Original subtitles

THERE IS A GHOST IN MY BED

Camillo Fumagalli! Wants to get married to Adelaide Ferret?

Yes. Adelaide Ferret, wants to get married to Camillo Fumagalli?

Deputy head of department at one of the biggest electronics firms...

which makes a good profit? It's a great deal.

- Yes. - Yes, but you hesitate, my dear.

- Of course. - Why?

Big deal! A quick wedding ceremony in Tradate...

Honeymoon tour organized by Trade International...

550,000 Lira per month for 15 months...

just so we can tell friends that I honeymooned in England.

- And the joy of marriage? - Some joy...

- It's not like I married Paul Newman. - Handsome men are no longer in.

- No? So what is ''in''? - Brains, brains...

The future is assured. Social security, mobility, status...

- Adelaide, I can't see. - Because of desire, Camillo?

No. Because of the fog!

So Camillo... You're saying we're lost?

Steering wheel left, signs on the right, these Anglo-Saxons...

...are not very smart, I say.

Well, Mr. Fumagalli, manager of a company with four factories...

turnover of 48 billion per year...

you have a computer in your brain, tell me what good is it?

We should be there in 20 minutes. Let's do something 'till then.

- Like what? - Let's consummate.

- Consummate what? - Our marriage.

- Here, in the car? - As they say, for better or worse!

- Till death do us part. - Back off!

Impossible. It's impossible to hold back. Impossible to resist any more...

Aaah! Watch out!!!

Camillo!

- What a headache! - What a thick head!

- See that light? - Yes, I see.

And you see the inn? You're right, it's an inn.

- Why not go there? - Yes. Let's go, dear.

At least we can get warm. This fog is freezing...

Exactly. Let's go in, darling.

Yes. Let's go.

- When I see you, my eyes go blurry. - Have a cold beer and you'll see better.

- I can see very clearly. - I know...

- What are you doing, Marian? - Serving.

Well, don't linger. Go and serve other customers.

Lard-arse!

What's so funny? What's up with you all?

Good evening!

Good evening!

- What do you want? - Are you the manager?

- I am the owner, yes. - Alright then...

Do you know about the International Tourist Trade?

- Do you have a double room? - For you and her?

- Yes, we are married. - Yes. That's right!

We got lost in the fog, eh, darling?

That is true!

Hmmm, well. I'll check.

I think this place is a wax museum!

They stare like owls. How life-like they are!

- Sorry, we do not have rooms. - How so?

- Any other place we can go? - The castle.

A castle? Is it far?

No. About a kilometer, at the top of the hill.

You hear that, honey? Let's go to the castle.

- Thank you! - Bye.

- Marian, wasn't there one room? - I do not know, Terence.

You never know anything. Only thing you know...

...is how to wiggle that bum all day!

- Come to me, my dears! - M'lord, I'm so excited, my hump is throbbing!

Bravo, Angus! Just onceBravo!

Let me touch your hump, for luck...

How wonderful! Look how grand it is, my dear!

Nice, eh? You like it, ma'am? Or do you want a bigger one?

Not bad at allHow much do you think it will cost?

No matter how much it costs, we'll spend our first night here.

- Prepare, Angus! - For what, Baron?

For battle, copulation, victory, triumph...

A girl from beyond the sea. A foreigner from the exotic Mediterranean!

- The boisterous bottom... - Angus!

Oh, excuse me!

They have a well. A wishing well.

What will you wish for?

To spend a wonderful night here with the beautiful Adelaide Fumagalli.

- Owwwwwww! - Did you hear, my dear?

I thought I was!

- Did you hurt yourself, baby? - I've been better.

Do not throw stones!

Must be some naughty children here.

- Now what, honey? - Ring the bell.

Yes, the bell.

- Hello, is anyone in the castle? - You'll see!

Keep ringing, ring, ring!

Is there nobody in the castle?

Nobody. Let's go. Seems very strange.

Where can we go at this hour? I'm tired.

Did the door open by itself? Yes, it opened by itself.

No. Maybe someone opened it. Come, let's go.

Can we go?

I will go in first. If something happens, I'll be the first.

Anybody here?

- Somebody will surely be in the castle. - Hopefully.

Adelaide, I don't like it here. This place gives me the creeps.

You shout and your echo replies. Doors open by themselves...

