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1
00:00:02,960 --> 00:00:07,160
ON TV: 'Springwatch starts
on Sunday, 23rd May on BBC Two.'
2
00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:09,960
PHONE RINGS
Aw, for...
3
00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:14,960
Hello?
4
00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:17,960
'Hi, it's me.' Oh, hello, me(!)
5
00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:19,960
Listen, what about
a short-sleeved shirt?
6
00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:21,960
What about it? For your birthday!
7
00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:24,160
How? Can you not afford one
with long sleeves?
8
00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:26,960
Eric, you need
a short-sleeved shirt.
9
00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:28,960
'Look, Beth, I told you -
you don't have to bother.'
10
00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:30,640
I don't want anything.
11
00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:33,960
Oh, they've got some nice linen
ones. I've got a linen shirt!
12
00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:37,960
What? That stripy one?
'Uh-huh.' No, that is horrendous!
13
00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:40,960
What's wrong with it? You look
like Jocky Wilson on safari!
14
00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:42,960
HE SIGHS
Listen, I told you!
15
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:44,960
I don't want anything!
Or a fleece!
16
00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:47,960
I don't... 'Oh, or a body warmer?'
17
00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:49,960
They've got reversible body warmers!
18
00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:52,960
And what am I going to do with one
of them?! Um, turn it inside out?
19
00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:55,960
'Honestly, Beth, you don't need
to worry. It's fine.'
20
00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:57,960
The best present you can get me is
21
00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:00,160
a bit of bloody peace and quiet -
that'll do me!
22
00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:03,960
I don't know why I bother,
honestly! See you later.
23
00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:06,960
Aye, see you later. No hurry.
Take your time.
24
00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:09,960
Ah...
25
00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:14,960
ON TV: '..Eggheads in 45 minutes.'
26
00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:17,960
DOORBELL RINGS
Oh, dear God! 'But before that,
27
00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:19,960
'another game of
Pointless Celebrities.'
28
00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:20,960
TV OFF,
HE SIGHS DEEPLY
29
00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:26,960
We've come to talk to you about
the role of religion in your life.
30
00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:27,960
SHE CACKLES
Ha-ha!
31
00:01:27,960 --> 00:01:29,960
It's funny you should say that.
32
00:01:29,960 --> 00:01:31,960
I was just saying a wee prayer
to myself on the way to the door.
33
00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:33,960
Ha-ha!
34
00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:36,960
(Unfortunately, it wisnae answered.)
35
00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:57,960
Aw, are we interrupting you
having your dinner?
36
00:01:57,960 --> 00:01:59,960
Well... What are you having?
37
00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:02,960
Aw, just a shepherd's pie thing.
Aw, gads!
38
00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:05,960
I've no' long just had mine,
in't that right, Cath? Aye.
39
00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:07,960
Cooked him a steak. She did.
40
00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:09,960
Rib-eye! It was beautiful!
41
00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:11,960
Wee pool of blood round it.
42
00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:13,320
I says to Catherine,
she put it down,
43
00:02:13,320 --> 00:02:15,000
"A good vet could get that
back on its feet."
44
00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:16,960
THEY LAUGH
45
00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:18,960
Where's Beth?
Er, she's at the shops.
46
00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:20,960
Aw, late-night shopping!
47
00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:23,960
Why did she not say?
I could've gone with her!
48
00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:25,960
Eric...
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
49
00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:30,480
What's this? Now, I know it's not
till tomorrow, but that's from us.
50
00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:32,960
Happy birthday, Eric! Oh.
51
00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:34,000
Oh? Oh, sorry. Ha-ha!
52
00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:36,960
SHE GIGGLES
Och, you didn't need to, honestly!
53
00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:38,960
We wanted to!
54
00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:41,160
Well, SHE did.
I'd forgotten all about it.
55
00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:42,960
I always remember
your birthday, Eric.
56
00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:46,960
It's exactly nine days before the
date we had the Alsatians put down.
57
00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:49,000
Now, I know we usually
get together on your birthday,
58
00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:51,960
but this year, unfortunately,
we can't.
59
00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:53,000
Aw, that's a shame!
60
00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:55,960
We're away sailing tomorrow,
aren't we, Col? Sailing!
61
00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:57,960
That's right.
62
00:02:57,960 --> 00:02:58,960
In a boat.
63
00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:00,320
On the sea!
64
00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:02,640
On a boat. On the sea.
65
00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:03,960
Oh, right, aye.
66
00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:06,960
Well, it's very kind, but you
shouldn't have bothered, honestly.
67
00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:09,160
Do you no want to see what it is?!
I kind of know what it is.
68
00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:10,800
But do you now?
69
00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:12,960
Could be anything in there!
70
00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:14,960
SHE LAUGHS: Let's have a look.
71
00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:17,000
COLIN AND CATH GIGGLE
What is it?
72
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:20,960
What's in the bag?
Here, let me look.
73
00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:24,960
Oh...
74
00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:27,960
A beautiful bottle of wine.
