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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:36,360 HE GASPS 2 00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:57,480 He's been! 3 00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:19,640 HE LAUGHS 4 00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:25,000 DOOR OPENS 5 00:01:58,120 --> 00:02:00,120 # O Christmas tree O Christmas tree 6 00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:02,160 # O Christmas tree O Christmas tree 7 00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:02,440 # O Christmas tree O Christmas tree 8 00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:04,480 # Thy leaves are so unchanging 9 00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:06,200 # Thy leaves are so unchanging 10 00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:08,240 # O Christmas tree O Christmas tree 11 00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:10,280 # O Christmas tree O Christmas tree 12 00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:10,560 # O Christmas tree O Christmas tree 13 00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:12,600 # Thy leaves are so unchanging 14 00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:13,920 # Thy leaves are so unchanging 15 00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:15,960 # How often has the Christmas tree 16 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:18,000 # How often has the Christmas tree 17 00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:18,280 # How often has the Christmas tree 18 00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:20,320 # Afforded me the greatest glee 19 00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:22,040 # Afforded me the greatest glee 20 00:02:22,080 --> 00:02:24,080 # O Christmas tree O Christmas tree 21 00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:26,120 # O Christmas tree O Christmas tree 22 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:26,480 # O Christmas tree O Christmas tree 23 00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:28,520 # Much pleasure thou can'st give me... # 24 00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:30,280 # Much pleasure thou can'st give me... # 25 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:44,560 # Feliz Navidad 26 00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:46,600 # Te deseamos a ti... # 27 00:02:46,640 --> 00:02:46,880 # Te deseamos a ti... # 28 00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:49,600 You have to tell him. 29 00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:52,240 You do. 30 00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:55,280 This is the year. 31 00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:08,040 BEEPING 32 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:10,080 BEEPING 33 00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:11,280 BEEPING 34 00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:17,000 # Ho-ho-ho! Who wouldn't go? 35 00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:19,040 # Up on the housetop, click, click, click 36 00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:19,360 # Up on the housetop, click, click, click 37 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,400 # Down through the chimney with good Saint Nick! 38 00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:21,840 # Down through the chimney with good Saint Nick! 39 00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:23,880 # First comes the stocking of little Nell 40 00:03:23,920 --> 00:03:24,160 # First comes the stocking of little Nell 41 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:26,200 # Oh, dear Santa, fill it well 42 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:26,480 # Oh, dear Santa, fill it well 43 00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:28,520 # Give her a dolly that laughs and cries 44 00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:28,840 # Give her a dolly that laughs and cries 45 00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:30,880 # One that will open and shut her eyes 46 00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:31,240 # One that will open and shut her eyes 47 00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:33,280 # Ho-ho-ho... # DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES 48 00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:34,520 # Ho-ho-ho... # DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES 49 00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:39,320 Kung pao chicken. 50 00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:50,200 CHOPSTICKS CLATTER ON PLATE 51 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:53,640 HE CLEARS HIS THROAT Chris... 52 00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:57,120 ..you're at an age now where, as a parent, 53 00:03:57,160 --> 00:03:59,160 ..you're at an age now where, as a parent, 54 00:03:59,200 --> 00:03:59,800 ..you're at an age now where, as a parent, 55 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:01,840 it's my job to...to tell you certain facts 56 00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:03,480 it's my job to...to tell you certain facts 57 00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:05,040 that you might not want to hear. 58 00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:08,400 Dad, relax. We've done this all in school. 59 00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:10,200 Dad, relax. We've done this all in school. 60 00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:12,200 You have? Yeah. 61 00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:13,760 Last year.Oh! 62 00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:16,320 Oh! 63 00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:17,760 THEY LAUGH 64 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:19,800 Oh! That is a weight off, I can't tell ya. 65 00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:21,840 Oh! That is a weight off, I can't tell ya. 66 00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:22,760 Oh! That is a weight off, I can't tell ya. 67 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:23,960 Oh, your face! 68 00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:27,560 Don't think I've ever heard you say sperm. 69 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:27,960 Don't think I've ever heard you say sperm. 70 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:29,400 What?! 71 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:31,440 Oh, God, are you going to teach me to put on a contraception? 72 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:32,400 Oh, God, are you going to teach me to put on a contraception? 73 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:34,440 God, no. Chris! No. That's... 74 00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:34,720 God, no. Chris! No. That's... 75 00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:37,680 That's not what this is about. 76 00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:39,160 It's about Father Christmas. 77 00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:41,960 What do you mean? 78 00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:45,080 Is he all right? Did something happen? 79 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:46,960 Yeah... Well, no, I mean... 80 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:51,920 Remember the snow on the roof on Christmas morning? 81 00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:52,720 Remember the snow on the roof on Christmas morning? 82 00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:54,760 And, um... And the sleigh tracks? 83 00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:55,440 And, um... And the sleigh tracks? 84 00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:57,480 And the soot in the grate? 85 00:04:57,520 --> 00:04:57,840 And the soot in the grate? 86 00:04:57,880 --> 00:04:59,880 And the presents under the tree? Well... 87 00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:00,120 And the presents under the tree? Well... 88 00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:03,040 That was all me. 89 00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:05,760 I did that. 90 00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:14,680 You're Father Christmas? 91 00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:16,080 You bring joy and happiness 92 00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:18,120 to billions of children all over the world? 93 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:18,400 to billions of children all over the world? 94 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:20,440 No, that's not what I mean. 95 00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:20,680 No, that's not what I mean. 96 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:22,160 Dad, I'm not being funny, 97 00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:24,200 but I really can't see you getting down our chimney, 98 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:24,480 but I really can't see you getting down our chimney, 99 00:05:24,520 --> 00:05:25,680 let alone back up it. 100 00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:27,720 I've seen you on the monkey bars. 101 00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:28,000 I've seen you on the monkey bars. 102 00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:30,040 Chris, we had the chimney sealed off before you were born, 103 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:31,080 Chris, we had the chimney sealed off before you were born, 104 00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:33,120 when we had the gas fire put in. 105 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:33,440 when we had the gas fire put in. 106 00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:35,480 What about the carrots? 107 00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:35,720 What about the carrots? 108 00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:37,760 And-and the single malt? 109 00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:38,800 And-and the single malt? 110 00:05:38,840 --> 00:05:40,840 I suppose that was all you as well, was it? 111 00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:41,560 I suppose that was all you as well, was it? 112 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:43,520 Yes. Obviously. 113 00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:46,680 Look, I'm sorry, Chris, but... 114 00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:50,280 ..he isn't real. 115 00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:53,480 Father Christmas doesn't exist. 116 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:54,280 Father Christmas doesn't exist. 117 00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:56,320 I mean, think about it - a billion children all over the world! 118 00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:58,360 I mean, think about it - a billion children all over the world! 119 00:05:58,400 --> 00:05:58,880 I mean, think about it - a billion children all over the world! 120 00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:00,920 I mean, it is physically impossible 121 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:01,200 I mean, it is physically impossible 122 00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:03,240 to deliver that many presents in a single night. 123 00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:04,080 to deliver that many presents in a single night. 124 00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:06,120 You would say that. You work for the Royal Mail. 125 00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:07,640 You would say that. You work for the Royal Mail. 126 00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:09,680 He probably uses different...software. 127 00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:11,560 He probably uses different...software. 128 00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:13,600 And what software makes a reindeer fly at warp speed 129 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:15,640 And what software makes a reindeer fly at warp speed 130 00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:16,200 And what software makes a reindeer fly at warp speed 131 00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:17,600 and lights up his hooter? 132 00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:19,640 Nothing that's commercially available, but... 133 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:20,680 Nothing that's commercially available, but... 134 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:22,720 And how does a man of that girth fit down a chimney? 135 00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:24,640 And how does a man of that girth fit down a chimney? 136 00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:26,680 Even if you haven't even got one. 137 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:26,960 Even if you haven't even got one. 138 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:29,000 And to never be seen! 139 00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:29,240 And to never be seen! 140 00:06:29,280 --> 00:06:30,720 Look, I'm sorry, Chris. 141 00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:32,760 I know this time of year is special to you. 142 00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:33,000 I know this time of year is special to you. 143 00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:37,000 But you're old enough now to know the truth. 144 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:37,240 But you're old enough now to know the truth. 145 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,400 You'd be able to explain it, wouldn't you, 146 00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:24,800 You'd be able to explain it, wouldn't you, 147 00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:25,800 if you were here? 148 00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:28,680 But you're not. 149 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:32,440 You're probably at Lord's. 150 00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:35,280 Or in Norfolk. 151 00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:38,360 Or a book library. 152 00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:44,400 Oof... 153 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:01,440 What's this? 154 00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:02,600 Egg banjo? 155 00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:08,000 I've...had a little time to think about what you said. 156 00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:10,040 I've...had a little time to think about what you said. 157 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:11,280 I've...had a little time to think about what you said. 158 00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:13,320 Er...and I get it. 159 00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:15,360 I do. It's been a rough year. 160 00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:17,040 I do. It's been a rough year. 161 00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:19,080 Seriously, one for the ages. 162 00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:19,880 Seriously, one for the ages. 163 00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:21,920 And it's not like there isn't stiff competition. 164 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:22,280 And it's not like there isn't stiff competition. 165 00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:26,680 Professionally, you were laid off, 166 00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:27,560 Professionally, you were laid off, 167 00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,600 and then fired, then you became a postman, 168 00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:30,360 and then fired, then you became a postman, 169 00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:32,400 to be demoted almost immediately to the sorting office. 170 00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:34,440 to be demoted almost immediately to the sorting office. 171 00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:34,840 to be demoted almost immediately to the sorting office. 172 00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:36,880 Medically, although it wasn't proved serious in the end, 173 00:08:36,920 --> 00:08:38,920 Medically, although it wasn't proved serious in the end, 174 00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:39,200 Medically, although it wasn't proved serious in the end, 175 00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:41,200 you had to undergo 176 00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:43,240 a number of...probes 177 00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:44,000 a number of...probes 178 00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:46,040 that people tended to laugh at rather than feel sorry for you for. 179 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:48,080 that people tended to laugh at rather than feel sorry for you for. 180 00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:48,360 that people tended to laugh at rather than feel sorry for you for. 181 00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:50,000 It was during this health scare 182 00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:52,040 that you lost your place on the pub darts team 183 00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:52,600 that you lost your place on the pub darts team 184 00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:54,640 to a man who was almost double your age. 185 00:08:54,680 --> 00:08:54,920 to a man who was almost double your age. 186 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:56,960 He was so talented. 