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- Adela has a presentation in town today. - Postpone it.

- Good morning! - Good morning!

- They won't be happy. - I know.

- Good morning. - Good morning.

- Tomorrow it's Saatchi & Saatchi. - Send Giulia.

- The Blumarine profile needs to get done. - Get Filippa to do it.

- Good morning. - Good morning.

No, I can't talk now. I don't know when I can call back.

In half an hour.

Matteo again?

- What's your idea for the feature? - Instant dresses.

Made solely out of newspapers.

They're old by the next day. You use them...

then discard them! A daring idea.

- You think so? - It's fashion, Carola, not math.

If you're confident when you're calling something fashion then...

- That's what it is. - Good girl.

The boss wants to see me to check out the "Two Women in the World" catalogue.

Okay.

EVER BEEN TO THE MOON?

- Good morning. - We need approval from Paris.

- And quickly too. - You're going there tomorrow.

- I have to go? - You know why?

- Because I speak French. - No.

Because I'm the best.

I've heard La Fontaine likes you, so they'll listen.

We've worked non-stop to get the website ready for Fashion Week.

And without their approval we'll never be ready.

How do you say it? Merde.

Merde.

What's going on?

I've got loads to do in Milan, but she's sending me to Paris.

- A solicitor is on the phone for you. - Tell him to call back.

- But he's calling from Nardò. - Tell him tomorrow.

- From where? - Nardò.

- Put him through. - Okay.

So, listen, we'll set up a charity in the Bahamas.

We'll register it to a Swiss finance company,

open an account with bearer shares

and make the funds look like pilgrims' donations.

- What do you think? - I like it. But tell me,

how will we send the pilgrims to the Bahamas?

I don't know! That's your job, Monsignor!

I deal with tax havens,

you're a smart theologian, think of something,

a miracle, a vision, a weeping statue...

- Tears of blood! - Tears of blood.

A weeping Madonna,

like the Black Madonna of Częstochowa, in Poland. Isn't that where it was?

- Or was it Civitavecchia? - Civitavecchia.

Civitavecchia, you're right.

- It could work. - Excuse me.

Hi, honey. Sushi for lunch, all right. At 13:00. Bye.

Speaking of the sea, do you like raw fish?

Heaven's above!

Those poor animals, eaten raw. The Lord's creatures!

- Don't they even blanch them. - That'd ruin them.

- But raw... - Never cooked.

Nardò is the town where I was born. I spent summers there as a kid.

Then my parents split up and I went to Spain with my mother.

When my father died, the farmhouse went to his sister...

who's dead now.

- Are you the only heir? - Thanks.

You're welcome.

So it seems. It includes the land, the farmhouse, and all the outbuildings.

- All of them? - Yes.

We'll have to pay an inheritance tax but if we find a dummy proprietor,

we can say it's an agricultural artifact

- and pay less. - Marco!

And we might even obtain funding from the EU, it's great!

Please, no dodgy dealings.

Tomorrow we'll go to the funeral, sell the farmhouse,

pay what there is to pay and see about the rest.

Can we at least get receipts for the funeral wreaths?

Not even for those.

I desperately need some wasabi!

Fashion evolves daily and rapidly.

Here fashion gets old.

And we must be a beacon.

With constant updates,

people must have the ambition to connect with us at all times.

And get an idea, a suggestion,

a reference about how fashion evolves.

- And so... - Perfect. Thanks, Miss Alvarez.

Thank you all.

Okay, Miss Alvarez, could you come into my office?

I'll just get my things.

So, we can make some changes to the project.

- Something to drink? - No, thanks.

For example, we could add an international blog.

I think it's perfect as it is.

In fact, I invited you here

to ask you if you'd like to experience Parisian life...

and become head of fashion here, for us.

Is that a yes?

Yes.

Honey, isn't it wonderful?

- I don't know. - What do you mean?

In France, income tax is higher, I wouldn't want to make things worse--

- What a drag! - I'm working things out, it's my job.

See you later in Brindisi.

- I'll land an hour after you do. - Okay, bye.

AIR FRANCE

ARRIVALS

- Where are you? - Honey, I'm still at the office.

I'm sorry, I can't make it today.

- At the office? - Something important came up.

- I'm sorry. - Tell me why you're still in Milan.

- I told you, I've got to work. - Marco, what are you up to tonight?

- I'm going home, what else? - I don't believe you.

I swear, honey.

I'll get on the first flight tomorrow and arrive while you're sleeping

- with some croissants, okay? - Bastard.

- Unbelievable! - How distrustful.

- What if I really did have to work? - Right, what a bad attitude.

- Exactly. - After all, you told the truth.

- We'll stay at home... - Where else?

TABACCONIST

THE NIGHT OF DESIRE

- So, what can I get you? - I'd like a lemon Schweppes.

- Pardon? - A lemon Schweppes.

- A lemonade? - Yes.

- Is the Torre Pietra farmhouse near? - Of course, I know it well.

- Can you tell me how to get there? - Of course.

- Excuse me, Miss? - Yes?

It must've been hard for you to visit that bar.

Perhaps, you thought it was the only one in town,

but instead, thank God, other options exist.

A Central-European level bar, orderly, clean...

an avant-garde venue.

I thought it was the same bar. I'm in a hurry, excuse me.

The same bar?

One moment, I'm coming!

I'll move it right away.

CAR RENTAL

One second, I'm terribly sorry.

How about a coffee? Or an appetizer? So that you'll forgive me.

I'm sorry, but I don't know any Italian.

Thank you.

A Jägermeister?

Anyone home?

Anyone home?

Anyone home?

Hi.

I'm looking for Mr. De Santis.

Have you come for the funeral? It's tomorrow.

I know.

The last time you came was for a funeral too, Uncle Franco's.

Of course, he was my father. Who are you?

Before that, you came when Grandma Grazia died.

- My grandma. - Do you only come when we die?

No... well, I live far away.

- Grandma Grazia was my grandma, too. - Are you Pino?

