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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:49,983 --> 00:00:54,983 2 00:00:56,388 --> 00:00:57,889 I don't know what the fuck is going on 3 00:00:57,891 --> 00:00:59,657 in this country, man! 4 00:00:59,659 --> 00:01:01,993 Every day I turn on the TV, 5 00:01:01,995 --> 00:01:05,864 and I see these fucking freaks marching for their rights! 6 00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:09,567 What about our rights? 7 00:01:11,337 --> 00:01:13,738 This is our time to show the world 8 00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:15,774 that we are not just an online movement! 9 00:01:17,677 --> 00:01:18,843 We're growing physically! 10 00:01:18,845 --> 00:01:21,546 This is our time to assert ourselves 11 00:01:21,548 --> 00:01:23,581 as the true voice of America! 12 00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:25,750 Yeah! 13 00:01:25,752 --> 00:01:27,018 Yes, let's do that! 14 00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:29,687 Now, you may have noticed 15 00:01:29,689 --> 00:01:31,890 that our friend Aryan Grande 16 00:01:31,892 --> 00:01:33,625 has brought in a new recruit. 17 00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:36,394 FucktheJews82. Welcome, brother! 18 00:01:36,396 --> 00:01:38,298 Yeah! 19 00:01:39,366 --> 00:01:41,432 Hi. Heil. Heil, everybody. 20 00:01:41,434 --> 00:01:43,368 White power. Obviously. 21 00:01:43,370 --> 00:01:46,404 Been a big fan of you guys for a while. 22 00:01:46,406 --> 00:01:47,572 Since World War II, really. 23 00:01:47,574 --> 00:01:51,676 That's when you made your big entrance, on the scene. 24 00:01:51,678 --> 00:01:55,015 And, uh... Yeah. Just, um, in closing... 25 00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:58,416 - Fuck the Jews! - Yeah! 26 00:01:58,418 --> 00:02:00,453 Welcome! 27 00:02:02,455 --> 00:02:03,621 Let's fucking party! 28 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:15,967 So you guys are, like, pretty active on social media, right? 29 00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:17,102 Yeah. 30 00:02:17,104 --> 00:02:19,138 How many times a day would you say you tweet on average? 31 00:02:19,140 --> 00:02:21,739 - Hey, FTJ! - Yo! 32 00:02:21,741 --> 00:02:24,076 You said you wanted a swastika tattoo. 33 00:02:24,078 --> 00:02:25,412 Now's your chance. 34 00:02:26,513 --> 00:02:28,981 Yeah, you know, I've been thinking about it. I'm cool. 35 00:02:28,983 --> 00:02:31,651 Come on, man. We all got 'em! 36 00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:40,558 You guys want me to get a swastika tattoo? 37 00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:41,961 Yeah! 38 00:02:41,963 --> 00:02:43,763 I will get a swastika tattoo. 39 00:02:44,464 --> 00:02:45,864 Um... 40 00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:47,034 Yeah. 41 00:02:49,636 --> 00:02:51,805 Hey, take over, man. I got to take a piss. 42 00:02:53,506 --> 00:02:55,440 Super cool, guys. Thank you for this. 43 00:02:55,442 --> 00:02:56,610 This is really exciting. 44 00:02:57,777 --> 00:02:59,979 All right, here we go! 45 00:03:01,448 --> 00:03:03,615 Ooh, right! Yeah! 46 00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:05,084 That hurt? 47 00:03:05,086 --> 00:03:07,088 On many levels. Yes. 48 00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:09,924 Fuck! 49 00:03:10,758 --> 00:03:12,927 Hey! This you? 50 00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:15,763 You're a journalist? 51 00:03:16,764 --> 00:03:18,030 Yeah! 52 00:03:18,032 --> 00:03:20,665 We all got to be fucking journalists in this day and age, 53 00:03:20,667 --> 00:03:23,601 mainstream media not covering our side of the story! 54 00:03:23,603 --> 00:03:25,637 His name is Fred Flarsky. 55 00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:27,206 He writes for the Brooklyn Advocate. 56 00:03:27,208 --> 00:03:29,875 - He's a fucking Jew! - What? 57 00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:32,512 Look, look, look. Okay, okay, okay. Hey! 58 00:03:34,849 --> 00:03:35,714 What are you doing here? 59 00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:37,182 You're here to fucking embarrass us, huh? 60 00:03:37,184 --> 00:03:39,151 - Who sent you? - No one sent me! 61 00:03:39,153 --> 00:03:40,920 It's okay. I'm... I'm... 62 00:03:40,922 --> 00:03:43,656 He's been recording us the whole time! 63 00:03:43,658 --> 00:03:46,158 Fucking shit, man! You infiltrated our group! 64 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:48,060 You're gonna fucking die! 65 00:03:48,062 --> 00:03:48,961 How do you turn this thing off? 66 00:03:48,963 --> 00:03:50,798 The fucking red button, right there, man! 67 00:03:57,872 --> 00:03:59,573 Holy shit! 68 00:04:06,013 --> 00:04:09,515 Yeah! 69 00:04:09,517 --> 00:04:11,852 Not only did I escape... 70 00:04:13,254 --> 00:04:15,287 I held onto my phone! 71 00:04:15,289 --> 00:04:17,558 Yes! Ow! 72 00:04:19,961 --> 00:04:21,727 I trusted you, man! 73 00:04:21,729 --> 00:04:23,295 Yeah, well... 74 00:04:23,297 --> 00:04:25,967 Jews win this round, motherfucker! 75 00:04:26,734 --> 00:04:29,001 Peace! Ow. 76 00:04:29,003 --> 00:04:30,602 Tonight on Wembley News, 77 00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:32,838 we take an in-depth look at Charlotte Field, 78 00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:35,641 a Rhodes Scholar, a Pulitzer winner, 79 00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:38,311 and protege of President Chambers, 80 00:04:38,313 --> 00:04:40,212 who tapped Field two years ago 81 00:04:40,214 --> 00:04:42,681 to be the youngest secretary of state 82 00:04:42,683 --> 00:04:44,083 in the history of this nation. 83 00:04:44,085 --> 00:04:46,552 And honestly, looking hotter than usual. 84 00:04:46,554 --> 00:04:48,321 Now, people are gonna say that's sexist, 85 00:04:48,323 --> 00:04:50,323 but, she's just hot! 86 00:04:50,325 --> 00:04:51,824 You know, when we talk about women in this way, 87 00:04:51,826 --> 00:04:53,559 it is because we respect them so much, 88 00:04:53,561 --> 00:04:54,994 and we start with their body. 89 00:04:54,996 --> 00:04:56,697 You two are terrible. 90 00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:02,503 - Good night, Steven. - Good night, Madam Secretary. 91 00:05:06,841 --> 00:05:08,774 Sorry for the late call, Mr. Foreign Minister. 92 00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:09,875 Long day. 93 00:05:09,877 --> 00:05:11,344 Three bilaterals. 94 00:05:11,346 --> 00:05:14,113 Listen, we're not going to be able to do it. 95 00:05:14,115 --> 00:05:16,349 There's just not enough traction around this thing. 96 00:05:16,351 --> 00:05:19,352 I believe in it, it's just... I don't have Congress support. 97 00:05:19,354 --> 00:05:21,053 I don't have the American people's support. 98 00:05:21,055 --> 00:05:23,123 I know you and I don't like it, Chuck, 99 00:05:23,125 --> 00:05:24,857 but you know who likes it? 100 00:05:24,859 --> 00:05:28,094 88% of college-educated Americans over 45. 101 00:05:28,096 --> 00:05:29,661 Likely voters. 102 00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,932 That's Gallup. We have to make this happen. 103 00:06:07,102 --> 00:06:10,336 Well, I wouldn't call the president inexperienced. 104 00:06:10,338 --> 00:06:11,905 I mean, he did play a president 105 00:06:11,907 --> 00:06:15,741 on a very popular television show for over a decade. 106 00:06:15,743 --> 00:06:17,977 You don't get six Golden Globe nominations 107 00:06:17,979 --> 00:06:20,080 without being pretty convincing. 108 00:06:20,082 --> 00:06:22,648 Um, I do think I'm funny. 109 00:06:22,650 --> 00:06:24,417 I'm sorry, I thought this interview was about 110 00:06:24,419 --> 00:06:26,886 promoting democracy in Eastern Europe. 111 00:06:26,888 --> 00:06:28,687 All right, next one's BBC. 112 00:06:28,689 --> 00:06:30,056 Would you be asking a male cabinet member 113 00:06:30,058 --> 00:06:31,725 what products they use in their hair? 114 00:06:32,327 --> 00:06:33,993 I'm just kidding. 115 00:06:33,995 --> 00:06:36,396 No, it's olive oil and mayonnaise. 116 00:06:36,398 --> 00:06:38,865 I know. So cheap. So much shine. 117 00:06:41,870 --> 00:06:43,803 Good morning, Mr. President. 118 00:06:43,805 --> 00:06:45,307 Good morning, Mr. President. 119 00:06:46,875 --> 00:06:49,242 Good morning, Mr. President. 120 00:06:49,244 --> 00:06:51,177 Good morning, Mr. President. 121 00:06:51,179 --> 00:06:52,779 Oh, hey, Charlotte. 122 00:06:52,781 --> 00:06:55,849 You caught me watching my show. 123 00:06:55,851 --> 00:06:58,785 Mr. President. We still recommend Option C. 124 00:06:58,787 --> 00:07:01,788 I am not nuking a tsunami! 125 00:07:01,790 --> 00:07:03,923 Oh, here it is. 126 00:07:03,925 --> 00:07:05,425 Not now... 127 00:07:05,427 --> 00:07:07,127 Not today. 128 00:07:07,129 --> 00:07:08,761 Not in my house. 129 00:07:08,763 --> 00:07:10,997 Yes! I love that! 130 00:07:10,999 --> 00:07:12,866 Oh, me too. 131 00:07:12,868 --> 00:07:14,934 Anyway, that's not why I called you here. 132 00:07:17,072 --> 00:07:18,306 Charlotte. 133 00:07:18,874 --> 00:07:19,906 Yes, sir? 134 00:07:19,908 --> 00:07:22,909 I will not be seeking reelection. 135 00:07:22,911 --> 00:07:24,210 Really? 136 00:07:24,212 --> 00:07:25,979 Look, I know it's crazy, 137 00:07:25,981 --> 00:07:28,014 because I'm only halfway through my first term. 138 00:07:28,016 --> 00:07:31,084 And you're incredibly popular, sir. 139 00:07:31,086 --> 00:07:33,186 And I want to use that popularity 140 00:07:33,188 --> 00:07:36,723 to transition into something 141 00:07:36,725 --> 00:07:39,060 more prestigious than the presidency. 142 00:07:40,295 --> 00:07:43,029 I wanna make it in the movies. 143 00:07:43,031 --> 00:07:46,199 You're going to leave 144 00:07:46,201 --> 00:07:48,935 the Presidency to go be in movies? 145 00:07:48,937 --> 00:07:51,171 - I know. It's gonna be tough. - Ah... 146 00:07:51,173 --> 00:07:53,840 Only like, 10 guys have made that jump 147 00:07:53,842 --> 00:07:55,775 from TV to film. 148 00:07:55,777 --> 00:07:58,278 Woody Harrelson, George Clooney... 149 00:07:58,280 --> 00:07:59,979 Might be... Might be just two. 150 00:07:59,981 --> 00:08:03,350 I... Mr. President, have you 151 00:08:03,352 --> 00:08:07,220 given any consideration as to whom you might endorse? 152 00:08:07,222 --> 00:08:09,290 I'm sure you're probably thinking of McNichol 153 00:08:09,292 --> 00:08:12,892 or Crowly. Strong choices. 154 00:08:12,894 --> 00:08:16,731 So strange, because I was considering a run in 2024. 155 00:08:17,500 --> 00:08:19,034 And I've been vetted. 156 00:08:19,768 --> 00:08:21,502 So that's all done. 157 00:08:21,504 --> 00:08:24,940 And I can't stop thinking about what... 158 00:08:26,174 --> 00:08:28,177 What it would do for your legacy 159 00:08:29,312 --> 00:08:31,347 to endorse the first female president. 160 00:08:33,249 --> 00:08:34,916 I mean... Wow. 161 00:08:35,351 --> 00:08:36,352 That's a legacy. 162 00:08:39,888 --> 00:08:41,121 - Charlotte? - Hmm? 163 00:08:41,123 --> 00:08:43,390 I would like to endorse you 164 00:08:43,392 --> 00:08:45,994 to be the next president of the United States. 165 00:08:48,029 --> 00:08:51,798 I mean, if you think that's a good idea, sir, I trust you. 166 00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:54,468 I'd... I'd be honored. 167 00:08:54,470 --> 00:08:58,405 I'm gonna be pulling for Team Charlotte. Right? 168 00:08:58,407 --> 00:09:00,343 Because you've been a great secretary. 169 00:09:01,043 --> 00:09:02,243 ...of state. 170 00:09:02,245 --> 00:09:04,545 Whatever. It's a cool job. 171 00:09:04,547 --> 00:09:06,913 And, um, you've done it well. 172 00:09:06,915 --> 00:09:09,416 - Thank you, sir. - So stay focused. 173 00:09:09,418 --> 00:09:10,951 Don't make any major screw-ups. 174 00:09:10,953 --> 00:09:12,219 Don't kill any hookers. 175 00:09:12,221 --> 00:09:13,520 Probably not a problem for you. 176 00:09:13,522 --> 00:09:15,122 I don't know what you're into. Whatever. 177 00:09:15,124 --> 00:09:16,991 And before you know it... 178 00:09:20,029 --> 00:09:21,161 I like the sound of that. 179 00:09:21,163 --> 00:09:23,364 ♪ Hey, here she comes 180 00:09:23,366 --> 00:09:25,299 ♪ It's the first lady president 181 00:09:25,301 --> 00:09:28,035 ♪ Who can believe that she's actually a woman 182 00:09:28,037 --> 00:09:29,570 Thank you, sir. 183 00:09:29,572 --> 00:09:34,310 ♪ She's got a big brain And a couple other assets ♪ 184 00:09:37,013 --> 00:09:38,078 Oh, and here we see 185 00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:39,880 Secretary of State Charlotte Field. 186 00:09:39,882 --> 00:09:41,115 Good morning. 187 00:09:42,418 --> 00:09:43,785 Yes! 188 00:09:47,857 --> 00:09:50,557 So the headline is, "You're in great shape." 189 00:09:50,559 --> 00:09:53,227 - Ninety-two, that's good. - Really good. 190 00:09:53,229 --> 00:09:54,928 - Yeah. - And now, keep in mind 191 00:09:54,930 --> 00:09:57,464 that these are numbers for a female candidate. 192 00:09:57,466 --> 00:10:00,868 If you were a man, you'd be in the 192nd percentile. 193 00:10:00,870 --> 00:10:03,037 - Well, that seems about right. - Yeah. 194 00:10:03,039 --> 00:10:05,139 'Cause the man... Okay. 195 00:10:05,141 --> 00:10:08,175 Um, your sense of humor is 82, 196 00:10:08,177 --> 00:10:10,444 which is solid. It's solid. 197 00:10:10,446 --> 00:10:12,546 But, you know, we wouldn't mind seeing those numbers 198 00:10:12,548 --> 00:10:14,915 go up a few points, or more. 199 00:10:14,917 --> 00:10:17,117 So, I'm going to get some writing samples from 200 00:10:17,119 --> 00:10:18,653 - some funny speech writers. - Great. 201 00:10:18,655 --> 00:10:21,989 I am really interested in knowing how people feel 202 00:10:21,991 --> 00:10:23,924 - about my accomplishments. - Yeah. 203 00:10:23,926 --> 00:10:25,559 Right. You know, so we don't 204 00:10:25,561 --> 00:10:29,564 drill down on specific policies. 205 00:10:29,566 --> 00:10:32,667 And that's only because people don't seem to care. 206 00:10:32,669 --> 00:10:34,068 That's interesting. 207 00:10:34,070 --> 00:10:37,438 With that said, if you could broker some deal 208 00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:38,972 that gets you out there talking 209 00:10:38,974 --> 00:10:40,341 about a thing that you feel 210 00:10:40,343 --> 00:10:42,476 really strongly about, that would be great. 211 00:10:42,478 --> 00:10:43,410 Well, that's perfect. 212 00:10:43,412 --> 00:10:45,513 I mean, we've been looking for an opening 213 00:10:45,515 --> 00:10:47,450 to start a conversation about the environment. 214 00:10:48,250 --> 00:10:50,918 All right. 215 00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:53,688 Romantically, if I may... 216 00:10:53,690 --> 00:10:56,691 Remember the stir online 217 00:10:56,693 --> 00:10:59,293 when the Canadian Prime Minister and you 218 00:10:59,295 --> 00:11:01,195 were seated next to each other 219 00:11:01,197 --> 00:11:02,697 at The Global Business Forum? 220 00:11:02,699 --> 00:11:04,098 Mmm-hmm. 221 00:11:04,100 --> 00:11:06,233 A relationship like that 222 00:11:06,235 --> 00:11:09,004 would push you into the high 90s. 223 00:11:09,439 --> 00:11:12,072 High 90s? Wow. 224 00:11:12,074 --> 00:11:13,410 That brings us to... 225 00:11:17,146 --> 00:11:19,079 What's wrong with my wave? 226 00:11:19,081 --> 00:11:21,081 Um, I think people feel that 227 00:11:21,083 --> 00:11:24,118 that level of elbow movement is, um... 228 00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:25,620 It stresses people out. 229 00:11:25,622 --> 00:11:28,623 You know what? It's just an area for improvement. 230 00:11:28,625 --> 00:11:30,392 Okay, fine, I'll work on the wave. 231 00:11:34,631 --> 00:11:36,264 - Hey. - Hey, Fred. 232 00:11:36,266 --> 00:11:38,968 You're gonna love this. I almost died. 233 00:11:39,403 --> 00:11:41,001 You got a second? 234 00:11:41,003 --> 00:11:43,671 - Yeah. - Come on. 235 00:11:43,673 --> 00:11:46,173 I actually have some really great news. 236 00:11:46,175 --> 00:11:48,343 - Really? Cool. - Yes. 237 00:11:48,345 --> 00:11:50,678 We were just bought by Wembley Media. 238 00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:52,647 - What? - Yeah. 239 00:11:52,649 --> 00:11:53,548 Are you fucking kidding me? 240 00:11:53,550 --> 00:11:55,015 I knew you'd have a harsh reaction... 241 00:11:55,017 --> 00:11:56,184 A harsh reaction? 242 00:11:56,186 --> 00:11:57,619 - Fred, this is a good thing. - How? 243 00:11:57,621 --> 00:11:59,220 The fucker represents everything 244 00:11:59,222 --> 00:12:00,688 that we've been fighting against since day one! 245 00:12:00,690 --> 00:12:03,591 The whole point of this paper is to fight giant media conglomerates. 246 00:12:03,593 --> 00:12:05,393 Now we've been bought by a giant media conglomerate. 247 00:12:05,395 --> 00:12:07,662 - I do see the irony. - Irony? 248 00:12:07,664 --> 00:12:10,331 He's gonna turn this place into a propaganda machine. 249 00:12:10,333 --> 00:12:12,200 Not the good kind, that's right! 250 00:12:12,202 --> 00:12:14,001 The bad kind, that's wrong! 251 00:12:14,003 --> 00:12:15,370 Well, we're out of options. 252 00:12:15,372 --> 00:12:17,105 We've been running as long as we can 253 00:12:17,107 --> 00:12:19,507 on ads for weed doctors and escorts. 254 00:12:19,509 --> 00:12:21,609 Let's get penis enlargement ads, too. 255 00:12:21,611 --> 00:12:23,077 No one likes their dick. 256 00:12:23,079 --> 00:12:25,046 - Come on, Fred. - This Wembley guy, 257 00:12:25,048 --> 00:12:27,582 he ran fake stories to help get Chambers elected. 258 00:12:27,584 --> 00:12:28,550 No, they couldn't prove that. 259 00:12:28,552 --> 00:12:30,752 We proved it! I wrote three articles about it! 260 00:12:30,754 --> 00:12:32,654 - You published them! - I did. 261 00:12:32,656 --> 00:12:35,356 The shit that comes out of this fucking guy's mouth... 262 00:12:35,358 --> 00:12:38,059 He said hurricanes were caused by gay marriage. 263 00:12:38,061 --> 00:12:39,661 I don't even get how that fucking works. 264 00:12:39,663 --> 00:12:41,262 I don't even get the math on that one. 265 00:12:41,264 --> 00:12:43,331 - Fred, it's done, all right? - It's done? 266 00:12:43,333 --> 00:12:46,801 They're upstairs finalizing the deal right now. 267 00:12:46,803 --> 00:12:49,571 Look, we have to cut two-thirds of our staff. 268 00:12:49,573 --> 00:12:51,606 - Two-thirds? - Yeah. 269 00:12:51,608 --> 00:12:54,042 But we wanna keep you on. They wanna keep you on. 270 00:12:54,044 --> 00:12:55,443 It's just... 271 00:12:55,445 --> 00:12:57,345 You just have to tone it down a little bit. 272 00:12:57,347 --> 00:12:58,814 I don't know how I can tone things down 273 00:12:58,816 --> 00:13:00,482 any more than I'm toning them down. 274 00:13:00,484 --> 00:13:02,484 Okay, Fred. You're a great writer. 275 00:13:02,486 --> 00:13:03,651 - Thank you. - All right, you're funny, 276 00:13:03,653 --> 00:13:05,353 you take risks, you connect with people. 277 00:13:05,355 --> 00:13:06,621 I'm sensing a twist in this. 278 00:13:06,623 --> 00:13:08,625 You have a distinct, authentic voice, but... 279 00:13:09,759 --> 00:13:11,626 Sometimes you're a little too much. 280 00:13:11,628 --> 00:13:12,660 I don't think I am too much! 281 00:13:12,662 --> 00:13:15,163 I actually think I'm the perfect right portion. 282 00:13:15,165 --> 00:13:16,664 Look, you have your job. 283 00:13:16,666 --> 00:13:19,501 Okay, focus on that and just toe the line a little bit. 284 00:13:19,503 --> 00:13:21,102 You know what? I quit. 285 00:13:21,104 --> 00:13:22,237 Oh, come on, Fred. 286 00:13:22,239 --> 00:13:24,239 You should quit, too. Everyone should fucking quit. 287 00:13:24,241 --> 00:13:26,174 No, I'm not gonna quit, I need my job. 288 00:13:26,176 --> 00:13:28,276 I need my fucking job, too. I'm broke, man! 289 00:13:28,278 --> 00:13:29,678 But I can't work for that guy. 290 00:13:29,680 --> 00:13:32,080 At least let me fire you so you can get unemployment. 291 00:13:32,082 --> 00:13:34,148 No fucking way! 292 00:13:34,150 --> 00:13:36,284 I want him to know that I quit. 293 00:13:36,286 --> 00:13:38,621 He's never gonna know it, he's never heard of you. 294 00:13:38,623 --> 00:13:41,189 You're gonna destroy your life to spite a guy who's never heard of you? 295 00:13:41,191 --> 00:13:42,758 Yes! You said it best! 296 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:43,926 That's exactly what I'm doing. 297 00:13:43,928 --> 00:13:46,729 You're making bad decisions and it's bumming me out, man. 298 00:13:46,731 --> 00:13:48,196 Well, that makes two of us. 299 00:13:48,198 --> 00:13:51,767 Fuck this. Journalism died today, people. 300 00:13:51,769 --> 00:13:54,737 Yes, hello, this is, uh, Fred Flarsky. 301 00:13:54,739 --> 00:13:56,672 Um... I, uh, 302 00:13:56,674 --> 00:13:58,239 was just calling to say that I was forced 303 00:13:58,241 --> 00:13:59,507 to quit my job recently, 304 00:13:59,509 --> 00:14:01,209 making me something of a free agent. 305 00:14:01,211 --> 00:14:02,778 And I know in the past, uh, 306 00:14:02,780 --> 00:14:05,481 you said I'm not exactly what The Times was looking for, 307 00:14:05,483 --> 00:14:08,149 but I was just calling to see if anything's changed. 