187 00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:57,240 He was so talented. 188 00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:59,280 And it's... It's hard to see a way back. 189 00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:00,240 And it's... It's hard to see a way back. 190 00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:02,960 Romantically, I'm sorry, 191 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:05,000 but it's been a complete and utter disaster. 192 00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:05,400 but it's been a complete and utter disaster. 193 00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:08,840 Ms Bailey, who lives almost opposite, 194 00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:09,440 Ms Bailey, who lives almost opposite, 195 00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:11,400 who you like, and I like, 196 00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:13,440 even though she teaches me double science, 197 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:14,040 even though she teaches me double science, 198 00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:16,080 she asked you on a date back in April, 199 00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:16,600 she asked you on a date back in April, 200 00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:18,600 and you still haven't called her back. 201 00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:20,640 Sorry to interrupt, but is there a point to all this, 202 00:09:20,680 --> 00:09:21,520 Sorry to interrupt, but is there a point to all this, 203 00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:23,160 or are you just trying to boost morale? 204 00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:25,160 Yeah, yeah, there is. 205 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:27,200 And the point is that it's only natural, 206 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:27,600 And the point is that it's only natural, 207 00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:29,280 after the year you've had, 208 00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:31,320 to lose a little bit of that-that Christmas feeling. 209 00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:32,880 to lose a little bit of that-that Christmas feeling. 210 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:34,920 Oh, Chris, come on, please. 211 00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:35,160 Oh, Chris, come on, please. 212 00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:36,880 To become jaded and cynical. 213 00:09:36,920 --> 00:09:38,560 Oh, not this again. 214 00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:40,600 Dad, you're wrong. 215 00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:41,160 Dad, you're wrong. 216 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:43,200 I love you, but you're wrong. 217 00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:43,960 I love you, but you're wrong. 218 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,000 Father Christmas is real and I'm going to prove it to you. 219 00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:47,360 Father Christmas is real and I'm going to prove it to you. 220 00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:09,720 Morning, Chris. Morning, Miss. 221 00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:09,920 Morning, Chris. Morning, Miss. 222 00:10:28,560 --> 00:10:30,560 Pat, what do I do with this one, mate? 223 00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:31,000 Pat, what do I do with this one, mate? 224 00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:33,040 Ho-ho-ho! Follow me! 225 00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:33,280 Ho-ho-ho! Follow me! 226 00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:35,080 I'll let you into a little secret. 227 00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:44,520 In there. 228 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:49,280 SHREDDER WHIRRS 229 00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:49,480 SHREDDER WHIRRS 230 00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:55,360 Don't worry, you get used to it. 231 00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:00,360 What happens to all the shredded paper? 232 00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:02,400 It's put in the back of a blue lorry and then...no-one knows. 233 00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:02,920 It's put in the back of a blue lorry and then...no-one knows. 234 00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:04,960 To be fair, we live in such a cynical age, 235 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:07,000 I'm surprised anyone still writes to Father Christmas. 236 00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:07,400 I'm surprised anyone still writes to Father Christmas. 237 00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:10,720 My boy does. 238 00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:12,760 I thought you said he was 16 and doing his GCSEs? 239 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:13,120 I thought you said he was 16 and doing his GCSEs? 240 00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:15,440 He is. 241 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,880 BEEPING 242 00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:23,920 BEEPING 243 00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:24,960 BEEPING 244 00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:30,760 TV:Cryptozoology is essentially the study of 245 00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:32,800 TV:Cryptozoology is essentially the study of 246 00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:33,080 TV:Cryptozoology is essentially the study of 247 00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:35,120 creatures that are said to exist 248 00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:35,400 creatures that are said to exist 249 00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:37,440 but are unproven, undocumented by science. 250 00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:38,200 but are unproven, undocumented by science. 251 00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:40,240 The creatures that are studied are called cryptids and... 252 00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:40,520 The creatures that are studied are called cryptids and... 253 00:11:40,560 --> 00:11:42,440 KNOCKING 254 00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:44,480 ..Loch Ness Monster, Chupacabra, things like that. 255 00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:45,720 ..Loch Ness Monster, Chupacabra, things like that. 256 00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:47,760 And within cryptozoology, it just doesn't get any bigger 257 00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:49,800 And within cryptozoology, it just doesn't get any bigger 258 00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:50,200 And within cryptozoology, it just doesn't get any bigger 259 00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:52,240 than Big Foot, because of all cryptids out there, 260 00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:54,280 than Big Foot, because of all cryptids out there, 261 00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:54,600 than Big Foot, because of all cryptids out there, 262 00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:56,640 Big Foot has the most sighting. Sightings by very credible people... 263 00:11:56,680 --> 00:11:58,680 Big Foot has the most sighting. Sightings by very credible people... 264 00:11:58,720 --> 00:11:59,240 Big Foot has the most sighting. Sightings by very credible people... 265 00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:01,200 KNOCKING 266 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:12,000 Holly! It's me, Chris! 267 00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:12,760 Holly! It's me, Chris! 268 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:14,480 Oh, OK. Good, yeah. I thought so. 269 00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:17,320 LOCKS RATTLE 270 00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:19,240 And another. 271 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:21,280 LOCKS RATTLE AND CLICK 272 00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:21,560 LOCKS RATTLE AND CLICK 273 00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:23,520 Wait. And one more. LOCKS RATTLE 274 00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:25,360 And open sesame. 275 00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:28,040 I need a favour. 276 00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:38,160 BEEPING 277 00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:40,200 BEEPING 278 00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:41,560 BEEPING 279 00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:43,120 Sorry, love, I'm on break, all right? 280 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:44,200 BABY CRIES 281 00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:45,760 Look, I'm like a long-distance lorry driver. 282 00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:47,040 I have to take a break every 45 minutes 283 00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:49,080 every four and a half hours. Sorry, it's regulations! 284 00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:49,800 every four and a half hours. Sorry, it's regulations! 285 00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:51,800 Merry Christmas. Oh, God. 286 00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:53,840 No, no, no, no, no. You are banned, OK? 287 00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:55,680 No, no, no, no, no. You are banned, OK? 288 00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:57,720 No, I told you last year that was the last year. 289 00:12:57,760 --> 00:12:58,160 No, I told you last year that was the last year. 290 00:12:58,200 --> 00:12:59,800 You're too old for this now, mate. 291 00:12:59,840 --> 00:13:01,600 I just want to ask you a question. 292 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:10,160 What's the mic for? 293 00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:11,880 I don't do podcasts. 294 00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:13,640 I've got my reputation to think about. 295 00:13:13,680 --> 00:13:15,680 Yep, Chris wants to prove to his dad that Father Christmas is real. 296 00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:16,680 Yep, Chris wants to prove to his dad that Father Christmas is real. 297 00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:18,280 Oh, my God. 298 00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:20,280 How many times do I have to tell you, mate? 299 00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:22,320 I'm not Father Christmas, OK? This beard isn't real. 300 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:24,360 I'm not Father Christmas, OK? This beard isn't real. 301 00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:24,640 I'm not Father Christmas, OK? This beard isn't real. 302 00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:25,520 And... 303 00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:27,840 ..I'm a Muslim. 304 00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:29,880 OK, but what about the paunch? 305 00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:30,120 OK, but what about the paunch? 306 00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:31,600 Yeah, the paunch is real. 307 00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:33,640 Obviously, I know you're not Father Christmas. 308 00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:33,960 Obviously, I know you're not Father Christmas. 309 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:35,320 I'm not stupid. 310 00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:37,360 It's only, what, seven more sleeps until the big day. 311 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:38,240 It's only, what, seven more sleeps until the big day. 312 00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:40,280 He's not going to be here, is he? This is crunch time. 313 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:41,480 He's not going to be here, is he? This is crunch time. 314 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,520 He's got more important things to be doing. 315 00:13:43,560 --> 00:13:43,800 He's got more important things to be doing. 316 00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:44,960 What do you want to ask me? 317 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:47,040 Last year, when I was here, 318 00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:49,080 I overheard you talking to one of the single mums, 319 00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:50,320 I overheard you talking to one of the single mums, 320 00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:52,360 who was really impressed about how you knew Stephen Fry. 321 00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:54,040 who was really impressed about how you knew Stephen Fry. 322 00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:55,640 Ah! You know Stephen Fry? 323 00:13:55,680 --> 00:13:57,680 Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't say he's a close friend. But, yeah. 324 00:13:57,720 --> 00:13:59,320 Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't say he's a close friend. But, yeah. 325 00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:01,120 No, that is literally what you said. 326 00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:03,160 Yeah, he's more of a close friend of, like, a casual acquaintance. 327 00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:04,080 Yeah, he's more of a close friend of, like, a casual acquaintance. 328 00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:06,120 But what's that got to do with anything? 329 00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:06,400 But what's that got to do with anything? 330 00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:08,440 Stephen Fry is like God to my dad. 331 00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:08,680 Stephen Fry is like God to my dad. 332 00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:10,680 He will listen to anything he says. 333 00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:12,720 I mean, he won't necessarily understand it, but he will listen. 334 00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:14,360 I mean, he won't necessarily understand it, but he will listen. 335 00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:16,400 So the best way to prove to my dad that Father Christmas is real 336 00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:17,800 So the best way to prove to my dad that Father Christmas is real 337 00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:19,840 is to have Stephen Fry say that he is. 338 00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:20,600 is to have Stephen Fry say that he is. 339 00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:22,640 I just need you to introduce us. 340 00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:23,080 I just need you to introduce us. 341 00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:24,600 Right, I'm going to level with you, OK? 342 00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:26,640 Honestly - honestly - I don't really know him that well. 343 00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:26,960 Honestly - honestly - I don't really know him that well. 344 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,000 Mm. Yeah, I feel like you don't know him at all. No. No. 345 00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:30,960 Mm. Yeah, I feel like you don't know him at all. No. No. 346 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:33,000 Although I did bump into him in a Sainsbury's car park. 347 00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:33,520 Although I did bump into him in a Sainsbury's car park. 348 00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:35,280 Shut up. What was he like? 349 00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:37,360 He is so-o-o nice. 350 00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:39,400 Like, and it was my fault, cos I was reversing, 351 00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:39,680 Like, and it was my fault, cos I was reversing, 352 00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:41,240 didn't realise it was in first gear, 353 00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:43,080 bumped into him. "Oh, my God, Stephen Fry." 354 00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:45,120 Sorry, you bumped into him in a car? 355 00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:45,400 Sorry, you bumped into him in a car? 356 00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:46,520 Yeah. 357 00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:50,240 Did you swap details? 358 00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:52,120 Well, no. I think he's married, isn't he? 359 00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:53,520 Insurance details. 360 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,560 Insurance details. Right! He didn't have his details on him, 361 00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:56,080 Insurance details. Right! He didn't have his details on him, 362 00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:58,120 so he wrote his name and address down 363 00:14:58,160 --> 00:14:58,520 so he wrote his name and address down 364 00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:00,360 and then he put them into my phone. 