- I'm Pino. - Pino, Pino?

Pino, Pino! Pino, Pino!

- "Pino, Pino", it makes me laugh. - Why are you here?

- I live here, why else? - I thought the farmhouse was empty.

It's not empty, I'm here.

May I?

He's Mr. De Santis.

- Hello, nice to meet you. - My condolences.

- Thank you. - Let's sit down.

So, Miss,

as you are the only relative who "potest intelligendi et volendi".

I don't understand.

- Of sound mind. - The law considers me dumb.

Please, let me do my job,

you're breaching privacy laws by just being here,

"Testamentum facere non potest esse."

Wrong pronunciation.

Go out, go get some chips.

- Chips! - Well?

- Miss Di Factus... - It's "De facto".

You're the only heir, you'll inherit everything,

both credits and debts.

- There are debts? - Absolutely.

- Absolutely or absolutely not? - Absolutely not.

- Can I sell it or not? - Of course.

First you have to relocate your cousin Pino.

- And the estate manager. - Who?

A widower who lives with his son in the annex.

- You may need to relocate him too. - I may need to?

You must. You must.

See what that bastard did? He stayed in Milan.

I'm all alone in this dump.

And his phone's off, too.

But I swear, Carola, he'll pay for this.

Find me a residential care home in the area.

After the funeral I have to--

I'll call you back.

Pino!

Pino!

Pino!

- There are scorpions here. - Thank God.

Pardon?

- They keep mice away. - There's mice, too?

Thank goodness, they eat the bugs.

There's also... Okay, enough.

Shall I cook something?

- Thanks. - What would you like?

- What do you have? - Everything.

- Two fried eggs? - Two fried eggs coming up.

Enjoy.

I'm going to bed, bye.

Bye.

Bastard.

Miss?

Miss?

- Who is it? - Me, I'm here.

- Hi. - Is anyone there?

- Where? - In the alley.

- No one's here, I think. - Thanks.

Wait, please. Can you give me a hand? I need to get down.

Please, Miss!

Can you hold my handbag, please?

Thanks. Can you hold the bin? Thanks.

Sorry, I just like climbing out from the window.

Like Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's.

I have to go. My bag, please.

- Thanks. Goodnight. - You're welcome.

I'm Mara, nice meeting you.

- Hello, Miss. What'll you have? - A Bloody Mary.

- Can you repeat that, please? - A Bloody Mary.

- Right away. - Thanks.

Felice, I need your help.

- Can't you see I'm busy? - Come on, please.

- What do you want? - What's a "Bladimeri?"

Get lost.

The Milanese girl wants one! We'll all look dumb.

You're the one who'll look dumb, because you are. Now get lost!

- Is it something you eat or drink? - You smoke it.

- You smoke it! - You're still here?

I'm sorry, we've run out.

- How about a Daiquiri? - We've run out of that, too.

We had a party last night and we sold out of "Bladimeris".

Tell me what you have.

Cynar, China Martini, Stock 84, Vov, Dom Bairo...

Do you have wine?

Of course! We've got both red and white wine.

- Red. - Red. All right.

Thank you.

Do you scare everyone off by speaking German or just me?

Do you use the Jeep trick with all the girls or just me?

Same technique, every time.

- Sit down, why don't you. - It's an unbeatable technique.

- It works every time. - Almost every time.

I'll need to find another one for you.

- Here you are. - Delfo, can I have some too?

- Like what? - Like what?

Like, "You must be the eighth wonder of the world,

- or I haven't travelled much." - You can do better than that.

- Hi, nice to meet you. I'm Renzo. - Guia.

Can you give me directions?

- To where? - To your heart.

That's awful! Waiter!

Hey, no.

To keep them both happy I have a drink from each bar.

Hello, miss. What a pleasure to see you here.

- Good evening. - Can I recommend a Bloody Mary?

- Perfect. - I'm coming.

Two Bloody Marys.

I like to set off without warning.

This year I've been to Guatemala and Mexico.

- What exactly do you do? - Guess.

- What was the "eighth wonder" line? - Photographer?

No.

"You must be the eighth wonder of the world,

or I haven't travelled much."

- Great. - Waiter!

No, no, no. We have to drink it over there.

- One last guess. A pilot! - Way off.

- I'm coming. - Delfo!

- Cheers. - Cheers.

- No. - Let's go there then.

Mojito!

We'll drink it over there.

- Oh, Manhattan. - Waiter!

You know what we'll do? How about we go to the sea?

- Just don't try anything. - I promise.

Honey, I'm at the farmhouse, where are you?

Bernadette is furious, she wants the article.

I'm furious! Where's the article?

- Who are you? - Who are you? This is my house.

Your house?

But I think these are yours.

Yes... they might be.

They're not mine, nor my father's, so...

So, the guy...

- Well, Renzo. - Dad.

Okay... Renzo is your dad.

Okay, I'm off.

- Miss? - Yes?

Your skirt's on backwards.

Right.

Guia!

- Good morning. - I've been looking for you.

- I know everything. - Honey, I can explain.

There's no need. I've studied the situation, come.

I'll show you around this place. Don't worry.

That's the main building, it's around 600 square meters.

This is the annex, outside there are some stables

with the hay barns.

And everything I've just described is all yours, honey.

- I can't believe it. - It's all yours, ours.

But the estate manager lives in the annex,

a widower with no legal right to it, so evicting him will be easy.

- Okay. - That's the widower.

- Him? - Yes, are you surprised?

I thought he'd look... more...

More?

- More like a widower. - Why? What do widowers look like?

Hi.

- You're Renzo, the estate manager? - Yes.

Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Marco Masi,

this is Miss Guia Alvarez, we own the farmhouse.

And we intend to sell it.

I know you live in the annex, illegally, if you don't mind me saying.

You look like a reasonable person so I hope there'll be no problem.

- Don't worry, there'll be no problem. - Great.

Great machine!

Testing, one, two, three! One, two, three!

Saint Giuseppe... Saint Cataldo...

Saint Oronzo Nesciu!

