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1
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This programme contains
some strong language.
2
00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:14,960
He-ey!
All right, Colin? How you doing?
3
00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:19,320
I'm good, yeah, I'm good.
I'm keeping busy.
4
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:20,720
Ah, what you been up to?
5
00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:23,560
I've, er, I've been,
6
00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:26,120
well, I-I got up no' long ago.
7
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I-I got washed.
8
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Oh, well, THAT was good.
No, actually, that was,
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that was Saturday.
10
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Have you heard from her?
11
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No. Well, listen,
12
00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:37,560
Beth was wondering if you wanted
to come over for
13
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a wee cup of tea later.
14
00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:41,240
Was she? Aye.
15
00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:43,760
Aw, that was...
that was nice of her. Well,
16
00:00:43,760 --> 00:00:46,360
aye, well, listen, why not?
17
00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:49,600
You know, it's... What, say about,
what, two o'clock?
18
00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:51,400
Well, that's, er...
19
00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:52,960
..that's quarter to five now.
20
00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:54,280
Is it?
21
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Yeah, well, just come over whenever
and we'll see you later, eh?
22
00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:59,200
Okey dokey, Eric.
23
00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:00,480
Aye.
24
00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:02,400
You're all right, are you?
25
00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:05,520
Aye, I'm good.
26
00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:08,040
Yeah, all good.
27
00:01:13,320 --> 00:01:16,160
THUD, GLASS BOTTLES CLATTER
28
00:01:13,320 --> 00:01:16,160
Oh, ya bastard.
29
00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:40,800
Here he is.
Looking a bit fresher now, eh?
30
00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:43,640
Aye, I had a shower.
31
00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:45,520
Oh, that's good.
32
00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:48,080
Aye, I found a towel so...
33
00:01:48,080 --> 00:01:49,960
Sit down, sit down.
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00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:57,640
So, how's it going?
35
00:01:57,640 --> 00:02:00,240
Ach, I'm all right, you know?
36
00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:02,160
Are you getting out and about?
37
00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:03,280
Er...
38
00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:05,040
No, not really, no.
39
00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:06,880
Cannae really face it.
40
00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:08,280
Erm...
41
00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:12,480
Would you like a cup
of tea or coffee?
42
00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:15,680
Well, what are YOU having?
43
00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:19,520
Well, we had a coffee after
our dinner so I'll have a tea.
44
00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:21,400
What would you like, Eric?
45
00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:22,800
Oh, I'll take a tea as well.
46
00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:24,960
Right, tea for you
and I'll take a tea.
47
00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:27,040
What would you like, Colin?
48
00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:29,040
What was the question again?
49
00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:30,680
I'll make a pot.
50
00:02:34,360 --> 00:02:37,280
DOORBELL
51
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Oh! I'll go.
52
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Right.
53
00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:47,400
Ah, Christine.
54
00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:49,240
How's he doing?
55
00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:51,840
I just happened
to see him come into you.
56
00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:53,240
Not bad.
57
00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:55,200
He's just popped in
for a cup of tea.
58
00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:56,800
Oh, that's good.
59
00:02:56,800 --> 00:03:00,080
And has he told you
exactly what's happened yet?
60
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:03,800
I don't think he's ready
to go into all that just yet.
61
00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:05,760
Understandable.
62
00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:08,920
When d'you think he WILL be ready?
63
00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:13,040
I'm just asking as a friend.
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00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:17,320
Look, come in and say a quick hello,
but go easy on him.
65
00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:19,240
Softly, softly.
66
00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:25,520
So she's left you, then?
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00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:27,160
Christine! Oh...
68
00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:30,440
Apologies, apologies.
Too much, too soon.
69
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:33,600
Let me get sat down.
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00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:36,320
Here we go. Oh...
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00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:40,280
So,
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00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:42,960
she away with somebody else
or had she just had enough?
73
00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:44,840
Christine, for God's sake.
74
00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:46,560
No, it's all right, Eric.
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00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,520
It's gonna come out at some point.
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00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:51,000
What happened was...
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00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:52,360
Er, hold on wee a minute,
78
00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:54,040
just till I get myself comfy.
79
00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:55,840
That's it. Wee cushion there.