365 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:01,800 Got it in my phone. 366 00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:06,240 BEEPING 367 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:07,840 BEEPING 368 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:16,200 PHONE RINGS 369 00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:16,400 PHONE RINGS 370 00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:20,840 Hello? 371 00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:22,880 Oh, Mr Massey? 372 00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:23,960 Yep? 373 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:25,800 It's Georgina Bailey. 374 00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:27,240 From the school. 375 00:15:27,280 --> 00:15:29,280 And the house almost opposite. 376 00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:30,680 And the house almost opposite. 377 00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:32,720 Georgina, hi. I'm so glad you've called. 378 00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:34,640 Georgina, hi. I'm so glad you've called. 379 00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:36,680 Um, I've been meaning to call you back... 380 00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:37,080 Um, I've been meaning to call you back... 381 00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:38,400 Oh, Nick... 382 00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:40,440 No, honestly, I have. It's just been a really hectic couple of... 383 00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:41,720 No, honestly, I have. It's just been a really hectic couple of... 384 00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:43,280 ..eight months. 385 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:45,320 Yeah, that's not...that's not the reason that I'm calling. 386 00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:46,200 Yeah, that's not...that's not the reason that I'm calling. 387 00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:48,240 Oh? It's Chris. He didn't come into school today. 388 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:50,160 Oh? It's Chris. He didn't come into school today. 389 00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:51,720 I wouldn't have called. 390 00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:53,760 It's just that I saw him when I left for school this morning 391 00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:54,280 It's just that I saw him when I left for school this morning 392 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,320 and it looked like he was on the way in. 393 00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:56,640 and it looked like he was on the way in. 394 00:15:56,680 --> 00:15:58,680 I know it's the last day of term... 395 00:15:58,720 --> 00:15:58,960 I know it's the last day of term... 396 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:00,880 Yeah, no, thank you. 397 00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:02,920 It's good to know that you're really on it over there. 398 00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:03,520 It's good to know that you're really on it over there. 399 00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:06,920 No, um...he actually had a doctor's appointment today 400 00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:08,640 No, um...he actually had a doctor's appointment today 401 00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:10,480 and that's why he couldn't make it in. 402 00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:12,520 Yeah, it's nothing serious. He's just got rash on his... 403 00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:14,560 Yeah, it's nothing serious. He's just got rash on his... 404 00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:15,200 Yeah, it's nothing serious. He's just got rash on his... 405 00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:17,240 It's OK, I don't need to know the details. 406 00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:17,760 It's OK, I don't need to know the details. 407 00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:19,800 BEEPING 408 00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:20,200 BEEPING 409 00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:28,040 OK, listener, so we are currently outside A house 410 00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:29,600 OK, listener, so we are currently outside A house 411 00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:31,640 of Stephen Fry in a yellow van. 412 00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:32,080 of Stephen Fry in a yellow van. 413 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:33,360 PHONE RINGS 414 00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:35,320 Don't answer it. I'm not going to. 415 00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:37,120 In fact... What? 416 00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:39,160 Sorry, what are you doing? 417 00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:39,400 Sorry, what are you doing? 418 00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:41,440 This way, he can't track you. 419 00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:43,480 This way, he can't track you. 420 00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:43,680 This way, he can't track you. 421 00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:46,640 No, don't... 422 00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:51,560 SHE SWALLOWS NOISILY 423 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:55,520 That is really annoying. 424 00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:59,120 Not to mention, so irresponsible. 425 00:17:05,920 --> 00:17:07,920 This is why they tell you to back everything up. 426 00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:08,240 This is why they tell you to back everything up. 427 00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:10,280 In case a stray lunatic decides to literally eat your data? 428 00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:12,320 In case a stray lunatic decides to literally eat your data? 429 00:17:12,360 --> 00:17:12,560 In case a stray lunatic decides to literally eat your data? 430 00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:14,680 I've seen it happen. 431 00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:19,600 Anyway, thanks to me, your dad doesn't have a clue where we are. 432 00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:20,200 Anyway, thanks to me, your dad doesn't have a clue where we are. 433 00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:21,480 KNOCKING 434 00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:22,840 Oh! 435 00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:24,520 Oh, hello, Uncle Nicholas. 436 00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:26,560 I might have known you'd have something to do with this. 437 00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:27,120 I might have known you'd have something to do with this. 438 00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:28,600 What even is this? 439 00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:30,640 Wait, sorry, can you do that one more time? 440 00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:30,960 Wait, sorry, can you do that one more time? 441 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:32,680 I'm just... I forgot to click record. 442 00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:34,720 Don't tell me you bunked off school to do a podcast. 443 00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:35,160 Don't tell me you bunked off school to do a podcast. 444 00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:38,080 Is that...? 445 00:17:38,120 --> 00:17:40,120 What? I don't... I don't see anything. 446 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:40,520 What? I don't... I don't see anything. 447 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,040 Who? Who can't you see? 448 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:45,600 Oh! Oh, it's... 449 00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:46,440 Oh! Oh, it's... 450 00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:48,360 It's him! 451 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:50,400 What? Why? How? Huh? 452 00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:51,640 What? Why? How? Huh? 453 00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:53,680 It's all right. Breathe. In and out. In and out. 454 00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:55,720 It's all right. Breathe. In and out. In and out. 455 00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:56,560 It's all right. Breathe. In and out. In and out. 456 00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:57,760 Breathe, it's all right. 457 00:17:57,800 --> 00:17:59,800 Chris wants to ask Stephen Fry if Father Christmas is real. Oh! 458 00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:00,360 Chris wants to ask Stephen Fry if Father Christmas is real. Oh! 459 00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:03,560 Chris, I thought we discussed this. 460 00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:05,600 We did, and I said that I'd get you proof. 461 00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:06,120 We did, and I said that I'd get you proof. 462 00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:07,400 This is it. 463 00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:09,440 If Stephen Fry says that Father Christmas is real, 464 00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:09,880 If Stephen Fry says that Father Christmas is real, 465 00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:11,400 then perhaps you'll believe me. 466 00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:13,440 All right, and if he says he isn't, will you believe me? 467 00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:14,040 All right, and if he says he isn't, will you believe me? 468 00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:17,840 KNOCKING 469 00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:23,920 If I'd have known, I would have put on a different shirt. 470 00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:24,200 If I'd have known, I would have put on a different shirt. 471 00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:25,520 OK, you need to calm down. 472 00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:27,120 I need the toilet, is what I need. 473 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:35,280 Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were carol singers... 474 00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:35,720 Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were carol singers... 475 00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:39,480 # Good King Wenceslas last looked out on the feast of Stephen! # 476 00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:41,520 # Good King Wenceslas last looked out on the feast of Stephen! # 477 00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:43,200 # Good King Wenceslas last looked out on the feast of Stephen! # 478 00:18:44,880 --> 00:18:46,880 Dad, please. Or you'll have to wait in the car. 479 00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:47,280 Dad, please. Or you'll have to wait in the car. 480 00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:49,320 Sorry. We're not carol singers. 481 00:18:49,360 --> 00:18:49,560 Sorry. We're not carol singers. 482 00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:51,040 I'm just a huge fan. 483 00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:53,080 I've watched everything you've ever done on television. 484 00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:53,520 I've watched everything you've ever done on television. 485 00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:55,560 I've listened to all your books, even the one about ties... 486 00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:56,280 I've listened to all your books, even the one about ties... 487 00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:57,640 Isn't that adorable? 488 00:18:57,680 --> 00:18:59,680 Well, what impeccable taste you have. 489 00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:00,160 Well, what impeccable taste you have. 490 00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:02,200 Now, if you don't mind, I'm just going to call the police. 491 00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:02,520 Now, if you don't mind, I'm just going to call the police. 492 00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:04,560 No, please, we literally just want to ask you one question. 493 00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:05,160 No, please, we literally just want to ask you one question. 494 00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:06,640 Can I use your toilet? 495 00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:08,360 That wasn't it. 496 00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:10,400 I'm going to close the door now. Goodbye. 497 00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:11,280 I'm going to close the door now. Goodbye. 498 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:12,640 Wait! 499 00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:15,680 Is Father Christmas real? 500 00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:20,920 I'm sorry, what did you say the name was? 501 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:21,560 I'm sorry, what did you say the name was? 502 00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:23,520 Father Christmas. 503 00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:25,520 You have heard of Father Christmas? 504 00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:27,560 Yes, no, I mean, I thought you said... 505 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:28,600 Yes, no, I mean, I thought you said... 506 00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:30,600 Oh, my goodness, I left the oven on. Goodbye. 507 00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:32,640 No, Stephen, please! It will only take a minute. 508 00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:33,760 No, Stephen, please! It will only take a minute. 509 00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:35,800 Come on, it is Christmas. 510 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:36,200 Come on, it is Christmas. 511 00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:44,560 It's just as I imagined it. 512 00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:48,680 Is Father Christmas real? 513 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:50,720 Is Father Christmas real? 514 00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:51,280 Is Father Christmas real? 515 00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:53,320 In order to deliver all those satsumas and pairs of socks, 516 00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:54,760 In order to deliver all those satsumas and pairs of socks, 517 00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:56,800 Father Christmas would have to travel jolly fast. But how jolly? 518 00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:58,560 Father Christmas would have to travel jolly fast. But how jolly? 519 00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:00,600 Show your workings, Fry. Certainly, sir. 520 00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:01,800 Show your workings, Fry. Certainly, sir. 521 00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:03,840 Well, speed, as we know, 522 00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:05,600 Well, speed, as we know, 523 00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:07,640 is distance divided by time. 524 00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:09,680 is distance divided by time. 525 00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:10,000 is distance divided by time. 526 00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:12,040 Divided by time. And we calculate distance 527 00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:12,640 Divided by time. And we calculate distance 528 00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:14,680 by seeing the number of households that celebrate Christmas. 529 00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:16,720 by seeing the number of households that celebrate Christmas. 530 00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:17,080 by seeing the number of households that celebrate Christmas. 531 00:20:17,120 --> 00:20:19,120 Which is roughly 45% of the population. 8.2 billion. 532 00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:21,160 Which is roughly 45% of the population. 8.2 billion. 533 00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:22,640 Which is roughly 45% of the population. 8.2 billion. 534 00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:24,680 By the average number of people in the household, 535 00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:25,000 By the average number of people in the household, 536 00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:27,040 which is approximately 3.95. 537 00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:27,880 which is approximately 3.95. 538 00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:29,920 3.95. Yep. 539 00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:30,160 3.95. Yep. 540 00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:32,200 That gives us 541 00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:34,240 934,177,215 542 00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:36,280 934,177,215 543 00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:38,320 934,177,215 544 00:20:38,360 --> 00:20:40,200 934,177,215 545 00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:42,240 households. Basically a billion. 