75
00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:29,960
Now, you'll enjoy that.
76
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:32,960
It's...it's kind of fruity,
but it's no' too fruity.
77
00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:37,000
It's smoky, but no' too smoky
and it's woody, but...
78
00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:40,480
Well, anyway, a glass of that,
along with a tin of macaroni,
79
00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:41,960
it's beautiful.
80
00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:44,960
Actually, I'm not drinking
at the moment. You...?
81
00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:46,960
HE GASPS
Say again?
82
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:49,960
I'm off the drink.
You're not drinking? No.
83
00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:52,960
You're not drinking ANYTHING? No.
Not even a beer in the morning?
84
00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:55,960
There's more calories in booze
than there is in food.
85
00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:57,960
You're not drinking ANYTHING?
86
00:03:57,960 --> 00:03:58,960
My doctor said to try it.
87
00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:00,960
I've lost three pounds already.
88
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:02,960
Really?!
89
00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:05,960
And here's us bringing you
a bottle of wine! Dear me!
90
00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:09,960
Well, never mind. I mean, you can
keep it for a special occasion,
91
00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:11,960
like a...like a celebration,
can't he, Cath? Aye.
92
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,960
Like when he starts drinking again.
93
00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:14,960
COLIN LAUGHS
94
00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:15,960
DOORBELL RINGS
95
00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:17,960
Here, you get it, Eric.
We'll sit down.
96
00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:23,960
Hiya, Dad. Oh, it's you!
97
00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:25,640
Hello, Mr Baird! Aye.
98
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:27,000
We just came to drop this off.
Oh, right.
99
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,960
Oh, look who it is!
100
00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:32,960
Hiya, Ian! Mwah! Hiya, Jaz! Mwah!
101
00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:36,960
Jaz, have you had
your teeth whitened? Er...
102
00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:38,960
Come on! Come on through!
103
00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:40,960
Choo-choo! I...
104
00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:43,320
HE SIGHS
105
00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:46,960
Aw, Jaz, you're so cuddly!
Look at the two of you!
106
00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:48,800
Two cuddly little gay things!
107
00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:51,960
We're not interrupting your dinner,
are we? No, no, you're all right.
108
00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:54,960
Her mince is awfy salty.
109
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:57,960
Do you two want something to drink?
110
00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:00,960
You got a beer? No.
I've no got any beers.
111
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:02,960
Aw, of course - you're off it.
Are you not drinking, Mr Baird?
112
00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:05,960
Not at the moment.
You've got wine, Eric!
113
00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:08,160
Wanting a wee glass of wine, Ian?
Aye, I'll take a glass of wine.
114
00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:11,960
Jaz? No, I'm driving. Are you sure?
I've got some peppermints in my bag.
115
00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:15,960
How many days
has it been now, Mr Baird?
116
00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:17,960
I've got an uncle that's in AA.
He's doing really well.
117
00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:19,960
He's not wet the bed in three years.
118
00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:23,480
Er, no, I'm just doing it to lose
a bit of weight. Course you are.
119
00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:24,960
Go and get a bottle opener, Eric.
120
00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:27,320
My liver thinks
my throat's been cut.
121
00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:35,320
Thanks, driver. As I say,
a sad, sad day, but a lovely buffet.
122
00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:37,960
In fact,
if you'll take a tip from me,
123
00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:39,960
you'll get yersel back down there.
124
00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:43,160
There's going to be
a lot of folk wanting taxis.
125
00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:45,960
Maybe put some plastic
doon in the back.
126
00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:48,960
Single malts on top of a lot
of pan bread, know what I mean?
127
00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:50,960
Right, Mum, come on.
Right you are, driver!
128
00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:52,960
Right you are.
ENGINE STARTS
129
00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:57,960
# In life and death, O Lord
130
00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:03,960
# Abide with me. #
131
00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:06,960
What a lovely day!
132
00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:09,960
That service was heartbreaking!
133
00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:13,960
Did you see her on my left roaring
and greeting into the hanky?
134
00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:15,960
She seemed to settle quite quick
135
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:18,960
when they pulled the foil
aff that buffet, eh? Aw, come on!
136
00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:22,960
I'm getting gooseberries aff of that
137
00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:24,960
and sort of vanilla tones,
are you, Cath?
138
00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:29,960
Ah! Oh, yeah. What about you, Ian?
It's all right, yeah, quite nice.
139
00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:32,480
Eric, how's yours?
140
00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:35,960
Fizzy! Did you I tell you -
I gave up the drink once?
141
00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:38,960
Did you? Aye. I felt great.
What made you start again?
142
00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:41,960
I met Cathy.
143
00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:43,960
Ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha(!)
144
00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:47,960
I always said that she had money.
Apparently, that nephew of hers
145
00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:52,960
was round her like a sandfly.
Mum, please! Heartless bastard!
146
00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:55,960
And I will tell him that to his face
when I'm down there tomorrow
147
00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:58,960
picking up that gravy boat
the sister promised me.
148
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:00,960
What time is it?
149
00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:02,960
It's still early!
