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1
00:00:04,120 --> 00:00:05,760
Could I see it up, please?
2
00:00:09,600 --> 00:00:11,120
And back down.
3
00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:17,080
I like it. I can...see you on that.
4
00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:21,320
Let's see this basin again.
5
00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:23,880
Oh, it's awful shallow.
6
00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:26,840
I'd never be able to
steep a bra in that.
7
00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:30,040
Right. Well, shall we go back
and look at the Farnborough again?
8
00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:31,960
At least you liked the flush on
that.
9
00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:35,840
Oh, aye, I did - it had
a nice feel to it.
10
00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:39,360
Mind you, there was
that cheap plastic seat.
11
00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:40,840
I can just see that getting stuck
12
00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:43,560
to the back of my legs
in the summer months.
13
00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:53,000
You see, I'm just not that
keen on the wall-mounted.
14
00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:55,040
I like a cistern.
15
00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:56,680
Ah, well, you've still
got a cistern.
16
00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:59,440
Ah, but not one
I can sit my newspaper on.
17
00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:02,480
Do you really need to keep a
newspaper in your bathroom?
18
00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:04,920
Oh, between the omelettes
and the codeine,
19
00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:08,040
that is a lot of time to
be sat staring at the floor.
20
00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:10,840
Christine, we've been
round the whole store.
21
00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:13,240
You've seen every single
suite they've got.
22
00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:15,000
Can you no' just pick something?
23
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:17,000
Fair enough, fair enough.
24
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:20,360
It probably is time
that we made a decision.
25
00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:21,400
HE SIGHS
26
00:01:23,080 --> 00:01:25,520
Let's go back and look
at the Leamington.
27
00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:46,840
Oh! I'm exhausted.
28
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:48,840
It's the adrenaline rush, Beth,
29
00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:50,600
when the deal's all done.
30
00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:53,480
I was the same when
I got that double toaster.
31
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:55,680
I thought we were never
going to get out of there.
32
00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:58,680
Well, it's a big commitment
for me, Eric.
33
00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:02,200
This might be the last
toilet that I ever buy.
34
00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:03,480
Let's hope so.
35
00:02:03,480 --> 00:02:06,440
Well, I thought they were
very good in the shop.
36
00:02:06,440 --> 00:02:07,840
Oh, yes, they were.
37
00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:10,320
They were wonderful.
38
00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:12,480
It's just a pity that first guy
39
00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:14,680
couldn't see the
whole thing through.
40
00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:18,520
Yes, well, I don't think he was
rostered on for a double shift.
41
00:02:18,520 --> 00:02:19,920
Right, who wants a cup of tea?
42
00:02:19,920 --> 00:02:21,720
Oh, aye, please. I'm gasping.
43
00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:23,520
Oh, yes, please, Beth.
44
00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:26,520
I think we deserve it, my darling.
45
00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:28,720
I think we deserve a bloody medal.
46
00:02:28,720 --> 00:02:32,440
Right, let's get a
look at these tiles.
47
00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:34,440
Oh, for God's sake.
48
00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:37,000
Last piece of the jigsaw, Eric.
49
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:38,480
TILES RATTLE
50
00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:40,200
Oh, yeah, I...
51
00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:41,880
Nah, that's awful similar
52
00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:43,360
to the one I've got.
53
00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:45,080
Well, stick with what you know.
54
00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:48,880
Ah, you say that, but,
as the girl in the shop said,
55
00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:50,720
"Be brave, Christine."
56
00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:53,760
And she was right
because that is what led me
57
00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:55,960
to the freestanding
toilet roll holder.
58
00:02:57,240 --> 00:02:58,520
Mm...
59
00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:00,120
See, I quite like that.
60
00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:01,880
Now, you see a lot of that around.
61
00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:03,880
No, it looks like
the one they've got
62
00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:05,640
in the loos at the bus station.
63
00:03:05,640 --> 00:03:06,920
Well?
64
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:08,800
Oh, aye. "On you go, Christine,
65
00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:11,840
"and while you're at it,
why not complete the look
66
00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:14,440
"and put a wee Tampax machine
in one corner
67
00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:16,120
"and a junkie in the other?"
68
00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:17,400
HE GRUMBLES
69
00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:19,560
Oh, now... Mm-hm.
70
00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:21,800
What, you like that? I do!
71
00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:25,480
If I remember correctly,
these were more expensive.
72
00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:28,440
Listen, if it'll finish the
job, I'll pay for it myself.
73
00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:29,760
Mm.
74
00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:32,240
What do you think of these, Beth?
75
00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:33,440
Yeah, I like that one.
76
00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:37,840
Yeah. Yeah, you know,
but it is more expensive, though.
77
00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:40,080
Bigger tile, less grout.
78
00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:42,280
Oh, that's true - save on grout.
79
00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:44,680
Oh, yes indeed.
80
00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:47,720
Well, this is the one.
81
00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:50,320
Right, will I phone them
and let them know?
82
00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:52,120
Oh, if you don't mind, Beth.
83
00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:54,000
Have you got an order number?
84
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,240
Och, just say O'Neill,
85
00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:58,680
the Farnborough suite
with the Jasper toilet.
86
00:03:58,680 --> 00:04:00,760
And could you thank that wee girl
87
00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:02,880
that came through with
the paper towels?
