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1
00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:09,320
So, in general, you're feeling
all right? Yeah, yeah.
2
00:00:09,320 --> 00:00:10,960
Are you eating your five a day?
3
00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:12,640
Aye, five Kit Kats.
4
00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:14,160
Have you checked your
testicles recently?
5
00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:16,960
Yup, there's still two of them.
6
00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:18,960
When was the last time you
checked them, Mr Baird?
7
00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:20,960
Oh, I don't know.
8
00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:23,320
You're supposed to check them
regularly for any abnormalities.
9
00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:25,960
I usually say to people to
do it when they're in the bath,
10
00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:27,960
you know, when you're relaxed
and they're nice and soft.
11
00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:29,960
When was the last time
you had a bath, Eric?
12
00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:31,000
I've got no idea.
13
00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:32,960
I'll make sure he has one.
14
00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:35,800
Mind you, our boiler doesn't always
give you enough for a bath.
15
00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:37,960
No, it depends
if the washing machine's been on.
16
00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:39,960
What about a shower,
will that soften them up?
17
00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:41,160
Cos I prefer a shower, actually.
Uh-huh.
18
00:00:41,160 --> 00:00:43,960
It's an electric shower we've got.
Well, you can... Yeah.
19
00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:45,960
It doesn't depend on the boiler,
you see.
20
00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:46,960
Takes it directly from the mains
21
00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:48,960
and heats it up in an element
in the box on the wall.
22
00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:51,960
You pull a string to switch it on.
23
00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:53,640
Well, you can do it anywhere.
24
00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:55,160
Step up on to the scales, please.
25
00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:00,960
I still cannae make head
nor tail of it.
26
00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:03,960
Look! There's its head,
and there's its wee nose.
27
00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:06,800
It's like one of those pictures
they take from the drones
28
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:08,800
when they've been up bombing
the villages.
29
00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:10,960
Well, I'm sure the next
one they do will be clearer.
30
00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:13,960
Oh, well, I hope we get a few more.
One copy!
31
00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:17,800
But that's the NHS for you, eh?
They've brung it to its knees.
32
00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:20,960
And just you wait to the birth -
you'll be in and out in a day.
33
00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:25,000
Not like the good old times, where
you could be in a place for months.
34
00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:27,960
I'm sure I can feel it
starting to kick. Aye.
35
00:01:27,960 --> 00:01:30,960
Either that or it's that steak pie
we had for our lunch
36
00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:32,640
making its way through you.
37
00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:34,960
Right, come on,
let's get this up on the Facebook.
38
00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:37,000
No, Mum, this is private.
39
00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:40,960
Private? It might be private to you
but this is my first grandchild.
40
00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:43,960
Oh, fine.
41
00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:46,960
And once you're finished with that,
42
00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:49,320
you make sure you put it
somewhere safe.
43
00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:51,480
CAMERA CLICKS
When you become a mum, Sophie,
44
00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:53,960
you will understand that these
are the types of things
45
00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:55,960
that you'll cherish forever.
46
00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:00,960
Plus it'll be good ammo
in my appeal with the council
47
00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:03,960
when I'm going up to get
that ramp fitted.
48
00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:05,960
SHE SIGHS
49
00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:08,960
So, are you going
on holiday this year?
50
00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:10,320
No. No?
51
00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:13,800
No, no, we were away,
what was it, three years ago?
52
00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:14,960
Try seven.
53
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:17,960
Seven? Is it seven years
since we were in Jersey? Uh-huh.
54
00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:21,960
Jersey? That's supposed to be nice,
but I suppose it's like anywhere -
55
00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:22,960
depends if you get the weather.
56
00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:24,000
We didn't.
57
00:02:25,640 --> 00:02:27,960
Right.
Well, that's everything checked
58
00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:30,960
and it seems you've made
really, really good progress.
59
00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:33,320
Your weight's down,
your cholesterol is much better
60
00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:35,960
and your blood pressure
is just about normal.
61
00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:37,960
And what about that
cloudiness in the urine?
62
00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:40,960
It's all gone.
That one you did today was super.
63
00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:43,960
Sorry it took us a wee while.
It's a bit tricky, you know,
64
00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:47,480
trying to hold the two things
at once.
65
00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:49,960
Well, that's smashing.
Isn't that great, Eric? Yes.
66
00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:52,160
Right.
Well, I'll see you in three months.
67
00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:54,960
Oh, and don't forget -
check those testicles!
68
00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:56,960
I will... He will.
69
00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:00,000
See you.
70
00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:13,000
Come on.
71
00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:16,960
# Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm
72
00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:20,000
# Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm
73
00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:25,960
# Whoa-oh-oh-oh
74
00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:30,160
# Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
75
00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:33,480
# Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh. #
76
00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:36,640
Right, Eric, go and get the big
suitcase with the wheels down.
77
00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:37,960
Let's get started. Beth...
78
00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:39,960
Go!
79
00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:43,960
Oh, I forgot to get earplugs.
80
00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:45,960
Eric! We forgot to get earplugs!
