All language subtitles for Delinquent.Schoolgirls.1975_Legendas01.ENG

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[ELECTRICAL BUZZING]

[SCREAMS]

[MACHINE WHIRRING]

[SCREAMING]

[MACHINE POWERS UP]

[GRUNTING]

[THRILLING MUSIC]

[GATE UNLOCKS, OPENS]

[LAUGHTER]

[CALM MUSIC]

[BELL DINGING]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

[CHATTER]

As you all know, we
are nearing a holiday.

Certain students will
not be granted permission

to leave the campus.

This evening, the
following students

will report to Ms. Nancy
Crowley for reassignment

to new dormitory rooms.

Please stand when
your name is called.

Madeline Mulligan,

Carla Gray,

Penny Archer,

Greta Anderson,

Betsy Benton,

Sandy Turner--

Ms. Sandy Turner.

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

I trust you have an excuse
for being so late, young lady.

I'm sorry, Mr. Baxter.

I was studying my
geology lesson.

I forgot all about the assembly.

That's enough
backtalk, Ms. Turner!

Report to Ms. Crowley
after this assembly.

Now, these names that
I'm about to read off

will also remain here.

[CALM MUSIC]

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

But Greta, what
could I do about it?

Mr. Baxter, had every right
to ask me why I was late.

It was my own dumb fault.

He tried to make a
fool of you, Sandy.

And I won't stand for it.

That chauvinist pig
better not try it again.

Just because he's the principal
doesn't give him any right

to talk to you that way.

Well, I can't
worry about it now.

I have to study for
that algebra exam.

A few good karate chops would
show that Baxter were not

the inferior sex by god.

Hi, Alice.

We got the same room.

Hey, Maddie.

What's happening?

Could I have this
bed near the window?

You're not going anyplace.

Be my guest.

But I'd watch that first step.

It's a long one.

Hi.

Hi, Carol.

Jesus.

Hey, I thought I was big,
but this is ridiculous.

What size are you?

Logically, D-cup.

What kind of exercises
are you using?

I've got some great ones.

Look at this.

[LAUGHS] Fantastic.

Female has a slightly
heavier layer of fat.

Since rabbits are in
the rodent family,

their reproduction cycle
is very closely akin

to that of the common mouse.

If you will note,
the reproductive

organ of the male--

[TIMER RINGING]

Oh, my, my, my, my-- it's time.

[GROANING]

It's to leave.

Pity, pity, pity.

[GROANING]

Thank you, ladies.

Thank you.

[CHATTER]

(WHISPERING) I
know you fancy him.

Miles really doesn't
do anything for me.

What do you seeing him?

(WHISPERING) Don't
ask me why, Penny?

But I think he's
really a sexy man.

[CHUCKLES] But
goddamn, Betsy, he

must be at least 50 years old.

I know.

But he's so sweet.

He reminds me of my uncle.

[CHUCKLES] Probably, he's
as limp as a dish rag.

Give me a stud anytime.

So we better hurry.

Greta wants a meeting of all the
girls before exercise classes.

Right.

All right, girls, now since
this is the last exercise

class of the year,
we're really going

to teach that Baxter a lesson.

What have you got
planned, Greta?

Simple plan, we're not going to
wear our bras to class today.

Oh, Greta.

We can't do that.

Doctor Baxter will be furious.

Great!

That's exactly what I want.

We'll show that chauvinist pig.

[CHEERING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

Ms. Crowley, will
you please tell

the girls to wear
their brassieres

during their exercises.

If one of the members
of the Board of Trustees

were to come by, it would be
quite difficult to explain.

Yes, Timothy.

I'll tell them right
after this session.

Besides, it's for
their own good.

All that bouncing and
jiggling, it looks obscene.

I understand, Timothy.

Ms. Crowley, I've asked you
not to be so familiar with me

during school hours.

I'm sorry, Tim--

Mr. Baxter.

OK, girls.

That's it for today.

Hit the showers.

Let's go!

[CHATTER]

[PLAYFUL MUSIC]

[CALM MUSIC]

Hi, James.

Take me for a ride?

Hey, I can dig it.

[ENGINE STARTS]

I hope you're prepared to
deliver the goods today, James.

Service is our business, ma'am.

And we aim to please.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[CAR HORN HONKS]

Hey, isn't that a chick down
there in that vegetable truck?

It sure the hell is.

Yes, yes.

Looks like someone who's
trying to do his thing.

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

Ooh.

Goddamn.

Shit.

Ooh.

If I was in that truck,
that little koozie

would really have a
king-sized thrill.

Chances are she
couldn't even handle it.

It flies out in a fruitcake.

You talk about the
bottom of the barrel.

Now, look, look, are we
going over the escape plans?

Or are we going to spend
all afternoon watching

some chick do her thing?

Ooh.

Yes, yes.

I bet he's going to take
her off on some dirt road

and slam it to her.

We'll be out of
here in 24 hours.

Right, Carl?

You can wait that long,
can't you, Dickie?

Ooh, I've got to get me a woman.

I've been doing without
it for a long, long time.

Yes, yes.

Well, if they didn't catch
you flashing your meat--

Oh.

--that could be in
that truck down there.

Yes.

I bet she'd rather be with me.

Boy, would she get a workout.

Man, if I'm not the best--

oh!

Sure would like to
see just who he is.

Author, author.

[LAUGHS]

Now, listen, Butch
brothers, this--

this is how we're
going to do it.

[JAZZ MUSIC]

[INHALES]

How are you and our biology
teacher, old Mr. Miles,

making it?

Oh, you know, he doesn't
even know that I'm alive.

Why didn't you try to turn on
that gym instructor, you know,

big Steve Steel?

Oh, no, never.

He's too big.

What do you mean he's too big?

Oh, god.

If he ever did anything
to me, he'd tear me apart.

Besides, you forget,
I'm very tiny.

A little stretching
never hurt a girl.

Huh.

Besides, you get a lot
more action from him

than you would
that old man Miles

who looks like he's about to
drop dead of a heart attack.

Please, Penny, I'd rather
not talk about it right now.

[INHALES]

[PLAYFUL MUSIC]

And now the latest news--

in a daring daylight
maneuver today, three

convicted sexual
deviants escaped

from the maximum security
ward of the State asylum.

The trio was led by Carl
C. Clooney, a former comic

and impersonator with a long
history of terrifying people

with threats of sexual violence.

Ironically, Clooney had
never actually harmed

any of his victims
and was scheduled

for parole in six months.

Hospital authorities are quoted
at being amazed at the escape

as Clooney had appeared
to be responding

very well to his treatments.

The two men who broke
out with Clooney

are also classified
as psychotics.

