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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,640 This programme contains strong language 2 00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:12,840 DOOR CLOSES 3 00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:12,840 Oh, that was quick. 4 00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:14,920 Did you get milk? Aye. 5 00:00:14,920 --> 00:00:16,400 Look what else I got. 6 00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:17,720 Oh, what's that? 7 00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:20,000 Doughnuts. 8 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:21,760 Christ, how many did you get? 9 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:23,480 12. Family bundle. 10 00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:26,000 12 doughnuts, between two of us? 11 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:28,120 I just thought they'd be nice with a coffee. 12 00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:31,040 We'd need to open our own Costa to get through all them. 13 00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:33,360 Well, what do you want me to do with them? 14 00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:36,040 I don't know, but we're no' sitting here eating 12 doughnuts. 15 00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:38,600 What in God's name's a family bundle anyway? 16 00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:40,800 Two plain rings, two raspberry, two fudge sundaes, 17 00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:42,680 two chocolate dreamies, two apple pie, 18 00:00:42,680 --> 00:00:45,080 one caramel custard, one white chocolate cheesecake. 19 00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:46,400 I think. 20 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:49,200 MUSIC: S.O.B. by Nathaniel Rateliff & The Night Sweats 21 00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:05,640 Oh, hello. Oh, hiya, Beth. 22 00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:08,120 Listen, Alan's bought a whole load of doughnuts 23 00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:10,840 and we'll never eat them all. Would you and Eric like some? 24 00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:12,240 Erm, well... 25 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:13,760 It's a family bundle, Beth. 26 00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:16,440 I only went in to get milk and panty liners, as well! 27 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,440 Oh, they look lovely. 28 00:01:21,440 --> 00:01:23,040 Wee bit of jam missing from that one, 29 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:25,080 but apart from that, they've not been touched. 30 00:01:25,080 --> 00:01:27,240 Take as many as you want. Erm... 31 00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:29,760 Well, let's not stand here and do this. Come in. 32 00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:31,400 Eric! 33 00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:36,360 Oh, hi, Michelle. Hi, Alan. 34 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:39,000 Hi, Eric. Listen, sorry to disturb you, 35 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:40,880 it's just we've got these doughnuts, 36 00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:43,520 and I was just saying to Beth, there's far too many of them for us, 37 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:46,200 so we just wanted to see if you might like some. 38 00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:49,240 Oh, that's nice. That'd be nice with a cup of tea, eh? 39 00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:50,760 That's what I says, Eric. 40 00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:53,560 Cup of tea and a doughnut, you cannae beat it. 41 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:55,480 Yes, a doughnut, Alan, not 12. 42 00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:59,160 Oh, he's the same - terrible sweet tooth. 43 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:01,160 I have to hide the KitKats. Oh. 44 00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:03,160 Try in behind the microwave, Eric. 45 00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:07,280 Well, look, please help yourself, because we'll never eat them all. 46 00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:09,560 OK, then. Cannae have them go to waste, eh? 47 00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:10,920 Let's have a look. 48 00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:15,040 What have we got? Two plain rings, two raspberry, two fudge sundaes, 49 00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:17,560 two chocolate dreamies, two apple pie, one caramel custard, 50 00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:19,760 and that one there's a white chocolate cheesecake. 51 00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:21,080 Jeezo, some selection, eh? 52 00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:22,120 Family bundle, Eric. 53 00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:23,760 Is there any you don't like? 54 00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:25,320 No' really, Beth, no. 55 00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:26,440 What you going to go for? 56 00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:29,720 Erm... I don't know. I'll just take whichever's smallest. 57 00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:30,960 Plain ring, Beth? 58 00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:33,600 Erm... No, I think I'll have a raspberry one. 59 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:35,760 I'm going to have a fudge one. 60 00:02:35,760 --> 00:02:38,000 Aw, you sure that's all yous want? 61 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:40,240 Yes, yes, that'll do us. 62 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:42,120 I mean, there's still tonnes. 63 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:44,960 SHE STAMMERS 64 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:44,960 No, honestly, we're fine. 65 00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:46,760 That's all they want. 66 00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:48,880 I don't know what we're going to do with them all. 67 00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:50,720 Is there anyone else that might want one? 68 00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:52,240 Erm... 69 00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:57,800 Oh, hi, Alan, son. All right? 70 00:02:57,800 --> 00:02:59,080 You all right? 71 00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:01,760 I'm waiting on this boilerman coming to see about my hot water. 72 00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:03,240 How, what's wrong with it? 73 00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:05,520 Well, it's fucking cold. That's what's wrong wi' it. 74 00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:08,920 Ah. I've not had a bath or a shower since Thursday. 75 00:03:08,920 --> 00:03:11,600 It's like Glastonbury in there. 76 00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:13,120 Anyway, what can I do you for? 77 00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:14,320 You want a doughnut? 78 00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:15,800 Oh, where'd you get this fae? 79 00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:19,400 I bought a box of them. Michelle says there's too many. 80 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:20,840 Oh, are you sure? 81 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:22,120 Aye. Go for it, aye. 82 00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:25,080 Oh, I do love a wee doughnut wi' a cup of tea. 83 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:27,040 Aye, it's the bollocks, in't it? Mm-hm. 84 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,840 As long as you're sure you're no' leaving yourself short. 85 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:33,040 No, Eric and Beth have chosen theirs and there's still quite a few left. 86 00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:35,120 They got to choose theirs? 