Original subtitles

It's there. It's there.

- I knew it. Yes. - Twenty-eight to seven.

All I hope know is the other side changes his team position

to Dr. Kevorkian.

See, Joey, Joey, look, Joey, see, you gotta

you gotta have patience, man, football is a game of interest.

Hey, guys, guys, the Washington Redskins cheerleaders.

Alright, look at here, look at here, look at here.

- Ooh, that's good. - Yeah, cheerleaders.

That's what I call the game of inches. I'm talking 36-24-38.

- Mm-mm. Mm-mm. - You right, you right, 38.

Well, I like a woman with a big onion.

- It brings tears to my eyes. - Mine too.

Yeah, you want a butt big enough to put your beer on.

No, uh-uh, it's, it's gotta be big enough

to put the beer on one cheek

and a remote control on the other

so you can slap it until...

Don't even tell me where you'd put the TV guides.

H-h-h-how long

you been standing there, sweetheart? Baby?

Long enough to know I got a few onions to fry.

♪ There's a man ♪

♪ With no future ♪

♪ So it seems ♪

♪ Can't live out his dreams ♪

♪ Now he's trapped into thinking ♪

♪ He won't succeed ♪

♪ And he can't believe ♪

♪ Live your life today ♪

♪ Oh yeah ♪ Not for tomorrow ♪

♪ Not for tomorrow ♪

♪ Oh oh ♪

♪ Live your life today ♪

I can't believe the way you all talk about women.

You guys are dogs.

Come on, sis, now these women gonna go through

all this trouble to learn all this precision wigglin'.

Shoot, I owe it to 'em to watch.

Well, if you're gonna watch 'em like that

you gonna need a bib.

Eleanor, you know we're not just gawking at these women

I happen to respect the female form

as a beautiful work of art.

Oh, and, and which work of art did you respect more, Sly

your ex-wife or the woman she caught you with?

Damn, that's cold.

Roc, you've been awful quiet throughout all of this.

Yes, I have.

Well, why don't you tell us what you think, Roc?

I think I'm the luckiest man alive

to be married to you.

Oh, Roc, why don't you just come on out and admit it

you like looking at all those pretty girls

'cause I'm all fat and pregnant.

Oh, that's not true, Eleanor.

I like looking at pretty girls before you got fat and...

Can-can-can-can I start over?

Roc, you're trapped

why don't you go ahead and chew off a leg

and limp to safety.

Come on, Sly, let's get out of here.

Let's go get some food and go to your place.

I'm ready.

You know I expect this from Joey and Sly

but I'm surprised at you, Roc.

Oh, come on, Eleanor, I'm not doing anything wrong.

I mean, come on, these girls are cheerleaders.

You know, I mean they're paid to dance

and look pretty and stuff, you know.

I-I-I-I was, I was just watching them.

Roc, how would you like it if you were doing your job

and a bunch of women watched you in this way.

Imagine you emptyin' a dumpster

and there's a crowd of women standing on the sidewalk

gawkin' and hootin' and hollerin' at your every move?

Roc, you better come back here from where you are.

Oh, come on, Eleanor, you know

you making a big deal out of nothing.

Roc Emerson, you are avoiding the issue.

Uh-oh, she called him by his full name.

What does that mean?

It means Roc better start eating some crow

or we'll be eatin' fried Bologna for dinner.

Oh, listen, my son Stevie is gonna drop by

could you tell him we went over to my place.

No problem.

- What's wrong? - Nothin'.

You know I hate it when married people fight.

I'm not gonna get married until I find the boy

that agrees with everything I say.

Oh?

And what will you do when he comes out of the coma?

Hey, Sheila baby, how you live?

Your father said he'd meet you at your house. Bye.

Hey, Sheila, what's your problem?

You know you look real fine in that shirt.

Fits you so snug, I wish I was one of the buttons.

So do I. It'd be a lot easier to lose you.

You know you and your friends are real tight

with your little comments.

Don't you guys ever stop and listen

to how stupid you sound when you talk to girls?

It's not stupid, it's a compliment.

Besides it's like my father says

a female form is a work of art.

Yeah, well, here's something my father says, get out my face.