80
00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:57,360
That's it.
81
00:03:57,360 --> 00:03:58,960
Aye. On you go.
82
00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:04,040
So, we were thinking about buying an
apartment,
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00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:05,680
out in Sharm El Sheikh.
84
00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:07,080
Sorry?
85
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Sharm El Sheikh.
86
00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:09,800
Egypt.
87
00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:11,320
Oh, right.
88
00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:12,720
So, anyway...
89
00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:14,200
Why Egypt?
90
00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:16,800
Christine, just let him talk.
91
00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:20,080
Cathy loved it out there.
Great weather,
92
00:04:20,080 --> 00:04:21,720
good shops and no bother
93
00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:23,720
about where you can smoke.
94
00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:29,080
So, we'd lined up
a couple of places to go and see,
95
00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:31,680
but then I couldn't go
96
00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:34,640
so I says, "Why don't you just go
on your own,
97
00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:36,600
"so we don't miss out on it?"
98
00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:38,880
So that was the plan.
99
00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:41,600
She'd go out,
look at the apartments,
100
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:45,160
put a deposit down
and head straight back.
101
00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:47,440
But then...
102
00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:50,760
She got stuck in to the duty free
and shagged somebody else.
103
00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:52,960
Oh, for goodness' sake.
104
00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:56,760
Was he local?
See, that can happen.
105
00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:59,520
When Pat went to the Gambia,
she was offered the works
106
00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:01,520
in exchange for her Celtic top.
107
00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:06,080
He was the sales agent
at the apartments.
108
00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:07,640
Oh. Ooooh.
109
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:11,160
He would've been hitting her
with all the patter,
110
00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:13,480
turning her head with what could be.
111
00:05:14,840 --> 00:05:17,600
It's like me with that guy
with the roller blinds.
112
00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:21,920
If I had not had my wits about me,
I could have ended up doing away
113
00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:23,840
with every curtain in my house.
114
00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:28,680
And is she definitely not
coming back?
115
00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:31,480
Nope.
116
00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:33,320
She says that's it.
117
00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:36,000
Oh, I'm so sorry, Colin.
118
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There's nothing
you could have done.
119
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He could have bought in Tenerife.
120
00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:44,200
Let's just maybe leave it there,
eh?
121
00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:47,040
Yes, I think that's enough for now.
122
00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:51,040
Have you spoken to her?
123
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I've left a few messages.
124
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How many? Today?
125
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I-I just, I just can't believe it.
I mean, what am I gonna do?
126
00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:04,480
I know this feels awful now, Colin,
127
00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:06,600
but you will get over this.
128
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:09,720
And we're all here to help,
aren't we?
129
00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:11,640
Absolutely. You know,
130
00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:14,600
it's times like these that you need
friends around you
131
00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:16,000
and-and we are here for you.
132
00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:20,120
And see if you're burning
any clothes,
133
00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:23,480
let me take a look through
the bags for you first.
134
00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:25,400
DOORBELL
135
00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:31,560
Oh, hello! Hi!
136
00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:33,760
Hiya, Mum.
Gordon's got some news.
137
00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:37,720
Ooh! Oh, come in, come in.
138
00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:40,560
Hi, boys!
139
00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:44,360
Hiya. Sorry to interrupt,
but Gordon's got some news.
140
00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:46,200
- I got the job.
- Did you?
141
00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:48,160
- I did!
- Aw, that's fantastic.
142
00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:50,400
What's this? Gordon's got a new job.
143
00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:54,080
Oh, thank Christ you're away from
that stupid car-hire place.
144
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:57,000
Actually,
it's a promotion to branch manager.
145
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,760
Congratulations.
146
00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:01,640
That's great news,
I'm really pleased for you.
147
00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:04,040
Cheers, Colin.
148
00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:04,040
Aye, cheers, Colin.
149
00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:05,680
How's everything with you?
150
00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:07,760
Absolutely terrible.
151
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:09,280
Oh.
152
00:07:09,280 --> 00:07:12,080
Cathy's shacked up with an estate
agent in...
153
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Where is it again, Beth?
154
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,440
Sharm El Sheikh.
155
00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:17,080
Egypt, Ian.
156
00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:18,640
Sun all year.