87 00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:39,160 Right, that's me in, Alan. Ta, son. DOOR SHUTS 88 00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:42,440 Ooh. Where's these doughnuts, till I get a look at them. 89 00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:44,000 Oh, hi, Christine. 90 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,080 Right, what's left? 91 00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:48,080 Hi, Christine. 92 00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:50,720 That's chocolate something or other, 93 00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:52,600 and there's jam in that... 94 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,600 Is that cinnamon on the top of that? 95 00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:55,800 Aye, that's apple pie. 96 00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:58,040 That's plain rings, that's a raspberry, 97 00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:00,320 that's a fudge sundae, that's chocolate dreamies, 98 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:01,680 that's your caramel custard, 99 00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:03,960 that there is your white chocolate cheesecake. 100 00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:06,800 Mm. Just help yourself, Christine, don't mind us. 101 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:09,280 What have you got? Fudge sundae. 102 00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:11,480 What about you, Beth? Erm, raspberry. 103 00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:14,040 Mmm. 104 00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:15,640 Caramel and custard. 105 00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:18,360 Yes! Right, is that everyone? 106 00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:23,240 Ah, yes. 107 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:26,920 You couldn't gimme a wee bit of kitchen roll, could you, Beth? 108 00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:29,760 Thanks. Awful sticky, aren't they? 109 00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:31,120 Oh, aye. 110 00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:33,200 Hey, no' as bad as a yum yum, though. 111 00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:37,320 Oh, you'd give Spider-Man a run for his money after one of them. 112 00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:39,160 There you go. 113 00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:42,760 Aw, bless you, Beth, bless you. 114 00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:45,120 Right, that's us all set. 115 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:46,840 SHE CHUCKLES 116 00:04:46,840 --> 00:04:48,400 How'd you end up wi' all these, Alan? 117 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:50,360 I just wanted something with a cup of tea. 118 00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:56,040 Oh, a doughnut wi' a cup of tea - match made in heaven, eh? 119 00:04:57,480 --> 00:04:58,560 Mm? 120 00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:02,720 I'm just saying, a doughnut wi' a cup of tea, Beth, eh? 121 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:04,360 Mm-hm. 122 00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:07,240 They go well together, don't they? 123 00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:13,000 Right, is everyone wanting a cup of tea? 124 00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:14,680 Aye, please, Beth. If you're making one. 125 00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:16,280 Oh, aye, Beth. That would be lovely. 126 00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:19,360 Aye. Thanks, Beth. 127 00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:21,320 She got there in the end, Alan, eh? 128 00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:26,000 I'd better watch my time. 129 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:28,480 I've got a guy coming to look at my boiler. 130 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:30,600 Is that still no' working? Nope. 131 00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:33,160 What a pain. You're telling me. 132 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:35,880 Three days to get an engineer out! 133 00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:37,640 Oh, and the lassie says, 134 00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:39,720 "We're experiencing a high volume of calls." 135 00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:41,840 I said, "I'm experiencing 136 00:05:41,840 --> 00:05:45,800 "a high volume of washes at the fucking sink." 137 00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:47,000 You should have said. 138 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:49,560 You could have came over and had a bath or a shower at ours. 139 00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:50,680 Oh, no. 140 00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:52,600 I'm...I'm funny about getting undressed 141 00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:54,920 in other people's houses, Michelle. 142 00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:57,000 You were fine that time you stayed here. 143 00:05:57,000 --> 00:06:00,400 I had no idea you were coming up those stairs, Eric. 144 00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:02,040 BETH: Right, here we are. 145 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:04,800 Aw, that's magic, Beth. Cheers. 146 00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:07,600 Here we go. So, ha-ha. 147 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:09,440 Aye. That us? 148 00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:10,920 Right. 149 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:12,480 Aye. Come on. 150 00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:20,160 Mm! Oh, God. Mmm. 151 00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:21,560 DOORBELL RINGS 152 00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:23,240 Oh, Jesus. 153 00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:36,200 Oh, hello. Hi. 154 00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:37,680 Mm? 155 00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:40,520 Sorry to bother you - we've just moved in across the road 156 00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:42,680 and just wanted to pop over and say a quick hello. 157 00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:45,480 Oh! Right. Of course. 158 00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:47,400 Erm, sorry. Sorry, erm... 159 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:49,600 I'm Iqbal. I'm Ash. 160 00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:51,600 Hi, I'm Beth. Lovely to meet you. 161 00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:53,400 Erm... 162 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:55,360 Do you want to come in? 163 00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:58,120 Are you sure? We don't want to interrupt you. 164 00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:00,800 Oh, nobody bothers about that round here. Come on in. 165 00:07:04,840 --> 00:07:06,080 Come in, come in. 166 00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:08,600 DOOR SHUTS 167 00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:11,160 Oh, hiya. Oh, erm... 168 00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:12,680 I didn't know you had people in. 169 00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:14,160 Oh, no, no, no. It's fine. 170 00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:17,520 Everybody, this is Ash and Iqbal. 171 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,800 Hi. Hiya. Hello. 172 00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:23,160 They've just moved in across the road into the Grants' old house. 173 00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:24,520 ALL: Oh! 174 00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:25,800 Great! 175 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:27,880 How you doing? Eric, pleased to meet you. 176 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:29,600 Hi. Hi. 177 00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:31,480 Hello. Oh, sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. 