Original subtitles

MUSIC COMES IN STRONG.

Downloaded from YTS.MX

[CRUNCH CRUNCH]

[ZIPPER]

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

[CLICKITY CLICKITY]

[PFFFT]

[SQUELCH SQUELCH SQUELCH...]

[PACE QUICKENS]

[SQUIRT] [PHONE RINGS]

EMMA Hey, Mom? What's up, I'm working.

EMMA'S MOM [V.O.] Get out. Art! You just won five bucks!

You finally got a real job?

EMMA Sound design is a real job.

EMMA'S MOM [V.O.] Wow, you're actually a professional sound designer?

EMMA Well, not exactly, I'm still doing foley, but I'm getting

paid this time!

MOM [OS] I'm so proud of you. It's going in the church

bulletin. What's it called?

EMMA Oh, it's an indie movie, it probably won't come to

theatres near you.

You probably won't see it. You know what, I actually

got to finish this. So I'll call you back later,

Okay I love you bye!

[COMPUTER ERROR SOUND]

[ALARM CLOCK] [UPBEAT DANCE ROCK]

BABCIA Hurry Barkley. You will be late for class.

BARKLEY Thanks Babcia.

♪ UPBEAT POP MUSIC

KNOCK ON GLASS SEVERAL TIMES

LUMBER STEVE You want me to clock you in, it's gonna cost ya!

TEACHER Rachel, you didn't have to do that!

RACHEL It wasn't any trouble.

TEACHER To pack up my classroom? You already had to pack up yours!

RACHEL I wanted to make sure you wouldn' t have any excuses

not to go on your date with Mark.

TEACHER You set me up on a date with Mark?

Oh no, I can't, I couldn't, he's so cute!

RACHEL It'll be great.

TEACHER I still have to find a summer home for that stupid turtle.

RACHEL I sent your class turtle home with Benny Schwartzman.

TEACHER Oh and there's this UPS package on my desk

that I still need to mail.

RACHEL I saw it! Already mailed it.

TEACHER Oh my god. Really? That is amazing. Wow, Rach,

- I mean, but wait, don't - I thought that you liked Mark?

RACHEL Oh, I couldn't possibly date anyone right now.

I'm way too busy.

EMMA I don't know what my mom is telling people,

but I have a job!

RACHEL Have you eaten yet today?

EMMA No and I don't need her friends to set me up on pity dates,

you know?

RACHEL Do you have something I can put water in?

EMMA On top of the fridge. Contrary to popular belief, I am not

the ideal match for all base- ment-dwelling mouth-breathers.

CLATTER SOUND

RACHEL Do you ever open your mail?

EMMA Yeah, I've been busy this week.

RACHEL This is from December. From your parents?

EMMA I'm getting to it, it's on my to-do list.

She was trying to hook me up with an unemployed

thirty six year old who still hasn't finished undergrad.

RACHEL Em, sorry about your day.

Merry Christmas friends and family!

This year has brought us many blessings. Arthur and I are

planning for our 60 day summer cruise to Australia.

Anchors away!

[RANDOM PIANO KEYS] Hannah and her wonderful husband Brandon

have secured political asylum for 112 more Sudanese refugees.

So proud of you two. A little birdy told us

Kent and Amy are expecting some good news!

Congratulations you guys. Meanwhile, Emma is still

trying to do the LA thing! We're all pullin' for ya, but

remember, we still haven't packed up your bedroom.

[DISSONANT PIANO CHORD]

You have options. They included you in the letter this year.

LUMBER STEVE Uh, uh, uh. uh, uh.

You suck.

KASIA [V.O.] This is Kasia, I call your mother five times.

I cannot stay open for this. Come pick up her order now.

BARKLEY Oh shit.

[SEXUAL MOANS]

LUMBER STEVE Oh, so hot right now.

BARKLEY What did I say?

LUMBER STEVE No talking. So hot! So hot!

[CAR ALARM] BARKLEY Shut the door!

LUMBER STEVE Get the keys!

BARKLEY They're not here! Help me look!

LUMBER STEVE Dude, I'm looking for my pants!

[CAR KEYS BEEP, ALARM STOPS]

BARKLEY Oh fuuu-

LUMBER STEVE Hey, so, what are you up to tomorrow?

BARKLEY I'm totally free; tomorrow's my only day off.

LUMBER STEVE Sweet, I need you to cover my shift.

BARKLEY Wait, I've never worked in lumber before!

LUMBER STEVE That's fine, you're Mexican, you can do it, right? Lo siento.

BABCIA You missed dinner.

You are better than this.

BARKLEY I'm sorry.

[PHONE RINGS]

EMMA Hey, mom, you know it is three in the morning here, right?

EMMA'S MOM [V.O.] I know you weren't sleeping.

EMMA True.

EMMA'S MOM [V.O.] Well, I hate to lose it because it's the source

of some of my best material, but it's time.

EMMA Time for what, mom?

EMMA'S MOM [V.O.] It's time to throw out the boat.

EMMA What?

EMMA'S MOM [V.O.] We're leaving tomorrow for our trip so I'm clearing out the

garage for the July renters. Plus. You promised me

if you didn't fix it by the time you were twenty five

I could get rid of it.

EMMA Wait - I really want to finish it though.

EMMA'S MOM [V.O.] You're never gonna get around to it.

EMMA Seriously, I will finish it the next time I am out there.

EMMA'S MOM [V.O.] Emma, I don't want to have that boat in my garage for another

eight years. It's going out by the bins for next Tuesday's

trash pickup. End of story.

EMMA Okay.

EMMA'S MOM [V.O.] Love you!

EMMA Love you too, mom.

[SOWING MACHINE] TATA Where is my shirt?

Where is the shirt? Every time,

I cannot find it. I am looking for it,

it was here, now it's not here!

In the kitchen. Looking for- Thank you!

You could have said- ahh, you did it for me! Love you!

MAMA [SPEAKING IN POLISH]

TATA English! In this house! She is graduating!

MAMA Glue it!

TATA I'm taking the flag! I am taking the flag!

BABCIA I made this for you. For today.

BARKLEY Babcia!

TATA Barkley, hurry up in there, your mother needs to get ready.

We leave for commencement in thirty minutes!

BARKLEY I dropped out.

TATA What? I cannot hear you, your mother needs to peepee.

BARKLEY Tata, I dropped out.

TATA What? What. Barkley, open the door.