81
00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:48,160
They'll give you headphones
on the plane.
82
00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:51,960
It's not for the plane
I'm wanting them.
83
00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:53,960
It's not there! What?
84
00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:54,960
It's not here.
85
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:56,960
What? You're joking. No.
86
00:03:56,960 --> 00:03:58,960
Did Ian not use it to shift
some of his stuff?
87
00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:01,960
Oh, bugger.
Oh, come on, it'll be fine.
88
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:03,960
Listen, can we not just take that
big Adidas holdall
89
00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:06,960
and we'll shove some bits
and pieces into the cool bag
90
00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:08,640
and you can take
that as hand luggage?
91
00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:10,480
I am not standing at Glasgow Airport
92
00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:12,960
looking like I'm queuing
for a laundrette, Eric.
93
00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:14,160
Forget it!
94
00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:15,640
Go and find the funnel,
95
00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:17,960
and start putting shampoo
into those clear bottles.
96
00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:19,800
Why are we doing that?
97
00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:20,960
So there's not a bomb.
98
00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:24,960
Ian, it's me.
99
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:26,320
How many has it got now?
100
00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:28,960
37 likes and two comments.
101
00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:29,960
Has your Auntie Margaret liked it?
102
00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:31,960
Uh-huh. What about Rita?
103
00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:33,320
Who's Rita?
104
00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:36,960
You know Rita -
her that collects for the guide dogs
105
00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:40,640
and went away over to help with
the tidying up after the tsunami.
106
00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:41,960
No.
107
00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:44,960
She's only interested in herself,
that one.
108
00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:46,960
What about Beth - has she liked it?
109
00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:47,960
Not yet, no.
110
00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:48,960
You're joking.
111
00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:49,960
No.
112
00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:51,320
Poke her!
113
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:55,320
DOORBELL RINGS
114
00:04:56,960 --> 00:05:00,960
Hi, Cathy. Hi, Eric.
Oh, are you doing charity bags?
115
00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:03,960
Actually... Where's Beth?
116
00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:05,960
Beth!
117
00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:08,800
Hi, Cathy, sorry,
but we really are up to our eyes...
118
00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:10,480
No, no, no, no, no, no,
that's all right.
119
00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:12,960
I just thought I'd pop my head in
to say thanks for putting up
120
00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:14,960
with all that racket
that's been going on
121
00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:16,960
while we've been getting
this hot tub installed.
122
00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:19,960
That's all right.
And thanks for all your help, Eric,
123
00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:21,960
when we had that problem
with the drains.
124
00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:26,480
Colin has asked me to tell you that
he was definitely not well that day,
125
00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:28,960
so that's how come
he had to leave you to it.
126
00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:30,800
Aye, no bother, Cath.
127
00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:32,640
Did you have to throw
those cords in the bin?
128
00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:33,960
Aye. Mmm.
129
00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:35,640
As I say, if you don't mind,
we're...
130
00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:37,160
So, as an extra thank you,
131
00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:41,960
we thought we'd like to get you
round for a few drinks and...
132
00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:43,320
a wee shot in the hot tub.
133
00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:45,960
Oh, that's lovely but...
About half seven?
134
00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:46,960
Cathy... I said to Colin,
135
00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:50,960
"People like Beth and Eric
can only dream of hot tubs -
136
00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:52,960
"we need to get them round."
137
00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:54,960
Cathy, we can't.
138
00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:55,960
What?
139
00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:57,800
We can't. Not tonight, anyway.
140
00:05:57,800 --> 00:05:58,960
How come?
141
00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:00,960
We're away on holiday.
Uh-huh, we've booked a holiday.
142
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:02,960
The flight's first thing
in the morning
143
00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:04,960
so we need to pack
and get organised...
144
00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:05,960
Well, where are you going?
145
00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:06,960
Turkey.
146
00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:08,800
Oh.
147
00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:09,960
Oh, well. Well, that's that, then.
148
00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:11,960
Sorry, Cathy.
Oh, no, no, no, no, you're fine.
149
00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:15,800
I hope you haven't gone to
any bother. Oh, no...
150
00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:16,960
apart from getting a hot tub put in!
151
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:19,960
Well, maybe when we get back.
152
00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:22,960
Yeah, yeah, when you're back.
153
00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:24,960
You enjoy yourselves!
154
00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:27,960
We will. We will.
155
00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:37,480
MUSIC PLAYS FAINTLY
156
00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:43,960
What's the matter?
157
00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:45,960
It's off! Eh?
158
00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:47,960
They're not coming!
They're going on holiday.
159
00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:48,960
What?
160
00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:51,960
They're going on holiday!
161
00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:52,960
Beth and Eric?
162
00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:53,960
Yes.
163
00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:55,960
Beth and Eric are going on holiday?
164
00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:57,960
Yes! My God...
165
00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:01,960
Beth and Eric?
166
00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:02,960
Yes!
167
00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:16,960
It's a whopper. Tell me about it.