178 00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:33,760 I've just been eating a wee doughnut. Kind of a bit... 179 00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:35,480 It's my husband. 180 00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:36,640 Yeah. 181 00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:38,560 Right, and this is Alan and Michelle. 182 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:39,720 Hiya. 183 00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:42,240 They live a couple of doors up from you on the same side. 184 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:43,640 Oh. Hi there. 185 00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:47,240 Sorry, excuse me. I'm Michelle. 186 00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:50,000 Hi. I'm Al'n. 187 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:51,040 Sorry? 188 00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:52,320 Al'n. 189 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:55,640 Oh. OK. 190 00:07:57,080 --> 00:07:59,000 And this is Christine. 191 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:00,120 Hello there. 192 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:01,240 Hi. 193 00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:02,680 I must apologise, 194 00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:04,480 I'm in my dressing gown. 195 00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:06,520 My boiler's on the blink. 196 00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:08,440 Oh, God, that's...that's annoying. 197 00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:10,640 Oh, well, three days I've been waiting on an engineer. 198 00:08:10,640 --> 00:08:11,920 Oh, gosh, you poor thing. 199 00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:13,160 Mm-hm. 200 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,680 It's no' a bath I'm needing, it's a fucking sheep dip. 201 00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:18,800 Ha-ha. Erm... Have a seat, have a seat. 202 00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:20,320 Thank you. 203 00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:21,880 Can I get you a tea or a coffee? 204 00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:23,840 Oh, no, I'm fine, thank you. Ash? 205 00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:26,440 Oh, no, I've had my coffee already today. 206 00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:28,400 There's doughnuts there if you'd like one. 207 00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:29,560 Oh, no, thank you. 208 00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:31,000 Erm, no, thank you. You sure? 209 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:32,280 They're out of Asda. 210 00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:34,040 Oh, no, honestly, we're fine. 211 00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:35,520 So when did you move in? 212 00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:37,800 Yesterday. Oh, not long. 213 00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:39,600 And how was the move? Yeah, it was fine. 214 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:41,400 Ash had everything labelled, didn't you? 215 00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:44,160 Yeah, we were pretty organised, so it all went quite smoothly. 216 00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:45,520 Oh, that's good. 217 00:08:45,520 --> 00:08:47,160 They say it's the most stressful thing 218 00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:49,200 you can do, is move house, don't they? Aye, aye. 219 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:51,280 They've never tried getting a pilot light going 220 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:53,560 wi' a damp box of Swan Vestas. 221 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:56,680 It's a lovely house you've got. 222 00:08:56,680 --> 00:08:57,920 Ah. 223 00:08:57,920 --> 00:09:00,040 Oh, it is, aye. A smashing house. 224 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,720 Was it the Grants that had the big Alsatian? 225 00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:04,520 Aye, erm... Sheba. 226 00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:07,240 Ah, Sheba. 227 00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:09,560 Any smell of dog left in the house? 228 00:09:09,560 --> 00:09:12,560 Erm... Erm, not that we noticed, no. 229 00:09:12,560 --> 00:09:15,840 Erm... Beth, I'm really sorry to hassle you, 230 00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:17,920 but you don't have any wipes or anything, do you? 231 00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:19,160 Oh, yes, sure. 232 00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:21,440 Oh, sorry, could I have one as well, please? Thank you. 233 00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:22,880 You never had a doughnut. 234 00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:24,520 Sorry? 235 00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:26,280 You never had one - how come you're sticky? 236 00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:27,680 Erm, I-I sho... 237 00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:29,880 Oh, ah, that was me. Sorry about that. 238 00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:31,280 Sorry. Oh, no, no, no. 239 00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:34,000 It was us that interrupted your doughnut time. 240 00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:36,560 Oh, no, no. This isn't a set thing we do, 241 00:09:36,560 --> 00:09:38,280 it was just a spur of the moment thing. 242 00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:40,280 Alan brought them in. Oh. It's a family bundle. 243 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:41,600 You sure you don't want one? 244 00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:43,760 No, honestly, we're fine. 245 00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:47,080 I can highly recommend the caramel and custard, Ash. 246 00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:48,360 Oh. 247 00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:49,840 There was only one of them. 248 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:51,480 You snooze, you lose. 249 00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:53,560 So where have you moved from? 250 00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:56,280 London. London? Oh, really? 251 00:09:56,280 --> 00:09:58,000 You been on the London Eye? 252 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:00,800 Erm, you know what, I don't think I have. No. 253 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:02,640 So what's brought you up here? 254 00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:04,840 Ah, well, it was after we came up on holiday last year. 255 00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:06,400 Oh, is that right? Yeah, yeah. 256 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:08,640 We didn't want to go abroad, so we were looking for 257 00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:10,160 somewhere in the UK. 258 00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:12,680 Our friends had been up here and they really enjoyed it, so... 259 00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:14,600 Yeah, we found this great little eco lodge 260 00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:17,840 just near Fort William, and we were absolutely blown away, weren't we? 261 00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:20,040 Yeah, it was amazing. Mm. 262 00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:21,880 Wet wipe? Oh, thank you. 263 00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:24,000 Yeah, we went to some amazing beaches. 264 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:26,240 We saw dolphins, otters, deer... 265 00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:28,040 Do you remember the stars at night? 