Original subtitles

(Opening theme music)

(Audience chatter in background)

Good evening mutants, and mutettes, and welcome to Cafe Flesh.

The club where post-nuke cuties do it nightly

for guys and gals who wanna go all the way,

but just don't have the equipment.

You don't have to be ashamed. There's nothing wrong with just watching.

We got the act if you got the Jack.

Hey, what the heck folks? This is art.

This is entertainment.

This is the best crack and whimper you're gonna get in your condition.

So drink up and tip big. The show's hot, the liquor's not.

And me, I'm your humble guide for the night,

Max Mellow-dramatic, the man who likes to smile,

the man who makes the masses happy.

Oh, I just love sex negatives.

I love those little tears of hunger in your eyes.

That's my nectar. Could anything be sweeter than desire in chains?

Trust me folks. I know what you want,

and I know what it feels like when you don't get it.

Need is my fix ladies and gentlemen.

Max knows.

So go ahead and remember what it was like to lust.

Recapture the smack of flesh on flesh, that private ooze and lucky spasm,

the panic in the loins that tells you yes...Yes...YES.

Oh, and tonight folks, we're gonna take it all back

before your very eyes.

Cafe Flesh is gonna take you back to the old days.

And we're gonna start off with a tableau of desire in decline.

The honorable Mr and Mrs Sane.

A normal couple.

Dad works, mom has her hands full with the kids.

Sure, it's tough,

but this is love, folks, goes with the territory.

Max knows, so watch, remember, concentrate.

Who can say,

our humble spectacle might just be able to make you almost feel.

Max knows.

(Baby crying)

(Music starts)

(Music fades to background)

A class act, next time we come, remind me to set a trap.

- Nick, you're fantasizing again. - That's my only vice.

Fortunately.

I don't think I can handle another night of this.

- You say that every night. - Indulge me, frustration's a full time job.

Keep wishing kitty cat.

Hey, Nicky. You got a Lucky?

Yeah, sure, Spike.

- Thanks, Nicky. - Anytime.

Nicky doll, Lana....

Lana!

Where are my kids?

There they are.

He's gorgeous.

Are they Negatives? Can they do it?

Negatives. All the best cake is.

Hey, Cubbies. Have you heard?

I just signed Johnny Rico. Mom's is closing the deal now,

we're stealing him straight from Cafe Yuba.

Johnny Rico... I've always wanted to see him.

Oh my, strangle a girl with love.

Big deal. Rico fucks we watch. What else is new?

Every negative thinks every positive down the pike is Jack Lord.

Come on, Nicky.

You mean you wouldn't make love to me if you could.

What do you think?

Who's the party doll, Silky?

Angel here is a survivor from Wyoming.

First trip to the big city.

Alright, sweets?

I can't believe I'm really in Cafe Flesh.

I've never even seen a sex positive.

Can they really do it?

Sure, honey. Why don't you grab a flask and join us?

Here comes Maxie lollipop. Hold tight...

(Max sings wordlessly as he swings. Background sound of audience chatter)

Oh... Looky, looky, looky...

Max wearing his Sunday best.

Maxie wants to look nice for all you little peepers.

Hi, little peepers.

How's things out there in the carnal Charnel House.

Ah, yes...

Wonderous fragrance out there tonight.

Veritable bouquet of need.

If Maxie didn't know better, he'd swear there was a little new blood in the house.

Ah, yes...

Oh, but wait!

Wait.

There's Nicky and Lana.

The Dagwood and Blondie of Cafe Flesh.

You all know Nicky, don't you? He's so refined.

The kind of man who tells everyone he loathes our crude displays

then tramples women and children to get a seat up front.

Ignore him, OK Nicky?

Alright, little Lulu, can the charm.

The man wants to get vicious, folks

Deep down he's just another nice guy who'd slit your jugular to get it up once.

Just kidding folks

Ah, it's great to see you, Nick, really

Go play in the fall-out.

