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This programme contains
some strong language.
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Oh, whoa, whoa! Oh, ya! Jeez!
DOOR CLOSES
3
00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:09,320
There he goes, he's not
wasting any time.
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00:00:09,320 --> 00:00:11,960
"Pssssss.
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"Pssssssss!"
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00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:15,760
Right, Cath, come on, in you go.
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CATHY CHUCKLES
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00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:22,680
Well, that was good fun.
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Aye, but what about that
crowd in the corner?
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I mean, it's a pub quiz,
for God's sake,
11
00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:28,920
not the bloody final of Mastermind.
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00:00:28,920 --> 00:00:30,680
Look, we raised a bit of money.
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00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:34,080
Exactly, we raised a bit of money,
we did a bit for charity,
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who cares who won?!
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00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:38,920
£75 in Debenhams vouchers
they walked away with.
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You're fucking joking!
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00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:43,280
Eric, I'm just saying,
that mob in the corner.
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00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:44,480
Aye, who were they?
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00:00:44,480 --> 00:00:46,600
I think a couple of them
were teachers.
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00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:50,400
Ah, well, they may be brainy
but they were very flat-chested.
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00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:52,560
Right - who's for coffee
and who's for tea?
22
00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:53,760
Coffee. Tea.
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00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:55,240
Large vodka tonic.
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00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:58,760
MUSIC: S.O.B
by Nathaniel Rateliff
& The Night Sweats
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00:01:11,960 --> 00:01:14,440
DOG BARKS
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00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:17,040
Oh, thanks, hen. Thanks.
27
00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:21,760
Aye, it's right enough -
a male fox is a dog.
28
00:01:21,760 --> 00:01:22,920
Mm-hm. Told you!
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Unbelievable!
30
00:01:24,240 --> 00:01:26,920
And what did we put? A bull.
31
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:29,320
How have I gone through
life no' knowing that!
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A male fox is a dog
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00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:34,920
and a female fox is a....
34
00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:37,520
Vixen. How do you know that, Beth?
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00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:41,440
I just do. You knew tonnes
of the nature ones.
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00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:42,920
What was that other one she knew?
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Joey, joey!
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A baby kangaroo is a joey.
39
00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:50,320
Aw, remember Joey from Friends?
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00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:52,760
I would still actually
shag him, Beth.
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00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:54,320
How do you know all that, Beth?
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00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:56,560
I do actually have a brain,
you know.
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00:01:56,560 --> 00:02:02,360
I haven't spent my entire life in
here making tea and washing clothes.
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Tell them! No.
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00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:09,200
What? Tell them. Tell us what?
46
00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:15,000
When I was younger, I was going
to train to be a vet's nurse.
47
00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:17,320
Oh, I thought it was going
to be something interesting.
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00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:18,680
And why did you not do it?
49
00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:21,160
I don't know, I just
ended up getting a job,
50
00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:23,800
and getting married...
Oh, aye, it's my fault!
51
00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:27,960
Oh, my God, Colin, can you imagine
Beth helping the farmer
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00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:30,800
pull the wee calf out
of the cow's bottom?
53
00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:32,960
You could still go to college
and do it, Beth.
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00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:35,480
Oh, no, no.
No, she's too old, Colin.
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00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:36,760
Mature student!
56
00:02:36,760 --> 00:02:38,880
Pound a pint, Beth.
57
00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:40,640
Look, it was a long time ago,
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00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:43,360
and I'm not about to start
any training for a job now.
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00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:47,240
Quite right, Beth,
it's easier just to do nothing.
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00:02:50,640 --> 00:02:52,120
I tell you what,
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00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:54,400
I'm a wee bit peckish.
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00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:55,600
Oh, do you want a biscuit?
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00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:56,920
No, no, no, no' a biscuit.
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00:02:56,920 --> 00:02:59,320
I'm not hungry, Beth,
I'm just enjoying drinking.
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00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:01,640
We should've stopped off
for something on the way home.
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00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:04,520
Aye, you're right enough, Eric.
Bag of chips, eh?
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00:03:04,520 --> 00:03:09,400
Oh, aye. Oooh, big, fat
salty chips, Eric, hmm?
68
00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:12,280
And a glass of beautiful wine.
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00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:13,840
What do you take with yours, Eric?
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00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:15,480
Usually a battered sausage.
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00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:17,800
He's such a greedy bastard, Beth.
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00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:21,640
Anyway... Shame we never thought.
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00:03:21,640 --> 00:03:25,200
Here, I'll tell you what's even
better than chippy chips.
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00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:26,720
What?
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00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:28,320
Home-made chips.
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00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:30,400
Oh, Beth!
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00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:32,480
No. Come on, Beth.
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00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:35,520
Home-made chips done in the pan.
Ooooh.
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00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:36,600
Forget it!
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00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:38,800
Home-made chips,
served with salt and vinegar,
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00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:41,000
and a big skoosh of tomato sauce.