266 00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:30,760 Oh, my God, it was incredible. There was no light pollution at all. 267 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:32,200 I mean, you could see everything. 268 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:34,200 Was there bats? 269 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:35,880 Hmm. 270 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:38,840 It was a really amazing experience. 271 00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:41,280 Yeah. The best holiday we've had in our lives. 272 00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:44,040 We're booked up for Turkey in October. 273 00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:45,440 Oh, great, whereabouts? 274 00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:47,600 Dunno. 400 for the week. 275 00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:49,320 That's wi' the one bag, though. 276 00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:51,960 Erm... Anyway as soon as we got home, we just thought, 277 00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:54,080 "What are we doing, why are we living in London?" 278 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:56,800 Well, it is good for the shops. 279 00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:59,040 You been in NikeTown? Alan. 280 00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:03,120 Erm... So we put the flat on the market, sold it, and that's us. 281 00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:05,000 That's terrific. Yes, it is. 282 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:06,480 I hope you'll be very happy here. 283 00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:09,120 And if there's anything you need to help you settle in 284 00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:11,160 or feel at home, you just let us know. 285 00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:12,800 Thank you, that's so sweet. 286 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:15,000 We might not be able to give you the weather, 287 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:16,760 but we can give you a warm welcome. 288 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:20,760 DOORBELL RINGS 289 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:20,760 Ah, Christ, who's this now? 290 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:26,400 HONKING 291 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:26,400 Ah, heya. 292 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:28,240 Fucking fanny. 293 00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:31,080 All right, Colin? 294 00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:33,000 See that for sale sign's down across the road? 295 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,320 D'you know how much they got for it? I don't know, Colin. 296 00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:36,960 I mean, it's a dump compared to ours. 297 00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:39,720 We've got the Monoblock, the extension at the back and the bidet. 298 00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:42,000 They've got that big manky Alsatian roaming the place 299 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:44,560 and that's ten grand off right away, Eric, know what I mean? 300 00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:47,200 The new folk are actually in having a cup of tea at the minute. 301 00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:48,560 Oh, are they? Aye. 302 00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:52,080 You want to come in? 303 00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:54,840 Aye, well, it's only manners. Right. 304 00:11:58,680 --> 00:12:00,600 Hey! Oh, hi, Colin. 305 00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:02,720 Is this the new kids on the block, is it? 306 00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:03,880 Welcome, welcome. 307 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:06,440 That's a beautiful house you've got yourself there. 308 00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:07,680 Oh, thank you very much. 309 00:12:07,680 --> 00:12:11,040 Apparently, they cannae smell the dog. 310 00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:13,360 What dog? Big Sheba. 311 00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:16,480 Oh, aye, aye. What kind was she again? 312 00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:17,880 Alsatian. 313 00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:20,400 Alsatian, that's right. 314 00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:22,040 I'd forgotten all about her. 315 00:12:23,520 --> 00:12:27,400 Maybe when you hoover, Ash, the hair'll circulate again. 316 00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:28,720 Mm. 317 00:12:28,720 --> 00:12:29,880 Ash, is it? 318 00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:31,400 Erm, yes. Thank you. I'm Colin. 319 00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:32,680 And you're? 320 00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:34,600 Iqbal. Iqbal, good to meet you. 321 00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:37,200 How much did you pay for that across there? Oh, for... 322 00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:39,160 Colin, I don't think you need to ask that. 323 00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:42,080 No, true. I'll look it up on Zoopla later on. 324 00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:46,160 Colin lives just one along on this side. 325 00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:47,360 Oh. 326 00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:49,040 It's similar to the one you guys have got, 327 00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:51,600 except ours would be valued a lot higher. 328 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:54,080 They've moved here from London, Colin. 329 00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:55,360 London, really? 330 00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:57,360 You got an Oyster card? 331 00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:59,960 Yes. You cannae use it here. 332 00:12:59,960 --> 00:13:01,640 What brought yous up here, then? 333 00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:04,400 Oh, well, we came up for a holiday last year, 334 00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:07,160 and really loved the place, so we thought, why not move here? 335 00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:08,640 You came on holiday here? 336 00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:11,160 Oh, no, no, no. We were up near Fort William. 337 00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:12,480 Oh. 338 00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:13,880 We rented an eco lodge. Yeah. 339 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,520 Were you allowed to use loo roll? 340 00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:21,560 Beth. Beth. 341 00:13:21,560 --> 00:13:24,400 D'you think they're maybe running away from something? 342 00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:27,760 You know, like debt or store cards or that? 343 00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:29,760 We did actually think about buying up there, 344 00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:31,760 but then we thought it might be a bit too remote 345 00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:33,000 to actually live, you know. 346 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:35,400 Well, we're very happy with where we ended up, aren't we? 347 00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:36,760 Yeah, it's great. 348 00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:38,240 Is there much needing done to it? 349 00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:40,960 Well, the carpets need a fucking shampoo for a start. 