546 00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:42,800 households. Basically a billion. 547 00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:44,840 Basically a billion. Dad. Final warning. 548 00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:45,280 Basically a billion. Dad. Final warning. 549 00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:47,320 By the Global Average Spacing. 550 00:20:47,360 --> 00:20:49,360 By the Global Average Spacing. 551 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:50,080 By the Global Average Spacing. 552 00:20:50,120 --> 00:20:52,120 So 186 million kilometres, plus change, 553 00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:53,160 So 186 million kilometres, plus change, 554 00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:55,200 which is more than 100 return trips to the moon. 555 00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:56,280 which is more than 100 return trips to the moon. 556 00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:58,320 So all that distance over time. 557 00:20:58,360 --> 00:21:00,360 So all that distance over time. 558 00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:01,640 And how much time 559 00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:03,680 does Father Christmas have at his disposal? 560 00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:04,200 does Father Christmas have at his disposal? 561 00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:06,240 Well, I'm going to say 30 hours, 562 00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:06,520 Well, I'm going to say 30 hours, 563 00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:08,560 if you think of when the last children go to sleep 564 00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:09,160 if you think of when the last children go to sleep 565 00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:10,520 on Christmas Island, 566 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:12,560 and the first children wake up in American Samoa. 567 00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:14,040 and the first children wake up in American Samoa. 568 00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:16,080 That gives us the total of 569 00:21:16,120 --> 00:21:16,720 That gives us the total of 570 00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:18,760 6,277,848km 571 00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:20,800 6,277,848km 572 00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:22,840 6,277,848km 573 00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:24,520 6,277,848km 574 00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:26,240 per hour. 575 00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:28,280 Well, that is jolly fast, like you said. Yeah. 576 00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:30,320 Well, that is jolly fast, like you said. Yeah. 577 00:21:30,360 --> 00:21:30,640 Well, that is jolly fast, like you said. Yeah. 578 00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:32,680 Yeah, not as fast as the speed of light, mind you, 579 00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:33,120 Yeah, not as fast as the speed of light, mind you, 580 00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:35,160 but alas, the air resistance alone would be enough 581 00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:36,000 but alas, the air resistance alone would be enough 582 00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:38,040 to instantly vaporise any normal human being. 583 00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:39,640 to instantly vaporise any normal human being. 584 00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:41,680 And, actually, these figures are a trifle optimistic 585 00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:42,360 And, actually, these figures are a trifle optimistic 586 00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:44,240 because they don't take into account 587 00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:46,280 the fact that Father Christmas has to stop a billion times, 588 00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:48,320 the fact that Father Christmas has to stop a billion times, 589 00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:48,600 the fact that Father Christmas has to stop a billion times, 590 00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:50,120 to deliver the actual presents. 591 00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:52,160 That means constant acceleration and deceleration, 592 00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:54,120 That means constant acceleration and deceleration, 593 00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:56,160 not to mention going down all those chimneys and up them again. 594 00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:57,880 not to mention going down all those chimneys and up them again. 595 00:21:57,920 --> 00:21:59,920 It just stretches credibility even further, doesn't it? 596 00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:00,320 It just stretches credibility even further, doesn't it? 597 00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:02,360 How does he do that? Especially when there is no chimney. 598 00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:03,000 How does he do that? Especially when there is no chimney. 599 00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:05,040 And given that fact that he is, pun intended, 600 00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:05,960 And given that fact that he is, pun intended, 601 00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:08,000 widely reported to be generously proportioned. 602 00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:08,480 widely reported to be generously proportioned. 603 00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:12,920 Right, yeah, well, 604 00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:14,960 thank you, Stephen, that's been really helpful. 605 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:15,480 thank you, Stephen, that's been really helpful. 606 00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:17,080 That's not everything. 607 00:22:17,120 --> 00:22:19,120 Well, it's enough to be getting on with, so... 608 00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:19,520 Well, it's enough to be getting on with, so... 609 00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:21,240 What else were you going to say? 610 00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:23,280 Nothing, really, that was the nub. 611 00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:23,520 Nothing, really, that was the nub. 612 00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:26,520 Please, tell me. 613 00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:28,560 Well, it's just that based on the lack of verifiable sightings 614 00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:30,600 Well, it's just that based on the lack of verifiable sightings 615 00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:31,400 Well, it's just that based on the lack of verifiable sightings 616 00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:33,440 and bona fide photographic evidence, 617 00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:34,360 and bona fide photographic evidence, 618 00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:36,400 we have to conclude that Father Christmas does all this 619 00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:38,200 we have to conclude that Father Christmas does all this 620 00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:40,240 while remaining completely invisible. 621 00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:41,240 while remaining completely invisible. 622 00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:48,800 I'd like to go home now, please. 623 00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:50,840 Oh, yeah, of course, mate. Yeah, um...let's get you home. 624 00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:52,200 Oh, yeah, of course, mate. Yeah, um...let's get you home. 625 00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:04,760 Er, excuse me, Chris? 626 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:06,800 Um, I just wanted to add 627 00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:08,360 Um, I just wanted to add 628 00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:10,400 that, until 1903 and the Wright brothers, 629 00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:12,440 that, until 1903 and the Wright brothers, 630 00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:13,120 that, until 1903 and the Wright brothers, 631 00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:15,160 powered human flight was thought to be impossible. 632 00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:17,200 powered human flight was thought to be impossible. 633 00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:17,720 powered human flight was thought to be impossible. 634 00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:19,160 But it wasn't. 635 00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:21,200 We just didn't have a proper understanding of aerodynamics 636 00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:22,200 We just didn't have a proper understanding of aerodynamics 637 00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:24,240 and propulsion and three-axis steering. 638 00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:25,280 and propulsion and three-axis steering. 639 00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:27,320 We had to wait for the science to catch up. 640 00:23:27,360 --> 00:23:28,080 We had to wait for the science to catch up. 641 00:23:28,120 --> 00:23:30,120 And what I'm saying is, all of that in there 642 00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:31,320 And what I'm saying is, all of that in there 643 00:23:31,360 --> 00:23:33,200 might not be impossible. 644 00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:35,240 It might just be that we can't explain it. 645 00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:36,560 It might just be that we can't explain it. 646 00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:37,640 Not yet. 647 00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:40,960 We have to wait until we can see the bigger picture. 648 00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:42,480 We have to wait until we can see the bigger picture. 649 00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:46,080 Oh, and talking of pictures, I don't know, 650 00:23:46,120 --> 00:23:47,680 Oh, and talking of pictures, I don't know, 651 00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:49,480 I thought perhaps you might like to have this. 652 00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:51,280 Stephen, you didn't have to. Thank you...Aw, I would. 653 00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:53,320 Oh, look at that! Wow! 654 00:23:53,360 --> 00:23:54,000 Oh, look at that! Wow! 655 00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:56,040 Aw, that is the best Christmas present ever. 656 00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:56,280 Aw, that is the best Christmas present ever. 657 00:23:57,800 --> 00:23:58,760 Oh. 658 00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:01,600 Oh, I feel a bit embarrassed now. 659 00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:03,640 Really, there's no reason to be. 660 00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:04,440 Really, there's no reason to be. 661 00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:05,640 If I'd have known, I... 662 00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:10,560 ..probably wouldn't have taken that. 663 00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:14,880 Have you taken anything else? 664 00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:27,440 God, Uncle Nicholas! 665 00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:40,880 PHONE RINGS 666 00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:41,160 PHONE RINGS 667 00:24:47,680 --> 00:24:49,200 Hello? 668 00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:51,240 No, no, I didn't say anything, 669 00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:53,240 No, no, I didn't say anything, 670 00:24:53,280 --> 00:24:54,680 I promise. 671 00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:56,600 In fact, I said the exact opposite. 672 00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:00,240 I was very careful. 673 00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:09,760 BEEPING 674 00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:11,640 BEEPING 675 00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:23,640 Hey. How did it go at the doctor's? 676 00:25:23,680 --> 00:25:23,840 Hey. How did it go at the doctor's? 677 00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:27,200 Yeah, no, it was good. Thanks. 678 00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:28,280 Yeah, no, it was good. Thanks. 679 00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:29,280 Yeah, no, they, um... 680 00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:32,480 They gave him a cream. 681 00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:36,560 Merry Christmas. 682 00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:37,840 Merry "Eczema...s". 683 00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:46,240 Merry Eczema... Xmas. I just got it, cos of the... 684 00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:48,280 Merry Eczema... Xmas. I just got it, cos of the... 685 00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:48,560 Merry Eczema... Xmas. I just got it, cos of the... 686 00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:49,680 Cos of the rash! 687 00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:46,560 Goodnight, son. Night, Dad. 688 00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:47,160 Goodnight, son. Night, Dad. 689 00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:50,280 Chris, I know you're disappointed, 690 00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:52,320 but, you know, this doesn't mean that Christmas is cancelled. 691 00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:54,360 but, you know, this doesn't mean that Christmas is cancelled. 692 00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:54,640 but, you know, this doesn't mean that Christmas is cancelled. 693 00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:56,440 We can still do all the other stuff. 694 00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:58,480 Everything else will stay exactly the same. 695 00:26:58,520 --> 00:26:58,880 Everything else will stay exactly the same. 696 00:26:58,920 --> 00:27:00,920 Yeah, but it won't be the same, will it? 697 00:27:00,960 --> 00:27:01,160 Yeah, but it won't be the same, will it? 698 00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:13,680 STEPHEN FRY:Which comes to 934,177,215 households, 699 00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:15,720 STEPHEN FRY:Which comes to 934,177,215 households, 700 00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:17,760 STEPHEN FRY:Which comes to 934,177,215 households, 701 00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:18,640 STEPHEN FRY:Which comes to 934,177,215 households, 702 00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:20,680 so basically a billion. 703 00:27:20,720 --> 00:27:20,920 so basically a billion. 704 00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:22,160 Basically a billion. 705 00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:28,320 We have to wait until we can see the bigger picture. 706 00:27:28,360 --> 00:27:30,360 We have to wait until we can see the bigger picture. 707 00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:30,840 We have to wait until we can see the bigger picture. 708 00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:32,880 The bigger picture... 709 00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:33,760 The bigger picture... 710 00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:35,800 LOUDER:The bigger picture. 711 00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:36,000 LOUDER:The bigger picture. 712 00:29:18,720 --> 00:29:20,720 Well, it definitely looks like Father Christmas. 713 00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:21,760 Well, it definitely looks like Father Christmas. 714 00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:23,800 Who did you say these other people were? 715 00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:24,360 Who did you say these other people were? 716 00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:25,800 Professor Hannah Fry, 717 00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:27,840 Professor of the Public Understanding of Mathematics 718 00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:28,280 Professor of the Public Understanding of Mathematics 719 00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:30,320 and serial podcaster.Uh-huh. 720 00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:30,840 and serial podcaster.Uh-huh. 721 00:29:30,880 --> 00:29:32,880 Dame Maggie Aderin-Pocock, 722 00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:33,320 Dame Maggie Aderin-Pocock, 723 00:29:33,360 --> 00:29:35,360 space scientist and Honorary Fellow of the British Science Association. 724 00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:37,400 space scientist and Honorary Fellow of the British Science Association. 