168
00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:20,640
DOORBELL RINGS
Aw, who the hell's that now?
169
00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:21,960
Answer it!
170
00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:27,960
Hiya. Ah, thanks, boys. Christ,
I'd forgotten the bloody size of it.
171
00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:31,960
It's a beast. Lift it, Ian,
don't drag it across the carpet.
172
00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:32,960
Are you sure you need this?
173
00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:35,960
Yes! Don't you start, as well.
174
00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:36,960
Ah, there we are.
175
00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:38,960
I'll get all my stuff in there,
176
00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:40,960
plus my shoes
in these wee zippy bits.
177
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:42,640
How many pairs of shoes
are you taking?
178
00:07:42,640 --> 00:07:45,960
Did you not see the pictures she
showed us, Eric, of the old town?
179
00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:48,960
If we go for a walk,
I'll be needing flats.
180
00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:51,960
It's cobbled! Honestly!
181
00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:53,320
Thanks for this, boys, that's fine.
182
00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:54,960
No worries.
183
00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:57,960
Just watch you don't
put too much in it...
184
00:07:57,960 --> 00:07:59,960
otherwise you'll go
over your allowance.
185
00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:00,960
What allowance?
186
00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:01,960
Your baggage allowance.
187
00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:03,960
You'll be fine, though,
don't worry about it.
188
00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:06,960
I don't even know what ours is.
Did they say?
189
00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:08,960
Have we got a baggage allowance,
Eric?
190
00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:09,960
I don't know.
191
00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:11,960
It'll be on your boarding pass.
What boarding pass?
192
00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:12,960
Did they give us those?
193
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:15,960
I don't think they gave us
boarding passes, did they, Eric?
194
00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:17,960
I don't know.
Oh, God, this is a nightmare.
195
00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:19,960
You print them off yourself
at online check-in.
196
00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:21,800
I can do it for you.
197
00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:23,960
It'll be fine,
you'll have 20kg or something.
198
00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:26,960
Yeah, or it might be 15.
199
00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:29,960
Remember ours was 15 when we went to
Barcelona and we didn't know?
200
00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:31,800
Oh, no. It was fine.
201
00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:32,960
Well, in the end.
202
00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:33,960
What do you mean in the end?
203
00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:35,960
We had to unpack the whole case.
Not at the airport?
204
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:38,320
Mm-hmm, in the queue. Oh, my God.
205
00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:42,320
Yeah. I had to bin a 2000-watt
hairdryer and a pair of Air Max.
206
00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:44,960
It was one of the most stressful
experiences of my life.
207
00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:46,960
Still, it was good
when we got there.
208
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:47,960
Yeah, yeah, it was,
209
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:49,960
until that guy pulled a knife
on you at the cash point.
210
00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:51,960
Remember that? What?
211
00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:54,960
DOORBELL RINGS
If that's Cathy again...
212
00:08:56,960 --> 00:08:58,960
Beth. Christine.
213
00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:00,960
Oh, what's going on here?
214
00:09:00,960 --> 00:09:02,960
We're away on holiday -
got a last-minute deal.
215
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:04,480
Did you? Where to?
216
00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:06,960
Turkey. Turkey. Very nice.
217
00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:09,960
I've heard it's lovely. The beaches
are meant to be beautiful.
218
00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:12,960
Oh, aye, and they'll be that bit
quieter at the minute.
219
00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:14,800
Anyway, Christine,
I'd better get on.
220
00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:17,480
Oh, of course, we'll not keep you.
221
00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:19,000
This is nothing that interesting.
222
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:22,640
What is it?
Oh, it's just Sophie's scan picture,
223
00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:24,960
but if you've got more
important things to do,
224
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:26,160
like picking out sundresses...
225
00:09:26,160 --> 00:09:27,960
In you come. Thank you.
226
00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:34,960
Right, there it is.
227
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:36,960
You're all right, it's 20 kilos.
228
00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:39,960
Room for your snorkel
and flippers after all, Dad!
229
00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:41,960
Very funny. Have you ever been
snorkelling, Mr Baird?
230
00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:44,960
No, and I'll not be doing
any while we're away.
231
00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:48,960
I'll be getting my arse parked on
a sunbed and I'll not be shifting.
232
00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:51,960
We did snorkelling when we
went to Greece, remember?
233
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:54,960
I got a carrier bag wrapped
round my breathing pipe.
234
00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:56,960
So, are you looking forward to it?
235
00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:59,960
Aye, it'll be nice to get a break
and get away - get a wee bit of sun.
236
00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:01,960
Remember the first time
we went abroad?
237
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:04,960
Aye. Corfu.
Oh-ho, that was a great holiday.
238
00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:07,640
Yeah. Remember you got burnt
on the first day?
239
00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:08,960
Oh, aye, so I did, aye.
240
00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:11,960
I had to sleep sitting up
with a damp towel.
241
00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:13,000
And then I got food poisoning.
242
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:15,960
Did you? Aye, do you not remember
when we went to the water park
243
00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:18,960
and you took me on the big slide?
