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1
00:00:05,400 --> 00:00:07,840
They don't.
Well, I'm sure they do.
2
00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:10,560
They don't! It's uplift only,
I'm telling you.
3
00:00:10,560 --> 00:00:13,200
Oh! Oh, hi, Michelle.
Hi, Beth. Hi, Eric.
4
00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:15,400
How are you doing?
Are you off somewhere nice?
5
00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:17,280
Er, just to the dump.
Oh.
6
00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:18,880
Yeah, a few bits and pieces.
7
00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:20,840
A whole load of cardboard, Michelle.
8
00:00:20,840 --> 00:00:24,760
Oh, right. Amazing how it builds up,
isn't it?
9
00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:27,280
This is the thing when
you're ordering stuff online -
10
00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:28,360
it all comes in boxes,
11
00:00:28,360 --> 00:00:31,040
and you end up just absolutely
swamped with it.
12
00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:32,280
OK, Eric.
13
00:00:32,280 --> 00:00:33,640
Yeah, and polystyrene too,
14
00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:35,640
because of course
everything in the boxes
15
00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:36,800
needs to be protected.
16
00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:39,280
Eric, Michelle doesn't need
all the details.
17
00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:41,640
I'm just telling her - she's
asking us where we're going.
18
00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:44,680
Yes, but she doesn't need to
know everything we're taking.
19
00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:46,440
Er, I'll maybe just leave
you to it.
20
00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:48,440
No, no, no, sorry. How are you?
21
00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:50,240
Oh, I'm fine, yeah.
22
00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:52,240
A bit up to my eyes with work
just now, though,
23
00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:54,600
but...listen,
I was going to ask you,
24
00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:56,960
it's pay week, and I was
just thinking, do you fancy
25
00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:59,320
coming over to ours
on Friday night for a takeaway?
26
00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:01,120
We could get, like, a Chinese
or something?
27
00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:02,880
Oh, sounds nice. Aye.
28
00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:04,960
Say about six?
29
00:01:04,960 --> 00:01:07,800
Er, I'm going to say to Colin and
Cathy and Christine as well.
30
00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:09,040
Well, count us in.
31
00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:12,200
Great, well, I'll see you then.
Enjoy your trip to the dump.
32
00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:13,840
Well, he will.
33
00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:32,240
Hi!
34
00:01:32,240 --> 00:01:34,120
Hello, Michelle, how are you?
35
00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:35,840
Och, I'm OK. So glad it's Friday.
36
00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:37,600
This week's been mad.
Oh!
37
00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:40,560
Tell me about it.
Between my good pen
38
00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:42,440
disappearing down the side
of the recliner,
39
00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:45,080
and the batteries in my
remote control needing changed,
40
00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:46,960
I have been flat out.
41
00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:48,480
Come on in.
42
00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:51,440
All right?
43
00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:53,400
Hello, Alan, how are you?
44
00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:54,560
All right.
45
00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:56,640
So is it Chinese
we're getting in, then?
46
00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:58,160
Yeah, is that all right
with you?
47
00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:01,760
Oh, yes, I like Chinese.
Where are you getting it from?
48
00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:03,800
Well, we normally get ours
from the Panda Hut.
49
00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:05,640
The Panda Hut?
50
00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:08,040
Aye, it's really good.
Have you no' had one there?
51
00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:09,920
No. Where'd you go?
52
00:02:09,920 --> 00:02:11,720
Thomas up at the Golden Blossom.
53
00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:13,560
Oh, right.
I don't know that one.
54
00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:15,440
Oh, it's very authentic, Michelle.
55
00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:17,640
He does kebabs as well.
56
00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:20,120
DOORBELL RINGS
57
00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:21,520
Oh!
58
00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:23,480
Excuse me a wee minute.
59
00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:26,120
Oh, hello, Michelle.
60
00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:27,360
Hi! Hi, Eric.
61
00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:29,080
Made it to Friday, eh?
62
00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:30,480
Oh, I know, thank God.
63
00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:32,160
TFI.
64
00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:34,080
Oh, yeah.
65
00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:35,520
What?
66
00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:38,000
I'm saying TFI.
67
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:41,000
Thank "mm" it's Friday.
68
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:42,360
Eh?
69
00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:45,640
Thank fuck it's Friday.
70
00:02:45,640 --> 00:02:46,800
Oh!
71
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:48,440
Come on in.
72
00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:50,880
Oh, thank you.
73
00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:52,240
Oh, that's nice.
74
00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:55,080
Hi, Alan.
75
00:02:55,080 --> 00:02:56,760
All right? All right, Beth?
76
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:57,840
Hi, Alan.
77
00:02:57,840 --> 00:02:59,920
How yous doing? Michelle said
you were at the dump.
78
00:02:59,920 --> 00:03:01,840
Aye, whole load of cardboard
we had to take up.
79
00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:05,160
It's a nightmare, in't it?
It's all the packaging.
80
00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:06,840
That's what I was saying to her.
81
00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:08,400
Sit yourselves down, folks.