We should go to the car, fold down the seats and consummate our marriage.

Welcome to Blackcastle, Mr & Mrs Fumagalli!

We were expected, good.

We got lost in the fog, and we're very cold.

Look! A young and inexperienced servant.

And you can see, my friend, the difference between a local rump...

and a derriere from the Mediterranean. That's not an arse, it is a golden treasure...

and where did it get Morgan the pirate?

- Up the back alley? - Shut up, fool!

Let's get to work.

Charge...

This is the salon. I am the last descendant of the Trenton clan.

The Westmore barons, dukes of Blackcastle.

This is my room. This is the gallery.

This is the famous Baron, Sir Archibald Trenton!

Here are the guest rooms.

- Come on, baby. - Yes, my dear.

This is your room.

This is a historic bed, witness to many... - experiences?

Mrs. Fumagalli, I'll show you the bathroom.

- Finally! - I assume you have not dined.

No.

Indeed, as my wife tells you...

we are absolutely famished after our long journey.

Well. When you are ready, come to the lounge.

Thank you, Baroness!

What hospitality! What elegance!

- I think she's a spinster. - You do not understand.

Hungry, honey? - Well...

Adelaide! I'm hungry for you!

My love, did I hurt you?

- No. I feel fine. - Bravo, darling!

- I'm going to take a shower. - Bravo!

- Adelaide! - Yes, dear.

You know I'm...

five years of engagementand...

I have a burning desire... to touch you...

That's all we have. Just potatoes and onions.

- What can I do with these? - Josephine! You can't handle anything.

I can't handle it if you don't give me material to work with, decayed noble figure.

You're the cook, deal with it.

I'm going to arrange the table, so that it's worthy of the Trenton family name.

Blackcastle herring with mashed onion, or...

Blackcastle onion with mashed herring? That's the problem!

Try to understand me. Man is made of flesh, not iron.

And the flesh is weak! Five years...

You waited five years, can't you wait a few more minutes?

- No. - Yes, you can...

- No. - Yeah, baby. Ciao!

Angus, singers illustrate the uniqueness of the Mediterranean bottom.

I must tell you that the rest is of sublime proportions.

- View the pectoral! - Yes, sir, but I must say...

- It's all swollen... - Shut up, you idiot! Look.

Angus, stop masturbating, you little oaf.

- Watch! - Yes, m'Lord, but...

Stop it, Angus!

What luscious curves, what form...

Let's see what we can do...

Come, Angus!

What are you doing, Camillo?

Camillo! Cut the crap.

- "What a nice ass!" - Where are you, Camillo?

I don't like this nonsense.

Camillo!

- You called me, my dear? - Camillo!

Why do you sit with the lights off?

- You know very well why the lights were off - I do not know what you mean.

Quit this crap. I didn't know I have a hungry wolf for a hubby.

- Sure I'm hungry, but... - I know what you are hungry for!

Out! Get away! Let me wash myself.

You hear that, Angus? Our guests are hungry.

Let's prepare the meal.

Got it, Angus? We need to distract the crowd, and get the food.

We could use Miss bodacious here.

Angus! You're right. The landlady will be perfect. Let's get to work.

Yes, my lord. As usual.

Look fool, I drink your beer.

You're a Wise-ass, eh? Another beer.

- What happened? - "Nice spread there..." !

- Control your hands! - "And a good view, too."

Watch where you put your hands! You hear me?

I liked it!

After beer, some chicken!

Come on.hit him...

Come...

- He went overboard. Why such anger? - Must be the chicken.

- My hat. - He got it.

No, this is not mine.

Stop! Quiet!

Terence!

Terence!

Help!

Help me, Terence!

Help!

Let's not waste time, Angus.

- A complete meal. - Salad, chicken, cheese...

- Fruit and wine. - It seems we have everything.

Let's go.

Well, well, well!

Quickly.

- I laid the table. - Did we miss something?

Candles. Bravo!

Dinner is served.

Ladies & gentlemen! Enter!

My uncle, Sir Archibald has prepared everything for our visitors.

This is quite a feast, enough for a whole group.

Such extravgance for guests, while I am left to starve.

Pig!

- Awesome. - It looks like a Christmas dinner.

Please, Mr Fumagalli!

In this castle, hospitality is sacred.

