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Amy, these are hubba hubba.
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Wow.
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Is that I love them well or I never
should have hired my girlfriend well?
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It's well, just terrific.
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Wow.
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They're smiling
a little more than I
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expected, but I guess
that's appropriate.
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Well, I mean, I can change
that if you don't like it.
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Oh, and I've got some
great ideas for the cover.
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Have you decided on a title yet?
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No, no, not yet.
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Irving and I like a
thousand and one erotic
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nights, a contemporary
guide to love me.
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And Gibby's leaning toward
the big book of fucking.
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No matter what I do for
you, it's never enough.
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Well, let me tell you something, mister.
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I have needs too.
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Could you excuse me for just a minute?
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Go ahead, lick yourself.
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That's your answer to everything.
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He's crazy.
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Toby, what is a cat doing in here?
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Not that it's any of your business,
but we're having personal problems.
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And we have a little rule.
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No starting an argument
without finishing it.
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You started an argument with your cat?
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Oh, sure. Take his side.
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Right. Just keep it down, Leah.
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Sorry about that. Toby's, uh, insane.
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Yeah.
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Anyway, it's a great job. I mean, really.
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Thanks.
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I had a problem
with some of Irving's
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descriptions, but I
did the best I could.
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Oh, don't worry. We'll go over all of them.
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So, uh, let's get to work.
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Now for the first stunt on our schedule.
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To start the camel walk, Top Man
bends over bottom and drops to all fours.
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Top Man then walks with a slow swinging
gait while the bottom hangs loosely
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underneath.
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The seesaw or teeter totter
is a neat balancing trick.
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Another modification
is this monkey business.
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It's not difficult.
In fact, it's child's play.
44
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Teamwork and cooperation
are absolutely necessary.
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And each partner must know what
the other is to do at any given instant.
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Ah!
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Timing and coordination
are also vital elements.
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00:04:09,001 --> 00:04:20,000
But confidence in the man you
work with is absolutely essential.
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If you don't think
so, try this kind of
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00:04:22,438 --> 00:04:25,000
clowning without it
and see what happens.
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00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:27,000
Ah!
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00:04:27,001 --> 00:04:32,245
Oh, look at this.
Half of these positions
53
00:04:32,257 --> 00:04:37,000
are impossible. He
just made them up.
54
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Doctor said to relax.
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I can't relax. Get a hold of Irving.
Tell that fraud to get over here and
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fix this piece of shit.
57
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I already talked to his wife.
He's in the hospital.
58
00:04:47,001 --> 00:04:50,447
Oh, what a surprise.
What position was it?
59
00:04:50,459 --> 00:04:54,000
The Passion Pretzel?
The Devil's Handshake?
60
00:04:54,001 --> 00:04:58,000
Actually, brain aneurysm. He's in a coma.
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00:04:58,001 --> 00:04:59,000
Oh my God.
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00:04:59,001 --> 00:05:02,000
We're fucked.
63
00:05:02,001 --> 00:05:05,000
We can't be fucked. I need this book.
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00:05:05,001 --> 00:05:10,000
Just when I see my big
opportunity, everything goes wrong.
65
00:05:10,001 --> 00:05:14,000
Don't worry. Don't worry. We have
two weeks. I'll go over the text to make
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00:05:14,001 --> 00:05:14,000
sure it makes sense.
67
00:05:14,001 --> 00:05:17,000
You can fix the drawings.
We'll get it done.
68
00:05:17,001 --> 00:05:23,000
I'll get the door. You watch.
69
00:05:23,001 --> 00:05:29,000
Where's Martin?
I need to talk to him. On the couch.
70
00:05:29,001 --> 00:05:33,000
Toby, where the hell have you been?
I called you nine times.
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00:05:33,001 --> 00:05:37,000
Terrible news.
Gary Cooper is gone. He's gone.
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00:05:37,001 --> 00:05:41,000
And he's missed by millions. Anyway...
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00:05:41,001 --> 00:05:45,000
You don't understand. Gary Cooper, my cat.