Barkley, you're trying my patience!

Okay, I'm not angry, I just want to talk,

okay, okay, okay, just open the damn door!

MAMA What is going on, Barkley, we are leaving soon.

TATA She's not graduating!

MAMA She's not graduating?

BARKLEY I left school, Mama.

MAMA What?

TATA She is graduating!

BARKLEY That's not how it works! I left three months ago!

MAMA Where have you been going every day for that time!

BARKLEY Ace hardware?

TATA Open the goddamn door, come out here and tell it to my face!

MAMA How could you do it to us?

BARKLEY I'm not happy!

TATA Who gives shit! You don't work to be happy,

you work to feed your family, to put roof over your head!

MAMA Jesus, you love engineering, you were on the top in your class!

BARKLEY Just because you're good at something

doesn't mean you like it, I hated it!

MAMA Okay, so just tell me, what are you going to do? Huh?

BARKLEY I don't know!

TATA Ah. She doesn't know. What a beautiful plan!

Sleep with strange men, don't worry about it,

just have fun, that's all that's important!

BANGS ON DOOR [SPEAKS IN POLISH]

I'm getting the screwdriver! Open - open it!

MAMA [SWEARS IN POLISH]

RACHEL I didn't know you made the decision to sell.

RACHEL'S DAD Yeah, it seemed like the right time.

With you and Chris outta the house it's time to downsize.

RACHEL Oh, okay, well, I can get a plane ticket right away,

so I can come help you fix up the place for buyers.

RACHEL'S DAD Honey, I've been working on the place for months. It's all done.

RACHEL Oh, okay, well, I can help you pack up.

RACHEL'S DAD I got it.

RACHEL How about I-

RACHEL'S DAD Honey, it is under control. Do not rearrange your plans

on my account. You do you this summer. Okay? I love you.

RACHEL Love you.

RACHEL'S DAD Bye sweetie.

[FOOT TAPPING]

[PEN CLICKING]

[WATER POURING]

[KEY TYPING]

[ALL SYNC TO A BEAT]

[BEAT TURNS TO OCEAN SOUNDS]

MR. MONTANA Mmmm. [BEAT STOPS]

Hey, why so tense, doll? Oh, loved that last cut.

Ah, really, thanks for all the great work

you're doin on Take It In The Aft.

EMMA No problem, happy to have the work.

MR. MONTANA Great, cuz we got more for ya, Freckles. Listen, as you know,

everyone at Beat Around The Bush Productions

is really hopin' to hit it outta the park on this

one, we really wanna take it to the next tier of the adult film

industry and we need this to be a masterpiece.

EMMA Got it. Well, I know that you guys were looking for a little

more urgency in the anal juggling section.

MR. MONTANA Oh yeah, that section was great! You, you really know your anal.

EMMA I try.

MR. MONTANA Now listen, I wanna talk to you about another sequence.

EMMA Oh, okay.

MR. MONTANA We added an Alabama Hot Pocket section. You familiar?

EMMA Of course.

MR. MONTANA Right, well, the actor we got is a championship jizzer

so I need this to be moist. I mean moist, moist, moist.

EMMA Can do.

MR. MONTANA I'm sure you can, babe. Now isten, I hate to do this to you,

but we need it by tomorrow. So, I brought you the cut,

it's gonna be a good old-fashioned all nighter.

EMMA No problem, I will buy more mustard and get started!

MR. MONTANA Thanks, EM. Hey listen. You play your cards right, you will

go far in this town. I will see to it. Personally, eh?

EMMA That's really nice of you.

MR. MONTANA But - you screw this up for me, I will make sure

you never work in porn again.

Hehe, hey, you. You've got a really, really

pretty shape to you. I can make you a star. Hehe.

Hey, you're a pro, Em. You're a pro.

CAFE WOMAN If you ever wanna get out of this,

my dad runs a shelter on Maple and 7th.

EMMA No, it's not

CAFE WOMAN You don't have to explain yourself to me.

[CAR HONKS]

EMMA That's fine, that's fine.

[CAR HONKS]

That's your job, that's fine you can do that.

[CAR HONKS]

EMMA Lumber?

EMMA Hi. Where do you keep your fir?

BARKLEY I don't think we carry fur here? Oh, ah, wood fir, not fur fur?

EMMA Wood fir. For a boat.

BARKLEY Well...

TRASH CAN LADY Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me!

BARKLEY Ma'am, I'm with a customer right now, I'll be right with you.

TRASH CAN LADY Well, I need help now.

BARKLEY I understand, this is just gonna take two minutes.

BARKLEY So how big is the boat?

EMMA It's like an eleven foot sail boat, maybe twelve?

I dunno, I haven't really looked at it in eight years.

BARKLEY Uh huh.

EMMA I just need enough wood to finish the rest of the boat.

BARKLEY How much of it did you already build?

EMMA I would say a third, conservatively?

TRASH CAN LADY Hello, excuse me. Excuse me, hello, I- I- just need to

figure out the right lid for this trashcan.

BARKLEY Ma'am, it looks like neither one of those lids

fits on that particular can.

TRASH CAN LADY Well there wasn't a matching one.

BARKLEY Alright, do you want us to order you one?

TRASH CAN LADY No, I, I just wanna buy it today!

BARKLEY Okay. I was helping her out first,

and then I'll be with you, I promise.

TRASH CAN LADY Ugh, you said that before, jeez.

EMMA So just as much as we can fit in my car.

BARKLEY Um, how big is your car?

EMMA It's a compact sedan.

BARKLEY Can I interest you in a roof rack?

EMMA Yup.

[LOUD SCRATCHING AS TRASH CAN DRAGS]

BARKLEY Last one.

EMMA Oh, thank you!

BARKLEY Wait, uh, I'm not done helping you yet. So, uh,

building a boat, what's that about?

EMMA Uh, the summer before college, I tried to build a boat.

Things went badly, and I've been the

butt of my family's jokes ever since.

My job is shit, and I am super depressed, so I am gonna

load some lumber on my car,

drive to Maryland, and finish my boat.

BARKLEY Seriously, you're just taking off?

EMMA Yeah. I will force my family to respect me.

TRASH CAN LADY There you are. Hello, and then one of the lids fell in.

BARKLEY Building a boat is super respectable.

EMMA Thank you.

TRASH CAN LADY And now it's stuck at the bottom, so I'll go... get it.