Oh, aye. Aye.
244
00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:20,000
And Mum got her bag stolen.
245
00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:21,960
Aye.
246
00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:23,960
Still, it was good to get away.
247
00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:25,800
Oh, my God.
248
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:26,960
What is it?
249
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,960
Your flight's at 6.15
in the morning.
250
00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:31,320
Check-in opens at 4.15.
251
00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:33,800
Aye, I know,
hardly worth going to bed, is it?
252
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:34,960
Have you booked a taxi?
253
00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:35,960
You don't need to book a taxi.
254
00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:38,960
Aye, right enough, I'll just
phone one in the morning. Aye.
255
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:40,960
No, we'll give you a lift. Won't we?
256
00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:45,960
So there we were,
going through the corridors,
257
00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:48,480
still no sign of ultrasound,
258
00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:51,960
so I stopped this wee doctor
and, lo and behold,
259
00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:56,960
was it no' the wee guy that
did my knee back in 2003?
260
00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:57,960
Really?
261
00:10:57,960 --> 00:11:01,640
Aye. Did I never tell you
about that, Beth?
262
00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:04,000
It was after that fall I had
in the jelly bean sandals
263
00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:06,960
with that stupid laminate floor.
264
00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:11,960
What it was, there was this clicking
sound in my joint, right,
265
00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:13,960
wasn't there, Sophie? Mm-hmm.
266
00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:15,160
It was like...
267
00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:18,960
SHE CLICKS
268
00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:32,960
Can you imagine it?
269
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:34,960
I mean,
it'd drive you round the twist,
270
00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:37,960
especially somebody as active as me.
271
00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:38,960
Christine...
272
00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:43,000
Oh, sorry, Beth,
we're holding you back here.
273
00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:44,960
I hate to seem rude.
274
00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:46,960
No, no, not at all.
275
00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:47,960
I quite understand.
276
00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:50,000
It's my fault.
277
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:52,800
On you go through
and put the kettle on.
278
00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:55,960
We'll get started on the scan
proper when you get back.
279
00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:11,480
DOORBELL RINGS
280
00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:14,800
Afternoon, Squire!
281
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:15,960
Or should I say...
282
00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:18,800
Well, how do you say
"good afternoon" in Turkish?
283
00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:20,960
Erm, I've got no idea.
Well, you should.
284
00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:23,960
See, wherever we go, I always make
sure I learn a few wee phrases,
285
00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:25,960
you know, just to keep me
in with the locals.
286
00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:28,800
Nothing too complicated,
just the likes of,
287
00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:31,960
"Please, thank you, chips."
288
00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:34,320
Well, I'll make sure I get a wee
phrase book at the airport.
289
00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:37,960
Colin, I don't mean to sound rude...
So, Turkey, eh?
290
00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:38,960
Aye, Turkey.
291
00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:39,960
Aye, it's some place.
292
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:41,480
Oh, have you been?
293
00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:43,320
No, no, I've seen it in the brochure
294
00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:46,160
but I always thought it
looked a bit manky.
295
00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:47,960
Ah, right, anyway, I...
296
00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:50,960
So, listen, do you want me
to do the odd bit of watering
297
00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:51,960
your plants while you're away?
298
00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:54,160
Actually,
that might not be a bad idea.
299
00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:56,960
Smashing. I'll just come in
and see where they are.
300
00:12:56,960 --> 00:13:00,960
Well...
HE SIGHS
301
00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:02,960
Now that means I have to get up
at 4am in the morning
302
00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:04,960
to drive them to the bloody airport.
303
00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:06,160
Oh, come on, it's not that bad.
Not for you.
304
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,960
All right, well, I'll do it, then.
No. Why not?
305
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:10,960
I don't know.
It would just be weird.
306
00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:13,960
Would you get me to drive your
parents to the airport on my own?
307
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:14,960
No.
308
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:15,960
See?
309
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:16,960
Well, yeah, maybe,
310
00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:21,960
if you stuck to the story that you
were my friend from the rugby club.
311
00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:24,960
Just come for a bit,
have a couple of drinks, come on!
312
00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:26,960
We need to be up early
to go to the airport.
313
00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:29,960
Look, it's all right!
I'll take you to the airport.
314
00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:30,960
Ian's said he'll take us.
315
00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:33,960
No, listen, I'll do the airport run.
316
00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:35,960
You boys come in for a drink
as well,
317
00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:37,960
and try out this new hot tub
of ours.
318
00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:39,960
You've got a hot tub?
319
00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:42,960
Do we have a hot tub?
Do we have a hot tub?
320
00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:44,960
What do you think all that business
with the drains was?
321
00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:46,960
I thought you were
getting your toilet fixed.
322
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:50,000
No! We were getting a hot tub
put in.
323
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:51,960
You want to see this thing, Ian.
324
00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:54,960
It can take 12 folk at a time.
325
00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:55,960
It's got underwater lights,
326
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:59,160
and it's got these wee jets that
you can position any way you like
327
00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:01,960
so that they can pummel your bits.