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00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:45,680
No. No way! I am not making chips
at this time of night.
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00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:46,920
Eric, tell them.
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00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:50,080
Eric?
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00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:52,560
RADIO PLAYS IN BACKGROUND
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00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:54,280
KNOCK ON DOOR
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Oh, hullo, Beth, you're in.
Christine, you all right?
88
00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:05,440
Fine. Well, I'm fine.
89
00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:07,280
Pat's not. What's wrong?
90
00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:09,800
She got attacked by a dog.
Oh, my God.
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00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:12,440
Her dog, friendly fire.
What happened?
92
00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:15,160
She was just reaching into
her fridge to get a bit
93
00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:18,840
of that smoked ham to tide
her over till her dinner
94
00:04:18,840 --> 00:04:21,160
and, next thing she knew,
it had sunk its teeth
95
00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:24,360
into the back of her legs.
Oh, that's terrible.
96
00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:26,960
Well, she will buy that
dear ham, Beth.
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00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,000
Come in, you'd better come in.
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00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:36,320
I'll not stop long, Beth.
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00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:38,040
I'm just on my way up
to the hospital
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00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:39,320
with a bag of stuff for her.
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00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:44,120
I said to her, "Don't you worry,
Pat, I am here for you any time,
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00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:48,520
"day or night, you can count on me,
I won't let you down."
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00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:51,000
SHE SNIFFS
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00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:53,520
What's that smell?
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00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:55,560
Are you doing chips?
106
00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:57,560
Where did you say Ian was again?
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00:04:57,560 --> 00:04:59,720
Amsterdam, for a long weekend.
108
00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:02,960
Och, Amsterdam,
that's all drugs and sex shows
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00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:05,280
and prostitutes there.
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00:05:05,280 --> 00:05:07,080
We're booked to go in October.
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00:05:07,080 --> 00:05:09,200
If it's no' one thing, it's another.
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00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:11,040
Christine!
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00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:12,360
What are you doing here?
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00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:15,040
I'm on my way to the hospital.
What for?
115
00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:17,880
Pat's dog's had a go at her.
Aw, no!
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00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:19,720
Mmm, went for the back of her leg
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00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:21,920
and then got a slice of ham
off her when she was down.
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00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:25,160
Is she all right? Not bad.
She's had a tetanus
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00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:27,840
and I'm just taking her up a clean
pair of knickers and a tangerine.
120
00:05:27,840 --> 00:05:29,080
What about the dog?
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00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:30,920
It's in the hut with its teddy.
122
00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:32,400
What are you pair doing here?
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00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:34,160
Oh, we were away at a quiz night.
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00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:36,360
Oh, a quiz night? Yes.
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00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:38,840
Oh, I like a quiz.
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00:05:38,840 --> 00:05:40,880
Go on, give us a question. Eh?
127
00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:42,800
Ask me a question.
128
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:44,080
You staying long?
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00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:46,160
CATH LAUGHS
130
00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:46,160
Cheeky bastard.
131
00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:49,040
So, did youse win?
We came third. Mm.
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00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:50,960
What did you get for that?
A bottle of wine.
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00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:54,080
Cheap, horrible red wine.
Where is it by the way?
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00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:55,560
I've got it in my bag.
135
00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:57,560
You staying for some chips,
Christine?
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00:05:57,560 --> 00:05:59,160
Oh, mm, I don't know.
137
00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:01,400
I've got to get to Pat
at the hospital.
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00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:03,560
BETH: You're welcome if you want to,
Christine?
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00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:05,160
Mmm...
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00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:06,440
Right.
141
00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:09,040
OK, then, I'll maybe take a few.
142
00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:11,480
Right, no bother.
And a slice of bread.
143
00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:12,960
A slice of bread, right.
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00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:14,520
In fact, two slices.
145
00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:17,080
Two slices. You mean like
a chip butty?
146
00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:20,120
Oh, good idea, Beth.
Aye, a chip butty.
147
00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:23,800
Oh, Beth, could you put the fan on?
148
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:26,840
I don't want to have to wash my hair
when I go home.
149
00:06:26,840 --> 00:06:31,680
Here, Christine, if I said to you
what is a male fox called,
150
00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:33,280
what would you say?
151
00:06:33,280 --> 00:06:35,360
I'd say what the fuck
are you asking me that for?
152
00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:37,520
Naw, it was a question
in the quiz!
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00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:39,360
Oh, I see!
154
00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:41,560
A male fox...
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00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:44,240
Well, well, I don't...
156
00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:46,240
Is it no' just a fox?
157
00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:47,680
Ah, but is it?
158
00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:50,680
I mean, a female fox is a vixen.
159
00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:52,120
Oh, so it is.
160
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:54,440
And a male fox...
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00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:56,000
Oh, I don't know.
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00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:57,680
Is it a stud?
163
00:06:57,680 --> 00:06:59,520
It's a dog.
164
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:02,800
A dog? How is it a dog?
It just is.