82
00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:10,920
When were you at the dump?
83
00:03:10,920 --> 00:03:14,080
Er...Wednesday.
84
00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:16,240
Wednesday?
How did you no' tell me?
85
00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:19,040
We don't need to tell you
every move we make, Christine.
86
00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:21,360
Did you no' think I might have
stuff to go up?
87
00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:23,160
I mean,
what about my recycling?
88
00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:24,360
Sorry, Christine.
89
00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:26,640
Do they take cooking oil
up there, Eric?
90
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:27,760
I think so.
91
00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:29,760
Oh, you can just put that
down the loo, Alan.
92
00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:35,280
Right, who fancies a wee drink?
I know I'm ready for one.
93
00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:37,920
Oh, one of those weeks,
eh, Michelle?
94
00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:40,480
Oh, it's crazy at the minute.
The place is doing my head in.
95
00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:43,240
Not even had a chance to go to the
gym or anything.
96
00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:45,600
Aye, and see wi' her,
it goes back on fast.
97
00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,760
Well, never mind that,
it's the weekend.
98
00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:52,280
What do we fancy?
99
00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:54,200
Are we no' gonnae order food
first?
100
00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:57,240
Oh, well, I just thought we'd wait
until everybody else gets here.
101
00:03:57,240 --> 00:03:58,560
Oh.
102
00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:02,120
Have you had
fae this Panda Hut before?
103
00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:05,320
The Panda Hut? That's the Chinese
that we use, Beth.
104
00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:07,480
Oh. You no' had fae there before,
Eric?
105
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:08,880
No, I don't think so.
106
00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:11,360
Honestly, it's the best.
107
00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:14,840
See they ribs, oh!
Loads of sauce on them.
108
00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:17,920
She has to put a dishtowel
over her chest
109
00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:19,160
when she's eating them.
110
00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:21,160
I don't think you can go wrong
111
00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:23,680
wi' Thomas if it's Chinese
you're having.
112
00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:26,800
I'm sure they're
much the same, Christine.
113
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:29,960
Oh, you've obviously
never tried his scampi.
114
00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:32,280
DOORBELL RINGS
115
00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:33,360
Excuse me.
116
00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:38,160
Thanks. There we go.
117
00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:40,880
Hey. Hi.
118
00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:42,040
Hi, Michelle.
119
00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:44,960
You look nice, Cathy.
Thank you, Michelle.
120
00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:48,120
Absolutely everything I've got on
I'm wearing for the first time.
121
00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:51,400
Come on in.
122
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:56,080
My mate's just got a job
up at that dump.
123
00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:58,200
Oh, has he, Alan?
What's he doing there?
124
00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:00,400
Rubble.
Oh, right.
125
00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:02,680
I've got a bag of pebbles
fae when I had
126
00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:04,160
the tropical fish.
127
00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:06,240
Do you think he might be
interested in them?
128
00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:07,640
Er...
129
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:09,840
Hey. How we all doing?
130
00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:12,720
Hiya, Colin.
Hi. Hi, Cathy.
131
00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:14,280
Oh, hi, Beth.
132
00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:16,600
Oh, I love that top.
133
00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:20,200
That's a real favourite
of yours, isn't it?
134
00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:23,520
Oh, hi, Cath. Right, Michelle,
that's everybody here.
135
00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:25,200
Let's get this thing ordered.
136
00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:27,680
Let them get in and get
settled, for God's sake.
137
00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:30,280
No, no, no, we can go for it.
Where we getting it from?
138
00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:31,560
Panda Hut.
139
00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:32,600
The Panda Hut?
140
00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:35,720
I know, Colin. I don't think
we've had it from there.
141
00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:37,920
We don't really eat Chinese food.
142
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:40,080
We're more Thai.
143
00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:44,200
Oh, you should try Thomas's.
He does a lovely green curry.
144
00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:47,280
Aye?
Oh, see that wi' chips?
145
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:49,880
We're no' allowed chips
with our Chinese now.
146
00:05:50,840 --> 00:05:53,040
I didn't say you're not
allowed them,
147
00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:55,200
I just don't see
why it's necessary.
148
00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:57,760
So many lovely items
on the menu to choose from.
149
00:05:57,760 --> 00:06:02,040
All your starters, your sides,
all the specialities.
150
00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:03,480
Does that mean I can get them, then?
151
00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:05,960
Look, we should just decide
what we're doing.
152
00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:08,520
We're happy to get from
Alan and Michelle's place.
153
00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:10,640
Honestly, Beth,
you'll no' regret it.
154
00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:12,520
I've only ever had the squits
once off it.
155
00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:16,600
Well, we'll give it a go, aye.
156
00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:20,640
Aye, all right.
157
00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:22,240
Where's your menu?
158
00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:23,840
Oh, no, no,
we'll just do it on the app.
159
00:06:23,840 --> 00:06:25,280
Alan, you got your phone handy?
160
00:06:25,280 --> 00:06:27,520
You'll what?
Do it on the phone.