One is Bruce Wilson, a former
award-winning dress designer,

who was quite prominent
in society circles.

Wilson is described
as a latent homosexual

and is considered
psychologically unbalanced

because--

He's the last person in the
world to call the kettle black.

Why, her list of sexcapade for
the Navy master's at Johnson.

That's not the point, Martha.

Your indiscretions are
causing me an awful lot

of embarrassment at the office.

Why, only yesterday,
Mr. Thompson

called me in to inquire if
everything was OK at home.

Huh.

That impotent old windbag?

Did you tell him that
his wife, Sadie, has

a room at the Shady Lane Motel?

Reserved every afternoon
for her own private R&R.

Why, she knows more sailors
than the secretary of the Navy.

That has nothing to
do with our situation.

If you cannot control
your sexual obsession,

would you at least try
and act more discreet?

Honestly, boss, I don't have--

Ellie.

Ellie.

Why don't we go on a nice,
little Italian restaurant?

Ellie, you've been
in the Bourbon again.

(ON TV) I'm sorry, boss.

Yeah.

Well, just because you
don't drink whiskey,

ain't no reason why I should
do a Dr. Pepper number.

Ellie, I wish you wouldn't
talk to me that way.

You ought to give
me some respect.

Respect?

Hah.

There's a lot more than I get.

If you could get your mind
off the farm just one night,

we might scare up a
little excitement.

Sex, sex, sex.

You know, that's all
you ever talk about.

Sex.

[TV PLAYING]

You know something, Ellie?

You might consider cleaning
this place up a little

instead of watching soap operas
all day and sitting around half

naked.

A lot of good it does me.

I haven't had any
in so long, I plumb

forgot what it feels like.

Well, it don't help none to
keep on swilling that rotgut!

Yeah, well, listen
here, Farmer Brown.

It don't hurt nothing either.

--to get your things
whiter than white.

This is Mark Landers extending
an invitation for you

to, again, visit The Folks
Who Live on the Hills.

As a general rule,
cold-blooded animals

are restricted in their
reproductive cycles,

insofar as they--
well, they are entirely

at the mercy of the elements.

And they must depend
totally upon solar energy

to maintain their body
heat at optimum level.

Now, since the female cannot
conceive at temperatures less

than up--

[TIMER RINGING]

Oh, my, my-- I didn't
realize how late it was.

Well, we'll pick up on
the reproductive cycle

of the reptiles
at our next class.

That'll be all
for today, ladies.

Thank you very much.

Goodbye.

[CHATTER]

Oh, Betsy, my dear,
I wonder if you

wouldn't mind helping an
old man carry some books.

I'm afraid my old heart isn't
as strong as it used to be.

[BELL DINGING]

Oh, how interesting.

Over here, my dear.

Thank you for helping an
old man with his burden.

Perhaps a glass of iced
tea would do nicely

on such a warm day,
don't you think?

Oh, that sounds
wonderful, Mr. Miles.

Fine, fine.

Just look around, why don't you?

[RADIO STATIC]

[RADIO PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC]

Oh, how beautiful.

Here we are, Betsy.

Oh, your collection
is wonderful.

I have so much more in storage.

You know, biology is
my favorite subject.

My roommate and I, Penny,
talk about you all the time.

It isn't wise to gulp liquid
so rapidly, especially

on such a warm day.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Miles.

I guess I was really thirsty.

All things in
moderation, my dear.

Gosh, I shouldn't have gulped
that iced tea all at once.

I'm feeling a little dizzy.

It'll pass.

It'll pass, my child.

It looks as though you
are getting quite sleepy.

Are you sure you're
feeling all right?

Uh-huh, I feel fine.

You will notice that the
eagle has a dilated pupil.

When you look
directly into it, you

might imagine a bottomless pit.

Your eyelids are
getting quite heavy.

Oh, heavy, heavy,
drowsy eyelids.

You will relax until I
say the word "shipwreck."

When you awaken, you
will leave this cottage

and completely forget
having been here.

Until then, you will
do exactly as I say.

Carl Clooney was once
a very talented mimic

and impersonator.

When his booking was canceled
at the Palace Theater,

his mind suddenly snapped.

And he went berserk.

Clooney was definitely termed
as the leader and instigator

of the escape.

In addition to Clooney,
the trio consisted

of Richard Peters, a former
professional baseball player.

Richard "Big Dick" Peters,
convicted of indecent exposure

and rape no less than seven
times in the past 10 years.

Citizens in a radius
of 50 miles are

warned to be on the lookout
for these three men.

Roadblocks have been set
up on all roads leading

into and out of the county.

Every available officer has
been called into the search

for the three escaped lunatics.

We must repeat, these men
are exceptionally dangerous.

And all citizens are warned to
contact the nearest Sheriff's

office in the event
these men are spotted.

It's terribly warm
in here, Betsy.

Why don't we remove some
of those heavy clothes?

[RADIO PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC]

You must remember to forget.

Is this how Daniel
Boone became famous?

Are you sure we're going
the right way, Clooney?

If you guys don't
stop yapping, I'm

going to take you
back to the loony bin.

Promises, promises.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

(SINGING) Oh, it's
not very nice what

you tried to do to your man.

I worked all day, slaving
away, and making what I can.

And your hands are really soft.

And I'm sorry I got off.

You're holding all my love
in the palm of your hand.

Oh, your hands are too soft.

I'm sorry, Ellie.

(SINGING) And I'm
sorry I got off.

You got my love in
the palm of your hand.

When life gets too drab,
you can take another grab.

You got my love in
the palm of your hand.

Now, back to the weather.

The weather promises
to remain the same

for the next several days
as the heatwave continues.

Temperatures were
extremely high today

for the 14th consecutive day.

Farmers in the upstate area are
in danger of severe crop loss

unless there is a break
in temperatures soon.

Lows tonight will be
exceptionally high.

And the highs tomorrow will
be even higher than today.

The mercury soared to
its highest reading

at approximately 2:00 PM.

This is your weather girl Simon
saying, come rain, hail, snow,

or shine--

[MACHINE WHIRRING]

I'll be with you
tomorrow night on time.

[MOANING]

[ACTION MUSIC]

[MOANING]

(WHISPERING) What do you see?

(WHISPERING) I see a fat,
old man in the chair.

And I think he's asleep.

[MOANING]

[GASPING]

(WHISPERING) Oh, wow.

She's got to be soaking wet.

I want to give her
the real thing.

I want to give her
the time of her life.

Shh.

It might be a trap.

What's the old man doing now?

He's over in the corner
in an easy chair.

And he is definitely asleep.

Goddamn.