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00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:06,800
Well, what's a male dog called?
And don't say a fucking fox.
166
00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:09,440
Well, a dog would just be a dog.
167
00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:13,080
Fucking foxes going into bins
and then running away
168
00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:14,760
when you try to pat them.
169
00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:17,120
BETH: Nearly there, almost done.
170
00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:19,880
Here, Beth, were you at this thing?
171
00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:22,160
They're saying a fox is a...
172
00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:23,360
What is it?
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00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,240
ERIC: A male fox is a dog.
174
00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:27,400
A dog, aye. BETH: That's right.
175
00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:30,480
And she should know,
she studied to be a vet.
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00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:34,200
A vet's nurse, Colin. She's not
brainy enough to be an actual vet.
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00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:36,760
I didn't study,
I was just interested in it.
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00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:38,640
Oh, I love animals.
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00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:41,920
I think you'd be magic at it,
Beth, you know, washing their fur
180
00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:45,400
before the operation and
getting them shaved and whatnot.
181
00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:48,320
And, like, holding them down
when they're angry.
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00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:53,000
I've seen that. Angry cats not
wanting the torch in their ears.
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00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:57,960
Not just so keen on cats, they can
have a temper, the wee shites.
184
00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:01,960
Right, ask me another one. Right.
185
00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:05,600
Who was the second man on the Moon?
The second man on the Moon? Aye.
186
00:08:06,680 --> 00:08:08,760
Oh, I canny think.
187
00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:11,720
Oh, you'll get it. Just think about
it. Who was the first?
188
00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:14,560
Oh, well, I know that. Yeah?
Of course.
189
00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:16,840
Louis Armstrong.
190
00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:18,640
OK, here we go.
191
00:08:18,640 --> 00:08:20,600
Christine, your chip butty's
just coming.
192
00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:22,440
Aw, bless you, Beth.
193
00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:24,640
I'm sure Pat won't mind me...
ERIC: Lovely.
194
00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:26,880
..getting a wee five minutes
with my chips.
195
00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:34,120
Aw, you're not putting mayonnaise
in your chips, are you?
196
00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:36,880
That's what the French do,
Christine. In't it, Eric?
197
00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:38,680
Aye, that's right, French fries.
198
00:08:38,680 --> 00:08:40,880
Aye, they also shit into
a hole in the ground
199
00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:43,440
but that doesnae make it
a good idea. Christine...
200
00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:46,680
..French cuisine is some of the best
in the world, isn't it, Colin?
201
00:08:46,680 --> 00:08:47,720
That's right.
202
00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:51,600
That Nando's that we went to in
Calais, it's the best I've been to.
203
00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:54,320
So, how are you getting up
to the hospital, Christine?
204
00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:57,280
Oh, I thought I might
just get a taxi, you know?
205
00:08:59,880 --> 00:09:02,400
Well, unless any of you could...
206
00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:04,880
Well, ah, you know, I've had
a couple of drinks, so I'm out.
207
00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:08,440
Naw, listen, I've had a few pints,
so... I'm pissed. ..sorry. Mm-hm.
208
00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:10,040
Ah!
209
00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:11,920
Hot, hot, hot!
210
00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:14,600
Break it in half, Cathy,
211
00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:17,760
you've got to let the air in
at the heart of the chip.
212
00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:19,320
And blow, that's it.
213
00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:23,720
That's it, that's it, blow.
214
00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:26,280
That's it, Eric.
215
00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:28,720
Oh, there you go, Christine.
Here's yours coming.
216
00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:30,240
HE MIMICS A FANFARE
217
00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:32,560
Give it here.
218
00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:32,560
CHRISTINE LAUGHS
219
00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:33,680
Oh...
220
00:09:33,680 --> 00:09:36,280
Oh, not bad, Beth, not bad.
221
00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:41,000
But you could've snuck a couple
of wee ones in at the edge there.
222
00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:42,560
Here, Beth.
223
00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:44,840
I could go a wee slice
of bread myself.
224
00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:47,880
Cathy?
225
00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:49,840
No, thanks, I don't eat carbs.
226
00:09:57,480 --> 00:09:59,840
CAR ENGINE RUMBLES OUTSIDE
227
00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:00,960
What's that?
228
00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:04,160
What is it?
229
00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:05,960
Is it the police?
230
00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:07,440
No.
231
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:08,800
Is that...?
232
00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:10,280
Is that Ian? Eh?
233
00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:12,240
BETH: No, it can't be,
he's in Amsterdam.
234
00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:14,280
It is. It's Ian and Gordon.
235
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,880
ERIC: What? CHRISTINE: It is them.
Are they coming in?
236
00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:18,680
I don't know what they're doing.
237
00:10:18,680 --> 00:10:21,000
Eric, go out and see
what's going on.
238
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:33,560
Ian. Dad.
239
00:10:33,560 --> 00:10:36,320
You all right?
Sorry, did we wake you up?
240
00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:38,240
No, no, no, we were up.