BARKLEY Can I come with you? I'm an engineer,

and, I obviously work in lumber, so,

I'm good with tools and building.

TRASH CAN LADY Is anyone gonna help me here?

BARKLEY I have an employee discount.

TRASH CAN LADY Girls. Ugh. Stuck.

EMMA Are you sure it's safe?

BARKLEY Of course.

EMMA What about your car?

BARKLEY They never ticket.

RACHEL Do you have everything you need for the boat?

EMMA Barkley's got it covered.

RACHEL Where exactly did you meet this girl?

EMMA Ace.

RACHEL Like hardware? Like when?

EMMA Half hour ago? She's really excited about the trip.

RACHEL Emma, you know nothing about her, this can't be a good idea.

EMMA It's fine! I already asked her, it's not like I'm gonna kick her

out of the car now. Plus, she's an engineer and

like some kind of lumber genius.

RACHEL They don't have lumber in Maryland?

EMMA Rach, don't be a buzzkill.

RACHEL I'm not a buzzkill. Do you even have enough

gas money to get to Maryland?

EMMA It's happening. We'll figure it out.

So wadda you say, will you water my plants?

RACHEL Oh, forget the plants. You need me more than they do.

Give me five minutes.

BARKLEY How do you guys know each other?

EMMA Summer camp.

BARKLEY Nice.

RACHEL Hi. I'm Rachel.

BARKLEY Barkley.

BARKLEY Do you want the front?

RACHEL No, I have short legs.

BARKLEY Okay, lemme know if you change your mind.

RACHEL This seems unsafe.

EMMA It's fine, watch.

[CRASH]

RACHEL Aaaahh! Oh my god. We'll just get lumber in Maryland.

[ALT ROCK MONTAGE]

[PHONES RING]

BARKLEY Wooo! Building a boat! Building a boat!

BARKLEY You guys aren't axe murderers, right?

How many men have you killed?

RACHEL How many women have you killed?

BARKLEY Seriously, should I be worried

about getting in the car with two strangers?

RACHEL EMMA Yes. No.

EMMA We're just three girls. Building a boat.

EMMA I wish we had food.

BARKLEY Ooh, ooh, pocket chocolate?

EMMA Ahh!

RACHEL Oh don't put that in your mouth! We have sandwiches.

EMMA When did you make these, you took like

five minutes to get ready.

RACHEL When you have a system, it only takes two minutes to pack.

That leaves two more minutes for sandwiches.

BARKLEY What about the other minute.

RACHEL What?

EMMA The last minute. That's four minutes.

What did you do with the fifth minute?

RACHEL Wouldn't you like to know?

EMMA Did you save a baby?

BARKLEY Set a fire.

EMMA Save a baby from a fire you set?

BARKLEY Open a food truck?

EMMA Solve a one thousand piece puzzle?

RACHEL Okay, we'll never make it by Tuesday trash pickup

if we dawdle, let's eat in the car.

BARKLEY Where we gonna sleep tonight, guys?

RACHEL Well really we should be sleeping on shifts if you-waagh

BARKLEY Punch buggy blue!

RACHEL Ow!

EMMA [COWBOY ACCENT] Put her there

BARKLEY / EMMA One!

BARKLEY / EMMA Two!

BARKLEY / EMMA Three!

BARKLEY Go! Pshew pshew!

EMMA Pshkow pshkow!

[LIGHT SNORING]

[BIG RIG HONKS]

RACHEL Let's play a game! Where do you guys see yourself

in five years?

EMMA Duh. Running Sony's sound department.

RACHEL Barkley?

BARKLEY Oh god.

EMMA Duh, she'll be an engineer. Hey, what kind of stuff

have you built before?

BARKLEY Uh, couple of tables, a dresser, parts of a plane?

RACHEL What?

EMMA That is awesome. I could definitely

not build this boat without you.

BARKLEY Guys, I need chocolate.

RACHEL A plane?

EMMA Thank you.

RACHEL Sure you don't want any help?

EMMA No, I got it.

BARKLEY Come on! Let's go down to the dock!

RACHEL We should go to sleep.

BARKLEY No!

EMMA Come on! Fight! And you may die!

Run! And you ll live at least a while!

BARKLEY They may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom!

RACHEL Alba the Braveu! Scotland forever!

EMMA Hey, come on. If I am naked, you have to be naked.

RACHEL I stripped! I'm in my underwear!

EMMA Rachel, I've seen you naked before. If you do not strip,

I will do it for you.

RACHEL All right all right all right all right!

DUSTY Young ladies. Got a call about three

scantily clad tresspassers on the Turner property.

You guys wouldn't know anything about that, would you?

Oh and uh, where'd the third girl go?

Female aggressor number three is attempting

to evade an office of the law via underwater submersion,

permission to use force?

RACHEL No! Please! We're leaving!

DUSTY Ma'am, I'm afraid I'm going to have to bring you in for

attacking an officer with deadly force.

RACHEL Me? No, I- I didn't!

DUSTY Would you please retrieve your projectile?

RACHEL My projectile?

DUSTY I'm just kiddin . You ladies have a nice day.

Oh, and ladies? Let's keep it PG next time?

RACHEL What the hell, Emma!

EMMA Relax. Dusty's cool, he's like the local town legend.

Don't worry about it.

BARKLEY I just thought it was funny, sorry.

BARKLEY Can you add toothpaste to the list?

Pack of underwear too, and jeans?

EMMA There's actually a box of clothing in the hall closet that

visitors have left behind, you can have

anything you want from there.

RACHEL Hope she likes granny panties.

EMMA Rachel.

RACHEL Ow, stop it.

RACHEL That is not gonna fit.

EMMA That would be okay with a belt.

RACHEL One that covers the whole thing.

RACHEL I think a man wore that.

EMMA That was brought here by a travelling clown.

RACHEL Maybe you should just borrow from us.

BARKLEY No, I think this'll work.

PHONE [V.O.] You have 15 new messages. First message.

TATA [V.O.] Barkley! We talked to Dean McHale.

You graduate next semester. Problem solved.

PHONE [V.O.] Next message.

TATA [V.O.] This is unacceptable. Now it's over. You come back here,

are a disgrace! And if you don't come back, you are no longer

my daughter... You'll come back, yes!

From wherever you are having sex with!

♪ INDIE COUNTRY MUSIC

RACHEL Good morning!

EMMA Hi.

RACHEL Got some sandwich stuff.