When we set the table, we serve tradition.

- Ms. Fumagalli! - Thanks.

- This is your place - Thank you.

- Are you glad, my dear? - Yes.

Baroness...your ancestor, Baron of Blackcastle

was a perfect gentleman.

A degenerate.

Look at what I've got to hear! A degenerate. Me?

Repugnant excrement of my offspring, what rotten attitude, that snob!

- Talk to the Baroness, Master? - What are you saying?

Why not give her a good spanking...?

Shut up, you dummy!

I can not, it's in my blood. Children were born with squinting eyes open...

like you. Give me the potion. You were not as talkative when you were with Frankenstein.

Different master, different work... especially a different salary...

How petty!

Baron, you owe me 225 years, 4 months and 2 days of back pay.

Not to mention insurance, pension...

- Social security, VAT. - Stop!

Stop busting my balls, poisonous snake!

If your mother had had an abortion, you would not be on my back.

Don't forget you are my servant...

Give me the potion. I suffer so much!

Potion...

This aphrodisiac will end up hurting you, Sir Archibald.

- Listen, young idiot! - I'm all ears!

It's not that easy...

What can happen to me? Only one gripe...

A small drop...

Or perhaps inevitable triumph...

I want to die... I want to feel happy...

- Angus! - Yes, Baron.

Do not masturbate, if you don't want to end up like your sister.

I don't want to be indiscreet, Baroness, but how did he die...?

- Lord of the castle? - Camillo!

- Yes, my dear? - Some things are better left unsaid.

He was a big time womanizer. One day, a famous prostitute arrived at the castle.

They say it was a night of torrid passion and the seventh time...

- The seventh time? - It was fatal.

- Dead? - Yes. Definitely.

- Condolences, Baroness! - Thanks.

Seven times! Not bad for an Englishman.

- Just leave it, Camillo! Please! - Yes, my dear.

So that's the legend, Mr. Fumagalli.

Seven times! It can be only a legend, eh, darling?

Legend! Legend my ass.

- What's wrong? - Nothing. Everything is fine.

Yes, it's all good.

- Don't you like it? - Yes, darling.

I like it very much. But...

I don't think it's the right time, Camillo...

I don't understand how you can reach up here...

- With my hands. - Hands?

Excuse me! Can't you stop, baby?

- You cannot resist? - No, I love it.

Honeythere...

HoneyCamillo!

Baroness! Camillo...

Baroness! Camillo....

CamilloBaroness...

Camillo...

Camillo...

- Baroness... - Excellent!

I had a crazy hunger...

"Super aphrodisiac." "Super hypnotic."

Super hypnotic.

Here, my lord. Enjoy!

- An extraordinary dinner, Baroness! - We do what we can.

When I tell my friends in Tradate!

What? Traitor?

Tradate! A small region in northern Italy.

They will never believe. Right, my dear?

Yes, darling!

The tourist attraction... Madame Baroness...

are ghosts, eh?

- Sure. - Sure?

- So there ARE ghosts. - Just a part of advertising hype.

We are in England, there are no ghosts.

There are only gentlemen here, right, dear? You know that.

- Yes, my dear. - Not true, Mrs. Fumagalli.

There are always ghosts as well as gentlemen.

- Do you understand? - Yes.

Vulgar pig! As usual!

And now some hot coffee.

Please, madame!

- Please. - You are a good woman!

You're gentle and charming, sir!

Unfortunately, some people do not appreciate quality.

- Josephine! - Pardon, Madame!

- You won't drink coffee? - It does not let me sleep.

We don't need to sleep, eh, darling?

She does not, but you do.

You also do not drink coffee?

It has been four centuries since the Trenton family gave up coffee.

- It's England. - Of course, England!

Right.

My wife and I want to retire now. Fatigue, the journey...

The first night of marriage... Isn't it so, my dear?

- Yes... - With your permission.

After you, Baroness.

Back in the picture!

It was a dinner worthy of English hospitality.

A princely dinner.

Looks like a nice man. What a grand suit.

- Good night, Mr. Fumagalli! - Good night.

You know what I say? In my opinion you have a stupid face!

Seven times? I don't think so.

Camillo! You're now talking with armour? Come!

Yes, dear. coming.

Tonight you behaved badly. Like a pig.

The hunger had been building for 2,000 km.