150
00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:05,960
Why don't we go and say
a quick hello to Beth? Aw, no!
151
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:07,960
Oh, she'll be desperate to see
152
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:10,960
that selfie you took of me
with the hearse. Come on!
153
00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:13,960
SHE TUTS
154
00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:16,000
Are you sure you're not wanting
a wee dribble, Jaz, yeah?
155
00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,960
No, I can't. Honestly, I'm driving.
156
00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:20,960
Aw, get a taxi!
Och, leave him, Cath!
157
00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:24,480
He can get a bit of Eric's Fanta.
I tell you - they're like hawks,
158
00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:26,960
these police, when it comes
to drink-driving. Oh, they are.
159
00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:29,640
I got stopped
and breathalysed last year,
160
00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:30,960
on the way back from the airport!
161
00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:34,480
Remember, when we'd been
in Florida? I remember. Luckily,
162
00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:38,960
I'd been refused alcohol on the
plane, so I was just under. Phew!
163
00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:40,960
DOORBELL RINGS
164
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:41,960
Oh!
165
00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:50,960
Hello, Eric.
Christ, is it Halloween? Ha-ha!
166
00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:52,480
We've been to a funeral, Eric.
167
00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:55,160
Oh, I'm sorry. It's all right.
168
00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:58,960
It was a very emotional day,
wasn't it, Sophie? Yup.
169
00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:02,960
Still, it was her time.
Was it someone very close?
170
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:04,960
Aye,
it was a cousin of my mother's.
171
00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:07,160
The pair of them were like that,
so they were!
172
00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:09,960
So, I says to Sophie,
"This is not going to be easy,
173
00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:13,960
"but you and me are going to get
down there to represent the family
174
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:16,000
"and pay our respects to Irene."
175
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:17,960
Isobel!
176
00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:19,960
Isobel. Is Beth in, no?
177
00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:23,960
Er, no. No, she's out. It's all
right, I'll just let myself in.
178
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:29,960
Oh, you've got a houseful.
If I'd have known that...
179
00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:32,960
Well, I'd probably still
have come across. Ha-ha!
180
00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:35,960
Hello, everybody.
181
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:39,960
Have you been to a funeral,
Christine? Yes, I have indeed.
182
00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:41,960
Aw, has someone died?
183
00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:45,320
No, we bury folk alive here
in Scotland, don't you know(?)
184
00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:46,960
Whose was it?
185
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:49,640
SOPHIE: Och, some woman my gran
knew. It was a nightmare!
186
00:08:49,640 --> 00:08:51,960
I've been there
since 10 o'clock this morning!
187
00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:55,960
A sad day, Cathy. Sophie,
where's that order of service
188
00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:59,960
till I talk Cathy through it?
Full Latin mass, Cathy.
189
00:09:00,960 --> 00:09:02,640
My arse was fucking numb!
190
00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:04,960
Cath, a wee top-up?
191
00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:09,320
Eric? Er, no, no,
I'm fine with the orange.
192
00:09:09,320 --> 00:09:10,960
Aw, what's the matter with you?
193
00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:13,960
He's on the wagon.
Why are you on the wagon, Eric?
194
00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:15,960
I just decided
to lay off it for a while.
195
00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:18,800
My uncle was always trying to stop,
but he couldn't control it.
196
00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:20,960
Aw, well. If it's making you fat,
197
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:22,960
and making you spit
when you talk, why not?
198
00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:25,480
I've said for years
that you've had a problem.
199
00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:28,960
I don't have a problem! Honestly,
that's exactly what he used to say.
200
00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:30,960
Oh! How come
you're having to stop, then?
201
00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:32,960
I'm just taking a break from it!
202
00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:35,960
Oh? How long are you taking
a break from it for? I don't know!
203
00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:38,960
You'll have one tomorrow,
though? Probably a wee one.
204
00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:40,960
That's no' much of a break, that!
205
00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:43,320
Well, that's the end of that!
206
00:09:43,320 --> 00:09:46,960
Open another one. Aye!
You get anything else, Eric?
207
00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:49,960
ERIC SIGHS
Oh, here, Eric!
208
00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:52,960
Take that out the road, will you?
It's giving me the boak!
209
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,960
Here, I didnae know
there was food on the go.
210
00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:58,960
Mind you, we had quite
a bit of that buffet. Ha-ha!
211
00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:01,960
I'll maybe take some crisps
or something, Eric?
212
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:03,960
What about you, Sophie?
You want a roll?
213
00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:05,960
No, thanks. No, she's fine.
214
00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:07,960
But I'll take one, with cheese.
215
00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:08,960
Uh-huh.
216
00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:09,960
No, ham.
217
00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:13,960
No, cheese AND ham!
218
00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:21,960
Oh? I see someone's
enjoying themselves.
219
00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:22,960
Aye! Well, it's no' me!
220
00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:24,640
CHATTER INSIDE
221
00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:26,960
I thought you were having
a quiet night? I was!
222
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:30,960
CHRISTINE: Where's my roll?
