Please?

-Give me your hand.

-Sucker!

[Screams]

[Screaming]

-[Gasps]

[Sobs]

-It's over, baby.

It's all over now.

-♪ When does a dream ♪

♪ Become a nightmare ♪

♪ When do we do what must be done ♪

♪ When do we stand ♪

♪ And face the future ♪

♪ When there is nowhere left to run ♪

♪ You've got to learn ♪

♪ Just how to survive ♪

♪ You've got to learn how to keep your dream ♪

♪ Alive ♪

♪ Take a look at my face ♪

♪ I am the future ♪

♪ How do you like what you see ♪

♪ Take a look at my face ♪

♪ I belong to the future ♪ -♪ The future ♪

-♪ And you belong to me ♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪ When does a dream ♪

♪ Become a nightmare ♪

♪ When do we learn to live with fear ♪

♪ When we cry out ♪

♪ For some salvation ♪

♪ Why is it no one seems to hear ♪

♪ You've got to learn ♪

♪ It's up to you ♪

♪ If you can learn ♪

♪ That the dream just might ♪

♪ Come true ♪

♪ Take a look at my face ♪

♪ I am the future ♪

♪ Now how do you like what you see ♪

♪ Take a look at my face ♪

♪ I belong to the future ♪

♪ The world belongs to me ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Take a look at my face ♪

♪ I am the future ♪

♪ How do you like what you see ♪

♪ Take a look at my face ♪

♪ I belong to the future ♪

♪ The world belongs to me ♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪ Take a look at my face ♪

♪ 'Cause I am the future ♪

♪ How do you like what you see ♪

♪ Take a look at my face ♪

♪ I belong to the future ♪

♪ And the world belongs to me ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Take a look at my face ♪

[Static crackles]

-"When does a dream...

become a nightmare?"

[Laughter]

Look, Alice Cooper,

who sings the theme song, with Joe Bob and Darcy

at the Spooky Empire convention.

Aren't we special?

-He was so freakin' cool.

-Alice Cooper talked about how we were dressed.

He was into our clothing.

But let's talk about this ending.

What we just saw was not the original ending of the film.

The original ending, Timothy Van Patten is hanging

from the skylight by one hand, he taunts Perry King

one last time, and then he lets go, killing himself.

It's a suicide.

Which I think is a better ending,

because then Stegman wins.

Isn't that the whole premise of the whole movie?

That the bad students always win?

That they're taking over the schools

and taking over the culture?

That we're powerless to stop evil teenagers?

But when they showed that ending at early previews,

the audiences were not crazy about it.

And so Mark Lester showed the film to Mark Damon,

who's a famous foreign sales guy, and Mark Damon says,

"Yeah, you blew the ending.

They want to see the teacher kill the student."

-[Laughter] -And so they called Perry King

back, and they had him come punch at the camera lens

to make it look like he knocked Timothy Van Patten

through the skylight after a final knife thrust.

And that ending got rave reviews from both audiences and critics,

and the movie became an international hit.

But think about it.

Mr. Norris already has his wife back.

He's no longer in danger.

He's a pacifist at heart.

You're actually weakening his quest to save

the school by having him commit a murder in the final scene.

I mean, the previous killings were justified because he was

trying to get to his wife, who was in mortal danger.

But this one is not. He already saved her.

Okay, two other things that would make the ending better.

There's that moment when Stegman cuts the wife

on the chest.

They should have had him cut her stomach!

Go after the unborn baby.

I mean, you're trying to make the character

as psychotically evil as possible before you kill him,

why not go for it?

And then the 1812 Overture.

The band is playing the 1812 Overture.

In the final moments of the 1812 Overture,

cannons go off!

Where are the cannons?!

They should be firing off fake cannons

in the percussion section, and the finale would be

a lot louder.

It should be a huge crescendo toward the moment when Stegman

falls through the skylight, maybe 8 measure the end,

16 measures from the end,

so that he's falling through the cannon fire.

The soundtrack should be cranked up to 11 right there.

But it's not even loud enough to make it very dramatic.

And that was the Toronto Junior Symphony,

by the way, doubling for the actors.

Okay, minor problems, but a great film nevertheless.

They had to drastically trim that scene where Norris cuts off

Fallon's arm in order to get an "R" rating.

Mark Lester is not a shy guy.

He calls this "the most prophetic film ever made."

That's a direct quote, because of what the high schools

would become later.

He did the original research. Tom Holland did the main script.

John Saxton did a polish, the guy who wrote,

"Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS."

Barry Schneider also worked on the script.

He'd been the writer on "Roller Boogie"

and "Harper Valley PTA."

Mostly he just punched up the language on it.

But he demanded his name be taken off the credits

when he saw the final cut.

He thought it was disgusting.

The film was seen for the first time at

the Cannes Film Market in 1982.

Roger Ebert loved it, and he pimped it in his column,

and it was picked up by every foreign territory,

and the only place it had trouble getting distribution

was the United States.

Warner Bros. told Lester he would never get a theater chain

to play it, and he said, "Well, if I do get

a theater chain to play it, will you distribute it?"

And they said okay.

And so he went to the head of United Artists Theaters,

and he screened it for him privately, and the guy loved it,

and Lester said, "Okay, I'll have Warner Bros.

call you up then."

And the guy said, "Well, now you don't need Warner Bros.

'cause you got me."

Here's $500,000.

I'll just write you a check today as an advance.

You are the distributor."

So that's what happened, and actually Mark Lester remains

in the distribution business to this day.

That experience changed his life.

What else?

