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(Transcrito por TurboScribe.ai. Actualizar a Ilimitado para eliminar este mensaje.) Welcome to our fourth annual Halloween Haunt Adventure!

A tradition started freshman year when we were

in the dorms together.

Let me introduce everyone.

Brad is driving.

Say hi, Brad.

You look better with the mask on.

The rabbit woman is Haley.

Hi, everybody.

And next to her is Jess.

Hi.

You want to talk about last year's adventure?

No.

About how you ran screaming from the haunt?

Past numerous children who, after seeing you hysterical,

believed they was about to get murdered?

No.

About the therapeutic kids that still receive it.

Okay, we don't need to talk about this.

I'm sure they're all doing fine now.

Okay.

Hey, you haven't introduced Peter yet.

Nobody cares about Peter.

Fine.

Last and definitely least.

Taking a break from his busy fraternity schedule

to slum it with his old dorm mates

is Peter.

I always have time for the little people.

We only see you once a year.

Exactly.

Once a year.

I have time for little people.

What about you, Kevin?

Introduce yourself.

I'm Kevin.

I'll be your tour guide tonight, as you

know.

Wait, wasn't that the exit for the park?

Yep.

Some reason why you didn't take it?

We're going somewhere different this year.

Someplace that's actually supposed to be scary.

No more amusement park bullshit.

But I love the amusement park.

That's our tradition.

I'm starting a new tradition.

So what's the new place?

It's called Nightmare Farm or some shit like

that.

Oh, is the farming organic or non-GMO

or what?

Freaking hell.

Did you just say farm to table?

Wait, you can't just take us to a

different place without asking.

Sure I can.

Okay, so where exactly is this new place

then?

A little bit past where you got that

speeding ticket on the way to Vegas.

Shit, all the way out there, man?

We might as well just go to Vegas.

I mean, I can't go to Vegas.

I have class tomorrow.

Relax.

It's not in Vegas.

It's on the way to Vegas.

It's one of those little towns off the

freeway.

Man, those towns are scary enough without any

of that Howie Bullshit already going on.

You're such a real estate snob, Peter.

You think anybody who didn't grow up by

the beach is stupid and poor?

Pretty much.

You're either a coastal elite or you're not.

Winners head to the coast to live with

other winners.

Because no one else can stand your smugness.

I think country people are really nice.

And I mean, I love country music.

I think this is more meth country than

Blake Shelton country.

Uh, there's a difference?

They wear different belt buckles over here.

How'd you even hear about this place, bud?

The guy in my gym, I bought...

Stay where it's...

Shut up.

He says it's so scary they can't even

advertise.

A total word-of-mouth thing.

Sounds a little tense.

I mean, I have a midterm next week,

so...

My god, forget about school for one night,

Jess.

This is probably the last time we'll all

be together before graduation.

Damn, you're right.

So, uh, you check it out online?

No.

You're taking us to a place you know

nothing about?

I know it's supposed to be scary.

Scary as in it's haunted or scary because

it's overrun with inbred country people?

Uh, he called it a total immersive country

terror experience.

Oh, okay, so he'll Billy Sonomize you while

eating fried foods?

No, you're thinking of the county fair.

In that case, let's just go to the

county fair.

Are you sure it's worth the drive?

The dude promised me it would be the

scariest thing I ever saw in my life,

okay?

He knows you look in the mirror every

day, right?

He wouldn't tell me about it unless it's

legit.

I trust him.

This isn't one of those extreme haunts, is

it?

Because I heard those are brutal, okay?

I heard that they scream at you and

spit on people.

I heard there's one in Waterboy.

That doesn't sound like fun.

That sounds horrible.

Yeah, relax.

It's just supposed to be scary.

You didn't say anything else about any other

ghouls.

There better not be any spitting and spurting.

Oh, uh, forget I said that.

Too late.

Seriously, I mean, this sounds a little extreme.

Do you want to be surrounded by screaming

eight-year-olds again or have some real

fun?

Uh, were the eight-year-olds screaming?

Because I couldn't hear them over Jess.

Any chance you don't freak out with your

shit this year?

Very slim.

I mean, I'm just saying, you were seriously

scared than the people working the haunt last

year.

You took your anxiety meds, right?

Yes.

Can't you just take the whole bottle and

be super chill?