725 00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:38,760 space scientist and Honorary Fellow of the British Science Association. 726 00:29:38,800 --> 00:29:40,800 Jason Fox, ex-Special Forces and TV personality. 727 00:29:40,840 --> 00:29:42,840 Jason Fox, ex-Special Forces and TV personality. 728 00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:43,520 Jason Fox, ex-Special Forces and TV personality. 729 00:29:44,760 --> 00:29:46,760 Right, and you think, what, 730 00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:48,320 Right, and you think, what, 731 00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:50,360 they all work for Father Christmas 732 00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:50,960 they all work for Father Christmas 733 00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:52,600 and basically make it possible for him 734 00:29:52,640 --> 00:29:54,640 to deliver all those presents to all those children 735 00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:56,000 to deliver all those presents to all those children 736 00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:58,040 in a single night, and not be seen doing it? 737 00:29:58,080 --> 00:29:59,120 in a single night, and not be seen doing it? 738 00:29:59,160 --> 00:30:00,520 Yeah. 739 00:30:00,560 --> 00:30:02,560 I know it sounds tenuous, but... I'm in. 740 00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:02,880 I know it sounds tenuous, but... I'm in. 741 00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:07,040 Look, you had me at "tenuous." 742 00:30:30,320 --> 00:30:32,320 SHREDDER WHIRS 743 00:30:32,360 --> 00:30:32,520 SHREDDER WHIRS 744 00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:53,400 BEEPING 745 00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:55,440 BEEPING 746 00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:57,360 BEEPING 747 00:31:08,040 --> 00:31:09,760 Professor Hannah Fry? 748 00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:11,720 Yeah? 749 00:31:11,760 --> 00:31:13,760 Relax, relax, we just want to ask a couple of questions. 750 00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:15,640 Relax, relax, we just want to ask a couple of questions. 751 00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:17,680 Oh, are you doing a podcast? 752 00:31:17,720 --> 00:31:17,920 Oh, are you doing a podcast? 753 00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:19,960 Oh, I love a podcast. 754 00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:20,240 Oh, I love a podcast. 755 00:31:20,280 --> 00:31:22,280 We're trying to find proof that Father Christmas is real. 756 00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:23,400 We're trying to find proof that Father Christmas is real. 757 00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:25,440 Ah, OK. No, I'm sorry, I cannot help you with that. 758 00:31:25,480 --> 00:31:26,360 Ah, OK. No, I'm sorry, I cannot help you with that. 759 00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:36,760 Where did you get this? 760 00:31:36,800 --> 00:31:38,760 A journalist never reveals her source. 761 00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:40,320 Stephen gave you this, didn't he? 762 00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:42,360 Yeah, 100%. Yep. 763 00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:42,600 Yeah, 100%. Yep. 764 00:31:42,640 --> 00:31:43,760 I'm not a journalist. 765 00:31:43,800 --> 00:31:45,800 He is such a blabbermouth. What else did he tell you? 766 00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:46,200 He is such a blabbermouth. What else did he tell you? 767 00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:48,240 Nothing.I find that very difficult to believe. 768 00:31:48,280 --> 00:31:48,560 Nothing.I find that very difficult to believe. 769 00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:52,160 Well, he said that it might not be impossible for Father Christmas 770 00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:53,200 Well, he said that it might not be impossible for Father Christmas 771 00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:55,240 to climb down chimneys that aren't even there, 772 00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:55,920 to climb down chimneys that aren't even there, 773 00:31:55,960 --> 00:31:57,960 just that we can't explain it yet. Mm-hm? 774 00:31:58,000 --> 00:31:58,760 just that we can't explain it yet. Mm-hm? 775 00:31:58,800 --> 00:32:00,800 I mean HE can't explain it yet. 776 00:32:00,840 --> 00:32:01,080 I mean HE can't explain it yet. 777 00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:03,120 Do you know he failed O Level physics? 778 00:32:03,160 --> 00:32:03,960 Do you know he failed O Level physics? 779 00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:07,840 Does that mean... 780 00:32:07,880 --> 00:32:08,480 Does that mean... 781 00:32:08,520 --> 00:32:10,520 ..that you can...explain it? 782 00:32:10,560 --> 00:32:11,600 ..that you can...explain it? 783 00:32:11,640 --> 00:32:13,640 Well, yeah. Of course I can explain it. 784 00:32:13,680 --> 00:32:14,040 Well, yeah. Of course I can explain it. 785 00:32:14,080 --> 00:32:15,400 It's just, you know... 786 00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:16,800 You don't want to? 787 00:32:16,840 --> 00:32:18,280 Yeah. I don't want to. 788 00:32:18,320 --> 00:32:20,320 I mean, obviously she CAN. She just doesn't want to. 789 00:32:20,360 --> 00:32:21,440 I mean, obviously she CAN. She just doesn't want to. 790 00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:23,160 I can actually explain it, guys. 791 00:32:23,200 --> 00:32:25,200 No, no, I believe you. "Professor."Excuse me! 792 00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:25,840 No, no, I believe you. "Professor."Excuse me! 793 00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:27,880 What are these fake air quotes? I am an actual professor. 794 00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:28,920 What are these fake air quotes? I am an actual professor. 795 00:32:28,960 --> 00:32:30,960 HOLLY SIGHS OK, Chris, come on, let's go. 796 00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:31,720 HOLLY SIGHS OK, Chris, come on, let's go. 797 00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:33,760 Ooh! Have you still got that number for Professor Brian Cox? 798 00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:34,800 Ooh! Have you still got that number for Professor Brian Cox? 799 00:32:34,840 --> 00:32:35,880 Yeah, somewhere. 800 00:32:35,920 --> 00:32:37,920 OK. It's Macroscopic Quantum Tunnelling. 801 00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:38,280 OK. It's Macroscopic Quantum Tunnelling. 802 00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:41,280 Just remind me what that is again. 803 00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:43,320 OK, so Father Christmas turns himself and his presents 804 00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:43,960 OK, so Father Christmas turns himself and his presents 805 00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:45,880 into a single quantum object, 806 00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:47,920 and that way he can pass through solid walls. 807 00:32:47,960 --> 00:32:48,960 and that way he can pass through solid walls. 808 00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:51,000 Like a ghost? No! Nothing like a ghost. 809 00:32:51,040 --> 00:32:51,440 Like a ghost? No! Nothing like a ghost. 810 00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:52,720 This is the quantum world, 811 00:32:52,760 --> 00:32:54,760 it's where particles don't exist at a single point - 812 00:32:54,800 --> 00:32:55,240 it's where particles don't exist at a single point - 813 00:32:55,280 --> 00:32:57,280 they exist everywhere and nowhere all at once 814 00:32:57,320 --> 00:32:57,600 they exist everywhere and nowhere all at once 815 00:32:57,640 --> 00:32:59,640 in, like, a cloud of probability that spreads through space. 816 00:32:59,680 --> 00:33:00,560 in, like, a cloud of probability that spreads through space. 817 00:33:00,600 --> 00:33:02,600 And that way a particle COULD be on the roof of a house, 818 00:33:02,640 --> 00:33:04,480 And that way a particle COULD be on the roof of a house, 819 00:33:04,520 --> 00:33:06,520 but it could also be inside a house, 820 00:33:06,560 --> 00:33:07,200 but it could also be inside a house, 821 00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:09,240 underneath a Christmas tree. That's quantum tunnelling. 822 00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:11,280 underneath a Christmas tree. That's quantum tunnelling. 823 00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:11,600 underneath a Christmas tree. That's quantum tunnelling. 824 00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:13,640 I see. And how does he travel fast enough 825 00:33:13,680 --> 00:33:15,560 I see. And how does he travel fast enough 826 00:33:15,600 --> 00:33:17,600 to be able to deliver all those presents in a single night? 827 00:33:17,640 --> 00:33:18,160 to be able to deliver all those presents in a single night? 828 00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:20,200 Well, he's using an Alcubierre drive, right? 829 00:33:20,240 --> 00:33:20,840 Well, he's using an Alcubierre drive, right? 830 00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:22,880 He's engulfing his sleigh in a bubble of Minkowski space, 831 00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:24,160 He's engulfing his sleigh in a bubble of Minkowski space, 832 00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:26,200 and that way he doesn't need to feel any of the g-forces. 833 00:33:26,240 --> 00:33:26,800 and that way he doesn't need to feel any of the g-forces. 834 00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:33,560 Er, OK. I, er... 835 00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:33,840 Er, OK. I, er... 836 00:33:33,880 --> 00:33:35,880 I forgot, actually, I... 837 00:33:35,920 --> 00:33:36,160 I forgot, actually, I... 838 00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:38,160 I need to go. I've got a lecture to do. 839 00:33:38,200 --> 00:33:39,160 Sorry. Bye. 840 00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:43,080 How does he make himself turn invisible? 841 00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:43,320 How does he make himself turn invisible? 842 00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:55,000 Oh, OK. Whew. 843 00:33:55,040 --> 00:33:55,600 Oh, OK. Whew. 844 00:33:57,480 --> 00:33:59,480 That was weird.I know, right? 845 00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:00,200 That was weird.I know, right? 846 00:34:00,240 --> 00:34:02,240 Since when did the pencil moustache come back into fashion? 847 00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:03,240 Since when did the pencil moustache come back into fashion? 848 00:34:03,280 --> 00:34:04,280 Before that, I mean. 849 00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:08,000 That photograph - it really put her on edge. 850 00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:08,840 That photograph - it really put her on edge. 851 00:34:09,960 --> 00:34:11,960 That's it. We need to talk to the other people in the photograph. 852 00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:13,000 That's it. We need to talk to the other people in the photograph. 853 00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:15,080 That's what we're doing, Holly. 854 00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:17,120 You've got to call them. You've got to call them right now. 855 00:34:17,160 --> 00:34:17,640 You've got to call them. You've got to call them right now. 856 00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:19,680 How? I don't have a number. 857 00:34:19,720 --> 00:34:20,080 How? I don't have a number. 858 00:34:20,120 --> 00:34:21,320 Or a SIM card. 859 00:34:21,360 --> 00:34:22,760 MOBILE PHONE RINGS 860 00:34:22,800 --> 00:34:24,800 Oh! Sorry, mate, one second. Yeah, I'd better get this. 861 00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:25,360 Oh! Sorry, mate, one second. Yeah, I'd better get this. 862 00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:26,520 This might be for me. 863 00:34:27,640 --> 00:34:29,640 Hello? Yeah, speaking. 864 00:34:29,680 --> 00:34:29,840 Hello? Yeah, speaking. 865 00:34:32,600 --> 00:34:34,600 Oh, hello, Dame Maggie Aderin-Pocock. 866 00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:36,240 Oh, hello, Dame Maggie Aderin-Pocock. 867 00:34:36,280 --> 00:34:37,560 SHE MOUTHS 868 00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:39,600 WHISPERED: How did she get your number? 869 00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:39,880 WHISPERED: How did she get your number? 870 00:34:39,920 --> 00:34:40,840 SHE MOUTHS 871 00:34:40,880 --> 00:34:42,720 No, ask her. 872 00:34:42,760 --> 00:34:44,160 Yeah, no, sorry. Still here. 873 00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:47,680 She wants to meet. 874 00:35:02,440 --> 00:35:04,440 I'm not sure this is a good idea. BRAKES SQUEAL 875 00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:04,760 I'm not sure this is a good idea. BRAKES SQUEAL 876 00:35:04,800 --> 00:35:06,800 Yeah, that's what makes it a good idea. 877 00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:07,560 Yeah, that's what makes it a good idea. 878 00:35:07,600 --> 00:35:09,440 She wouldn't ask to meet in a place like this 879 00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:11,480 unless we were dangerously close to the truth. 880 00:35:11,520 --> 00:35:11,880 unless we were dangerously close to the truth. 881 00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:39,520 Is Father Christmas real? 882 00:35:39,560 --> 00:35:41,560 He's real if you believe he's real. 883 00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:42,320 He's real if you believe he's real. 884 00:35:42,360 --> 00:35:44,360 That's good enough for me, but my dad wants proof. 885 00:35:44,400 --> 00:35:45,520 That's good enough for me, but my dad wants proof. 886 00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:48,120 What makes you think I can help? 887 00:35:56,320 --> 00:35:57,640 Oh, Stephen. 888 00:35:57,680 --> 00:35:58,920 He can't help himself. 889 00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:02,160 Have you met the other two? 890 00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:04,200 Professor Hannah Fry, but not Foxy. 891 00:36:04,240 --> 00:36:05,480 Professor Hannah Fry, but not Foxy. 892 00:36:05,520 --> 00:36:07,200 He's a hard man to find. 893 00:36:07,240 --> 00:36:08,640 So you don't know where he is? 894 00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:10,680 I haven't seen Foxy since this photograph was taken. 895 00:36:10,720 --> 00:36:12,720 I haven't seen Foxy since this photograph was taken. 896 00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:13,040 I haven't seen Foxy since this photograph was taken. 897 00:36:13,080 --> 00:36:14,840 So, Hannah - 898 00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:16,240 what did you two discuss? 899 00:36:16,280 --> 00:36:18,280 Oh, just Macroscopic Quantum Tunnelling. 900 00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:19,400 Oh, just Macroscopic Quantum Tunnelling. 901 00:36:19,440 --> 00:36:21,120 It's how Father Christmas gets down the chimneys. 902 00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:22,640 Anything else? 903 00:36:22,680 --> 00:36:24,240 She touched on the, um... 904 00:36:24,280 --> 00:36:26,280 The Alan... Alan Q beer. 905 00:36:26,320 --> 00:36:27,400 The Alan... Alan Q beer. 906 00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:29,360 The... The Alan Q... 907 00:36:29,400 --> 00:36:31,400 The Alcubierre drive. That's the one. 908 00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:32,160 The Alcubierre drive. That's the one. 909 00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:34,000 And did it make sense? 910 00:36:34,040 --> 00:36:35,080 Um... 911 00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:37,120 Well, I'd be lying if I said it all went in, 912 00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:38,480 Well, I'd be lying if I said it all went in, 913 00:36:38,520 --> 00:36:40,520 but then I am only predicted a grade three in GCSE maths. 914 00:36:40,560 --> 00:36:42,480 but then I am only predicted a grade three in GCSE maths. 915 00:36:42,520 --> 00:36:44,520 It's not that complicated. 916 00:36:44,560 --> 00:36:44,760 It's not that complicated. 917 00:36:44,800 --> 00:36:46,800 Let's get that three up to a four. 918 00:36:46,840 --> 00:36:47,120 Let's get that three up to a four. 919 00:36:47,160 --> 00:36:49,160 Rather than making Father Christmas travel to every household, 920 00:36:49,200 --> 00:36:50,600 Rather than making Father Christmas travel to every household, 921 00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:52,640 the trick is to make every household travel to him. 922 00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:54,680 the trick is to make every household travel to him. 923 00:36:54,720 --> 00:36:54,960 the trick is to make every household travel to him. 924 00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:56,680 What is she doing? 925 00:36:56,720 --> 00:36:58,720 Who keeps a rug in the boot of their car? 926 00:36:58,760 --> 00:37:00,280 Who keeps a rug in the boot of their car? 927 00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:02,320 Now, imagine that this rug represents space and time, 928 00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:03,760 Now, imagine that this rug represents space and time, 929 00:37:03,800 --> 00:37:05,240 but all smooshed together, 930 00:37:05,280 --> 00:37:07,280 and it's running from one end of a room... 931 00:37:07,320 --> 00:37:07,520 and it's running from one end of a room... 932 00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:11,640 ..all the way to the other. 