88
00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:05,200
If I'd known that bidet
wisnae plumbed in,
89
00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:07,320
I would never have tipped
my tea down it.
90
00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:16,080
Well, Eric, feels good to
know it's all done, eh?
91
00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:19,960
Aye. I don't know what I'll
do with all my free time.
92
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:21,280
DOORBELL
93
00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:27,080
How are you doing, Colin?
94
00:04:27,080 --> 00:04:28,640
Are you wanting a set of golf balls?
95
00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:31,280
Eh? Golf balls. You wanting them?
96
00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:33,680
Where'd you get these?
97
00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:35,840
BMW. They were a gift.
98
00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:40,360
See, what happened was I put the car
in to get the alloys touched up.
99
00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:42,960
You'll no' need to worry about that
wi' the old Vectra.
100
00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:45,600
But, anyway, I went to pick it up
and it wisnae ready,
101
00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:48,120
and the guy says, "I'm awfully
sorry," and he gave me these.
102
00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:49,360
Oh, that's very decent of you.
103
00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:50,880
Ah, it's not a problem, Eric.
104
00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:53,960
Gave me a big umbrella as well,
but I'm keeping that.
105
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,080
Right.
106
00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:57,560
Er, do you want to come
in for a tea, then?
107
00:04:57,560 --> 00:04:59,200
Actually, do you know what?
108
00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:02,400
I may as well.
I've got nothing else to do.
109
00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:09,000
Hey!
110
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:11,520
Hi, Colin. Ah, Colin.
111
00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:13,160
How are you doing, Christine?
112
00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:17,520
Oh, I have just pressed go
on a new bathroom suite.
113
00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:20,560
Oh, aye? Very good.
114
00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:21,920
What are you going for?
115
00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:24,960
Farnborough bath and sink,
Jasper toilet.
116
00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:26,400
And just this minute,
117
00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:29,200
I've given the go-ahead
to a 10x8 tile.
118
00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:31,760
I'm on hold. Good for you.
119
00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:34,240
And were you involved
in all this, were you?
120
00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:35,480
Heavily.
121
00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:38,120
CHRISTINE SLURPS TEA
It's been quite a thorough process.
122
00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:39,200
Mm-hm.
123
00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:43,080
As I said to Eric, this could be
the last toilet I ever buy.
124
00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:45,640
Well, unless there's
another big leap forward
125
00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:46,920
in flush technology.
126
00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:49,560
Shall we just get this one
out of the way first?
127
00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:51,760
I don't think I could go
through all that again.
128
00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:53,440
Excuse me, Eric,
129
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:56,240
but this is a lot of
money for me to spend.
130
00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:58,720
This is the biggest
single outlay I have made
131
00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:01,320
since I booked those
flights to Shannon.
132
00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:03,160
I tell you who you
should have spoken to.
133
00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:04,800
Who? Alan.
134
00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:07,280
I never thought of that.
135
00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:11,840
I mean, he can get stuff wholesale.
136
00:06:11,840 --> 00:06:13,880
Oh, you're no' thinking
of involving Alan
137
00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:15,880
at this stage of the game, are you?
138
00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:17,640
I mean, it's all done.
139
00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:22,600
And what tap is it you've got?
140
00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:25,000
The Melbury. Right.
141
00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:28,480
Melbury tap,
Farnborough bath and sink
142
00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:30,320
and the toilet's a Jasper.
143
00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:31,840
Aye, it's a nice pan, that.
144
00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:34,080
Sturdy as well. Mm.
145
00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:36,200
My pal Davey's got it and he's 18st.
146
00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:37,360
Oh?
147
00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:40,120
Aye, you've picked well.
148
00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:43,160
I tell you what tap fits the
Farnborough, but it's cheaper.
149
00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:44,680
What's that?
150
00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:47,520
The Bedford. Oh, the Bedford.
151
00:06:47,520 --> 00:06:48,960
The Bedford!
152
00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:50,760
I'm sure I looked at that.
153
00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:52,160
Did I not, Beth?
154
00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:53,440
I don't know, Christine.
155
00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:55,200
Aye, I'm sure I did.
156
00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:58,320
What was that place we went
to through in Penicuik?
157
00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:02,680
Was it Wickes? No, Wickes is
on the way out to Linwood.
158
00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:04,160
No, it's no' in Linwood,
159
00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:06,360
but there's a big B&Q there, though.
160
00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:09,760
Oh, it might have been B&Q. Yeah.
161
00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:11,200
Does B&Q do the Bedford, Alan?
162
00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:13,920
No. Where was it I saw it, then?
163
00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:17,240
What's the name of that place
at the roundabout at Hillington?
164
00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:19,160
You're thinking of Topps Tiles.
165
00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:20,360
Oh, aye, so I am.
166
00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:22,480
Oh, we never thought
about going there, Eric.
167
00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:23,920
Oh, for the love of God,
168
00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:26,640
we're no' going away out
hunting for tiles again.
169
00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:29,000
Alan, what's the
score with this tap?
170
00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:31,240
It's basically the same
as what you've got,
171
00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:33,200
but I can get it at cost.
172
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:34,280
Oh!
