All language subtitles for The Madame Blanc Mysteries 2021 S04E08 Christmas Special 2025 720p WEB-DL HEVC x265 BONE_Track3

You all look fantastic.

Thank you, Gloria.

It's a treat to have an opportunity
to really make an effort.

Yes, we've been very casual of late,
haven't we, darling?

We have.
Where is it you're going to, again?

Is it just a Christmas party?

To be perfectly honest,
I'm not sure, Gloria.

It's all very cloak and dagger.

I'm on the board of the museum
with Gabriel Jelbart,

our new curator.

Very excitable chap,

says he wants to put
our lovely old museum on the map.

He insisted that this afternoon
was very important

for the future of the museum
and that we all came.

Especially you, Jean.

What? I'm...

Right. Very mysterious,
but I do like a free drink.

'Ey, and I bet
there'll be free Champagne.

It better be. This dress
deserves more than cheap Prosecco.

Now, where is Dominic?
We really must be going soon.

I'll give him a quick ring.

Sorry. Sorry I'm late, everyone.

Oh, doesn't matter,
Dominic, you're here now.

Let me just finish my drink.

Have a fab time.
You're not coming?

Special invite only.

Enjoy yourselves.

Thanks, love.
You got plans, Glo?

Yeah, Patrick's
doing a Christmas quiz.

Me and Douglas
have been swotting up.

You smell nice.

Well, I've got
my special aftershave on.

You're very lucky, actually,
cos it's my last bit.

Well, you never know,

Father Christmas might bring you
some more tomorrow.

Oh, that'd be a nice surprise.

Oh! Jean, your bag.

Now, Dominic, this vintage dress
will not love the back of your car.

Would you mind awfully, Jean,
if I sat in the front?

Be my guest, Judith.
Thank you.

Don't forget me.

Hey, it's so funny.

In all the years
I've lived in Sainte-Victoire,

I've never been in here.
Really?

No, I dropped Claudie off
on a school trip once,

but never been inside.

Let's see what you've been missing.

Ah! Hello there.

IN FRENCH:

We are the invited guests
of Gabriel Jelbart.

I think she wants us
to head to the event room.

Merci.
Merci.

Thank you.

Et voila!

I've never really
seen the point in museums.

They preserve our history, Judith,

give people a chance to get
up close to amazing works of art.

Well, I suppose so.
But there's so much to look at.

I find them quite claustrophobic.

I mean, where do you start?

Hang on, darling, what about
that trip we made to the Louvre

when we first met?

THEY CHUCKLE
Yes, how could I ever forget that?

I've never looked
at a picture of the Mona Lisa

in quite the same way again.

You're in your element, aren't you?
Moi?

Oh, this way.

MUFFLED GASP

AUTOMATED VOICE:

BUZZER BLARES

SHE GRUNTS

# Do you remember the first time

# That my eyes set on you?

# Your smile came from nowhere

# For some time never

# Or some time soon

# The road is a long one

# I was only passing through

# I was only passing through. #

LAUGHTER AND CHATTER

Ah-ha!
Ah-ha!

At least they've got the good stuff.

Priorities, priorities.

Ooh. Lovely escutcheon.

Beg your pardon?

Oh, it protects the door
being scratched by a key.

Practical and fancy
at the same time.

Hm. Bit like me, innit?
Mm.

Merry Christmas, Jean White.

Oh, Merry Christmas, Dominic Hayes.

Chin-chin.

So, what's this massive painting
about, then?

It's very beautiful.

This is a sublime sample
of a baroque fresco.

Right.
Mm. They're very popular in Europe.

But I've never seen one
in Sainte-Victoire before.

It's really exciting.
Yeah.

Well, a fresco
is basically a wall painting

where the paint is brushed
straight onto wet plaster.

By someone called Baroque.

Er, no, actually.

No, baroque was an artistic movement
of the 17th and 18th century.

So, like, paintings,
music, architecture.

Everything was, like, big and bold.

And sexy, Dominic.

Very sexy.
My absolute favourite era.

Ah! So, that is Dr Ali Pardeep.

He's head of the charity
L'Art Change La Vie. Oh.

What's L'Art Change La Vie?

Something about art
helping ex-prisoners or something.

Oh, it sounds great.
That must be his wife.

I think her name is Sangita.

I've invited her
to several of my bridge evenings,

but to no avail.
Oh.

And they're talking to George
and Aurielle Alfonse.

Hm?

As in Alfonse from Alfonse Crush?

What, the soft drink?

Oh! I used to love that.

Kept me awake at night
when Claudie was a baby.

They're an amazing couple.

They just floated their company
last year for 100 million euros.

Lucky sods.

Apparently,
they can't stand each other,

but they can't leave
because they are literally too rich.

AURIELLE LAUGHING

Ah-ha! Jeremy!

Ca va, mon ami?

If you say so.
THEY LAUGH

Ah, and Judith. Mwah, mwah.
Mwah.

Doux Jesus! Will you ever age
like us mere mortals?

George, you really are too much.

Let me introduce you
to our dear friends Jean and Dom.

Very pleased to meet you.
Oh, and you.

I was just saying
I used to love your drink.

Ah, well, not MY drink any more,
but thank you, Dom.

I really appreciate that.
That's very kind of you. Very kind.

GEORGE CHUCKLES,
DOM CLEARS THROAT

Thanks for witnessing
my loan agreement, Andre.

Not a problem, Patrick.

I sometimes come across trouble
with financial affairs,

but having the chief of police
as my witness,

that should shut them up.

PHONE ALERT

Oh, no, Jean's left her phone.

I am on my way home now.
I can drop it off for her.

But she's at a do at the museum.

No problem, that is near my house.

Oh, brilliant.
Au revoir.

Thanks again, Andre.
See you at the quiz later?

You will indeed.
I am bringing Richard.

She's very good
at politics questions.

Merry Christmas.

Bye!
Joyeux Noel.

Never thought I'd be mates
with a copper.

THEY CHUCKLE

Ah, Gabriel!

Here he is, our curator himself.

Jeremy, Judith,
good to see you both.

You too, Gabriel.

And this is Jean White,
delivered as promised.

WHISPERS: Delivered?
REGULAR VOICE: Hello.

It's a pleasure to meet you,
Mrs White.

Your expertise precedes you.
Thank you so much for being here.

Oh, right, it's a pleasure.
This is my partner...

Your fiance.
Oh, yes, fiance, Dom.

Yeah, it's quite
a recent thing, so...

Congratulations to both of you.

And this is my partner, Yves.

Hi. And your field of expertise is,
Mrs White?

I'm an antiques dealer.

Ah, how quaint.

Shall we grab a horse's doofer
and leave them to it? Yes.

Merci beaucoup. Pardon, Judith.
Champagne on the way tout de suite.

You are a darling, Gabriel.

I think you're gonna fit in
very well around here. Thank you.

Yes, and by the way you threw
that last glass down your neck,

we wouldn't want you going thirsty,
would we?