That's not really how it works, bud.

Can't you take a whole bottle of steroids

and be super strong?

I can try.

Update here.

We've been on a road for what feels

like 12 hours.

Morale, is that an all-time low?

This talk is gonna get me.

Yo, after this drive, this place better be

awesome.

If it's not awesome, you can walk home

and protest.

Do you even know where we are?

Absolutely.

The middle of nowhere.

You guys can quit crying, here's our exit.

I can't believe this is just an hour

outside the city.

It feels like a whole different world out

here.

Yeah, people who live in the middle of

nowhere scare me.

Uh, they should.

They only live out here so they can

do shady shit.

Yeah, like running jacked up halloween haunts.

And harvesting the organs of college kids stupid

enough to go out and haunt.

I just think it's a really long way

to go for somewhere we know nothing about.

What if Columbus would have had that attitude,

Jess?

Huh?

We'd have no Thanksgiving or any of that

shit.

Good point, Brad.

See, why can't you be more open-minded

like Brad, Jess?

Maybe he should be the one going to

medical school.

Four more years of school, hell no.

You'd have to add another four years if

you weren't graduating.

You guys are just jealous I don't need

school to make money.

Oh yeah, that's right.

You have all the winnings from your MMA

career.

Tell me, man, what are you going to

do with all your tens of dollars?

As soon as I graduate, I can start

training full-time.

Then I can get bigger fights and start

making real money.

Got it.

Yeah, so maybe don't put all your eggs

in that basket, Brad.

Why not?

I'm undefeated.

You've had two fights.

Yeah, two wins.

If that one guy's wheelchair hadn't locked up,

I'm not sure you would have beaten him.

He wasn't in a wheelchair.

He was like 75 years old.

He had experience.

Yeah, like 60 years of fighting experience.

I think he invented the sport.

I just fight isn't probably enough.

I mean, I wish you wouldn't fight though,

Brad.

Why?

Because you secretly love me.

It would be devastating if anything happened to

me.

No, because you weren't given much of a

brain to begin with, so the last thing

you need to be doing is doing more

damage to it.

You can't have something as little as Brad's

brain be damaged.

You should talk.

How many times have you fallen on your

head riding your skateboard?

I can't remember.

Exactly.

You've got brain damage too.

You're equally stupid.

Congratulations.

Not all of us can go work for

our dads, Peter.

Some of us actually have to take chances.

No, I'll take chances.

It'll just be with other people's money.

You guys should really try being born rich

sometime.

It's awesome.

You know, now I remember why we only

hang out with you once a year.

Yeah, well at least when we do hang

out, I don't spend the whole night on

my phone.

I'm working.

I didn't realize narcissism was a business.

No, it's called building a brand.

Yeah, just because a bunch of horny losers

follow you, that doesn't make you a brand.

I have tens of thousands of followers who

have happened to disagree with your statement.

I mean, doesn't it creep you out though?

Just like all those people watching what you're

doing all the time.

No, because I have nothing to hide.

Oh, and a few of my followers want

to know who my hot friend is.

Oh, my name's Brad.

No, not you, idiot.

Jess, my followers want to know if you're

single.

Don't put my picture on there.

Well, it's too late, so what should I

tell them?

Don't, I don't know, leave me alone.

Are you single?

Yeah, Jess, what's going on with your romantic

life?

I am not going out with one of

your stalkers.

What's wrong with my followers?

Most of them are very sweet.

Yeah, and the rest?

I just want to go to the boneyard.

Uh, Kevin, do you know where you're going

to law school yet?

Whoever will let me in.

Well, how'd you do on the LSAT?

Pretty good, I think.

Wait, what kind of law do you want

to practice?

Environmental.

Ah, screw that, man.

Nobody's in corporate law.

No, you should do criminal law.

Brad will always need a good lawyer.

Suck it.

And for that matter, so will Karen.

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, yeah.

People like me don't go to jail.

Ha, they should.

I lost my cell service.

It's official.

We're no longer in civilized America.

How am I supposed to post updates?

I think your fans would go an hour

without hearing from you.

You know what?

They cannot.

Because my fans like to experience my life

with me as I live it.

Plus, they'll love the scary stuff.

We're almost there.

We should be right around here.

Look for a sign, guys.

A sign from God?

A sign in the ground, asshole.