173
00:07:34,280 --> 00:07:35,600
SHE SIGHS
174
00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:42,720
I could maybe see if they could
take the taps off the order.
175
00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:44,400
I think so, Beth.
176
00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:46,680
Right, I'll go and give them a ring.
177
00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:49,480
HE SIGHS
178
00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:51,720
So, what's Michelle
up to today, then?
179
00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:53,200
Away into the town.
180
00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:55,520
Ah! So's Cathy. Mm.
181
00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:57,240
Actually, she'll be back shortly.
182
00:07:57,240 --> 00:07:59,080
I'd better let her know
that I'm in here.
183
00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:01,360
Is it the Bedford taps
you've got yourself, Alan?
184
00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:03,880
Aye. And what suite's that with?
185
00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:05,120
Warrington.
186
00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:06,960
Oh, Warrington.
187
00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:08,480
Warrington!
188
00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:10,000
Did we see that, Er...?
189
00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:11,120
Oh.
190
00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:12,960
Ours is all German. Is it?
191
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:16,240
Aye. His-and-hers sinks,
underfloor heating
192
00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:18,720
and a walk-in shower
wi' a wee hand-held thing.
193
00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:20,840
Oh, they're very popular.
194
00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:25,200
You see, there's been a real decline
in demand for the bidet
195
00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:27,920
and that has created
a gap in the market.
196
00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:31,920
People still want to feel cleaner
than they can get with paper alone,
197
00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:35,080
but without sacrificing
the wall space.
198
00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:37,040
Aye, it's all different, eh?
199
00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:39,880
I mean, I remember when
we didn't even have showers.
200
00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:42,320
There was a bath and it was
in front of the fire.
201
00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:43,360
SHE CHUCKLES
202
00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:45,600
That was back in the day, when he
was working as a chimney sweep.
203
00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:47,680
THEY CHUCKLE
I'll tell you better than that.
204
00:08:47,680 --> 00:08:49,840
Your toilet wisnae even inside.
205
00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:53,080
It was out the back and you had to
share it with the rest of the close.
206
00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:55,320
Aw, naw,
I hate sitting on the toilet
207
00:08:55,320 --> 00:08:57,600
and feeling it's still warm
fae the guy before.
208
00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:59,880
Oh, aye!
Oh, no, I don't like that!
209
00:08:59,880 --> 00:09:01,920
Even if it's Michelle,
I don't really like it.
210
00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:04,760
Mm. The worst is service stations.
211
00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:08,160
See the state some
folk leave them in? Mm.
212
00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:10,400
Fuckin' animals, Eric.
213
00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:13,840
I went into one on the M6
and it was such a mess,
214
00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:15,560
I had to pee in the sink.
215
00:09:15,560 --> 00:09:16,600
Ugh.
216
00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:19,600
They're just the right height
for that, in't they? Oh, yeah.
217
00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:22,360
I did that once in the
sleeper back up fae London.
218
00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:26,720
I believe it was somewhere
between Lancaster and Preston.
219
00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:30,560
Beth, you ever had to do
the toilet in a sink?
220
00:09:30,560 --> 00:09:31,920
What?
221
00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:32,960
DOOR BELL
222
00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:38,760
Not to my knowledge. OK.
223
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:41,800
BOTH: Hi!
224
00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:44,320
Oh! I've come to rescue my husband.
225
00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:46,120
Ah, right.
226
00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:47,480
Well, in you come.
227
00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:50,040
Where have you two been?
We've been in town.
228
00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:51,960
She dragged me to the pub!
229
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:54,760
Excuse me, it was
you that dragged me!
230
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:56,320
LAUGHTER
231
00:09:57,480 --> 00:10:00,080
Hey, hey, hey!
232
00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:02,120
Oh, I didn't know you were here!
233
00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:05,600
Oh, there's Alan! Hello, Alan!
And how are you today?
234
00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:07,080
No' bad, aye. Good.
235
00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:09,640
I am pleased to hear that.
236
00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:11,720
And where have you two been?
237
00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:15,080
We bumped into each other in Zara
and ended up going for lunch.
238
00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:16,520
Oh! Very nice.
239
00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:19,760
It was, Beth. The food was amazing.
240
00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:21,240
What did you have?
241
00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:23,880
Starter-sized nachos
and four glasses of wine.
242
00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:25,120
Oh!
243
00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:26,320
Where did you go?
244
00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:28,440
We went to that place
in the Merchant Quarter.
245
00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:31,120
You know that place that used
to be the old Royal Bank?
246
00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:32,960
Oh, aye! Oh, yeah.
247
00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:35,240
We had, like, a little booth
all to ourselves, didn't we?
248
00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:36,640
Mm. Very swanky.
249
00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:40,440
It was. I was vaping
and nobody could see me.
250
00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:42,800
What'd you buy?
251
00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:44,640
Oh, my God,
I got a new pair of boots.
252
00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:46,640
They're absolutely stunning.
253
00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:48,320
God knows when
I'll get to wear them,
254
00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:50,920
but they're absolutely gorgeous.
255
00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:52,760
Get them out and show him.
256
00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:53,840
MICHELLE GIGGLES
257
00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:55,920
Blame her - she made me try them on.
258
00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:57,040
CATHY CHUCKLES
259
00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:00,440
Oh!