I haven't been this
hard in a year.

Shh!

Don't worry.

You'll get your quiff.

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

Dick.

[MOANING]

Psst!

[PANTING]

[SNORING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

(SINGING) Please don't
do that to that lady--

[MOANING]

(SINGING) --'cause
she's a friend of mine.

[SNORING] Huh?

Oh, what-- oh, what
are you-- ow, ow!

One wrong move, old man,
and I'll break your arm.

All right, Farmer Brown,
let's go check out

the vibrator action.

(SINGING) --love bites.

If you do--

What a tub.

[SCREAMS]

Hello, baby.

What do you want?

[GRUNTS]

I'll call the police!

And frankly, I don't
give a damn, Scarlett.

Now you lay in bed and be quiet.

Don't worry, lady.

I got something that's
really good for you.

If you touch her, I'm
going to kill you.

[GRUNTING]

The keys, eh, see?

Give me the keys to the truck.

Thank you.

Willie, you hold the keys.

I'm going to check
this place out.

Dickie, you start without me.

The plantation is all yours.

Yeah.

Oh, rat.

You turn me loose, you
bastard, I'll take you

both on one at each time.

Ah.

Get him out of
here, Bruce, while I

give this little lady a thrill.

[GRUNTING]

Ow!

Ah!

You better be nice
to her, Dickie.

Carl will be very
upset with you if you

do something he doesn't like.

Don't worry about a
thing, Brucey boy.

Just keep the old man away from
me while I do his woman proper.

No, please.

You wouldn't dare.

Earl, do something!

Get ready, baby.

Earl comes in here,
he'll kill you.

What are you talking about?

Just lie back and relax.

You're about to get
the best in the west.

[COUNTRY MUSIC]

What should I do
with this huge load?

Put him in a chair so
we keep an eye on him.

[GRUNTING]

What the sex freak doing?

Guess.

[MOANING]

Sounds like he's killing it.

Oh.

I'm a married woman.

Don't you understand?

Yeah, mama, I understand.

Just lie back and enjoy it.

Ah.

Yeah, he's had a pretty
rough time, all right.

Carlota, what a divine outfit.

[LAUGHS] Thank you.

I think I need me a drink.

[MOANING]

[MUSIC PLAYING] I remember
that night when I saw you.

Goodnight, Tammy Wynette.

[MOANING]

Oh!

It's Randolph Scott.

This is positively indecent.

You damn right.

Look what that obnoxious
horse is doing.

Why, it's positively
obscene, darling.

Earl, you aren't watching.

That's dumb Randolph.

A piano!

Earl, you're such a cab.

[CHUCKLES]

[MOANING]

["TWINKLE, TWINKLE, LITTLE STAR"
PLAYS ON PIANO]

Brucey boy, the
nectar of the gods.

Hey, old timer, this'll
make you feel better.

Mm.

Come on.

Have a drink.

You'll feel better.

No.

Going to feel real good now.

That's it.

Now you're going
to be all right.

[COUGHING AND CHOKING]

[PIANO PLAYING]

(WITH LISP) Splendid,
simply splendid.

[LAUGHTER]

[PANTING]

Oh, Earl.

This vermin is like
a vicious animal.

Mmm.

[PIANO PLAYING]

Ah.

(SINGING) Old
MacDonald had a farm.

E-I-E-I-O. And on his
farm, he had a wife.

E-I-E-I-O. With a big jug here.

And a big jug there.

A jug there.

A jug there.

Jug here.

Jug everywhere.

[LAUGHTER]

Old MacDonald had a farm.

E-I-E-I-O. Old
MacDonald had a wife.

E-I-E-I-O.

With a vibrator here.

And a vibrator there.

And a buzz, buzz, buzz.

And a buzz, buzz, buzz.

And a buzz!

[LAUGHS]

And a whoo!

Whoo.

[LAUGHTER]

Old MacDonald had a farm.
(HIGH-PITCHED SINGING)

E-I-E-I-O!

[MOANING]

What's that animal
doing to poor Ellie?

Sounds fine to me.

Dickie's such a demented boy.

When he says he's going
to get some, he gets it.

[MOANING] I can't
fight any more, Earl.

He's so big.

Oh!

That's it.

Seven years without
is much too long.

Can you dig it, baby?

I swear I'm going
to kill both of you.

Oh, come on.

Here, have a drink.

Go ahead.

[GRUNTING]

[BELCHES]

Goddamn.

Anything this good can't be bad.

Oh.

Oh, it feels so good.

Mmm, don't stop.

Can you believe what those nuts
in the White House are doing?

They're ruining our country.

Sex, sex, sex.

It's all she ever thinks of.

I haven't had a good
night's sleep in years.

[LAUGHS]

[CHUCKLES] Hey, I'm
still going to kill you.

[LAUGHTER]

[PIANO PLAYING]

My son, Carl, is not a bad boy.

He just likes a little fun.

He's just a born practical
joker and likes to scare people.

But he'd never, ever hurt
anyone in his whole life.

Why, he wouldn't harm a fly.

They were just scared a little.

[MOANING]

(SINGING) And a big jug here.

[LAUGHS]

A big jug there.

Old MacDonald had a farm.

E-I-E-I-O!

[LAUGHTER]

Hey, hey, hey,
hey, would you boys

mind doing me a little favor?

Sure, old timer.

What is it?

Will you lock me in the
closet and then tell Ellie

that I just put up one hell
of a battle in her honor?

[LAUGHTER]

What a marooned.

Hey, hey.

If you do that for
me, I won't kill you.

[LAUGHTER]

OK, old timer.

But first, one more chorus.

[CHUCKLES] Oh.

(SINGING) Old
MacDonald had a farm.

[LAUGHS]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

They sure beat the hell
out of those four guards.

Mmm.

And you have no idea
which way they went?

No, sir.

It's anybody's guess
where they went.

They sound like
really rough men.

Yeah.

There's no telling
what they'd do

if they spotted a whole
schoolyard full of women.

Well, most of the campus will
be empty because of the holiday.

After tomorrow, there will
only be a dozen girls.

And I've got them all together
in one section of the dorm.

Well, we won't be far away
if you need us, Mr. Baxter.

Well, thank you, Officer.

I certainly hope I don't
have to make that call.

That was a good demonstration
of the backstroke.

Now this time, we'll give
the breaststroke a try.

And please no jokes.

All right, girls.

On your marks, get
ready, get set.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

Oh, here comes
Timothy Tight-ass.

Ms. Crowley, I'd like
to talk to you a moment.

How come he never smiles?

I don't know.

But he better not try
anything with Sandy.

What would he do, do you think?

Well, whatever it is, he
better just forget it.