241
00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:39,840
Everything all right?
242
00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:43,640
You all right, Gordon, son?
Hello, Mr Baird.
243
00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:45,440
How come you're back?
244
00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:47,760
Och, we just thought
we'd get an earlier flight.
245
00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:50,880
Oh, right. Sorta seen everything
we wanted to see, hadn't we?
246
00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:52,360
Well, I had.
247
00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:55,000
Right.
248
00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:56,920
Er, do you want to come in?
249
00:10:58,280 --> 00:10:59,760
Your mum's made chips.
250
00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:09,520
DOOR CLOSES
251
00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:12,480
Oh, hi, Gordon!
Everything all right?
252
00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:14,080
Aye, fine, fine.
253
00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:17,000
Look at this, Gordon.
Bread, butter and chips.
254
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:19,320
What more could you ask for, eh?
255
00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:20,640
A triple heart bypass?
256
00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:23,360
I hear you've been in Amsterdam.
257
00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:26,160
Two naughty boys in Amsterdam, eh?
258
00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:28,320
Well, one.
259
00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:31,120
Is this you just coming straight
from the airport, is it?
260
00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:34,120
Aye, we left our car here,
save paying for parking, you know?
261
00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:35,880
Did you smoke cannabis, Gordon?
262
00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:40,040
I smoked it once, it made me
want to watch loads of cartoons.
263
00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:42,120
Ah, the old wacky baccy, eh?
264
00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:43,760
They put it in cakes, don't they?
265
00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:45,400
Imagine that, Christine.
266
00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:47,280
Oh, yes, I can.
267
00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:50,720
Folk spiking your Victoria sponge.
268
00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:53,480
One minute it's afternoon tea,
269
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:56,960
the next you're starring
in a snuff movie.
270
00:11:56,960 --> 00:12:01,000
It's only one area that's like that,
the city's actually really nice.
271
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:04,120
Yes, it is, Ian,
it is a beautiful place.
272
00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:08,120
Remember I saw that woman
with the cock?
273
00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:10,200
You're back a bit early,
are you not?
274
00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:13,240
Yeah, we just sort of had enough,
didn't we?
275
00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:15,520
Uh-huh.
276
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:19,800
Can I use your toilet, please?
277
00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:24,560
SHE MOUTHS: What's going on?
278
00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:26,080
BATHROOM DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES
279
00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:30,560
Mm-hm.
280
00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:36,840
Aw, look, Beth's left her chips.
281
00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:39,480
Oh, that's a shame
to let them go cold.
282
00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:42,200
Cathy, pass us they chips
over, will you?
283
00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:46,840
Look, we had a bit of a disagreement
284
00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:49,320
and we decided that it would be
better if we just came home.
285
00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:52,480
Disagreement about what?
Ugh, nothing that important.
286
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,560
Is it drugs? No! Is it money?
287
00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:57,880
Did you spend all your money
on drugs? No!
288
00:12:57,880 --> 00:13:01,000
There's obviously something
quite seriously wrong.
289
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:02,040
Oh, aye.
290
00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:06,200
You don't spend money on a weekend
away and then come home early. No.
291
00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:09,880
Although I did
when we went to Belfast
292
00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:11,680
and I didn't like the accents.
293
00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:14,440
Maybe they didn't come
home out of choice.
294
00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:17,160
What do you mean? Maybe they've been
deported. What?!
295
00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:20,280
Could be. I mean, we went
there with the football,
296
00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:22,920
there was a couple of the boys
got put on to the plane back home.
297
00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:25,000
How, what did they do? Nothing.
298
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:26,640
Shat in the canal.
299
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:28,520
We went for a night out last night
300
00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:31,040
and Gordon didn't like
the place that we went to.
301
00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:33,760
Yeah, but you don't jump on the next
plane home just cos of that.
302
00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:35,360
TOILET FLUSHES
303
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:37,800
All right?
304
00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:39,160
Yeah, fine.
305
00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:43,480
Ah, are you going to tell me
what's going on? Nothing.
306
00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:47,600
Is it drugs? No, but if you keep
asking that I'm going to need some.
307
00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:51,720
Well, this place you went to,
what went on there? Nothing.
308
00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:55,720
It was fine, it was just
a bar, wasn't it?
309
00:13:58,560 --> 00:13:59,960
What was it called?
310
00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:01,160
The Hole.
311
00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:03,760
Oh.
312
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:04,920
Huh.
313
00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:08,560
Remember that time I came home
from Guernsey three days early?
314
00:14:08,560 --> 00:14:10,000
Oh, no' this.
315
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:15,080
I will never, ever set foot
in the Channel Islands again.
316
00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:17,800
Or play crazy golf in flip flops.
317
00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:19,240
Shhh!
318
00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:22,560
Cathy, leave them alone.
It's none of our business.
319
00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:25,200
Leave them to it.
Let them sort it between them.
320
00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:26,560
Mm-hm.