EMMA Is that mustard?

RACHEL Yeah!

EMMA Awesome.

RACHEL Wait, that's for tuesday!

EMMA No. Ha, Hey Barkley, catch.

BARKLEY Sorry.

EMMA Whaddya got there?

BARKLEY It's a tent I found by the garage, can I use it?

RACHEL Do you not like your bedroom?

EMMA No, it's great, it's just, I've never had my own place.

You guys cool if I put this out back?

EMMA Sure.

BARKLEY Awesome, I'll have you over when it's up! It'll be BYO chairs.

EMMA Understood.

RACHEL Where'd you get that? It's really cute.

BARKLEY This is from the box.

EMMA That was not in the box.

BARKLEY Yeah it was, I used your sewing machine and I fixed it.

EMMA Wow. I can't wait for you to do that to my boat.

RACHEL You guys ready?

EMMA I'm sorry for what you guys are about to see.

RACHEL It's not that bad. Your mom made it sound a lot worse.

BARKLEY Are you sure you wanna do this and not maybe set a different

goal for summer? We could learn to fish.

EMMA No, it's gotta be the boat. So what do we do first, Barkley?

BARKLEY Well, where are the plans?

EMMA If it's not in the hold, someone threw it out.

RACHEL So what now?

BARKLEY I don't wanna take this moment away from Emma, I mean,

It's her boat. How did you start this the first time?

EMMA Well, the first time I put these on that, that didn't work.

The second time, I screwed this onto those, that was a disaster.

Times three through five were going pretty well,

but then I left for college, and now I have you.

BARKLEY Okay, I'm gonna need, uh, a thing that screws the screws in?

RACHEL A screwdriver?

EMMA Oh, you wouldn't use a screwdriver for boat building

Rach, you would use a drill. I'll get one.

[PHONE RINGS]

RACHEL So this last week, my lesson plan was about weather.

So I asked one of my kids to go to the window, and tell me what

the weather was like outside. He didn't move an inch.

He just said, I checked my Phone this morning. It's sunny.

BARKLEY So, foley, that's like, smashing vegetables, right?

EMMA No, everybody thinks this. Name a sound from a movie.

BARKLEY Bones crunching.

EMMA Yes, that is, just, that's smashing celery.

RACHEL Star Wars laser blasts.

EMMA Yes, they hit one of those really thick

antenna tower guy wires with a hammer.

RACHEL How about light sabers?

EMMA Uh, They blended sounds from a TV set

and an old 35 milimeter projector.

BARKLEY How'd they even think of that?

EMMA Right?

RACHEL Hey!

BARKLEY Hey there buddy, where'd you come from?

RACHEL I'm gonna call this number. Don t worry buddy,

we'll find your owner.

BARKLEY No let's do this one.

EMMA I think it goes in the hole.

BARKLEY Well try it this way and then-

RACHEL Good afternoon officer.

DUSTY I thought you promised to get out of town.

RACHEL Well, Emma said we could stay. Because it's her parents house.

DUSTY Well of course you can stay, I can't kick you out.

However, I do need to retrieve the dog

that you kidnapped from your neighbor.

EMMA Woah woah woah, he wandered in.

RACHEL We must have called the number on his collar at least ten times.

DUSTY That sounds about right.

Ladies, could you just excuse me for a second please?

EMMA It's a weird little town.

RACHEL You cleaning up already?

BARKLEY Yeah-

DUSTY Roy!

ROY I don't see my dog.

DUSTY Roy, I need you to come get him.

ROY You get him, that's your job isn't it?

DUSTY You know I think Eddy might be happier over there.

ROY You ever heard of Stockholm Syndrome?

ROY Fuckin things all over the fucking place.

EMMA Massive silver!

BARKLEY By my gesture, stun!

EMMA Maim arm!

ROY Shackled up in here, you terrorists or somethin' ?

BARKLEY I'm sorry, who are you?

ROY Aw, you, you alright boy, they hurt you?

EMMA Sir, we did not harm your dog.

ROY Let's go, alright let's go.

DUSTY Roy. I think you should meet the ladies.

Ladies, this is your next door neighbor, Roy.

Roy, these are the ladies.

ROY Which one of you's in charge?

EMMA I guess me? My parents live here.

ROY Well they said that you were the artistic type.

You're nothing like them, they're quiet,

and they respect property lines,

whose is that tent over on the other side of the house?

BARKLEY It's mine, is there a problem?

ROY Well three quarters of it happens to be on my property.

See there's a tree there that marks the line.

BARKLEY Okay, I will move it to the other side of the tree,

it's not a big deal.

ROY And keep it down when you re doin your arts and crafts.

Come on, Eddie, come on.

EMMA It's a boat, actually.

ROY And what kind of boat are you girls making, a Barbie boat?

EMMA Huh, ha, you don't build Barbie boats, they come preassembled.

ROY Card table for a strong back. Are these drywall screws?

Shoddy craftsmanship. You do know you

need to bevel these chines. Hand me a plane.

BARKLEY We don't have a plane.

ROY You don't have a plane?

Well. I'm sure it'll be very pretty.

Have fun. Come on Eddie, come on, come on.

DUSTY And that's Roy! Look, ladies, I got a couple of tools I can

bring by in a few days if you guys want 'em.

BARKLEY We would love them.

DUSTY Great! Keep it up, it's looking good.

BARKLEY Shit.

RACHEL Your grandma saw you having sex in a car?

BARKLEY Yeah - my dad had to turn off the alarm.

RACHEL Well, that's horrible. I'd run away too.

Not that I'd ever have random car sex.

BARKLEY Don't knock it til you ve tried it,

I mean the sex was great until the humiliating part.

RACHEL Humiliating sex. Your bread and butter.

BARKLEY What's that?

EMMA I am making my living thanks to the glorious

humping, thumping, squirting, sliding of the porn industry.

RACHEL But she's really good at it.

EMMA Oh yes! Children, Children, close thine eyes. Follow me into

the mystical, magical realm of sex! Tell me, what - do you

hear? She - has invited him up to her apartment. We hear the

click of her heels, [TAP TAP TAP]

followed by his eager gait. [BAM BAM BAM]

[JINGLE JINGLE] He unlocks the door,

opening it, and tossing her over his shoulder before

throwing her onto the bed! [SLAM] It's a very hard bed!