Now, let me see now. Where was I?

Oooh, the new stuff, that's right

I know there's some fresh flesh out here somewhere.

Oh, there she is. Look at the innocence on her.

Now, there's something to make Uncle Fomie stand up and tap dance.

What's your name, dream puss?

Should I?

It's just for yuck's, Pumpkin. Go ahead.

Angel.

Angel...

Do my ears deceive me?

Angel... Oh, that's terrific. Maxie gives it four stars.

- Where you from, Halo? - Well, I'm from Wyoming.

Wyoming, where a man can still be a man.

If he doesn't mind sleeping in lead pajamas.

Bet you've never been to a place like this before.

Kind of spooky, huh?

Well, I don't know.

Oh! And bright too. The gal can almost put a sentence together.

Why is it all the cute ones have grapefruit IQs?

Oh, that's okay, poochie. You just watch out for Silky there and you'll be alright.

Always the sharp ones that wanna play gravvy, gravvy in the moonlight.

You just tell him you'll sic his brother, Sneezy, and he'll leave you alone.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen... (Speaks like Elvis)

You know, back where I come from in Memphis,

the only all we had was the kind boys used to slick back their hair.

But, well, I came through Houston once with the colonel,

and, well, all those legs and longhorns,

and, you know, steaks big enough to sleep on,

but, well, I got nothing against Texas Crude who's big and personal,

but, the kind of gushers I like are the kind a man can feel,

if y'all know what I'm talking about.

(Music starts and distant sounds of oil pumping)

Do you want me to type a memo?

Do you want me to type a memo?

Do you want me to type a memo?

Do you want me to type a memo?

Do you want me to type a memo?

Do you want me to type a memo?

(Music ends)

Do you want me to type a memo?

Was that for real?

I've heard, but I never knew people really did it.

Come on, doll face,

that ain't the best surprise this sugar daddy's got up his sleeve.

Let me grab you a flask.

God, I only wish... that looked so good.

Lana, I can't take this.

I gotta have it.

Post nuke thrill freaks, palsies.

We're all strung out.

OK, Nicky, let's go.

Leaving so soon, friend?

Feeling a little queasy?

Not tonight, Mr Joy. I'm not in the mood

Oh, I 'm sorry. Show is a little too good?

Too much? Couldn't quite handle it?

Good night, Mr Joy.

See you tomorrow, friend.

(Creaking door and howling wind)

You ain't seen nothing, Baby Cakes

When you see Rico, you skip dessert and go straight to heaven.

- What's so special about Johnny Rico? - He's packing ten, the hard way.

Rico...?

Caught him in Chi Town playing the stockyards.

- One of the best. - You mean, you've seen him?

Sure, I've seen him. I've seen all the greats.

Saw Maris in '61, caught Frankie at Caesar's in '60.

Dino was there. Ratpack days.

Yeah, OK, Bosco. Get cupcake here another drink.

Gal can work up a thirst, can't you? Lucky you're in a safety zone.

I saw a guy get thirsty once on the outside,

a bowling alley,

drunk straight from the fountain, dropped dead in the gutter.

Mom's has to go to Sector 17 next week to check out some Positives.

She asked me to manage the club. What do you think?

- Why not? - Yeah, that's what I thought.

She said I can even choreograph one of the fantasies I want to use.

I thought that milkman number tonight was silly.

I mean, those guys in the Baby Drag were a bit too much.

Those routines are all the same to me.

Well, what do you think? Should I take the gig?

If you love hanging out with positives? Go ahead.

What's that supposed to mean?

I mean, it's more exciting than hanging out with genital zero.

Let's not try and kid ourselves Nick.

- You know we're both hooked. - Maybe so.

The difference is you're still chasing the rush.

All I can do is pretend. It's a bit late to be macho.

No danger of that.

Nick, you're missing the point, it doesn't play anymore.