Is that it?

No, that's a sign for a different odd.

Yes, yes, that's it.

Wow, Brad, this place looks first class.

Thanks for bringing us out here.

It's supposed to be shitty.

That's part of the authenticity.

Well, it is authentically shitty.

I'll give them that.

Is it even open?

I told you they were trying to keep

a low profile, okay?

Look at this guy.

Can I go?

Oh, God.

These hillbillies know scary.

How do you know they're hillbillies?

Who the hell else would live out here?

Maybe they're like the rogue who moved out

to the woods to live in quiet contemplation.

Yeah, I don't think that's what's happening out

here.

Who is this guy?

Looks like we have to park and walk

to the haunt, I guess.

Oh, God.

Not while he's out there.

Let's go.

Just stay in the car.

No, come on.

Jesus.

Great.

I'm gonna take my jacket off.

I hear it gets super hot in these

things.

Uh, let's do both.

It'll be just fine.

Isn't this so much cooler than the other

stupid haunt we were at?

No, because I get to eat funnel cake

here.

And like, at least I get to do

that, you know?

Live a little.

Good God.

Looks like we're gonna die.

We're not gonna die.

This place is getting creepier and creepier.

No, it just has like a fun new

vibe.

Kind of with that whinge of creep.

Oh, come on.

We already come this far.

Let's just go in.

Relax, Tristan.

He's gonna be okay.

Oh, don't do that to me.

I told you this was gonna be the

scariest thing.

I hate you.

Oh, God.

It's okay.

You're alright.

Oh, man.

What are you supposed to be?

Can you see the camera?

Uh, no.

I'm too distracted by you looking like an

idiot to see a camera.

Then I've succeeded.

Haunts never let you film inside.

Thus, Operation Hidden Camera.

Ah.

Alrighty, then.

Let's go.

Let's do it.

Another Halloween in the books, guys.

We're gonna get time.

Yeah, it is.

Now that we're actually at a cool spot.

Oh, yeah.

Kev, let me get the camera.

Absolutely not.

Just give me the camera.

No.

Come on, man.

Give me the camera.

I got it.

There it is.

Now I got it.

It's gonna be fun now.

It's Brad cam, baby.

Woo!

I guess it's probably quiet now.

No, that's alright.

Jess, say something.

Come on.

Come on.

We're gonna look back on this.

It's gonna be great.

Come on.

Alright.

Haley's got something at least.

Oh, yeah.

Get me in the camera.

Get her.

There she is.

I don't get it.

We all don't.

There we go.

Kevin, say something.

What do you got to say?

You're the one making this stupid video.

Everyone tell me your favorite experience from last

year's haunt.

Gotcha.

Jess, we'll start with you.

Why would we start with me?

Because it was very eventful for you.

She was very scared.

I mean, yeah.

Right?

We don't need to talk about it.

Let's go with you.

Come on.

Keep her away from all kids.

Yeah, when we left, okay?

That was my favorite part.

No, I'll tell you.

Get out.

Get out.

The funnel cake.

The funnel cake.

Get out of here.

Haley, shh.

My favorite part was probably watching Peter almost

pee himself.

Was that mean?

Because what I remember is there was some

moisture coming out of those eyelids right there.

I was not crying.

What a strange way to say that.

I was not crying.

That was weird.

My favorite part was none of it.

And that's why we're here this year.

We actually want to get scared because that

place sucked.

I don't care if it's our tradition.

Yeah, because you're not scared of anything.

I want to have some fun, baby.

I'm much better at this than you are,

Kevin.

I should have been the cameraman the whole

time.

Come on, bro.

Last year, too.

See, hold it like this.

All right, perfect.

Guys, I don't want to be responsible for

this camera because if someone scares me and

I drop it, that is not going to

be on me.

You got this.

You got it.

I believe in you.

I don't believe in myself, so.

I believe in you.

Well, don't worry.

It's Kevin.

We don't care.

Hey, come on now.

I care about Kevin's camera.

I don't want to.

Here, I'll take it.

Is that true?

This is your year.

Look at that.

So cute.

That's young love right there.

Oh, they're just friends.

They're just friends.

And what about you, Haley?

Going to hook up with anybody this year?

Like last year and the year before that?

No.

Very funny.

I don't know.

Just tell me what you're scared of.