We had another quarrel. I said
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00:05:45,001 --> 00:05:48,000
some things I shouldn't
have and he stopped out.
75
00:05:48,001 --> 00:05:52,000
Toby, I'm very sorry about your cat.
But I have a herniated disk. Irving
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00:05:52,001 --> 00:05:53,000
Zimmer's head exploded.
77
00:05:53,001 --> 00:05:57,000
And we have to redo this entire book.
So for the next two weeks, this is the
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00:05:57,001 --> 00:05:57,000
office. Okay?
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00:05:57,001 --> 00:06:00,000
Can't you think about anybody but
yourself while you're lying there with
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00:06:00,001 --> 00:06:05,000
your feet up? Gary Cooper is
out there cold, alone, UN-nuded.
81
00:06:05,001 --> 00:06:10,000
Toby, there are a lot of things I
need you to do. Now get that pad.
82
00:06:10,001 --> 00:06:11,001
A pad? Good idea.
83
00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:18,000
Okay, first off, clear my calendar
through next Friday and get me two clean
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00:06:18,001 --> 00:06:20,000
copies of the sex book
galley and call production.
85
00:06:20,001 --> 00:06:21,963
Find out the last
possible second I can
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00:06:21,975 --> 00:06:24,000
turn this thing in.
Okay? Any questions?
87
00:06:24,001 --> 00:06:27,000
Yeah. Did I get the eyes right?
88
00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:45,000
Toby, I need a hand here.
89
00:06:45,001 --> 00:07:02,000
Toby, could you help me, please?
90
00:07:02,001 --> 00:07:05,000
What do you mean you won't put a
picture of a missing cat on your cotton? He
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00:07:05,001 --> 00:07:09,000
drank your lousy milk.
Let me speak to the supervisor.
92
00:07:09,001 --> 00:07:16,000
What do you want, you big baby?
93
00:07:16,001 --> 00:07:26,000
I have to change my clothes.
I'm soaking wet.
94
00:07:26,001 --> 00:07:27,000
But you didn't.
95
00:07:27,001 --> 00:07:30,000
It's water, Toby. Water, now just help me.
96
00:07:30,001 --> 00:07:35,000
Ow! Oh, fine. But after that, I'm
taking a break. I've got to put up some
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00:07:35,001 --> 00:07:36,000
more reward posters.
98
00:07:36,001 --> 00:07:42,000
No! By the way, if anybody finds
Gary, I may have to borrow $25,000.
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00:07:42,001 --> 00:07:44,000
Careful! Careful!
I'm not a piece of furniture!
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00:07:44,001 --> 00:07:47,000
And I'm not a Yoo-Hoo!
Put your belly in, kitty.
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00:07:47,001 --> 00:07:48,000
Easy, easy, easy!
102
00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:50,000
That might be Gary!
103
00:07:50,001 --> 00:07:53,000
Toby!
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00:07:53,001 --> 00:07:56,000
Gary Cooper, hotline.
105
00:07:56,001 --> 00:08:01,000
Martin, are you interested
in a health club membership?
106
00:08:01,001 --> 00:08:04,000
Hang up and get over here now.
107
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:06,000
No!
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00:08:06,001 --> 00:08:09,716
I am sick and tired
of you yelling at me.
109
00:08:09,728 --> 00:08:13,000
Can't you see I'm
in a lot of pain ?
110
00:08:13,001 --> 00:08:17,000
You know what? Why don't you go home?
Having you here is worse than being
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00:08:17,001 --> 00:08:20,000
alone. Now go on. Go on, go, just go.
112
00:08:20,001 --> 00:08:23,000
That's the thanks I get.
After all I've done for you?
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00:08:23,001 --> 00:08:26,000
You've done nothing. You've done
worse than nothing. I asked you to bring my
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00:08:26,001 --> 00:08:29,000
revisions. Amy, you left them on the train.
I asked you to get lunch.
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00:08:29,001 --> 00:08:30,000
I got lunch!
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00:08:30,001 --> 00:08:32,000
For me, Toby, for me!
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00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:37,000
My life is falling apart here.
I'm doing the best I can!