161
00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:29,360
I've got Deliveroo Plus.
162
00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:31,240
What does that mean?
163
00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:33,320
It means he eats a lot of shit.
164
00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:37,920
You don't need a paper menu,
you just do it on the phone.
165
00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:39,680
Oh, bloody phones.
166
00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:41,880
It's getting to the point
you're going to need
167
00:06:41,880 --> 00:06:43,760
a six-digit code
just to wipe your arse.
168
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:47,560
Honestly, Christine,
it's much easier, trust me.
169
00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:49,480
You want your usual?
Oh, yes, please.
170
00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:51,480
God, I'm so boring.
171
00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:53,640
Oh, don't worry, honey,
we don't mind.
172
00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:55,960
Right, that's ours done.
173
00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:58,760
Just tick whatever you want
and hit "add".
174
00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:02,520
So what you up to at
the weekend then, squire?
175
00:07:02,520 --> 00:07:04,080
You got...you got any plans?
176
00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:06,560
Er, not much.
Saturday's our supermarket day
177
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:09,280
so we'll go to Morrisons
in the morning.
178
00:07:09,280 --> 00:07:11,280
Oh, we like Morrisons, don't we?
Aye.
179
00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:13,200
We went in to get stuff
for her sandwiches,
180
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:16,320
we ended up sitting down and having
two full breakfasts, didn't we?
181
00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:19,840
Good big pharmacy they've got,
and their own brand
182
00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:22,760
of pain relief is
in a league of its own.
183
00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:25,520
So what about you guys?
184
00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:26,960
What are you up to this weekend?
185
00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:29,120
Oh, quite busy, you know,
Michelle.
186
00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:31,120
Oh, yeah?
What you getting up to?
187
00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:33,840
Well, Colin is going to jet-wash
some stuff in the garden,
188
00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:36,840
and I am going to have a bath.
189
00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:39,200
Beth, did you order rice?
Yes.
190
00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:42,480
Right, we'll just share one,
then, eh? Right, OK.
191
00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:44,720
You'd better have your fork
at the ready, Beth,
192
00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:46,400
or you'll be scraping yours
aff the lid.
193
00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:51,320
Oh! Oh, right.
194
00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:54,480
What am I doing here?
195
00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:57,280
Just tick whatever you want
and hit "add".
196
00:07:57,280 --> 00:07:58,680
Right.
197
00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:02,640
It's just starters.
198
00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:03,960
Just scroll down, you'll...
199
00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:05,680
You'll get your mains
and your sides.
200
00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:08,120
Oh, right, right. Mm-hm.
201
00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:10,000
Mm-hm.
202
00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:11,360
No burgers.
203
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:14,400
Thomas has still got the edge
there, then.
204
00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:16,400
What about you, Michelle,
got any plans?
205
00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:19,000
Yeah, we've got tickets
to go and see Kevin Bridges.
206
00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:21,200
Oh! Oh, have you?
207
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:22,800
Oh, he's good.
208
00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:25,160
Aye, he's quite good,
I like him.
209
00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:26,800
Who's Kevin Bridges?
210
00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:30,240
You know him. He's a comedian,
he's a Scottish guy.
211
00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:33,840
Talks about, you know,
hanging about with his mates
212
00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:35,760
and how they talk to each other.
213
00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:37,200
"Did ye, aye?"
214
00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:38,680
Aye, that's it.
215
00:08:38,680 --> 00:08:41,160
That's right. "Did ye, aye?"
216
00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:43,760
And you're saying he's a comedian?
217
00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:46,720
Honestly, Cathy,
he's brilliant. I can't wait.
218
00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:48,880
And see after the week
I've had, I'm needing a laugh.
219
00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:51,520
Aye, he's quite good,
that Kevin Bridges,
220
00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:54,680
but I'll tell you who's
the best there's ever been.
221
00:08:54,680 --> 00:08:55,800
Billy Connolly.
222
00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:56,840
ALL: Oh!
223
00:08:56,840 --> 00:09:00,320
Yes, he's the best.
I love Billy Connolly.
224
00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:03,160
My papa loved him.
Him and Jocky Wilson.
225
00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:06,640
I tell you,
he is one of the best comedians
226
00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:07,840
there has ever been.
227
00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:09,160
What's this?
228
00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:10,880
I was just saying
Billy Connolly,
229
00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:12,640
best stand-up there's ever been.
230
00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:16,560
Oh, yes, Billy Connolly,
he is funny.
231
00:09:16,560 --> 00:09:19,440
I remember him
and Michael Parkinson.
232
00:09:19,440 --> 00:09:21,800
Do you remember
Michael Parkinson, Alan?
233
00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:23,320
No.
234
00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:24,640
It's like Graham Norton,
235
00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:27,440
except nobody was trying
to flog anything
236
00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:28,880
and you could smoke.
237
00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:31,040
Oh, that sounds quite good,
actually.
238
00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:33,400
I tell you the best Connolly.
239
00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:36,160
Remember An Audience With...
on ITV?
