Original subtitles

Hawkeye: In a world where hungry beasts

Lurk in the shadows,

One man will risk everything for the fate of his stomach.

Rye, tomatoes, pickles, beansprouts,

Peanut butter, ham, turkey, swiss, mustard.

Ah, now before hulk or thor can catch a whiff...

Voila! A sandwich assembled.

Mmm. Ah, perfect sandwich.

Jarvis: Sir, a dangerous projectile has entered earth's atmosphere.

Hey, jarvis? Perfect sandwich.

Impressive. Perhaps the sandwich would like to save the city.

(moans)

All right, projectile. You got my attention. Stinks to be you.

Jarvis: Warning. Target identified as friendly.

Uh, check your dictionary app, jarv.

Great balls of fire are not friendly.

(sirens blaring) oh, changing the play from shoot to catch.

Sir, I would not recommend this particular course of action.

Don't worry, I can catch as well as I can shoot.

(siren beeping)

Ugh!

That's what I do. Perfect sandwich, perfect landing.

Tony will pay for that.

(groaning)

So are you going to say thank you, or just lie there looking green, hulk?

(groans) hulk? What?

Who hulk?

Uh, eight feet tall, attitude problem, has a thing for smashing.

Huh?

Wait, are you serious?

Can't remember anything except...

World's gonna end.

Whoa! (crashes)

Perfect. (coughs)

I'm no expert, but it looks like he took a serious shot to the head.

Hence the amnesia and the bruising.

And what's strong enough to smack the hulk across the sky like that?

Nothing. Which is a very scary thought.

Being covered in hulk, that's a very scary thought.

(sniffs)

Does stark own an air-freshener factory?

No, but I'll build you one for each armpit.

How's the patient?

A ghost! (crashing)

What's your name?

Okay, then.

Where are you? This is important.

I know, that's why we're holo-chatting...

While I save a japanese oil-tanker from sinking.

What do we know? Hulk has retrograde amnesia.

Doesn't even sound like the hulk.

The only thing he seems sure of is...

The world is gonna end!

If I had a dollar for every time I heard that one,

I'd be even richer.

Now about that storm,

I'm getting weird readings on it.

It's unlike anything I've ever seen. (grunts)

Need backup? Not yet.

I'll play storm chaser while you guys try and jog hulk's memory.

Try his room. It couldn't hurt, right?

He really keeps the place clean, doesn't he?

And so purdy.

(growls)

Not that there's anything wrong with clean and purdy.

Whoa!

Remember anything yet, big fella?

Maybe. Bird-face is new,

Joke-man not funny,

Flag-man name is... Flag-man?

Progress... Except I'm hilarious.

This isn't working. We need to retrace hulk's steps.

Figure out where he was. What hit him.

Do any of you know what he does with his day?

You mean besides smashing? Nope.

(groaning)

I didn't scan any internal injuries.

Maybe it's gamma-gas?

Oh, please be wrong. Be so wrong.

Hey.

It's a receipt for... (chuckles) oh, man.

You are not going to believe where it's from.

I'm the hulk, right? Why is that a surprise?

Your temper doesn't always mix with competitive sports.

I have a temper?

You got some nerve showing your mug here, you big, green, dope.

This is the end of the world!

(grunts)

The thing? The thing.

Fighting the hulk? Yeah, it's as bad as you think.

(growling)

Don't hit me, rock-face. I have a head injury, and maybe a temper!

Temper? You want to see a temper?

(growls)

(both yelling)

Enough! We don't have time for this, ben.

Hulk's lost his memory.

Yeah, we'll give me a second and I'll pound it back into him.

He said the world's in danger.

We need to know what happened here.

(grunts) okay.

Hulk and me was gonna roll a nice civilized game, like every week.

You guys are bowling buddies?

Not anymore. I mean, look at this place!

Do you know how hard it is finding size 47 bowling shoes?

Huh? Yancy street lanes was it!

Which is weirder? That the hulk bowls, or that he wears shoes?

So we was having a nice time, right?

But then hulk accused me of cheating.

(buzzer sounding) for the record, I never stepped over the line.

Things kind of developed from there.

Insults were exchanged, punches were thrown. You know, the usual.

Totally civilized.

Until this yahoo busts a gas main

Without so much as a "sorry I busted your gas main."

I mean, it's like the end of the world, here.

What am I gonna do on Wednesday nights?

The end of the world. Tony can make this right.

Right?

(beeping)

It's crisis time, guys.

This storm's even worse than I thought.

I'm reading worldwide seismic activity, tidal shifts.

Very big, very bad stuff.