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Yeah, well, if this is how you take
care of someone, no wonder your fucking
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00:08:39,001 --> 00:08:42,000
cat ran away. I would too!
120
00:08:42,001 --> 00:08:43,000
If I could move.
121
00:08:43,001 --> 00:08:49,000
That's hitting below the best.
I didn't figure you to play it that way.
122
00:08:49,001 --> 00:08:55,000
Come on, Toby, don't. Don't do that.
123
00:08:55,001 --> 00:09:01,000
No, you're right, Martin. You're right.
Your words cut deep and true. Like
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00:09:01,001 --> 00:09:03,000
...like a hoe.
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00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:04,000
A hoe?
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00:09:04,001 --> 00:09:09,000
You know, you wouldn't know this
about me, Martin, but I have a mean streak.
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00:09:09,001 --> 00:09:11,000
A dark side.
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00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:24,000
Toby, that's not true. I didn't mean
what I said, you know. It was my back
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00:09:24,001 --> 00:09:28,000
talking. Really, you're a fine person.
130
00:09:28,001 --> 00:09:36,000
No, I'm... I'm a loser. Bad egg.
No one could ever love me. Not a human, not
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00:09:36,001 --> 00:09:39,000
a cat, not a plant, not a rock.
132
00:09:39,001 --> 00:09:46,000
Don't be silly. You've got a
lot of qualities and... and traits.
133
00:09:46,001 --> 00:09:50,000
Traits? I got traits? Like what?
134
00:09:50,001 --> 00:09:53,000
Uh... You're disgusting.
135
00:09:53,001 --> 00:09:55,000
Gee, noisy vulgar.
136
00:09:55,001 --> 00:09:56,000
Dabbing, conceited.
137
00:09:56,001 --> 00:09:59,000
Falsible obnoxious. You're a terrible cook.
138
00:09:59,001 --> 00:10:03,000
You're... inquisitive and...
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00:10:03,001 --> 00:10:13,000
uh... spunky and... I could go on and on.
I mean, any person or cat would be
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00:10:13,001 --> 00:10:15,000
lucky to have you take care of them.
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00:10:15,001 --> 00:10:18,000
You know, you're a... a special gal.
142
00:10:18,001 --> 00:10:21,000
Really? You think I'm special?
143
00:10:21,001 --> 00:10:24,000
Could you pick me up off the floor, please?
144
00:10:24,001 --> 00:10:27,000
Oh!
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00:10:27,001 --> 00:10:31,781
Gary used to love
when I did this to him.
146
00:10:31,793 --> 00:10:36,000
I used to sing
him this little song.
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I'm rubbing your back.
I'm rubbing your back.
148
00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:46,000
Better? Actually, it...
it does sort of help.
149
00:10:46,001 --> 00:10:52,000
Why don't you just curl up in your
bed and I'll bring you some milk.
150
00:10:52,001 --> 00:10:57,000
Don't worry, Martin. I'm gonna use
all my traits to take good care of you.
151
00:11:57,000 --> 00:12:03,000
Okay. The Sidewinder. Man and woman
lying head to toe. Man's right leg and
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00:12:03,001 --> 00:12:06,000
woman's left arm form an "H".
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00:12:06,001 --> 00:12:13,000
Oh. There's a mood breaker. Let's
just come back to that one, okay? Okay.
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00:12:13,001 --> 00:12:15,000
The Mountaineer.
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00:12:15,001 --> 00:12:19,000
We must keep our love a secret, Lieutenant.
Affirmative. Meet me and
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00:12:19,001 --> 00:12:23,000
Michelle at 2200 hour and
bring the loofah sponge.
157
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:27,000
There's room for one more in here.
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00:12:27,001 --> 00:12:31,000
Would you cut it out?
I have a lot of work to do.
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00:12:31,001 --> 00:12:36,000
Toby, has Amy called you?
160
00:12:36,001 --> 00:12:42,000
No. And she didn't bring you soup either.
But I did.
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00:12:42,001 --> 00:12:46,000
What kind?
