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: I am not a prophet.
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But sometimes I have prophetic dreams.
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Like the one where I was at a garden party.
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Excuse me.
5
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Everyone, I have a brief announcement to make.
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Jesus was black,
Ronald Reagan was the devil,
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and the government
is lyin' about 9/11.
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Thank you for your time and good night.
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No!
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That can't be true!
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Unhand me!
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Hi-ya!
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MAN:
He's on fire!
14
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Somebody get some water.
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Ow!
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Mm-hm. You havin' that dream
where you made
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the white people riot,
weren't ya?
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But I was tellin' the truth!
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How many times have I told you,
you better not even dream
20
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about tellin' white folk
the truth?
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You understand me?
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Shoot.
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Makin' white people riot.
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You better learn
how to lie like me.
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I'm gonna find me a white man
and lie to him right now.
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Sorry, Billy Blanks,
but why buy the tape
27
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when you can get
the infomercial for free?
28
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Whew!
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What the hell?
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Boys!
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Would one of y'all like
to explain this?
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Uh...
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You mean, the orange juice
or the miniskirt?
34
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Which one of y'all drank
the last glass of orange juice?
35
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That's the last full day's
supply of vitamin C.
36
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What am I supposed to do
about my vitamin C now?
37
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Y'all need to start
appreciatin' your granddaddy.
38
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I went and spent
your inheritance
39
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on this beautiful house
in this neighborhood.
40
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And all I ask you to do
41
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is act like you got some class.
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Hey, what's class?
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It means don't act
like niggas.
44
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S-see? That's what
I'm talkin' about right there.
45
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We don't use the N-word
in this house.
46
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Granddad, you said the word
"nigga" 46 times yesterday.
47
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I counted.
48
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Nigga, hush.
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Now, you may not like it,
50
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but I moved y'all out here
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to expand your horizon.
52
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There's a new white man
out here.
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He's refined.
54
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For example, did you know
55
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that the new white man
loves gourmet cheese?
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Wait.
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I'm sorry,
did you say cheese?
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Yep, cheese.
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You give the meanest white man
a piece of cheese,
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and he turn into Mr. Rogers.
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Granddad,
that doesn't make sense.
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Don't you talk back to me.
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Granddad, you can't tame
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00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:28,000
the white supremacist
power structure with cheese!
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Oh, yes, I can!
No, you can't!
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GRANDDAD: Yes, I can!
No, you can not!
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HUEY:
Cheese.
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How can somebody that old
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say somethin' that stupid?
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RILEY:
I know about white people too.
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Like, when they talk,
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they say the whole word,
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like this.
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HUEY:
Why'd he even move us
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out here?
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Probably did it
just to make us miserable.
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RILEY:
And white people take time out
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to study.
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I hate this place.
80
00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:58,000
RILEY: And white people arrest you.
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Man.
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00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:03,000
RILEY:
Hey!
83
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Looks like the feds.
84
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Who the hell could be
knockin' on this door
85
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this early in the mornin'?
86
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If it's a Jehovah Witness,
I'm kickin' his ass.
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Yes?
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I'm looking for Robert Freeman.
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I'm Robert Freeman.
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I'm Ed Wuncler.
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From Wuncler's
Savings and Loan.
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Uh, so?
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I own the bank
that owns your house.
94
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Oh, well--
95
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Come in, sir.
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Welcome to your house.
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Robert, my family founded
Woodcrest over 170 years ago.
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I was born here,
and I still live here.
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I consider this place
to be family,
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and I'm very selective
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about who I allow
in to that family.
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You understand
what I'm saying, Robert?
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Hey, yes,
I totally understand.
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Would you like some...
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cheese?
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Did you just offer me cheese?
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Yes, I did.
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I'd love some cheese, thank you.
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Hm.
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Riley!
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Go get the fancy cheese.
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I'd like to ask some questions,
if you don't mind.
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Are you gay, and if so,
do you have a gay lover
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living with you
in the house?
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00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:42,000
Gay? No, I'm not gay.
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I mean, I happen to think
a man looks nice
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with good hair and a ponytail.
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But, no, mm-mm, I'm not gay.
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What's your position
on gay marriage?
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Well, first of all,
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I believe all marriage
is wrong.
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Good one, good.
123
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Uh, you don't look
like you associate
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00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:05,000
with any Muslims,
Arabs, you know.
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People of terrorist descent?
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00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:11,000
Uh, well...
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RILEY:
We got Kraft,
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and we got Velveeta.
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Your grandson?
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00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:22,000
Afraid so. Ahem.