What do you say?
328
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:03,960
All right, then. Cool.
329
00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:05,960
Lovely.
That's that all sorted, then.
330
00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:08,960
Right, tomorrow morning,
what time's your check-in?
331
00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:10,960
Quarter past four.
332
00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:12,000
Great...
333
00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:16,960
Obviously, we still don't know
whether it's a boy or a girl
334
00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:20,960
but, as I says to Sophie,
either way has its drawbacks.
335
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:23,960
I'm really hoping it's a wee boy.
336
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:24,960
I was the same.
337
00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:27,160
Hi.
338
00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:29,960
Oh, here he is, my wee pal.
339
00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:32,960
He liked it on Facebook,
didn't you, son?
340
00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:34,960
What? The picture of my scan.
341
00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:35,960
Oh, is that what it was?
342
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:37,960
I thought it was
a satellite picture.
343
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:40,640
No, it's a picture of Sophie's baby.
344
00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:43,960
Really?
It looked like a tornado to me.
345
00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:46,000
Where's Ian? He's upstairs
looking for swimming trunks.
346
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:47,960
I brought Eric's swim stuff down.
347
00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:50,960
Oh, it's not for him.
It's for Ian, for the hot tub party.
348
00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:51,960
What hot tub party?
349
00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:55,960
We're all going next door for a shot
in Cathy's new hot tub, aren't we?
350
00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:57,960
Oh, lovely.
351
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:11,960
Oh, Beth, I'm so glad you
changed your mind.
352
00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:12,960
Come on in!
353
00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:14,960
In you go, Jaz.
354
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:15,960
Oh!
355
00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:17,960
Hot tub's bubbling.
356
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:19,960
Oh, ha-ha-ha. In you go. Right.
357
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:21,960
SHE EXHALES
358
00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:27,480
There you are.
359
00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:28,960
Where's your swimsuit, Missus?
360
00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:30,960
Oh, I'll not bother
actually going in, Cathy.
361
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:32,960
Oh, Beth, come on.
362
00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:34,960
Who cares if you've got
a bit of cellulite?
363
00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:36,960
Just face the other way
when you get in.
364
00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:38,960
I'm all right, thanks.
365
00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:39,960
Boo!
366
00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:41,960
At least these two
are dressed for it.
367
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:44,000
There's Ian with
his wee chicken legs,
368
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:47,640
and look at you, Jaz,
with your trunks.
369
00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:49,960
He's like a wee hairy Tom Daley,
isn't he?
370
00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:52,960
(It's only a gay man that could
carry those off, Beth.)
371
00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:53,960
Where'd you get them?
372
00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:56,960
Mr Baird lent me them.
373
00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:59,960
Right, on you come through.
374
00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:01,960
It's a few years
since I've worn them.
375
00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:06,960
Here we are.
376
00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:08,960
Hello there!
377
00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:10,960
Bloody hell,
it's like a Bangkok whorehouse.
378
00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:11,960
Shh.
379
00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:13,960
Wow. Do you like it?
380
00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:16,960
It's basically an exact replica
of a hotel we went to in Thailand,
381
00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:19,960
except we got our cushions
out of Dobbies.
382
00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:21,960
Oh, it's lovely, Cathy.
383
00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:23,160
Thanks, Beth.
384
00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:25,960
Wee chim-chiminea there -
385
00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:29,000
that's great for doing marshmallows
and burning wee bits of wood
386
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:31,960
and bank statements.
387
00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:32,960
Is that a...?
388
00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:34,640
And that's my Buddha.
389
00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:36,960
Oh, that's lovely.
Are you a Buddhist, Cathy?
390
00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:38,960
I am, but I still eat hot dogs.
391
00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:42,000
We wanted this to be a peaceful
place, a place where we could
392
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:44,960
come and just be alone
with our thoughts, didn't we, Cath?
393
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:46,960
We did, aye.
394
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:49,960
Plus his knee's just the right
height for sitting an ashtray on.
395
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:54,960
And here she is -
here is the jewel in the crown!
396
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:56,960
SHE SQUEALS
Oh...
397
00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:58,960
Oh, look at that!
398
00:16:58,960 --> 00:16:59,960
Yeah, it's some size.
399
00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:02,960
You can get them smaller
but we weren't interested in those.
400
00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:05,960
This place we went to in Thailand,
it had one that took 30 folk.
401
00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:08,960
Yeah, but we won't have dogs
drinking out of ours, though.
402
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:09,960
Switch it on, Col.
403
00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:14,960
HOT TUB WHIRS
404
00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:16,960
Ho-ho-ho-ho! Oh!
405
00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:18,960
And it's... It's very relaxing.
406
00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:20,960
I mean, even the sound of it.
HOT TUB BUBBLES LOUDLY
407
00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:21,960
Sorry?
408
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:24,960
Very relaxing,
the sound of the water.
409
00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:25,960
What's he saying?
410
00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:26,960
I've no idea!