260
00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:02,160
Ooh!
261
00:11:02,160 --> 00:11:05,120
Oh-ho! Oh, they're very striking.
262
00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:06,960
Yeah, put them on, Michelle!
263
00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:08,080
No!
264
00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:09,400
Aye, on you go!
265
00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:12,200
MICHELLE GIGGLES
266
00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:17,080
So, er, you went around the shops
together, then, did you?
267
00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:18,280
We did, yeah.
268
00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:20,920
We had to stop and have a
glass of Prosecco in Frasers.
269
00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:23,840
Oh, yeah, well, it's thirsty
work, shopping, isn't it?
270
00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:25,560
CHRISTINE: Oh, it is, Michelle.
271
00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:29,320
I often have to open my pint of
milk on my way round Morrisons.
272
00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:30,880
MICHELLE ZIPS BOOT
273
00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:32,200
CATHY GASPS
274
00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:35,520
Oh, let's see you!
Come on, up you get!
275
00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:36,800
Ah, no!
276
00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:38,680
Yes, get up, walk around a bit.
277
00:11:38,680 --> 00:11:39,760
MICHELLE SIGHS
278
00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:45,240
Oh, yes! Look at you.
279
00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:47,840
You are on fire, missus!
280
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:49,280
MICHELLE GIGGLES
281
00:11:49,280 --> 00:11:50,960
Do you know,
they're actually really comfy.
282
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,520
They make your legs
look really long, Michelle.
283
00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:57,680
Aye, so they do! Big, long legs
with feet like a leopard.
284
00:11:57,680 --> 00:11:59,720
MICHELLE CHUCKLES
285
00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:04,240
What do you think, Alan?
286
00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:05,920
Aye, they're good. Aye.
287
00:12:05,920 --> 00:12:08,720
You'll no' be able to drive
the van in them, though.
288
00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:12,400
You got new boots, didn't you, Beth?
289
00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:13,480
Oh...
290
00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:17,960
Aye, the quilted ones with the
wee Velcro flap over the tongue.
291
00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:21,240
That was a while ago. Was it?
292
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:25,040
Er, yeah, they were winter boots
I got when there was snow.
293
00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:27,520
Oh, that's right - you'd fallen.
294
00:12:27,520 --> 00:12:30,640
She'd fallen and she needed
something wi' a better grip.
295
00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:32,120
MICHELLE: Aww!
296
00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:36,440
Anyway, who'd like a cup of tea?
297
00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:37,880
Let me think.
298
00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:38,960
Er, cup of tea...
299
00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:40,480
Er, no!
300
00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:43,440
Glass of wine, er, yes, please!
301
00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:44,480
Large.
302
00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:45,880
SHE GIGGLES
303
00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:47,160
Michelle?
304
00:12:47,160 --> 00:12:48,320
She'll have the same.
305
00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:53,320
So, how come you're over here?
306
00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:55,440
She's getting a new bathroom put in.
307
00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:56,720
Oh, are you?
308
00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:57,920
CHRISTINE: Yes.
309
00:12:57,920 --> 00:13:00,720
You're not the only one that's
been treating themselves.
310
00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:02,320
MICHELLE: I didn't know about this!
311
00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:05,360
CHRISTINE: Oh, yes, it's been going
on for quite a while now.
312
00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:07,040
Aye, no' half, it has.
313
00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:09,720
So is it a whole new bathroom,
is it?
314
00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:11,080
CHRISTINE: It is, Michelle.
315
00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:15,680
Farnborough for the bath and basin,
but toilet - a Jasper.
316
00:13:15,680 --> 00:13:17,960
And I was going
for the Melbury taps,
317
00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:21,560
but Alan has assured me that the
Bedford is every bit as good,
318
00:13:21,560 --> 00:13:23,640
so he's supplying them separately.
319
00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:27,360
MICHELLE: Aw, Alan, that's good
that you're helping Christine.
320
00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:29,240
Aww, well done, Alan,
321
00:13:29,240 --> 00:13:32,520
for helping Christine
have a nice new shitter.
322
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:35,080
I was telling them that
ours is aw German, Cath.
323
00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:37,200
Oh, I love German stuff,
324
00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:39,400
with the Bosch, Audi...
325
00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:40,640
Lidl.
326
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:46,800
Here, Beth, I was just filling
Michelle in on the new suite.
327
00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:49,800
You didnae like the look of the
Farnborough toilet either, did you?
328
00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:52,240
Oh... What was it you said?
329
00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:56,480
Erm, I just, er, thought
the cistern was a wee bit boxy.
330
00:13:56,480 --> 00:14:00,280
Everything's a button top
for the flush now.
331
00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:04,440
One for your liquids, two together
for your bigger business.
332
00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:08,480
And that means that the cisterns
themselves are that bit sleeker.
333
00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:10,840
Is that your brochures there?
334
00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:12,960
It is, aye. Aye, let's see.
335
00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:14,160
Oh, there you go.
336
00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:15,520
Right, that's us.
337
00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:17,040
Oh!
338
00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:20,360
They did you a floor plan
as well, did they?
339
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:21,560
Aye, they did.
340
00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:24,240
That's actually
version nine you've got.
341
00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:28,120
Oh, aye. Right, so you've got
your window there... Mm-hm.