I don't worry about him.

His only interest
is Ms. Crowley.

Do you think he and her are--

Greta, what have you
been teaching this girl?

Maybe we should turn Baxter on
to a couple of those zappers.

[LAUGHTER]

Greta, would you please
have them do some freestyle?

I'll be right back, girls.

Yes, Ms. Crowley.

1, 2, 3, go!

[WATER SPLASHING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[CHATTER]

I just talked to the
State Highway Patrol.

They haven't recaptured
those three men that

escaped from the insane asylum.

They've got roadblocks set
up everywhere, haven't they?

Yes, Ms. Crowley.

It's only a matter of time.

But my responsibility
is to these girls.

Very well.

Would you like me to
cancel the karate classes

tonight, Dr. Baxter?

No, that won't be necessary.

There's no reason to create
a panic unnecessarily.

Listen, I've got an idea.

Why don't you come along and
learn some basic karate moves?

No, no.

I'll be back at 9:00 PM
to escort the girls back

to the dormitory.

You should be finished by then.

(SINGING) E-I-E-I-O.
And a moo-moo here.

And a moo-moo there.

A moo-moo there,
a moo-moo there--

[TIRES SCREECH]

--had a farm.

E-I-E-I-O. [VOCALIZING]

[LAUGHTER]

That farmer was so dumb.

Can you imagine wanting
to be locked in a closet?

I think he's a closet queen.

[LAUGHS]

Well, you didn't have to
slap the woman like that.

Oh, well, she didn't have
to call me a lesbian.

I don't have to take that
from any silly bitch.

It was her own fault.

[LAUGHS] Hell, I think
she liked it, Lavender.

She's a first class freak.

Yeah.

[LAUGHS]

I was ready, eh, Clooney?

What do I know?

She sure was a screamer, though.

[LAUGHTER]

Whoa.

Can't you slow this
stagecoach down a bit?

I think I'm getting sick to my
stomach with all this wheeze,

and a-bounce, and a-- whoa.

Oh, sure, pardon me.

I'll just pull
over the main road.

We'll stop at a motel so
you can get some rest.

[LAUGHS]

Yeah, he's right, Clooney.

You better slow down.

This road is getting
worse and worse.

Ah!

Anytime you guys want to slow
down, you just open a door,

and you jump out.

I'm driving this rig.

And I'm not stopping
for nothing.

You get me?

[ENGINE SPUTTERING]

[BANGS ON DASHBOARD]

What's wrong, Clooney?

We're out of gas, meathead.

Oh, shit.

Oh.

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

You mean you never
checked the gauge?

Sure, sure, Mae West.

After I got the gun, the
knife, the whip, and the hat,

it was the next
thing on my list.

Tell you what you
see, sex and sin.

Plain and simple!

The devil has taken
over the entire world!

Topless dancers, pornographic
films, dirty magazines,

group sex.

Well, I could go on and on!

But friends, the
handwriting is on the wall.

The eternal fires of damnation
are waiting for sex sinners.

To keep this ministry going,
please send your contributions

to the Ministry of Peace.

Tulsa, Okla--

State Police Chief
Chester Atkins

reported that they made off
with the farmer's pickup truck.

It is described as a
red and white 1972 Ford.

Unfortunately, the
farmer was far too

intoxicated to recall the
license number of the vehicle.

Chief Atkins has
alerted the entire--

You know something?

Hey, you guys want
to know something?

Well, hell, I'm going
to tell you anyhow.

I want me some pussy.

[SPITS]

All citizens are warned to be
on the lookout for these three

men.

Do not try to
apprehend them alone.

Repeating that number
once again, 844-3000.

That's 844-3000.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

What do you think, Carl?

I think it'd be wise
to lay low right here.

Moving cross that open
space wouldn't exactly

be Phi Beta Kappa.

What kind of
buildings are those?

They look like a college
or a hospital or something.

Damn, I'm starved.

How long you think it'll
be before it gets dark?

A couple of hours, maybe.

Well, I can't wait that long.

I'm too damn hungry.

You guys ran through the
goddamn forest like Tarzan.

Man, we got to get some food.

How about you, Nancy?

I suppose your belly is
stretching your ass too, huh?

Well, to tell you
the truth, darling,

food wouldn't be
such a bad idea.

But I didn't wear myself out
with that douchebag last night.

That Ellie has got some
great poontang pussy, boy.

I'll tell you the truth.

It's against my better judgment,
but I'm a little hungry myself.

There doesn't seem
to be anybody around.

And that don't mean shit.

It could be a trap.

And I don't feel like walking
in and no goddamn trap!

Will you tell me
one thing, Carl?

Have you ever been
accused of being paranoid?

I say, let's take a chance.

[SHOUTING]

Mr. Baxter.

Bye.

[CLAMORING]

Thank god they're gone.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[PLAYFUL MUSIC]

Ooh!

Terrific!

Terrific.

Yes.

I'm starving.

Glad you're still
alive, Mr. [INAUDIBLE]..

Petite pate?

[PLAYFUL MUSIC]

Anyone want my
sweet Christmas pie?

I never touch this stuff.

For you.

Thank you, darling.

Mm.

Mm, mm, mm.

Have you a serviette.

Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm.

Mm, that is good.

Goddamn, this chow is great.

(BUGS BUNNY VOICE) Not bad.

Not bad.

Not bad?

It's better than
Howard Johnson's.

[LAUGHS]

This is Mr. Baxter.

Those students who have abided
by the rules and regulations

have left for the holidays.

I want to take a moment
to advise all of you who

are remaining on
campus that there'll

be no change in our
regular schedule.

Mm, mm.

Uniforms will be worn as usual
and with the proper degree

of modesty.

Yeah, yeah.

Meals will be served
at the appointed hours.

And of course, all lights
will be turned off promptly

at 10:00 PM.

What is this dump anyway?

Well, like a goddamn
prison to me.

Yeah, another frying
pan into the fire.

Let's get the hell out of here.

Hey, wait a minute.

I'm not finished yet.

Yeah, well, use two
hands, meathead.

Several of the faculty have
volunteered to remain on campus

and will be available
for consultation.

[TENSE MUSIC]

Put that food down.

Oh!

[SHOUTING]

Carl, these girls are amazons.

Come on.

You!

--ideal time, schedules and
assigments and homeworks.

But you may have fallen behind--

You!

[SCREAMING]

Discipline is always.

Oh!

No exception.

We must endeavor to maintain
high standards at all times.

Fucking amazon.

Get off.

Get off!

It's on my face.

All right, bitch.

[SCREAMS]

--is to protect the
note of caution.

We have been alerted that there
has been an escape of a state

asylum, north of here.