A half hour more or less...

- I'm going to cool down a little. - Go on, you really need it.

Water so clear, sweet and cold...

made your flesh glow brighter than gold...

Good lyrics!

What a fine specimen...

Camillo!

Just a moment, sweetheart.

Honestly, I can smell the fragrance of her sex...

and it drives me mad with lust...

I must have her.

She fills my nose...

You could write a book about her, and it wouldn't be enough.

Oh, what a great bottom!

Are you horny? I'll do you good.

- Camillo! - One second, dear.

Coming.

Are you ready, dear?

- You have my pajamas? - Right, baby.

Here.

- Camillo! - Be right there.

Fine, these modern things! Revolutionary!

Coming, darling.

- Nice piece of ass! - I want to eat that peach...

- Camillo! - Yeah, baby.

Sleep, sleep, you fool! Meanwhile, I...

Camillo!

What are you doing? Asleep? Where's all that desire of yours?

Wake up.

Wait.

I sleep in my royal bed again. Get ready for some hot loving, my beauty!

- Camillo! Are you awake? - Let's remove the underwear now...

- Yeah, baby! - Like that, perfect...

- Ohhh, yeah, baby... - The pussy hound is loose...

Oh, darling! That feels so good.

- Is that a beard? Ohhh... - You tasty treat...

Kiss me with these hidden lips, sweetie... Nothing is better than making love.

My Mediterranean lovely!

- Honey! - Take it all...

Didn't see that, my fault!

HoneyHoney!

Well, when you've done it so passionately...

How good in bed you are, darling?

He's not there. Where is he?

You do it with all other women except me?

You may not like me, but know this. I do that ''thing''...

better than others. I guarantee. Believe me.

I am a complete woman. I studied classical dance.

Camillo!

The castle was shaking.

Pigeons flew in heaven, and their droppings filled the fool's head!

Come on, get up!

This timeWhat are you doing, kissing me?

Are you crazy? Go...

- I can help... - You...

Why are you interested? He's no trouble. Vanish, moron!

I told you to leave. Go!

Now back to work!

Yes, Camillo... Do it again.

Yeah, baby... Ohhh, Camillo...

Honeymy love

Uncle, you are an old pig...

But our visitor is insatiable, too.

Yeah, baby...

What a randy Roman goddess! You are so tight, so warm...

Yes, take it deep...like that... What's happening?

Who's there? Eh, you?

Shake. Archibald Lawrence, Lord of Blackcastle.

- One of the famous barons. - Fumagalli, accounting, Camillo!

That name sucks!

How skilfully you perform, darling! I didn't know that you were so passionate.

But next time, shave first.

Son of a bitch!

God!

- What a blow! - Are you awake, honey?

- How do you feel? - My head is spinning!

- It's my fault. - No, I can't blame you.

Let's say it's OUR fault, dear! Last night you were so passionate...

- Really, baby? - Yes, darling, you were wonderful.

- I was great? - Good morning. Breakfast.

I'm going to take a shower, baby.

Breakfast.

- It went well last night? - Yes...

Drink some coffee, honey. It'll help you.

Yes. I will drink coffee.

Is it true that I was fantastic, Adelaide?

Last night maybe I drank too much, I had nightmares.

- It was ecstasy, Camillo... - Nightmares, Adelaide.

What I recall is that... I saw the Baron's ghost before me.

Trust me...he shook hands and told me his name.

He's been dead for over 300 years, you fool, you dreamt it all.

You know what i think? I suspect that last night I did nothing.

- Nothing at all. - You were so manly, baby...

You were insatiable. Now you might want to take it from the beginning, eh, my dear?

How beautiful you are, Adelaide!

Camillio, babymy love

Crazy! No one likes domestic product. He thinks of others, never me.

What a curse!

- So, Mr. Fancypants. - Good morning, Mr. Fumagalli!

Good morning...

Dear Baroness! A crazy nightAn awful headache...

- I want to take this opportunity to... - Did you have breakfast?

No. I will leave immediately.

I'm going to start my car. Italian cars have to be warmed up first.

- Baron of the Castle! Up yours! - Yes? Take this.

Wait...

I'll show you! We have a spare tyre.

I take a hand jack.

There! What's happening?

All four flat?

So, you want war?

I will end your evil. You can not stop me, Baron.