I've told you before,

not at baptisms, confirmations, and above all, not at funerals!

- But I love anointing the sick. - I don't care.

I'm sorry, but sometimes I run out of patience with your cousin.

- I know. Me too. - Me too.

You can't do that. You're not the priest, I am!

- Both of us. - No! Me!

- But I'm the Lord's servant. - Yes, you are!

You're a great servant for the Lord, but in a different way.

Put your hands down and take this collar off!

It's mine.

- I'm sorry, we need to start. - Don't worry, let's go, Pino.

- Do you want to confess? - No.

- Do you want the last rites? - No.

- We have good oil. - Pino!

All stand.

Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name...

Thy kingdom come, they will be done...

Hey, did you remember?

No.

- Are you sure? - Yes.

- Absolutely sure? - Positive.

- Hello? - The local care home is called

"Garden of Eden".

You can do a week's trial there, I said you'd pass by later.

Okay, I have to go. Send me the address.

- No, Guia, send the cover! - Later.

Your dress is elegant.

- Thanks. - I don't like it, it's too elegant.

It's not suitable, too elegant.

You should wear Aunt Franca's dresses, the wardrobe's full of them.

Aunt Franca's dresses are nice.

Aunt Franca's dead now, you can wear them.

- Where are we going? - To see a place.

I want to know if you like it.

Why do I have a suitcase?

You need to stay a few days to see if you like it.

I like my house.

- Listen, we have to sell the house. - Sell it with me in it.

You can't sell houses with people in them.

Exactly, you can't sell houses with people in them.

GARDEN OF EDEN

ESTATE AGENTS

Hello, can I help you?

I must be mistaken, the sign said "estate agents".

You're not mistaken, you're in the right place.

Here I am, Rosario Andretta, estate agent, butcher,

and on Sundays I'm a referee too. How do you do?

Have a seat.

Mr. Andretta, I'm Miss Alvarez's boyfriend.

Right.

And we want to sell the Torre Pietra farmhouse.

- The Torre Pietra farmhouse? - The Torre Pietra farmhouse.

- The Torre Pietra farmhouse? - Yes!

- You can't! - What do you mean?

There's a recession.

Prices are too low, the market is frozen, you have to wait.

I don't believe that, there's a great demand for houses here.

There was, once. But now, the market's at a complete standstill.

I've made liver sausage, you want to try it? It's lovely.

Thank you very much, but maybe I'll use an agent from Milan.

- Goodbye. - Wait.

Don't go. Can I be frank with you?

Why the hell go to Milan?

It's best to use a local agent, so we can see the situation.

- Park yourself. - Pardon?

Sit down! Sit down!

We'll sell the Torre Pietra farmhouse

- belonging to Miss Tevez. - Alvarez!

So, between your travels to Mexico and Guatemala,

you still find the time to shovel shit.

It's relaxing.

Do you make up a new story every time

or do you use the same bullshit to screw tourists?

- No, I only use it on the snobby ones. - Jerk.

Would you've liked me if you'd known what I do?

Actually, we snobs have a soft spot for smelly peasants.

Okay, I won't shower for the next one.

Spare the next one the sad scene

of your son having breakfast with my underwear on the table.

- That wasn't planned. - What was the plan?

To get rid of me at dawn before anyone saw me?

Fuck you!

We need an article

on Alexandra Alberta Chiolo's interchangeable heels.

Perfect, what else?

Ravel's presentation in the park near Porta Venezia.

Cancel it.

- They won't be happy. - I know.

- Hello? - Hello, Miss Alvarez?

- Speaking. - I'm the manager of Garden of Eden.

- Your cousin has run away. - Sorry?

He didn't come down to breakfast and he's missing.

- Find him. - Us? You need to do that.

You're his relative, you should look after him.

- I hardly know him. - You signed his admission slip.

You're legally responsible for him, we can report you to the police!

All right, I'll see.

Good--

My cousin's run away from the care home.

- No! - I have to go and sort this out.

- You can't leave us with this chaos. - Carola's here.

- It's almost fashion week. - I know.

- Just give me two days. - Okay.

I promise.

- Hi, did you have a good trip? - Yes, thanks. Who are you?

Rosario Andretta from the estate agency.

- Very pleased to meet you. - Hello.

- Shall we wait for your husband? - He's not coming.

Great, there's no need.

- What do you mean? - It's a property of little interest.

The price is far above market value!

- Really? - It's a decrepit building.

The internal systems are old, the road needs resurfacing,

and the annex is inhabited by a widower and his son.

It'll be hard to evict them.

- Are you together? - No.

- So who are you? - I'm the owner.

Damn idiot!

Is this how you sell houses around here?

- By saying they're damp and falling apart? - It's falling apart?

No, a bit of plaster came down, nothing serious.

Okay, maybe we'll come back some other time.

I'm sorry, but the truth is that we're fond of this place.

We care about Renzo, Toni, try to understand...

I don't give a damn about your sob stories.

If you're fond of it, buy it. Or leave. Get out of my sight.

In fact, tell Mr. Renzo that from today on, I won't be needing his services.

That way the house will no longer be occupied.

What exactly do you mean by that?

- That you're fired. - What?

Okay, the lady is right.

It's her house, it's her right to sell it and evict me.

- I just need time to find somewhere else. - Hurry up and find somewhere then.

After all, you like setting off without warning, right?

- Pino! - Please, don't get angry.

- Why are you here? - I'll stay here until you sell.

- You can't stay here alone. - I'm not alone. Renzo's here.

Soon he won't be here either.

- Everything okay, have you arrived? - Things are getting worse.

- So? - You have two days

to organize Marie Claire's Apulian section.

And bring me something from Milan, I have nothing here.

- But tomorrow... - We'll work from here.

If I don't deal with this, I'll be stuck with this farmhouse.

- And my dumb cousin. - I'm not dumb!

I'm not dumb.

Of course you aren't.

I have delayed cognitive development, the doctor said so.

I'm not dumb.

FOR SALE

Damn rooster!