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00:12:46,001 --> 00:12:50,000
Chicken with big round things in it.
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00:12:50,001 --> 00:12:51,000
Mots of balls.
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Whatever.
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00:12:52,001 --> 00:12:54,000
None for me, thanks.
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00:12:56,001 --> 00:12:58,000
Mmm.
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00:12:58,001 --> 00:13:00,000
Oh.
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00:13:00,001 --> 00:13:04,000
This place could use some sprucing up.
You know, I'm thinking wallpaper.
169
00:13:04,001 --> 00:13:08,000
Let me show you those swatches I got.
I got daisies and I got ducks on a
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00:13:08,001 --> 00:13:10,000
pond. I got just ducks.
171
00:13:10,001 --> 00:13:13,000
So, when's the date?
172
00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:15,000
What do you mean?
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00:13:15,001 --> 00:13:18,000
You and the little woman.
Have you picked out a China pattern yet?
174
00:13:18,001 --> 00:13:20,000
Toby?
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00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:24,000
Don't be an asshole.
She's just doing her job.
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00:13:24,001 --> 00:13:26,000
At nine o'clock at night?
In your apartment?
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00:13:26,001 --> 00:13:30,000
Man, she's falling in love with
you and you're leading her on.
178
00:13:30,001 --> 00:13:34,000
Oh, Jim, you've got the wrong idea.
179
00:13:34,001 --> 00:13:36,000
Shut up. Can we get back to work, please?
180
00:13:36,001 --> 00:13:40,000
I know the signs, okay? I see it in
the eyes of every one of my assistants.
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00:13:40,001 --> 00:13:42,000
After I sleep with them.
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00:13:42,001 --> 00:13:46,000
Look, I know when someone is falling
for me, okay? Things between me and
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00:13:46,001 --> 00:13:47,000
Toby have never been better.
184
00:13:47,001 --> 00:13:50,000
And finally, she's acting
like a professional secretary.
185
00:14:20,001 --> 00:14:25,000
Geez, Martin, you
scared the hell out of me.
186
00:14:25,001 --> 00:14:27,000
Toby, what are you doing here?
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00:14:27,001 --> 00:14:31,000
Well, I was finishing up your typing.
I must have dozed off. Are you okay?
188
00:14:31,001 --> 00:14:33,000
I'm moving your back.
189
00:14:33,001 --> 00:14:35,367
No, don't, don't,
don't rub my back. My
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00:14:35,379 --> 00:14:38,000
back is fine, see?
See, this is all better.
191
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:47,000
You know what? Take the day off.
In fact, take two days off.
192
00:14:47,001 --> 00:14:49,000
What? And leave you alone?
193
00:14:49,001 --> 00:14:54,000
Get out of here, you drone,
before I tell you to piece this.
194
00:14:54,001 --> 00:14:58,000
Don't worry about me. And what
about your cat? I mean, shouldn't you be
195
00:14:58,001 --> 00:15:01,000
outside, coming to the streets, something?
196
00:15:01,001 --> 00:15:04,000
Didn't I tell you? He came back on Tuesday.
197
00:15:04,001 --> 00:15:09,000
He's back? What are you doing here?
You should be home with Gary, you know,
198
00:15:09,001 --> 00:15:11,000
working through those issues.
199
00:15:11,001 --> 00:15:15,000
Martin, he's a cat.
He's got a brain the size of a walnut.
200
00:15:15,001 --> 00:15:18,000
That sort of gives you
something in common, don't it?
201
00:15:18,001 --> 00:15:20,000
Maybe so, but I mean,
he still has feelings.
202
00:15:20,001 --> 00:15:25,000
Ah, let me get another 40 winks.
And then I'll give you a nice sponge bath.
203
00:15:40,001 --> 00:15:55,000
Toby? Are you decent?
204
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:09,000
I wanted to get Mr. Bubble back by 11.
205
00:16:11,001 --> 00:16:21,000
Let's re-alive!
206
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:37,000
You hear us? Hell's coming!