157
00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:20,080
Although you two would
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00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:22,000
have to pretend to be cousins.
159
00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:26,160
I'm really sorry to hear that,
Colin.
160
00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:28,880
Mm. Do you think there's
a chance she might come back?
161
00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:30,680
I...I don't know.
162
00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:33,080
Well, at least if you end up having
to sell your house,
163
00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:34,320
you've got someone who...
164
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,840
Or maybe one of the local agents
would be better.
165
00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:44,400
- So when do you start, then?
- End of the month.
166
00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:45,920
Oh, right, quite soon.
167
00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:48,480
What was the interview like?
It was quite tough.
168
00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:52,080
There was a woman from head office
in Swansea came up for it
169
00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:55,000
and a guy from HR
and my area manager.
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00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:57,520
Ooh. Could you no have saved
everybody the bother
171
00:07:57,520 --> 00:07:59,920
and just ticked the box
that said you were gay?
172
00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:03,440
I remember MY first promotion.
173
00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:06,560
I'd gone after the sales manager's
position at the place
174
00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:09,640
where I was working. Didn't think
I had a hope in hell of getting it.
175
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You know, just went in,
I was totally relaxed
176
00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:14,440
and just rattled through.
Next thing I get the call,
177
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"You've got the job." Aw.
And I tell you what,
178
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see that night,
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00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:20,880
when I went home to tell Cathy,
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00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:23,400
she was...over the moon.
181
00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:25,040
Was she?
182
00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:28,080
Proper celebrations.
You know, like champagne,
183
00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:30,320
takeaway
184
00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:31,960
and then upstairs.
185
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Oh, Jesus.
186
00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:36,720
See that night,
187
00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:38,280
that
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was dynamite.
189
00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:42,360
There was not one corner
190
00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:44,240
of that bedroom we were not in.
191
00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:47,320
Anyway, Colin... She was very
open-minded as well. I mean,
192
00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:51,160
some of the...some of the stuff
she was doing, I mean, well,
193
00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:53,000
I'd only ever seen it on VHS.
194
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:56,200
Why don't I get on with that tea?
Yes, please.
195
00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:59,720
So, Dad, erm...
196
00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:02,200
Was it the wheelbarrow she did,
Colin?
197
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:10,120
So, are you taking care of
yourself, Colin?
198
00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:12,920
You look as if you've lost
a wee bit of weight.
199
00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:15,360
No, no, I am.
200
00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:18,120
I fried an egg last night.
201
00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:21,000
Oh, that's good.
What did you have with it?
202
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:22,800
Half bottle of Whyte & Mackay.
203
00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:25,000
If you cannae be arsed cooking,
204
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:28,280
there's a lot of choice now
when it comes to meals for one.
205
00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:31,480
Although the single portion
is sometimes
206
00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:33,040
a wee bit too wee.
207
00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:36,680
And the one that serves two
208
00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:38,280
is sometimes too big.
209
00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:40,880
You can just keep some
for the next night, I suppose.
210
00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:42,280
Aye, you could,
211
00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:43,840
but what you actually do is
212
00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:45,680
hoover the whole fucking lot.
213
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:50,200
Cooking's quite a good thing
to help take your mind off stuff.
214
00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:53,200
It is, isn't it?
The night before my interview,
215
00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:55,200
I cooked a big lentil risotto.
216
00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:58,000
Mm, that calmed you down, did it?
217
00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:01,440
Along with the beta blockers
and my CBD oil, yeah.
218
00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:04,280
Do you have a few things you can
make, Colin?
219
00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:07,600
Well, well, fried eggs,
220
00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:09,880
er, I'm...I'm not bad
221
00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:11,560
at toast,
222
00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:13,400
and I can do oven chips.
223
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:16,880
Why don't I make you something?
224
00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:18,480
Eh?
225
00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:21,680
Why don't I make you something
to eat that you can take away?
226
00:10:21,680 --> 00:10:24,920
Aye. You need to make sure you're
getting something decent to eat.
227
00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:26,720
What about a macaroni?
228
00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:29,600
Aw, Mum's macaroni is the best.
229
00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:31,960
Depends on the cheese, Ian.
230
00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:35,840
I've had a few off her, and they've
been a bit on the bland side.
