Original subtitles

Let's go.

Doc.

She has no recollection

of the last eight years.

Bring it on.

I came here to help you.

"Kitchen Nightmares"

Are you in.

And "Going Dutch"

Pew pew pew.

First guns I've seen on the base.

Let's go, let's go.

All available now.

Where is he?

We need eyes on him!

Wait, Frank! There!

- Where? - Look.

He's taunting me.

He knows about my fear of heights.

It's best not to graft too many human emotions

on the guy.

Also, I don't think penguins remember faces.

Oh, he's gonna remember this one.

I'm going up.

Frank. Dude, that's 10 meters.

That's like half a mile or something.

Let me go, man.

No, it's gotta be me.

You've been duped too many times by him.

I'm gonna Greg Louganis this bitch.

Mr. Louganis is most famous for

hitting his head pretty bad, but good luck.

Okay, Oreo, here we are.

How do you want to play this?

We could do it the easy way, or the...

He jumped.

Wow. What an entry! Literally no splash.

You all saw that?

That's crazy.

I got him. I got him, Frank!

Oh, wait. No, he got out.

He got out.

Oh, come on!

Okay, this ends... now!

Oh, all good, I got him.

Why did I do this!

Oh.

If anybody finds a couple of testicles,

they're mine.

There they are!

If you need a penguin to be found

and you have a very flexible timetable, these are your guys.

Now, to make a big day even bigger.

It's the groundbreaking for our new annex kennels.

A whole year of fundraising culminates today.

Woo!

So just to run through the itinerary,

um, after a quick meet and greet,

I'm going to take all our VIPs through the old kennels

to see how dire the overcrowding situation is.

- Then I'm... - Was.

No, is.

Was. Kennels are empty.

I adopted out all the dogs yesterday.

It's too bad we don't work on commission.

The kennels are empty?

Did you... did you not read my emails?

I mean, I don't get to all the emails.

Can't be alone on that, right guys?

Shred likes to read them out loud in the truck.

So I stay up to date whether I like it or not.

It helps with my car sickness.

The subject line was "Urgent, Read This".

I didn't see it.

I can't stress to you enough

how much the optics of this tour will not work

if the kennels are empty.

Hey, boss, I actually got a potential solve here.

Oh hey, Emily, is it okay if Parker showers here?

A large spider is taking up residence in our bathtub.

Seems like he already did. So, okay.

So, you guys want to make this event epic, right?

Here's my pitch. I sing the national anthem.

Oh.

Emily, don't look askance at his offer.

My boy's got pipes.

Yeah, okay, um. Thank you.

It's a no, for me, but thank you.

So here's what we're going to do.

All available officers, get me dogs,

round up every mutt, every stray,

every gutter hound you can find.

It's this kind of energy that makes us the bad guys

in talking animal movies.

You all have six hours. Let's go. Move, people!

- Let's go. - Go.

Frank, quickly,

before we all take off, I got you something.

Well, I got it for you ages ago,

but it only just arrived. Are you ready?

Ta da!

Oh, El Panino Caldo Superbo.

Yeah, I ordered it for you

after Templeton sabotaged your old one,

but it took forever to get here.

Cool. What a great gift.

Okay. I was expecting another level of excitement.

I charged the de-fib thinking you'd pop a gasket.

What's up?

Oh, no. I love it, I love it.

You seem distracted.

Are you prepping for another colonoscopy?

You can't have coffee.

Sorry.

Um, my dad was supposed to call me yesterday.

He calls me every year on the 11th.

It's a whole thing.

That's it.

No details.

What's the 11th?

It's the anniversary of my senior prom.

I got stood up at the last minute,

and so I had to take somebody else.

If you don't tell me every painful detail of that story,

I'm going to burn a s'more on your Caldo Superbo.

It's not a big deal. I took my cousin Molly.

I have so many questions, because where I'm from,

we can't... can't get with cousins.

We barely danced together.

Barely.

Okay, okay, I'm leaving.

But I just want to let you know

that I really appreciate this incredibly thoughtful gift.

I'm touched.

What's that face?

This is me being sincere.

It's unsettling.

Okay.

Quickly, before you go,

would you say she's the cousin that got away?

Hey, sorry to interrupt.

I just want to say I'm stoked for your big day today.

Oh, thanks! I'm stoked too.

I've never said stoked before, but, um, I...

Yeah, I hope it goes well.

It'll be amazing.

It's been so cool to see the whole kennel project

come together,

if not a little frightening, sometimes.

You made it happen and that's pretty badass.

I don't know, I...

That's sweet of you to say.

Yeah.

Um, uh, go get me some dogs.

All right. Yep.

Okay.

Ciao Bella.

Yeah. Ciao. Bella.

She is so beautiful.

And I love the adorable way she talks.