Do you see?

- Is there an auto workshop near here? - Having trouble with your car?

No, "someone" had fun puncturing all my tyres.

Mr Terence at the inn, he can help.

He can? Give me his phone number.

- Yes. 36 067. - Thanks.

HelloI am Mister Fumagalli, accountant.

I want Mr Terence's number. 36 067.

Thanks! Thank you! Dammit...

Come on...

Hello?

Hello.

Hello?

- Who was that? - Don't know. You ask.

You can't do anything right. Be careful, woman.

- One of these days I'll throttle... - You going to bring the tractor from Gregg?

Yes. I'm going.

How little patience...

See, Baroness? All four tyres punctured.

- Is that motorcycle functional? - Yes. Even if it is not used much.

- I'll handle it. - Mr. Fumagalli!

- Yes? - In England, the helmet is mandatory.

Okay. Thank you. I'll put it on.

Where did you find that helmet?

- Can I go with him to the village? - Shut up! Your place is here with me.

Who says he will reach the village?

Look, idiot servant, and try to learn.

That rusty bike can transform into a rocket...

an aircraft, a UFO... with a simple...

Silence!

Help!

There...

My pants...

Help...

Oh, Good heavens! I didn't think your wife was so passionate.

My wife said I was wild in bed. I did not do anything.

I ran. All tyres drilled. Telephoned Mr Terence.

He will repair all the tyres. Good mother, good father...

Hi Mom, hi Dad! I'm going mad.

A goat did eat...my...

- I do not feel well. - Poor baby!

- Where are we going? - Let's go to my room.

All tyres pierced, my wife says I did it...but I did not do anything...

All tyres are drilled...

Come in, come in.

- You okay? - Fine, fine!

- Go into the bathroom. - Fine, fine...

Meanwhile, I'll bring you my husband's clothes. They are a little big, but it won't matter.

You go and do your bit, bug...

Marian!

Terence...

- Sir Terence! - Let me explain.

Let her explain.

- Allow us to explain! - Terence...

Sometimes, looks can be deceiving.

Mr Terence...

NoMr Terence...

English vocation...

What are you doing, Terence? It's not what you think, he's a customer.

Let me... I came to ask for your services...

I'll pay for it...

You look good with the beard. Why do you want to shave it?

Castrate him if you want to, but I'm not involved with him.

How can you castrate me? I just got married.

I have not even eaten... Why don't you believe me...

Help!

My ideal man, is a big man, handsome, strong.

Noble and gentle... bearded.

When you take him in your arms, it makes me feel bad.

- Josephine! Please! - Excuse me, Baroness!

Weird. It seems that she speaks of the baron in the picture.

- Do you not find him fascinating? - Yes. But I prefer my husband.

Instead of a brain, he has an electronic computer.

Since he joined the company, sales have tripled.

He's a nice man, distinguished...

- Camillo! - Leave me alone, do not say anything.

Nobody here listens to me, nobody understands.

They wanted to castrate me.

Where have you been? Where are your clothes?

At the innkeeper's house. I was naked and his wife in panties.

She undressed, and you in panties...

Well, the goat... Stop asking questions.

And I know whose fault it is.

- I need to take a bath. - Oh, I know what you need.

If this continues, we will have a scandal.

If I find you, I'll cook him alive. I swear!

You must believe me, Adelaide.

Stop. You know I hate tall tales.

- Now you'll tell me about ghosts? - Try to focus.

Remember what happened to me last night...

This morning I told you.

- It wasn't me, I tell you! - Then who? A ghost?

Think! There's something's very fishy.

I'm being manipulated!

- Okay. Let's not talk about it. - Okay. Fine.

Better to talk...

- Camillo! You okay? - Pussy!

- Camillo! - Pussy!

We'll consummate at last...

- I waited five years for it. - You're insatiable.

Don't stop me. There are 2,000 km of waiting pent up inside me.

- You are a maniac. - Yes, a ravenous maniac!

How beautiful you are naked! Now or never...

I want you...

What behaviorWhat weak will power...what lack of nerve!

Yeah, baby...

Again...

Why do you laugh?

- Yes. Tickle me. - Do I make you laugh?

Ah, but there is more fun ahead...

I make you laugh? I'll show you.

Laugh, laugh...