411
00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:29,960
Do you feel the wood vibrating?
It's making my fillings hurt.
412
00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:31,800
Switch it off.
413
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:32,960
What?
414
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:34,800
Switch it off.
We're not going in it yet.
415
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:36,960
Colin! Just...
416
00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:39,960
HOT TUB STOPS BUBBLING
Now...
417
00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:41,960
who's for a glass of something?
418
00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:42,960
Oh, just a quick one, Cathy,
419
00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:44,960
we've still quite a lot
to do for going away.
420
00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:46,960
Yeah, of course you have.
421
00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:48,960
So, are you all set, then, Missus?
422
00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:50,960
Not really, as I said, erm...
423
00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:53,960
This is a surprise,
them going on holiday.
424
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:55,960
The number of times
we've said to them,
425
00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:56,960
"Come away with us to
the time-share,"
426
00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:58,960
but no, no, no,
they're having none of it.
427
00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:01,960
I said to Col, "Anyone would think
they didn't want to spend
428
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:03,960
"a fortnight in a log cabin
with us!"
429
00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:06,960
Well, we just saw it and thought,
"Why the hell not?"
430
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:08,960
Aw, so Turkey?
431
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:09,960
Uh-huh.
432
00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:12,960
That's the thing, last-minute -
you just take what you can get.
433
00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:14,960
The woman next to me at work
went to Turkey.
434
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:15,960
Oh, did she? Yeah.
435
00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:17,800
Did she enjoy it? Yeah!
436
00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:18,960
Well, sort of.
437
00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:23,960
She went to Istanbul for the day and
she got spat on cos she's blonde.
438
00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:24,960
You deserve it.
439
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:27,320
Not to get spat on, but a holiday.
440
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,800
Here's Colin with the drinkies.
Oh, ta.
441
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:33,960
Remind me to tell you about
that time we booked last-minute
442
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:35,960
and the company went bust.
443
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:39,640
- Right, here we are.
- Oh, that's lovely, thank you.
444
00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:41,960
Oh, yeah, lovely, thanks.
That's you.
445
00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:45,960
Steady, young man, you're up to
drive to the airport in a few hours.
446
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:49,960
Right, let's have a toast.
Come on, quick, quick.
447
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:53,960
This is a very special occasion.
448
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:56,960
It's been a long, long time coming.
449
00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:58,960
Aye.
450
00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:01,960
CATHY AND COLIN: To the hot tub!
ALL: Holiday!
451
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:04,320
And the holiday.
The holiday, too, Colin! Yeah.
452
00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:06,960
DOORBELL RINGS
Who the hell's that?
453
00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:08,960
Eh, I think that might be Christine.
454
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:10,960
Christine? Who told her?
455
00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:14,320
JAZ GULPS
456
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:17,960
Hello, Cathy.
457
00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:18,960
Hi, Mrs Whyte.
458
00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:19,960
Sorry we're late.
459
00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:22,960
Sophie wanted to shave her legs
before she came over.
460
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:24,960
I didnae bother -
mine are beyond it.
461
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:28,960
Let's get a soak in this tub
of yours, then, eh?
462
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:29,960
Whoopsie.
463
00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:36,960
I can't believe he did that. Eh?
464
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:39,960
Colin. I thought he was going to
take them to the airport.
465
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:41,000
He's a fly bastard.
466
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:42,960
What are we going to do?
467
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:44,960
We'll stay for a bit.
Not too long, though, please.
468
00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:48,960
Why? I'm cold and my bollocks
keep falling out the side of these.
469
00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:52,960
Right, that'll do me.
470
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:55,960
Hello, everybody, here we are.
471
00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:56,960
Hi.
472
00:19:56,960 --> 00:20:00,960
Oh, there's Jaz, my wee pal,
here he is.
473
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:02,960
I can see your balls, son.
474
00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:04,000
Hello, Beth.
475
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:05,960
Hello, Christine.
476
00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:10,800
Oh, my, oh, my, look at this!
477
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:12,960
I'll tell you something, Eric,
that wee Colin,
478
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:15,960
he is a wanker
but he cannae half go a drill.
479
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:18,640
Aye, I'll give him his due,
he's done a good job.
480
00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:21,960
Oh, aye, I should have got him
over to ours last year
481
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:24,160
when we were redoing that patio.
482
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:26,960
Oh, what an exercise that was.
483
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:31,480
Me with the bags of sand,
and our Sophie back and forward
484
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,960
with slabs in a wheelbarrow
like Fred fucking West.
485
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:35,960
Hey, look at this
pair in the goonies.
486
00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:38,160
Are you going to do some
synchronised swimming?
487
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:40,960
No, no,
she'll just paddle with her legs.
488
00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:43,960
We don't want
the bubbles agitating Baby.
489
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:46,960
CHRISTINE LAUGHS
Speaking of which,
490
00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:48,960
you havenae seen
the scan picture yet, have you?
491
00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:49,960
No.
492
00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:51,960
Wait till we tell you all about it.