COLIN: Eric, Christine's roll!
223
00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:34,640
Quiche,
baby chicken satay on skewers,
224
00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:36,960
sausage rolls, all to the left.
225
00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:40,960
Then your sub rolls with
tuna mayonnaise, roast beef
226
00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:45,960
and horseradish, egg and onion,
all to the right, wasn't it, Sophie?
227
00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:47,960
I'm just going to go to the toilet.
228
00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:49,960
She's taking it awfy sore.
229
00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:52,960
She's hardly said a word
all day, poor thing! Aw!
230
00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:55,960
Were they quite close? Who?
231
00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:59,960
Hi, Sophie! Hi, Mrs Baird.
Is it OK if I use your toilet?
232
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:02,160
Of course, on you go.
# How great thou art!
233
00:11:02,160 --> 00:11:05,960
# How great thou art! #
234
00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:07,000
HE MOUTHS
235
00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:12,960
Aw! There she is!
RELIEVED SIGH: Hiya, Beth!
236
00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:15,960
Beth, you'll never guess
who got planted the day!
237
00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:17,960
Oh, Beth, show us what you got!
238
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:19,960
Hey, you, ya bandit,
wind your neck in!
239
00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:21,960
I was talking to her!
240
00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:24,960
I'll give you a clue -
it's not Pat fie across the back.
241
00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:28,960
She's still with us.
Mind you, going by the looks of her,
242
00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:32,960
I think I'd better keep this frock
to the front of my wardrobe.
243
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,960
So who was it? Isobel!
244
00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:38,960
Who's Isobel?
A cousin of my mother's!
245
00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:40,960
Well, when I say cousin...
246
00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:44,000
not really her cousin,
more sort of bingo buddies.
247
00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:51,640
So, I said to Sophie, "This is
our chance to say our goodbyes
248
00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:54,160
"and to give Irene
the respect that she deserves."
249
00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:56,960
Isobel! Isobel, that's right.
250
00:11:56,960 --> 00:12:00,960
Colin? Oh, hang on, let me
finish the decent stuff first.
251
00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:02,800
Mmm!
252
00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:03,960
Right, fire it in.
253
00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:07,640
Ooft!
254
00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:10,960
Reminds me, I'll need to be getting
diesel for the lawnmower. Ha-ha!
255
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:11,960
BAG RUSTLES
256
00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:12,960
CATHY GASPS
257
00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:14,960
Oh, wow!
258
00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:18,800
Wow-ee! Och, it's just a wee thing.
259
00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:21,960
I had no idea what to get you!
You're a nightmare to buy for!
260
00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:24,960
I'm a grown man, I'm no' needing
bloody birthday presents!
261
00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:29,480
An electronic photo frame!
Oh, what's this for?
262
00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:31,960
It's Eric's birthday. When? Today?
263
00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:35,000
Tomorrow.
Aw, happy birthday for tomorrow!
264
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:37,160
Aw, let's have a wee look.
265
00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:40,480
We were looking at them,
weren't we, Cath? Were we? Aye!
266
00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:42,000
It was the dearer ones, though.
267
00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:44,960
What is it?
It's a digital picture frame.
268
00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:47,960
You transfer all the pictures
from your phone to it.
269
00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:50,960
And then what do you do?
Well, you...you look at them.
270
00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:54,320
So, say I've got a phone,
but I don't have any pictures on it?
271
00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:56,960
Well, you wouldn't
be able to dae it.
272
00:12:56,960 --> 00:13:00,960
Aye, I don't want one, then.
What have you two got him?
273
00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:02,960
Come on, don't be shy!
274
00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:06,000
I saw you giving it
to your dad earlier. Come on!
275
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:08,960
Aw, that's just... There it is!
276
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:09,960
Ooh!
277
00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:11,960
Aw, you might have wrapped it!
278
00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:15,160
An electric blanket?!
That's the last thing he's needing,
279
00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:18,800
isn't it, Beth? You said
he sweats like a pig as it is!
280
00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:19,960
It's theirs. They lent it to us.
281
00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:22,960
Ah! The radiator in our bedroom
was knackered, so we borrowed it.
282
00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:25,960
We actually forgot it was your
birthday. Aw, don't worry about it.
283
00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:29,960
Ian, that's terrible. He was always
an awfy selfish wee boy, that one.
284
00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:33,960
I gave him vouchers
14 years ago for his Christmas
285
00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:36,000
and I'm still waiting
on a thank you card.
286
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:38,960
There's still time!
I could nip along to the garage?
287
00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:40,160
No, no, you don't need
to go to the garage.
288
00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:43,960
Make him go to the garage, Eric!
Go to the garage, Jaz!
289
00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:45,800
Pick me up 20 Silk Cut silver
290
00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:47,800
and he could get
a bottle of that wine, Col.
291
00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:49,960
You'll not get that in the garage.
Where'd you get it?
292
00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:52,960
It's Tesco Finest.
Don't bother, Jaz.