Goddamn, that sure looks good.

Ah!

[LAUGHS]

The three men are
deranged maniacs.

It should be a--

No!

Hey!

That's us he's talking about.

Oh, my god.

No!

Ah, ah, ah.

[SCREAMS]

They are armed and considered
to be very dangerous.

Aha!

Be on the alert for any
suspicious-looking characters.

Baby, this guy have been
waiting for you for seven years!

Oh!

--meet me in my
office all weekend.

I'm available for
consultation if needed.

You better not try it!

Fantastic.

I'm warning you.

They look fantastic!

They seem to be a lot bigger
than it was when we was

on the streets, right, Clooney?

[LAUGHTER]

Go on and do it, Flasher.

Help.

She's all yours.

Excuse me.

Thank you for your attention.

You may resume your duties.

You better not try it.

I'm warning you.

Ah!

Let me go, you maniacs!

I told you, let me go!

Oh!

Come on, mama.

Let's go find ourself a corner.

No, you found me.

Dig, man.

This is the best looking piece
I've seen in a long time.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

Oh, god.

Oh, god.

Goddam.

You think this could
be a trap, Clooney?

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh, come in.

Come in, my child.

The new shipment of
specimens has arrived.

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh, Mr. Miles,
they're so beautiful.

Oh.

Now, those snakes
are non-poisonous.

Although they closely
resemble the rattlesnake,

they are perfectly harmless.

But I'll bet--

I bet they could really
scare the Dickens out

of somebody who didn't
know the difference.

Oh, Mr, Miles, you know so
much about so many things.

You're the smartest
man I've ever met.

Oh, no, I wouldn't say
that for Dr. Baxter.

Oh, that eagle is so beautiful.

I can't take my eyes off of it.

Why don't you just relax.

I'll get us some Cokes.

What a wonderful
idea, Mr. Miles.

You're so good to me.

Oh, this is my favorite.

Oh, it's beautiful.

Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.

How was the wine?

Excellent.

Excellent.

Who is this Baxter fella
you've been talking about?

He's the principal.

Principal?

Principal of what?

What is this place?

It's a school for girls.

And he's the principal.

Well, the
administrator, actually.

I see.

Oh, damn.

Oh, let's get out of this dump.

With a little luck, we can
find a school for boys.

Oh.

Leave all that ass.

You got to be
kidding me, Brucey.

No, no.

No, no.

I don't trust them.

They could be lying.

I think we should lock them up.

I'm sorry, ladies.

This is going to be a
slight inconvenience.

Where man?

Just tell me where are
we going to lock them up?

The food locker, you twit.

We'll put some ice
against the door.

And when the ice melts, you
ladies will have to leave them.

Are you crazy?

Yes.

Hey, you can't do that.

We'll catch cold.

Not if you keep your little
sweet ass moving, Lolita.

Oh, you never stop
thinking, do you, Carl?

Here's to a lovely evening.

To the ship.

Bon voyage.

Come, ladies.

It's getting awfully late.

You just follow me, please.

Go where?

The freezer.

What did I just finish saying?

This way, ladies.

Step lively now.

It's a nice one.

That's a good bird.

Don't forget to write.

[LAUGHING]

[DOOR LOCKS]

Get the ice, Flasher.

Oh.

[CLATTER]

Oh-ho, my god.

Oh.

[ICE BLOCKS THUD]

Bad away.

[LAUGHING]

Are you sure you know
what you're doing?

Carl C. Clooney is in charge of
this caper, remember, Meathead?

Shut up.

That should keep them
cooled off for a while.

Let's see what's going
on around this place.

[CLATTER]

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

[METHODICAL MUSIC]

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

You are very calm.

Relax your entire body.

Relax.

I'm so relaxed.

Oh.

[RUNNING FOOTSTEPS]

Psst.

Hey, isn't that a
house over there?

It is.

Come on, let's go.

Ow!

God dammit.

[BRANCHES CRACKING]

I sure hope there's some
good jugs over there.

Ah, you shut up with those jugs.

Now, come on.

Jugs.

Yes, do exactly as you say.

Yes, my dear.

You have nothing to fear.

Hey, Clooney.

Clooney.

(WHISPERING) What?

You're not gonna
believe this scene, man.

What is it?

A chick, a snake,
and a hypnotist.

A snake?

Hey, man, if you don't believe
me, come see for yourself.

Prepare myself.

Anticipate.

Oh, that's disgusting.

Not for the snake it ain't.

That chick sure looks
good, doesn't she?

I'd say she was enjoying it.

This place is worse
than the asylum.

(SINGING) Haul the
monkeys off to the zoo.

Shh.

I want to see what
happens with the snake.

[FROGS CROAKING]

[MOANING]

That is positively pornographic.

Come on, let's go.

[SNAKE CHARMING MUSIC]

My child, it won't be long now.

You will relax.

Prepare yourself.

I must prepare myself.

All right, hold it right there!

Uh-- what is this?

How dare you interrupt
my experiment!

Experiment?

Why, you dirty old man.

Oh, filthy, fat old farmer
and a dirty old man.

Aren't there any easy
young men around this dump?

Well, what do you want?

What are you hooligans after?

I want this little
girl right here.

[EXCLAIMING]

I've got just the
thing to wake her up.

Oh.

[GRUNTS]

This is the best piece
I've seen in a long time.

I will not tolerate such
a display in my home!

Don't lay a hand
on that student!

Oh, you dirty old bag.

Using that slimy snake is divine
decadence, but you're sick.

You're sick!

Give me that.

I'm gonna check out
the rest of this place.

Womp-womp.

I've never made it with a
chick in a trance before.

Leave that student alone!

Oh, man.

Dick!

Oh.

Oh my god.

[EXCLAIMING]

[GIGGLING]

Hey, just keep him away from me.

I've got to wake
this little girl up.

Ow!

[EXCLAIMING]

Oh, he is a mess.

See here.

I'm going to call the police.

Shut up.

I told you to take your
hand off of that student!

Dick!

Dick!

[SHRIEKS] The snakes.

Look out!

The snakes!

Oh, it's a [INAUDIBLE].

Whoa!

Oh!

Anaconda snakes!

[SCREAMING]

[SHOUTING] Look at
all them snakes.

Oh god!

Look out!

[GIGGLING] Oh my god!

[INAUDIBLE]

Oh god!

[INAUDIBLE]

Yeah, sure, I'll do something.

I'll get the hell out of here!

They'll kill me.

Whoa!

Let's march!

Where's the shotgun, asshole?

Oh my god.

As much as I could dig a
little poontang, man, ain't

no way in the world I'm gonna
go back in there and get some.