321
00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:29,520
It's quite natural for couples
to have wee disagreements
322
00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:31,120
now and again.
323
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:33,600
No need for us to poke our noses in.
324
00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:43,040
Should I...? Aye, fire in, Cathy,
see what the story is.
325
00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:46,360
HE SIGHS
326
00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:50,760
Oh, sorry, I didn't realise
you were in here.
327
00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:55,040
I'll just get a glass of water.
328
00:14:56,840 --> 00:14:59,120
It was absolutely disgusting.
Honestly, Mrs Baird,
329
00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:00,560
I've never seen anything like it.
330
00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:02,800
It's Amsterdam, what do you expect?
331
00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:05,160
Erm, this'll be fine.
332
00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:19,760
Oh, carry on, I'm not,
I'm not listening.
333
00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:22,800
I just thought...
334
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:24,440
..you might enjoy it.
335
00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:27,600
Did he take you to a sex show,
Gordon? Cathy! Did he?
336
00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:30,320
Was there actual penetration? No!
337
00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:33,200
It was not a sex show...
338
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:35,200
..it was a bar. A gay bar?
339
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:36,520
Yes, a gay bar.
340
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:38,920
Were there, like, loads of men
with their tops off, like,
341
00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:41,080
rubbing up against each other?
Cathy!
342
00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:43,080
I'm just trying to visualise it!
343
00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:47,200
You know, did they have like
really short hair and great teeth?
344
00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:49,760
Look, I really wanted
to go to Amsterdam
345
00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:52,840
and I was happy to go to that bar,
I just didn't expect...
346
00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:54,520
I just...
347
00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:56,880
What were you doing in that cubicle?
348
00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:58,080
Boom!
349
00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:00,600
Cathy, why don't we go through
to the living room?
350
00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:01,840
Oh, no way!
351
00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:04,400
Cathy, living room, now!
352
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:17,520
Cathy!
353
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:19,120
Living room, now!
354
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:25,440
What's gone on?
355
00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:27,520
It's between Ian and Gordon.
356
00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:31,520
They went to a gay bar and
Ian did something in a cubicle.
357
00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:32,560
Oh, dear.
358
00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:34,280
Well, what's wrong with that?
359
00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:36,520
If I was a man,
I'd go in to a cubicle
360
00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:39,600
as opposed to standing
at a trough with my willy out.
361
00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:42,120
Not that kind of cubicle, Christine!
362
00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:43,360
A booth.
363
00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:45,520
A gay sex booth.
364
00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:47,240
Oh.
365
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:48,640
Oh, hell.
366
00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:54,320
You ever been to a gay bar, Eric?
367
00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:56,080
Me? No.
368
00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:58,360
I have. Haven't I, Cathy? Yeah.
369
00:16:58,360 --> 00:17:00,680
In London. Fair play to them.
370
00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:03,400
It was actually a very welcoming
and friendly place.
371
00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:06,880
There was music on, they had a fruit
machine, they even had pints.
372
00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:10,440
Really, aye? Aye, I got talking
to this wee Moroccan guy
373
00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:13,760
wi' a denim jacket on.
I had a great night. Ah.
374
00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:17,840
You didn't go to the toilet,
though, did you? No chance.
375
00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:21,760
I shared a table with a lesbian
in Costas, didn't I, Beth?
376
00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:23,040
You did.
377
00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:28,000
Look, I'm sorry.
378
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:30,120
I should've asked you first,
I get it.
379
00:17:30,120 --> 00:17:31,520
I just...
380
00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:34,160
I don't know why you'd even want
to do that with someone else.
381
00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:35,640
It was just a bit of fun in a bar,
382
00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:37,560
it's not like I've actually
cheated on you.
383
00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:38,760
You had his cock in your hand!
384
00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:39,920
Shhh!
385
00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:44,560
Look...
386
00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:47,280
..I'm really sorry.
387
00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:50,120
I don't want this to cause
any trouble between us.
388
00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:51,960
I shouldn't have done it
389
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:54,080
and I promise it won't happen again.
390
00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:01,560
Christine, should you no' be getting
up the road to that hospital?
391
00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:03,520
This is important, Eric.
392
00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:05,920
Pat herself will be very
interested to know
393
00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:07,600
what went on in that cubicle.
394
00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:09,560
I think she'd rather
have some pyjamas.
395
00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:13,360
Well, you say that, Beth,
but these wards are like saunas,
396
00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:15,360
she'll be fine in her pants.
397
00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:17,720
They keeping her in overnight,
are they? Aye.
398
00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:20,320
Well, best place for her.
She's in safe hands.
399
00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:24,040
I mean, thank God for the NHS, eh?
Aye. Oh, yes.
400
00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:26,560
BETH: We've got Bupa, don't we?
Oh, aye. I mean, well,
401
00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:29,120
you canny muck about when it's to
do with your health, you know?
402
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:34,760
So, er...
403
00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:36,640
..everything all right?
404
00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:38,400
Yeah. Fine.