I don't believe it.

Hey! Hey!

Do you know what time it is?

Sorry, I'm late today, it won't happen again.

I'll come earlier tomorrow. Goodbye.

My heart is in love...

Let's be clear, I'll be here for a week,

if you think you can wake me up every day at this time, you can forget it!

Listen, the cows need looking after. Can you help me with the pump?

- What? - Help me with the pump.

The pump?

You spray and I sweep. You need two people to do it.

- Seeing as how Renzo was fired... - Forget it.

Really? All right. I'm thinking of you, it's rank.

It's rank! It stinks!

If buyers come, this stench will drive them away.

- You're the boss, you decide. - So, where's the pump?

Over there.

Careful!

Careful with the pump! Careful!

Those aren't suitable shoes. Are you going dancing?

- Like this? - Go easy, let's clean up.

- The cows are mooing. - So?

They need to be milked.

Sorry.

- Are you sure? - Yes, it's easy.

I've seen it hundreds of times on National Geographic.

Miss, cows know their master's hands. Move, let me do it today.

Move.

Thanks.

- Your accent is different. - I'm from Sicily.

- What's your name? - Oderzo.

But my nickname is "The Continental".

- I emigrated here, north. - This is north?

- Go ahead and laugh... - I'm going to have a shower.

The eggs need to be collected.

Someone has to collect the eggs. Before...

Before Renzo used to do it, but now you will.

- That's not possible. - Why?

Your cousin's scared of chickens.

- You're scared of chickens? - Terrified.

I don't like how they look at me and move their eyes.

- You need to collect the eggs... - Okay, okay.

...or chicks will hatch--

- I'll do it. - This way.

Hello.

Bernadette, good morning.

I can't now, I'm with someone.

I'll call you back.

Listen, I need your help. Okay, let's be practical,

I have to sell the farmhouse but I need someone to look after it.

Chickens, cows, stables, that kind of stuff.

What's your price?

- I'm sorry, I'm not available. - You seemed to be the other night.

Things change.

- Everyone needs money. - I told you, I'm not available.

Yeah, right. How much do you want?

Things are different here, not everything has a price.

We have our dignity here, and I'm afraid that's not for sale.

Okay, thanks for the morals lesson from the perfect farmer.

- You're welcome. - "We're different here..."

It's ridiculous!

I think you look ridiculous now.

All right, I'll do it!

Feeding rabbits salad isn't exactly rocket science.

Rabbits don't eat salad.

Alfalfa.

- Rabbits eat alfalfa. - Got it.

She's nice.

You don't even know her.

You don't need to know someone to see they're nice.

Plus, you slept with her, so you must've liked her.

It was a mistake, let's change the subject.

That's not easy when the mistake lives next door.

Could you please try to act like a nine-year-old occasionally?

Here, come on.

- Here's the balance. - Thanks.

Bye, Giuseppe.

- Good morning! - Good morning.

I'm Mara! The one who climbed out of the window.

Of course! Hi, Mara.

- You're Pino's cousin? - Yes.

- Welcome to town. - Thanks.

It's time for my break, fancy a coffee or would you prefer a mortgage?

- Door or window? - It's daytime, the door.

And so, every now and again, I become "Stray Heart".

I climb out of the window, travel around 50 kilometers,

to go and meet "Incurable Romantic" or "Shameless Dreamer."

What's incurable is his alopecia and the dreamer just has dirty ones.

- Why are you looking on the internet? - It's that hope...

of being able to find the right guy.

You may never find him, but that hope makes you dream and keeps you alive.

Or it brings disappointment.

- Something else, Miss? - No, thanks.

- We were talking. - Good.

- Girl's stuff. - Okay.

Do you have to stay here? Off you go.

Of course. Please, excuse me.

My brother doesn't know, he'd die if he knew what I did.

Have you tried finding Prince Charming here?

- Here, in town? - Of course.

How could I find him here? We're not in Milan.

We all know each other here, we had chickenpox together.

We all saw each other with braces.

- We even farted in class. - Really?

How can you fall in love here?

Love needs mystery.

You mustn't know anything about your lover.

You have a lifetime to find out.

Forget it, mystery can play cruel tricks on you sometimes.

I have faith.

Tomorrow night I'm meeting "Rebel Angel".

- "Rebel Angel"... - Well...

sounds promising!

You're the queen of hearts...

We've been here for hours, how much longer now?

Miss, they have to stay until sunset.

- It's going to pour soon. - Good, the cows will get washed.

By the way, I have to wash the stable.

- What will I do? - Bring them back.

- On my own? - Would you rather wash the stable?

- Carola, I've had a nightmare of a day! - Tell me about it!

Bernadette keeps adding things to the feature.

- I'm racing around everywhere. - I sent you the revival piece.

- "Hipster style." - She liked it, I added some photos.

- Great. - But tell me about him.

- Him who? - Come on!

He's arrogant, stubborn, and today he stank.

- He stank? - Yes, he stank of cattle dung.

Oh, God! Are you starting to fall for him?

- Tell me. - Him? Are you nuts?

- You know what I'm like. - You're an adorable bitch.

Cynical, snobby and the only smell you like is perfume!

A perfect description.

Dammit!

- It's started raining, I have to go. - Okay, bye.

Go, go!

Holy cow, move it!

Enough.

- Are you locking up tonight? - It's my turn.

- It's raining, can I take you home? - Thanks, Felice.

- Where's your car? - I don't have one.

So how will you take me home?

- With my umbrella. - I have one. Why take me then?

- I'd like to. - Okay, take me home.

My feet will get soaked.

Mara, I was thinking, you know, well,

that maybe one night, if you have nothing else planned,

we could go out for pizza.

Pizza? Are you nuts? Yeast and carbs at night are poison.

Okay, meat then. There's a nice restaurant in Mogliano.

Meat? Fat and protein at night are poison!

- Ice-cream? - At night?

- It's poison. - Exactly.

- Well, thanks. - Mara!

What?