Fears?

Tell me what you want from tonight.

Besides Jess.

We know you're scared of Jess.

Oh, nice one.

Yeah, I got you.

I give it to you.

Fears.

Let's go.

Commitment.

Okay, if I can answer the question.

So I'm scared of fish, bears, and I

don't do sharks.

So anything in the water?

Fish.

No.

Fish?

Me?

Yeah.

My phone dying.

That's a big one.

That sucks.

That's really not a phone that happens.

Birds.

And my third fear.

Oh, getting trapped somewhere and I can't get

out.

Oh my god.

Here we go.

Like claustrophobia, but like to a new level.

All right, who's next?

Get over here, Brad.

This is a tough guy.

Get out of here, man.

I'm not scared of anything.

I told you that.

Bullshit.

Get that out of my face.

It was only fun when I had it.

You guys suck at this.

Get someone.

I want to see what Jess is scared

of.

I'm not scared.

Come on, Jess.

Bring it in, Jess.

What you got, Jess?

What you got?

A lot of things.

A B?

Are you afraid of getting a B?

That's number one.

A B plus?

Honestly.

Like honestly, I have like dreams of like

failing tests and that's probably my worst fear.

But other than that, I mean like murderers,

right?

Like who's not afraid of murderers?

And honestly, my biggest fear is failing.

That is pathetic.

Go to med school.

Just leave.

Just go home.

I'm just really stressed right now.

Let's switch to more positive.

Let's switch to more positive.

All right.

Boring.

Let's go.

Haley's going to suck too, but whatever.

Favorite part about Halloween?

Halloween.

Go.

My favorite part about Halloween?

Oh, we already know.

Other than hooking up with her.

Stop.

No, my favorite part probably is like you

never know who's under the mask.

It's like you get scared.

But like as long as it's like a

good scare.

And the candy's really good.

There are some sexual undertones.

I think there are definitely.

I was going to eat candy and you

didn't let me finish my thought.

Doesn't surprise me at all.

I like the candy.

I like the costumes.

I get to pick a new one every

year.

It's amazing.

Okay.

The candy, I can't eat too much, but

it's good.

Yeah.

Describe your costume this year.

Because you look like a slutty dolphin trainer.

I'm not a slutty dolphin trainer.

You know, it's not nice to be so

accurate.

What are you this year?

Well, this year I'm like kind of a

ninja.

Oh, like a.

I had my little ears, but I decided

to leave them.

Okay.

I felt as if that was too like

close to my costume last year.

Hey guys, I think it's the entrance over

here.

Oh, yeah.

Let's go check it out.

All right.

Give me this thing back.

Hello, good sir.

We have five.

Where are you going?

20 bucks.

Do you have student discounts?

No, I got it.

I got it.

I got it.

Don't worry.

Brad drove.

The rest of you are just poor and

sad.

There you go, bro.

There you go.

20.

That should cover it.

Go.

Thanks, man.

All right.

Yeah.

Nice.

But I mean, no thing.

Jess, do you want to get in?

No.

Come on.

No.

Come on, come on, come on.

Just one picture.

Come on.

There you go.

Your face.

That's a good.

Oh, God.

Girls can sell.

Let's go.

I know Jess made me.

No one would ever believe that.

Oh, hey, guys.

Hey, are you guys going to the haunt?

I know Ted Bundy.

We're going to go get some coffee.

Good.

Thank you for asking.

That sounds fun.

Hey, can I come?

No, we don't know you, bro.

Have a hashtag blessed night.

Can we go home?

We just got here.

How about I just wait in the car?

You really want to stay out here by

yourself?

No, I want to go home.

Was it really necessary to bring us all

the way out here, bro?

I mean, we could have just as easily

been murdered in the city.

Or at the beach.

Beach is a nice place to murder.

When was the last time you thought you

were in any real danger?

In the car when you were driving.

I'm betting you've never been in real danger.

Our ancestors used to run freaking dinosaurs, man.

And fight for their lives every damn day.

Uh, our ancestors died all by the age

of 15.

You want to go back to that?

I don't want to go back to that.

You want to go back to that?

I don't want to go back to that.

Okay, here it is.

But your body needs that fighter's polite response

to produce the right chemicals.

All the people who jump out of planes,

surf huge waves, race cars.