207
00:17:04,001 --> 00:17:13,000
Hi, Toby and Martin aren't home right
now, so leave a message and we'll get
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00:17:13,001 --> 00:17:15,000
back to you if we feel like it.
209
00:17:15,001 --> 00:17:17,000
Oh my God!
210
00:17:17,001 --> 00:17:21,000
It's Amy!
211
00:17:21,001 --> 00:17:23,000
Amy! Amy!
212
00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:26,000
Gun coming!
213
00:17:32,001 --> 00:17:35,000
Martin, is that you? Buzz me in.
214
00:17:35,001 --> 00:17:36,000
Amy!
215
00:17:36,001 --> 00:17:40,000
Martin, are you there?
216
00:17:40,001 --> 00:17:44,000
Martin?
217
00:17:53,001 --> 00:17:58,000
Amy! Amy!
218
00:18:00,001 --> 00:18:05,000
Oh! Thank God! Where have you been?
219
00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:07,519
I've been trying to
get in touch with you
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00:18:07,531 --> 00:18:10,000
for days! I called, I
came over... What?
221
00:18:10,001 --> 00:18:11,433
Toby told me you
had 103 fever and then
222
00:18:11,445 --> 00:18:13,000
she told me that you
were in the hospital.
223
00:18:13,001 --> 00:18:15,391
It's a long story.
It's a long story.
224
00:18:15,403 --> 00:18:18,000
The important thing
is we're both safe .
225
00:18:18,001 --> 00:18:22,000
My nightmare is over.
226
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:31,000
And I live happily ever after.
227
00:18:34,001 --> 00:18:45,000
I give you the best six days of my
life and this is how you repay me!
228
00:18:45,001 --> 00:18:50,000
Amy, Toby and I have to talk.
Maybe you better leave.
229
00:18:50,001 --> 00:18:54,000
Maybe you'd better slut.
230
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,000
I'll call you later.
231
00:18:57,001 --> 00:19:06,000
What the hell is going on here?
232
00:19:06,001 --> 00:19:11,000
You tell me! You're the one who was
two-timing me underneath my own roof!
233
00:19:11,001 --> 00:19:15,000
First of all, this is my roof! Second
of all, notif we're there to be a two-
234
00:19:15,001 --> 00:19:15,000
timing, there has to be a one-timing.
235
00:19:15,001 --> 00:19:19,000
And there's been no timing, Toby!
We've never once...timed!
236
00:19:19,001 --> 00:19:22,000
Call me old-fashioned, but I was
waiting for you to make the first move.
237
00:19:22,001 --> 00:19:26,000
Don't take this the wrong way, but
you've lost your mind! There's nothing
238
00:19:26,001 --> 00:19:27,000
going on between us, Toby!
239
00:19:27,001 --> 00:19:32,000
Oh yeah? Well, I felt something.
And I know you felt something!
240
00:19:32,001 --> 00:19:36,000
Neither of us felt anything!
241
00:19:36,001 --> 00:19:40,000
How could you say that? You said I
had traits! You said I was beautiful!
242
00:19:40,001 --> 00:19:42,000
I never said you were beautiful!
243
00:19:42,001 --> 00:19:45,000
Well, you could have, you know.
When a girl's in a relationship, she likes
244
00:19:45,001 --> 00:19:46,161
to hear that once in a while.
245
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:54,000
Toby, the only relationship we
have is boss and secretary. Boss and
246
00:19:54,001 --> 00:19:56,000
secretary, boss and
secretary, boss and secretary!
247
00:19:56,001 --> 00:19:59,000
Now say it with me!
Boss and... Secretary?
248
00:19:59,001 --> 00:20:00,000
Yes.
249
00:20:00,001 --> 00:20:06,000
Yeah. Now. But it was a different
story when you needed me to cook your
250
00:20:06,001 --> 00:20:08,000
meals and wash your
clothes and rub your back.
251
00:20:08,001 --> 00:20:10,000
I didn't hear you complaining then.
252
00:20:10,001 --> 00:20:16,000
Have you anything more to
say before I find you guilty?
253
00:20:16,001 --> 00:20:25,000
Uh... I'll sample my things.