293
00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:55,960
No, don't bother,
just stay where you are. Oh, boo!
294
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:59,160
It's fine! You can come round
tomorrow. We're not doing anything.
295
00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:01,960
Cath, Colin? You'll be round
tomorrow, will you not?
296
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:04,640
We can't tomorrow, Beth.
Er, we're away sailing.
297
00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:07,960
Sailing? Yup. On a boat. On the sea.
298
00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:09,960
On a boat, on the sea.
299
00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:11,960
Here, Jaz, if you are
going to the garage,
300
00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:13,960
will you bring me
a packet of Rennies?
301
00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:15,960
That quiche is coming back on me.
302
00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:17,960
SHE BELCHES
303
00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:19,960
Big lumps of Stilton!
304
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:22,960
SHE RETCHES
Oh, I'm getting onion as well.
305
00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:25,800
You OK, Soph?
CATH: Come and sit down!
306
00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:27,960
Oh, you poor thing!
307
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:30,960
It's all right.
She's all right, Christine!
308
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:33,960
Aw! I know how you're feeling, hmm?
309
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:36,960
Every dog we've ever had
ended up getting put down
310
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:39,640
and it never gets any easier!
311
00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:41,960
I really am sorry, Dad. It's fine!
312
00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:43,960
Here, Jaz, there's £1.20.
313
00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:46,960
Jaz, I'll gie you the money
when you get back, yeah?
314
00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:48,320
Mrs Baird? Hang on, Sophie, love.
315
00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:50,960
Beth, give that to Jaz.
I don't want to break a fiver.
316
00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:53,960
He's not going
to the garage, Christine!
317
00:14:59,960 --> 00:15:01,960
Why don't we see
if we can get a photo on this?
318
00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:03,960
Mrs Baird,
can I talk to you for just a minute?
319
00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:04,960
Hang on a minute, Sophie, love.
320
00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:08,960
Ian, let's get a photo of all of us
and see if you can get it onto this.
321
00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:11,960
Where's your phone?
Where'd you get that, Beth?
322
00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:13,960
Did you get it from
the wee Chinese place?
323
00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:17,960
Oh, that's a great shop, that!
I saw this thing in there.
324
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:22,960
It was a hand on the end of a stick
and, when you press a button,
325
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:24,960
the hand goes like that.
326
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:28,960
And what's it for?
Don't know! Going like that!
327
00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:30,000
So, who do you want?
328
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:33,480
Oh, take one of me first, Ian,
and then get everybody!
329
00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:35,960
I want a photo of you two.
Us? Uh-huh!
330
00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:37,960
Eric, take a photo of Ian and Jaz.
331
00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:40,960
Jaz, come on!
Ian, give your phone to your dad.
332
00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:44,960
Er, right. Where are we with this?
333
00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:47,960
Oh, the big red button
in the middle, down the bottom.
334
00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:49,960
Closer in!
335
00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:53,960
Oh, if you just... Eh? ..move your
finger a bit. Aw, say cheese!
336
00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:54,960
CHEESE!
337
00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:59,960
Beth, here! They're starting to
dress quite similar, aren't they?
338
00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:03,960
That's what happens. Same way as
folk start to look like their dugs.
339
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:06,160
CAMERA CLICKS
There, that's it.
340
00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:09,640
JAZ: Right, put this into that.
341
00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:12,960
EXCITED CHATTER
Um, yeah.
342
00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:13,960
ALL: Aw!
343
00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:15,480
Aw, that's pretty good! No bad.
344
00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:17,960
Oh, take another one!
Take one of all the family!
345
00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:20,960
Aw, we got one of them done
professionally, didn't we, Sophie?
346
00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:22,960
Remember when you were a wee baby?
347
00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:24,960
Oh, wee baby Sophie.
348
00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:27,960
Did you no' get one of them done?
What happened to it?
349
00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:29,480
Well, we...we did get one done,
350
00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:31,960
but it didn't, er...
It didn't come out right.
351
00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:33,960
We just decided
we were fine with what we had.
352
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:34,960
Yeah, we just decided to leave it.
353
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:37,960
That's a bit of a waste. Ach, well,
you know, one of those things.
354
00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:41,960
Aw, baby. They didn't still charge
you for it, though, did they? Er...
355
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:44,960
I can't remember. Did we pay?
I think we paid something?
356
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:46,960
Oh, don't ask me. Ha-ha!
357
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:49,960
They made you pay for the picture,
but you still never got it.
358
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:52,640
No, no, no, we did get it,
we just decided not to, um...
359
00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:54,960
Not to...not to put it up.
Not to put it up, that's right.
360
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:57,640
Anyway...
Well, have you still got it?
361
00:16:57,640 --> 00:16:59,960
Aw, I'd love to see it!
I'd love to see it too, Jaz!
362
00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:01,960
Come on, Eric! Go and get it!
CHRISTINE: Yeah!
363
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:04,480
Listen, I don't even know
where it is. Aye, ye dae!
364
00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:06,960
We wouldn't be able to find it
in a million years!