She's from New Zealand.

Like Bilbo Baggins. That's sick.

You should ask her out.

I've been trying, man.

We vibed hard at the party like, you know.

But now she won't even give me the time of day,

even when I ask for the time.

Yo.

Do you think you can put in a good word for me?

I could do that.

Patel! Are you kidding me?

Dogs! Move!

Yeah, I was just about to...

This is all your fault! Fix it!

Do you think the groundbreaking ceremonies

is like a plus one situation?

I was thinking about bringing Isabelle,

but things have been weird

since our whole 'are we gonna have kids' fight.

Please don't have kids. I can't deal with more of you.

You made that joke last week

during our house of mirrors call.

You're off your A-game, brother.

Are you still on your feelings about your dad?

Victoria told me.

It's just weird he hasn't called me back.

I even tried texting him, but nothing.

Usually when I text him,

I get a thumbs down within five minutes.

Well, maybe we could call your brother.

He's very close with your dad by Shaw family standards.

Okay, fine. He's under pestilence.

I named my siblings after the four horsemen

of the apocalypse.

Oh, cool. Yeah, I love westerns, so.

What do you want? I'm very busy.

Is dad dead?

Inside.

He called me, like, a month ago

to complain about the price of light bulbs.

What are you worried about?

I'm not worried.

I was just wondering if he fell down a flight of stairs.

I mean, I don't care if he did,

it's just odd he didn't call me yesterday.

I forgot cousin-prom-aversary.

Oh, wait, wait,

what was the theme of the dance again?

I don't remember.

I do.

That was called a setup.

It was called Star-Crossed Lovers.

Oh, Frank, look, there's a stray dog.

Wait. Nope. That's a futon.

Four legs, you can see how I got there.

You know who's great?

I'm not investing in whatever you're about to pitch me.

That's very funny. You know who else is funny?

Parker.

Great dancer, too.

Just say what you need to say.

I'm saying my man is crushing on you hard,

but you're not even giving him a chance.

What's the issue?

He's charismatic and sexy and fun.

He's basically boy candy.

So I'm saying take a lick.

Have a bite.

Okay, don't breathe so heavy on me

when you say stuff like that.

Parker's not looking for anything real.

I know this because he's basically

the dude version of me.

The old me.

I don't know, maybe I might be looking for

something a little more long term.

Something with... a little more heart.

All right, this is an entirely new color on you.

I think I love it.

No one deserves to find someone special

more than... dog.

Dog! Dog!

All right.

One down.

And an entire kennel to go.

Hey! That's my dog.

Oh sorry, ma'am, but he was loose.

He's on the end of my driveway.

Yeah, Patel, it seems like it.

You will have to, um, produce registration

otherwise, unfortunately...

I always carry it with me.

Good. Great.

Uh, this is unfortunately just the first step.

Vaccination? Here you go.

Exactly. Very prepared.

Got it all.

Not familiar with this vet.

Now, until we can verify his license...

We're done. I'm so sorry.

We're good, thank you.

What are we gonna do now?

I don't know, but we better do it soon,

because I just got an email from Emily and it's all caps.

Another email?

I mean, how am I missing all of these...

You know what? It's in my spam.

Wow, there's a lot of these.

All right, mic check, mic check.

Who here loves dogs?

Me!

Sounds great.

Okay, let's move on to seating.

Do we think this is one too many chairs?

Maybe, yeah.

So, we're back from our first loop around the city.

Amazing! How many dogs did you rescue?

Well, now keep in mind it was more of a warm-up loop.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

So how many do you have?

Huh?

One dog. You brought me one dog.

Wait a second. Is that your dog?

You brought your own pet in.

A dog's a dog.

No.

You know what, Pamela's used to a pretty cush lifestyle.

I'm gonna go grab her some string cheese.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I think, um, Victoria is going to grab the cheese

because I'm gonna need to talk to you.

Mhm.

I love being the one who's not in trouble.

Okay, I'm sorry I didn't read one email.

No, it was seven.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven emails

about the event.

And if you do not find me dogs right now,

I will be sending one more final important email

that will be cc'd to HR.

I think I get what you're saying.

Actually, it'll be cc'd to Bettany

who's sitting in for Rhonda, who's on vacation in Scottsdale,

but yeah.

Is she finally taking that turquoise tour?

Yeah, her PT cleared her shoulder for the trip,

so she's just loading up on broaches.

Good for her.

Wait! No,

I will not be baited into side chatter.

Find me dogs... now!

Huge news, Frank. There's been a birth.

Oreo and Patty's egg hatched. It's a beautiful 57 gram boy.

Both mother and baby are doing very well.

And later, I'm actually going to go to the zoo

and visit the new parents if you'd like to come.

I would not like to, but I will throw some squid

onto their baby registry.