231
00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:38,640
Why don't I make you
macaroni cheese,
232
00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:41,600
pop it in some Tupperwares
and then you'll have something
233
00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:44,400
you can just heat up
when you want it.
234
00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:47,440
Aye. Aye, OK, Beth.
235
00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:49,880
And...and thank you, Beth.
236
00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:55,760
You know, somebody should really
think about bringing out
237
00:10:55,760 --> 00:10:58,040
a cookbook for single men.
238
00:10:58,040 --> 00:11:00,480
You could do it in sections -
239
00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:02,640
one for when she's just left,
240
00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:05,320
one for when you're getting back
on your feet
241
00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:07,200
and one when you've moved on
242
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,240
and you've got another wife.
243
00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:12,840
Well, actually,
then you could just throw it away.
244
00:11:15,680 --> 00:11:19,120
I was just thinking,
do you want to come and watch me?
245
00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:22,840
Huh? Well, if you watch me make it,
then maybe you'll be able
246
00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:24,280
to make it for yourself.
247
00:11:25,520 --> 00:11:28,400
Well. Aye.
248
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:33,600
Why not, eh?
What have I got to lose?
249
00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:37,640
You CAN buy jars or packets,
250
00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:41,200
but I always think it's best made
from scratch.
251
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,200
So, butter...
252
00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:46,240
..milk,
253
00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:47,880
flour.
254
00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:49,920
You're going to make yourself
a roux.
255
00:11:52,680 --> 00:11:54,600
Now, you take this
256
00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:58,000
and when the butter's melted,
you can do some stirring.
257
00:11:58,000 --> 00:11:59,040
Huh?
258
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:03,040
And, you know, once you know how to
make a roux, you can make lots
259
00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:04,760
of different things but, for today,
260
00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:07,680
we're just going to focus
on the macaroni.
261
00:12:07,680 --> 00:12:09,880
What am I doing?
262
00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:11,520
Huh?
263
00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:12,960
What is this?
264
00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:16,040
Why am I watching you cooking?
265
00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:21,480
So that you can learn how to make
something nice to eat for yourself?
266
00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:28,200
I think you'd better come through.
267
00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:39,080
You all right there, Colin?
268
00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:40,840
What's happened to me, Eric?
269
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:42,560
Look, you've had a big shock,
270
00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:44,160
but we're all here for you.
271
00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:45,680
You'll get through it.
272
00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:47,400
But I miss her.
273
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:49,720
And it's not just the sex,
274
00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:52,000
although that was very satisfying,
275
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,160
it's the physical contact,
276
00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:56,760
just having someone
to snuggle up with.
277
00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:00,200
I'm on my own noo.
278
00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:25,240
Yeah. There, there, there.
279
00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:29,240
COLIN WHIMPERS
280
00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:34,600
Yeah. That's...that's us.
281
00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:37,040
There you go, there you go,
there you go.
282
00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:40,720
Why don't you get
a wee bit of fresh air, Colin?
283
00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:44,720
Ian, take Colin out and get him
a wee bit of fresh air.
284
00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:47,320
Come on out the back, Colin.
285
00:14:02,320 --> 00:14:04,560
Nice to get out
for a wee bit of fresh air.
286
00:14:04,560 --> 00:14:06,520
It is, aye.
287
00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:08,400
Clears the head a bit.
288
00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:10,360
It does, Ian, aye.
289
00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:12,320
I mean,
290
00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:14,520
it is a dump out here,
291
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:15,880
but even still.
292
00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:20,280
I had a very bad break-up
with a guy once.
293
00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:23,160
When I was 20.
I couldn't stop crying,
294
00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:25,760
so I went to the doctor.
295
00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:28,560
He put me on antidepressants
but I was still crying.
296
00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:32,480
Then one night I went out
walking and, um,
297
00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:35,360
Mum didn't know where I was
so she called the police
298
00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:37,800
and they came and picked me up.
299
00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:39,800
Anyway, I went back to the doctor
300
00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:41,560
and he upped the dose
301
00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:43,600
and things started to settle down
302
00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:48,520
and then I got back
into my badminton again so...
303
00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:53,840
Listen,
304
00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:58,640
I know it might not feel like it
at the minute, but it will be OK.