No way.

Shh.

Oh!

That guy was nuts
with those snakes.

It gives me the creeps
to think about it.

All right, so don't think
about it, Dainty June.

There's some real messes
around this dump, Carl.

Now the problem is to get
some money and some wheels.

Hell, man, I don't
want no wheels.

I want some nookie!

Oh, you demented crouton.

[GIGGLING] Is that all
you ever think about?

Well, what else is there?

Will you two shut up?

Now, let's check out
that building over there.

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

[MENACING MUSIC]

You know, this
stuff is fantastic.

I can dig it, but it's
getting me so horny.

You know, it's really a
shame that the instructors

left for the holidays.

There's not gonna be too much
action around here, you know?

Yeah, there's Baxter, old
Mr. Miles, and Steve Steele.

Like I said, there's not
gonna be too much action.

I got bigger jugs
than that in the mail.

Will you shut up
with those jugs?

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

[LIGHT BANGING]

Brucey-pie, you stay
here and stand guard.

Mm.

If you see Esther Williams,
tell her she's all wet.

Go, Flasher.

[WATER TRICKLING]

What about nailing those two
cops that keep coming by?

Jesus!

I'm not that hard up.

You know, it's really a shame
that Stevie is so damn square.

What if we turn him on
to some of this 9.5?

Who are you?

What do you want?

Pool maintenance, ma'am.

Ha-ha.

We're here to check the filter.

You scared the piss
out of us, man.

[LAUGHING]

Is there something burning here?

Oh.

[CHUCKLES] You guys
are kinda cute.

Well, you ain't so bad
yourself, hop along.

[LAUGHING]

My name's Dick.

He's Carl.

I'm Alice.

This is Madeleine.

Hey, come on in.

The water's great.

[LAUGHS] Sorry,
ma'am, we're on duty.

Oh, come on.

Why don't you go in?

Take your shoes off.

You'll love it.

Hey, you're cute.

Oh, sorry, uh, Alice, was it?

Yes.

Well, Alice, we've
got work to do.

Oh, come on.

Take your shoes off and
soak your tippy-tippy toes.

[LAUGHING]

[CHUCKLES]

What do you say, Clooney?

Well, shucks, why not?

I mean, after all, we have
been on the run all day.

[LAUGHTER]

Oh, great.

Come on, Dick, sit close to me.

Hey, you guys want
some good shit?

Some what?

Oh, wow.

Some grass, Meathead.

Where have you guys been
for the last five years?

[LAUGHING] Sure, sure.

Dick was-- Dick was
only pulling your leg.

Yeah.

Yes, we'd like to try something.

[LAUGHTER]

Oh.

[CHUCKLES]

[LAUGHS]

This stuff is dynamite.

[INHALES SHARPLY] Try it.

You'll like it.

[BELL TOLLING]

[CARL LAUGHS]

[ALICE SHRIEKS]

[LAUGHTER]

Ah.

This is some good shit.

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

[ADDING MACHINE CLICKING]

Hey, Clooney!

Clooney!

Fantastic!

Grapefruit city!

[LAUGHING]

[CARL LAUGHING]

I think he liked
you, [INAUDIBLE]..

That Dick sure was big.

I'm freezing!

[MOANING]

[LAUGHTER]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

You lousy junkie.

You-- you're crazy!

[SPLASH]

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

Madeleine!

Let go of her.

[SPLASHING]

(SHOUTING) Dick!

Dick!

Whaa!

[SPLASH]

Oh my goodness!

Ah!

Get them!

Get them, man!

Get them!

What's going on?

Those guys are crazy!

[SCREAMING]

Hello, girls.

Now, let's get our
little buns in here.

No.

Move!

No.

No.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[GROANING]

[EXCLAIMING]

Shipwreck.

Oh.

[EXCLAIMING]

Jesus.

Those girls-- those
girls are really crazy.

They couldn't even
take a little joke.

[GIGGLING]

Damn, Carl, baby.

I didn't know you
couldn't even swim.

Carl, you're such a boys' camp.

Will those girls be a bare ass
when they've been bare ass?

Will they find themselves
tied to a diving board

naked with their own
bathing suits, no less?

Yeah, they were really uptight.

It's lucky they didn't get away.

One of these days I'm gonna
take swimming lessons.

Shh!

No trouble yet.

(WHISPERING) There's the cops.

Get ready for trouble.

Stay calm.

How many are they?

If those escapees
have been around here,

I'd sure know about it.

There's two of them.

What do you think, Carl?

Well, let's see what happens.

What do you say, Bruce?

Hello.

Thought we'd stop by to
see if everything was OK.

Let's go in for a closer look.

(WHISPERING) Come on.

There's no telling which way
they've gone, Mr. Baxter.

North, south, east, or west.

It's anybody's guess.

But if I see or
hear anything, I'll

contact headquarters
immediately.

I have to be in the
office all night

getting out the yearly budget.

Well, we're patrolling the area.

We won't be more than
five minutes away.

Thank you, gentlemen.

I certainly appreciate
your concern.

Well, no trouble at all, sir.

That's what we're here
for, to protect and serve.

Ah, those dirty coppers!

Shut up!

Good night.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

[CAR ENGINE TURNS]

Lousy fucking cops.

Protect and serve my ass.

Exercising?

[EXCLAIMS] Oh, shit.

What'd you do?

[LAUGHING]

Isn't that a car up there
by that building, Carl?

Yeah, it sure as shit is.

Yeah, we got
ourselves some wheels.

Hey, Flasher, we got
ourselves some wheels.

Where is he?

Where'd that dumb
son of a bitch go?

Who cares?

Come on, let's just get the car
and get the hell out of here.

We can't leave that idiot here.

He'd get caught sure as shit.

Flasher!

God damn.

Dick!

Flasher!

Dick!

Flasher!

Idiot.

[LAUGHTER]

What's that over there?

[SCREAMING]

That would be Dick.

He's trying to grab
those two girls.

Punch the son of a bitch.

Son of a bitch!

Come on, punch his balls.

He must be hurt.

The girls are running away.

Let's go back and
break his other leg.

Wait.

They're coming back again.

Oh, my God, Carl,
they're gonna kill him.

That goddamn idiot.

Let's get him.

Those girls are
definitely demented.

Let's get over there.

[EXCLAIMING]

Come on.

Those crazy huns.

They're trying to
kill my best friend!

Kick him!

We got him now.

Come on.

Hang on, Dick!

[GRUNTING] My ankle.

I think it's broken.

[SCREAMING]

Rape!

Help!

Help me!

Ow.

[GROANING]

One more word!

One more word!