Excuse me, I'm just
going to run through my speech.

Oh, Jean, this is Dr Ali Pardeep.

We were telling you
about his charity.

Oh, L'Art Change La Vie, is it?

It sounds like
you do some great work.

Oh, he does.

Oh, hi, I'm Aurielle.
Hello.

Thank you. It's a vocation that
absolutely consumes me, I'm afraid.

As my wife could confirm.
Oh!

Lovely to finally meet you.

So, how did you find this vocation?

Well, I'd been working in prisons
for a few years

as a visiting doctor,

and I saw so much artistic talent
just hidden away in the cells

that I felt compelled to,
er, liberate it.

So I started an art club
for the prisoners,

and, well, the charity
just grew from there.

How interesting.

You let criminals
play at being artists, then?

You know, that's exactly what we do.

You're encouraging
the egos of murderers.

Is that what you're saying?

Don't worry, Ali, I take care
of the charity in our business,

so you can ignore George.

Erm, your husband
is a very inspiring man.

Oh, he is indeed.

Excuse me.
Yes?

Have we met somewhere before?

I can't think where.

Maybe at one of our outreach events?

Very much doubt it.

I don't do prisons or charity, dear.

CORK POPS
Oh, that's my cue.

Sorry.

Sorry.
Allez, s'il vous plait.

Pour vous, monsieur.
Merci.

JUDITH: Good Champagne.
Yeah, quite like it.

Thank you.

Thank you, everyone,
for being here tonight,

for tonight is a very special night
for the museum.

Mr and Mrs Alfonse
are very generously

about to invest 10 million euros...
GASPING

10 million euros
into our acquisition account.

It will keep the museum afloat
for many year.

Just a minute, Gabriel.

Erm, remember what we discussed
a couple of weeks ago

when you first took the job.

If you have what you say you have
and it's the real deal,

we are more than happy to invest.

I want to be part of a museum

that draws people in
from all over the world,

but I need you to prove to me

that I am making the right choice.

Of course.

The stakes are very high for us,

but I have contacts
all over the world

to make this museum great,
I promise.

Madame White, this is where
we could use your help.

Oh, right.

We apologise
for not warning you beforehand,

but everything had to be
completely top-secret.

Oh, I'm intrigued.

We have something very rare,

and we need you to verify it.

Jeremy and Judith tell me you are
second to none in your field,

so, please, will you help?

Well, I'm here now,
so, yeah, of course.

Thank you.

If you will excuse me

for one moment,
ladies and gentlemen,

we will go and fetch our treasure.

Yves.

Oh, so that's why I'm here.
Makes sense now.

Gabriel didn't tell me
the finer details,

just who I knew who I trusted

and was the best in the business,
so I...

Well... Thank you.

You better be good, Mrs White,
and ensure it is what he says it is.

We wouldn't want any mistakes.

Well, let's put it this way -
this isn't my first rodeo.

Oh, thank you, darling.

What's your name, dear?
Ellie.

Big cash tip, Ellie,
if you keep our champers topped up,

if you know what I mean.

I'll do my best, madame,
but I've never worked here before,

so I don't know
how much we have in stock.

Good girl. Off you pop.

Alors...

RAPID BEEPING

Ooh.

Voila ma petite merveille.
Wow.

Prends la boite et on y va.

GEORGE: Oh, good God, girl.
What the hell?!

Ugh!

George, George, George,
so sorry, so sorry.

What happened?
I'll tell you what's happened.

This poor excuse
of a waitress of yours

has ruined my bespoke shirt!

Are you stupid?
George... No, I...

Don't speak to her
like that, George.

These things happen.
We can get it cleaned.

What's your name?

Ellie. I'm so sorry.

I'm pretty new at this.
I'm actually a student.

Well, I would like to apologise

for the Neolithic behaviour
of my husband, Ellie.

Thank you.

George, we are going to pay
for the cleaning, of course,

but I can clean.

Just... Just leave it.
I can do it.

You can do it. OK. Perfect.

So where's this damn box of yours?
It is...

GASPING

Is that what I think it is?

DOM: Go on, what is it?

This is a French ormolu
gilt jewellery case

owned by, I think,
Marie Antoinette herself.

Am I right?
Yes, exactement, madame.

Well, I know there's one of these
in the museum of Tehran,

but the only other one
was bought by Russian buyers

at Sotheby's in 2007,
so how can it be here?

Erm...

I have been totally obsessed
with this box.

So I tracked it down over the years
and persuaded them to sell.

Wow. Well, Gabriel is right.

I mean, if you can get stuff
like this, well...

This is, like, such a fantastic draw
for the museum.

Game-changer, really.

EXHALES
Well, so far, so good.

BEEPING

What?

My God.

Jean?

It... It looks like a...

like a bomb.
OTHERS EXCLAIM

GEORGE SNIFFS

It doesn't just look like a bomb.
It's... marzipan.

Marzipan?
GEORGE STUTTERS

I was in the army for years,
I'd recognise that smell anywhere.

What is it?
It's Semtex.

Semtex? What... What can that do?

Put it this way,
there's enough in there

to blow this whole museum sky-high.

CLAMOURING

Quickly, this way.

Come on!

ALI: They won't move!

Well, what if we all lift together?

They're locked.
OK, OK.

Erm, well,
why don't we try the other exits?

No, no.
They will all be locked, too.

And all the windows are barred.

Oh, my God, what the hell
are we gonna do?!

Stop with the hysterics, George.

In case you hadn't heard,
there is a Semtex bomb in that room!

Yes, we all know that!

JEAN CLEARS THROAT

Gabriel...
Yes.

..how do we open the shutters?

As far as I know,

the security guard
has fingerprint recognition.

She's the only one
who can deactivate the code.

Where is the guard?

In the security booth.

Come on, come on, come on. Come.

WHISPERS: Oh, my God.

She's gone.

JUDITH: Oh, my God, Jeremy,
what's going on?

How are we gonna get out now?

You all right, love?

Yeah. Poor woman.
I know.

So... one fingerprint to control
your entire security system?!

Stop it, George!

Yes, I let the security team
arrange it between them.

I have only been here
three weeks, so...

It was on my to-do list, but...

Good grief! So you've no idea
how to deactivate it?

No. No idea.

Well, then...
GEORGE CLEARS THROAT

..why don't we use her finger?

George!
Oh, really.

ALI: We can't.

Why not?

It's not like
she's gonna mind now, is she?

It's not that, it's...

once the tissue is dead,
it loses its electrical charge.

Hang on. Now, I saw this on
one of those American crime dramas,

and it worked a treat,
so let's give it a go, shall we?

Good God, George. Oh, I see.

You watched an entire box set,

so of course now you know more
than an actual doctor?!

Only saying.

Once the heartbeat dies,

the electrical charge dies.

It won't work.

POLICE RADIO CHATTER

DOM: Can I ask a question, Gabriel?

The security guard,
what was her name?

It was Suzanne.

Shall we call her that, then?