- So what now? - So now you've changed.

Yeah, I know. But it's not something I can control.

I'd love to be like you. Going down to the Cafe every night.

Smile my little smile and drink my little drink.

I wish I could deal with what my life has turned into.

Then maybe I could handle it like you.

But I can't.

Maybe I'm not that tough.

- I remember when things were different. - Memory is a thief, baby.

Cafe Flesh is all we have.

- Cafe Flesh - That's right. It's entertainment.

Johnny Rico's coming, and it's gonna be wild.

That's what kills me.

Eat you up with the sperm counts of fucking Romeo.

If I still had the power I could make you forget.

You can't.

- Nick, why torture ourselves? - Torture's the one thing left I can feel.

Come here...

(Sounds of vomiting)

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. (Speaks like Bela Lugosi)

And welcome to Cafe Flesh.

I hope you're ready to be thrilled tonight because thrill you is what we do best.

Personally, I'm thrilled to death to be here.

It happens, folks.

Maxie got tickled by a sweet cheeks who couldn't hold her crying.

Pleasure is a widowmaker, brothers.

Just look at Maxie.

May I come into the cafe? I've traveled very very far,

and it was not an easy journey.

Oh, too bad, friend.

Next time, take a Greyhound... the other way.

Wait... I've brought something.

The lady in charge I've heard... She likes birds.

Moms? You've heard right, friend.

(Sound of songbird)

It's alive?

It speaks?

Welcome.

(Max plays trumpet backed by percussive music)

Can't keep away, eh friend?

Kind of a habit, isn't it?

Always free for you, Nicky.

You know you're Mom's favorite boy.

I say Nicky, you wanna be sweet and take this back to Moms for me.

Look, Lana, one's alive.

Oh, it's adorable.

I'll see you back at the table.

- Hey, Nicky. How's my boy? - Fine, Silky, thanks

How's the Angel?

I'm having a swell time.

Moms and Silky are showing me everything.

I'll bet.

Good evening, Nicholas.

Have you been hiding yourself lately,

or has the thrill of my company begun to pall?

Never, moms. Just my neurosis acting up.

Anyway, here's something Ace told me to give you.

Looks wild.

What a lovely bird. I wonder if it performs.

What shall we call her?

Silky: Call her neutron just in case she bombs.

You're as bad as Max, which reminds me...

What is this I hear about our divine MC tormenting you from the stage?

There's any truth in that I want to know. I'll have that glutton sausaged.

Believe me, Moms, that's the least of my problems.

Nick you're too sweet to complain. But I'll take care of him.

Meanwhile, help me find a place for my new little love.

You just seem to get better and better up there. (Lana speaking)

I love watching you.

The feeling's mutual.

What do you mean? You're the performer.

I watch you when I'm up there... I fantasize

You turn me on.

How'd you like to perform with me sometime, off-stage?

We could make love and be tender.

You know that's ridiculous. I'm a negative.

Oh, yeah?

You don't seem to mind a little caress.

Listen, Chloe, there's nothing I miss more than the feeling of Nick inside me.

Holding me, touching me, but I can't.

(Sounds of warfare, explosions and gunfire in background)

(Siren sounds the "all clear")

Uh-oh. Civilization's foaming at the mouth again.

Keep it in the cage, Bertha.

He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.

You don't mind if I get profound, friends.

There's a message here somewhere.

I mean, what's happened to our little world?

Desire is in chains.

Eyes open, lovelies, two pretty girls at play.

The super powers in that sweet mad waltz of mutual deceit,

an island heaven?

But they can't see, people,

but the skull in the cage...

the skull in the cage knows that the real bars are always behind the eyes.

Still the sirens whine, still the pretty lovers wrangle.

Max loves them, folks,

for it is their very ignorance that makes them saintly.

Your need flows on, folks, but they feel nothing.

They feel each other.

Observe...

Max knows the torment of the terminal outsider.