342
00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:30,120
..and you've got your bath there...
343
00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:33,120
..and your...your sink's th...
344
00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:37,840
I'm not sure you're making
the most of the space here.
345
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:40,800
What? Well, you've got
that big bit of space
346
00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:42,880
between the toilet and the door.
347
00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:44,840
I mean, you could be having
a towel rail there.
348
00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:49,040
Did anybody talk to you
about a heated towel rail?
349
00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:50,560
No.
350
00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:51,720
Look, Colin...
351
00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:54,760
Alan, you'd get a towel rail
in there, wouldn't you?
352
00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:58,000
Aye. You could.
353
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,880
What are you talking about?
Fae the toilet to where?
354
00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:02,360
The door.
355
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:04,600
Right, look, I'm here, right?
356
00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:08,200
The window's there,
the bath's there, sink's there,
357
00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:10,080
Eric's the toilet,
358
00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:12,920
and that big space between the
toilet and the door, that's just...
359
00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:14,360
Well, it's just lying empty.
360
00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:15,720
He's right.
361
00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:18,240
How did you no' notice that, Beth?!
362
00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:20,600
Tut-tut-tut, Beth!
363
00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:23,000
See, if you were only
putting a shower in there,
364
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:26,360
you could have actually had the sink
on the other wall. Mm-hm.
365
00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:28,360
Oh, no, but I like a bath, Alan.
366
00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:33,160
That's fair enough, but...
you've put the 1700 in there.
367
00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:36,560
See if you went for the 1200,
you could've had both.
368
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:37,600
Could I?
369
00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:39,520
Aye, if you'd went across the way.
370
00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:42,320
Oh, see, I like a bath
across the way.
371
00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:44,800
MICHELLE: Mm-hm.
Well, that's how we've got ours.
372
00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:47,880
Could she get a corner bath?
373
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:50,480
Ooh, I'd love one of them,
with the Jacuzzi jets.
374
00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:51,760
Oh!
MICHELLE CHUCKLES
375
00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:54,560
Listen, we looked at
every single range
376
00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:56,720
of bath, basin and toilet they had,
377
00:15:56,720 --> 00:15:59,160
and then we looked at
every possible layout,
378
00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:01,720
so any bright ideas
about changing it,
379
00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:04,680
you go ahead,
but leave me out of it.
380
00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:11,200
CATHY: Col, what did you
say Eric was again?
381
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:12,440
Er, toilet.
382
00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:14,600
SHE BLOWS RASPBERRY
383
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:15,680
ERIC GROANS
384
00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:16,920
LAUGHTER
385
00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:18,080
Cathy!
386
00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:24,840
There was a group of
girls next to us
387
00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:26,800
and they were having
a full afternoon tea
388
00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:30,320
with the cakes,
the wee sandwiches, Prosecco.
389
00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:32,040
One bottle between six.
390
00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:33,840
Oh, that sounds lovely.
391
00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:35,760
I love afternoon tea.
392
00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:36,920
Oh, she does.
393
00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:38,280
Now that Greggs have stools,
394
00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:41,360
we often go in and have
soup and a scone, don't we?
395
00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:42,920
Y-yes.
396
00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:46,600
I'll tell you where's good in
the afternoon - Wetherspoons.
397
00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:50,520
Aye? Aye. We go in sometimes
on a Tuesday, don't we?
398
00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:51,680
Yes, sometimes.
399
00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:53,520
Is it curry club on a Tuesday?
400
00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:54,960
No, that's moved back to Thursday.
401
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:57,240
We usually have a
gammon steak, don't we?
402
00:16:57,240 --> 00:16:58,320
Yes, we do.
403
00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:00,360
We'll maybe need to give it a try.
404
00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:03,040
I don't think Wetherspoons
is my kind of place.
405
00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:06,600
Bottle of wine, £8,
pint of cider, £2.50, Cath.
406
00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:08,400
I might pop in and see.
407
00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:10,080
Do you know where does a good lunch?
408
00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:12,440
Osaka. Have you ever been there?
409
00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:14,400
No. No, I don't think so.
410
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,000
Remember we went, Alan?
411
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:18,080
It does this sort of
Asian-style street food,
412
00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:20,080
but really nice cocktails.
413
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:21,440
Really unusual ones.
414
00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:23,560
Aye? What'd you go for, Alan?
415
00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:25,120
Pint of lager.
416
00:17:25,120 --> 00:17:27,560
We'll maybe have to
give that a go, Col. Mm.
417
00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:29,640
Well, listen, if you fancy it,
I could book it
418
00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:31,440
and we could go out for lunch
one day.
419
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:33,760
What, just me and you?
Yeah, why not?
420
00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:36,800
I mean, we could go for lunch,
have a couple of drinks,
421
00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:38,320
do a bit of shopping.
422
00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:41,640
Oh, yes, let's do this, Michelle!
423
00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:45,280
I love going into shops half-cut.
424
00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:48,640
What about that, eh?
Wee girls' day out.
425
00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:52,960
Me and Pat used to enjoy
a Saturday morning in BHS.
426
00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:56,520
Into the bedding department
for a quick look round,
427
00:17:56,520 --> 00:18:00,880
then up to the cafe for
scrambled eggs and a pot of tea,
428
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:04,600
then she'd sneak back into
bedding for a wee lie-doon.