Hulk may have been onto something.

Figure out what he was talking about asap.

This is one of those times I really wish I knew the hulk better.

No kidding. He must have been somewhere important today.

So, what, you clobbered the hulk and gave him that bruise?

I wish. I didn't get a chance.

He took off with his red and blue pajama pal, webhead,

Just before the place went up.

What's a webhead?

Spider-man: Hot dog!

Get your friendly, neighborhood hot dogs.

No charge for extra webbing.

The avengers? Yes!

This is so the end of the world. I'm guessing it's so not.

Dude, I have this spanish final I have to study for and...

I... I mean, s.H.I.E.L.D. Field tactical test thing...

In espanol. So can you take over?

Take over what?

Paying for the hulk's lunch.

(stomach grumbles)

(farts) oh, excuse me.

He didn't tell you? I just got my allowance, uh, s.H.I.E.L.D. Pay.

And I heard a ruckus on yancy street.

Turns out to be my green pal looking blue, so I ask for the deets.

He was pretty mad. Something about cheating and smashing.

So I invite him to talk it out

Over some dirty water dogs instead.

Well, apparently when the hulk sulks, he eats meats.

(chuckles) rhymes.

Spidey, please.

He ate, like, every hot dog in midtown.

And then he took off without paying.

So here I am, your friendly, neighborhood, spider-man

Trying to make good, when I should be practicing,

"donde esta la biblioteca?"

For... S.H.I.E.L.D.

Webhead is funny.

So, that's it? No battle?

Nothing end-of-the-worldy happened?

No, it was all hot dogs and rainbows. Literally.

You didn't catch the rainbow when you flew in?

Falcon: No. No, we did not.

Rainbow!

(grunts)

Oh, that's what he did the last time!

Come back here and sell these wieners!

Follow him! But... (stammers) hot dogs!

Perro caliente?

(sighs)

Readings indicate it's a portal of some kind.

Then take us in.

(sirens beeping) this might have been a bad idea.

(all shouting)

Gotta pull up, or the world's gonna end sooner than we think.

I hate this day so much!

(grunting)

Hulk is strong. You're welcome!

(grunting)

We gonna tell tony about this?

No, we are not.

It looks like candy!

Oh.

Have you ever seen this side of the hulk?

No. And I'm not sure if it's adorable or really disturbing.

Maybe an explosive arrow will knock his memory back.

Not here!

Okay. Just a joke.

Funny man, remember? What is this place?

Man: Hail, friend hulk.

Back so soon?

The '70s called. They want their suntan back.

Stow it, hawkeye. His name's glorian.

A very respected, very powerful, inter-dimensional craftsman.

There's a file on him at avengers tower.

You guys don't read the files?

We gotta get you a hobby, cap.

Reading files is my hobby.

Welcome to my humble home, mighty avengers.

I am the galaxy's greatest builder.

He, its greatest smasher.

We appreciate each other's talents.

Why, he was just here earlier today,

Regaling me with tales of smashing.

You seem perplexed.

He did confide that some of you are simple-minded.

He said what?

Glorian, sorry to rush this, but hulk lost his memory

Sometime after he was here.

We think he discovered something dangerous after he left you.

How could he forget all this?

Hulk, you came here for the new statuette I promised.

The glass figurines in his room.

Long way to go for a collection.

Hulk was admiring the piece when your viking comrade arrived.

Wait, thor was here?

Bit of a barbarian.

Droned on about your efforts to determine who is stronger.

Hulk, this is important, where is thor now?

Ugh, I... I... Ooh. (stomach rumbling)

I don't feel so good.

After a thousand hot dogs, I wonder why.

(vomiting)

Ew! All over the nice man's crystal cabana?

(vomits)

(moaning)

Falcon: Um, guys, you should look at this.

Hawkeye: No, we really, really shouldn't.

Falcon: That ain't no hot dog.

(growling)

Tell me I'm seeing this.

We're in a disco neon crystal rainbow palace

Where the hulk's being attacked by his own yack?

Affirmative. Just when you think you know a guy.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go hurl.

(grunting) captain america: It's growing.

(grunts)

Stop it! Hulk not remember this place,

But it's too pretty to get smashed.

Pretty?

(grunting)

(laughs)

(panting)

Sorry for the mess.

All: Sorry?

Worry not, friend hulk.

It is an honor to have my home smashed by someone of your stature.

You, sir, are a virtuoso.

Iron man: Avengers, where are you?

I can't find you on any scanners.

Iron man, we finally have a lead on hulk's world-ending threat.

I think... Iron man: Look, meet me at the tower. Now.