- Oh, son. - Yeah, pop?

Uh, I have a favor to ask of you.

Uh, it's my turn to come up with a field trip

for my group at the senior center

and I was wonderin' if you give us a tour of the race track

from an insider's point of view.

Uh, you know I love to, pop, but actually

I think your friends would have more fun hanging out with Roc

you know this is the time of the year that the seagulls

returned to the dump.

Alright, son, I'll just tell them

that you're a very busy young man

with his whole life ahead of him

unlike those veterans and widows

whose days are dwindling down to a precious few.

Alright, I'll take the old folks to the race track.

Uh, I also figured you could get them a little seminar first

uh, you know on the ins and outs of horse race.

No, no, no, pop, no way. Okay? Forget it.

Uh, yeah, you're right, forget it.

Uh, why should you do anything for me?

I'm just your father who stayed home from work

to nurse you when you had the chicken pox

of course I lost a week's pay and a promotion

and it probably delayed my retirement five years.

- But that's alright. - Have 'em here by 3 o'clock.

Well, that was easy.

I didn't even have to bring up the time

you set fire to the Christmas tree.

Mrs. Emerson, could you drive me to school?

I don't wanna take the bus 'cause I don't wanna see that

doofus Stevie Bartlett.

Why's Stevie a doofus?

Well, he's always sayin' stuff to me.

Tellin' me I'm pretty, tellin' me I've got nice size

and nice hair, rappin' stupid songs to me.

See, he thinks he's all that

but he ain't nothin' but a poop butt.

Now, Sheila, you don't have to take anything off of this boy

you don't want to, this is 1993.

Today, women stand up for themselves.

Just like Anita Hill stood up to that Clarence Thomas.

Yeah, but Clarence Thomas still got on the Supreme Court.

Uh-huh.

Well, that's not a good example.

It's more like that woman that stood up to that boy

from the Kennedy family.

Well, nothin' happened to him, either.

I hear he's a doctor somewhere.

Uh-huh.

That's not a good example either.

Well, look, Sheila, I'm sure there're many cases

where brave woman stood up to a powerful man and won.

Name one.

- Tina Turner! Yeah! - Yeah!

Tina Turner, now see, the point is

women are no longer the weaker sex.

This is our time and we comin' into our own.

Well, you're right about that.

We're fighting back and we not takin'

anythin' off of anybody.

No, we aren't.

We're standin' tall, standing proud

and takin' charge of our own lives.

- Take your time, sister. - Mm-hm.

Now no matter what happens, you gotta fight for your right.

Now you got to make it clear to Stevie

in no uncertain terms that he should leave you alone.

You're right, Mrs. Emerson, I'm gon' talk to him.

Now that's the spirit.

You know, if us, women

would just stick together as sisters

we could rule this world.

Then what will we do with all the men?

We'll line 'em all up along the highway...

...just in case we get a flat tire.

Oh, good, you're home.

I got you a present.

Oh, so, you're not still mad at me?

Oh, Roc, if I was still mad at you

would I have brought you this

the 1994 Redskin Cheerleaders calendar?

Oh, Lord.

And since I know you're as interested in their minds

as you are their bodies

you can read all these valuable information

that shows them as complex individuals.

Take Kiki for example.

She's an avid roller bladder

who would like to end world hunger

and then get her own apartment.

Yeah, very funny, Eleanor, very funny.

Well, I'm glad you got a good sense of humor

about this, Roc

'cause it makes me wanna give you

your other present.

Oh, yeah?

Eleanor, you know if I wear these

I'll catch my death of cold.

I'll keep you warm.

What did you have in mind?

Oh, I was thinking friction heat.

- Baby, you know what I like. - Mm-hm.

Let me go get rid of this call.

I-I-I-I'm gonna find me an answer machine.

Hello?

Yes. This is Mrs. Emerson.

What? Is she alright?

Well, of course, we will. Yes. Goodbye.

What, what-what-what, what happened?

That was Sheila 's teacher.

Sheila got into a fight at school.

- Well, is she okay? - Oh, Sheila 's fine.

But for the next few days, Stevie Bartlett's

gon' be suckin' his lunch through a straw.