She rips open his pants [TEAR]

taking his pulsing member in her mouth, and

lubricating him thoroughly. [SLURP SLURP SLURP]

When he can no longer stand it,

he begins to thrust into her [FAP FAP FAP] cavernous hallway

and begins making love to her - as the headboard [BAM BAM BAM]

slams against the wall! She bangs her firm,

[SLAP SLAP SLAP] round buttocks back against his

hipbones. She moans, uh, uh, uh, UH, UH!

Nearby, a yacht race starts! [HORN] Unfazed!

he nears his climax, [FAP FAP FAP] pulling out, and

flipping her over, [RUFFLE] and releasing his load

into the valley between her

mountainous breasts! [SQUIRT SQUIRT SQUIRT] Uh. Ahhh.

RACHEL Well that was the best sex I've ever had.

RACHEL Where's Emma?

BARKLEY On the phone. Her mom knows we're here.

RACHEL Ouch. And we're not even making any progress.

BARKLEY Boatbuilding always seems slow at first.

RACHEL Uh huh. Are you done cutting that board?

BARKLEY Yeah.

EMMA Lemme help ya. Rach, a rectangular piece is not gonna

work. This part needs to be curved. Did you see this? I know

that you're just trying to help, but please let Barkley

do the hard stuff.

BARKLEY Well, um-

RACHEL Ah, my mistake. I'll make it up to you and have

Barkley show me how to fix it, if you go pick up food.

EMMA Fine.

RACHEL You've no idea how to build a boat, do you.

BARKLEY No.

RACHEL So what's your deal.

BARKLEY I don't work in lumber. And I'm a geotechnical engineer.

RACHEL So you don't build things.

BARKLEY I basically study soil and rocks. I'm probably the last

person that should be working on a boat.

RACHEL Why did you tell Emma you could help?

BARKLEY I had to get out. Everything was falling apart, and - I dropped

out of school, and my parents forced me down a path I didn't

want, and I'm sorry, you know? The lie got out of hand. But,

I see how important this is to Emma.

RACHEL I will do what I can to help you. We will figure it out.

And for Emma's sake, we don't have to tell her.

DUSTY Ladies. Brought you some boat building supplies. Plane.

RACHEL Thanks Dusty.

DUSTY No worries. Well, if you need anything else,

just lemme know. Have a nice day.

BARKLEY As long as you're here, we could really use an extra hand.

DUSTY You sure?

RACHEL Please stay. We really need to figure out how to make a piece

that fits here before Emma gets back.

DUSTY Okay. I see what you're trying to do here.

You just gotta trace it. Got a pencil? Thank you.

There!

DUSTY Nobody in this town has let me pay for a dinner out in over

thirteen years. Which you would think is incredible. But it just

makes me feel uncomfortable. I didn't earn it. And I won't go

to any of those little restaurants that I love, because

I know they're struggling in this economy.

Makes me feel like I'm stealing food from them.

RACHEL What exactly are you famous for, anyway?

EMMA He ran in the Olympics.

BARKLEY Really?

DUSTY Incorrect, I almost ran in the Olympics.

But I tore my achilles tendon right before prelims.

RACHEL Is that you in the mural?

BARKLEY What mural?

DUSTY Oh god, can we talk about anything else?

Rach, why'd you get into teaching kids.

RACHEL Well, my mom died when we were pretty young, and my dad had a

hard time taking care of me and my brother, so I kinda stepped

into that role. I was always really good

at taking care of other people.

EMMA She was always really good with the younger kids at camp.

All the homesick ones would seek her out.

RACHEL I love my class. At the end of the day I'm exhausted,

but I end up talking about my kids

and planning through my whole weekend.

EMMA So. Deputy Dusty. What is the most exciting crime you've ever

seen walking the Chesapeake City beat?

DUSTY Well, there was this one time - no what, no,

never mind, it's, it's stupid.

RACHEL No, come on.

DUSTY Okay. This one time, I was driving down Main Street.

And there were these two guys.

EMMA Meth heads.

DUSTY No.

EMMA Thugs.

BARKLEY Were they big?

DUSTY Average build. For sixteen year olds. So anyways,

I see these guys, and they're running down

the side of the road. And I knew

they were up to something. So I tailed them with the lights off

until I found out what those thieves were after.

RACHEL Money?

EMMA Jewels?

DUSTY Worms. Those little assholes were stealing worms from the

live bait machine. Not on my watch. So I shot 'em.

Kidding! I am kidding, I did not shoot them. So anyway, they

saw my car, and they took off across the graveyard with like,

five containers of worms. So I gave chase on foot. And

most importantly, I out ran 'em. I beat 'em. Yup, I still got it.

I retrieved the shit out of those worms.

BARKLEY So what happened to the kids?

DUSTY Oh nothing, I just gave 'em a warning.

Hey so have you guys tried any Maryland crab yet?

RACHEL Nope.

DUSTY Emma! You haven't taken'em to Woody's?

EMMA We've been busy.

BARKLEY What's Woodys?

DUSTY It's a crab shack, and it's amazing. You guys have

got to try the Maryland blue crab. In fact,

there is no point in you two coming to Maryland unless

you go to Woody's with me on Wednesday.

RACHEL I thought you couldn't go out to eat.

DUSTY They can afford me.

ROY Eddie. Eddie, come on.

EMMA This is supposed to bend.

BARKLEY It's too thick.

EMMA That's what she said.

ROY Eddie, Come on. Eddie. Eddie, here we go.

Eddie. No no no no,

stay off their property! I'm sorry, I'm-

EMMA ROY Hey Roy. I'm sorry.

EMMA He's fine, we're good friends now.

RACHEL What's this here on your nose?

ROY Oh, heh, he just likes to play a little hard

with his best friend the rock.

BARKLEY I'd play a little too hard with Dwayne Johnson

ROY Dwayne Johnson, is that Earl Johnson's boy from down the way?

EMMA Ha! Sorry, uh, forget about it. You were talking about a rock?

ROY Oh, you should see the rock.

EMMA He enjoys this?

ROY Seems to. Can't wait to come down here every day.

Sooo, how's the boat building going?

Gettin ready to quit yet?

EMMA No, we're chuggin along, I mean,

as slowly as a couple of seventy-year-olds at the mall,

but- no offense, I'm sure you're a very speedy shopper.

ROY Boat building ain't a race.

EMMA I just really want to make sure we get done by July,

in time to clear out for the renters.