You must be the eighth wonder of the world, or I haven't travelled much.

That's lovely!

That's lovely, Felice!

Why does no one ever say these things to me?

- No one? - No one, ever!

I'm really unlucky, good night.

It was a beautiful phrase, really. Bye.

Hi.

Hey.

- Why did Felice accompany you? - It was raining.

So? You had an umbrella.

I know, that's what I said, too.

He insisted.

He insisted.

Stray Heart How great, I'll see you soon...

but you haven't sent me a photo!!!

Rebel Angel Here it is! Hope you like it :)

It's taking ages!

Holy Mary!

- It's pouring! Want to come in? - No.

Do you think it's normal that cows are roaming free in the rain?

- They might get run over. - There are no cars here.

Cows go indoors at night, didn't you know?

They wouldn't follow me, I tried a million ways.

- I was waiting for the rain to stop. - Who removed Carmelina's bell?

Cows follow the sound of the bell, not this stupid neck scarf.

- I'm sorry. - I'll do it this time, but never again.

- Good morning, Pino. - Good morning, Guia.

- Shall we have a coffee? - Yes, but I'll make it.

Have a good day, Pino.

She washes cups without soap, and I'm the idiot!

FOR SALE

- Good morning, Oderzo. - Good morning, Miss.

- Ask him about San Francisco. - No, somewhere more absurd.

- Houston, I like Houston. - Yes!

He'll probably tell us he's seen the shuttle.

Wait.

Felice!

We were wondering, what's Houston like?

Houston?

You told us you saw the shuttle.

- Don't you remember? - Of course I do.

- Those are things you never forget. - So what's Houston like?

You want to know?

- Yes. - What's it like?

- Well, it's white. - White?

- It's all white. - All white.

You dumbasses don't know that Houston was founded by a guy from Ostuni.

- Really? - Yes.

And in American, Houston stands for Ostuni.

Ostuni, Ostun then it became Houston.

I knew it.

Good morning everyone, don't work too hard!

Look who's talking, the loafer.

Ever since he got fired he's been totally idle.

Good, that way there'll be no sale.

You're always quick to criticize, but she's trying her best.

He's right, the blondie's giving it her all.

Are you defending her?

Renzo!

That woman is not right for you.

If you go live with her, you'll be under her thumb.

- He's right. - I don't want to live with her!

You'll end up like that commercial,

where the men are doing the washing up!

You should be ashamed of yourself!

What's wrong with doing the washing up or the grocery shopping.

Modern couples have interchangeable roles.

- When I lived in Milan... - You've been there, too?

- I lived there for two months. - You're the only one in the world

who left town for six months but travelled the world for ten years.

- I'll leave you to it! - Bye.

Pino. Well, did you remember?

No.

Pino, listen to me.

If you find the ticket, we'll all be rich.

We can buy the farmhouse and you can live there, understand?

Yes, but I don't remember.

CLOSED FOR LUNCH BREAK

Mara.

- What's wrong? - "Rebel Angel".

- What did he do? - He was ugly.

Really ugly! And he had a toupee.

- A toupee? - Yes, it was wonky and dyed.

Oh, God!

If my brother knew, he'd laugh his head off!

And he's right,

I'll end up single for the rest of my life!

The next one will be the right one, you'll see.

You think so?

To be honest, there is someone else.

He's called "Cat".

- Like in Breakfast at Tiffany's. - Exactly!

He's so sweet, gentle, romantic. We chat for hours.

And he always ends with a phrase I love.

- What is it? - "Time flies when I talk to you."

Why don't you meet him?

No, no, no. No, no.

I'm too scared.

- No, come on. - I've had too many disappointments.

I think "Cat" is the one for you.

- Should I go out with him? - Of course!

Okay, I'll do it.

Thanks.

- You'll make us go deaf! - Foul!

- Good morning, ladies. - Good morning.

- Good morning. - Fancy some organic ice cream,

it's gluten-free and fat-free!

They're not diabetics! What's the ice cream made of, air?

If my sister wants ice cream, she'll go there.

Chocolate, cream, and sugar.

His ice cream is only good for a restaurant in a hospital!

But, Miss, you're free to choose.

It's Carola.

- What did she say her name was? - Carola.

- Hi. - Hi.

- Why are you dressed like a Heidi? - Idiot.

- It's practical. - What a horrible word!

Hi, I'm Carola.

We're going home.

- See you. - Bye.

Who are all those people?

- Friends. - But you don't have any friends!

- What's that? - You wanted something from Milan.

I love you.

Scram! Off with you!

Milan must be a really great place.

So basically, you live here, 50 meters apart...

- Twenty meters. - Exactly. And you ignore each other.

- Basically. - What a waste!

Sorry, it's Matteo.

Hello?

Listen, I was going to call you back.

Eat.

How about asking me how I am, what this place is like

instead of who I'm with!

She always argues with her boyfriend.

Lower your voice.

By the way, when are you going to get a girlfriend?

- Me? What for? To argue with? - No. To be together.

- Aren't we happy together? - Yes, but we might be happier.

Not necessarily,

a girlfriend would send you to bed early every night.

- She'd help me with my homework. - There'd be no more PlayStation.

She'd take me to school.

Toni, I don't want a girlfriend, okay?

But I'd like to have a mum.

Come on, eat up.

- Do you two ever talk without arguing? - Very rarely, I try but...

He's so jealous! He always gives me the third degree, it's like...

He's constantly scared of losing me.

Aren't you scared of losing him?

No.

- Help! Guia! Help! - What is it?

There's a scorpion on the bed. Here, you kill it!

Aren't you going to squash it?

You don't kill scorpions.

They eat the mice that eat the bugs that eat the millipedes.

Yeah, whatever...

What do you know about the countryside?

You've really changed, Guia.

Dear Stray Heart, I'm about to leave to go and meet you.

My heart's beating so fast.

Holy Mary!

- Hi, Mara. - Get lost.

I don't understand.

I'm meeting someone, I can't be seen with the likes of you!

- Why, what's wrong with me? - Where do I start?