933 00:37:11,680 --> 00:37:13,440 Would you like to step inside the room? 934 00:37:13,480 --> 00:37:15,480 Ah, classic. She wants to roll up a body and dump it in the canal. 935 00:37:15,520 --> 00:37:17,520 Ah, classic. She wants to roll up a body and dump it in the canal. 936 00:37:17,560 --> 00:37:18,040 Ah, classic. She wants to roll up a body and dump it in the canal. 937 00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:20,080 Now, conventionally, it will take a number of steps 938 00:37:20,120 --> 00:37:20,360 Now, conventionally, it will take a number of steps 939 00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:22,000 to get from one end to the other, 940 00:37:22,040 --> 00:37:24,040 but imagine if we could squish up, or concertina, 941 00:37:24,080 --> 00:37:24,880 but imagine if we could squish up, or concertina, 942 00:37:24,920 --> 00:37:26,920 space and time in front of you. Like this. 943 00:37:26,960 --> 00:37:27,440 space and time in front of you. Like this. 944 00:37:30,720 --> 00:37:32,520 OK. Good. 945 00:37:32,560 --> 00:37:33,800 False alarm. 946 00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:35,200 Teacher's got to teach. 947 00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:40,840 So now you can step from one end of the room to the other 948 00:37:40,880 --> 00:37:42,240 So now you can step from one end of the room to the other 949 00:37:42,280 --> 00:37:43,400 in a single step. 950 00:37:48,160 --> 00:37:50,160 And if I elongate space and time behind you, 951 00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:50,920 And if I elongate space and time behind you, 952 00:37:50,960 --> 00:37:51,920 like this... 953 00:37:55,040 --> 00:37:57,040 ..you've miraculously got from one end to the other. 954 00:37:57,080 --> 00:37:58,520 ..you've miraculously got from one end to the other. 955 00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:00,160 Wow! 956 00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:02,200 That actually makes sense. Thank you. 957 00:38:02,240 --> 00:38:03,360 That actually makes sense. Thank you. 958 00:38:09,200 --> 00:38:11,080 Well? 959 00:38:11,120 --> 00:38:13,120 You can relax. He doesn't know anything. 960 00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:14,000 You can relax. He doesn't know anything. 961 00:38:14,040 --> 00:38:16,040 In fact, I'm not even sure he knows that. 962 00:38:16,080 --> 00:38:17,480 In fact, I'm not even sure he knows that. 963 00:38:17,520 --> 00:38:19,520 Good, but we have to be careful. 964 00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:20,800 Good, but we have to be careful. 965 00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:22,520 The belief is strong with this one. 966 00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:26,160 CAMERA BEEPS 967 00:38:26,200 --> 00:38:28,200 CAMERA BEEPS 968 00:38:28,240 --> 00:38:29,360 CAMERA BEEPS 969 00:38:32,480 --> 00:38:34,000 Albercue... Alcubierre. 970 00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:36,040 Alcubierre drive, that's sort of, like, a magic carpet thing? 971 00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:36,960 Alcubierre drive, that's sort of, like, a magic carpet thing? 972 00:38:37,000 --> 00:38:39,000 No, the carpet was just a teaching aid. 973 00:38:39,040 --> 00:38:39,600 No, the carpet was just a teaching aid. 974 00:38:40,800 --> 00:38:42,800 I don't know, it made sense when she said it, so... 975 00:38:42,840 --> 00:38:43,600 I don't know, it made sense when she said it, so... 976 00:38:53,560 --> 00:38:55,080 KNOCK ON DOOR 977 00:38:57,040 --> 00:38:58,920 Ah! Ooh, pizza. 978 00:38:58,960 --> 00:39:00,960 Whoa, wait a minute.Yeah? 979 00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:01,280 Whoa, wait a minute.Yeah? 980 00:39:01,320 --> 00:39:02,400 When did you order pizza? 981 00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:03,520 Well, no, I didn't. 982 00:39:04,680 --> 00:39:06,680 So what are you doing? What is the point of having all this security 983 00:39:06,720 --> 00:39:08,720 So what are you doing? What is the point of having all this security 984 00:39:08,760 --> 00:39:09,040 So what are you doing? What is the point of having all this security 985 00:39:09,080 --> 00:39:11,080 if you're just going to open the door to anyone with a pizza? 986 00:39:11,120 --> 00:39:11,720 if you're just going to open the door to anyone with a pizza? 987 00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:13,760 Well, I like pizza, and I also haven't eaten since breakfast, so... 988 00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:14,840 Well, I like pizza, and I also haven't eaten since breakfast, so... 989 00:39:14,880 --> 00:39:16,800 KNOCKING CONTINUES Holly! 990 00:39:16,840 --> 00:39:18,800 That's weird. 991 00:39:18,840 --> 00:39:20,120 He's opened up the pizza box, 992 00:39:20,160 --> 00:39:22,160 but there isn't any pizza in it, there's just words. 993 00:39:22,200 --> 00:39:23,960 but there isn't any pizza in it, there's just words. 994 00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:25,680 What do you mean? What words? 995 00:39:25,720 --> 00:39:26,720 It says... 996 00:39:29,560 --> 00:39:31,560 ..Jason "Foxy" Fox. 997 00:39:31,600 --> 00:39:31,760 ..Jason "Foxy" Fox. 998 00:39:41,840 --> 00:39:43,560 Why not? 999 00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:45,360 Sorry, sorry. My bad. Sorry. 1000 00:39:45,400 --> 00:39:47,400 DETECTOR CLICKS 1001 00:39:47,440 --> 00:39:47,800 DETECTOR CLICKS 1002 00:40:00,640 --> 00:40:02,640 DETECTOR BEEPS He's telling me we don't have long. 1003 00:40:02,680 --> 00:40:04,160 DETECTOR BEEPS He's telling me we don't have long. 1004 00:40:04,200 --> 00:40:06,200 But you can talk to Foxy... 1005 00:40:06,240 --> 00:40:06,920 But you can talk to Foxy... 1006 00:40:06,960 --> 00:40:08,320 ..through me. 1007 00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:09,640 Are you psychic? 1008 00:40:09,680 --> 00:40:11,680 No, I have a microphone and a camera. 1009 00:40:11,720 --> 00:40:12,320 No, I have a microphone and a camera. 1010 00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:14,360 Foxy can see us and hear us. 1011 00:40:14,400 --> 00:40:14,800 Foxy can see us and hear us. 1012 00:40:14,840 --> 00:40:16,840 Hello, Chris. Hello, Holly. It's Foxy here. 1013 00:40:16,880 --> 00:40:18,040 Hello, Chris. Hello, Holly. It's Foxy here. 1014 00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:19,600 I'm really sorry about the tight security, 1015 00:40:19,640 --> 00:40:21,040 but I can't take no chances. 1016 00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:23,080 I can't take no chances. They can't know where I am. 1017 00:40:23,120 --> 00:40:24,320 I can't take no chances. They can't know where I am. 1018 00:40:24,360 --> 00:40:26,360 Who's they? Father Christmas. 1019 00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:27,760 And his organisation. 1020 00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:29,560 So he's real?Yeah, mate. 1021 00:40:29,600 --> 00:40:31,600 As real as I am standing right here. 1022 00:40:31,640 --> 00:40:32,280 As real as I am standing right here. 1023 00:40:32,320 --> 00:40:34,320 What do they want? Get that photograph out. 1024 00:40:34,360 --> 00:40:35,040 What do they want? Get that photograph out. 1025 00:40:43,760 --> 00:40:45,760 That was taken at a Channel 4 Christmas party. 1026 00:40:45,800 --> 00:40:46,080 That was taken at a Channel 4 Christmas party. 1027 00:40:46,120 --> 00:40:47,560 I thought it was going to be well boring, 1028 00:40:47,600 --> 00:40:49,320 stuck with them lot all night. 1029 00:40:49,360 --> 00:40:51,200 But it turns out we had a lot in common. 1030 00:40:51,240 --> 00:40:53,040 Like ideas about Father Christmas 1031 00:40:53,080 --> 00:40:54,840 and how it is he can do what he does. 1032 00:40:54,880 --> 00:40:56,880 You know, theoretically. 1033 00:40:56,920 --> 00:40:57,120 You know, theoretically. 1034 00:40:57,160 --> 00:40:58,200 We really got into it, 1035 00:40:58,240 --> 00:41:00,240 and was going to organise a convention and everything. 1036 00:41:00,280 --> 00:41:00,760 and was going to organise a convention and everything. 1037 00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:02,800 And call it The Science of Christmas 1038 00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:03,080 And call it The Science of Christmas 1039 00:41:03,120 --> 00:41:05,120 and use it to get children interested in the subject 1040 00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:06,000 and use it to get children interested in the subject 1041 00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:08,040 from a young age. Inspire future generations. 1042 00:41:08,080 --> 00:41:09,200 from a young age. Inspire future generations. 1043 00:41:09,240 --> 00:41:11,240 We had publishers interested, and television people - 1044 00:41:11,280 --> 00:41:12,360 We had publishers interested, and television people - 1045 00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:14,000 there was even talk of a podcast. 1046 00:41:14,040 --> 00:41:15,200 What happened? 1047 00:41:15,240 --> 00:41:17,240 Father Christmas. He shut us down. 1048 00:41:17,280 --> 00:41:17,480 Father Christmas. He shut us down. 1049 00:41:17,520 --> 00:41:19,520 I'm not saying he did it personally. 1050 00:41:19,560 --> 00:41:20,920 But he was definitely involved. 1051 00:41:20,960 --> 00:41:22,440 What idea did you have? 1052 00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:24,080 Active camouflage. 1053 00:41:24,120 --> 00:41:26,120 It's what the big man uses to make himself invisible. 1054 00:41:26,160 --> 00:41:26,440 It's what the big man uses to make himself invisible. 1055 00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:28,480 His red jumpsuit is actually just an image of a red jumpsuit 1056 00:41:28,520 --> 00:41:30,160 His red jumpsuit is actually just an image of a red jumpsuit 1057 00:41:30,200 --> 00:41:32,200 projected onto a flexible, wearable Oled screen. 1058 00:41:32,240 --> 00:41:33,640 projected onto a flexible, wearable Oled screen. 1059 00:41:33,680 --> 00:41:35,680 Hidden cameras constantly film what is around him 1060 00:41:35,720 --> 00:41:36,680 Hidden cameras constantly film what is around him 1061 00:41:36,720 --> 00:41:38,720 and then project that on the screen on the opposite side. 1062 00:41:38,760 --> 00:41:39,440 and then project that on the screen on the opposite side. 1063 00:41:39,480 --> 00:41:41,040 It's like he's wrapped in a live feed 1064 00:41:41,080 --> 00:41:42,480 of his immediate environment. 1065 00:41:42,520 --> 00:41:44,520 It's the same technology James Bond used 1066 00:41:44,560 --> 00:41:44,840 It's the same technology James Bond used 1067 00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:46,880 to make his car invisible in Die Another Day. 1068 00:41:46,920 --> 00:41:48,480 to make his car invisible in Die Another Day. 1069 00:41:48,520 --> 00:41:50,120 I didn't see it. 1070 00:41:50,160 --> 00:41:51,440 Exactly. 1071 00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:53,480 Sorry, that's all I have time for. 1072 00:41:53,520 --> 00:41:54,000 Sorry, that's all I have time for. 1073 00:41:54,040 --> 00:41:55,680 I've got to take a cake out of the oven. 1074 00:41:55,720 --> 00:41:56,680 Wait... 1075 00:41:59,040 --> 00:42:01,040 ..how do I find Father Christmas? 1076 00:42:01,080 --> 00:42:01,960 ..how do I find Father Christmas? 1077 00:42:02,000 --> 00:42:03,160 You don't, soldier. 1078 00:42:03,200 --> 00:42:05,200 That's what I've been trying to tell you. Steer clear. 1079 00:42:05,240 --> 00:42:06,440 That's what I've been trying to tell you. Steer clear. 1080 00:42:06,480 --> 00:42:08,400 You don't want to get mixed up in this. 1081 00:42:08,440 --> 00:42:10,200 You don't want to get mixed up in this. 1082 00:42:21,800 --> 00:42:23,800 BEEPING 1083 00:42:23,840 --> 00:42:25,840 BEEPING 1084 00:42:25,880 --> 00:42:26,680 BEEPING 1085 00:42:29,000 --> 00:42:31,000 TV:Well, that period of time has ended... 1086 00:42:31,040 --> 00:42:31,280 TV:Well, that period of time has ended... 1087 00:42:31,320 --> 00:42:33,320 DOORBELL RINGS 1088 00:42:33,360 --> 00:42:33,560 DOORBELL RINGS 1089 00:42:33,600 --> 00:42:35,240 Door! 1090 00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:43,280 I'll get it! 1091 00:42:55,960 --> 00:42:57,560 DOORBELL RINGS AGAIN 1092 00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:01,160 It's Georgina. Ms Bailey. 1093 00:43:01,200 --> 00:43:01,840 It's Georgina. Ms Bailey. 1094 00:43:01,880 --> 00:43:03,400 How do I look? 1095 00:43:03,440 --> 00:43:05,440 Like a deer in the headlights. DOORBELL RINGS AGAIN 1096 00:43:05,480 --> 00:43:05,720 Like a deer in the headlights. DOORBELL RINGS AGAIN 1097 00:43:05,760 --> 00:43:06,880 Coming! 1098 00:43:18,160 --> 00:43:20,160 # Deck the halls with boughs of holly 1099 00:43:20,200 --> 00:43:20,840 # Deck the halls with boughs of holly 1100 00:43:20,880 --> 00:43:22,880 # Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la-la 1101 00:43:22,920 --> 00:43:23,440 # Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la-la 1102 00:43:23,480 --> 00:43:25,480 # Tis the season to be jolly 1103 00:43:25,520 --> 00:43:26,000 # Tis the season to be jolly 1104 00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:28,040 # Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la-la... # 1105 00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:28,440 # Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la-la... # 1106 00:43:28,480 --> 00:43:30,480 CAROLLING CONTINUES 1107 00:43:30,520 --> 00:43:31,360 CAROLLING CONTINUES 1108 00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:33,400 CHRIS JOINS IN 1109 00:43:33,440 --> 00:43:34,080 CHRIS JOINS IN 1110 00:43:34,120 --> 00:43:36,120 # Troll the ancient Christmas carol 1111 00:43:36,160 --> 00:43:36,440 # Troll the ancient Christmas carol 1112 00:43:36,480 --> 00:43:38,480 # Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la-la 1113 00:43:38,520 --> 00:43:39,480 # Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la-la 1114 00:43:39,520 --> 00:43:41,520 # Follow me in merry measure 1115 00:43:41,560 --> 00:43:42,120 # Follow me in merry measure 1116 00:43:42,160 --> 00:43:44,160 # Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la-la 1117 00:43:44,200 --> 00:43:44,840 # Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la-la 1118 00:43:44,880 --> 00:43:46,880 # Fast away the old year passes 1119 00:43:46,920 --> 00:43:47,280 # Fast away the old year passes 1120 00:43:47,320 --> 00:43:49,320 # Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la-la 1121 00:43:49,360 --> 00:43:50,000 # Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la-la 1122 00:43:50,040 --> 00:43:52,040 # Hail the lonely lads and lasses 1123 00:43:52,080 --> 00:43:52,640 # Hail the lonely lads and lasses 1124 00:43:52,680 --> 00:43:54,680 # Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la-la. # 1125 00:43:54,720 --> 00:43:54,960 # Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la-la. # 1126 00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:57,000 # Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la-la 1127 00:43:57,040 --> 00:43:57,800 # Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la-la 1128 00:43:57,840 --> 00:43:59,840 # Fast away the old year passes 1129 00:43:59,880 --> 00:44:00,760 # Fast away the old year passes 1130 00:44:00,800 --> 00:44:02,800 # Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la...la. # 1131 00:44:02,840 --> 00:44:04,840 # Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la...la. # 1132 00:44:04,880 --> 00:44:05,040 # Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la...la. # 1133 00:44:25,680 --> 00:44:26,720 I can explain. 1134 00:44:26,760 --> 00:44:28,760 My letter to Father Christmas. That I posted. 1135 00:44:28,800 --> 00:44:29,400 My letter to Father Christmas. That I posted. 1136 00:44:29,440 --> 00:44:30,760 I know. 1137 00:44:30,800 --> 00:44:32,400 You know that it's a criminal offence 1138 00:44:32,440 --> 00:44:34,440 to interfere with an envelope that is stamped and addressed? 1139 00:44:34,480 --> 00:44:35,240 to interfere with an envelope that is stamped and addressed? 1140 00:44:35,280 --> 00:44:37,280 I rescued it. From what?! 1141 00:44:37,320 --> 00:44:37,880 I rescued it. From what?! 1142 00:44:37,920 --> 00:44:39,920 Do you know what happens to letters addressed to Father Christmas? 1143 00:44:39,960 --> 00:44:40,840 Do you know what happens to letters addressed to Father Christmas? 1144 00:44:40,880 --> 00:44:42,600 Well, I know what's supposed to happen. 1145 00:44:42,640 --> 00:44:44,640 They get sent to Father Christmas, so he knows what presents to get. 1146 00:44:44,680 --> 00:44:46,040 They get sent to Father Christmas, so he knows what presents to get. 1147 00:44:46,080 --> 00:44:47,920 They get shredded. 1148 00:44:47,960 --> 00:44:49,280 All of them. 1149 00:44:49,320 --> 00:44:51,320 They're put into a big machine that cuts them up into long, thin strips, 1150 00:44:51,360 --> 00:44:53,360 They're put into a big machine that cuts them up into long, thin strips, 1151 00:44:53,400 --> 00:44:53,720 They're put into a big machine that cuts them up into long, thin strips, 1152 00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:55,520 which are dumped into big red bins, 1153 00:44:55,560 --> 00:44:57,560 then stuck on the back of an old blue lorry 1154 00:44:57,600 --> 00:44:57,840 then stuck on the back of an old blue lorry 1155 00:44:57,880 --> 00:44:59,120 and taken to God knows where. 1156 00:45:01,400 --> 00:45:02,600 So you don't know where? 1157 00:45:02,640 --> 00:45:04,160 I know it's not the North Pole. 1158 00:45:04,200 --> 00:45:06,200 How do you know?Because I do. 1159 00:45:06,240 --> 00:45:07,120 How do you know?Because I do. 1160 00:45:07,160 --> 00:45:08,600 You don't. 1161 00:45:08,640 --> 00:45:10,520 You don't know. You just don't want to believe. 