240
00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:39,880
Oh, see the bit about
the incontinence pants?
241
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:41,560
I mean, that's hysterical.
242
00:09:41,560 --> 00:09:43,480
That was...
243
00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:46,000
Alan, did you see that?
Because remember...
244
00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:47,840
Remember he did the walk?
245
00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:49,200
I think so, aye.
246
00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:51,040
When he was like...
He was like...
247
00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:53,200
LAUGHTER
248
00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:56,600
Why is he walking like that?
249
00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:59,040
Because he had seven gallons
of pish down each leg!
250
00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:02,600
Actually,
that's no laughing matter
251
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:06,120
for those of us who don't have
full control of our pelvic floor.
252
00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:09,760
Ah, they were great,
those Audience Withs.
253
00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:13,160
LWT, they were.
254
00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:14,440
Yes, that's right.
255
00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:16,920
LWT, remember, Eric?
256
00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:19,480
SINGS THAMES TELEVISION THEME TUNE
257
00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:23,520
No, that's...
258
00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:24,680
Never mind.
259
00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:26,480
Have you placed your order,
Colin?
260
00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:28,040
Eh? Oh, aye. There you go.
261
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:31,640
Cathy, have you ordered?
262
00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:33,040
Colin, did you order a starter?
263
00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:34,720
I got spring rolls.
264
00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:36,240
Oh, I'll just have
some of Colin's.
265
00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:37,560
I'm not very hungry, Michelle.
266
00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:40,800
Aww. Right, well, is that everybody?
267
00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:42,560
Yeah. Aye.
268
00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:44,600
Right, great. I'll just
call out what we've got,
269
00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:46,400
just stick your hand up
when you hear yours
270
00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:48,600
and hopefully we don't
miss anything.
271
00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:49,880
Right. Spare ribs?
272
00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:52,600
Salt and chilli squid?
273
00:10:55,880 --> 00:10:57,320
Chicken noodle soup?
274
00:10:57,320 --> 00:10:59,000
Oh... No.
275
00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:02,240
Right, I tell you what,
we'll just hit send, hey?
276
00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:12,720
Of course, Connolly
worked in the shipyards
277
00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:14,160
before he got into showbusiness.
278
00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:15,400
Michelle? Michelle.
279
00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:17,880
Could you make mine a large?
Eric's off again.
280
00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:19,680
He was an apprentice welder.
281
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:21,880
I nearly did that,
but my tutor at the college
282
00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:23,440
said I was better at digging.
283
00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:24,960
Oh.
284
00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:28,240
You don't see so many welders
around these days,
285
00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:29,680
which is a shame,
286
00:11:29,680 --> 00:11:32,040
because my side gate's
hanging by a thread.
287
00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:34,880
He used to work there
during the day
288
00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:36,680
and then he would do
the clubs at night.
289
00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:39,000
I went to see him live
quite a few times.
290
00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:40,920
Did you?
Oh, aye, aye.
291
00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:42,800
He used to play all over
Glasgow in the '70s.
292
00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:45,080
Oh, thank Christ.
293
00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:47,440
My papa had all the albums.
Him and my gran
294
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,640
would sit and listen to them
on the record player.
295
00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:51,120
That used to be a big thing.
296
00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:53,720
Aye, you'd sit around and listen to
them with your carry-out.
297
00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:57,520
You'd sit in the house and listen to
a record of a comedian?
298
00:11:57,520 --> 00:11:59,240
Aye, they were brilliant nights.
299
00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:01,000
Really?
I tell you what,
300
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,720
it was a proper carry-out
you had as well.
301
00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:05,080
No' a Chinese.
302
00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:08,160
Half a dozen cans of lager
and a wee quarter bottle.
303
00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:09,640
Oh, that actually sounds all right.
304
00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:12,040
Do you remember he
used to tell all those stories
305
00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:14,680
about going to parties
and everyone getting drunk? Oh!
306
00:12:14,680 --> 00:12:16,320
All that stuff
was just brilliant.
307
00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:18,280
And then somebody
would start singing.
308
00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:20,960
Oh, the drunk singing
was fantastic.
309
00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:24,920
IMITATES BILLY CONNOLLY
IMITATING DRUNKEN SINGING
310
00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:27,880
COLIN JOINS IN
311
00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:32,360
# On a hill far away... #
312
00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:34,560
Come on, Beth, let's hear you.
313
00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:37,000
Er...
314
00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:39,840
IMITATES BILLY CONNOLLY
IMITATING DRUNKEN SINGING
315
00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:41,200
LAUGHTER
316
00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:46,040
Sorry, what...
What is funny about this?
317
00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:48,120
It's the way he picks up on
how people behave
318
00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:49,520
and then exaggerates it.
319
00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:51,480
Aye, exactly, there was always...
320
00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:53,480
It was always good-natured
as well,
321
00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:56,880
it was never at anyone's
expense or anything.
322
00:12:56,880 --> 00:12:59,440
It's amazing just how much of his
stuff you still remember.
323
00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:00,960
He's the best there's ever been.