405
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:40,560
Sure?
406
00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:43,960
Ah... You staying
for a cup of tea?
407
00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:45,920
BOTH: OK.
408
00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:47,160
Anyone else?
409
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:50,200
I'll take a wee glass of wine, Beth.
I'll have a beer.
410
00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:52,760
Oh, aye, me an' all!
411
00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:56,000
Gordon, would you mind,
once you've had your cup of tea,
412
00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:58,280
giving me a run up to the hospital?
413
00:18:58,280 --> 00:18:59,880
Erm, sure, yeah.
414
00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:02,520
Pat's been involved in
an altercation with a dog
415
00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:04,200
over a piece of ham.
416
00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:07,120
I'll fill you in on all
the details on the way up.
417
00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:08,920
So, have you all been out tonight?
418
00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:10,200
Quiz night.
419
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:12,200
Ask him the question,
Colin, ask him.
420
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:15,720
Right, what is a male fox called?
421
00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:17,920
GORDON: I know! A dog!
422
00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:19,800
What?! A dog!
423
00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:23,080
COLIN: Can you believe that?
His general knowledge is amazing.
424
00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:24,960
I keep telling him
he should go on Pointless.
425
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:27,640
Aw, Pointless, is that the one
with the big streak of pish
426
00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:29,160
and the glasses? Aye.
427
00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:30,360
BETH: Aw, I like him.
428
00:19:30,360 --> 00:19:33,960
Oh, Beth, you've got such
shit taste in men.
429
00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:37,720
I applied to go on a quiz show.
430
00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:41,200
Did you? Do you remember
Wheel of Fortune?
431
00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:44,120
GORDON: Oh, with the, erm,
with the wheel?
432
00:19:44,120 --> 00:19:46,320
Oh, oh, I loved that!
433
00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:49,440
Who was the woman
who turned the letters?
434
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:52,840
Eh, Carol Smillie.
Ah, that's it. Carol Smillie.
435
00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:55,600
I saw her once scraping bird
shit off her windscreen
436
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:56,880
with a debit card.
437
00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:58,960
She wasnae too smiley then,
I can tell you.
438
00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:00,160
THEY LAUGH
439
00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:02,560
Here, Eric, do you ever watch
Family Fortunes?
440
00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:04,080
Och, aye, it's all right.
441
00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:05,360
SHE MIMICS A BUZZER
442
00:20:05,360 --> 00:20:07,440
I tell you what,
they get some crackers on that.
443
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:08,840
SHE MIMICS A BUZZER
444
00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:10,640
Here, we go, listen to this.
445
00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:15,640
We said name something
beginning with Z
446
00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:18,320
and this guy's said, wait for it...
447
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:20,320
..xylophone!
448
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:20,320
THEY LAUGH
449
00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:25,200
Here's another one.
Name something made of wool.
450
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:27,320
Oh, I know, I know.
A jumper, a jumper.
451
00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:29,760
Aye, no,
but this guy's said a sheep!
452
00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:32,040
THEY LAUGH
453
00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:34,880
CATHY MIMICS A BUZZER
454
00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:37,640
Have you ever heard
anything like it, Eric?
455
00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:39,520
I mean, that's just the
height of stupidity.
456
00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:41,960
Aw, it can't be easy
going on one of those shows.
457
00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:44,680
Aye, especially if you've
only got half a brain.
458
00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:47,000
It hasnae stopped Vernon Kay.
459
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:48,360
Here's another one.
460
00:20:48,360 --> 00:20:53,080
They were asked to name
a bird with a long neck
461
00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:54,840
and they said...
462
00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:56,280
..Naomi Campbell.
463
00:20:56,280 --> 00:21:00,000
THEY LAUGH
464
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:03,320
I tell you, see tonight at
the quiz, Ian,
465
00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:06,440
your mum was a star. Aw, was she?
No, I wasn't.
466
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:08,400
She was. Aye, you were.
467
00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:11,360
You were, Beth! See at
the science and nature round.
468
00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:14,080
Oooh, snakes, Gordon. Sssss.
469
00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:18,240
Do you know, Ian, that your mum
was very nearly a vet's nurse?
470
00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:20,880
I didn't know that. Aw, you'd have
been brilliant at that.
471
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:22,120
That's what I said.
472
00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:25,200
Have you ever seen the cat
getting the torch in its ear?
473
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:27,760
Do you like cats, Gordon?
474
00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:29,120
Don't mind them.
475
00:21:29,120 --> 00:21:32,480
Mmm, each to their own.
476
00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:35,760
COLIN: Eric,
what would you have done
477
00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:38,200
if you could've done anything
in the world?
478
00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:40,360
Oh, God, now you're asking.
479
00:21:40,360 --> 00:21:41,440
Er...
480
00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:45,160
Well, I do remember
when I was a wee boy,
481
00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:47,200
I really wanted to be an astronaut.
482
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:51,200
CHRISTINE: Fuck me, the rocket would
never have got off the ground.