Camillo! What are you doing? Are you crazy?

It was not me.

- You are a pig! - I have done nothing.

It was not me, Adelaide.

Then who else?! Swine!

- I married a filthy pig! - I don't know what is happening.

Get away! Let me go!

- Get away! - Won't you believe me?

- Out! Get away! - Don't do this, Adelaide.

I told you to leave. You're so juvenile.

Adelaide! Open the door! Or I'll smash it down.

Hush, little fool!

Everything's okay, Mr. Fumagalli?

Baroness!

Excuse me! Pardon this strange scene.

I had a little tiff with my wife.

A small quarrel between lovers.

This little incident will not ruin our honeymoon.

I understand, Mr. Fumagalli. Step into my room.

I'll bring your clothes back.

Thank you, Baroness! You're very kind.

- Now you can get dressed. - Thank you. You're very helpful.

I'm sorry to put you in such a situation.

Adelaide and I love each other deeply.

We were engaged for five years.

Unfortunately, until now I have not con...co

- How beautiful, baroness! - Mr. Fumagalli!

Good morning, darling! I do not feel well.

- I wanted to apologize, Adelaide. - Please, Camillo!

Okay, my dear.

- Camillo, you don't even know how to eat. - It was not me, my dear!

- You insinuate that it was I? - No, I didn't mean that!

You're a pig. Tomorrow I call mama and tell her.

- No. - Yes. Sit down!

- Yes. - Camillo!

Are you a klutz?

Listen, dear, I feel there are hostile forces at work here.

I have had enough, and don't want any more of this crap.

I'm going, don't come near me!

Please Adelaide. Usually, these small crises are solved on the matrimonial bed.

- No bed, no! - Yes, in bed.

- I married a maniac... - Yes, a maniac...

MaceThere...

Here we go! Camillo!

I married a hopeless case. Stop playing. Get up!

Camillo!

I'm sick of waiting.

I must take a serious decision.

Nothing has come of waiting patiently...I will use blackmail.

Where did I put that book? It must be here.

How to exorcise ghosts!

If by midnight he doesn't take me, I'll make him disappear forever.

My Camillio! You're a mess, honey.

I got a terrible blow. Here.

Who hit you, baby?

Do not start again with the ghosts story.

Come in!

- I have a headache... - It's Mr Terence.

No, not Terence!

He came to apologize and to say that the car is fixed. Want to talk to him?

No. The less I see him, the better.

- Okay. I'll go and talk to him. - Bravo, Baroness!

I take this opportunity to thank you on behalf of my wife.

Rest, dear. Be a good boy now...

It seems that you go away forever, tomorrow...girly.

Girly? How dare you talk to me like that, despicable bastard?

I'll box your ears and spread them wide apart.

Instead of making fun of me, help me solve the problem.

How?

Angus, you know the cook Josephine is in love with me.

She wants to get me...

Do not laugh, Angus. I'm really worried.

Angus...

Baron! Why do you shoot me all the time?

- Because I'm cynical and perverse. - A real naughty boy...

- Your shooting tickles me... - Shut up, you idiot.

You want to be funny?

I'll tell you what will be funny...

Want a good laugh? Because she can't see me...

What you have to do...

is take my place with her... instead of me, it will be you...

mounting her like a stallion!

- Isn't that funny, Angus? - No, it's not....

That fat cookno....

- Do you feel better, honey? - Yes, I went dizzy.

- My poor baby! - I feel an intense heat...

- I feel invigorated by you... - Calm down, baby.

We have to do itfor our love... for our marriage...

- For our children. - What children?

The ones we will have if we do it. I'll be back immediately.

Alright, babycome back soon. Be careful!

It's ok. I slipped.

My back...

Darling! Be right back.

Baby, baby, baby...

Baby, baby...

Yes. Coming.

I'm ready. Look at me, my dear!

What's happening?

Adelaide!

Another fool who fell.

I'm afraid, Momwhat a nasty creature .. !

What are you doing Camillio? You said that you are ready...

Look at me, sweet cheeks!

It will be the most beautiful night of your life.

I will give you the ultimate orgasms. Oh, yes, my lovely!

Camillo...

- Oh, Camillo! - Here I come to ravish your little jungle!

Tell me I'm your gorilla!

- Give me your sweet honey... - Oh, Camillio...