429
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:08,960
Why have we never done this before?
430
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:12,520
Hmm? You know, going out,
just the two of us?
431
00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:14,520
Och, well, I suppose
we're both busy, Michelle.
432
00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:15,880
Yeah.
433
00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:20,720
Well, you know, if I'm honest,
I was never sure you'd want to.
434
00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:22,760
No, all you had to do was ask!
435
00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:23,920
I know, but...
436
00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:26,760
..I think I was a wee
bit frightened to.
437
00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:29,960
Why? Well, you can be
quite intimidating.
438
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:31,480
Me?!
439
00:18:31,480 --> 00:18:35,040
That's one thing about Cath - you
know where you are with her.
440
00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:36,200
Don't you, Beth?
441
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:37,480
Oh, yes.
442
00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:39,840
Normally two drinks behind.
443
00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:41,800
LAUGHTER
444
00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:43,400
Yeah, all right, Beth...
445
00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:45,040
QUIETLY: ..you boring cow.
446
00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:47,000
Right, well,
shall I get it booked, then?
447
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,520
Yes! Please do!
448
00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:51,240
All right if I use your loo, Eric?
449
00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:52,480
Aye, on you go, Alan.
450
00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:55,920
Here, Alan, wait till you see
the daft wee sink
451
00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:57,160
that they've got in there!
452
00:18:57,160 --> 00:19:00,200
My Farnborough basin
puts it to shame.
453
00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:01,680
MICHELLE: So are you looking forward
454
00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:03,520
to getting your new bathroom,
then, missus?
455
00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:05,440
Michelle!
456
00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:07,440
Very much so, Michelle.
457
00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:12,080
Oh, a lot of good memories
in that current suite.
458
00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:14,040
A lot of good baths,
459
00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:17,200
a lot of good shampoos
at that basin.
460
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:21,600
And a lot of great big shits
on the toilet - well done, you.
461
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:22,720
HE GROANS
462
00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:27,280
And are those the tiles
that you're going with?
463
00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:31,400
CHRISTINE: Yes, the 8x10, Michelle,
my darling.
464
00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:34,920
Well, the fashion nowadays
is for the subway style,
465
00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:40,360
but I don't want my new bathroom to
carry the feel of a transport hub.
466
00:19:40,360 --> 00:19:42,920
MICHELLE: Listen, Alan knows
a tiler, if you want,
467
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:44,040
who can get them at cost.
468
00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:45,080
CHRISTINE: Does he?
469
00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:46,120
TOILET FLUSHES
470
00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:49,080
Christine, I've told them
what tile you're having.
471
00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:50,400
It's all confirmed.
472
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:51,800
Aye, it's all sorted.
473
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:55,360
Christine, your tiles are
chosen. Everything's done.
474
00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:57,960
Look, I'm really sorry,
I didn't mean to,
475
00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:00,280
it's just that Alan's
pal's a tiler, so...
476
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:01,320
What's this?
477
00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:03,560
Oh, Alan, I was just saying
that Marco does the tiling.
478
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:05,760
Maybe he could have helped
to do Christine's.
479
00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:09,040
Maybe, aye, but he doesn't really
do wee jobs any more.
480
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:10,520
Ah, well, there you go, then.
481
00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:12,840
Aye, he does contracts
for big hotels.
482
00:20:12,840 --> 00:20:14,440
Oh, he'll make good money at that.
483
00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:16,000
Aye, he does spas and stuff as well.
484
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:18,120
Does he? Mm. What ones?
485
00:20:18,120 --> 00:20:20,040
Because we're going to
one, aren't we, Cath?
486
00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:22,120
Yeah, we are. The Perth Hydro.
487
00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:23,280
Have you been there, Michelle?
488
00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:24,760
No. Oh, you'd love it.
489
00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:26,640
Steam room, sauna, Jacuzzis.
490
00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:29,600
That sounds amazing -
just totally recharge.
491
00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:32,040
Yeah, you just sit about in
a dressing gown drinking wine.
492
00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:33,640
It's fucking great.
493
00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:36,680
In fact, why don't you come?
Well...
494
00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:38,040
She'd love it, wouldn't she, Col?
495
00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:40,200
Oh, it's some place, aye.
496
00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:41,920
Oh...
497
00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:43,360
Aye, why no'?
498
00:20:43,360 --> 00:20:45,600
You're due your waxing
and stuff anyway.
499
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:48,200
Well, it sounds great.
500
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:50,080
Erm, Christine, would
you like to come?
501
00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:52,440
CHRISTINE: Oh! That's not for me.
502
00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:54,120
MICHELLE: Mm. Beth, have you been?
503
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:55,200
Er, no, no.
504
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:56,600
Well, do you fancy it?
505
00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:58,400
Cathy, could Beth and Eric
come as well?
506
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:00,080
Erm, well, it's...
507
00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:02,920
Yeah!
508
00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:05,200
Well, that'd be great.
509
00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:07,360
When was the last time
you treated yourself?
510
00:21:07,360 --> 00:21:09,320
Oof! Ages.
511
00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:11,680
That's not true -
you bought yourself
512
00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:14,160
a three-pack of tights
in Matalan the other day.