ROY When I was trawling for oysters

I seen a guy do a rush job coiling some rope. Lost a leg.

EMMA When I get to rope coiling, I'll remember that.

ROY Eh. It's a bad idea, a bunch of kids buildin' a boat.

EMMA One, we're not kids. Two, if you have any advice to offer,

you are more than welcome to come help out.

ROY Ahh. I'd have to go home, get my tools.

EMMA We have everything already.

ROY I bet you don't have the makings of a Tom Collins.

EMMA Gin, lemon juice, sugar, club soda? Follow me, sir.

ROY Eddie!

[SWEET MUSIC MONTAGE]

ROY When I came in here, I saw a plane like that,

I don't wanna see a plane like that.

ROY You'll dull the blade, alright, you find the blade here,

adjust the blade by turning this thing-

ROY Get the blade to the length you want, and you can-

ROY Rachel you're gonna hold on to that one there, we're gonna

bend this gunnel in- nope, you gotta hold it Rachel.

ROY Okay, so there's one for you, and there's one for you,

and there's one for you down there.

ROY Bend it round, hold on tight.

ROY -and one for you. There you go.

ROY And that's how we bend our gunnel into place.

PHONE [V.O.] Next message.

BABCIA [V.O.] Barkley, I am not supposed to call you anymore.

We did everything for you. You are shaming us.

[PHONE RINGS]

RACHEL We're all changing in our cabin, right? For dinner.

And then this one camper in our cabin-

EMMA Alex.

RACHEL Oh yeah, Alex! Alex swings the door open

on the way back from the bathroom-

EMMA But we were all sitting there topless

like right across from the dining hall.

RACHEL It was the boys dining-

BARKLEY This isn't gonna float, guys.

EMMA So everybody is freaking out, and screaming,

which only makes all the boys look across

and see us all top-naked.

BARKLEY We gotta start over.

EMMA And the more the girls scream, the more the boys look,

so like if anyone was missing it before,

they're all catching it now.

BARKLEY We should scrap it -

RACHEL And then Emma goes,

RACHEL /EMMA ok! They get dinner and a show!

BARKLEY Shut up for a second! You can't build a boat

on a shitty foundation.

RACHEL Well we can make it work, right Barkley?

BARKLEY Look, we can get new materials and make something amazing

with what we already know.

EMMA No. I don't wanna start a new project,

this is the boat I came here to build.

BARKLEY This boat? Bullshit!

RACHEL I think you might be overreacting.

EMMA Yeah. Relax, Barkley.

BARKLEY I can't relax, okay, seriously? I can't go home in two weeks.

RACHEL Remember at camp?

EMMA The Kelsey thing?

RACHEL. I'll go get some socks.

RACHEL Hi, mister bubbles! Why are you as blue as your buttons?

EMMA Oh, camp is ending today, I can't go home,

my parents are mad at me.

RACHEL I'm sure your parents miss you very much

and can't wait to have you home again.

EMMA No! They said I made questionable decisions!

RACHEL All parents say that when they catch their children having sex

with strange lumber workers in the driveway!

EMMA Hope I didn't get splinters from handling wood!

BARKLEY At least one of us got laid this summer!

RACHEL I bet you had a fantastic tiiime .

EMMA Huh hu huh.

RACHEL Hmhmh.

ROY Finally, one of you fettered the wood properly.

Nice chine, Barbie.

EMMA You should call me Skipper, because

that's Barbie s sister, and a boat pun.

ROY Well you don't know the first thing about bein' a skipper.

EMMA Okay, I can see I hit a nerve. Do you need a Tom Collins?

ROY Nope! I need a break. Hey you should all come meet my friends!

BARKLEY You have friends who are still alive?

ROY I'm gonna kill that one. No! They used to crew

on my oyster boat.

RACHEL You worked on a boat?

ROY I owned a boat. Ah, it was a long time ago.

EMMA Why don't you do it anymore?

ROY Nobody does it anymore. Used to be you could pull in oysters the

size of your hand, easy pickins. Corporate assholes saw an

opportunity, put all the locals out of business, then they

overfarmed the bay, and they went down too.

EMMA That's horrible.

ROY That's life. Got a job sellin insurance. Eh.

At least I got to keep my house, my dogs.

EMMA What was the boat's name?

ROY Her name was June.

EMMA Don't you ever miss it?

ROY Come on, come and meet my friends.

BARKLEY I'm good.

RACHEL You should go.

EMMA I would be honored.

BOB Nothin's bitin, nothin at all.

DAN Not at all, maybe we shoulda poured some beer on the lure!

VEST LADY To the right, to the right! No, come on! To the right!

BOB Hey! Nice vest! Hope it floats!

DAN Might be easier if you turn it around and pull it in! Hahaha

ROY Watch and learn. Bob, Dan.

DAN / BOB Hey Roy!

BOB How you doin? Pull up a brewski.

VEST LADY Keep going.

ROY Hey lady, maybe my buddies and me lay a bit o track to help

you get that boat in the water.

Well?

EMMA Hey buddy, uh, all hands on deck!

[GROUP ROARS IN LAUGHTER]

ROY Your chair awaits. Beer me.

BOB This stuff tastes like piss.

DAN Oh it's good.

RACHEL What kind of bird is that do you think?

BARKLEY Red tailed hawk.

EMMA Osprey. Blue heron.

BARKLEY Probably wrong.

EMMA Maryland state.

BARKLEY You're from here?

EMMA State bird. Yea I am from here.

EMMA Holy shit you guys, this is the prettiest place I've ever heard.

BARKLEY It's so beautiful here.

EMMA Are you guys hearing this?

[WAVES RIPPLING]

[ROAR OF AN ENGINE]

[LAPPING WATER]

BARKLEY Mmm, someone's getting fancy for our crab excursion tomorrow.

EMMA I thought we all agreed not to be the hot one.

RACHEL You are more than welcome to use some of the mask, but there is

nothing I can do about being the hot one.

BARKLEY Is there someone in town we are trying to impress?

EMMA Or someone in a uniform! [FAP FAP FAP]

Are you going back out to the garage?

RACHEL No, I think I really wanna get some sleep.

EMMA Okay.

BARKLEY Wear this.

EMMA Rach!

RACHEL I'm coming!

BARKLEY Sure you don't wanna come?

EMMA Eh, I wanna keep working. I'm on a roll.

DUSTY You ready?

BARKLEY Yeah.

DUSTY Let's go.