350 00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:44,600 We were going to put a new kitchen in. 351 00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:46,240 ALL: Ooh! 352 00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:48,360 We both love cooking, but I mean, there's no rush, 353 00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:50,600 we'll just get ourselves settled in first. Mm. 354 00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:53,760 Well, if you need a hand getting your bearings, just shout. Mm-hm. 355 00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:57,040 Aye, there's a big Morrisons up the top there, Ash. Oh, right. 356 00:13:57,040 --> 00:14:00,600 There used to be a wee local shop, but that's away now. Aye. 357 00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:03,360 They cannae compete with the bigger stores, you see. Aye. 358 00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:06,320 It was really just the poppers and the single fags 359 00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:08,760 that kept him going as long as it did. 360 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:10,800 There's plenty of nice places to go for a walk, 361 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:12,280 if you like that kind of thing. 362 00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:14,160 Yeah, yeah. That... That sounds nice. 363 00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:16,600 Aye, there's a wee lane at the end of the street, 364 00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:18,480 and it takes you to a nice woody bit. 365 00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:22,000 Oh, is there really? Aye. Oh, it's lovely. 366 00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:25,480 I go up there to tip the oil out my frier. 367 00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:29,200 Well, there's Loch Lomond, I mean, that's not far. 368 00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:31,240 Oh, it's gorgeous up there. Yeah. 369 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:33,160 Yeah, we had friends who went camping up there. 370 00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:35,280 Oh, they said it was brilliant, so we're definitely 371 00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:37,960 going to give that a try. Yeah. Aye, well, they've banned that now. 372 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,040 Oh, what? 373 00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:41,520 Aye, too many people starting fires and leaving rubbish. 374 00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:44,360 Aye, and taking dumps without digging a wee hole. 375 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:46,560 Mm. Dirty bastards. 376 00:14:46,560 --> 00:14:50,080 That's a shame, we were really looking forward to that, weren't we? 377 00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:53,040 Well, you can definitely go for a day trip. 378 00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:56,400 Aye. Just watch where you're standing, you'll be fine. 379 00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:57,840 Aye. You won't have to go far. 380 00:14:57,840 --> 00:15:00,400 I mean, couple of hours in the car from here, 381 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,200 you'll hit some great wee spots. 382 00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:03,400 Well, that's why we chose it - 383 00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:05,160 we wanted somewhere that was close to work 384 00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:06,560 but somewhere that was, you know, 385 00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:08,240 handy for getting out to explore and... 386 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:10,600 And what is it you do? We work for the NHS. 387 00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:13,720 ALL: Oh! Ooh! 388 00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:16,800 Respect. Oh, no. No, no, no. 389 00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:18,360 Naw, respect to yous both. 390 00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:20,880 No, no, no, it's fine. No, no, no. 391 00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:23,520 Listen... No, no, you really, really don't have to do that. 392 00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:25,400 Heroes. 393 00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:26,840 You really don't have to do that. 394 00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:28,240 Two heroes. 395 00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:35,560 We were all out clapping every Thursday, weren't we? 396 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:37,960 I was out there with my pot and my spoon. 397 00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:39,560 I didnae do that. 398 00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:42,160 We've got Le Creuset, you know, and they're very heavy. 399 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:46,920 What bit is it you work for? 400 00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:49,360 Well, I'm a consultant in public health. Aye. 401 00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:50,640 What's that? 402 00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:52,560 Penpusher, Al. 403 00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:54,200 What about yourself? 404 00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:55,560 Erm...I'm a doctor. 405 00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:57,320 ALL: Ooooh! 406 00:15:57,320 --> 00:15:58,840 Oh, a doctor. 407 00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:00,600 Do you do shoulders? 408 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:02,880 No, no. I'm in cardiology. 409 00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:05,000 Cardiology, eh? Here, Beth, 410 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:07,520 you're all right if he takes a heart attack now, 411 00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:08,760 just shout over the road. 412 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:10,120 HE LAUGHS 413 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:10,120 Oh. 414 00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:12,360 Ho! 415 00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:12,360 THEY LAUGH 416 00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:14,320 Here, Beth, can you hear that clicking 417 00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:16,320 when I do that with my shoulder? 418 00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:18,080 That's quite specialist, isn't it? 419 00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:20,200 Take you a while to qualify? 420 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:23,600 Yeah. Seven years. Seven years, wow. 421 00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:25,560 Took me two to get my forklift. 422 00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:28,160 Is that seven years in medical school? 423 00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:30,480 Erm, no, five, and then two years as a junior doctor. 424 00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:31,680 That's when we met. 425 00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:33,440 Oh, was it? 426 00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:35,480 Was she a nurse? No. No. 427 00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:36,800 No, I was on secondment 428 00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:38,840 to a public health unit in the same hospital. 429 00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:43,240 So did you no' get good enough grades to be a doctor, then, Ash? 430 00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:44,760 Sorry? 431 00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:46,640 It's all A's you need, isn't it? 432 00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:49,960 I got a B in woodwork. 433 00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:53,920 Erm, no, I-I just never wanted to go down that road, really. 434 00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:57,280 I always quite fancied being a detective. 435 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:01,520 The hours junior doctors have to do are terrible, aren't they? 436 00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,800 I mean, what is it, 70, 80 hours a week? 437 00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:06,600 Yeah. I mean, the hours can be long and it is hard work, 438 00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:08,680 but you just have to get through it. 439 00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:11,000 Oh, but it must be very rewarding. 