308 00:14:08,151 --> 00:14:10,285 Uh, just give me a ring. Thank you so much. 309 00:14:10,287 --> 00:14:12,490 Yo, Lance. It's Fred. Um... 310 00:14:14,224 --> 00:14:15,524 I lost my job and I'm very sad. 311 00:14:15,526 --> 00:14:17,125 Can I come by? 312 00:14:22,466 --> 00:14:23,732 We need to schedule a meeting 313 00:14:23,734 --> 00:14:25,734 and see what they have to say. 314 00:14:25,736 --> 00:14:27,270 Excuse me. 315 00:14:28,439 --> 00:14:31,239 Man, I can't believe they did you like that. 316 00:14:31,241 --> 00:14:32,875 It's fucked up. I'm pissed. 317 00:14:32,877 --> 00:14:34,810 But you're gonna feel a lot better, man, we're leaving. 318 00:14:34,812 --> 00:14:36,512 You can leave work right now? 319 00:14:36,514 --> 00:14:38,581 Yeah, I can fucking leave. You see this corner office? 320 00:14:38,583 --> 00:14:39,848 That's a "I can leave this bitch 321 00:14:39,850 --> 00:14:41,817 "whenever I want" corner office. 322 00:14:41,819 --> 00:14:43,354 Come on, man. Everybody! 323 00:14:44,522 --> 00:14:46,254 This is my best friend, 324 00:14:46,256 --> 00:14:47,790 and he just lost his job today. 325 00:14:47,792 --> 00:14:49,658 All right? He's at rock bottom. 326 00:14:49,660 --> 00:14:51,860 - It's not that bad. - He feels like shit. 327 00:14:51,862 --> 00:14:53,529 And I'm gonna make him feel better. 328 00:14:53,531 --> 00:14:55,229 It's been a tradition since we were in college, 329 00:14:55,231 --> 00:14:56,599 when one of us feels sad, 330 00:14:56,601 --> 00:14:58,334 the other one has to get him fucked up. 331 00:14:58,336 --> 00:15:02,504 I'm talking Britney Spears, mid-2000s bald head, 332 00:15:02,506 --> 00:15:04,773 almost dropping the baby fucked up. 333 00:15:04,775 --> 00:15:06,875 No judgement. No judgement. 334 00:15:06,877 --> 00:15:09,244 I need my schedule cleared, Zander. 335 00:15:09,246 --> 00:15:10,346 I don't want to do shit. 336 00:15:10,348 --> 00:15:12,581 I'm going off-grid till tomorrow. 337 00:15:12,583 --> 00:15:13,651 Matter of fact... 338 00:15:14,752 --> 00:15:16,685 Everybody's got the day off. 339 00:15:16,687 --> 00:15:19,188 Everybody's got the day off. Y'all got the day off. 340 00:15:19,190 --> 00:15:20,289 Everybody, go home. 341 00:15:20,291 --> 00:15:22,958 I'm so appreciative of all of you guys' hard work. 342 00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:24,693 I love every single one of you. 343 00:15:24,695 --> 00:15:25,761 Except you, Ted! 344 00:15:25,763 --> 00:15:28,864 Bagel Friday is for everybody, Ted! 345 00:15:28,866 --> 00:15:30,966 You don't think we know you taking the bagels? 346 00:15:30,968 --> 00:15:32,334 Yeah, Ted, not cool. 347 00:15:32,336 --> 00:15:33,268 - Zander. - Yeah? 348 00:15:33,270 --> 00:15:35,504 I need two cans of the Pamplemousse LaCroix. 349 00:15:35,506 --> 00:15:36,739 - Uh-huh. - I need that filled 350 00:15:36,741 --> 00:15:39,274 with Johnnie Walker Blue and CBD oil. 351 00:15:39,276 --> 00:15:40,444 Do you want one? 352 00:15:41,812 --> 00:15:43,479 I got fucked, man. 353 00:15:43,481 --> 00:15:46,215 Yeah, you got fucked like a stepmom on Pornhub. 354 00:15:46,217 --> 00:15:47,383 Well, it happens to everybody. 355 00:15:47,385 --> 00:15:49,318 I've been unemployed before, it sucks. 356 00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:50,586 But I didn't ask for any handouts. 357 00:15:50,588 --> 00:15:53,389 I picked myself up by my bootstraps and got to it. 358 00:15:53,391 --> 00:15:54,823 Where are we going right now? 359 00:15:54,825 --> 00:15:56,625 Best day ever, Fred. Don't worry about it. 360 00:15:56,627 --> 00:15:58,794 I've got this dope afternoon planned for us. 361 00:15:58,796 --> 00:16:00,596 First we're going to finish these Pamplemousse's. 362 00:16:00,598 --> 00:16:01,563 Play at the park. 363 00:16:01,565 --> 00:16:03,599 After that we're going to go to Peter Luger's, 364 00:16:03,601 --> 00:16:04,767 get you a nice fat steak, 365 00:16:04,769 --> 00:16:07,469 and then finish it off with a World Wildlife Fund benefit. 366 00:16:07,471 --> 00:16:08,837 I don't know if I want to go to some 367 00:16:08,839 --> 00:16:10,406 fancy rich person party. 368 00:16:10,408 --> 00:16:11,740 What... Oh, come on, man, 369 00:16:11,742 --> 00:16:13,342 don't be so judgmental, all right? 370 00:16:13,344 --> 00:16:15,744 It's free booze and there'll be pandas and shit. 371 00:16:15,746 --> 00:16:18,280 - People love pandas and shit. - I don't know. 372 00:16:18,282 --> 00:16:19,515 All right, fine, Fred. 373 00:16:19,517 --> 00:16:20,917 Then just do nothing. All right? 374 00:16:20,919 --> 00:16:22,852 Go home, do nothing. 375 00:16:22,854 --> 00:16:25,423 And don't kick it with your best friend and Boyz II Men. 376 00:16:26,557 --> 00:16:27,791 Say what? 377 00:16:27,793 --> 00:16:29,525 Oh, yeah. 378 00:16:29,527 --> 00:16:30,994 Boyz II Men is bringing their timeless blend 379 00:16:30,996 --> 00:16:34,263 of R&B, hip-hop and new jack swing to the party. 380 00:16:34,265 --> 00:16:36,265 I thought you would like to be there. 381 00:16:36,267 --> 00:16:37,967 Bo-bo-bo-Boyz II Men? 382 00:16:37,969 --> 00:16:41,037 ♪ Motownphilly's back again 383 00:16:42,140 --> 00:16:43,039 That's what I'm talking about, man. Let's do this shit. 384 00:16:43,041 --> 00:16:45,008 Okay, let's have fun. What a fun day. 385 00:16:46,978 --> 00:16:50,612 I am so hungry, it's insane. 386 00:16:50,614 --> 00:16:51,848 Why didn't you PowerBar me? 387 00:16:51,850 --> 00:16:53,348 I tried, you pushed my hand away. 388 00:16:53,350 --> 00:16:54,516 Oh. 389 00:16:54,518 --> 00:16:57,519 Skewered foods. I can't eat skewered foods gracefully. 390 00:16:57,521 --> 00:16:58,922 I look like a fucking caveman. 391 00:16:58,924 --> 00:17:00,690 Yeah, and there are cameras everywhere. 392 00:17:00,692 --> 00:17:02,524 That's really gonna hurt your elegance score. 393 00:17:02,526 --> 00:17:03,595 That's my best score. 394 00:17:07,999 --> 00:17:09,933 Fuck! It's all skewered foods. 395 00:17:09,935 --> 00:17:11,601 I'm gonna take the chicken off the skewers. 396 00:17:11,603 --> 00:17:13,535 - Take it off... - Quickly. Quickly. 397 00:17:13,537 --> 00:17:15,504 Why do they make this so difficult... 398 00:17:15,506 --> 00:17:17,841 Oh. I'm sorry, sir. I apologize. 399 00:17:17,843 --> 00:17:20,409 - Jesus fucking Christ. - Can't do things... 400 00:17:20,411 --> 00:17:22,377 Just make a fucking... Make a wall. Make a wall. 401 00:17:22,379 --> 00:17:24,248 - Yup. Yes. - Do you have it? 402 00:17:27,418 --> 00:17:29,018 Good. Good, good, good, good. 403 00:17:29,020 --> 00:17:30,822 Oh, my God, it's really good chicken. 404 00:17:32,457 --> 00:17:34,023 James Steward is approaching. James Steward is approaching. 405 00:17:34,025 --> 00:17:35,091 What? 406 00:17:35,093 --> 00:17:36,860 Okay, he's about nine feet away. 407 00:17:36,862 --> 00:17:38,895 His dick is probably about seven feet away. 408 00:17:38,897 --> 00:17:40,663 - Maggie! - Six feet away. 409 00:17:40,665 --> 00:17:42,534 Five feet away. Spit, spit, spit, spit, spit. 410 00:17:43,902 --> 00:17:45,935 - James! - Bonsoir. 411 00:17:45,937 --> 00:17:47,771 - Hi. - Good evening. 412 00:17:47,773 --> 00:17:49,439 I am so sorry I missed you 413 00:17:49,441 --> 00:17:51,107 when I was at the White House a few weeks ago. 414 00:17:51,109 --> 00:17:54,043 Oh, are you so "sorry," James? 415 00:17:54,045 --> 00:17:55,578 You're never gonna 416 00:17:55,580 --> 00:17:56,913 stop making that joke, are you? 417 00:17:56,915 --> 00:17:59,048 No. I'm not. 418 00:17:59,050 --> 00:18:00,517 Well, I... Oh, hello. 419 00:18:00,519 --> 00:18:01,818 - Hi. - Oh, yes. 420 00:18:01,820 --> 00:18:03,622 Thank you. 421 00:18:04,990 --> 00:18:07,025 - One more. One more. - One more. 422 00:18:08,126 --> 00:18:10,493 Merci. Thank you. 423 00:18:10,495 --> 00:18:11,663 What do you say we get out of here? 424 00:18:13,031 --> 00:18:15,799 Grab a drink somewhere a bit more private. 425 00:18:17,936 --> 00:18:19,135 - Yes... - Yeah? 426 00:18:19,137 --> 00:18:21,404 Oh, my God! 427 00:18:21,406 --> 00:18:23,139 Make some noise out there! Make some noise! 428 00:18:23,141 --> 00:18:25,441 Yeah! Check it out, y'all! 429 00:18:25,443 --> 00:18:27,577 One question, what's the name of the group? 430 00:18:27,579 --> 00:18:28,845 Boyz II Men! 431 00:18:28,847 --> 00:18:29,712 What's the name of the group, y'all? 432 00:18:29,714 --> 00:18:31,047 Boyz II Men! 433 00:18:52,938 --> 00:18:54,003 Yeah... 434 00:18:54,005 --> 00:18:55,039 I told you this would be dope. 435 00:18:55,041 --> 00:18:58,108 Yeah, uh... This is really cheering me up. 436 00:18:58,110 --> 00:18:59,542 Wow. 437 00:19:09,155 --> 00:19:10,587 I'm super underdressed. 438 00:19:10,589 --> 00:19:11,888 Stop complaining, all right? 439 00:19:11,890 --> 00:19:13,823 You think you feel outta place? 440 00:19:13,825 --> 00:19:14,992 This is one of the brightest rooms 441 00:19:14,994 --> 00:19:17,027 I've ever been in, in my life. 442 00:19:17,029 --> 00:19:18,830 Bright? What do you mean, bright? 443 00:19:19,431 --> 00:19:20,663 Like white. 444 00:19:20,665 --> 00:19:22,732 - Oh, "bright" is white? - Yeah, man. 445 00:19:22,734 --> 00:19:24,801 It's only me, the waiters and Boyz II Men. 446 00:19:24,803 --> 00:19:26,669 I've already had three people tell me they love my music. 447 00:19:32,611 --> 00:19:33,844 Duty calls. 448 00:19:33,846 --> 00:19:36,213 I'll take a snow check on that dance. 449 00:19:36,215 --> 00:19:38,815 - Canadian for "rain check." - Okay. 450 00:19:38,817 --> 00:19:40,853 Okay. 451 00:19:47,827 --> 00:19:49,960 Man, you're pounding 'em kinda hard, don't you think? 452 00:19:49,962 --> 00:19:52,029 I got fired today, man. 453 00:19:52,031 --> 00:19:53,398 You told me you quit. 454 00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:56,901 I was forced to quit because of... 455 00:19:56,903 --> 00:19:58,035 Yeah, okay, man. 456 00:19:58,037 --> 00:19:59,404 Lie to me some more. 457 00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:02,507 You good? 458 00:20:07,780 --> 00:20:09,949 Shit. Is the secretary of state looking at us? 459 00:20:11,884 --> 00:20:13,085 Oh, she's looking at you? 460 00:20:15,087 --> 00:20:16,454 Fred. 461 00:20:19,591 --> 00:20:21,727 Fred. What the hell? What was that? 462 00:20:22,762 --> 00:20:24,630 Damn. Hey, what was that? 463 00:20:25,898 --> 00:20:27,497 I... 464 00:20:27,499 --> 00:20:28,899 Kinda... I kinda know her. Okay? 465 00:20:28,901 --> 00:20:30,834 - You kinda know her? - Yeah. 466 00:20:30,836 --> 00:20:32,569 Nobody kinda knows Charlotte Field, all right? 467 00:20:32,571 --> 00:20:33,971 It's like kinda knowing a mermaid, dude. 468 00:20:33,973 --> 00:20:35,105 You tell people that shit. 469 00:20:35,107 --> 00:20:36,774 - That's exceptional. - Okay. 470 00:20:36,776 --> 00:20:38,075 I'll tell you a story. 471 00:20:38,077 --> 00:20:41,812 So, I'm like 13, she's like 16. 472 00:20:41,814 --> 00:20:43,149 She's my babysitter. 473 00:20:48,721 --> 00:20:51,255 She's like, perfect. She's very nice to me, 474 00:20:51,257 --> 00:20:52,790 which goes a long way with me. 475 00:20:52,792 --> 00:20:54,224 So, we're at her house... 476 00:20:54,226 --> 00:20:56,160 She's practicing a speech that she's writing. 477 00:20:56,162 --> 00:20:58,128 She's running for Student Council president. 478 00:20:58,130 --> 00:20:59,431 Did you know that every year, 479 00:20:59,433 --> 00:21:02,266 the school throws away over 500 tons of recyclable garbage? 480 00:21:02,268 --> 00:21:05,102 - And no one cares. - I know, it's total bullshit. 481 00:21:05,104 --> 00:21:06,704 But how do you get idiots to care about shit 482 00:21:06,706 --> 00:21:09,807 - they don't care about? - They'll just care 483 00:21:09,809 --> 00:21:11,842 because it's the right thing to care about. 484 00:21:11,844 --> 00:21:14,845 You're more inspiring than George Bush and Dan Quayle combined. 485 00:21:14,847 --> 00:21:16,613 Well, that's not too hard. 486 00:21:18,050 --> 00:21:19,783 Well, she was amazing, and she was smart, 487 00:21:19,785 --> 00:21:21,118 and she seemed to kinda like me, 488 00:21:21,120 --> 00:21:22,886 and I felt like we were having a moment. 489 00:21:22,888 --> 00:21:25,055 You know what I mean? Like a romantic moment. 490 00:21:25,057 --> 00:21:26,123 Oh, shit. 491 00:21:26,125 --> 00:21:27,725 So I did something, 492 00:21:27,727 --> 00:21:29,827 that in retrospect was highly inappropriate. 493 00:21:29,829 --> 00:21:31,130 I kissed her. 494 00:21:31,797 --> 00:21:33,130 I looked down... 495 00:21:33,132 --> 00:21:35,300 I got a fucking 13-year-old boner, man! 496 00:21:35,302 --> 00:21:38,135 - Oh! - Hard... But not big. 497 00:21:38,137 --> 00:21:40,938 But hard. And pronounced, "13-year-old boner." 498 00:21:40,940 --> 00:21:41,939 Sorry. 499 00:21:41,941 --> 00:21:43,909 And she looks at it. She sees it. And she goes... 500 00:21:44,677 --> 00:21:45,743 It's okay. 501 00:21:45,745 --> 00:21:47,245 And then, 502 00:21:47,247 --> 00:21:49,113 her boyfriend comes into the room, 503 00:21:49,115 --> 00:21:50,814 who was in the other room watching Blossom! 504 00:21:50,816 --> 00:21:51,882 Hey, babe. 505 00:21:51,884 --> 00:21:53,751 Points out my fucking little boner. 506 00:21:53,753 --> 00:21:56,154 - He makes a joke! - Whoa! 507 00:21:56,156 --> 00:21:57,690 And they left. 508 00:21:58,325 --> 00:21:59,859 I'm sorry. 509 00:22:01,894 --> 00:22:04,964 And I'm left standing there alone... 510 00:22:05,798 --> 00:22:06,764 ...in the kitchen, 511 00:22:06,766 --> 00:22:09,767 with my little, hard 13-year-old fucking boner. 512 00:22:09,769 --> 00:22:11,935 - Hard as a rock. - And on top of that, 513 00:22:11,937 --> 00:22:13,604 she didn't win the fucking election. 514 00:22:13,606 --> 00:22:16,307 Bill Sterling won because he ran on a two-prom platform. 515 00:22:16,309 --> 00:22:19,344 - Two-prom! - Two-proms! Back-to-back! 516 00:22:19,346 --> 00:22:21,712 She didn't stand a fucking chance. 517 00:22:21,714 --> 00:22:22,846 No, man. 518 00:22:22,848 --> 00:22:24,882 I think you're skimming over the best part of that story. 519 00:22:24,884 --> 00:22:26,617 What's the best part of that story? 520 00:22:26,619 --> 00:22:28,386 She says your boner was okay. 521 00:22:28,388 --> 00:22:30,188 She said, "It's okay," like she was trying 522 00:22:30,190 --> 00:22:32,023 to not make me fucking feel bad. 523 00:22:32,025 --> 00:22:34,025 Fred, you see a fucked-up story, 524 00:22:34,027 --> 00:22:37,761 when I see a beautiful story about a girl that you liked, 525 00:22:37,763 --> 00:22:40,898 liking your boner in all of its okay-ness. 526 00:22:40,900 --> 00:22:42,967 You need to talk to her tonight. 527 00:22:42,969 --> 00:22:44,235 She probably doesn't remember who I am, 528 00:22:44,237 --> 00:22:45,937 and if she does remember who I am, 529 00:22:45,939 --> 00:22:47,105 the last thing she wants is 530 00:22:47,107 --> 00:22:49,207 my 13-year-old-boner-having fucking ass walking up to her. 531 00:22:49,209 --> 00:22:50,275 - Look... - Excuse me. 532 00:22:50,277 --> 00:22:51,309 Whoa. 533 00:22:51,311 --> 00:22:52,977 Secretary Field would like to speak with you. 534 00:22:52,979 --> 00:22:54,212 With me? 535 00:22:54,214 --> 00:22:55,646 With him, right? 536 00:22:55,648 --> 00:22:57,415 - Yeah. - Right now? 537 00:22:57,417 --> 00:22:59,017 Uh, do you know why? 538 00:22:59,019 --> 00:23:00,120 This way. 539 00:23:01,221 --> 00:23:02,387 This is good. 540 00:23:02,389 --> 00:23:03,822 What are you nervous about? 541 00:23:03,824 --> 00:23:06,091 What the fuck? Everything I just said! 542 00:23:15,734 --> 00:23:17,701 Oh, my God, dude, there she is. 543 00:23:26,246 --> 00:23:28,079 What are you gonna say to her? 544 00:23:28,081 --> 00:23:29,681 I don't know. 545 00:23:29,683 --> 00:23:31,049 Should open with a neg. 546 00:23:31,051 --> 00:23:32,350 Tell her she's too tall. 547 00:23:32,352 --> 00:23:34,252 I'm not gonna neg the secretary of state. 548 00:23:34,254 --> 00:23:36,189 - It was so nice to see you. - You as well. 549 00:23:38,325 --> 00:23:41,126 Give me the signal when you need me. 550 00:23:41,128 --> 00:23:43,261 - Hi. - Hi. 551 00:23:43,263 --> 00:23:44,696 A man brought me here. 552 00:23:44,698 --> 00:23:46,231 Yes, sorry about that. 553 00:23:46,233 --> 00:23:47,265 - Um... - No, not at all. 554 00:23:47,267 --> 00:23:50,135 I can't shake this feeling that we know each other. 555 00:23:50,137 --> 00:23:51,769 - We do. Yeah. - We do? 556 00:23:51,771 --> 00:23:53,171 - We do know each other. - Okay, so I'm not crazy. 557 00:23:53,173 --> 00:23:55,473 - Uh, I'm Fred. - Fred... 558 00:23:55,475 --> 00:23:56,774 I was shorter, 559 00:23:56,776 --> 00:23:58,209 - but other than that... - Flarsky? 560 00:23:58,211 --> 00:23:59,277 Yeah! Holy fuck! 561 00:23:59,279 --> 00:24:00,979 I can't believe it. You remember. 562 00:24:00,981 --> 00:24:03,248 Oh, my God, look at you! 563 00:24:03,250 --> 00:24:04,449 Look at me, yes. 564 00:24:04,451 --> 00:24:05,717 What are you doing here? 565 00:24:05,719 --> 00:24:08,219 My friend, Lance... That's Lance. 566 00:24:08,221 --> 00:24:09,254 Hey, how you doing? 567 00:24:09,256 --> 00:24:11,923 He, uh, he just brought me here to see Boyz II Men. 568 00:24:11,925 --> 00:24:13,057 I just met them. 569 00:24:13,059 --> 00:24:14,893 - You met the Men? - Yeah. 570 00:24:14,895 --> 00:24:16,495 - What was it like? - Don't tell anybody, 571 00:24:16,497 --> 00:24:17,996 but it was the highlight of my life. 572 00:24:17,998 --> 00:24:19,130 Oh, I totally get that. 573 00:24:19,132 --> 00:24:20,131 And I've met the Dalai Lama. 574 00:24:20,133 --> 00:24:22,800 Fuck him. How many hits does he have? None. 575 00:24:22,802 --> 00:24:24,736 Don't actually fuck him. 576 00:24:24,738 --> 00:24:25,870 - He's a wonderful man. - Yeah. 577 00:24:25,872 --> 00:24:27,305 What are you doing these days? 578 00:24:27,307 --> 00:24:29,176 I bet it's something amazing. 579 00:24:30,911 --> 00:24:32,177 - It's pretty amazing. - Yeah. 580 00:24:32,179 --> 00:24:33,244 Uh, yeah, 581 00:24:33,246 --> 00:24:35,847 but it's still in its, uh, gestation period, I guess. 582 00:24:35,849 --> 00:24:37,015 I don't need to get into it. 583 00:24:37,017 --> 00:24:38,118 What about you, what have you been up to? 584 00:24:39,085 --> 00:24:40,251 You're the secretary... I'm joking. 585 00:24:40,253 --> 00:24:41,387 I know what you've been up to. 586 00:24:41,389 --> 00:24:42,588 - Yeah. - You're very, um... 587 00:24:42,590 --> 00:24:44,956 You know, I just, I... I just wanna say it's, like, amazing 588 00:24:44,958 --> 00:24:46,024 to see what you've done with your life. 589 00:24:46,026 --> 00:24:47,158 A lot of people say they're gonna do 590 00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:49,260 all this incredible stuff and they don't do anything, 591 00:24:49,262 --> 00:24:51,898 but you actually did it all, so, congrats. 592 00:24:53,267 --> 00:24:55,233 Well, I'm trying. 593 00:24:55,235 --> 00:24:56,770 I think you've done it. 594 00:24:58,439 --> 00:24:59,739 Oh! 595 00:25:00,907 --> 00:25:02,208 Parker Wembley. 596 00:25:02,210 --> 00:25:03,475 I hate this guy. 597 00:25:03,477 --> 00:25:06,110 Parker Wembley, the guy who buys and sells newspapers 598 00:25:06,112 --> 00:25:08,214 and thinks that hurricanes are caused by gay marriage? 599 00:25:08,216 --> 00:25:09,281 You know him? 600 00:25:09,283 --> 00:25:10,482 He's coming over here. 601 00:25:10,484 --> 00:25:12,251 - Is he behind me? - Yeah. 602 00:25:12,253 --> 00:25:15,853 - Finally. Secretary Field. - Parker, how are you? 603 00:25:15,855 --> 00:25:18,022 You are looking particularly gorgeous tonight. 604 00:25:18,024 --> 00:25:19,325 Thank you. 605 00:25:19,327 --> 00:25:21,493 I... I've been trying to set a meeting with you 606 00:25:21,495 --> 00:25:24,096 for some months now, and, uh... 607 00:25:24,098 --> 00:25:25,863 I mean, have you been avoiding me? 608 00:25:25,865 --> 00:25:28,866 No! No. 609 00:25:28,868 --> 00:25:31,004 Not successfully. 610 00:25:32,473 --> 00:25:35,039 Who's your friend? 611 00:25:35,041 --> 00:25:36,908 - Fred. - Hey, Fred! 612 00:25:36,910 --> 00:25:37,976 - Yes, hi. - How are you? 613 00:25:37,978 --> 00:25:39,944 And, uh, what is it that you do? 614 00:25:39,946 --> 00:25:41,980 I'm a journalist, actually. Yeah. 615 00:25:41,982 --> 00:25:43,815 - Ooh, a journalist. - Mmm-hmm. Yeah. 616 00:25:43,817 --> 00:25:46,218 Will I have read anything that you've written? 617 00:25:46,220 --> 00:25:49,021 Probably not recently 'cause I'm unemployed at the moment. 618 00:25:49,023 --> 00:25:50,922 Oh, I am so sorry to hear that. 619 00:25:50,924 --> 00:25:52,191 Not your fault. 620 00:25:52,193 --> 00:25:54,126 Excuse me, Secretary Field, we need a word. 621 00:25:54,128 --> 00:25:56,195 - Oh, okay. - So we will have that meeting. 622 00:25:56,197 --> 00:25:57,263 - Right? - Yes. 623 00:25:57,265 --> 00:25:58,998 Okay, good. Fred. 624 00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:00,165 - Yes? - Best of luck. 625 00:26:00,167 --> 00:26:01,233 Oh, why, thanks. 626 00:26:01,235 --> 00:26:02,301 Things will turn around for you. 627 00:26:02,303 --> 00:26:03,202 So nice of you. 628 00:26:03,204 --> 00:26:05,006 Darkest before the dawn and all that. 629 00:26:06,540 --> 00:26:09,008 - I actually... I do have to... - Yeah. 630 00:26:09,010 --> 00:26:10,376 You probably have a lot of things to do. 631 00:26:10,378 --> 00:26:11,443 Better than this. 632 00:26:11,445 --> 00:26:12,578 It's really nice to see you again. 633 00:26:12,580 --> 00:26:16,115 Oh. Yeah. Okay. Sure. Great. 