What, you're a couple of
tough guys, are you, huh?

A couple of tough bitches, huh?

Well, let's just see
how tough you are.

Easy, Carl.

If we don't get out of here
before the police come back,

we have had it.

Start fighting, I
said, god dammit.

Oh, this is insane.

Now we're gonna make
this real interesting.

Now, I'm gonna count to three.

And if you ain't fighting by
the time I count to three,

you're both gonna get it.

1, 2--

[SMACKING]

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

Start fighting, I
said, god dammit.

Come on, you bitches.

Fight.

Yeah, that's it.

[SCREAMING]

[CHUCKLING] That's
it, you bitches.

Yeah, kill each other!

[EXCLAIMING]

Yeah, there ain't nothing,
absolutely nothing

in the world that's better
than a fight to the death.

Absolutely nothing.

[LAUGHING] Yeah.

Hey, Carl, baby.

We can't let this good
stuff go to waste.

Ah, shit, Flasher.

You know I wasn't
really gonna kill them.

[LAUGHING]

Yeah.

[SHRIEKING]

What about the other one?

What about her?

Ain't nobody ever said that Carl
C. Clooney didn't have a heart.

We'll be out of the state
by the time she comes to.

(CRYING) Oh, baby.

Come on, you bitch.

Get moving.

Come get me, Carla!

Carla!

[INAUDIBLE]

No!

How's your ankle, Flasher?

Hurts like hell.

I'll be a cripple for life.

Ah.

Well, we'll take up a
collection for you, my pet.

Bruce Dicky, go see if that
car has any keys in it.

And check the gas.

And don't walk in
any goddamn trap.

You got it, Carl.

Come on, Bruce.

Coming, Dicky.

Sit down, honey, relax.

[GROANING]

[SLOW MUSIC]

Why?

Why did he jump
out and attack us?

We weren't bothering anyone.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Don't give me that shit.

You could have gotten away.

You could have made
a run for it easily.

[CRYING]

[YELLS]

You OK?

I'm all right.

Greta, let me see your do it.

[THUD]

Ha!

Let me hear more of a "kyah!"

when you do it.

OK?

Let's see you try it.

Very good, Greta.

Ha!

OK, Sandy, not bad.

And let me see Penny
and Gladys for this.

OK, Midnight, do your thing!

[GROANS]

Good fall.

OK, Gladys.

OK, OK.

(WHISPERING) We're
in luck, Dick.

The keys are in the car.

Let's get going.

Look what we've got here.

Jeep, why don't you stand
over there next to Nancy,

and I'll demonstrate
with Susie here.

Oh my god.

Look at all that young,
tender, gorgeous snatch.

Who cares?

Let's get the hell out of here!

Hey, wait a minute.

And leave all that good stuff?

Block.

Your back leg--

I say, let's give
it a whirl, baby.

Kyah!

OK?

Jeep, you try it.

Ooh, get a load of him.

Maybe we should stick around.

Come on, let's go tell Clooney.

[EXCLAIMS]

Very good.

Hey, Clooney.

You're not gonna
believe this, man.

That building over there
is crawling with all kinds

of good-looking broads.

Well, let's go, Boo-Boo.

Well, away we go.

[LAUGHTER]

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

[ROTARY CLICKING]

[INAUDIBLE]

[PHONE RINGING]

Push harder!

Carla, I did it.

Wow.

Nancy, would you please get me
those charts out of the office?

The one on breathing
exercises and those two

on defensive positions.

Thanks a lot.

OK, Susie, why don't
you try it with Jeep?

[EXCLAIMS]

OK, very good.

Excellent.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

The best.

The absolute best piece
I've seen in 10 years.

This one's mine.

[CHUCKLES] Come on, let's go.

[PHONE RINGING]

[PIPE TAPPING]

[RECEIVER CLICKS]

[GIRLS GASP]

All right, freeze!

Nobody move!

Do what he-- oh,
do what he says!

They're escaped maniacs!

They just killed [INAUDIBLE].

You dirty bastards!

Shut up or die!

She needs attention.

Brucey, take Mark Spitz over
there and watch that window.

Don't make me spoil
your looks, pretty boy.

Hands on your head.

March.

Dick, get her out of
here and watch that door.

1, 2, 3, 4, hup.

Left face.

Up on the horsey.

Horsey.

All right.

Everybody on their knees
with your hands on your head.

[THUDDING FOOTSTEPS]

Come on, move it.

Hands on your head.

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

Everything's just fine, Carl.

We've got nothing
to worry about.

Pretty brave with a
shotgun, aren't you, sport?

Every little bit helps.

What have you done
to Miss Crowley?

Yeah, mother, where is she?

Oh, you son of a bitch!

Back I say!

Hey, what the hell
is going on here?

(SHOUTING) Nancy, where are you?

Will you knock it off?

Your Miss Crooley or Crowley,
whatever her name is,

she's all right.

So what are you
gonna do with us?

Oh, nothing, nothing.

I'm just gonna tie you up,
and then we're gonna leave.

Dick, get some rope.

God damn.

Shit.

OK, girls.

Now, get up and get your
asses against the wall.

Come on, move!

Hut, gah!

Move!

Oh, a queen.

Move!

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

I've looked all over, man.

Here's a couple of rolls of
that stuff we used on the lady,

but that's it.

Ain't no rope.

The hell with them, Carl.

Let's load up the car and
get away from this dump.

Hey, I'm not going anywhere.

Take me!

I'll be your hostage.

Hey, haven't I seen
you someplace before?

Flasher, come here.

What's up, Carl?

Shh.

Just listen.

What do you say we have a
little fun before we take off?

What do you mean?

I don't get you, man.

You will, pal.

You will.

All right, girls.

We're gonna have us a little
chorus line, like in Las Vegas.

This guy is crazy.

We better humor him.

Jesus Christ!

We haven't got the time, Carl.

Well, I'm taking the time, Jane.

If you want to elope with
Tarzan over there, go ahead,

but leave the shotgun.

It's just that somebody's bound
to come by sooner or later.

Don't push me, Brucey boy.

Yeah, Bruce.

If Clooney wants
a goddamn chorus,

then Clooney gets a
goddamn chorus, right?

Damn right.

OK, girls, now all line
up like the Rockettes.

We're gonna dance
like the Rockettes.

Oh, this is fantastic.

What a great idea.

I think I want the tall one
right here with the big jugs.

All right, girls.

On three we're gonna kick.

I want to kick high,
and I want to kick slow.

Ready?

A 1, 2, 3, kick!

A 1, 2, 3, kick!

A 1, 2, 3, kick!

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

[MOANING] Help me.

Help me, please.

Thank you for stopping.