324
00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:02,680
He is a legend.
325
00:13:02,680 --> 00:13:04,840
I mean, I think he's the...
326
00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:07,960
He's the most famous Scottish
person there's ever been.
327
00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:09,520
No, Sean Connery.
328
00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:10,680
Well...
329
00:13:10,680 --> 00:13:13,360
Or Hazel Irvine if they keep
giving her the snooker.
330
00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:17,240
Have you not got
your papa's records? Eh?
331
00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:19,720
Aye, somewhere.
Up the stairs, I think.
332
00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:21,920
Why don't you go and get them
and let Eric see them?
333
00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:24,080
Well, I...
I widnae mind a wee look.
334
00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:30,920
Here, where's this food,
Michelle?
335
00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:33,320
Oh, well, I think it'll be
a wee while yet, Christine,
336
00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:35,360
but hang on and I'll have
a wee check.
337
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:37,680
What did you order, Beth?
338
00:13:37,680 --> 00:13:39,720
Er, Cantonese chicken.
339
00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:41,640
Oh, that sounds nice.
340
00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:43,240
Mind if I try a wee bit?
341
00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:45,680
No, of course.
What did you order?
342
00:13:45,680 --> 00:13:47,040
Oh, you won't like it.
343
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:49,240
It's in the kitchen.
344
00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:51,560
What do you mean
it's in the kitchen?
345
00:13:51,560 --> 00:13:55,720
It says it on the app -
"Order status: preparing."
346
00:13:56,640 --> 00:13:58,240
God, technology, eh?
347
00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:00,960
Oh, I've got one that does
absolutely everything.
348
00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:03,440
It tracks your steps,
your calories,
349
00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:04,920
units of alcohol.
350
00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:06,720
Christ, that'll use up
your battery.
351
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:11,240
Have you not got a smartphone,
Christine?
352
00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:13,000
Oh, I don't know.
What have I got, Beth?
353
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:16,120
Er, she does, but she only uses
the basics.
354
00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,120
Oh, right.
Aye, it's, er,
355
00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:20,440
WhatsApp, Facebook,
356
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:23,120
and the wee torch
for looking in my toaster.
357
00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:25,280
You should download Deliveroo,
shouldn't she?
358
00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:27,240
No, I will not.
359
00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:29,640
I like having the menu in my hand,
360
00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:32,880
then deciding what it is I want
and phoning Thomas.
361
00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:36,120
Though usually it's to say,
"Fuck it,
362
00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:39,080
"just gie me the munchy box
as per, my friend."
363
00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:43,720
Oh, here he is.
364
00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:46,120
Right, come on,
give us a wee look.
365
00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:47,200
There you go.
366
00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:48,520
Oh!
367
00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:53,120
Oh, my God, look at that beard!
368
00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:54,720
Oh, Michelle, let me see.
369
00:14:55,840 --> 00:15:00,480
Oh, look at that
big old fanny-tickler.
370
00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:02,920
Cathy!
371
00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:04,960
Check the length of his hair.
372
00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:07,480
It was the '70s!
Everybody had long hair.
373
00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:09,880
And flares.
374
00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:13,280
Oh, they were terrible for
getting caught in bus doors.
375
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:17,120
Oh, my God, I was at this one.
376
00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:19,760
Were you? Me and a few of my pals
went to see it.
377
00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:21,600
We were there
the night they recorded it.
378
00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:23,360
Well, stick it on,
let's have a listen.
379
00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:24,760
I've no' got a record player.
380
00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:26,680
Oh, that's a shame.
381
00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:28,640
You don't have a record player?
382
00:15:28,640 --> 00:15:30,320
No. We don't either.
383
00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:31,760
We don't either.
384
00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:34,080
Oh, here,
you know what's on this one?
385
00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:37,880
# If it wisnae for yer wellies
386
00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:39,680
OTHERS JOIN IN:
# Where would you be?
387
00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:43,680
# You'd be in the hospital
or infirmary
388
00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:48,160
# Cos you would have a dose
of the flu or even pleurisy
389
00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:52,200
# If it wisnae for yer feet
in yer wellies. #
390
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:53,480
Hey!
391
00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:54,680
Michelle, Michelle.
392
00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:56,320
What is it? You want
a wee top-up?
393
00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:57,880
No, just give me the bottle.
394
00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:03,960
See, my father
went straight from school
395
00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:05,280
into the steelworks.
396
00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:06,920
Oh, tough work, that.
397
00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:10,560
Oh, aye. I mean, see on the days
that he wasn't on strike,
398
00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:13,320
he would come home and he was
absolutely shattered.
399
00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:15,880
Well, that's how it was
back then. You just...
400
00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:17,760
You came out of school
and you more or less took
401
00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:19,880
the first job you could get.
Yeah.
402
00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:22,800
Er, and when I left school
I could not find a job.
403
00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:24,080
So what did you do?
404
00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:26,400
I just stopped looking.
405
00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:29,760
People could spend
their entire lives
406
00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:31,480
just working in one factory.