Bye, glowy-man.

Until we next meet, friend hulk.

Truly a master of disaster.

You have some interesting friends, hulk.

I bet I have a lot of friends you don't know about.

(grunts) well, I'm not telling him.

Hulk: I told you. End of the world.

I think I liked it better when you just said, "hulk smash."

You guys have fun joyriding through alternate dimensions?

We've been reconstructing hulk's day

To figure out what beat the snot out of him.

Not this. I ate this.

Just didn't stay ate.

(whirring)

Jarvis: Sir, my scan of the creature

Has detected microscopic traces of lunar dust.

Lunar? Jarvis, 3d the hulk's shiner.

Now invert the impression.

It isn't a bruise from a fist. It's from a hammer.

Mjolnir.

That's a funny word, mjolnir.

(laughs) mjolnir!

So thor hit the hulk hard enough to give him amnesia?

Well, if you're gonna hit the hulk, you don't want him to remember it.

Here's what happened, I was sniffing around these seismic anomalies,

And guess who decided it was playtime?

Thor and the green guy were arguing over who's stronger, which never gets old,

While I was trying to work. (crashing)

So I told them to leave the tower and fight somewhere else.

Anywhere else.

My exact words were,

"you two want to beat each other to a pulp, take it to the moon."

(grunts) I went to the moon?

To wrestle a viking? Cool!

Don't say cool. It sounds wrong.

All of the seismic shifts and upheavals

Are consistent with massive changes in gravity

Between the earth and the moon.

The moon...

The moon. (gasps) the moon! Yes!

I remember!

Please say there's something to smash up there.

Yeah. Big smash!

(growling)

Hulk? Where are you?

(screeching)

(people panicking)

Floods, earthquakes, chaos...

Should we really be leaving at a time like this?

If we don't, there won't be an earth left to worry about.

I've been in touch with s.H.I.E.L.D. They're on damage control

Until we shut down the problem.

There. The blue area.

Captain america: Only sector of the moon with breathable atmosphere,

Thanks to the watcher.

The who? There's a file.

I'm floating! (laughs)

Later. There's thor.

(grunting)

You do remember how to smash, don't you?

Some things you never forget.

Avengers... Fight!

Close enough.

(growls)

Targeting giant spaghetti monster.

Finally! What were you people doing?

Seeing of the sights?

Do you have any idea what this thing is?

Thor: I know it from ancient legend. A badun-cylek.

A mindless destroyer of planets.

If it consumes the moon...

End of the world. We know.

Iron man: It's a giant parasite feeding off whatever it's latched onto.

In this case, the moon's mass.

If we don't stop it, it'll completely tear the moon apart.

And the earth is next.

Well, then let's make sure it doesn't get that far.

Hulk, you're gonna have to finish what you started.

I don't remember, but they say you hit me!

Of course I did! It was your idea.

My idea?

I tracked you down in glorian's realm

For our scheduled sparring match.

After returning to avengers tower,

Iron man suggested we come to the moon to continue our contest.

Got all that. New stuff, please.

Ah, it was a mighty battle, which I was winning,

But was interrupted when we chanced across badun-cylek.

Your combat tactics were valiant,

But I was certain that your efforts to eat the beast would come to naught.

With our comlinks damaged, and no transportation, you had a brilliant idea.

You won't be angry? I'm always angry.

I mean at me. For this.

What's the matter? Afraid to finally take a shot, goldilocks?

Hulk: Ow!

Thor: A mighty blow from mjolnir sent you back to earth.

You were to return with our teammates.

There's a sort of genius about that plan.

Except for the amnesia,

And the parasite, and...

That's mine!

No!

Yours? There's plenty of monster for everyone.

(grunts)

I'm okay. Aah!

Prioritize much?

(cooing)

Don't... Don't smash!

I don't think you've ever said that sentence.

Perhaps I did hit you too hard.

Hulk: No!

(growling)

Should we help?

I think he's kind of got this.

Iron man: S.H.I.E.L.D. Transmissions say the lunar effects

Are starting to die down on earth.

Besides, you want to get any of that on you?

I know who I am!

I'm the hulk!

I'm the strongest there is!

Debatable. Iron man: Really?

To be settled at a later date.

Iron man: Bowling with the thing,

Lunch with spider-man,

And what's a glorian, again?

Hawkeye: There's a file. Ask cap, it's his hobby.

(sighs) weirdest day of my life.

Maybe, but we learned one thing,

There's a lot more to our big, green friend than meets the eye.

(roars)

(laughs) yeah!

(laughing) yee-haw!

Giddy up, stabby!

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