Look, I'm not suggesting
we sever Suzanne's finger...

George, leave it!

DOORBELL RINGS,
THEY SHOUT

Help us!

SHOUTING AND BANGING

BIRDS TWEETING

BANGING AND SHOUTING

DOORBELL RINGS
Why can't they hear us?!

No, no, because the front doors
are solid oak,

the shutters are solid steel,
and the walls,

it's very thick Mediterranean stone.

Oh, that's just great (!)
So is the place bombproof, as well?

You're not helping, George!

It's OK, I'll call Caron.
Yeah.

Er...

Oh, there's no signal.
Oh, God.

Ah, no. No, no.
I haven't had any since I arrived

because, erm, we are quite high up,
and the walls are too thick.

OK, what's the Wi-Fi code?

I am going to share it with you.
Yeah.

I know I had my phone in the pub.
I must have dropped it. Oh, God!

No, the Wi-Fi is off, too.

But don't worry, don't worry,
I have, er...

One moment. I remember something.

FOOTSTEPS RECEDE
Where's he going now?

SIGHS

MUTTERS

Someone has sabotaged
the comms cupboard.

It's beyond repair.

Comms cupboard?

It's where all the Wi-Fi hubs
lead to to keep us on the internet.

All the connections
have been ripped to pieces.

JEREMY: Oh!

So we are completely trapped
in here.

Oh.

Good God.

You have got
a foolproof security system

that you don't even know
how to operate?

Who's a bloody fool now, eh?!

Hey?!
Get your hands off him, you brute!

I am a 4th Dan black belt
in jujitsu.

You lay one more finger on him,
and I will take you down.

Do you understand?
Gentlemen, we have to calm down.

Don't suppose you serve Valium
as well as Champagne?

Valium? Is that a cocktail?

Never mind, dear.

So... someone knew
that we were here tonight

and trapped us under the threat
of a ticking bomb?

This psycho must really hate
one of us.

Well, it was Gabriel who wanted us
here. He sent the invite.

I don't think I would bomb
my own museum, Judith,

and trap myself inside.

OK, can we just stop
sniping at each other, OK?

It can't be anyone here, can it?

I am not so sure.

What do you mean?

I do remember
on my first day briefing,

they said once the shutters
are activated,

they close very fast,

and there is very little time
to get out.

You mean that the murderer
might still be in the building?

Possibly.

RINGING TONE

Patrick, can you call Judith?

I can't get hold of Dom or Jeremy.

Obviously, I have Jean's phone,
and I don't have Judith's number.

There is no answer at the museum,
and the doors are locked.

Something is not right.

SIGHS DEEPLY

You OK?

Yeah, I think so.

Caron just asked me
if I can get in touch with Judith,

but there's no answer.

She's with Jeremy and Dom.
Give them a call.

No, he's already tried that,

and there's no reply
from them, either, and...

no-one's answering the door.

Well, I don't like
the sound of that.

Nor do I.

Diane can look after the bar
for now.

Electric Lady Van outside?
Yeah.

Then let's go.

What idiot takes the job
of a curator of a massive museum

and doesn't know how to work
the security system?

I have only been here three weeks.

OK? There was so much to do that it
didn't seem like a priority, OK?!

Well, it's a priority now,
isn't it, Gabriel?

It's a priority now!

No, no, no. It's OK. It's OK.

If you're gonna say something,

say it in a language
we can all understand, eh?

SANGITA GASPS
I beg your pardon.

For one moment,
I thought we were in France.

If you have something to say...

..why don't you say it straight?

You clearly have something to hide,
monsieur.

Bullying my partner,
shouting at your wife.

Classic defence tactics.

How dare you suggest that I...

Shh, shh, shh!

What's that?
What?

FAINT RADIO STATIC
Listen.

STATIC CONTINUES

STATIC INTENSIFIES

Hello? Hello? Can anyone hear me?

Oh, come on. Hello, hello, hello?

DOM SIGHS

RADIO BEEPS

CRACKLY, ON RADIO:
'Hello, can anyone hear me?

'Help, help!'

Dom? Dom, is that you?

Oh, thank God. Look, we are trapped
inside the museum.

The shutters are down,
the security guard's been murdered,

and there is a bomb ticking away.

What, a bomb?

OK, Dom, you need to say
all that again but much slower.

There is a bomb.

Someone has activated
the security shutters.

They can only be deactivated

by the fingerprint
of the security guard.

But the... the security guard...

..has been murdered.

OK, Dom, have you seen the bomb?

'Er, yeah.'
What does it look like?

'Hang on.'

All right, OK, so...

..it's like a big lump of orange.

Bloke in here
said it looks like Semtex.

Erm, there's an old-fashioned phone
on one side,

and in the middle, there's a...
like a digital clock counting down.

There's three wires -

a blue one, a red one
and a yellow one.

'And how much time
does the bomb say you have?'

59 minutes.

I will get help immediately.

I need you to keep
this communication open.

'OK.'
We will get you all out.

Dom? Dom, you need to keep
this channel open!

An... Andre, I can't hear you.
Are you still there?

Andre?
RADIO STATIC

RADIO BEEPS

DOM BLOWS

Andre?

BOMB BEEPING,
DOM SIGHS

BEEPING CONTINUES

JEAN: What you doing?
Hang on a sec.

There's got to be a spare.
There's got to be a spare.

Oh, bingo!

Caron, can you hear me?

Caron!

VEHICLE APPROACHING

Gloria! Stop, stop!

Don't come in, don't come in.

I managed to speak to Caron.
He's calling for help.

Brilliant. How did you manage that?

Well, Suzanne's walkie-talkie.

Oh, that's great.
Well, we can use that, then.

Er, no. No, no, it's just died.

Maybe it just needs
a new battery, or...

No, no, I tried that.
It's no joy, so...

Oh, God.

Well, at least we're getting
some help from the professionals.

Something you've needed
for years, darling.

JUDITH: Caron will help us,
won't he, darling?

Oh, absolutely, darling.

Erm, Jean...

What? What's the matter?

Erm...

..I found this under the bomb.

For me?

I don't understand.

Who would do something
like this to you?

I've no idea.

I mean...

thinking about it,

I have put a few people away
over the years, but...

I mean, this is beyond the pale.

"Look at the heart
Her fruit from above

"Her face like the sun
Her heart full of love

"But fate is not kind
And her future is bleak

"Two attempts to survive
One date do you seek."

Oh, come on, Jean, think.

OK. "Two attempts to survive
One date do you seek."

So? What do you reckon?

Well, it appears that this... sicko

wants me to find a piece of art
in the museum that...

that matches the riddle.

"Two attempts to survive
One date do you seek."

So, well, I'm guessing

that you put the date
in the keypad...

..to stop the... stop the bomb.

JEAN SIGHS
WHISPERS: Wow.

Somebody must really hate me
to go to all this trouble.

GEORGE: It's just a child's riddle.

We should wait for help. Good grief.

But what if help
doesn't get here on time?

Someone is out to get me.
This is all my fault.