634 00:26:16,117 --> 00:26:19,151 Oh, you're backless. Wasn't expecting that. 635 00:26:19,153 --> 00:26:21,020 - Have fun at the party. - You too. 636 00:26:21,022 --> 00:26:22,156 Great to see you. 637 00:26:25,226 --> 00:26:28,193 I see you. I see you. Yeah. 638 00:26:30,631 --> 00:26:33,067 So I said, "You want..." 639 00:26:34,568 --> 00:26:35,968 Hey. Hey. What's that look in your eye? 640 00:26:35,970 --> 00:26:37,036 What are you about to go do? 641 00:26:37,038 --> 00:26:38,871 Tonight is about the animals, dude. 642 00:26:38,873 --> 00:26:40,873 Fuck the animals! They're fucking gone, man. 643 00:26:40,875 --> 00:26:42,574 Too late for the fucking animals. 644 00:26:44,412 --> 00:26:46,078 Hey! 645 00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:47,579 - Oh, Fred? - Yeah, look. 646 00:26:47,581 --> 00:26:49,915 - What's the problem? - I'll tell you the problem. 647 00:26:49,917 --> 00:26:51,450 - What? - You're the problem, man! 648 00:26:51,452 --> 00:26:54,019 You're everything that's wrong with this fucking country. 649 00:26:54,021 --> 00:26:57,256 'Cause you're an old, rich, white piece of shit 650 00:26:57,258 --> 00:26:59,992 and your media conglomerate is ruining this planet! 651 00:26:59,994 --> 00:27:01,927 - Enough. - I'm done anyway. 652 00:27:01,929 --> 00:27:03,595 I had more time with you than I thought I would, 653 00:27:03,597 --> 00:27:05,230 so joke's on you. Excuse me, thank you. 654 00:27:05,232 --> 00:27:06,899 Whoa, shit! 655 00:27:09,337 --> 00:27:10,570 God! 656 00:27:12,106 --> 00:27:13,272 Cracker down! 657 00:27:13,274 --> 00:27:14,674 Oh, my God. 658 00:27:14,676 --> 00:27:16,010 Looks like it hurt. 659 00:27:16,645 --> 00:27:18,510 Boyz II Men, back up. 660 00:27:18,512 --> 00:27:19,978 You all right? You good? 661 00:27:19,980 --> 00:27:21,146 - You all right? - I'm okay! 662 00:27:21,148 --> 00:27:22,214 He's okay! 663 00:27:22,216 --> 00:27:23,351 How is he standing? 664 00:27:29,957 --> 00:27:32,059 - Oh! - Ouch! 665 00:27:34,095 --> 00:27:37,930 ♪ Oh, no That's the Ruff Ryder... 666 00:27:37,932 --> 00:27:38,997 This is so creative. 667 00:27:41,335 --> 00:27:42,569 Ha-ha! 668 00:27:42,571 --> 00:27:44,138 - What was that? - Thank you, Tom. 669 00:27:44,639 --> 00:27:46,972 God, that was crazy. 670 00:27:46,974 --> 00:27:48,340 I mean, now that we know he's okay, 671 00:27:48,342 --> 00:27:51,009 it was all so hilarious. 672 00:27:51,011 --> 00:27:53,613 And so what is the relationship exactly? 673 00:27:53,615 --> 00:27:55,247 - Was he your super? - No, 674 00:27:55,249 --> 00:27:57,182 we grew up next door to each other. 675 00:27:57,184 --> 00:27:58,451 Yeah. 676 00:27:58,453 --> 00:28:01,321 Fuck, I used to babysit for him. 677 00:28:01,323 --> 00:28:03,556 - You babysat for him? - I did. 678 00:28:03,558 --> 00:28:06,225 Wow. Time has not been kind. 679 00:28:06,227 --> 00:28:07,226 He was such a strange little kid. 680 00:28:07,228 --> 00:28:10,430 But he was really funny. And he was super smart. 681 00:28:10,432 --> 00:28:12,499 He did have this chip on his shoulder, though. 682 00:28:12,501 --> 00:28:14,534 He's actually not a bad writer. 683 00:28:14,536 --> 00:28:15,968 Wait, you've read his stuff? 684 00:28:15,970 --> 00:28:17,169 Yeah, Brooklyn Advocate. 685 00:28:17,171 --> 00:28:19,472 Oh, God, of course, you read that, Tom. 686 00:28:19,474 --> 00:28:21,241 Didn't that paper just get sold off? 687 00:28:21,243 --> 00:28:22,609 Wembley Media just bought them. 688 00:28:22,611 --> 00:28:25,177 Oh, that makes total sense. 689 00:28:25,179 --> 00:28:27,380 That's why he was such a dick to Wembley. 690 00:28:27,382 --> 00:28:31,386 So the rest of the schedule for the day is pretty packed. 691 00:28:41,696 --> 00:28:43,028 - Hi. - Hey. 692 00:28:43,030 --> 00:28:45,732 Did you like any of those writing samples? 693 00:28:45,734 --> 00:28:48,601 Yeah, McKenzie is good. Bess is solid. 694 00:28:48,603 --> 00:28:53,139 And, um, Fred's stuff isn't too bad. 695 00:28:53,141 --> 00:28:55,108 Wait, not the... 696 00:28:55,110 --> 00:28:57,577 The homeless person that fell down the stairs? 697 00:28:57,579 --> 00:29:00,180 Yeah. He has a real voice. 698 00:29:00,182 --> 00:29:02,782 And he knows me. I mean, he knew me. 699 00:29:02,784 --> 00:29:04,451 And that's probably a good thing 700 00:29:04,453 --> 00:29:07,353 if he's going to be writing for me. 701 00:29:07,355 --> 00:29:09,389 Bringing someone like that onto the team, 702 00:29:09,391 --> 00:29:12,091 I have to say, feels a little reckless. 703 00:29:12,093 --> 00:29:15,562 His writing is really good. And it's funny. 704 00:29:15,564 --> 00:29:17,597 I think he can get that number up by a few points. 705 00:29:17,599 --> 00:29:19,301 And if he doesn't, we fire him. 706 00:29:20,168 --> 00:29:21,234 Okay. 707 00:29:21,236 --> 00:29:22,237 Okay. 708 00:29:22,771 --> 00:29:24,239 Fred Flarsky it is. 709 00:29:24,673 --> 00:29:26,041 Thanks. 710 00:29:31,213 --> 00:29:32,214 All right, bye. 711 00:29:38,653 --> 00:29:40,286 Unknown! 712 00:29:40,288 --> 00:29:42,088 I don't give a fuck. Answer that shit. 713 00:29:42,090 --> 00:29:43,456 - What? - Answer it! 714 00:29:43,458 --> 00:29:45,091 What if it's The Man trying to get at me? 715 00:29:45,093 --> 00:29:46,794 No, it's the universe trying to talk to you. 716 00:29:46,796 --> 00:29:48,061 Really? 717 00:29:48,063 --> 00:29:49,529 - Gang. - Gang. 718 00:29:49,531 --> 00:29:51,297 Do that shit, man. Fred, don't fuck with me. 719 00:29:51,299 --> 00:29:52,833 All right. Hello. Gang. 720 00:29:52,835 --> 00:29:54,667 - Mr. Flarsky? - What? 721 00:29:54,669 --> 00:29:56,202 Wait, slow down. What? 722 00:29:56,204 --> 00:29:58,104 - You're unknown. Pardon? - Oh, my God. Mr. Flarsky. 723 00:29:58,106 --> 00:30:00,206 - Hello? - Go on. 724 00:30:00,208 --> 00:30:03,811 This is Maggie Millikin from Secretary Field's office. 725 00:30:03,813 --> 00:30:06,112 Hello, Maggie, who works for Secretary Field. 726 00:30:06,114 --> 00:30:07,781 - Whoo! - Hello? 727 00:30:07,783 --> 00:30:09,082 That's good! Talk to her. 728 00:30:09,084 --> 00:30:11,752 - Hello? - How can I help you? 729 00:30:11,754 --> 00:30:13,721 The secretary would like to meet with you immediately. 730 00:30:13,723 --> 00:30:15,088 We will send a car over. 731 00:30:15,090 --> 00:30:16,790 Can you give me the most convenient address? 732 00:30:16,792 --> 00:30:18,626 - What is she saying? - Secretary would like 733 00:30:18,628 --> 00:30:19,727 to meet with me immediately 734 00:30:19,729 --> 00:30:20,763 and they're going to send a car? 735 00:30:23,164 --> 00:30:25,833 Mr. Lou's Deli in Brooklyn. 736 00:30:25,835 --> 00:30:28,268 - I'm sure you can find it. - I will google it. 737 00:30:28,270 --> 00:30:30,303 Mr. Lou's in Brooklyn. Stay right there. 738 00:30:30,305 --> 00:30:31,371 Okay. 739 00:30:31,373 --> 00:30:33,540 Uh, I'll see you soon. 740 00:30:33,542 --> 00:30:35,811 Oh, I feel so scared. 741 00:30:36,612 --> 00:30:37,745 Do I look okay? 742 00:30:37,747 --> 00:30:39,212 Do I look funny? 743 00:30:39,214 --> 00:30:40,446 - Why are these pockets here? - It's okay. 744 00:30:40,448 --> 00:30:41,715 God fucking damn it! 745 00:30:41,717 --> 00:30:43,584 Why am I wearing these fucking stupid pants? 746 00:30:43,586 --> 00:30:44,818 They're too tapered! 747 00:30:44,820 --> 00:30:47,253 Who wears these silly-looking, fucking tapered cargo pants 748 00:30:47,255 --> 00:30:49,389 and see the fucking secretary of state? 749 00:30:49,391 --> 00:30:50,891 You can't think like this. You have to be positive. 750 00:30:50,893 --> 00:30:52,392 - Mr. Flarsky? - Oh, shit. 751 00:30:52,394 --> 00:30:53,529 Mr. Flarsky. 752 00:30:56,131 --> 00:30:57,230 Wish me luck, man. 753 00:30:57,232 --> 00:30:58,766 Yeah, you don't need luck, man. She said it was okay. 754 00:30:58,768 --> 00:30:59,833 Luck is for losers. 755 00:30:59,835 --> 00:31:01,835 You've got destiny on your side. 756 00:31:01,837 --> 00:31:04,638 You're good. Fred. 757 00:31:04,640 --> 00:31:06,174 You buy the body. 758 00:31:06,809 --> 00:31:08,076 That doesn't mean anything. 759 00:31:10,513 --> 00:31:12,178 Fred, put your seat belt on. 760 00:31:12,180 --> 00:31:14,650 Take care of my friend. All right? 761 00:31:15,718 --> 00:31:17,918 - I look normal? - You look cool. 762 00:31:17,920 --> 00:31:19,321 I love you, Fred! 763 00:31:19,889 --> 00:31:21,757 Nut boys for life! 764 00:31:37,840 --> 00:31:40,808 Empty your pockets and take off your backpack. 765 00:31:40,810 --> 00:31:42,177 Empty my pockets? 766 00:31:44,313 --> 00:31:45,715 All right. That's... 767 00:31:46,816 --> 00:31:48,250 Let's see how this goes. 768 00:31:51,354 --> 00:31:53,387 Not a regular cop, I assume. 769 00:31:53,389 --> 00:31:56,757 Got bigger fish to fry than just normal cop shit, right? 770 00:31:56,759 --> 00:31:58,794 So, uh, okay. Let's do it. 771 00:32:00,563 --> 00:32:04,298 That's prescription. For anxiety. Uh... 772 00:32:04,300 --> 00:32:07,868 This is if you can't dance for a long time and you want to. 773 00:32:07,870 --> 00:32:10,537 That's prescription as well, for, uh, lack of energy. 774 00:32:10,539 --> 00:32:11,805 That's energy powder. 775 00:32:11,807 --> 00:32:15,411 These are to wrap the anxiety medication in 776 00:32:16,278 --> 00:32:19,346 when inhaling it medicinally. 777 00:32:19,348 --> 00:32:21,815 That's if you want to vaporize the anxiety medicine, 778 00:32:21,817 --> 00:32:23,486 which I have a prescription for. 779 00:32:24,487 --> 00:32:25,821 And that's a blunt. 780 00:32:31,861 --> 00:32:33,195 Ooh. 781 00:32:34,864 --> 00:32:35,865 Hi. 782 00:32:41,604 --> 00:32:42,672 Wow. 783 00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:46,306 Will you sign this, please? 784 00:32:46,308 --> 00:32:48,509 - What is it? - It's an NDA. 785 00:32:48,511 --> 00:32:49,576 A non-disclosure agreement? 786 00:32:49,578 --> 00:32:51,880 - That's right. - Okay. 787 00:32:51,882 --> 00:32:53,547 - Oh, my God. - Fred. 788 00:32:53,549 --> 00:32:55,349 - Yeah. - Hey, nice to see you again. 789 00:32:55,351 --> 00:32:56,684 - Hi, you too. - Come on in. 790 00:32:56,686 --> 00:32:57,685 Take a seat. 791 00:32:57,687 --> 00:32:59,888 Good to see you were not injured from that fall. 792 00:32:59,890 --> 00:33:01,722 Oh, yeah, you know what? 793 00:33:01,724 --> 00:33:03,323 I actually think the brim of my hat 794 00:33:03,325 --> 00:33:04,893 kind of protected my face ultimately. 795 00:33:04,895 --> 00:33:07,294 So, thank God I was underdressed in the end, right? 796 00:33:07,296 --> 00:33:09,263 Well, as long as you're good. 797 00:33:09,265 --> 00:33:10,664 - I'm okay. - Yeah. Great. 798 00:33:10,666 --> 00:33:11,734 Uh... 799 00:33:13,536 --> 00:33:14,969 Why am I here? 800 00:33:14,971 --> 00:33:16,570 What I'm about to share with you 801 00:33:16,572 --> 00:33:18,706 is, obviously, highly confidential. 802 00:33:18,708 --> 00:33:19,808 Oh, yeah. 803 00:33:19,810 --> 00:33:21,243 Keep it on the down low. 804 00:33:22,746 --> 00:33:25,414 President Chambers will not be seeking reelection. 805 00:33:25,716 --> 00:33:26,781 Really? 806 00:33:26,783 --> 00:33:28,449 Yes. 807 00:33:28,451 --> 00:33:32,453 That's fucking sick! That's awesome. 808 00:33:32,455 --> 00:33:35,556 Are you telling each American individually the good news? 809 00:33:35,558 --> 00:33:36,623 I mean, but seriously. 810 00:33:36,625 --> 00:33:37,792 Did he just realize he sucks at it 811 00:33:37,794 --> 00:33:39,526 and decide not to do it anymore? 812 00:33:39,528 --> 00:33:43,464 He just wants to move into film and make movies. 813 00:33:43,466 --> 00:33:44,933 - Really? - Yeah. 814 00:33:44,935 --> 00:33:46,835 That's cool. That's a tough transition to make. 815 00:33:46,837 --> 00:33:49,671 Not many actors have made the leap from TV to film. 816 00:33:49,673 --> 00:33:51,405 You got George Clooney, you got Woody Harrelson... 817 00:33:51,407 --> 00:33:52,473 Jennifer Aniston. 818 00:33:52,475 --> 00:33:54,075 Mmm, did she though? 819 00:33:54,077 --> 00:33:55,777 You don't think Jennifer Aniston's a movie star? 820 00:33:55,779 --> 00:33:56,845 Just 'cause you star in movies 821 00:33:56,847 --> 00:33:57,912 doesn't mean you're a movie star. 822 00:33:57,914 --> 00:34:00,048 The point is... 823 00:34:00,050 --> 00:34:02,853 He's going to endorse me for president in 2020. 824 00:34:03,352 --> 00:34:04,418 Wow. 825 00:34:04,420 --> 00:34:05,754 - I know. - Mazel tov. 826 00:34:05,756 --> 00:34:06,888 So. 827 00:34:06,890 --> 00:34:08,957 We're headed to an environmental summit 828 00:34:08,959 --> 00:34:10,390 hosted by King Gustav 829 00:34:10,392 --> 00:34:12,026 and the Swedish Royal Family. 830 00:34:12,028 --> 00:34:14,328 At the summit, I'll be announcing 831 00:34:14,330 --> 00:34:16,430 that the world's three largest polluters 832 00:34:16,432 --> 00:34:17,799 have signed on to the most comprehensive 833 00:34:17,801 --> 00:34:19,801 and exciting environmental deal ever. 834 00:34:19,803 --> 00:34:21,069 You know, after I have some dairy, 835 00:34:21,071 --> 00:34:22,937 I'm one of the world's three largest polluters. 836 00:34:22,939 --> 00:34:24,105 Excuse me? 837 00:34:24,107 --> 00:34:26,508 We'll address rising sea levels, 838 00:34:26,510 --> 00:34:28,109 combat deforestation 839 00:34:28,111 --> 00:34:30,445 and protect the world's pollinators. 840 00:34:30,447 --> 00:34:33,548 I'm calling it the Global Rehabilitation Initiative. 841 00:34:33,550 --> 00:34:34,816 Internally, we're referring to it 842 00:34:34,818 --> 00:34:36,117 as "Bees, Trees and the Seas." 843 00:34:36,119 --> 00:34:37,652 Soon after that, 844 00:34:37,654 --> 00:34:39,988 I hope to announce that 100 countries have signed on. 845 00:34:39,990 --> 00:34:42,490 - Wow. - At which point... 846 00:34:42,492 --> 00:34:44,859 I will resign as secretary of state. 847 00:34:44,861 --> 00:34:47,862 Using this initiative as a springboard, 848 00:34:47,864 --> 00:34:50,064 I will announce my presidential run in 2020. 849 00:34:50,066 --> 00:34:51,668 - Cool. - So... 850 00:34:53,570 --> 00:34:56,137 I need some writers to punch up my speeches. 851 00:34:56,139 --> 00:34:58,473 I read your work and I really like it. 852 00:34:58,475 --> 00:34:59,674 That's... Wow. 853 00:34:59,676 --> 00:35:01,376 You mentioned you were between jobs. 854 00:35:01,378 --> 00:35:02,343 So it's a really good fit. 855 00:35:02,345 --> 00:35:04,913 It's so nice of you to think of me at all, 856 00:35:04,915 --> 00:35:07,415 honestly, with everything going on in your head. 857 00:35:07,417 --> 00:35:08,716 I look forward to working with you. 858 00:35:08,718 --> 00:35:09,719 Thank you. 859 00:35:11,855 --> 00:35:14,724 Um... So, uh, when do you need to know by? 860 00:35:15,992 --> 00:35:18,126 What? I don't understand. 861 00:35:18,128 --> 00:35:20,162 When do you need to know if I'm going to take your, uh, 862 00:35:20,164 --> 00:35:21,731 your punch-up job? 863 00:35:23,134 --> 00:35:24,599 Right now. 864 00:35:24,601 --> 00:35:27,169 Oh. Uh... Then I guess, 865 00:35:27,171 --> 00:35:29,871 maybe... Maybe, uh, no? 866 00:35:29,873 --> 00:35:32,141 Maybe no, I don't know. I don't know! 867 00:35:32,143 --> 00:35:33,242 You know what, Madam Secretary, 868 00:35:33,244 --> 00:35:35,177 he's not interested. We tried, it didn't work out. 869 00:35:35,179 --> 00:35:37,948 So I can give you some writing samples... 870 00:35:42,953 --> 00:35:44,953 What don't you know? 871 00:35:44,955 --> 00:35:47,488 This whole Seas, Bees and Trees thing. 872 00:35:47,490 --> 00:35:49,124 Is it actually going to do something? 873 00:35:49,126 --> 00:35:50,792 Or is it going to be one of those things 874 00:35:50,794 --> 00:35:52,827 that maybe only sounds like it's gonna do something, 875 00:35:52,829 --> 00:35:54,562 but doesn't actually do something? 876 00:35:54,564 --> 00:35:57,099 I only wanna come work for you 877 00:35:57,101 --> 00:35:58,666 if it's actually gonna do something. 878 00:35:58,668 --> 00:35:59,969 It will do something. 879 00:35:59,971 --> 00:36:01,836 This is a perfect document. 880 00:36:01,838 --> 00:36:04,139 They all start out that way and then they get watered down. 881 00:36:04,141 --> 00:36:05,074 Fred. 882 00:36:05,076 --> 00:36:07,542 Not only does this initiative sound good, 883 00:36:07,544 --> 00:36:08,409 it's going to do good. 884 00:36:08,411 --> 00:36:10,778 It's gonna save the fucking planet. 885 00:36:10,780 --> 00:36:12,948 Not to mention, pay your rent. 886 00:36:12,950 --> 00:36:14,216 So, are you in? 887 00:36:14,218 --> 00:36:16,854 Or do you have something more important to do? 888 00:36:17,855 --> 00:36:19,522 Than save the planet with you? 889 00:36:21,225 --> 00:36:23,859 No, I don't. I'm in. 890 00:36:23,861 --> 00:36:25,693 Phew! 891 00:36:25,695 --> 00:36:26,964 Let's save the planet. 892 00:36:27,631 --> 00:36:28,596 That was... 893 00:36:28,598 --> 00:36:30,700 What just happened? She's good. 894 00:36:56,260 --> 00:36:57,228 Uh, hey. 895 00:36:59,163 --> 00:37:01,163 I had some jokes, uh, I was gonna run by you, 896 00:37:01,165 --> 00:37:02,599 maybe, if you have a second. 897 00:37:05,903 --> 00:37:08,505 What are you... What are you looking at? 898 00:37:12,910 --> 00:37:13,976 - Jesus! - Oh, my God! 899 00:37:13,978 --> 00:37:16,211 Why would you just barge in here while I'm sleeping? 900 00:37:16,213 --> 00:37:17,746 - You were sleeping? - Yes! 901 00:37:17,748 --> 00:37:19,514 I was micro napping. 902 00:37:19,516 --> 00:37:21,283 - That's what you call that? - Yes. 903 00:37:21,285 --> 00:37:22,952 Sorry, I didn't realize you were sleeping. 904 00:37:22,954 --> 00:37:24,520 You were standing and your eyes were open. 905 00:37:24,522 --> 00:37:25,587 Do you need something? 906 00:37:25,589 --> 00:37:26,689 I have some jokes that I wrote 907 00:37:26,691 --> 00:37:28,691 that I was gonna run by you if you have a second. 908 00:37:28,693 --> 00:37:30,159 Yeah, that was actually a really good nap. 909 00:37:30,161 --> 00:37:32,194 Great. Seemed very restful. 910 00:37:32,196 --> 00:37:33,197 Okay. 911 00:37:36,100 --> 00:37:37,032 Whoa. 912 00:37:37,034 --> 00:37:40,636 I feel like these jokes are a little angry. 913 00:37:40,638 --> 00:37:42,938 Oh. I thought maybe they were, like, emphatic? 914 00:37:42,940 --> 00:37:44,840 "With every fracking drill thrust, 915 00:37:44,842 --> 00:37:47,676 "we are literally butt-fucking Mother Earth"? 916 00:37:47,678 --> 00:37:48,844 It can be normal fucking. 917 00:37:48,846 --> 00:37:50,212 It doesn't have to be in the butt. 918 00:37:50,214 --> 00:37:51,280 I can take that part out. 919 00:37:51,282 --> 00:37:52,848 Yeah, listen, Fred. 920 00:37:52,850 --> 00:37:54,249 If I'm angry, I'm hysterical. 921 00:37:54,251 --> 00:37:55,851 If I'm emotional, I'm weak. 922 00:37:55,853 --> 00:37:57,586 If I so much as raise my voice, I'm a bitch. 923 00:37:57,588 --> 00:37:58,854 My job's hard. 924 00:37:58,856 --> 00:38:00,823 Not as hard as mine. 925 00:38:00,825 --> 00:38:02,624 I think maybe, like, part of the problem 926 00:38:02,626 --> 00:38:04,893 is that, like, a lot of humor is based on, 927 00:38:04,895 --> 00:38:07,029 like, personal experiences. 928 00:38:07,031 --> 00:38:07,930 I was thinking, you know, 929 00:38:07,932 --> 00:38:09,898 you cared a lot about the environment 930 00:38:09,900 --> 00:38:11,066 - since high school. - Mmm-hmm. 931 00:38:11,068 --> 00:38:14,803 So maybe include some stories about that. 932 00:38:14,805 --> 00:38:16,173 - High school? - Yeah. 933 00:38:17,742 --> 00:38:19,008 You think that's funny? 934 00:38:19,010 --> 00:38:20,109 I think it's a good area. 935 00:38:20,111 --> 00:38:22,177 Nostalgia, pop culture references. 936 00:38:22,179 --> 00:38:23,279 People love that. 937 00:38:23,281 --> 00:38:25,114 Jimmy Fallon's made an entire career off of that. 938 00:38:25,116 --> 00:38:27,283 When I think about school, I just think about studying. 939 00:38:27,285 --> 00:38:28,884 No, you did so much more than that. 940 00:38:28,886 --> 00:38:31,587 I think your whole 1991 platform was pretty on-point 941 00:38:31,589 --> 00:38:32,921 when you were running for Student Council. 942 00:38:32,923 --> 00:38:35,758 I remember you said, "Everyone at this school 943 00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:37,960 "pretends to care about the underdog, 944 00:38:37,962 --> 00:38:39,129 "but the planet Earth is 945 00:38:39,131 --> 00:38:40,330 "the biggest underdog of them all." 946 00:38:40,332 --> 00:38:41,630 Something like that. 947 00:38:41,632 --> 00:38:42,731 I said that? 948 00:38:42,733 --> 00:38:44,134 Yeah, you did say that. 949 00:38:44,136 --> 00:38:46,035 You were in the kitchen, making pizza. 950 00:38:46,037 --> 00:38:48,837 We were making signs for your election. 951 00:38:48,839 --> 00:38:51,074 And you were wearing that shirt. 952 00:38:51,076 --> 00:38:53,042 I don't know if it was a strawberry or a flower, 953 00:38:53,044 --> 00:38:54,279 it always confused me. 954 00:38:54,812 --> 00:38:55,878 It was both. 955 00:38:55,880 --> 00:38:57,813 Oh, there you go. 956 00:38:57,815 --> 00:38:59,648 That's all I remember about that night, though. 957 00:38:59,650 --> 00:39:01,184 Uh, that's where my memories 958 00:39:01,186 --> 00:39:04,686 concerning that evening expire. 959 00:39:04,688 --> 00:39:07,157 I learned a lot from that election. 960 00:39:07,159 --> 00:39:08,724 Yeah, that kids are probably more likely 961 00:39:08,726 --> 00:39:10,126 to vote for two proms 962 00:39:10,128 --> 00:39:12,628 than a very elaborate recycling program. 963 00:39:12,630 --> 00:39:14,230 Not only kids. 964 00:39:14,232 --> 00:39:17,167 Yeah, that's true. 965 00:39:17,169 --> 00:39:21,004 Did you know he asked me out to one of those proms? 