Max has had his own nose pressed against the glass.

But is he bitter? No.

That's your lot, ladies and gentlemen. your last sad claim to hope and novelty.

But enough!

Let the metaphors roll off your tainted cerebellum.

Need is all you need to know.

Satisfaction guaranteed, my lovelies.

Lie back and part those honeyed thighs

Oh, until what you want to feel is almost in you.

Obliteration is not just the ticket.

It is the destination.

Hey, hey. Show's over. Hold the applause, folks

This ain't Vegas.

OK, folks, don't panic. Stay in your chairs.

Now, you're all here to have a nice evening, I know that.

This is just a little interruption.

That's right. This is a raid.

Hey, Bosco...

So you're the bartender, right? And you mix drinks, right?

And you do good work and you like your job,

and you'd like to keep it, right?

Sure you would. So you wouldn't mind my asking a couple of questions.

Like, you got a Moms here?

Where is she?

What's happening?

It's just the enforcers flushing out sex positives who aren't performing.

I better go tell Moms.

(Tense, ominous music)

Andrea, right? Wyoming Gap?

Home town get a little too small for you?

You know, you look better in the flesh than you did in your eight by tens.

And it looks like we got ourselves a positive.

- Take her away. - Wait a minute, I know her.

She's one of us.

Take your hands off that girl.

Sorry, Moms.

The thing I like about myself is I'm never wrong.

You're looking at a positive!

- Angel, honey, is it true? - Of course, it's true.

Right, Angel? This isn't Wyoming.

This is the real world runaway, and you are a positive.

Relax, sweet meat. I got connections.

Angel defend yourself. Don't hold back.

Look at her squirm. I think she's a kitten with a whip.

You know, I've hauled in a thousand like her.

Back your bags farm girl because you're going for a ride.

Silky, someone, help me!

Keep your shirt on, kid!

Angel, why were you hiding?

Because... I'm... I'm...

I'm a virgin!

So long, sister, see you on the other side.

(Door creaks shut)

Come on, Silky, we gotta help that girl.

I still can't get overAngel.

The way they just came and grabbed her.

What do you mean?

If she's a positive, it's her duty to perform.

I mean, nobody wanted to be in this world, but...

now that we're here, we've got to play by the rules.

Otherwise, it's chaos.

I suppose, but she looked so scared.

Scared...?

Lana, you surprise me.

I mean, do you think we have a choice in these matters?

Five years ago, I was Mildred Smith, a beautician in the suburbs,

Now I'm Moms, the June Taylor of the nuclear set.

I mean, that's just the way things are.

The system breaks down if we don't all do our duty.

You're right. But still, Angel's such a sweet girl.

Maybe she is.

But tell me, doesn't it turn you on?

Thinking how that sweet girl would look, making love before your very eyes.

I admit it. Yes.

Joint's closed, Moms shall I lock her up?

OK, Bosco. It's been a long night.

Moms, do you mind if I stay behind a while in your office?

I'd like to wait for Nick and Silky to come back.

Sure, baby. Just close up tight when you go.

Poultry, good source of protein, but you gotta clean it first.

- You need a license to do that. - Come on, Bosco.

(Lonesome synthesizer music plays)

(Discordant sounds as she slides to floor)

(Cafe Flesh theme tune plays)

(Music ends as Max watches Lana)

Ah, you missed it, Briggsie. Remember that cute twist Angel? (Voices from behind curtain)

Last night, they came and got her.

The forces hauled her off for holding out on the honey.

Sex Positive, huh? I thought she looked a little juiced.

Virgin stuff from what I hear.

Delish... two scoops and an extra cherry.

Say, Kid, whatever happened last night with the enforcers?

- Did they get the Angel? - Don't ask.

I'm burning up. I'm frying... Cafe Flesh

You gotta spray me. I just saw Johnny Rico

This cat's flamin' all the way, stud is on his way!

You saw Johnny? What's he like?