I've got to do something to help.

Slay.

OK, Jean, you've absolutely
got to solve this riddle.

Come on, chaps, let's separate
and find a way out of here.

And, Gabriel,
you attempt to override

this god-awful security system.

Well, I think we should wait
for the police.

Something you are very welcome to do
on your own, George.

I, for one, am going to help Jean.

Yeah. Yeah, me too.
I'm in.

GABRIEL: Anything is worth a try.

I do tech support for the charity.
Can I help?

Excellent!

Come on. Let's go to the booth.

Be careful.
You too.

I think it's essential

that we keep dividing
in order to conquer.

Gentlemen, follow me.

GEORGE GROANS

JEAN: OK. "Look at the heart."

The heart...
Well, "the heart" could mean love.

Oh, now,
that could be any work of art.

Er, OK. OK, think, Jean, think.

Well, erm,
it could be the Sacred Heart.

Especially if it's qualified
with a fruit.

Well, how so?

Well, erm, Jesus in art,

he's often referred to
as fruit of the womb.

Oh.
Yeah, let's go with that, OK.

"Face like the sun."

Now, obviously,
Jesus was the son of God,

and the sun in the sky is often used
as a metaphor for Jesus,

so, erm... "Fate is not kind."

Well, fate wasn't kind to Mary.

Certainly wasn't too kind
to Jesus, either, was it?

Well, exactly,
but "her future is bleak".

"Her". I think it's got to be about
Mary and Jesus. It's got to be.

Right, I think we're looking for
a religious painting or sculpture.

Well, there'll be a fair few
of those, I'm sure.

Yes, but particularly
the Madonna And Child.

There is about six main rooms.
OK.

Let's split up, take a room each,
and report back.

Right, erm... Thank you.
Right.

Me and Dom will take
Medieval and Renaissance.

Judith, you do Modern Art.
Oh.

And, Aurielle, you do Metalwork,

and, Ellie,
you do Jewellery and Glasswork.

And, erm, yeah. And remember,
the Madonna And Child, OK?

Let's go. Right, which way?
This way.

POLICE RADIO CHATTER

Richard, did you contact
the bomb squad?

Not great news, I'm afraid.

The nearest active unit is Lyon,
which is six hours by car.

They're trying to activate a plan
to get here quicker,

but it's not looking good.

What about overriding
the security system?

We have contacted the company,

but with it being Christmas Eve,
we have the same problem.

The nearest engineer
is in Marseille.

Oh, no. There is no guarantee
they will be here in time.

If there was another way in,
I think I could deactivate it.

What?

Before I joined the gendarmerie,

I trained in the bomb squad
at La Police Nationale.

If it is a rudimentary device,
I could deactivate it, I think.

OK, what about
the tunnels underneath? Pardon?

The museum's tunnels were part
of the bomb shelter system

during World War II.

I remember the tour guide telling us
when I brought Xavier on a visit.

OK, I will go in.

I cannot put my best officer
in danger, Richard.

I will go in. You can advise me.
But, Sir...

That is an order. Let's find a map.

OFFICER: Madam.

On the count of three,
we all pull together.

Ready?
Ready.

One, two...
Three!

I hadn't finished counting!

Oh, I think I've trapped a nerve
in my shoulder.

That's a little dramatic.

If we all work together,
we stand more chance. If we...

Did you just call me dramatic?

It was just an observation.

You like making observations,
don't you?

What's that supposed to mean?

Like observing other people's wives.

I, er, don't know
what you're talking about.

Do you think I was born yesterday?

I'm sorry? I...

The charity meetings with my wife,
the dinners.

Come on, Ali.
I've been through her phone.

I know what's going on with you two.

Well, tell me I'm wrong.

I said, tell me I'm wrong!

Well... there you go.

Just about says everything,
doesn't it?

George, I, erm...
Aurielle is my wife.

Come on, George.

You haven't loved each other
for years.

Even a stranger would know that.
It's just our shtick.

What?
The couples thing.

The public act.

But when we get behind
closed doors...

..we are still husband and wife.

ALI SCOFFS
Oh.

So you think I'm lying, do you?

Well, I don't know what yarn
she's been spinning you...

..but it's true.

And... I'll tell you
something else that's true.

I will do everything in my power

to make sure that you never raise
another penny

for your stupid charity!

G-G-Gentlemen, please, this is no
time for a bloody showdown! Come on!

PHONE CAMERA CLICKS

Judith.

I didn't find anything.

Literally.
Didn't even find a decent painting.

We thought we had a chance
with a necklace,

but there was no reference
to the sun.

Well, we can't give up.
We still have two other rooms.

Well, you two can go on looking,
but I'll be very honest with you,

I need a little top-up
of Dutch courage.

BOMB BEEPING
What, in here?

Can you not hear that bomb ticking?

BEEPING
Yes. Yes, I can.

But I'll be perfectly honest
with you, Aurielle,

if I am to get blown to smithereens,

I'd really rather like
not to remember it.

Let's keep looking.
Yeah.

I'll take Sculpture,
you take Ancient Modern Art. OK.

BEEPING CONTINUES

GLORIA: Thank God
the library was still open.

Right, this map dates
from around 1943.

It shows the tunnels
that were dug out

and used as bomb shelters
during World War II.

I think it is the map
she can't quite understand, not you.

I have always been terrible
with maps.

It's a bit of an Achilles heel
for me.

It's cos you're so young, love.

We forget we're the last generation
that didn't have satnav.

'Ey, speak for yourself,
I'm 20 years younger than you,

which makes me a straddler.
Pardon?

I straddle pre- and post-technology.

Doesn't matter what form
a map takes, I'm a dab hand.

Right, there's a labyrinth
of tunnels under the museum.

You can see the entrances
all around here,

but they can only be accessed
from the inside.

Hang on.

This one looks like it's leading
from the outside in.

What do you mean?
Look.

It starts off as a small one

then joins up with the bigger ones.

What's its proximity?

Just underneath the main entrance,
right around here somewhere.

Gloria, can you pull the van back
a bit, love?

VAN SENSOR BEEPS

OK.

Lovely. That's it.

There's your way in.

ANDRE SIGHS
Right.

You're not gonna open it up
like that, are you?

You got a crowbar in the van?
Yeah.

And, er, toolbox?

There's a knack to this.

Ta, love.

Right.

Are you ready?

And...
PATRICK GRUNTS

You are full of handy tricks,
Patrick.

I'm not going to ask
where you learned them.

OK, I'm going in.
Richard, get me an earpiece.

You'll need this as well.
It's my head torch.

Thank you, Gloria.

Thank you.
Are you sure I can't go with you?

Richard, I need you
to take control here.

You are now in charge.
Pleasure.

Gloria, take this headset.

I need you to stay on the map
and on the radio.

You will be my ears and eyes.

When I reach the bomb,
you will pass to Richard, OK?

Will the signal be strong enough
down there?

This radio is analogue.
It's like a walkie-talkie.