966 00:39:21,006 --> 00:39:22,172 - Bill Sterling? - Yeah. 967 00:39:22,174 --> 00:39:23,339 After he beat you? 968 00:39:23,341 --> 00:39:25,676 - Yup. - Prom one or prom two? 969 00:39:27,012 --> 00:39:28,011 Oh! 970 00:39:28,013 --> 00:39:30,846 What a fuckhead! You're way better than prom two. 971 00:39:31,950 --> 00:39:34,650 I went to zero proms, by the way, for the record. 972 00:39:34,652 --> 00:39:36,752 I think you're the smart one in this situation. 973 00:39:36,754 --> 00:39:38,855 Yes, that's why I didn't go to prom. 974 00:39:38,857 --> 00:39:42,094 'Cause I was too smart. Uh... 975 00:39:44,229 --> 00:39:47,163 Cool. I'll get to work on that speech stuff. 976 00:39:47,165 --> 00:39:48,166 Great. 977 00:39:48,699 --> 00:39:49,765 Hey, Fred. 978 00:39:49,767 --> 00:39:51,733 Yeah. 979 00:39:51,735 --> 00:39:54,037 You know, if you want to try some non-joke stuff, 980 00:39:54,039 --> 00:39:54,971 just go ahead. 981 00:39:54,973 --> 00:39:57,974 Really? Like the main part of the speech? 982 00:39:57,976 --> 00:40:00,011 Yeah. Just write. 983 00:40:01,213 --> 00:40:02,881 Cool. Awesome. Thanks. 984 00:40:03,448 --> 00:40:04,613 If you take another nap, 985 00:40:04,615 --> 00:40:07,016 you should put on, like, a bicycle helmet or something. 986 00:40:07,018 --> 00:40:08,918 'Cause you're gonna tip over, there's turbulence. 987 00:40:08,920 --> 00:40:10,687 That's actually a really good idea. 988 00:40:10,689 --> 00:40:11,821 It is. I want you to be careful. 989 00:40:11,823 --> 00:40:12,956 - Yeah. - We need you. 990 00:40:29,307 --> 00:40:30,874 - Ambassador. - Welcome to Sweden. 991 00:40:30,876 --> 00:40:32,175 Nice to see you again. 992 00:40:32,177 --> 00:40:33,178 Yeah, you too. 993 00:40:35,313 --> 00:40:36,880 I look forward to seeing you tonight at dinner. 994 00:40:36,882 --> 00:40:37,981 Yes. 995 00:40:37,983 --> 00:40:39,349 Uh, Madam Secretary, 996 00:40:39,351 --> 00:40:40,717 I have some ideas I wanna throw by you. 997 00:40:40,719 --> 00:40:41,918 Yeah, soon, Fred. 998 00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:43,153 Tom, do you have the schedule? 999 00:40:43,155 --> 00:40:44,856 - Yes, of course, ma'am. - All right. 1000 00:40:47,926 --> 00:40:49,127 In the back, Flarsky! 1001 00:40:50,795 --> 00:40:52,195 Then at 8:15, you have a fitting for tonight's gala. 1002 00:40:52,197 --> 00:40:55,131 Then at 8:45, a call with Iraqi Prime Minister Masum, 1003 00:40:55,133 --> 00:40:57,200 9:15, a call to Brazilian President Temer 1004 00:40:57,202 --> 00:40:58,368 about deforestation issues. 1005 00:40:58,370 --> 00:41:01,771 2:15, you have a call with U.K. Foreign Secretary Green 1006 00:41:01,773 --> 00:41:03,973 to discuss your tour of Scotland in a few weeks. 1007 00:41:03,975 --> 00:41:06,142 2:25, then you have a call with New York Times 1008 00:41:06,144 --> 00:41:08,378 to comment on POTUS' latest Instagram attack 1009 00:41:08,380 --> 00:41:10,747 on Prime Minister Bharath of Kashtar. 1010 00:41:10,749 --> 00:41:11,814 At 5:45, we're meeting with the head 1011 00:41:11,816 --> 00:41:12,882 of Sweden's Diplomatic Protocol, 1012 00:41:12,884 --> 00:41:15,818 Ingrid Minervudottir, to discuss tonight's schedule. 1013 00:41:15,820 --> 00:41:17,120 Okay. And then after that? 1014 00:41:17,122 --> 00:41:18,422 Also, Parker Wembley keeps trying to get 1015 00:41:18,424 --> 00:41:19,923 - some face time with you. - Oh, God. 1016 00:41:19,925 --> 00:41:22,158 Parker can wait. Okay, Fred. Go. 1017 00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:23,462 Yeah, sure. Um... 1018 00:41:24,129 --> 00:41:26,262 So, uh, you know, 1019 00:41:26,264 --> 00:41:28,097 based on what we were talking about last night, 1020 00:41:28,099 --> 00:41:30,967 I just took a stab at the whole speech, basically. 1021 00:41:30,969 --> 00:41:32,902 That's good. 1022 00:41:32,904 --> 00:41:35,472 - Thank you. - This part isn't. 1023 00:41:35,474 --> 00:41:38,041 Okay, well, you said you didn't want to sound too angry. 1024 00:41:38,043 --> 00:41:40,477 I also don't want to sound like I have a head injury. 1025 00:41:40,479 --> 00:41:42,178 Okay. Uh, I'll go change it. 1026 00:41:42,180 --> 00:41:43,547 Great. Thanks. 1027 00:41:43,549 --> 00:41:45,782 Okay, here we go. 1028 00:41:45,784 --> 00:41:47,183 So... 1029 00:41:47,185 --> 00:41:48,787 All right. 1030 00:41:49,854 --> 00:41:50,954 Fred. 1031 00:41:50,956 --> 00:41:52,389 Yeah? 1032 00:41:52,391 --> 00:41:54,926 Do you have any grown-up clothes to wear tonight? 1033 00:41:59,030 --> 00:42:00,029 I was gonna... I was thinking 1034 00:42:00,031 --> 00:42:02,299 of zipping this up all the way, like to here. 1035 00:42:02,301 --> 00:42:03,234 That's kind of a little more... 1036 00:42:03,236 --> 00:42:04,867 It's, like, slightly more buttoned up. 1037 00:42:04,869 --> 00:42:05,902 You know what, Madam Secretary, 1038 00:42:05,904 --> 00:42:09,939 I would be delighted to dress Fred for tonight. 1039 00:42:09,941 --> 00:42:11,208 Thank you, Maggie. I'd be thrilled 1040 00:42:11,210 --> 00:42:13,444 to have you dress me for tonight's event. 1041 00:42:13,446 --> 00:42:14,545 What a fun adventure. 1042 00:42:14,547 --> 00:42:16,879 Get a little makeover. All right, have a good one. 1043 00:42:16,881 --> 00:42:18,082 Thank you, Fred. 1044 00:42:18,084 --> 00:42:18,982 Why, thank you. 1045 00:42:18,984 --> 00:42:20,284 ...and then it's saying hello, 1046 00:42:20,286 --> 00:42:21,418 you'll sit down, we'll have dinner, 1047 00:42:21,420 --> 00:42:22,819 - I'll pull you up... - Where's Flarsky? 1048 00:42:22,821 --> 00:42:23,920 Why are we waiting? 1049 00:42:23,922 --> 00:42:25,522 What, is he doing his hair? 1050 00:42:25,524 --> 00:42:27,126 Um... 1051 00:42:27,526 --> 00:42:29,293 Oh. 1052 00:42:29,295 --> 00:42:31,930 What the... 1053 00:42:36,102 --> 00:42:37,401 What the fuck are you wearing? 1054 00:42:37,403 --> 00:42:39,436 She bought me this shit. Okay? 1055 00:42:39,438 --> 00:42:41,238 It's a traditional Swedish suit. 1056 00:42:41,240 --> 00:42:44,041 I don't see another fucking Swede up in here 1057 00:42:44,043 --> 00:42:45,342 dressed like this. 1058 00:42:45,344 --> 00:42:47,544 It's all I could do on such short notice. 1059 00:42:47,546 --> 00:42:50,214 You just take the jacket off, it's going to make it better. 1060 00:42:50,216 --> 00:42:53,785 It's just... Make it look... Oh, my God. 1061 00:42:56,389 --> 00:42:58,222 Better with the jacket on? Great. 1062 00:42:58,224 --> 00:43:00,224 Razzing the new guy, I get it. Fuck you, Maggie. 1063 00:43:00,226 --> 00:43:01,358 Calm the Smurf down. 1064 00:43:01,360 --> 00:43:02,428 Bring a fucking suit next time. 1065 00:43:08,434 --> 00:43:09,500 Do you like the speech? 1066 00:43:09,502 --> 00:43:10,668 Yes, the speech is good. 1067 00:43:10,670 --> 00:43:13,170 Oh, you're going to have to stay way back there, Fred. 1068 00:43:13,172 --> 00:43:14,938 Just stay back, Flarsky. Okay? She's got to focus. 1069 00:43:14,940 --> 00:43:16,006 On what? 1070 00:43:16,008 --> 00:43:17,207 Getting India and China to agree 1071 00:43:17,209 --> 00:43:18,275 to be a part of this initiative. 1072 00:43:18,277 --> 00:43:20,611 They haven't even agreed to be a part of it yet? 1073 00:43:20,613 --> 00:43:23,047 They will, we just have to sort out a few details. 1074 00:43:23,049 --> 00:43:24,148 We just wrote a whole speech 1075 00:43:24,150 --> 00:43:25,316 about how they're on-board already. 1076 00:43:25,318 --> 00:43:26,519 Don't worry, Fred. 1077 00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:29,286 You just stay here and make sure 1078 00:43:29,288 --> 00:43:32,489 nobody from Candy Land needs their car parked, okay? 1079 00:43:32,491 --> 00:43:33,891 I don't know why you needed a writer. 1080 00:43:33,893 --> 00:43:35,059 Those are sick burns. 1081 00:43:36,462 --> 00:43:38,962 Secretary of State Charlotte Field 1082 00:43:38,964 --> 00:43:41,000 of the United States of America. 1083 00:43:43,369 --> 00:43:45,235 Your Majesty. Your Highness. 1084 00:43:45,237 --> 00:43:46,572 - Your Highness. - Pleasure. 1085 00:43:52,545 --> 00:43:54,013 Oh. 1086 00:43:56,248 --> 00:43:58,616 No, thank you. I'm working right now. 1087 00:43:58,618 --> 00:44:00,252 And you know you are, too. 1088 00:44:01,655 --> 00:44:02,787 I do know that. 1089 00:44:02,789 --> 00:44:05,189 But you dressed me like Cap'n Crunch's Grindr date, 1090 00:44:05,191 --> 00:44:07,492 so I'm going to drink to make you uncomfortable. 1091 00:44:07,494 --> 00:44:10,196 Honestly, Fred, your entire life makes me uncomfortable. 1092 00:44:13,099 --> 00:44:14,532 Oh no, fuck me. 1093 00:44:17,036 --> 00:44:18,670 Yes. 1094 00:44:18,672 --> 00:44:22,272 We both shop in the same mystical village, I see. 1095 00:44:22,274 --> 00:44:24,676 Yes, you look great. 1096 00:44:24,678 --> 00:44:26,043 - Congratulations. - Skal. 1097 00:44:26,045 --> 00:44:27,612 Skal. Skal to you, too. 1098 00:44:27,614 --> 00:44:30,517 Yes. 1099 00:44:32,619 --> 00:44:33,620 Jesus. 1100 00:44:36,222 --> 00:44:39,223 Hey, we're making a few revisions to the speech. 1101 00:44:39,225 --> 00:44:40,224 What? 1102 00:44:40,226 --> 00:44:42,394 So we're losing the "Seas" part, so go cut that, 1103 00:44:42,396 --> 00:44:44,362 and then brainstorm a couple of other funny lines 1104 00:44:44,364 --> 00:44:45,463 for the "Trees" section, okay? 1105 00:44:45,465 --> 00:44:46,698 Wait, wait, wait, wait. 1106 00:44:46,700 --> 00:44:49,367 Losing the Seas part, why? 1107 00:44:49,369 --> 00:44:50,769 Because India wouldn't go for it. So we had to pivot. 1108 00:44:50,771 --> 00:44:53,538 That's not a pivot, that's a third of the whole fucking shit. 1109 00:44:53,540 --> 00:44:56,006 Are you kidding me? That's it, it's just gone? 1110 00:44:56,008 --> 00:44:57,107 Yeah, it's gone. 1111 00:44:57,109 --> 00:44:58,075 And there's nothing we can do? 1112 00:44:58,077 --> 00:44:59,176 No. And you don't have to worry about it. 1113 00:44:59,178 --> 00:45:03,214 Just go over to the computer. Start typey-typing. 1114 00:45:03,216 --> 00:45:04,217 Well, no. 1115 00:45:05,218 --> 00:45:06,718 I'm not gonna do that. 1116 00:45:06,720 --> 00:45:08,620 So you quit, resignation accepted. 1117 00:45:08,622 --> 00:45:10,188 I will rewrite the speech. 1118 00:45:10,190 --> 00:45:11,289 Oh, the fuck you will! 1119 00:45:11,291 --> 00:45:12,392 What the fuck? 1120 00:45:22,202 --> 00:45:23,637 - You don't... - Let go! 1121 00:45:31,711 --> 00:45:32,811 Look out. Excuse me! 1122 00:45:32,813 --> 00:45:34,512 Stop running! Stop running! Stop running! 1123 00:45:34,514 --> 00:45:35,613 Fred, stop running! 1124 00:45:38,285 --> 00:45:39,286 Fred... 1125 00:45:44,357 --> 00:45:45,423 Why did you do that? 1126 00:45:45,425 --> 00:45:47,358 Because I will not have you damage 1127 00:45:47,360 --> 00:45:48,693 the integrity of my writing! 1128 00:45:48,695 --> 00:45:50,695 The integrity of your writing? 1129 00:45:50,697 --> 00:45:53,231 You're a punch-up writer, you're not Maya Angelou! 1130 00:45:53,233 --> 00:45:54,732 What is going on? 1131 00:45:54,734 --> 00:45:56,434 What's going on with you, bruh? 1132 00:45:56,436 --> 00:45:57,469 Did you just call me "bruh"? 1133 00:45:57,471 --> 00:46:00,238 - She's the secretary of state. - Is he high? 1134 00:46:00,240 --> 00:46:02,440 He is wasted, but he's also just stupid. 1135 00:46:02,442 --> 00:46:04,110 Meet me in the conference room, I'll handle this. 1136 00:46:06,813 --> 00:46:08,346 What's the deal, Fred? 1137 00:46:08,348 --> 00:46:11,149 What's the deal? What's the deal? What are... 1138 00:46:11,151 --> 00:46:13,117 The only reason I'm here is 'cause you told me 1139 00:46:13,119 --> 00:46:14,419 you cared about this shit, 1140 00:46:14,421 --> 00:46:16,688 and in the time I come out here to have a smoke, 1141 00:46:16,690 --> 00:46:19,524 you fucking got rid of a massive element of the whole thing. 1142 00:46:19,526 --> 00:46:22,828 I got two out of three. I only lost one. 1143 00:46:22,830 --> 00:46:26,064 That one was the seas. 1144 00:46:26,066 --> 00:46:28,500 It covers 75% of the planet! 1145 00:46:28,502 --> 00:46:30,435 - It's a pretty big one! - Bring down your voice. 1146 00:46:30,437 --> 00:46:31,536 You know why I'm upset? 1147 00:46:31,538 --> 00:46:33,638 This is exactly what I thought was going to happen. 1148 00:46:33,640 --> 00:46:35,774 And I even said it. I said it in your office. 1149 00:46:35,776 --> 00:46:38,543 I don't want to write for some bullshit politician. 1150 00:46:38,545 --> 00:46:39,812 I wanted to write for you. 1151 00:46:39,814 --> 00:46:41,546 Because I thought you cared about this shit. 1152 00:46:41,548 --> 00:46:44,349 Until you're running the game, you have to play the game. 1153 00:46:44,351 --> 00:46:46,284 Well, then, by the time you win the game, 1154 00:46:46,286 --> 00:46:49,420 you don't know who's scoring touchdowns on whose nets, 1155 00:46:49,422 --> 00:46:51,289 and you don't know who's hitting home runs 1156 00:46:51,291 --> 00:46:52,758 in whose fucking end zones! 1157 00:46:52,760 --> 00:46:54,325 - What are you talking about? - I don't know sports. 1158 00:46:54,327 --> 00:46:55,560 Let me try it with food. 1159 00:46:55,562 --> 00:46:57,830 You wanna open a restaurant. But all you got is chopsticks. 1160 00:46:57,832 --> 00:47:00,532 No! I don't have time for this, okay? 1161 00:47:00,534 --> 00:47:03,234 If you want to quit, then just fucking quit. 1162 00:47:03,236 --> 00:47:05,103 - I don't give a shit. - Yeah, you don't give a shit. 1163 00:47:05,105 --> 00:47:06,137 - No, I don't. - You used to fucking give a shit, 1164 00:47:06,139 --> 00:47:08,373 but now you don't give a shit about anything. 1165 00:47:08,375 --> 00:47:10,108 You cared more about recycling in high school 1166 00:47:10,110 --> 00:47:12,212 than you do this shit and it's very disappointing to me. 1167 00:47:13,413 --> 00:47:15,714 Fuck this. I've got a speech to give. 1168 00:47:15,716 --> 00:47:16,882 Oh, yeah, good luck giving it, 1169 00:47:16,884 --> 00:47:18,216 it's on my computer in the snow. 1170 00:47:18,218 --> 00:47:19,718 I have copies, you idiot. 1171 00:47:19,720 --> 00:47:22,088 You just threw your computer in the snow, that's it. 1172 00:47:23,189 --> 00:47:25,458 Oh, no! Shit! 1173 00:47:26,627 --> 00:47:28,694 Oh, God damn it! 1174 00:47:28,696 --> 00:47:31,429 It's soaked! I need a bowl of rice! 1175 00:47:31,431 --> 00:47:33,166 I need a big bowl of rice! 1176 00:47:34,502 --> 00:47:37,736 God damn it! Why didn't I back this thing up? 1177 00:47:37,738 --> 00:47:39,306 All my shit's on here. 1178 00:47:49,650 --> 00:47:51,151 Fred. Look. 1179 00:47:54,855 --> 00:47:56,057 Wow. 1180 00:47:59,927 --> 00:48:02,095 I've never seen anything like that. 1181 00:48:04,465 --> 00:48:05,466 No, I... 1182 00:48:06,400 --> 00:48:08,436 I've seen pictures of it, but I never... 1183 00:48:09,637 --> 00:48:10,638 ...actually... 1184 00:48:12,573 --> 00:48:14,675 I never saw it. 1185 00:48:15,643 --> 00:48:17,278 Are you crying right now? 1186 00:48:18,211 --> 00:48:19,212 It's pretty. 1187 00:48:23,718 --> 00:48:24,719 Yeah. 1188 00:48:27,288 --> 00:48:28,289 Fred? 1189 00:48:28,723 --> 00:48:29,724 Yeah? 1190 00:48:31,225 --> 00:48:33,459 If you ever pull some shit like that again, 1191 00:48:33,461 --> 00:48:34,795 I'll have you thrown in Gitmo. 1192 00:48:37,298 --> 00:48:39,166 Yes, Madam Secretary. I'm sorry. 1193 00:48:40,901 --> 00:48:43,404 You better hope this fucking speech goes over well. 1194 00:48:46,207 --> 00:48:50,409 I've often gravitated toward the underdog. 1195 00:48:50,411 --> 00:48:54,847 The band of misfits who fight back against the bullies. 1196 00:48:54,849 --> 00:48:57,718 In high school, I would talk about the underdog a lot. 1197 00:48:59,453 --> 00:49:02,254 And I would often find myself on a soapbox, 1198 00:49:02,256 --> 00:49:05,660 rambling on and on about the injustices of the world. 1199 00:49:08,729 --> 00:49:11,296 Which makes you extremely popular, 1200 00:49:11,298 --> 00:49:13,799 especially when everybody would rather be watching 1201 00:49:13,801 --> 00:49:15,868 Beverly Hills, 90210. 1202 00:49:19,907 --> 00:49:22,574 But that is why I am happy to announce 1203 00:49:22,576 --> 00:49:25,844 an initiative that would make my 16-year-old self proud. 1204 00:49:25,846 --> 00:49:28,347 In what is now being dubbed "The Underdog Speech," 1205 00:49:28,349 --> 00:49:30,616 the secretary of state opened up about her childhood 1206 00:49:30,618 --> 00:49:31,918 and passion for the environment 1207 00:49:31,920 --> 00:49:34,520 by announcing a bold new initiative... 1208 00:49:34,522 --> 00:49:37,623 ...turns out she has always been an Andrea Zuckerman 1209 00:49:37,625 --> 00:49:39,794 in the body of a Kelly Taylor. 1210 00:49:41,662 --> 00:49:43,464 - Hey. - Hi. 1211 00:49:44,632 --> 00:49:46,331 Oh, wow, you shaved your neck. 1212 00:49:46,333 --> 00:49:47,599 I did. I cleaned it up. 1213 00:49:47,601 --> 00:49:49,803 Got my whole back. Went all the way down. 1214 00:49:49,805 --> 00:49:50,970 Looks good. 1215 00:49:50,972 --> 00:49:52,806 Trying to make a good impression, I guess, anyway... 1216 00:49:52,808 --> 00:49:54,874 I, uh... 1217 00:49:54,876 --> 00:49:58,377 I just wanted to apologize to you, again, 1218 00:49:58,379 --> 00:50:01,714 for acting a little crazy, you know. 1219 00:50:01,716 --> 00:50:03,382 I'm gonna... 1220 00:50:03,384 --> 00:50:04,616 I'm going to really try to tone it down 1221 00:50:04,618 --> 00:50:08,289 and not, you know, make you risk global, uh, humiliation. 1222 00:50:08,656 --> 00:50:09,758 Good. Great. 1223 00:50:10,391 --> 00:50:11,523 Also. 1224 00:50:11,525 --> 00:50:13,059 I googled speech writing 1225 00:50:13,061 --> 00:50:14,861 and it was actually very informative. 1226 00:50:14,863 --> 00:50:15,829 What I learned 1227 00:50:15,831 --> 00:50:17,130 was that in order to write better for you, 1228 00:50:17,132 --> 00:50:20,566 I should kinda get to know you better and get in your head, 1229 00:50:20,568 --> 00:50:21,701 and everything I already know about you, 1230 00:50:21,703 --> 00:50:22,902 I kinda used on the first speech. 1231 00:50:22,904 --> 00:50:24,369 So, what I did 1232 00:50:24,371 --> 00:50:25,772 was I wrote a ton of questions 1233 00:50:25,774 --> 00:50:27,539 that will maybe help me capture your voice, 1234 00:50:27,541 --> 00:50:28,842 if you have a minute. 1235 00:50:28,844 --> 00:50:30,710 I actually have seven. 1236 00:50:30,712 --> 00:50:32,879 Seven. Okay, great. Yeah. I'll take it. 1237 00:50:32,881 --> 00:50:34,379 - All right. - Seven minutes in heaven. 1238 00:50:34,381 --> 00:50:35,715 Um... 1239 00:50:35,717 --> 00:50:37,684 - Okay. - So. Ah... I guess... 1240 00:50:37,686 --> 00:50:38,852 Just like... What are you into? 1241 00:50:38,854 --> 00:50:40,053 What kind of shit you into? 1242 00:50:40,055 --> 00:50:41,921 Well, this is pretty much it. 1243 00:50:41,923 --> 00:50:43,723 I mean, secretary of state stuff. 1244 00:50:43,725 --> 00:50:46,025 Do you have any hobbies? Anything? Do you watch TV? 1245 00:50:46,027 --> 00:50:47,660 Do you watch Game of Thrones or anything like that? 1246 00:50:47,662 --> 00:50:49,361 Oh, I'm fully aware of what happened 1247 00:50:49,363 --> 00:50:50,864 in every season of Game of Thrones. 1248 00:50:50,866 --> 00:50:52,699 Because you watch it? 1249 00:50:52,701 --> 00:50:54,834 Because I read synopses on every episode. 1250 00:50:54,836 --> 00:50:56,503 That can't actually work. 1251 00:50:56,505 --> 00:50:58,403 I couldn't believe when Khaleesi's dragon 1252 00:50:58,405 --> 00:50:59,775 came back as a White Walker. 1253 00:51:00,442 --> 00:51:01,741 Whoa! 1254 00:51:01,743 --> 00:51:02,842 - See? - What about movies? 1255 00:51:02,844 --> 00:51:04,110 Do you watch movies? 1256 00:51:04,112 --> 00:51:06,378 Synopses of all the award contenders. 1257 00:51:06,380 --> 00:51:07,714 You used to love movies! 1258 00:51:07,716 --> 00:51:09,816 You made me watch Encino Man 30 times. 1259 00:51:09,818 --> 00:51:12,452 "Wheeze a little juice!" 1260 00:51:12,454 --> 00:51:14,521 You still do the worst Pauly Shore impression 1261 00:51:14,523 --> 00:51:16,356 in the history of mankind. 1262 00:51:16,358 --> 00:51:18,792 I can't believe you're still doing "The Weasel" 1263 00:51:18,794 --> 00:51:20,426 and you haven't seen any of the Marvel Universe. 1264 00:51:20,428 --> 00:51:23,365 Those movies are sick. You're like frozen in time. 1265 00:51:23,965 --> 00:51:25,632 I am Encino Man. 1266 00:51:26,635 --> 00:51:29,469 All right, what is your favorite book as a kid? 1267 00:51:29,471 --> 00:51:31,504 The Velveteen Rabbit. You? 1268 00:51:31,506 --> 00:51:32,839 Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. 1269 00:51:32,841 --> 00:51:35,008 - Oh, that explains a lot. - Yeah. 1270 00:51:36,912 --> 00:51:39,412 I'm so sorry for what we've done to you. 1271 00:51:39,414 --> 00:51:40,980 Best drug experience? 1272 00:51:40,982 --> 00:51:42,916 I could get summoned at any moment 1273 00:51:42,918 --> 00:51:44,417 to deal with an international crisis, 1274 00:51:44,419 --> 00:51:45,752 I can't do that on acid. 1275 00:51:45,754 --> 00:51:47,020 What about Molly? 1276 00:51:47,022 --> 00:51:48,154 Who's Molly? 1277 00:51:49,758 --> 00:51:51,457 Secretary of State Charlotte Field 1278 00:51:51,459 --> 00:51:54,561 continues on her impressive 20-country world tour 1279 00:51:54,563 --> 00:51:55,962 to garner more support 1280 00:51:55,964 --> 00:51:57,697 for her ambitious environmental initiative. 