131
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:26,000
You know, I have a grandson too.
He's--
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Is that right?
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00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,000
Well, heh-heh-heh,
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this has been delightful.
135
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Well, it's really been
a pleasure, Mr., uh--
136
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I-Own-Everything.
137
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We should get together soon
138
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:38,000
and have, uh...
more cheese.
139
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:40,000
Like a nice Brie
or a G-Gouda--
140
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,000
G-Gayda-- Gouda.
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00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:44,000
Heh. You know, you're
my kind of guy, Freeman.
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Old school.
143
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:48,000
What are you doin' tomorrow?
144
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:49,000
We're throwin' a garden party
145
00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:51,000
for my grandson.
146
00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:53,000
He just got back from Iraq.
147
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You should stop by,
meet some of the neighbors.
148
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Bring the kids.
149
00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,000
Sounds like a splendid idea.
150
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,000
I'll see you tomorrow.
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00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:02,000
Uh, thanks for stoppin' by.
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Cheers.
153
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Huey!
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GRANDDAD:
This damn thing looks real.
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Can I have my gun back?
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Son of a--!
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GRANDDAD:
A garden party?
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Yeah, boy.
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I might buy sandals
and new underwear.
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Oh, you shot me!
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Granddad tried
to assassinate me.
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Boy, what did I tell ya?
This is the new white man.
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He's distinguished.
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Granddad, I do not sip tea
with the enemy.
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You could force me to go,
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but you cannot force me
to be someone I'm not.
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The hell I can't!
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You gonna go and you're
not gonna embarrass me
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in front of my new neighbors,
or I'm gonna beat your ass.
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Why can't we be ourselves, huh?
Why can't I be me?
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Are you ashamed of us?
Very.
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We never asked
to move here
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with your precious
new white people, Granddad.
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Didn't ask?
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Well, you didn't ask for us
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to be attacked
by dogs and fire hoses,
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so you can live here,
but we did it anyway.
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Oh, here he go again with
the dogs and the fire hoses.
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Shoot, we were attacked
by dogs and fire hoses.
180
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:06,000
Were you attacked?
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00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:10,000
I-I don't know what difference
that makes.
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Because it's like
the whole generation
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tries to take credit for
what happened to some people.
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That's ridiculous.
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Now, see--
Well, you know--
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Uh, what had happened was...
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MAN:
Get out of here.
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Go, go, go!
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MAN:
Come on, get out of here.
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Aw, man.
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I missed it.
Was it bad?
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Did they do the thing
with the fire hoses?
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What do you think, chump?
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Damn, what's eatin' you?
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A goddamn German shepherd,
that's what.
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Where was you?
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I-I had to go back
to the apartment
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'cause I forgot
my raincoat.
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You went to--? You--?
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00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:45,000
This nigga went to get
a motherfuckin' raincoat.
201
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:46,000
I can't believe you.
202
00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:48,000
We all been watchin'
the same news.
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00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:51,000
The police been doin'
this fire hose thing all week.
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I just assumed
we'd all wear our raincoat.
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00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,000
Damn it, Robert.
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00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,000
Who the hell comes
to a march with a raincoat?
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00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:57,000
Bet you wish
you had a coat now.
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00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,000
You son of a bitch!
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00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:02,000
GRANDDAD:
Remember what Dr. King said!
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00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,000
Who actually got hit with
the fire hose ain't important.
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00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:05,000
Now, we goin' to this party,
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00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:08,000
and your black asses
are gonna behave.
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00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:12,000
If I'm lucky, I'll find myself
a nice white woman
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00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:15,000
with a flat booty
who'll listen to my problems.
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00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:27,000
GRANDDAD:
Now, the word for the day
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is "behave."
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00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,000
H-E-A-V-E.
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00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:29,000
Behave.
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00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:31,000
I'm comin', I'm comin'.
220
00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:33,000
Excuse me. Out of the way,
Kunta Kinte! Yes, sir.
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00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:35,000
How can I help ya?
222
00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:37,000
GRANDDAD:
Excuse me?
223
00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:42,000
Oh, Lord have mercy.
Security. Security.
224
00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:44,000
We got a Code Black.
225
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,000
Code Black at the main gate.
226
00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:48,000
: ■ Ruckus, what the hell
227
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:49,000
is a Code Black?
228
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,000
There are some hungry-lookin'
229
00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:53,000
niggas at the front gate.
230
00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:54,000
What y'all doin' here?
231
00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:57,000
Deliveries are in the back.
232
00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:58,000
Well, my name is Robert Freeman,
233
00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:00,000
I was invited here
by Ed Wuncler.