It works over short distances

because it doesn't need a signal
to bounce up to the sky.

OK.
Be careful in there.

I will.

Gloria, can you hear me?

Yeah, you OK?
'I'm fine. Which way?'

OK, you're going to your left first.

Bingo.

The shutters are connected
to the museum's mainframe.

Meaning you don't need Wi-Fi?
Exactly.

I may be able to override it
if both systems are kept connected.

Where's your main computer?

Erm, it's...

in my office, er,
next to the event room.

What's your passcode?

It's Yves, er, one-two-three-four.

Yves, press your finger
firmly on this pad.

I may be able to change
the fingerprint identity to yours.

Gabriel, when a code pops up,
press "enter" straightaway.

Enter straightaway, OK.
OK, I'm going to your office.

Oh, hello. What are you doing here?

SUPRESSED GUNSHOT,
SHE GASPS

What came first,
medieval or Renaissance?

Medieval.
Oh, right.

So, medieval was the 5th
to the 14th century,

and Renaissance was the 14th
to the 17th.

Correct. Yeah, I know.
It says it here on the card.

JEAN CHUCKLES

This is beautiful.

It's hand-spun wool and silk.

This is called a verdure tapestry,

derives from the French word
for "green".

Verd.
Yeah.

How do you do that?
What?

Know all that.

It says it on the card.

DOM CHUCKLES
Touche.

These two look how I feel.

How come none of them ever smiled?

There was a theory that they
didn't wanna show their bad teeth.

Fair dos.

I think it was just really hard work
to maintain a smile

whilst you're having
your portrait painted.

I mean, sitting there
for hours like that.

Not like taking a selfie, is it?
That's true.

Dom, look at that.

OK, right.

"Look at the heart
Her fruit from above

"Her face like the sun
Her heart full of love."

I mean, I wouldn't exactly say
her face is sunny, but...

Donatello, terracotta.
You didn't look at the card.

Oh, well, he's one of my favourites.

Mind you, there is a debate that
it could have been Robbia, but...

Says it's on loan from Florence.

Well, it fits all the clues.

Can I have your phone?

Oh. We best get back to the others.

Not much time left, is there?

I love you, Jean White.

Dom, we will get out of here.

Yeah?
Yeah, come on.

One, two, three!

THEY GRUNT
AND STRAIN

GEORGE SIGHS

All right, all right, all right.
Let's just take a minute.

Good idea.

GEORGE SIGHS

So, how did you find out
about the affair?

GEORGE SIGHS

I wasn't sure at first.

But I'd had my suspicions
for months.

Then what made you suspicious,
if you don't mind?

No, I don't mind. I don't mind.

We run our businesses
like clockwork,

and then all of a sudden,
she becomes interested in charity.

Now... I wouldn't mind,

but we have an office set aside
for charity,

or tax relief,
as I'd like to call it.

Absolutely.

And the only charity she really did
was just turn up,

snip the ribbon, until...

she met him.

Ah. Dr Pardeep.
Mm-hm.

We met him,
and then she became obsessed

with going to his meetings
for his prison art malarkey.

She couldn't get enough of it.

"Oh, you should see
the difference it makes,

"blah, blah, blah."

GEORGE SIGHS

And then
it's all the obvious signs -

never leaving her phone unattended,

always going in a different room
to check her messages.

GEORGE EXHALES

You know what?
I have never loved another woman.

I just thought...
GEORGE SIGHS

..maybe she didn't love me
as much as she used to,

that we'd always have...

..respect.

You're right, old chap.

Once the respect has gone...
Mm.

Come on, George.

We've got to find a way out of here.
Come on.

GEORGE SIGHS

Where on earth is everybody?

Ah, hello. Who have we here?

There's a zero chance
of my reading that tiny writing.

You do have a look of a female,
I suppose, but is that a child?

Oh, bloody hell,
I forgot to pick up my glasses.

I know.

PHONE CAMERA CLICKS

Oh, I see.

Not a child, but a sheaf of wheat.

SIGHS
Nearly.

Allez, allez, Messieurs Dames,
circulez! Il n'y a rien a voir ici.

OK. The tunnel on your left
appears to lead to another exit.

'But the tunnel ahead of you
takes you to a door

'that leads you into the museum.'

ANDRE: OK, give me a second.

It's locked!

The door's locked.
Give me your headset.

Andre, describe the lock to me
as best you can.

Er, it is a rectangle
with a large keyhole in the middle.

Looks like a church door lock.

And it is very rusted.

Sounds like a rim lock.
Not too tricky.

So, use the screwdriver attachment
on your multitool

to turn the lock to your right.

OK, I'm ready.

No.

No.

Well...

No.

Oh, I give in.

AURIELLE: What do you mean,
"George knows"?

ALI: He just came straight out
with it,

said he'd been looking
through your phone.

Looking through my phone? How?

It never leaves my sight.

We hardly see each other.
We live separate lives.

Well, that's not what he said.
What?

He implied that the two of you

were still very much in love.
SHE GASPS

And that this whole dislike thing
is just an act.

Oh, Ali, that is rubbish.

WHISPERS: We don't even sleep
in the same room.

And the worst bit of it is...

..he said he's gonna make sure

that I don't receive another penny
for the charity.

Oh. That's the worst thing, yeah?

SHE SCOFFS
Well...

it's nice to hear you've got
your priorities straight (!)

T-That's not...
Aurielle, you are my priority.

But if you're still
in love with him...

Ali, please, it's rubbish.
He's just bitter, believe me!

I love you.

Did you find anything?

Oh, I've taken a picture
of a few pieces,

but I haven't really got a clue
what I'm looking for.

Yeah, I mean,
the riddle is a little vague.

Yeah, that's the understatement
of the century.

But the bomb threat is very clear.

Yeah, yeah. We should find
the others and regroup, yeah?

That's where I was heading.

Ah. Oh, no, they're...
they're all locked!

GEORGE GROANS

Surely, that idiot Gabriel
has a set of keys?

I think we've established, George,

that Gabriel has literally no idea
where they are.

Oh, hello, you two.

Hello.
Oh, hello, darling. Any success?

No, it's bloody useless.

I can't find
one single religious painting.

No, I've tried my utmost,
and that's all I can do.

It's all so hopeless.
How are you getting on?

We've tried all the doors.
And windows.

Nothing!
How utterly infuriating.

Maybe we should get back
to the others.

Good idea, George. Come on.

We will get out of here,
won't we, darling?

Oh, come here.

Of course we will, my darling.

One way or the other.

PATRICK: 'Very, very gently.'

ANDRE SIGHS
Nothing seems to be biting.

'Take your time.'

That is something we do NOT have.

ANDRE GROANS

I think I can kick the door in.

'No, no, no, no. Don't do that.

'We don't want
any unnecessary vibrations.'

ANDRE GRUNTS
'Andre?'

ANDRE GRUNTS
'Andre?'

ANDRE YELLS,
RUMBLING

'Andre?'