483
00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:54,280
CATHY: If I could've been
anything at all,
484
00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:57,520
I would've been a singer!
485
00:21:57,520 --> 00:21:59,520
Aw, can you sing?
486
00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:01,440
No.
487
00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:03,760
But I tell you what I can do.
What?
488
00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:06,320
I can do the crab, can't I, Colin?
489
00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:08,720
Eh? Cathy... You know the thing
when I bend backwards
490
00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:11,000
and I walk on my hands.
Oh, aye, aye, aye.
491
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:12,800
Do you want to see?
Er, no, Cathy!
492
00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:16,000
Yes. Come on, Colin, move
this shit out the way.
493
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:18,360
Move the pouffe.
494
00:22:18,360 --> 00:22:21,760
Right, that's it. CHRISTINE: Mm-hm.
That's it.
495
00:22:21,760 --> 00:22:23,800
COLIN: That's you. OK.
496
00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:27,480
Get them to count, Col. All right.
497
00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:31,920
ALL: One, two, three...
498
00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:34,000
THEY CHEER
499
00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:39,280
Right, who's next? ERIC: Eh?
500
00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:42,560
Christine, what's your party piece?
Oh, she can do magic.
501
00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:45,240
Can I? Oh, aye, every time
you come round here
502
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:46,840
all our food and drink disappears.
503
00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:48,600
THEY LAUGH
504
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:50,040
You do yours then, Eric.
505
00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:52,480
Aw, I know what his is,
I've seen it hundreds of times.
506
00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:55,560
What is it, Mr Baird?
The Vanishing Banknote!
507
00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:57,720
Colin, do you have a tenner
upon you?
508
00:22:57,720 --> 00:22:59,760
Aye, hold on.
509
00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:01,040
There you go. Thank you.
510
00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:03,000
Perfectly ordinary £10 note.
511
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:04,160
Now, watch carefully.
512
00:23:05,360 --> 00:23:08,080
Notice how the hand never
leaves the wrist.
513
00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:09,160
CATHY: Aw, get on with it.
514
00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:11,200
ERIC: Aye, all right. You watchin'?
515
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:14,920
THEY GASP
516
00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:18,760
Aw, that's good, Eric.
517
00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:20,800
Eh, how about that?!
Oh, that's brilliant.
518
00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:23,600
CATHY: Oh, do it again, do it again!
ERIC: All right.
519
00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:29,760
Fantastic!
520
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:31,200
No' bad, eh?
521
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:33,000
Here, Eric, gies my tenner.
522
00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:34,880
That's why it's called
The Vanishing Tenner.
523
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:36,960
IAN LAUGHS
524
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:36,960
That's amazing!
525
00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:39,080
CHRISTINE: Actually, I do have one.
526
00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:41,440
What is it?
It's a tongue twister.
527
00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:43,760
Oooh. Tongues, Gordon.
528
00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:44,800
Right.
529
00:23:46,120 --> 00:23:50,400
Round the ragged rock
the ragged rascal ran.
530
00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:52,560
Aye, but faster than that.
531
00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:55,520
Ah. Round the ragged rock
the ragged rascal ran.
532
00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:58,200
Faster. Round the ragged rock
the ragged rascal ran.
533
00:23:58,200 --> 00:24:00,600
Round the ragged rock the
ragged rascal ran. ERIC: Faster!
534
00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:03,160
Round the ragged rock the ragged
rascal ran. Round the ragged...
535
00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:05,480
Faster! ..ragged rascal ran.
Round the ragged rock... Christine.
536
00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:07,800
..ragged rascal ran. Round the
ragged rock the ragged rascal ran.
537
00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:10,440
Round the ragged rock... Christine,
stop! ..the ragged rascal ran.
538
00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:13,360
Aye, right, you ragged bastard,
you better fucking run!
539
00:24:13,360 --> 00:24:15,080
CHRISTINE LAUGHS
540
00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:24,040
Colin, you do yours.
541
00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:25,640
I love this.
542
00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:27,760
Gordon, wait till you see this,
it's unbelievable!
543
00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:30,080
Right, let me get set. Shhh!
544
00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:35,040
Yes, Miss Moneypenny.
545
00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:36,480
CATHY LAUGHS
546
00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:38,920
Sean Connery, Beth, Sean Connery.
547
00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:40,760
Yes, Miss Moneypenny.
548
00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:44,960
Gordon, isn't that unbelievable?
It's Sean Connery.
549
00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:46,560
Say something else.
550
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:50,480
Hello, Miss Moneypenny.
551
00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:52,840
That's shite.
552
00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:58,760
Beth, have you got one? No.
ERIC: Aye, you have.
553
00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:00,880
No, I don't. Does she, Eric? No!
554
00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:03,520
Oh, yes, she does! What is it?
555
00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:05,760
Go on, Beth, do the thing.
What thing?
556
00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:07,920
You know the thing, the noise.