407
00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:36,000
40 years, Pat was sewing bras.
408
00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:37,480
40 years?
409
00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:39,560
Oh, my God. That's incredible.
410
00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:44,200
And she never found one that
fitted her properly herself.
411
00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:46,640
See, Connolly could've been
a welder his whole life
412
00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:49,800
if it wasn't for the fact
he started playing the clubs.
413
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,920
You can just get stuck.
That's how I feel.
414
00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:53,760
Oh, Michelle,
is it as bad as that?
415
00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:56,400
Oh, aye.
She's always going on about it.
416
00:16:56,400 --> 00:16:57,800
Och, I'm fed up with it,
417
00:16:57,800 --> 00:17:00,040
and the thought of being
stuck there my whole life...
418
00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:03,200
Well, why don't you look for
something a bit more exciting?
419
00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:04,360
Have you got shorthand?
420
00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:08,760
What I'd like to do
is start my own business.
421
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:10,680
Oh! Oh, good for you.
422
00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:12,760
Doing what?
Cupcakes.
423
00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:16,040
Cupcakes?
Yeah, like luxury cupcakes.
424
00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:18,480
Personalised ones,
ones for special occasions.
425
00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:20,400
Yeah, but if your job's
already shit,
426
00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:22,200
why would you start baking cakes?
427
00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:25,080
Cathy, this is Michelle's
business.
428
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:27,680
I've done my research and I
think there's a market for it,
429
00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:30,120
and I've got a whole business
plan worked out, haven't I?
430
00:17:30,120 --> 00:17:32,360
Mm. Do you want to see it?
431
00:17:32,360 --> 00:17:34,120
I'd love to see it, Michelle.
Mm.
432
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:41,240
I tell you what,
I'm hungry now.
433
00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:46,080
So am I. Alan, what's
your thingamy telling you now?
434
00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:50,840
"Rider is on way
to collect it."
435
00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:52,320
Is there a wee button in that
436
00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:54,200
to tell him to
get a fucking move on?
437
00:17:56,520 --> 00:17:57,840
Where is it?
438
00:17:57,840 --> 00:17:58,920
Let me see.
439
00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:00,800
Oh, yeah, here it is.
440
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:03,440
Oh! That's my logo.
441
00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:05,960
Oh, "Michelle's Cupcake Company."
442
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:07,440
I designed it myself.
443
00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:10,160
Oh, Eric, look at that.
Oh, it's very good.
444
00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:12,200
And are those ones
you made yourself?
445
00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:13,560
Och, no, they're just pictures
446
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:15,560
of some of the ones
that we sampled. Ah.
447
00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:17,600
I've done quite a lot of
the research, haven't I?
448
00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:19,040
Oh, yes, you have.
449
00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:22,040
Have you ever thought about
bar work, Michelle?
450
00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:25,520
I like these ones.
Oh, yeah!
451
00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:27,000
Those are the personalised ones
452
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:28,920
so you can get a little message
on the top.
453
00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:30,480
Oh, let's see it.
454
00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:32,600
Well, I think it's a great idea.
455
00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:34,880
You should definitely go for it.
456
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:36,120
Oh...
457
00:18:36,120 --> 00:18:38,440
Oh, aye.
458
00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:41,600
And is it just cupcakes you're
going to be doing, Michelle?
459
00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:44,120
Well, yeah, the whole idea
is to specialise.
460
00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:45,760
Mm-hm, but what will you do
461
00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:48,560
if somebody's looking
for doughnuts as well?
462
00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:50,720
What? Well, that's a point.
463
00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:52,440
If somebody's doing a spread,
464
00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:54,240
they might want
different things in it.
465
00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:56,720
Er, no, but I'd be specialising
in cupcakes.
466
00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:59,640
Ah, but you don't want to be
phoning round different places,
467
00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:01,680
you know,
fairy cakes fae here...
468
00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:04,000
No.
..doughnuts fae there,
469
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:07,000
eclairs fae somewhere else,
I mean, that's a right faff.
470
00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:09,800
I says to her she should be doing
something savoury as well.
471
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:12,040
Well, yes, Alan,
actually that's a good point.
472
00:19:12,040 --> 00:19:14,560
What about sausage rolls,
Michelle?
473
00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:17,160
And you could get
a longer message on them.
474
00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:18,480
Well, that's true.
475
00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:21,960
Er, like... "Congratulations on
passing your driving test."
476
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:25,200
She doesn't want
to do sausage rolls!
477
00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:26,680
What about pies?
478
00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:27,960
Oh, I like a pie.
479
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:30,600
I tell you where you'd sell
a lot of pies, the football.
480
00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:32,160
Aye, but the football grounds
481
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:33,720
have got their own pie stalls.
482
00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:36,120
Aye, but she could set up
on the pavement across the road.
483
00:19:36,120 --> 00:19:37,920
I mean, that's what business
is all about,
484
00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:39,800
you know, taking on
the competition.
485
00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:41,600
No, listen...