1162 00:45:10,560 --> 00:45:12,560 You always think that everything is... 1163 00:45:12,600 --> 00:45:13,000 You always think that everything is... 1164 00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:14,840 ..is destined to end in disaster. 1165 00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:23,560 BEEPING 1166 00:45:23,600 --> 00:45:25,600 BEEPING 1167 00:45:25,640 --> 00:45:26,360 BEEPING 1168 00:45:27,960 --> 00:45:29,960 Not everything is destined to end in disaster. 1169 00:45:30,000 --> 00:45:30,640 Not everything is destined to end in disaster. 1170 00:45:36,200 --> 00:45:38,200 PHONE LINE RINGS 1171 00:45:38,240 --> 00:45:38,560 PHONE LINE RINGS 1172 00:45:38,600 --> 00:45:40,080 VOICEMAIL:Hi, this is Georgina. 1173 00:45:40,120 --> 00:45:42,120 I can't come to the phone right now, so please leave a message. 1174 00:45:42,160 --> 00:45:42,440 I can't come to the phone right now, so please leave a message. 1175 00:45:42,480 --> 00:45:44,480 BEEP Hey...Georgina. It's Nick here. 1176 00:45:44,520 --> 00:45:46,520 BEEP Hey...Georgina. It's Nick here. 1177 00:45:46,560 --> 00:45:46,840 BEEP Hey...Georgina. It's Nick here. 1178 00:45:46,880 --> 00:45:48,880 Nick...Massey. From the house opposite. 1179 00:45:48,920 --> 00:45:50,120 Nick...Massey. From the house opposite. 1180 00:45:50,160 --> 00:45:52,160 Well, it's not really opposite, is it? It's more sort of... 1181 00:45:52,200 --> 00:45:53,480 Well, it's not really opposite, is it? It's more sort of... 1182 00:45:53,520 --> 00:45:55,480 I'd say ten o'clock. 1183 00:45:55,520 --> 00:45:57,520 It's definitely across the street. Doesn't matter. 1184 00:45:57,560 --> 00:45:58,360 It's definitely across the street. Doesn't matter. 1185 00:45:58,400 --> 00:46:00,400 I'm just returning your call, basically... 1186 00:46:00,440 --> 00:46:01,120 I'm just returning your call, basically... 1187 00:46:02,400 --> 00:46:04,400 ..from April, I think it was. 1188 00:46:04,440 --> 00:46:05,640 ..from April, I think it was. 1189 00:46:05,680 --> 00:46:07,680 Just to say that, yes... 1190 00:46:07,720 --> 00:46:08,720 Just to say that, yes... 1191 00:46:10,240 --> 00:46:12,240 ..I'd really like to go for that drink - 1192 00:46:12,280 --> 00:46:12,840 ..I'd really like to go for that drink - 1193 00:46:12,880 --> 00:46:14,880 if the offer still stands - and that I'm free tonight. 1194 00:46:14,920 --> 00:46:16,920 if the offer still stands - and that I'm free tonight. 1195 00:46:16,960 --> 00:46:17,480 if the offer still stands - and that I'm free tonight. 1196 00:46:18,520 --> 00:46:20,240 If that's not too rash. 1197 00:46:25,840 --> 00:46:27,280 Nailed it. 1198 00:46:27,320 --> 00:46:29,320 HOLLY:So, letters to Father Christmas are shredded, 1199 00:46:29,360 --> 00:46:29,600 HOLLY:So, letters to Father Christmas are shredded, 1200 00:46:29,640 --> 00:46:30,520 put on that blue lorry 1201 00:46:30,560 --> 00:46:31,760 and then taken where? 1202 00:46:31,800 --> 00:46:33,800 That's the reason we're following the blue lorry. 1203 00:46:33,840 --> 00:46:34,040 That's the reason we're following the blue lorry. 1204 00:46:44,280 --> 00:46:46,280 PHONE BUZZES 1205 00:46:46,320 --> 00:46:47,280 PHONE BUZZES 1206 00:46:49,120 --> 00:46:51,120 VOICE NOTE PLAYS:Hiya. Um, yeah, tonight sounds great. 1207 00:46:51,160 --> 00:46:53,160 VOICE NOTE PLAYS:Hiya. Um, yeah, tonight sounds great. 1208 00:46:53,200 --> 00:46:53,480 VOICE NOTE PLAYS:Hiya. Um, yeah, tonight sounds great. 1209 00:46:53,520 --> 00:46:55,520 I think I can get to you for about eight o'clock. 1210 00:46:55,560 --> 00:46:56,840 I think I can get to you for about eight o'clock. 1211 00:46:56,880 --> 00:46:58,880 So, yeah, I guess I'll see you then. Bye. 1212 00:46:58,920 --> 00:47:00,800 So, yeah, I guess I'll see you then. Bye. 1213 00:47:05,640 --> 00:47:07,160 Still got it. 1214 00:47:08,840 --> 00:47:10,600 HE CHUCKLES 1215 00:47:26,440 --> 00:47:28,440 Ooh, Chris, before I forget. 1216 00:47:28,480 --> 00:47:29,920 Ooh, Chris, before I forget. 1217 00:47:29,960 --> 00:47:30,920 There you go. 1218 00:47:32,360 --> 00:47:34,160 You got me a new SIM card. 1219 00:47:34,200 --> 00:47:36,200 No, that's just the one I swallowed. 1220 00:47:36,240 --> 00:47:36,560 No, that's just the one I swallowed. 1221 00:47:38,920 --> 00:47:40,240 You wait here. 1222 00:47:40,280 --> 00:47:41,440 Where are you going? 1223 00:47:41,480 --> 00:47:43,160 I have an idea. 1224 00:47:43,200 --> 00:47:45,200 MUSIC: The Carol Of The Bells by Mykola Leontovych 1225 00:47:45,240 --> 00:47:47,240 MUSIC: The Carol Of The Bells by Mykola Leontovych 1226 00:47:47,280 --> 00:47:47,640 MUSIC: The Carol Of The Bells by Mykola Leontovych 1227 00:47:49,480 --> 00:47:51,480 Knock-knock. Hey. 1228 00:47:51,520 --> 00:47:52,560 Knock-knock. Hey. 1229 00:47:52,600 --> 00:47:54,600 Can I help you? I don't know. Can you? 1230 00:47:54,640 --> 00:47:56,200 Can I help you? I don't know. Can you? 1231 00:47:56,240 --> 00:47:58,240 Well, not unless you tell me what it is you want, no. 1232 00:47:58,280 --> 00:47:58,520 Well, not unless you tell me what it is you want, no. 1233 00:48:01,200 --> 00:48:02,520 I'm, er... 1234 00:48:03,720 --> 00:48:05,720 I'm here to see...Father Christmas. 1235 00:48:05,760 --> 00:48:06,840 I'm here to see...Father Christmas. 1236 00:48:06,880 --> 00:48:08,000 Oh, yeah? 1237 00:48:08,040 --> 00:48:09,240 Yeah. 1238 00:48:09,280 --> 00:48:11,280 Got an appointment? 1239 00:48:11,320 --> 00:48:11,520 Got an appointment? 1240 00:48:11,560 --> 00:48:13,560 Do I...need one? 1241 00:48:13,600 --> 00:48:13,760 Do I...need one? 1242 00:48:14,840 --> 00:48:16,840 Does this look like the North Pole to you? Hmm? 1243 00:48:16,880 --> 00:48:17,840 Does this look like the North Pole to you? Hmm? 1244 00:48:17,880 --> 00:48:19,640 I don't know, I've never been. 1245 00:48:19,680 --> 00:48:21,680 Yeah. Well, it's not. 1246 00:48:21,720 --> 00:48:22,360 Yeah. Well, it's not. 1247 00:48:22,400 --> 00:48:24,440 It's Milton Keynes. OK. 1248 00:48:24,480 --> 00:48:26,480 Now clear off! Fair enough. Yep. 1249 00:48:26,520 --> 00:48:26,760 Now clear off! Fair enough. Yep. 1250 00:48:28,440 --> 00:48:29,600 Thank you. 1251 00:48:35,720 --> 00:48:36,880 OK. 1252 00:48:38,200 --> 00:48:40,200 Well? Yep, he is definitely in there. 1253 00:48:40,240 --> 00:48:41,960 Well? Yep, he is definitely in there. 1254 00:48:42,000 --> 00:48:44,000 Father Christmas? How do you know? 1255 00:48:44,040 --> 00:48:44,960 Father Christmas? How do you know? 1256 00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:47,000 Woman's...institution, Chris. 1257 00:48:47,040 --> 00:48:47,600 Woman's...institution, Chris. 1258 00:48:49,200 --> 00:48:51,200 What now?Plan B. 1259 00:48:51,240 --> 00:48:51,640 What now?Plan B. 1260 00:48:51,680 --> 00:48:53,520 ENGINE STARTS 1261 00:48:53,560 --> 00:48:55,480 PHONE RINGS 1262 00:48:57,320 --> 00:48:58,640 Problem? 1263 00:48:58,680 --> 00:49:00,680 No, sir. No problem. 1264 00:49:00,720 --> 00:49:01,040 No, sir. No problem. 1265 00:49:11,040 --> 00:49:13,040 CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYS 1266 00:49:13,080 --> 00:49:14,720 CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYS 1267 00:49:28,720 --> 00:49:30,720 SINISTER MUSIC PLAYS 1268 00:49:30,760 --> 00:49:32,000 SINISTER MUSIC PLAYS 1269 00:49:37,680 --> 00:49:39,520 Are you sure this is going to work? 1270 00:49:39,560 --> 00:49:41,560 I don't look anything like a security guard! 1271 00:49:41,600 --> 00:49:42,000 I don't look anything like a security guard! 1272 00:49:42,040 --> 00:49:44,040 Yeah, because you haven't put the hat on yet. 1273 00:49:44,080 --> 00:49:44,280 Yeah, because you haven't put the hat on yet. 1274 00:49:51,520 --> 00:49:53,520 I know you said you've done this before, 1275 00:49:53,560 --> 00:49:53,920 I know you said you've done this before, 1276 00:49:53,960 --> 00:49:55,960 but I suppose the question is, how many times? 1277 00:49:56,000 --> 00:49:56,720 but I suppose the question is, how many times? 1278 00:49:56,760 --> 00:49:58,760 Yeah, mate, I really don't know. It's not like I keep count. 1279 00:49:58,800 --> 00:49:59,480 Yeah, mate, I really don't know. It's not like I keep count. 1280 00:49:59,520 --> 00:50:01,520 Like, less than 100, more than once. 1281 00:50:01,560 --> 00:50:02,040 Like, less than 100, more than once. 1282 00:50:02,080 --> 00:50:04,080 You mean twice?Well, you know what they say - third time lucky. 1283 00:50:04,120 --> 00:50:05,600 You mean twice?Well, you know what they say - third time lucky. 1284 00:50:05,640 --> 00:50:07,640 The first two times failed?! 1285 00:50:07,680 --> 00:50:08,040 The first two times failed?! 1286 00:50:08,080 --> 00:50:10,080 Chris, now is really not the time for second thoughts, OK? 1287 00:50:10,120 --> 00:50:10,960 Chris, now is really not the time for second thoughts, OK? 1288 00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:13,000 Did you want to find out if Father Christmas is real or not? 1289 00:50:13,040 --> 00:50:13,280 Did you want to find out if Father Christmas is real or not? 1290 00:50:13,320 --> 00:50:14,840 Well, yeah! But... 1291 00:50:14,880 --> 00:50:16,880 Good. Because there is a very small chance 1292 00:50:16,920 --> 00:50:18,720 that he is on the other side of that wall. 1293 00:50:18,760 --> 00:50:20,760 "A very small chance"? You said "definitely"! 1294 00:50:20,800 --> 00:50:21,560 "A very small chance"? You said "definitely"! 1295 00:50:21,600 --> 00:50:23,600 Definitely a very small chance. 1296 00:50:23,640 --> 00:50:23,880 Definitely a very small chance. 1297 00:50:23,920 --> 00:50:25,920 Now, you just remember what I told you, yeah? Tuck and roll. 1298 00:50:25,960 --> 00:50:26,920 Now, you just remember what I told you, yeah? Tuck and roll. 1299 00:50:26,960 --> 00:50:28,600 You didn't tell me that. 1300 00:50:28,640 --> 00:50:30,640 Well, I'm telling you now, aren't I? Tuck and roll! 1301 00:50:30,680 --> 00:50:31,000 Well, I'm telling you now, aren't I? Tuck and roll! 1302 00:50:31,040 --> 00:50:33,040 OK! OK, tuck and roll. 1303 00:50:33,080 --> 00:50:33,760 OK! OK, tuck and roll. 1304 00:50:33,800 --> 00:50:35,800 Wait! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 1305 00:50:35,840 --> 00:50:36,960 Wait! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 1306 00:50:40,760 --> 00:50:41,760 Aim for the pillows. 1307 00:50:43,800 --> 00:50:45,800 And tuck and roll! 1308 00:50:45,840 --> 00:50:46,040 And tuck and roll! 1309 00:50:46,080 --> 00:50:47,720 I got it, I got it. 1310 00:50:57,680 --> 00:50:59,680 FOOTFALLS BANG ON ROOF 1311 00:50:59,720 --> 00:50:59,960 FOOTFALLS BANG ON ROOF 1312 00:51:00,000 --> 00:51:02,000 Whooooa! 1313 00:51:02,040 --> 00:51:02,840 Whooooa! 1314 00:51:02,880 --> 00:51:04,040 THUD! 1315 00:51:05,360 --> 00:51:07,360 Chris? HE GRUNTS 1316 00:51:07,400 --> 00:51:07,720 Chris? HE GRUNTS 1317 00:51:07,760 --> 00:51:08,840 Yeah... 1318 00:51:10,120 --> 00:51:11,480 It worked! 1319 00:51:16,760 --> 00:51:18,760 Stay right where you are! 1320 00:51:18,800 --> 00:51:19,160 Stay right where you are! 1321 00:51:23,160 --> 00:51:25,160 VAN DOOR SLAMS 1322 00:51:25,200 --> 00:51:26,960 VAN DOOR SLAMS 1323 00:51:27,000 --> 00:51:29,000 ENGINE STARTS 1324 00:51:29,040 --> 00:51:29,520 ENGINE STARTS 1325 00:51:29,560 --> 00:51:31,560 TYRES SQUEAL 1326 00:51:31,600 --> 00:51:33,600 TYRES SQUEAL 1327 00:51:33,640 --> 00:51:34,240 TYRES SQUEAL 1328 00:51:34,280 --> 00:51:36,280 Oh, I'm so sorry, mate. I didn't realise you were one of us. 1329 00:51:36,320 --> 00:51:37,480 Oh, I'm so sorry, mate. I didn't realise you were one of us. 1330 00:51:39,520 --> 00:51:41,480 Er, yeah. Yeah, no, I am. 1331 00:51:41,520 --> 00:51:42,720 Definitely. 1332 00:51:42,760 --> 00:51:44,760 SECURITY GUARD HUMS 1333 00:51:44,800 --> 00:51:45,760 SECURITY GUARD HUMS 1334 00:51:45,800 --> 00:51:47,800 Hang on! 1335 00:51:47,840 --> 00:51:48,040 Hang on! 1336 00:51:48,080 --> 00:51:49,600 I don't recognise you. 1337 00:51:51,320 --> 00:51:52,680 Well, you must be new. 1338 00:51:55,000 --> 00:51:57,000 That's right, yeah. Yeah, I am. I just... 1339 00:51:57,040 --> 00:51:58,240 That's right, yeah. Yeah, I am. I just... 1340 00:51:58,280 --> 00:51:59,680 Just transferred in. 1341 00:52:00,880 --> 00:52:02,880 Well, then, how come you have a different uniform? 1342 00:52:02,920 --> 00:52:04,000 Well, then, how come you have a different uniform? 1343 00:52:05,760 --> 00:52:07,440 Well, it must be from a different branch. 1344 00:52:07,480 --> 00:52:09,480 Come on, then, let's have a cup of tea. 1345 00:52:09,520 --> 00:52:09,800 Come on, then, let's have a cup of tea. 1346 00:52:09,840 --> 00:52:11,840 I'll introduce you to the crazy gang. 1347 00:52:11,880 --> 00:52:12,160 I'll introduce you to the crazy gang. 1348 00:52:12,200 --> 00:52:14,200 MUSIC: When You Say Nothing At All by Ronan Keating 1349 00:52:14,240 --> 00:52:15,800 MUSIC: When You Say Nothing At All by Ronan Keating 1350 00:52:21,480 --> 00:52:22,800 Hello. 1351 00:52:22,840 --> 00:52:24,840 TYRES SQUEAL, MUSIC STOPS 1352 00:52:24,880 --> 00:52:25,320 TYRES SQUEAL, MUSIC STOPS 1353 00:52:25,360 --> 00:52:27,360 Oh, no. Uncle Nicholas... 1354 00:52:27,400 --> 00:52:27,640 Oh, no. Uncle Nicholas... 1355 00:52:27,680 --> 00:52:29,680 Uncle Nicholas, I-I-I tried to talk him out of it, I swear. 1356 00:52:29,720 --> 00:52:30,200 Uncle Nicholas, I-I-I tried to talk him out of it, I swear. 1357 00:52:30,240 --> 00:52:31,960 I really did, I really... 1358 00:52:32,000 --> 00:52:33,320 Hi. You all right? Hi. 1359 00:52:33,360 --> 00:52:35,360 But he just... He wouldn't listen, he wouldn't listen. 1360 00:52:35,400 --> 00:52:36,000 But he just... He wouldn't listen, he wouldn't listen. 1361 00:52:36,040 --> 00:52:38,040 "Holly," he said, "That is very mature 1362 00:52:38,080 --> 00:52:38,320 "Holly," he said, "That is very mature 1363 00:52:38,360 --> 00:52:39,920 "and incredibly level-headed advice, 1364 00:52:39,960 --> 00:52:41,960 "but I will...but I will fundamentally ignore it." 1365 00:52:42,000 --> 00:52:42,360 "but I will...but I will fundamentally ignore it." 1366 00:52:42,400 --> 00:52:44,400 Holly, Holly, slow down. 1367 00:52:44,440 --> 00:52:44,720 Holly, Holly, slow down. 1368 00:52:44,760 --> 00:52:46,480 What are you talking about? 1369 00:52:46,520 --> 00:52:47,640 Where is Chris? 1370 00:52:48,720 --> 00:52:50,720 BEEPING 1371 00:52:50,760 --> 00:52:51,880 BEEPING 1372 00:52:51,920 --> 00:52:53,280 Milton Keynes? 1373 00:52:53,320 --> 00:52:55,240 I don't know what I'm going to do. 1374 00:52:55,280 --> 00:52:57,280 I'm out of ideas. I mean, he's 16 years old, 1375 00:52:57,320 --> 00:52:58,360 I'm out of ideas. I mean, he's 16 years old, 1376 00:52:58,400 --> 00:53:00,400 and he still believes in Father Christmas. 1377 00:53:00,440 --> 00:53:00,680 and he still believes in Father Christmas. 1378 00:53:00,720 --> 00:53:02,080 I think that's good. 1379 00:53:02,120 --> 00:53:04,120 I don't. I think it's sad and pathetic. 1380 00:53:04,160 --> 00:53:05,680 I don't. I think it's sad and pathetic. 1381 00:53:05,720 --> 00:53:07,720 He's becoming more and more like his dad each day. 1382 00:53:07,760 --> 00:53:08,360 He's becoming more and more like his dad each day. 1383 00:53:08,400 --> 00:53:10,080 At least he believes in something. 1384 00:53:11,400 --> 00:53:13,320 A lot of people don't. 1385 00:53:13,360 --> 00:53:15,360 I mean, I don't know, I'm not his parent, you are. 1386 00:53:15,400 --> 00:53:16,000 I mean, I don't know, I'm not his parent, you are. 1387 00:53:16,040 --> 00:53:17,040 But I AM his teacher... 1388 00:53:18,480 --> 00:53:20,480 ..and what I see is a boy who's bright and curious and tenacious, 1389 00:53:20,520 --> 00:53:22,520 ..and what I see is a boy who's bright and curious and tenacious, 1390 00:53:22,560 --> 00:53:24,040 ..and what I see is a boy who's bright and curious and tenacious, 1391 00:53:24,080 --> 00:53:25,360 and who shows initiative. 1392 00:53:27,400 --> 00:53:29,000 Those are all good qualities. 1393 00:53:31,280 --> 00:53:32,160 Thank you. 1394 00:53:33,520 --> 00:53:35,040 And thanks for coming tonight. 1395 00:53:36,280 --> 00:53:38,280 This wasn't really what I had in mind for our first date. 1396 00:53:38,320 --> 00:53:38,960 This wasn't really what I had in mind for our first date. 1397 00:53:40,240 --> 00:53:42,240 Listen up, everyone, this is Chris. 1398 00:53:42,280 --> 00:53:42,960 Listen up, everyone, this is Chris. 1399 00:53:43,000 --> 00:53:45,000 He just transferred in. All right, Chris? Hiya. 1400 00:53:45,040 --> 00:53:45,320 He just transferred in. All right, Chris? Hiya. 1401 00:53:45,360 --> 00:53:47,360 Chris, this is Danny. Where were you before? 1402 00:53:47,400 --> 00:53:48,320 Chris, this is Danny. Where were you before? 1403 00:53:48,360 --> 00:53:50,320 Swindon. 1404 00:53:50,360 --> 00:53:51,920 That's Frank. 1405 00:53:51,960 --> 00:53:53,960 I didn't know we had an office in Swindon. 1406 00:53:54,000 --> 00:53:54,240 I didn't know we had an office in Swindon. 1407 00:53:54,280 --> 00:53:56,280 They wouldn't tell us if they did. 1408 00:53:56,320 --> 00:53:56,600 They wouldn't tell us if they did. 1409 00:53:56,640 --> 00:53:58,640 You got that right. Angela. Hi. 1410 00:53:58,680 --> 00:54:00,200 You got that right. Angela. Hi. 1411 00:54:00,240 --> 00:54:02,240 Come on, then, I'll show you round the kitchen. 1412 00:54:02,280 --> 00:54:02,560 Come on, then, I'll show you round the kitchen. 1413 00:54:02,600 --> 00:54:04,600 So that's Robbo, Big Jen, and Teabag. 1414 00:54:04,640 --> 00:54:05,280 So that's Robbo, Big Jen, and Teabag. 1415 00:54:05,320 --> 00:54:06,640 Cup of tea, Chris? 1416 00:54:22,880 --> 00:54:24,880 No, no, no. No children. 1417 00:54:24,920 --> 00:54:25,800 No, no, no. No children. 1418 00:54:25,840 --> 00:54:27,840 I need a girlfriend first. THEY CHUCKLE 1419 00:54:27,880 --> 00:54:28,160 I need a girlfriend first. THEY CHUCKLE 1420 00:54:28,200 --> 00:54:29,760 RADIO CHATTER Oh, sorry, Chris. 