[PHONE RINGS]

EMMA'S MOM [V.O.] Hi. You've reach Art and Marleen Turner.

Please leave a message after the beep. Thanks!

[BEEEEP]

MARIE THOMAS [V.O.] Hi Marleen, it's Marie Thomas, from the vacation rental?

And I just wanted to let you know that we're taking

you up on your offer to come in early.

We'll be there the day after tomorrow, thank you so much.

BARKLEY Wow, so that's the famous mural. Nice.

DUSTY If there were any way not to drive past it every day,

I would do it.

DUSTY Voila! Woody's.

After you.

DUSTY Thank you.

WOODY'S WAITRESS Hi, my name is Darcy, I'll be your server today.

What can I get you?

BARKLEY Well, I know what I want. I want the Dusty's Maryland

blue crab marathon. If I finishi all three courses

I get my picture on Dusty's wall of fame, right?

WOODY'S WAITRESS Yes ma'am, and all competitors get to wear the

Dusty's Maryland blue crab marathon hat!

BARKLEY Excellent! One of those, please!

DUSTY So they got a great tiki bar in the back.

WOODY'S WAITRESS They make a really good Peach on the Beach.

BARKLEY Will you guys excuse me, I'll be right back.

WOODY's WAITRESS I'll give you a minute.

EMMA God damn it!

ROY Hey, hey, hey, hey, are you alright?

EMMA I'm fine.

ROY What's goin on in here, world war three?

EMMA No, I'm just here, building a boat by myself with forty eight

hours to go until our cabin is commandeered

by some random renters.

ROY Don't stand around whining. If I have to help ya to shut ya up,

I will. What do we need here, a drill?

This isn't too bad.

RACHEL [OS] I have shot a gun before! I bought a deal online.

DUSTY That I'm gonna have to see. How are you?

RACHEL Surprisingly good.

WOODY'S WAITRESS How's your family, Dusty?

DUSTY Good, Ell-

BARKLEY -are you guys ready to go?

WOODY'S WAITRESS I'm gonna have to take that back.

EMMA Ow, Jesus.

BARKLEY Be careful, those are mine!

EMMA If you spent a little less time on these,

maybe we might have a boat by now.

BARKLEY All the time in the world couldn't save this boat.

EMMA Uh, you know what? Literally any person that I picked out of the

lumber department would have been more helpful than you.

The trash can lady would have been more helpful than you.

BARKLEY What do you want me to do, your boat is shitty,

you can't engineer your way out of it.

EMMA But you can engineer your way into my

passenger seat, miss I have a discount!

RACHEL You know, when my kids get really upset with each other,

I tell them to close their eyes, and tense all the muscles

in their bodies and then release slowly

from their toes to the tippy tops of their heads.

But I guess since you are both adults, I will go pretend to

pee and you can work out your own issues.

EMMA Are you freakin' serious right now?

BARKLEY It's not working.

EMMA Pick it up. Pick up the plane.

[EMMA AND BARKLEY ARGUE]

[CAR APPROACHES]

DUSTY Hey female aggressor number three. I brought some food,

have you eaten yet?

RACHEL No.

DUSTY Great, well, lemme just park and then I'll take a look at what

you guys have got done in there.

RACHEL I would not go in there if I were you.

We got word yesterday we have to vacate tomorrow,

and tempers are running kind of hot.

DUSTY Well I'm sure it s not that bad.

RACHEL Take my advice. Don't go towards the light.

DUSTY Won't they have heard my truck though?

What if they come exploring?

RACHEL It would be wise for you to beat a hasty retreat.

Leave me behind. I'm too far gone.

DUSTY No! Hop in! They'll never take us alive.

[ARGUING IN THE DISTANCE]

RACHEL Drive.

DUSTY RACHEL Bink! Bink!

DUSTY You're something special, Rach

RACHEL No. I'm pretty normal. Boring.

I don't even do anything with my life.

DUSTY What are you talking about, you're awesome.

You obviously love your kids, you're very creative.

RACHEL I'm not creative. Emma's creative.

There's never a moment where Emma sits down

and has nothing to do. She's always

recording sounds or doing foley for free or promoting herself.

DUSTY Yeah, but she complains about that stuff incessantly.

RACHEL But she's willing to do it, because her entire universe

revolves around sound. My entire universe gets paused, from 3PM

on Friday through 7 AM on Monday.

DUSTY Yeah, but look at you this summer. This seems like a total

departure from the norm for you. And Emma made it a point of

involving her best friend in that.

RACHEL Fun fact: Emma asked a random stranger in a lumber department

to drive across the country with her and build a boat. You wanna

know what she asked me to do? She asked me

to water her plants. I'm great at watering plants.

DUSTY Yeah, but Rach, you gotta be-

RACHEL And now she has Barkley to swap war stories with.

And when they achieve success,

which they will, they're not gonna respect me.

I was never in the trenches. I read about the trenches.

Why, I sent sandwiches into the trenches, but I went straight

from school to a good job and never got to bond with Emma

about all the things twenty-somethings

are supposed to bond about.

DUSTY I threw my Olympic trial.

RACHEL What?

DUSTY My achilles had been really tender.

And the trainers told me to take it easy until prelims.

But I did the complete opposite. Until I tore it.

RACHEL Why? I thought running was your thing.

DUSTY Running in this town, I was always the best.

And everybody loved me for it. So much so, in fact,

that they all chipped in and sponsored me.

But when I got to Sydney, I just panicked.

I didn't want anyone to know that I tried and failed.

So I limped home a tragic hero. And now every time I drive

by that mural, I see the biggest coward I know.

RACHEL You're not a coward. You're an officer of the law.

You wouldn't let female aggressor number three litter,

would you? You wouldn't let female aggressor

number three deface police property, would you?

DUSTY Hey, cut that out.

RACHEL Oh- officer, I just got off the phone with the weather man.

He warned me about a big wave hitting this town.

A crime wave. And it's already here.

DUSTY Woah.

RACHEL Officer, are you gonna retrieve that projectile?

DUSTY No, I'm gonna take out the source.

RACHEL Then you better whip out the big guns,

cuz this fiend is nefarious.

ROY Ya need to buy more wood and scarf new planks on both sides,

there s no way you're gonna finish this in time. Why don't

you leave it in my garage, and I'll finish it.

EMMA Okay. Thanks Roy, but we had one goal for this trip,

and if I accomplish nothing else in my lifetime,

I am gonna finish this boat by tomorrow.