Okay, Roc, so Sheila 's teacher wants us to come by after school

we're gonna sit down with her and Sheila and Stevie

and his dad and we're gonna talk about this.

I still don't get it. I mean, why would Sheila hit Steve.

Because he's been bothering her at school.

He's been saying things that make her feel uncomfortable.

Tellin' her she got pretty hair, pretty eye...

What-what-what-what-what? That's it?

He complements her? I mean, you can get hit for that?

Roc, if she doesn't want him sayin' these things to her

he shouldn't be sayin' 'em.

I agree with that.

But what did you tell her to do about it?

I told her she didn't have to take any of that stuff

off of him and I told her she had a right to be left alone

and that she should fight for that right.

Oh, okay, you-you told her to fight?

Eleanor, let me ask you a question.

I mean is it possible in your current frame of mind

about men being nothin' but no good rotten dogs

that you encouraged Sheila to walk that little boy?

Okay, Roc, so this is all my fault?

I'm beginnin' to think it is.

Well, let me tell you somethin', Roc Emerson.

Woops, full name fight.

I did not encourage Sheila to hit that little boy

but if she hit him she must've had a good reason.

Well, wait a minute, come on, we're talking about

little Stevie Bartlett here. He's a good kid.

Well, Roc, even good kids can be misguided.

I mean there are lot of bad influences out there.

There are a lot of movies and video and music today

that give kids idea that it is cool to disrespect women.

Well, no-no, I don't, look, I don't like that stuff

anymore than you do, you know, but that's beside the point.

Stevie didn't start the fight.

Well, look, Roc, it's hard to explain

maybe if you could see it though Sheila's eyes, you'd understand.

Alright, alright, alright, alright.

Whatev-whatever you say, sweetheart.

Look...

...school's...

school's not out 'til 3:00, you know...

...which means we still have a little time to...

You know...

You know.

Roc, if you think I'm in the mood for any...

...you know.

You know.

Then you don't know

your you know what

from your never mind.

Well, I-I-I wasn't in the mood anyway.

Uh, they're all here now, son

you got your little talk prepared?

Uh, yeah, yeah, you know what, pop, I'm thinking

you know, if this seminar works out

I could do TV infomercials on gambling, you know

like, like, like, those late night real estate hustlers.

Check this out, check this out, okay, I'm in a yatch, right

surrounded by, surrounded by girls in bikinis right

and then I get Cher to drop in and I pretend to be surprised

like, "Oh, Cher, look, ladies and gentlemen, look.."

Come back, son.

Uh, folks, let's get started. Come on now, take a seat.

Take your seat everybody, make yourself comfortable.

There we go, there we go.

Good afternoon, everybody, and welcome to "Win at the track

the Joey Emerson way," now, before we start let me warn you

I could make you all millionaires

so don't get mad at me if your taxes go up.

Oh, right, let's skip the opening monologue, okay.

In horse racing, there's several key factors

that you have to keep in mind.

Track conditions, weights of the jockeys...

Excuse me what qualifies you as an expert on horse racing?

Yeah, how much money have you actually won at this?

Uh, no, gambling is not about winning or losing

like I said it depends on

track conditions, weights of the jockeys--

How much do you think he makes?

He shares a room with his father in his brothers house.

I know, his father has suffered plenty because of this boy.

One year he set fire to the Christmas tree.

Hey, hey, hey, okay. Hold it, hold it.

Let's, uh, take a little time out here, okay.

Pop.. This way please.

So what'd you do, did you tell these people

every detail of my life?

Uh, son, one thing we discovered at the senior center is

you can only lie about how successful your children are

for so long.

Alright, alright, let's move on.

Okay, folks, how many of you actually know

how to read a racing form?

Oh, so, that's the way it goes

you sit around reading the racing form

while your pregnant sister in law

waits on you hand and foot.

I don't see how you sleep at night.

Uh, uh, excuse me, excuse me

could the students please hold their comments

till we get to the question and answer period?

I hear his brother tries to get him jobs

and he just laughs at him.

I think you oughta stop readin' the racing form

and take a look at the Want Ads.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey

I-I look at the Want Ads, okay

it's just that all I see are desk job

and I happen to be creative, I happen to be in a ca...