440 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:13,040 Oh, yeah, it really is. It really makes you feel 441 00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:15,320 like you're making a difference in someone's life. 442 00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:17,000 Mm. You see? 443 00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:20,160 If you had stuck in, Ash, that could have been you. 444 00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:24,400 What about A&E, did you ever work there? 445 00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:26,680 Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, you have to - 446 00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:28,080 it's all part of your training. 447 00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:31,480 So you'll have seen a lot of shoulders, then, eh? 448 00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:34,440 Hey, he'll have seen more than shoulders, Christine. 449 00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:36,480 He'll have seen all sorts in there, eh? 450 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:38,280 It can be quite full-on, yeah. 451 00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:41,160 Have you ever seen an eye hanging out? Alan! 452 00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:44,320 It's stabbings, the big one in A&E. You seen a lot of them? 453 00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:46,040 I've seen a few. 454 00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:49,120 If the knife's still in them, do yous leave it in, 455 00:17:49,120 --> 00:17:50,600 or do yous take it out? 456 00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:52,480 You leave it in, Alan. 457 00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:55,360 You've gotta leave it in till they get the X-ray. 458 00:17:55,360 --> 00:17:58,400 I've seen that on Holby. D'you ever watch Holby, Iqbal? 459 00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:00,400 No. Oh, you should. 460 00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:04,120 Maybe save yoursel' a couple years' training. 461 00:18:04,120 --> 00:18:06,200 What's the worst you've ever seen? 462 00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:07,920 Oh, it's so long ago... Yeah, no. 463 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,320 We're more concerned nowadays with trying to stop people 464 00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:12,080 ending up in hospital in the first place. 465 00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:14,440 I mean, that's a lot of what I do in my job, so... Yeah. 466 00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:17,520 The work that Ash is involved with is really key 467 00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:19,200 to the future of the NHS. Oh. 468 00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:22,520 Aye, but A&E, I mean, that's the sharp end, is it not? 469 00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:24,400 Yes, but, erm... 470 00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:25,800 My mate's wife works in A&E. 471 00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:28,040 She said that one guy came in with a courgette 472 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:29,880 stuck up his arse. 473 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:29,880 HE LAUGHS 474 00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:32,800 A courgette? How did it get up there? 475 00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:34,600 He said he'd fallen backwards on to it 476 00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:35,840 when he was making the dinner. 477 00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:37,000 Aye, that's what he says. 478 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:38,760 He'll have shoved it up there himself. 479 00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:43,280 Ah, well, that's one way of getting your five-a-day into you, eh? 480 00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:46,360 LAUGHTER 481 00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:47,880 She also said... 482 00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:52,160 No. She also said that one woman come in with a mobile phone up her. 483 00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:53,760 GASPING 484 00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:56,600 Front or back? Front. 485 00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:59,240 Oh, my God. 486 00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:01,920 Christ, I cannae hear mine when it goes off in the other room. 487 00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:03,560 She'd have no chance! 488 00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,520 LAUGHTER 489 00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:09,320 Right, Christine, when's your boilerman coming? 490 00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:11,800 I heard this one about this guy, right? 491 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:14,640 He turned up at the hospital, his jacket all zipped up, 492 00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:17,280 and a wee hoover on wheels, trailing along beside him. 493 00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:19,800 They got him in, examined him, 494 00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:22,600 they found his willy stuck in the hose of the hoover. 495 00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:24,400 Oh, no! 496 00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:24,400 EXCLAIMING 497 00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:27,160 Oh, for the love of God! Can you imagine? 498 00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:28,720 I says to my wife, 499 00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:30,760 "I wonder if it was one of those wee Henry ones. 500 00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:33,040 "That would've wiped the smile off its face!" 501 00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:35,760 LAUGHTER 502 00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:41,920 Do you do shoulders, Ash? 503 00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:48,720 Yeah, yeah, it's basically the same layout as this. Yeah. 504 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:51,160 We did talk about knocking through to the dining room 505 00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:52,800 at one time and making it open plan. 506 00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:55,080 Oh, yeah, I think that's what we'll do. 507 00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:57,680 We ripped out all our units on one side and put an island in. 508 00:19:57,680 --> 00:19:59,680 Oh, I like an island in the kitchen. 509 00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:03,560 Yeah. Listen, Alan's in the building trade. 510 00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:06,520 If you ever need any work done, just give us a shout. 511 00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:09,000 Yeah, no, I'll have a chat with Iqbal. 512 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:10,600 Sorry, I did have one question. 513 00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:13,760 Oh, yes? What's the best gym to join here? 514 00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:16,640 Oh, well, there's the leisure centre, 515 00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:18,800 and that's got a pool, I know that. 516 00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:20,760 Has it got a gym, though? 517 00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:23,520 I think that's closed now. I think they had to close that. 518 00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:24,840 Did they? 519 00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:27,080 Yeah, remember they found that spyhole in the shower? 