365
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:08,960
CATH: Go and get it!
CHRISTINE: Where is it?
366
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:10,960
Get it, Eric!
If you paid all that money...
367
00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:13,960
Watch where you're stepping!
368
00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:14,960
I can't believe this!
369
00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:17,960
CHATTER AND LAUGHTER DOWNSTAIRS
370
00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:20,960
And I've still no' had any dinner!
Just get on with it.
371
00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:22,960
HE SIGHS DEEPLY
372
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,960
CHRISTINE: # Hosanna! Sing Hosanna!
373
00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:31,480
# Sing Hosanna
till the break of day! # Hey!
374
00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:36,960
Aye, here, he's enjoying himself,
aren't ye, son? There you go.
375
00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:37,960
Are you not driving?
376
00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:41,960
Aw, he's all right.
He's got his sat nav!
377
00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:42,960
Sophie, do you want a glass?
378
00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:45,960
No, thanks.
I'm not wanting anything.
379
00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:47,480
You're allowed! No!
380
00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:51,000
She's taking it bad
right enough, eh?
381
00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:54,960
Oh, here he is! Oh, and he's got it!
382
00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:56,960
CHEERING
383
00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:58,960
Here, Eric, do you want a wee...?
384
00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:01,960
No, come on now, Colin!
He's on the wagon!
385
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:05,320
# Three wheels
ALL: On my wagon
386
00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:09,320
# And I'm still rolling along
387
00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:13,160
# The Cherokees are chasing me
388
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:16,960
# Arrows fly, right on by... #
Eric, come on!
389
00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:19,960
Bring it in! Bring it in!
Come on, let's get a look at it.
390
00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:22,160
COLIN: Right, come on, Eric.
Right, come on!
391
00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:24,960
Right, ssh, everybody, ssh!
Ssh, ssh, ssh, ssh, ssh!
392
00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:28,960
THEY HUM A FANFARE
393
00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:32,320
ALL: Aw!
394
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:35,960
Oh, here, that's no bad!
Oh, Beth, look at your hair!
395
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:40,960
Boy, oh, boy! You've no' half
piled on the beef, Eric!
396
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:45,960
Oh, look at you there! Don't!
What? You look so cute!
397
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:50,960
What's that there? It's just
a sticker thing that Ian put on it.
398
00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:51,960
Why'd he put it there?
399
00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:55,960
Basically, the photographer...
Unfortunately, um...
400
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:58,960
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
..the way the guy set the shot up,
401
00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:00,960
you ended up being able
to see a bit of my...
402
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:04,960
Your willy?! No!
403
00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:07,960
Well, sort of. More like my... What?
404
00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:08,960
Your balls?
405
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:10,960
Aye. A bit of them.
406
00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:12,960
One of them.
You can see one of them.
407
00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:14,960
Well, we THINK it's one of them.
408
00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:17,960
There's something anyway,
in amongst the...hair.
409
00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:26,320
RAUCOUS LAUGHTER
410
00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:28,960
All right! All right!
411
00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:35,960
Oh, look at the sticker, Colin!
Look! Look!
412
00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:39,960
What is it? It's a footballer!
Who is it? Let's get a look!
413
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:41,960
Go on! It's Ally McCoist!
414
00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:43,960
Look, Ally McCoist
stuck to yer balls!
415
00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:45,960
Here, I bet you wouldn't
mind that, eh, Ian?!
416
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:47,160
JAZ GIGGLES SOFTLY
417
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:48,960
LAUGHTER CONTINUES
418
00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:49,960
It's a bloody disgrace!
419
00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:52,960
I mean, I don't know how the guy
didn't notice it! Cathy, leave it!
420
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:53,960
STICKER RIPS
421
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:54,960
CHEERING
422
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:56,960
Nae wonder you didn't put it up!
423
00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:59,960
Who'd want that over their
mantelpiece? Here, what about...
424
00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:03,960
# One hairy ball
hangin' on the wall... #
425
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:07,160
OTHERS JOIN IN: # One hairy ball
hangin' on yer wall
426
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:11,160
# And if one hairy ball
Should accidentally fall!
427
00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:15,960
# You'd have Eric Baird's balls
hangin' on the wall... #
428
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:17,960
LAUGHTER
Hooray! Hilarious(!)
429
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:20,960
COLIN LAUGHS
She's pissing herself!
430
00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:21,960
So she is!
431
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:23,960
CATHY SOBS
Cathy?
432
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:25,960
Cathy! Are you all right, Cath?
433
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:28,960
Come on now, Cath. Come on,
let's get you into the kitchen.
434
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:30,160
SOBBING CONTINUES
435
00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:36,160
What a shame!
436
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:39,000
I know! Eric...
437
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:42,960
Give us over her wine, eh?
I'll just...
438
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:47,960
SOBBING CONTINUES
439
00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:50,800
Aw, Cathy,
what on earth is the matter?
440
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:52,960
SOBBING AND SNIFFING
441
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:56,960
What's going on?
We're not going sailing!