1421 00:54:29,800 --> 00:54:31,800 Go ahead, this is Goshawk, over. 1422 00:54:31,840 --> 00:54:33,120 Go ahead, this is Goshawk, over. 1423 00:54:33,160 --> 00:54:35,160 RADIO:Yeah, you haven't seen anyone you're not supposed to 1424 00:54:35,200 --> 00:54:35,440 RADIO:Yeah, you haven't seen anyone you're not supposed to 1425 00:54:35,480 --> 00:54:37,160 on your rounds, have you? Over. 1426 00:54:37,200 --> 00:54:39,200 No, what kind? Over. 1427 00:54:39,240 --> 00:54:39,480 No, what kind? Over. 1428 00:54:39,520 --> 00:54:40,960 I've got a gentleman here says his lad 1429 00:54:41,000 --> 00:54:43,000 trampolined over the back wall earlier on tonight. Over. 1430 00:54:43,040 --> 00:54:44,440 trampolined over the back wall earlier on tonight. Over. 1431 00:54:44,480 --> 00:54:45,720 No, sorry. 1432 00:54:48,000 --> 00:54:49,160 Hang on a minute. 1433 00:54:50,960 --> 00:54:52,080 Chris? 1434 00:54:53,320 --> 00:54:54,840 Yeah? 1435 00:54:54,880 --> 00:54:56,720 You were round the back earlier. 1436 00:54:56,760 --> 00:54:58,760 See anything that looked like a young lad? 1437 00:54:58,800 --> 00:55:00,000 See anything that looked like a young lad? 1438 00:55:00,040 --> 00:55:02,040 No, no. Not that I can think of. 1439 00:55:02,080 --> 00:55:02,880 No, no. Not that I can think of. 1440 00:55:02,920 --> 00:55:04,920 Sorry, mate, can't help you. Over and out. 1441 00:55:04,960 --> 00:55:05,160 Sorry, mate, can't help you. Over and out. 1442 00:55:07,480 --> 00:55:09,480 Is the toilet...?Oh, it's just out there. Second on the left. OK. 1443 00:55:09,520 --> 00:55:10,320 Is the toilet...?Oh, it's just out there. Second on the left. OK. 1444 00:55:14,760 --> 00:55:16,600 Good kid. 1445 00:55:16,640 --> 00:55:17,840 Settling in very nicely. 1446 00:55:29,000 --> 00:55:30,240 DOOR OPENS 1447 00:55:30,280 --> 00:55:31,320 Where is he? 1448 00:55:49,000 --> 00:55:51,000 LIVELY CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS 1449 00:55:51,040 --> 00:55:53,040 LIVELY CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS 1450 00:55:53,080 --> 00:55:54,880 LIVELY CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS 1451 00:56:45,280 --> 00:56:46,920 # Gloria! Gloria! 1452 00:56:48,600 --> 00:56:50,400 # Gloria! Gloria! # 1453 00:56:53,440 --> 00:56:55,280 METALLIC THUD CHRIS GASPS 1454 00:57:06,080 --> 00:57:08,080 METAL CLANKS AND SCRAPES 1455 00:57:08,120 --> 00:57:09,040 METAL CLANKS AND SCRAPES 1456 00:57:09,080 --> 00:57:10,600 Oh... 1457 00:57:12,080 --> 00:57:14,080 ALARM BLARES 1458 00:57:14,120 --> 00:57:14,720 ALARM BLARES 1459 00:57:28,320 --> 00:57:29,440 BEEPING 1460 00:57:29,480 --> 00:57:31,000 # Up on the housetop the reindeer pause 1461 00:57:31,040 --> 00:57:33,040 # Out jumps good old Santa Claus 1462 00:57:33,080 --> 00:57:33,320 # Out jumps good old Santa Claus 1463 00:57:33,360 --> 00:57:35,360 # Down through the chimney with lots of toys 1464 00:57:35,400 --> 00:57:35,680 # Down through the chimney with lots of toys 1465 00:57:35,720 --> 00:57:37,680 # All for the little ones Christmas joys 1466 00:57:37,720 --> 00:57:39,720 # Ho-ho-ho! Who wouldn't go! Ho-ho-ho! Who wouldn't go! # 1467 00:57:39,760 --> 00:57:41,760 # Ho-ho-ho! Who wouldn't go! Ho-ho-ho! Who wouldn't go! # 1468 00:57:41,800 --> 00:57:42,080 # Ho-ho-ho! Who wouldn't go! Ho-ho-ho! Who wouldn't go! # 1469 00:57:42,120 --> 00:57:44,120 Come on. In you go. Actions have consequences. 1470 00:57:44,160 --> 00:57:45,200 Come on. In you go. Actions have consequences. 1471 00:57:49,320 --> 00:57:51,320 Right, what do you want to say? 1472 00:57:51,360 --> 00:57:51,560 Right, what do you want to say? 1473 00:57:51,600 --> 00:57:52,520 Sorry. 1474 00:57:52,560 --> 00:57:54,560 Remember, you have to be specific if you want to sound sincere. 1475 00:57:54,600 --> 00:57:56,280 Remember, you have to be specific if you want to sound sincere. 1476 00:57:58,080 --> 00:58:00,080 I'm sorry I was so heavy-handed... 1477 00:58:00,120 --> 00:58:00,600 I'm sorry I was so heavy-handed... 1478 00:58:00,640 --> 00:58:01,960 SHOUTING:Speak up! 1479 00:58:02,000 --> 00:58:04,000 I'm sorry I was so heavy-handed. 1480 00:58:04,040 --> 00:58:04,760 I'm sorry I was so heavy-handed. 1481 00:58:04,800 --> 00:58:06,800 I didn't mean to scare you or put you in danger. 1482 00:58:06,840 --> 00:58:07,120 I didn't mean to scare you or put you in danger. 1483 00:58:07,160 --> 00:58:08,360 It won't happen again. 1484 00:58:09,680 --> 00:58:10,720 I promise. 1485 00:58:16,000 --> 00:58:17,800 Thank you. 1486 00:58:17,840 --> 00:58:18,800 Yeah. 1487 00:58:21,720 --> 00:58:23,560 Right, off you go. 1488 00:58:26,440 --> 00:58:28,440 SANTA GRUNTS 1489 00:58:28,480 --> 00:58:29,200 SANTA GRUNTS 1490 00:58:29,240 --> 00:58:30,520 SANTA SIGHS 1491 00:58:30,560 --> 00:58:32,160 Poor old Ruprecht. 1492 00:58:32,200 --> 00:58:34,080 His heart's in the right place. 1493 00:58:34,120 --> 00:58:36,120 And the truth is, well, I couldn't do without him. 1494 00:58:36,160 --> 00:58:37,080 And the truth is, well, I couldn't do without him. 1495 00:58:37,120 --> 00:58:39,120 He takes care of that part of the business - 1496 00:58:39,160 --> 00:58:39,440 He takes care of that part of the business - 1497 00:58:39,480 --> 00:58:41,480 that leaves me free to do the things that I need to do. 1498 00:58:41,520 --> 00:58:42,120 that leaves me free to do the things that I need to do. 1499 00:58:42,160 --> 00:58:43,840 Which is a roundabout way of saying, 1500 00:58:43,880 --> 00:58:45,880 I have no idea who you are, why you're here, 1501 00:58:45,920 --> 00:58:46,640 I have no idea who you are, why you're here, 1502 00:58:46,680 --> 00:58:48,680 and why you didn't just write a letter like everyone else. 1503 00:58:48,720 --> 00:58:49,600 and why you didn't just write a letter like everyone else. 1504 00:58:49,640 --> 00:58:51,640 I did. And I'm Chris, by the way. 1505 00:58:51,680 --> 00:58:53,200 I did. And I'm Chris, by the way. 1506 00:58:53,240 --> 00:58:55,240 Right. Do you have the letter on you? 1507 00:58:55,280 --> 00:58:56,120 Right. Do you have the letter on you? 1508 00:58:56,160 --> 00:58:58,160 Yes, I do. 1509 00:58:58,200 --> 00:58:58,400 Yes, I do. 1510 00:58:58,440 --> 00:59:00,240 Here.Ah. 1511 00:59:03,240 --> 00:59:04,560 Right. 1512 00:59:04,600 --> 00:59:06,600 Let me guess - wireless headphones? 1513 00:59:06,640 --> 00:59:07,920 Let me guess - wireless headphones? 1514 00:59:07,960 --> 00:59:09,960 A hoodie? A black Nando's card? 1515 00:59:10,000 --> 00:59:10,680 A hoodie? A black Nando's card? 1516 00:59:16,360 --> 00:59:18,360 All you want for Christmas is 1517 00:59:18,400 --> 00:59:18,640 All you want for Christmas is 1518 00:59:18,680 --> 00:59:20,680 for your dad to believe in Father Christmas? 1519 00:59:20,720 --> 00:59:21,360 for your dad to believe in Father Christmas? 1520 00:59:21,400 --> 00:59:23,200 He doesn't think you exist. 1521 00:59:24,720 --> 00:59:26,720 Tell me, Chris. It is Chris, isn't it? 1522 00:59:26,760 --> 00:59:28,000 Tell me, Chris. It is Chris, isn't it? 1523 00:59:28,040 --> 00:59:30,040 Have you, er... 1524 00:59:30,080 --> 00:59:30,640 Have you, er... 1525 00:59:30,680 --> 00:59:32,680 Have you ever seen a magic trick? 1526 00:59:32,720 --> 00:59:33,160 Have you ever seen a magic trick? 1527 00:59:42,080 --> 00:59:43,800 Were you amazed? 1528 00:59:45,000 --> 00:59:46,080 I was. 1529 00:59:49,560 --> 00:59:51,280 What do you think would have happened 1530 00:59:51,320 --> 00:59:53,320 if the magician had explained the trick to you first? 1531 00:59:53,360 --> 00:59:54,400 if the magician had explained the trick to you first? 1532 00:59:54,440 --> 00:59:55,920 It wouldn't feel like magic. 1533 00:59:55,960 --> 00:59:57,640 Ah! 1534 00:59:57,680 --> 00:59:59,680 Well, that's the approach we like to take here. 1535 00:59:59,720 --> 01:00:01,480 Well, that's the approach we like to take here. 1536 01:00:01,520 --> 01:00:03,520 Truth is, it helps to have people like your dad out there - 1537 01:00:03,560 --> 01:00:04,880 Truth is, it helps to have people like your dad out there - 1538 01:00:04,920 --> 01:00:06,920 the sceptics, the non-believers. 1539 01:00:06,960 --> 01:00:07,280 the sceptics, the non-believers. 1540 01:00:07,320 --> 01:00:09,200 Makes it more special for the children 1541 01:00:09,240 --> 01:00:10,800 and those that do believe. 1542 01:00:10,840 --> 01:00:12,840 And that's the most important thing, wouldn't you agree? 1543 01:00:12,880 --> 01:00:14,560 And that's the most important thing, wouldn't you agree? 1544 01:00:14,600 --> 01:00:16,600 Unfortunately, it's getting harder and harder to amaze people. 1545 01:00:16,640 --> 01:00:18,640 Unfortunately, it's getting harder and harder to amaze people. 1546 01:00:18,680 --> 01:00:18,920 Unfortunately, it's getting harder and harder to amaze people. 1547 01:00:18,960 --> 01:00:20,120 100 years ago, 1548 01:00:20,160 --> 01:00:22,160 the science I had, it was 1,000 years ahead of anyone. 1549 01:00:22,200 --> 01:00:23,680 the science I had, it was 1,000 years ahead of anyone. 1550 01:00:23,720 --> 01:00:25,720 A decade ago, only a century. 1551 01:00:25,760 --> 01:00:26,000 A decade ago, only a century. 1552 01:00:26,040 --> 01:00:28,040 And now it's getting closer - the gap is closing fast. 1553 01:00:28,080 --> 01:00:30,080 And now it's getting closer - the gap is closing fast. 1554 01:00:30,120 --> 01:00:30,360 And now it's getting closer - the gap is closing fast. 1555 01:00:30,400 --> 01:00:31,960 The inexorable march of progress. 1556 01:00:33,120 --> 01:00:35,080 Those people in the photograph - 1557 01:00:35,120 --> 01:00:37,120 I'm sure they had good intentions, 1558 01:00:37,160 --> 01:00:37,520 I'm sure they had good intentions, 1559 01:00:37,560 --> 01:00:39,560 but they were getting dangerously close to the truth. 1560 01:00:39,600 --> 01:00:40,920 but they were getting dangerously close to the truth. 1561 01:00:40,960 --> 01:00:42,960 That could've ruined Christmas for an awful lot of people. 1562 01:00:43,000 --> 01:00:44,120 That could've ruined Christmas for an awful lot of people. 1563 01:00:44,160 --> 01:00:45,520 Ruprecht had to step in. 1564 01:00:46,680 --> 01:00:48,680 Now, I understand that you want to prove to your dad 1565 01:00:48,720 --> 01:00:50,720 Now, I understand that you want to prove to your dad 1566 01:00:50,760 --> 01:00:51,960 Now, I understand that you want to prove to your dad 1567 01:00:52,000 --> 01:00:54,000 that I'm real, and that you were right, but... 1568 01:00:54,040 --> 01:00:54,360 that I'm real, and that you were right, but... 1569 01:00:56,360 --> 01:00:57,760 ..I need to ask you a favour. 1570 01:01:01,120 --> 01:01:03,120 I need you to keep all of this a secret. 1571 01:01:03,160 --> 01:01:04,640 I need you to keep all of this a secret. 1572 01:01:04,680 --> 01:01:06,040 You know... 1573 01:01:06,080 --> 01:01:08,080 ..to preserve the magic for at least one more generation. 1574 01:01:08,120 --> 01:01:09,760 ..to preserve the magic for at least one more generation. 1575 01:01:11,760 --> 01:01:13,480 Do you think you could do that for me? 1576 01:01:16,440 --> 01:01:17,520 Well... 1577 01:01:18,640 --> 01:01:20,640 ..I can't really say "no" to Father Christmas, can I? 1578 01:01:20,680 --> 01:01:21,240 ..I can't really say "no" to Father Christmas, can I? 1579 01:01:21,280 --> 01:01:22,240 Ah! 1580 01:01:23,800 --> 01:01:25,800 Well, what can I get you instead? 1581 01:01:25,840 --> 01:01:27,880 Well, what can I get you instead? 1582 01:01:27,920 --> 01:01:29,920 How about an air-fryer? I've had a run on those. 1583 01:01:29,960 --> 01:01:30,160 How about an air-fryer? I've had a run on those. 1584 01:01:32,440 --> 01:01:33,440 No. 1585 01:01:34,960 --> 01:01:36,240 I know what I want. 1586 01:01:36,280 --> 01:01:37,640 Oh? 1587 01:01:51,120 --> 01:01:53,120 Oh, with your science teacher? No, I don't think.... 1588 01:01:53,160 --> 01:01:53,720 Oh, with your science teacher? No, I don't think.... 1589 01:01:53,760 --> 01:01:55,120 No, not for me. 1590 01:01:55,160 --> 01:01:56,280 Oh. 1591 01:02:04,080 --> 01:02:05,400 Well... 1592 01:02:08,040 --> 01:02:10,040 ..it's a little outside my remit, but... 1593 01:02:10,080 --> 01:02:10,280 ..it's a little outside my remit, but... 1594 01:02:11,800 --> 01:02:13,520 ..I'll see what I can do. 1595 01:02:53,760 --> 01:02:55,760 You do know that this is not about Father Christmas, don't you? 1596 01:02:55,800 --> 01:02:56,760 You do know that this is not about Father Christmas, don't you? 1597 01:02:58,600 --> 01:02:59,840 For either of you. 1598 01:03:23,240 --> 01:03:25,240 Hey. 1599 01:03:25,280 --> 01:03:25,520 Hey. 1600 01:03:25,560 --> 01:03:27,560 Now I wouldn't say this out loud, but, um... 1601 01:03:27,600 --> 01:03:28,320 Now I wouldn't say this out loud, but, um... 1602 01:03:30,800 --> 01:03:32,800 ..I was really proud of the way you kept going back there. 1603 01:03:32,840 --> 01:03:33,520 ..I was really proud of the way you kept going back there. 1604 01:03:34,840 --> 01:03:36,840 You know, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, you... 1605 01:03:36,880 --> 01:03:38,880 You know, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, you... 1606 01:03:38,920 --> 01:03:40,120 You know, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, you... 1607 01:03:41,240 --> 01:03:42,920 ..you showed real determination. 1608 01:03:44,720 --> 01:03:46,000 Thank you. 1609 01:03:56,120 --> 01:03:58,120 She loved Christmas. 1610 01:03:58,160 --> 01:03:58,520 She loved Christmas. 1611 01:03:58,560 --> 01:04:00,160 Not as much as you, obviously. 1612 01:04:01,920 --> 01:04:03,920 But it was definitely her favourite time of year. 1613 01:04:03,960 --> 01:04:04,280 But it was definitely her favourite time of year. 1614 01:04:06,320 --> 01:04:08,320 You know, I think part of the reason why 1615 01:04:08,360 --> 01:04:10,360 You know, I think part of the reason why 1616 01:04:10,400 --> 01:04:10,680 You know, I think part of the reason why 1617 01:04:10,720 --> 01:04:12,680 you wanted to still believe in Father Christmas 1618 01:04:12,720 --> 01:04:14,720 was because of that, 1619 01:04:14,760 --> 01:04:15,200 was because of that, 1620 01:04:15,240 --> 01:04:17,240 because Mum and Christmas are so closely associated, 1621 01:04:17,280 --> 01:04:19,280 because Mum and Christmas are so closely associated, 1622 01:04:19,320 --> 01:04:21,320 because Mum and Christmas are so closely associated, 1623 01:04:21,360 --> 01:04:21,600 because Mum and Christmas are so closely associated, 1624 01:04:21,640 --> 01:04:23,240 it's as if... 1625 01:04:24,680 --> 01:04:26,480 ..to believe in Father Christmas 1626 01:04:26,520 --> 01:04:28,520 was to keep the memory of her alive. 1627 01:04:28,560 --> 01:04:28,760 was to keep the memory of her alive. 1628 01:04:30,720 --> 01:04:32,120 But you'll never forget her. 1629 01:04:33,320 --> 01:04:34,680 She'll always be here. 1630 01:04:36,720 --> 01:04:38,720 And we'll still have a great Christmas, won't we? 1631 01:04:38,760 --> 01:04:39,120 And we'll still have a great Christmas, won't we? 1632 01:04:39,160 --> 01:04:40,640 Yeah.Eh? 1633 01:04:40,680 --> 01:04:42,680 We'll open presents, pull crackers, put up decorations, 1634 01:04:42,720 --> 01:04:44,720 We'll open presents, pull crackers, put up decorations, 1635 01:04:44,760 --> 01:04:45,680 We'll open presents, pull crackers, put up decorations, 1636 01:04:45,720 --> 01:04:47,720 cook a goose, pretend we like Christmas pudding - the works. 1637 01:04:47,760 --> 01:04:49,760 cook a goose, pretend we like Christmas pudding - the works. 1638 01:04:49,800 --> 01:04:50,040 cook a goose, pretend we like Christmas pudding - the works. 1639 01:04:50,080 --> 01:04:51,400 Thanks, Dad. 1640 01:04:51,440 --> 01:04:52,400 I love you, son. 1641 01:04:56,720 --> 01:04:57,960 Dad?Mm? 1642 01:04:59,360 --> 01:05:01,360 I also think that part of the reason 1643 01:05:01,400 --> 01:05:03,400 I also think that part of the reason 1644 01:05:03,440 --> 01:05:05,440 that you didn't want me to believe in Father Christmas 1645 01:05:05,480 --> 01:05:07,400 that you didn't want me to believe in Father Christmas 1646 01:05:07,440 --> 01:05:09,440 was because of Mum as well. 1647 01:05:09,480 --> 01:05:09,720 was because of Mum as well. 1648 01:05:09,760 --> 01:05:10,720 Oh? 1649 01:05:11,880 --> 01:05:13,880 Almost as if, I don't know, 1650 01:05:13,920 --> 01:05:15,080 Almost as if, I don't know, 1651 01:05:15,120 --> 01:05:17,120 because Mum and Christmas are so closely associated, 1652 01:05:17,160 --> 01:05:18,960 because Mum and Christmas are so closely associated, 1653 01:05:19,000 --> 01:05:21,000 that if I still believed in Father Christmas, then... 1654 01:05:21,040 --> 01:05:23,040 that if I still believed in Father Christmas, then... 1655 01:05:23,080 --> 01:05:23,920 that if I still believed in Father Christmas, then... 1656 01:05:25,080 --> 01:05:27,080 ..it'd just be too hard 1657 01:05:27,120 --> 01:05:27,840 ..it'd just be too hard 1658 01:05:27,880 --> 01:05:29,880 for you to move on with the rest of your life. 1659 01:05:29,920 --> 01:05:30,720 for you to move on with the rest of your life. 1660 01:05:33,720 --> 01:05:35,080 But you can. 1661 01:05:38,040 --> 01:05:39,560 You're not going to forget her. 1662 01:05:46,840 --> 01:05:48,400 That's an interesting thought. 1663 01:05:54,760 --> 01:05:56,120 Goodnight, mate. 1664 01:05:56,160 --> 01:05:57,480 Night, Dad. 1665 01:06:14,120 --> 01:06:16,120 BELLS JINGLE 1666 01:06:16,160 --> 01:06:18,160 BELLS JINGLE 1667 01:06:18,200 --> 01:06:18,400 BELLS JINGLE 1668 01:06:18,440 --> 01:06:20,440 TINKLY FESTIVE MUSIC PLAYS 1669 01:06:20,480 --> 01:06:22,480 TINKLY FESTIVE MUSIC PLAYS 1670 01:06:22,520 --> 01:06:22,960 TINKLY FESTIVE MUSIC PLAYS 1671 01:06:44,600 --> 01:06:45,960 He's been! 1672 01:07:11,840 --> 01:07:13,840 How on earth did you get up there? 1673 01:07:13,880 --> 01:07:14,200 How on earth did you get up there? 1674 01:07:14,240 --> 01:07:16,240 I don't know. It's a Christmas miracle. 1675 01:07:16,280 --> 01:07:17,240 I don't know. It's a Christmas miracle. 1676 01:07:17,280 --> 01:07:19,280 Yeah, well, as long as it wasn't that trampoline again. 1677 01:07:19,320 --> 01:07:20,040 Yeah, well, as long as it wasn't that trampoline again. 1678 01:07:20,080 --> 01:07:22,080 Anyway, come on - that goose isn't going to cook itself. 1679 01:07:22,120 --> 01:07:23,400 Anyway, come on - that goose isn't going to cook itself. 1680 01:07:23,440 --> 01:07:24,440 Come on. 1681 01:07:41,600 --> 01:07:43,440 Merry Christmas! 1682 01:08:36,800 --> 01:08:38,800 Subtitles by Red Bee Media 1683 01:08:38,840 --> 01:08:40,000 Subtitles by Red Bee Media 129158