305
00:14:58,640 --> 00:14:59,840
Will it?
306
00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:03,400
Of course it will,
it'll just take time.
307
00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:06,840
And you never know, it might even
work out for the best.
308
00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:08,160
What do you mean?
309
00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:11,000
Well, you might be better off
without her.
310
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:14,840
And if not,
311
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:16,800
then maybe try a racquet sport.
312
00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:20,360
What are we going to do?
313
00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:24,480
Well, you should definitely finish
the macaroni.
314
00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:27,120
What do YOU think?
315
00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:29,040
I don't know.
316
00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:32,960
We have to try and take his mind
off it as best we can.
317
00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:36,760
MUSIC: Theme from Emmerdale
318
00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:45,720
I mean, it's in a nice spot
319
00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:48,000
but they've got a very poor
selection
320
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:49,800
of draught in that Woolpack.
321
00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:51,200
Mm-hm.
322
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:52,920
Compared to the Rovers, Beth.
323
00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:56,480
Yes. They've got a full line-up
of bitter.
324
00:15:57,640 --> 00:16:01,280
Betty used to stand
and physically pump it out.
325
00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:04,440
Betty Turpin, Eric?
326
00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:06,040
Mmm.
327
00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:08,120
Aye, she was a big friendly thing.
328
00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:10,800
Are you a fan of the soaps,
are you?
329
00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:14,800
Oh, yes. They have been good friends
to me, Gordon.
330
00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:17,680
I used to sit when Sophie was wee,
331
00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:20,920
and I would explain
who everybody was.
332
00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:26,160
That's Deirdre. She's with Samir.
333
00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:28,760
She used to be married to Ken,
334
00:16:28,760 --> 00:16:30,520
but she had a thing with Mike,
335
00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:32,920
who is now living with Alma,
336
00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:35,960
who previously had been seeing Ken.
337
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:38,520
The one we always liked
was Brookside.
338
00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:41,160
Oh, aye, Bobby and Sheila.
339
00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:44,320
Do you remember Brookside, Colin?
340
00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:46,520
Was that the one that was set
in Liverpool?
341
00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:48,600
Yes, it was. Did you watch it?
342
00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:49,680
No.
343
00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:53,320
We watch Hollyoaks sometimes.
344
00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:54,880
Oh, I've never watched that.
345
00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:56,400
Has it got a pub in it?
346
00:16:56,400 --> 00:16:58,040
Yeah... The Dog.
347
00:16:58,040 --> 00:16:59,400
The Dog, yeah.
348
00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:01,920
And what do THEY serve
in the way of draught?
349
00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:04,920
Maybe this is a good thing.
350
00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:07,560
What's that, Colin?
Maybe it's a good thing.
351
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:10,040
That's what they were saying
out the back.
352
00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:12,480
I might actually be better off
without her.
353
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:17,480
Well, she WAS a bit of a handful.
354
00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:21,840
Aye. Well, you never quite knew what
you were going to get, did you?
355
00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:24,200
You knew what SHE was going to get -
356
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:25,800
fucking plastered.
357
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:27,400
She liked a drink.
358
00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:28,920
Oh, she'd have taken it
359
00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:30,520
through a shitty cloot.
360
00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:32,200
She used to kiss me on the mouth
361
00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:34,440
and I could always taste
stale alcohol.
362
00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:36,040
And cigarettes.
363
00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:38,280
And sometimes mints
if she'd been driving.
364
00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:41,120
Well, yeah,
she could get a bit carried away.
365
00:17:41,120 --> 00:17:42,600
She was a nightmare.
366
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:44,680
She'd come in for a cup of tea,
367
00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:46,880
the next thing she's got
the wine cracked open
368
00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:49,280
and she's making you sit up
till all hours.
369
00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:51,040
She just used you, Mum.
370
00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:52,520
She did, Ian.
371
00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:57,400
She used to invite herself in here
all the time.
372
00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:01,720
She did tend to take over a bit.
373
00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:04,400
I thought you were best friends.
374
00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:05,840
Me and Cathy?
375
00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:06,920
Yeah!
376
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:08,640
Were you not?
377
00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:10,080
Well...
378
00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:12,760
I mean...