254
00:20:28,001 --> 00:20:49,000
Hey, Toby! How's it going?
255
00:20:49,001 --> 00:20:53,000
What's the matter, honey?
Did I say something wrong?
256
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:56,000
The news! We finished the book!
Guess how we did it.
257
00:20:56,001 --> 00:21:02,000
Well, uh... I'll tell you.
We renamed it. 312 erotic nights.
258
00:21:02,001 --> 00:21:07,000
Fine. I'll have your new secretary
change the labels on your files.
259
00:21:07,001 --> 00:21:12,000
What? You're quitting?
260
00:21:12,001 --> 00:21:16,000
I can't go on the way we were. My
heart is not connected to a light switch.
261
00:21:16,001 --> 00:21:21,000
Like some people who shall
remain nameless, Mr. On-Off, On-Off!
262
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:28,000
Toby, I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you.
Can't we talk about this? I Don
263
00:21:28,001 --> 00:21:30,000
't want you to leave me. I...
264
00:21:30,001 --> 00:21:38,000
We've been together 12 years,
you know, and I care about you.
265
00:21:38,001 --> 00:21:42,000
Now why'd you have to spoil everything?
For the first time in my life, I had
266
00:21:42,001 --> 00:21:49,000
someone to come home to. Someone to
feed, someone to cuddle with. Someone
267
00:21:49,001 --> 00:21:51,000
who didn't poop in a litter box.
268
00:21:51,001 --> 00:21:54,000
Toby, that... that someone isn't me.
269
00:21:54,001 --> 00:21:56,000
You poop in a litter box?
270
00:21:56,001 --> 00:22:02,000
Toby, what I'm trying to say is you
weren't in love with me. You were in
271
00:22:02,001 --> 00:22:06,000
love with the idea of
being in a relationship.
272
00:22:06,001 --> 00:22:11,000
So... so what you're telling me is
that I wasn't in love with you? I was in
273
00:22:11,001 --> 00:22:15,000
love with the idea of
being in a relationship?
274
00:22:15,001 --> 00:22:17,000
Well, that's another way of putting him.
275
00:22:17,001 --> 00:22:21,000
What do you know? You don't know
what it's like to be lonely. Want to share
276
00:22:21,001 --> 00:22:23,000
your life with someone?
277
00:22:23,001 --> 00:22:25,000
Yes, I do.
278
00:22:25,001 --> 00:22:26,000
You do?
279
00:22:26,001 --> 00:22:30,000
More than you know, Toby.
I had someone and I lost her.
280
00:22:30,001 --> 00:22:37,000
Who? Oh. Wow.
You're an even bigger loser than I am.
281
00:22:37,001 --> 00:22:42,000
Exactly. Toby, look, we're both looking
for the right person. You know, and
282
00:22:42,001 --> 00:22:45,000
when you find yours, I know
you're gonna make him very, very...
283
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:49,000
Toby. Thanks, Martin.
284
00:22:49,001 --> 00:22:51,013
Except for saying I
was beautiful. That's
285
00:22:51,025 --> 00:22:53,000
the nicest thing
you've ever said to me.
286
00:22:53,001 --> 00:22:55,000
So you'll stay?
287
00:22:55,001 --> 00:22:57,000
Until further notice.
288
00:22:57,001 --> 00:23:01,000
By the way, nice sweater.
289
00:23:01,001 --> 00:23:04,000
Oh, thanks. A friend of mine gave it to me.
290
00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:13,000
Martin, one question. If I was five-nine,
weighed 110 pounds and had big
291
00:23:13,001 --> 00:23:14,916
fake boobs like all
your girlfriends, do
292
00:23:14,928 --> 00:23:17,000
you think things would
have been different?
293
00:23:17,001 --> 00:23:22,000
We should weigh our words
very carefully before we speak.
294
00:23:22,001 --> 00:23:26,000
Wait a minute. If I look like that,
why the hell would I want you?
295
00:23:26,001 --> 00:23:34,000
What a sweet little dish.
296
00:23:34,001 --> 00:23:36,000
Toby!
24097
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