234
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:04,000
Well, I'm Ruckus.
Uncle Ruckus, no relation.
235
00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:06,000
And I work for Mr. Wuncler.
236
00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:07,000
And you slick niggas
237
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:10,000
ain't gonna fast-talk your way
into this here party.
238
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:12,000
Ruckus, what the hell
are you doing?
239
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:13,000
Uh, Mr. Freeman,
240
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:16,000
I'm sorry.
Please, come this way.
241
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:17,000
GRANDDAD:
See, boys?
242
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,000
And you thought we'd be
the only black people.
243
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:07,000
WUNCLER:
Robert!
244
00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:12,000
Glad you made it, Robert.
This is my grandson, Ed III.
245
00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:13,000
How are you?
246
00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:14,000
Whassup y'all, what's good?
247
00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:19,000
Uh...so I understand
you just got back from Iraq.
248
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:20,000
For real?
249
00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:21,000
Yo, what's it like?
250
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:23,000
What's it like?
251
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:25,000
What I supposed
to say to that?
252
00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:28,000
It was cool, there was bitches?
253
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:30,000
Okay, there was bitches,
but a lot of them had,
254
00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:31,000
you know, they was covered up
255
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:33,000
in them curtains and stuff
they be wearin'.
256
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,000
But I digress.
257
00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:37,000
It was war!
258
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,000
It was war, basically.
259
00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:40,000
War, you know what that's like?
260
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,000
Motherfuckers be,
like, shootin':
261
00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:46,000
Bombs blowin' up.
262
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:47,000
And, you know,
the shit scared me.
263
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:48,000
It scared the shit out of me.
264
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:51,000
Matter of fact, I shit on myself
over a dozen times
265
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:54,000
and ran out of toilet paper
after the second time.
266
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:58,000
So you know
what that meant, right?
267
00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:00,000
I had to use the thumb, man.
It was kind of nasty.
268
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:02,000
But, you know,
the good thing about it
269
00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:04,000
was they stopped taking me
out on patrol.
270
00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:06,000
'Cause my name
became "Stink Bomb."
271
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:07,000
You know what I'm sayin'?
272
00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:09,000
They said, you know,
I was giving away our position
273
00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:10,000
because of the shit smell.
274
00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:12,000
That was fine with me,
you know what I'm sayin'.
275
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:14,000
They-- They wanted
to leave me back.
276
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:16,000
And I was like:
"Well, fuck y'all.
277
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:18,000
"Y'all go ahead on 'cause
I don't need y'all anyway.
278
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,000
I'm rich, bitch."
279
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:26,000
The fuck y'all looking at?
280
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:28,000
Hey, li'l man.
281
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:30,000
Like guns?
282
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:32,000
Yeah!
283
00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:34,000
C'mon.
284
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:36,000
Come on, let's get that drink.
285
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,000
MAN:
Well, you should definitely see
286
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,000
The Passion.
287
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:47,000
It's a very important movie.
288
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,000
Couldn't see it.
White Jesus.
289
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:51,000
Excuse me?
290
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:52,000
Come on, man.
291
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:55,000
It's supposed to be
all historically accurate,
292
00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:56,000
and they still have
a white man
293
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:58,000
playin' Jesus?
294
00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,000
That's some old bullshit.
295
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:03,000
Young man,
you speak so well.
296
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:08,000
RUCKUS:
Well,
297
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,000
la-di-da-di-do.
298
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:13,000
Look like we got us
the winner
299
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:16,000
of the Lucky-Nigga-of-the-Year
award.
300
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:18,000
Ah.
301
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:22,000
They must think
the sun shine out your ass.
302
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:25,000
Mr. Wuncler's
been very nice, yes.
303
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:28,000
They must think you
Sidney fucking Poitier.
304
00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:29,000
Well,
305
00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:32,000
I been workin'
for Mr. Wuncler for 20 years.
306
00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:34,000
I ain't never got invited
to the party.
307
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:38,000
Shoot, he don't even let me
use the front door.
308
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:39,000
But you wouldn't know
about that,
309
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:43,000
now, would ya, Mr. Tibbs?
310
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:44,000
Oh, yeah.
311
00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:47,000
They must think
your shit smell
312
00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:50,000
like spring daisies
and cinnamon.
313
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:53,000
Check this out.
314
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,000
Wow.
315
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:57,000
Are those real?
316
00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:59,000
Real?
317
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,000
Put it this way:
318
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:04,000
if I pick one up
and put it to your face,
319
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:06,000
pull the trigger,
will you be dead?