Okay. Speaking of daddies, have you heard from yours?

No, I've called him three times,

but his answering machine is full,

although it's been full since 1994,

so I'm trying not to read into it.

I think it's time we do a welfare check.

We are doing nothing.

This is between me and my maybe dead dad.

Okay, well, speaking of somebody

with a definitely dead dad,

I highly recommend that we go over there

and either rip off the most painful Band-Aid

of your life,

or share a hearty laugh with Papa Shaw, you know?

Come on, I got you.

You know what?

Let's save the high-five until after we find my dad's body.

Yeah.

We won't high-five if he's dead.

We'll hug.

No, we won't.

Yes, we will.

Hi, you're still here?

Can't let these amenities go to waste.

Hey, any update on Victoria? You hype me up good.

I hyped you great.

I do have bad news.

You're too handsome for her.

Oh, curse my ancestors.

Yeah, I curse your ancestors.

I guess she wants to find some uggo to settle down with.

Oh, man. That sucks.

Listen, I wish I could do more,

but, um, I'm kind of in the doghouse with my boss

because of a doghouse.

What can I do to help my boy?

Nothing, unfortunately, P-Man.

This mission is not for the ruggedly handsome.

No, this I must do alone... with Victoria.

Yeah.

Great.

You want what now?

We want to borrow every single dog that you have.

Oh, I'm gonna have to get my protractor,

because I don't quite understand your angle, right now.

Okay, we just need them for Emily's kennel opening,

and then, we'll give them back.

I don't want them back.

Great, we'll keep them.

Deal. No, actually, I want them now.

Templeton, we're offering, literally, to do your job.

Can you just maybe be cool for once?

Cool is not my M.O.

I run hot. Soup in the bath hot.

So if I'm doing you a favor, I want something in return.

I'm out.

Presumptuous. I'm dating someone now.

She's lovely and I was not gonna take you out

on a nice seafood date.

She stayed longer than I expected.

Let's make sure she's out of earshot.

You're creeping me and you're freaking me.

Let's keep this between the boys.

Keep it on the QT.

What do you want? Where's this going?

I want you to be my man,

on the inside, at your precinct.

What does that mean?

I don't know yet, but when I call,

I need you to be the one to pick up the phone.

It's ominous and weird,

but, you know, I'm under the gun, so.

Fine.

Let's meet the dogs.

Okay.

Biter. Biter.

Cutie pie! Sweetheart.

Biter.

Biter, big time.

Wow, can't believe we're about to enter

the childhood home of Frank Shaw.

Do you have one of those, uh, little door jams

with your height written in it?

Yeah, we're not that type of family.

Though, there are various dents in the drywall

to mark the passage of time.

He's dead! He's dead!

He's freaking dead!

I can feel it.

Wait, you said he was fine this morning.

Yes, but then you got me thinking.

So I texted him an article about immigrants...

and he didn't respond immediately.

Ow!

I'm fine.

All right, trained cop. Why don't you step aside.

I'm fine.

Frank...

donkey kick on three.

Yeah. On three. Like we always did.

And one.

Guys, there was a key in the planter.

I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay.

Dad!

Couch is clear.

Chair, clear.

Okay, he's not in the closet,

but he's got great taste in coats.

Is it too early to call dibs or?

Okay. He's not wedged

between the wall and the Murphy bed upstairs.

I'm gonna find dad's body first.

Okay, this is not a competition...

Ow, ow, ow!

Stop, stop, stop pushing against my hand.

- You're on me. - Don't push my hand.

Oh! Whoa!

Haven't you bastards learned how to knock?

Oh, for the love of God, mom died in that bed!

What the hell did you wet wipes do to my door?

Can you cinch that up, please?

Well, what? Have I given you a complex?

Oh. Sorry, sir, we just... we thought you were dead.

I'm Shred, by the way.

Yeah, I know who you are.

Yes!

I'm obviously very much alive.

Yeah, you made that abundantly clear

when you were humping non-mom.

She has a name. It's Priscilla.

And she was, uh... humping me.

Somebody end this. Patrick, give me your gun.

No, don't. Stop it, stop it, stop it!

Okay, you're unveiling again.

Could you just double knot it or something?

Okay, so clearly, the brothers Shaw

are doing a lot of processing right now,

but we are so happy you're alive

and we're even happier that you're exploring

your sexuality in your sunset years.

I tried you, like, ten times. You couldn't call me back

during one of your Gatorade breaks?

Frank was very worried about you,

that's why he broke down your door.

You were worried about me, Francis?

That's disgusting.

Okay. Yeah, well, not as disgusting

as the creepy flesh parade that we stumbled in on.

Oh, you're just jealous because I met someone.

I don't know what the hell it is you're waiting for.

And you're my best looking son.

Wait. Who are you talking to?