442
00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:59,480
Oh, well, that's disappointing,
but surely...
443
00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:03,960
We said we were going sailing on
a boat, on the sea, but we're not.
444
00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:09,000
We're going to see the consultant
at the fertility place. Ah.
445
00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:13,960
I don't think it's going
to be good news, Beth.
446
00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:15,320
Oh, come on now, Cath.
447
00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:17,960
You don't know that for sure
until you go and talk to them!
448
00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:20,640
Well, actually, I do. How come?
449
00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:23,960
I phoned them.
I couldn't wait and I phoned them.
450
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:27,960
Oh, Beth...
promise you won't say anything.
451
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:29,960
Of course not, Cathy.
452
00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:32,160
It's your business
and nobody needs to know.
453
00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:36,160
What happens is
they give you a wee cup, right?
454
00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:38,960
And you go into this wee room and...
455
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:41,480
Well, that's you. I mean, you...
456
00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:44,960
You've gotta dae the biz.
But what happens if you cannae?
457
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:46,960
Mum, please! No, no, it's all right.
458
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:50,960
Er, well, there's things
in there, Christine, you know.
459
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:53,000
They've got things in there tae...
tae help ye.
460
00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:55,640
What things? Mum!
461
00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:57,160
I'm just asking!
462
00:21:57,160 --> 00:22:00,960
It's just things
to help, er, stimulate you.
463
00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:03,960
Oh, like what-d'ya-ma-callits?
464
00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:04,960
Fluffers!
465
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:09,960
So, what exactly did they say
when you phoned?
466
00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:12,960
Just a load of stuff about not
being able to give out information
467
00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:16,960
over the phone
and something about harassment,
468
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:20,960
and then, eventually, she just said
they were really sorry, but...
469
00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:22,960
because of my age and, er...
470
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:28,960
..various other factors that...
471
00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:30,960
we'd reached the end of the road.
472
00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:33,320
Aw, Cathy, I'm so sorry!
473
00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:36,960
I'd have made such a good mum, Beth!
474
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:38,960
How's Colin about it?
475
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:41,960
He doesn't know.
I've not told him yet.
476
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:43,960
Well, do you not think...? I will!
477
00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:46,960
Later, when it's just the two of us.
478
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:50,960
You know what my Colin's like.
He's a very private person.
479
00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:53,480
So, I'm sat in the corridor.
480
00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:55,640
It's like death row!
481
00:22:55,640 --> 00:22:57,960
Except there's tea and coffee.
482
00:22:57,960 --> 00:22:59,960
And the next thing, the wee
consultant guy, he calls me in
483
00:22:59,960 --> 00:23:05,480
and he says, er, "Well, Mr White, we
have never seen anything like it!"
484
00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:09,960
And I was like that, "Oh, dear!"
He says, "No, no!" he says.
485
00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:11,960
He says,
"Everything's fine your end.
486
00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:13,960
"In fact, it's mair than fine.
487
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:16,960
"Your stuff is practically
jumping oot the cup!"
488
00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:24,320
Listen, there are millions of women
who don't have children
489
00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:27,320
living perfectly happy lives!
490
00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:29,480
It's all I've ever wanted, Beth.
491
00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:32,960
I know. A little baby Colin.
492
00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:37,960
A little tiny Colin running round.
Wouldn't that be amazing?
493
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:40,960
I mean, having babies -
that's the point of living!
494
00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:44,800
It's just the shock
at the minute, Cathy!
495
00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:48,960
Yeah, you're right.
You've still got Colin.
496
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:51,960
Yeah. You've got your friends.
497
00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:54,960
You've got me.
498
00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:57,960
All right.
499
00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:02,960
Having a family isn't
the be-all and end-all.
500
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:06,000
You've got a whole life ahead of you
to look forward to, Cathy.
501
00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:09,160
Oh, thanks, Beth!
502
00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:13,960
Oh...
503
00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:15,960
Aw.
504
00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:20,960
Now I know I'm not going
to have to breast-feed, I'm...
505
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:23,160
I'm definitely going to get
implants for Christmas.
506
00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:32,160
# And exchange it some day for...
507
00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:35,960
# A crown. #
508
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:36,960
Mum?
509
00:24:36,960 --> 00:24:38,000
Mum!
510
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:42,640
Come on, we'll need to go.
Aw, ssh! I'm enjoying myself!
511
00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:44,960
It's no very often I get the chance
to get out the house
512
00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:47,800
and get a bit of company!
513
00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:50,960
And besides, I reckon this is going
to end up in a screaming match,
514
00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:53,960
and I'm buggered
if I'm going to miss that!
515
00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:55,960
Hello!
516
00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:57,960
JAZ: Are you OK, Cathy?
Yeah! Yeah, I'm fine.
517
00:24:59,960 --> 00:25:01,960
I was just, um...
518
00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:04,960
Cathy was just telling me about
the sailing trip she's going on.
519
00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:06,960
Colin was just telling us
about his...
520
00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:08,960
Why don't we take
a nice picture of us all
521
00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:10,960
and put it on
your digital frame thing?