ANDRE GASPS

COUGHING

ANDRE SIGHS

BOMB BEEPING

Any joy?
Yes.

Oh. No, erm...

This is a picture
by Camille Corot in 1860,

and it's of a normal,
earthbound human and child.

Sorry.
No, it's OK.

Ellie, anything?
I couldn't find the card for this,

but it looks like
a modern-art version

of Mary and Jesus.

Well, is it?

No, I'm afraid not.

It looks like modern art,

but I think it is a copy
of the famous Kourotrophos,

which is one of the earliest
Neolithic finds in Greece,

6000 BC.

ELLIE SIGHS

Not with George and Jeremy,
then, Ali?

No, the, erm...
We couldn't... The doors.

Hm. I've got something to tell you.

JEREMY: Ooh, Dom.
Oh, how did it go?

We're really trapped.
We've tried everything.

Every window, every door,
is either deadlocked or barred.

Judith, did you find anything
to match the poem?

I found a painting
that might be a mother and child,

but I'm not entirely sure
it's the right way up.

JEAN SIGHS

No.

JEAN EXHALES

Dom, can you get up that picture
of the Donatello, please?

OK.

"Two attempts to survive,"
one date do we seek.

Do you think it's time
to put our best option in?

Don't really have a choice, do we?

Well, shouldn't we wait to see

if Sangita and the others
have had some success?

I don't think there's any harm
in trying.

JEAN EXHALES

JEAN SIGHS

THEY GROAN

ANDRE GRUNTS

PATRICK: 'Andre? Can you hear me?'

Yes, Patrick.

Oh! We lost you for a few moments.

You had us worried.
PATRICK CHUCKLES

So, how are you doing?

I'm a little trapped.

Part of the roof has collapsed
and formed a barrier

between me and where I came in.

'Can you dig your way out?'

At the moment,
that does not seem possible.

OK, so...
We must keep trying the lock.

ANDRE SIGHS

The lock is so rusted,
I just can't seem to get a grip.

There's a blockage in the tunnel,
and he can't get out.

How's he doing with the lock?

He says he can't get a grip
because it's all rusted up.

Rusted? Give me the headset.

Andre, this may seem
like a stupid question,

but what's your gun holster made of?

Er, mainly leather, I think,
but with some rubber on the inside.

Great. Take your knife and slice
a thin piece of rubber off.

ANDRE GRUNTS

OK, I've done that.

Put it in the lock
and rub as hard as you can.

OK.

'Is it working?'
Yes! Yes, it's working!

Yes!
How did you know how to do that?

Old mechanic's trick.
Rust hates rubber.

I'm passing you back to Patrick.

'Right, I'm going to try
the lock again.'

OK, Andre, remember,

screwdriver up and to the right,
very gently.

LOCK CLICKS,
ANDRE SIGHS

What's happening, Andre? Andre?

It's not opening, Patrick!

PATRICK SIGHS

OK. Er...

I want you to describe it
for me again as best you can

with every detail,
every detail you can.

ANDRE SIGHS
Er...

It's brass, I think,
with a fancy design on it,

like a fleur-de-lis, sort of.

Oh, Patrick, you idiot.
It's an old French lock!

Gonna try something different,
Andre.

Turn it to the left,
very, very gently, hm?

Then turn it one more time.

LOCK CLUNKS
It's unlocked!

Yes!
Yes!

OK, Andre.

Once you're through the door,
you're going to your right.

JEAN: 'I can't believe
I got it so wrong.'

You can't blame yourself, Jean.
Well, whose fault is it?

I sent you all
on a wild goose chase.

You did something, though.
Yeah, and I got it wrong.

I don't want to die
like this, Jeremy.

Oh, I know, my darling. I know.

Why didn't you tell me
it'll all be all right?

What? You always say,
"It'll all be all right, darling."

And it always is.
Well...

SHE SOBS

PANTING

How much time have I got left?

How much time has he got left?

Only 17 minutes, I'm afraid.

17 minutes, Andre.

'Keep going straight on.

'You're nearly there.
You're doing great.'

No, no!

Do you want to know
what I bought you for Christmas?

You know I prefer a surprise.

But you might not get to see it.

I want to keep it a surprise.

Thank you, Jeremy.

What for?

Our life together.
I've had such a lovely time.

I thought... after losing the twins,
we wouldn't last.

Lots of couples split over less,
you know?

I know, my darling.

I know.

Maybe, if there is something
after this life,

we can meet them again.

That's a nice thought, isn't it?

That's a wonderful thought, darling.

Wonderful.

Anyway, I'm glad
we're here together.

I've always dreaded the thought of
going first and leaving you behind.

Me too.
HE CHUCKLES

DOOR OPENS

Sangita, she's dead.

No!
What?

Are you sure?
YVES: Positive.

How?!
She has been shot.

Shot? She was trying
to change the fingerprint control

and needed access
to the main computer in my office,

so she left us
and went to the office.

We waited for ages.

And you just found her there?
Yes.

I need to see her.
No, no, no, I'm not sure you should.

Look, I'm a doctor.
M-Maybe she's still alive.

Take me to her.
Ali... Ali, listen. Look at me.

I just need to see my wife.

Show me to your office.

JEAN: OK.

Everyone needs to stay here.
No-one must leave.

Dom, come with me.
Yeah.

Oh... my love.

Ali, you can't touch her.

I am a doctor and her husband.

I know, but this is a crime scene.

What?

There's still a very good chance
that we could get out of here,

and if we do, we want every shred
of evidence intact, don't we?

ALI EXHALES

ALI INHALES SHAKILY

SOBS

Ali is having an affair
with Aurielle. What?

I saw them in the corridor together,

said him and George
almost came to blows at one point.

Oh, well, that gives him a motive.

To get rid of his wife
so he can marry a billionaire.

Exactly.

Come on. If it is him,

we can't leave him alone
with Gabriel for too long. Yeah.

All the banking codes,
they are gone.

Are you sure
they were in there earlier?

Yes. When I came to get the ormolu
from the safe,

I clearly remember seeing the file.

And who else knew the combination
to the safe?

Only me. And Yves, he helped me
collect the ormolu earlier.

OK... right.

We all have to stay
in the same place.

It's what Caron would make us do.

Yeah. Yeah, you're right.
OK.

Right, we have to stick together.
There's a murderer amongst us.

GABRIEL MUTTERS

Gloria, I must be near.
I can hear voices.

'You're right underneath
the events room.

'Carry on
for about another ten yards,

'and you'll see a ladder
on your right.

'That will take you
directly up to the museum.'

GRUNTS

Are you OK, love?

GROANS

Yes, I'm fine.

Yards to metres, multiply the length
given in yards by 0.9144.

I found the ladder!

He's found the ladder!
Oh.

I'm heading up now, Gloria.

Well done, Andre.
You're nearly there.

The security engineer has now landed
at the airport,

and she's on her way now
in a police car.

Brilliant!
Great news!

ANDRE YELPS

SCREAMING,
CRASHING

Andre? Andre, are you OK?