379
00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:18,000
The thing about Cathy is,
she only cares about herself.
380
00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:22,400
DOORBELL
381
00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:28,280
Oh, hi!
Hi, Beth. Sorry to bother you.
382
00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:30,600
You didn't happen to take
a parcel in for me, did you?
383
00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:31,800
Oh, yes. Come in, come in.
384
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:36,720
Hi, Michelle.
385
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:40,040
Hiya. Oh, so sorry,
I didn't realise you had people in.
386
00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:41,760
Hello, Michelle.
387
00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:43,680
Hiya. How you doing?
388
00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:45,560
How are you, Colin?
389
00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:47,640
I'm not bad, Michelle.
390
00:18:47,640 --> 00:18:51,040
Did you hear that Cathy's left him
for an estate agent?
391
00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:53,720
Are they going to live in those
apartments
392
00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:56,560
or has he got an actual house
with a garden?
393
00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:58,920
Aye, all right, Christine.
394
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:00,800
I'm really sorry, Colin.
395
00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:02,760
Ach, it's OK. They,
396
00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:05,520
they've been saying that it might
turn out to be for the best.
397
00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:08,960
Well, yeah. There's still plenty
of life in you. Oh, aye.
398
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:11,240
I never had any trouble with THAT.
399
00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:13,000
Oh, I wasn't meaning anything...
400
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:16,640
You could meet someone else.
Oh, I don't know.
401
00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:17,960
Our neighbour's wife left him
402
00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:21,280
and he met a woman
who runs a fish farm.
403
00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:24,240
My friend, Fiona, her partner left
her for somebody else,
404
00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:26,320
but she's already engaged
to another guy
405
00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:28,640
and he's much better
looking, actually. Ooh!
406
00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:31,120
Yeah. And do you know what?
See when her divorce came through,
407
00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:33,120
she had a party. Did she?
408
00:19:33,120 --> 00:19:37,000
I mean, it sounds a bit mad,
but it was absolutely brilliant.
409
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:39,640
She invited us all around,
she got the champagne open,
410
00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:42,040
sang songs and then she took
her wedding ring off
411
00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:43,880
and flushed it down the toilet.
412
00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:45,480
Oh!
413
00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:45,480
CHUCKLING
414
00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:47,000
I lost a charm off
415
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:49,840
a bracelet down a caravan toilet
once.
416
00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:51,160
You remember that, Beth?
417
00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:53,680
I do. It was fully plumbed in,
418
00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:57,480
so there was no chance
of sifting through the tank.
419
00:19:58,680 --> 00:20:00,520
Just give it time, Colin.
420
00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:03,800
It's hard going just now
but you'll get through it.
421
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:06,200
Aye, and once you get back out
there,
422
00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:08,320
you never know what'll happen.
423
00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:10,600
Aye, but who would I go out with?
424
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:13,480
I mean, I'm used to going out
in a couple.
425
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:15,880
I don't even know where single
people go.
426
00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:17,640
Well, there was a car park
427
00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:20,400
that Pat's son Michael
used to drive to,
428
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:22,400
and that was VERY popular.
429
00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:27,160
You can come out with us
if you want. Aye?
430
00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:29,520
Yeah, if you want. Aww.
431
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:32,360
Thanks boys, that means a lot.
432
00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:35,680
No gay pubs, though, eh?
433
00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:38,560
I just think you'll look back on
this in a few years' time
434
00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:41,080
and realise it was all just
the way it was meant to be.
435
00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:44,280
Do you know what,
you're probably right, Michelle.
436
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:45,720
And Cath...
437
00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:51,120
I suppose she could be
a bit much sometimes, couldn't she?
438
00:20:51,120 --> 00:20:53,080
She was a pain in the arse.
439
00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:55,520
Christine! Aw, come on,
440
00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:58,200
it was like living next door
to a fucking hyena.
441
00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:04,960
Well, there was certainly
never a dull moment, was there?
442
00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:06,360
Oh, aye. Oh,
443
00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:07,960
remember that time she ended up
444
00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:09,760
on the roof of the garage out there?
445
00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:12,520
The first time I was ever in
your house,
446
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:15,120
she nearly burned the whole place
down, do you remember that?