Forget that jerk Camillio...

Feel how I eat you up...

Hey, you are not Camillio! Camillio has no beard.

Help!

Baroness!

Help! There's a ghost in my bed.

There are only five minutes.

Needless to hide it. Sir Archibald's ghost haunts the castle.

The castle? Maybe you mean to say 'the beds'?

Be careful. He's a horny sex maniac.

Maybe a murderer too. Who knows what he did to my poor husband!

There's no need to be alarmed, madam! The Baron did not kill anyone.

Stay here. I'll take a look in your room.

There are many secret chambers and passages in this castle.

Revelation.

The hole...

The door...

Adelaide!

I want a lawyer... and an exorcist.

Now what?

- How to climb up? - Get the ladder!

- Yes, where is it? - There.

- Thanks. - You're welcome.

- Mr. Fumagalli! - Baroness...

Mr. Fumagalli!

Finally, Baron. I waited a long time.

We do it here or go to my room? Doesn't matter...

Yes. We do it here...

How warmundress me...

There...

Gotcha!

Greetings, my beautiful lady! - You...

Yes. The painting doesn't do me justice.

- I have materialized for you. - Where's my husband, what did you do with him?

Stay calm. Do not worry.

Your husband is feeling better and soon will be back in your arms.

You tricked me. You have behaved very badly.

- I've betrayed my husband. - Maybe your body, but not the soul...

You think you gave yourself to him, and I truly burn for you ..

There. there...

You must excuse me, but we ghosts have our moments of weakness.

- Do not cry, sir! - Sir Laurence Archibald of Blackcastle.

Baron of true blood...

I wanted to have you to myself, honestly.

Weep not, Sir Archibald. Please!

My friends call me Archie!

Please, Archie! Do not cry. It makes me feel bad.

Will you give me a kiss? Here.

Please, Sir Archibald! Stop crying, please!

- You make me feel guilty. - You don't know how much I desire you...

Maybe it's better that I go...

Sir Archie! Sir Archibald!

Stop playing tricks. I'm scared.

- Let's make a deal. Come out! - I'm here. What deal?

You must give me back my husband, whole and healthy.

You leave us in peace, and in return...

- I'll be yours for one last time. - We do it for the last time?

With your permission, I'm going to take care of your husband.

Oh, God!

I forgot the magic formula to get out of here.

Answer me, Mr. Fumagalli!

You'll be fine. Please wake up, Mr. Fumagalli.

No problem. He's okay now.

Mr. Fumagalli! You are back!

Please!

Revenge! So a mind to learn to cook more bite on...

- Angus! - What a scare, sire!

Must I always endure these scares?

- Give me the potion. - It was resolved to cook...

- Bravo! - Here, my lord!

Enjoy.

"A cannibal who likes prospăturile"!

Your husband is recovering.

- Thank you, Baron. - Now, music and champagne.

We have a pact. I came for my end of the bargain.

Et voila!

I have to be careful with this potion. I'm becoming addicted.

To us, my beautiful Italian lady!

- Please! - Thanks!

Cheers!

Now let us get intimate. I'm so happy.

- You will be gentle with me? - Fear not, milady! It will be like a dream.

Wonderful and unforgettable...

Sir Archibald!

Sir Archibald! You are supposed to be a great lover...

Wake up, Sir Archibald!

Sir Archibald! What a flop, a liar and...

impotent!

SUPER Aphrodisiac

You took the wrong potion, sire. Fooled you...

You feel better, eh? I'll give you something...

to make you feel good.

- How are you, darling? - He is slowly recovering.

Camillio! Why is smoke coming out of your ears?

The engine is ready...

What's wrong with you?

I'm so horny!

Plough them deep!

Baron of Blackcastle! Up yours!

Go and tell that Italian, his car is ready.

Camillo! Does it hurt, darling?

- What a shot! - No. Accident!

- What happened? - What do you mean, what happened?

We have hit a tree and you remained unconscious for more than two hours.

We got lost in the fog...I don't even know where we are.

Look there! I think I saw a light.

Yes. It's a light.

- I see an inn. - Maybe it's a castle.

- A castle? - Yes, a castle.

I've changed my mind, dear. Let's go back to Tradate.

- Tradate? - Yes.

If we go to the inn, they'll send us to that castle...

with that randy ghost...