What the hell am I explaining this to...

Alright, alright, now, hold it. Hold it.

I didn't bring you you all here to hurl insults at my son.

Well, Andrew, we're only repeating the things

that you said a hundred times.

I'm not saying they're not true

I'm just sayin' don't repeat it to him.

We don't need a seminar on horse racing.

When I go to the track I bet on whichever jockey's

wearin' the color of money.

Green.

Oh, that's interesting, you know

I think in professional gambling circles

that's known as the stupid method.

Do you wanna take this outside?

People! People! People!

People, let's not have another ugly incident

like at the Oktoberfest.

Now, let's get goin'. We don't wanna miss the daily double.

Man.

Listen, pop, I don't too much feel like going to the track now

after the way these buzzards have picked at my carcass.

Oh, come on, Joey.

We're countin' on you to drive the van.

Yeah, that's the least you can do for your father, you bum.

Hey, you wanna take this outside? Alright, I'm playin'.

I'm playin'. Give me a hug. Give me a hug.

- Sheila honey, are you alright? - I'm fine.

What are you afraid of, Stevie's eyes

was gonna break her little hand?

Oh, that's real cute, Sly.

Wanna see if your onion breaks my little foot?

No, no, come on.

Roc, if she so much as touches me

I'm suing you for 2.1 million.

Well, everybody better calm down.

Look, the point is, Sly, neither one of us knows

what happens between these kids and neither do you.

Everybody knows Sheila beat up on him.

Now, Roc, get into this. What do you think?

Well, I'll tell you what I think

you know me, I-I-I think it's a simple case

of a child being influenced by a lot of feminist, um...

I-I'm keepin' an open mind, that's what I think.

Alright, thank you all for coming.

I know we're all concerned about what happened

and I think the best way to get to the truth

is to hear from the students themselves.

So, Stevie, why don't you go first?

Well, I was standing in the schoolyard

mindin' my own business, Sheila pass by

I complimented her, and she went off on me.

Show her your eye, now I think he's gonna need stitches.

You know, this could wreck his modeling career.

W-well now, if this is about compliments--

Stevie's lying. This isn't just about compliments.

See, he told me I look real sexy in my top

and when I told him to go away

he started singing this song to me.

One of the real dirty ones I hate.

You know the kind that call girls 'bitches' and 'hoes.'

And when I turned to walk away from him, he grabbed my butt.

Now that's when I hit him.

Look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look.

Now, maybe he gets out of hand sometime

but the boy's just a kid, you know, he'll grow out of it.

Now, wait a minute, Sly, wait a minute

now, we're talking about a 12 year old boy here

grabbing at girl's butts

that problem's not just gonna go away like, uh, like pimples.

You've got to set an example for him, I mean

I mean when you're at home watchin' television

talking about women like they're pieces of meat

I mean he picks up on that.

Roc, you sittin' right beside me doin' the same thing.

Well, I don't have a boy.

Although I might be having a boy but, uh, but, but, you know

but I'll know when to stop

you know from what I learned here today.

Mr. Bartlett, you, Stevie and I

are going to have to discuss this problem.

So, would you come with me, please?

That's nice, huh, dad?

Sheila, baby, I am so sorry

that you had to go through all of this.

Yeah, me too, look, Sheila

sometimes guys can be really stupid.

Like, I was stupid, Eleanor, accusing you

of gettin' Sheila all worked up.

Well, thank you, Roc, and I hope you understand

now that all compliments are not innocent

and that if women don't wish to be complimented

men should respect those wishes.

Well, no, wait, wait, wait, wait a minute, Eleanor

I don't see nothin' wrong with calling a woman pretty.

You know, I've never met a woman who didn't like hearing that.

Hm, in fact, it even gets you discounts

at the lunch truck.

So you flirtin' with the lady at the lunch truck?

I, I think I'll wait in the hall.

I, I wouldn't, I ain't flirtin' with nobody.

I'm, I'm just trying to paint you a picture.

Well, let me paint you a picture, Roc.

Big ball husband

on the couch in his brand new draws...

...by himself.