447
00:21:15,120 --> 00:21:16,400
I do, yes.
448
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:19,280
I've got a good jumper upstairs
that still smells of smoke.!
449
00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:23,680
Remember when she went
for the Tesco delivery guy with
450
00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:25,520
a golf club because he dropped
451
00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:27,920
her bottle of Bacardi
on the driveway?
452
00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:33,880
Do you know what,
I'm going to ring her.
453
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:37,680
What? No, now Colin,
h-hold on a minute. I...
454
00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:40,040
No, no, I'm going to ring her, Beth.
I want to.
455
00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:42,440
I've got a few last things
I want to say to her.
456
00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:45,440
Oh, oh, wait,
where's my phone, Beth?
457
00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:47,080
What do you need your phone for?
458
00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:48,480
I'm going to film it.
459
00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:50,880
Right...
460
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:52,760
RINGING TONE
461
00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:57,280
It's voicemail.
462
00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:58,720
BEEP
463
00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:01,520
Cath, it's me, Colin.
464
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:05,680
This is the last message
I will ever leave you.
465
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:09,080
Now, I-I know I said that
earlier today
466
00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:11,720
and a few times yesterday,
but I do mean it.
467
00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:13,880
What we had, Cath...
468
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:17,080
..it was special
469
00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:18,520
but it's over.
470
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:21,240
And I accept that.
471
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:24,040
I'm moving on.
472
00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:27,120
I am feeling positive
about the future.
473
00:22:28,360 --> 00:22:30,960
Ian and Gordon have said they'll
take me out
474
00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:32,920
to a mainstream venue.
475
00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:36,080
And...and Michelle, well...
476
00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:38,960
..she's as good as promised
477
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:40,680
to hook me up with some of her pals.
478
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:44,160
And Beth
479
00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:46,760
has taught me how to make
macaroni cheese.
480
00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:51,320
So, this is it, Cath,
this is goodbye.
481
00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:54,760
No hard feelings, you take care.
482
00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:58,040
I wish you all the very best.
483
00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:01,840
And by the way,
484
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:03,440
everyone here thinks
485
00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:05,640
you're a pain in the arse.
486
00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:07,280
Bye now.
487
00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:12,920
Aw,
488
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:15,200
I forgot to press the button.
489
00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:18,080
Could you do it again?
490
00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:24,680
PHONE ALERT
491
00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:24,680
Oh!
492
00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:28,960
That's Alan, wondering where I am.
493
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:33,440
What are you going to be doing in
this new job, then, Gordon?
494
00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:35,000
Oh, have you got a new job?
495
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:37,960
Yeah, I got a promotion.
I'm going to be managing a team.
496
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:41,160
Ooh, that's brilliant,
congratulations.
497
00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:43,320
When I worked in sales,
498
00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:45,680
WE had a manager who was homosexual.
499
00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:47,280
Did you?
500
00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:49,240
Aye, we-we just ignored him, though.
501
00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:53,400
My friend that I was just
talking about,
502
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:56,360
she's just got a promotion at work
as well. Oh, has she?
503
00:23:56,360 --> 00:23:58,320
Is that the one that got
the divorce? Yeah.
504
00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:00,440
And she had a party
to celebrate it? Yeah.
505
00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:03,880
You know, I can understand that.
I can. You know, you just,
506
00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:06,480
just showing everyone
that you're ready to move on.
507
00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:08,000
Honestly it was such a good laugh.
508
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:11,320
We were all singing I Will Survive
at the top of our voices.
509
00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:13,760
Oh, that's a classic, that one,
isn't it?
510
00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:16,520
Have you got it, Beth?
Well, probably have it somewhere.
511
00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:18,000
Well, stick it on.
512
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:20,320
Well, I'd have to dig it out.
513
00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:22,760
Well, you-you got it on your phone,
any one of you?
514
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:27,080
Go on, put it on. I want to hear it.