513
00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:15,400
Mm.
514
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:18,080
Right, let's do this. I'm in.
Beth, are you up for it?
515
00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:19,920
Er, yes. When is it?
516
00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:22,880
Er, it's, er, the weekend
of the 22nd.
517
00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:24,320
22nd...
518
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:25,880
That works for me.
519
00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:27,920
Yeah, we've got nothing on
that weekend.
520
00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:30,640
Brilliant!
Let's do this, then, ladies!
521
00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:32,360
Let's do it, Michelle!
522
00:21:32,360 --> 00:21:36,280
You and me are going
to have so much fun.
523
00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:38,000
Beth, you...you'll be there too.
524
00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:39,120
Yeah.
525
00:21:39,120 --> 00:21:42,600
Wait a minute,
what did you say, the 22nd?
526
00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:43,720
MICHELLE: Yeah.
527
00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:46,160
CHRISTINE: But that's the weekend
my new bathroom's going in.
528
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:47,240
Oh...
529
00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:48,840
Oh, shame.
530
00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:51,600
Well, you'll be all right,
Christine, will you not?
531
00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:54,440
Aye, it's all organised.
You'll be fine.
532
00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:56,360
Just make sure and fill
a couple of buckets up
533
00:21:56,360 --> 00:21:58,160
for anything you need
during the day.
534
00:21:58,160 --> 00:21:59,240
What?
535
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:01,680
Aye, well, obviously you'll be
turned off at the mains.
536
00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:03,640
But where will I go
to the toilet?
537
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:05,480
Maybe leave one of
the buckets empty.
538
00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:07,040
MICHELLE: Oh...
CHRISTINE: What?!
539
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:08,760
Oh, no, no, no, no!
540
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:12,640
Workmen hammering away
while I'm peeing into a bucket?!
541
00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:15,040
Will you be away
the whole weekend?
542
00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:21,240
I think we'll maybe have to
pass on the spa, Michelle.
543
00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:22,520
HE SIGHS
544
00:22:22,520 --> 00:22:26,280
Thanks for the offer,
but, er, I should be here.
545
00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:29,720
Beth, come here.
546
00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:36,760
As a special treat
for helping me out,
547
00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:39,440
I want you to be the first guest
548
00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:42,880
to use those new facilities
once they're in.
549
00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:44,440
I'll look forward to that.
550
00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:48,400
Ah, here, and I'll leave a
wee pack of moist tissues
551
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:51,040
on the top of the cistern,
just for you.
552
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:55,560
Here, Alan, do you play golf?
553
00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:57,800
No' really, naw. I've done putting.
554
00:22:57,800 --> 00:22:59,720
There's a course up at the Hydro.
555
00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:01,040
You and me could get a game in
556
00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:03,680
when they're in getting
all their stuff done.
557
00:23:03,680 --> 00:23:05,240
That sounds good, Alan.
558
00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:08,000
Aye, I suppose we could.
I've no' got any clubs, though.
559
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:10,520
I'll lend you a set.
I've got a spare set.
560
00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:12,120
Aye, right. All right, then.
561
00:23:12,120 --> 00:23:15,720
Oh, hang about, there's a
missing putter in that set.
562
00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:17,720
Eric, you've got it.
563
00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:20,960
What? Mind I lent you the
putter oot o' the spare set?
564
00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:24,200
Mind yours was rusted
in the boot of your car?
565
00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:25,960
Oh, aye, aye.
566
00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:27,920
Away and get it, would you?
567
00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:29,080
Now?!
568
00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:32,120
Aye, well, Alan wants to see it.
Come on.
569
00:23:32,120 --> 00:23:33,600
HE SIGHS
570
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:36,640
Oh, Beth?
571
00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:38,920
Top-up?
572
00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:40,720
Yeah.
573
00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:42,160
QUIETLY: Could...could I get one?
574
00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:48,480
HE SIGHS
575
00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:51,520
So what do you wear for, like,
dinner and stuff? Is it quite posh?
576
00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:53,640
It is quite dressy, yeah, yeah,
577
00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:55,200
but you'll be fine.
578
00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:56,400
Ah.
579
00:23:56,400 --> 00:23:57,840
Oh, my God, why don't you wear them?
580
00:23:57,840 --> 00:24:00,160
MICHELLE GASPS
581
00:23:57,840 --> 00:24:00,160
Do you think?
582
00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:02,160
What with? Like black jeans?
583
00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:03,640
Yes! Black jeans!
584
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:07,040
They'd look amazing with
skin-tight black jeans.
585
00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:09,240
Oh, my God, I can't wait!
586
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:10,840
Thanks so much for inviting us.
587
00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:12,200
That's all right, honey.
588
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:15,000
Me and you are going
to have so much fun!
589
00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:16,960
Ooh-hoo-hoo!
590
00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:16,960
DOOR CLOSES
591
00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:18,960
Oh, there he is!
592
00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:21,960
Aye, that's it.
593
00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:24,360
Look at that, Alan.
It's nice, eh?
594
00:24:24,360 --> 00:24:27,520
Here, stand up and
give it a wee try.
595
00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:28,840
I'm going to nip to the toilet.
596
00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:31,240
CHRISTINE: Oh, right.