- Is he big? - Is he big?

You kiddin' me, bitch? I'd get a hernia hauling that thing around!

I been highballing down the coast. It's all everyone's talking about.

People are dying out there

Hand me my limbo stick. I wanna see if this Jack rabbit can hop.

When's he coming?

I'm not his agent, bitch. Goddamn, I'm a Rocket 88.

Drive me Daddy.

My eyeballs are scorched I got a heat rash.

Where's the stage? Point me to the bar.

Kill it, bub. I could buy and sell Rico.

Stop me if I'm wrong. There's magic in the air tonight.

Strange attractions.

Why, Lana...

Feeling jittery?

Exposed?

Don't panic. Max knows.

There's no need to be demure. Be positive.

Enjoy yourself.

What are you driving at, Max?

Hey, man... (Speaking like Marlon Brando)

I don't know what you're talking about.

Why why don't you just...

why don't you just make yourself clear, baby?

You know, I'm, I'm just up here doing my gig, man,

You know?

Hey, come on.

I'm telling you, Max...

You're going places, kid. (Speaking like Burt Lancaster)

And you know why?

Because I like you, that's why.

It's a cinch.

Da. This is the Kremlin. (Speaks with Russian accent)

What do you mean, you push wrong button?

No. We don't accept apology. We retaliate.

(Whistling sound of bomb falling to ground)

Hello, baby...!". (Voice of the Big Bopper)

(Music starts, slow fanfare)

(Finger snaps over electronic swing-type music)

(Sounds of female sexual arousal)

(Pounding drums kick in)

(Sounds of female sexual arousal)

(Music fades to background)

Wow. Not exactly an amateur, huh?

She looked like she loved it.

When you're a positive, nobody has to teach you.

You just know.

What was Max getting at anyway?

I mean, what's with this "be positive" thing?

He's just jealous of what we've got.

Did you guys see me? Was I good?

I don't know why I've been holding back for so long.

I mean, sex is great, that feeling.

I can't wait to do it with a woman. With another man.

I wanna do it all the time.

Gee, guys. I'm sorry. I know you can't do it,

but really making love is terrific.

- Believe me, Angel, we remember. - Yeah, that's right. It's okay.

Oh, Lana. I really wanna know if I'm a regular.

I wanna go back and talk to Moms, but I'm afraid.

Would you come with me, please? Would you come?

Of course.

Usual, Bosco. I need some relief.

Relief? Sure. I've been on Relief.

Got out of the Seabees in '57. Spent five years as a pin jockey,

but it made a man out of me.

Wanna chaser with that?

Hey, you got a razor blade?

Nah, I never shave. I collect animals though.

I got a hamster once. I named her Ruth.

The bugger bit me on the thumb and it swelled up like a peach.

I had to dump her, made the thing a little sweater,

and put ball bearings in the pockets.

Where I come from they call it the Chicago Overcoat.

What's the matter, handsome?

You got some problems you can't handle?

I bet he wonders where his mommy is.

You don't have to worry. She's in good hands.

You know, Max, you've been getting on my nerves.

Sic 'em, baby doll.

(Woman makes growling noises)

Get away from me!

Get away!

(Woman laughs)

Listen...

before the nukes, I was a two bit Yuck hustler bombing in the borscht belt.

For ten years, fucking squares like you kept me on the bottom.

but now I'm on top buddy boy.

And don't you ever forget it.

Now it's my turn to stare into your face and laugh.

Maximilian. (Moms' voice)

Maximilian...

I believe I've talked to you about this before.

You're in serious trouble now.

You know what's next.

Hey, come on, Moms, don't make me play weddings.

No more jokes, Maximilian

We want the poem.

Recite the poem.

Come on. What are you getting so excited about?

- I'm just having a little fun. - Don't make me ask you again.

Listen, all my friends are here. I'm not reciting nothing.

You want to go in your office, we'll talk about this.