557
00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:10,520
IAN: Aw, Mum, do that, it's
so funny. GORDON: What is it?
558
00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:13,040
I'm not doing it. It's ridiculous.
559
00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:16,040
What noise, Eric? Oh, come on Beth,
just do it. It's great.
560
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:19,320
It's stupid. COLIN: Come on, Beth!
IAN: Go on, Mum!
561
00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:22,520
Go on. Make the noise!
Make the noise!
562
00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:28,040
Meow.
563
00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:39,280
Meowwwwwww.
564
00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:52,320
Meowwwwwwww.
565
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:55,600
THEY LAUGH
566
00:26:01,360 --> 00:26:05,920
Sorry, Beth, it was just...
All right, all right!
567
00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:07,760
Ian, what about you?
568
00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:10,160
He's already done his turn
in Amsterdam!
569
00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:12,040
Aye! Oh!
570
00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:14,720
What about you, Flash Gordon?
Aw, no, I don't really have one.
571
00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:17,320
Oh, come, on Gordon,
you must be able to do something.
572
00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:18,600
I swear, honestly!
573
00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:20,720
Would you like me to teach you
to do the crab?
574
00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:23,280
No. CHRISTINE: I'd have a go, Cathy,
575
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:26,880
but I think my chips would
just come straight back up.
576
00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:28,720
Are you no' very bendy, Gordy?
577
00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:32,160
What about school? What
were you good at at school?
578
00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:35,560
Running. Oh, my God,
do some running!
579
00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:38,080
Run around the room.
In fact, run up the stairs.
580
00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:40,440
BETH: He's not running up
the stairs, Cathy.
581
00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:43,000
I actually got a bronze medal
once for the hurdles.
582
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:44,800
Did you? That is amazing!
583
00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:48,480
Well, just jump over something,
jump over the couch! Cathy!
584
00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:52,200
IAN: Could go outside and do it. Mm?
585
00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:53,840
Yes!
586
00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:56,320
ERIC: Oh, now you're talking!
Come on, let's go.
587
00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:02,360
I don't, I don't, even know
what it is I'm meant to be doing.
588
00:27:02,360 --> 00:27:04,560
COLIN: Just, just hurdle something.
589
00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:06,240
Jump over a car!
590
00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:07,840
A bloody car?!
591
00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:10,040
I know, the hedge!
592
00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:12,560
Can you jump over the hedge? Aye!
593
00:27:12,560 --> 00:27:14,400
Erm...
594
00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:15,920
Should be able to.
595
00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:21,200
Here we go! Go on, Gordy!
Hedge, hedge, hedge, hedge!
596
00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:23,520
IAN: Gordon, just be careful,
will you?
597
00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:26,000
ALL: Oh...
598
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:27,480
Aww!
599
00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:29,680
Come on, son!
We could've jumped that!
600
00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:32,120
CHRISTINE: Come on, Gordon.
Go on yourself, son, come on!
601
00:27:32,120 --> 00:27:33,280
That's it, that's it.
602
00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:34,800
ALL: Oh...
603
00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:36,120
Oh, my God, there's a fox! Beth!
604
00:27:36,120 --> 00:27:37,480
ALL: Aww!
605
00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:38,760
GORDON: Ah!
606
00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:41,120
Beth, Beth, grab it,
let's bring it in.
607
00:27:41,120 --> 00:27:44,880
Are you all right? Oh, my goodness,
Gordon! What have you done?
608
00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:47,360
Ah, it's my wrist.
I've done something to my wrist.
609
00:27:47,360 --> 00:27:50,040
Ian, is he all right?
He's done something to his wrist.
610
00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:51,600
I can't move my fingers.
611
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:53,600
Ach, you'll be fine, he'll be fine!
612
00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:56,880
I think he'll need to go up to A&E.
Well, none of us can take him.
613
00:27:56,880 --> 00:27:58,720
ERIC: We've had a drink,
we cannae drive.
614
00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:01,040
We'll need to phone an ambulance
then.
615
00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:02,680
CHRISTINE: Ya beauty!
616
00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:04,120
What?
617
00:28:04,120 --> 00:28:06,960
Well, he can take up
Pat's pyjamas for her.
618
00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:10,040
I'll get another shot
at Beth's chips.
619
00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:12,800
GORDON: Ah, it's really sore. Ah!
620
00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:13,920
Aw...
621
00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:15,440
FOX GROWLS
622
00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:15,440
Ow, you sh...!
623
00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:16,880
# Ow!
Hey-hey, pretty baby
624
00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:19,800
# With your fine old foxy self
625
00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:24,000
# Hey-hey, pretty baby,
with your fine old foxy self
626
00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:26,880
# I wanna love you, baby
627
00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:29,600
# Baby, all by myself
628
00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:30,640
# Ow!
629
00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:35,200
# Come on, come on, come on
and follow me
630
00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:39,640
# Come on, come on,
come on and follow me
631
00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:42,040
# I wanna love you, baby... #
75941
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