Off you go.

I have something to tell you.

We live next door to each other, can't it wait? Go away!

It's important.

Felice, just go away! I'm meeting someone!

An admirer, do you understand?

That's exactly what I wanted to-- It's been a while now--

Tomorrow you can buy me an ice cream and we'll talk then. Now go!

- Hazelnut and pistachio. - Yes, you guessed right.

Leave.

- You're still here. - I'm going.

Are you upset, honey?

Don't be, I'm here for work.

Of course I miss you a lot!

No, I'm in my room.

I'm all alone in this big bed.

Idiot!

Come on, I'm embarrassed!

All right.

The pink stripy ones.

"Boning is the new feature of the Autumn-Winter catwalk."

Full stop. "Very sensual in underwear,

visible through transparent fabrics like tulle."

The chickens! They've escaped!

- What? - Someone left the door open.

- Want a hand? - No.

You're just scaring them.

Nearly.

Thanks.

Yours were easier to catch.

May I?

Hi, Felice.

Hi. I brought you some ice-cream.

- Hazelnut and pistachio. - Thanks.

Actually, I came to tell you that important thing.

It won't take long.

What have you done?

- What have I done? - You closed the door.

Idiot!

It has a timed locking system. It won't open again for an hour.

Well, it's not that long.

No... just an hour!

- Is the light on a timer too? - Yes, Felice.

- Would you like a glass of wine? - That'd be great, thanks.

May I?

- May I? - Hi, Delfo.

- Hello. - Hello.

- I'm looking for Renzo. - He's out. You want some wine?

Okay, just a drop though.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

Cheers.

It's good. I'll get some nibbles.

You're not drinking, Miss?

Come with me, I'll make you try some good wine, some real wine!

I wanted to travel and see what else there was in the world.

I know what you mean.

- So I left. - And you went to Hawaii.

Yes, near there, sort of...

Miami?

- What? - Isn't Miami near Hawaii?

The Isle of Ewe?

Yeah.

- No, Comacchio is. - Comacchio?

Comacchio, Comacchio?

Is that where you opened your bar?

- No, I was the caretaker in an eel farm. - Holy Mary!

How odd.

But it was cold and foggy, I missed my friends and my hometown.

So, you left?

No, they fired me because of a mistake I made.

I fed the eels rat poison and killed them all.

Sorry, I'm sorry.

Hold on, what about the sea, your motorbike, the hang-gliding?

I made that up because I was ashamed.

- But don't tell anyone. - No, I promise I won't.

It's open.

Has it been an hour already?

Time really flies when I'm talking to you.

What did you say?

I said, doesn't time fly?

Right...

Watch out, Miss. It's a real mess in here.

Yes, I can see that. Thanks.

Hello, honey. Hi.

No, I can't talk now. I'll call you back.

I'm with people. Just drop it.

I'll call you back, speak soon. Bye.

How strange.

Yes, we have a strange relationship. He's very jealous, but for no reason.

I meant it's strange that your phone's working down here.

We're six meters below ground, there's usually no reception.

But mine's an old-style phone.

You know, the old phones that work everywhere.

Mine always works.

Why does Pino pretend to do all those things?

Pino used to cook all the time. Then he burnt himself

and ever since he's been scared of fire, of cookers, so he pretends to cook.

How funny!

Sometimes in life we pretend to do a lot of things.

Because we're scared of reality, right?

Cheers.

Cheers.

- Hi, Guia. - Hi.

- Where are you going? - For a drive. Want to come?

Come on, get in.

- I've got my car. - That's no problem. Give me the bags.

The key.

Felice! Felice!

Do me a favor, take Guia's car home.

- That one? - Yes, you've driven similar ones.

- Of course. - You're sure?

Yes, on the Isle of Ewe.

No, there's a 55-mph speed limit there.

I've driven similar ones in Indianapolis.

- Indianapolis... - Felice, be careful.

Don't worry.

- Here. - What's this?

Smoke, it keeps them calm.

Give it to me.

Here.

Smoke.

Smok-- No! No.

On the bees.

Hold it.

- How long have you been single? - Four years.

Ever since Carla passed away.

Smoke.

You've never dated anyone else?

Nothing serious.

Why?

I didn't want Toni to get attached to another woman.

To avoid him suffering again.

Smoke.

Maybe you'll find someone who won't leave.

- Maybe. - You never know.

- What about you? - Me?

We've been together for three years.

But we've only actually spent about a month together.

We've got parallel lives, like two lines that never meet.

Are you happy with him?

I'm happy with my job and for now that's enough.

It's nice here.

So, Miss Guia is changing her mind about the countryside?

- I was talking in professional terms. - Really?

I work in fashion, I like beauty.

It's beautiful here.

Ever been to the moon?

- To the moon? - Yes.

No.

There's a valley here that gets filled with fireflies in the summer.

The light is so intense it's like being on the moon.

It's a magical place, we'll go tomorrow if you like.

- Is it a date? - No.

Just an informal outing.

All right, okay.

This pasta is out of this world!

Where have you been all afternoon?

- Out in the fields. - You weren't in the fields.

- I was, then I went into town. - No, you didn't.

- I'm the adult, you're the child. - Exactly, stop lying.

Your phone rang.

I'll be right back.

- Hi, honey. How are you? - Fine, darling. How are you?

- I'm fine. Where are you? - I've been to a farm in Gallipoli.

Two cows with Salmonella, I was going to come by tomorrow.

- No, no, not tomorrow. - But I've not seen you all week.

Tomorrow's really not a good day.

I've got to come by anyway to vaccinate a calf.

We can spend the evening together if you like.

- See you tomorrow. - Bye, darling.

Well? Why the long face?

It was Marco.

He said he's coming tomorrow night. Why does it have to be tomorrow?

What's wrong with tomorrow?

- Nothing. - So?

He said he has something important to tell me.

Something that will change our lives.

Aren't you pleased?

I don't know. I don't like change.

Where are you going, Dad?

Toni, why are you awake?