Fight in cages.

They're all trying to manufacture that chemical reactant.

Subconsciously, their brains know what their bodies need.

That's what I want you guys to feel.

And if it takes going out to the

middle of nowhere to be chased around by

meth heads and masks, then that's what we'll

do.

And you'll thank me for it.

And why will we thank you?

Is to truly be alive.

You have to risk death, Petey.

Come on.

No, not about that.

Uh, I'm just here to have some fun,

bro.

Not risk death.

He wants you to go over there, Kevin.

Hell no.

Why don't you go over there, Brad?

Unless you're scared.

I don't get scared, Jess.

Oh, no.

I know at least a few things you're

scared of.

Name one.

Uh, report cards.

Paternity test.

Recurring STDs.

That is not funny, bro.

Not funny.

Just an allergic reaction.

I'm telling you, I've never been scared of

anything in my life.

Why do you come every year if you're

never scared?

Watching you sissies traumatize yourselves.

Reminds me of what a badass I am.

Psst, this guy again?

I'm scared.

You got what you wanted, Brad, okay?

We connected with our ancestors.

Now let's go home.

We paid for the whole haunt.

We're going to go through the whole haunt.

Hey, folks.

We offer a free dig-your-own-grave

experience with the price of admission.

That sounds like fun, but maybe later.

What if I wanted to be cremated?

Well then, how about I show you the

lighter and can of goddamn gasoline I'm fixing

to use on you?

Bury his body.

Shit, dude.

You just got out and you scared me

a little bit.

We are so going to get murdered.

Don't even joke about that.

You guys see that rabbit over there in

the dirt?

Where?

Yeah.

Just keeps staring at us.

That's weird.

Although he works at the haunt, he's not

just some random wood-steeped hermit.

Yeah, those dudes are the worst.

I mean, you come to the woods like

a normal person looking for sex with lost

hikers.

Instead, you run into a bunch of weirdos.

I just want to go home.

Relax, Jess.

It's all a part of the haunt.

They're just setting the mood.

Well, they're doing a really good job of

it.

Oh, these are so creepy.

These are so cool.

Haley, really?

All right.

Come on, you got me.

Aren't you glad I brought you here?

You're eight-year-olds can handle this.

Are you kidding?

Come here.

I want to see what you're scared of.

Guys, who's good?

How am I supposed to make it all

the way through this?

Remember, Jess, they're just actors.

I can't stop myself from reacting.

Just don't act scared.

They only attack people who act scared.

Well, they should go easiest on the ones

who are most scared.

Don't bother pretending, Jess.

They can smell your fear.

People like you, why do they come to

work every day?

You have nothing to fear, Jess.

You're the most dangerous person here.

I would beg to differ.

Jess knows how to body work, Brad.

Even better than you.

I bet she knows more ways to kill

someone than everybody in here combined.

That is true.

But I mean, I would never, like, hurt

anyone.

I mean, do no harm.

That's the oath.

So you haven't taken the oath yet?

Yeah, but that doesn't mean I can go

around hurting people.

That's exactly what it means.

That's why there's an oath in the first

place.

You medical freaks can't be trusted otherwise.

Come on, let's go.

All right.

Come on, come on.

Onward.

I feel like someone's about to, like, come

at us.

No, you'll be fine, Jess.

You'll be fine.

Stay away!

Boy, that was scary.

Go back to the woods, you freak.

Have a blessed day.

Guys!

Nice glasses, bro.

I'm already, I'm just like...

Jess!

Jess!

You're fine.

Relax, it's me, okay?

Look, look, it doesn't look that bad.

It shouldn't take long.

It's nothing.

It should not take long.

I hear all the fun's downstairs.

It's underground?

Yeah.

It's pretty big down there.

It's got a giant bunker or something.

You been here before?

No, my first time.

But I heard it's pretty intense.

Really?

Yeah.

I heard.

I don't want to freak you out.

What did you hear?

Just tell them.

There's a reason they don't advertise.

Supposedly, there was a haunt here a few

years back.

Shit went down.

I don't know if it's the same people

running it, but one of the workers went

on Method Actor, sort of believing he was

his character.

People got hurt.

It could all be bullshit, though, since none

of it ever made the news or anything

official.

Okay, but they do, like, background checks, right?

Out here?

No chance.