486
00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:45,080
Get yourself a pump-action
brown sauce, Michelle.
487
00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:47,760
They wee sachets
are a pain in the arse,
488
00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:50,960
especially if you've got
a tea in the other hand.
489
00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:54,680
I tell you one problem
you've got, though.
490
00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:55,880
The name.
491
00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:59,280
You cannae call it
Michelle's Cupcakes.
492
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:00,840
But that's the name.
493
00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:03,160
Aye, but you're doing savouries
as well.
494
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:06,560
It's her business,
it's up to her.
495
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:11,520
Och, it's probably
a daft idea anyway.
496
00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:14,920
It's not a daft idea, Michelle,
don't listen to them.
497
00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:17,720
I think it's great you've put
so much work into this
498
00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:19,480
and I think it would do
really well.
499
00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:24,080
Thanks, Beth.
500
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:35,920
She'll need to toughen up
if she's going to serve people
501
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:37,880
coming out the football.
502
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:47,840
DOORBELL RINGS
503
00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:50,680
Alan? That'll be the Chinese,
can you get it?
504
00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:54,120
All right, pal?
505
00:20:56,360 --> 00:20:59,160
Top man. Cheers, bud.
506
00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:01,000
See you later, pal.
Cheers.
507
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:04,400
Right, here it is.
508
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:06,000
Oh! Yes!
509
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:08,400
Oh, halle-fucking-llujah.
510
00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:11,600
Er, can I give you a hand
with anything, Michelle?
511
00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:14,000
Oh, no, no. I mean, as long as
everybody's OK
512
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:15,240
just helping themselves.
513
00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:17,640
No.
514
00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:19,080
There we go.
515
00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:20,680
We've got... Oh!
516
00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:22,200
Oh, yes.
517
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:24,480
Is...is it written on the lids,
Alan?
518
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:28,040
See, Thomas always writes
on the lids wi' his Sharpie.
519
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:31,080
What's that?
520
00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:32,400
Right, that's rice.
521
00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:35,680
Oh, aye, I'll take that,
I've got one to myself.
522
00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:37,480
I think that's duck.
523
00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:40,360
That's me, Alan,
I'll take that.
524
00:21:40,360 --> 00:21:41,600
What's this?
525
00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:43,360
Alan, just put them out
on the table,
526
00:21:43,360 --> 00:21:44,960
let everybody help themselves.
527
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:47,120
Oh, a wee rib,
I might have one of them.
528
00:21:47,120 --> 00:21:49,960
There we go, that's it.
What else is in there?
529
00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:52,240
Can I get a bit of
your chicken, Beth?
530
00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:53,720
Yes, of course.
531
00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:56,280
There's a wee spoon there,
that's fine.
532
00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:59,280
There's those ribs, Colin,
they're so nice.
533
00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:02,000
Yeah, have some of that, please.
534
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:03,560
Spring rolls.
535
00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:05,160
Here. Oh, right.
536
00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:08,120
Right.
537
00:22:08,120 --> 00:22:09,600
Oh, I'm starving now.
538
00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:11,800
Listen, Michelle.
Yeah?
539
00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:14,440
See that idea you've got
for the cakes?
540
00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:15,720
I think you should go for it.
541
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:17,960
Aww. Och, I don't know.
542
00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:19,680
Well, look at Billy Connolly.
543
00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:21,880
You should definitely
think about it.
544
00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:24,080
And if there's anything
we can do to help...
545
00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:26,680
That's so sweet of you.
But listen,
546
00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:29,560
I can't actually give up my job.
We need the money.
547
00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:37,440
See if you really want
to chuck it? Just do it.
548
00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:38,800
Really?
549
00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:41,280
Aye, we'll be all right.
550
00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:43,920
I could just work some overtime.
551
00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:45,840
Alan!
552
00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:48,000
Thank you.
553
00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:50,840
Thank you.
554
00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:54,520
Is it all right if
I have these chips, then?
555
00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:04,280
Actually, I'm a bit peckish now.
556
00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:06,440
Beth! What have you got?
557
00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:08,800
Er, Cantonese chicken.
Oh, I'll just...
558
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:10,520
I'll just take a bit of that.
559
00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:11,800
Thanks.
560
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:15,920
Er, is that rice?
561
00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:18,000
Uh-huh. Mm-hm.
562
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:20,160
Oh, thanks, Beth.
563
00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:30,440
Mm.
564
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:34,400
Mm, Beth?
565
00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:37,120
Could you get me
some prawn crackers?
566
00:23:37,120 --> 00:23:38,720
Yeah.
567
00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:43,240
There's a wee spoon...
There we go.
568
00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:45,400
All good. Thank you.
569
00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:47,800
Thanks.
570
00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:54,280
Oh, yes.
571
00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:57,200
I tell you,
I was ready for this.
572
00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:58,760
Oh, aye.
573
00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:06,440
How's your spring rolls?
574
00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:08,520
It's lovely, Eric.
575
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:11,200
How's yours?
576
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:14,960
Delicious. Absolutely lovely.