There you go.
597
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:34,400
How's that? Wait till I see...
598
00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:36,080
Aye. Aye.
599
00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:38,720
Eric, where's these balls
I gave you?
600
00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:40,400
Give him a wee shot at it.
601
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:46,360
Actually, might as well
just give them to him.
602
00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:48,000
You don't mind, Eric, do you?
603
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:49,200
Naw, you don't need to do that.
604
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:50,880
No, it's all right,
they were a present.
605
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:52,760
I got them for free,
gave them to him,
606
00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:55,160
so I can just take them back.
607
00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:56,560
There you go.
608
00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:00,200
Right, let's see you.
609
00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:02,480
Right...
610
00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:05,800
TOILET FLUSHES
611
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:08,000
Oh, look at that - he's a natural.
612
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:11,000
Hey, wait, wait, we'll get you
something to aim at.
613
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:14,080
Beth, er, have you got
a mug he could use?
614
00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:17,440
What? He needs something to aim at,
like...like the hole.
615
00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:19,840
Come on, Beth, get Alan a hole.
616
00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:20,880
ERIC SCOFFS
617
00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:23,080
DOOR OPENS
618
00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:24,440
THUD!
619
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:25,920
Oh, what the hell was that?!
620
00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:27,480
MICHELLE LAUGHS
621
00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:31,560
Oh, my God, I nearly fell
coming out yer wee toilet!
622
00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:32,760
Are you all right?
623
00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:34,680
Och, I'm fine,
it's these bloody boots!
624
00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:37,160
Christ, I'm lucky I never
came through that wall there!
625
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:38,200
HE CHUCKLES
626
00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:40,000
Right, that's enough drinks for me!
627
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:41,880
Aye, don't want you doing a Cathy!
628
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:43,480
I nearly did!
629
00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:45,680
LAUGHTER
630
00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:47,360
Sorry, what was that, Alan?
631
00:25:47,360 --> 00:25:49,000
I'm saying she'd better
cool it with the drink
632
00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:50,480
before she lands on her arse.
633
00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:55,640
Oh, and that's "doing a Cathy",
is it?
634
00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:58,440
Och, look, it's nothing, it's just
a wee saying we've got, you know,
635
00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:00,600
when things are getting
a wee bit out of hand.
636
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:03,800
Or if things are kicking off,
if there's an argument starting -
637
00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:05,400
it can mean that as well, can't it?
638
00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:08,280
Oh. I see.
639
00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:15,040
Aw, look, Cathy,
it's just a wee jokey thing.
640
00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:18,240
So I'm just a joke, am I?
641
00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:20,520
No, no, no, Cathy,
it's not like that.
642
00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:21,720
That's nice, isn't it?
643
00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:24,160
It's nice when your friends
think you're a joke.
644
00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:25,600
Cathy, it's not like that.
645
00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:27,160
Come on, now, Cath.
646
00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:29,640
CATHY: Shut up, Eric,
ya big fuckin' arsehole!
647
00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:33,720
I mean, I'm not going to sit here
and be made a fool of!
648
00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:35,200
I'll tell you something else...
649
00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:36,280
CATHY SLAMS DOWN GLASS
650
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:37,480
..you're not coming to the spa.
651
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:39,720
Aw, Cathy! He's not coming either!
652
00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:42,360
Get that off him. What?
653
00:26:42,360 --> 00:26:43,680
Get the putter off him.
654
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:46,720
Get the balls back. Huh?
655
00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:48,040
Take your balls back!
656
00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:49,320
But I don't need them!
657
00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:51,280
Well, fucking give
them to Eric, then.
658
00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:55,000
There you go, squire.
Second time lucky.
659
00:26:58,680 --> 00:27:00,000
THEY GASP
660
00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:01,240
Come on, Col!
661
00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:02,800
Oh, my goodness!
662
00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:05,440
CATHY SIGHS
I need the fuckin' toilet now.
663
00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:07,480
DOOR OPENS
664
00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:09,080
DOOR CLOSES
665
00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:13,400
Oh, Christine, I'm sorry -
that's one of your wee tiles there.
666
00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:15,640
CHRISTINE: Oh, don't worry,
Michelle.
667
00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:17,440
It's just a sample one.
668
00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:21,760
In fact, looking at that...
669
00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:25,600
..I don't think
that's the right one.
670
00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:26,840
What?
671
00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:28,840
I think that's the wrong tile.
672
00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:34,120
Either that or the suite,
that Farnborough...
673
00:27:34,120 --> 00:27:35,480
Nut.
674
00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:40,080
I have been rushed
into this whole thing.
675
00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:44,360
Beth, you need to phone them.
676
00:27:44,360 --> 00:27:46,360
# One more day, two more day
677
00:27:46,360 --> 00:27:48,400
# Three more day to go
678
00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:50,640
# Three more day, two more day
679
00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:53,000
# One more day to go
680
00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:56,760
# One more day till I get
her inside my brain
681
00:27:56,760 --> 00:28:00,360
# I've thrown my baby out
with the bathwater
682
00:28:00,360 --> 00:28:01,480
# What did I do?
683
00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:05,560
# Throwing my baby out
with the bathwater
684
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:09,760
# Throwing my baby out
with the bathwater... #
79322
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