520 00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:28,240 Oh. Oh, yes. 521 00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:32,120 Were they not thinking about building one 522 00:20:32,120 --> 00:20:34,720 of those 24-hour ones by the bypass? 523 00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:36,040 Oh, that'd be perfect. 524 00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:38,320 No, that's not happening. Oh. 525 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:40,400 They couldn't get the planning permission. 526 00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:43,400 That's a shame. I wonder what they'll do with it. 527 00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:45,760 It's going to be a drive-through McDonald's. 528 00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:47,160 Oh. 529 00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:50,240 It's awful, awful stiff when I get up in the morning. 530 00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:52,280 So what's your GP said about it? 531 00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:54,080 Ach, wee McGill? 532 00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:57,280 Christ, you could be sat there with your head under your arm, 533 00:20:57,280 --> 00:21:00,160 and he'd still tell you to take two paracetamol and dial 111. 534 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:03,680 Can you lift your arm up as high as you can? 535 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:05,200 All right. Ooh. 536 00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:11,280 Apologies if I'm kicking up a bit of a biff. 537 00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:13,360 Once this boiler's up and running, 538 00:21:13,360 --> 00:21:16,000 I'll be back to my usual standards. 539 00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:20,480 And out to the side. Oh. 540 00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:23,440 Here, Eric, you got any WD-40? 541 00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:26,760 CHUCKLING 542 00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:26,760 Cheeky wee bastard. 543 00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:28,520 Excuse me, Doctor. 544 00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:32,080 You don't have to call me doctor - I'm not your doctor. 545 00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:34,360 Erm, can you rotate your whole arm? 546 00:21:34,360 --> 00:21:35,520 Oh, right. 547 00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:37,120 SHE GROANS 548 00:21:37,120 --> 00:21:40,680 Do it with the other one, see if you take off. 549 00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:43,200 I'll take your fucking head off. 550 00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:46,480 Sorry, Doctor. That's OK. 551 00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:49,160 Erm, I don't think there's anything to worry about, 552 00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:51,520 to be honest. It's probably just some stiffness. 553 00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:53,680 Ask your doctor if they can refer you to a physio. 554 00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:55,720 They might have some stretches you could try. 555 00:21:55,720 --> 00:21:57,120 Stretches? 556 00:21:57,120 --> 00:22:01,480 I mean, you don't want to just take painkillers forever. No. 557 00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:04,480 But if I did, could you get me them? 558 00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:06,640 What's happening here? Erm... 559 00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:08,880 I was just having a look at Christine's shoulder. 560 00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:11,400 Oh, he's got a lovely manner. 561 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:13,720 Lovely soft hands, Ash. 562 00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:14,880 Yeah. 563 00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:17,360 WHISPERING: I don't think that's very appropriate. 564 00:22:17,360 --> 00:22:18,680 SHE MOUTHS 565 00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:22,960 Did you get a look at her kitchen, then, did you? 566 00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:24,160 I did, thank you. 567 00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:26,480 It's tiny, isn't it? We put a big extension at the back. 568 00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:28,400 Oh, that's what we're going to do. Are you? 569 00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:30,640 Yeah, we're going to knock through to the dining room, 570 00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:31,840 then put big double doors in, 571 00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:33,800 so can open up the whole house out to the garden. 572 00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:35,440 Are you quite keen gardeners, then? 573 00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:38,400 Oh, yeah, yeah. I can't wait to get out there with my spade. 574 00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:40,560 Well, you'd better watch where you're sticking it, 575 00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:42,960 because that Labrador that they had before - 576 00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:45,440 big Sheba'll be up the back somewhere. 577 00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:48,280 Well, I think it sounds fantastic, Ash. 578 00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:50,520 You're certainly going to be kept busy. 579 00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:53,160 Yeah, plenty of time, though. Kitchen first. 580 00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:56,120 Well, if your kitchen's out of action, you'll no' go hungry. 581 00:22:56,120 --> 00:22:58,680 You're well-placed for takeaways round about here, eh, Al? 582 00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:00,640 It's good, aye. Mm-hm. Papa John's. 583 00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:02,720 Aye. Domino's. 584 00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:06,600 And there's a good Chinese as well. D'you like a Chinese? 585 00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:07,680 Well, erm... 586 00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:10,360 The New City, it's tremendous. 587 00:23:10,360 --> 00:23:13,240 Wait till you try their spare ribs. Ooh! 588 00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:15,360 There's never any spare when he's around. 589 00:23:15,360 --> 00:23:16,520 We...we're actually... 590 00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:19,080 You got any menus you can give them away with them, Beth? 591 00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:21,040 Ooh, I might do somewhere. 592 00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:23,320 See if you've got one for The Happy Frier. 593 00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:25,880 Do you like chippies, Ash? 594 00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:27,600 Sorry, as in fish... Fish and chip shop? 595 00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:30,440 Yes. You'll never have tasted one like this in London. 596 00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:32,680 What's it like, Alan? 597 00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:34,440 I actually prefer Marco's. 598 00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:36,240 What? I do, aye. 599 00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:38,680 I think his chips are better - thicker. 600 00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:40,400 Oh, don't fucking listen to him. 601 00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:41,640 He's talking pish. 602 00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:45,240 No, once you have experienced a haddock supper 603 00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:46,960 from The Happy Frier, 604 00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:49,560 you'll wish you'd moved here years ago. 605 00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:51,240 We don't really eat takeaways. 