515
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:31,400
MUSIC BEGINS
516
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:38,320
# At first I was afraid
I was petrified
517
00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:42,040
# Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side
518
00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:46,360
# But then I spent so many nights
thinking how you did me wrong
519
00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:50,400
# And I grew strong
and I learned how to get along
520
00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:53,840
# And so you're back
from outer space
521
00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:58,880
# I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face
522
00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:00,840
# I should have changed that
stupid lock
523
00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:03,000
# I should have made you leave
your key
524
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:04,960
# If I'd have known
for just one second
525
00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:06,960
# You'd be back to bother me
526
00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:08,120
# Go on, now, go... #
527
00:25:08,120 --> 00:25:11,600
This is for me. This-this could have
been written about me.
528
00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:16,080
# Just turn around now,
cos you're not welcome any more
529
00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:18,880
# Weren't you the one who tried
to hurt me with goodbye?
530
00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:20,840
# Did you think I'd crumble?
531
00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:22,960
# Did you think I'd lay down
and die? #
532
00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:26,040
Mum, we're maybe gonna go.
Yes, yes, right.
533
00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:28,920
Yeah, we're maybe gonna get a
takeaway on the way home
534
00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:30,680
as a wee treat. Oh, quite right.
535
00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:33,960
I think I'm gonna go too, Beth.
Right, OK.
536
00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:38,160
It's a shame I don't pass
a takeaway on the way home as well.
537
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:42,920
Do you want some macaroni
to take away with you?
538
00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:45,840
Oh, that's a good idea, Beth.
539
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:51,040
DOORBELL
Oh, that'll be Alan. I'll get it.
540
00:25:56,800 --> 00:26:00,120
# It took all the strength I had not
to fall apart... #
541
00:26:00,120 --> 00:26:02,480
Do you know this one,
do you, Gordon?
542
00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:05,080
We've heard it a few times,
Colin, aye.
543
00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:07,000
DOOR CLOSES
544
00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:12,680
# I used to cry
But now I hold my head up high... #
545
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:16,200
Awright? Oh, hi, Alan.
546
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:18,000
All right?
547
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:19,240
Hi, Alan.
548
00:26:19,240 --> 00:26:22,920
I will survive, Alan.
I will survive.
549
00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:25,960
As long as I know how to love,
eh, Beth?
550
00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:30,520
I've got my tubs of macaroni
and I know I'm still alive.
551
00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:32,560
I'm still alive.
552
00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:35,600
- Mm.
- Right, come on.
553
00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:37,440
Bye, everyone. Bye, Christine.
554
00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:39,080
Cheerio, son.
555
00:26:40,120 --> 00:26:42,320
Listen, good luck in the job.
556
00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:44,080
Gordon's got a new job.
557
00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:45,360
Right.
558
00:26:45,360 --> 00:26:47,760
I mean, congratulations.
559
00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:49,680
Come on, we'd better head.
560
00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:52,480
We should maybe make a move too.
561
00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:55,120
Sorry, Colin.
562
00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:55,120
MUSIC STOPS
563
00:26:55,120 --> 00:26:58,400
Ah. Any chance of getting
that parcel off you, Beth?
564
00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:01,320
Yes, right, of course. Ah, what
you been treating yourself to?
565
00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:04,080
Och, it's nothing, really,
just a few brochures.
566
00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:05,960
Oh, aye, what for?
567
00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:07,400
Holiday homes.
568
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:10,640
Oh. It's just got a few.
It's just for Portugal,
569
00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:12,640
Lanzarote and a couple
down by Malaga
570
00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:14,680
that we've been chatting
about, eh?
571
00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:17,240
My mate's got a place,
he's away four times a year,
572
00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:19,560
says it's the best thing
he's ever done.
573
00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:21,480
Oh, right. Whereabouts is his?
574
00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:23,280
Sharm El Sheikh.
575
00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:25,840
He swears if we go there,
we'll no' want to come back.
576
00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:32,680
# Now go, walk out the door
577
00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:35,360
# Just turn around now
578
00:27:35,360 --> 00:27:38,240
# Cos you're not welcome any more
579
00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:41,960
# Weren't you the one who tried
to break me with goodbye?
580
00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:45,640
# Did you think I'd crumble?
Did you think I'd lay down and die?
581
00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:47,640
# Oh, no, not I
582
00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:49,800
# I will survive
583
00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:52,320
# Oh, as long as I know who to love
584
00:27:52,320 --> 00:27:54,080
# I know I'll stay alive
585
00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:56,440
# I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give... #
66926
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