1281 00:51:57,699 --> 00:51:59,532 And all in a private jet, no less. 1282 00:51:59,534 --> 00:52:01,034 You know what would save the environment? 1283 00:52:01,036 --> 00:52:02,836 Charlotte Field grounding her ass. 1284 00:52:02,838 --> 00:52:04,437 I know where I'd like to ground her ass. 1285 00:52:04,439 --> 00:52:06,773 Oh, I walked right into that one. 1286 00:52:06,775 --> 00:52:08,975 Must Have Been Love by Roxette. 1287 00:52:08,977 --> 00:52:11,511 - Oh! That's just fucking hot. - Right? 1288 00:52:11,513 --> 00:52:12,979 - I got a new one. - What? 1289 00:52:12,981 --> 00:52:14,414 I got to change my favorite song. 1290 00:52:14,416 --> 00:52:16,049 - You have too many. - I've done it a few times. 1291 00:52:16,051 --> 00:52:19,086 Broccoli by DRAM, featuring Lil Yachty. 1292 00:52:19,088 --> 00:52:20,653 All those words 1293 00:52:20,655 --> 00:52:22,555 - are the name of a song? - Yeah. 1294 00:52:22,557 --> 00:52:23,556 I don't really think I have one. 1295 00:52:23,558 --> 00:52:25,825 You gotta have one. Everyone has one. 1296 00:52:25,827 --> 00:52:27,794 Well, I don't embarrass that easily. 1297 00:52:27,796 --> 00:52:29,696 Yeah, I hear that. I don't either, really. 1298 00:52:29,698 --> 00:52:31,798 - Yes, you do. - No, I don't! 1299 00:52:31,800 --> 00:52:34,734 Oh, my God. Okay. 1300 00:52:34,736 --> 00:52:36,973 What's your favorite sexual position? 1301 00:52:38,640 --> 00:52:40,807 I mean, you know, front. 1302 00:52:40,809 --> 00:52:42,508 - Normal. Front facing normal. - Oh, my God. 1303 00:52:42,510 --> 00:52:44,078 - What kinda question is that? - That's all it took. 1304 00:52:44,080 --> 00:52:45,045 Look at you. 1305 00:52:45,047 --> 00:52:47,147 Well, what's your favorite sexual position? 1306 00:52:47,149 --> 00:52:49,183 - Don't be gross, Fred. Hi. - Yeah, see? 1307 00:52:49,185 --> 00:52:51,386 What's your favorite sexual position? 1308 00:52:52,088 --> 00:52:53,890 It's too complicated to explain. 1309 00:52:55,057 --> 00:52:56,825 - Really? - I told you mine. 1310 00:52:57,525 --> 00:52:59,525 Oh, God, okay. 1311 00:52:59,527 --> 00:53:01,996 I just got back from a trip to New Delhi. 1312 00:53:01,998 --> 00:53:03,964 - Yeah? - I got called into a meeting 1313 00:53:03,966 --> 00:53:06,566 with the Joint Chiefs, and I was a little nervous. 1314 00:53:06,568 --> 00:53:08,701 - Yeah. - Yeah. 1315 00:53:08,703 --> 00:53:12,739 And my stomach was a little weird from all the curry. 1316 00:53:12,741 --> 00:53:13,809 Oh, no. 1317 00:53:14,509 --> 00:53:15,477 Delhi belly. 1318 00:53:17,747 --> 00:53:21,714 Well, we were in a motorcade and we couldn't stop. 1319 00:53:21,716 --> 00:53:23,052 - Oh, no. - Mmm-hmm. 1320 00:53:23,853 --> 00:53:25,119 God... 1321 00:53:25,121 --> 00:53:29,123 I ruined a really nice Dolce & Gabbana bag. 1322 00:53:29,125 --> 00:53:31,557 - You puked in it? - Nope. 1323 00:53:31,559 --> 00:53:34,762 Oh, no! In a moving vehicle? 1324 00:53:37,599 --> 00:53:39,833 Do you actually understand what's happening right now? 1325 00:53:39,835 --> 00:53:42,236 Yes, I speak Russian. 1326 00:53:42,238 --> 00:53:44,705 The Russian Samuel L. Jackson guy is dope. 1327 00:53:44,707 --> 00:53:47,076 Do svidanya, motherfuckers! 1328 00:53:51,580 --> 00:53:53,914 Oh, my God, they just shot the pirate guy! 1329 00:53:53,916 --> 00:53:55,149 But he's keeping the team together. 1330 00:53:55,151 --> 00:53:56,216 I know. 1331 00:53:56,218 --> 00:53:57,618 I don't think I can handle that. 1332 00:53:57,620 --> 00:53:58,686 - Oh, it's okay. - No, 1333 00:53:58,688 --> 00:54:00,821 I really liked him in the movie. 1334 00:54:00,823 --> 00:54:02,089 Don't worry, just keep watching. 1335 00:54:02,091 --> 00:54:04,825 You know, the Philippines gets a bad rap. 1336 00:54:04,827 --> 00:54:06,660 Because it's pretty nice here. 1337 00:54:06,662 --> 00:54:09,063 You'd never know civil war was about to break out. 1338 00:54:09,065 --> 00:54:10,531 This is good. 1339 00:54:10,533 --> 00:54:11,699 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 1340 00:54:11,701 --> 00:54:16,737 Hey. What if we use this line to start with? 1341 00:54:16,739 --> 00:54:18,005 Yeah, "I'm going to start this speech 1342 00:54:18,007 --> 00:54:19,606 "by saying the same thing I said to my boss 1343 00:54:19,608 --> 00:54:22,076 "at Blockbuster Video when I was 16. 1344 00:54:22,078 --> 00:54:23,277 "I quit." 1345 00:54:23,279 --> 00:54:25,713 - That's not bad. - I love that. 1346 00:54:25,715 --> 00:54:27,681 This is really fucking good. 1347 00:54:27,683 --> 00:54:29,850 Look at you, you get me, Fred. 1348 00:54:29,852 --> 00:54:32,052 I totally get you. 1349 00:54:32,054 --> 00:54:33,887 ♪ All I want for my birthday 1350 00:54:33,889 --> 00:54:35,723 ♪ Is a big booty ho 1351 00:54:35,725 --> 00:54:37,191 ♪ All I want for my birthday... ♪ 1352 00:54:37,193 --> 00:54:38,926 I couldn't be happier that out of all the shit 1353 00:54:38,928 --> 00:54:40,728 I played you from the last decade, 1354 00:54:40,730 --> 00:54:42,296 that what you've liked the most is 2 Chainz. 1355 00:54:42,298 --> 00:54:44,698 - It's catchy. - It's awesome. 1356 00:54:49,306 --> 00:54:52,174 So, are you, like, dating the prime minister of Canada? 1357 00:54:54,677 --> 00:54:56,210 - No. No. - No. 1358 00:54:56,212 --> 00:54:58,012 I feel like I read... Did I read that 1359 00:54:58,014 --> 00:54:59,980 in some shitty tabloid that you guys were dating? 1360 00:54:59,982 --> 00:55:02,816 - Maybe it's not true. - No, I'm sure you did. It's... 1361 00:55:02,818 --> 00:55:05,652 They like to write about it, but no. I... 1362 00:55:05,654 --> 00:55:08,655 We're not, we... We flirt. 1363 00:55:08,657 --> 00:55:10,057 - Yeah. Okay. - Kind of. 1364 00:55:10,059 --> 00:55:12,762 It's weird. We made out once. 1365 00:55:13,629 --> 00:55:14,697 Dope. 1366 00:55:15,031 --> 00:55:16,231 You asked. 1367 00:55:16,233 --> 00:55:18,299 No, hey! I've hooked up with 1368 00:55:18,301 --> 00:55:20,734 my fair share of world leaders, too. 1369 00:55:20,736 --> 00:55:22,805 I 69'd Fidel Castro once. 1370 00:55:23,739 --> 00:55:25,007 You thought his beard was big. 1371 00:55:25,741 --> 00:55:26,807 Um... 1372 00:55:26,809 --> 00:55:29,843 But how does that work with you? Do you, like... 1373 00:55:29,845 --> 00:55:31,779 Do you, like, date? 1374 00:55:31,781 --> 00:55:35,584 Uh... Yeah. I date. 1375 00:55:36,286 --> 00:55:38,219 Generally, you know, 1376 00:55:38,221 --> 00:55:40,754 with people who have similar lifestyles to me. 1377 00:55:40,756 --> 00:55:42,259 People who travel a lot. 1378 00:55:44,194 --> 00:55:47,863 It's hard to keep those things alive. I... 1379 00:55:49,199 --> 00:55:51,632 I mean, who wants to follow me around the world 1380 00:55:51,634 --> 00:55:53,970 and hope I have five minutes to be affectionate? 1381 00:55:54,870 --> 00:55:56,237 - Yeah. - And honestly, 1382 00:55:56,239 --> 00:55:58,006 guys don't really want to date women 1383 00:55:58,008 --> 00:55:59,307 who are more powerful than them. 1384 00:55:59,309 --> 00:56:00,910 They think they do, but... 1385 00:56:02,179 --> 00:56:04,012 It's a dick shriveller. 1386 00:56:04,014 --> 00:56:06,114 - Uff. - Mmm-hmm. 1387 00:56:06,116 --> 00:56:08,349 Dick Shriveller is my favorite Batman villain though. 1388 00:56:08,351 --> 00:56:10,053 So... 1389 00:56:11,754 --> 00:56:13,687 You gonna ask why I'm still single? 1390 00:56:13,689 --> 00:56:16,191 No, I get it. 1391 00:56:16,193 --> 00:56:18,295 - It makes sense. - Yeah. It adds up. 1392 00:56:28,038 --> 00:56:29,170 We're right in front of the window. 1393 00:56:31,174 --> 00:56:32,774 What the fuck is happening? 1394 00:56:32,776 --> 00:56:34,409 Insurgents are fighting the army. 1395 00:56:34,411 --> 00:56:36,311 - Are we in danger? - Yes! Yes! 1396 00:56:36,313 --> 00:56:37,979 Madam Secretary, we need to leave now! 1397 00:56:37,981 --> 00:56:39,314 Fuck! 1398 00:56:39,316 --> 00:56:40,683 This way! 1399 00:56:42,052 --> 00:56:44,052 All right, guys, come with me. 1400 00:56:44,054 --> 00:56:45,654 Come on. 1401 00:57:10,013 --> 00:57:11,146 Secretary Field, this way! 1402 00:57:11,148 --> 00:57:13,116 I got her, secure them! 1403 00:57:14,117 --> 00:57:15,185 This way. 1404 00:57:18,722 --> 00:57:19,890 You'll be safe in here. 1405 00:57:21,191 --> 00:57:23,224 Oh, fuck! Are you okay? 1406 00:57:23,226 --> 00:57:24,225 Yeah, I'm okay. Are you okay? 1407 00:57:24,227 --> 00:57:26,227 I'm okay. Yeah. We're okay. Okay. 1408 00:57:26,229 --> 00:57:30,231 - Okay. - Okay. Okay. Holy shit! 1409 00:57:30,233 --> 00:57:33,468 Oh, we could have just died. 1410 00:57:33,470 --> 00:57:36,271 Oh, my God, I'm freaking out a bit right now. 1411 00:57:36,273 --> 00:57:37,338 I'm having a hard time 1412 00:57:37,340 --> 00:57:38,474 catching my breath a little bit. 1413 00:57:38,476 --> 00:57:39,542 You don't seem like you're freaking out very much. 1414 00:57:39,544 --> 00:57:42,877 I am! I'm employing a Navy SEAL breathing technique, 1415 00:57:42,879 --> 00:57:44,145 for dealing with panicking. 1416 00:57:44,147 --> 00:57:46,381 It's just gonna take about 90 seconds to work. 1417 00:57:46,383 --> 00:57:49,350 90 seconds? I need more than fucking 90 seconds! 1418 00:57:49,352 --> 00:57:51,085 I need 90 fucking years! 1419 00:57:51,087 --> 00:57:53,788 I'm fucked up for life from this shit, yo! 1420 00:57:53,790 --> 00:57:56,525 I have so many regrets, did so many terrible things! 1421 00:57:56,527 --> 00:57:59,961 When I was 12, I peed on a dog to impress an older kid. 1422 00:57:59,963 --> 00:58:02,265 The dog didn't like it. The older kid didn't either! 1423 00:58:03,133 --> 00:58:04,199 It was just pointless. 1424 00:58:04,201 --> 00:58:05,967 What the fuck? 1425 00:58:05,969 --> 00:58:08,038 Holy shit! Fuck! 1426 00:58:09,139 --> 00:58:11,340 Is there more? Is there gonna be more? 1427 00:58:11,342 --> 00:58:12,541 - Fred. - Is there more? 1428 00:58:12,543 --> 00:58:13,942 You're gonna have to calm down. 1429 00:58:13,944 --> 00:58:15,176 I don't think I can. 1430 00:58:15,178 --> 00:58:16,978 Sit down with me. 1431 00:58:16,980 --> 00:58:18,112 And breathe. 1432 00:58:18,114 --> 00:58:20,482 Four seconds in. 1433 00:58:20,484 --> 00:58:21,550 Four seconds out. 1434 00:58:21,552 --> 00:58:23,385 Four seconds in. 1435 00:58:23,387 --> 00:58:25,053 One, two, three, four... 1436 00:58:25,055 --> 00:58:27,922 - Four seconds out. - One, two... 1437 00:58:27,924 --> 00:58:30,792 - Four seconds in. - One, two, three, four... 1438 00:58:30,794 --> 00:58:32,294 You don't have to count while you're doing this. 1439 00:58:32,296 --> 00:58:33,429 ...four. It helps me. 1440 00:58:33,431 --> 00:58:37,131 - One, two, three, four... - There you go. 1441 00:58:37,133 --> 00:58:39,468 One, two, three, four. 1442 00:58:39,470 --> 00:58:41,372 One, two, three, four. 1443 00:58:42,240 --> 00:58:44,040 One, two, three, four. 1444 00:58:45,243 --> 00:58:47,278 - You got it. - That actually works. 1445 00:58:48,312 --> 00:58:49,846 Those guys are good. 1446 00:58:54,418 --> 00:58:56,118 We did almost just die, though. 1447 00:58:56,120 --> 00:58:57,186 We actually did almost die. 1448 00:58:57,188 --> 00:58:58,853 - Yeah. - Oh, thank God. 1449 00:58:58,855 --> 00:58:59,988 That actually makes me feel better. 1450 00:58:59,990 --> 00:59:01,123 Means I didn't overreact. 1451 00:59:01,125 --> 00:59:03,860 Oh, God, no, you completely overreacted. 1452 00:59:04,928 --> 00:59:06,097 Yeah, maybe. 1453 00:59:08,599 --> 00:59:10,401 I can think of worse ways to go 1454 00:59:11,469 --> 00:59:13,137 than here with you. 1455 00:59:14,472 --> 00:59:16,372 Honestly, this has been like, 1456 00:59:16,374 --> 00:59:19,176 the best few weeks of my entire life. 1457 00:59:22,546 --> 00:59:23,878 You don't have to say it back to me. 1458 00:59:23,880 --> 00:59:25,147 I know it's not true for you. 1459 00:59:25,149 --> 00:59:27,182 I saw you sing with Bruce Springsteen last year, 1460 00:59:27,184 --> 00:59:28,550 at that benefit concert. That was probably 1461 00:59:28,552 --> 00:59:30,019 a way better week. 1462 00:59:30,021 --> 00:59:32,854 Just as an example. 1463 00:59:32,856 --> 00:59:35,291 Well, this is a pretty close second. 1464 00:59:35,293 --> 00:59:37,393 Really? To The Boss? 1465 00:59:37,395 --> 00:59:38,460 Yeah. 1466 00:59:38,462 --> 00:59:40,797 Wow. That's nice. 1467 00:59:47,438 --> 00:59:48,806 Uh... 1468 00:59:54,478 --> 00:59:57,546 I feel like maybe you want me to kiss you right now, 1469 00:59:57,548 --> 00:59:59,515 but I don't want to make the same stupid mistake 1470 00:59:59,517 --> 01:00:00,949 I made 25 years ago. 1471 01:00:00,951 --> 01:00:02,820 Wouldn't be a stupid mistake. 1472 01:00:03,521 --> 01:00:05,122 Wait... Really? 1473 01:00:11,662 --> 01:00:13,262 We've secured the location. 1474 01:00:13,264 --> 01:00:16,133 But we need to move you. The helicopter is standing by. 1475 01:00:17,234 --> 01:00:18,936 Thank you, Agent M. 1476 01:00:23,507 --> 01:00:24,907 Holy shit. 1477 01:00:24,909 --> 01:00:25,974 That helicopter was way louder 1478 01:00:25,976 --> 01:00:27,376 than I thought it was gonna be. 1479 01:00:27,378 --> 01:00:29,347 - Fred, enough. Enough. - I'm sorry! I'm sorry! 1480 01:00:30,214 --> 01:00:31,313 We're safe here though? 1481 01:00:31,315 --> 01:00:32,981 - Yes! - Oh, my God, Fred! 1482 01:00:32,983 --> 01:00:34,049 This way. 1483 01:00:34,051 --> 01:00:35,286 This place looks really nice. 1484 01:00:39,223 --> 01:00:40,690 Fred, I need you to come work 1485 01:00:40,692 --> 01:00:42,524 on that speech with me, right now. 1486 01:00:42,526 --> 01:00:44,596 - Right now? - Yeah. Right now. 1487 01:00:45,463 --> 01:00:46,565 Okay. 1488 01:00:52,937 --> 01:00:54,103 Hang on, get my pants off. 1489 01:00:54,105 --> 01:00:55,439 Okay, I gotta, too. Shit. 1490 01:00:56,941 --> 01:00:58,340 - We're doing it? - Yeah! 1491 01:00:58,342 --> 01:00:59,408 - Do it faster. - Let's do it. 1492 01:00:59,410 --> 01:01:00,411 They're coming off! 1493 01:01:02,380 --> 01:01:04,382 Fucking tapered pants. Shit! 1494 01:01:05,717 --> 01:01:06,917 Fuck! 1495 01:01:08,420 --> 01:01:10,085 Okay, just leave it! Just leave it! Leave it! 1496 01:01:10,087 --> 01:01:11,554 - Okay. - Okay. Yeah. 1497 01:01:11,556 --> 01:01:12,622 Should I go in, then? 1498 01:01:12,624 --> 01:01:14,289 Yeah, enter. 1499 01:01:14,291 --> 01:01:17,560 Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, no! 1500 01:01:17,562 --> 01:01:19,696 - I'm gonna come really soon. - Me too. 1501 01:01:19,698 --> 01:01:21,163 - Really? - Yeah! 1502 01:01:21,165 --> 01:01:22,231 - Oh, God! - Oh! 1503 01:01:22,233 --> 01:01:23,633 Oh, boy! 1504 01:01:26,471 --> 01:01:29,406 - Oh, God! Okay. - Oh, my God! 1505 01:01:29,408 --> 01:01:31,307 - I'm coming out. - Okay, come on. 1506 01:01:31,309 --> 01:01:37,112 Oh, God. Oh! Oh! Oh, fuck! 1507 01:01:37,114 --> 01:01:40,352 Wow. Oh, my God, I'm sorry. 1508 01:01:41,253 --> 01:01:42,452 I don't know what happened. 1509 01:01:42,454 --> 01:01:44,654 I usually last way longer than that. 1510 01:01:44,656 --> 01:01:46,056 - You know? - Not me. 1511 01:01:47,091 --> 01:01:48,023 That was weird. 1512 01:01:48,025 --> 01:01:49,225 We both said, "Oh, boy" when we came... 1513 01:01:49,227 --> 01:01:51,194 - Yeah, that's what I was thinking. - ...at the same time. 1514 01:01:51,196 --> 01:01:52,729 - That's never happened before. - I've never said that. 1515 01:01:52,731 --> 01:01:55,998 - Yeah. - Super strange. 1516 01:01:56,000 --> 01:01:57,700 - Oh! - Should we do that again? 1517 01:01:57,702 --> 01:01:59,369 Yeah, my hands are shaking, I need a minute. 1518 01:02:04,074 --> 01:02:05,708 Hmm. 1519 01:02:05,710 --> 01:02:08,645 Who's this little guy? 1520 01:02:08,647 --> 01:02:10,547 I was a writing an article about neo-Nazis 1521 01:02:10,549 --> 01:02:12,282 and I had to get a bottom half 1522 01:02:12,284 --> 01:02:13,716 of a swastika tattooed on me... 1523 01:02:13,718 --> 01:02:15,552 - Oh, my God. - ...so they wouldn't kill me 1524 01:02:15,554 --> 01:02:17,554 and I didn't want that, 1525 01:02:17,556 --> 01:02:20,690 so I added little shoes and I made him a little stick man 1526 01:02:20,692 --> 01:02:24,160 and I named him Adolf Stickler. 1527 01:02:24,162 --> 01:02:26,229 You'd never know he had little swastika legs. 1528 01:02:26,231 --> 01:02:27,697 - No. - He's so happy about it. 1529 01:02:27,699 --> 01:02:28,765 I know, they just look like pants. 1530 01:02:28,767 --> 01:02:31,401 You'd never know he was born in the fires of hatred. 1531 01:02:34,806 --> 01:02:36,608 Man, I am hungry. 1532 01:02:39,244 --> 01:02:40,743 What time is it? 1533 01:02:40,745 --> 01:02:43,415 I couldn't tell you what fucking day it is. 1534 01:02:44,549 --> 01:02:47,517 And where... Where are we right now? 1535 01:02:47,519 --> 01:02:48,818 I don't have a clue. 1536 01:02:48,820 --> 01:02:50,086 You don't know? 1537 01:02:50,088 --> 01:02:51,287 No. They just dropped us here. 1538 01:02:51,289 --> 01:02:53,558 They just took us here on the helicopter. 1539 01:03:15,647 --> 01:03:16,713 Good morning, Mr. Flarsky. 1540 01:03:16,715 --> 01:03:18,083 Jesus! 1541 01:03:20,151 --> 01:03:21,486 You scared me, man. 1542 01:03:27,225 --> 01:03:29,827 Could you maybe not tell anybody about this? 1543 01:03:29,829 --> 01:03:31,630 They wouldn't believe me anyway. 1544 01:03:33,265 --> 01:03:34,332 Fair enough. 1545 01:03:35,400 --> 01:03:36,736 Good luck, man. 1546 01:03:38,704 --> 01:03:39,772 Thank you. 1547 01:03:48,781 --> 01:03:51,180 These helicopters are scary. 1548 01:03:51,182 --> 01:03:54,319 It's gonna be fine, Fred. Just breathe. 1549 01:03:57,322 --> 01:03:59,790 One, two, three, four. 1550 01:03:59,792 --> 01:04:01,794 One, two, three, four. 1551 01:04:13,906 --> 01:04:15,806 I feel so happy right now! 1552 01:04:15,808 --> 01:04:17,541 Like, I'm beginning to realize, 1553 01:04:17,543 --> 01:04:19,275 I may have never been happy. 1554 01:04:19,277 --> 01:04:21,779 This might be the first time I ever felt happy. 1555 01:04:21,781 --> 01:04:23,246 And it feels good. 1556 01:04:23,248 --> 01:04:26,249 This is like, the best shit that's ever happened. 1557 01:04:26,251 --> 01:04:28,184 There's like this crazy big banquet thing tonight, 1558 01:04:28,186 --> 01:04:29,787 and she gave me like a tuxedo to wear. 1559 01:04:29,789 --> 01:04:30,854 And it's not like a date, 1560 01:04:30,856 --> 01:04:32,456 but it kinda feels like a date. 1561 01:04:32,458 --> 01:04:35,158 How do I not fuck this up? Seems impossible. 1562 01:04:35,160 --> 01:04:37,394 Dude, you just need to give yourself affirmation, man. 1563 01:04:37,396 --> 01:04:39,195 You need to... 1564 01:04:39,197 --> 01:04:41,266 You need to say that you're worthy of love, man. 1565 01:04:42,233 --> 01:04:43,534 I am worthy of love. 1566 01:04:43,536 --> 01:04:45,201 All right, now you gotta say it 10,000 1567 01:04:45,203 --> 01:04:46,704 more times, until you believe it. 1568 01:04:46,706 --> 01:04:48,171 Okay, look, I gotta go. 1569 01:04:48,173 --> 01:04:50,507 I have no fucking clue how to tie a bow tie. 1570 01:04:50,509 --> 01:04:52,175 All right, man. Hey! 1571 01:04:52,177 --> 01:04:53,178 Be bold! 1572 01:05:09,595 --> 01:05:10,928 Hi. 1573 01:05:10,930 --> 01:05:13,597 You look really pretty. 1574 01:05:13,599 --> 01:05:14,834 Thank you. 1575 01:05:15,735 --> 01:05:18,802 You look really pretty, too. 1576 01:05:18,804 --> 01:05:19,870 Thank you. 1577 01:05:19,872 --> 01:05:21,305 Thanks for the suit. 1578 01:05:21,307 --> 01:05:22,439 We should probably head in. 1579 01:05:22,441 --> 01:05:23,542 - Shall we? - Yeah. 1580 01:05:26,979 --> 01:05:29,747 Wow. This is awesome. 1581 01:05:29,749 --> 01:05:31,415 It's cool being in Argentina. 1582 01:05:31,417 --> 01:05:32,816 I think the guys who killed my grandparents 1583 01:05:32,818 --> 01:05:34,620 are hiding here somewhere. 1584 01:05:35,354 --> 01:05:36,455 Shit, they got a band. 1585 01:05:38,457 --> 01:05:41,892 Do you wanna, uh, dance maybe? Or grab a drink? 1586 01:05:41,894 --> 01:05:43,427 So there are representatives 1587 01:05:43,429 --> 01:05:45,295 from over 75 countries here tonight. 1588 01:05:45,297 --> 01:05:46,830 She has three hours to get out there, 1589 01:05:46,832 --> 01:05:47,865 - shake her money maker... - Yeah. 1590 01:05:47,867 --> 01:05:49,600 ...and get as many commitments as possible. 1591 01:05:49,602 --> 01:05:51,268 - This is a work event. - Of course, yeah. I get it. 1592 01:05:51,270 --> 01:05:54,538 We could, uh, maybe at the end of the night, have a drink. 1593 01:05:54,540 --> 01:05:56,674 Yeah, if you have time. Cool. 1594 01:05:56,676 --> 01:05:58,742 - We'll see. - Yeah. 1595 01:05:58,744 --> 01:06:00,546 All right. Okay. 1596 01:06:04,550 --> 01:06:05,885 I know what's going on. 1597 01:06:09,255 --> 01:06:11,689 - What do you mean? - You know what I mean. 1598 01:06:11,691 --> 01:06:12,756 There's nothing going on. 1599 01:06:12,758 --> 01:06:14,926 Don't fucking bullshit me, Fred. 1600 01:06:14,928 --> 01:06:17,628 'Cause my EQ is through the goddamn roof. 1601 01:06:17,630 --> 01:06:20,698 And I understand and intuit the nuances of social dynamics 1602 01:06:20,700 --> 01:06:21,665 like you wouldn't believe. 1603 01:06:21,667 --> 01:06:24,601 The two of you are having sex with each other. 1604 01:06:24,603 --> 01:06:26,437 There's no way you could discern something like that. 1605 01:06:26,439 --> 01:06:27,673 Charlotte told me. 1606 01:06:28,441 --> 01:06:29,373 Really? 1607 01:06:29,375 --> 01:06:31,442 No, but you just did, you fucking idiot. 