606 00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:52,280 What? 607 00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:56,640 We're not really big fans of takeaway food. 608 00:23:56,640 --> 00:23:58,920 What d'you do if you want a pizza? 609 00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:00,240 We make one. 610 00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:01,520 Eh? 611 00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:02,760 We make our own. 612 00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:05,520 Out of what? 613 00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:07,760 OK, here's a couple for you. 614 00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:11,800 Erm, there's the Chinese one, and a couple of pizza places, 615 00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:16,080 and a nice Indian, the Chasni, and that's got a wee coupon on it 616 00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:17,600 that you're very welcome to. 617 00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:20,080 Thanks. 618 00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:23,120 So when do you start your new jobs, then? 619 00:24:23,120 --> 00:24:24,960 BOTH: Next week. 620 00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:27,360 What is it you said you do again, Ash? 621 00:24:27,360 --> 00:24:29,800 I'm a consultant in public health. 622 00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:31,720 So what does that involve? 623 00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:35,240 It's really just overseeing policy around health and wellbeing - 624 00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:37,280 looking at ways we can improve health outcomes 625 00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:38,720 within the population, 626 00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:41,440 looking at what factors influence those outcomes, 627 00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:43,960 you know, like where you live and what you eat. 628 00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:47,840 Oh, that sounds, erm, very interesting. Yeah. 629 00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:50,360 Can you get painkillers, Ash? 630 00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:53,840 Right, would anybody else like another cup of tea? 631 00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:55,720 Oh, yes. Aye, go on. 632 00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:57,840 Yes, please. Bless you, Beth. 633 00:24:57,840 --> 00:25:00,160 She's an angel, that one. 634 00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:02,800 I'll have one. And I tell you what I will be having - 635 00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:04,680 one of these doughnuts an' all. 636 00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:06,560 It's a nice wee spread she's put on for you. 637 00:25:06,560 --> 00:25:08,400 Naw, I brought them. Did ye? 638 00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:11,760 Aye, she made me. Oh, well, then, what's left? 639 00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:15,360 One raspberry, one fudge sundae, two chocolate dreamies, 640 00:25:15,360 --> 00:25:18,080 an apple pie, and two plain rings. 641 00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:20,200 Oh, that's tremendous. What'd you have, Eric? 642 00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:22,240 Fudge. How was it? 643 00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:23,680 Delicious. 644 00:25:23,680 --> 00:25:25,160 What about you, Michelle? 645 00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:26,920 Apple pie. 646 00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:30,920 I had the caramel and custard, but there was only one of them. 647 00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:33,840 Aye, a wee limited edition. Alan, what are you going for? 648 00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:35,200 Maybe a raspberry. 649 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:37,440 What about you guys? Oh, no, we're fine, thank you. 650 00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:39,880 Oh, come on, a wee doughnut with your cup of tea. 651 00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:41,240 No, thank you. 652 00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:42,560 Why not? 653 00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:44,680 Ah, come on, Ash. Aye, go on! 654 00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:46,080 Come on, Ash, wire in. 655 00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:48,080 No. Why not? 656 00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:51,440 Well, they're full of sugar, they contain salt, 657 00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:53,200 they have God knows how many chemicals. 658 00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:55,920 They're deep-fried and full of saturated fat 659 00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:57,720 so they're horrendous for your heart, 660 00:25:57,720 --> 00:26:00,920 not to mention the links to obesity and raised cholesterol. 661 00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:03,520 And there's also a lot of research that suggests that wheat, 662 00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:06,160 which of course is what the dough itself is made of 663 00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:08,040 and which contains gluten, 664 00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:10,360 is a trigger for a lot of the autoimmune conditions 665 00:26:10,360 --> 00:26:12,960 that we're seeing more and more of these days. 666 00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:15,560 So basically they're empty calories and they have 667 00:26:15,560 --> 00:26:19,240 no nutritional value and they do actual harm to your physical health, 668 00:26:19,240 --> 00:26:21,360 which we, as public health professionals, 669 00:26:21,360 --> 00:26:23,360 then have to deal with the effects of. 670 00:26:23,360 --> 00:26:26,800 So, no, I won't have a doughnut, thank you. 671 00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:33,120 Christine? 672 00:26:33,120 --> 00:26:34,840 Chocolate dreamie, please. 673 00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:51,120 Mm. 674 00:26:51,120 --> 00:26:52,680 Mm. Mm! 675 00:26:54,920 --> 00:26:56,960 What have you got? 676 00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:58,520 A plain ring. 677 00:26:58,520 --> 00:26:59,800 Is it all right? 678 00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:01,400 It's tremendous. 679 00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:03,400 It's beautiful. Mm. 680 00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:06,360 He seems very nice. 681 00:27:06,360 --> 00:27:08,760 Yeah. She's nice, too. 682 00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:10,520 I think they'll love it here, I really do. 683 00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:11,960 Once they get settled in. 684 00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:14,320 PHONE RINGS 685 00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:14,320 Oh. 686 00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:16,120 I'll get that. Who's this? 687 00:27:16,120 --> 00:27:17,880 That might be your boilerman. 688 00:27:21,360 --> 00:27:22,520 Hello? 689 00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:25,680 Oh, finally! 690 00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:29,480 Right, I'll be out in five minutes. 691 00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:31,000 Eh? 692 00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:32,960 Cos I'm eating a fucking doughnut. 693 00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:36,480 MUSIC: Sugar Hiccup by Cocteau Twins 694 00:27:36,480 --> 00:27:38,800 # Sugar hiccup, hiccup 695 00:27:40,280 --> 00:27:44,240 # Sugar hiccup 696 00:27:44,240 --> 00:27:47,280 # Makes the Earth tough and tumble 697 00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:52,880 # Sugar hiccup 698 00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:55,640 # Heavens curtsey and bow 699 00:27:57,400 --> 00:28:01,280 # Sugar hiccup 700 00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:03,720 # Makes a pig soar and swoon. # 83419

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