ROY That's unrealistic, you won't get it done in time.

You don't know what you're doing. It's idiotic to just

announce that you're gonna build a boat one day with no plans.

EMMA What a surprise, Roy thinks I should quit something.

ROY What's that supposed to mean?

BARKLEY It's obviously important to her, so can we just get back to work?

Or, or fight outside, so I don't have to listen to this.

DUSTY No, Rachel, I can't.

Rachel, I am so sorry.

I like the guy you saw in me. But I don't want to

be a coward anymore. Come on, let me take you home.

Rachel. Please. Let me take you home.

EMMA I am not going to quit this.

I am gonna make this work, come hell or high water.

ROY Well any water at all, and this thing's gonna fall apart.

Why don't you just give up.

EMMA All I am trying to do is not be you.

ROY What are you talkin about, this stupid boat?

What are you talkin' about?

EMMA No. Come on. I know you know what it feels like to have one

thing in the world that you care about,

that can make you happy, and I don't understand

how you could just let it go.

ROY I learned to be happy doin' something else.

EMMA Like what, Roy. What is making you happy, your house?

ROY My house. My dog.

EMMA How could you just stop trying? When the oysters disappeared,

you shoulda kept sailing.

ROY What exactly was I supposed to do?

EMMA You were supposed to figure it out. I don't know if I'm ever

not gonna be broke. And I don't know if anyone in my life is

ever going to think that I am not a total loser.

But I am trying, and you should have tried.

Rockfish, crab-

ROY Those options would have been just as risky!

I couldn't go through that again!

You gotta know when to cash in your chips,

Emma. You gotta learn to be happy doin' a real job.

EMMA Sound design is a real job!

ROY Well the next time I need a professional sound designer,

I'll make sure to tip my hat!

EMMA Rachel, where have you-

RACHEL Are you still gonna love me when I'm sixty four?

EMMA You're my best friend, Rachel. Of course I will.

RACHEL You don't just like me cuz I look good watering plants?

EMMA No. I like you because you're the smartest monst generous

thoughtful person I know. And I am sorry to inform you

but your assistance with my plants will no longer be

required as I am sure they have met their untimely demise

by now.

EMMA I'll get you some water.

Hey. I like that you need me too, sometimes.

[PHONE RINGS]

[CRASH]

BARKLEY Fuck!

[DISTANT THUMPING]

[SMASH]

BARKLEY This is making us miserable! We didn't accomplish anything!

We're no better off than when we started!

You! The way your parents see you has nothing

to do with the one time you couldn't finish a boat.

Move on! The only reason we're losers is cause

that we think that building a boat would make us not losers!

I have to figure out my own goddamn life

before I can solve your problems.

[HIGH PITCHED RINGING]

EMMA Hey, uh, Mr. Montana, How are you? It's Emma Turner. Um,

I am really sorry about the Alabama Hot Pocket section?

EMMA There's no more work for you here!

No, please, porn foley is all that I have!

What's that, a time machine, let's see what our

future looks like! [SLURPING REWIND SOUND]

Look. What a decrepit hovel! And what's with

all these cans of cat food all over the floor? Oh, shh, shh,

look- it's old Emma! She still has her figure but she has lost

her hair. But why isn't she at work? Oh, because she never

found work in this town again, because this

is what her future looks like without sound design.

EMMA Barkley obliterated the boat.

RACHEL She's been having a rough time.

EMMA Seems like it.

RACHEL Lemme fill you in on a few things.

EMMA Stealin' my stuff, Barkley?

BARKLEY No, I'm just putting it away. I already ordered a shuttle

to the Baltimore airport, but they said

it would take five hours to get here. In five hours, I'm gone.

EMMA You don't have to leave. You were right.

Not subtle, but right.

BARKLEY I don't know what to do with my life.

EMMA We'll figure it out. For right now,

Rachel has requested our presence outside.

EMMA When did you get this?

RACHEL Before we left LA. It took me two minutes to pack,

two minutes to make sandwiches,

and one minute to Google

easiest, fastest boat kit, and order this one.

May I present: the fifth minute!

EMMA I love it.

RACHEL Hand me the plans!

EMMA Yup.

EMMA Roy!

EMMA He is ignoring me. No boat viewing for him.

RACHEL We need a name for it.

EMMA I know what it should be. Let's get paint.

BARKLEY Oh yeah. Hardware stores. My favorite.

EMMA Hey. When you're done with Lumber Steve,

I know a couple single guys in the Home Depot

lumber department, so, don't think that

wells run dry. You're welcome.

BARKLEY Bitch.

EMMA Slut.

BARKLEY Speaking of, you want us to kneecap any police officers?

EMMA We could cut his other achilles.

RACHEL I'm just glad he didn t arrest me

for all the crimes I committed.

BARKLEY Excuse me?

RACHEL There was a one woman crime wave!

BARKLEY I'm sorry I murdered your boat.

EMMA It was dead before we got here.

[SWEET ACOUSTIC MONTAGE]

RADIO DISPATCH We got another 390 at the boat ramp.

DUSTY Officer responding.

ROY Hey, city boy, you gonna able to make it back there

without your GPS? Hey, city boy,

what the hell you think you're doin ?

The only knot you ever tie in a cravat! Hey! City boy!

Ho! Yeah! Hey, I like your beard,

looks like a cat died on your face! What're you lookin' at?

DUSTY Roy, put the cans down. I'm sorry sir, I got him, I got him.

Come on, Roy, lemme take you home.

ROY I don't wanna go home.

DUSTY Roy, we been gettin calls about you left and right.

If you don't want wanna go home,

I've only got one other place I'm authorized to take you.

Come on. Get in the car.

ROY Goodbye, jackass!

DUSTY I'm sorry, sir. Have a good one.

ROY Bye.

DUSTY You feelin' any better?

ROY Where you goin, I don't wanna go there.

DUSTY This ain't no taxi.

ROY I don't wanna see them, they don't wanna see me.

DUSTY Well we'll see about that.

ROY Jesus Christ.

DUSTY How long's it been since I had to pick you up.

ROY I don't know. Two weeks.

DUSTY They're good for you, Roy.

EMMA We finished her but, can she still live in your garage?

♪ LIGHT ACOUSTIC MUSIC

ROY Woohoo! Haha!

♪UPLIFTING MUSIC CLOSES IT OUT