Andre, can you hear me?

BOMB BEEPING

Maybe we should start praying
to them paintings we found.

It looks like
that's our only choice.

You like to have a choice,
don't you?

SHE SIGHS
What's that meant to mean?

You know exactly what that means.

If you've got something
to say, George,

why don't you just come out with it?

If I've got something to say,
I will decide when I say it.

Always loving the control,
eh, George?

Even when we're about to die,
you still have to be in control.

You know the best thing
about this situation?

We're both gonna die together.

Which means you won't inherit...
a thing.

SHE EXHALES
Wow.

Just when I thought
you couldn't go lower.

HE SCOFFS

What you thinking?

I'm trying to work out the murder
in real time.

Get Jeremy and Judith over to help,
will you?

Hey, you two.

Jean needs your help.

I'm not sure I'm much help
to anyone, Dominic.

Judith's not feeling great.

We're all not feeling great, Jeremy!

Sorry. Sorry, I didn't mean to snap.

No, I... No, actually, I did.

Jean is over there trying so hard
to help us, to help all of us.

The very least you two can do
is to help her. OK?!

Er... Yeah, sorry, old chap.
Yes, of course.

Oh, great. OK.

So, whoever murdered
Sangita and Suzanne

has something to do with the bomb
and this whole nightmare evening.

It makes sense for everything
to be connected. Yeah.

Who would kill Sangita?
Who would murder someone like that?

Well... Ali's having an affair
with Aurielle.

Oh, yeah, Dom told me.
What?

Yeah, George
just poured his heart out to me.

The poor chap is broken.

Yeah. And I saw Ali and Aurielle
in the corridor earlier

talking about it.

Do you think he bumped off his wife
to run off with a billionairess?

That's what I said.

Or maybe George killed her
to frame Ali.

He was certainly on the verge of it.

Or maybe Aurielle killed her
in a jealous rage

because she couldn't wait
a moment longer for Ali.

SHE SIGHS
Well, in the office,

Gabriel said all the codes
to the museum's bank

had been stolen from the safe.

Yeah, and he was certain
that they were there earlier.

So, could that have something
to do with it?

Oh, it's all so confusing.
My head hurts.

Dom, come with me.

SHE EXHALES HEAVILY

There was only one person
that used the map.

This way.

Of course.

It's so small, it's...

'It's a nose ring.'

SHE GASPS

WHISPERS: It was Ellie.
It was all Ellie.

What?
Ellie is the murderer.

Don't, don't. Don't look.
But how did she do it?

She couldn't be in two places
at once. I mean...

She was definitely here
when we arrived.

So how could she be murdering
the security guard at the same time?

Unless...
SHE GASPS

The escutcheon.

Dom.

Dom, give us a hand with this.
Yeah.

SHE GASPS

Oh, my God.
HE GASPS

She's still alive.
SHE EXHALES

Let's get her in here.

DOOR OPENS,
THEY EXCLAIM

What the hell?!

Who on earth is this?!

Jean, for God's sake,
explain what on earth is going on.

AURIELLE: Ali, again. Just a minute.

ELLIE: I'm intrigued.
THEY GASP

We still have a few minutes
before we escape.

How did you know?

Yves, what are you doing?

Go on, Madame White.

It didn't come to me straightaway.

Then I worked out
that it was you who killed Sangita

and stole the bank codes.

You mistakenly left your map
on the floor,

at the side of the safe.

I suppose when Sangita came in
to override the fingerprint control,

well, she caught you red-handed.

SHE GROANS

And then I worked it back.

I mean, how did you get in the safe
in the first place?

Only Gabriel and Yves
knew the combination,

so it made sense
one of them was your accomplice.

And then I remembered,
earlier in the evening...

..Sangita recognised you, Yves,
from a prison outreach event.

Have we met somewhere before?

I very much doubt it.
I don't do prisons or charity, dear.

I assume you've not been
out of prison for very long

for Sangita to recognise you
from something so recent.

Yves, is this true?

HE SCOFFS

But you, Ellie, I...

Well, I couldn't work out how
you could be in two places at once,

serving Champagne here and, well...

murdering the security guard
down there.

But you weren't, were you?

This is what I think.

You entered the museum,

and you forced the security guard
to activate the shutters.

BUZZER BLARES

SUZANNE GRUNTS

Once you'd started the bomb...

BOMB BEEPING
..you raced up here...

..changed your outfit...

..and you placed the bomb

in the cabinet
just outside this room.

Then you accosted
that poor waitress...

..and you bundled her
into the cupboard.

It's brilliant, really.

All Yves had to do
was hire an agency waitress

who looked a little bit like you.

No-one had ever met
either of you before,

so no-one would realise that you
were an entirely different person.

But how did you get the bomb
inside the ormolu?

Well...

you throwing Champagne over George
was no accident, was it?

The minute that you heard Gabriel
and Yves in the corridor,

that was your cue
to cause a distraction...

GEORGE: Oh, good God, girl.
What the hell?!

..giving Yves just enough time
to plant the note for me

and to put the bomb in the box.

..stupid!
ELLIE: No, I...

AURIELLE: George,
don't speak to her like that!

Very good, Madame White.

I sort of understand the murders,
to steal the bank codes.

But why the bomb? Why the poem?

ELLIE SCOFFS
Well...

that is what you will all
take to your graves without knowing.

But there's no way out.
Not for you, anyway.

DOOR CLOSES,
LOCK CLICKS

SIREN WAILING

The security engineer
is almost here.

But we've only got two minutes left!

BOMB BEEPING

Two of the most important people
in my life

are in that building, Patrick!

Heads down, please!

Right, I'm gonna
smash this door down.

What's the point?!
There's enough Semtex in there

to blow up
the whole bloody building!

Well, they managed to escape,
didn't they?!

God, I didn't think I was gonna die

from a bomb
in a bloody jewellery box!

Maybe the actual box is a clue.

It's an actual Marie Antoinette box.

SHE GASPS

This is a picture
of Marie Antoinette

dressed as a vestal virgin
by Charles Le Clercq in 1777.

In relation to the poem...

"Fruit from above." Well, Marie
Antoinette's father was a pope.

"Face like the sun."

Well, she was married
to the great-great-grandson

of the Sun King.

And fate was not kind -
well, it wasn't kind to her,

she had her head cut off.

DRAMATIC DRUMS PLAY

SHAKILY: OK. One...

..seven, seven, seven.

DRUM TEMPO INCREASES

DRUMS STOP

SHE GASPS

UPLIFTING MUSIC PLAYS

ALL EXCLAIM

I said we'd be all right.
THEY LAUGH

Oh, Judith! Judith, you're a genius!

The box, Marie Antoinette.
Of course it was to do with her!

DOM EXHALES HEAVILY
I'm getting too old for this.

Clever, clever darling.

I'm so pleased I didn't tell you
what I bought you for Christmas.

GLORIA: What happened?

Nothing!
'Ey!