493
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:54,960
Cathy, I'll need to go.
494
00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:57,800
What? I'll need to go.
I've got to finish packing.
495
00:20:57,800 --> 00:20:59,960
Oh, don't leave me with her.
You can't do that.
496
00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:00,960
Cathy...
497
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:02,960
Get Eric to do it.
498
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:05,960
We haven't even had a shot in
the hot tub yet. Come on, please?
499
00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:06,960
Come on, sit down.
500
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:12,320
Here, Eric,
all set for a quick dip, eh?
501
00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:13,960
Oh, not for me today, no.
502
00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:17,000
Oh, come on. Don't tell me you're
worried about stripping off, surely?
503
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:18,960
I mean, you that's been on a diet.
504
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:22,320
No, no, it's just, you know,
hot tubs are not really my thing.
505
00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:23,960
Oh, come on, don't be shy, Eric,
506
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:26,160
you're in the best shape
I've ever seen you in.
507
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:28,960
You must be right down
to a, a what, an XL?
508
00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:30,960
As a matter of fact, we were in
at the doctor's this morning.
509
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:33,960
The nurse was saying she was
pretty pleased with how I was doing.
510
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:35,960
Here, is that no' smashing?
Well done.
511
00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:38,960
That's all your healthy living
paid off, eh? Hmm.
512
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:40,960
Well, get that down you.
513
00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:43,160
I'll get us a couple of cans
of Stella out of the garage.
514
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:47,960
Here, Cathy,
you get your arse over here
515
00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:49,960
and have a look at
this scan picture.
516
00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:56,960
Now, be very careful
with that, please, Cathy.
517
00:21:56,960 --> 00:21:58,960
Yeah, it's the only one I've got.
518
00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:02,960
Oh, Sophie,
look at it, it's so tiny.
519
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:03,960
I know.
520
00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:07,960
And all curled up,
like a wee maggot in a nest.
521
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:11,960
Oh, it's changed days,
I'll tell you.
522
00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:14,960
They never had any of these scans
when I was pregnant.
523
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:16,960
No, the doctor just
put his specs on,
524
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:20,960
had a quick nosey about with his
torch and sent you packing.
525
00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:22,960
Cheers. Cheers. Good health, aye.
526
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:24,960
And how are you feeling, Sophie?
I'm OK.
527
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:26,960
No morning sickness? No.
528
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:28,960
Sore back? No.
529
00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:31,160
Prolapse, varicose veins,
constipation?
530
00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:32,960
Eh, no, no, no.
531
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:34,960
Any cravings? No.
532
00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:36,960
I have.
533
00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:39,960
Another glass of your bubbly,
Cathy, thanks.
534
00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:45,960
Oh, she... The scan picture...
535
00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:47,160
It's fine. Eric.
536
00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:48,960
What is it?
537
00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:50,960
Go home and finish our packing.
Oh, what?
538
00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:53,960
On you go. I don't want to leave
everything until the last minute.
539
00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:55,960
Oh, come on,
can we not just do it later?
540
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:57,480
No. Go. Beth!
541
00:22:57,480 --> 00:22:58,960
Coming, Cathy.
542
00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:03,960
Ian, there's more Tropicana
in the fridge if you want it.
543
00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:05,960
I'm OK, thanks.
544
00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:09,640
And, Jaz, one of your wee pals down
there's making a bid for freedom.
545
00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:13,960
Here, Beth,
are you all set for going away?
546
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:15,000
Just about.
547
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:16,640
Where are you flying from?
548
00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:17,960
Glasgow. Oh, aye.
549
00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:20,960
That's a changed place since they
had that terrorist attack, isn't it?
550
00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:21,960
Oh, yes.
551
00:23:21,960 --> 00:23:23,960
Oh, it's like Fort Knox.
552
00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:26,960
Mind you,
I knew a girl that worked in there,
553
00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:28,960
spraying the perfumes, you know?
554
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:30,960
See the hours
they've got them doing?
555
00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:33,960
She was about ready for setting fire
to herself to get out the place,
556
00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:36,800
never mind get in.
557
00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:39,640
Changed days, though,
right enough, eh, Beth?
558
00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:45,960
Isis, Al-Qaeda, Boko Haram -
a pack of bandits.
559
00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:47,960
I mean,
say what you want about them,
560
00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:49,960
you knew where you were
with the IRA.
561
00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:54,960
Right, is it not about time
we christened this hot tub?
562
00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:56,960
Oh, eh, eh, careful with that,
563
00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:58,960
please, Cathy, don't get it wet.
HOT TUB BUBBLES LOUDLY
564
00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:01,640
Colin, make sure
everyone's got a drink. Eh?
565
00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:02,960
Make sure everyone's got a drink!
566
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:03,960
Oh.
567
00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:07,000
Right, you, get your cossie on.
Come on, Missus.
568
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:10,960
Well, I won't, Cathy. All my stuff's
packed for going away.
569
00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:13,960
Come on, boys, get your tops off.