You want to keep an MC, I'll walk. Okay?

Heel.

I'm not gonna do it. Forget about it. OK?

We'll go into your office and we can talk about this, you know?

- Heel. - Man to man.

I'm not going to do it Forget it. No. Not pretty.

Heel!".

I'm little Maxie... (reciting "the poem")

the star of the show.

But under my boxers, nothing will grow.

(Audience laughing)

There's pozzies and neggies, but I'm in between,

because I lost my weapon.... in World War three.

(Audience erupts in laughter. Max sobs)

(Sound of loud heartbeat)

Oh my God.

That's him alright. Looks like the young Mitchum.

He really does exist.

Finally, I've got him, in MY club.

First rock,

then tab, then fade, and now...

I ask you people, does Silky deliver or does silky deliver?

Meet Johnny Rico.

Lana. Hey, Lana.

Lana?

Uh-oh...

press the panic button, trouble in paradise.

(Melancholic piano music)

You know, I'm starting to bore myself.

All I can think about is this Rico thing.

I mean, I know Lana's trying not to show it,

but she's gone nuts over the guy.

Christ's sake, Nick...

You used to be lightning around this scene.

Now you're strictly the plague.

Buck up, big boy.

Ain't a smoothie around

that ain't checked into Heartbreak Hotel sometime.

Come on, Spike. You know, Lana's acting funny.

All she can think about is this Rico character.

I feel like a third thumb.

Look, this ain't something I like to bring up.

How do you think I feel, man?

I mean, Christ, I'm sitting here doing a double flip over little Angel

with this mug?

Hey, no use sending roses.

Believe me, I tried.

Don't start that with me, man.

For my money, you could drop all that jive when you come over to my place.

I don't care if those twists out of the Cafe can't deal with it.

Alright, we're not here to talk about my problems,

Well, the thing is it's getting worse.

I got this fat chump Max on my case,

and now Moms is defending me like I can't protect myself.

If that's not enough Rico rolls in,

and Lana starts acting like some Gidget that needs a cold shower to calm down.

Let's step back a little, where is Lana now?

You wanna know where she is? I'll tell you.

She's down at the cafe, clearing up for the Rico show tonight.

You'd think it was a junior prom.

Man, you need to calm down.

Just calm down.

Hey, Nick. Hi Spike? What are you guys up to?

Not much. How are you, doll?

Oh, I'm tired. I've been at the Cafe all day.

Everybody's so jacked up about Johnny Rico.

He dropped by this morning to take a look around.

He actually smiled at me. I could have died.

Why didn't you?

Come on, Nick. He's so famous.

Gonna be at the show tonight, Nick?

Sure, Spike. Wouldn't miss it for the world.

(Excited audience chatter)

Well, kind of exciting, huh?

Hey, not too pathetic that the biggest night of your life

is watching some strange palooka get his hog washed

by some bimbo you don't even know.

Just kidding folks. This Rico is really quite a specimen.

I don't wanna say he's hung,

but he's the only guy I know who's skivvies need valet parking.

This joint's more crowded than a ball game.

Alright, Neggies, alright. I know you don't wanna look at my gorgeous mug.

But I got a message for you. When you see Rico,

Moms told me to tell you she don't want no screaming.

The plaster's weak.

So this is the end of the line, huh, folks?

The bitter, terrific end.

Am I right, Lana?

Who can tell what a real man can bring out in a crowd?

A real woman perhaps?

We'll just have to wait and see.

(Electronic Music starts)

(Audience whoops)

(Music fades to background)

Come on. You know you want it.

I know your little secret.

Look at him, Lana.

All that manhood could be yours.

(Unsettling, eerie music plays)

(Dramatic music kicks in)

Leaving so soon, friend?

(Loud sound of howling wind outside)

(Loud sound of door crashing shut)

(Dramatic music)

(Music stops abruptly. Silence)

(Theme music plays until end)