They made us do it.

It was awful.

There are nothing
to care with them.

Oh, thank you for stopping.

Please, you must help me.

Oh.

Christ.

How can you have some concern?

Don't you believe
me, for God's sake?

We believe you, baby.

But let's get some
of this mud off you

first so we can see what
we're getting into, man.

[CHUCKLES] You're so fine.

Huh, man?

No shit.

All right now, girls.

I have an idea that's-- that's
really gonna liven up this

chorus line.

I would like each
and every one of you

to take off your panties.

I don't have any on.

Oh, I'm so embarrassed.

Steve is looking.

I said I would like
you to [CHUCKLES]

take off those lousy panties.

Clooney, that's
positively brilliant.

[LAUGHING] I thought
you'd like that, Flasher.

Uh, how about you, Brucey boy?

Huh?

Huh?

David Merrick would love it!

[LAUGHING] OK,
girls, let's do it.

I want to see me some asses!

I'm not taking my panties
off for you or anybody else.

Listen, if all you guys want is
somebody to spread their legs,

then I'm your girl.

No deal, sweetheart.

No deals.

Now, we're gonna do the
Busby Berkeley number,

and no back talk.

Now, get those panties off!

You chauvinist pigs!

You can't exploit us
young girls this way.

Hey, wait a minute, Clooney.

If this little filly is
so anxious for my body,

well, let's not
disappoint the young lady.

Right on, handsome.

You stay out of this.

You, Flasher, if I have
to ask you one more time.

OK.

OK, Clooney.

Dicky, will you get Gloria
Steinman's pants off, please?

I'm not taking off anything.

[LAUGHING]

OK, mama, I'll take those
panties off for you.

[SMACKING]

Hi-yah!

Ow!

[THUDDING]

Hit him, Greta.

Hit the bastard!

[INAUDIBLE]

[EXCLAIMING]

Ha!

[INAUDIBLE]

Hey, what's happening, Clooney?

Is the champ OK or what?

All right, tough man.

Take my pants off.

Let's see you try.

No man's ever beaten me before.

That a girl, Greta!

Come on, you could do it!

Come on, Flasher, get her!

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

You got it.

Yes!

[EXCLAIMING]

Grab her jugs, Dicky.

The ankle trip!

Try the ankle trip, Greta!

Watch out for the
ankle trip, Flasher.

Hi-yah!

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

Come on.

Take my panties off.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

Come on.

Get that broad, Flasher!

[THUD]

Oh!

Oh!

My ankle!

[EXCLAIMING]

Oh!

Ow!

Do I have to do
everything myself?

Come on!

Punch him!

[SMACK]

[THUD]

Greta, maintain eye contact!

Yeah, yeah, maintain
eye contact, Flasher.

Retreat, Greta!

Set up a defense!

[GIRLS SHRIEKING]

God bless you.

Now, get those goddamned
panties off of her!

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

Now, get those panties off!

That's it, Flasher.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

Mm, dull night, huh?

Hey, you want to
get some coffee?

Well, it's about time we
check in at the Oxford Girls

School, huh?

Oh, no.

Let's-- yeah, let's go
bust those two hookers over

at the trailer park again.

I could stand a piece of ass.

Acres and acres of bush.

Clooney, you're a genius.

A goddamn genius!

Yeah.

I can just see Variety now.

David Merrick presents
the Furry Follies!

(AS HUMPHREY BOGART) Yeah,
take your pick, Flasher.

Actually, it's a two-way tie
between this cute one over here

and Miss Hot Pants right here.

We only have room in
the car for one of them.

Let's get going!

Don't think about it, handsome.

I'm ready, willing,
and very, very able.

Yeah, well, not so
fast, Miss Hot Ass.

We're gonna do this
real democratic-like.

Tie them both up, Flasher.

Jesus Christ!

[THUDDING FOOTSTEPS]

[GRUNTING]

[EERIE MUSIC]

[YAWNING]

Now, look, Flasher.

We only got room for one.

I've got it, Meathead.

We'll flip a coin.

Heads, it's, uh, the
beauty queen here.

Tails, it's Miss Hot Pants.

[SNICKERING] Yeah.

Well?

Well, well, well.

It's heads.

Oh!

God damn.

Now I know where I've seen
Miss Hot Pants before.

Now, she's my kind of girl.

That damn coin
flipped the wrong way.

God damn!

Greta, what should I do?

You lay one hand on her and
I'll kill you, motherfucker!

Now, listen, Wonder Woman.

I've had enough
of your bullshit.

One more word out of you
and I'll furnish your--

[SCREAMING]

You have the gun, Brucey!

[INAUDIBLE]

[SHRIEKS] Mark
Spitz is going nuts!

Come on, Clooney,
get us out of this!

Hi, dear.

What's happening, baby?

Whoa!

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

Over here, Dick!

I need some help!

[SHOUTING]

[GLASS SHATTERING]

[WHACK]

Ah!

[INAUDIBLE]

Yippee!

Get this masher off of me.

[GIGGLES]

Where are we?

[YELLING]

Oh.

[GRUNTS]

Take her!

Take it easy!

Ah, my head!

[INAUDIBLE]

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

[GIGGLING] Whoo!

You don't have to stop.

[SCREAMING]

Move it.

Oh god, we're saved.

It's open!

Someone call the cops!

Are you mad?

No!

Go get Miss Crowley.

Hurry!

[THUDDING]

Ouch!

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

[GLASS SHATTERING]

(MUFFLED) Susie, get me untied.

Oh, Miss Crowley, what happened?

What happened?

Hey, girls, give us a break!

A break?

Come on, mama.

Fight back.

Are you OK?

Get that.

Come on.

Who turned out the lights?

Sorry, fellas.

Every man for himself.

[SCREAMING]

Call the police!

OK, Steve.

Susie, here's the bat
in case you need it.

Yeah, he's gonna have some
sore balls, that's for sure.

[SLOW MUSIC]

Dirty, filthy perverts,
attacking innocent schoolgirls.

Well, they'll learn the error
of their ways in due course.

Do me a favor, fellas.

Take us back to the home
where it's safe and sane.

I told you guys it
could be a trap!

[DOOR SLAMS]

[SLOW MUSIC]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[ENGINE TURNS]

You know something, Clooney?

There's people on
the outside that

are much nuttier
than we are, so how

come we're always on
the inside looking out?

Well, let me make
this perfectly clear.

It's back to the drawing board.

Next time there won't
be any mistakes.

They won't have Carl C.
Clooney to kick around anymore.

Gee whiz, Dicky.

Isn't Carl tricky?

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

[LAUGHTER]

[UPBEAT MUSIC]