577
00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:20,680
Mm.
578
00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:24,080
Where did you say
this was from again, Alan?
579
00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:26,480
Panda Hut.
580
00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:29,520
What do you think, Christine?
581
00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:35,000
Do you know what?
582
00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:39,000
It's actually not too bad.
583
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:40,040
Mm.
584
00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:42,320
Not too bad at all.
585
00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:48,320
Well, they're on Deliveroo
if you ever fancy.
586
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:50,680
Alan can always help you
put it on your phone.
587
00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:53,960
Ah, no, I don't want involved
with any of that.
588
00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:57,040
They've got everything on it.
589
00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:58,480
Greggs is on it now.
590
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:02,280
Here.
591
00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:04,520
Wait till after your dinner.
592
00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:13,360
Here, Alan.
593
00:25:13,360 --> 00:25:15,360
You could maybe get a bit of money
594
00:25:15,360 --> 00:25:16,840
for those Connolly records.
595
00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:18,640
Do you think?
596
00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:20,720
Oh, aye, collector's item.
597
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:22,840
Get a few quid for them.
598
00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:25,520
Naw, I widnae sell them.
599
00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:29,160
They remind me of my papa.
600
00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:31,600
Do you know what reminds me
of your papa?
601
00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:35,360
Is it the smell of dog meat?
602
00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:40,440
Perry Como, Magic Moments.
603
00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:42,320
Oh, aye, he loved that.
604
00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:43,920
That's upstairs as well.
605
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:45,400
Is it?
606
00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:48,160
It's a pity you've no' got
a record player
607
00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:50,680
cos, you know,
you could play all this stuff.
608
00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:53,360
It's all on YouTube anyway.
609
00:25:53,360 --> 00:25:54,880
Really? Aye?
610
00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:56,080
Mm.
611
00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:58,560
And would they have
that Connolly album?
612
00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:00,440
Aye. Probably, aye.
613
00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:02,240
We've got YouTube, have we not?
614
00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:04,200
Aye. Will I see if they've got it?
615
00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:06,480
Mm.
Yeah, put it on, why not?
616
00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:10,040
GRUNTS
617
00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:15,400
God, I remember that night.
618
00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:18,560
There was a group of us,
we were right down the front.
619
00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:20,600
What a show that was.
620
00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:24,000
Right, that's him in Australia,
621
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:25,680
Albert Hall.
622
00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:27,560
What's it called again, Eric?
623
00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:29,320
Cop Yer Whack For This.
624
00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:30,480
Mm.
625
00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:35,000
Oh, Cop Yer Whack For This.
1974?
626
00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:36,160
Aye, that's it.
627
00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:40,480
1974.
628
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:43,720
That was my first brush
wi' glandular fever.
629
00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:48,880
ANNOUNCER: Ladies
and gentlemen, Billy Connolly!
630
00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:51,600
INTRO MUSIC
631
00:26:57,520 --> 00:26:59,400
Yours all right, Christine,
is it?
632
00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:01,400
Aye, not bad.
633
00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:06,080
HECKLER SHOUTS
634
00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:08,640
BILLY CONNOLLY:
The Bears are here tonight!
635
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:11,320
That's us he's meaning.
We were right in the front row.
636
00:27:11,320 --> 00:27:12,680
No way.
637
00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:15,520
Aye! Pause it,
pause it a minute, Alan.
638
00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:17,120
Can you go back a bit?
639
00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:21,520
The Bears are here tonight!
640
00:27:21,520 --> 00:27:23,640
SHOUTING
641
00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:26,520
PUNTER: Gaun yerself, Big Yin!
642
00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:27,880
I think that's me.
643
00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:30,680
That's me!
644
00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:31,880
You're joking!
645
00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:33,480
No, no, no, go back again.
646
00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:39,600
The Bears are here tonight!
647
00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:44,400
Gaun yerself, Big Yin!
648
00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:46,240
It is!
That's me, I swear it!
649
00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:48,680
Did you hear it, Beth?
Yes, yes, I think I did.
650
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:53,320
You should get an agent, pal.
651
00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:55,920
Why sit in the dark
handling yourself?
652
00:27:55,920 --> 00:27:57,560
LAUGHTER
653
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:01,200
Oh!
654
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:03,400
Now that - that is funny.
655
00:28:04,360 --> 00:28:06,880
Right. Just put it off, Alan.
656
00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:08,360
It's no' as good as I remember.
657
00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:14,600
# If it wisnae for yer wellies
658
00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:16,760
# Where wid ye be?
659
00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:20,760
# You'd be in the hospital
or infirmary
660
00:28:20,760 --> 00:28:24,760
# Cos you would have a dose
of the flu or even pleurisy
661
00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:29,160
# If you didnae have yer feet
in yer wellies... #
662
00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:32,680
That's the chorus. I want you
to sing it with gusto.
663
00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:36,520
I want you to leap into it
in a mood of gay abandon.
664
00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:40,240
Gasping on the floor,
paroxysms of mirth.
76782
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