Go to sleep, it's late.

I'm going to close the stable or the cows will be cold.

All right?

Listen, Renzo, can we do this some other time?

- Now's not a good time. - I'm sorry.

- I'm really sorry. - I've sprained my ankle.

- How about next week? - I'm afraid of the dark.

It's Toni's birthday.

- Renzo, I'm sorry. - The fireflies might bite.

I'm scared of animals.

Renzo, I'm scared of animals.

Really?

- You're scared of animals? - Of course! Aren't fireflies animals?

Tell him the truth, he knows you have a boyfriend.

You want to go hunting glow flies with Renzo

while your boyfriend is waiting for you on the veranda?

Maybe you're right.

I'll go then.

Good girl.

Toni, hi! Where's your dad?

With the donkey.

- Why the long face? - I don't want to go to granddad’s.

- Don't go then. - I have to.

- Why? - Because I do.

Well, if you have to do something, there must be a reason.

Dad always sends me there when his girlfriend visits.

- End of story. - His girlfriend?

Yes, his girlfriend. Didn't he tell you?

- When is she coming? - Today.

He doesn't think I know, but I do.

- Who is she? - Anita. She's a vet from Martina.

Well, bye.

Easy.

You don't know how hard it is to live here alone, right?

"I don't want my son to get attached to another woman!"

Do you ever say anything that's not bullshit?

- It's all bullshit! - What do you mean?

Were you going to take us both to see the fireflies, me and the vet?

- I can explain. - Fuck you!

Good morning, honey! Renzo, hi. What are you up to? Is it milking time?

Honey! Aren't you going to ask me anything?

What's the news?

Come here.

What are you doing?

Guia, my darling...

will you marry me?

Yes, I've made up my mind.

- We've never discussed it. - But I've seen the light!

We must get married! Why didn't we think of it earlier?

- When? - As soon as we met!

- Really? - Yes!

- You know how much this has cost us? - Meaning?

Money, loads of money! Sit down, let me explain.

We'll get married now, okay?

Then we'll get separated, after about a month, okay?

You take me to court, I'll agree to pay you alimony,

let's say 10,000 or 20,000 a month?

And from then on, everything I give you,

I can claim as expenses and screw the tax man!

Marriage is wonderful!

Wonderful.

Who is it?

- I'm ready when you are. - Not now, go away.

- We're here today to celebrate-- - Get lost!

Why are you dressed as a priest?

- Do you want to confess? - No, thanks.

Matteo and I met in a photography shop.

I'd ordered some holiday snaps.

When I collected them,

there was one of me laughing and he'd written, "nice smile."

That's true, you've a nice smile.

After that we were never apart,

and if we were, we'd call each other 100 times a day.

Then one day I didn't hear from him.

I called him, but his phone was off.

I tried and tried again...

I looked for him everywhere.

He'd taken his motorbike that day, it was raining...

someone failed to stop at a crossroads and...

there was nothing anyone could do.

But I still talk to him whenever I feel like it...

whenever I feel the need to.

You're right, it's like when I talk to Jesus.

I like talking to Jesus, I often do it. But real life is better,

because Jesus doesn't take me for tractor rides like Renzo does,

he doesn't buy me drinks like Delfo or make me laugh like Felice.

He doesn't show me naked ladies like Guia does.

Carola, real life is better.

If you were to hide something, where would you hide it?

Somewhere not even I would go looking for it.

Thanks.

You're welcome.

- How's the sale going? - There's no interest.

It won't be easy...

- it's not the right time. - That's nonsense, it depends on the price.

Lower the price, what'll we do with this dump?

What's up?

It's not a dump.

I know, I'm sorry, Pino. I meant it nicely.

Renzo's here.

Renzo! Come and have a toast with us!

- No, thanks. We're going home. - Why?

Come on, let's join in.

- Don't insist. - Marco.

- Yeah? - Leave it.

Come on, he's a nice guy! Come and have a drink with us!

- Pass me some glasses. - Sure.

Hi.

- Well, I'm Anita. - I know you.

- Hi, Anita. - Hi, Anita.

Hello, Anita. Here you are.

- Renzo. - Thank you.

I'd like to make a toast to this beautiful place, to you,

and to me and Guia, we're getting married soon.

Congratulations.

That's great news.

We had no idea!

Congratulations on your marriage.

The parallel lines meet at last.

- Sorry? - Excuse me.

I'm going to bed, I'm exhausted.

Good night.

What was that about the lines?

- Is Guia leaving? - So it seems.

- I'm going to say goodbye. - Don't do that.

- Why? - Because I said so!

- But why? - Don't argue!

Go do your homework.

Guia, is this your suitcase on the bed?

Guia!

Marco, what is it?

There's a woman in your suitcase.

Why are you here?

I don't want to stay here, take me with you.

Can you leave us alone?

Sort this out, or we'll have to check her in.

- Get out. - No, I can't take it anymore!

- What's happened? - You can't imagine!

"Cat"...

- The old, fat guy with the toupee? - He didn't even show up.

- He didn't come. - Did you ask him why?

No, I'm too distraught.

Have you spoken to him?

Maybe he had a problem, maybe something happened.

I'm sure there's an explanation.

You think I should talk to him?

Of course.

- Why are you leaving? - I have to go home.

Can't you stay until you make your wish?

- My wish? - It's the town fete on Saturday.

We sing, we dance, then everyone writes their wish on pieces of paper.

The pieces are sent flying up to the sky.

I've been writing the same wish for ten years.

- And? - It's never come true.

But you never know...

I know you like her, but she's not right for us.

We're from two different worlds.

It would never work.

- Plus, there's Anita. - Right. Anita, of course!

Wasn't she just our vet?

Yes, but she's a friend too who I like

and in the future, she may be something more.

Why are you trying to convince me when you're not even convinced yourself?

I got it!

- Can I have a coffee? - Yes.

Thanks.

Listen, if I were to invite a girl to dinner...

would she accept?

- Who? - It doesn't matter.

It does.