You know who I'm talking to?

No, I don't.

Hey, there are all kinds of beauty.

You're beautiful.

Oh, look, take it from me, guys.

Life is short,

but it's a hell of a lot more fun

if you share it with someone.

You hear me?

Now, I'm talking to a lot of gibberish here

because I just had my brains banged out.

Jimmy!

I gotta go.

You two owe me a front door.

Oh, um, I had a... here...

This is for you.

Now get the hell out of here, you pervs.

Is that your cousin? She's beautiful.

Your kids would have been so tall.

Yeah, I don't think height

would have been their most noticeable trait.

Friends, now that you have seen our old kennels

and how overcrowded they are,

I hope you can appreciate how necessary

this addition is for us.

I've seen a lot of your creations,

but that one takes my breath away.

You're not getting any.

Okay.

...thanks to your generosity,

when you look into the eyes of the animals here,

they will be saying thank you.

If you would all indulge me for a moment,

I would like to thank a group of people that

I could not have done this without.

They made this all possible.

Um, guys, would you join me up here?

Please welcome up Officers Sands, Patel, Shaw, Taylor

and my executive assistant, Bettany.

Without their tireless help,

we would never have broken ground today.

That is such good digging, y'all.

Don't you guys think that such a momentous occasion

call for something special, like the national anthem?

Oh, we don't have any music queued up, but

He's just a one-man band.

This one's from the heart, y'all.

♪ God of Nations at thy feet. ♪

What dumb thing is happening here?

It's the New Zealand National Anthem.

Why?

♪ Hear our voices? ♪

I told you my boy had pipes.

Yeah, he's a smoke show.

He's the whole damn fire.

♪ Our free land.

You know, he learned this for you.

Well, yeah.

I didn't think he'd got it out of a karaoke book.

♪ God defend New Zealand.

Okay.

That's my boy!

Let's go, New Zealand!

Did you see how much they were sweating?

Honestly, it would have been less traumatizing

if we had just found his body.

He looked happy, though.

Yeah, of course he is.

The old prune found somebody to touch him.

Are you seeing anybody?

Uh, I was seeing this woman, Yasmine,

but I found out that she was taking pictures of me

while I slept, so.

Huh, she was just trying to catch you

at your most interesting.

How about you?

Are you still dating Mom's ancient friend?

Mimi. Oh, we kind of drifted apart.

She lives south of Tacoma, and she's got night blindness.

And her son just got a new hip, so.

Her son got a new hip? How old is she?

I never ask.

Do you think there's something wrong with us?

Well, dad's getting some, and we're not,

so we're not killing it.

What about that Australian girl from work?

New Zealand. She would destroy you.

No, I wasn't talking about me.

I was talking about you, you, dumbass.

I mean, you obviously have a connection.

We're just coworkers.

I mean, probably technically friends.

We made out with a billionaire together.

You know,

she gave me a panini press today,

but I mean it was like a nice one.

Do you hear that?

It's like a low-pitched wailing.

Is that her?

No, it's him.

Oh, okay.

Wrap it up. Wrap it up.

Go, go, go, go, go, go!

Now, let that be a lesson, Frank.

Never try.

Hey!

I got your texts about the baby!

Is no one else here?

No, I... I think it's just us.

I texted everybody, but Frank just responded

with an unsubscribe.

Yeah, this is too wholesome for Frank.

Yeah.

Where's the new family?

Well, they were all sort of hiding

behind those rocks over there,

but I did hear the baby chirp,

and it was like, the cutest sound I'd ever heard.

Oh my God!

Yeah.

By the way, you were incredible today.

No, really?

Yeah, totally.

I mean, it was my first groundbreaking.

Well...

But you just looked so natural

holding a shovel and posing.

Oh, thanks.

It was very cool.

Parker's New Zealand National Anthem

did sort of steal the show.

Yeah, it was better.

Oh, but you were great.

Thanks.

Yeah.

Oh, look, here they come.

Oh my gosh!

Oh! Oh, they're so cute.

Yeah, it kind of still blows my mind

that they actually walk that way.

Yeah. Look what you did.

I do feel, like, weirdly proud.

You should feel proud.

I feel kind of proud.

You brought him home.

♪ When the lightning rolled over the valley. ♪

♪ I lost my mind.

*

Nice and ominous.

You want to split a burger and fries on the way home?

Oh, and a milkshake. Pam, you naughty girl.

Frank.

Jeez.

Hey.

Hi, Yasmine.

Uh... how long have you been lurking?

Sorry, I was in the neighborhood for lunch,

so I figured I'd stick around to see you.

Lunch was eight hours ago.

And were you at my gym yesterday?

Would you care?

Not really.

Oh.

You got a dog?

Hopper! Doc Whiskers! Behave yourself!