If they did, they wouldn't have any workers.

That's part of the appeal in a place

like this.

The person under the mask is probably scarier

than the monster they're pretending to be.

Oh my god, do not tell me that.

I'm surprised it doesn't happen more often.

You ever wear a mask?

You become a different person.

You feel like you could do whatever you

want.

You think about it.

Not only is the person working here wearing

a mask, they're also pretending to be a

monster or killer.

And if you act like a monster long

enough, eventually, you just might become one.

Okay, um, can we go home?

Don't mind her.

She gets scared at kids' Halloween carnivals.

If you guys, like, actually believe these stories,

then, like, why are you here?

We love the scary stuff.

And being scared has its benefits.

That's what I've been telling him.

Like, what benefits, though?

It releases a lot of the same chemicals

as sex.

Adrenaline, endorphins, dopamine, all that good stuff.

You mix fear with sex.

It's like a triple shot of euphoria.

I'm liking this place more and more.

Go to a scary haunt, then we have

the best...

How many?

Two.

Enter.

Looks like we're off.

Good luck.

Bye, guys.

Yeah, have a good one.

Guys, please, can we just go home?

I can understand why you're scared, Jess.

Lots of people die at these things every

year.

No, they don't.

Sure they do.

I've seen statistics.

Stop messing with her.

Look, I'm just trying to give Jess an

honest representation of what goes on in these

houses.

Lots of unafforded deaths.

She gets scared enough.

She doesn't need your lies.

Hey, I've seen statistics.

You are more likely to die at one

of these haunted houses than a car accident.

Okay, that's bullshit.

Don't listen to anything he says.

Why don't you believe him?

All right, fine.

You know what?

You're probably right.

All right, this place is probably safe.

I'm just putting it out there.

Open the door, rednecks.

Come on, make the scary.

How many?

Twelve.

No, five.

Enter.

All right, let's go.

Here we go.

Come on.

Hi.

You kids trick-or-treating?

No, we want to go to the basement.

It's not too scary, is it?

The only way to find out is to

go through that door.

We're just about ready to close up.

You'll be the last one for the night.

Yeah, well, we didn't know you were still

open.

It's kind of quiet out there in the

parking lot.

Due to the extreme nature of our haunted

experience, we like to keep it low profile.

Less houses, safety inspectors, costly permits, and all

that government bullshit.

Where are you kids visiting from?

L.A.? We go to school out there.

College students.

You all must be really smart.

Cheers.

The rest of us, not so much.

You came all this way just to visit

us?

We're just in the neighborhood.

My parents have a vacation home a few

blocks from here.

So how long does it take to get

through it?

That depends on if you can make it

through the whole thing.

Most people can't.

So if we do make it all the

way through, do we get something?

You get to go home.

And if we don't make it all the

way through?

You don't want to find out.

Um, so do you have Wi-Fi?

What?

Wi-Fi.

Like, for a phone.

No phones.

Like, the internet?

So I can upload photos from my phone?

No pictures.

Why not?

I just want something to remember.

You're not going to want to remember tonight.

Uh, so I've heard places like this usually

have a safe word.

You know, like things get too scary.

I don't think you're going to need that.

Big strong guy like you.

That's not for me.

Kidding.

These guys.

Uh, is this your first time away from

home?

Can you just tell us already?

Sure.

Now, pay close attention.

Since you kids are so delicate, you're probably

going to need this.

If things get too scary, you just repeat

this phrase and everyone will stop being scared.

You ready?

Yep, we're ready.

Just say, I'm a sissy and I want

to go home.

Really?

That makes me feel safer.

Thanks for your professionalism.

It's quite all right.

Okay, can we go in now?

There's a couple more things you need to

know before you go in.

What?

This ain't a motel, if you get what

I'm saying.

What, no ice machine?

No.

No funny business.

Keep your clothes on.

Oh, sorry, Jess.

You heard the man.

And the second thing is the most important

thing I'm going to tell you.

Do not, under any circumstances, touch the actors

inside the haunt.

I cannot stress this enough.

Do not touch them.

So, wait, we can or can't touch the

actors?

Brad!

I know, I know.

I'm kidding.

Okay, fine.

Don't touch the actors.

You know, you got it.

Can you just give us like a hint

about what's inside?

What's inside?

It's your worst fears.