522
00:25:10,960 --> 00:25:13,640
Oh, yeah, birthday picture!
Yeah, that's a great idea.
523
00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:15,960
Right, everyone,
squeeze in on the sofa.
524
00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:18,960
Birthday boy, you in the middle.
Right, there you are. Oh, here...
525
00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:22,960
Mind keep your legs shut this time,
Eric. Aye, all right! Ha-ha-ha!
526
00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:26,960
I'm just going to head home.
Aw, Sophie, stay for the photo!
527
00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:28,960
Yeah, stay for the photo, Soph.
528
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:30,960
CHRISTINE: Oh, my God!
529
00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:31,960
I'll tell you this...
530
00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:35,960
I have enjoyed this tonight.
531
00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:40,960
In fact,
the whole day has been super.
532
00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:41,960
It really has.
533
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:47,960
Nothing's happening. Just wait
a few seconds and then it'll do it.
534
00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:50,960
CAMERA CLICKS, ERIC SIGHS
Oh, dear. There we go!
535
00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:52,160
There we are!
536
00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:58,960
Oh, it's a bit weird!
What's wrong with it?
537
00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:00,960
Christine smiling, is she?
538
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:02,960
GIGGLING
What's the wee dick saying noo?
539
00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:03,960
Let me see it!
540
00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:09,800
That's all right! Aye!
MURMURS OF AGREEMENT
541
00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:12,960
Oh, there's a hell of a sheen
aff your forehead, Eric!
542
00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:15,000
Here, Jaz, take one of us!
543
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:16,960
Take one of the mums, eh!
544
00:26:16,960 --> 00:26:18,960
Come on, Beth! Ha-ha!
545
00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:20,160
There, up, up. Aye. Come on.
546
00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:22,640
Uh-huh!
547
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:27,960
Here, Cathy, you come in on this as
well. Er, no, I'm... Come on, Cathy!
548
00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:34,960
Oh, well, I'll come in too.
No, no, this is just for the mums!
549
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:35,960
AND Cathy.
550
00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:37,000
Christine!
551
00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:39,960
Well, she's working on it,
aren't you, Cathy?
552
00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:42,960
Oh, here,
you'd better get my good side, eh?
553
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:44,960
Oh, no, Sophie, you take it.
554
00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:46,000
Sophie knows how to take me.
555
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:47,960
No, no, no.
556
00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:49,960
No, I'll just come in for it.
557
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:53,960
It's mums, isn't it? Uh-huh. Well,
I'll just come in for it, then.
558
00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:56,960
But you're not a mum!
Well, not yet I'm not.
559
00:26:58,480 --> 00:26:59,640
But I will be soon.
560
00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:02,960
I'm pregnant.
561
00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:06,960
Beth!
562
00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:07,960
BETH!
563
00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:09,000
Aw!
564
00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:12,960
Mr Baird? Er, yes?
565
00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:15,960
You brought in Christine O'Neill?
Aye.
566
00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:17,960
They've got her sedated
and they're just going
567
00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:19,960
to keep an eye on her for
the time being. That's good.
568
00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:22,960
Can I take some details from you
in the meantime? Of course.
569
00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:25,640
Your name, please? Eric Baird.
Mm-hm.
570
00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:27,960
Your relation to patient? Friend.
571
00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:29,960
Er, no, neighbour.
572
00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:33,960
And your date of birth?
573
00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:36,000
Er, sixth of the fifth, '53.
574
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:37,960
Great.
575
00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:39,960
Sixth of the fifth? Oh, that...
576
00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:42,960
So it is!
577
00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:43,960
Happy birthday!
578
00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:46,960
HE SIGHS
579
00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:50,960
# I've just come doon
from the Isle of Skye
580
00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:52,960
# I'm not very big
and I'm awful shy
581
00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:54,960
# And the lassies shout when I go by
582
00:27:54,960 --> 00:27:56,960
# Donald, where's your troosers?
583
00:27:56,960 --> 00:27:59,640
# Let the wind blow high
Let the wind blow low
584
00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:01,960
# Through the streets
in my kilt I'll go
585
00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:03,960
# And all the ladies say hello
586
00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:05,960
# Donald, where's your troosers?
587
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:07,960
# A lassie took me to a ball
588
00:28:07,960 --> 00:28:09,960
# And it was slippery in the hall
589
00:28:09,960 --> 00:28:11,960
# And I was feart that I would fall
590
00:28:11,960 --> 00:28:13,960
# For I hadnae on my troosers
591
00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:15,960
# Let the wind blow high
Let the wind blow low
592
00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:17,960
# Through the streets
in my kilt I'll go
593
00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:19,960
# And all the ladies say hello
594
00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:21,960
# Donald, where's your troosers?
595
00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:23,960
# I went doon to London Town
596
00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:26,160
# I had some fun in the underground
597
00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:28,800
# The ladies turned
their heads around saying
598
00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:30,960
# Donald, where's your troosers? #
599
00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:32,960
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