320
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:14,000
HUEY:
And all I'm saying is,
321
00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:16,000
Ronald Reagan was the devil.
322
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:20,000
You are such
an articulate young man.
323
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:22,000
I'm tryin' to explain to you
324
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:24,000
that Ronald Reagan was
the devil.
325
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,000
Ronald Wilson Reagan.
326
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:28,000
Each of his names
has six letters.
327
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:30,000
Six-six-six.
328
00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:31,000
Man, doesn't
that offend you?
329
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:34,000
I love this kid.
330
00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:36,000
Stop that.
What are you doin'?
331
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,000
Stop clappin'.
332
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:41,000
Having a good time, Robert?
333
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:42,000
I-It's, uh...
334
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:45,000
Come on,
have a drink with me.
335
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:47,000
You look nervous.
336
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:51,000
Do I make you nervous,
Free-man?
337
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:53,000
Nervous? No.
338
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:57,000
I was just, uh, keepin' an eye
out for the boys.
339
00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:59,000
This is a lovely party.
340
00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:02,000
The only joy
I get from these parties
341
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:04,000
is standing around,
telling mean-spirited jokes
342
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:07,000
at other people's expense.
343
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:08,000
I do that too.
344
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:10,000
Check out that guy.
345
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:14,000
Why is his face
all twisted up like that?
346
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:17,000
Looks like he jacks off
with Icy Hot.
347
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:23,000
He looks like
he just shit a gerbil.
348
00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:28,000
A gerbil.
349
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:32,000
Sorry, I'll be right back.
350
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:36,000
HUEY:
Tell me this,
351
00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:37,000
why was all the video recordin'
352
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:40,000
of the Pentagon attack
seized by the FBI
353
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:41,000
and never seen again?
354
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,000
He speaks so well.
355
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:45,000
He's adorable.
356
00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:46,000
Are you even listenin'
357
00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:48,000
to what I'm sayin'?
358
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:49,000
Nigga, if you ruin
this party for me,
359
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:52,000
I'll put my--
Ruin the party? They love me.
360
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:54,000
These people aren't worried
about us.
361
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:57,000
They're not worried
about anything. They're rich.
362
00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:58,000
No matter what happens,
363
00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:00,000
these people will
just keep applaudin'.
364
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,000
: Ahem. Attention please.
365
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:11,000
My name is Uncle Ruckus, no relation.
366
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:15,000
I want to sing y'all a brand
new song I just wrote called:
367
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:18,000
"Don't Trust Them New Niggas
Over There."
368
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:21,000
Sing along
if you know the words.
369
00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:30,000
Over there
370
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:34,000
In the air
371
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:37,000
Nappy-head niggas
372
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:44,000
Over there
373
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:48,000
Are you sure that vest'll stop
this shotgun?
374
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:52,000
Man, I'm like the Terminator
in this vest.
375
00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:56,000
RUCKUS:
376
00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:59,000
What? You don't believe me?
377
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:01,000
Go ahead!
378
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:02,000
Pull the trigger.
379
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:04,000
Now, are you sure that--?
380
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:06,000
I said pull that trigger now!
381
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:08,000
You wanna play rough?
382
00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:09,000
Okay.
383
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:14,000
Over yonder
384
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:18,000
It'll make you wonder
385
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:24,000
Nigga-figures
386
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:37,000
I think the N-word is okay,
as long as they say it.
387
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:41,000
See?
388
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:44,000
Say hello to my little friend.
389
00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:58,000
Fuck y'all lookin' at?
390
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:19,000
Hey, you think we in trouble?
391
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:21,000
You shot his grandson
out the window.
392
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,000
What you think?
393
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:26,000
I don't know.
394
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:27,000
I didn't want to move here,
395
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:30,000
but I don't really want Granddad
to lose his house.
396
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:32,000
He worked his whole life
to get here.
397
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:36,000
Man, I like that house.
398
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:39,000
Oh, well,
I shot a nigga!
399
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:45,000
Mr. Wuncler,
400
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:49,000
I'm...sorry about
the whole, you know,
401
00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:51,000
my grandson shooting
your grandson
402
00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:53,000
out of the window thing.
403
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:55,000
Are you mad?
404
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,000
In 30 years,
405
00:18:57,000 --> 00:19:01,000
that boy will be the president
of the United States.
406
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:04,000
And he'll still
be a fucking idiot.
407
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:06,000
Whew.
408
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:08,000
Now, are we gonna have
that drink or what?
409
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:12,000
Glad you were able
to make it, Robert.
410
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:14,000
To the old school.
411
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:16,000
To the old school.
26132
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