Oh, the famous scene where Timothy Van Patten plays

the piano beautifully and then he says,

"Do I get the fucking gig,"

that was Van Patten's own composition.

And the only time they shot him from above instead of below,

so you could see his hands.

They were doing power shots of Van Patten throughout the film,

and weak shots of Perry King.

But that moment is the only time you see Van Patten shot

from a high angle.

They finally did get all the swastikas off the walls

of Central Tech in downtown Toronto,

although you'll notice if you Google that high school today,

there's still graffiti on the buildings across the street

from the place.

The film did tremendous business around the world.

It played on a double bill with "Road Warrior"

at a lot of drive-ins.

Mark Lester made two sequels.

"Class of 1999" stars Stacy Keach as the principal,

and he uses cyborgs as teachers to keep the students in line,

and one of the cyborgs is Pam Grier.

That movie never really developed an audience,

although it does have its fans, especially in Europe.

And then he produced but did not direct

"Class of 1999 II: The Substitute,"

in which we find out that all the teacher robots

weren't destroyed, one rogue remains,

and that was directed by a stunt man named Spiro Razatos.

It went nowhere.

Although Spiro, he's a great stunt man.

He's the guy wearing the fire suit when Robert Z'Dar

burns up at the end of "Maniac Cop."

And okay, I love the out-of-control teenager genre,

but that's enough of that.

Let's move on, Darcy.

I remember how excited you were to meet Alice.

-Oh, my God. Who wouldn't be?

-And what do you think of the "Class of 1984" theme song

that Alice wrote?

-[Chuckles] It was cheesy as hell, but I love it.

-Okay, there's something a little dinner theater

about it, you know?

It's like porn music with lyrics.

[Laughter] -It's exactly like that.

-What have you got from the Drive-In Mailbag?

Let's do that.

-I have something from Christopher Lee.

-I love it when we get mail from beyond the grave.

-This is from Christopher Lee of Tucson, Arizona.

-Okay. It actually says Christopher Lee Hall on here.

-Oh, whatever. -Okay.

"Dear Joe Bob, my name is Christopher Lee Hall.

Yes, I was named after the great Hammer mogul himself."

So, we were joking, but there is a connection.

"And I am a horror model and boylesque performer

in Tucson Arizona, hoping to add horror filmmaker and TV host to

my résumé in the near future.

I'm also a gay man, and I really appreciate all the support for

the LGBTQ community that you have voiced on your show.

I especially appreciated your episode on "Blood Harvest",

when you mentioned how women and guys like myself would enjoy

seeing more male nudity in horror,

because I certainly would."

-Yes, we would. -You're applauding?

You're applauding this? -We need more of that.

-Like you, I too believe in the 3 B's,

but mine are beasts, blood, and buttocks."

[Laughter]

-Nice.

-Which I call "bu-tocks."

-"Anyway, thank you once again for showing representation for

the queer horror community in this country,

and I can't wait to see you back.

P.S. were you ever able to meet famed horror host Bob Wilkins?

He's one of my new favorites.

I consider him to be the Marilyn Munster

of Horror TV hosts.

Christopher Hall, Tucson."

Wow, Christopher, yeah, Bob Wilkins is a legend

in San Francisco.

I never met him, but I did meet the guy who took over

his show after he died, John Stanley,

who is also an amazing horror host.

And we actually have talked about having a little more

beefcake on this show, to tell you the truth,

but Yuki won't take off his shirt!

-Yes I will. -Whoo-hoo!

-Oh! Well, there you go.

We might have some Asian cowboy deltoids in your future.

What about "bu-tocks," Yuki?

-Yes, I will.

[Laughter]

-All right, all right! -Hell yeah, Yuki.

-Maybe we should have a Mail Boy instead of a Mail Girl.

-I mean, we don't have to crazy.

-Okay, good. All right, settled.

Alright. [Laughs]

-You can go ahead and sign off now.

-Alright, this is Joe Bob Briggs

reminded you to keep your fences

horse high, pig tight, and bull strong.

The drive-in will never die.

Horse walks into a bar...

[Laughter]

...and orders a beer.

And the bartender says, "You're in here pretty often.

Do you think you might be an alcoholic?"

And the horse replies, "I don't think I am,"

and vanishes from existence.

[Laughter]

You don't get it?

You want me to tell it again?

-No, I'm good. -The bartender says,

"Do you think you might be an alcoholic?"

And the horse says, "I don't think I am"

and vanishes.

[Laughter]

See, the joke is about Descartes' philosophy of

"I think, therefore I am," but I couldn't explain that part

before the rest of the joke because that would be putting

Descartes before the horse.

-Oh, good God. Good God.

[Laughter]

-♪ We are drive-in mutants ♪

-♪ Drive-in mutants ♪

-♪ We are not like other people ♪

-♪ Other people ♪

-♪ We are sick ♪ -♪ Sick ♪

-♪ We are disgusting ♪ -♪ Disgusting ♪

-♪ We believe in ♪

♪ Yeah, we believe in ♪

-♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

-♪ Yeah, we believe in ♪

-♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

-♪ If life had a vomit meter ♪

-♪ Vomit meter ♪

-♪ We'd be off the scale ♪

-♪ Off the scale ♪

-♪ As long as one drive-in remains on the planet Earth ♪

♪ We will party like jungle animals ♪

♪♪

♪ We will boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ Boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ The drive-in will never die ♪

♪ We will boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ Boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ The drive-in will never die ♪

-♪ We believe in ♪

♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

-♪ We believe in ♪

-♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

-♪ Yeah, we believe in ♪