570
00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:15,960
Let's see the six-packs! Come on.
571
00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:20,960
Off, off, off, off!
Off, off, off, off, off, off...
572
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:22,960
LOUD BUBBLING CONTINUES
573
00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:23,960
Cathy.
574
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:25,960
Oh, what did I tell you?
575
00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:28,960
Just leave it. Oh!
GLASSES CLANG AND SMASH
576
00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:30,960
Oh, my God!
Oh! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
577
00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:31,960
Christine, you stupid cow!
578
00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:34,640
Switch it off, Col. Eh?
579
00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:36,160
Switch the fucker off!
580
00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:40,960
Oh! Oh, God.
581
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:43,960
They've smashed.
BUBBLING STOPS
582
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:46,960
They've all smashed, Christine!
583
00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:50,000
Well, don't blame me - it was you
throwing that on the ground.
584
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:51,960
I did not throw it on the ground.
585
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:53,160
You did so.
586
00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:55,960
Oh, shut up, Christine.
Nobody gives a shit about it.
587
00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:57,960
Oh, I beg your pardon.
588
00:24:57,960 --> 00:25:01,960
Nobody cares about
your scan picture.
589
00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:04,960
Excuse me,
but Beth had me over at hers
590
00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:07,480
for hours talking about it,
didn't you, Beth?
591
00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:08,960
Cathy, just leave it.
592
00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:10,800
Nobody cares?
593
00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:13,320
Well, nobody gives a shite
about your hot tub either -
594
00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:15,960
big, overgrown paddling pool.
595
00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:17,960
Christine, don't start.
596
00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:20,960
Well, no wonder. There's always
something with her, eh?
597
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:24,960
If it's not hot tubs,
it's fancy fitted kitchens
598
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:27,000
and televisions in the lavvy.
599
00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:29,960
What's next - a dry ski slope
on the fucking roof, eh?
600
00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:33,960
Enough! That is enough.
601
00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:34,960
It was an accident.
602
00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:37,960
My beautiful hot tub
is full of broken glass.
603
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:40,640
It's not the end of a world, Cathy,
is it, Colin?
604
00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:44,960
Well, you can say that but, I mean,
I need to get drained, you know,
605
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:46,960
and get the wee bits
of glass hosed out it.
606
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:47,960
Shards.
607
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:50,480
Well, why don't we all go inside?
608
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:52,480
It's getting a bit chilly now,
anyway.
609
00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:53,960
Come on, let's go in.
610
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:56,800
Throwing Sophie's scan picture
on the ground like that.
611
00:25:56,800 --> 00:25:59,480
Go home, Christine!
Don't even start! Oh, come on!
612
00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:01,640
Don't even start.
That's enough! Don't even...
613
00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:03,960
Stop it! Come on.
We've had years of it. Years of it.
614
00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:05,960
The pair of you are like
a couple of barbarians.
615
00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:06,960
Come on now, Cathy, come on.
616
00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:08,960
Honest to God, come on.
CATHY SOBS
617
00:26:08,960 --> 00:26:10,960
She's totally up herself, so she is.
618
00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:17,960
That's just typical. I didn't even
get a chance to dip my toe in it.
619
00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:20,960
CATHY SOBS AND MOANS
620
00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:22,960
Listen, Cathy,
I know this isn't a great time,
621
00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:24,960
but I really should...
622
00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:26,960
stick the kettle on.
623
00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:29,960
Beth, could I get a wee cup of tea?
624
00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:31,160
Shh!
625
00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:32,960
Don't shush me.
626
00:26:56,960 --> 00:27:01,960
HOT TUB BUBBLES LOUDLY
627
00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:12,960
Help!
628
00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:14,800
Oh, God, no.
629
00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:16,960
Eric!
HOT TUB BUBBLES LOUDLY
630
00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:19,480
Eric! No! Eric!
631
00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:21,960
MUSIC: The First Cut Is The Deepest
by Rod Stewart
632
00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:24,960
# The first cut is the deepest
Baby, I know
633
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:28,960
# The first cut is the deepest... #
634
00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:31,960
Oh, this is the life, eh?
635
00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:33,480
Oh, yes.
636
00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:35,960
# She's cursed
637
00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:38,960
# When it comes to loving me
638
00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:41,160
# She's worse... #
639
00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:43,640
Are you wanting a wee drink
of something?
640
00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:45,000
I wouldn't say no.
641
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:50,960
# I still want you by my side
642
00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:54,960
# Just to help me dry the tears
that I've cried... #
643
00:27:56,960 --> 00:27:58,960
You're wanting me to get it?
644
00:27:58,960 --> 00:28:00,960
If you would.
645
00:28:00,960 --> 00:28:02,960
# And if you want
646
00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:05,960
# I'll try to love again
647
00:28:07,960 --> 00:28:10,960
# Baby, I'll try to love again
648
00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:12,960
# But I know... #
649
00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:15,160
HE SIGHS
Ouch!
650
00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:18,960
# The first cut is the deepest... #
651
00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:21,800
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