1608 01:06:31,444 --> 01:06:34,445 Fuck! Shit! That was fucking very clever. 1609 01:06:34,447 --> 01:06:35,612 Jesus, well, you know what, yes. 1610 01:06:35,614 --> 01:06:37,648 Okay. We're sexing one another down. 1611 01:06:37,650 --> 01:06:38,549 - So? - Ew. 1612 01:06:38,551 --> 01:06:39,918 Honestly, it's probably weirder to me 1613 01:06:39,920 --> 01:06:41,052 - than it is to you. - Look, 1614 01:06:41,054 --> 01:06:42,219 I can't believe I have to say this, 1615 01:06:42,221 --> 01:06:45,458 but just so you know, there's no way the two of you work. 1616 01:06:46,659 --> 01:06:48,392 Why would you say that? You don't know that. 1617 01:06:48,394 --> 01:06:50,461 The public will never accept the two of you together, 1618 01:06:50,463 --> 01:06:51,830 so neither will she. 1619 01:06:51,832 --> 01:06:53,430 Honestly, Fred, it doesn't matter 1620 01:06:53,432 --> 01:06:54,398 if you get it or you don't, 1621 01:06:54,400 --> 01:06:56,067 'cause the truth is, she is going to realize it 1622 01:06:56,069 --> 01:06:57,334 for the both of you, 1623 01:06:57,336 --> 01:06:59,436 then you'll have your heart broken. 1624 01:06:59,438 --> 01:07:00,772 And that could be kinda fun to watch. 1625 01:07:00,774 --> 01:07:02,475 Ambassador Plenipotentiary... 1626 01:07:19,626 --> 01:07:20,861 Madam Secretary! 1627 01:07:21,962 --> 01:07:23,494 Excuse me. 1628 01:07:23,496 --> 01:07:24,629 - Ah! - Parker. 1629 01:07:24,631 --> 01:07:26,698 Nope. Nope. Uh... 1630 01:07:28,568 --> 01:07:31,936 You know, we still have not found time to sit down. 1631 01:07:31,938 --> 01:07:33,104 You know, it's not gonna happen. 1632 01:07:33,106 --> 01:07:34,739 I'm not gonna find time. 1633 01:07:34,741 --> 01:07:37,341 I will get my way on this. 1634 01:07:37,343 --> 01:07:38,676 I don't even know what you mean by "this," 1635 01:07:38,678 --> 01:07:41,112 but please have at it. It's all yours. 1636 01:07:41,114 --> 01:07:42,547 - May I have a word? - Can you excuse me? 1637 01:07:42,549 --> 01:07:43,782 We're in the middle of a conversation here. 1638 01:07:43,784 --> 01:07:46,451 - Of course. Yes. - Oh, my God. You are a... 1639 01:07:46,453 --> 01:07:48,953 You look absolutely wonderful. 1640 01:07:48,955 --> 01:07:50,855 Oh. 1641 01:07:52,092 --> 01:07:53,591 I have to say, I have been 1642 01:07:53,593 --> 01:07:55,827 so impressed by your initiative. 1643 01:07:55,829 --> 01:07:57,595 Does this mean I can add Canada 1644 01:07:57,597 --> 01:07:59,597 to the list of countries taking part? 1645 01:07:59,599 --> 01:08:01,766 On one condition. 1646 01:08:01,768 --> 01:08:02,667 Let me guess. 1647 01:08:02,669 --> 01:08:05,403 You want fewer restrictions on lumber. 1648 01:08:05,405 --> 01:08:06,740 I don't care about lumber. 1649 01:08:08,041 --> 01:08:09,576 I just want to dance. 1650 01:08:13,013 --> 01:08:14,078 Sure. 1651 01:08:37,737 --> 01:08:38,805 Whoa! 1652 01:08:40,006 --> 01:08:41,508 Wow. 1653 01:08:42,876 --> 01:08:44,108 You know when you see something, 1654 01:08:44,110 --> 01:08:47,445 and it just looks right. 1655 01:08:47,447 --> 01:08:49,514 Like a Kangol hat on Samuel L. Jackson. 1656 01:08:49,516 --> 01:08:50,517 Mmm-hmm. 1657 01:09:00,161 --> 01:09:01,862 I'm worthy of love. 1658 01:09:03,563 --> 01:09:04,898 I'm worthy of love. 1659 01:09:07,534 --> 01:09:08,835 What the fuck are you saying? 1660 01:09:09,736 --> 01:09:10,737 Nothing. 1661 01:09:43,938 --> 01:09:44,939 Bonjour, ma'am. 1662 01:10:17,972 --> 01:10:18,973 Excuse me. 1663 01:10:21,042 --> 01:10:22,575 Agent E, look alive. 1664 01:10:38,159 --> 01:10:39,526 - Hi. - Hey. 1665 01:10:40,294 --> 01:10:41,929 I hear you have a crush on me. 1666 01:10:43,297 --> 01:10:44,665 I do. 1667 01:10:46,233 --> 01:10:48,035 Kinda have a crush on you, too. 1668 01:10:49,737 --> 01:10:50,905 Well, that's cool. 1669 01:10:54,175 --> 01:10:56,275 Hey, I know I asked earlier. 1670 01:10:56,277 --> 01:10:57,843 But, uh... 1671 01:11:01,549 --> 01:11:02,883 Do you want to dance with me? 1672 01:11:05,720 --> 01:11:06,721 It's a dope song. 1673 01:11:07,888 --> 01:11:09,121 Really fucking good song. 1674 01:11:09,123 --> 01:11:10,255 Maybe the best song ever written. 1675 01:11:10,257 --> 01:11:11,258 Yeah. 1676 01:12:59,401 --> 01:13:01,034 I want you to fuck me from behind 1677 01:13:01,036 --> 01:13:02,204 and slap my ass really hard. 1678 01:13:04,873 --> 01:13:06,072 What? 1679 01:13:06,074 --> 01:13:07,407 What? 1680 01:13:07,409 --> 01:13:09,675 Nothing. What, did I say "what"? 1681 01:13:09,677 --> 01:13:10,977 Am I being too bossy? 1682 01:13:10,979 --> 01:13:13,745 No. No. No. No. Not at all. No. No. 1683 01:13:13,747 --> 01:13:15,281 I am. I am. I'm your boss all day, 1684 01:13:15,283 --> 01:13:16,149 and now I'm bossing you in bed. 1685 01:13:16,151 --> 01:13:17,683 I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way. 1686 01:13:17,685 --> 01:13:18,885 No. Not at all. 1687 01:13:18,887 --> 01:13:20,753 My brain, honestly, just went into shock a little bit... 1688 01:13:20,755 --> 01:13:21,888 Yeah, but you hesitated. 1689 01:13:21,890 --> 01:13:24,924 No, it's just not how I imagined you liking things. 1690 01:13:24,926 --> 01:13:28,027 You know what? We'll do exactly what you were imagining. 1691 01:13:28,029 --> 01:13:30,029 And then you turn me around and slap me on my ass 1692 01:13:30,031 --> 01:13:31,266 and then choke me a little bit. 1693 01:13:32,033 --> 01:13:33,034 Oh, my God. 1694 01:13:40,775 --> 01:13:41,843 Whoa. 1695 01:13:51,853 --> 01:13:52,854 Frederick. 1696 01:13:53,455 --> 01:13:54,689 Margaret. 1697 01:13:59,461 --> 01:14:01,261 Hey, you forgot this... Oh, fuck! 1698 01:14:01,263 --> 01:14:03,029 - Gross! - Um... 1699 01:14:03,031 --> 01:14:04,364 I thought you guys hated each other. 1700 01:14:04,366 --> 01:14:06,466 - We do hate each other. - We do. Big time. 1701 01:14:06,468 --> 01:14:08,401 - We are also fucking. - Ugh. 1702 01:14:08,403 --> 01:14:09,503 How long have you been fucking? 1703 01:14:09,505 --> 01:14:10,837 That was probably 20 minutes. 1704 01:14:10,839 --> 01:14:11,905 Not right now! 1705 01:14:11,907 --> 01:14:14,107 - Oh. - A lot of questions. Um, I... 1706 01:14:14,109 --> 01:14:15,275 I would say anywhere between 1707 01:14:15,277 --> 01:14:17,143 two and five... Three and a half times. 1708 01:14:17,145 --> 01:14:18,978 I would say on my end, five. 1709 01:14:18,980 --> 01:14:20,447 Three and a half sounds right. 1710 01:14:20,449 --> 01:14:22,815 I don't know how you're tallying that shit. That's sick. 1711 01:14:22,817 --> 01:14:25,251 Okay, first of all, there's a woman present. 1712 01:14:25,253 --> 01:14:26,886 There's a woman in there, too? 1713 01:14:26,888 --> 01:14:28,788 - Excuse me. - Easy. 1714 01:14:28,790 --> 01:14:29,989 - And I got it. - Sorry. 1715 01:14:29,991 --> 01:14:31,357 - Again. - Sorry, I'm... 1716 01:14:31,359 --> 01:14:33,226 A woman is present and that woman is me. 1717 01:14:33,228 --> 01:14:34,827 - You? - We're talking about her. 1718 01:14:34,829 --> 01:14:36,763 Trust me, I know, Fred. 1719 01:14:36,765 --> 01:14:37,830 Tom, I got this. 1720 01:14:37,832 --> 01:14:39,265 - Ugh! - I'm gonna say goodnight. 1721 01:14:39,267 --> 01:14:40,467 You tuck that in. Goodnight to you. 1722 01:14:40,469 --> 01:14:41,334 And I will take my leave. 1723 01:14:41,336 --> 01:14:44,371 No. No way. I'm not touching that shit. 1724 01:14:44,373 --> 01:14:46,839 - It's not the worst instinct. - Guys, just... 1725 01:14:46,841 --> 01:14:47,907 Those hands have been places. 1726 01:14:47,909 --> 01:14:49,410 Goodnight. 1727 01:14:49,412 --> 01:14:51,911 With France's commitment, U.S. Secretary of State 1728 01:14:51,913 --> 01:14:55,282 Charlotte Field's noble Rehabilitation Initiative 1729 01:14:55,284 --> 01:14:57,318 has secured the support of 100 countries. 1730 01:14:59,422 --> 01:15:00,688 The president wants to talk to you. 1731 01:15:00,690 --> 01:15:03,823 We've set up the tent in the next room, Madam Secretary. 1732 01:15:03,825 --> 01:15:05,093 Tell him hi. 1733 01:15:09,532 --> 01:15:12,165 Mr. President. Bonjour. 1734 01:15:12,167 --> 01:15:13,434 Charlie, bonjour. 1735 01:15:13,436 --> 01:15:17,003 Hey, what's this I hear about an environmental treaty thing? 1736 01:15:17,005 --> 01:15:18,805 Oh, it's the Global 1737 01:15:18,807 --> 01:15:20,907 Rehabilitation Initiative, sir. 1738 01:15:20,909 --> 01:15:23,410 It's been on your desk for the last three weeks. 1739 01:15:23,412 --> 01:15:25,512 Yeah, well, we ran it up the flagpole 1740 01:15:25,514 --> 01:15:27,947 and it's ruffling some feathers. 1741 01:15:27,949 --> 01:15:30,083 Sir, you are the flagpole. 1742 01:15:30,085 --> 01:15:33,520 There are actually quite a few flagpoles in this joint. 1743 01:15:33,522 --> 01:15:35,289 We need you to revise it. 1744 01:15:35,291 --> 01:15:36,292 Sir? 1745 01:15:37,193 --> 01:15:39,295 We need you to kill the trees. 1746 01:15:43,299 --> 01:15:44,531 Why would he do that? 1747 01:15:44,533 --> 01:15:47,568 Because he's funded by a bunch of fucking rich assholes 1748 01:15:47,570 --> 01:15:49,203 and I probably pissed one of them off. 1749 01:15:49,205 --> 01:15:50,903 Can I just say the optics of this 1750 01:15:50,905 --> 01:15:52,606 are actually not that different? 1751 01:15:52,608 --> 01:15:54,408 The initiative still has the same name. 1752 01:15:54,410 --> 01:15:56,176 It sounds very impressive, 1753 01:15:56,178 --> 01:15:58,312 which is ultimately all that matters. 1754 01:15:58,314 --> 01:16:01,015 I actually cared about this. 1755 01:16:01,017 --> 01:16:02,583 Now what am I fucking left with? Bees? 1756 01:16:02,585 --> 01:16:03,916 I don't even like bees. 1757 01:16:03,918 --> 01:16:05,185 Do you have to listen to him? 1758 01:16:05,187 --> 01:16:08,355 Yes. I have to listen to him. 1759 01:16:08,357 --> 01:16:11,191 Because unless he endorses me, I won't win. 1760 01:16:11,193 --> 01:16:14,128 And this whole fucking show would have been for nothing. 1761 01:16:14,130 --> 01:16:16,196 Well, maybe you don't need his endorsement to win. 1762 01:16:16,198 --> 01:16:17,564 You know? People are digging your shit. 1763 01:16:17,566 --> 01:16:19,233 And your numbers are good. 1764 01:16:19,235 --> 01:16:21,435 You know what, Fred? She needs a little alone time. 1765 01:16:21,437 --> 01:16:22,970 Right, she probably just needs a friend right now. 1766 01:16:22,972 --> 01:16:24,038 Time to go, buddy. 1767 01:16:24,040 --> 01:16:25,906 Oh, my God. 1768 01:16:25,908 --> 01:16:29,145 Maggie, just give me a second alone with Fred, please. 1769 01:16:43,993 --> 01:16:46,393 I don't wanna do this job anymore. 1770 01:16:46,395 --> 01:16:47,463 I fuckin' hate it. 1771 01:16:48,364 --> 01:16:50,531 I mean, what's the point? 1772 01:16:50,533 --> 01:16:53,836 Every time I do something, it just gets undone. 1773 01:16:54,403 --> 01:16:55,636 I'm sorry. 1774 01:16:55,638 --> 01:16:57,438 I just wanna be a normal person 1775 01:16:57,440 --> 01:16:59,206 and not give a fuck about anything 1776 01:16:59,208 --> 01:17:01,241 just like the rest of the world. 1777 01:17:01,243 --> 01:17:03,310 Yeah, most people don't give a shit about anything. 1778 01:17:03,312 --> 01:17:05,014 I bet it's really nice. 1779 01:17:06,182 --> 01:17:08,015 That's what I want. 1780 01:17:08,017 --> 01:17:10,119 I don't know how to give that to you. 1781 01:17:13,556 --> 01:17:15,124 Let's get fucked up. 1782 01:17:15,524 --> 01:17:16,591 Fucked up? 1783 01:17:16,593 --> 01:17:19,059 - Yeah. - Like a few beers fucked up 1784 01:17:19,061 --> 01:17:21,328 or more than that fucked up? 1785 01:17:21,330 --> 01:17:23,299 Like super fucked up. 1786 01:17:29,138 --> 01:17:31,606 I want to smoke a Molly with you. 1787 01:17:33,042 --> 01:17:34,210 What? 1788 01:17:34,977 --> 01:17:36,711 That's not, um... 1789 01:17:36,713 --> 01:17:38,379 That's not how you take it, but... 1790 01:17:38,381 --> 01:17:39,279 How do you take it? 1791 01:17:39,281 --> 01:17:41,148 It's a pill. You take it in your mouth. 1792 01:17:41,150 --> 01:17:42,684 But I don't know if you wanna do it. 1793 01:17:42,686 --> 01:17:44,017 Why not? 1794 01:17:44,019 --> 01:17:45,953 I just don't know if it's a good idea. 1795 01:17:45,955 --> 01:17:49,325 As your boss, I'm ordering you to get me a Molly. 1796 01:17:50,259 --> 01:17:51,428 Oh, man. 1797 01:18:21,458 --> 01:18:22,624 You good? 1798 01:18:22,626 --> 01:18:24,592 I don't feel anything. 1799 01:18:24,594 --> 01:18:26,594 You don't feel it? 1800 01:18:26,596 --> 01:18:28,396 No, I don't feel a fucking thing. 1801 01:18:28,398 --> 01:18:31,201 Ooh! Wow. 1802 01:18:31,668 --> 01:18:34,202 ...Was right. 1803 01:18:34,204 --> 01:18:38,105 Holy fuck... 1804 01:18:38,107 --> 01:18:39,441 No! 1805 01:18:39,443 --> 01:18:41,776 My jaw feels really weird. 1806 01:18:41,778 --> 01:18:43,110 Yeah, that's the drugs. 1807 01:18:43,112 --> 01:18:44,712 Drugs love a jaw. 1808 01:18:44,714 --> 01:18:47,148 - I want more. - No, no, no, no. 1809 01:18:47,150 --> 01:18:48,550 Maybe in like an hour. 1810 01:18:48,552 --> 01:18:50,253 We should do it now. 1811 01:19:19,115 --> 01:19:21,316 Yes, motherfuckers! 1812 01:19:21,318 --> 01:19:23,251 I could do this forever! 1813 01:19:23,253 --> 01:19:24,652 We're gonna. 1814 01:19:24,654 --> 01:19:27,155 I know I've been like... 1815 01:19:27,157 --> 01:19:29,390 I've been, like, playing it pretty cool. 1816 01:19:29,392 --> 01:19:31,392 Like I've probably been a little hard to read, 1817 01:19:31,394 --> 01:19:33,061 and I've been acting kinda, like, aloof, 1818 01:19:33,063 --> 01:19:34,729 maybe like I don't care that much. 1819 01:19:34,731 --> 01:19:38,166 But I don't wanna do that anymore. I really like you. 1820 01:19:38,168 --> 01:19:40,468 You haven't been playing it cool at all. 1821 01:19:40,470 --> 01:19:43,137 You just followed me into the bathroom. 1822 01:19:43,139 --> 01:19:44,372 Yeah, to talk. 1823 01:19:44,374 --> 01:19:46,508 - I really like you, too! - Really? 1824 01:19:46,510 --> 01:19:48,142 - Yeah! - Yeah! 1825 01:19:50,113 --> 01:19:52,780 - Madam Secretary! - Yeah! Whoa! 1826 01:19:52,782 --> 01:19:54,616 Madam Secretary! Listen to me! 1827 01:19:54,618 --> 01:19:56,751 Dance with me, Steven! Dance! 1828 01:19:56,753 --> 01:19:57,853 We have a situation. 1829 01:19:57,855 --> 01:19:59,222 Huh? 1830 01:20:07,564 --> 01:20:09,430 Yo. 1831 01:20:09,432 --> 01:20:12,467 How much longer is this Molly stuff gonna last? 1832 01:20:12,469 --> 01:20:14,235 We just re-upped. 1833 01:20:14,237 --> 01:20:16,437 You kept saying you wanted to take more, so we did. 1834 01:20:16,439 --> 01:20:19,509 So we have another maybe four or five hours. 1835 01:20:20,678 --> 01:20:22,811 Yeah. Why? 1836 01:20:22,813 --> 01:20:24,647 I'm in so much trouble. 1837 01:20:24,649 --> 01:20:25,714 What's happening? 1838 01:20:25,716 --> 01:20:27,315 I'm gonna be in so much trouble. 1839 01:20:27,317 --> 01:20:29,519 What's happening? Are they outta water? 1840 01:20:30,387 --> 01:20:31,553 One of our U2s went down 1841 01:20:31,555 --> 01:20:34,455 while performing a standard fly-over in Kashtari airspace. 1842 01:20:34,457 --> 01:20:35,557 The pilot was able to eject, 1843 01:20:35,559 --> 01:20:38,561 but it appears he was taken by the Kashtari military. 1844 01:20:38,563 --> 01:20:40,261 Thank you, General. 1845 01:20:40,263 --> 01:20:41,764 Prime Minister Bharath is refusing 1846 01:20:41,766 --> 01:20:44,265 to return the pilot to United States custody. 1847 01:20:44,267 --> 01:20:46,234 He's personally hurt by the many insults 1848 01:20:46,236 --> 01:20:47,736 hurled at him by POTUS. 1849 01:20:47,738 --> 01:20:49,638 Good job. All right. 1850 01:20:52,409 --> 01:20:53,711 It's gonna be okay in there, right? 1851 01:20:54,679 --> 01:20:56,112 That's up to you, ma'am. 1852 01:20:57,347 --> 01:20:59,750 Oh, God. You got this. 1853 01:21:16,834 --> 01:21:19,368 I can hold onto your sunglasses for you, if you'd like. 1854 01:21:19,370 --> 01:21:24,408 Oh, no. I have alopecia. In both eyes. 1855 01:21:30,781 --> 01:21:32,246 Hello. 1856 01:21:32,248 --> 01:21:33,214 Secretary Field! 1857 01:21:33,216 --> 01:21:34,316 Oh, my God! 1858 01:21:34,318 --> 01:21:37,185 Hello, Bharath? Hey. 1859 01:21:37,187 --> 01:21:40,556 I hear we have a situation here? 1860 01:21:40,558 --> 01:21:43,661 One that we both probably want resolved. 1861 01:21:45,496 --> 01:21:47,930 Very quickly... 1862 01:21:47,932 --> 01:21:50,532 You're not going to bully me this time, Madam Secretary. 1863 01:21:50,534 --> 01:21:52,234 Your man will stay here 1864 01:21:52,236 --> 01:21:55,204 until your president personally apologizes to me. 1865 01:21:55,206 --> 01:21:56,207 Over Instagram. 1866 01:21:57,408 --> 01:22:00,378 - He won't do that. - Yeah, no. Yes... 1867 01:22:01,479 --> 01:22:03,679 - Yo. - Yes? 1868 01:22:03,681 --> 01:22:05,247 Can I level with you? 1869 01:22:05,249 --> 01:22:06,782 Can I fill you in on something? 1870 01:22:06,784 --> 01:22:07,816 Go ahead. 1871 01:22:07,818 --> 01:22:09,485 Me and Charlotte, we're fucked up right now. 1872 01:22:09,487 --> 01:22:10,419 We're on drugs. 1873 01:22:10,421 --> 01:22:11,954 First of all, I don't wanna talk about that. 1874 01:22:11,956 --> 01:22:13,656 Why? We can't talk about the drugs. 1875 01:22:13,658 --> 01:22:14,990 Do you know we're on drugs? 1876 01:22:14,992 --> 01:22:17,528 I don't wanna talk about that in this room. 1877 01:22:18,729 --> 01:22:19,897 What's happening? 1878 01:22:21,365 --> 01:22:22,431 We're on drugs right now. 1879 01:22:24,502 --> 01:22:26,268 That's funny. That's a funny joke! 1880 01:22:26,270 --> 01:22:28,237 What's a joke? We're on fucking drugs... 1881 01:22:29,473 --> 01:22:30,606 Are we going somewhere? 1882 01:22:32,443 --> 01:22:34,343 What is that? 1883 01:22:34,345 --> 01:22:36,612 What is happening? We're on drugs right now. 1884 01:22:36,614 --> 01:22:39,314 So you're admitting that the United States government 1885 01:22:39,316 --> 01:22:41,550 ordered these planes to spy on my country? 1886 01:22:41,552 --> 01:22:42,618 No. 1887 01:22:43,788 --> 01:22:46,889 No! No! Of course not! 1888 01:22:46,891 --> 01:22:48,992 That's what it sounded like. Face it. 1889 01:22:48,994 --> 01:22:50,225 You have no leverage here. 1890 01:22:50,227 --> 01:22:53,495 Match his aggression, Madam. It's the only way out of this. 1891 01:22:53,497 --> 01:22:55,965 I don't know, he seems really fucking pissed off. 1892 01:22:55,967 --> 01:22:57,466 Get more fucking pissed. 1893 01:22:57,468 --> 01:22:58,870 Let him know who's really in charge. 1894 01:23:03,774 --> 01:23:05,476 Oh, my God, that really hurt. 1895 01:23:06,711 --> 01:23:08,477 I gotta be honest, I'm not... 1896 01:23:08,479 --> 01:23:11,680 I'm not feeling all this aggression stuff. 1897 01:23:11,682 --> 01:23:15,350 I'm into more of, like, a chilled vibe. 1898 01:23:15,352 --> 01:23:17,989 You know, just feeling... 1899 01:23:18,924 --> 01:23:20,859 God, are those Gauloises? 1900 01:23:21,860 --> 01:23:23,461 Just, I'm so... 1901 01:23:24,763 --> 01:23:27,231 I'm just gonna bum one. 1902 01:23:29,333 --> 01:23:30,632 Just give me one sec. 1903 01:23:30,634 --> 01:23:31,703 Don't worry. 1904 01:23:39,878 --> 01:23:40,944 Bharath. 1905 01:23:40,946 --> 01:23:42,681 - Hello? - Listen. 1906 01:23:43,949 --> 01:23:45,884 Mmm. Mmm. 1907 01:23:47,585 --> 01:23:52,389 You and I are in the same boat, my friend. 1908 01:23:52,958 --> 01:23:54,624 How is that the case? 1909 01:23:54,626 --> 01:23:56,025 We both have to deal with my boss 1910 01:23:56,027 --> 01:23:59,428 and we both think he is an asshole. 1911 01:23:59,430 --> 01:24:01,497 You also think he's an asshole? 1912 01:24:01,499 --> 01:24:02,999 Oh, my God, he's such an asshole. 1913 01:24:03,001 --> 01:24:04,868 His stupid fucking TV show 1914 01:24:04,870 --> 01:24:06,803 was like, good for three episodes 1915 01:24:06,805 --> 01:24:08,671 and then it just didn't make any sense. 1916 01:24:08,673 --> 01:24:10,809 Fuck, it feels good to say that. 1917 01:24:13,845 --> 01:24:14,846 Listen. 1918 01:24:17,015 --> 01:24:21,084 You need to keep this on the real DL. 1919 01:24:21,086 --> 01:24:24,521 We both know that the U.S. does not 1920 01:24:24,523 --> 01:24:27,657 negotiate with terrorists. 1921 01:24:27,659 --> 01:24:33,062 But, we do negotiate with homies. 1922 01:24:33,064 --> 01:24:35,698 So if you give us our guy back, 1923 01:24:35,700 --> 01:24:39,836 I'm gonna hook you up with a sweet aid package. 1924 01:24:39,838 --> 01:24:42,872 So not only do you not have to keep a guy hostage, 1925 01:24:42,874 --> 01:24:46,643 which is a pretty shitty thing to do. 1926 01:24:46,645 --> 01:24:48,444 I mean, I've done it myself. 1927 01:24:48,446 --> 01:24:50,515 Don't tell anybody, super classified. 1928 01:24:51,516 --> 01:24:53,116 It sucks, I hate it. 1929 01:24:53,118 --> 01:24:58,421 Yeah. So, why don't we instead 1930 01:24:58,423 --> 01:25:02,091 save a ton of lives? 1931 01:25:02,093 --> 01:25:05,495 I mean, that's pretty fucking awesome, right? 1932 01:25:05,497 --> 01:25:07,098 I think this is a really good idea. 1933 01:25:10,569 --> 01:25:11,736 What do you say? 1934 01:25:14,472 --> 01:25:15,907 Ma'am. 1935 01:25:20,779 --> 01:25:22,979 Hostage saved, motherfuckers! 1936 01:25:22,981 --> 01:25:25,715 Yeah, yeah! 1937 01:25:25,717 --> 01:25:28,685 - She did it! She did it! - She did it! 1938 01:25:28,687 --> 01:25:31,421 I'm here with Secretary of State Charlotte Field. 