Original subtitles

Hey, yeah, are you busy?

Can you talk?

I just

got back from the doctor

Okay Um, you know, I just

haven't been feeling well lately just really tired and I thought it was just

stress from school and work.

Sure, sure, sure.

Well, I had some tests done and I didn't... I don't know how to say this,

I'm fucking dying.

What, have you got AIDS or something?

I wish.

No, I'm serious. I'm dying. Like, I have three to six months tops and there's

nothing I can do. There's no...

Surgical options, there's no real treatment option. At this point, I'm

utterly fucked.

Are you being serious right now?

I have a fucking heart attack, man. You're like my best friend.

You're the only person I could even imagine asking what to do right now.

Well, did you tell Mom and Dad?

Fuck no.

I can't tell Mom and Dad. Well, you can't tell Mom and Dad.

With everything that's going on right now, no, they're already too fucking

stressed out.

No, please don't. Let's just keep this between us right now, okay?

Well, what should I do?

Well, I know this might sound even crazier than me

telling you that I drank that down.

I guess.

You know that I'm really bad with girls.

Okay.

I don't want to die a fucking virgin.

I don't... I can set you up with one of my friends. I know they would... Oh,

God, that means... Sure.

Thank you, but let's be real. Like, your friends are idiots. And, no offense,

they're also not, like, they're not even half as pretty as you are.

You're gorgeous.

Well, thanks.

And that's kind of what's sort of, like, leading me...

I know this sounds absolutely insane, but I trust you, and I've known you my

whole life.

Is there any way that maybe you could, um,

take my virginity?

You... Wow.

Um... Nobody has to know anything.

And just think, you know, I'll be dead in a few months.

So it's kind of like, I'll be taking it to my grave, and now, right now, I'm

still at least healthy enough to be able to do it. Who knows, in a month from

now, I could be in a hospice care or something, and my dick will never work

again.

And there's nothing else that... Well, I'm too old for Make -A -Wish, okay?

It's not like I'm going to be able to get Batman to come and fucking hang out

with me and take me for a ride in the Batmobile, you know? I can't do that.

Snoop Dogg is always too busy to return my calls.

You know, this is like... He's a busy man.

I know. He's sipping on gin and juice.

It's... I guess that's a good point, but... Please.

It's kind of considered like a last request.

And you are pretty much, like, perfect.

I can't even imagine.

Another girl that would be, like, half as hot as you. You're, like, the hottest

little sister in the world.

Oh, my gosh.

I know.

They told me that this could also be a possible side effect.

I might be a little crazy right now, but this really could help. Please, please.

And you'd have to... Thank you so much. Thank you.

Okay, so, like, what should I do then?

Should we take off our clothes?

Right? I told you, I'm really bad with girls.

I pretty much only watch porn, and none of that's realistic.

At least that's what they tell me on Dr. Phil.

I guess.

Okay. Take your pants off, maybe?

I'm wearing shorts, but I'll take them off for you.

Are you going to get naked too?

I guess.

I owe you so much. This is so great.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I'm going to leave you everything I have in my will.

For some reason, that's not helping right now.

Well, just tell me what I need to do to just, you know, pretend I'm...

I don't know, pretend I'm, like, somebody else, okay? Just pretend I'm

else.

Uh... Sit down, maybe?

Okay, okay.

Um, so do you want me to, like, lie down, or... I can... I don't know,

like, what you...

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I know it's weird, but you can... Wow.

That's what it feels like to have a girl touch my dick. Wow. This is

really... That shirt is really making me want to get hard.

It's cool. It's good. I like it. Don't bring my shirt into this right now. I'm

sorry. I like it.

It's good work. It'll make me fuck you.

And you're going to make fun of my shirt? No, I like it. I just, I want to

where I can buy one. It's my favorite shirt. I like it. So, okay.

Oh.

Oh, God.

Oh.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, God, I can't believe you're doing that.

Don't talk about it. Jeez.

I'm sorry. I just feel so good.

I've only ever done that to myself.

Oh.

Oh, God.

Yeah.

Do you think maybe?

I guess if it gets this over any faster.

I can't believe you're doing that.

Fuck.

Better than Batman.

Oh God Why are you hard and thinking about Batman?

I like superheroes.

Oh Oh Oh

Fuck

oh my god. Oh

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Oh, I had no idea.

Shit. Do you think that I could

fuck you now?

I guess.

Okay.

Under that?

Oh, my God.

Oh, is this really happening?

Holy shit. Not if you keep talking about it.

Sorry.

Okay.

Okay.

Oh, shit.

Oh, Julian.

Julian. Oh, God.

I'm fucking you.

Holy shit.

Oh, that feels so good.

Oh.

Oh, it's fucking time. The train's going.

Am I doing this right?

Yeah. Yeah.

I want to be good on my first time.

Yeah.

this might be, like, a lot to ask, but I do watch a lot of porn, so do you think

it'd be okay if I fucked you doggy style?

I mean,

I don't want to press my luck or anything, but I feel like I'm doing a

good job, so maybe I could fuck you that way?

I'm definitely leaving you my guitar.

Fuck.

Oh, God.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

That feels so fucking good.

You're not going to tell anybody about this, are you?

Why the fuck? Fuck would I do that?

Okay, just double checking.

Did that really just happen?

You look beautiful still. You really do. But I have to

tell you something.

I have to confess. I'm not really a virgin.

And I'm not really dying. But thank you for fucking me. What the fuck? Oh my

god!