THEY LAUGH,
SIREN WAILING

GEORGE CLEARS THROAT
Listen,

I don't wanna break up the party,
but we are still locked in.

I know we don't have the threat
of the bomb any more,

but we are still locked in.

Come on, let's get this door open!

Right. Come on.

Right, OK.
Everybody grab it.

On the count of three.
ALL: One, two...

three!
THEY EXCLAIM

Darling!
I must've loosened it earlier.

Loosened it.

SHE EXCLAIMS

SHE SIGHS

Picked a real dreamboat there, hey,
my darling wife (!)

BUZZER BLARES

Come on! Come on, come on,
the shutters are opening! Come on!

SHUTTERS WHIRR
Oh, Caron, you little beauty!

Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.

OFFICER SPEAKS FRENCH

PARAMEDIC: S'il vous plait, madame.

OFFICER: This way. This way, please.

AURIELLE: Thank you so much.
This way.

GEORGE: Yeah, yeah. All right.
Sit down there.

Jean! You're all right!

SHE LAUGHS

DOM: Am I glad to see you!
You too, son.

That must have been so scary.

Certainly had its moments.
Oh, Dominic, Merry Christmas!

Well, yeah, I wouldn't exactly
say that, but...

Merry Christmas.

Where's Caron?

JEAN: What happened?

He... He came into get you.

How?

The tunnels underneath the museum.
The what?

There's a load of bomb shelters.

It was my idea, but...

His radio's gone silent.

We think he has fallen.

Had to wait and see
if the bomb exploded

before they went to check on him.

Just preparing to go
and find him now.

ANDRE:

YVES: OK, c'est bon!

I assume these two have something
to do with all this.

SOBS: I thought I'd killed you!

HE SIGHS
Not quite.

Oh, Andre! It's so good to see you.

JEAN CHUCKLES

Good to see you, mate.
ANDRE SIGHS

JEAN EXHALES HEAVILY
Major.

Richard.

Jean, can you fill me in
on what happened?

Then I will interview those two
in the morning.

What, now?

Are you sure you're up to it?

You know I like to keep busy
at Christmas.

LAUGHS: Yeah, I do.

ANDRE SIGHS

PATRICK EXHALES,
INDISTINCT CHATTER

Oh, out of the way, please.
Now, I'll deal with this.

Caron, what have you done
to your poor face?

ANDRE SIGHS,
CHUCKLES

JEREMY LAUGHS

I'm not sure I like brunch.
What?

Well, the word, the blending
of two words to make another,

like, erm, motel.

Portmanteau.
Oh, bless you.

LAUGHS: No.

Portmanteau is the blending
of two words to make another one.

Although "portmanteau" also means

a leather case with two sections,
but...

Where would we be
without your brain, eh?

Don't be daft.
No, I mean it.

You saved a lot of lives yesterday.

Oh, well, I just did
what I had to do.

Yeah, and what only you can.

Well, thank you.

Now, can I tempt you
to a "croiss-age"?

A what?
It's...

It's a croissant with a sausage
inside. I'm portmanteau-ing.

SHE CHUCKLES
No?

Fresh coffee.
Ah!

Oh, thank you, Patrick.

Oh, well, I'll do it, darling.
HE CHUCKLES

I'm terribly hungry this morning.

I think it's all the trauma.

Of course, darling.
It can do that.

I remember when my gran was ill,

all anybody could do
was make sandwiches,

like it'd make everything better.

Feeding the soul.
Not with white slice and beef paste.

We ended up feeding the ducks.
LAUGHTER

There you are, plenty more
where that came from. Oh, lovely.

Will you sit down?
We've got loads here.

We need to save a little bit of room
for Christmas dinner.

You sound just like I did
when you were a nipper.

Do you know? One Christmas morning,

he ate three packets of mince pies
and half a Christmas cake -

before breakfast.

CHUCKLING
How old was he?

Five.
15, actually.

I was a little bit worse for wear,
but I didn't know that then.

I just needed a sugar rush.

I've never really believed
in hangovers.

I think it's a case
of mind over matter.

I think that's why
I've never had one.

PHONE CHIMES
Oh. Excuse me.

Ah. Caron is ready for me
to go over.

Oh, want me to come with you?

No, no, it's all right.
I won't be long.

Erm, I've just got to bob over
to the station.

Andre needs my help.

WITH MOUTH FULL:
Take some food with you.

Oh, no, I'm really full.
For Andre and Richard.

Oh. Yeah, great idea.

Tell them that they're both invited
to lunch. Four o'clock start.

Will do.
Talking of starts -

do you think it's too early
for a little Champagne?

Wonderful idea, darling.

Carpe bloody diem after yesterday,
that's what I say.

I'll get some glasses.

HE INHALES SHARPLY

Hey.
What?

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas. What's the matter?

Well, after yesterday, I...

..I don't wanna
let you out of my sight.

Don't be daft. I won't be gone long.

Yeah, I know, but...

I tell you what, why don't you
get on the morning champers?

And you won't even know I'm missing.

OK.

Come here.

Happy Christmas.

Well, it would be,
if you could get these two to speak.

Oh, no joy?
Nothing from him.

He's just playing games.

But the girl, I think,
is starting to break.

That's why I asked you here.
She's upstairs.

Oh, from Patrick.
Merci.

So, what happened?

ELLIE: No comment.

Why did you plant a bomb?

No comment.
And why the poem?

No comment.

Look, I can understand
you killing who you needed to

to steal the bank codes...

but why the bomb, why the poem?

Well, I don't know you,
and you don't know me!

Well, the poem
was obviously not my idea.

So there was someone else involved?

Of course!

I know nothing about bombs,
less about poems.

And I had no idea who you were
until yesterday!

So, what happened?

No comment.

If you are trying
to protect someone,

I would ask you to consider
how important they are to you.

It will affect your sentence
considerably.

The last time I was in prison...

I shared a cell with a woman

who worked as a consultant
at the museum.

She knew everything about it.

Every nook and cranny.

She said if I kept in touch
once I got out...

she would be able
to help me get inside,

override the security system,

steal the bank codes
and get out scot-free.

Go... Go on.
So I kept on visiting her.

'And sure enough,
we came up with a plan.'

I got my friend Yves involved,

flirting with that idiot
of a curator, Gabriel...

to get someone on the inside.

But still... why me, why the bomb?

It was very strange.

The last time I went to see her,

she had found out
through her contacts

that you, Mrs Jean White,

would visit the museum
on Christmas Eve.

And?

She was wild.

'Cold with rage.
God, she really hated you.'

So, instead of a simple robbery
as planned...

..I was to plant a bomb
and a letter to you.

She said I would be safe...

..that there was a way out
under the museum.

She said it was a game
she liked to play with you.

It all seemed a bit psychotic
to me...

..but then again, so did she.

And I had nothing to lose...

so I did what she said.

What was her name?

Barbara.

PHONE BUZZES,
CHIMES

What fun, Mrs White.

Till next time.

SHE LAUGHS WICKEDLY