1939 01:25:31,423 --> 01:25:33,857 Who, after a tense and complicated negotiation 1940 01:25:33,859 --> 01:25:35,792 with Kashtar, has secured the release 1941 01:25:35,794 --> 01:25:38,828 of the pilot of the U.S. spy plane that went down 1942 01:25:38,830 --> 01:25:40,964 over Kashtari airspace. 1943 01:25:40,966 --> 01:25:43,032 - I know, right. - Crazy. 1944 01:25:43,034 --> 01:25:44,101 And this is all in the midst 1945 01:25:44,103 --> 01:25:46,703 of the success of your environmental initiative, 1946 01:25:46,705 --> 01:25:50,140 which I understand has secured the support of 100 countries. 1947 01:25:50,142 --> 01:25:51,708 - Yes, um... - Ooh, sore subject. 1948 01:25:51,710 --> 01:25:53,443 I'm very happy to announce that 1949 01:25:53,445 --> 01:25:56,180 not only do I have the support of those 100 countries, 1950 01:25:56,182 --> 01:25:58,882 but the president himself called me personally 1951 01:25:58,884 --> 01:26:00,985 just to tell me how psyched he is about this initiative... 1952 01:26:00,987 --> 01:26:03,954 - Did he call? Did he call? - That didn't happen. 1953 01:26:03,956 --> 01:26:05,189 ...don't change a word, 1954 01:26:05,191 --> 01:26:08,125 especially the part, uh, with the trees. 1955 01:26:08,127 --> 01:26:09,759 - That's a lie. - So, all in all, 1956 01:26:09,761 --> 01:26:10,860 I'm just... Well, 1957 01:26:10,862 --> 01:26:13,796 I kinda feel like I'm just kinda crushing it right now. 1958 01:26:13,798 --> 01:26:16,102 Thank you so much. So... Thank you. 1959 01:26:16,801 --> 01:26:17,868 Thank you. 1960 01:26:17,870 --> 01:26:20,204 The incredible Charlotte Field. 1961 01:26:20,206 --> 01:26:22,538 Who clearly still feels the effects 1962 01:26:22,540 --> 01:26:25,843 of the intense all-night hostage situation. 1963 01:26:38,157 --> 01:26:41,025 After negotiating the release of Lieutenant Gary Smith... 1964 01:26:41,027 --> 01:26:42,960 Charlotte Field's popularity continues to skyrocket... 1965 01:26:42,962 --> 01:26:44,694 In the newest Gallup poll, 68%... 1966 01:26:44,696 --> 01:26:47,998 ...are women mentally unfit to hold the presidency? 1967 01:26:48,000 --> 01:26:49,833 Here to chat about it is Chris Brown, 1968 01:26:49,835 --> 01:26:52,202 Jeremy Piven, and Brett Ratner. 1969 01:26:52,204 --> 01:26:55,005 In the wake of her successful hostage negotiation, 1970 01:26:55,007 --> 01:26:57,207 Charlotte Field's poll numbers keep going up. 1971 01:26:57,209 --> 01:26:58,574 I'd like to apologize 1972 01:26:58,576 --> 01:26:59,810 to Charlotte, and anyone out there 1973 01:26:59,812 --> 01:27:03,049 who was upset yesterday when I called her Booby-McBoobson. 1974 01:27:04,850 --> 01:27:06,052 Give me the president's office. 1975 01:27:06,919 --> 01:27:08,986 Yep? 1976 01:27:08,988 --> 01:27:10,621 Can I talk to you for a second? 1977 01:27:10,623 --> 01:27:12,122 Of course. 1978 01:27:12,124 --> 01:27:14,091 We got some new polling that I thought I'd share with you. 1979 01:27:14,093 --> 01:27:15,225 All right. 1980 01:27:15,227 --> 01:27:16,794 It feels like everything 1981 01:27:16,796 --> 01:27:18,028 is kinda falling into place for us. 1982 01:27:18,030 --> 01:27:19,663 So we thought we'd dig a little deeper 1983 01:27:19,665 --> 01:27:21,065 and make sure there are no surprises. 1984 01:27:21,067 --> 01:27:22,800 - Why are you acting so weird? - It's good. 1985 01:27:22,802 --> 01:27:24,704 We got some really helpful feedback. 1986 01:27:25,938 --> 01:27:27,671 From the public. 1987 01:27:27,673 --> 01:27:30,941 So we asked a thousand constituents 1988 01:27:30,943 --> 01:27:32,676 how they would feel 1989 01:27:32,678 --> 01:27:35,746 - if, say, Princess Di... - Hmm. 1990 01:27:35,748 --> 01:27:37,116 ...if she were to start dating 1991 01:27:38,017 --> 01:27:39,018 Guy Fieri. 1992 01:27:40,720 --> 01:27:42,619 I don't even know who that is. 1993 01:27:42,621 --> 01:27:44,121 They don't like that. 1994 01:27:44,123 --> 01:27:46,724 - Yeah. - Or Kate Middleton 1995 01:27:46,726 --> 01:27:48,926 were to start dating Danny DeVito. 1996 01:27:48,928 --> 01:27:50,027 I see where you're going with this. 1997 01:27:50,029 --> 01:27:51,328 Pretty negative reaction. 1998 01:27:51,330 --> 01:27:53,998 Or if Jennifer Lawrence 1999 01:27:54,000 --> 01:27:57,169 were to start dating this potato in a teal windbreaker. 2000 01:27:58,237 --> 01:28:00,137 They would be very upset. 2001 01:28:00,139 --> 01:28:01,638 You did a lot of work, 2002 01:28:01,640 --> 01:28:03,607 - and I... - Well, but, can I just finish? 2003 01:28:03,609 --> 01:28:05,843 No, that's, like, a lot of... I get it. 2004 01:28:05,845 --> 01:28:07,745 Madam Secretary. I have no desire 2005 01:28:07,747 --> 01:28:09,780 - to limit your romantic life. - Good. 2006 01:28:09,782 --> 01:28:12,616 But the optics of you and Fred 2007 01:28:12,618 --> 01:28:15,085 will make a presidential run very challenging. 2008 01:28:15,087 --> 01:28:16,321 Fred is a journalist. 2009 01:28:16,323 --> 01:28:18,655 Who's written some extremely fucked-up stuff. 2010 01:28:18,657 --> 01:28:21,660 No. That's exposed some really fucked-up stuff. 2011 01:28:22,795 --> 01:28:25,029 And I just want to know for myself, 2012 01:28:25,031 --> 01:28:28,032 you're comfortable with putting everything on the line for a hookup? 2013 01:28:28,034 --> 01:28:29,767 Oh, my God. 2014 01:28:29,769 --> 01:28:30,934 Why are we having this conversation? 2015 01:28:30,936 --> 01:28:32,270 This is insane. 2016 01:28:32,272 --> 01:28:35,172 I don't have to explain myself to you. 2017 01:28:35,174 --> 01:28:36,907 I'm sorry. I really don't understand this. 2018 01:28:36,909 --> 01:28:38,309 And I fucking love you, Charlotte. 2019 01:28:38,311 --> 01:28:39,310 I want you to be happy. 2020 01:28:39,312 --> 01:28:40,911 But more than that, I want you to be in charge. 2021 01:28:40,913 --> 01:28:42,846 And I want you to be president. 2022 01:28:42,848 --> 01:28:44,984 For the sake of the future of our country. 2023 01:28:48,988 --> 01:28:50,656 Look, there's another option. 2024 01:28:52,024 --> 01:28:53,324 There's a guy who works for the Secret Service 2025 01:28:53,326 --> 01:28:57,395 whose job it is to handle the mistresses... 2026 01:28:57,397 --> 01:28:58,962 Maggie. You're gonna have to stop. 2027 01:28:58,964 --> 01:29:01,199 And there are a series of tunnels in the White House 2028 01:29:01,201 --> 01:29:02,802 - that Woodrow Wilson... - That's enough. 2029 01:29:05,072 --> 01:29:06,804 Fred is not an idea 2030 01:29:06,806 --> 01:29:09,240 that I'm floating by you for your approval. 2031 01:29:09,242 --> 01:29:11,278 And you're getting very close to crossing a line. 2032 01:29:17,017 --> 01:29:18,316 Okay. Got it. 2033 01:29:18,318 --> 01:29:19,752 Goodnight, Madam Secretary. 2034 01:29:25,691 --> 01:29:27,791 When I grow up, I want to be Charlotte Field. 2035 01:29:27,793 --> 01:29:29,160 Because she's smart and pretty 2036 01:29:29,162 --> 01:29:30,794 and she's going to be president. 2037 01:29:39,039 --> 01:29:41,873 I will be that little girl's president. 2038 01:29:41,875 --> 01:29:45,110 Thank you, and God bless America. 2039 01:29:45,112 --> 01:29:48,279 Massive applause. Massive cheering. 2040 01:29:48,281 --> 01:29:50,415 At that point, I think the stage would descend, 2041 01:29:50,417 --> 01:29:54,219 right, and then Lil Uzi Vert or Charli XCX 2042 01:29:54,221 --> 01:29:56,687 would join hands with the Harlem Boys Choir... 2043 01:29:56,689 --> 01:29:58,356 Well, I said we'll figure that out later. 2044 01:30:00,260 --> 01:30:01,793 Uh, Madam Secretary, 2045 01:30:01,795 --> 01:30:03,163 the president would like to see you right now. 2046 01:30:03,897 --> 01:30:05,031 Shit. 2047 01:30:06,066 --> 01:30:07,132 Damn it! 2048 01:30:07,134 --> 01:30:08,401 The nation is at war! 2049 01:30:09,302 --> 01:30:10,502 I find myself torn. 2050 01:30:10,504 --> 01:30:15,106 Torn between my personal love and my love of country... 2051 01:30:15,108 --> 01:30:16,774 Sir, is this a good time? 2052 01:30:16,776 --> 01:30:19,811 Oh, hi, Charlotte. No, I'm just running lines. 2053 01:30:19,813 --> 01:30:20,845 - Oh. - All right. 2054 01:30:20,847 --> 01:30:22,649 Clear the room. Everybody, just Charlotte, please. 2055 01:30:26,086 --> 01:30:27,087 Thanks. 2056 01:30:30,390 --> 01:30:32,025 Is everything okay, sir? 2057 01:30:33,093 --> 01:30:35,295 Oh, look who it is. 2058 01:30:36,029 --> 01:30:38,830 She's here at last. 2059 01:30:38,832 --> 01:30:41,266 You gotta love that secret door. Sit down. 2060 01:30:45,739 --> 01:30:47,238 This feels like an ambush. 2061 01:30:47,240 --> 01:30:49,274 Well, in the entertainment world, 2062 01:30:49,276 --> 01:30:51,442 we call this a surprise walk-on. 2063 01:30:51,444 --> 01:30:52,877 You see, Charlotte, 2064 01:30:52,879 --> 01:30:55,446 we have a number of business interests 2065 01:30:55,448 --> 01:30:58,316 and that, you know, may be gravely affected 2066 01:30:58,318 --> 01:31:00,285 by this agreement of yours. 2067 01:31:00,287 --> 01:31:02,787 Yeah. Uh, aside from getting into film, 2068 01:31:02,789 --> 01:31:05,423 I'm looking to use my connections as president 2069 01:31:05,425 --> 01:31:07,459 to expand my investment portfolio. 2070 01:31:07,461 --> 01:31:10,128 Sort of like an Ashton Kutcher type thing, you know. 2071 01:31:10,130 --> 01:31:13,064 I mean, that guy is killing with acting and investing... 2072 01:31:13,066 --> 01:31:15,900 I think what the president is trying to say, 2073 01:31:15,902 --> 01:31:18,803 is that the server farm we want to build in Alaska 2074 01:31:18,805 --> 01:31:22,240 is sitting on 10 miles of land which will now be 2075 01:31:22,242 --> 01:31:24,144 protected by your initiative. 2076 01:31:24,945 --> 01:31:26,211 Move your server farm. 2077 01:31:26,213 --> 01:31:28,079 We want to build it in Alaska. 2078 01:31:28,081 --> 01:31:29,847 There's plenty of room for expansion. 2079 01:31:29,849 --> 01:31:32,817 Charlotte. I'm surprised that it's come to this. 2080 01:31:32,819 --> 01:31:34,520 You're usually so agreeable. 2081 01:31:34,522 --> 01:31:36,955 But I watched you undermine me 2082 01:31:36,957 --> 01:31:38,990 on TV the other day. 2083 01:31:38,992 --> 01:31:41,059 TV of all places. 2084 01:31:41,061 --> 01:31:43,094 That's my medium. All right? 2085 01:31:43,096 --> 01:31:46,798 You used TV against me! 2086 01:31:46,800 --> 01:31:49,268 That was your first mistake. 2087 01:31:49,270 --> 01:31:52,204 Look, I'm about to give you the easiest ultimatum 2088 01:31:52,206 --> 01:31:54,275 that you're ever, ever gonna receive. 2089 01:31:56,076 --> 01:31:57,809 Drop the tree thing. 2090 01:31:57,811 --> 01:32:00,246 - Or? - Or... 2091 01:32:00,248 --> 01:32:06,252 We will release the content of your friend's hard drive. 2092 01:32:06,254 --> 01:32:08,987 We found a lot of interesting stuff 2093 01:32:08,989 --> 01:32:10,589 when we hacked into his webcam. 2094 01:32:10,591 --> 01:32:12,859 Now here is a little taster. 2095 01:32:16,062 --> 01:32:19,164 Yo, Charlotte, it's Fred. 2096 01:32:19,166 --> 01:32:20,999 Uh, you want to come to my room 2097 01:32:21,001 --> 01:32:23,168 and have sex with me really fast? 2098 01:32:23,170 --> 01:32:26,272 Oh no, don't worry. I'll find ways to kill time today. 2099 01:32:26,274 --> 01:32:28,073 It's cool. Just let me know when you're back. 2100 01:32:28,075 --> 01:32:29,143 Great. 2101 01:32:33,547 --> 01:32:35,314 ...important to me. 2102 01:32:35,316 --> 01:32:37,949 That's a good speech. 2103 01:32:37,951 --> 01:32:39,951 The band of misfits fight back... 2104 01:32:39,953 --> 01:32:41,855 - Nice dress. - ...against the bullies. 2105 01:32:43,190 --> 01:32:44,390 Never giving up. 2106 01:32:44,392 --> 01:32:45,524 Never laying down. 2107 01:32:48,596 --> 01:32:50,095 In high school, 2108 01:32:50,097 --> 01:32:51,365 I would talk about the underdog a lot. 2109 01:32:53,634 --> 01:32:56,368 And I would often find myself on a soapbox 2110 01:32:56,370 --> 01:32:59,104 rambling on and on about the injustices 2111 01:32:59,106 --> 01:33:00,274 of the world. 2112 01:33:02,443 --> 01:33:04,176 Which makes you extremely popular... 2113 01:33:05,913 --> 01:33:07,479 ...especially when everybody would rather be watching 2114 01:33:07,481 --> 01:33:09,248 Beverly Hills, 90210. 2115 01:33:17,091 --> 01:33:19,091 Oh, wow. 2116 01:33:24,098 --> 01:33:25,900 Oh, boy! 2117 01:33:28,936 --> 01:33:31,537 Oh, no... 2118 01:33:31,539 --> 01:33:33,005 Yucky. 2119 01:33:35,309 --> 01:33:36,375 Oh, boy! 2120 01:33:36,377 --> 01:33:38,079 What the fuck? 2121 01:33:39,413 --> 01:33:44,383 Oh, my God! I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry this happened. 2122 01:33:44,385 --> 01:33:46,118 - You don't have to be sorry. - What do we do? 2123 01:33:46,120 --> 01:33:48,120 This is what everyone was afraid was gonna happen, 2124 01:33:48,122 --> 01:33:49,188 because of me. 2125 01:33:49,190 --> 01:33:50,623 And now it's happening because of me. 2126 01:33:50,625 --> 01:33:51,924 - Do I get a publicist? - No. 2127 01:33:51,926 --> 01:33:53,158 - Do I do a publicity tour? - Stop. 2128 01:33:53,160 --> 01:33:54,326 Do we have a press conference? 2129 01:33:54,328 --> 01:33:57,298 Fred, listen to me. I took the deal. 2130 01:33:58,933 --> 01:33:59,998 What? 2131 01:34:00,000 --> 01:34:01,333 We scratched the tree thing 2132 01:34:01,335 --> 01:34:03,936 and I have a real shot at becoming president. 2133 01:34:03,938 --> 01:34:09,041 And some billionaire motherfucker 2134 01:34:09,043 --> 01:34:12,978 gets to blackmail you? Using me? 2135 01:34:12,980 --> 01:34:15,247 Doing something that everybody does? 2136 01:34:15,249 --> 01:34:17,249 Out of a policy that you cared about, 2137 01:34:17,251 --> 01:34:18,718 since you were in middle school. 2138 01:34:18,720 --> 01:34:20,452 Since I've known you, you've cared about this. 2139 01:34:20,454 --> 01:34:22,054 And now you're just gonna get rid of it? 2140 01:34:22,056 --> 01:34:26,258 I'm trying to compromise here for a bigger goal. 2141 01:34:26,260 --> 01:34:27,393 Well, I don't think you should right now. 2142 01:34:27,395 --> 01:34:28,495 Oh, my God! 2143 01:34:28,497 --> 01:34:30,095 Of course you don't think I should. 2144 01:34:30,097 --> 01:34:32,097 You never compromise for anything in your life, 2145 01:34:32,099 --> 01:34:33,733 which gives you the perfect excuse to fail. 2146 01:34:33,735 --> 01:34:36,636 Well, it's better than maybe bending over backwards 2147 01:34:36,638 --> 01:34:38,103 for anyone who asked, 2148 01:34:38,105 --> 01:34:39,539 to the point that you don't even know 2149 01:34:39,541 --> 01:34:41,140 why the fuck you're doing this shit anymore! 2150 01:34:41,142 --> 01:34:42,742 In my world, in order to achieve 2151 01:34:42,744 --> 01:34:44,677 what I'm trying to achieve, I have to compromise. 2152 01:34:44,679 --> 01:34:45,745 Oh, why, because you're a woman? 2153 01:34:45,747 --> 01:34:47,146 Yeah, motherfucker. 2154 01:34:47,148 --> 01:34:48,381 Okay, that makes sense. 2155 01:34:48,383 --> 01:34:50,983 And because I'm not giving up everything I've ever wanted 2156 01:34:50,985 --> 01:34:53,285 just because it doesn't live up to your moral code. 2157 01:34:53,287 --> 01:34:55,555 I don't care if this tape comes out. I really don't. 2158 01:34:55,557 --> 01:34:57,590 - Oh, my God, Fred. - I'll be okay. 2159 01:34:57,592 --> 01:34:59,461 You don't have to do this for me. 2160 01:35:01,496 --> 01:35:03,365 You're not doing this for me. 2161 01:35:04,566 --> 01:35:06,098 Obviously. 2162 01:35:06,100 --> 01:35:10,035 Look, you and I both know 2163 01:35:10,037 --> 01:35:12,004 the woman who stands beside the guy 2164 01:35:12,006 --> 01:35:14,340 that's coming on his face gets way more scrutiny 2165 01:35:14,342 --> 01:35:17,343 than the guy who's actually coming on his face. 2166 01:35:17,345 --> 01:35:19,111 Don't know if that's happened enough 2167 01:35:19,113 --> 01:35:20,680 for there to be, like, a precedent for it. 2168 01:35:20,682 --> 01:35:23,383 So, who knows? Maybe that won't be the case this time. 2169 01:35:23,385 --> 01:35:25,185 Who knows? Maybe people will think it's romantic. 2170 01:35:25,187 --> 01:35:26,719 I'm jerking... I'm jerking off to you. 2171 01:35:26,721 --> 01:35:28,354 You don't know how people are gonna react. 2172 01:35:28,356 --> 01:35:30,358 I'm not taking that risk. 2173 01:35:34,329 --> 01:35:35,397 I can't do it. 2174 01:35:36,798 --> 01:35:38,266 Okay. 2175 01:35:44,339 --> 01:35:48,210 So the video doesn't come out, what happens to us? 2176 01:35:53,548 --> 01:35:57,717 I was talking to Maggie, and she knows 2177 01:35:57,719 --> 01:36:00,186 this consultant who could scrub your history. 2178 01:36:00,188 --> 01:36:01,721 We could make sure nothing else like this 2179 01:36:01,723 --> 01:36:04,092 pops up and surprises us. 2180 01:36:04,626 --> 01:36:05,792 And then we just... 2181 01:36:05,794 --> 01:36:07,227 We work on your image, 2182 01:36:07,229 --> 01:36:09,162 and we figure out how we want to 2183 01:36:09,164 --> 01:36:11,631 present ourselves as a couple to the public. 2184 01:36:11,633 --> 01:36:12,767 That's all. 2185 01:36:18,073 --> 01:36:20,206 - Okay. - Okay. 2186 01:36:20,208 --> 01:36:21,374 How long... How long will it take, 2187 01:36:21,376 --> 01:36:24,344 do you think, to create 2188 01:36:24,346 --> 01:36:27,247 an image of me that we can present to the public? 2189 01:36:27,249 --> 01:36:30,818 Just through the first couple months of the campaign. 2190 01:36:30,820 --> 01:36:33,386 You think? But you don't know that, right? 2191 01:36:33,388 --> 01:36:34,687 It could take longer than that. 2192 01:36:34,689 --> 01:36:37,090 In a couple of months, you could find that it's not a good moment 2193 01:36:37,092 --> 01:36:39,626 to introduce a new boyfriend, right? 2194 01:36:39,628 --> 01:36:41,829 And then we'd have to wait a couple more months. 2195 01:36:41,831 --> 01:36:44,432 I don't know how long it's gonna take, Fred. 2196 01:36:45,300 --> 01:36:47,567 And then meanwhile, 2197 01:36:47,569 --> 01:36:49,471 you're pretending not to date me. 2198 01:36:50,639 --> 01:36:53,506 And you're scrubbing my Internet history? 2199 01:36:53,508 --> 01:36:55,275 So my articles are gone. 2200 01:36:55,277 --> 01:36:57,210 And you, like, sneak me around 2201 01:36:57,212 --> 01:36:59,178 like I'm Marilyn Monroe and you're JFK? 2202 01:36:59,180 --> 01:37:00,346 Is that what we're talking about? 2203 01:37:00,348 --> 01:37:03,483 I just want to be clear, that's what we're talking about. 2204 01:37:03,485 --> 01:37:05,821 And we have to do that because I'm... 2205 01:37:07,355 --> 01:37:08,523 ...not right. 2206 01:37:10,358 --> 01:37:13,126 And then once we present us to the world, 2207 01:37:13,128 --> 01:37:17,667 we present a version of me that isn't... actually me? 2208 01:37:21,369 --> 01:37:22,437 Yeah. 2209 01:37:31,814 --> 01:37:33,248 I can't do it. 2210 01:37:35,383 --> 01:37:37,484 I wish 2211 01:37:37,486 --> 01:37:40,590 that I was the type of person that could, but I can't. 2212 01:37:49,765 --> 01:37:51,366 You don't have to do it. 2213 01:38:12,488 --> 01:38:14,488 Don't know what the fuck I was thinking. 2214 01:38:14,490 --> 01:38:18,425 Why the fuck I thought someone like her 2215 01:38:18,427 --> 01:38:20,259 and someone like me could work? 2216 01:38:20,261 --> 01:38:23,397 She's a fucking politician. Like, I don't even know her. 2217 01:38:23,399 --> 01:38:25,966 Like, I don't know who she is. 2218 01:38:25,968 --> 01:38:28,936 She has no moral compass. 2219 01:38:28,938 --> 01:38:31,605 She's working with fucking Democrats one day, 2220 01:38:31,607 --> 01:38:33,240 Republicans the next fucking day. 2221 01:38:33,242 --> 01:38:34,308 I mean, what's wrong with working 2222 01:38:34,310 --> 01:38:35,676 with Democrats and Republicans? 2223 01:38:35,678 --> 01:38:37,411 That's... That's the whole country. 2224 01:38:37,413 --> 01:38:40,614 Uh, yeah, except fuck Republicans, 2225 01:38:40,616 --> 01:38:42,282 I guess is the problem with that. 2226 01:38:42,284 --> 01:38:45,686 Speaking as an American, shouldn't you see both sides? 2227 01:38:45,688 --> 01:38:48,489 Yeah. I see one side's fucking wrong. 2228 01:38:48,491 --> 01:38:50,991 What's the problem here? 2229 01:38:50,993 --> 01:38:52,660 I'm a Republican. 2230 01:38:52,662 --> 01:38:54,428 You're fucking joking right now. 2231 01:38:54,430 --> 01:38:57,631 Member of the GOP! Yeah, you know me. 2232 01:38:57,633 --> 01:38:58,966 You're a Republican. 2233 01:38:58,968 --> 01:38:59,867 Yeah, I'm a Republican! 2234 01:38:59,869 --> 01:39:02,336 The shit has worked out so far for me. 2235 01:39:02,338 --> 01:39:03,904 What the fuck, man? 2236 01:39:03,906 --> 01:39:05,439 All that shit you're always saying to me! 2237 01:39:05,441 --> 01:39:06,640 - Yeah. - Pull yourself up 2238 01:39:06,642 --> 01:39:09,309 by your bootstraps. And being in charge of your own destiny. 2239 01:39:09,311 --> 01:39:11,545 - Republican shit. - Oh, and it worked on me. 2240 01:39:11,547 --> 01:39:13,280 And it works on a lot of people. 2241 01:39:13,282 --> 01:39:14,448 Oh, that's fucking sick. 2242 01:39:14,450 --> 01:39:15,549 That's right. 2243 01:39:15,551 --> 01:39:16,917 Ugh! That's gross! 2244 01:39:16,919 --> 01:39:18,852 That Republican shit, you put it in my brain 2245 01:39:18,854 --> 01:39:20,954 and it made me feel good. That's fucked up, man! 2246 01:39:20,956 --> 01:39:22,423 Come on. See, this is what I'm talking about, 2247 01:39:22,425 --> 01:39:23,524 your negative way of thinking. 