A nice girl, from the north maybe, a young girl...

- It's unlikely. - Why?

- Because she left. - They've left?

They've left.

I waited hours for you!

- I know. - What do you mean?

I came to our appointment but when I saw you, I chickened out.

You were too beautiful for me. My legs were trembly.

My legs trembled.

- My legs were trembling. - Liar!

- I don't believe you. - I swear.

You were dressed in pink.

I know the truth.

You do?

I know, you saw me with a man and now you're jealous!

All right! I admit I did see you and now I'm jealous.

He's jealous!

You shouldn't be jealous, really! That guy was Felice!

You shouldn't be jealous of him!

Why not? He's a handsome guy!

Come off it!

I've known him all my life.

He's the last person in the world you should worry about.

Hi.

Why the long faces?

What would you like to drink?

A coffee.

A coffee.

- What'll you have? - A strong energy drink.

Right, it's what you need!

When you get indigestion, you'll cut out all this crap.

Moon river, wider than a mile

I'm crossing you in style some day

Okay...

- This is for Renzo. - Thanks.

- This is for Delfo. - Thanks.

And this is for "Cat"!

Bastard!

Who the hell is this "Cat"?

Meow.

Shall we go, honey?

- Honey, shall we go? - Yes.

DELETE MATTEO

DELETE

Once you've finished, go to bed.

- Where are you going? - Out.

- Where? - To see Anita.

- What for? - To say we no longer need a vet.

Delicious! Aren't you eating?

I think we should split up.

You've come round at last! It's a great idea.

I've worked it all out, it's for the best!

We just need to get married first.

No, Marco, we're splitting up without getting married.

No, that won't work.

I've explained it to you. We'll get married, then split up.

Let's have a toast.

- See you, Marco. - Yes, honey.

Guia?

Guia?

Aren't you going after her?

I need the bill to claim expenses.

I really am unlucky.

It's not meant to be.

They're all liars and dishonest.

The only one I'd got excited about...

is the worst liar of them all.

Why?

Maybe he's not.

He deceived me!

But he intrigued you too, your curiosity was aroused.

He made you feel good, didn't he?

Maybe he's not that bad.

Are you talking about Felice?

I'm talking about who's made you smile for the first time in ages.

- I didn't think it was him! - What difference does it make?

I've known him all my life.

You may think you've known someone for ages,

that you know everything about them. But not the most important part.

The hidden part, the one you dream about,

that made you feel happy.

That made you happy like I've never seen you before.

Delfo, please, don't make me feel confused.

You've always despised Felice, you can't change your mind now!

Don't go that way, the floor's wet!

Well? What did she say?

She's furious, really furious.

But the last word's not been said.

- Do I stand a chance? - I tried my best.

- Thank you. - I did it for her.

Better you than those chat room freaks.

- Let's make a toast. - Okay! Wait, leave it to me.

- The usual soda water. - Actually, a Black Russian.

Or how about a Manhattan Dry? Or a Long Island maybe?

No, this calls for a Tequila Slammer.

Voilà!

How do you know all these things?

You travelled the world for months, I just went to Gallipoli for three days.

- When you went on holiday? - Right!

Actually, I attended a course, "Bartenders and advanced cocktails."

I wanted to beat you, out-do you.

You wanted to shut me down

But I opted out, I thought that being different was a good thing.

For marketing purposes.

No...

you did it because you care about me.

No, Felice...

it was for marketing purposes.

- It's because you care about me. - It was for marketing purposes!

No, it's because you care about me.

Guia.

Guia, please.

Sorry, we have a little problem.

Thank you.

- Let's go. - What?

Let's go.

- What's going on? - Nothing, we're leaving.

May I ask where we're going?

- Guess. - We can't do this!

We're doing it.

Grab a couple of Valentino dresses, we're going out tonight.

Mara, meet us at the airport. We're coming to the fete.

- You go, I'm not coming. - You are.

- I said no. - Stop it and get ready.

- I've nothing to wear. - You've got a great Valentino dress.

- Haute couture? - Of course.

- How grand? - Very.

I'll pick you up from the airport, then we'll see. Bye.

Take three dresses.

Well, did you remember?

- Tell us! - Well?

- Say something! - Wait, give him a chance.

I found it.

- The ticket, I found it. - He's found the ticket!

- Let me see it. - Show us.

That's where he keeps it.

What's he doing?

- I don't remember where I put it. - No!

I'm going to kill him!

- I was joking. - Fuck you!

Hasn't your boyfriend called you today?

No.

- My boyfriend dumped me. - I'm sorry.

I wish mine would make its way to you.

- I wish to make up with my brother. - I wish Carmelina would have a baby girl.

I don't wish for anything, I'm happy as I am.

I wish they'd never go out.

Don't waste your wish.

I know what it is.

What is it?

I'm glad you told me because I thought...

Excuse me, Felice...

Excuse me!

That's my sister, don't push your luck.

Hi.

Hi.

Did you make a wish?

Damn, I forgot.

I didn't.

Guia.

Guia

Guia?

Dear Renzo,

I tried to imagine the typical ending where she leaves everything behind

and moves to the country

because she loves being woken up by the cockerel,

or going to the stables first thing in the morning to drink fresh milk

and breathing in the intoxicating stench of manure that fills the air.

But it's not for me, my life is elsewhere.

My life is where my work is.

When I came here as a kid, instead of playing with the rabbits,

I spent my time dressing up the scarecrows.

Different outfits for every day, in different colors.

And I still think cows should wear neck scarves

instead of those horrid bells.

Fashion is my life and I'd be unhappy here.

Even with a wonderful man like you by my side,

I think I'd be unhappy.

It's not us that's the problem,

but the existence of a place where we could both be happy.

I haven't found it yet, maybe you will.

Maybe.

The cat is on the table.

The cat is on the tabla.

The cat is on the table.

The cat is on the tabla.

On the table.

On the tabla.

Good boy!

The cat is on the table.

The cat is on the table. I repeat. The cat is on the table.