2248 01:39:23,526 --> 01:39:24,792 I don't even know you! 2249 01:39:24,794 --> 01:39:25,659 - What do you mean? - Ugh! 2250 01:39:25,661 --> 01:39:27,261 I'm the same dude from two minutes ago. 2251 01:39:27,263 --> 01:39:28,328 Your best friend. 2252 01:39:28,330 --> 01:39:29,563 Why'd you never tell me this? 2253 01:39:29,565 --> 01:39:31,699 'Cause I knew you'd act exactly how you're acting right now. 2254 01:39:31,701 --> 01:39:33,367 Wait a minute. 2255 01:39:33,369 --> 01:39:35,869 You're always talking about how, like, the universe has a plan for all of us... 2256 01:39:35,871 --> 01:39:36,837 Take it easy. 2257 01:39:36,839 --> 01:39:38,772 There's someone watching over us at all times. 2258 01:39:38,774 --> 01:39:40,741 - Yeah. - Does that mean... 2259 01:39:40,743 --> 01:39:41,878 I'm a man of Christian faith. 2260 01:39:42,478 --> 01:39:44,511 What the fuck! 2261 01:39:44,513 --> 01:39:46,014 Now, come on now! We pray for you! 2262 01:39:46,016 --> 01:39:47,514 Don't pray for me! Keep it! 2263 01:39:47,516 --> 01:39:49,583 - Lord. - Oh, stop it. Ignore him, God! 2264 01:39:49,585 --> 01:39:51,552 - He doesn't mean that. - Don't pray for me! 2265 01:39:51,554 --> 01:39:52,720 You are trippin' right now. 2266 01:39:52,722 --> 01:39:53,787 I'm not fucking trippin'! How could you be Christian? 2267 01:39:53,789 --> 01:39:58,492 I wear this cross, every day, since you've known me! 2268 01:39:58,494 --> 01:39:59,660 What did you think it was for? 2269 01:39:59,662 --> 01:40:02,063 I thought it was... 2270 01:40:02,065 --> 01:40:03,630 ...a cultural thing. 2271 01:40:03,632 --> 01:40:05,367 You mean like, 'cause I'm black? 2272 01:40:06,702 --> 01:40:07,838 That's what I thought, yeah. 2273 01:40:08,504 --> 01:40:09,570 That might be. 2274 01:40:09,572 --> 01:40:11,806 But that don't mean what you said ain't racist. 2275 01:40:11,808 --> 01:40:13,875 - You're right. - Yeah, I know I'm right! 2276 01:40:13,877 --> 01:40:15,542 - Fuck. - That's racist as shit! 2277 01:40:15,544 --> 01:40:16,778 All right, dude... 2278 01:40:16,780 --> 01:40:18,645 I love you, man. 2279 01:40:18,647 --> 01:40:21,648 But you're very judgmental. They don't want politics 2280 01:40:21,650 --> 01:40:23,785 to get into this, because you've never really 2281 01:40:23,787 --> 01:40:25,586 been good at looking at shit 2282 01:40:25,588 --> 01:40:27,454 from other people's perspective, Fred. 2283 01:40:27,456 --> 01:40:28,890 - I know. - It might explain 2284 01:40:28,892 --> 01:40:31,626 why you haven't been able to look at this through Charlotte's eyes. 2285 01:40:31,628 --> 01:40:32,694 I'm sorry. 2286 01:40:32,696 --> 01:40:34,629 I'm sorry you couldn't be who you are around me, 2287 01:40:34,631 --> 01:40:37,031 and you had to hide your true self. 2288 01:40:37,033 --> 01:40:38,365 That's really fucked up. 2289 01:40:38,367 --> 01:40:39,433 That's all right, man. 2290 01:40:39,435 --> 01:40:43,370 But my love for the GOP and the G-O-D 2291 01:40:43,372 --> 01:40:45,106 has nothing to do with us. 2292 01:40:45,108 --> 01:40:47,041 I'm racist. You're a Republican. 2293 01:40:47,043 --> 01:40:49,476 I don't know what the fuck's going on. 2294 01:40:50,847 --> 01:40:53,014 Polls suggested I should get into yoga, 2295 01:40:53,016 --> 01:40:54,716 which I did and it turns out, 2296 01:40:54,718 --> 01:40:56,017 I don't really like yoga. 2297 01:40:56,019 --> 01:40:59,487 Don't you sometimes just wish you could say, 2298 01:40:59,489 --> 01:41:00,688 "Fuck the polls"? 2299 01:41:00,690 --> 01:41:05,994 Well, polls say that people find my laugh unattractive. 2300 01:41:05,996 --> 01:41:07,796 So I shouldn't laugh in public. 2301 01:41:07,798 --> 01:41:08,930 That was a bit of a bummer, 2302 01:41:08,932 --> 01:41:11,432 because I really, I like to laugh. 2303 01:41:11,434 --> 01:41:12,867 - A lot. - Hmm. 2304 01:41:12,869 --> 01:41:15,003 Um, but we came up with another laugh 2305 01:41:15,005 --> 01:41:16,738 that was better. That's more, uh... 2306 01:41:16,740 --> 01:41:18,573 - Presidential, I guess. - Hmm. 2307 01:41:20,110 --> 01:41:21,109 That's good. 2308 01:41:21,111 --> 01:41:22,744 It's a lot of teeth and not too much sound. 2309 01:41:22,746 --> 01:41:25,413 - Yeah. - Mmm. 2310 01:41:25,415 --> 01:41:27,582 So, um, after dinner, 2311 01:41:27,584 --> 01:41:29,150 how about we go for a drink somewhere? 2312 01:41:29,152 --> 01:41:30,418 Ooh. 2313 01:41:30,420 --> 01:41:33,588 I know this great little place that's not too far from here. 2314 01:41:33,590 --> 01:41:35,924 It's called Mini Bar. 2315 01:41:35,926 --> 01:41:40,128 It's quite exclusive, you need a little key to access it. 2316 01:41:40,130 --> 01:41:44,432 And you get charged as you remove the bottle. 2317 01:41:44,434 --> 01:41:46,034 - Hmm. - It's actually more of 2318 01:41:46,036 --> 01:41:47,769 a small fridge than a bar. 2319 01:41:47,771 --> 01:41:49,637 - And it's in my room... - No, I get it. 2320 01:41:49,639 --> 01:41:51,072 I'm inviting you back to my room. 2321 01:41:51,074 --> 01:41:53,743 I... 2322 01:41:55,745 --> 01:41:57,812 - That was my real laugh. - Mmm! 2323 01:41:57,814 --> 01:41:58,947 I don't know why 2324 01:41:58,949 --> 01:42:01,351 they told you not to use that laugh. 2325 01:42:02,752 --> 01:42:03,887 It's... 2326 01:42:10,694 --> 01:42:12,594 Big day tomorrow, Madam Secretary. 2327 01:42:14,965 --> 01:42:16,833 Yeah. Big day. 2328 01:42:36,853 --> 01:42:39,156 Okay. "Hey, it's Fred." 2329 01:43:02,579 --> 01:43:03,647 Hello? 2330 01:43:05,249 --> 01:43:06,849 Beep. 2331 01:43:06,851 --> 01:43:09,186 Oh, uh, guess I got your voicemail. Um, hi. 2332 01:43:10,021 --> 01:43:12,254 It's Fred. 2333 01:43:12,256 --> 01:43:15,723 I guess I wanna start by saying I'm really sorry. 2334 01:43:15,725 --> 01:43:17,826 You were right about everything 2335 01:43:17,828 --> 01:43:19,931 and I was wrong about everything. 2336 01:43:21,631 --> 01:43:26,001 And we should go along with the plan. 2337 01:43:26,003 --> 01:43:29,639 I can be Marilyn. I can be your Marilyn. 2338 01:43:30,607 --> 01:43:32,107 I'd rather be your Lady Bird, 2339 01:43:32,109 --> 01:43:35,713 because, you know, LBJ put a ring on that finger. 2340 01:43:37,647 --> 01:43:41,050 But I would do anything to continue, 2341 01:43:41,052 --> 01:43:42,753 to be able to be with you. 2342 01:43:46,589 --> 01:43:47,758 Okay, bye. 2343 01:44:02,106 --> 01:44:03,839 So, we're losing the trees, huh? 2344 01:44:03,841 --> 01:44:06,775 Yeah. POTUS talked me out of it. 2345 01:44:06,777 --> 01:44:09,044 I know that meant a lot to you. I'm so sorry. 2346 01:44:09,046 --> 01:44:10,913 Hmm, nothing we can do about it. 2347 01:44:10,915 --> 01:44:12,314 We need his endorsement. 2348 01:44:12,316 --> 01:44:14,652 - Yep. - Yep. 2349 01:44:17,321 --> 01:44:19,757 And I am sorry about you and Fred. 2350 01:44:22,893 --> 01:44:26,061 You know, he called last night. 2351 01:44:26,063 --> 01:44:28,197 He said he'd do it, he'd go along with the plan. 2352 01:44:28,199 --> 01:44:31,600 Really? Wow. 2353 01:44:31,602 --> 01:44:33,704 That's a shock. 2354 01:44:35,139 --> 01:44:38,874 Um... Okay. 2355 01:44:38,876 --> 01:44:40,275 I'll... I'll start to make arrangements. 2356 01:44:40,277 --> 01:44:41,278 No, Maggie. 2357 01:44:42,146 --> 01:44:43,746 There's nothing to do. 2358 01:44:43,748 --> 01:44:45,716 At the end of the day, it was never gonna work. 2359 01:44:48,619 --> 01:44:51,787 Well, today is such a good day, 2360 01:44:51,789 --> 01:44:53,756 and I am so excited. 2361 01:44:53,758 --> 01:44:55,224 We should be psyched. 2362 01:44:55,226 --> 01:44:57,826 So psyched. 2363 01:44:57,828 --> 01:44:59,962 All right, I will see you out there. 2364 01:44:59,964 --> 01:45:01,032 All right. 2365 01:45:20,218 --> 01:45:21,585 Hey, man. 2366 01:45:22,254 --> 01:45:23,321 Can I get a beer? 2367 01:45:24,922 --> 01:45:28,090 - Thanks for coming. - No problem, bro. 2368 01:45:28,092 --> 01:45:30,726 How you feelin' though? 2369 01:45:30,728 --> 01:45:32,761 Okay, you know, you were right. 2370 01:45:32,763 --> 01:45:33,962 I called her. 2371 01:45:33,964 --> 01:45:35,798 I left a message. She didn't call me back. 2372 01:45:35,800 --> 01:45:37,833 So... Whatever. 2373 01:45:37,835 --> 01:45:39,171 Sure you wanna watch this? 2374 01:45:40,138 --> 01:45:41,572 Yeah, I have to. 2375 01:45:43,841 --> 01:45:46,409 Madam Secretary, I'd like to introduce you 2376 01:45:46,411 --> 01:45:47,343 to Lil Yachty. 2377 01:45:47,345 --> 01:45:49,245 He's going to be performing after the speech. 2378 01:45:49,247 --> 01:45:50,779 Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Yachty. 2379 01:45:50,781 --> 01:45:53,116 I'm a big-ass fan. I'm so excited to vote for you. 2380 01:45:53,118 --> 01:45:55,187 - I'm sorry, it's game time. - Okay. 2381 01:46:13,238 --> 01:46:14,938 Good morning! 2382 01:46:14,940 --> 01:46:17,909 Thank you, everyone, for being here with me today. 2383 01:46:19,177 --> 01:46:20,776 Let me start by saying something 2384 01:46:20,778 --> 01:46:23,146 I haven't said since I was 16 2385 01:46:23,148 --> 01:46:25,215 and worked at Blockbuster Video. 2386 01:46:27,452 --> 01:46:28,750 I quit... 2387 01:46:28,752 --> 01:46:30,887 I helped write that joke. 2388 01:46:30,889 --> 01:46:32,088 Oh, yeah? That's a good joke. 2389 01:46:32,090 --> 01:46:34,190 ...as secretary of state, 2390 01:46:34,192 --> 01:46:35,825 in order to run 2391 01:46:35,827 --> 01:46:38,995 for president of the United States of America. 2392 01:46:42,200 --> 01:46:44,136 God bless. 2393 01:46:46,972 --> 01:46:49,472 And I'm honored 2394 01:46:49,474 --> 01:46:53,209 to have the full support of President Chambers, 2395 01:46:53,211 --> 01:46:55,912 a man I greatly admire. 2396 01:46:55,914 --> 01:46:59,282 A man who is an extraordinary leader. 2397 01:46:59,284 --> 01:47:01,153 Man, you know who you should date? 2398 01:47:02,354 --> 01:47:03,889 Taylor Swift. 2399 01:47:05,056 --> 01:47:07,056 Hell, yeah. I could see that. 2400 01:47:07,058 --> 01:47:10,994 Why... Why do you think I could date Taylor Swift? 2401 01:47:10,996 --> 01:47:12,795 Fred, you were dating Charlotte Field. 2402 01:47:12,797 --> 01:47:14,297 That's the most powerful woman on Earth! 2403 01:47:14,299 --> 01:47:15,832 Oh, I get it. 2404 01:47:15,834 --> 01:47:17,936 I don't know what me and Taylor Swift have in common. 2405 01:47:19,171 --> 01:47:23,106 Y'all white. Ya ain't got a care in the world. 2406 01:47:23,108 --> 01:47:24,340 That's true. 2407 01:47:24,342 --> 01:47:26,311 But this campaign is not about me. 2408 01:47:27,012 --> 01:47:28,845 It's about you. 2409 01:47:28,847 --> 01:47:30,079 It's about us. 2410 01:47:31,283 --> 01:47:32,882 It's about how together, 2411 01:47:32,884 --> 01:47:36,953 we can build the future our fellow Americans deserve. 2412 01:47:40,058 --> 01:47:43,026 I have dreamt about this moment 2413 01:47:43,028 --> 01:47:45,261 ever since I was a little girl 2414 01:47:45,263 --> 01:47:47,365 growing up in the nation's capital. 2415 01:47:50,001 --> 01:47:53,537 And I know that if that young girl 2416 01:47:53,539 --> 01:47:57,008 could see me standing up here right now... 2417 01:48:02,314 --> 01:48:04,983 She would be so... 2418 01:48:08,220 --> 01:48:09,921 She would be... 2419 01:48:16,362 --> 01:48:17,496 What's happening? 2420 01:48:19,097 --> 01:48:22,734 She... She would be so disappointed in me, actually. 2421 01:48:24,437 --> 01:48:27,971 Yeah, the truth is, that girl 2422 01:48:27,973 --> 01:48:29,172 would want me to be honest 2423 01:48:29,174 --> 01:48:31,841 and have integrity and not be 2424 01:48:31,843 --> 01:48:35,248 blackmailed by evil people with evil agendas. 2425 01:48:37,483 --> 01:48:39,316 So instead, I'm just gonna... 2426 01:48:39,318 --> 01:48:42,453 I'm just gonna tell the truth, and whatever happens, happens. 2427 01:48:42,455 --> 01:48:44,421 So here we go. 2428 01:48:44,423 --> 01:48:48,091 Parker Wembley and our dumb-fuck president... 2429 01:48:48,093 --> 01:48:49,393 Whoo! 2430 01:48:49,395 --> 01:48:50,594 ...are doing some evil shit together. 2431 01:48:50,596 --> 01:48:52,329 And because I just told you now, 2432 01:48:52,331 --> 01:48:55,932 they're going to release a video of a guy I dated 2433 01:48:55,934 --> 01:48:58,269 jerking off all over himself. 2434 01:48:58,271 --> 01:48:59,270 Release the video. 2435 01:48:59,272 --> 01:49:01,338 Get the fucking thing online. Get it online! 2436 01:49:01,340 --> 01:49:03,842 But don't slut shame me. I... 2437 01:49:05,144 --> 01:49:06,212 I like him. 2438 01:49:06,945 --> 01:49:08,512 I like him a lot. 2439 01:49:08,514 --> 01:49:10,516 Fred, you gotta go to her. 2440 01:49:12,618 --> 01:49:14,884 Go get her ass, man. 2441 01:49:14,886 --> 01:49:16,222 And he jerks off. 2442 01:49:18,557 --> 01:49:20,624 And so do all of you. 2443 01:49:20,626 --> 01:49:21,891 Hell, yeah! 2444 01:49:21,893 --> 01:49:24,094 So deal with it. 2445 01:49:24,096 --> 01:49:25,564 Deal with it, America. 2446 01:49:34,507 --> 01:49:36,540 Hey! I'm Fred! 2447 01:49:36,542 --> 01:49:38,208 Is that an XL? 2448 01:49:38,210 --> 01:49:39,476 I've got five stars in it, 2449 01:49:39,478 --> 01:49:40,978 if you could speed this shit up, man! 2450 01:49:40,980 --> 01:49:42,313 We'll give you extra tip, real tip. 2451 01:49:42,315 --> 01:49:43,647 Not Uber tip! Cash tip! 2452 01:49:43,649 --> 01:49:46,018 Get back! Get back! 2453 01:49:49,088 --> 01:49:51,190 - Where are we going? - I don't know. 2454 01:49:55,127 --> 01:49:56,393 She's leaving? Where is she going? 2455 01:49:56,395 --> 01:49:58,195 Shit, I don't know. This isn't on the itinerary. 2456 01:49:58,197 --> 01:50:00,364 Tom, you have to think past the itinerary! 2457 01:50:00,366 --> 01:50:01,298 I can't. 2458 01:50:01,300 --> 01:50:03,133 Fred, I just got a Wembley news alert 2459 01:50:03,135 --> 01:50:05,336 - with your name on it. - Don't open it! 2460 01:50:05,338 --> 01:50:08,038 Oh, yeah! Oh, boy! 2461 01:50:08,040 --> 01:50:09,440 Oh, Fred! 2462 01:50:09,442 --> 01:50:12,443 Oh, no. Oh, no. 2463 01:50:12,445 --> 01:50:13,644 Hey, it's all right, man. 2464 01:50:13,646 --> 01:50:15,312 You know, we all got our things. 2465 01:50:15,314 --> 01:50:17,014 I don't bust a nut on my face. 2466 01:50:17,016 --> 01:50:19,216 - But, like... - It's not like a thing I do! 2467 01:50:20,386 --> 01:50:22,219 Do you think that'll, like, go viral? 2468 01:50:22,221 --> 01:50:25,057 This is the news! 2469 01:50:25,659 --> 01:50:27,326 Oh, shit. 2470 01:50:35,267 --> 01:50:38,502 Excuse me. Move, damn it! This man is in love. 2471 01:50:38,504 --> 01:50:40,371 Secretary Field just drove away, 2472 01:50:40,373 --> 01:50:42,439 no comment as to her destination. 2473 01:50:42,441 --> 01:50:44,576 We're gonna keep tracking this story for you... 2474 01:50:44,578 --> 01:50:46,410 Yo, check it out. It's the come-guy! 2475 01:50:46,412 --> 01:50:48,112 - Yeah, that's him! - Oh, sir, 2476 01:50:48,114 --> 01:50:49,313 just a couple of questions. We're live right now. 2477 01:50:49,315 --> 01:50:52,449 No! I'm come-guy? 2478 01:50:52,451 --> 01:50:54,151 No comments at this time, thank you! Thank you! 2479 01:50:54,153 --> 01:50:55,285 Thank you! 2480 01:50:55,287 --> 01:50:57,390 Do not touch him! Do not touch him! 2481 01:51:12,138 --> 01:51:13,205 Hi. 2482 01:51:14,206 --> 01:51:15,374 Holy shit. 2483 01:51:17,477 --> 01:51:19,011 Did you see my speech? 2484 01:51:20,246 --> 01:51:22,982 Yeah. I think everyone saw it. 2485 01:51:23,450 --> 01:51:24,451 Yeah. 2486 01:51:27,253 --> 01:51:29,188 You know, your video's out there. 2487 01:51:30,089 --> 01:51:31,591 Yeah, I caught that. 2488 01:51:38,598 --> 01:51:40,567 Here's the deal. I love you. 2489 01:51:42,335 --> 01:51:44,436 I know I do. 2490 01:51:44,438 --> 01:51:47,407 Because I've never been so scared in my entire life. 2491 01:51:50,377 --> 01:51:55,080 And I once shared an elevator with Saddam Hussein. 2492 01:51:56,416 --> 01:51:58,585 Just me and Saddam. 2493 01:52:01,655 --> 01:52:03,523 And this is way scarier. 2494 01:52:06,460 --> 01:52:07,993 I love you. 2495 01:52:11,131 --> 01:52:13,598 Okay, you're really gonna have to say something right now. 2496 01:52:13,600 --> 01:52:15,202 'Cause I'm freaking out. 2497 01:52:18,070 --> 01:52:20,340 I've been in love with you since I was 12 years old. 2498 01:52:41,461 --> 01:52:42,462 Oh. 2499 01:52:44,164 --> 01:52:45,230 Hello? 2500 01:52:45,232 --> 01:52:48,299 Hey, Fred, uh, there's a million people out here 2501 01:52:48,301 --> 01:52:50,702 and they want to talk to the candidate and the come-guy. 2502 01:52:50,704 --> 01:52:52,539 So, I figured they'd hit you. 2503 01:53:13,426 --> 01:53:14,761 Fred! 2504 01:53:15,729 --> 01:53:17,264 Fred! 2505 01:53:22,569 --> 01:53:25,503 A crazy day. 2506 01:53:25,505 --> 01:53:27,740 But I'm really glad you're all here. 2507 01:53:27,742 --> 01:53:29,810 I'd like to introduce you to someone. 2508 01:53:31,177 --> 01:53:32,245 This is Fred. 2509 01:53:32,880 --> 01:53:34,147 Hi, there. 2510 01:53:35,750 --> 01:53:37,750 My boyfriend. 2511 01:53:37,752 --> 01:53:39,119 Whoo! 2512 01:53:42,422 --> 01:53:44,355 You kind of know him already, 2513 01:53:44,357 --> 01:53:46,457 but you'll get to know him a lot more 2514 01:53:46,459 --> 01:53:47,762 in the next few months... 2515 01:53:48,963 --> 01:53:51,596 'Cause he's gonna be right by my side on my campaign trail. 2516 01:54:02,242 --> 01:54:04,110 Wakanda Forever! 2517 01:54:12,319 --> 01:54:14,587 Charlotte! Charlotte! 2518 01:54:14,589 --> 01:54:17,190 Charlotte! Charlotte! 2519 01:54:18,358 --> 01:54:19,825 I started the chant! 2520 01:54:19,827 --> 01:54:21,762 I started that chant! 2521 01:54:25,499 --> 01:54:27,198 ...that I will faithfully execute 2522 01:54:27,200 --> 01:54:30,436 the office of the president of the United States. 2523 01:54:30,438 --> 01:54:31,804 What a momentous day, 2524 01:54:31,806 --> 01:54:33,304 our first female president. 2525 01:54:33,306 --> 01:54:35,239 I never thought I'd see it. 2526 01:54:35,241 --> 01:54:36,942 Well, I mean, a lot of people are gonna say 2527 01:54:36,944 --> 01:54:38,944 this is a historic moment for women everywhere, 2528 01:54:38,946 --> 01:54:41,212 but do we really want her finger on the button 2529 01:54:41,214 --> 01:54:42,548 when it's that time of the month? 2530 01:54:42,550 --> 01:54:44,416 I wouldn't want my wife making any decision 2531 01:54:44,418 --> 01:54:45,751 during that time of the month. 2532 01:54:45,753 --> 01:54:47,586 You know what? Fuck you guys. I quit. 2533 01:54:47,588 --> 01:54:49,187 Looks like it's someone's time of the month. 2534 01:54:49,189 --> 01:54:50,723 - Oh! - Looks like Aunt Flow 2535 01:54:50,725 --> 01:54:52,591 is going to work down at the Red River Casino... Oh! 2536 01:54:52,593 --> 01:54:53,826 Jesus Christ! Quick, quick, cut! 2537 01:54:53,828 --> 01:54:58,196 Hi! I'm the First Mister of the United States of America. 2538 01:54:58,198 --> 01:54:59,665 My name is Fred Field. 2539 01:54:59,667 --> 01:55:00,833 I took my wife's last name. 2540 01:55:00,835 --> 01:55:04,903 And, uh, I'm gonna give you a tour of the White House. 2541 01:55:04,905 --> 01:55:07,873 We're starting with the portraits of the first spouses. 2542 01:55:07,875 --> 01:55:09,742 Here we have Mamie Eisenhower. 2543 01:55:09,744 --> 01:55:10,809 Jackie Kennedy. 2544 01:55:10,811 --> 01:55:13,646 We have the beautiful Lady Bird Johnson's portrait. 2545 01:55:13,648 --> 01:55:16,382 And that leads us into my portrait. 2546 01:55:16,384 --> 01:55:18,651 It was painted by Todd McFarlane, 2547 01:55:18,653 --> 01:55:21,220 who created the Spawn comics, of course. 2548 01:55:21,222 --> 01:55:22,890 The first versions were a little over the top. 2549 01:55:24,625 --> 01:55:26,692 Hi, guys. 2550 01:55:26,694 --> 01:55:28,560 I used to think the best way for me to change the world, 2551 01:55:28,562 --> 01:55:30,462 to make it a better place was through journalism. 2552 01:55:30,464 --> 01:55:31,930 Then I realized that's not at all the case. 2553 01:55:31,932 --> 01:55:35,534 Really, the best thing I could be doing for the world 2554 01:55:35,536 --> 01:55:38,537 is just supporting this amazing person 2555 01:55:38,539 --> 01:55:40,339 and just trying to learn from her 2556 01:55:40,341 --> 01:55:41,874 and kinda just trying to be 2557 01:55:41,876 --> 01:55:44,410 the best first mister I can be. 2558 01:55:44,412 --> 01:55:46,979 I actually got a tattoo of the first mister insignia. 2559 01:55:46,981 --> 01:55:49,782 - He did. - There we are. 2560 01:55:49,784 --> 01:55:50,949 You're wearing mittens. 2561 01:55:50,951 --> 01:55:52,351 Got little mittens on. 2562 01:55:52,353 --> 01:55:54,853 If you think of where this tattoo started to where it ended up. 2563 01:55:54,855 --> 01:55:56,789 It really has an amazing arc to it. 2564 01:55:56,791 --> 01:55:59,725 What are some of the perks of your new roles? 2565 01:55:59,727 --> 01:56:03,029 Well, I finally get to enact my vision for America. 2566 01:56:03,031 --> 01:56:05,264 I finally got to find out who killed Kennedy. 2567 01:56:05,266 --> 01:56:06,498 - Oh, my God. Don't you dare. - I won't say. 2568 01:56:06,500 --> 01:56:07,666 - Don't. - I won't say. 2569 01:56:07,668 --> 01:56:08,767 Fred, I'm not kidding around. 2570 01:56:08,769 --> 01:56:09,835 It's not who you think! 2571 01:56:09,837 --> 01:56:11,370 Don't do it. 2572 01:56:11,372 --> 01:56:12,440 It's pretty surprising. 2573 01:56:13,374 --> 01:56:14,873 He's my Mister. 2574 01:56:14,875 --> 01:56:17,511 I'm her Mister. And she's my president. 2575 01:56:20,549 --> 01:56:25,549 187161

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